All language subtitles for The.Larry.Sanders.Show.S04E04_English

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,070 Well, uh, we're out of time. 2 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:12,089 I'd like to thank my guests, 3 00:00:12,109 --> 00:00:14,079 Kevin Bacon and Fran Drescher. 4 00:00:14,099 --> 00:00:16,189 Uh, my apologies to comedian Jeff Cesario 5 00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:18,020 for, uh, running out of time, 6 00:00:18,039 --> 00:00:19,199 but of course, we'll get him back 7 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,269 as soon as we can. 8 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:23,269 Larry, on TV: Good night. See you tomorrow. 9 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:27,279 This will be, like, the ninth time in a row. 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,230 There's nothing we could do. Artie gave him the signal, 11 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:31,040 and the guy, uh, just kept going. 12 00:00:31,059 --> 00:00:32,289 It was like he didn't even see the sign or something, 13 00:00:33,009 --> 00:00:34,999 I don't know, maybe he was loaded or something like that. 14 00:00:35,020 --> 00:00:36,190 He was loaded. 15 00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:40,160 Look, you're still a bright, young comedian. 16 00:00:40,179 --> 00:00:41,999 Jesus, Larry. 17 00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,090 I'm 42. 18 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:45,119 You've bumped me clean out of the young comedian category. 19 00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:47,140 Come on. Come on the show tomorrow, 20 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:48,199 and... and you won't be bumped. 21 00:00:48,219 --> 00:00:50,049 Stop. Just... It'll be the first time... 22 00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,020 we've never had anyone back the next night. Larry, stop it. 23 00:00:52,039 --> 00:00:54,149 Stop it. This is getting embarrassing. 24 00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:56,070 Christ, I feel like George Miller. 25 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,140 I have never made that guarantee to George Miller. 26 00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:02,149 Oh, boy. They recognize me. 27 00:01:02,170 --> 00:01:05,140 Some of them just stare straight ahead. 28 00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:08,189 Larry, the show is full. We cannot have Cesario on. 29 00:01:08,210 --> 00:01:10,180 I am not bumping Jeff Cesario. 30 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,110 Jeff Cesario is a friend of mine. 31 00:01:12,129 --> 00:01:13,199 Who else is booked? 32 00:01:13,219 --> 00:01:15,169 Rob Lowe. Artie: Movie star. 33 00:01:15,189 --> 00:01:17,209 Big with the ladies. Un-bumpable. 34 00:01:17,230 --> 00:01:18,240 Paula: Vendela. 35 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,130 Uh, I'm not bumping Vendela. Who else? 36 00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:21,270 David Duchovny, star of "The X-Files." 37 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,019 Supremely bumpable. 38 00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:24,099 I've heard he's very hot right now. 39 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,270 Is that right? Artie: That show is for geeks. 40 00:01:25,289 --> 00:01:26,279 Paula: It is not for geeks, 41 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,030 and People Magazine believes him 42 00:01:28,049 --> 00:01:29,099 to be the next James Dean. 43 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,170 Ha! 44 00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:32,049 Well, I'm going let that bit of nonsense pass. 45 00:01:32,069 --> 00:01:33,289 Fine. The point is, they're all good 46 00:01:34,009 --> 00:01:35,179 and there's not room for Cesario. 47 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,270 Uh, there is another option. 48 00:01:36,289 --> 00:01:38,159 If you trimmed your monologue a wee bit, 49 00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:40,090 we'd have time for everybody. 50 00:01:40,109 --> 00:01:42,049 Well, if I cut my monologue down, 51 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,159 it takes me three minutes to get going to begin with, 52 00:01:44,180 --> 00:01:46,000 so if I cut it down by two minutes, 53 00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,140 I'm only gonna have one minute where it really works. 54 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:50,290 How... how long has he been in here? 55 00:01:52,009 --> 00:01:54,109 Artie: Hank. Hey, come on. 56 00:01:54,129 --> 00:01:55,179 You're bringing everybody down. 57 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,280 I'm sorry. Sorry. Um... 58 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,280 remember when I said, uh... 59 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,120 when my dad died that I'd like 60 00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:03,290 to do a tribute to him on the show? 61 00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:06,210 Yeah. Hank: Well... 62 00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:07,260 tonight's the night. 63 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,050 Oh. When did he die? 64 00:02:10,069 --> 00:02:11,229 This morning. Artie: Hank... 65 00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:14,080 my sincere sympathies, but buddy, 66 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:15,279 tonight's show is overbooked. 67 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Yeah, but listen, uh, 68 00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:18,190 I promised Dad that whenever he died, 69 00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:20,080 I would do a tribute for him. 70 00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:21,129 I mean, if... if, God willing, 71 00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:22,170 the show were still on the air. 72 00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:23,179 Now, come on! 73 00:02:23,199 --> 00:02:25,079 Who's more important than that promise? 74 00:02:25,099 --> 00:02:26,139 Rob Lowe. 75 00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:28,159 He's not even on Baywatch anymore. 76 00:02:28,180 --> 00:02:29,180 Vendela. 77 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:31,259 Ah, right. More pussy for Larry. 78 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:36,059 I'm sorry. That's not me. You know that's not me. 79 00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,139 That's just the grief talking. 80 00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:38,999 David Duchovny. 