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1
00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:12,139
Hank: Now that sign
says "Applesauce."
2
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,200
No, no, no.
(audience laughs)
3
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:16,210
I'm-- I'm kidding.
It says "Applause."
4
00:00:16,230 --> 00:00:19,000
Ray, do me a favor,
could you flick that once?
5
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,159
(audience applauds)
6
00:00:20,179 --> 00:00:24,229
All right. Now remember,
you're all-- you're all a big
7
00:00:24,250 --> 00:00:28,280
part of the show, so the better
you are, the better Larry is.
8
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,020
Okay, now you see
this gentleman?
He's giving me
9
00:00:31,039 --> 00:00:34,099
this-- this sign and it says
"We're on in 10 seconds,"
10
00:00:34,119 --> 00:00:37,089
so get ready to have
a good time.
11
00:00:37,109 --> 00:00:38,169
All right, here we go.
12
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,120
This is exciting, isn't it?
13
00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:45,220
Man: In five, four,
three, two...
14
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:50,050
(theme music playing)
15
00:00:50,070 --> 00:00:52,170
Hank: Live on tape
from Hollywood,
16
00:00:52,189 --> 00:00:54,009
"The Larry Sanders Show."
17
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:57,080
Tonight, join Larry
and his guests, Harrison Ford,
18
00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:00,160
singer Rickie Lee Jones,
and comedian Andy Kindler
19
00:01:00,179 --> 00:01:03,239
and me,
"Hey now!" Hank Kingsley.
20
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:08,039
And now because he desperately
needs your approval,
21
00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:12,160
Larry Sanders!
22
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:13,240
(applause)
23
00:01:22,030 --> 00:01:26,230
I'd like to put to rest a rumor
that the network is for sale.
24
00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,250
This particular
network is not for sale.
25
00:01:28,269 --> 00:01:31,059
There was a rumor that it
was almost sold last week,
26
00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,139
but that is not true.
27
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:35,249
The buyer came in
during the evening
28
00:01:35,270 --> 00:01:40,080
and found only $20
in the register and passed.
29
00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:41,099
All I'm saying is
30
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,290
I think if the network
were really up for sale,
31
00:01:43,009 --> 00:01:44,189
I would have known by now, okay?
32
00:01:46,159 --> 00:01:48,209
It was on the
CBS Evening News tonight.
33
00:01:48,229 --> 00:01:50,169
Well who did the story,
Connie or Dan?
34
00:01:50,189 --> 00:01:51,179
Connie.
35
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,150
Connie?
Well, there you have it.
36
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,260
Her husband Maury
has more credibility
37
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,270
as far as I'm concerned.
I agree.
38
00:01:57,289 --> 00:02:00,199
And-- and Larry, uh,
a friend of mine at "Variety"
says that this story is
39
00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:03,019
gonna break on the front page
tomorrow like it's a done deal.
40
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,060
I don't know anything
about that, really.
41
00:02:05,079 --> 00:02:07,229
Every couple of years,
you know, the same damn rumor.
42
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:09,050
You know,
"The network's being sold!"
43
00:02:09,069 --> 00:02:11,049
"The sky is falling,
the sky is falling."
44
00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:13,129
In other words,
business as usual,
45
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:16,140
you know, same old shit,
you know, welcome to
the monkey house,
46
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:18,059
pass the peanuts please,
am I right?
47
00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:21,179
(chuckles)
Later I'll pass up some
transcripts, we can all
48
00:02:21,199 --> 00:02:24,139
try to figure out what Hank
meant at our leisure, okay?
49
00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:26,039
All right,
nothing to worry about.
50
00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:27,130
Artie:
All right everyone, thank you.
51
00:02:27,150 --> 00:02:29,020
Thank you.
52
00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:30,149
Beverly,
what the hell's going on?
53
00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:32,230
Believe me, Phil,
if Larry had more information,
54
00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:33,260
he'd tell me, okay?
55
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,230
Boy, I hate lying
to them like that.
56
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,040
Larry, you did
the right thing.
57
00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:40,030
People can't
do their best work
58
00:02:40,050 --> 00:02:41,170
when they're shitting
in their pants.
59
00:02:41,189 --> 00:02:43,249
Yeah, well maybe
that's why I haven't been
able to focus this week.
60
00:02:43,270 --> 00:02:46,010
Oh, now--
Oh come on,
these foreigners, they bought
61
00:02:46,030 --> 00:02:47,110
American companies,
and right away,
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00:02:47,129 --> 00:02:49,119
they start tinkering
with everything.
