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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,381 --> 00:00:05,281 [mouth organ music] 2 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,292 Okay, so this Friday, 8 p.m. 3 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,080 murder mystery dinner, Sierra Historical Society. 4 00:00:13,116 --> 00:00:14,076 I've rented it out. 5 00:00:14,117 --> 00:00:15,707 Umm, should be lots of fun. 6 00:00:15,739 --> 00:00:19,469 And I have very, very good roles for both of you. 7 00:00:19,502 --> 00:00:23,372 [Williams] 'Is would like to introduce Mrs. Debbie Dangle.' 8 00:00:23,402 --> 00:00:27,862 And may I present my fiance, Gary Werner. 9 00:00:27,889 --> 00:00:30,199 Coming, my love! 10 00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:31,267 Hello! 11 00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:32,647 [Debbie giggles] 12 00:00:32,686 --> 00:00:35,066 Dance for us. Dance, minstrel. Dance. 13 00:00:35,104 --> 00:00:37,454 You know what, bitch? I'm his slave, not yours. 14 00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:39,345 - You're gonna shut up in here. - Are you gonna cut me? 15 00:00:39,384 --> 00:00:42,084 - 'Yes, I am.' - To murder. 16 00:00:42,111 --> 00:00:43,971 - Murder. - Murder. 17 00:00:44,009 --> 00:00:45,359 [Debbie giggles] 18 00:00:45,390 --> 00:00:48,260 [instrumental music] 19 00:00:48,289 --> 00:00:49,739 She's really dead. 20 00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:52,713 [screaming] 21 00:00:54,744 --> 00:00:56,824 What the [bleep]. When are we gonna get to the murder part? 22 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,369 I've been laying on the bathroom floor for three hours. 23 00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:00,654 Ooh. 24 00:01:01,475 --> 00:01:03,165 [instrumental music] 25 00:01:03,201 --> 00:01:04,721 Son of a bitch! Godammit! 26 00:01:04,754 --> 00:01:06,514 [explosion] 27 00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:08,099 [tires screeching] 28 00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:11,897 They all have guns! 29 00:01:12,796 --> 00:01:13,726 [explosion] 30 00:01:15,937 --> 00:01:17,697 Whoo-hoo! 31 00:01:19,838 --> 00:01:20,908 Ow! 32 00:01:20,942 --> 00:01:22,152 Push it to, push it together? 33 00:01:22,185 --> 00:01:23,695 Sheriff's department! I need your bike! 34 00:01:25,637 --> 00:01:27,087 Aah! Gah! 35 00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:30,228 [siren wailing] 36 00:01:30,262 --> 00:01:32,132 [gunshots] 37 00:01:32,161 --> 00:01:34,091 [groans] 38 00:01:36,441 --> 00:01:38,061 Watch. Over the line. 39 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,198 [screaming] 40 00:01:39,237 --> 00:01:41,407 [explosion] 41 00:01:41,446 --> 00:01:47,826 [siren wailing] 42 00:01:47,866 --> 00:01:49,386 [thunder rumbling] 43 00:01:49,419 --> 00:01:52,769 [Dangle] 'The authorities are on their way.' 44 00:01:54,044 --> 00:01:55,394 - Hey, we're the authorities. - I know. 45 00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:57,145 Well, the, the paramedics are on their way is what I'm... 46 00:01:57,186 --> 00:01:59,076 Paramedics are on their way. I should have clarified. 47 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,259 - Certainly. - It seems as though... 48 00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:04,713 Our murder mystery dinner... 49 00:02:06,643 --> 00:02:09,823 ...has become a murder mystery dinner. 50 00:02:12,684 --> 00:02:15,934 The only thing we know for certain 51 00:02:15,963 --> 00:02:17,793 that someone in this room 52 00:02:17,827 --> 00:02:22,037 wanted Debbie Dangle dead. 53 00:02:22,072 --> 00:02:24,702 So much so 54 00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,250 to commit such a heinous crime. 55 00:02:28,217 --> 00:02:30,177 Takes me back a little ways. 56 00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:34,121 Takes me back 57 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,644 to Cabo San Lucas. 58 00:02:35,672 --> 00:02:37,402 [all gasp] 59 00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:39,193 [Dangle] 'Leslie, I believe' 60 00:02:39,228 --> 00:02:41,538 we had had four mind erasers 61 00:02:41,575 --> 00:02:44,465 at Sammy Hagar's party joint 62 00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:46,369 Cabo Wabo 63 00:02:46,407 --> 00:02:49,757 when you said to me, and I quote 64 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:53,660 "Boy, oh, boy, it would be so super if Debbie were dead." 65 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,140 [all gasp] 66 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:59,035 I said that several times, but I was kidding. 67 00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:00,315 We laughed. 68 00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:02,082 What about Gary? 69 00:03:02,112 --> 00:03:03,742 [all gasp] 70 00:03:03,769 --> 00:03:06,219 [thunder rumbling] 71 00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:09,185 [instrumental music] 72 00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:13,609 [indistinct chatter on radio] 73 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:14,951 [Junior] 'How you doing, Bernardino?' 