81 00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:41,040 The chef? Come on! 82 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,160 The star of "The X-Files," 83 00:02:42,180 --> 00:02:44,180 and according to "People" Magazine, the next James Dean. 84 00:02:44,199 --> 00:02:46,179 I just asked you not to say that. 85 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,050 Well, who else? Jeff Cesario. 86 00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:51,999 Again? What is he, homeless? 87 00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,210 Get a job. Larry: All right. 88 00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:56,109 Hank, is it possible that you could do it tomorrow 89 00:02:56,129 --> 00:02:58,129 or maybe the day of the funeral? 90 00:02:58,150 --> 00:03:00,260 Okay, let me just say it to you 91 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,090 in a way that you can understand. 92 00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:04,260 My dad died today. (tearing up) Larry: Yeah. 93 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,270 My pop died today. 94 00:03:07,289 --> 00:03:09,189 So if I talk about it another day, 95 00:03:09,210 --> 00:03:11,040 it's not gonna be topical. 96 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,070 How much time you need? 97 00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:14,140 I need four minutes. No way. Can't do it. 98 00:03:14,159 --> 00:03:16,069 Uh, three and a half minutes, I can get it done. 99 00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:18,000 Can you do it in three? Hank: I can do it in three. 100 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,020 All right. 101 00:03:19,039 --> 00:03:21,079 Let's, uh, give him two and a half minutes, 102 00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:22,199 and, uh, we'll make it work. 103 00:03:22,219 --> 00:03:24,189 Thank you. We're pushin' the envelope as it is. 104 00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:26,030 Thanks. Thank you. Larry: We'll make it work. 105 00:03:26,050 --> 00:03:27,040 Thank you. You're welcome. 106 00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,080 I really appreciate it. 107 00:03:28,099 --> 00:03:29,209 Thank you. Thanks. 108 00:03:29,229 --> 00:03:31,049 All this talk about death is a bummer. 109 00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:33,049 I'm havin' a cigarette. 110 00:03:33,069 --> 00:03:34,089 What is he doing? 111 00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:36,110 I-I thought Hank hated his father. 112 00:03:36,129 --> 00:03:38,069 His old man abandoned him when he was two. 113 00:03:38,090 --> 00:03:39,100 Beverly! 114 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,000 Yes? I want you to check and make sure 115 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,270 that Hank's father really died. 116 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,049 Hank's father died? 117 00:03:44,069 --> 00:03:45,279 Supposedly, he died this morning. Larry: All right. 118 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:46,290 This is sad. 119 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,279 Let's not get too cynical. Please? 120 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,040 (knocking on door) Yeah? 121 00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,060 Hey, Hank? Oh, yeah? 122 00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:52,249 I finished your tribute. Uh, hope it's okay. 123 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:53,280 Okay, come on, come on. 124 00:03:54,009 --> 00:03:55,219 I got 20 minutes to learn this sucker. 125 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,250 So hit me with it, tiger. 126 00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:01,020 Okay, um, "sad day today in the Kingsley household." 127 00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:02,129 Sad day. 128 00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:03,280 "My father passed away this morning, 129 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,070 and I will miss him..." Hank, I'm just so sorry. 130 00:04:06,090 --> 00:04:08,190 All right. Go ahead. "...very much. 131 00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:10,020 "He was not famous. 132 00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:12,069 His face never appeared on a magazine..." Mm-hmm. 133 00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:14,010 "But he taught me the important lessons of life." 134 00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,070 Blah. "He was..." 135 00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:16,290 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 136 00:04:17,009 --> 00:04:18,099 Come on, Phil! 137 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,080 It's just, I don't know anything about your father. 138 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,160 It would really help if I had something... 139 00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:24,220 Brian: Hank... Hank, what kind of man was your dad? 140 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,070 Did he take you to baseball games? 141 00:04:26,089 --> 00:04:27,159 Did you listen to the same music? 142 00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:28,200 Yeah, right. You know... 143 00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:30,100 Did he show up at your high school graduation? 144 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,200 I don't wanna discuss this. 145 00:04:33,220 --> 00:04:35,160 All right? He was a great man. 146 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,110 That's all you need to know. 147 00:04:37,129 --> 00:04:38,239 Come on. 148 00:04:38,259 --> 00:04:41,109 Okay. Uh, good, well... 149 00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:42,139 Yeah, now that I got somethin', 150 00:04:42,159 --> 00:04:44,239 I'll, uh, take another stab at it. 151 00:04:44,259 --> 00:04:46,019 See you in about ten minutes? 152 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,010 Yeah. You got ten minutes! 153 00:04:48,029 --> 00:04:50,999 Okay, we got to go. Okay? All right. 154 00:04:51,019 --> 00:04:52,179 Tell him, "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow," 155 00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:53,239 and just tell him to play it slow. 156 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:54,289 Okay. Okay. 157 00:04:56,149 --> 00:04:59,029 Who we gonna bump? Well, okay, we're not gonna bump Cesario. 158 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,040 He's a friend of mine. 159 00:05:00,060 --> 00:05:01,190 I'm not gonna bump him. That's it. 160 00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:03,039 So, Vendela. 161 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:04,100 Or Duchovny. 