All language subtitles for The.Larry.Sanders.Show.S02E05_English

Larry:
Let's talk about movies.

What are you working on?

Barry Levinson:
I thought, uh, we weren't gonna
talk about that.

Larry: No, we-- well, I thought,
you know,

since you're basically known
as a film director,

it might be fun to talk about
some of your films.

Is that-is that a problem?

Barry: I'll say that and then
you'll say,

"Oh, it's one of
those movies." Right?

No, I won't.
You won't?

Larry: What is it,
one of those "Heaven Can Wait"
kind of movies?

(audience laughing)

Larry: No, we'll talk about
something else.

Barry: Okay, good.

Larry: Uh, so, hobbies.
You got some hobbies?

What you-- you have a hobby?

Barry: No. No.

(audience laughing)

Do you have, uh, I see--
I hear that you travel a lot.

Yes.
So, uh, you goin' on
vacation soon or...

Well, I'm in the middle
of that movie.

And what is that about?

Again, we're coming back
to the--

You're not gonna talk about
the movie at all.

Honestly, I thought
we wouldn't talk about it,

because I always feel kinda
awkward, you know, doing that.

It's great to talk
to you about anything.

And we certainly don't need
to talk about movies.

How about merchandising.
You wanna talk about that?

That seems to be the new big
thing in Hollywood.

People merchandise.

They make the movie,
then they merchandise,

and they make more money yet.

Yes.
So what kind of items
would you be

merchandising for your
new movie?

Maybe if we knew that,
we could figure out,

"Ah, it's a so-and-so doll."

We'll work backwards.

It's a story about a man
who's finding himself.

(audience laughing)

Bullshit. It was
an excellent show.

Boy, I thought I handled the
Levinson interview poorly.

Oh, what do you do?
You always do this when you're
renegotiating your contract.

You think so?
Larry?

How are those contract
negotiations going?

Oh, hey, Stevie.
Hiya, Steve.

Uh, they're going good.
Good.

Oh, yeah, really?

Yeah, really.

All right. Just remember, you've
got the network by the balls.

They can't do this job.

Thank you,
I'll remember that.

What brings you
here tonight?

Oh, I signed Barry Levinson
last week.

Just came by to hold his hand.

Say, listen, if you guys need
any help booking guests,

just pick up the phone.

Listen, I think we've got it
under control, young man.

Thank you.
(clears throat)

Hey, uh, if Leo's having
a hard time with this thing,

I'd sure like to take
a shot at it.

Leo's got this covered.
Thank you, though.

Really?
Yeah.

No problem.
Good.

All right, Larry,
it's good to see you.

And, uh, remember, don't let go
until you get what you want.

Good to know.

Fuckin' little snot,

he's too busy playin' with his
balls to shake my hand.

You're always supposed to
shake a man's hand.

I can't believe they,
uh,

think that guys the next
Mike Ovitz, you know?

Excuse me, guys.
I can.

I'm sorry, you didn't, uh,
happen to see Stevie, did ya?

Uh, yeah, Barry. He just
went down that way.

Oh, okay, great.
Funny poison oak story today.

Oh, really? Thanks.
Thank you very much.

I'll see you, then, okay?

Hey, listen,
what is-what-what's the movie
you're working on currently?

Larry, I already said
I didn't really want to talk
about it, you know.

Oh, I thought that
was just out there.

Now we're back here,
I thought you could tell me
what you're working on.

Yeah, but back there, back here,
what's the difference?

I'm still telling you.
No, but it's different.

That was out there, you know,
in front of everybody.

Now we're back here.
I mean, if you wanted to know

who the guests were tomorrow
night, I'd tell ya.

Okay.
Ask me who the guests
are tomorrow night.

I'd tell ya.
The guests?

Yeah, ask me.
All right, who are the guests?

Tomorrow night?

Yeah, tomorrow night.

Who are the guests
tomorrow night?

I'd rather not say.

Oh, okay.
Delight, delight.

How did that feel, Barry?

Come back. Terrific.
Any time.

