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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,004
[skateboard scraping]
2
00:00:11,356 --> 00:00:14,014
[cell phone ringing]
3
00:00:14,117 --> 00:00:15,463
[ringing stops]
4
00:00:15,498 --> 00:00:16,913
[Woman on recording]
Hello, you've reached
Melody's phone.
5
00:00:16,947 --> 00:00:18,190
Don't bother leaving a message
6
00:00:18,225 --> 00:00:20,468
because I probably
won't listen to it.
7
00:00:20,503 --> 00:00:25,163
[voicemail voice]
You have 112 new messages.
8
00:00:25,197 --> 00:00:26,612
[phone beeps]
9
00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:29,891
[Man on voicemail]
Melody, it's Tommy,
you know, your landlord.
10
00:00:29,995 --> 00:00:31,065
I know that times are hard,
11
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,033
but you need
to pay that rent.
12
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,068
[beep]
13
00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:35,932
[2nd Man on voicemail]
Melody, it's 12.30.
14
00:00:35,966 --> 00:00:38,141
I've sent you another message
about your expenses!
15
00:00:38,245 --> 00:00:39,591
[beep]
16
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:42,766
[Woman on voicemail]
Hi Melody, this is Candy
from RVs R Us,
17
00:00:42,801 --> 00:00:45,390
and we've got your RV
all ready for Burning Man.
18
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:46,356
[beep]
19
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,807
[3rd Man on voicemail]
Melody, it's Sam.
20
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,533
Don't forget dinner tonight.
21
00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:53,501
I'm sure you're looking
forward to it as much as I am.
22
00:00:53,536 --> 00:00:56,504
Can you just
tell your teenager
23
00:00:56,539 --> 00:00:58,886
not to make things too weird.
24
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,163
Ta.
25
00:01:00,577 --> 00:01:01,578
[beep]
26
00:01:01,613 --> 00:01:03,028
[Tommy on voicemail]
London is going through
27
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,719
the greatest property boom
in history,
28
00:01:04,754 --> 00:01:07,067
and I'm missing it
because of you.
29
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,585
[beep]
30
00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:11,140
[Sam on voicemail]
Tommy is pretty pissed off
about the rent, Mel.
31
00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:12,658
He said if you don't pay it
32
00:01:12,762 --> 00:01:15,109
he's gonna come back
to London on air miles
33
00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:17,180
and garrote you
with dental floss.
34
00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:19,872
I'm not sure
that's even possible,
35
00:01:19,976 --> 00:01:21,426
but if he's willing
to use up his air miles
36
00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:22,806
he must be really fucked off.
37
00:01:22,841 --> 00:01:24,014
[beep]
38
00:01:24,049 --> 00:01:26,155
[4th Man on voicemail]
Melody, it's David Klein here.
39
00:01:26,189 --> 00:01:28,191
I would very much like
to meet you for lunch.
40
00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:31,194
Shall we say the [indistinct]
at two o'clock?
41
00:01:33,576 --> 00:01:36,026
[The Black Square's
"Archive" playing ♪]
42
00:01:46,036 --> 00:01:47,555
[camera shutter clicking]
43
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:08,197
♪
44
00:02:11,234 --> 00:02:12,304
[music stops]
45
00:02:12,339 --> 00:02:13,409
[giggles]
46
00:02:13,443 --> 00:02:15,549
You must think
I'm such an idiot.
47
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,240
I don't understand any of that.
48
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:18,655
I wouldn't say you're an idiot.
49
00:02:18,759 --> 00:02:22,142
Oh. Well, maybe it's just
too much champagne.
50
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,833
It's really very simple.
51
00:02:23,867 --> 00:02:25,662
Our new product is a medicine
52
00:02:25,697 --> 00:02:28,665
based around a chemical
compound called Vincyclidine.
53
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,495
Going to make us pots of money.
54
00:02:30,529 --> 00:02:32,807
[laughing]
55
00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:35,948
- [Maître D'] Excuse me,
Miss Munro?
- Yes?
56
00:02:35,983 --> 00:02:37,812
A telephone call for you
at the bar.
57
00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:39,711
Oh, how old school.
58
00:02:39,745 --> 00:02:41,678
I'm so sorry,
will you excuse me?
59
00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,370
- I'll be right here.
- Okay.
60
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:44,785
Don't go anywhere.
61
00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:47,270
[light piano music playing ♪]
62
00:02:50,273 --> 00:02:51,412
Melody Munro.
63
00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,725
[Man]
£5,000 on a Winnebago rental?
64
00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:55,175
Perhaps you could tell me
how your work demands
65
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,107
any need
for a luxury motor-home?
66
00:02:57,142 --> 00:03:00,525
Excuse me, sorry.
What desserts do you recommend?
67
00:03:00,559 --> 00:03:01,940
The soufflé's very popular,
68
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,976
but, personally, I recommend
the pear tart.
69
00:03:04,011 --> 00:03:05,185
Hm. We'll have two of those.
70
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:08,015
Oh, and the bill.
My guest will be leaving soon.
71
00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,466
Alan, Alan, stop talking.
72
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,639
Klein's just spilled the beans.
73
00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:13,331
I've just sent you the
recording of our conversation
74
00:03:13,365 --> 00:03:15,022
and my write-up.
75
00:03:15,056 --> 00:03:16,161
I'll be back in three weeks
after my holiday.
76
00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:18,853
[Alan on phone]
No, you will not, you will
be in my office in--
77
00:03:22,685 --> 00:03:24,238
How the hell did she...
78
00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:27,724
Fuckin' badass, tell you that.
79
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:29,830
[laughs]
80
00:03:29,864 --> 00:03:31,245
Thank you, Barry.
81
00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:34,766
I'm so sorry about that.
82
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,563
So, what do you say
we get these to go?
83
00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,876
I know a very good
and very discreet hotel
84
00:03:41,911 --> 00:03:43,395
'round the corner.
85
00:03:43,499 --> 00:03:46,364
Oh, David,
that sounds wonderful,
86
00:03:46,398 --> 00:03:48,780
but I've got things to do.
Sorry.
87
00:03:48,883 --> 00:03:51,023
Come on, sack that off!
88
00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:53,750
I'm not buying you lunch
so you can go back to emails
and photocopying.
89
00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,131
[giggles]
90
00:03:55,165 --> 00:03:58,099
Yeah, I don't really do
photocopying in my work, David.
91
00:03:58,134 --> 00:03:59,722
'Course, I'm sorry.
92
00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:02,794
I'm sure your role
is very important.
93
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:04,623
Yeah.
94
00:04:04,658 --> 00:04:07,419
I work
in competitive intelligence.
95
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,526
You're a corporate spy?
96
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,837
Oh, actually we're trying
to get away
97
00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:14,012
from the whole spy thing.
98
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:16,842
But what I've just told you,
it's commercially sensitive!
99
00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:19,293
It's-it's completely secret!
100
00:04:19,328 --> 00:04:24,229
Sensitive, yes.
Secret, not so much anymore.
101
00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:30,131
Oh, wow,
102
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:32,375
this has been
an expensive lunch!
103
00:04:32,410 --> 00:04:34,066
You whore!
104
00:04:34,791 --> 00:04:36,103
No, David...
105
00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:39,106
...that's what
you thought I was.
106
00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,523
I am fucking you,
just not how you imagined.
107
00:04:42,627 --> 00:04:45,285
[electronic rock music ♪]
108
00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:58,090
So there's 100 pills,
your two ounces of Charlie,
109
00:04:58,125 --> 00:04:59,678
two bottles of liquid ketamine,
110
00:04:59,713 --> 00:05:02,543
and my own special mish-mash,
2CI, 2CB, M-Cat
111
00:05:02,578 --> 00:05:04,096
and a couple of others
that haven't come out yet.
112
00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:05,305
Will that do you?
113
00:05:06,513 --> 00:05:08,618
[chuckles]
[cell phone ringing]
114
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,139
- Alan?
- I've found another one!
115
00:05:12,173 --> 00:05:17,662
£2,347 on flowers, in May!
116
00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:20,009
[Melody]
People like flowers, Alan.
117
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:22,874
[video call ringing ♪]
118
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,703
[Tommy, panting]
If you like my flat so much,
119
00:05:24,738 --> 00:05:27,361
maybe you could find it
in your barren heart
120
00:05:27,396 --> 00:05:28,604
to pay me some fucking rent.
121
00:05:28,638 --> 00:05:30,053
[Melody]
Listen, I've done more
for this flat
122
00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,365
than you've ever done.
123
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,539
[Tommy]
That's probably true, but...
124
00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:34,195
...I also own it so...
125
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:37,371
...unless we enter a state
of pure utopian Marxism
126
00:05:37,475 --> 00:05:39,649
in the next 24 hours...
127
00:05:39,753 --> 00:05:42,583
...you pay me some rent,
or you get the fuck out.
128
00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:44,102
Goodbye.
129
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:50,902
[whispering]
He doesn't mean it.
130
00:05:59,531 --> 00:06:01,015
It's amazing!
131
00:06:01,671 --> 00:06:02,948
[laughing]
132
00:06:02,983 --> 00:06:03,949
You've got me.
133
00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:04,985
We wanna put him
in a good school,
134
00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:06,400
but we've got to do this
in order to do that,
135
00:06:06,435 --> 00:06:07,850
so that's what we're doing.
- Yeah, it's important.
136
00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:09,886
You're basically
going to inflict a religion
on your child
137
00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:11,785
because you want to put them
in a particular kind of school?
138
00:06:11,819 --> 00:06:13,890
Yes, you've absolutely
hit the nail on the head.
139
00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:15,133
That's exactly
why we're doing it.
140
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,272
Oh!
141
00:06:16,306 --> 00:06:18,757
[bombastic classical
music playing ♪]
142
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:22,761
[poorly speaking German]
143
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,040
What did he say?
144
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:27,663
You can only eat the third one.
145
00:06:27,697 --> 00:06:30,044
Third rice, Third Reich.
146
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:32,219
- [Sam] Conceptual.
- Mmh.
147
00:06:32,253 --> 00:06:33,185
Please.
148
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,291
Try this for us.
149
00:06:37,845 --> 00:06:38,950
Oh...
150
00:06:39,053 --> 00:06:41,401
Shit the bed. Is it...
151
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,781
Is it meant to taste like that?
152
00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:44,990
It's, um... It's political.
153
00:06:45,094 --> 00:06:48,097
Wow. I mean, that's exactly
what this christening needs.
154
00:06:48,131 --> 00:06:49,581
No, no, no, no,
what this christening needs
155
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,445
is mini shepherd's pies
from a reputable caterer,
156
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,550
that's what
this christening needs.
157
00:06:52,584 --> 00:06:53,585
- Samuel...
- I'm just saying--
158
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:55,691
...just remember why we'e here.
159
00:06:55,794 --> 00:06:56,795
[Sam]
Yes.
160
00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:57,969
Dear sister,
161
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,178
we have come to ask you...
162
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,214
...to be Auden's godmother.
163
00:07:02,249 --> 00:07:04,665
[hip electronic
music playing ♪]
164
00:07:05,045 --> 00:07:06,426
Um...
165
00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:09,187
Is there a polite way
for me to say no?
166
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,291
No.
167
00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:15,918
And renounce Satan, yes,
that is what I will be doing.
168
00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:17,229
Wow.
169
00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:20,129
Mum and Dad would be so proud.
170
00:07:20,163 --> 00:07:22,476
[Woman]
Oh, everyone thinks God
is bullshit, Melody.
171
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:25,790
You just have to believe in a
good education for our child!
172
00:07:27,101 --> 00:07:28,171
Sam?
173
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:30,173
Sam?
174
00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:34,799
Well, look, I'm gonna be
on a low serotonin comedown
from Burning Man,
175
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:37,180
and I really don't need
to be having flashbacks...
176
00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:38,803
...in a church.
177
00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:41,115
Who on Earth is Bernard Mann?
178
00:07:41,219 --> 00:07:44,809
[distorted electronic music ♪]
179
00:07:44,843 --> 00:07:47,432
So you're taking your teenager
to the Californian desert
180
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,537
for two weeks
181
00:07:48,571 --> 00:07:50,159
so he can giveaway hot dogs
to people on drugs?
182
00:07:50,193 --> 00:07:51,954
He's 20, it's three weeks,
and they're burgers.
183
00:07:51,988 --> 00:07:53,645
And why do they get burgers
while I'm meant to serve
184
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,751
fascist Uncle Ben's
at my firstborn's christening?
185
00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:59,168
They're placenta burgers
cooked by the power of the sun.
186
00:07:59,202 --> 00:08:00,652
Of course, they are.
187
00:08:00,687 --> 00:08:03,483
[bombastic classical music ♪]
188
00:08:05,312 --> 00:08:06,624
[Melody's "teenager"]
Gutenappetite.
189
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,840
It's... anti-semitic pastry.
