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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,628 Okay, so your... your name is George? 2 00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:07,209 - You're the manager? - Yes, sir. Yes. 3 00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:08,697 Okay. Your tag checks out there. 4 00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:12,121 I got the, uh, tape from the surveillance video. 5 00:00:12,219 --> 00:00:13,979 [George] I installed this whole 6 00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:15,363 thing here, last time this happened, so-- 7 00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:16,573 Is that that camera right up there? 8 00:00:16,671 --> 00:00:17,911 - Yes, sir. - Okay. 9 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,918 He gets up on, uh he gets up on this counter? 10 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,090 - Yes, sir. - That's this counter. 11 00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:22,303 And that is this table right here. 12 00:00:22,401 --> 00:00:23,821 He's undoing his pants there. 13 00:00:25,853 --> 00:00:28,203 [man on TV urinating] 14 00:00:39,694 --> 00:00:41,944 - It's evidence. - I guess, now. 15 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,012 Yeah. 16 00:00:43,112 --> 00:00:44,492 Oh, you want maybe put it in one cup. 17 00:00:44,596 --> 00:00:46,556 Put it all in one cup and then we'll just send it 18 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,807 straight to the lab. Okay. 19 00:00:47,909 --> 00:00:49,359 [drums roll] 20 00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:51,363 Son of a bitch. Goddamn it! 21 00:00:52,983 --> 00:00:55,543 [tires screech] 22 00:00:55,641 --> 00:00:56,571 Come on. 23 00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:58,327 They all have guns! 24 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,750 Whoo-hoo! 25 00:01:06,204 --> 00:01:07,104 Ow! 26 00:01:07,205 --> 00:01:08,615 Push them together? 27 00:01:08,723 --> 00:01:10,043 Get off the bike! Off your bike. 28 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,522 Oh! God! 29 00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:19,906 [grunts] 30 00:01:22,841 --> 00:01:24,291 [indistinct chattering] 31 00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:25,364 Ah! 32 00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:28,194 [siren wailing] 33 00:01:34,473 --> 00:01:36,483 We got a call about some lights out in the desert here. 34 00:01:36,579 --> 00:01:37,509 We got to check it out. 35 00:01:37,614 --> 00:01:39,554 Probably nothin', but, uh... 36 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:42,141 You put a little bit in a bowl-- 37 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,170 - Herbal, you can put-- - Get a shaman, get a guide? 38 00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:47,446 Or you can smoke a little bowl of it, too, totally legal. 39 00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:49,795 Huh, salvia. Somebody is already on it. 40 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:50,972 - Hey, boys. - Hi, fellas. 41 00:01:51,076 --> 00:01:52,486 [officers together] Hey, guys. 42 00:01:52,595 --> 00:01:54,285 - Sorry. We didn't know. - Great to see you over there. 43 00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:55,770 We thought we was first on the scene. 44 00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,674 Oh, no, no. We beat you to it. 45 00:01:57,772 --> 00:01:59,572 We were in the area. We got the call. 46 00:01:59,671 --> 00:02:00,711 Somebody saw some lights or something? 47 00:02:00,810 --> 00:02:01,980 Yeah. It's all taken care of. 48 00:02:02,087 --> 00:02:03,327 You don't got to worry about it. 49 00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:04,923 - You have a good one. - Take care, you guys. 50 00:02:05,021 --> 00:02:07,821 - Hey, can I ask you something? - Yeah. 51 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,510 Do you, do you know those guys? 52 00:02:09,612 --> 00:02:12,062 I thought you did. That's why I was like... 53 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,616 I wasn't gonna say anything. I thought you knew-- 54 00:02:13,719 --> 00:02:15,069 I thought you knew those guys. 55 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,859 - Yeah. No. I-- - I don't remember those guys. 56 00:02:16,964 --> 00:02:18,834 Well, I mean... 57 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,551 - Who are those-- - You know, like-- 58 00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:21,757 On the other side of the road-- 59 00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:23,655 Behind you, there's all those other guys. 60 00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:25,354 - Those are those guys, right? - Right? 61 00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:27,035 - Hey, how y'all doing? - Hey, you guys. 62 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,387 - Oh, hey, guys. - You guys are back. 63 00:02:29,494 --> 00:02:32,744 I thought you guys were leaving. I thought we told you to leave. 64 00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:34,842 Uh, we did. You guys are... 65 00:02:38,468 --> 00:02:40,818 - You've been, you're with us. - 'Third generation.' 66 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:42,399 Hey, when you guys get home, uh 67 00:02:42,507 --> 00:02:43,987 just take a good-good long shower 68 00:02:44,094 --> 00:02:45,654 wash any exposed skin and everything. 69 00:02:45,751 --> 00:02:47,891 Yeah, and actually, if you have an eye-wash rig 70 00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,785 at home, I'd recommend using that. 71 00:02:49,893 --> 00:02:51,863 - We got one at the station. - There you go. 72 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:52,904 Seriously... 