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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,131 [indistinct chatter] 2 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:05,466 - WHAT UP, GUYS? SENIOR YEAR, BABY. 3 00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:06,573 [all cheering] 4 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,044 - GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, LET'S MAKE A PACT 5 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:13,083 TO LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES BEFORE WE GRADUATE. 6 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,480 WHO'S IN? 7 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,582 COME ON. 8 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,783 - OKAY. - YEAH. 9 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,054 [laughter] 10 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:20,452 [Pomp and Circumstance playing] 11 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:23,394 - OH, SHIT, THE SONG STARTED. 12 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,661 - WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. 13 00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:27,628 [all gasping and grunting] 14 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,558 - WELCOME TODAY 15 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,063 TO OUR MATRICULATION CEREMONY, 16 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:34,796 AND WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ALL, 17 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,272 UH, IN HONOR. 18 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,540 I'M GONNA CALL NAMES NOW. 19 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,709 - HI, SAMANTHA. 20 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,207 WOULD YOU MAYBE WANT TO-- 21 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,739 - LISTEN, MEGAN, IT CAN BE QUICK SEX. 22 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,044 - [gasps] - OW! 23 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,576 - IT DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE GOOD. 24 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,810 - YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ENJOY IT, 25 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,545 JUST AS LONG AS IT'S SEX. 26 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,650 - YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TODAY. 27 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,152 - SO-- - OOH. 28 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,354 [whoosh] - WHOOP--HA HA HA. 29 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,315 - HERE'S A DOOZY. I WANT TO HAVE SEX. 30 00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:58,723 - WHEW, THIS IS GONNA BE A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT. 31 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,326 - I KNOW, WE SHOULD HAVE MADE THIS PACT YEARS AGO. 32 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:02,288 - SHUT UP OVER THERE. 33 00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,226 - MRS. HAMMERMILL, WOULD YOU TAKE MY VIRGINITY? 34 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,701 [laughs] 35 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,099 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. 36 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,301 ALL SEVEN OF YOU, GET UP HERE. 37 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,143 COME ON UP. - [groans] 38 00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,368 - MR. KOWALICK, EXPLAIN YOURSELF. 39 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:15,314 - IT'S JUST, WE ALL MADE A PACT TO LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES 40 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,709 BEFORE WE GRADUATED. - OH, GOD, ANOTHER PACT. 41 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,681 THIS HAPPENS EVERY YEAR. 42 00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:21,751 [sighs] FINE. 43 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:25,079 WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH THEM? 44 00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:26,646 [crowd murmuring] 45 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,824 - [groans] 46 00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,722 FINE, I'LL HAVE SEX WITH THIS ONE. 47 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,163 - [laughs] WHOA, REALLY? 48 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:35,189 - MISS DINGLE, FROM THE AMERICAN GROUP OF SOUTHERN LADIES. 49 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,696 LET'S HEAR IT FOR HER. [applause] 50 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,727 WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU? 51 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,371 - SUPERINTENDENT, HI. I MADE A PACT WITH MY FRIENDS-- 52 00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,467 - YES, I WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU. 53 00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,670 - YES. - BUT THEN WE'RE GONNA BE 54 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,241 IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND I WILL REQUIRE 55 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,369 YOUR TIME, EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, 56 00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,843 AND FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE AIRPORT, MR. MITCHELL. 57 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:51,543 - OH. NEVER MIND. 58 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,145 - ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA PASS HER UP ON THAT? 59 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:57,118 - YEAH. - VERY DISAPPOINTING. 60 00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,548 - PRINCIPAL BLATHER, I DID IT. 61 00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,592 I LOST MY VIRGINITY. 62 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:00,687 - AND VERY QUICKLY. - YES. 63 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,248 - NICE JOB, MR. KOWALICK. - THANK YOU. 64 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,156 - VERY PROUD OF YOU. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 65 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,759 - AND THE REST OF YOU DO NOT GRADUATE. 66 00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:09,732 - WHAT? - WHY NOT? 67 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,260 WE PASSED ALL THOSE CLASSES. 68 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,725 - WE TAKE OUR PACTS VERY SERIOUSLY HERE 69 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,774 AT THIS HIGH SCHOOL, 70 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,768 AND I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE 71 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,611 ALLOW A BUNCH OF VIRGINS OUT INTO THE WORLD. 