All language subtitles for Forces.Of.Nature.1999.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[ Echoing ]
It's a great pleasure--

It's a great pleasure
to have all of you here today.

I thought you all
might begin your tour here.

[ Shouting ]

[ Ben ] I really didn't
want a bachelor party
in the first place.

I'll tell you why. It's not
that I'm against tradition.

There's just something
bizarre about having
a strange, naked woman...

dance around me while
my friends yell out,

"Go for it, Ben.

Last night of freedom, Ben."

Last night of freedom
for what?

Which is what I told
my best friend Alan.

I didn't want any strippers.
I didn't wanna get lucky.

I was lucky enough
just getting married.

All right. Quiet!
[ Shouting ]

Guys!

All right. I'm not payin' for
that. It already was chipped.

We're here to, uh, wish Ben
good luck and good riddance

as he heads down
that rocky path to matrimony.

And, uh, hey, you know what.

Ben's dad Richard and his
grandpa Max are here.
Where are you guys?

Those guys...watch out.
You guys gotta pace
yourselves.

Knowing Ben, I'd have to say
that he's probably,

uh, one of the most loyal
guys that I've ever met,
[ Man ] Like a dog!

[ Man Barks ]
and, uh, monogamous.

And so this is probably
gonna be the last time

that you're gonna spend
in a room with your friends

and a n-n-naked woman

other than your wife, man!

So you can close your eyes
if you want to. Close 'em!

But then you're gonna be
missin' Juanita,
the bull tamer!

[ Shouting ]

You don't have to do this.

You really don't
have to do this.

[ Man Shouts ]

Very nice.

[ Crowd ] Olé!

Pop?

Pop?

Pop? Max?

Call 911.

[ Sighs ] How did
this happen? Hmm?

What's the difference
how it happened?

It happened.
I wanna know
how it happened.

It makes a difference
to me.

All of a sudden he has a heart
attack out of no place?

Mom, can we please
not talk about this now?

What don't you
want to talk about?

Mrs. Holmes, if it's any
consolation, he was having
a really good time.

Alan, shut up.
Okay.

[ Richard ] Come into the
hall.
What is in the hall?

A vending machine.
Come on, butchki.

Who's hungry? I'm buying.
All hours of the night...

This is insane.

[ Richard ] He probably
just ate some spicy food.

It was spicy, all right,
but it wasn't food.

Butchki!
What?

Richard, you are
the silliest old fart.

[ Sighs ] Grandpa,
what came over you?

[ Breathing heavily ] Hmm?

Hey.
Ben.

You all right?
[ Chuckles ] Ben.

She was the most
beautiful woman I ever saw.

What about Nana?

Did you ever take a good look
at your grandmother?

Woman looked like Tolstoy.

I was never attracted to her.

Oh, maybe in the beginning,

because she was the only woman
I'd ever been with.

Well, you know, that's great.
That's, uh...that's loyalty.

Loyalty? It's fear.

Did you ever feel her arms,
her...[ Groans ]

Oh, Ben, I used to
dream about other women.

What it would be like
to hold them and to...

Okay.
Touch them and to...

That's--
...smell them.

Grandma smelled. She had a
very distinct smell.
It was a--

Ben. Ben.

Listen to me.

Don't tie yourself down.

Even if you love
a woman, it fades.

Marriage is a prison.

[ Siren wails ]

Ben!

Could I help you out?
Here we go.

You just passed my room.
Sorry.

Feel better.

[ Sighs ]
Hi.

Hi, sweetie.
Honey.

Oh, why does everything
feel so much better
now that you're here?

How's he doing?
He's stable.

You know, physically,
at least.
Great.

What happened?

What do you expect?
He's an 80-year-old man
with high blood pressure

and a naked balloon-popping
toreador is a rough
combination.

It didn't pan out.
It's not funny.
It's not funny.

Be serious.
There's something
I want to do.

Okay. Why?
I wanna be able to remember
this moment in 30 or 40 years.

Think my next husband will
get a kick out of it.

Oh, that's nice. Okay.

It's the night before I am
flying down to Savannah
for our wedding alone,

because Ben's grandfather,
who we will now refer to
as Larry Flynt,

has partied himself
into intensive care.

What do you have to say?

Put the video camera away.

No, no, no, honey, you're not
going to get off that easy.

No, I'm saving it for my vows.

I have already
finished my vows.

What's in 'em?
[ Laughs ]

You know why? Because
it's easy for you.
I'm a writer.

Oh, really?
I can't just slap something
down on paper like you do.

Ben, listen.

You don't have
to be brilliant...

or witty or clever
or polite even.

Just have to be honest.

Come on. Say something.
What are you feeling?

Are you nervous?
Are you happy? Are you scared?

Am I scared?
What would I be scared of?

I'm scared.
You are? Why?
Now you're making me scared.

Because it's a big thing.
It's our marriage.
It's the rest of our lives.

It's...it's scary.

I know. I'm not scared.

The only thing
we have to fear...
Yeah?

...is this video camera.
Hey! Come on! Just say
a few words for posterity.

*What, what, what

[ Horn honking ]
* .What, what

* .Follow me to the scene
What *

[ Alan ] Really? You think
I can rent shoes down there?

I can't believe
I forgot my shoes.

I hear they have
shoes in Savannah now.
The whole South has 'em.

All right.
Wedding dress. Check.

Check for the minister.
Check.

Valium for Bridget's mother.
Check.

Ball and chain for you. Check.
Not listening to you. Check.

Here, look.
Here you go.
Thanks.

This is your present, okay?
It's a book of quotes.

I crossed out the ones I'm
gonna use in my toast. Listen.

"To say that you can love one
person all your life

is like saying that one candle
will continue to burn as long
as you live."

Think about that for a minute.
I will. That's profound.

This is used.

I forgot the rings.

That's not funny.
No, don't do that.

[ Laughs ] I forgot
the rings, so--

Come on, man! No!

Relax. I'll catch
the next plane.

Son of a bitch!

I'll see ya in Savannah.
Hey, I need to go to the city.

New York! New York City!
No, I can't.

[ Alan ] Don't take
the Van Wyck though.

[ Wheels squeaking ]

[ Woman ] Hurricane Amanda
is headed for the Southeast
coastline.

The eye of the hurricane is
presently located 200 miles

east of South Carolina
and Savannah, Georgia.

North, northwest...

[ Laughs ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Ben ] Excuse me, folks.

Just the line's movin'
forward.

No. Well, I love you.

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

No, you more.

No, I love you more.

Okay, I have to go,
because I just made
another passenger nauseous.

Okay?

[ Clears throat ]
That's my fiancée.

Goin' down to get married,
so we're a little--

Oh! Jack Bealy,
Snap-On Tools.

Ben Holmes,
scared of flyin'.

Yeah, I was
married once.
Yeah?

To me marriage
is just one big lie.

You don't say.

In the morning I had to say,
"Don't be silly, honey.

Your breath is fine.
You smell like a rose."

Then I had to say,
"No, honey.

"I never noticed
that 18-year-old girl

"with the fantastic body
and halter top that
delivers our newspaper.

"She can't hold
a candle to you

and the 30 pounds you've put
on since we stopped
having sex."

[ Paper rustles ]
So when's the wedding day?

May cancel it.
I may have to call back.

I didn't mean to throw a wet
towel on ya with my whole
marital disaster tirade.

It's all right. It was
a nice story actually.
It was very touching.

Nice girl?
Very nice.

I just happen to have
a picture of her right here.

Wow, what a knockout.
Yeah, she's beautiful.

Oh, baby, come to Daddy.
Well, take it easy, Jack.

What I wouldn't give
for an ass like that.

Huh? Here we go.
Hi.

This is me.
Really?

[ Jack ] Well, this is
your lucky day, sweetheart.

We got just about enough room
for one of you, darlin'.

Must be destiny, huh?

Careful.

Okay.

Excuse me.
Yeah.

[ Keyboard keys clattering ]
[ Snickers ]

[ Keys clattering ]

Sorry.
Hmm?

I was reading what you were
writing. My eye just kind of
wandered over. Sorry.

[ Clears throat ]
Do you work for Hallmark?

[ Gull screeching ]

Even if I had seen you looking
at it, that wouldn't bother
me.

Well, I don't care either.

I'm absolutely fascinated
you can't admit you
saw me reading it.

If I had seen you reading it,
I'd be perfectly happy
to admit it.

Then why did you
close your computer?

I'm known to do that
from time to time.