190
00:08:15,874 --> 00:08:18,014
Yeah. It's a swastika...
191
00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:20,534
...but it's art, you know,
it's conceptual.
192
00:08:20,569 --> 00:08:22,260
It's got sprinkles on it.
193
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:26,436
Oh, sprinkles or hundreds
and thousands
194
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:28,749
representing the hundreds
and thousands who died.
195
00:08:29,957 --> 00:08:33,167
[Sam]
Millions of people died,
Saskia, in the war.
196
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:36,481
Millions... thousands...
tom-may-to, to-mah-to.
197
00:08:37,344 --> 00:08:38,587
Keep drinking.
198
00:08:38,621 --> 00:08:40,520
[dark, ambient music ♪]
199
00:08:41,659 --> 00:08:43,626
[snoring quietly]
200
00:09:37,024 --> 00:09:37,991
Babe...
201
00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:39,958
Babe... Babe!
202
00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:41,753
Babe!
203
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,341
Babe, we're going
to Burning Man!
204
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,514
We're going to Burning Man!
205
00:09:44,549 --> 00:09:45,826
Oh, well, what time is it?
206
00:09:45,861 --> 00:09:47,966
11:30. Look! I made breakfast.
207
00:09:48,829 --> 00:09:49,796
Mmh.
208
00:09:55,525 --> 00:09:56,872
Oh, um, by the way,
209
00:09:56,906 --> 00:09:58,874
I tried to buy
an industrial magnifying glass
210
00:09:58,908 --> 00:10:01,393
with your card,
but it got declined.
211
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:03,982
- What card?
- The one you said.
212
00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:05,743
With the horse on it.
213
00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:09,194
Fucking Alan Day.
He's such a fuck--
214
00:10:16,305 --> 00:10:18,548
[phone ringing on other end]
215
00:10:19,515 --> 00:10:20,689
[Barry on phone]
Melody!
216
00:10:20,723 --> 00:10:22,518
What are you fucking up to?
He's onto you! Get out!
217
00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:24,589
Barry?
[dial tone]
218
00:10:31,354 --> 00:10:32,770
[clears throat]
219
00:10:40,501 --> 00:10:42,676
You can't try and sack me.
220
00:10:42,711 --> 00:10:44,091
Try and sack you?
221
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:46,853
I'll take you to tribunal.
222
00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:52,341
[Alan]
I've been in this game a lot
longer than you, Melody.
223
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:59,451
I've seen the cry-on-demand
trick before!
224
00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:05,354
My parents died three years ago
the day before Christmas.
225
00:11:05,388 --> 00:11:08,219
My boyfriend is a 20-year-old
fucking concept chef.
226
00:11:08,253 --> 00:11:11,463
If you let me fall
there is no one to catch me.
227
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:13,811
I want the mobile,
the day pass,
228
00:11:13,914 --> 00:11:16,606
and the Range Rover keys, now.
229
00:11:20,196 --> 00:11:21,681
[buttons beeping]
230
00:11:31,656 --> 00:11:32,899
I have been a customer
at this bank
231
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:35,280
since I was seven years old.
232
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:38,249
No.
233
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:40,216
No, I understand that, but...
234
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:44,842
Will you please, please
just extend my overdraft?
235
00:11:47,603 --> 00:11:48,742
So I just don't understand
236
00:11:48,777 --> 00:11:50,606
how it can take a week
to do a background check.
237
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,989
No, I'm not going to a fucking
pay day loans company!
238
00:12:01,548 --> 00:12:03,377
So, I'll just be two minutes
and I'll get some cash.
239
00:12:03,412 --> 00:12:04,862
No problem. Okay.
240
00:12:11,213 --> 00:12:12,628
We don't need money, babe.
241
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,871
There is no money
at Burning Man.
242
00:12:13,905 --> 00:12:16,977
Listen, I'm saying
we just rock this stage
243
00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:18,289
with nothing but each other,
244
00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:20,291
a freezer full of placentas,
and a dream.
245
00:12:20,325 --> 00:12:22,224
Come on, Harmony,
we do need money.
246
00:12:22,258 --> 00:12:24,329
What about petrol,
water in the desert?
247
00:12:24,364 --> 00:12:26,124
Babe, in-in Cuba
248
00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:28,851
they make the petrol
out of sugar cubes,
249
00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:30,094
or canes.
250
00:12:30,128 --> 00:12:32,337
But, look, and people
will gift us water!
251
00:12:32,372 --> 00:12:33,960
And you've always wanted
to go to Burning Man!
252
00:12:33,994 --> 00:12:35,271
You said we've paid for it all,
we might as well go to--
253
00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:37,411
Babe! Come on!
254
00:12:40,173 --> 00:12:41,726
Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
255
00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:44,108
I'm being selfish.
256
00:12:44,211 --> 00:12:45,557
We'll go next year.
257
00:12:49,976 --> 00:12:51,253
Or never.
258
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:53,565
Oh, babe. I'm sorry.
259
00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,088
We can get money.
260
00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:01,263
How?
261
00:13:07,338 --> 00:13:09,547
- Going to Burning Man.
- We're going to Burning Man?
262
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,825
- We're going to Burning Man.
- Oh, fuck!
263
00:13:13,033 --> 00:13:14,241
I love you.
264
00:13:14,276 --> 00:13:16,347
[chuckling]
265
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:22,318
Yeah, sorry about that.
Took a bit of time.
266
00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:23,733
Harmony, we're not flying
over the Atlantic
267
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,287
in a small plane
with propellors.
268
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:29,429
I don't know, I've not
been much since flying over.
269
00:13:29,463 --> 00:13:30,568
[laughing]
270
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,846
Well, hello. If it isn't
Lofty the Land Baron.
271
00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:34,503
Uh, yeah. Great. Whatever.
272
00:13:34,537 --> 00:13:37,851
So I'm getting pretty fucking
pissed off about this flat,
273
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,542
if I'm being honest,
274
00:13:39,577 --> 00:13:42,373
so I was speaking to the agent
275
00:13:42,407 --> 00:13:44,582
and I'm putting it up for rent.
276
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,032
What?
277
00:13:46,446 --> 00:13:48,172
You're evicting me?
278
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:50,277
Um, no...
279
00:13:50,381 --> 00:13:52,417
Well, yeah.
Obviously yes.
280
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:54,074
I am.
281
00:13:54,109 --> 00:13:55,593
Look, sorry,
this is a really crap time.
282
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:56,559
Can I just call you back?
283
00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:57,664
I'm just going into a meeting.
284
00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:58,941
No, no, no, no, wait.
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.
285
00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:01,910
I will get you the money.
I will pay the rent.
286
00:14:01,944 --> 00:14:03,601
[Tommy]
Sure. Whatever.
287
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,983
Okay, so there's a guy
from Charlatans
288
00:14:06,017 --> 00:14:08,330
coming this afternoon
to take photos of the flat.
289
00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,919
When it's online you're free
to spend the £5,000
290
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:12,299
like anybody else and rent it.
291
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:14,232
[Melody]
I've got £1,010, Tommy.
292
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:16,062
Well, that's £3,990 to go!
293
00:14:16,096 --> 00:14:17,373
[elevator voice]
Mind the doors.
294
00:14:20,204 --> 00:14:22,240
What?
Is he-is he kicking you out?
295
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:25,347
He's taking my home.
296
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:33,838
[Harmony]
Mel, we'll be on one of
those planes in a second!
297
00:14:33,942 --> 00:14:35,667
[Woman on PA]
...San Francisco,
now in it' s final stage...
298
00:14:35,771 --> 00:14:37,911
Oh my God, babe,
look at the propellor--
299
00:14:37,946 --> 00:14:39,499
Babe, come on.
300
00:14:40,362 --> 00:14:43,434
Can't put it online if they
can't get into the flat.
301
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,539
- What?
- If I can stop them
taking the photos
302
00:14:45,574 --> 00:14:47,058
and doing the floor plan,
303
00:14:47,162 --> 00:14:49,164
then that will buy me the time
to get the four grand
304
00:14:49,198 --> 00:14:50,959
for the deposit, and then,
then I can keep the flat.
305
00:14:50,993 --> 00:14:52,339
But, babe, the trip.
306
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:55,377
Do you know how hard it is
to get 300 placentas
in California?
307
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:56,550
[Man on PA]
...last call for passengers...
308
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:58,690
Look, babe, some of the biggest
food blogs in the world
309
00:14:58,725 --> 00:14:59,795
go to Burning Man.
310
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,383
They're really changing
what food is out there.
311
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:03,419
Food is just food, okay.
312
00:15:03,454 --> 00:15:05,042
They are not changing
what food is,
313
00:15:05,076 --> 00:15:06,733
they're just a bunch of twats
pissing around in the desert.
314
00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:08,908
I find it hard to believe that
you think food is just food.
315
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:11,807
This is my home!
We have to defend it!
316
00:15:11,841 --> 00:15:12,877
Come on!
317
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:16,329
♪
318
00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:19,021
[both shout indistinctly]
319
00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:25,510
[exhales deeply]
320
00:15:27,098 --> 00:15:28,686
You're safe.
321
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,032
You're safe now.
322
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:38,972
There is nothing else
about placentas
323
00:15:39,007 --> 00:15:40,940
on the post cuisine circuit
right now.
324
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,114
It'll be yesterday's news
next year!
325
00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,944
Showtime.
326
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,162
Is this even legal, Melody?
327
00:15:56,196 --> 00:15:57,577
We're at war here, Harmony!
328
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,373
Legality is a luxury
that we do not have.
329
00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:02,927
Okay, look, babe,
330
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,586
I know that you're upset,
but this, this is important...
331
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:11,108
...and that's why you can do
your food concept thingy
332
00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:11,936
here in the flat.
333
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,179
- Love Plus Food?
- Uh-huh.
334
00:16:13,213 --> 00:16:14,628
- Here?
- Uh-huh.
335
00:16:14,663 --> 00:16:17,010
But you said you'd rather
be gang raped by koala bears!
336
00:16:17,045 --> 00:16:18,287
Yeah,
but I've basically realized
337
00:16:18,322 --> 00:16:19,771
it's a really good idea!
338
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:21,152
Yeah!
339
00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:25,156
But first we've got to stop
this fucker from getting in.
340
00:16:25,191 --> 00:16:26,502
Okay.
341
00:16:28,608 --> 00:16:30,886
Oi, Charlatans,
get the fuck out!
342
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,060
[Harmony]
Yeah, fuck off!
343
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:34,303
[Melody]
Get the fuck out my house!
344
00:16:34,338 --> 00:16:36,512
What the fuck are you doing?
345
00:16:36,547 --> 00:16:38,790
Are you fucking crazy?!
346
00:16:39,239 --> 00:16:40,723
Crazy bastards!
347
00:16:41,517 --> 00:16:42,794
[Harmony]
Brick?
348
00:16:42,829 --> 00:16:43,657
Piss?
349
00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,796
[Harmony]
Basically, medicinal.
350
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,213
I've only been drinking vodka
and Berocca this morning.
351
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,111
[Charlatans Man]
I'll be back, you bastards!
352
00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:50,112
[Melody]
Take that, you little shit!
353
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,356
[Charlatans Man]
Oh, Christ, this place is worse
354
00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:56,015
than fucking Johannesburg
on a Friday fucking night.
355
00:16:56,222 --> 00:16:58,224
[Melody laughing]
Woo!
356
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,646
[Man on video call]
Melsy-babes, how's it going?
357
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:07,888
[Melody]
You tell me, Charlie!
358
00:17:07,923 --> 00:17:09,235
Fucking mental.
359
00:17:09,269 --> 00:17:11,133
You would not believe
where I ended up last night.
360
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:12,341
Check it out.
361
00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:15,344
[muffled thumping music ♪]
362
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:16,932
I had sex with that guy.
363
00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:19,728
That's a wonderful image,
Charlie.
364
00:17:19,762 --> 00:17:21,454
So, what have you got for me?
365
00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,663
Um, right
What have I got for you?
366
00:17:23,697 --> 00:17:25,492
What do... Well-the...
367
00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:27,529
Okay, here's the thing, Melsy,
368
00:17:27,632 --> 00:17:30,256
you are what we like to call
in the headhunting industry...
369
00:17:30,808 --> 00:17:33,052
...um... a person...
370
00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,226
...who I cannot
get a job for.
371
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:37,159
Charlie, you tapped me up,
three weeks ago,
372
00:17:37,194 --> 00:17:38,574
saying that you could get me
a job anywhere.
373
00:17:38,678 --> 00:17:40,990
[Charlie]
Yeah, I did, but that
was before you went around
374
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:42,889
stealing from your employer
and blackmailing him,
375
00:17:42,923 --> 00:17:44,097
you know, which, all in all,
376
00:17:44,132 --> 00:17:45,340
makes you look
like a bit of a crook.