73 00:02:54,484 --> 00:02:56,284 ...do you guys want coffee, or hoagies or anything at all? 74 00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,323 'Cause we're about to make a run. We're already in the car. 75 00:02:58,419 --> 00:03:00,319 - Acid reflux. - Okay. 76 00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:02,011 - It's late. It's late. - Hey, good night. 77 00:03:02,112 --> 00:03:03,462 - Good night, guys. - Adios. 78 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:05,192 Last chance for coffee and hoagie! 79 00:03:05,288 --> 00:03:07,458 No, thanks. Okay. You are too kind. 80 00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:08,736 - 'Alright. Let's dig it up.' - 'Yep.' 81 00:03:08,843 --> 00:03:10,783 [instrumental music] 82 00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:15,061 He's over here. He's... 83 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,060 Uh-uh, uh-uh. Easy, vest. Bubye. 84 00:03:17,162 --> 00:03:18,962 - You have nothing to say here. - 'Andrew--' 85 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,650 He's not the issue. The issue is me, okay? 86 00:03:21,753 --> 00:03:24,693 I come into Captain Crabby, one, for quality 87 00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,520 two, for my baby. 88 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:28,830 My girlfriend, my sweet love. It's her birthday. 89 00:03:28,932 --> 00:03:31,692 All I want was to bring her to an expensive dinner 90 00:03:31,797 --> 00:03:33,697 and have them sing "Happy birthday," and they said no. 91 00:03:33,799 --> 00:03:36,009 All of these people here are jealous. 92 00:03:36,112 --> 00:03:37,982 Hush. Can I, hey, can I ask you something? 93 00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:40,739 [Andrew] 'Yes. Please. Please, please ask me a question.' 94 00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:42,291 I'm gonna ask you the-the simplest question. 95 00:03:42,394 --> 00:03:44,434 - Yes. Please. - Is this a sex doll? 96 00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:48,194 Yes, state law says that a restaurant must sing 97 00:03:48,297 --> 00:03:50,747 "Birthday," despite race 98 00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:53,541 creed, color, inanimate. 99 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,167 How much did you spend on this thing? 100 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,269 - Seventeen thousand dollars. - Seventeen thousand dollars? 101 00:03:56,374 --> 00:03:57,654 - Oh, my God. - It was worth it. 102 00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,864 - It was worth it. - It was worth 17-- 103 00:03:59,963 --> 00:04:02,663 Soon as you get in this, never got back to human. 104 00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:03,999 Don't do this. Don't do that. 105 00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:06,035 Okay. Oh, you know what? Oh, hey, gesture police. 106 00:04:06,142 --> 00:04:07,762 I can...I can do this. I can do this. 107 00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:10,768 You can do it all night. Yep, yep, yep, yep. 108 00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:12,291 - Nope. No! - I can do whatever I want. 109 00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:14,910 If you get, if you get the Captain Crabby shrimp-- 110 00:04:15,013 --> 00:04:17,433 Birthday shrimp for a song 111 00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:19,953 then, yes, I will be satisfied. 112 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:21,882 Just want to go to lunch. 113 00:04:21,985 --> 00:04:23,605 ♪ Happy happy birthday Sue 114 00:04:23,711 --> 00:04:25,331 ♪ Happy happy birthday Sue 115 00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:26,917 ♪ Happy happy birthday Sue 116 00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:29,815 ♪ Happy happy birthday Sue 117 00:04:29,924 --> 00:04:32,514 Ah, see? That's nice. See? What? 118 00:04:32,617 --> 00:04:35,587 Uh-oh, she's said I can go down on her. 119 00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:37,549 Here? Okay, baby. Okay. 120 00:04:37,656 --> 00:04:38,656 - Get him. - No. 121 00:04:38,761 --> 00:04:40,451 What? Oh, come on now. Come on! 122 00:04:40,556 --> 00:04:46,596 [siren wailing] 123 00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,290 [Dangle] Hey, outstanding news. 124 00:04:48,391 --> 00:04:50,361 I bet you're all gonna be excited. 125 00:04:50,462 --> 00:04:52,052 [imitates drum roll] 126 00:04:55,156 --> 00:04:57,436 We're finally recognizing the Armenian genocide. 127 00:04:57,538 --> 00:05:01,538 I feel like every time you do one of them drum rolls... 128 00:05:01,646 --> 00:05:03,986 You're starting the bar way too high. 129 00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:06,236 [Dangle] 'Was that too exciting?' 130 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,340 We think we're gonna have some kind of taco bar or-- 131 00:05:08,446 --> 00:05:10,616 Oh, sorry, or they're closing down the amusement park? 132 00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:12,214 - Just for us? Yeah. - 'Something, yeah.' 133 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,422 Is the Armenian genocide some sort of festival? 134 00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:16,011 No. There is an Armenian festival. 135 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,318 - This is not that. - No. Travis? 136 00:05:18,421 --> 00:05:20,911 Are we gonna... maybe redo secret Santa? 137 00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:22,630 Maybe do two out of three this year? 138 00:05:22,736 --> 00:05:24,426 Just because I've heard a lot of people saying 139 00:05:24,531 --> 00:05:26,051 that they weren't really specifically 140 00:05:26,153 --> 00:05:27,573 happy with their secret Santa. 