162 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,200 Or the oth... or Rob Lowe. 163 00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,260 No! Well, Bev... Beverly, 164 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:07,279 what do you think we should do? 165 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,040 Well, I just wanna know 166 00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,060 when you're gonna have some black people on. 167 00:05:14,170 --> 00:05:17,000 (sighing) All right. Come on. 168 00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:20,069 I'll bump Cesario. 169 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,150 You bump Hank. 170 00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:24,180 Oh, I just love it when you take control. 171 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,260 Yeah, well, they've got David Duchovny, 172 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,079 Vendela, some comic... 173 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,130 yeah, Vendela. 174 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:36,029 Look... Honey... 175 00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,120 let's not get into that again. 176 00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:38,159 That was a long time ago, 177 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:40,010 and you shouldn't read those magazines. 178 00:05:40,029 --> 00:05:42,109 They write what they want, you know? 179 00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:44,049 Yes, I think she's pretty. 180 00:05:44,069 --> 00:05:45,179 You're prettier. 181 00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:59,030 Pull the trigger. 182 00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:00,110 Pull it. 183 00:06:00,129 --> 00:06:01,189 And you're gonna talk to Hank? 184 00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:03,049 Right. 185 00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:06,179 Jeff: Ma, I won't swear, okay? 186 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,199 Hey. Larry. 187 00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,220 Hey, Jeff. Oh. How are ya? 188 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,050 You met my parents. Oh, sure, sure. 189 00:06:12,069 --> 00:06:15,049 Uh, Mrs. Cesario and Mr. Cesario. 190 00:06:15,069 --> 00:06:17,029 Did I get it right? Yeah, I think so. 191 00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,260 Mrs. Cesario: I was just saying to Jeff 192 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,269 "when are you gonna stop being a comedian 193 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:22,260 and get your own show like Larry?" All righty, Ma. 194 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,199 You know, uh, that's what my mother used to say to me, 195 00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:25,210 and look at me now. 196 00:06:25,230 --> 00:06:27,120 Huh? All right. Listen, have a good one. 197 00:06:27,139 --> 00:06:28,199 Thanks. Came to wish you luck, 198 00:06:28,220 --> 00:06:30,130 and, uh, maybe you wanna come by the house afterwards 199 00:06:30,149 --> 00:06:32,169 and have dinner over at my place, watch the show. 200 00:06:32,189 --> 00:06:34,049 Love to. Thanks. 201 00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:36,059 It's your parents. Okay. 202 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:38,199 Well? Well. 203 00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,080 Well? Well, I didn't tell him. 204 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,100 His parents are in there. 205 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,120 Oh, Larry. That's right. 206 00:06:42,139 --> 00:06:43,149 If those are his parents, 207 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,180 he probably brought them in 208 00:06:44,199 --> 00:06:46,079 to put more fucking pressure on you. 209 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:48,060 What did Hank say? 210 00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,019 You invited Jeff to dinner, didn't you? 211 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,030 What did Hank say? 212 00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:52,230 I'm going in there right now. 213 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,240 I would like to... 214 00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:54,999 Hey, Larry. 215 00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:56,089 Hey, how you doin'? 216 00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:58,240 Good. How you doin'? Good to see ya. 217 00:06:58,259 --> 00:07:00,079 Larry, I'm... I'm, uh, David Duchovny. 218 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,230 I'm on the show tonight. 219 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:03,140 Oh, sorry. Jeez. 220 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,010 I don't get Fox, you know? Right. 221 00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:06,089 I'm Artie, the producer. I'm... 222 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:07,140 Hi. 223 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,030 We have a very tight show tonight. 224 00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:11,160 Oh, man. 225 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,170 You're not gonna bump me, are you? 226 00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:14,249 Yeah, Leno bumped me. 227 00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:16,079 Letterman bumped me twice. Bastards. 228 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:18,060 Uh, they wrote me out of three days' work 229 00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:19,259 just to get down here from Canada. 230 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:21,219 You know, it's not like I was beggin' to be on the show. 231 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,200 You guys have been askin' me to be on the show for months. 232 00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,160 I didn't come here just to stick my thumb up my ass. 233 00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:26,210 I've gotta go talk to Hank. 234 00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:28,100 Will you excuse me one second? 235 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,260 I'll talk to him. No, I'll talk to him. 236 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:31,079 He'll bellow like a bull moose. 237 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,280 Let me talk to Hank a minute. 238 00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,069 How you doin'? 239 00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:37,130 Hey. I'm doin' great. 240 00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:39,009 Good. Good makeup. It looks good. 241 00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:40,289 Well, that's the man. Nice job. 242 00:07:41,009 --> 00:07:42,119 Listen, we're running a little tight 243 00:07:42,139 --> 00:07:44,239 on the show tonight, and... 244 00:07:44,259 --> 00:07:46,279 well, we were talking about a few, uh... 245 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,210 You're gonna bump my dead father? 