I'm a rebel. I'll open it,
then I'll close it again
just like that.

Don't get next to my fire,
because you'll get burned.

[ Metal clinking ]
This is not working properly.

Stewardess, this isn't...
Miss? Thank you.

You're a little jumpy
for a rebel, aren't ya?

My seat belt's
not functioning properly.

He's a scared flier.
Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.

Sarah Lewis.
And you are?

Ben Holmes. Really,
I'm not that scared.

Jack's--
I can assure you absolutely
nothing is going to happen.

I speak from experience. I was
a flight attendant.
There you go.

Oh, yeah? In one of
those little uniforms?

[ Gulls screeching ]

[ Squawks ]

[ Bird screeches ]
[ Thudding ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Alarm blaring ]

[ Gasping ]
[ Screaming ]

[ Woman ] Please stay calm!

[ Groans ]
[ Woman ] Oh, my God!

Hold on!

[ Sirens wailing ]

Oh, my God!
This is a disaster.

Daddy.
Oh, for heaven's sake.

Let's go live...
On the other hand,

you can never have
too many of these.

It's fabulously colorful.
Give you that.

How far do you think
I could throw it?

Don't you dare, young...
Give me that now.

[ Reporter ] ...to the
hospital for minor injuries.

Ceramic clown from the...?

Brewsters.

My God! That's Ben!

There's no official word
on the cause of the crash.

There may have been
a foreign object...

Let's get some help!

She hit her head.

[ Man ] Everyone's
pretty shook up.

We had a couple of passengers
go to a local hospital
with concussions.

[ Bridget ] Oh, my God.
There he is again.

Call me! Oh, Ben!
I love you.

Call me!
No. Go back.

There you have it.
The latest information...

[ Phone rings ]

Hello? Ah, Ben!

Hi, honey. Yeah, I'm fine.
No, I'm okay.

I'm a little...frazzled.

I mean, I was
in a plane crash.

This place is a nightmare.

People are running around.
I guess they lost everything.

I don't care about any of
that. I'm just so happy
you're okay.

I-I-I just wish that--

Ben! Ben, listen.
Tell him, um...

What happened?
You just get yourself
down here safe and sound.

The thing is, I'm a little bit
scared to fly before I was
in a plane crash,

so I don't feel
much like getting--

Jesus!

You are a god.

You are a god amongst all men.
Do you realize that?

I'm on the phone.

Sorry.
Do you mind?

What in the hell?
Just one of the passengers.

He saved my life!
She's kidding.

It's a joke.

I'm gonna get a rental car
and drive down there, okay?

I'll call you w-w-when
I have a finalized plan.

Okay, great.
Thank you, sir.

[ Phone line buzzing ]

Sorry. I couldn't
contain myself.

It's amazing when you think
about it. We almost died
today. Dead.

Is there a rent-a-car
this way? Are we goin'
the right way?

If I died, how
many people would care?

I mean, really care. You'd
have your shares of
"What a shame.

What a waste.
She was so young."

But no real crying.
It might be in that terminal.

No eating disorders,
no attempted suicides.

Nothing.
Absolutely depressed.

You know what?
I'm thoroughly depressed.

I just need to shake it off.
[ Muttering ]

So what were you thinking?

I was thinking how it would
affect our frequent flier
miles.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a, uh, jacket copywriter.

Huh. What does that mean?

Means I write jackets
to books basically.
Oh.

Do mostly fiction,
but I do some nonfiction.

You do blurbs. You're a blurb
writer. You're a
"blurbologist."

I'm a jacket copywriter.

[ Woman On P.A.]
As you can imagine,

due to today's minor
incident...
Oh, sh...

[ Chattering ]

Nada cars. Non cars.
Cars nyet.

You should have called as soon
as you got off the plane.

Why didn't I think of that
when I was unconscious

and bleeding from the head?

So, cars nyet. We can check
the other airports though.

No, that's all right.
You can go ahead.

I'm not that big a fan
of the idea of getting on
another plane today...

or tomorrow or ever,
if that soon.

But you go ahead. I think I'm
gonna be

A ground transportation
kind of guy from now on.

I'll be right back.

How ya doin'?
Did ya get a car?

This is Vic. He's gonna
give us a ride.
All the way to Georgia?

Sure. We split the cost of
the car, the gas, whatever.

Great.
Good. Let's go.

Okay.
Wait, wait, wait.
We don't even know this guy.

He's Vic.
Oh, he's Vic.

Great, he's Vic. He chops us
up, leaves us in the woods.

That's why I asked that you
come along to protect me.

How do you know
that I'm not dangerous?

[ Laughing continues ]

*I said, hallelujah
to the 16 royal fins *

* .You're gettin' down
on your knees *

* .And it's time for
your sickness again *

* .Come on and tell me
what you need now *

* .Tell me what is making
ya bleed *

* .We got two more minutes
sayin' we're gonna cut
to what you need *

What's your story, Ben?
What's down in Savannah?

My wedding, Vic.
No kiddin'. That's great.

Isn't that great?
Yeah, it's a blessing.

First marriage?
That I know of, yeah.

Yeah, I was married once.

One day I walk into the house
and I hear the shower runnin'.

I had Chinese food with me,
figurin' it would be a nice
romantic surprise.

She starts singin'in the
shower.

What's that song? "Up in the
sky"? "Up with the eagles"?

"Wind Beneath My Wings."
Very touching song.
"Wind Beneath My Wings."

Suddenly there's another
voice in the shower with her.

Oh, no.
A baritone.

Uh-oh.

Now it's a freakin' duet.

So I walk in the bathroom and
there she is...
with my brother.

Oh!
I grab my brother and throw
him through the window naked.

He broke his leg
in two different places.

Dare we ask what,
uh, became of your wife?

I put the wind beneath her
ass and sent her packin'.
Divorced her.

She never got a penny,
the lyin', whorin',
adulteratin' pig.

What about you, sweetheart?
What's your story?

I'm going down to visit
my brother and hang out
with my nephew.

That's nice. Kids.

Yep. Got any?
Nah. But I see 'em all over.

* .Come on, come on

[ Sarah ] So what else have
you jacket copy written?

What else did I do? The low
point of my career was...

I did the blurb
for a thriller...

about a woman,
an archaeologist,

who finds love
in the pyramids.

It was called
Me And My Pharaoh.

I have that book.
No, you don't.

Yes, I do. "A scintillating
tale of erotic mummification."

I wrote that line.

Oh, my God!
That's why I bought the book.

Anybody who could find
embalming either scintillating
or erotic

had to be read.
It was brilliant.

Well, you know, I mean,
it's all about adjectives.

I was gonna go with "engaging
tale of erotic mummification"
first.

But then I said, no,
scintillating.
Right on the money.

It's still selling out,
but at least I get to write.

What do you do?

I haven't settled down
to one particular thing yet.

Worked at galleries,
sold cars, tried out for
"Aladdin On Ice."

Um, wedding videographer.

I got fired, though, because
apparently nobody wants

a crash zoom to the priest
during the ceremony.

I was a exotic dancer, hostess
at the New York auto show.

That's a gift.
Yeah.

Let's see. What else?

Is there anything else?
I don't think so.

Kids, we should get goin'.
You got it, Vic.

Two wayward travelers stuck
in a Geo with a guy named Vic.

[ Chattering ]

Don't you think this is
just a little bit over
the top?

Oh, so what if it is?

Knock, knock.

Steve! How are you?
I'm good, real good.

Virginia, nice to see ya.
Well, hi, Steve.

Bridget.

Yes. I mean, hi. Hi.

Steve?
How are you?

It's been a long time.
Yeah.

You look wonderful.

Thank you. So do you.

So, how are you?
How is he?

Just the most successful
lawyer in Savannah,
that's how.

Youngest member at his firm.
Handles all my work.

Which I appreciate, 'cause
there's not a contractor

Who gets sued more
than your daddy.

And what's so funny
about that, Hadley?

God, you are
an unpleasant woman.

Gale force winds
if the hurricane stays
on course for Savannah.

Anybody want some weed?

[ Man On Radio ] The
experiment was a complete
failure. The U.F.O. landed--

It's sinsemilla. It'll take
your head right off.

That's great, Vic. You think
you should have your head
taken off while driving?

Can I have some?
Attagirl.

You sure you don't want, Ben?

No, that's okay.
I had some peyote for lunch.

He's getting married.
Don't forget. He has
to be responsible.