377
00:17:45,374 --> 00:17:47,376
I'm just being honest.
Thank you very much.
378
00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:50,621
I won Intelligence Monthly's
Industry's Most Promising
379
00:17:50,655 --> 00:17:52,830
this year and 2013.
380
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:54,452
Well, that is awesome.
381
00:17:54,487 --> 00:17:57,110
That is a prize that they give
to the most successfully
duplicitous person
382
00:17:57,145 --> 00:17:59,181
under the age of 30
in an industry that's based
383
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:01,010
on nicking
other people's information.
384
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:02,046
They want crooks.
- Okay.
385
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:06,878
Between me and you, the economy
is awful at the moment.
386
00:18:10,296 --> 00:18:12,125
Charlie, I'm about
to be evicted.
387
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,678
I need money.
388
00:18:13,713 --> 00:18:15,059
[Charlie]
You've got a lovely figure. Why don't you become an escort?
389
00:18:15,163 --> 00:18:17,406
What? Is that the advice
you give to all your clients?
390
00:18:17,441 --> 00:18:19,201
Only my fit ones...
391
00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:22,031
...who are otherwise
completely unemployable.
392
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,792
Or you could be a drug dealer,
393
00:18:23,826 --> 00:18:25,414
except you'd trouble
with the police
394
00:18:25,449 --> 00:18:27,106
and it's
bad for the environment.
395
00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:28,762
Sell a kidney?
396
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,971
Wow, thank you, Charlie.
397
00:18:31,006 --> 00:18:32,628
Your help has been invaluable.
398
00:18:34,492 --> 00:18:39,187
[sultry music ♪]
399
00:18:53,201 --> 00:18:54,478
Aah.
400
00:18:57,274 --> 00:18:59,310
I mean,
how would your mother feel?
401
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:02,417
So, how much for a kidney?
402
00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:04,281
I'm fuckin' ashamed of you.
403
00:19:07,318 --> 00:19:09,458
According to the blood report,
404
00:19:09,493 --> 00:19:11,357
technically you're not
even alive.
405
00:19:11,391 --> 00:19:13,082
Go. Yeah.
406
00:19:13,359 --> 00:19:15,395
[echoing gunshot]
407
00:19:21,332 --> 00:19:24,611
[Sam]
Do you realize that
this line's recorded, yeah?
408
00:19:24,715 --> 00:19:26,924
I can categorically state
that I do not intend to
409
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,063
and have never been involved in
410
00:19:28,097 --> 00:19:29,823
any insider trading
or libel fixing.
411
00:19:29,927 --> 00:19:31,411
Oh, come on, banker-boy,
412
00:19:31,446 --> 00:19:32,895
surely you
and your little banker friends
413
00:19:32,930 --> 00:19:34,932
must have fiddled the figures
at some time,
414
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:36,347
like that guy, Clive?
415
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,144
Why don't you just go to a job
center like a normal person?
416
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,180
Sam, I'm not a normal person.
417
00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,147
There's no way I'm gonna go
to a job center.
418
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,804
You know, this whole thing
would be so much easier
419
00:19:44,838 --> 00:19:46,875
if you just gave me £4,097...
420
00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:51,500
well, not gave,
lent me £4,097.53--
[phone beeps]
421
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:52,639
And I'm done.
422
00:19:52,674 --> 00:19:53,847
Found it!
423
00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:57,713
[Melody]
Excellent!
424
00:19:57,748 --> 00:19:59,784
Ah.
[Melody giggles]
425
00:20:00,129 --> 00:20:01,407
What are you gonna use it for?
426
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,616
[grunts]
Sorry.
427
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,996
Sorry, it's a bit
of a bad line here.
428
00:20:05,031 --> 00:20:06,929
[Tommy]
I've just been on the phone
to the agent
429
00:20:06,964 --> 00:20:08,793
and he said somebody pissed
on him.
430
00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:11,520
Piss?! What, someone pissed
on his head?
431
00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:12,625
Oh, God, that's awful.
432
00:20:12,659 --> 00:20:14,592
Melody, Melody?
433
00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:17,802
Melody, do you know
what a hostile tenant is?
434
00:20:19,287 --> 00:20:21,047
Yeah, it's what they call it--
[chainsaw roaring on phone]
435
00:20:21,081 --> 00:20:22,531
It's what they call it
when someone tries
436
00:20:22,566 --> 00:20:25,534
to intentionally sabotage
the viewings, you understand?
437
00:20:25,569 --> 00:20:27,053
Tommy,
438
00:20:27,087 --> 00:20:29,573
why would I want
to sabotage the viewings, hm?
439
00:20:29,607 --> 00:20:31,333
[chainsaw revving]
440
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,406
[sneaky music ♪]
441
00:20:36,545 --> 00:20:38,237
[electronic voice]
Tracker activated.
442
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:44,277
[Charlatans Man
speaking Afrikaans]
443
00:20:44,312 --> 00:20:45,761
Okay.
444
00:20:46,003 --> 00:20:49,178
[speaking Afrikaans]
445
00:20:49,213 --> 00:20:50,249
[smooching]
446
00:20:52,699 --> 00:20:56,082
So... really I don't need
to give you the keys
447
00:20:56,116 --> 00:20:58,671
because I'm going to be
renting it very soon, anyway.
448
00:20:58,705 --> 00:20:59,741
Oh, that's lekker.
449
00:20:59,775 --> 00:21:01,950
All I need is the full deposit
in cash
450
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,263
and clearance of the reference
check application,
451
00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:07,127
which you will put
into this in tray.
452
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:08,439
Brilliant. Yeah, that's great.
453
00:21:08,474 --> 00:21:11,546
So, in a few days I'm going
to have all of that for you.
454
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:13,651
No, that's lekker.
In the meantime,
455
00:21:13,755 --> 00:21:18,138
I'm under instruction that this
highly desirable loft space
456
00:21:18,173 --> 00:21:20,762
is to remain on the market...
457
00:21:20,796 --> 00:21:22,108
...so...
458
00:21:23,212 --> 00:21:25,042
...I need the keys.
459
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,526
Look,
460
00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:30,254
I'm sure we can come
to some kind of agreement.
461
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:36,605
[sighs deeply]
462
00:21:40,091 --> 00:21:43,094
Do you know how long
I've been at this branch?
463
00:21:47,167 --> 00:21:48,824
42 months.
464
00:21:49,446 --> 00:21:50,757
You can count them.
465
00:21:51,379 --> 00:21:52,863
39 of those,
466
00:21:52,966 --> 00:21:55,521
I've been Sales Agent
Number One!
467
00:21:56,142 --> 00:21:58,593
You're looking
at the Best in Show.
468
00:21:58,627 --> 00:22:00,180
[Melody]
Wow, do you want a prize?
469
00:22:01,492 --> 00:22:02,700
Every month.
470
00:22:08,603 --> 00:22:09,638
Keys.
471
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,826
Hoo...
472
00:22:26,103 --> 00:22:27,932
You're playing with fire,
little lady.
473
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:29,209
One week.
474
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:32,385
One week without those photos
or the floor plans
on the website,
475
00:22:32,420 --> 00:22:33,386
and then I will
have your money,
476
00:22:33,490 --> 00:22:36,216
plus a little extra
just for you.
477
00:22:36,251 --> 00:22:37,632
Are you trying to bribe me?
478
00:22:37,666 --> 00:22:40,186
£100... 300.
479
00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:41,601
I'm an estate agent.
480
00:22:41,705 --> 00:22:44,501
We follow a strict
moral and ethical code!
481
00:22:45,502 --> 00:22:46,848
[exhales sharply]
482
00:22:49,057 --> 00:22:52,992
800...
two pounds and 45 pence.
483
00:22:53,026 --> 00:22:55,581
That is my final offer, okay?
484
00:22:55,615 --> 00:22:58,515
I'm just gonna leave that there
in your little special in tray
485
00:22:58,549 --> 00:23:01,759
and I'm gonna walk away, okay?
486
00:23:06,488 --> 00:23:09,629
You're one crazy camper!
You know that?
487
00:23:20,122 --> 00:23:22,090
[distant, muffled coughing]
488
00:23:28,717 --> 00:23:32,583
[heavy typing]
489
00:23:32,997 --> 00:23:34,274
Nope.
490
00:23:34,482 --> 00:23:36,932
[Woman]
How would you rate
your Google skills?
491
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,451
Do you mean can I write?
492
00:23:38,486 --> 00:23:40,626
Would you say you have
good interpersonal skills?
493
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,218
[Melody]
Motherfucker!
494
00:23:50,187 --> 00:23:51,947
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
495
00:23:52,051 --> 00:23:55,054
[Charlatan Man]
♪ It's raining men,
hallelujah ♪
496
00:23:55,088 --> 00:23:58,057
[upbeat electronic music ♪]
497
00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:01,232
[Charlatan Man]
♪ Amen, I'm gonna get out...
498
00:24:01,267 --> 00:24:04,477
[upbeat electronic music ♪]
499
00:24:08,619 --> 00:24:10,483
[Charlatan Man]
♪ Gonna get myself wet
500
00:24:10,518 --> 00:24:13,969
♪ Absolutely soaking wet
501
00:24:25,636 --> 00:24:28,156
♪ It's raining men, hallelu--
502
00:24:28,190 --> 00:24:29,709
[tire popping]
503
00:24:33,817 --> 00:24:37,648
[upbeat electronic music ♪]
504
00:24:42,308 --> 00:24:43,516
[car horn honks]
505
00:24:44,103 --> 00:24:45,691
What the fuck?!
506
00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:48,176
[speaks Afrikaans]
507
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,424
[Harmony]
Check it out!
508
00:24:55,459 --> 00:24:58,531
This company
does liquid nitrogen
509
00:24:58,566 --> 00:25:00,360
in 19th Century milk churns.
510
00:25:00,395 --> 00:25:01,776
Oh, Jesus, Harmony!
511
00:25:01,810 --> 00:25:02,915
Sorry.
512
00:25:07,057 --> 00:25:08,368
Lemon.
513
00:25:08,403 --> 00:25:09,646
Orange.
514
00:25:09,749 --> 00:25:10,681
Lettuce.
515
00:25:12,718 --> 00:25:13,960
Leave that there.
516
00:25:13,995 --> 00:25:15,375
[door buzzer buzzes]
517
00:25:17,274 --> 00:25:18,655
Harmony, there's another one
for you.
518
00:25:18,689 --> 00:25:22,072
How many did you get?
Just put it here.
519
00:25:23,867 --> 00:25:25,351
Oh, right.
520
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:34,463
Ah!
521
00:25:35,257 --> 00:25:36,396
Oh!
522
00:25:36,431 --> 00:25:38,744
Sorry, babe,
completely forgot about them.
523
00:25:40,193 --> 00:25:43,472
They're probably a bit off
by now.
524
00:25:44,715 --> 00:25:46,027
[sniffing]
525
00:25:51,032 --> 00:25:53,310
Mr. and Mrs. Burton-Hall,
how are you?
526
00:25:53,344 --> 00:25:54,518
Mr. Burton Hall.
- Good to see you.
527
00:25:54,553 --> 00:25:55,899
- Mrs. Burton-Hall.
- Oh!
528
00:25:56,002 --> 00:25:57,694
You look absolutely stunning.
529
00:25:57,728 --> 00:25:59,696
Come with me.
Have a look at this apartment.
530
00:25:59,730 --> 00:26:01,007
Beautiful, eh?
531
00:26:01,042 --> 00:26:02,250
Watch out for the pigeons,
though.
532
00:26:02,284 --> 00:26:04,735
They sometimes drop their
business onto the floor, yeah?
533
00:26:04,770 --> 00:26:07,013
Now, look at this.
Security is very tight.
534
00:26:07,048 --> 00:26:08,118
Even Oscar Pistorius
535
00:26:08,221 --> 00:26:09,775
wouldn't be able to shoot
through this door, eh?
536
00:26:09,809 --> 00:26:11,466
[laughing]
537
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:14,262
Be prepared to see
the apartment of your dreams.
538
00:26:14,296 --> 00:26:17,368
I'm sure there's a light switch
in here somewhere.
539
00:26:17,472 --> 00:26:18,404
Lights!
540
00:26:18,438 --> 00:26:19,647
- Jesus Christ.
- Christ!
541
00:26:19,681 --> 00:26:21,027
[Charlatans Man]
What the fuck?
542
00:26:21,131 --> 00:26:23,374
Look, I know we said
that we wanted an urban feel,
543
00:26:23,478 --> 00:26:25,514
but this-this is just sick!
544
00:26:25,549 --> 00:26:27,965
Hello JP!
545
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,588
Oh, don't mind us.
546
00:26:29,691 --> 00:26:31,624
I-I was just going to
put the kettle on.
547
00:26:31,659 --> 00:26:33,177
- Oh! Oh, oh!
- Oh, God!