246 00:07:50,129 --> 00:07:51,179 No. 247 00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:52,199 I was wondering if you wanted 248 00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:53,270 to come over to the house, uh, 249 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,090 after the show for dinner. 250 00:07:55,110 --> 00:07:56,160 Make sure you're okay. 251 00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,200 Oh, sure. I'd love that. 252 00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,120 Good. Good. Thanks. 253 00:07:59,139 --> 00:08:02,029 What, is that... is that a tawny beige? 254 00:08:05,029 --> 00:08:06,079 I invited him to dinner. 255 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,010 I know somebody that can take Hank out. 256 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,259 We'll make it a father-son sweep. 257 00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:12,009 Larry Sanders? Oh, Vendela. 258 00:08:12,029 --> 00:08:13,099 So happy to see you. Hi. 259 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,110 Is Vendela, uh, what I should call you 260 00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:16,129 or do you have... 261 00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:17,239 do your friends call you something else? 262 00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:19,109 Well, my friends started callin' me 263 00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:22,129 Doll, Baby, Peanut, Princess. 264 00:08:22,149 --> 00:08:24,269 Well, Princess won't work, 'cause that's what he calls me. 265 00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:26,110 So where's the makeup room? 266 00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:28,189 Oh, the makeup room is right in here. Okay. 267 00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,249 Thanks. (chuckling) Yeah. 268 00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,069 Hank: Hey, now. 269 00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:36,020 My dad died today. 270 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:37,139 She's really flirting with me. 271 00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:39,019 Yeah. No shit. 272 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:41,069 This isn't gonna work out the way we planned, so... 273 00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:42,290 meet you backstage. Okay. 274 00:08:46,139 --> 00:08:47,999 The Montana bit 275 00:08:48,019 --> 00:08:50,019 and the stupid people infomercial. 276 00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:51,089 Clueless people driving... 277 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,120 Artie: Jeff, my boy. 278 00:08:52,139 --> 00:08:53,999 What's wrong? Nothing. 279 00:08:54,019 --> 00:08:55,139 You'll be happy to know that Mom and Dad 280 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,019 will be sitting right down front. 281 00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:58,119 Oh, thanks. 282 00:08:58,139 --> 00:09:00,059 Man, I have this set so honed, 283 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,220 I could just do it in my sleep. 284 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,110 Hey, that's great. 285 00:09:03,129 --> 00:09:05,179 Cut two minutes. I suggest the infomercial bit. 286 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,230 It's been done to death. 287 00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:10,010 Easy fix. No problem. 288 00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:11,029 Artie? Oh, gosh. 289 00:09:11,049 --> 00:09:13,049 Uh, I've timed out my tribute 290 00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:16,000 and with the song, it comes to four minutes. 291 00:09:16,019 --> 00:09:18,069 I'm cutting you down to two. 292 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,150 I can't possibly honor my father in two minutes. 293 00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:22,169 Listen, buddy, 294 00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:24,220 I'm sorry about your father, I really am. 295 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,190 But this has jack to do with him. 296 00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:28,030 It's got to do with you 297 00:09:28,049 --> 00:09:30,169 grabbing a little glory in the spotlight. 298 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:32,190 Cut it down to two. 299 00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:33,270 (applause) 300 00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:35,189 By the way, uh... 301 00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:39,010 during the annual beach cleanup here in Los Angeles, 302 00:09:39,029 --> 00:09:40,289 they found... listen to this... 303 00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:44,229 4,400 syringes and 7,200 condoms. 304 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,270 (laughter) 305 00:09:45,289 --> 00:09:47,159 And, uh, I just wanna say, 306 00:09:47,179 --> 00:09:48,219 uh, I'm sorry. 307 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,240 Next time I'll use a trash bin. 308 00:09:50,259 --> 00:09:53,149 (laughter and applause) 309 00:09:53,169 --> 00:09:56,049 A, uh... 310 00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:58,050 a, uh, gorilla named Ivan 311 00:09:58,070 --> 00:10:01,020 who had been kept in a mall for 28 years 312 00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:03,169 was put in a cage with two females, 313 00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:06,030 and the females literally chased him around 314 00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:09,079 and slapped him repeatedly. 315 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,280 And if that doesn't prove the theory of evolution, 316 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,130 I don't know what does. 317 00:10:13,149 --> 00:10:15,149 (laughter and applause 318 00:10:15,169 --> 00:10:17,149 Larry, on TV: The, uh... 319 00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:19,029 did you see this, Hank? In Washington, D.C., 320 00:10:19,049 --> 00:10:20,129 three people were struck by lightning 321 00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:22,269 while watching a Grateful Dead concert. Hank: Wow. 322 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,129 And, uh, upon regaining consciousness, 323 00:10:24,149 --> 00:10:25,209 one of the victims said 324 00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:28,160 he thought the concert was kind of short, but... 325 00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:30,059 (laughter) 326 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,150 but that the light show was "a killer, dude." 327 00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:34,109 (laughter and applause) 328 00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:37,089 We have a, uh, we have a great show tonight. 