141 00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:29,362 - Wait. No. No one said that. - 'Who said that?' 142 00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:30,707 [Frank] 'I didn't say that.' 143 00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:32,023 - 'The-the talk--' - I thought you said that. 144 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,264 - 'The talk is--' - The talk is, or your talk is? 145 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,158 No, I get crazy anxiety about pulling that. 146 00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:37,536 I don't want to go through that again. 147 00:05:37,647 --> 00:05:38,917 That's not in the spirit of the season. 148 00:05:39,028 --> 00:05:40,998 We should all just... get on board. 149 00:05:41,099 --> 00:05:42,929 You know, we all know each other well enough to 150 00:05:43,032 --> 00:05:45,102 'pick gifts that represent our personalities, I think.' 151 00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,656 You know what, this is a little off topic, guys 152 00:05:47,761 --> 00:05:50,111 but just about those lights the other night 153 00:05:50,211 --> 00:05:52,321 headquarters called and said it was just a helicopter 154 00:05:52,421 --> 00:05:54,601 reflecting off a batch of swamp gas. 155 00:05:54,699 --> 00:05:55,769 [Frank] 'Nothing to be concerned about.' 156 00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:57,702 So done deal. Good meeting, team. 157 00:05:57,805 --> 00:05:59,185 Productive work. 158 00:05:59,289 --> 00:06:00,429 See you. See you, guys. 159 00:06:04,847 --> 00:06:06,747 Are those guys the same guys that are always there? 160 00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:08,819 [Dangle] 'That's what I was just gonna ask.' 161 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,610 - They never talk. - They are, right? 162 00:06:10,715 --> 00:06:11,645 [Jack] 'Who else would they be?' 163 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,130 Why would you be in this room 164 00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:14,824 and sit through this [bleep] if you didn't have to? 165 00:06:14,926 --> 00:06:16,756 Exactly. Precisely. 166 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,279 What the hell? 167 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,493 [Junior] Holy [bleep] [bleep]. 168 00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:26,281 - 'What?' - 'Huh?' 169 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,416 Do we have to do secret Santa for them guys, too? 170 00:06:28,526 --> 00:06:30,356 [all] No! 171 00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:34,637 [instrumental music] 172 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,119 Yeah. We should know these guys. 173 00:06:39,226 --> 00:06:41,776 I'm just not very good with... 174 00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:44,094 ...names or faces 175 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:46,226 or remembering, like 176 00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:48,576 a whole conversation 177 00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:50,764 or, like, part of a conversation 178 00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:53,548 or, you know, the facts, or the figures. 179 00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:57,284 - Or the math, or the-- - Butterflies, butterflies. 180 00:06:57,382 --> 00:06:59,702 - Oh. No. Piece of paper. - Piece of paper. 181 00:06:59,798 --> 00:07:01,078 But it was fluttering just like a butterfly. 182 00:07:01,179 --> 00:07:02,559 That's pretty. Yeah. 183 00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:04,563 [siren wailing] 184 00:07:09,118 --> 00:07:10,458 You know how much these houses go for? 185 00:07:10,568 --> 00:07:12,778 - How much? - Four hundred thousand-- 186 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,060 'Four hundred thousand? Like, $400,000' 187 00:07:15,158 --> 00:07:16,638 'I can go buy a castle in France.' 188 00:07:16,746 --> 00:07:18,506 [Junior] 'Ho ho. Okay.' 189 00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:21,160 - Okay. - Freeze! Neighborhood watch! 190 00:07:21,268 --> 00:07:23,678 Come on. Get your hands in the air. 191 00:07:23,788 --> 00:07:25,688 Do you mind putting the guns down... 192 00:07:25,790 --> 00:07:27,100 And we can just get to business? 193 00:07:27,205 --> 00:07:28,655 We could go check out this house over here. 194 00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,798 We're just trying to do our job, ma'am. 195 00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:33,418 That's not gonna ha...y-you should go back into your car 196 00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:34,972 and you should go back to the sheriff's depart-- 197 00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,865 Let's go, let's get in our car, and let's go back-- 198 00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:38,463 You leave your balls at the station house? 199 00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:41,321 You've got a gate. Why do you have 150 guns here? 200 00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:42,976 Because we have a very low wall. 201 00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:45,123 [glass shatters] 202 00:07:45,223 --> 00:07:46,473 - 'Freeze! Freeze!' - 'Freeze! Neighborhood watch!' 203 00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:47,879 No, no, no! You don't say freeze! 204 00:07:47,984 --> 00:07:49,684 You don't say freeze! We say freeze! 205 00:07:49,779 --> 00:07:51,059 You don't say freeze! We say freeze! 