63
00:02:49,139 --> 00:02:52,059
That's what's gonna happen.
Well by the way, you'll probably
have to lie to the staff again.
64
00:02:52,079 --> 00:02:56,099
And when you do, I want
you to watch out for this.
65
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,120
What?
66
00:02:57,139 --> 00:02:58,179
Rubbing your upper lip.
67
00:02:58,199 --> 00:02:59,199
Was I doing that?
68
00:02:59,219 --> 00:03:02,179
Yes, when people lie,
they tend to cover their mouths.
69
00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:05,179
I learned that from Jack Webb
when I was on "Dragnet" in 1970.
70
00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:09,110
Okay, come on.
71
00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:10,209
What?
The whole thing.
72
00:03:10,229 --> 00:03:13,149
What?
Come on, come on,
give me the whole thing.
73
00:03:13,169 --> 00:03:15,159
I already told you
everything I know.
74
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:18,080
Hey come on,
this is Hank Kingsley
you are talking to,
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00:03:18,099 --> 00:03:20,059
I am not one of those peons.
76
00:03:20,079 --> 00:03:23,099
That horse shit about the sky is
falling, that's just for them,.
77
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,040
Come on.
Larry doesn't know
anything, Hank.
78
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:26,110
Hank, we would've told you.
79
00:03:26,129 --> 00:03:28,009
Well, good, because
I don't need any more
80
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:30,160
rumors going
around this week.
81
00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:33,270
I mean this-- this whole
Hollywood Madam thing,
82
00:03:33,289 --> 00:03:35,179
you know it just--
83
00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:36,279
Oh?
84
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,270
Yeah. I mean,
if her-- if her black book
85
00:03:39,289 --> 00:03:42,279
ever goes public,
I'm on every page of that thing.
86
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,090
What are you listed under,
Hank or Kingsley?
87
00:03:45,110 --> 00:03:46,140
Or "Hey Now"?
88
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,199
"Hey Now."
(laughs)
89
00:03:47,219 --> 00:03:49,199
All right, that's not
very funny, you know.
90
00:03:49,219 --> 00:03:51,059
It was during the mid-80s,
91
00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:53,059
and I was carrying some
excess weight,
92
00:03:53,079 --> 00:03:55,189
and I had
a persistent skin rash
93
00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:57,250
and it was hard
for me to get dates.
94
00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:00,230
Are either of you in it?
95
00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:02,080
What kind of question is that?
Oh, hell no.
96
00:04:02,099 --> 00:04:03,179
Of course not.
97
00:04:05,039 --> 00:04:08,019
Oh and the-- the--
the network is not for sale?
98
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,099
No! Hell no.
No!
99
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,170
All right.
100
00:04:16,009 --> 00:04:18,039
I just want you
to relax, kiddo.
101
00:04:18,060 --> 00:04:19,090
Just remember,
102
00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:20,260
this guy's not even
an American.
103
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,139
Right.
He's a foreigner.
104
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,000
All he wants to do is manage
the news division.
105
00:04:25,019 --> 00:04:27,179
Our show is the last
thing on his mind.
106
00:04:27,199 --> 00:04:31,289
These talk shows, well,
there are too damn many of them.
107
00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:34,049
I say, let them
have their territory.
Uh-huh.
108
00:04:34,069 --> 00:04:38,059
and then we can go out
and, uh, blaze a new trail.
Yeah.
109
00:04:38,079 --> 00:04:40,099
And that-- that trail would be?
110
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,160
A late night news magazine,
111
00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:48,050
wrap-up of the day's events,
but with a hip MTV sensibility.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
112
00:04:48,069 --> 00:04:52,009
Dick, may I call you, uh...
113
00:04:52,029 --> 00:04:54,199
Uh... (clears throat)
I have a format here that
114
00:04:54,220 --> 00:04:56,040
I think works
pretty well for me.
115
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:57,170
Uh, yes, it does work
well for you,
116
00:04:57,189 --> 00:05:00,119
but it also works for Letterman,
and Arsenio and Leno.
117
00:05:00,139 --> 00:05:01,159
Yeah.
118
00:05:03,209 --> 00:05:05,069
(laughs)
119
00:05:06,079 --> 00:05:07,289
Ah, have a--
have a seat, Dick.
120
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:14,010
You see, um,
I think what
121
00:05:14,029 --> 00:05:15,049
I'm really trying
to say is that
122
00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:18,089
I have learned from experience
that tinkering with a format
123
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,210
can create a lot of problems.