329 00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:38,260 We have, uh, Rob Lowe. (cheering and applause)) 330 00:10:38,279 --> 00:10:42,059 We have David Duchovny. We have Vendela. 331 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,000 And of course, comedian Jeff Cesario. 332 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,179 We'll be right back. No flipping. 333 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,280 (cheering and applause) 334 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,150 Rob: He was telling me this story about Laurence Olivier. 335 00:10:50,169 --> 00:10:51,279 So, how many kids do you have now? 336 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,080 Uh, my son Matthew is 21 months. Uh-huh. 337 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:55,270 And we have another, uh, on the way, in November. 338 00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:57,029 Hey, congratulations. 339 00:10:57,049 --> 00:10:58,159 Yeah, it was great. My wife says to me... 340 00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,129 That is great. I wish we had a little more time, 341 00:11:00,149 --> 00:11:01,259 but we're gonna have to cut it short, 342 00:11:01,279 --> 00:11:03,199 and you'll come back, uh, soon, 343 00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,280 and tell us, uh, more. All right? 344 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,220 We'll be right back with, uh, Vendela. 345 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,100 (cheering and applause) No flipping. 346 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,120 No flipping. Vendela. 347 00:11:12,269 --> 00:11:15,009 Man: We're clear! 348 00:11:15,029 --> 00:11:18,209 Larry, my wife lets me talk more than that. 349 00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,220 Well, you know, uh, 350 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,190 marriage is about, uh, communication. 351 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:26,170 This is a talk show. Okay? 352 00:11:28,169 --> 00:11:30,029 What the hell's wrong with him? 353 00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:31,049 I'm sorry, what? 354 00:11:31,070 --> 00:11:32,200 I... I was in the middle of tellin' a stor... 355 00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:34,200 My father died today. 356 00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:35,230 Terrific, Rob. 357 00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,150 My regards to your brother Chad. 358 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,240 How are we doing? 359 00:11:39,259 --> 00:11:41,169 Still long because of the monologue. 360 00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:42,200 Well, it was a hot crowd. 361 00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,100 Keep it moving, Princess. 362 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,240 If anyone can do it, you can. 363 00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:48,139 Okay, okay. I'll see ya, uh, after the show? 364 00:11:48,159 --> 00:11:49,209 Dinner? My house? 365 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:52,150 Love to, if the show ever ends. Good. All right. 366 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,149 Larry, on TV: Our next guest is the beautiful and talented... 367 00:11:54,169 --> 00:11:55,159 I don't believe it. 368 00:11:55,179 --> 00:11:56,229 I'm gonna get bumped again. 369 00:11:56,250 --> 00:11:58,170 You're not gonna get bumped again. 370 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,190 Would you excuse me for one second? 371 00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:10,020 Larry, on TV: Gee, you're very, very, very beautiful. 372 00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:12,139 Are you a model? (laughter) 373 00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,169 Oh, it's so great to be here. 374 00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:18,250 It's great. 375 00:12:18,269 --> 00:12:19,279 You are beautiful. Oh, thank you. 376 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,010 Are you... Are you... So are you. 377 00:12:21,029 --> 00:12:22,029 Uh, well, you know, 378 00:12:22,049 --> 00:12:23,219 I did a lot of modeling myself. 379 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,150 Say, um... 380 00:12:25,169 --> 00:12:27,049 what have you got there, if I may ask? 381 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,020 Oh, just a little present for you. 382 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:30,029 For me? 383 00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,039 That is so sweet of you. Yeah. 384 00:12:31,059 --> 00:12:32,139 Well, let's put it up right here. 385 00:12:32,159 --> 00:12:33,249 Okay. And, uh... 386 00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,059 You can open it... you have to wait 387 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,070 until you get home, though. 388 00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:37,150 I don't want you to open it right now. 389 00:12:37,169 --> 00:12:38,279 You don't want me to open it now? No. 390 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,190 Well, I like the element of surprise. You do? 391 00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:42,000 Yes. I like anything wrapped in a ribbon. 392 00:12:42,019 --> 00:12:43,009 Well, my number is inside here. 393 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,019 You should remember that. 394 00:12:44,039 --> 00:12:45,099 So when you open it... Your number is? 395 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,280 just give me a call, okay? Oh! Good. 396 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000 Well, I can guarantee you 397 00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:50,059 I will not be returning this. 398 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,220 You did a car... you just did a car commercial 399 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,000 or something? I did a car commercial. 400 00:12:53,019 --> 00:12:55,019 Actually, before I signed my contract... 401 00:12:55,039 --> 00:12:56,129 my cosmetic contract 402 00:12:56,149 --> 00:12:57,209 with Almay... Uh-huh. 403 00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:58,220 Um... Yes, you may. 404 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,240 Yeah, I may. (laughter) 405 00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:02,059 I, um... 406 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,040 I was sort of, you know, just starting out, 407 00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:06,069 and I was... I went into this audition. 408 00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:08,170 I really, really wanted this job so badly. 409 00:13:08,190 --> 00:13:09,220 I'll bet, yeah. 410 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,020 That is a great story. And, of course... 