74 00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:17,227 Now, some folks down at the Piggly Wiggly 75 00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:19,436 in the produce section, real upset. 76 00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:20,505 - You've been there? - They're upset. 77 00:03:20,545 --> 00:03:22,235 - Yeah. - You've been there? 78 00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,031 [Junior] 'Did you see anything while you were down there?' 79 00:03:24,065 --> 00:03:26,585 I'm... I haven't been there for... 80 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,790 ...seventy years? 81 00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:29,108 - Seventy years? - Oh. 82 00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:30,489 Yeah. I mean, I haven't been there for... 83 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,380 I mean, I was there seventy years ago, I guess. 84 00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:34,279 You were there at the Piggly Wiggly seventy years ago? 85 00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:36,247 Yeah. So it's been a while. 86 00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:37,975 Yeah, that's a long time. 87 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,390 4:20 this afternoon. Think hard. Produce section. 88 00:03:40,427 --> 00:03:42,497 Area with fruits and vegetables. 89 00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:44,782 A gentleman, Caucasian 90 00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:47,680 about 5'10", roller skates 91 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:49,260 which made us think... 92 00:03:49,298 --> 00:03:50,328 Maybe it's Terry. 93 00:03:50,368 --> 00:03:51,848 Maybe Terry would know this guy. 94 00:03:51,886 --> 00:03:54,646 Maybe the person that works there is stupid and ugly. 95 00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:57,172 See, it seems, again to me like you might 96 00:03:57,202 --> 00:03:58,622 know this person in the produce section. 97 00:03:58,652 --> 00:04:00,172 I feel like it's coming back. 98 00:04:00,205 --> 00:04:03,275 I don't know any fat women with red hair in the produce section. 99 00:04:03,312 --> 00:04:06,042 Alright, so this is starting to fall into place. 100 00:04:06,073 --> 00:04:08,563 - Our witness, Kelly O'Brien-- - She sounds like a bitch. 101 00:04:08,593 --> 00:04:11,773 She was a little thick, and she wasn't super nice. 102 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:12,943 - She wasn't super nice. - That's true. 103 00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:15,146 But maybe you got off on the wrong foot 104 00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:17,425 because what were you doing in the produce section? 105 00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:22,050 I was trying fruit on. 106 00:04:22,089 --> 00:04:24,849 Mm-hmm. That's exactly what we got. 107 00:04:24,885 --> 00:04:26,575 - Oh, [bleep]. God! - You see? 108 00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:29,481 Let him go. Let him go. 109 00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:31,340 [Junior] 'I didn't think you could skate on grass.' 110 00:04:31,374 --> 00:04:32,764 'Look at that son of a bitch go.' 111 00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:34,719 [instrumental music] 112 00:04:36,621 --> 00:04:38,111 [thunder rumbling] 113 00:04:38,139 --> 00:04:40,449 - What about Gary? - Oh! What about Gary? 114 00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:41,757 - What about Gary... - Oh, I'm Gary. 115 00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:44,248 ...whose voice-over business is being lost to India 116 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,154 who I saw at the gym two weeks ago nearly in tears 117 00:04:47,183 --> 00:04:49,913 about his loss of income? 118 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:52,984 We all know that Deb... 119 00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:56,016 ...was worth over... 120 00:04:56,054 --> 00:05:00,234 ...four hundred... thousand dollars. 121 00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:01,575 [clock chimes] 122 00:05:01,611 --> 00:05:03,791 Four hundred thousand US dollars. 123 00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:06,030 Let me tell you something 124 00:05:06,064 --> 00:05:10,174 that I have never told anyone else. 125 00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:14,486 Some miss lady told me in confidence 126 00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:16,831 that she was really 127 00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:19,938 Debbie Dangle's sister! 128 00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:25,641 [instrumental music] 129 00:05:27,465 --> 00:05:30,295 [indistinct chatter on radio] 130 00:05:31,227 --> 00:05:33,397 Hey. Are you arresting him? 131 00:05:33,436 --> 00:05:35,956 - Yes, I am. He's-- - That's awesome. 132 00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:38,580 - Just stay back, sir. - Okay. I'll stay back. 133 00:05:38,614 --> 00:05:40,754 I-I-I want to be you someday 134 00:05:40,788 --> 00:05:42,788 when I pass the test to be a cop. 135 00:05:42,825 --> 00:05:44,615 You want to see my gun? I got a gun. 136 00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:46,174 - Whoa, whoa! - Whoa, hey! 137 00:05:46,207 --> 00:05:47,827 Oh, ha, ha. Whoa. 138 00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,044 You got a permit for that thing? 