Not necessarily. You know,
look at the Fitzgeralds.

F. Scott and Zelda, crazy,
married couple.

They drove a...

Had to know about that.

Whoa! Hey!
Sorry. Sorry.

[ Tires screeching ]
Oh, shit!

[ All chattering ]

[ Siren wailing ]
Uh, what's that?

Do you hear that?
What's what?

[ Siren wailing ]

Hi, honey. How'd the
bridesmaids' dresses come out?

Good. No, everything's fine.
I just got a little bit
delayed.

Car trouble,
in a manner of speaking.

But I'm fine.
Everything's gonna be okay.

Yes, I know.
Well, I love you too.

Well, hoo-hoochie,
I love you so much.

Baby, no, because I love you
more. I love you more...

[ Fence rattles ]
Honey, I can't do
this right now.

[ Door closes ]

I'm gonna miss my wedding.
Oh, relax, Benjie.

It's a simple drug bust.
It's not like we killed
anybody.

This may be an everyday event
in your life, but speaking
as a non-felon--

I'm on a bit of a time crunch
here, too, okay?

If I don't make it down to
Savannah by Saturday morning,
I lose 25,000 bucks.

Are you on "Dig For Dollars"?
You told me you were going to
visit your brother and nephew.

Yeah, I know.
[ Key jingling ]

Okay, kids.
Here's the situation.

Vic DeFranco was driving
with an expired license.

Plus he's got three priors
for possession and selling.

And there was ten ounces in
the vehicle that he
admits is his.

Anybody else know there
were drugs in the car?

No, sir. In fact,
I just met this man--
You can't...

You can't ask us these
questions without
an attorney present.

You haven't advised us
of our rights.

I believe that's called...

Oh...ah! A Miranda violation.
That's it.

This is a very simple
procedure.

You tell me you didn't do
anything illegal. You sign a
statement. And you go quietly.

Sir, I'd like to be considered
separate from her, sir.

Hmm. What part of quiet
didn't you understand?
What are you doing?

[ Man ] Why me?

Whew. Well,
I think that went well.

I'm not that happy
with how that went.
No?

No, not really.

I haven't known you that long,
but I think something
may be wrong with you.

[ Train Horn Blowing ]
[ Ben ] May we have two
tickets to Savannah, please?

You want these
seats together?

It's totally up to you.

Just give me one second.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah.

I just, uh, I don't want
to be rude or anything,

but in situations like this,
I think about what
I would want

Bridget to do if
the situation were reversed.

I wouldn't necessarily be
that comfortable with her

riding down on a train
together with some guy

who she had a, you know,
kind of a connection

or a chemistry or spark,

whatever, some kind
of a thing like that.

You know, and...

The look on your face
is telling me you have no...

You're not feeling
or you're not sensing...

You have no idea what I'm--
Oh, no, no, not really.

Fascinating. Okay.

Maybe we just shouldn't
ride down together,

because at this point
I really made kind of
a chump out of myself.

Okay.

[ Laughs ]

Have a nice nuptial.
Thank you.

Other than the drug bust and
the plane crash, it was,
uh, fun.

So long, Sarah.

Farewell, Ben.
Okay.

[ Ben ] Oscar Wilde: "One
should always be in love.

This is the reason
one should never marry."

Well, what did he know?

[ Beeps ]

What you writing there,
mister?

My wedding vows actually.
My fiancée and I are
writing our own.

Oh, that's sweet.
Isn't that sweet, Emma?

It's sweet as pie.
We didn't write our own vows.

It's kind of a new thing.
It's nontraditionalist.

We were so nervous,
it was hard enough to do
what the preacher told us.

I didn't really think about
it at all. It just seemed
natural, the order of things.

[ Man ] I had doubts.
I'll be honest.

You did? You never
told me that.
I don't tell you everything.

You better, you old geezer.

It seems like it worked out
pretty well for both of you.

Oh, we're not married.
We're having an affair.

I'm happy for
the first time in 34 years.

I don't believe this.
[ Man ] I don't have
any regrets.

My children are long gone, and
I gave my wife
30 faithful years.

Until I met Ned,
I always was convinced

that sex was some horrible
obligation God put on women

like cramps or high heels.

For all those years, she never
experienced a genuine orgasm.

Wonderful. Could you
watch my stuff?

I'm gonna go pull
the emergency cord.

Hi. How are you?
Hi.

Truck.
What do you have?

A truck? Can I see? Hey, hey,
let me see your truck.

Grab my nose. Oh!
Grab nose.

[ Giggles ]
What are you doin'?

What are you doin'?
Slap me five. Slap me five.

Five!
Slap me five.

Something's wrong.
He should have called by now.

He can take care of himself.
He's a grown man.

Daddy, what is it exactly that
you don't like about Ben,

besides the fact
that he's from New York
and he voted for Clinton?

That's not enough?
I voted for Clinton.

All the best presidents
sleep around.

Help.
[ Phone rings ]

Hello? Oh, hi, Steve.

Ooh.
[ Snaps fingers ]

Oh, nothing, just, uh, you
know, staving off a nervous
breakdown.

Oh, well, thank you,
but I can't.

No. No, no, it does.
It does sound like fun.

Frankly, a series of rabies
shots sounds like fun

compared to another evening
with these two.

Bridget, come watch the
biography of Newt with me.
He's amazing!

He is not.
He's an imbecile.

No, he's a damn genius.
Then you're an imbecile.

Maybe I can come
for just a little while.

[ Train horn blows ]

[ Wheels screeching ]

[ Man On P.A. ] The train will
be underway momentarily.

We apologize for
the inconvenience.

[ Sarah ] Hello!

[ Echoing ]

Can you hear me? [ Echoing ]

Is anybody out there?

No, but leave a message,
and we'll call you back!

Hi.

Hi.

I wasn't expecting an answer.

I wasn't expecting to find
some crazy woman on the roof.

Wanna come up?

No, not really. I think
probably that the top of the
train might be off-limits.

I know. How many times
in your life you gonna see
a view like this? Come on.

Seize the moment, Benjie.
Come on.

I am. I'm eye level
with the sunset here,

so I have a better view
because I'm--

Come up.

[ Weak shout ]
[ Echoing ]

Okay, buddy, this time,
we're gonna do it with
a little more feeling.

Okay.
We're just gonna--

Echo!
[ Echoing ]

I am alive!
[ Echoing ]

Just a little...open.
Just push out.

Push out. No one can hear you.
Just throw it out there.

I am somebody!

[ Ben shouting ]

[ Shrieks, laughs ]
I think...
Oh, God.

I think he heard me.
Excuse me. I'm fine.

Let me show you how I do it.
Okay, ready?

[ Clears throat ]

All right, here we go.

[ Imitating Tarzan yell ]

[ Echoing ]

[ Imitating Tarzan yell ]
[ Echoing ]

Oh, God!
[ Echoing ]

Stella!

[ Echoing ]

Well, that was nice. You know,
I mean, as sunsets go.

This is interesting. I don't
remember the rooster car.

Do you remember
seeing roosters?
No, I'm a vegetarian.

[ Rooster crowing ]

Oh, no, not again.
Didn't you two
hear the announcement?

When we stop outside
Youngsville,

no one on the Savannah-bound
train is supposed to board
the last three cars.

We uncouple there,
and then we reroute.
What does that mean?

That means this train's
going to Chicago.

Aah!

I got you. I got you.

You try to seize the moment,
you end up getting yourself
killed.

Will you jump?
It's not that fast.
It's too fast!

I got you. I got you.
There you go.

There's another one coming
tomorrow afternoon, or there's
a bus station in town.

Okay, thanks!

I'm starting to get the
feeling that there's

Maybe a hint that
I'm not getting here.

Just spell it out for me!
[ Thunderclap ]

That pretty much
spell it out for ya?
I'd say it does.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!

Hey! Come on!
What are you doing?

Oh! Come on!
Oh!

[ Laughs ]
[ Groans ]

Whee!
[ Groans ]

[ Groaning ]
Oh, come on!

Ah! It kills. It kills. Ah!
[ Laughing ]

[ Groans ] Ow!

[ Both groaning ]

Not exactly a hub city,
I guess.
No!

We'll come back
in the morning.

What do we do for
the next 12 hours?
Come on.

I have an instinct
about these things.
No! It's hailing! No!

[ Gasps ] How are you?

It's so good to see you!

[ Chattering ]

You gotta see Linda.
Remember Linda?
Hi!