548
00:26:33,212 --> 00:26:37,216
Oh, this is happening again!
549
00:26:37,250 --> 00:26:38,838
[JP]
No, wait. Wait!
550
00:26:38,873 --> 00:26:41,151
You have to see past the décor!
551
00:26:41,185 --> 00:26:43,498
[Melody and Harmony laughing]
552
00:26:44,982 --> 00:26:47,467
[Melody]
Well done, baby.
553
00:26:47,502 --> 00:26:48,503
Mmh!
554
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:51,610
[pounding electronic music ♪]
555
00:27:06,383 --> 00:27:07,902
[door buzzer buzzing]
556
00:27:08,488 --> 00:27:10,042
[Sam]
Melody!
557
00:27:10,076 --> 00:27:11,733
[buzzing]
558
00:27:11,768 --> 00:27:13,735
Open the fucking door!
559
00:27:13,770 --> 00:27:15,150
[buzzing]
560
00:27:21,432 --> 00:27:23,262
Still worshipping Satan, then?
561
00:27:27,266 --> 00:27:28,508
Here you go.
562
00:27:30,096 --> 00:27:31,373
I said Waitrose.
563
00:27:31,408 --> 00:27:32,512
[Sam]
Tough shit.
564
00:27:37,483 --> 00:27:39,796
How can you be
this hard up, anyway?
565
00:27:39,830 --> 00:27:41,901
You must have some of the
payout from the restaurant,
566
00:27:41,936 --> 00:27:43,213
right?
567
00:27:43,247 --> 00:27:44,697
[Baby coos]
568
00:27:44,939 --> 00:27:49,046
You-you've spent £230,000
in three years?
569
00:27:49,081 --> 00:27:51,808
No, I spent it in two.
Well, just under two.
570
00:27:51,911 --> 00:27:53,672
On what?
What did you spend it on?
571
00:27:54,155 --> 00:27:57,123
Meals out, mostly.
Kitchen stuff.
572
00:27:57,158 --> 00:27:59,091
You're fucking joking me,
aren't you?
573
00:28:00,471 --> 00:28:02,611
You spent a quarter
of a million pounds on
574
00:28:02,646 --> 00:28:04,510
restaurants and kitchen stuff.
575
00:28:04,613 --> 00:28:06,892
You-you're not even
paying rent.
576
00:28:06,995 --> 00:28:08,721
Well, obviously I can't
afford to.
577
00:28:09,170 --> 00:28:11,482
Oh, this is mad.
That is...
578
00:28:11,517 --> 00:28:13,070
I mean, I don't know
what kind of mad that is,
579
00:28:13,174 --> 00:28:14,727
but that's fucking mad.
580
00:28:14,762 --> 00:28:16,177
[sighs]
581
00:28:16,211 --> 00:28:17,592
Oh...
582
00:28:18,110 --> 00:28:20,457
What's mad Auntie Melody
going to do, eh?
583
00:28:20,491 --> 00:28:23,218
- All right! Um...
- Nasty Daddy won't help her.
584
00:28:23,253 --> 00:28:24,254
Okay.
585
00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:26,774
I'll speak to Saskia.
586
00:28:27,498 --> 00:28:29,604
She was telling me she's got
an opening for some...
587
00:28:29,638 --> 00:28:30,950
...vacuous bullshit artist.
588
00:28:30,985 --> 00:28:32,365
I think you're wildly
overqualified for it,
589
00:28:32,469 --> 00:28:33,573
by the way.
590
00:28:33,608 --> 00:28:35,955
But Saskia won't give me a job
after Godmothergate.
591
00:28:36,611 --> 00:28:38,268
Yes, she will.
592
00:28:38,302 --> 00:28:41,961
But you are just going to have
to grovel to her, aren't you?
593
00:28:42,651 --> 00:28:44,861
Is Auntie Melody going to have
to grovel to Saskia?
594
00:28:44,895 --> 00:28:46,345
Yes, she is!
595
00:28:46,379 --> 00:28:48,623
Saskia, is going to be
very angry at Melody,
596
00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:51,177
but Melody doesn't care
'cause she needs a job!
597
00:28:51,212 --> 00:28:52,834
That's fun, isn't it?
598
00:28:52,869 --> 00:28:55,043
- You're a dick.
- Yeah, I know.
599
00:28:55,078 --> 00:28:57,321
And you're a dick.
A massive dick.
600
00:28:58,875 --> 00:29:00,497
[Saskia]
Yeah, we've got Cher Lloyd
coming in.
601
00:29:00,531 --> 00:29:01,325
We're doing this whole
602
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,845
Jungle Book Mufasa thing
with her.
603
00:29:04,052 --> 00:29:05,364
Okay.
604
00:29:06,261 --> 00:29:10,472
So, Metro Bitch, hit me.
605
00:29:10,507 --> 00:29:11,784
Metro bitch?
606
00:29:11,819 --> 00:29:13,165
[Saskia]
Yeah, it's great, isn't it?
607
00:29:13,199 --> 00:29:14,580
It's kind of what's trending,
608
00:29:14,683 --> 00:29:17,583
but at the same time,
a state of the nation analysis:
609
00:29:17,686 --> 00:29:19,723
Thackeray meets Woolf,
but with Twitter.
610
00:29:20,137 --> 00:29:21,276
Oh!
611
00:29:21,311 --> 00:29:24,521
[Saskia]
The red carpet is out,
it's opening night.
612
00:29:24,555 --> 00:29:25,936
What is the premier
613
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,421
Melody Munro
Metro Bitch column?
614
00:29:29,837 --> 00:29:31,390
N-now?
615
00:29:31,424 --> 00:29:33,737
Just idea shower me.
616
00:29:34,496 --> 00:29:36,429
I was-I was kind of thinking
617
00:29:36,464 --> 00:29:38,500
I wouldn't need to interview
for this job.
618
00:29:38,535 --> 00:29:39,847
You know, Sam said--
619
00:29:39,881 --> 00:29:43,712
[Saskia]
21st Century journalism
is constantly revolutionizing.
620
00:29:43,816 --> 00:29:44,990
You know, by the time
you've written now
621
00:29:45,024 --> 00:29:46,715
it's already last year.
622
00:29:46,750 --> 00:29:48,510
Tomorrow's now
has already been Snapchatted
623
00:29:48,545 --> 00:29:51,513
by a 16-year-old info blogger
from Malaysia.
624
00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:53,792
I don't follow.
625
00:29:54,102 --> 00:29:56,070
[Saskia]
I've been seeing other
applicants for this job,
626
00:29:56,104 --> 00:29:58,106
so I guess, Melly,
627
00:29:58,210 --> 00:30:01,800
it's just a case of...
how much you want it.
628
00:30:04,250 --> 00:30:06,563
I'm really sorry
about the godmother thing.
629
00:30:07,875 --> 00:30:09,083
Thank you.
630
00:30:09,462 --> 00:30:10,601
So?
631
00:30:11,499 --> 00:30:12,707
I have the job?
632
00:30:13,432 --> 00:30:16,021
I'm really grateful
that you apologized, Melody,
633
00:30:16,124 --> 00:30:18,506
and family is so important
to me.
634
00:30:19,231 --> 00:30:22,061
But... if I'm honest,
635
00:30:22,165 --> 00:30:26,238
this other applicant has all
the skills to nail this job.
636
00:30:26,341 --> 00:30:27,826
[Melody]
Who is it?
637
00:30:27,860 --> 00:30:30,449
Oh, you know her! Laurie Mills!
638
00:30:30,552 --> 00:30:32,175
Yeah, I mean she really
has her finger
639
00:30:32,209 --> 00:30:34,798
on the pulse
of the Zeitline generation.
640
00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:37,663
She's a massive cunt.
641
00:30:37,766 --> 00:30:39,251
[Baby]
Cunt.
642
00:30:42,219 --> 00:30:45,844
So, yeah, I...
I really think...
643
00:30:46,361 --> 00:30:47,673
[Baby]
Cunt.
644
00:30:48,294 --> 00:30:49,640
Just get out.
645
00:30:54,473 --> 00:30:55,543
[Baby]
Cunt.
646
00:30:55,577 --> 00:30:56,993
[Saskia]
Faster.
647
00:30:59,996 --> 00:31:02,791
[soft, melancholy music ♪]
648
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,208
[phone vibrates, bleeps]
649
00:31:36,515 --> 00:31:38,620
Babe. Oh!
650
00:31:40,243 --> 00:31:41,761
Babe, what are you doing?
651
00:31:41,796 --> 00:31:43,556
Don't tell me. Listen.
652
00:31:43,591 --> 00:31:45,282
Amazing news.
653
00:31:45,317 --> 00:31:46,939
You know my Auntie Babs?
- Yeah.
654
00:31:46,974 --> 00:31:48,285
- The pedo.
- Yeah.
655
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,838
She just died.
656
00:31:49,942 --> 00:31:51,461
What? God, I'm so sorry.
657
00:31:51,495 --> 00:31:53,118
No. It's fine.
658
00:31:53,152 --> 00:31:55,499
She's now communing
with the Lord of Hosts.
659
00:31:55,534 --> 00:31:56,984
Imagine that.
660
00:31:57,018 --> 00:32:01,298
Anyway, more amazing,
I've inherited £4,000.
661
00:32:02,506 --> 00:32:04,612
Harmony, that-that's amazing.
662
00:32:04,646 --> 00:32:05,924
- I know!
- That's amazing!
663
00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:09,893
Babe, it means Love Plus Food
can now be how I imagined it!
664
00:32:11,205 --> 00:32:13,276
- What?
- Listen, check it out.
665
00:32:28,808 --> 00:32:32,295
Isn't it amazing you always
get what you pray for?
666
00:32:36,230 --> 00:32:37,334
Great.
667
00:32:41,062 --> 00:32:43,202
[Man on video]
I want you to get down
on your knees now
668
00:32:43,237 --> 00:32:45,894
and start to pray...
669
00:32:45,929 --> 00:32:48,035
...because the day
of atonement, my friends,
670
00:32:48,069 --> 00:32:51,072
is at hand,
and He brings not peace,
671
00:32:51,107 --> 00:32:52,901
he brings a sword,
672
00:32:52,936 --> 00:32:55,007
and behind him is fire!
673
00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:58,045
And if you do not
adhere to His creed,
674
00:32:58,148 --> 00:33:00,840
He will beat you, senselessly,
675
00:33:00,875 --> 00:33:03,671
like someone else's
redheaded stepchild!
676
00:33:03,705 --> 00:33:06,950
Do not listen to that fat cat
in a pointy hat--
677
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,469
[jingling]
678
00:33:09,125 --> 00:33:11,265
[cartoon whinny, bark,
meow, skittering]
679
00:33:11,299 --> 00:33:12,749
[reverent choir music ♪]
680
00:33:14,716 --> 00:33:16,511
[Melody]
Yes! Get in!
681
00:33:17,512 --> 00:33:20,032
Just one more win,
one more win and we're safe.
682
00:33:21,344 --> 00:33:23,967
Can't bluff me, Ashrafó_17.
683
00:33:26,590 --> 00:33:27,902
[muffled electronic
dance music ♪]
684
00:33:27,936 --> 00:33:29,145
Harmony, I'm kind of
in the middle of something,
685
00:33:29,179 --> 00:33:30,077
something really important.
686
00:33:30,111 --> 00:33:32,010
Mel, Mel, babe,
look who's here!
687
00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:35,323
Melody, you're missing
the revolution!
688
00:33:35,358 --> 00:33:39,017
Harmony is so totes amaze, BTW.
Love and nong!
689
00:33:39,051 --> 00:33:40,501
The word's "nang."
690
00:33:40,535 --> 00:33:41,743
[Harmony]
Laurie's gonna come to Love
Plus Food and do an article
691
00:33:41,778 --> 00:33:43,711
about it for her new
Metro Bitch column.
692
00:33:43,745 --> 00:33:45,161
How nong is that?
693
00:33:45,195 --> 00:33:46,714
[Laurie]
Woohoo!
694
00:33:51,098 --> 00:33:52,858
Ah! N-
695
00:33:56,103 --> 00:33:58,105
[Choir]
♪ Aah
696
00:34:02,247 --> 00:34:03,627
[banging on the door]
697
00:34:03,662 --> 00:34:05,940
[JP]
Miss Munro,
I know you're in there!
698
00:34:06,354 --> 00:34:07,666
Fuck.
699
00:34:07,700 --> 00:34:10,220
[JP]
The hermit crab cannot stay
in the shell for too long,
700
00:34:10,324 --> 00:34:12,636
it has to come out and breathe!
701
00:34:13,396 --> 00:34:14,742
Open!
702
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:17,952
Miss Munro,
703
00:34:17,986 --> 00:34:20,334
you cannot fight
with the market.
704
00:34:20,437 --> 00:34:22,784
The market is like God,
705
00:34:22,888 --> 00:34:26,167
all-seeing, all-knowing,
omnipresent...