206 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,610 Freeze, you [bleep]! 207 00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:54,443 Goddamn it! 208 00:07:54,543 --> 00:07:56,963 [male #1] Get the [bleep] off my lawn! 209 00:07:57,062 --> 00:07:57,992 [gunshots] 210 00:07:58,098 --> 00:07:59,438 [screams] 211 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,002 [male #2] Freeze! Neighborhood watch! 212 00:08:04,104 --> 00:08:05,314 [Frank] Oh, my God! Damn it! 213 00:08:05,415 --> 00:08:06,615 [gunshots] 214 00:08:09,143 --> 00:08:11,183 - Who the hell are these people? - Man, I don't know. 215 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:13,043 I've never been to this neighborhood before. 216 00:08:13,147 --> 00:08:14,797 - Jesus! Oh, God. - Jesus. 217 00:08:14,908 --> 00:08:16,318 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah. 218 00:08:16,426 --> 00:08:17,736 The keys. Give me your car keys. 219 00:08:17,842 --> 00:08:19,532 - I'll be right back for you. - Go. 220 00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:20,877 [screams] 221 00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:23,163 This is a gated community. 222 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,134 Dude, he's come back! 223 00:08:27,437 --> 00:08:28,777 Go, go, go, go! 224 00:08:28,887 --> 00:08:30,647 [male #3] 'You forgot the stereo, ass[bleep].' 225 00:08:30,751 --> 00:08:32,751 [instrumental music] 226 00:08:37,136 --> 00:08:39,136 [instrumental music] 227 00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:41,825 [laughs] 228 00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:44,014 [speaking in foreign language] 229 00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:52,598 The Cero is silent. 230 00:08:52,704 --> 00:08:55,914 We are Reno's number-one Spanish-speaking radio station 231 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:58,748 and we're here with the Reno Sheriff's Department. 232 00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:00,368 [speaking in foreign language] 233 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,436 - ...having us on the show. - Thanks for having us. 234 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,926 We just want to announce to all of your listeners out there 235 00:09:09,031 --> 00:09:11,211 that it's bicycle safety week. 236 00:09:11,309 --> 00:09:13,449 If you come down to the Reno Sheriff's Department 237 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,763 this Saturday, we're giving coupons for $4.00 off 238 00:09:16,866 --> 00:09:18,586 any bike helmet in the area. 239 00:09:18,696 --> 00:09:20,246 [snoring] 240 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,112 [Dangle] 'Well, it is, it is super important, though.' 241 00:09:23,217 --> 00:09:25,567 What was that? That was a big sleeping 242 00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:28,838 because of your boring talking. 243 00:09:28,947 --> 00:09:31,847 Yeah, it may not be the most exciting thing in the World 244 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:34,500 but I think everybody appreciates bike safety. 245 00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,508 You know what's exciting? Race wars! 246 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,301 [imitating gunshots] 247 00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:41,026 - No, no, no, no. - Race cars. 248 00:09:41,132 --> 00:09:43,202 Time for a commercial break. 249 00:09:43,306 --> 00:09:46,206 [speaking in foreign language] 250 00:09:55,802 --> 00:09:57,322 ...no, I'll be kind. 251 00:09:57,424 --> 00:09:59,674 You see, I'm going to kill them. 252 00:09:59,771 --> 00:10:01,671 Uh, am I crazy? Y-you said, uh 253 00:10:01,773 --> 00:10:03,883 you're gonna shoot us with a gun when we leave. 254 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:05,292 Nah. That's just Spanish. 255 00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,707 - It's a joke. - That's an expression. 256 00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:09,474 I would not shoot you from behind 257 00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:12,404 [speaks in foreign language] 258 00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:15,438 No. I will shoot you from the front. 259 00:10:15,545 --> 00:10:18,265 And we're back on the air having fun. 260 00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,616 [speaks in foreign language] 261 00:10:22,345 --> 00:10:24,275 [instrumental music] 262 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,967 - Hey, Tru? - What? 263 00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:31,726 I have an idea for how we could, uh, check 264 00:10:31,838 --> 00:10:34,188 to see if the three fellows whose names I can't remember. 265 00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:35,258 Yeah. How? 266 00:10:35,358 --> 00:10:36,768 - I got a plan. - Okay. 267 00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,327 It's not checked out, but here's the thing. 268 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,330 - Okay. - I think they're all Jews. 269 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,542 Why? What makes you think that? 270 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,611 [Dangle] 'Just look at their faces?' 271 00:10:42,711 --> 00:10:43,881 'They have those beaky faces...' 272 00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:45,368 - Yeah. - 'But here's the thing.' 273 00:10:45,472 --> 00:10:47,512 I need you to get some pictures of their foreskins. 274 00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:51,618 How am I gonna do that? 275 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,650 I think the old-fashioned way. 276 00:10:53,756 --> 00:10:55,716 - You know what I'll do? - 'What's that?' 277 00:10:55,827 --> 00:10:57,517 - I'm just gonna go old school. - 'Yeah?' 278 00:10:57,622 --> 00:11:00,422 I'm gonna say, "Hey, guys." 279 00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:01,871 "I'm having a make-out party at my place tonight. 