All language subtitles for The Larry Sanders Show s01e07 Hanks Contract.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:16,967 Good for you, George. Good for you. 2 00:00:18,106 --> 00:00:21,371 When you wear out your left and your right... 3 00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,376 you can always belly-bump them. 4 00:00:24,679 --> 00:00:26,613 So I'm gonna belly-bump him into the next century. 5 00:00:26,681 --> 00:00:30,617 Now, George, I would like to really see you in the ring one time... 6 00:00:30,685 --> 00:00:32,653 hit someone with your stomach... come on. 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,655 - I do all the time. - No, when they're in close... 8 00:00:35,723 --> 00:00:37,714 Yeah, they rush me. That's why they're afraid of me. 9 00:00:37,792 --> 00:00:40,226 They won't charge me. They know I'll bump 'em. 10 00:00:42,096 --> 00:00:44,360 The worst thing you can do is box a left-hander. 11 00:00:44,432 --> 00:00:47,697 - Why? - They're put on backwards as it is. 12 00:00:47,769 --> 00:00:49,361 They just hit you... 13 00:00:49,437 --> 00:00:52,838 When you just have your defense up, they hit you in the wrong spot. 14 00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:55,671 And you charge them and you miss. It's humiliating. 15 00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:58,143 Well, I mean, what if you were to box... 16 00:00:58,212 --> 00:01:01,306 practice boxing in a mirror? 17 00:01:03,851 --> 00:01:06,979 - Wouldn't that prepare you properly? - That's a great idea. 18 00:01:08,656 --> 00:01:11,022 - I wasn't born yesterday. - I never thought about that. 19 00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:13,322 Who you fighting next? 20 00:01:13,394 --> 00:01:16,124 I think I'm gonna take this guy here. I heard he's gonna... 21 00:01:16,197 --> 00:01:17,789 - Hank? - Hey, now. 22 00:01:17,865 --> 00:01:21,460 Hank is getting ready to drop his contract, so I might as well get him. 23 00:01:21,536 --> 00:01:24,801 Wait a minute. First of all, for the fifth time this week... 24 00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:27,739 that Hank is not leaving the network. 25 00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:31,245 He is in contract negotiations. He is not leaving the show. 26 00:01:31,312 --> 00:01:33,246 He's in contract... 27 00:01:39,754 --> 00:01:42,848 He is in negotiations with the network... 28 00:01:42,924 --> 00:01:46,485 and I'm sure that they will work something out. 29 00:01:46,561 --> 00:01:50,759 We hope they'll work something out. But George... 30 00:01:50,832 --> 00:01:53,392 you'll agree with me... I don't think I should cave in, right? 31 00:01:53,468 --> 00:01:56,995 No, not at all. Belly-bump or do something. 32 00:01:57,071 --> 00:02:02,304 Boy, oh, boy, Chef Paul's gumbo was incredibly strong. 33 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:05,744 - Hi, Shel. - Steam coming out of my ass, Arty. 34 00:02:05,813 --> 00:02:09,749 I swear, every time we have a chef on, does he have to make some something? 35 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:12,877 You could sit and talk to them. You think that'd be less painful? 36 00:02:12,954 --> 00:02:15,422 Nice show, boys, nice show. 37 00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:16,980 - Shel, didn't see you there. - Great show. 38 00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:19,652 - How are ya? - Hank still trying to steal you blind? 39 00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:24,027 At the moment, the latest demand is a golf cart to drive around the studio. 40 00:02:24,098 --> 00:02:25,827 Poor deluded bastard. 41 00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,266 Shel, I don't wanna hear any more about these negotiations. 42 00:02:28,336 --> 00:02:30,270 Just resolve it, will you, please? 43 00:02:30,338 --> 00:02:32,431 I wish I could tell you that it was resolved... 44 00:02:32,507 --> 00:02:34,498 but Hank's being a little rough this time. 45 00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:37,408 Says he's ready to leave the show. 46 00:02:38,246 --> 00:02:40,180 Says he's got other offers. 47 00:02:40,248 --> 00:02:44,378 Of course, basically, that's exactly what you two do... 48 00:02:44,452 --> 00:02:47,785 when you're renegotiating your contract. 49 00:02:47,855 --> 00:02:50,585 Now, wait a minute. I had an offer last year. 50 00:02:50,658 --> 00:02:51,920 - Take it easy. - No. 51 00:02:51,993 --> 00:02:54,587 I had that offer. I could have gone on after Nightline. 52 00:02:54,662 --> 00:02:56,630 - Shel believes you. - I don't know if he does. 53 00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,927 - Of course he does. Shel? - Absolutely. 