72 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,739 [laughter, jeers] 73 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,614 - VIRGINS SUCK! 74 00:02:25,613 --> 00:02:28,753 [upbeat rock music] 75 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:37,159 ♪ ♪ 76 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,185 [light classical music] 77 00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:42,185 - HI, FOLKS. 78 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,856 I WANTED TO TAKE A MOMENT TO CALL YOUR ATTENTION 79 00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,804 TO SOMETHING I FIND QUITE INTERESTING 80 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,399 THAT'S BEEN EVOLVING IN OUR SOCIETY. 81 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,402 IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 82 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:50,573 THE CONCEPT OF WHAT MAKES A FAMILY 83 00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,611 HAS CHANGED QUITE A BIT IN THE 21ST CENTURY. 84 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,907 MAYBE IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE USED TO, 85 00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:57,209 BUT SOMETIMES A FAMILY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE 86 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:59,751 A MOM, A DAD, TWO KIDS, A DOG, 87 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,347 AND A HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS. 88 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,578 THE CONTEMPORARY FAMILY CAN INCLUDE 89 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,654 A STEPMOTHER OR STEPFATHER. 90 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:07,952 SOMETIMES THERE ARE TWO MOMS OR TWO DADS. 91 00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,715 A FAMILY CAN BE SEVERAL CHILDREN 92 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,263 AND A LOVING AUNT OR UNCLE. 93 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,258 A FAMILY CAN ALSO BE A GRANDMOTHER, 94 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:16,330 HER GRANDKIDS, AND A HELPFUL NANNY. 95 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,800 A FAMILY CAN BE TEN DADS. 96 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,768 THAT'S IT, JUST TEN DADS WITH NO KIDS. 97 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,868 A FAMILY CAN ALSO BE TEN KIDS 98 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,739 WITH NOT ONE DAD BETWEEN THE LOT OF THEM. 99 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,768 A FAMILY CAN BE ONE KID ALL BY HIMSELF, 100 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:29,575 ALONE IN THE WOODS. 101 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,577 OR MAYBE A FAMILY DOES HAVE A MOM, 102 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:32,809 A DAD, AND TWO KIDS, 103 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,783 BUT TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THAT DAD. 104 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:37,784 HE'S A WOMAN. 105 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,245 LET'S SAY YOU GOT 30 KIDS, 106 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,853 A HYUNDAI ELANTRA, AND 3 QUARTS OF MILK. 107 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,524 THAT'S A FAMILY. 108 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:45,863 A FAT GUY, A WATERMELON, AND A STACK OF MAGAZINES? 109 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:46,989 FAMILY. 110 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,534 HOW ABOUT A COLLECTION OF PEOPLE 111 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:51,359 WHO MAY LOOK VERY MUCH LIKE A FAMILY 112 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:54,765 BUT I PROMISE ARE OF NO RELATION WHATSOEVER? 113 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,828 GUESS WHAT. I LIED. 114 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,836 THAT'S A FAMILY. SUE ME. 115 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,239 OR MAYBE YOU GOT A FAMILY, 116 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,771 BUT THEN THEY GET ALL JUMBLED UP 117 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,375 WITH SOME OTHER FAMILY. 118 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,278 FAMILY. PICTURE, IF YOU WILL, 119 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,580 THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF RHODE ISLAND. 120 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,682 NOW PICTURE THEIR THANKSGIVING. 121 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,454 [laughs] 122 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,292 LET'S TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THIS FAMILY 123 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,847 WHOSE DAD TURNED OUT TO BE A WOMAN. 124 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,815 THERE'S STILL SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT THEM, ISN'T THERE? 125 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,585 MAYBE IT'S THAT MOM. 126 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,893 WAIT A SECOND. THAT'S NO WOMAN. 127 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,425 THAT'S A MAGAZINE. 128 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,830 A JEW, A CATHOLIC, AND A MUSLIM WALK INTO A BAR. 129 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,304 DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT? 130 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:31,942 A TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO HEADED EAST AT 40 MILES PER HOUR. 131 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,809 DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT. 132 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,807 PULL MY FINGER. 133 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:36,779 FAMILY. 134 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,737 WELL, I THINK I'VE MADE MY POINT. 135 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,776 THERE ARE LOTS OF DIFFERENT TYPES OF FAMILIES OUT THERE. 136 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,882 AND AS FOR ME... 137 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,385 I GOT TEN DADS. 138 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,788 WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING, 139 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,719 AND SAY HI TO YOUR FAMILY FOR ME. 140 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,794 [laughs] - WE LOVE YOU, SON. 141 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:53,863 - I LOVE MY DADS. 142 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,891 [laughter] - WE LOVE YOU! 143 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,596 - WE LOVE THIS GUY. 144 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:59,968 [overlapping chatter] 145 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,767 [cheerful music] 146 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,839 - I'M DOING IT! 147 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,967 [overlapping chatter] 148 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:10,043 [all cheering] 149 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:18,824 ♪ ♪ 150 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,749 [jazzy music] 151 00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,464 [rock music] 152 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:32,758 ♪ ♪ 153 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,043 [computer beeping] 154 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,338 - STILL NO I.D. ON THAT SUSPECT? 