124
00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:24,140
Oh, Larry, as you know,
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00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,170
I-- I've done quite well
selling beer.
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00:05:27,189 --> 00:05:29,199
Beer. That's great,
that is great.
127
00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:31,140
And you know how I did that?
128
00:05:32,139 --> 00:05:34,019
Packaging.
129
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,040
Packaging.
130
00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:36,290
Every year,
I put on a new label.
131
00:05:37,009 --> 00:05:38,229
One year it's beer,
132
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:41,180
then the next year,
we call it light beer,
133
00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:45,129
and then the next year, it's,
uh, cold, filtered, or dry.
Mm-hmm.
134
00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,999
And you know what?
135
00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:50,089
We can't make enough
of that shit.
136
00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:52,010
(chuckles)
137
00:05:52,029 --> 00:05:54,149
I see what's wrong,
you're drunk.
138
00:05:56,129 --> 00:05:58,019
(chuckles)
139
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,250
That is intended
to be a joke, right?
140
00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:01,179
Yeah, that's a joke.
That's what I do for a living.
141
00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:03,189
Have you ever seen,
uh, the show?
142
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:14,009
Beverley, is
my agent here yet?
143
00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:15,229
Oh, well, there's a message
for you to meet
144
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,200
a Mr. X in your regular
secret spot.
145
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,280
Yeah, well that's him.
146
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,270
He, uh, had--
147
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,280
Now listen, you gotta
get me out of this thing
148
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,070
because I'm not gonna be able to
work for this fucking beer nut.
149
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:34,099
Yes! Fuck that beer fart!
We're out of here!
150
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,200
Good, good.
Just keep it down a little.
151
00:06:36,220 --> 00:06:37,240
I'm trying to.
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00:06:37,259 --> 00:06:39,159
Larry, I-- I live
for this shit.
153
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,130
Yeah, but keep it down.
It gets me all hot and wild.
154
00:06:41,149 --> 00:06:44,119
I know it does,
now listen, listen--
Is everything okay, Mr. Sanders?
155
00:06:44,139 --> 00:06:45,129
Oh yeah, it's fine.
156
00:06:45,149 --> 00:06:46,149
You didn't see us.
157
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:48,210
You saw nothing,
you heard nothing.
158
00:06:48,230 --> 00:06:50,290
It's not what it looks like.
159
00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:55,209
All right, now listen,
you said you had other options.
What are they?
160
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:58,110
I talked to Ted Harper
over at ABC.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
161
00:06:58,129 --> 00:07:00,199
to have you over there.
their grandmothers
162
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,050
Oh, that is complimentary.
163
00:07:02,069 --> 00:07:03,219
Yeah. How does this sound?
164
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,280
"The new Larry Sanders Show
after Night Line."
165
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,180
Unfortunately, that's the actual
title they want to use, but--
166
00:07:10,199 --> 00:07:11,279
But it would be my show?
167
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,240
I could do whatever I wanted,
168
00:07:13,259 --> 00:07:16,279
no one to tinker with it?
169
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,040
Oh, then very good, great.
170
00:07:18,060 --> 00:07:20,020
Anything's better than staying
here and getting fucked.
171
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,060
Can I just--
Great, perfect.
172
00:07:21,079 --> 00:07:23,149
They also want you to do
the show from New York.
173
00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,230
We have this talk before.
174
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,140
I don't want to do
a show from New York.
175
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,100
This is a great option, Larry.
176
00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:32,190
I'll give you another option.
177
00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:34,269
I go to Montana,
live in a shack.
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00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,120
Great idea for a sitcom.
179
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,030
If you go to New York,
180
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:42,190
I won't go.
181
00:07:42,209 --> 00:07:44,029
Where did you hear
I'm going to New York?
182
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:46,050
Well, I take my lunch up
in the bleachers sometimes,
183
00:07:46,069 --> 00:07:48,059
You didn't know that,
did you?
Oh, shit.
184
00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:49,209
Good to have it confirmed.
185
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:50,290
But I can't go to New York.
186
00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:52,159
Well, why not?
187
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,060
Please don't ask
me to explain.
188
00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:55,179
Well, I'm not asking
you to explain.
189
00:07:55,199 --> 00:07:57,999
I just want to know why
you can't go to New York.
I can't explain.
190
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,239
Well, don't explain.
Just tell me.
Oh...