280 00:11:01,971 --> 00:11:03,491 Why don't you bring your [bleep]?" 281 00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:05,353 [Trudy] Last year for secret Santa 282 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,387 everyone got a present, except for me, that doesn't-- 283 00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:08,844 Because the person who got your name 284 00:11:08,944 --> 00:11:10,644 didn't want to get you nothing. 285 00:11:10,739 --> 00:11:12,569 - That's fitz. - That's not fitz. 286 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,812 That's just somebody don't like you. 287 00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:15,474 Yeah. We got a secret Jew in the group. 288 00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:16,711 - That's what that is. - No. 289 00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:19,264 - Hey! - Oh. Hey, ladies. 290 00:11:19,368 --> 00:11:21,678 - What's happening? - How you doing, fellas? 291 00:11:21,784 --> 00:11:23,964 - What was that? - Are y'all related, or... 292 00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:26,762 [men together] No! No! No! 293 00:11:26,858 --> 00:11:30,278 I thought you were related because you're name is... 294 00:11:30,379 --> 00:11:32,419 - What? - I'm sorry. 295 00:11:32,519 --> 00:11:34,069 Excuse me. I'm eating a hot dog. 296 00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:36,136 Did you just say my name was Fernando? 297 00:11:36,247 --> 00:11:38,177 I'm training her for a hot dog eating contest. 298 00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:39,703 We're training for a hot dog eating contest. 299 00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:41,112 My god. Oh. 300 00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:44,007 Show us how fast you can eat one. 301 00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:46,567 [men together] Trudy! Trudy! Trudy! 302 00:11:46,671 --> 00:11:48,711 Trudy! Trudy! Trudy! 303 00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:51,161 Trudy! Trudy! Trudy! Trudy... 304 00:11:51,262 --> 00:11:53,752 Alright. Um, hey, we took care of car 57 for you. 305 00:11:53,851 --> 00:11:55,441 Don't worry about it. 306 00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:58,372 - Ugh, Jesus, these smell bad. - 'Is it sulfur?' 307 00:11:58,476 --> 00:11:59,856 Thanks... 308 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,518 They ain't getting no secret Santa 309 00:12:03,619 --> 00:12:05,029 if we don't know who the hell they are. 310 00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:06,658 [instrumental music] 311 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,493 - Oh!' - 'Here we go.' 312 00:12:13,594 --> 00:12:15,944 I [bleep] hate this place. Let's go, sarge. 313 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,880 [indistinct chattering] 314 00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:22,164 [glass breaks distinctly] 315 00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:23,188 [grunting] 316 00:12:23,294 --> 00:12:24,674 [bleep] 317 00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:30,583 [indistinct chattering] 318 00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:38,716 Oh! 319 00:12:39,379 --> 00:12:40,689 [bleep] 320 00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:46,315 Holy [bleep] 321 00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:50,564 [gunshots] 322 00:12:50,666 --> 00:12:52,836 [heavily breathing] 323 00:12:52,944 --> 00:12:54,884 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 324 00:12:56,983 --> 00:13:00,233 [Jones] Ho! Sheriff's department. 325 00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:01,881 [Jack] Everybody needs to 326 00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:04,708 cool the [bleep] out! 327 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,228 Sorry, ma'am. 328 00:13:06,337 --> 00:13:09,477 Wish we could've made it here in time for the action. 329 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,581 You, get the [bleep] out of my bar! 330 00:13:11,687 --> 00:13:13,547 [screams] 331 00:13:13,654 --> 00:13:15,244 [instrumental music] 332 00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:19,523 - Sheriff's department. - 'Hi.' 333 00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:22,416 - Uh... - 'Uh to you, too.' 334 00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:25,355 Mike, we're here 'cause, uh your neighbors have been, uh... 335 00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:26,839 ...have been wondering about you a little bit. 336 00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:28,644 They-they-they're kind of... they're a little concerned 337 00:13:28,738 --> 00:13:30,328 about, uh, you know-- 338 00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:32,640 About this whole, this whole scenario here. 339 00:13:32,742 --> 00:13:35,122 That's nice. That's nice. That's a nice... 340 00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:39,228 You know, when you buy into a neighborhood like this... 341 00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:41,575 You know, you watch, you watch each other's back, and... 342 00:13:41,682 --> 00:13:44,552 You're-you're good? You're-you're fine? 343 00:13:44,651 --> 00:13:47,621 - Oh! Oh! - 'Come on, Michael.' 344 00:13:47,723 --> 00:13:49,173 - Michael! - Uh-oh. 345 00:13:49,276 --> 00:13:50,446 - Uh-oh! - Yeah. 346 00:13:50,553 --> 00:13:51,763 These ain't my pants. 347 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,315 Can you tell us about last night? 