155 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,811 - SURVEILLANCE AND INTEL CAN'T FIND AN IMAGE OF HIM. 156 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,580 HE'S LIKE A GHOST. 157 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,548 - THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. 158 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,778 DO YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? 159 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,824 YOU ASKED ME TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. 160 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,050 WELL, YOUR WISH JUST CAME TRUE. 161 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,824 I ASSEMBLED THE BEST CRIMINAL IMAGE RENDER TECHS 162 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:57,894 IN THE COUNTRY. 163 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,361 - SKETCH ARTISTS? 164 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,390 - DON'T LET THEM HEAR YOU SAY THAT. 165 00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:03,455 - THIS BETTER BE GOOD, FOX. 166 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,604 - RICK... 167 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,899 WHAT DO YOU GOT? 168 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:11,943 WHOA, RICK! [laughs] 169 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,439 WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, BUD? 170 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,910 - WELL, I, UH, LOST MY INSPIRATION, 171 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,378 YOU COULD SAY. - YOUR INSPIRATION 172 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,678 IS THE DESCRIBED PERPETRATOR. 173 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,680 - I THINK THIS SHOWS THE INTERNAL CONFLICT 174 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,712 OF THE PERP. 175 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,816 - THAT IS TERRIBLE. - IT'S NOT TERRIBLE, KERI. 176 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,619 I MEAN, HE'SING HIS BEST HERE. 177 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,821 PROBABLY NOT THE BEST IDEA FOR A WANTED POSTER, 178 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,963 BUT CUT HIM SOME SLACK. 179 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:34,628 - I GOT SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA LOVE. 180 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:35,588 - WHAT THE HELL? 181 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,696 CARL, HELP ME OUT HERE BUDDY. 182 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,498 I JUST SAID, "WANTED POSTER," 183 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,830 AND THIS AIN'T NO WANTED POSTER, PAL. 184 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,695 - WE CAN'T PUT THAT UP ON LAMPPOSTS. 185 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,004 - HE KNOWS THAT, KERI. 186 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,865 HE'S NOT A MORON. 187 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,674 - [whispering] RICK, I GOT TO LEAVE EARLY. 188 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,105 I GOT TO PICK UP A SUIT FOR A WEDDING. 189 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,710 - ALL RIGHT. OKAY, THAT'S FINE. 190 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:55,452 - YOU WANT SOMETHING YOU CAN REPRODUCE QUICKLY? 191 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,849 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHIT. 192 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,750 - THIS GUY'S THE BEST. 193 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,853 - THAT LOOKS LIKE A TREE. - IT'S A MOSAIC. 194 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,715 A THOUSAND TINY PICTURES OF THE PERP. 195 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,594 - CAN ANY OF THOSE PICTURES BE ENLARGED? 196 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,863 - YEAH, I GOT IT RIGHT HERE. 197 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:10,863 [sniffs] 198 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,604 - I'M GUESSING THAT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU'VE GOT. 199 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,900 - SMART MAN. [laughs] 200 00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,842 - WITH A LINED FACE AND A CHESTNUT MOP 201 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,597 ATOP HIS HEAD, THE KILLER STRUCK 202 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,005 IN THE INKWELL MOON OF THE NIGHT. 203 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:24,807 HE WAS THE SIZE OF A TREE BUT QUICKER THAN THE RAVEN. 204 00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:25,982 I WENT WITH PROSE. 205 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,879 - WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE FIRED QUICKER THAN THE RAVEN 206 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,581 IF YOU KEEP THAT CRAP UP. 207 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,823 - THESE GUYS ARE IDIOTS. - THEY'RE NOT IDIOTS, KERI. 208 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,589 THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. 209 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,117 - HEY, AM I REALLY FIRED? - NO, OF COURSE NOT. 210 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,222 - [sighs] ARE WE DONE HERE, FOX? 211 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,794 - [clears throat loudly] 212 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,763 - HERB, MAN. WHAT DO YOU GOT? 213 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:46,833 - OKAY, SO IT'S NOT DONE YET, BUT-- 214 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,840 [macaroni clattering] 215 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,168 THE GLUE'S STILL DRYING, 216 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,842 SO IT WILL LOOK DIFFERENT... - MM-HMM. 217 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,041 - WHEN-- - OKAY, CALM DOWN. 218 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,242 THIS IS A GREAT START. 