191
00:08:02,269 --> 00:08:05,069
What I'm about to say
cannot be repeated to anyone.
Yeah?
192
00:08:05,089 --> 00:08:07,139
Okay.
Turn around, Sid.
193
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,230
There's certain people,
194
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:11,200
if they found out
you knew this...
195
00:08:11,220 --> 00:08:14,050
Yeah?
It would not be
safe for you or me.
196
00:08:14,069 --> 00:08:16,049
Oh you're kidding.
You're kidding, aren't you?
197
00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:18,149
I was just a young man
in a big city.
198
00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:19,260
I needed some fast bucks.
199
00:08:19,279 --> 00:08:21,209
I did some work
for some people.
200
00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:23,140
What people?
201
00:08:24,259 --> 00:08:27,099
You ever see Scorsese films?
The one "Goodfellas"?
Yeah.
202
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,280
Yeah. Oh, don't tell me this has
something to do with a 50-pound
203
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,090
bag of line,
for god sakes.
204
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,290
I don't remember that
but I can't go to New York.
Oh, Jesus.
205
00:08:34,009 --> 00:08:36,099
Well, what if
we shoot at New Jersey?
Even worse, they live there.
206
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,220
Who? Who lives there?
I can't say.
207
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,170
Who lives there?
Howard!
208
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:41,270
Hey! Butt Bongo! Bravo!
209
00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:43,289
Hey, I love that ring.
210
00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:44,999
Hey, Howard.
Hey, Larry.
211
00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:46,259
Good to see you, thanks
for doing the show tonight.
212
00:08:46,279 --> 00:08:48,169
Good to see you, yeah,
looking forward to it.
213
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,290
Good, hey listen,
when are we gonna have dinner?
Tonight on the show,
214
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:52,249
don't talk about that movie
I'm doing with "Fartman."
215
00:08:52,269 --> 00:08:54,229
Everyone keeps
asking me about it.
216
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:56,230
You know what?
Yeah, I just don't want
to talk about it.
217
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:58,180
Okay, no on "Fartman."
Thanks, Larry.
218
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,150
Want me to talk about
the book? Sound all right?
Yeah, would you talk about that?
219
00:09:01,169 --> 00:09:03,139
Or has that been canceled?
No, I have a new book.
220
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:05,159
That's a definite thing?
Yeah, oh yeah,
that's coming out.
221
00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:08,139
But don't talk about "Fartman."
Okay, you don't want "Fartman."
I have it down here.
222
00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:10,089
What's with this guy.
Oh, oh, he's just a big fan.
223
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:12,040
You're a big fan?
Then take your top off.
Yeah.
224
00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:14,029
There you go.
You embarrassed him.
225
00:09:14,049 --> 00:09:15,209
All right, I'll see
you later, okay?
Okay.
226
00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:18,200
He embarrassed you.
Wouldn't hurt for you to
laugh at me like that, Sid.
227
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,010
Take your pants off,
come on. "Hen, heh, heh."
228
00:09:21,029 --> 00:09:22,189
We'll change it. It'll change.
Huh, good.
229
00:09:22,210 --> 00:09:25,020
Because I don't--
What are you guys
doing out here?
230
00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:27,069
We're just finishing.
I gotta make some calls.
231
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:29,060
Are you gonna take care of it?
I'll-- I'll call him now.
232
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,180
Okay, good.
It's done.
233
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,160
Do you-- Are you sure you'd be
happy in New York City?
234
00:09:36,179 --> 00:09:38,239
I-- Oh, am I sure
I'd be happy in New York?
235
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:40,199
No. That's why we're
talking about it.
236
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,010
You think I'd be happy in LA?
237
00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,059
Well--
238
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,200
Well, that's exactly my point.
239
00:09:44,220 --> 00:09:47,110
Why don't I just move
to Montana and get out of here?
Perfect, Montana.
240
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,129
(doorbell rings)
241
00:09:54,139 --> 00:09:55,999
Trick or treat.
Howard.
242
00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:57,119
Hey, Larry.
Hey, man. Come on in.
243
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:58,189
I gotta use the can.
244
00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:00,050
Oh. Yeah, it's
right back, uh, there.
245
00:10:00,070 --> 00:10:01,200
Okay, thanks.
All right, thanks.
246
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:05,010
It's the door
that's marked "Can."
247
00:10:05,029 --> 00:10:08,279
Larry, why didn't you tell me
Howard Stern was coming over?
I forgot. I forgot, myself.
248
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,140
We were talking about
it at the show.