706
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:28,583
...so open the door!
707
00:34:29,308 --> 00:34:30,792
[banging on the door]
708
00:34:36,419 --> 00:34:38,938
Miss Munro,
please open the door.
709
00:34:40,008 --> 00:34:42,321
I don't want
to do anything rash.
710
00:34:42,356 --> 00:34:45,013
[mischievous music ♪]
711
00:34:48,707 --> 00:34:50,847
[Narrator on TV]
...September,
the German ring closed.
712
00:34:52,676 --> 00:34:53,953
[door buzzer buzzes]
713
00:34:57,025 --> 00:34:58,441
[buzzing]
714
00:34:58,475 --> 00:35:01,547
[Sam]
Mel, don't leave me standing
out here like a twat, please.
715
00:35:02,134 --> 00:35:03,377
I've got booze.
716
00:35:09,176 --> 00:35:10,315
Beer o'clock?
717
00:35:11,178 --> 00:35:15,009
Eh, don't-don't-don't
shut the door in my face,
718
00:35:15,043 --> 00:35:18,771
because I am about to do
something incredibly stupid.
719
00:35:18,806 --> 00:35:20,083
What?
720
00:35:21,188 --> 00:35:22,396
[Sam]
I'm gonna give you the money.
721
00:35:24,191 --> 00:35:27,539
- Yes!
- Yay! Best brother ever!
722
00:35:27,573 --> 00:35:29,575
Now, listen, this...
is a temporary loan
723
00:35:29,610 --> 00:35:30,645
from Auden's university fund.
724
00:35:30,749 --> 00:35:31,888
There are rules to this, okay?
725
00:35:31,922 --> 00:35:33,269
Okay, anything.
726
00:35:34,787 --> 00:35:36,134
You're to be godmother.
727
00:35:36,858 --> 00:35:37,894
R-really?
728
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:40,068
Really? Wow.
Do you want the money?
729
00:35:40,897 --> 00:35:44,659
Sam, I would love
to be Auden's godmother.
730
00:35:51,770 --> 00:35:53,185
Oh, I'll be back in a minute.
731
00:35:53,220 --> 00:35:54,359
Where you going?
732
00:35:54,911 --> 00:35:55,912
Mwah!
733
00:36:01,089 --> 00:36:03,195
Yep. That's... typical.
734
00:36:04,058 --> 00:36:05,197
♪ Raining men
735
00:36:05,232 --> 00:36:07,372
- Hey! I can take the flat!
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
736
00:36:07,406 --> 00:36:08,614
- I can take the flat!
- Christ!
737
00:36:08,718 --> 00:36:10,651
I've got the money.
I can give it to you right now!
738
00:36:11,307 --> 00:36:13,619
It's 8:30, you crazy woman.
739
00:36:13,654 --> 00:36:14,724
I'm going home!
740
00:36:14,758 --> 00:36:16,312
Okay, okay, I'll come see you
741
00:36:16,415 --> 00:36:18,003
in the office
first thing, yeah?
742
00:36:18,037 --> 00:36:19,453
Get off the vehicle!
743
00:36:19,487 --> 00:36:21,179
Get away from the vehicle!
- Okay!
744
00:36:21,282 --> 00:36:22,766
- Get away from the vehicle!
- Okay, I'll see you
first thing.
745
00:36:22,870 --> 00:36:25,252
Ha, ha, ha! Woo!
- Yeah! Whatever!
746
00:36:25,286 --> 00:36:29,221
[electronic dance music ♪]
747
00:36:41,337 --> 00:36:43,546
I love you,
and I love this flat,
748
00:36:43,580 --> 00:36:45,168
and I love you in this flat,
749
00:36:45,272 --> 00:36:47,653
and I think they should
stock you in BoConcepts.
750
00:36:47,757 --> 00:36:49,483
Babe, babe, babe, try this.
751
00:36:49,586 --> 00:36:50,656
- Hm?
- Try this.
752
00:36:53,383 --> 00:36:56,283
Oh, that is--
That's really a lot of salt.
753
00:36:56,317 --> 00:36:58,181
- Amazing!
- Bit too much?
754
00:36:58,216 --> 00:36:59,700
No, babe, no!
755
00:36:59,734 --> 00:37:01,840
Tell Gandhi
there was too much salt.
756
00:37:01,874 --> 00:37:05,361
Gandhi couldn't get any salt,
so he marched on the sea.
757
00:37:05,395 --> 00:37:07,017
Salt caused a revolution.
758
00:37:07,052 --> 00:37:11,539
That searing dryness
is the taste of a revolution!
759
00:37:11,574 --> 00:37:12,471
[crowd cheering]
760
00:37:12,575 --> 00:37:13,541
Suffer.
761
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,750
[Laurie]
Visionary.
762
00:37:15,785 --> 00:37:17,718
Completely
and utterly visionary.
763
00:37:17,752 --> 00:37:19,237
Huh? Thanks.
764
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:21,308
It's pretty fucking nong, huh?
765
00:37:21,411 --> 00:37:23,793
This is the crest
of a new epoch.
766
00:37:24,414 --> 00:37:27,590
It's like being in
the Cavern Club at '62, or...
767
00:37:27,624 --> 00:37:28,970
[Melody]
Berlin, 1933?
768
00:37:29,005 --> 00:37:30,869
Yes. I love Berlin.
769
00:37:30,972 --> 00:37:33,354
Right, I'm really sorry,
but we're going to have to keep
the kitchen clear.
770
00:37:33,389 --> 00:37:34,493
Oops, sorry!
771
00:37:34,528 --> 00:37:35,563
Just trying to say hi
to the maestro!
772
00:37:35,598 --> 00:37:36,875
Mm-hmm.
773
00:37:36,909 --> 00:37:39,187
And also I did think I'd take a
couple of photos while I'm here
774
00:37:39,222 --> 00:37:41,189
just 'cause the agent said
he couldn't get in to take any.
775
00:37:41,224 --> 00:37:43,951
Oh, well I'm afraid the flat's
not for rent anymore.
776
00:37:44,054 --> 00:37:47,610
Oh, yes, I know, I'm not-
I'm not renting it, so...
777
00:37:47,713 --> 00:37:49,577
Then why are you taking photos?
778
00:37:49,612 --> 00:37:50,958
Because I'm buying it.
779
00:37:51,338 --> 00:37:53,132
So if you could just move
780
00:37:53,167 --> 00:37:54,927
'cause you're kind of
in my visual space.
781
00:37:55,859 --> 00:37:59,449
My flat is not
for fucking sale.
782
00:37:59,484 --> 00:38:02,418
♪
783
00:38:05,179 --> 00:38:06,594
Okay, just take the flat!
Take the flat.
784
00:38:06,698 --> 00:38:08,009
I accept your offer.
Just take the fucking flat.
785
00:38:08,044 --> 00:38:09,666
[Nurse]
Sir, put the mask back on.
786
00:38:11,875 --> 00:38:14,740
♪
787
00:38:15,810 --> 00:38:16,915
Why?
788
00:38:16,949 --> 00:38:18,399
Why are you doing this?
789
00:38:19,504 --> 00:38:20,746
I'm just trying
to live my life!
790
00:38:20,781 --> 00:38:21,747
No, you're not.
791
00:38:21,782 --> 00:38:23,956
You're trying to live
my fucking life!
792
00:38:24,785 --> 00:38:25,958
Get out!
793
00:38:26,649 --> 00:38:27,788
Mel!
794
00:38:28,892 --> 00:38:31,136
How on Earth can I write
my piece for Metro Bitch,
795
00:38:31,170 --> 00:38:33,518
though, if I haven't tried
our beautiful chef's cuisine?
796
00:38:33,552 --> 00:38:35,313
Oh, just fuck off!
797
00:38:35,830 --> 00:38:37,107
Mel, I really need this piece!
798
00:38:37,142 --> 00:38:39,213
No, don't you dare!
Don't you dare take her side!
799
00:38:39,247 --> 00:38:40,490
But what about the food?
800
00:38:40,525 --> 00:38:43,148
Well, you can serve the food
to her outside on the street,
801
00:38:43,182 --> 00:38:44,701
because that's where
she's going to fucking be.
802
00:38:44,736 --> 00:38:45,978
Yeah, well, maybe I will.
803
00:38:46,013 --> 00:38:48,084
♪
804
00:38:52,399 --> 00:38:53,917
Fine. Fine.
805
00:38:53,952 --> 00:38:56,230
Well, you can take
all of your twats with you.
806
00:38:56,541 --> 00:38:58,750
- Oh!
- Oh, Melody!
807
00:39:00,579 --> 00:39:03,617
Get out. Get out. Get out.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
808
00:39:04,583 --> 00:39:06,551
[grunting]
809
00:39:06,585 --> 00:39:09,208
Get out of my fucking flat!
810
00:39:12,073 --> 00:39:13,281
Awkward.
811
00:39:13,316 --> 00:39:16,250
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that is the end of part one!
812
00:39:16,354 --> 00:39:19,495
Part two, it seems,
is outside on road!
813
00:39:19,529 --> 00:39:21,048
Take your plates!
814
00:39:21,082 --> 00:39:24,948
[awkward murmuring]
815
00:39:26,433 --> 00:39:30,091
Sitting at tables
is so mid-noughties, isn't it?
816
00:39:48,903 --> 00:39:52,079
[distant partying]
817
00:40:03,573 --> 00:40:06,334
[phone ringing]
818
00:40:07,094 --> 00:40:09,476
Harmony? Harmony?
819
00:40:09,579 --> 00:40:12,410
[music playing ♪]
[guests cheering]
820
00:40:12,444 --> 00:40:16,206
Yeah, it's great energy
out here, motherfuckers!
821
00:40:18,623 --> 00:40:22,143
[all cheering]
822
00:40:33,603 --> 00:40:37,262
[party continues]
823
00:40:43,337 --> 00:40:46,167
[unnerving music ♪]
824
00:40:55,073 --> 00:40:58,317
[Laurie's voice, overlapping,
speaking indistinctly]
825
00:41:02,045 --> 00:41:04,876
Melody, baby, great event.
826
00:41:04,979 --> 00:41:07,188
Loved the drama. Transformative.
827
00:41:07,223 --> 00:41:09,294
So I'll be around with
my surveyor in the morning.
828
00:41:09,328 --> 00:41:11,089
Should have the exchange
within the month.
829
00:41:11,123 --> 00:41:12,470
Nong!
830
00:41:13,022 --> 00:41:14,092
[grunts]
831
00:41:14,126 --> 00:41:16,784
[sneaky music ♪]
832
00:41:48,713 --> 00:41:51,578
♪
833
00:42:17,224 --> 00:42:18,259
I've got it!
834
00:42:18,294 --> 00:42:20,054
I've got your dimensions!
835
00:42:20,089 --> 00:42:22,712
Nothing can stop
the JP de Kock...
836
00:42:22,747 --> 00:42:24,472
...five day house seller.
837
00:42:24,507 --> 00:42:27,406
No, no, no, you can't exchange
a property in five days!
838
00:42:27,441 --> 00:42:28,753
No, you can't,
839
00:42:28,787 --> 00:42:31,549
not unless
your name's JP de Kock.
840
00:42:31,652 --> 00:42:33,171
I've done the searches.
841
00:42:33,827 --> 00:42:36,036
I taught myself
conveyancy law.
842
00:42:36,450 --> 00:42:38,210
I've just done the survey.
843
00:42:38,832 --> 00:42:44,009
The market has spoken
and I am its instrument.
844
00:42:44,044 --> 00:42:46,702
But-but I need
a little bit more time.
845
00:42:46,736 --> 00:42:49,118
[giggling]
846
00:42:49,221 --> 00:42:50,913
[lift whirring]
847
00:43:03,201 --> 00:43:05,168
Another trader
jumped off Coq Au Vin's roof
848
00:43:05,203 --> 00:43:06,687
the other day.
849
00:43:06,722 --> 00:43:08,482
[Melody on phone]
Well I would, too,
if I had to eat their food.
850
00:43:10,311 --> 00:43:13,142
I sometimes get a feeling
I'm on an escalator.
851
00:43:13,176 --> 00:43:16,248
Everyone says if you stay on it
you're going somewhere good.
852
00:43:17,180 --> 00:43:20,563
Everyone else is on it so,
you know, must be good.
853
00:43:21,219 --> 00:43:23,221
It's going up, isn't it?
854
00:43:24,878 --> 00:43:26,569
Then sometimes you get
the feeling that actually
855
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:29,572
it may just end up
somewhere completely shit.
856
00:43:30,090 --> 00:43:33,024
Or maybe it doesn't end up
anywhere at all,
maybe it just...
857
00:43:33,127 --> 00:43:34,957
...just keeps going up.
858
00:43:34,991 --> 00:43:36,165
Do you ever think that?