219 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,883 WE'LL CHECK BACK IN ON YOU, UNCLE HERB, OKAY? 220 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,848 - HE'S YOUR UNCLE? - [sighs] 221 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:03,247 YES. HE NEEDED A JOB, OKAY? 222 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:06,850 - GUYS, THESE COMPOSITE SKETCHES ARE AWFUL. 223 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:07,994 all: WHY? 224 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,788 - THINK ABOUT IT. 225 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,990 all: OH, YEAH. 226 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,761 - WELL, WE'RE GOING WITH THE RAVEN POEM. 227 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:14,930 - YEAH! - ALL RIGHT! 228 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:15,928 YAY, JASON. 229 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,129 - [laughing] - WAIT. 230 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,830 AREN'T YOU GONNA LOOK AT MINE 231 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:22,002 WHEN IT'S DRY AND FINISHED? 232 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,700 [jazzy music] 233 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,078 [jazzy music] 234 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,877 [tender music] 235 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:40,890 ♪ ♪ 236 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,688 - I'M SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT, UNCLE HERB. 237 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,220 - I GET IT. ARE YOU OKAY? 238 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,126 - NO. 239 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,857 THE SARGE JUST FIRED ME THERE OUT IN THE HALLWAY 240 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,003 IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. 241 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,898 SAID I SLEPT MY WAY TO THE TOP OF THE RANKS. 242 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:57,671 IT WAS-- IT WAS VERY EMBARRASSING. 243 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,735 [chuckles] YEAH. 244 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,935 THAT WAS FUNNY. 245 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,846 - NO. 246 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,018 EAT IT. 247 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:14,987 [crunching] 248 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:18,118 [both laughing] 249 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,855 IT POPS. 250 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,990 [light classical music] 251 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:24,904 - A NEPHEW, HIS UNCLE, AND A PILE OF MACARONI. 252 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,998 THAT'S A FAMILY. 253 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,136 [jazzy music] 254 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:35,608 [dramatic music] 255 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:36,609 - WELCOME TO THE SHOW. 256 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,180 TONIGHT, WE'LL BE DISCUSSING ONE OF AMERICA'S 257 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,748 MOST BELOVED CORPORATIONS, COCA-COLA. 258 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:42,748 AS ANY SODA FAN KNOWS, 259 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,619 THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD 260 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,178 THAT KNOW THE SECRET FORMULA TO COKE. 261 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,286 BUT WHAT MIGHT SURPRISE YOU IS THAT THESE TWO 262 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,758 ARE ACTUALLY FORBIDDEN FROM TRAVELING TOGETHER 263 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,887 OR REALLY SPENDING ANY TIME TOGETHER. 264 00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,993 IT'S A SAFETY PRECAUTION, BECAUSE IF SOMETHING HAPPENS 265 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:58,655 TO THESE MEN, WELL, THE FORMULA IS GONE FOREVER. 266 00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,925 WHICH BRINGS ME TO TONIGHT'S GUEST, 267 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,174 ONE OF THE GUYS THAT KNOWS 268 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,669 THE SECRET FORMULA FOR COCA-COLA. 269 00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,200 THANKS FOR BEING ON THE SHOW. - YEAH, WELL, 270 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,765 THANKS FOR HAVING ME. IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU TO SAY. 271 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,044 HEY, GO, COKE. - ALL RIGHT. 272 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,713 - OOH. 273 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,782 OW! THAT'S A GOOD COKE. 274 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:14,810 - VERY GOOD. 275 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,905 SO IS IT TRUE ONLY YOU 276 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,316 AND ONE OTHER PERSON KNOWS THE FORMULA? 277 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,947 - UH, YES, THAT IS THE BIG COKE SECRET. 278 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,652 THAT IS THE BIG ONE. MM-HMM. 279 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:21,694 - AMAZING. AND I'M CURIOUS. 280 00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:23,618 WHERE IS THE OTHER GUY ON A NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT? 281 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,924 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM? 282 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,955 HE'S RIGHT OVER THERE. 283 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,930 [crowd murmuring] 284 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,660 - HEY. - WAIT, WHAT? 285 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,125 - YEAH, I'M THE OTHER COKE GUY. HOW YOU DOING? 286 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,873 - YEAH, THAT'S THAT DUMB, STUPID SON OF A BITCH. 287 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,839 - OH, HO, HO, WATCH IT, YOU LITTLE DIPSHIT. 288 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,138 COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO? 289 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,009 - HEY, WE'RE TALKING COKES. COME ON UP. 290 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,368 - OH, YEAH. - YEAH, YOU'D LOVE IT UP HERE. 291 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:43,806 - ALL RIGHT. - BIT OF A RAPPORT. 