Hey, you guys, look who came.
Bridget's getting married
this weekend.

[ Women squealing ]

* .Hey, hey, hey, hey

Ouch! It kills! It kills!
* .Hey, hey, hey, hey

Oh! Oh, man!

It's open 24 hours.
What are you doing?
No, no, hey.

Benjie, they cannot
kick us out.

Please, get up.
Oh, God!

I love this place so much.

Oh! Oh!
This is dry. It's the best
thing I can say.

Oh, my God, this is heaven.

* .Baby has an old witch doll
My baby rang his bell *

* .I didn't have the time to
tell my baby fare you well *

* .Hey, hey, hey, hey

[ Yells ]

Takes him down.

[ Both laughing ]

I just wish we'd
stayed in touch.

I regret not keeping
the friendship going.
We're friends.

Steve, friends.

I regret that too.

*How can I just
let you walk away *

*Let you leave
without a trace *

*When I stand here
taking every breath *

*With you
Ooh, ooh *

*You're the only one
who really knew me at all *

*So take a look at me now

*There's just an empty space

*There's nothing left
here to remind me *

*Just the memory of
your face *

*Take a look at me now

Do you remember that song?
Yeah.

I thought you would.

All I'm saying is that I don't
understand the idea of living

with just one person
for the rest of my life.

How do you make
a choice like that?

That's like choosing what
you're gonna wear in 25 years.

If things worked that way,
everyone would still
be wearing hot pants.

Ya dig?

I never wore hot pants, so
there goes your whole
argument.

Hey, life is supposed
to be a ride, right?

You want to be on your
deathbed saying, "I played by
all the rules," or "I lived"?

'Cause I lived. I loved.
I fought. I broke hearts.

I screamed. I bled.

Thinking like that can explain
your hostility toward
marriage.

I don't have hostility toward
marriage.

I just have hostility
towards my husband.

You're married?

Yep. Twice, actually.

You saw him. I was kissing him
at the airport.

My husband Carl was a hustler
from the first day I met him.

Who am I to talk?
I was a dog walker.

He convinced me I should
invest in a bagel store
down in Savannah,

because he thought they
couldn't make good bagels.

That's why they lost
the Civil War.

Of course, we had
to invest all my money,

because Carl's was tied up
in some phony tax shelter.

Is that your $25,000
you were talking about?
Yep.

I am going to sell
the place, get the last
in a string of divorces.

Of course, he doesn't
know about it, or the divorce.

Wow. What a story.

So do you think it's
a terrible thing I'm doing?

You know,
deceiving my husband?

No, I...
It's none of my business.

Well, I do.

* .Beg you listen me, don't be
kissin' me till I'm done *

* .Unsung champion of reason,
like seasoning *

*Pepper your thoughts
with spice and entice you
to a space *

* .Where I dwell
with bass players
and layers and loops *

* .Think what I think
with my prayers, it's nice *

* .My world is everything
I've become *

* .Contained in the hum
between voice and drum *

* .I'm comin' from the same
place I'm still runnin' from *

* .But even sittin' in the
garden one can still get
stung *

[ Moans ]

Hi.

Hello.

I'm gonna go outside
and take a walk.

Will you watch
my stuff for me?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

Mr. Spiro, hi.
It's Sarah Lewis.

Yeah, listen, I'm on my way
down to sell the bagel shop.
I should be there...

What?

[ Sighs ] No.

Mr. Spiro, I think
that's a misunderstanding,

'cause the man who called
couldn't possibly have
been my husband.

No.

[ Chattering ]

No, Mr. Spiro, actually,
my husband, he's coming
with me to sell the property.

Hi.
No, no, no, no.
I have these. How ya doin'?

I can pay for them.
It's the least I can do.

Two for the 9:30
to Savannah, please.
Thank you.

[ reporter ] Residents
of Savannah, Georgia,
are at risk

for the hurricane to make
landfall by tomorrow
afternoon.

Where's my wallet?

[ Chattering ]
[ Blows Raspberries ]

[ Chattering ]
[ Sarah ] Fun in the sun.

You've already won.
We're taking you to Miami.

Hey, Ben,
you know what this is?

This is one of these
real estate things where
they give you prizes.

You look at one of their
condos. I used to do phone
solicitation for these guys.

I was wonderin' why you hadn't
mentioned phone solicitation.

They'll take you anywhere
if they think there's a chance
of you buyin' a condo.

I'm sure you've done this
before, but it's not my speed.

Benjie, make you
a deal, okay?

I will get you on the bus.
I'll get you down to Savannah
for your wedding,

if, once we're down there,
just for a couple of minutes,
you pretend you're my husband.

What do I have to do?
Treat you badly and get you
to make bad investments?

No. We have no other option.
What options do we have?
Zero. None.

Yet still somehow, they seem
more appealing than this one.

I'm going another way.
Wait, Sarah.

I don't wanna
be your husband.
Ben. Ben.

Do you think I like these?
I don't know.
Everybody's different.

No, Ben, this is not for me.
This is for a little person.

I know, your nephew.
No, not my nephew, my son.

You have a son?
Yes, I have a son.

I have a ten-year-old boy
who lives in Savannah with
my first ex-husband.

And, um, I haven't seen him
in, like, two years.

I wanted to take the money
from the store, and I wanted
to give it to him

for college or school
or whatever he wanted.

It didn't matter to me, but I
can't go in there
empty-handed.

[ Sighs ] So, please?

Hey, everybody. I want your
attention for one second.

I'm like to introduce
two new sun seekers.

Okay, Ben and Sarah.

Holmes and Lewis.
Just married.

Yes, I'm keeping my name.
What am I? His slave?

They missed their bus, so I
thought we'd give them a ride.

Actually, as it turns out,
they are looking for
a place to live.

We were gonna stay with his
parents,

But I can take that for
a week before I poke
out my eye.

No offense, honey, but really,
they're not human.

And guess what, everybody.
You're gonna love this.
Ben is a doctor.

[ Applause ]

We came to the right bus.

Tell 'em what
your specialty is.

What's your speciality, pooky?

Tsk.

He's a surgeon. Yeah.

Going to be.
Going.

He's shy.
Brain surgeon.

That's why we're relocating
down to Miami.

Let's face facts. It's like
one big emergency room
down there.

No offense.
No offense.

* .Every day I get in the
queue *

* .Too much, magic bus

* .Get on the bus
that takes me to you *

*Too much, magic bus

* .I'm so nervous
I just sit and smile *

Okay, one hour fiesta.
A little taste of Mexico,
and you can drink the water.

Ben Holmes. [ Laughs ]
Sorry about the collect call.

I'll reimburse you when I
get...okay. Is Bridget around?

Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.
Okay. Who's Steve?

Come on.
Yes.

Hyah, hyah, hyah.

Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah.

Hi.

[ Spanish accent ] You wanna
go on the spinning sombrero
ride?

No, not really.
Oh, come on.

Bunch of 70-year-olds
are going. Come on.

Sarah, there's two kinds
of people in life.

The kind that look at the
spinning sombrero ride
and think

that there's maybe some
amusement to be had there

and the kind that look at it
and think, "Where will
I throw up after?"

You really should get
some thrills in your life
before you die.

Nausea is not a thrill.
Shh!

* .I've noticed you around

Everybody, say, "Come on,
Ben."

[ Group ] Come on, Ben!

[ Man ] All right.

[ Sarah ] Whoo!

[ Shouting ]

Don't throw up on me, Tony.

Let it out, baby!

[ Screaming ]

Murray!

[ Man ] Hey! Stop the ride!

Stop the ride!

[ Murmuring ]

Give him some room.

Where's Dr. Holmes? Anybody
see Dr. Holmes? Dr. Holmes!

Dr. Holmes, I think we, uh,
I think we need you.

Step back. Let the doctor
do some work, huh?

Uh, all right. Call 911.

Somebody call 911!

We're gonna get
your head back here.

Okay. Listen for breath,
check for a pulse.

Hey, you know what.
Step back, guys.

Let him breathe
a little bit, huh? Step back.

[ Siren wailing ]

Excuse me, guys. Excuse me.

Dr. Keller, this is
Dr. Holmes.

He suffered an acute
myocardial infarction

that was complicated by
ventricular fibrillation.

Okay.

But he's going to be fine.
You saved his life.
Good work, Doctor.

[ Group Murmuring ]
Good work.

Hey, everyone, I think
out of respect for Florence,

we're gonna stay here
in town tonight, okay?

I made arrangements
at a local motel.