Good, have a good one.
All-righty.

Talented man.
Yeah, but very closed
and private.

Well, you know,
sign of genius, you know.

Excuse me. Larry? Leo's waiting
in your office for you.

Oh, jeez. Okay, I'll be
right there.

I forgot all about Leo.

You know, what am I gonna do
about these fuckin' contract
negotiations?

They're going nowhere.
At least Leo knows how
to shake a man's hand.

Great show tonight, guys.

Except, you know, you really
should have

found out about Levinson's new
project,

'cause that's what the audience
wants to know.

I found out.
He just told me.

Oh, really?
What' he doing?

I can't--
I can't say.

Excuse me.

Artie, I need
a small favor.

Is it okay if I use
the stage during the day
for the next few weeks?

You're not shooting one of those
fucking infomercials, are you?

No, no, I'm putting
together an act.

For one of those
infomercials.
No.

Telethon?
No, to go on the road.

What road?

Artie, enough.

Okay. Okay.

Sit down here with me.

What kind of act?

Well, some songs,
a few jokes,

a little, uh, soft-shoe.

You know, like Sammy used to
do but with a twist.

What's the twist?

I'm doing it.

That's quite a twist, Hank.

Why don't you just
rehearse at home?

Well, I have been,
but for the dancing,

you see, you need
a hard surface,

and my place has that
wall-to-wall shag.

I'm sure your driveway
will do just fine.

Come on, Artie, this act
is a dream of mine, and I--

And you need
some quick cash.

Don't demean my dream.

You've sunk all your money
in that silly restaurant

and now you're completely
fucked.

100% fucked.

Artie, please.

Oh, shit. All right, Hank.

Make sure you clean up
after yourself

Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

Oh, uh, Artie, I expect
to see you and Elaine,

front row center at
the El Toro Civic Arena

exactly four weeks
from tonight.

Hey, what are you
opening with?

Uh, "Spinning Wheel", but,
you know, with a Latin flavor.

Sounds like
a showstopper.

Oh, it is. It is.

Hank, you don't open
with a showstopper.

So, how's my
favorite client?

Leo, sorry to keep you waiting.

What's the word from
the network?

Um, you wanna, uh,
talk over a drink

or you wanna stay here or--
either way is fine with me.

Either one's fine with me.
Here's good. What's the word?

Um...

Hey! My man!
Leo, my man!

So, what you been doing
with yourself?

Oh, I been here, there,
everywhere.

You know who I bumped into?
You remember that redhead--

the tall-- Georgette,
Georgeanne.

Leo, come on, could we please
talk about the network?

Ill never forget her.

I, uh, I had lunch with the
head of business affairs today.

You want, uh,
all the details,

or do you want
the general gist?

Just give me the figure.

Oh, well, this is
their latest offer.

Uh, no offense, Artie.

None taken.

Come on.

I've been doing this show
for six years, Leo.

That's low.
Well, it's ballpark,
isn't it?

Ballpark? I don't know what
ballpark you're talking about.

I thought we were gonna
go after Letterman money.

Well, Letterman had to
leave a network

in order to get
that kind of money.

I mean, is that the kind of
move you want to make?

Is it?

It's not Leno money, is it?

Oh, no, it's much
bigger than that.

Whew. 'Cause I hear
he's getting fucked.

He is getting fucked.

Look, let's not worry
about Leno money
or Letterman money.

Let's talk about
Sanders money.

Okay, let's talk about
Sanders money.

What does Arsenio get?
Too much.

Yeah, I mean,
it's different with him.

I mean, he's, uh...
syndicated, for one.

Well, I just think we can do
better, that's all I'm saying.

Okay.
Good.

How much better?

What do you mean, how-- I want
you to tell me how much better.

Um...

I don't know.

Would you just
pass on that amount?

All right.

Uh, Larry, how much of a fight
do you want to put up here?

I don't want to fight, Leo.
I want you to fight, okay?

Gotcha!

Larry--
Hey!

Leo!
How are you?