411 00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:12,089 Why don't we, uh, take a quick break 412 00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:13,170 'cause we're out of time. 413 00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:14,230 I wanna thank you for being here. 414 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,080 You've just been delightful, 415 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,100 and we'll be right back with David Duchovny. 416 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,240 David Duchovny next. (cheering and applause) 417 00:13:19,259 --> 00:13:22,259 No flipping. No flipping. 418 00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:25,290 Man: Clear! 419 00:13:26,009 --> 00:13:27,149 That was so rude. 420 00:13:27,169 --> 00:13:29,119 What? That was... you did great. 421 00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:30,199 My next guest is the star 422 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:33,140 of Fox TV's hit series "The X-Files," 423 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,289 and, uh, we're happy to have him. 424 00:13:35,009 --> 00:13:36,219 Please welcome David Duchovny. 425 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,210 (cheering and applause) 426 00:13:44,019 --> 00:13:45,019 Good to see you. 427 00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:46,169 I'm such a big fan of "The X-Files." 428 00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:48,050 Now, let me ask you, I... I... I... 429 00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:49,230 I've been getting your letters, thank you. 430 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,010 Yes, well... They're appreciated. 431 00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,159 So, "The X-Files" has... how do we describe it? 432 00:13:53,179 --> 00:13:54,229 Does it have a cult following 433 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,280 or just a big, broad, mass following? 434 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,170 Because it's gotten very popular. 435 00:13:58,190 --> 00:13:59,240 Well, you see, a cult following 436 00:13:59,259 --> 00:14:01,169 is what, uh, the media or a network 437 00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,170 likes to call a really small audience. 438 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,180 Right. So really bad ratings 439 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,270 is a cult following. Yeah. 440 00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:08,069 So that's what we had in the beginning. 441 00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:09,140 We had a cult following. Yeah. 442 00:14:09,159 --> 00:14:10,219 Now we have a big cult following, 443 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,050 which is mediocre ratings. 444 00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:15,020 Larry, on TV: Well, we still have a cult following. 445 00:14:15,039 --> 00:14:16,199 Why don't we, uh, before we show the clip... 446 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,020 Right. why don't you go ahead and describe 447 00:14:18,039 --> 00:14:20,149 a little bit about, "The X-Files," what it's about. 448 00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:22,069 The show is about two FBI agents who are... 449 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:24,230 who are... who are investigating paranormal activity. Mm-hmm. 450 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:27,080 It would be anything unexplained that... 451 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,180 that, uh, that the FBI hasn't been able to solve. 452 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,080 Mostly murders, disappearances, 453 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,200 and things like this. Mm-hmm. 454 00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:34,150 The character that I play is a believer 455 00:14:34,169 --> 00:14:36,229 and my partner, played by Gillian Anderson, 456 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,130 is a non-believer, a scientist, a doctor. Mm-hmm. 457 00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:41,259 So that we have this kind of Laurel and Hardy 458 00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:43,179 with sexual tension relationship 459 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,200 if you can imagine that. 460 00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:47,110 Something like what you guys got goin' here. 461 00:14:47,129 --> 00:14:49,159 So, uh, but you know, every... 462 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:52,279 every time I try to explain the show, 463 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,140 it sounds really lame, and I have to... Mm-hmm. 464 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,059 I have to dismiss it the way I just did. 465 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,140 So I'd rather just... I'd rather just show the clip 466 00:14:58,159 --> 00:14:59,199 and then maybe explain it after. 467 00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:01,100 No, no, that was a good explanation anyway. 468 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,150 I don't think we need to, uh... well... 469 00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:07,130 we've lost the clip. You... 470 00:15:07,149 --> 00:15:09,009 Yeah, actually... do we have the clip? 471 00:15:09,029 --> 00:15:11,049 No. I guess... Artie says we've misplaced the clip. 472 00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:13,090 How... How do you lose a clip? That's not unusual around here. 473 00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,270 We can misplace anything, so help me. 474 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,039 I'm sorry. 475 00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:17,269 Well, maybe you'll come back again sometime... 476 00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:19,039 Oh, yeah. And we'll be able to, uh, 477 00:15:19,059 --> 00:15:20,189 show the clip. David, uh, Duchovny. 478 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,110 "X-files." Friday night on Fox. 479 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:25,059 We'll be right back with, uh, Jeff Cesario. 480 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:28,030 Where's the clip? Where's the clip? 481 00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:30,009 (applause) 482 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,059 Man: We're clear. 483 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,080 I guess you really... 484 00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,100 you could put that on "X-Files." 