We really have to get
on the road, so we're
gonna part ways here.

I absolutely insist.
See ya outside.
No, no, no, we're...

Wow. What a passion pit.

It's the honeymoon suite.
Imagine what the wedding must
have been like.

Mm-mmm.

[ Sighs, clears Throat ]

I think I'm gonna
take a bath.

[ Clears Throat ]
[ Door thudding,
handle squeaking ]

[ Squeaking Continues ]
[ Clattering ]

Hi.
Door won't close.

You need some help?

Thank you.
[ Clears Throat ]

[ Bones cracking ]

[ Water running ]

[ Sighs, mutters ]

Oh, yeah. Oh.

*If I call three times a day

*Come and drive my blues
away *

[ Groans ]
*Be ready to play

*Do your, do your

*If you want
to have some luck *

*Give your baby
your last buck *

* .And if you can't be

* .With the one you love,
honey *

* .Love the one you're with

* .Love the one you're with

[ Radio Off ]
*I heard you said
you didn't love me *

[ Vocalizing ]

*If I need attention

*Call, I'll call you
on the phone *

[ Tapping Quietly ]
I'm gonna head down
to the gift shop.

It's Ben.
Okay. Thanks for
clearing that up.

*If my radiator gets too hot

Yeah, Dad, uh, wire
the money to, uh,

Cash-O-Gram office
in Orin, South Carolina.

Yeah, Ben, Orin, South
Carolina,
but what are you do--

What is he doing
in South Carolina?
I'm handling this.

What are you doing
in South Carolina?

What's going on?
Are you coming through
the Bermuda Triangle?

Could I talk to
you guys a second ?

Certainly.
Yeah, sure.

I was wondering...I mean, I...
Are you happy?

You're asking
if we're happy?
Yeah.

We're very proud of you.
That's not what he asked.

He asked if we're happy.
I heard what he said.

Why shouldn't
we be happy?
I mean, uh...

with your lives together,
with your marriage.

What kind of questions
are these?
What's this about?

Well, on the way down here,
I met this woman.

Oh, Ben, you idiot!
Would you let him talk?

What woman, you idiot?

She's just...
It's not like that.

It's just that she's
completely different
than anyone I've ever met.

Please! They always are!

This is not good timing.

You're supposed to
be getting married.
I know, Mom.

I want to know how,
when you got married,

how you knew you were
the right ones for
one another.

[ Whispers ] I understand.
Listen to me.

Ben, when I met your father,
I had an opportunity
to marry Sam Wellman.

Sam Wellman?
Shh! Will you please?

Who is now a very prominent
businessman.
He sells pools.

They're not even built-in.
They're the kind you blow up.

Some are built-in.
Even they leak.

It's okay. You know what?
It's fine.

I was just curious,
but it's...

Dad, I appreciate it
if you could wire the money.

I'll be down there
as soon as I can, okay?
Okay, kid. Take care, huh?

Yeah. Bye-bye.

Thanks.

[ Sighs ]

[ Water Bubbling ]
Whoo! Okay. Okay, now,
we're honeymooning.

All right.

But, I mean, it seems like
what you're saying, though,

is that marriage
itself is good.

Oh, you know, yeah.
You gotta remember
your parents were young once.

They went out dancing.

They made love in
the back seats of cars.

Then they got married and had
kids, and the kids,
they slowly

sucked the life
right out of them

till all their passion,
all their visions of a life

of great adventure are reduced
to hoping to be able

to sit on a goddamned
toilet in peace!

Well, I'm gonna get something
to eat, Joe, so I--

[ Alan ] I can't believe it!
[ Debbie ] How weird!

Ben! Oh, wow!
Hey!

What's going on?
Hey, Debbie.
Hi!

How are ya?
I'm good.

What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?

Uh, it's... You would not
believe what happened to me.

Tell me about it. When they
closed LaGuardia, I couldn't
get a flight

out of Newark or J.F.K.,
but, uh, luckily, uh,

Debbie here had a vehicle.

Uh, well, there's
a certain symmetry there.
Best man, maid of honor.

You know.
Well, not really.

This is Joe.
Hi. Farrell.

Head of the Sunshine Seekers
Real Estate Company.

Joe, uh...Joe gave me
a ride down here.

And it was a pleasure.
Quite a couple.

So, you guys staying here?
No, no, it's like
the only place for miles.

You know, we thought we'd
stop, get a bite to eat, pee.

So come on.
We'll give you a lift.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're not taking the good
doctor away from us now.
The good doctor?

So, maybe you guys
should just eat,

and I'll just come back down
and meet you in say,
you know...

Fifteen minutes?
Is that good?
Great.

Let me grab the stuff
out of my room.
You got a...you got a room?

Yeah, the honeymoon suite.
A little ba-da-bing.
[ Chuckles ]

That's right. Rehearsing
for tomorrow night.

What's tomorrow night?

Hey, this kid's
gettin' married.

Yeah.

[ Chuckles ]

That's...That's funny.
He's already married.

[ Laughs ]

That's true, you know,

but, uh, in my heart
I'm already there.

We all have lives to lead,
so let's move on.

I'll see you in a bit.
Nice talking to ya, Joe.
Okay, guys.

* .You gotta have heart

[ Man ] Please, ma'am.
I need your signature, ma'am.

[ Virginia ]
Signature? For what ?

Look at this. It says
"damaged." Do you see?

Can you read, young man?
D-A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged.
Damaged.

We're very proud of Ben.

If he's late, believe you me,
he has a good reason.

What I don't understand
is how, in this day and age

of A.T.M.s and cell phones
and the Internet

and Voyager Two,

could it take
two days...two days

to get from New York
to Savannah.

Oh, don't drink
out of the bottle, darling.

Thank you.

We are really
very proud of him.

[ Ben ] This is ridiculous.

I'll put an end
to this right now.

Pretending to be a doctor,
listening to my parents'
advice on my personal life.

Sarah? Sarah?

[ Bridget ] And where's my
lousy maid of honor?
Where's Debbie?

Huh? Can I not
at least have that?

Who's supposed to be pouring
me drinks

while I'm being stood
up by the so-called groom?

Answer me that.
Thank you.

Honey, he'll be here.
It's all gonna work out.

It's true, Bridge. Husband
and wife, that is something.

It must be nice to see your
parents back together, though.

Yeah, talk about
a match made in hell.

What do you mean,
"back together"?

What do you mean
you're separated?

Oh, honey, baby, sugar lump,

it means your father has
an apartment he stays in

when you're not here.
I'm never here.

I stay there a lot.

When were you
going to tell me?

Honey, we didn't want
to spoil your wedding.

This is your special time.
Well, it would have been.

Okay.

Okay.

Get me outta here.

*[ Salsa ]

Whoo!

[ Man ] Look who's here.
Hey, Ben.
[ Woman ] There's Ben.

I want to buy this man...
[ Continues, indistinct ]

Whoo!

Whoo!

[ Applause ]
Whoo! [ Chuckles ]

*[ Piano ]

[ Woman ] Get out there.

How can you resist her?

[ Laughing, chattering ]

[ Grunts ]
[ Chuckles ]

You look like you should be
writing to your congressman
to protest cuts in Medicare.

Really? That's exactly
the look I was going for,

compliments of
Sun Seeker Phyllis.

Listen, Sarah,
I just ran into, uh--

Shh. You can't do
two things at one time.

Well, the plans
that we sort of--
Okay.

You obviously didn't win your
fiancée over on the dance
floor either, did you?

How did you and Bridget meet?

Uh, at a party.
And?

It was a surprise party.
Oh, what a beautiful story.

It must have been
a magical night.

No wonder you can't
write your vows.

No offense, but I'm not sure
I should be taking romantic
advice from you.

You think?
Failure's a fantastic teacher.

You could learn from my
mistakes. I could tell you

everything I hated about
my husbands and my boyfriends
so you don't do the same.

Should I get a pad?
Get a scroll.

A scroll?
[ Chuckles ] Aw, okay.

Never forget her birthday.
Make a really, really
big deal out of it.

After sex, hold her
for a little while.

You know, talk to her
like a human being.
Ah.

Uh, oh, and do not
wear your socks to bed.

Why?
No socks to bed,

because you might not be all
that attractive to begin with.

[ Chuckles ] No. Keep going.

Always, always side with her
in an argument with
your mother.

Um, listen to her
like you mean it.

Supportiveness is a really,
really sexy turn-on.

Never, ever hit.
No.