My gosh! How are you?
Gorgeous!

It's been so long.

Still with these nuts, huh?
I know.

I always knew you two
would get back together.

Yeah.
How about we celebrate?

I take us all out to Musso's,
like old times.

Francine: Great.
Can't go tonight--
wish I could.

Another night, maybe.

Well, what about
tomorrow night?

We could all go to
Larry's house.

Can you feed this young
hellcat, too?

Well, I certainly can,
and you can bring--

Elaine's in Kenya.

Another one of her stupid
safaris,

but I would be delighted to be
there, my dear.

Great.
7:30-8:00?

Are you leaving?
Yeah.

What? Wasn't I supposed
to invite him?

No, it was fine.

Uh, so, Larry, I'm going
to the network tomorrow,

and I'll talk to you as, uh,
as soon as I hear something.

Great. Great.

Well, I mean, would you rather
me talk to them tonight?

Whichever, Leo.

Tomorrow or today
or tomorrow or tonight,

whatever works for you.

Well, I'll try to talk to them
tonight, but if I can't,

tomorrow's okay, right?
Good.

Well, okay, I-I'll see you
tomorrow. Good night.

Good night.

What's going on? Is there
a problem with Leo?

Larry's thinking of
getting rid of Leo.

Aren't you?

Francine: You can't fire Leo
after all these years.

I don't know what you guys
are talking about?

Beverly?
Yes?

This is Stevie Grant.
Hi.

Beverly, my assistant.
The voice on the phone.

Well, you're even
lovelier in person.

Well, thank you.

Coming from an agent,

I'll take that with
a grain of salt.

Look out.
She's a sassy one.

I beg your pardon?

Beverly, could I have
my messages, please?

Uh, yeah, here they are.
Thank you. Thank you.

How was Spago?
Oh, it was great.

We saw Meryl Streep.
Meryl Streep?

Yeah.
Really?

She's a client. She's a big
pain in the ass.

She's very nice.
Well, she's an actress.

Well, she seems very nice,
really.

Hey now!

Mr. Stevie Grant.

Well, if it isn't the king of
the couch, Hank Kingsley.

Well, what a pleasure
this is.

Mr. Stevie Grant. This is,
uh-- this is an honor.

The honor is mine, sir.
Well, thank you.

Uh, Stevie, listen,

I don't know what
you're doing, uh, next week,

but, uh, I'm previewing
something at the Reseda
Playhouse

that I think you might be
awfully interested in.

Uh, maybe you and your special
person could drop by?

I'm there, Hank.
That's great.

So, Stevie, you're, uh,
tickets will be at will call

under Mr. Stevie Grant,
super agent, plus one.

Great.
Great.

Great.
Uh, Stevie?

Can I ask you, uh,
you know, what night?

What night?

Let's play it by ear, honcho.
Okay.

Big guy.

(clicking) Yeah?
Hank! Hank, Hank!

Is it my imagination
or are you clicking?

Yeah, these are the...
you know, tap shoes.

Larry:
Why?

For dancing, silly.

Silly you.
Silly me.

Oh, uh, Bev, Bev,
uh, call Darlene

and tell her I need that
five-pound bag of sand onstage.

ASAP.

(shoes clicking)

Five-pound bag of sand?
Five-pound bag of sand.

He's doing that big tap number
from "Lawrence of Arabia."

(laughs)
It's a killer.

Tell me the truth, Stevie.

You take your clients
to lunch,

you don't buy 'em all frozen
yogurt, though, do you?

Just you, Larry.
Good to know.

So, Larry, are we, uh...

On?
Yeah.

(sighs)
Yeah.

Boom! You're number one!
Ha ha!

I'll have you
come down the agency

and sign some contracts,
all right?

Yeah, well, I like to, uh,
close all my deals

with just a handshake,
if that's all right.

Me, too!

Good.

I'll send some contracts over
for you to sign in the morning.

(knock on door)

Oh, you got company.
Oh, Artie, a pleasure.

Really excited, Larry.

I'll call you when
I have some news.