249
00:10:10,159 --> 00:10:12,259
I don't want him around me.
He's disgusting.
250
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,279
All right, all right,
he's not like that in real life.
251
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,260
That's just the way
he is on the radio, okay?
252
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:18,239
Well--
Just give him--
253
00:10:18,259 --> 00:10:20,129
You have a beautiful
home here.
254
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:22,269
Oh, thank you.
It's-- it's Larry's house.
255
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,119
And it's a pleasure
to finally meet you.
256
00:10:24,139 --> 00:10:26,179
Oh, oh, it's a pleasure
to meet you too.
257
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,270
The pleasure's all mine.
258
00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:29,079
Really, it's great
to meet you.
259
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:33,220
Um, I'm looking forward
to seeing, um, "Fartman."
260
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,240
Actually, I don't even think
I'm gonna be doing "Fartman."
261
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:37,069
That whole thing
is, like, falling apart,
262
00:10:37,090 --> 00:10:39,130
but I have a new book out
and I bought it as a gift.
263
00:10:39,149 --> 00:10:40,249
It's Howard Stern's
"Private Parts."
264
00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:43,059
It's for you guys.
Oh, oh well thanks. Gee.
265
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,120
It's a gift.
That a really great picture.
266
00:10:45,139 --> 00:10:46,219
Thanks.
Well, I--
267
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:48,280
That's so nice. It's really just
nice for you to say. Thank you.
268
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,140
Yeah. Yes, very.
I-- I'll see you guys later.
269
00:10:50,159 --> 00:10:52,139
Okay, bye.
Bye.
270
00:10:52,159 --> 00:10:53,179
Go ahead.
271
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,090
Larry, what's with
your girlfriend?
272
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:57,020
She's got great tits,
Yeah.
273
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:59,009
but she's... it's like
she's got something
What?
274
00:10:59,029 --> 00:11:00,159
shoved up her
ass all the time.
275
00:11:00,179 --> 00:11:02,189
I mean, it's like
she's on the perpetual rag.
276
00:11:02,210 --> 00:11:04,100
Yeah, well,
we've all been
277
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,020
under a lot of pressure
lately, you know?
278
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:08,099
Because of those network guys?
Are they trying to screw you?
279
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,140
Yeah.
280
00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:11,099
It seems like
everyone in Hollywood
281
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,020
is just trying to
screw everyone else.
282
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,289
Yeah, I know, I know.
I don't know
how you take it.
283
00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:15,999
Is it better in New York?
284
00:11:16,019 --> 00:11:17,269
Are you thinking of moving
the show to New York?
285
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,140
I can't say.
286
00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,279
I can't talk about it.
Of course you can.
287
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,170
I wish I could.
No, I really-- Please.
288
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:25,080
I would love to know.
289
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:27,130
I mean it's probably know it's
top secret or something...
I can't tell you...
290
00:11:27,149 --> 00:11:29,189
I would love to know
if you're moving the show
to New York.
291
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:31,080
Well I can't talk to you
about it. I just can't.
292
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,080
I can't say anything about it.
What's the big deal about it?
293
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:35,120
Let's talk about something else.
Okay.
294
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:44,240
Dick:
Larry?
295
00:11:44,259 --> 00:11:46,029
Dick?
296
00:11:46,049 --> 00:11:48,119
Listen, Larry,
I think maybe
297
00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:50,099
I have given you
some mixed signals.
298
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,050
We're very happy to be
in business with you
299
00:11:52,070 --> 00:11:54,170
and we'll doing whatever
we have to do to continue that.
300
00:11:54,190 --> 00:11:58,200
Good. Uh, thank you.
That's very nice, Dick.
301
00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:00,120
I-- I hear there's talk
302
00:12:00,139 --> 00:12:02,019
about you wanting
to move to New York.
303
00:12:02,039 --> 00:12:03,169
It just makes me sad.
304
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,110
Yeah, well I'm just
considering all my options.
305
00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:06,119
You know how that is.
306
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:07,239
Of course,
I don't blame you.
307
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:10,109
I do hope we can work things
out because you are legally
308
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,169
bound to be with us
for another three years.
309
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,100
And I'd hate to see you spend
the last two in court.
310
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,140
Larry, can you hold
for a second?
(knock on door)
311
00:12:18,159 --> 00:12:19,179
Are you busy?
312
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,140
Oh no, come on in.
I'm so glad you're here.
313
00:12:21,159 --> 00:12:23,139
I had such an unbelievable day.