No. And, um,

no matter what annoying
habits she has,
Mm-hmm.

just realize she's
dealing with a huge mountain
of imperfections every day.

So you might just
want to let it go.

That's it.
That's it?

Yep.

Hey, can I sit there?
Hey.

[ No Audio ]

Hey...Aaah! Ohhh!
Oh!

Uh, let's get some air.

Why?
I'm just...I'm hot.
[ Mumbling ]

Grilled prawns
or something?

One second.

What's the matter
with you?
Hmm?

What's the matter with you?
Nothing. Do, uh...

Do you know how to swim?
Of course.

[ Laughing ]

Aaah!

[ Debbie ] I'm tellin' you,
I saw him come out here.

That...That's him down there.
That's him.

I don't see anything.
There's a body at
the bottom of the pool.

No, I think that's
just a big drain.

[ Chuckles ]
I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, and P.S.,
you're a moron.
[ Grunts ]

Hello? Excuse me?
Hi. Hi.

Do you know Ben Holmes?
[ Coughs ] I'm sorry.
Know who?

Ben Holmes. Is that Ben
at the bottom of the pool?

I don't know, but I could
go ask for you.

[ Alan ] It's not Ben, okay?
He's afraid of the water.

He goes to the beach in a suit
and tie. Come on. Let's go.

I found it!
I got it, I got it.

What?
Goldarn contact lenses.

[ Chuckles ]
You oughta just
stick with glasses.

Oh, hey, guys?
What's going on?
What's happening?

Hi.
Hey, Alan.

This is Sarah.
Sarah, Alan.

This is my best man.
Hey. How are you?

Debbie. This is
the maid of honor.

Hi, Debbie.
Hi.

So, how'd you two hook up?

Uh, I wouldn't say that
we're hooked up, really.

I sort of barely know
this person, but...

You were on the bus, right?
Yeah, we rode down
on the bus together.

There's a whole group of
folks. Rode down together.

Okay, and the
whole pool thing?

She fell in the pool,
and, uh,

didn't look like she
was a strong swimmer.

She was kind of
flailing around, so I...

There's no lifeguard on duty
if you see the sign there,

so I jumped in, and you know,
hauled her out.

Then, in the course of that,
the contact lens fell out.

Here you go, miss. You oughta
be careful with these,
because they're--

Here you go.
It's your contact lens.

That's a great story.

Bridget's really lucky to be
marrying such a great swimmer.

Whoa! What happened here?
[ Chuckles ]

Perhaps after you dry off,
you'll come back in
for another dance?

You got it, Herman.
Dr. Holmes, you don't mind

if I dance with
your wife, do you?

Yeah. You don't mind,
do you, sweetie?

All right, all right. Well,
I'll see you in there.
[ Sarah ] Okay.

I'm pretty disappointed
in you, Ben.

You know, everybody's
always telling Bridget
she's so lucky

'cause you're such
a nice guy.

Debbie, I am a nice guy,
all right? This is not
what you think.

Okay. [ Chuckles ]
Whatever, Dr. Holmes.

Okay?

Alan?

Ben, you don't need
to explain, okay?

Remember, I'm the guy
who begged you

to sleep with more women
before you got married.

I am not sleeping
with her, man!

Okay? There's nothing
going on!

Why...Why won't you
listen to me?

Maybe because I'm getting
married tomorrow?
All right, look, Ben.

If you're not gonna
take advantage of a night

that's gonna get you through
many sad, pathetic,
lonely years, then...

[ Chuckles ] My God.

I'll see you in the lobby
in five minutes.

[ Sighs ]

We had a deal, remember?

You were supposed to be
my husband if I got you
a ride. Remember that?

Yes, I remember
that arrangement.

I did not, however, presuppose
the fact that Debbie

is now on her way to tell
my fiancée that I am holed up

in a hotel room in
South Carolina somewhere
with a woman

claiming to be the wife
of the good Dr. Ben Holmes!

What was I supposed to do?
The Sunshine people think
we're married.

They would have stoned us. As
it is,

I already feel bad
enough about not buying
a condo.

Why don't you just
tell Bridget the truth?

What kind of marriage do you
have if she doesn't
believe you?

Just explain why
you're with me--
Sarah, I'm not with you!

We're not together!
This is not a relationship!

I just happen to be traveling
alongside a natural disaster!

You know what? I really
feel sorry for you.
[ Sarcastic chuckle ]

'Cause at least when I was
getting married, I could
admit I was scared.

Well, save me your pity,
because I am not scared.
You know what?

You have such a problem with
honesty, Ben, you know that?

Oh.
You can't tell your
fiancée what's going on.

You can't explain something
absolutely simple and innocent
to your best man,

and you are with me, Ben!

You could have left
a hundred times,
but you didn't!

I tried to!
Then why are you still here?

I'm leaving!
All right, fine!

You wanna talk about honesty?
Let's talk about honesty.

Bring it on.
You complain about your life,
nonstop, all the time.

[ Mimicking Sarah ]
It's all your fault.

You are a beautiful,
incredible woman. You could
have any guy you wanted,

but you keep picking
these losers.

And the only thing I can
think of is that you
choose these guys

who are intellectually
inferior to you so that
you can control them,

but still feel
conveniently wounded
when the relationship ends.

You're the one that's afraid
of commitment. You back out of
every job you ever have!

You run away from anyone
and anything,

and you think it's so
unconventional and liberating,

when, in fact, it's just
cowardice and juvenile

and unable to face
the real world!

Ha! Okay, you want honesty,
I'll give you honesty.

Do you know why you can't
write your marriage vows?

Because you are absolutely
terrified that you
have nothing to say.

And why would you, Ben?
Because you run around
so scared

that life is gonna throw you
this curveball that'll
completely shatter

this crystal clear, perfect
existence

that you've created
for yourself in your
Day Timer,

that you blurb your way out of
feeling anything emotional,
anything real.

You have no emotions,
and that's what makes you
a shitty writer, Ben.

You know what? At least
I don't sit around obsessing

that no one's going
to come to my funeral,

because I have relationships
that last longer than a week.

My funeral is gonna be packed!
You know what, Ben?

That is just great.
And I know your eulogy

is gonna look so nice
on the back of a book cover.

I just think you are
an immature, selfish person.

Well, I'm obviously wrong.

Have a fabulous time in
Westchester. I do hope
you enjoy the minivan.

God! How great it must be to
be so cool and above
everyone, huh?

It must be great!
Let me ask you somethin'.

How cool is it
to abandon your kid?

I was 17 years old, okay?
Fuck you. You don't know
anything about it.

Nothing.
All right, well,
try 27, Sarah,

because seventeen's
not working anymore.

Okay, Ben, take your marriage
Cliff Notes and have a nice
wedding, okay?

Have a nice divorce.
Okay.

Four, three, two, one.

Okay, I'm leaving.
Hey, Deb, he's comin'.

Five minutes. There he is.
I think he's...Come on!

No, no, no, don't--

Well, that was smooth.
You're getting married
tomorrow, Ben.

What's your point?

Well, you see, if I'm
gonna turn my life around,

I can't very well
break up your marriage.

I'll have bad luck
for the rest of my life,
karmically speaking, and I--

I am getting married tomorrow,

I have nonrefundable
tickets to Hawaii,

and I cannot make myself
leave this room.

Well, I like you too, Ben.

I...

I can't go through with
a marriage like that. I can't.

Ben, relax. We didn't
get to second base.

Have you seen Dr. Holmes
and his wife?

We're doing the raffle.

He's not Dr. Holmes,
and she's not his wife.

Okeydokey? Okeydokey?

[ Sighs ]

I'm gonna tell her.

I think at the very least
she deserves that.

If I can feel this way
about someone else...

Hey! Come on!

Why does this have
to get dangerous?
Get in, you freak!

God!
[ Tires Screeching ]

Is that your ride?

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Now what are you
gonna do?

I don't know. Let's go get
the money my father wired.

That should get us
a cab at least.

This is actually the perfect
car for this trip.

It's already been wrecked,
totaled and destroyed.
What else can go wrong?

[ Clamoring, Shouting ]

Well, you asked.
[ Chuckles ]

Really. That's interesting.
[ Laughs ]

That's not really
that funny, actually.

[ Continues laughing ]

I think we should just
sit here and wait for
the locusts to come!

[ Both laughing ]

Oh, my God.
[ Laughs ]

Oh.
Oh.

Yeah. All righty.
Yeah.