348 00:13:53,418 --> 00:13:55,348 I was partying down. 349 00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,145 - Really? - I was down... 350 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,250 - Yeah? - Down over at the... 351 00:13:59,355 --> 00:14:02,835 Oh, biker bar, but they're not real bikers 352 00:14:02,945 --> 00:14:04,635 the biker bar, though, lot of fellas-- 353 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,780 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Mm, then what happened? 354 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,950 We got it on...beerwise, and then got it on 355 00:14:10,056 --> 00:14:12,056 with a shot, and then, "You want a??, man?" 356 00:14:12,161 --> 00:14:14,231 "What's that?" Oh, I did it off his back. 357 00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:17,506 [chuckles] And then bloop. Bloop. 358 00:14:17,615 --> 00:14:18,995 - Bloop is-- - Went blank. 359 00:14:19,099 --> 00:14:21,649 - What did...oh. - That's all you remember. 360 00:14:21,757 --> 00:14:23,347 And then you guys hassling me. 361 00:14:23,448 --> 00:14:24,548 It hurts when I breathe. 362 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,656 - Yeah? - Yeah, yeah. 363 00:14:26,762 --> 00:14:28,592 Did someone punch you in the gut, too? 364 00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:30,725 I think they punched me up in the butt. 365 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:32,835 Up the butt. There's another word for that. 366 00:14:35,288 --> 00:14:36,878 [siren wailing] 367 00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:40,497 Hey, Marvin. 368 00:14:44,745 --> 00:14:46,195 It's not "Hey, Marvin." It's Lee Marvin. 369 00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:47,539 - Lee Marvin. - Lee Marvin. 370 00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:49,225 - Lee Marvin. - When I said, "Hey, Marvin." 371 00:14:49,336 --> 00:14:50,816 I was going to... 372 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,934 ...reference... 373 00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:55,240 ...Lee Marvin in that terrific picture-- 374 00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:57,412 "Paint your wagons red"? 375 00:14:57,517 --> 00:14:59,137 - That's exactly what I meant. - "Paint your wagons red." 376 00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:00,283 - Yeah. - Yep. 377 00:15:00,382 --> 00:15:01,692 [drums roll] 378 00:15:04,006 --> 00:15:04,896 [Trudy] 'Hi, kids.' 379 00:15:05,007 --> 00:15:07,457 My name is Deputy Trudy Weigel 380 00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:09,701 and I am from the Reno Sheriff's Department 381 00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:12,355 'and I am here today to talk to you' 382 00:15:12,463 --> 00:15:15,053 about your red-light areas. 383 00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:17,085 Now, I know it's sometimes hard 384 00:15:17,192 --> 00:15:19,502 to keep track of all of 'em 'cause we got so darn 385 00:15:19,608 --> 00:15:22,158 many of 'em, so I wrote a little song 386 00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:23,886 'to help you remember' 387 00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:26,342 'just where they are.' 388 00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:28,932 ♪ Ooh 389 00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:31,001 ♪ Jump down turn around 390 00:15:31,102 --> 00:15:32,762 ♪ Don't you touch my bunghole 391 00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:34,422 ♪ Jump down turn around 392 00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:35,939 ♪ Don't you touch my boobs 393 00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:37,728 ♪ Jump down turn around 394 00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,323 ♪ Don't you touch my fanny 395 00:15:39,421 --> 00:15:41,111 ♪ Jump down turn around 396 00:15:41,216 --> 00:15:42,316 ♪ Don't you touch my [bleep] 397 00:15:42,424 --> 00:15:44,054 ♪ Ooh Lordy 398 00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:45,570 ♪ Don't you touch my fun bags 399 00:15:45,668 --> 00:15:46,838 ♪ Oh Lordy 400 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,636 ♪ Don't you touch my vague 401 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,402 ♪ Jump down turn around 402 00:15:52,503 --> 00:15:53,813 ♪ Don't you touch my wiener 403 00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,298 ♪ Jump down turn around 404 00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:56,542 ♪ Don't you touch my hole 405 00:15:56,645 --> 00:15:58,125 ♪ Jump down turn around 406 00:15:58,233 --> 00:15:59,583 ♪ Don't you touch my scrotum 407 00:15:59,682 --> 00:16:01,132 ♪ Jump down turn around 408 00:16:01,236 --> 00:16:03,646 ♪ Don't play with my 409 00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:06,405 ♪ Balls ♪ 410 00:16:10,176 --> 00:16:11,656 [drums roll] 411 00:16:13,144 --> 00:16:15,494 For three years in a row Trudy Weigel 412 00:16:15,595 --> 00:16:17,695 has gotten me for secret Santa. 413 00:16:17,804 --> 00:16:20,154 Uh, three years ago 414 00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:21,425 caramel apple. 415 00:16:21,532 --> 00:16:23,602 I threw the caramel apple away 416 00:16:23,706 --> 00:16:25,466 at the station. 417 00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:28,230 Last year, swear to God... 418 00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:29,542 ...same caramel apple. 419 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:31,163 And, uh, every year he throws it away, 420 00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,716 so I just take it out of the garbage. 