Geez, and I learned how
to shake a man's hand

before I learned how to
wipe my own ass.

Different style,
that's all, Artie.

Argh, that kind of style got men
fragged in the corps.

Yeah, well, I just
signed with him.

(clears throat)

Oh, Christ.
What?

Do you always fuck
on the first date?

It just so happens he's good.
Good at what, lunch?

He got us Billy Murray
for Friday.

No shit?
That's right.

(cackles) You know all
Leno's got on Friday?

Sandra Bernhardt
and Carrot Top.

(Hank singing "Spinning Wheel"
upstairs)

What the fuck is that?

That's Hank. He's rehearsing
on the stage.

It's coming through
the air vent.

(singing continues)

Well, that ridiculous.

I know, I know.

I-I told him to go with a samba,
not with a salsa

if he's gonna do a Latin thing.

Listen, Leo will, uh, not take
this personally, huh? Right?

Oh, no.
I mean, he'll understand,
won't he?

Of course.
Good.

It's just business.
Just business.

Right? Good.

Poor Leo.

Hank: ♪ What goes up,
must come 'round ♪

Isn't it "come down"?

He's scatting.

Leo, you want
some ice cream?

No, ever since I had
this tooth removed,

I'm really, uh, sensitive to
cold on this side.

Artie?
Dairy clogs me up, Francine.

I'll stick with
my Salty Dog.

Larry?

Oh, goes right to my hips.

I'll have a little. I'll-I'll
eat on the left side.

I thought so.
You just say when.

Just give me my, uh, standard
10% of Larry's portion.

Come on, let's not talk about
business tonight.

We're having this nice
little dinner. Come on.

What are you
talking about?

All right, I had lunch with
Stevie Grant.

You had lunch
with Stevie Grant?

(tapping glass)
Hey, clog me up, Francine.

Ah, the hell with it.

You had lunch with...
with Stevie Grant?

Uh, Francine, dear, let me
help you with the di-dishes.

I think you should have
at least mentioned this
to Leo before now.

It's not that
big a deal.

Francine, you wash,
I'll dry.

Larry has a dishwasher.

Leo, I had no idea.

All right, dear,
you rinse, I'll load.

It was a little lunch.
Why are we making such--

Do you want me to help?

Nope, you stay right there.

Hang in there, Leo.

I mean, if you're--
if you're unhappy
about anything,

I-I-I can do it,
you know, differently.

I mean, if you want me to do
anything differently,

just-just tell me.

I mean, is-is this--
anything that I do

that-that annoys you?

No. No. I just thought it was
time for some changes.

And I had a little lunch.

But why? Let's--
What-what can we change here?

Nothing.

I'm going with Stevie.

It is-- It is a business
decision.

This is not-- Doesn't have to
affect our friendship.

Please, Leo,
don't do this.

Oh, not the nuts.

You know...
Leo!

(groans)

Hey, Larry!

Doc!
Good to see you, man.

Good to see you.
How you doing?

See you brought your
Mahjong set with you.

Oh, never without it.

So, you doin' panel
or are you doin' a number?

I'm doing a number.
Good. Good.

Well, you look good. You look
like you've been workin' out.

No-- thick shirt.
Well, it works for you.

Hey, I had lunch with Leo
yesterday at, uh, Musso's.

How's he doing?
I'm gonna tell you,
he was destroyed.

I mean, you were
his biggest client.

Yeah. You know, Doc,
I feel awful about the thing
with Leo, but...

No, no. Lighten up.

I mean, you know, the only
reason I stay with Leo

is because he goes
on the road with me.

But he hasn't done shit
for my career.

I men, he shit all over
my career.

Right. Good. Well, all right,
I hear you.

We see that
eye to eye.

(laughs)
See you later.

How's Emily, good?
Oh, she's doing good.

Tell her I said hi.
I'll tell her-- Okay. Bye.

Hey, Syd,
nice to see you.

Hey!
Hey!

How you doing, man?

Doc, it's good-- I'm thrilled
you did-- oh, no.