She's on fire, Ben.

Well. I guess we should, uh...

Yeah. We should--

[ Grunts ]
I am slipping!

[ Both laughing ]

This is so wrong.

But it feels so right to me.
[ Moans ]

[ Thud ]

[ Both grunting ]

Oh, good evening.
[ Laughing ]

Good evening. Good evening.

Hi, Joe.
It is a good evening,
isn't it?

[ Group agreeing ]
Dr. Holmes, or whoever
it is you are.

We made a call. There's no
Dr. Ben Holmes in
New York City.

Unless you're a veterinary
brain surgeon.

Well, all God's creatures
are welcome in my office.

But the way you two carry on,
you oughta be ashamed
of yourselves!

You tell 'em.
There is the matter
of your bill.

[ Mumbling ]

Thank you very much.

I'm really sorry.
[ Sighs ]

Let's look at this bill here.
Seems a little excessive.

No, if you add the two
and the two, that's four,
and then, uh...

Run! Jesus! Jesus!

How long do you think
before they call the police?

Oh, about five minutes ago.
All right.

Yesterday I was just
trying to get married,
today I'm a fugitive.

Okay, I get it now.
*[ Dance music ]

This is a sign.
This whole thing is a sign.

I am not supposed to get
married. Loud and clear.

We have to be in Savannah
in the morning.

The fuzz are after us.

Hey, Ben, how much was that
car we saw back in the lot?

The disaster car?
It was $150.

'Cause I'm thinking
that if, uh...

If somebody went
into this place right here

and did, you know, a little
bump and grind for the good
old boys, they could, uh...

they could probably walk out
of there with that amount of
money in their pocket.

Strip dancing?

You're saying you'd just go in
and strip dance? I'm talking
about something serious.

Ben, let's weigh
our alternatives here.

On one hand, what do we have?
We have a little
harmless dancing

that gets us to Savannah where
I have $25,000 waiting for me,

and you have
130 of your closest family
and friends waiting for you.

On the other hand, we have...
Oh, look, we have nothing.

Oh, there's nothing there.
So, we have dancing, going
to Savannah. Oh, nothing!

I see where you're
going with this.
You know I'm right.

[ Police siren ]

[ Police radio, indistinct ]
The fuzz.

All right. Am I being
too prudish about this?

Is that what it is? Maybe
I am. I just gotta open
my mind.

You go in there, you take your
clothes off, you have
the power.

Postfeminist. It's aggressive.
You have the power
and control.

I know what I'm doing.
Watch my back.

Watch your back? What,
are we on Mod Squad now?

Hiya. How ya doin'?
Good.

I was wondering if y'all
had any entertainment.

We got a pool table out back.
What would you say
to somebody dancing on it

for a set price of,
I don't know, 150 bucks?

I could guarantee you
a really good show.

150 seems like
a lot of money.

What? Look at her.

I am looking at her.
I'm not interested.

How much for you
to dance?

Excuse me?

Ben,

I think this is
one of these places

where everyone would much
rather see you dance than see
me dance.

You mean...?

* .Get your hands
off of my man *

* .Get your hands off
of my man *

* .Get your hands
off of my man *

It's not funny anymore,
because I don't even like

to be naked at home
in my shower by myself.

So, it was okay
for me a minute ago?
Well, it's on your resume.

If you want me to blurb you
a novel, I could do that.

So much for power and control,
big guy. Get up there.

All right, I'm sorry.
There you go.

*[ Techno ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]

* .Oh, watch me ride

* .I'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal *

* .Primed for the energy

* .I'm inflammable

* .Yeah, I finished my beer
So come here *

*And get nice
while I lick your ear *

* .Put your legs over there

* .And kinda swing on a chair

* .I swear you look wicked

*When your hand
is in your hair *

* .Eyes half closed
Cute little nose *

* .And like a pound
of self-raising *

* .I just roll and roll

*Step out of my clothes
[ Cheering wildly ]

* .Like I'm doing
the right thing *

* .It was pumping and
she was frightening *

* .Yeah, lightning flashed
and thunder roared *

They're really cheering for
you. You're doing a great job.

Nope. Everyone in here
is looking at your ass.

* .This is where
I'm lost all night *

* .If loving you is wrong
I don't want to be right *

* .If loving you is wrong

* .I don't wanna be right

* .Don't wanna be right

* .If I come first
Well, that's not worse *

[ Crowd cheering wildly ]

* .One take like
an earthquake *

* .I take a delight in making
the bedsprings sing
all night *

* .If loving you is wrong
I don't want to be right *

Whoo! Ha ha! Can do!
Let's check it out.
Come on.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Look at that!

Convertible style.
[ Metal grinding ]

[ Ben ] *I'm a sexual animal

*Eat you like a cannibal

[ Chuckles ]
Well, I didn't have

the G-string and the cowboy
boots, but, uh, I think it was
a good showing nonetheless.

Don't be too proud of
yourself. You weren't
that good, Ben.

Don't be jealous.

It's amazing. The things
you find so exotic and
interesting right now

are gonna be the same
things that you're gonna
hate me for in the end.

Why am I hating you
in this scenario? What's--

Okay? Trust me.

A lot of stuff's happened
really fast. You're just not
registering it.

It's registering, okay?
I'm a gay dancer,
and I'm proud.

I'm a gay, gay strip dancer,
and I love it.

Registered. Cha-ching! Change!
[ Chuckles ]

The password is "denial,"
okay? You've known me
two days.

Two days.
Now we're on our way down
to go break up your marriage.

That has nothing to do
with you.

I don't believe you.

I don't either.

[ TV reporter ] Amanda
is beginning to gather
strength as it continues

its journey in the Atlantic.

It's currently
a category two hurricane.

The hurricane is continuing
its push toward the northwest,

and that means
the coastlines of Georgia
and South Carolina...

He'll make it.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

That's it
right there. Yep.

Oh, my God, that's Carl.
Carl ?

My husband.

Surprise, sweetheart.
Who's this?

I know it's not the guy you're
trying to sell the place to,
'cause I got an injunction.

Bullshit.

[ Scoffs ] This is so fake.

You can't even get an
injunction that fast,
all right?

What are you doing
this to me for?
Carl.

I have to get back
pretty soon, so--
This is my place, okay?

I bought it with my money.
Your place?

Yeah.
For chrissakes, Sarah,
we're married.

You wanna sell the place?
That's fine, we'll sell
the place.

You can send the money down
to your kid if that's what
your worried about.

Now, come on.

Come on, angel. You got
no place else to go.

I'm not going, Carl.

You ungrateful bitch.

What?
Hey. Hold on.

Nobody's talking
to you, my friend.
Okay. Just cool it.

Sarah, get in the car.
I'm not going, Carl.
Forget it. Not going.

I said get in the car, now!
No, I'm not getting
in the car!

[ Carl ] Goddamn you.
Hey, what's your problem?

You sleep with her and you
think that means something?

You don't know what
you're talking about.
Don't you tell me--

[ Grunts ] Ohh!

[ Groans ]
You all right? You okay?

Did you find my thumb?
Get outta here, Carl.

Go! Go!
You know, I got news
for you, buddy.

You're just the next
number on the list.
Just go home, man.

You know what happened with
her kid? What did she
tell you?

Carl, don't. Carl, don't.

She let the dad raise him?
Well, that's bullshit!
Shut up.

The kid chose the father.

She was never even around.

But even a six-year-old
can see.

You can't trust her.

Enjoy the ride, pal.

[ Engine starting,
tires screeching ]

Hey, are you okay?
Yeah.

[ Sobs ] Oh, Jesus.
Now I can't even go see him.

Who? Your little boy?

[ Sobs ]

Hey.

Why? Because of $25,000?
Yeah.

Aw, Sarah.

I don't know anything
about raising kids,

but I don't think $25,000
is gonna win him over.

I think he wants
to see you.
[ Whimpers ]

[ Sniffles ]

Can't win him over. He
obviously doesn't want
what I have to offer.

[ Sighs ]

Sarah, you have the most
incredible ability

to make people
absolutely crazy about you.

No, I have the ability
to make people crazy.

That's what I can do
really well.

[ Sighs ]
Sarah, everybody
loves you.

[ Chuckles ]
You just...

You just think
they're all wrong.

[ Sniffles ] When does
your wedding start?

[ Chattering ]

[ Thunder rumbling ]

Well.

Seventeen minutes late.
[ Thunder rumbling ]

Ben's usually
very prompt.