139 00:05:49,072 --> 00:05:51,352 Yeah, of course, I got a permit. 140 00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,385 - Sweet! - Yeah. 141 00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:54,872 - This is nice. - Yeah. 142 00:05:54,906 --> 00:05:56,426 - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. 143 00:05:56,459 --> 00:05:58,839 - My gun's bigger than yours. - Yours is bigger than mine. 144 00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:00,145 Whoa. 145 00:06:00,187 --> 00:06:02,117 - So you want to be a cop, huh? - Yeah. 146 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:03,644 Okay. It ain't as easy as you might think. 147 00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:05,643 I want to be... My dad wanted to be one. 148 00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:07,365 But he was in jail so he couldn't be. 149 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,271 And I'm on Fluoxetine. 150 00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:11,919 It's like Prozac but for poor people. 151 00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:14,337 Look, if you ever try to get on the force... 152 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,764 You don't want to mention any mental disabilities. 153 00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:18,410 Everyone's got a little bit of [bleep] up, okay? 154 00:06:18,447 --> 00:06:19,617 - Yeah. - Yeah. 155 00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:22,135 - It's a fine line, you know? - Yeah. 156 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:24,564 But as long as you know how to navigate it, which I do 157 00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:25,761 don't bring it up. 158 00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:28,869 - Oh, okay. Okay, thanks. - Alright. 159 00:06:28,905 --> 00:06:30,415 Okay, dirt bag, time to go to jail. 160 00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:32,079 Yeah, time to go to jail. 161 00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:33,735 [chuckles] Dirt bag. 162 00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:36,052 Hey, do you want me to take him to jail? 163 00:06:36,085 --> 00:06:38,665 I got a badge. I found it in a cop car. 164 00:06:38,708 --> 00:06:40,228 My name is James Dangle. 165 00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:42,511 You're under arrest. Get in the back of the car. 166 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:46,030 [laughs]Awesome! I'll read myself my rights. 167 00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:47,960 I have the right to remain silent. 168 00:06:47,993 --> 00:06:49,933 [instrumental music] 169 00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:53,925 [thunder rumbling] 170 00:06:53,965 --> 00:06:55,345 [Trudy] 'She's my half-sister and she did' 171 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,830 'try to kill me several times when we were kids' 172 00:06:56,864 --> 00:06:58,494 but I didn't want her dead. 173 00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:01,561 - Deb was your half-sister? - Yeah. It was 'cause our dad... 174 00:07:01,593 --> 00:07:03,983 My mom was raped by... It's a long story. 175 00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:05,629 - By American Indians. - By an American Indian. 176 00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:08,426 - On a souvenir hunt. - Right. He also raped her mom. 177 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:09,882 [Gary] 'Wow.' 178 00:07:09,912 --> 00:07:12,712 But I did not want to kill her, and I did not want her dead 179 00:07:12,742 --> 00:07:14,022 and I did not kill her. 180 00:07:14,054 --> 00:07:17,404 However, I had a conversation 181 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,507 with someone in this room... 182 00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:24,484 ...someone who shall remain nameless. 183 00:07:24,513 --> 00:07:25,723 Jim Dangle! 184 00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:26,825 [all gasp] 185 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:29,690 Isn't it true... 186 00:07:29,725 --> 00:07:33,625 ...that you told me on the telephone 187 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:36,490 not four days ago... 188 00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:39,835 ...that you were thinking about buying new shoes for yourself 189 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:42,743 perhaps in brown, maybe even in black? 190 00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:46,781 I did. And I... I got them in that Zappos place online. 191 00:07:46,811 --> 00:07:48,361 - They're nice. - They're like... 192 00:07:48,398 --> 00:07:49,918 - The-these were not even-- - That's all I could think of. 193 00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:51,642 - That's all I got. - They were half the list price. 