292 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,980 - OH, HERE WE GO. - OH, WE GOT A RAPPORT, DAVE. 293 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,679 HOW ARE YA, BUDDY? COME HERE. 294 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,381 - HEY! [laughter] 295 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:50,752 - I'M SORRY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 296 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,021 - OH, HE GAVE ME A RIDE. - YEAH. 297 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,989 WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, DAVE. 298 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,787 - NO, NO. I--YOU CAN'T BE. 299 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:56,859 IT'S A SECURITY RISK. 300 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,387 I MEAN, IF THERE'S A FIRE OR A FLOOD 301 00:10:58,392 --> 00:11:03,162 OR THE ROOF COLLAPSES, THAT FORMULA'S GONE, GUYS. 302 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:06,003 - SHE'S RIGHT. 303 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,369 ALL RIGHT, WELL, 304 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,827 YOU GUYS DO YOUR TALK SHOW. 305 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,235 I'M GONNA GO CATCH A MOVIE OR SOMETHING. 306 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,997 - GREAT. - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, 307 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:12,995 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 308 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,166 WHAT MOVIE ARE YOU GONNA GO CATCH? 309 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,905 - I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE AN ACTION MOVIE. 310 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,851 - HE'S GONNA GO SEE A HEART-PUMPING, 311 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:21,977 ACTION-PACKED FILM. 312 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,182 - HEY, YOU WANT TO GO? 313 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,184 - YES, I DO. VERY MUCH, LET'S GO! 314 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,716 - ALL RIGHT! - HEY, GUYS, GUYS! 315 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,291 YOU CAN'T GO SEE THE MOVIE TOGETHER. 316 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,889 - [groans] - IT'S A SAFETY RISK, OKAY? 317 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,861 YOU THINK THE TWO GUYS THAT KNOW THE FORMULA 318 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,129 FOR PEPSI ARE FRIENDS? 319 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,027 NO. 320 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,098 - YEAH! THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE. 321 00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,827 - OH, HO, HO, THERE HE IS. 322 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,003 - WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS. 323 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,271 THEY'RE GREAT FRIENDS. 324 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,899 - SO YOU KNOW THE FORMULA FOR PEPSI? 325 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:45,935 - YEP. GO, PEPSI. 326 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,769 - OH, NO, NO, NO. - THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE. 327 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,174 - GO, COKE. - THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE. 328 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:50,736 - WHY NOT? THEY CAN BE ANYWHERE THEY WANT. 329 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,114 - WHAT IF SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED? 330 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,752 - SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM, I'D WANT TO DIE TOO. 331 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,048 - AW, YEAH. - WE'RE THE SAME WAY. 332 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,319 - SAME WAY. - WE'RE THE SAME WAY. 333 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,277 - HEY, YOU GUYS STILL GOING TO SEE THAT ACTION MOVIE? 334 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,046 - YEAH, YEAH. YOU COMING OR WHAT? 335 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,294 - YEAH, YOU KNOW IT. - AWW! 336 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,989 - OH, THEY'RE COMING IN FAST! 337 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:09,030 [overlapping chatter] 338 00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,759 - GUYS! 339 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:12,504 YOU CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER! 340 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,329 - AW, DAVE, WE ALWAYS GO TO THE MOVIES TOGETHER. 341 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:18,135 - YEAH, 'CAUSE THE TWO OF US IS BEST FRIENDS 342 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:19,438 WITH THE TWO OF THEM, HUH? 343 00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,169 [laughter] WHO'D HAVE THUNK IT, HUH? 344 00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,444 - WATCH IT. WATCH OUT FOR THIS GUY. 345 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:26,782 - DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD'S COLAS 346 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,080 IS IN YOUR HANDS? 347 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,081 - WHAT ABOUT US? 348 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,053 [crowd murmuring] 349 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,323 [sneakers squeaking] 350 00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:47,765 - WHO ARE YOU? 351 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,028 - WE'RE THE TWO GUYS WHO KNOW 352 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,065 THE SECRET FORMULA FOR TAB. 353 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:54,111 - WE'RE BROTHERS, YOU KNOW. 354 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,067 [can tabs pop] 355 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,076 [both slurping] 356 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,078 - [groans] 357 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,350 - GO, TAB. 358 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:04,519 - UH-HUH. 359 00:13:04,518 --> 00:13:07,188 - LOOK, SO COKE AND PEPSI CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE YOU GUYS 360 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,547 SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER, REALLY. 361 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,815 - YEAH, WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE VERY CAREFUL, 362 00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,524 FOR IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US, 363 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:16,086 NOBODY WOULD KNOW HOW TO MAKE TAB COLA. 364 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,126 - RIGHT. 