314
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,229
You have no idea.
Oh, god, me too.
315
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,280
Why?
316
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,240
Well, you know...
317
00:12:29,259 --> 00:12:31,189
I've been thinking,
Uh-huh.
318
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:34,110
and I really think you should
move the show to New York.
Yeah?
319
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,149
Really?
320
00:12:35,169 --> 00:12:37,219
Yes. I think it's exactly
what you need right now.
321
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,030
It's-- it's a major
change, you know?
322
00:12:40,049 --> 00:12:41,189
I'm a 100% behind it.
323
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:44,190
You think you'll be
happy in New York?
324
00:12:44,210 --> 00:12:48,150
Well, I'm-- I'm not gonna
move to New York.
325
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:56,030
Wh-- what?
You know, I've been thinking
about this all day long
326
00:12:56,049 --> 00:13:01,059
and I think it'd be really good
for us to have some time apart.
327
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,040
Well, this is not a good
time to be telling me this.
328
00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:06,129
Oh, god, you're right.
I'm sorry.
329
00:13:06,149 --> 00:13:09,139
Just-- just forget
I brought it up.
Well, what do you mean?
330
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:12,139
out of your mind.this is bad.
I'm sorry just put it
331
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,059
Put it out of my mind?
It's no big deal.
332
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,200
We'll talk about
it some other time, okay?
333
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,010
What do you mean?
Some other time?
334
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,059
Have a good show, okay?
335
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,210
Have a good show.
we'll talk about it later.
336
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,109
Well, what do you--
what do you mean?
337
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:25,219
I-- I shouldn't have
brought it up.
338
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,030
It's no big deal.
339
00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,209
Dick:
Larry?
340
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,139
Woman:
Yeah, I think that's the woman
he's getting back together with.
341
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:35,129
Howard:
Yeah, the one with big tits
with heavy attitude.
342
00:13:35,149 --> 00:13:37,049
She's pretty hot though,
I'll tell you that.
343
00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:39,230
Woman:
All right, so the question is
what is Larry Sanders gonna
344
00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,080
do about his new contract?
345
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,060
What is Larry Sanders gonna
do about his new contract?
346
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,260
Well, I can reveal
for the first time,
347
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,259
ladies and gentlemen...
348
00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:49,119
Larry Sanders will be
taking his show to New York
349
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:52,169
and he's probably gonna
go on after "Night Line."
Oh, no.
350
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,170
And they are talking
about making some
format changes too.
351
00:13:54,190 --> 00:13:55,200
That's it.
352
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,130
But that's where Larry
really wants to go.
353
00:13:58,149 --> 00:14:00,089
Oh, no.
Anyway, we'll be
right back after these--
354
00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:01,190
(radio clicks off)
355
00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:06,269
He's taking us to New York.
356
00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:09,059
What if he's not
taking all of us?
357
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,260
That ass.
358
00:14:10,279 --> 00:14:14,049
Look, Phil, your getting
your facts from Howard Stern,
359
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,130
for cryin' out loud.
360
00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:16,999
That's pure speculation.
361
00:14:17,019 --> 00:14:19,229
Don't you think if Larry was
gonna take the show to New York,
362
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,170
he'd tell me?
Really?
363
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,160
Yes.
Well, what if
he made the decision
364
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,249
and didn't tell you about it?
365
00:14:24,269 --> 00:14:27,109
You know,
Larry wouldn't do that.
366
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,090
Larry! Hey, you know,
367
00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:34,060
as you know, it's a higher
cost of living in New York,
368
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:38,050
and, uh, I think that should be
reflected in my, uh, paycheck.
369
00:14:38,070 --> 00:14:40,210
Well, I have a show to do now.
I'll talk to you.
370
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:43,290
Larry, the ABC deal
is almost locked up.
371
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,239
Here's the figure.
372
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,059
This is for a year.
373
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,000
Yeah.
Well, wait a minute.
374
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:51,069
If Howard's such
a big fan, how come
this is just a year?
375
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,180
Come on, Larry.
These guys never last.
376
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,050
They'll be out
of the job within a year.
We re-negotiate.
377
00:14:56,070 --> 00:14:58,070
That makes no sense at all,
if your going to re--
Larry,
378
00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,240
Hank wanted
me to ask that if you
379
00:14:59,259 --> 00:15:02,029
and Hank go to New York,
that I'll still be able
to go, right?
380
00:15:02,049 --> 00:15:04,059
In a second.
I have to do the show.