54 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,935 Listen, I'm trying to make Hank a happy man... 55 00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:06,064 but there's a financial line we cannot cross. 56 00:03:07,308 --> 00:03:10,744 - Here. - Thank you, Arty. Sorry, Shel. 57 00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:14,839 I'm so sorry. I know how much you hate all this contract talk. 58 00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:17,316 No, it's not you, Shel. It's that gumbo. My dog wouldn't eat that shit. 59 00:03:17,385 --> 00:03:19,148 I'm sorry. 60 00:03:21,823 --> 00:03:23,757 Good stuff. 61 00:03:23,825 --> 00:03:26,726 - Hello, Mr. Davidoff. - Please, Hank, it's Shel. 62 00:03:26,794 --> 00:03:29,592 You've called me Shel for four years now. 63 00:03:29,664 --> 00:03:32,963 Yeah, well, when it comes to business, I gotta call you Mr. Davidoff. 64 00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:35,969 Don't take offense, Shel. Come on, walk with me. I'm in a hurry. 65 00:03:37,438 --> 00:03:40,498 Supposing, just supposing... 66 00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:46,309 Do you think that stain on his pants is from the gumbo? I don't think so. 67 00:03:52,753 --> 00:03:54,983 There you go. 68 00:03:59,026 --> 00:04:01,392 Do you think that if I was 30 again that... 69 00:04:01,462 --> 00:04:03,453 Don't I have enough pressure on me with everything... 70 00:04:03,531 --> 00:04:06,967 without worrying about what you were like when you were 30 and who you dated? 71 00:04:07,034 --> 00:04:12,631 - Does the name Kim Novak mean anything? - Get outta here. 72 00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:17,610 Just cleaning out my office, and I thought you might want this. 73 00:04:17,678 --> 00:04:20,340 It's autographed. 74 00:04:20,414 --> 00:04:23,474 Yeah, but Kenny Stabler? He played football. 75 00:04:23,551 --> 00:04:25,712 Yeah, I know he played... 76 00:04:25,786 --> 00:04:27,879 - Basketball. - I know. 77 00:04:27,955 --> 00:04:30,924 I didn't have any spare footballs around when he was on the show... 78 00:04:30,992 --> 00:04:35,258 so it's the closest kind of ball I could find. 79 00:04:35,329 --> 00:04:38,492 So, do you want it? Hell with it. 80 00:04:38,566 --> 00:04:42,969 Come on, Hank. Don't play this "I'm leaving the show" game with me. 81 00:04:43,037 --> 00:04:45,505 Yeah, well... 82 00:04:45,573 --> 00:04:49,805 I want to thank you for the kind words you said on the air tonight. 83 00:04:50,878 --> 00:04:53,244 The sentiment really touched me... 84 00:04:53,314 --> 00:04:57,444 and my stepmother who was watching in Pittsburgh. 85 00:04:57,518 --> 00:05:01,545 Just hope it wasn't lost on the boys at the network. 86 00:05:02,623 --> 00:05:04,056 You should thank Arty anyway. 87 00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,423 He's the one who wrote it. He put it on the cards for me. 88 00:05:06,494 --> 00:05:08,257 I just read it off the cards. 89 00:05:08,329 --> 00:05:10,763 Where it would have stayed had you not read it. 90 00:05:10,831 --> 00:05:14,164 Well, glad I could help out. 91 00:05:14,902 --> 00:05:16,062 Are you? 92 00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:22,873 - Of course I am, Hank. - Oh, yeah? 93 00:05:28,683 --> 00:05:30,844 What the hell was that? 94 00:05:30,918 --> 00:05:33,648 - He was flexing a little muscle there. - Flexing his muscle? 95 00:05:33,721 --> 00:05:36,952 Yeah. Hank Kingsley will never leave this show. 96 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,689 Yeah, but what does he think he's worth? 97 00:05:40,761 --> 00:05:45,095 I have no idea. How do you place a value on a man who introduces Wynnona Judd... 98 00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:46,633 as "TheJudd"? 99 00:05:47,702 --> 00:05:50,068 That was a low point, even for him, wasn't it? 100 00:05:50,137 --> 00:05:55,131 I'm surprised she came out. She was... Jane Russell? 101 00:05:57,111 --> 00:06:00,103 Were you two just talking about Hank? 102 00:06:00,181 --> 00:06:01,614 'Cause my ears were burning. 103 00:06:01,682 --> 00:06:05,049 Anyway, the staff is having a little going-away cake for Hank. 104 00:06:05,119 --> 00:06:08,179 It would be nice if you could join us, okay? 105 00:06:10,191 --> 00:06:12,853 Isn't he taking this a little seriously this time? 106 00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:15,828 Fuck it, it's free cake. We can't miss this. 107 00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:17,830 - Come on. - All right. 