859
00:43:36,199 --> 00:43:39,375
What, that my life is
a drifting sea of mediocrity
860
00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:42,171
and the only certainty
is my inevitable death?
861
00:43:42,205 --> 00:43:43,379
[Sam]
Yeah.
862
00:43:43,862 --> 00:43:45,139
No, not really.
863
00:43:45,174 --> 00:43:46,347
So what do you think
of my plan?
864
00:43:46,382 --> 00:43:47,625
What plan?
865
00:43:47,659 --> 00:43:48,971
[Melody]
Getting Laurie to ditch
her article on Harmony
866
00:43:49,005 --> 00:43:51,042
and writing
an anti-Charlatan piece.
867
00:43:51,076 --> 00:43:53,389
I thought that was
just a deranged rant.
868
00:43:54,079 --> 00:43:56,323
[Melody]
When did you and Saskia
get married?
869
00:43:57,738 --> 00:43:59,637
[Sam]
2011.
870
00:44:00,085 --> 00:44:02,812
You were there.
You were bridesmaid,
for fuck's sake.
871
00:44:02,916 --> 00:44:04,020
[alarm beeping]
872
00:44:04,055 --> 00:44:05,677
Oh, yeah.
873
00:44:08,197 --> 00:44:09,957
[Sam]
You're being stranger
than usual.
874
00:44:10,717 --> 00:44:12,063
What are you doing?
875
00:44:12,097 --> 00:44:14,997
[Melody]
The key to intelligence work
as psychological leverage.
876
00:44:15,031 --> 00:44:16,550
You need to find out
what motivates people
877
00:44:16,584 --> 00:44:18,863
and then you can use that
to manipulate them.
878
00:44:18,897 --> 00:44:20,381
It's not gonna change her mind
about buying the flat
879
00:44:20,416 --> 00:44:21,659
because you send her
a few emails.
880
00:44:21,693 --> 00:44:23,074
People aren't
that impressionable.
881
00:44:23,108 --> 00:44:24,558
No, it's not just that.
882
00:44:24,592 --> 00:44:27,009
I mean, take Saskia,
for example.
883
00:44:27,043 --> 00:44:28,527
What's her core motivation?
884
00:44:28,562 --> 00:44:29,701
I don't know,
probably to get other people
885
00:44:29,736 --> 00:44:31,530
to give her the perfect life,
career and family
886
00:44:31,565 --> 00:44:34,050
while expending
no effort herself.
887
00:44:40,401 --> 00:44:41,609
[Melody]
Yeah, well I've thought
about it,
888
00:44:41,644 --> 00:44:44,958
and what drives Laurie
is her desire to not miss out,
889
00:44:44,992 --> 00:44:46,925
driven, no doubt,
by some deep-seated...
890
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:48,444
...childhood trauma
that her parents
891
00:44:48,478 --> 00:44:50,135
didn't take her to Disneyland
or whatever.
892
00:44:50,170 --> 00:44:52,068
[Sam]
It still burns.
893
00:44:52,103 --> 00:44:54,105
[Melody]
Mmm, so all I need to do
is convince her
894
00:44:54,139 --> 00:44:56,866
that there's more cool
in writing this
anti-Charlatans campaign
895
00:44:56,901 --> 00:44:58,523
than there is
in stealing my life!
896
00:45:00,318 --> 00:45:04,011
[Sam]
Fucking hell,
Zencorp is plummeting!
897
00:45:04,046 --> 00:45:06,773
Wh-why are you even calling me?
898
00:45:06,807 --> 00:45:07,981
Why do you keep
asking me about Saskia?
899
00:45:08,084 --> 00:45:09,845
[Melody]
Oh, I just wanna know
about my family.
900
00:45:09,879 --> 00:45:12,951
No, no, no, you're doing your
spying thing again, aren't you?
901
00:45:12,986 --> 00:45:14,953
Yeah, that's what you're doing.
You stop that right now.
902
00:45:14,988 --> 00:45:16,437
[Melody]
Thank you, Sam.
This talk has helped.
903
00:45:28,346 --> 00:45:29,899
Sorry, you were saying?
904
00:45:29,934 --> 00:45:31,729
Oh, yes.
905
00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:34,248
Look, this... space...
906
00:45:34,939 --> 00:45:37,838
...it's one idea, I suppose,
907
00:45:37,942 --> 00:45:40,220
but, look, no one has ever
suffered in space,
908
00:45:40,254 --> 00:45:41,773
apart from aliens,
909
00:45:41,808 --> 00:45:43,810
and we can't relate to them.
910
00:45:43,913 --> 00:45:45,225
We can't.
911
00:45:45,259 --> 00:45:49,298
No, for food to mean anything
it's gotta be created in pain,
912
00:45:49,332 --> 00:45:51,196
possibly boiled in blood.
913
00:45:51,300 --> 00:45:52,508
I've tried it in the past,
914
00:45:52,542 --> 00:45:55,580
but I've struggled
with coagulation issues.
915
00:45:56,339 --> 00:45:57,651
You're getting all of this?
916
00:45:57,685 --> 00:45:58,997
Yeah, this is so great.
917
00:45:59,032 --> 00:46:01,344
Amazing. Amazing.
Where was I?
918
00:46:02,552 --> 00:46:04,071
Ah, yes, coagulation.
919
00:46:04,106 --> 00:46:07,350
So what I've found, I think,
is to offset the...
920
00:46:08,524 --> 00:46:09,663
Are you all right?
921
00:46:10,388 --> 00:46:12,770
[Laurie]
Yeah, no, um...
922
00:46:13,253 --> 00:46:15,151
What do you think
about gentrification?
923
00:46:15,255 --> 00:46:16,739
[Harmony]
It's definitely bad.
924
00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:19,086
But if you think about it,
anything that ends in "ation"
925
00:46:19,121 --> 00:46:20,708
is bad, you know?
926
00:46:20,812 --> 00:46:22,710
Industrialization...
927
00:46:23,850 --> 00:46:25,265
...station...
928
00:46:26,197 --> 00:46:27,750
...penetration.
929
00:46:28,578 --> 00:46:29,717
Oh no, that one's--
Well, I suppose
930
00:46:29,752 --> 00:46:32,410
it could be bad or good
depending on the situation--
931
00:46:32,513 --> 00:46:34,550
[Laurie]
Yeah, definitely, um...
932
00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:36,552
Also, maybe
anti-gentrification,
933
00:46:36,586 --> 00:46:38,209
it's the new food?
934
00:46:38,243 --> 00:46:40,280
No, I think food
is still the new food.
935
00:46:40,383 --> 00:46:43,179
Yeah, but...
936
00:46:43,214 --> 00:46:48,046
Well, I'm just really feeling
these anti-gentrification vibes
937
00:46:48,081 --> 00:46:50,221
and I just think that food
is so next gen
938
00:46:50,255 --> 00:46:51,256
that it can wait for just--
939
00:46:51,291 --> 00:46:52,879
No, Laurie Mills,
food can't wait!
940
00:46:52,913 --> 00:46:55,674
My food can't wait!
It's too important for that!
941
00:46:56,089 --> 00:46:57,953
Look, Nelson Mandela once said,
"You haven't lived
942
00:46:57,987 --> 00:46:59,713
until you've found something
worth dying for."
943
00:46:59,747 --> 00:47:03,751
My food is worth dying for,
okay?
944
00:47:05,684 --> 00:47:09,033
God... your hands are so strong.
945
00:47:11,242 --> 00:47:13,623
[Narrator on TV]
Frozen and silent,
946
00:47:13,727 --> 00:47:15,936
Leningrad refused to die.
947
00:47:16,488 --> 00:47:18,870
Bread was now made
with sweepings,
948
00:47:18,905 --> 00:47:21,459
cattle cake and sawdust.
949
00:47:22,460 --> 00:47:23,910
Over two and a half
million people
950
00:47:23,944 --> 00:47:25,912
were trapped in the city,
951
00:47:25,946 --> 00:47:28,776
over 400,000 of them children.
952
00:47:31,503 --> 00:47:34,679
People ate soap, linseed oil,
953
00:47:34,713 --> 00:47:36,819
the paste for wallpaper...
954
00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:41,928
[iPad chirps]
955
00:47:48,106 --> 00:47:50,902
[mysterious music ♪]
956
00:47:57,288 --> 00:47:59,566
"Saski-Babes, totes adore
the Charlatan thing,
957
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,705
but will have to run next week.
958
00:48:00,739 --> 00:48:02,189
When you gave me the job
you promised me 100 percent
959
00:48:02,293 --> 00:48:04,882
editorial control to guarantee
Metro B's authenticity.
960
00:48:04,985 --> 00:48:07,367
I truly believe
in Harmony Ambrose."
961
00:48:07,401 --> 00:48:10,508
Hmm, not as vacuous
as we thought!
962
00:48:11,958 --> 00:48:13,062
Okay.
963
00:48:13,166 --> 00:48:15,582
[eerie music ♪]
964
00:48:27,076 --> 00:48:30,079
By Laurie Mills.
965
00:48:38,674 --> 00:48:41,401
By Laurie Mills.
966
00:48:51,066 --> 00:48:52,239
What?
967
00:48:52,860 --> 00:48:54,552
What do you mean, a dongle?
968
00:48:54,586 --> 00:48:56,623
Ugh! Come on, help me!
969
00:48:58,970 --> 00:49:00,627
Hmm...
970
00:49:03,216 --> 00:49:05,943
Ah, come on, just help me out!
971
00:49:18,921 --> 00:49:20,888
Surprise!
972
00:49:24,858 --> 00:49:26,170
You look like shit.
973
00:49:33,936 --> 00:49:36,249
At least you remembered
it's Auden's birthday.
974
00:49:36,628 --> 00:49:38,285
That's something, isn't it?
975
00:49:38,665 --> 00:49:39,804
Yeah...
976
00:49:40,356 --> 00:49:42,151
Yeah, where is
the birthday boy?
977
00:49:42,186 --> 00:49:45,154
Saskia's taken him
to the Floating Tots
Swimming Experience.
978
00:49:45,189 --> 00:49:46,293
Ah!
979
00:49:46,707 --> 00:49:48,295
It's my life, by the way.
980
00:50:00,273 --> 00:50:02,344
[wine pouring]
981
00:50:06,417 --> 00:50:08,005
I'm sorry, Sam.
982
00:50:08,936 --> 00:50:10,145
What are you sorry about?
983
00:50:11,801 --> 00:50:12,975
Everything.
984
00:50:16,668 --> 00:50:18,118
I...
985
00:50:18,153 --> 00:50:21,397
...know it's been hard
since they died, but...
986
00:50:21,501 --> 00:50:23,813
...you've got to stop
doing these mental things, Mel.
987
00:50:24,366 --> 00:50:25,850
There are other flats.
988
00:50:27,196 --> 00:50:29,267
Yeah, I know
it seems crazy, but...
989
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,201
...if she gets my flat, then...
990
00:50:32,236 --> 00:50:34,100
...she gets my boy,
and she takes my life.
991
00:50:34,134 --> 00:50:35,342
You know,
I can't let that happen.
992
00:50:35,446 --> 00:50:36,895
Then come home,
993
00:50:36,930 --> 00:50:38,483
be with people who love you...
994
00:50:39,795 --> 00:50:41,107
...and forget the flat.
995
00:50:41,900 --> 00:50:44,282
And, do you know what,
you should forget Harmony
as well.
996
00:50:46,250 --> 00:50:47,872
You're doing the crying thing.
997
00:50:51,151 --> 00:50:53,153
Why do I lose everything, Sam?
998
00:50:54,568 --> 00:50:55,707
Oh, fucking hell.
999
00:50:58,089 --> 00:50:59,228
Come here.
1000
00:51:01,092 --> 00:51:04,268
Oh, God, no, no, no, no, no.
Ah, this is silly.
1001
00:51:04,371 --> 00:51:06,166
I'm just gonna clean myself up.
1002
00:51:06,201 --> 00:51:08,962
- You okay?
- Yep, I'm fine! I'm fine.
1003
00:51:22,941 --> 00:51:25,634
[mysterious music ♪]
1004
00:51:28,119 --> 00:51:29,362
[Saskia]
Hey, chicken pop!
1005
00:51:29,396 --> 00:51:31,398
I forgot my dongley thingy.
1006
00:51:31,502 --> 00:51:33,642
It's in, uh, my office.
1007
00:51:34,850 --> 00:51:37,024
Ah, Melody!
You gave me a fright!
1008
00:51:37,059 --> 00:51:39,613
Yeah, I know, I was just
looking for the loo.
1009
00:51:39,717 --> 00:51:41,236
Oh, really?
1010
00:51:41,270 --> 00:51:43,997
It's downstairs, same as it was
when you grew up here.
1011
00:51:44,549 --> 00:51:45,757
Yeah.