All right, Larry,
381
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,180
don't micro
manage, all right?
382
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,240
Let me handle the details.
You know what your
problem is Stevie?
383
00:15:07,259 --> 00:15:09,219
You're talking to me like
you think I believe you.
384
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,150
I'll see you
after the show.
Yeah, I gotta do the show.
385
00:15:14,169 --> 00:15:16,089
(audience applauds)
Hank:
How many people are...
386
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:20,120
Here. Uh, Larry, I just
wanted to say thanks.
387
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,170
For what?
388
00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:25,240
For making me look like a liar
in front of the entire staff.
389
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,059
It was a real pleasure.
390
00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:30,139
Beverly, I need the water.
391
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:33,259
Hank:
We-- we really couldn't do
the show without you, gang,
392
00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:36,109
so thank you for coming on
down here tonight, and--
393
00:15:36,129 --> 00:15:39,099
(applause)
You folks see that
flashing sign up there?
394
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,100
Now, that sign says...
395
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,220
I thought I made it clear
I can't go to New York.
396
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,260
You did.
397
00:15:44,279 --> 00:15:47,169
I thought I made it very,
very convincingly clear.
Yeah.
398
00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:49,130
Hank:
Greg, do me a favor.
Would you flick that once?
399
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,169
Well, I mean,
I hear now that
400
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:53,130
you're thinking about going
to New York, I can't go.
Huh?
401
00:15:53,149 --> 00:15:54,139
What the fuck is that?
402
00:15:54,159 --> 00:15:55,229
What are you
talking about, Art?
403
00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:58,070
I-- I haven't made
the decision yet, okay?
404
00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,250
Why don't you give
me a list of the cities
405
00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:02,139
that you'll work in,
and then I'll make
my decision, okay?
406
00:16:02,159 --> 00:16:04,249
Oh, fine.
I see I'm not needed here.
407
00:16:04,269 --> 00:16:06,099
Come on.
408
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,200
That's fine with me.
You know...
409
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,040
your life, your show,
410
00:16:10,059 --> 00:16:11,219
your problem, and I hope
you're happy with it.
411
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,110
Well, I'm doing
the best I can.
412
00:16:13,129 --> 00:16:14,269
Anything else
on your mind?
413
00:16:14,289 --> 00:16:16,109
Well, let's see,
414
00:16:16,129 --> 00:16:18,199
you know how you're always
worried about your ass?
(theme music plays)
415
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:21,150
Let me tell you something,
buddy. Gonna level with you.
You got a huge ass.
416
00:16:21,169 --> 00:16:24,259
It's huge, huge ass.
That's why we sent for
that new lens from Sony
417
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,169
so we could cover that huge ass.
418
00:16:29,059 --> 00:16:30,069
You know what?
419
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,250
You know what?
I have a show to do.
420
00:16:31,269 --> 00:16:33,289
I love everything you do
on "Saturday Night Live."
421
00:16:34,009 --> 00:16:35,189
I love the Mur--
422
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,060
Thanks, Larry.
423
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,180
I have nightmares
of someone like you
424
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,200
coming through my window.
425
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:44,050
Really, you're hilarious
and you're-- you--
426
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:47,100
I love the motivational speaker
character that you do.
427
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,180
Oh, yeah. That's--
(applause)
428
00:16:55,259 --> 00:16:57,069
That's kinda like my dad.
429
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:59,000
Uh, it really is
taken from him.
430
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:00,279
The-- the the yelling part
and everything like that
431
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,240
when he says,
"Larry I think you wanna
432
00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:05,149
"take the world
by the tail
433
00:17:05,170 --> 00:17:07,170
"and wrap it around,
pull it down
434
00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:09,250
"and put it
in your pocket!
435
00:17:09,269 --> 00:17:11,259
"Well, I'm here
to tell you that
436
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:16,269
"you're gonna find out
as you go out there
437
00:17:16,289 --> 00:17:21,069
"you're not going to
amount to Jack squat!
438
00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:26,169
"You'll end up eating a steady
diet of government cheese,
439
00:17:26,190 --> 00:17:30,140
living in a van
down by the river."
440
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,080
(applause)
441
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,290
All right,
we're going to, uh...
442
00:17:42,089 --> 00:17:43,269
release Chris now.
443
00:17:44,269 --> 00:17:47,019
Here, you've been
hilarious tonight.
444
00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:50,119
We're big fans and
you'll come back again
sometimes soon, I hope.