194 00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:53,228 - Do you guys ever go to Zappos? - Oh, yes. 195 00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:54,675 - Outstanding. - Next day. 196 00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:55,985 Fabulous shoes. They're there the next day. 197 00:07:56,027 --> 00:07:57,887 You type in what you want. You type in your size. 198 00:07:57,925 --> 00:08:00,235 If you do it after you've been drinking, it's like magic. 199 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,072 [instrumental music] 200 00:08:02,102 --> 00:08:04,042 [siren wailing] 201 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:08,633 [siren wailing] 202 00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,424 [thunder rumbling] 203 00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:14,246 [Dangle] 'And I suppose you all suspect me' 204 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:17,256 because everyone knows that Deb never changed her will. 205 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,048 Well, you are the only one with a gun. 206 00:08:21,086 --> 00:08:22,496 [thunder rumbling] 207 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:23,636 [all gasp] 208 00:08:23,675 --> 00:08:25,505 He's gonna kill me to shut me up! 209 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,779 Is that what you're gonna do? Well, it won't work! 210 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:32,822 Okay, for real, this is a prop. This is a prop gun. 211 00:08:32,857 --> 00:08:34,957 Because I was gonna kill the corpse with it. 212 00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:37,546 - Why do you have a gun, Leslie? - This is real. This is re... 213 00:08:37,586 --> 00:08:40,206 I knew I had to defend myself when I came here tonight. 214 00:08:40,243 --> 00:08:41,593 The last time I was at your trailer 215 00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:44,044 I saw you'd been stock piling cyanide. 216 00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:45,275 What? 217 00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,107 [thunder rumbling] 218 00:08:47,147 --> 00:08:48,767 It's true. 219 00:08:48,804 --> 00:08:52,394 It's true, but that is because we have 220 00:08:52,428 --> 00:08:55,598 a very serious possum infestation... 221 00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:57,922 ...in the trailer park. 222 00:08:57,951 --> 00:09:00,571 And I knew I wanted to get rid of those little buggers... 223 00:09:00,609 --> 00:09:02,129 ...once and for all. 224 00:09:02,162 --> 00:09:04,412 That's why I had it and it has nothing to do with the fact 225 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,650 that Deb never changed her will. 226 00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:08,963 And I know that because I went 227 00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:10,896 to the Washoe County Hall of records 228 00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,549 to do some investigating. 229 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:14,036 You can do that online now. 230 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,870 - Can you really? - Yeah. 231 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:17,660 You can do most everything online now. 232 00:09:17,695 --> 00:09:19,625 Can you look up any records, birth certificates? 233 00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:23,362 I found my great-uncle's birth certificate online. 234 00:09:23,390 --> 00:09:24,980 The Mormons. The Mormons do it for free. 235 00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:26,432 Oh, the Mormons. Yeah. 236 00:09:26,462 --> 00:09:28,402 [instrumental music] 237 00:09:31,985 --> 00:09:34,915 [speaking in foreign language] 238 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,587 What's goin' on? 239 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:53,492 Oh, it's a, it's a, a sting operation. 240 00:09:53,523 --> 00:09:55,733 Uh, big problem in the Russian community. 241 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:58,357 They have these sex lines with underage girls. 242 00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,530 Totally illegal. 243 00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:00,814 We're trying to trace this guy. 244 00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:02,811 They're the victims. They're the victims. 245 00:10:03,948 --> 00:10:06,878 [speaking in foreign language] 246 00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,235 - Oh, okay. - Oh. 247 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:18,310 - That's-- - Da! 248 00:10:18,341 --> 00:10:22,281 [speaking in foreign language] 249 00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:31,866 Okay, okay, we're gonna make him go too early. 250 00:10:31,907 --> 00:10:33,317 'We're gonna blow him too early.' 251 00:10:33,356 --> 00:10:35,116 I, I think, I think, maybe you better tell this boy 252 00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:37,781 that you're a little, tiny, underage, naughty school girl. 253 00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,639 - Yeah. - That's a good point. 254 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,163 - We could nail him on this. - That's right. 