365 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,430 SO JUST FOLLOW THE VERY SIMPLE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS 366 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,902 THAT HAVE BEEN PUT IN FRONT OF-- 367 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,231 - NO ACTING-PACKED FILMS FOR US. 368 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,166 - NO, SIR. 369 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:27,811 FOR IF WE WERE TO DIE, IT WOULD BE A CATASTROPHE. 370 00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:32,108 - A CATASTROPHE TO THE GREATEST DEGREE. 371 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:37,382 [both slurping] 372 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,124 - WELL, THIS IS GETTING ALL VERY WEIRD, DAVE. 373 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,149 UH, THANKS FOR HAVING US, BUT WE'D LIKE TO LEAVE. 374 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,354 GOOD-BYE. - YEAH. 375 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,555 - THANK YOU. - HAVE A GOOD ONE. 376 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:46,287 - YEAH, WEIRD SHOW, DAVE. - UH, I-- 377 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,263 - HEY. - HEY. 378 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,091 - HEY. 379 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,126 - WHAT? 380 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,331 - DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW 381 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,532 WHAT'S THE SECRET FORMULA FOR TAB? 382 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,144 - OKAY, WHAT IS IT? 383 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,267 - WE CAN'T TELL. 384 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:03,012 - WE FORGOT. 385 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,139 [light classical music] 386 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,075 - BROTHERS. 387 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,280 - BROTHER? 388 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:11,081 DON'T WANDER TOO FAR FROM ME, BROTHER. 389 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,984 ♪ ♪ 390 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:16,046 [siren wailing, indistinct radio chatter] 391 00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,456 [dramatic music] 392 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,387 - SERGEANT DALE MADDOX HERE TO ALERT YOU 393 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,132 TO A SET OF CRIMINALS WHO MAY BE ENDANGERING 394 00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,228 YOUR COMMUNITY. 395 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,200 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS MAN, 396 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,168 WANTED IN RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA, 397 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,427 FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER. 398 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:29,525 LOOKS LIKE THREE DUCKS TO ME, 399 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,896 BUT I COULD NEVER DO THOSE THINGS. 400 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,865 RESIDENTS OF CONCORD, NORTH CAROLINA, 401 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,114 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR JAKE WEESON, 402 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,309 WANTED FOR GRAND THEFT AUTO 403 00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,580 AND FOR SPEEDING IN THAT VERY SAME AUTO. 404 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,150 WRAPPING UP THE WHOLE BUNCH, 405 00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,248 RESIDENTS OF SAN ANTONIO, 406 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,880 BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CARL PIELER, 407 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,345 WANTED FOR THREE COUNTS OF MANSLAUGHTER. 408 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,885 THIS IS A DRAWING 409 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,890 OF THE LEAD DETECTIVE IN THE CASE. 410 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,422 IF YOU DO KNOW WHAT CARL PIELER LOOKS LIKE, 411 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,656 PLEASE CONTACT THE MAN WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS PICTURE 412 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:57,933 AND TELL HIM ALL ABOUT IT. 413 00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:01,671 THIS IS SERGEANT DALE MADDOX, FROM THE DRAWING ROOM. 414 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,338 KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND YOUR PENCILS SHARP. 415 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:07,467 KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND YOUR MEMORY ALERT, 416 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,584 AND ALWAYS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR CRIMINALS, 417 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,077 AND ALWAYS SHARE THAT INFORMATION 418 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,209 WITH YOUR LOCAL POLICE 419 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,084 OR A DIFFERENT AUTHORITY 420 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:20,292 WHO HAS GOOD CONNECTIONS WITH THEM. 421 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,117 [jazzy music] 422 00:15:25,224 --> 00:15:26,464 [jazzy music] 423 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:29,229 [dramatic music] 424 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,559 - [sighs] 425 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,374 [sighs] [knock at door] 426 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,367 - STEVEN, AREN'T YOU GONNA COME DOWN? 427 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,299 YOUR DATE COULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 428 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,265 - ISN'T IT OBVIOUS, DAD? 429 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,244 SHE'S NOT COMING. 430 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,413 - OH. 431 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:54,089 - MY LIFE IS OVER. 432 00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,258 [cheerful synthesizer music] 433 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,662 ♪ ♪ 434 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,664 DAD? 435 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,026 - I KNOW I'M NO SARAH HANSON, 436 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,304 BUT NO SON OF MINE GETS STOOD UP 437 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,743 TO THE BIG DANCE. 438 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,598 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 439 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,406 - WELL, YOU CAN START BY TELLING ME HOW I LOOK. 440 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,240 HUH? 441 00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,245 - YOU LOOK... 442 00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:23,008 GREAT. 