421 00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:34,549 Next year, I regift it, I just put more sprinkles 422 00:16:34,648 --> 00:16:36,168 on the outside and make it look more festive. 423 00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:39,551 Also every year, I give him a coupon for a hug. 424 00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:42,073 He hasn't, uh, he hasn't turned any of 'em 425 00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:44,453 in yet to get his hugs, so, I think he's probably 426 00:16:44,555 --> 00:16:47,345 saving them all up to trade them in for one big [bleep] job. 427 00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,154 [imitating lion] 428 00:16:49,249 --> 00:16:50,729 [instrumental music] 429 00:16:55,876 --> 00:16:58,806 Got a 911 call out here in Donner State Park. 430 00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,434 Boy, this is a long drive. 431 00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,366 [Glen] Thank you. Good to see you. Yeah. 432 00:17:02,469 --> 00:17:03,639 You okay? 433 00:17:03,746 --> 00:17:05,086 You guys came in like the Flintstones. 434 00:17:05,195 --> 00:17:06,675 That was like yabba dabba doo. 435 00:17:06,784 --> 00:17:07,924 ...drive from the main highway. 436 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,297 Yeah. We had a washout, too. 437 00:17:09,406 --> 00:17:10,546 I'm surprised you guys got through that. 438 00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:12,340 Yeah, I think we bottomed out there. 439 00:17:12,444 --> 00:17:13,864 - Took some damage, you alright? - Goods to see you. 440 00:17:13,963 --> 00:17:15,523 - You look good. - Thank you. 441 00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:16,659 - You lose weight? - Thank you, yeah. 442 00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:18,139 A little bit, little bit, yeah. 443 00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:20,563 - You working out? - A little bit, little bit. 444 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,320 - You look strong. - Not a social call, I hope. 445 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,210 - God, I hope this is not a-- - No, sir. No, no. 446 00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:25,909 Come on over here. Have a seat. Have a seat. 447 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:27,290 - 'No, no, no.' - 'We will not sit down.' 448 00:17:27,391 --> 00:17:28,881 [Dangle] 'Is the perp still here? Perp still here?' 449 00:17:28,978 --> 00:17:30,698 - It's a bit of a yarn. - We don't have time. 450 00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:32,778 We don't have time for a bit of a yarn. 451 00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:34,499 We for sure don't have time for a yarn. 452 00:17:34,605 --> 00:17:36,365 So, I'm out there, and I'm in a certain area 453 00:17:36,469 --> 00:17:37,779 and I see something, I'm thinking 454 00:17:37,884 --> 00:17:39,514 "Oh, maybe that's a bear." you know, I got Chuck 455 00:17:39,610 --> 00:17:40,850 and I got Gary over on this side. 456 00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:42,056 I got names for them, you know? 457 00:17:42,164 --> 00:17:44,174 And then I think it was like a guy. 458 00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,820 It looked like a man, but I'm not sure. 459 00:17:45,926 --> 00:17:47,266 - 'Cause he was-- - Vagrant, homeless fella. 460 00:17:47,376 --> 00:17:48,646 I think it was a homeless vagrant. 461 00:17:48,757 --> 00:17:50,097 Homeless man. Dressed as a bear? 462 00:17:50,207 --> 00:17:52,277 Dressed as a bear, or just your mistake? 463 00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:53,901 I'm thinking bear, maybe bobcat. 464 00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:55,493 No, sir. Guys, I wouldn't call you our here 465 00:17:55,591 --> 00:17:58,011 for some nonsense, this guy, although you have before. 466 00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,631 You have before. 467 00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:00,773 - You have before. - Trust me, guys. 468 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,362 - Okay. - Glen, do us a favor. 469 00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:05,671 Be honest with us now. 470 00:18:05,774 --> 00:18:07,434 - There was no-- - 'Man-bear.' 471 00:18:07,534 --> 00:18:09,304 - Man-bear. - There was a... 472 00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:11,188 Come on, now. 473 00:18:11,297 --> 00:18:14,647 There was a bear on the ridge. 474 00:18:14,748 --> 00:18:16,748 That's where he should be, in the national parks. 475 00:18:16,854 --> 00:18:18,344 National park, that's where a bear should be. 476 00:18:18,442 --> 00:18:21,242 If it was a drifter, I'm unprepared. 477 00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:23,411 We like you. I think you're a good guy. 478 00:18:23,516 --> 00:18:25,236 - You're a good guy. - We like you. 479 00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:26,855 What are you doing for Christmas? 480 00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:30,247 Well, going to my Chicago. Family is doing a thing, so... 481 00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,180 You? 482 00:18:32,283 --> 00:18:33,393 Going with him to Chicago. 483 00:18:33,491 --> 00:18:34,941 We're going to Chicago to do a thing. 484 00:18:35,044 --> 00:18:36,464 - We're going to Chicago. - We have a black family. 485 00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:38,673 Yeah, I'll be out here by myself. 486 00:18:38,772 --> 00:18:40,462 Saddest time of the year is Christmas. That's a fact. 487 00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:43,667 That's where the Donners ate each other, right up there? 488 00:18:43,777 --> 00:18:45,747 - Right, I believe, right there. - Yeah. Right there. 