I trying to go easy on my pipes,
you know.

I'm saving it for the people.

Uh, Doc, listen,

can I, uh, pop a couple of ideas
off of you about my act?

You have an act?

Just like Ed McMahon.
You have an act.

Well, I wear many hats,
you know.

That's quite an act.
(laughs)

Okay, here it is. Okay.

The curtains part and there's a,
you know, 30-piece orchestra

in tuxedos, but every musician
has a moustache, you know?

Because you have to have a sense
of humor about yourself.

Is that right?
Yeah.

Uh, how about
all bald guys?

Okay, okay, okay.
Now, what's funny about that?

Tell Melanie
5:30 instead of 6:00.

Larry. Hello.
Hi, Shel.

Good to see you.

Well, this is a fortuitous
encounter.

Floor?

I'm just going up
to the commissary.

Oh, special today...
macaroni and cheese.

I know, my favorite.

Sounds like one of those cop
shows you'd have on, doesn't it?

He's Italian,
she's from Wisconsin.

Macaroni and Cheese.
(laughing)

You are so funny, Larry.

I was so surprised
to hear that you were

thinking of leaving
the network.

What, is this your way
of firing me, Shel?

No, no, but that Stevie Grant is
such a tough negotiator

I tell you, I didn't know you
were so unhappy,

but I can't believe you're gonna
be moving to New York.

Well...
New York?

I have mixed emotions
about that, you know?

I mean, do you really think
you'd be happy

living in New York?

I... (coughs)

I like New York.

Uh, you know, the, uh, museums,
the park, you know.

You can walk everywhere.

I just wish those
bean counters at Unideck

would give me a bigger budget.

I would, but--
I understand that, Sheldon.

I know how that works.

Stevie Grant has no fears.

Well, of course, it isn't his
career he's playing with.

(elevator dings)

At any rate,

I wish you happiness wherever
you land, Lar.

Thank you, Shel.

And I mean that from my heart
as a friend.

What a pain in the ass.

Why are you telling 'em I wanna
move to New York?

I-I don't want to move
to New York.

Larry, Larry, Larry, nobody's
going to New York.

This is all about leverage.

About leverage.
Mm-hmm.

You don't like New York?

I happen to, uh,
you know, hate New York.

But on the show,
you're always talking about

what a great city it is.

Well, uh, I also happen
to talk about

what a great city
Jacksonville is

because we have
affiliates there.

Larry, you let me handle this,
all right?

You just concentrate on doing
a good show, because, frankly,

there's a lot of syndication
people out there--

Syndication?
Yes, syndication.

Uh-huh, syndication.

If-if we can't make a deal
with one of the networks,

screw 'em!

When did this become
a "screw 'em" situation?

Just roughly.

Well, it's a very
complex deal, Larry.

I mean, you don't want to know
all the specifics, okay.

Just remember one thing,

if anybody asks, you're dying
to move to New York.

You know, that is easy for you
to say.

There are gonna be people
on this show

who are gonna wanna know how
these negations are going?

Trust nobody on this--
And I--

Hey, trust nobody
on this, Larry, okay?

Promise me.

Oh, man.

All right, can I just
tell Francine?

I'd rather you didn't.

Oh.

Okay.

Who's Francine?

Yeah, see...

Tommy, I think-- you see,
right there, you know?

I think we need to
punch it, you know?

When I go...

♪ Ride a painted pony ♪

♪ Let the spinning
wheel bwah... ♪

You know? Just sort of punch it
with the horns or something?

We don't have any horns, Hank.

Could be worse. You could
be in Leno's band.

You owe me big for this.

Excuse me, uh, how much
would the horns cost?

A-ha. Okay.

You know what? I think I'm
just gonna sing the "bwah."

I mean, you know, make it
like a joke.

That's funny, huh?