485 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,150 What the hell is going on? 486 00:15:34,169 --> 00:15:36,029 You didn't lose that fucking clip. Huh? 487 00:15:36,049 --> 00:15:38,039 Hey, what, are you serious? Yeah, well... 488 00:15:38,059 --> 00:15:39,239 You know what you're accusing me of? 489 00:15:39,259 --> 00:15:40,269 When Letterman bumped me, 490 00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:42,129 at least he had the balls to do it to my face. 491 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,009 He didn't do this "ah, lost the clip" bullshit. 492 00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:45,229 Artie: Oh, it's all... Why didn't you just tell me... 493 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,020 oh, dear boy, it's all my fault, but... 494 00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:48,059 the segment was great. 495 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,050 File that "X" under "X-cellent." 496 00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:51,180 This... it was very clever. 497 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,090 You know, when I get back to my lonely hotel room, 498 00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:56,090 I'd like to see a big fucking fruit basket waiting for me. 499 00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,110 Yes, with kiwi and mangoes, yes. 500 00:15:58,129 --> 00:16:00,139 You know, I... I'd like to be on the show, though, 501 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,059 again, if I could. Larry: Sure. 502 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,220 Artie: Any time. Any time. 503 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,100 Put him on the Sean Young list. 504 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,150 Six minutes. 505 00:16:06,169 --> 00:16:09,029 Mr. Cesario will try to make us laugh. 506 00:16:09,049 --> 00:16:11,029 Hank will try to make us cry. 507 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,200 You're welcome any time, David. 508 00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:15,120 Oh, thank you. This way out. 509 00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:16,189 Look, you know, I really... 510 00:16:16,210 --> 00:16:17,220 I would like to come back. 511 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,150 Yeah. No, great job. I'm tired, you know? 512 00:16:19,169 --> 00:16:21,069 I work really hard. It was good. It was good. 513 00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,150 Good to see ya. You know, I was... 514 00:16:22,169 --> 00:16:24,069 Careful. Watch your step. 515 00:16:24,090 --> 00:16:25,230 Mm-hmm. 516 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:30,090 Man: Back in five, four, three, two... 517 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,290 (applause) Welcome back. 518 00:16:32,009 --> 00:16:34,039 My final guest tonight is a, uh, 519 00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:36,009 very funny man who I love to watch. 520 00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,119 Uh, I've seen him many times 521 00:16:37,139 --> 00:16:39,049 because we used to work the clubs together. 522 00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:40,150 Larry on TV: He's a good friend... Motel. 523 00:16:40,169 --> 00:16:41,189 Stupid people. Wonderful comedian. 524 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,260 Please give a warm welcome to Jeff Cesario. 525 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:46,089 Jeff Cesario. (cheering and applause) 526 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,260 Jeff: Yeah! Thank you! 527 00:16:50,279 --> 00:16:52,289 What?! 528 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:56,000 You guys sound great. 529 00:16:56,019 --> 00:16:59,079 Any fans of the, uh, "Larry Sanders Show" here? 530 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:03,160 (cheering and applause) 531 00:17:03,179 --> 00:17:06,169 I'm a huge fan myself. Although, uh... 532 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,210 I will watch any television. I'll confess. 533 00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:11,280 I'll just watch anything. I'm sad. It's pathetic. 534 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,130 I will talk myself into programming. 535 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,250 You've done it. Don't... don't lie to me. 536 00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:17,109 Three in the morning, just flipping around 537 00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,140 with that remote control. 538 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,010 Just deeh. Deeh. 539 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,000 Maybe I wanna cut my own hair 540 00:17:28,019 --> 00:17:29,079 with my own vacuum cleaner. 541 00:17:29,099 --> 00:17:31,149 (laughter) 542 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:33,010 "Thank you, Larry. You know, my father, 543 00:17:33,029 --> 00:17:35,099 "Hank Kingsley, Senior, big Hank... 544 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,089 "passed away this morning from liver failure. 545 00:17:38,109 --> 00:17:39,109 Liver failure." 546 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:42,230 (audience laughter) (laughing) 547 00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:45,130 "Wasn't a famous man." 548 00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,000 You're on next, Hank. Mm-hmm. 549 00:17:47,019 --> 00:17:49,149 You have 117 seconds, 550 00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:51,170 and you'll bow respectfully for three. 551 00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:52,250 Okay. Good luck. 552 00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:54,029 All right, thanks. 553 00:17:54,049 --> 00:17:58,179 (Jeff performing indistinctly, audience laughter) 554 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,060 You can get anywhere on television. 555 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,049 Just saw Michael Jackson's 556 00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:04,129 whole interview weirdness thing there. 557 00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:05,240 Wow, who would have thought 558 00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:07,269 Latoya was the normal one? Jeez! 559 00:18:07,289 --> 00:18:10,199 (laughter) 560 00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,020 This fucker is going long. 561 00:18:12,039 --> 00:18:15,029 Doesn't he know my father died? 562 00:18:15,049 --> 00:18:16,139 Let's go. 563 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,050 (chuckling) (clearing throat) 564 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,210 They take the cake, the Menendez brothers, man. 565 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:26,040 They were... they were innocent. 566 00:18:26,059 --> 00:18:27,079 They were... they were... 567 00:18:27,099 --> 00:18:28,179 they were walked out of court innocent. 