255 00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:43,992 And maybe, tell him, tell him that 256 00:10:44,022 --> 00:10:47,682 five and a half inches is plenty big. 257 00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:49,646 [speaking in foreign language] 258 00:10:50,719 --> 00:10:52,929 What, what are you doing? 259 00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,212 - Uh... - Uh... 260 00:10:54,239 --> 00:10:57,139 Workin' on that underage phone sex sting, sarge. 261 00:10:57,173 --> 00:10:58,493 - Phone sex sting operation. - All over it. 262 00:10:58,519 --> 00:10:59,999 That's federal. That's FCC. 263 00:11:00,038 --> 00:11:02,108 [moaning] 264 00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:04,114 Which is why we're all over it. 265 00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:06,076 [speaking in foreign language] 266 00:11:07,528 --> 00:11:09,118 It's a real slow day here. 267 00:11:09,151 --> 00:11:10,671 [speaking in foreign language] 268 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:13,264 Tell the guy, like, you, you, you've been a bad girl... 269 00:11:13,293 --> 00:11:14,503 Uh, give you a spankin'. 270 00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:15,705 [instrumental music] 271 00:11:15,744 --> 00:11:17,684 [siren wailing] 272 00:11:20,196 --> 00:11:23,056 [Dangle] 'Let me take you back in time.' 273 00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:27,376 Back in time to a young scientist... 274 00:11:28,584 --> 00:11:30,904 ...named La Fontaine Williams. 275 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,114 La Fontaine Williams 276 00:11:34,141 --> 00:11:37,111 just a young scientist working 277 00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:39,774 for the Fillmore Vacuum Cleaner Company. 278 00:11:39,802 --> 00:11:42,742 'The company that belonged to Debbie's father.' 279 00:11:44,289 --> 00:11:47,289 La Fontaine Williams, father of Raineesha Williams! 280 00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:49,327 [all gasp] 281 00:11:49,363 --> 00:11:52,573 And was he or was he not... 282 00:11:53,782 --> 00:11:57,272 ...the inventor of 283 00:11:57,302 --> 00:12:00,692 the couch sucky attachment? 284 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,270 The attach... What do you call them? 285 00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:04,447 - The sucky couch... - The couch... 286 00:12:04,482 --> 00:12:07,522 The sucky couch attachment! Yes, he was! 287 00:12:07,554 --> 00:12:11,324 Yes, he was and, yes, Deb's people 288 00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:13,421 stole from my family! 289 00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:14,866 Yes, they did. 290 00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:16,766 But that doesn't mean I killed her. 291 00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:19,215 White people steal from black people all the time. 292 00:12:19,255 --> 00:12:21,735 Our hair care products, our dances... 293 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,115 - The blues. Rock and roll. - All kinds of stuff. 294 00:12:24,157 --> 00:12:25,607 [doorbell rings] 295 00:12:25,641 --> 00:12:27,951 I'm going to get the door! 296 00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:30,815 - Adorable, fun. - So funny. 297 00:12:30,853 --> 00:12:32,893 Oh, even at a time like this 298 00:12:32,924 --> 00:12:34,554 it's just fun to have her around. 299 00:12:34,581 --> 00:12:35,891 They're like walking angels. 300 00:12:35,927 --> 00:12:39,137 Welcome to the Caribbean, baby. 301 00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:40,902 Aho! 302 00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:43,142 You said it was a dress-up party. 303 00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:44,686 [Dangle] 'Okay, so this is... I meant, I meant...' 304 00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:46,319 By the way, just, just dress up. 305 00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:48,151 Dress-up party, you said. Be there at 8:00. 306 00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:49,941 Dress-up party. Pigs in blankets. 307 00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:52,076 Okay, A, it's almost 9:45. 308 00:12:52,116 --> 00:12:53,736 B, you're dressed like Captain Jack. 309 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,573 I almost went as Iron Man, but it was, like 310 00:12:55,602 --> 00:12:57,332 a hundred and sixty five bucks for a good one. 311 00:12:57,362 --> 00:12:58,362 - Okay! - Borrowed this one. 312 00:12:58,398 --> 00:12:59,738 Super. Bar is that way. 313 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,399 And then, let's talk about this on Monday too. 314 00:13:01,435 --> 00:13:03,605 Uh, uh, my ex-wife and his ex-wife 315 00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:05,474 and his current wife is dead. 316 00:13:05,508 --> 00:13:07,098 Yeah. Murder mystery dinner. I get it. 317 00:13:07,131 --> 00:13:08,651 - No, she's really dead. - No, no, no, she's dead. 318 00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:09,864 Yeah, get it. Murder mystery dinner. 319 00:13:09,892 --> 00:13:11,172 - 'Really dead.' - 'She died.' 320 00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:13,794 Oooh. I get it. What you want to drink? 