(cowbell counting off)

("Spinning Wheel" playing)

♪ What goes up,
must come down ♪

♪ Spinning wheel
got to go 'round ♪

♪ Talkin' about your troubles,
it's a cryin' sin ♪

♪ Ride a painted pony ♪

♪ Let the spinning
wheel bwah ♪

♪ Got no money, uhh ♪

♪ Got no home ♪

♪ Spinning wheel,
all alone ♪

(chuckles)
Hank has got a pair of cojones
the size of Texas.

You gotta give him that.

Listen, this, uh, Stevie Grant

is just totally
out of fuckin' control.

So, where you gonna live, huh?
Upper West Side? Tribeca?

Maybe you and me could bunk up
together in the Village.

Listen, what have you
heard exactly?

Huh! Hank!

It's step, tap, tap,
not step, step, tap.

Got it?

Artie, I just don't know

if Stevie Grant knows
what he's doin' at all.

What is this? All this New York
rumor just a bunch of bullshit?

I'm just happen to be keeping
my options open, okay?

Oh, no, no, no, Hank.

No, no, no.
No, no, guys.

Something's not right.

I think, uh, right there,
I think we need, uh...

I don't know, like
a bassoon in the chorus.

You know? I mean, uh...

I mean, do any of you guys
have a bassoon in your car?

A bassoon?
Yeah.

Okay, that's fine.
We don't need it.

I'll just...

("Spinning Wheel" playing)

♪ What goes up,
must come down ♪

You gotta let Mr. Stevie Grant
do his thing.

Yeah, well,
his thing scares me.

Hank can do the "bwah"
without the horns.

I think so. Don't you?
I don't know.

Larry!
Hey, Stevie.

Hank just forced me to sit
through that act of his.

Oh.
How can you stand it?

What, that bad, was it?

It's the worst piece of
shit I've ever seen.

Hey, you should
really consider

replacing him if
New York happens.

I thought you said
that New York

was just a leverage device,
that I wasn't going to New York.

It was, but, you know,
the agency

has a very good relationship
with King World

and they like the sound
of New York.

Yeah, well, so does
Liza Minnelli, but, you know,

that doesn't mean I want
to go to New York.

You have to start to trust me.
Really, because we can't...

Uh, I just-- sorry.

I saw you, you know, standing
there, you were watching,

I just think-- You have any
notes or anything?

It was excellent, Hank.

Really?
Just excellent.

Really? Thank you.

It was good.
What can I say?

You're a quadruple threat.

You're a singer, a dancer,
a raconteur and a singer again,

because your
just that good.

Oh, thanks. I will just take
that as a vote of confidence.

You do that, my friend.

Wow.
That's pretty great, huh?

Huh? Yeah, good.
Good.

(music playing)

Because he made it sound like
he's gonna represent Hank,

and I know that
he never will.

Uh-oh.
What, you stick yourself?

Uh, Hank fired
his agent this afternoon.

See, I told you.
Because he thinks that, uh,

Stevie's gonna
represent him, right?

Well, it would appear so.

I hate that little prick.

Larry, I tell you,
I never liked him.

He's a liar.
It's sickening, Artie.

You know, I don't care
if this is the way

people do business
in show business,

I don't want to be around it.

Why don't you just let him
take the commission?

Then you can go back to Leo.

Leo's not right either.
I don't know what to do.

I can't stay with Stevie,
he's two-faced.

And he's weird.
He's just plain weird, Artie.

I got the new offer
from the network.

Uh, I'll leave you two alone.

Listen, Stevie,
before I, uh--

Just check it out.
Yeah, all right, sit down.

Uh, before I check this out,

there's some things I gotta
talk to you about.

I've been thinking a lot today
about a lot of stuff and...

have a lot of things
on my mind...

that I want to mention
to you.

(phone ringing)

So, it was nice
doing business with you.

Yeah, yeah.
Okay, then.

Good thanks.
Okay, then.

Artie, a pleasure
dealing with you.

Same here, kiddo.

Little prick.
Sickening.

Uh, Larry? Are we going to
the Dodgers games

tomorrow night or is that
Friday?

Friday.

(snaps fingers)

See you Friday, Stevie!

♪ ♪