108 00:06:20,267 --> 00:06:23,065 Great. This is gonna be great. Okay, let me get him. 109 00:06:35,249 --> 00:06:37,547 - Everybody there? - Yes. 110 00:06:37,618 --> 00:06:40,246 - Is Larry there? - Yes, I got everyone. 111 00:06:40,321 --> 00:06:41,754 Great. 112 00:06:43,824 --> 00:06:46,292 - Yeah? - White cake with coconut sprinkles? 113 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,918 - Yes. - Great. 114 00:06:54,101 --> 00:06:55,932 Surprise! 115 00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:02,942 What did you do here? What is this? 116 00:07:05,713 --> 00:07:07,738 What did you do here? 117 00:07:10,184 --> 00:07:11,617 Well... 118 00:07:16,090 --> 00:07:18,217 What can I say? 119 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:20,954 If someone invented a camera... 120 00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:24,327 that could take, you know, snapshots of our feelings... 121 00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:28,858 I would take a picture of this moment... 122 00:07:28,936 --> 00:07:34,238 and keep it in the wallet of my heart forever. 123 00:07:36,377 --> 00:07:38,777 Knowing most of you... 124 00:07:38,846 --> 00:07:43,078 most of you... has been a great pleasure... 125 00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:46,176 but the powers that be want to put a price on what we have here... 126 00:07:46,253 --> 00:07:49,848 and I'm afraid that price is just too low. 127 00:07:51,759 --> 00:07:56,696 And Hank Kingsley is not a man to cave in on what is just. 128 00:07:57,865 --> 00:08:00,493 I say he goes right into the cruise director story. 129 00:08:00,568 --> 00:08:03,036 Bet you a hundred bucks it's the telephone story. 130 00:08:03,104 --> 00:08:05,197 - You're on. - You know... 131 00:08:05,272 --> 00:08:08,036 this reminds me of when I was a... 132 00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:10,600 just a cruise director... 133 00:08:10,678 --> 00:08:12,270 - All right. - Shit. 134 00:08:12,346 --> 00:08:13,779 On the Andropolis. 135 00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:17,147 The Andropolis, let me fill you in, was a Greek liner. It was a luxury... 136 00:08:22,022 --> 00:08:23,683 - Oh. - What is this? 137 00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:26,352 Every time we have a going-away party for you, it's just too much of a downer. 138 00:08:26,427 --> 00:08:28,725 Everyone goes home sad, 'cause they don't want to see you go. 139 00:08:28,796 --> 00:08:32,664 So we thought we'd spring for something a little more fun. 140 00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:36,829 Well, l... This is... I mean, this is too much. Thank you. I had no idea... 141 00:08:36,904 --> 00:08:38,895 - that you and Paul could... - Phil. 142 00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:44,275 Could be so, you know, openly expressive about your affection. 143 00:08:44,345 --> 00:08:46,813 Thank you. I'm very touched. 144 00:08:48,816 --> 00:08:50,249 Surprise! 145 00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:29,787 Is that Barbara? 146 00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:34,022 Well... 147 00:09:34,094 --> 00:09:36,426 it's very nice to meet you. 148 00:09:36,497 --> 00:09:39,261 Meet me? 149 00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:41,858 You've done a hell of a lot more than meet me. 150 00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,695 Hey, now. 151 00:09:44,772 --> 00:09:47,366 You asshole. 152 00:09:47,441 --> 00:09:49,966 That number you gave me was to some dry cleaner's in Torrance. 153 00:09:50,044 --> 00:09:52,444 Yeah, the area code got changed. I don't know how come. 154 00:09:52,513 --> 00:09:57,212 Bullshit. I am not your whore. 155 00:09:59,053 --> 00:10:01,487 Who needs this gig anyhow? 156 00:10:03,757 --> 00:10:07,158 That's fine. You know, it's... Damn. 157 00:10:08,829 --> 00:10:12,321 People see you in enough of those lawn furniture spots... 158 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:15,698 they tend to fantasize about you. 159 00:10:15,769 --> 00:10:19,170 Come on, who wants cake? Come on, cake! 160 00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:22,675 - Come on. - Hey, you two, come on. 161 00:10:22,743 --> 00:10:26,008 Does the... What does the LXE... Is it different than the other... 162 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,981 Does it have a limited slip differential? 163 00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:32,507 Does the LXE have a limited slip differential? 164 00:10:34,355 --> 00:10:36,619 - Well, if it's not available... - Is it an option? 165 00:10:38,792 --> 00:10:41,226 - Is it? - Is it an option? 