1012
00:51:45,792 --> 00:51:47,932
[Saskia]
Ah, here we go.
1013
00:51:49,382 --> 00:51:50,624
Toodles.
1014
00:51:53,317 --> 00:51:54,352
[scoffs]
1015
00:51:55,940 --> 00:51:57,252
Toodles.
1016
00:52:01,048 --> 00:52:02,705
[Melody imitating Saskia]
Hello. Hello.
1017
00:52:02,740 --> 00:52:06,088
Hello, darling, my name
is Saskia Armitage-Munro,
1018
00:52:06,192 --> 00:52:07,331
don't you know.
1019
00:52:07,365 --> 00:52:10,057
I work for Zeitline.
I work for the Zeitline.
1020
00:52:10,092 --> 00:52:12,025
Well, I'm the main editor
of Zeitline.
1021
00:52:12,059 --> 00:52:14,545
You know, one of the most
important magazines in London.
1022
00:52:14,579 --> 00:52:17,927
Sammy! Sam.
Sammy, remember why we're here!
1023
00:52:17,962 --> 00:52:21,138
Sam. Sam!
[laughs]
1024
00:52:21,241 --> 00:52:22,656
Mmh, mmh, toodles!
1025
00:52:22,691 --> 00:52:24,486
Laurie, darling, love the fact
1026
00:52:24,589 --> 00:52:27,489
you're Metro Bitch now,
zeitmost.
1027
00:52:27,523 --> 00:52:29,698
[Laurie]
Thing is, Saskia, is that...
1028
00:52:29,801 --> 00:52:32,632
...I'm actually buying Melody's
flat through Charlatans,
1029
00:52:32,666 --> 00:52:34,323
so, I mean,
wouldn't that look a bit odd?
1030
00:52:34,358 --> 00:52:36,670
[Melody imitating Saskia]
That's what makes it
so perfect!
1031
00:52:36,705 --> 00:52:39,225
It's life as lived on
the front line of hip London!
1032
00:52:39,328 --> 00:52:41,503
When you make a stand
and don't buy the flat
1033
00:52:41,537 --> 00:52:44,575
it'll be a real story,
reportage.
1034
00:52:44,609 --> 00:52:47,716
So you want me
to push Harmony's food thing
1035
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,580
until next week?
1036
00:52:49,614 --> 00:52:52,341
No, no food thing,
just Charlatans.
1037
00:52:52,376 --> 00:52:53,308
[Laurie]
I mean, don't you think
1038
00:52:53,342 --> 00:52:55,310
that's going to
hurt Harmony's feelings?
1039
00:52:55,413 --> 00:52:57,553
He doesn't matter.
Just do it.
1040
00:52:57,657 --> 00:53:00,901
Betrayal? Love it.
So next gen.
1041
00:53:00,936 --> 00:53:01,661
[door buzzer buzzes]
1042
00:53:01,764 --> 00:53:03,663
Okay, toodles.
1043
00:53:06,873 --> 00:53:08,288
[Saskia]
Who was that, darling?
1044
00:53:08,737 --> 00:53:10,221
So funny.
1045
00:53:10,256 --> 00:53:12,465
Great story. Tell you later.
- Super!
1046
00:53:12,499 --> 00:53:14,329
[laughing]
1047
00:53:14,363 --> 00:53:15,502
Our ancestors in caves
1048
00:53:15,537 --> 00:53:18,091
didn't eat for taste,
they ate to survive,
1049
00:53:18,125 --> 00:53:21,232
and that is the kind of purity
of consumption that we need.
1050
00:53:21,267 --> 00:53:23,959
My new pop-up
will have the need concept.
1051
00:53:23,993 --> 00:53:27,928
Every meal will be served
by a Japanese Shinto priest
1052
00:53:27,963 --> 00:53:30,137
holding a loaded gun
to your head,
1053
00:53:30,172 --> 00:53:32,174
and that will
amplify the experience
1054
00:53:32,209 --> 00:53:33,969
more than any flavor.
1055
00:53:34,003 --> 00:53:37,524
It'll be like one plus one
equals... eight.
1056
00:53:38,111 --> 00:53:40,976
A totally immersive
dining experience.
1057
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:43,185
Wow, that sounds great!
1058
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:44,876
[Harmony]
Oh, it's better than great!
1059
00:53:44,911 --> 00:53:46,844
Babe, it's a revolution.
1060
00:53:46,878 --> 00:53:49,260
That's what me and Laurie
have been working on
with this article.
1061
00:53:50,572 --> 00:53:53,609
It's just amazing that this
is happening to me, you know?
1062
00:53:54,300 --> 00:53:56,716
I feel like the luckiest guy
in the world.
1063
00:53:59,408 --> 00:54:02,239
Um... You...
1064
00:54:02,273 --> 00:54:03,792
Y-you're not hungry?
1065
00:54:04,275 --> 00:54:05,966
Oh, no, I am, I'm starving.
1066
00:54:07,416 --> 00:54:09,660
And this is amazing, you know.
1067
00:54:10,316 --> 00:54:12,835
It's probably the best-tasting
food I've ever tried.
1068
00:54:12,870 --> 00:54:17,564
But I shouldn't really be...
1069
00:54:17,668 --> 00:54:18,910
What?
1070
00:54:19,325 --> 00:54:21,879
Look, Laurie says I really need
to be 100 percent
1071
00:54:21,913 --> 00:54:23,398
Brand Harmony right now.
1072
00:54:23,432 --> 00:54:25,572
And I've already got the
advantage of one word equity,
1073
00:54:25,607 --> 00:54:29,714
you know, like Boris,
or Shano... Warne.
1074
00:54:30,163 --> 00:54:31,544
But also live it, you know?
1075
00:54:31,578 --> 00:54:35,893
Every day is literally a battle
against the tyranny of taste,
1076
00:54:35,927 --> 00:54:39,068
this war of attrition
that I've got within myself.
1077
00:54:39,103 --> 00:54:40,553
Basically, Laurie says
I've got to stop eating food
1078
00:54:40,656 --> 00:54:42,175
that tastes nice.
1079
00:54:44,350 --> 00:54:45,799
All good, babe?
1080
00:54:47,491 --> 00:54:48,975
Do you wanna fuck?
1081
00:54:49,665 --> 00:54:51,288
You do fuck still,
don't you?
1082
00:54:51,667 --> 00:54:52,910
Oh, yeah.
1083
00:54:53,635 --> 00:54:55,188
I'm still Australian.
1084
00:55:01,953 --> 00:55:05,163
[both grunting]
1085
00:55:05,267 --> 00:55:06,717
Oh God, I love you.
1086
00:55:06,751 --> 00:55:08,719
- I love you.
- I love you.
1087
00:55:08,753 --> 00:55:11,446
- Yeah, and I love you.
- Oh, and I love you!
1088
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:15,312
I love you.
I love you and I love you.
1089
00:55:15,415 --> 00:55:17,037
Are you talking to the flat?!
1090
00:55:18,694 --> 00:55:20,075
No?
1091
00:55:23,181 --> 00:55:24,493
Babe!
1092
00:55:26,806 --> 00:55:28,601
Oh, God. Oh.
1093
00:55:32,329 --> 00:55:35,332
[melancholy music ♪]
1094
00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:13,956
[glass shatters]
1095
00:56:13,991 --> 00:56:16,165
[clattering]
1096
00:56:23,587 --> 00:56:26,279
[birds chirping]
[church bells ringing]
1097
00:56:28,626 --> 00:56:29,731
[Saskia giggling]
1098
00:56:29,834 --> 00:56:31,388
[Saskia]
He had nothing to do with him.
1099
00:56:35,461 --> 00:56:37,048
Oh, my God.
1100
00:56:37,739 --> 00:56:40,707
Well, Melsy babes,
1101
00:56:40,742 --> 00:56:42,122
here you are!
1102
00:56:42,226 --> 00:56:43,607
[giggling]
1103
00:56:46,299 --> 00:56:48,991
Oh, and just look at Harmony.
1104
00:56:50,061 --> 00:56:52,650
God, if I hadn't been
lumbered with Sam
1105
00:56:52,685 --> 00:56:55,446
I'd be all over
that sexy Aussie bum.
1106
00:56:55,481 --> 00:56:57,414
- That's a nice image.
- Oh, shut up, darling.
1107
00:56:57,586 --> 00:56:58,967
You know I heart you.
1108
00:57:02,660 --> 00:57:03,661
Hey.
1109
00:57:03,696 --> 00:57:04,628
God.
1110
00:57:04,662 --> 00:57:06,250
What has she put you in, eh?
[Auden coos]
1111
00:57:06,353 --> 00:57:07,734
Yeah, I know.
1112
00:57:08,079 --> 00:57:09,874
I feel exactly the same.
1113
00:57:11,117 --> 00:57:12,532
So, we start with the greeting.
1114
00:57:12,636 --> 00:57:14,120
- Yes.
- You think so?
1115
00:57:14,154 --> 00:57:15,259
Uh, miss out that bit.
1116
00:57:15,293 --> 00:57:16,778
Can I just-can I just
ask a question?
1117
00:57:16,812 --> 00:57:18,193
Are we--
Is this coming before that?
1118
00:57:18,227 --> 00:57:19,953
This bit after.
Oh, look, look.
1119
00:57:19,988 --> 00:57:21,092
He's worried.
1120
00:57:21,127 --> 00:57:21,955
Oh, he's worried.
1121
00:57:21,990 --> 00:57:24,302
[Vicar speaking indistinctly]
1122
00:57:24,406 --> 00:57:25,614
[Vicar]
Relax!
1123
00:57:25,890 --> 00:57:28,686
That was a strange phone call,
wasn't it, Melody?
1124
00:57:28,790 --> 00:57:30,205
[Melody]
What phone call?
1125
00:57:30,308 --> 00:57:32,034
Oh, you know the one.
1126
00:57:32,138 --> 00:57:35,210
The one when you rang
pretending to be Saskia.
1127
00:57:35,244 --> 00:57:36,487
[giggling]
1128
00:57:37,074 --> 00:57:38,420
[Saskia]
Dashing, dashing.
1129
00:57:38,524 --> 00:57:39,904
Hi, hi. Thanks for coming.
1130
00:57:41,250 --> 00:57:42,735
Harmony is
going to be heartbroken
1131
00:57:42,838 --> 00:57:45,634
when I tell him after the
ceremony that you betrayed him.
1132
00:57:45,669 --> 00:57:47,809
Why don't you just stop
making things up?
1133
00:57:47,912 --> 00:57:50,156
Charlatans thing was
a nice idea, though.
1134
00:57:50,777 --> 00:57:52,054
Bad luck.
1135
00:57:52,089 --> 00:57:54,056
[Auden fussing]
1136
00:57:54,091 --> 00:57:55,610
Why don't I take him?
I'm great with kids.
1137
00:57:55,644 --> 00:57:57,888
Look, I'm fine.
I can hold a baby.
1138
00:57:57,922 --> 00:57:59,130
[gentle organ music playing ♪]
1139
00:57:59,165 --> 00:58:01,512
I think it's probably best,
though, if I take him.
1140
00:58:01,547 --> 00:58:04,481
Why don't you fuck off
and get your own fucking baby?!
1141
00:58:08,623 --> 00:58:10,245
Uh, um...
1142
00:58:10,348 --> 00:58:13,731
Why don't we see if you
can manage holding this?
1143
00:58:15,146 --> 00:58:16,631
Hello!
1144
00:58:16,665 --> 00:58:17,942
Yay.
1145
00:58:18,046 --> 00:58:20,255
Is that better? Yes.
1146
00:58:20,289 --> 00:58:22,568
♪
1147
00:58:24,017 --> 00:58:25,709
Can you get
your fucking shit together
1148
00:58:25,743 --> 00:58:28,401
and stop fucking swearing
in the fucking church?
1149
00:58:28,435 --> 00:58:30,403
[clears throat]
Shall we begin?
1150
00:58:30,437 --> 00:58:32,060
Yes.
[giggling]
1151
00:58:32,094 --> 00:58:35,512
Our Lord Jesus Christ
has told us
1152
00:58:35,546 --> 00:58:37,824
that to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven,
1153
00:58:37,859 --> 00:58:40,620
we must repent our sins!
1154
00:58:41,138 --> 00:58:43,036
For God so loved the world
1155
00:58:43,071 --> 00:58:45,556
that he gave his only
begotten son
1156
00:58:45,591 --> 00:58:48,525
so that whosoever believeth
in Him
1157
00:58:48,559 --> 00:58:50,941
shall not perish,
but have everlasting life!
1158
00:58:51,044 --> 00:58:52,736
Hi! Hey!
1159
00:58:53,081 --> 00:58:54,392
Speaking of life,
1160
00:58:54,427 --> 00:58:56,118
that is why we are here!
1161
00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:59,915
So, may I ask you to bring
the godparents forward?