489 00:18:45,848 --> 00:18:47,438 It's been great. 490 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,160 [Dangle] I could've sworn I just heard some whispering 491 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:51,056 over from the Donner bones, but... 492 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,344 You might want to check that out. 493 00:18:52,441 --> 00:18:54,171 - Wow, it's been great. - 'Oh, it's been great.' 494 00:18:54,271 --> 00:18:55,411 - Bye, Glen. - Bye, Glen. 495 00:18:55,513 --> 00:18:57,523 - Don't chase the car. - 'Don't chase the car.' 496 00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:59,449 [Dangle] 'It's dangerous. Don't chase the car.' 497 00:18:59,552 --> 00:19:01,592 [instrumental music] 498 00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:11,563 [Dangle] 'I think there's a very good chance' 499 00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:12,837 that the blonde one's name is 500 00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:16,054 I-I yelled out, "Hey, Glarry." 501 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,605 - "Hey, Glarry"? - "Glarry"? 502 00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:20,399 'It's either... H-he might be Gary or Larry' 503 00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:21,954 'cause I say... I was trying to say Gary 504 00:19:22,057 --> 00:19:23,397 and I made a mistake. I said, "Hey, Glarry." 505 00:19:23,507 --> 00:19:25,407 The glasses guy kind of looks like roge. 506 00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,129 [Frank] 'He looks like an Ernie.' 507 00:19:27,235 --> 00:19:29,265 [Junior] Glasses guy does look like an Ernie. 508 00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,195 Are we gonna, are we gonna start doing "Looks like"? 509 00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:32,958 Ladies and gentlemen of the Reno, Nevada 510 00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:35,038 sheriff's department. 511 00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:36,969 'You've, no doubt, by now surmised' 512 00:19:37,072 --> 00:19:38,562 'that we are not who we claim to be.' 513 00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:42,660 We are not actually members of the Reno sheriff's department. 514 00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:45,047 We are members of the office of home world security. 515 00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:47,009 [male #5] 'Yes, a rain of antimatter was coming down' 516 00:19:47,116 --> 00:19:49,326 'upon the very desert in which you all live' 517 00:19:49,429 --> 00:19:52,019 and we stopped it from killing every last one of you. 518 00:19:53,675 --> 00:19:56,325 - Yes? - Is your name Glarry? 519 00:19:56,436 --> 00:19:58,196 - That's the most ridiculous-- - That's not a name. 520 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:00,650 Who is named Glarry? I turned because I heard Glarry 521 00:20:00,751 --> 00:20:02,511 'and I thought, "What the hell does Glarry mean?"' 522 00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,195 Flat out mistake, and I apologize. 523 00:20:04,306 --> 00:20:05,376 Now, please come with us 524 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,960 and we will answer every question you have. 525 00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:07,997 Come on. 526 00:20:08,966 --> 00:20:09,966 [door closes] 527 00:20:11,313 --> 00:20:13,113 - Was that not clear? - We meant right now. 528 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,082 [indistinct chattering] 529 00:20:16,284 --> 00:20:17,734 [male #5] 'Time is of the essence.' 530 00:20:17,837 --> 00:20:20,527 Ladies and gentlemen, do not forget what's happened here. 531 00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:22,603 There's one thing that you need to remember. 532 00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:26,054 It's do not trust your senses. 533 00:20:26,155 --> 00:20:27,775 We'll be in contact. 534 00:20:27,881 --> 00:20:30,571 If we're not...pray. 535 00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:32,297 - Let's go! - Godspeed. 536 00:20:32,403 --> 00:20:34,303 [mumbling] 537 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,038 [Junior] So, we don't have to do them for secret Santa. 538 00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:48,072 No. We don't. 539 00:20:48,177 --> 00:20:49,107 [all] Yeah! 540 00:20:54,632 --> 00:20:56,082 Last time, I did whippits 541 00:20:56,185 --> 00:20:58,285 Roy Clark appeared 542 00:20:58,395 --> 00:21:00,535 and told me not to do whippits anymore and I stopped. 543 00:21:00,638 --> 00:21:01,978 Well, that would, that would do it for me. 544 00:21:02,088 --> 00:21:03,608 Cold turkey. I think he's dead. 545 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:05,130 - You had a vision. - Yeah, yeah. Of Roy Clark. 546 00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:06,579 - Oh, no. He's long dead. - Long dead. 547 00:21:06,679 --> 00:21:08,989 Came out, big smile, red, white, and blue banjo 548 00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:11,615 and said, "Travis, you straighten up." 549 00:21:11,718 --> 00:21:13,098 you know, I got some in the trunk. 550 00:21:13,202 --> 00:21:14,412 Salvia? 551 00:21:14,514 --> 00:21:15,414 Yeah. And whippits. 552 00:21:15,515 --> 00:21:17,065 Oh. Not tonight. 553 00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:18,452 Not, as it were, a school night. 554 00:21:18,553 --> 00:21:20,243 [laughs] 555 00:21:20,348 --> 00:21:21,798 I'm [bleep] with you. 556 00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,211 - "School night." - Yeah, let's do some-- 557 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:24,586 Let's do some whippits really quick. 41147