166 00:10:43,264 --> 00:10:45,755 The limited slip... No. So... 167 00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:49,599 - Ask about the next model. - What... Does it have a... 168 00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:52,264 - The next model. - Can I talk? Can I? 169 00:10:52,339 --> 00:10:53,567 Okay. 170 00:10:53,641 --> 00:10:56,542 Does the next model have the limited slip differential? 171 00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:58,043 It doesn't? 172 00:10:58,112 --> 00:11:01,081 Let me ask you this. What is the limited slip differential? 173 00:11:01,148 --> 00:11:05,209 Listen, when you're up on a curb, you know, you have... 174 00:11:05,286 --> 00:11:07,550 Why do I need this car anyway? I already have a car. 175 00:11:07,621 --> 00:11:10,249 'Cause you deserve it. It's safer, and it's classier. 176 00:11:10,324 --> 00:11:13,987 I know he's right, I know he's right. May I call you back? 177 00:11:14,061 --> 00:11:18,430 Yes. Maury Povich, yeah. Thank you. 178 00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:20,899 - Well? - Big fan. 179 00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:23,163 - I don't know. - What about it? You gonna get it? 180 00:11:23,237 --> 00:11:27,901 Silver. That's all I know. I want a silver car. That's all l... 181 00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:31,069 - What about Hank now? - He wants to see you alone. 182 00:11:31,145 --> 00:11:33,443 Alone? What about Arty? 183 00:11:33,514 --> 00:11:36,745 - I'll go check. - Don't worry, I was just leaving. 184 00:11:37,651 --> 00:11:39,676 Don't leave me alone with Hank. 185 00:11:39,753 --> 00:11:43,746 I'll be listening on the speaker phone. I'll be with you spiritually. 186 00:11:47,728 --> 00:11:50,754 - Yeah? You want to see me? - Yeah. 187 00:11:50,831 --> 00:11:52,594 You want a Coke or something? 188 00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:55,965 Sure, if you want me to have a Coke, I'll have a Coke. 189 00:11:56,036 --> 00:12:00,598 - Good. The ones on top are cold. - I got it. 190 00:12:07,948 --> 00:12:09,711 Talk to Shel recently? 191 00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:12,809 About anything in particular? 192 00:12:12,886 --> 00:12:16,049 No, about my hair weave. About my leaving. 193 00:12:16,123 --> 00:12:20,924 No. Come on, Hank. Come on. 194 00:12:20,995 --> 00:12:26,092 You're not leaving. I know you're not going. Geez. 195 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:30,997 You know, in fact, Hank, what I was thinking was... 196 00:12:31,071 --> 00:12:35,701 next year, when we have the going-away party... 197 00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:37,539 let Arty and I take care of the strippers... 198 00:12:37,611 --> 00:12:40,603 because we can probably find one that doesn't know you. 199 00:12:40,681 --> 00:12:44,242 Okay. Okay, good. Come on, let's go. 200 00:12:44,318 --> 00:12:46,115 Come on. 201 00:12:46,186 --> 00:12:51,624 A woman I happen to have met pops out of a very large present. 202 00:12:51,692 --> 00:12:53,819 That's good. Come on. Let's make fun of her. 203 00:12:53,894 --> 00:12:55,828 Hank, I'm sorry. 204 00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:57,989 No, in fact, why don't you just laugh in my face? 205 00:12:58,065 --> 00:13:00,533 Might as well do it now. You and Arty do it every time I turn my back. 206 00:13:00,601 --> 00:13:02,466 That is not true. 207 00:13:02,536 --> 00:13:05,164 She was half theJudds. 208 00:13:05,239 --> 00:13:08,868 Now there's just one of them, so she's a... she is a Judd. 209 00:13:08,942 --> 00:13:11,740 She is a singleJudd! 210 00:13:13,113 --> 00:13:14,637 Her mother was ill... 211 00:13:14,715 --> 00:13:20,085 What about the time I chipped my tooth on the bathroom urinal? 212 00:13:20,154 --> 00:13:23,317 What the fuck is so comical about that? 213 00:13:25,225 --> 00:13:27,455 It was a back tooth, Hank. 214 00:13:30,664 --> 00:13:32,655 I don't know how you did it. 215 00:13:38,739 --> 00:13:40,172 All right. 216 00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:46,004 No, no, it's my fault. I really shouldn't be so angry about this. 217 00:13:46,980 --> 00:13:50,438 - Look... - You know what I'm really feeling? 218 00:13:52,486 --> 00:13:53,748 It hurts. 219 00:13:53,821 --> 00:13:56,119 Yeah. 220 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:58,715 No, you don't understand. 221 00:13:58,792 --> 00:14:02,387 - It hurts me when you guys do this. - Listen to me. 222 00:14:02,463 --> 00:14:07,765 You've had a really long week with this negotiation. 223 00:14:07,835 --> 00:14:10,998 I think you're overreacting a little. 