321 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,727 Steppin' over you, Mrs. Dangle. 322 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,180 Don't step in that. That's real. 323 00:13:18,211 --> 00:13:20,141 [siren wailing] 324 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:24,673 How many times has this happened to you? 325 00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,080 You use your credit card 326 00:13:26,115 --> 00:13:28,665 to purchase pornography on the internet. 327 00:13:28,704 --> 00:13:31,674 Or for adult themed board games or novelty items. 328 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:35,087 And then you're getting credit card bills 329 00:13:35,124 --> 00:13:38,304 for motor boats and fancy trips to Paris, France. 330 00:13:39,163 --> 00:13:41,793 What happened? 331 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,341 You are a victim of identity theft. 332 00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:46,445 That's why I always use... 333 00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:49,405 ...a secure ID 334 00:13:49,449 --> 00:13:51,519 the Master Bait Charge Card. 335 00:13:51,554 --> 00:13:54,424 The card that's only for pornography. 336 00:13:54,454 --> 00:13:58,084 No more fancy trips or boats on me. 337 00:13:58,113 --> 00:14:00,223 Thank you, Master Bait Card. 338 00:14:02,013 --> 00:14:05,883 The Master Bait Charge Card, that is. 339 00:14:05,914 --> 00:14:08,164 [Dangle] Protect your good name with a master bait 340 00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:11,402 porno only personal credit card for him or her. 341 00:14:13,922 --> 00:14:15,652 [siren wailing] 342 00:14:17,201 --> 00:14:19,651 - Whoa! Hello, ma'am. - Hi. 343 00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:21,756 Hi. Oh, hi. 344 00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:23,761 - Hi, boo. - Hi. 345 00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:24,933 - Hi. - Hi. 346 00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:26,137 I really... I'm really... 347 00:14:26,175 --> 00:14:28,245 I'm really, I'm really, really, really glad 348 00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:30,801 that you're here because I was in distress. 349 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,175 - Okay. Wh-wh-what's-- - Damsel in distress. 350 00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:35,177 What is the nature of your emergency, ma'am? 351 00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:38,019 I was hoping that you could help me bust up a chifforobe. 352 00:14:40,776 --> 00:14:43,016 I'll give you a dollar. 353 00:14:43,054 --> 00:14:45,514 Ma'am, I'm a, I'm a police officer. 354 00:14:45,539 --> 00:14:49,439 - I'm here for emergency... - And this is an emergency. 355 00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:53,134 And I-I'm not here to bust up chifforobes or... 356 00:14:53,168 --> 00:14:54,688 Yes, you are. Yes, you are. 357 00:14:54,721 --> 00:14:58,311 You would not be here if you did not feel 358 00:14:58,345 --> 00:15:00,925 what I feel, like, what I feel right now. 359 00:15:00,969 --> 00:15:03,139 Like the birds are humming in the background. 360 00:15:03,178 --> 00:15:05,938 The air is perfect, okay? 361 00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:07,874 I just finished spaghetti. 362 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,907 Like, everything is working out. 363 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,123 Lady, listen, um... 364 00:15:12,152 --> 00:15:13,332 Thank you for calling me a lady. 365 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,470 I can't-- 366 00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:16,329 That only makes me like you so much more 367 00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:18,993 because you are a gentleman, you know? 368 00:15:19,021 --> 00:15:21,331 Like, there are so few gentlemen out there 369 00:15:21,368 --> 00:15:24,508 especially gentlemen that are willing to come here 370 00:15:24,544 --> 00:15:27,934 and bust up a chifforobe for a dollar. 371 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,861 Like, that is really ju... 372 00:15:30,895 --> 00:15:32,855 Don't follow me. 373 00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:34,827 See you tomorrow! 374 00:15:34,864 --> 00:15:37,354 [indistinct chatter on radio] 375 00:15:37,384 --> 00:15:39,634 I should have never put my [bleep] in her. 376 00:15:41,009 --> 00:15:42,769 See, that's my fault. Shame on me. 377 00:15:42,803 --> 00:15:44,363 Shame on me. 378 00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:46,321 [instrumental music] 379 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,360 [thunder rumbling] 380 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,330 [indistinct chatter on radio] 381 00:15:56,852 --> 00:15:58,792 Look, I'm, uh, really sorry about your loss. 382 00:15:58,819 --> 00:15:59,789 It's never easy. 383 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,370 We're gonna run outside 384 00:16:01,408 --> 00:16:03,268 do a quick toxicology report. 385 00:16:03,307 --> 00:16:05,517 We'll be back in, and, and um... 386 00:16:07,414 --> 00:16:08,624 Captain Jack? 387 00:16:08,657 --> 00:16:10,587 He said it was a dress-up party. 