443 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,216 - AND YOU DON'T LOOK TOO BAD YOURSELF. 444 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,278 - HEY, COME ON. 445 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:27,746 KNOCK IT OFF. 446 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,194 MY DAD'S GONNA HEAR US. 447 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,290 - [laughs] GOOD ONE, SON. 448 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,563 NOW LET'S GO TO THAT DANCE. 449 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,703 - DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO-- 450 00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:41,297 - STEVEN, WHAT HAVE I ALWAYS SAID TO YOU, SON? 451 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:45,341 WHEN THE GLENNS DO SOMETHING, THEY GO ALL THE WAY. 452 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,584 - AFTER YOU. - THANK YOU. 453 00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,607 - ♪ MILES AWAY FROM NOWHERE ♪ 454 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:58,183 ♪ I'M A STRANGER TO THIS LAND ♪ 455 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,184 [muffled music playing] 456 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,315 - WHOA, CHECK IT OUT. 457 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:11,102 ♪ ♪ 458 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,234 - STUDENTS, 459 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,533 DISTANCE, PLEASE. 460 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,195 - [laughs] 461 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,535 - PSST, HEY. 462 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:24,080 PSST, STEVEN, WHO'S THE CHICK? 463 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,607 - SHE DOESN'T GO HERE. 464 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:28,182 - LET ME DANCE WITH HER. - NO. 465 00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,351 - LET ME DANCE WITH HER, 466 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,519 OR I'M GONNA GLUE YOUR FRICKIN' EYELIDS 467 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,648 TO THE CEILING. 468 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:36,222 - OKAY, OKAY. GOD, CRAIG. 469 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:39,092 - [huffs, sniffs] 470 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,632 'SCUSE ME. MIND IF I CUT IN? 471 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:45,229 - CRAIG DOLAND? 472 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,431 STEVEN, DO YOU MIND? 473 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:50,203 - WHAT? - [gasping] 474 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,384 - IS THAT YOUR DAD? 475 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,777 - UH, NO. 476 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,649 YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. 477 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:06,779 - SHE'S HOT. 478 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:10,386 - HEY. 479 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,420 DAD? 480 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,464 - OH, HI, STEVEN. 481 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,789 CRAIG AND I WERE ABOUT TO STEP OUTSIDE 482 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,263 AND CATCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR. 483 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,362 I THINK HE HAS CIGARETTES. [giggles] 484 00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:22,274 - NO-- 485 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,538 - ♪ ALL ALONE I'M DANCING ♪ 486 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,367 ♪ IN THE SHADOW ♪ 487 00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,374 - [sniffles] 488 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:32,276 [knock at door] 489 00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,678 - STEVEN? 490 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,880 - GO AWAY. 491 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,421 - I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 492 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,677 - FORGET IT. 493 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:43,285 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TALK TO CRAIG DOLAND? 494 00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,189 - PLEASE. 495 00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,420 I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. 496 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,286 I-- 497 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:53,364 [crying] 498 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:56,426 - LOOK, I'M TIRED-- 499 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,166 DAD? 500 00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,441 ARE YOU OKAY? 501 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,169 - I MESSED UP. 502 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,474 - LOOK, I-IT'S FINE. I'VE BEEN DITCHED BEFORE. 503 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,806 I DON'T WANT THE APOLOGIES, OKAY? 504 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,441 I'VE HEARD 'EM BEFORE. - YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME. 505 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,176 - LET'S JUST ACT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED. 506 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:09,311 - I'M SCARED. - I'M A LOSER. 507 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,715 I'LL ALWAYS BE A LOSER. - IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT. 508 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,417 - AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT. 509 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,518 - HE FINGERED ME, OKAY? 510 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,721 CRAIG DOLAND FINGERED ME. 511 00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,564 GO AHEAD. 512 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:23,458 CALL ME A WHORE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 513 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,603 [sobbing] 514 00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,468 - NO. 515 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,311 I WON'T. 516 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,477 [soft synthesizer music] 517 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:39,437 I'M SO SORRY, DAD. 518 00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,605 JUST KNOW THAT IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING 519 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,484 BETWEEN US, OKAY? 520 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,953 'CAUSE YOU'RE STILL MY DAD, 521 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,922 AND I'M STILL YOUR SON, 522 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:51,221 AND CRAIG DOLAND OR ANY OTHER GUY FINGERING YOU 523 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,794 CAN'T CHANGE THAT. 524 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,362 - REALLY? 