You must be so
very proud of him.

[ Knock on door ]

I hate to interrupt,
but I think the hurricane

may arrive
before the groom.

Good Lord.

[ Sighs ]

Ben, where are you?

[ Both screaming ]

[ Panting ]

Look, we'll...

I just wanna get my bearings
here for a second.

Okay.
[ Exhales ]

[ Exhales ] Well.
All right.

Two strangers
arrive at a wedding.
One invited, one is not.

And as the guests arrive and
the appetizers are served,

the true drama unfolds
just minutes from the altar.
[ Chuckles ]

I don't think I'm gonna be
able to blurb my way out
of this one.

Nope. Probably not.

Okay. All right.

I'm just gonna
run in there

and put a quick stop to this
whole wedding thing, you know.

Maybe grab a few gifts
on the way out.

You need anything?
Bread maker?
Um--

Cuisinart?
No, no, I think I'm good.

Yeah.

You will be here when
I come back, won't you?

Oh, well, you know me.
[ Chuckles ]

I would not presume.

[ Exhales ] All right.
Wish me luck.

Ben, do me a favor and just
forget about luck, okay?

Forget about loyalty,
forget about...

being nice, forget
about polite, okay?

Because this is the rest
of your life and possibly
somebody else's too.

Yeah.
You know?

Yeah.

Just be honest.

If her father happens
to shoot me on my way out,

I guess I'll see you in
heaven. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah. I don't think
I deserve heaven.

Ah, Sarah.

You deserve so much more
than you think.

You deserve to be
with somebody

who will be really, really
depressed if your
plane goes down.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Groans ]

[ Sniffles ]

[ Chattering ]

Hey, Ben.
Hey, man, what
happened to you?

[ Chattering ]
What, did you go swimming?

Ben! Honey, honey, come on.
I have to talk to you!

Dad, I can't right now.
We just want to talk
to you for a minute.

I can't right now!
Benjamin !
Get in there!

All right, Benjamin.
Barbara, please.

I want you to listen
to your father.

Ben? We were
thinking about...
Yes.

what you were telling us
on the phone,

and the thing is, nobody knows
if it's gonna work out.

It's all a leap of faith.

It just so happened that
in my case, I was lucky.

My heart told me
to do something, I did it,

and 32 years later,
here I am.

Don't speak.
You'll ruin the moment.

[ Guests shouting ]

You have got
a lot of nerve!

Now, maybe this is how they
treat women back in New York,

but here in Savannah,
we have a little more respect

for the sanctity
of marriage.

Oh, do you hear yourself?
I am not talking
to you, Virginia!

Where's Bridget?
I want to marry her.
Who the hell are you ?

Someone who gets to
a wedding on time!
Hi, we haven't met. I'm Ben.

Steve Montgomery. I used to go
out with Bridget and I'm still
in love with her.

Can I see your invitation?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Excuse me! Somebody should be
asking for your invitation,
all right?

P.S., you shouldn't
even be having a wedding!

I saw him in the hotel
last night with some woman!
Whoa! Hey, untrue!

They are just travel friends.
And she's ugly!

[ Chatter, shouting ]

Why do you New Yorkers
have to be so unpleasant?

I like New York.
Put 'em up!

[ Shouting continues ]

Ben?
Yeah?

Um, in about five minutes,
we're supposed to be joined
for eternity,

and I was wondering...

if you were gonna
get dressed.
[ Thunder rumbling ]

Well, if it's eternity,
it can wait. [ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]

No, no, I think technically
eternity starts immediately,

especially when there's
ice sculpture involved.

Well, Bridge.
Yeah.

[ Thunder rumbling ]

The truth is...

[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.

This always happens at
weddings, you know?
[ Sniffles ]

I'm sorry I took so long to
get down here.
Something happened.

It's okay. I know.

Debbie told me, and I told
her that it didn't matter
because I trusted you,

and I knew you wouldn't
cheat on me.

And then I threw up.
But, um...everything
else was going wrong.

Everything was going wrong,
and my parents are separated,

and then this
guy Steve, who--

Bridge, you know what?

I always thought that there
was this one perfect person
for everybody in the world.

And when you found
that person,

like the rest of the world
just kind of magically
faded away

and the two of you would just
be inside this kind of

protective bubble,
but there is no bubble.

I mean, or if there is,
we have to make it.

I just think that life
is more than a series
of moments, you know?

We can make choices,
and we can choose to protect
the people we love,

and that's what makes us
who we are, and those are
the real miracles.

Stop me when it just becomes
glaringly obvious that
I have no idea

what I'm talking about.
No, I know what
you're talking about.

I do. I know exactly
what you're talking about.

Farewell, Ben.

I fell in love with you
the moment I saw you.

And when I saw you up there on
the balcony, I fell in love
with you all over again.

None of the plane crashes
and the hurricanes

and the other people
will ever change that.

Because when I'm on
my deathbed, I'm gonna know

that I married the only woman
I ever really loved.

I think you just
wrote your vows.

[ Chuckles ]

I love you so much.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Shouting, clamoring ]

[ Virginia ] Get her
out of the rain!
Guys, hold on.

[ Shouting ]
You guys, it's only rain.

All right, all right.

I'm okay. I'll be right back.

It's okay.
Bridge! Bridget!

You wanna get married
like this?

Let's go get married...
under a waterfall in Hawaii!

Okay.
Okay. Let's go.

* .Morning smiles

* .Like the face

* .Of a newborn child

* .Better said unknowing

* .Rejoicing

* .From the sight
of a long lost friend *

* .Speaks to me of course

* .But I feel

* .I have nothing to give

* .I have so much to lose
here *

* .In this lonely place

* .Tangled up in our embrace

* .It's nothing I'm not
feeling how to fall *

* .Wind in tow

* .Grapes that flow
trembling on the vine *

* .Nothing needs to shelter
Don't hit my house,
bad lightning.

You're gonna
burn us down!

[ Both Laughing ]
* .But I feel

* .I have nothing to give

[ Ben ] Well, there's one
quote that pretty much
sums it up.

It's from a bishop
in the 16th century.
[ Laughing ]

He said,
"Marriage has less beauty,

"but more safety
than the single life.

"It's full of sorrows
and full of joys.

"It lies under more burdens,

"but it is supported by
all the strengths of love.

And those burdens
are delightful."

* .I have nothing to give

[ Ben ] Sometimes the people
we meet change us forever.

I've never forgotten Sarah,
and I'm pretty sure
I never will.

Wherever she is,
I really hope she's happy.

In the end, all you can do is
commit to the people you love,

hope for a little luck

and some good weather.

* .Hearts gone astray

* .Keeping hurt when they go

* .I went away

* .Just when you needed me so

* .You won't regret

* .I'll come back begging you

* .Don't you forget

* .Welcome love we once knew

* .Yeah

* .Where life's river flows
no one really knows *

* .You're someone left to show
the way to lasting love *

* .Like the sun it shines
Endlessly it shines *

* .You always will be
my eternal love *

* .Whenever love went wrong
ours would still be strong *

* .We'd have our own
everlasting love *

* .This love will last
forever *

* .This love will last
forever *

* .Open up your eyes
Then you'll realize *

* .You've always been
my everlasting love *

* .Need you by my side
Come and be my bride *

* .Never be denied
everlasting love *

* .From the very start
Open up your heart *

* .Feel the love you got
everlasting love *

* .Everlasting love

*[ Funk ]

* .If you're dumb
and confused *

* .And you don't remember

* .Who you're talking to

* .Concentration

* .Just seems to fade

* .'Cause your baby
is too far away *

* .There's a rose
in a fisted glove *

* .And the eagle flies
with the dove *

* .And if you can't be
with the one you love *

* .Honey, love the one
you're with *

* .Don't be angry

* .Don't be sad

* .Don't sit quiet

* .Good times you had

* .'Cause there's a girl

* .Right next to you

* .She's just waiting

* .For something to do

* .There's a rose
in a fisted glove *

* .And the eagle flies
with the dove *

* .And if you can't be
with the one you love *

* .Honey, love the one
you're with *

* .Do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do *

* .Do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do *

* .Do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do *

* .Turn your heartache

* .Right into stone

* .'Cause she's a girl

* .A girl alone

* .So get it together

* .And you can fight

* .You're not gonna need
any more good-bye *

* .There's a rose
in a fisted glove *

* .And the eagle flies
with the dove *

* .And if you can't be
with the one you love *

* .Honey, love the one
you're with *