445
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:52,070
I thought maybe
it was gonna be longer.
446
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:55,269
I thought-- (stammers)
I've only been on here
a couple of minutes.
447
00:17:55,289 --> 00:17:58,039
Is that how it...
448
00:17:58,059 --> 00:17:59,279
It is-- it is
a little short,
449
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,240
and I know
we'd all like to see more,
450
00:18:01,259 --> 00:18:03,039
but there's something else
451
00:18:03,059 --> 00:18:05,129
I have to do before we finish
the show tonight, all right?
452
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:08,280
Thanks for coming in.
I flew all the way in from
New York for this but,
453
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,070
you know--
You flew in from New York?
454
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,059
How long is that--
is that flight?
455
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:15,169
I knew it!
It's New York.
Shhh.
456
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:17,270
But you like being in LA?
'Cause LA is wonderful
457
00:18:17,289 --> 00:18:19,289
especially this time
of the year.
Wonderful, isn't it?
458
00:18:20,009 --> 00:18:21,189
Yeah, at least
I got to come to California.
459
00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:23,140
It's LA, it's LA.
460
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,290
Beverly, clear--
461
00:18:25,009 --> 00:18:27,279
Look Phil, Larry is a very,
very complex man.
462
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,200
As many of you know,
I've been in show business
now for 20 years,
463
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:35,200
which is a long
and wonderful career.
464
00:18:36,279 --> 00:18:42,109
And what I'm trying to say
is that this is the final
465
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:46,060
"Larry Sanders Show"
that you've watched tonight,
466
00:18:46,079 --> 00:18:48,039
(audience groans)
and-- Please.
467
00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:52,109
If anyone needs me,
I'll be in Montana.
468
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,280
Oh, my god.
I plan to, uh...
469
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,150
live the rest of my life
as just an everyday guy.
470
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,190
First I'd like to,
uh, take a moment
471
00:19:00,210 --> 00:19:03,060
to-- to acknowledge
all the people
472
00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:05,179
who have worked
on the show very hard
473
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,100
and made everything
that you've seen, uh,
possible all these years.
474
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,179
Uh, first of all there's
my producer, Artie,
475
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:15,040
who really holds
everything together.
476
00:19:15,059 --> 00:19:16,279
(applause)
477
00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:22,209
I'd like to, uh,
of course, uh, give
478
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:25,170
a special tribute
to my, uh, assistant Beverly,
479
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:28,220
who has stuck with me
through, uh, thick and thin.
480
00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:36,999
Uh, my writing staff,
481
00:19:37,019 --> 00:19:41,239
who, uh, have
never really settled, uh,
for anything, uh, but the best.
482
00:19:41,259 --> 00:19:43,269
Hey Chris, Chris!
Come here, man.
483
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:46,009
Listen, uh, listen,
484
00:19:46,029 --> 00:19:47,079
I have some sketch ideas.
485
00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:48,259
Could you take them
down to "SNL"?
486
00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:50,189
(chuckles)
487
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:52,120
And of course
our technical crew
488
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:55,280
and the rest
of the office staff.
489
00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,060
The name's Darlene,
you fucking idiot.
490
00:20:00,079 --> 00:20:03,279
And, uh, of course my good
friend on air and off air,
491
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,240
"Hey Now!" Hank Kingsley,
who's, uh, been terrific.
492
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:12,010
Thank you all
for watching, and, uh...
493
00:20:12,029 --> 00:20:16,089
good night
and, uh, take care.
494
00:20:16,109 --> 00:20:18,159
You may feel free to flip.
495
00:20:19,279 --> 00:20:21,209
(applause)
496
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:26,270
(theme music plays)
497
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:36,130
You're a miserable fucker.
498
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,260
A real miserable fucker.
499
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:42,229
(applause)
500
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,110
Shit.
501
00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:26,060
Man:
Shh! You're scaring the fish!
502
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:30,230
Sorry, I--
I didn't see you there.
503
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:33,179
What are you usin'?
504
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,280
Night crawlers.
505
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,160
Oh, yeah,
tho-- those are good.
506
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,259
You watch TV much?
507
00:21:52,009 --> 00:21:53,179
Stay up late?
508
00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:59,150
(hums)
509
00:22:04,180 --> 00:22:05,250
And now, because he made
510
00:22:05,269 --> 00:22:08,269
a big mistake,
Larry Sanders.
511
00:22:08,289 --> 00:22:10,229
Fuckin' frogs.
512
00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,120
(theme music plays)
39809
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