388 00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:16,178 Oh, give it a rest. Give it a rest! 389 00:16:16,216 --> 00:16:17,766 Give it a rest. 390 00:16:17,804 --> 00:16:20,884 Well, nobody asked me, but the one with 391 00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:24,160 the most motive to kill Debbie Dangle Frost... 392 00:16:25,191 --> 00:16:27,021 - 'Williams.' - What? 393 00:16:27,055 --> 00:16:28,605 Revenge is sweet, ain't it, Williams? 394 00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:29,822 [Williams] No. I... 395 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,680 Especially since your daddy did have 396 00:16:31,714 --> 00:16:34,554 the patent on the Fillmore vacuum nozzle 397 00:16:34,579 --> 00:16:37,889 that would make you worth over $400,000 398 00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:39,897 and you'd never have to sheriff again, would you? 399 00:16:39,929 --> 00:16:41,209 What jus... No. 400 00:16:41,241 --> 00:16:44,421 But what you know and what you told me once 401 00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:46,871 when you were really drunk, but you probably don't remember is 402 00:16:46,902 --> 00:16:50,252 your dad also pulled out a patent on mousetrap 403 00:16:50,285 --> 00:16:52,665 the board game and that was eight, nine years 404 00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:54,431 after Parker Brothers had it on the shelves. 405 00:16:54,461 --> 00:16:56,841 He tried to patent beaver shots 406 00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:59,977 just the term beaver shots, three peat 407 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,779 uh, way after Phil Jackson had the patent. 408 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,274 Yeah. Bat[bleep] crazy bananas. 409 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,060 So cross you off the list 410 00:17:07,095 --> 00:17:09,985 and that brings us to Trudy Wiegel. 411 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,651 Debbie really did treat you like a [bleep], didn't she? 412 00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:16,928 Really, really, really horrible. 413 00:17:16,965 --> 00:17:19,515 But what people in the room don't know and only you do know 414 00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,315 is that when she was having all that problems 415 00:17:21,349 --> 00:17:23,389 from the gastric bypass surgery 416 00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:24,871 Trudy gave her a kidney. 417 00:17:24,905 --> 00:17:27,005 I did, I also tried to give her my gall bladder 418 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,486 but it, it had already been removed. 419 00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:30,460 Didn't want it, didn't need one, didn't want it. 420 00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:33,327 That brings us to Leslie over here. 421 00:17:33,362 --> 00:17:36,092 Real good motive, considering that he probably thought 422 00:17:36,124 --> 00:17:38,444 that he was still in her will. 423 00:17:38,471 --> 00:17:40,961 But what people here don't know is 424 00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:43,990 that your father's a pretty well known politician 425 00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:45,998 and he pays Leslie Frost here 426 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:49,860 a stipend of $40,000 a month 427 00:17:49,896 --> 00:17:52,346 to stay out of Hartford, Connecticut. 428 00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:55,448 That brings us to big boy here. 429 00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:58,588 'Obviously a man like this would only marry a lady' 430 00:17:58,629 --> 00:18:00,729 like Debbie Dangle for money, but... 431 00:18:00,769 --> 00:18:01,979 Puh-leez. 432 00:18:02,011 --> 00:18:03,771 The reason that I was late to this 433 00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:06,016 fancy, little accusatory fest 434 00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,530 you got going here is I was out behind 435 00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:09,299 the dumpster with Cindy, finishing a Mickey's 436 00:18:09,329 --> 00:18:11,119 'big mouth, I was hoping to parlay' 437 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:12,299 into a [bleep] job. 438 00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:14,582 And that's when I heard 439 00:18:14,610 --> 00:18:16,650 this young gentleman [bleep] 440 00:18:16,681 --> 00:18:19,681 'Debbie Dangle Frost eight ways till Sunday.' 441 00:18:20,513 --> 00:18:21,723 Guilty. 442 00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:24,585 I hate to blow your cover, but this man 443 00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,140 flaming heterosexual. 444 00:18:26,174 --> 00:18:27,454 - Flaming. - 'Oh, [bleep]!' 445 00:18:27,485 --> 00:18:29,275 You could hear it in his voice.Oh, [bleep]. 446 00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,625 - Car rockin'. - Oh, I love [bleep]. 447 00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:33,182 [Dangle] 'That explains a lot.' 448 00:18:33,215 --> 00:18:34,725 [Junior] 'And that only leaves one person.' 