224 00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:22,881 You cut one? 225 00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:26,044 What the hell was that? 226 00:14:27,054 --> 00:14:28,487 Huh? 227 00:14:33,794 --> 00:14:38,390 - When you let one go, boy. Hello. - That was the speaker phone. 228 00:14:38,465 --> 00:14:40,160 Nice try. 229 00:14:41,568 --> 00:14:45,265 No, someone's listening to our conversation on the speaker phone. 230 00:14:45,339 --> 00:14:48,137 You think someone's on the speaker phone? 231 00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:52,338 Is someone on the speaker phone? Is someone listening, goddamn it? 232 00:14:54,748 --> 00:14:57,182 It's me, Larry, Arthur. 233 00:15:01,688 --> 00:15:04,418 Arty, what are you doing on the speaker phone? 234 00:15:04,491 --> 00:15:07,551 Oh, are you in there with Hank? 235 00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:12,395 Arty, I'm sitting right here with Hank in my office. 236 00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:14,400 How did you get on the phone? 237 00:15:14,468 --> 00:15:18,404 I don't know. I have no idea how I got on the phone. 238 00:15:18,472 --> 00:15:21,498 I was eating a sandwich in my office when suddenly I heard you guys. 239 00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:25,033 Well, Arty, you clearly must have hit your elbow against the button... 240 00:15:25,112 --> 00:15:28,013 and you're now on the speaker phone. 241 00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:31,050 Maybe, maybe. How's my old buddy, Hank? 242 00:15:32,753 --> 00:15:35,688 We were in the middle of a conversation. 243 00:15:35,756 --> 00:15:39,351 I'm gonna have to hang up on you now, Arty. 244 00:15:39,426 --> 00:15:40,859 Got ya. 245 00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,298 That's the kind of shit I'm talking about. 246 00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:56,069 I'm not gonna take it anymore. 247 00:15:57,277 --> 00:15:58,904 Will you let me explain? 248 00:15:58,979 --> 00:16:01,413 No, I won't. It's too late, my friend. 249 00:16:03,717 --> 00:16:08,154 I'm tired. I'm tired of being your personal village idiot. 250 00:16:10,257 --> 00:16:11,986 I'll see you later. 251 00:16:16,830 --> 00:16:19,526 - Tell us about your baby. - Baby? 252 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,263 I have a new baby who's eight months old who's pretty amazing. 253 00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:24,565 Thank you. 254 00:16:28,008 --> 00:16:31,910 - I don't know if they're happy for you. - I don't know if they're happy for me. 255 00:16:31,979 --> 00:16:33,412 - It's wonderful. - I don't know what it is. 256 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,244 I didn't actually have the baby, but my wife did. 257 00:16:36,316 --> 00:16:37,977 It'd be different if men carried the baby, wouldn't it? 258 00:16:38,051 --> 00:16:42,613 He'd be like, "I got things to do. Get it out! 259 00:16:42,689 --> 00:16:45,317 Yeah, right, okay. Yeah, okay, I see it. Come on." 260 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:51,463 Listen, let us take a break, and we'll come back after this commercial. 261 00:16:51,531 --> 00:16:53,465 - Is that okay? We'll be right back. - No, it's all right. 262 00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:56,764 - We'll be right back. - You come back, or you're dead. 263 00:16:56,837 --> 00:16:57,997 Don't go away. 264 00:16:58,071 --> 00:17:02,098 Delightful, Robin, delightful. Sir, your mind is a national treasure. 265 00:17:02,175 --> 00:17:03,608 Thanks. 266 00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:06,878 God. 267 00:17:09,449 --> 00:17:11,644 Enough of the bullshit. How am I really doing? 268 00:17:11,718 --> 00:17:14,243 - You did great. What are you doing? - Really? 269 00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:18,052 Yeah. Come on, you're Robin Williams. You aren't aware of that? 270 00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:20,355 If I was you, I'd never ask how I was doing. 271 00:17:20,427 --> 00:17:22,122 - Really? - You were great. Come on. 272 00:17:22,195 --> 00:17:24,493 Oh, man. If you were me, you wouldn't be wearing this suit, I guess. 273 00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:25,997 - Stop it. The suit is great. - Really? 