525 00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,491 - YEAH. 526 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,956 NOW, KEEP IT DOWN. 527 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:02,495 MY DAD'S GONNA HEAR US. 528 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,237 [rock music] 529 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,484 DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 530 00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,608 - GLENNS GO ALL THE WAY. 531 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:22,394 ♪ ♪ 532 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,448 - WHOA, WHOA! 533 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,216 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 534 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,555 L--KNOCK IT OFF! 535 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,259 I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A NICE POINT 536 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:31,801 ABOUT NEW FAMILIES AND BEING OPEN-MINDED. 537 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,328 NOT INCEST, OKAY? 538 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,403 THAT'S YOUR GODDAMN DAD. 539 00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,901 JESUS CHRIST. 540 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:41,473 FORGET IT. FORGET THE WHOLE THING. 541 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,944 [jazzy music] 542 00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,251 [jazzy music] 543 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,547 - HEY, YOU WANT SOME PEPSI? 544 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,508 SURE YOU DON'T WANT ANY PEPSI? - I DON'T WANT ANY. 545 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:51,916 - COME ON, HEY. GIVE ME THAT POPCORN. 546 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,578 - DON'T GET MAD AT ME. - AW, TAKE A SIP. 547 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,546 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS, DAVE. - I'M FINE. 548 00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,815 HEY, SHH, SHH! 549 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,263 - HEY. 550 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,519 - WE'RE HERE TOO. 551 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:03,286 - OH, BROTHER, I AM HAVING SUCH FUN HERE 552 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:04,526 AT THE MOVIE CINEMA. 553 00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,830 - YES, BUT THE THRILLS OF THE SILVER SCREEN 554 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:08,573 ARE NO MATCH FOR THE DANGER THAT LIES 555 00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:09,698 ABOVE OUR VERY HEADS. 556 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,942 - FOR THE CEILING COULD COLLAPSE AT ANY MOMENT. 557 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,968 - THAT IS THE GREATEST DANGER OF ALL. 558 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,373 - SHH. JUST WATCH THE MOVIE. 559 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,306 [sirens wailing] 560 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,280 - WE'VE BEEN SHUSHED. [tires screech] 561 00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:21,679 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WE WERE SHUSHED. 562 00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:23,711 - EXCUSE ME. 563 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:24,576 - YES? 564 00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:27,054 - I OVERHEARD YOU TALKING. 565 00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:29,493 YOU SOUND VERY IMPORTANT. 566 00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,319 ARE YOU? - INDEED, WE ARE, 567 00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:32,594 FOR WE ARE THE KEEPERS OF THE SECRET 568 00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:35,392 OF THE FORMULA OF TAB COLA. 569 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:37,325 - DEAR ME. 570 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,300 THE CEILING! 571 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:42,298 IF IT COLLAPSES, YOU'D BE KILLED! 572 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,372 - THAT IS OUR VERY WORRY. 573 00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:44,999 - ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN. 574 00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:47,004 THE CEILING ISN'T GONNA COLLAPSE, OKAY? 575 00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:48,736 THAT'S COMPLETELY CR-- [low rumble] 576 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:51,581 - WHOA. - OH! OH, MY-- 577 00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,677 - BROTHER, THE GROUND IS SHAKING. 578 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,050 [rumbling stops] 579 00:21:55,048 --> 00:21:59,048 - [exhales] - [whimpers] 580 00:21:59,052 --> 00:22:00,892 [rapid gunfire] 581 00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:04,987 - [shuddering] 582 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,091 - MY BROTHER IS DEAD. 583 00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:08,632 I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE FORMULA. 584 00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,088 [shrieking] 585 00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:12,556 - OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE-- OH, THEY'RE BOTH DEAD. 586 00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:13,595 OHH. 587 00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,929 - LET'S GO. 588 00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:17,568 [rapid gunfire] 589 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,440 OOH, OOH, AH, OH, HEY, WHOA. 590 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,339 - ARE YOU OKAY? - NO, I STUBBED MY TOE. 591 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,011 - ARE YOU HURT? - YEAH, I'M VERY HURT. 592 00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:24,639 [overlapping chatter] 593 00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:26,014 - THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES. 594 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,652 - DAVE, I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT RIGHT NOW. 595 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:29,647 MY TOE IS HURTING ME SO BAD. 596 00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:31,519 - YEAH. - AAH! 40352

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