568 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,130 I don't know one person who likes these guys. 569 00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:33,030 I think it's 'cause we all have a little voice 570 00:18:33,049 --> 00:18:35,169 in the back of our heads that's sayin', 571 00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:37,190 "You know, my dad was kind of an ass, too, 572 00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:39,220 "but, hey, guys... 573 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,100 we just got him a crappy Christmas gift, okay?" 574 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,149 (laughter) 575 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,040 How'd you like to go duck hunting 576 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:49,069 with the Menendez brothers? 577 00:18:49,089 --> 00:18:51,089 (laughter) 578 00:18:51,109 --> 00:18:53,019 It took 'em 40 shots to kill their parents 579 00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:54,249 and they were sittin' on the couch. Come on! 580 00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,059 (laughter and applause) 581 00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:58,129 Thank you! 582 00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:02,260 (cheering and applause) 583 00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:03,279 Thank you! 584 00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,039 Jeff... 585 00:19:09,059 --> 00:19:10,119 Yeah. Jeff Cesario. 586 00:19:10,140 --> 00:19:13,160 (applause continues) 587 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:17,060 Jeff Cesario. Jeff Cesario. 588 00:19:18,269 --> 00:19:20,179 Well, listen, uh, we only have... 589 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,020 very funny, and, uh, just a good friend. 590 00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:24,169 We only have three minutes left tonight. 591 00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:26,200 And before we go, I would like to turn it over to, 592 00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,280 uh, Hank Kingsley here who has something, 593 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,130 uh, important he has to say before we, 594 00:19:31,150 --> 00:19:34,140 uh, end the show tonight. 595 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,060 Um, thank you... 596 00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:39,129 um, Larry. Hey now. 597 00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:44,070 Uh... my dad, Hank Kingsley, Senior, 598 00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:49,069 passed away, um, this morning from liver failure. 599 00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:52,109 And, uh, I'd just like to talk about him for just a second. 600 00:19:52,130 --> 00:19:57,050 He wasn't a famous man, and, um... 601 00:19:57,069 --> 00:20:01,049 well, I will always feel a tremendous loss. 602 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:03,089 Uh... 603 00:20:11,049 --> 00:20:14,159 I, uh, I don't even know what I'm doing. 604 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,040 I'm sorry. I didn't even... 605 00:20:16,059 --> 00:20:19,239 I really actually didn't know this man. 606 00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:22,999 So I don't, um... 607 00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:25,179 I don't wanna do this. 608 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,230 So back to you. I'm sorry. 609 00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:34,119 Well. 610 00:20:34,140 --> 00:20:37,180 Uh... how much time do we have, uh? 611 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,240 Artie: Two minutes. 612 00:20:38,259 --> 00:20:39,249 Two minutes. 613 00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:40,269 Two minutes and 15 seconds. 614 00:20:40,289 --> 00:20:43,229 We have two minutes and 15 seconds. 615 00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:47,120 Very touching. I'm sorry about your father, 616 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:49,290 and, uh... hang in there. 617 00:20:50,009 --> 00:20:52,149 I know how tough that can be. 618 00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:54,130 How much time now? (audience chuckling) 619 00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:56,170 One minute, 45 seconds. One minute, all right. 620 00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,290 You don't feel like singin' that song 621 00:20:58,009 --> 00:20:59,249 you've always wanted to sing? 622 00:21:02,269 --> 00:21:05,159 All right. 623 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:07,230 Why don't we, uh... 624 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,230 take a moment for, uh, head... 625 00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:11,280 uh, for Hank's, uh, dead dad? 626 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,090 (laughter) 627 00:21:13,109 --> 00:21:14,099 You wanna just take a... 628 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:15,129 let's have a moment of silence 629 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:18,210 for Hank's, uh, father. 630 00:21:22,259 --> 00:21:23,259 How much time, there, Artie? 631 00:21:23,279 --> 00:21:25,049 Just about time to wrap it up? 632 00:21:25,069 --> 00:21:26,269 Artie: About 45 seconds. 633 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,160 My final guest tonight is a, uh... 634 00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:32,250 Larry: Jeff, I'm tellin' ya, you're gonna love it. 635 00:21:32,269 --> 00:21:34,179 I told you guys no one would get bumped. 636 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,040 ... 'cause we used to work the clubs together. 637 00:21:36,059 --> 00:21:37,059 He's a good friend. 638 00:21:37,079 --> 00:21:39,089 You know, it felt good to me. It felt really good. 639 00:21:39,109 --> 00:21:40,139 But, I don't know. Was it good? 640 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,220 Jesus, Larry, was it good? 641 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,080 You're kidding, now, aren't you? No, I'm not. 642 00:21:43,099 --> 00:21:44,229 You know how many times you've asked me that? 643 00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:46,200 Christ, I hate to do this, but it's just... Don't do this. 644 00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:48,190 You're starting to sound like one of those neurotic comics. 645 00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:50,060 Man on TV: We interrupt "The Larry Sanders Show" 646 00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:52,059 to bring you this live coverage of a breaking story: 647 00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:55,059 Yet another freeway chase in Los Angeles. 648 00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:56,199 As we begin our team coverage... 649 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:59,230 ♪ ♪ 46789

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.