449 00:18:34,768 --> 00:18:36,768 [thunder rumbling] 450 00:18:36,805 --> 00:18:38,625 Jim Dangle. 451 00:18:40,636 --> 00:18:43,566 [siren wailing] 452 00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:48,469 [siren wailing] 453 00:18:49,645 --> 00:18:52,575 [Junior] 'Jim Dangle, who two days ago' 454 00:18:52,614 --> 00:18:54,694 went to the hall of records to verify 455 00:18:54,719 --> 00:18:57,929 that he was indeed still the sole benefactor 456 00:18:57,964 --> 00:19:01,494 of Debbie Dangle's will, which he was. 457 00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:04,589 Not only is his trailer full of cyanide 458 00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:08,456 he also, two weekends ago, volunteered 459 00:19:08,492 --> 00:19:10,742 to take an unpaid 460 00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,190 toxicology course at the sheriff's department 461 00:19:13,221 --> 00:19:14,501 down in Carson City. 462 00:19:14,532 --> 00:19:18,432 Unpaid eight hours on a weekend to study toxicology. 463 00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:19,567 [Dangle] 'I love my job.' 464 00:19:19,606 --> 00:19:22,196 A man with that much cyanide. 465 00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:25,060 A man with that certificate 466 00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:27,414 in toxicology and it wasn't really a degree 467 00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:28,932 it was just a little certificate 468 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,410 that they issued to you 469 00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:32,755 would know that if you drank one glass of white wine 470 00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:35,242 you'd be fine, two, you'd be okay 471 00:19:35,277 --> 00:19:39,207 but if you snorted down half a bottle like the water buffalo 472 00:19:39,247 --> 00:19:41,867 that was Debbie Dangle Frost 473 00:19:41,904 --> 00:19:44,464 you'd be as dead... 474 00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:47,843 Well, as dead as Debbie Dangle Frost. 475 00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:50,596 Take him away, Williams. Yes. 476 00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,397 Put it down. It's a prop, you idiot. 477 00:19:52,432 --> 00:19:55,232 - You already told us. - What? You was gonna shoot me? 478 00:19:55,263 --> 00:19:58,923 I panicked. I was.. I panicked. Sorry. 479 00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:02,546 Yous got the right to remain silent 480 00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:04,510 and anythings you say 481 00:20:04,548 --> 00:20:08,408 shall be used against you in a court of law. 482 00:20:08,448 --> 00:20:10,238 You can drop the act, Dangle. 483 00:20:10,278 --> 00:20:12,068 - Oh, my gosh. - Well, we ran a report. 484 00:20:12,107 --> 00:20:15,077 And, uh, it seems that 485 00:20:15,110 --> 00:20:16,530 little miss former fatty 486 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,110 had one too many pigs in a blanket. 487 00:20:19,148 --> 00:20:20,808 It compromised the integrity of her lower bowel. 488 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,320 Her stomach exploded. The staples came out. 489 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,769 It's not murder. 490 00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:25,258 [all gasp] 491 00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:26,643 - Oh. Wow. - No, no, no. 492 00:20:26,673 --> 00:20:28,923 Don't worry. She was a real [bleep] of a woman. 493 00:20:28,951 --> 00:20:31,131 [thunder rumbling] 494 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,510 [mouth organ music] 495 00:20:32,541 --> 00:20:34,131 [Junior] 'Hey, let's not tell Dangle.' 496 00:20:34,163 --> 00:20:35,273 [Wiegel] 'Stir-fried mice.' 497 00:20:35,303 --> 00:20:36,793 [laughter] 498 00:20:39,099 --> 00:20:42,339 I was at... 499 00:20:43,656 --> 00:20:45,726 The, the chicken and skate. 500 00:20:45,761 --> 00:20:47,181 You were at the chicken and skate. Okay. 501 00:20:47,211 --> 00:20:48,521 Kids skate in a little rink 502 00:20:48,557 --> 00:20:50,277 and they skate around and then they would have the guy 503 00:20:50,318 --> 00:20:51,698 with the little chicken and he would go... 504 00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:53,013 And he would throw chicken at you. 505 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,504 Oh, what a great place to take the family. 506 00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:57,670 It was so perfect for families. 507 00:20:57,704 --> 00:20:59,504 - Yeah. - It was perfect for families. 508 00:20:59,534 --> 00:21:01,124 My fa... My dad used to bring me there. 509 00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:03,396 Yeah, it makes me sad nowadays 510 00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:05,304 that there ain't a place where you can skate 511 00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,643 and have people... 512 00:21:06,679 --> 00:21:07,849 ...throw their chicken at you. 513 00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:08,917 [Rizzo] 'I'm getting all nostalgic.' 37274

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