274 00:17:26,066 --> 00:17:29,297 - I don't look like an Irish pimp? - I didn't say that. 275 00:17:29,369 --> 00:17:30,802 I know. 276 00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:33,601 - Sorry I was mean to Hank. - You weren't mean to Hank. 277 00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:36,609 No one knows what that line is anymore. I don't know what the deal is. 278 00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:39,145 - Really? It's so easy. - Hank and l... 279 00:17:39,212 --> 00:17:42,909 Hank is sensitive. I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do with Hank. 280 00:17:42,983 --> 00:17:45,178 We're going through a thing right now, as a matter of fact. 281 00:17:45,252 --> 00:17:47,311 It's just too damn easy. He looks like a before from Hair Club. 282 00:17:47,387 --> 00:17:50,083 I can't go with you on that. I cannot. 283 00:17:51,792 --> 00:17:54,488 Can I ask you a question? I got to, I got to. I never do this... 284 00:17:54,561 --> 00:17:58,497 but can you autograph this for my niece, Jennifer. 285 00:17:58,565 --> 00:18:00,032 She's six years old. 286 00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:04,504 - Peter Pan? - What? Peter Pan, Mork, whatever. 287 00:18:06,406 --> 00:18:08,203 - Mork, okay, yeah. - Okay? 288 00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:11,369 Want me to sign that? I mean... 289 00:18:13,714 --> 00:18:16,444 I'm sorry I was in your face tonight. I'm really sorry. 290 00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:19,952 What, are you kidding? When you said... 291 00:18:20,020 --> 00:18:23,683 my head reminded you of your penis after a cold swim... 292 00:18:23,757 --> 00:18:25,588 I was honored. 293 00:18:25,659 --> 00:18:28,184 I think I would be a perfect foil for you. 294 00:18:28,261 --> 00:18:31,788 You are. For anyone. You're wonderful. Thank you. 295 00:18:31,865 --> 00:18:34,857 What are you talking about? If I said that, you'd have been pissed off. 296 00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:37,699 - No, I'm insulted. - There's a difference. 297 00:18:37,771 --> 00:18:40,968 - You see, number one... - It's Mork with a "K." 298 00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:44,101 Right. It was on stage, you see. 299 00:18:44,177 --> 00:18:47,840 Number two... Robin isn't supposed to be a friend of mine. 300 00:18:47,914 --> 00:18:50,007 Number three... he didn't do it behind my back. 301 00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:52,017 And number four... all the time. 302 00:18:52,085 --> 00:18:54,986 - You know what? Okay, this is not... - Thank you. 303 00:18:55,055 --> 00:18:58,218 - You're welcome. - That's great. 304 00:19:00,627 --> 00:19:03,152 Tension. You should work this out. 305 00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:05,721 You gotta see somebody together. 306 00:19:05,799 --> 00:19:09,667 Should I continue with my kid's penis? Should I talk about that? 307 00:19:09,736 --> 00:19:14,537 Why don't you do the... Go into the... Talk about why you got the beard. 308 00:19:14,608 --> 00:19:17,475 You're not gonna do Arsenio or Leno, are you? 309 00:19:17,544 --> 00:19:20,513 - I've got to. - Fucker. 310 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:23,242 Hey, it's a business. Get used to it. Blow me. 311 00:19:23,316 --> 00:19:26,877 Welcome back. We are back with... 312 00:19:30,190 --> 00:19:32,317 Robin Williams. 313 00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:35,961 When we left... 314 00:19:36,029 --> 00:19:41,467 When we left, we were talking about your baby? 315 00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:43,264 Yes, my baby. 316 00:19:43,336 --> 00:19:45,201 - Eight months old? - Eight months old, yeah. 317 00:19:45,272 --> 00:19:46,705 - And? - He's wonderful. 318 00:19:46,773 --> 00:19:49,435 He's hung like a field mouse. 319 00:19:49,509 --> 00:19:51,739 I mean, you pop the diaper and ping! 320 00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:55,441 It's like a little sundial. Look. 321 00:19:55,515 --> 00:19:58,507 It's amazing. It's like you're going, whoa, yes. 322 00:19:58,585 --> 00:20:00,052 Honey, what time is it? Get the baby. 323 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:05,114 Get the baby. Look, it's 3:00. Oh, 2:30 now. It's real cold. 324 00:20:05,192 --> 00:20:10,289 I hear what you're saying. I agree. I mean, you're one of the greats. 325 00:20:10,363 --> 00:20:13,457 I mean, hell, man, you're a legend. 326 00:20:13,533 --> 00:20:17,560 But things are tough out there, kid. Times are bad. 327 00:20:17,637 --> 00:20:20,572 And the trend in talk shows today is not to have a sidekick. 328 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,734 Yeah, it is a dying art... 329 00:20:23,810 --> 00:20:27,541 but I've been having talks with Dick Cavett about co-hosting. 330 00:20:27,614 --> 00:20:30,242 Cavett? What's he doing? 331 00:20:30,317 --> 00:20:34,014 What's he doing, Arty? He has his own talk show on CNBC. 332 00:20:34,087 --> 00:20:37,579 CNBC? What the hell is that? What's that mean? 333 00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:40,626 - Don't you know? - No, my TV stops at channel 13... 334 00:20:40,694 --> 00:20:41,956 the way it's supposed to. 335 00:20:42,028 --> 00:20:45,828 What I'm trying to tell you is that as far as sidekicks go... 336 00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:50,199 it's not exactly a seller's market. 337 00:20:52,706 --> 00:20:55,869 Arty, I'm not going anywhere. 338 00:20:55,942 --> 00:20:58,672 I got the network by the balls on this one. 339 00:20:58,745 --> 00:21:00,178 - You do? - Yeah. 340 00:21:00,247 --> 00:21:03,739 I got a meeting with Sheldon right now. It's all gonna be over in a half hour. 341 00:21:03,817 --> 00:21:05,250 Good luck, buddy. 342 00:21:08,655 --> 00:21:10,145 Well? 343 00:21:13,126 --> 00:21:14,718 How'd it go? 344 00:21:33,914 --> 00:21:35,176 Got a second? 345 00:21:42,689 --> 00:21:44,623 I just came in to apologize... 346 00:21:44,691 --> 00:21:48,957 for some of the things I said to you a little earlier. 347 00:21:50,430 --> 00:21:53,422 You sure do keep it dark in here, don't you? 348 00:21:56,770 --> 00:21:58,795 Still doing the spots, huh? 349 00:21:58,872 --> 00:22:00,305 What's wrong? 350 00:22:02,075 --> 00:22:03,940 The network passed. 351 00:22:05,078 --> 00:22:07,979 - The network passed? - The network passed. 352 00:22:08,848 --> 00:22:10,110 What did they say? 353 00:22:10,183 --> 00:22:12,549 Let's see. What did they say? They said... 354 00:22:12,619 --> 00:22:17,056 "Hey, you untalented, overpriced sidekick... 355 00:22:18,158 --> 00:22:19,955 you're just another piece of meat to us... 356 00:22:20,026 --> 00:22:24,087 so why don't you take what we gave you last year and be happy with that... 357 00:22:24,164 --> 00:22:26,189 you worthless piece of shit?" 358 00:22:26,266 --> 00:22:28,257 Look, times are very hard right now. 359 00:22:28,335 --> 00:22:32,965 Maybe you should think about taking last year's salary. 360 00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:35,030 - Well, I can't do that, can I? - Why not? 361 00:22:35,108 --> 00:22:37,269 I mean... Well, why? 362 00:22:37,344 --> 00:22:39,437 You see, I've just been on national TV... 363 00:22:39,512 --> 00:22:42,106 and I've just said, "Hank Kingsley will not cave in." 364 00:22:42,182 --> 00:22:45,583 So, I am fucked. 365 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,688 What does Arty have to say about this? 366 00:22:48,755 --> 00:22:51,724 I don't know. I can't go to Arty. It's embarr... 367 00:22:51,791 --> 00:22:56,194 It's gonna be bad enough when this thing hits the front page of Variety. 368 00:22:58,064 --> 00:23:01,295 - The second page, at least. - You know... 369 00:23:01,368 --> 00:23:04,269 you'd think they'd be pissed that you might take the Cavett thing. 370 00:23:04,337 --> 00:23:07,272 What's wrong with you? Is there something wrong with you? 371 00:23:07,340 --> 00:23:10,935 - What are you talking about? - There's no Cavett. You hear me? 372 00:23:11,011 --> 00:23:15,778 - You said there was the Cavett thing. - Zip on Cavett. I'm bluffing. 373 00:23:15,849 --> 00:23:18,613 - You were bluffing about Cavett? - Right, right. 374 00:23:18,685 --> 00:23:22,382 I mean, I'm doing the same thing you did when you said... 375 00:23:22,455 --> 00:23:24,116 that you had the offer from the other network. 376 00:23:24,190 --> 00:23:28,422 I had another offer. That's why I had leverage. 377 00:23:28,495 --> 00:23:30,861 I was offered the spot after Nightline. 378 00:23:30,930 --> 00:23:32,864 Oh, my God... 379 00:23:34,601 --> 00:23:37,297 I thought you were bluffing. 380 00:23:50,383 --> 00:23:53,375 Jesus, Larry, I could have gotten us a nice table at Musso's. 381 00:23:53,453 --> 00:23:55,512 I didn't want anybody to see us, that's all. 382 00:23:55,588 --> 00:23:59,285 Let's be quick. I have breakfast with Fred Dryer early in the morning. 383 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,988 Oh, boy, you must be excited. I bet you won't sleep all night. 384 00:24:04,064 --> 00:24:07,090 Listen, what does Hank want exactly? 385 00:24:07,167 --> 00:24:11,126 He wants a five percent raise, he want gross percentage points... 386 00:24:11,204 --> 00:24:13,434 he wants three weeks additional paid vacation... 387 00:24:13,506 --> 00:24:16,304 - and he wants a Hankmobile. - What's a Hankmobile? 388 00:24:16,376 --> 00:24:20,506 It's that golf cart I told you about last week. I smell urine here. 389 00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:23,572 All right, don't be so cutthroat with Hank, will ya? 390 00:24:23,650 --> 00:24:27,882 Come on, make a deal. Let the man walk away with some dignity. Come on. 391 00:24:27,954 --> 00:24:31,822 - We're talking about business. - We're talking about Hank, okay? 392 00:24:31,891 --> 00:24:34,792 Give him everything he wants, or you know what's gonna happen? 393 00:24:34,861 --> 00:24:37,955 I'm off the show. I mean it. If he goes, I go, Shel. 394 00:24:38,031 --> 00:24:40,864 - Come off it. - I mean it. 395 00:24:40,934 --> 00:24:43,926 I suppose you want another one of those fake going-away parties? 396 00:24:44,003 --> 00:24:45,800 You know what, Shel? I don't have to fake it. 397 00:24:45,872 --> 00:24:48,238 I can go on after Nightline anytime I want. 398 00:24:48,308 --> 00:24:50,640 Call Bob Iger at ABC. He'll tell you. 399 00:24:50,710 --> 00:24:54,271 - It ain't gonna work. - Well, Shel, you know what? 400 00:24:54,347 --> 00:24:57,839 Make it work, 'cause, you know, I love being here. 401 00:24:57,917 --> 00:25:02,377 I don't mean on these stairs. I mean, you know, the network. 402 00:25:10,964 --> 00:25:13,296 "Didn't know it was a mannequin." 403 00:25:13,366 --> 00:25:17,302 Look at that. This is great. This is yours? They must love you. 404 00:25:17,370 --> 00:25:19,804 Yep, I told you, I was gonna get everything, huh? 405 00:25:19,873 --> 00:25:21,636 - This is great. - Thank you. 406 00:25:21,708 --> 00:25:27,237 - Wow, you must be very pleased. - I am very pleased. 407 00:25:29,349 --> 00:25:31,613 Did you get the salary bump? 408 00:25:37,223 --> 00:25:38,690 - Yes. - All right. 409 00:25:38,758 --> 00:25:42,558 What about the syndication points? 410 00:25:42,629 --> 00:25:44,722 Well, you know, you see, the thing on the... 411 00:25:44,798 --> 00:25:49,030 the salary bump was so great that I felt I should give them something. 412 00:25:49,102 --> 00:25:50,296 So, you know... 413 00:25:50,370 --> 00:25:53,396 I don't need syndication points. 414 00:25:53,473 --> 00:25:55,998 No. What about the vacation? Three weeks? 415 00:25:57,243 --> 00:25:59,268 - Week and a half. - Great. 416 00:25:59,345 --> 00:26:00,903 - Fine. - Great. 417 00:26:00,980 --> 00:26:06,509 Good. And this... If they gave you this... This is gorgeous. 418 00:26:06,586 --> 00:26:09,680 Wow. What? 419 00:26:11,491 --> 00:26:14,983 I had to pay for it myself, so don't tell anybody, okay? 420 00:26:15,061 --> 00:26:16,494 Great. 421 00:26:16,563 --> 00:26:19,862 Larry, I want to thank you for going to bat for me. 422 00:26:19,933 --> 00:26:22,197 - Really. It's beautiful. - I don't know what you're talking about. 423 00:26:22,268 --> 00:26:24,293 - You don't know what I'm talking... - I don't. 424 00:26:24,370 --> 00:26:26,600 If I go, you go. 425 00:26:26,673 --> 00:26:27,970 - You know what you did that was smart? - What? 426 00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:30,771 You got the white interior. Cooler in the summer. 427 00:26:30,844 --> 00:26:33,642 Yeah, you got a very different way of showing your love, don't you? 428 00:26:33,713 --> 00:26:36,546 I've seen men be burned in dark interiors. 429 00:26:36,616 --> 00:26:39,744 - Come on, come on. - Hank, please. 430 00:26:39,819 --> 00:26:41,946 - You know how I feel about this. - Come on. 431 00:26:42,021 --> 00:26:45,616 - You're gonna kiss me this time. - No, come on, come on. 432 00:26:45,692 --> 00:26:48,490 - Hank, you're on in ten seconds. - All right, okay. 433 00:26:48,561 --> 00:26:53,225 Listen, buddy, park this by the prop room. 434 00:26:53,299 --> 00:26:56,530 No joyriding, and I'll be back in 58 minutes exactly. 435 00:26:56,603 --> 00:26:58,764 All right? Yeah. Thank you. 436 00:27:04,010 --> 00:27:07,571 - You're in your own moment? - No, I'm just... 437 00:27:07,647 --> 00:27:09,740 - The network is fucked, you know that? - You're not in your own moment? 438 00:27:09,816 --> 00:27:11,807 I'm not in my own moment. 439 00:27:11,885 --> 00:27:15,082 I lay myself out on the line, and they still don't give Hank everything. 440 00:27:15,154 --> 00:27:18,646 - What the fuck is that? - The poor baby. He seems happy. 441 00:27:18,725 --> 00:27:20,989 That's not the issue. That is not the issue. 442 00:27:21,060 --> 00:27:24,552 You'd think the network would care enough about me to do what I tell them. 443 00:27:24,631 --> 00:27:26,690 It's an insult. This is an insult. 444 00:27:26,766 --> 00:27:30,497 You think they'd be nervous you'd take the offer and go on after Nightline. 445 00:27:30,570 --> 00:27:33,664 That is exactly my point. 446 00:27:35,508 --> 00:27:38,534 You did have that offer to go on after Nightline, didn't you? 447 00:27:40,847 --> 00:27:42,280 Fuck no. 448 00:27:42,330 --> 00:27:46,880 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37003

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