1162
00:58:59,950 --> 00:59:01,538
- Yes.
- Yes. All right.
1163
00:59:04,610 --> 00:59:06,681
[Melody panting]
1164
00:59:08,027 --> 00:59:09,131
[Auden]
Cunt.
1165
00:59:10,029 --> 00:59:11,927
[Melody]
And stop right there, yeah.
1166
00:59:17,174 --> 00:59:19,417
[sneaky music ♪]
1167
00:59:28,634 --> 00:59:29,773
Bingo.
1168
00:59:47,687 --> 00:59:48,550
[laughs]
1169
00:59:48,585 --> 00:59:50,587
Have you seen Doris and Dave?
1170
00:59:50,690 --> 00:59:52,071
Thanks for coming!
1171
00:59:52,174 --> 00:59:53,935
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1172
00:59:53,969 --> 00:59:56,523
No, stop, stop.
Just fucking stop.
1173
00:59:56,558 --> 00:59:57,559
I don't wanna hear.
1174
00:59:57,594 --> 00:59:58,560
I took that by mistake.
1175
00:59:58,595 --> 00:59:59,872
Mel, just go, okay?
1176
00:59:59,906 --> 01:00:01,114
I don't wanna see you again
1177
01:00:01,218 --> 01:00:02,944
until you pay me back
my child's money,
1178
01:00:03,047 --> 01:00:04,601
all of it.
1179
01:00:05,740 --> 01:00:07,465
[Saskia]
Um, where's Laurie?
1180
01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:08,915
Why?
1181
01:00:08,950 --> 01:00:11,642
A story she's written's
going bonkers on Twitter,
1182
01:00:11,677 --> 01:00:13,264
"Burn Charlatans Burn."
1183
01:00:13,299 --> 01:00:16,267
God, that is so on trend.
1184
01:00:16,647 --> 01:00:18,511
Oh, Laurie, have you seen this?
1185
01:00:18,545 --> 01:00:20,513
You're such a clever girl!
1186
01:00:20,547 --> 01:00:22,066
We've gone viral!
1187
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,413
- Sorry?
- "Burn Charlatans Burn."
1188
01:00:24,517 --> 01:00:25,794
God, it's brilliant.
1189
01:00:25,829 --> 01:00:27,485
Wow, Laurie,
how did you think of that?
1190
01:00:28,901 --> 01:00:31,628
Oh, I suppose you'll
have to publicly refuse
1191
01:00:31,731 --> 01:00:33,250
to buy the flat now.
1192
01:00:33,699 --> 01:00:36,667
Oh! Oh, we could live-stream
her telling the agent!
1193
01:00:36,702 --> 01:00:38,565
Yes, that's brilliant!
1194
01:00:39,601 --> 01:00:41,638
I don't know about you, Saskia,
but I'm really impressed
1195
01:00:41,741 --> 01:00:43,605
that Laurie would be willing
to risk her relationship
1196
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,814
with Harmony for the sake
of the right story.
1197
01:00:46,332 --> 01:00:47,954
I'm not sure I'd be able
to forgive someone
1198
01:00:47,989 --> 01:00:49,335
who did that to me.
1199
01:00:51,578 --> 01:00:53,684
[Saskia]
Oh, this is perfect.
1200
01:00:53,719 --> 01:00:56,031
You're such a clever
little angel.
1201
01:00:57,757 --> 01:01:00,311
I'm tweeting Piers Morgan now.
1202
01:01:05,869 --> 01:01:08,768
[electronic music ♪]
1203
01:01:11,426 --> 01:01:14,947
Charlatans is the new form
of Chinese cabbage.
1204
01:01:14,981 --> 01:01:18,640
♪
1205
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,986
Actually, like,
speak up and say--
1206
01:01:20,021 --> 01:01:21,298
Fuck Charlatans!
1207
01:01:21,401 --> 01:01:23,300
I just know how to tuck a penis
up my bum.
1208
01:01:23,334 --> 01:01:26,130
♪
1209
01:01:26,165 --> 01:01:28,995
Heart Laurie Mills.
1210
01:01:29,927 --> 01:01:31,688
Laurie Mills is the one.
1211
01:01:35,381 --> 01:01:36,554
[Laurie clears throat]
1212
01:01:37,279 --> 01:01:38,902
Ms. Mills.
1213
01:01:40,455 --> 01:01:41,594
What's with the video?
1214
01:01:41,628 --> 01:01:42,699
I have come to tell you
1215
01:01:42,733 --> 01:01:44,528
that I think you're a cancer...
1216
01:01:44,562 --> 01:01:46,323
...eating away at society.
1217
01:01:46,910 --> 01:01:48,152
Excuse me?!
1218
01:01:48,187 --> 01:01:54,503
You and your extensive range
of high-quality apartments...
1219
01:01:55,470 --> 01:01:56,747
[exhales sharply]
1220
01:01:57,679 --> 01:02:01,718
...apartments is what is ruining
the local spirit of my area.
1221
01:02:01,752 --> 01:02:04,686
You just bring in an influx
of wealthy,
1222
01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:07,206
aspirational,
good-looking people,
1223
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:11,003
which, quite frankly,
I find disgusting!
1224
01:02:11,037 --> 01:02:12,038
Hmm!
1225
01:02:12,073 --> 01:02:13,764
[JP]
But it's the market.
1226
01:02:13,799 --> 01:02:15,732
People want to live
in this area.
1227
01:02:15,766 --> 01:02:17,112
You want to live in this area!
1228
01:02:17,147 --> 01:02:18,873
How dare you, JP?!
1229
01:02:18,907 --> 01:02:19,874
Hmm?
1230
01:02:19,908 --> 01:02:23,878
I will never, ever,
buy a property from you.
1231
01:02:36,304 --> 01:02:39,031
[dubstep music ♪]
1232
01:02:40,066 --> 01:02:43,069
[Laurie on video]
Charlatans have taken
our vibe!
1233
01:02:43,104 --> 01:02:45,762
It's ruined
our warehouse parties
1234
01:02:45,865 --> 01:02:47,833
and killed our street markets!
1235
01:02:47,867 --> 01:02:51,698
But now it is time
to take our streets back!
1236
01:02:51,733 --> 01:02:54,460
[protestors cheering on video]
[Melody giggling]
1237
01:02:55,599 --> 01:02:56,945
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
1238
01:02:56,980 --> 01:03:03,020
Fuck you, Charlatans!
Fuck you, Charlatans!
1239
01:03:03,434 --> 01:03:06,644
Woo-hoo! Woo!
Whoop! Whoop!
1240
01:03:06,748 --> 01:03:08,439
Whoop! Whoop!
Whoop! Whoop!
1241
01:03:08,474 --> 01:03:09,544
[sighs]
1242
01:03:09,578 --> 01:03:10,717
Yeah.
1243
01:03:13,859 --> 01:03:16,793
[gentle, hopeful music ♪]
1244
01:03:44,303 --> 01:03:47,375
♪
1245
01:04:06,325 --> 01:04:07,809
[door buzzer buzzing]
1246
01:04:13,642 --> 01:04:14,920
[passionate moaning]
1247
01:04:14,954 --> 01:04:16,507
[Harmony]
Fuck!
1248
01:04:16,542 --> 01:04:19,407
[both gasping]
1249
01:04:19,510 --> 01:04:20,511
Oh, my God.
1250
01:04:21,823 --> 01:04:24,343
That was so inspirational, it's
given me an idea for a starter.
1251
01:04:24,377 --> 01:04:25,447
Oh no, wait.
1252
01:04:25,551 --> 01:04:27,208
Wait, I'm going to cook
for you.
1253
01:04:27,242 --> 01:04:29,520
[both panting]
1254
01:04:31,108 --> 01:04:34,077
[both laugh]
1255
01:04:40,704 --> 01:04:43,017
Babe, why are you throwing away
a picture of Laurie?
1256
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:44,052
What?
1257
01:04:55,995 --> 01:04:57,583
Holy shit, it was you.
1258
01:05:04,348 --> 01:05:06,937
Just-just ignore that, babe.
1259
01:05:07,489 --> 01:05:09,284
You set this whole thing up?
1260
01:05:11,735 --> 01:05:13,944
You knew it would ruin
my article.
1261
01:05:13,979 --> 01:05:15,808
- I did it for us.
- No, you didn't.
1262
01:05:17,327 --> 01:05:20,709
You want this flat so much,
you're welcome to it.
1263
01:05:21,745 --> 01:05:24,955
You don't love me,
I'm just another thing to you
like your...
1264
01:05:26,232 --> 01:05:27,682
...De'Longhi.
1265
01:05:30,719 --> 01:05:32,756
- Where are you going?
- To find Laurie,
1266
01:05:32,790 --> 01:05:34,240
someone who wants me
to succeed.
1267
01:05:34,275 --> 01:05:35,621
Well, Laurie doesn't want you
to succeed,
1268
01:05:35,724 --> 01:05:37,554
she just wants your cock!
1269
01:05:37,588 --> 01:05:39,590
Laurie Mills actually cares
about my food!
1270
01:05:39,625 --> 01:05:40,764
Oh, your food!
1271
01:05:40,798 --> 01:05:43,249
The food is
pretentious bullshit!
1272
01:05:54,122 --> 01:05:56,193
You still love me, don't you?
1273
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:06,893
[exhales audibly]
1274
01:06:06,928 --> 01:06:10,069
[gentle, melancholy music ♪]
1275
01:06:10,104 --> 01:06:11,243
Mmh.
1276
01:06:44,379 --> 01:06:47,451
♪
1277
01:06:50,972 --> 01:06:53,492
[crying]
1278
01:07:14,616 --> 01:07:17,033
[traffic]
1279
01:07:29,597 --> 01:07:31,357
[door buzzer buzzing]
1280
01:07:32,186 --> 01:07:34,222
[buzzing]
1281
01:07:38,295 --> 01:07:39,986
[buzzing]
1282
01:07:54,449 --> 01:07:55,761
Who is it?
1283
01:07:56,072 --> 01:07:57,487
[Man]
Melody Munro,
1284
01:07:57,590 --> 01:08:01,077
bailiffs collecting on behalf
of Show Me The Skrilla.
1285
01:08:15,850 --> 01:08:17,162
Are you letting us in?
1286
01:08:19,716 --> 01:08:23,340
You sure?
1287
01:08:25,170 --> 01:08:26,481
This hasn't happened before.
1288
01:08:27,275 --> 01:08:30,278
Just... just take it.
1289
01:08:31,797 --> 01:08:33,143
Take it all.
1290
01:08:37,630 --> 01:08:39,149
[Tommy]
It wasn't a heart attack,
1291
01:08:39,184 --> 01:08:42,497
it was an irregular murmur
brought on by stress.
1292
01:08:43,291 --> 01:08:45,811
In fact, saying
the words" heart attack"
1293
01:08:45,845 --> 01:08:47,019
made me more stressed.
1294
01:08:47,192 --> 01:08:49,746
Apparently, my blood pressure
is the worst seen
1295
01:08:49,780 --> 01:08:52,404
outside of Japanese
mid-level management,
1296
01:08:52,438 --> 01:08:53,681
which is great.
1297
01:08:53,715 --> 01:08:54,785
Wow.
1298
01:08:54,820 --> 01:08:57,754
The doctor's given me
this... heart rate thing.
1299
01:08:57,788 --> 01:09:00,308
Okay, listen, I'm going to
stop you right there.
1300
01:09:01,551 --> 01:09:02,793
Look.
1301
01:09:04,312 --> 01:09:05,727
[giggles]
1302
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:09,110
I want you to sell the flat.
1303
01:09:09,145 --> 01:09:10,663
[Tommy]
I can't talk about the flat.
1304
01:09:11,423 --> 01:09:15,081
Talking about the flat makes me
very uncomfortable and nervous.
1305
01:09:15,116 --> 01:09:16,290
I need to remain calm.
1306
01:09:16,324 --> 01:09:19,983
I need to remain
extremely calm.
1307
01:09:20,017 --> 01:09:22,468
Okay, well I'm gonna move back
with my brother.
1308
01:09:22,503 --> 01:09:23,849
And, Tommy...
1309
01:09:24,539 --> 01:09:25,782
...I'm sorry.
1310
01:09:26,990 --> 01:09:29,510
[heart monitor beeping]
1311
01:09:29,544 --> 01:09:31,132
Fuck.
1312
01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:32,961
Sorry.
Sorry, my heart's beating.
1313
01:09:32,996 --> 01:09:34,929
Sorry. It's the emotion.
1314
01:09:34,963 --> 01:09:36,102
Fuck.
1315
01:09:36,137 --> 01:09:37,173
Suni!
1316
01:09:37,656 --> 01:09:40,106
Suni, fucking getting in here,
Suni!
1317
01:09:41,418 --> 01:09:43,040
Fuck. I'll see you later.
1318
01:09:43,144 --> 01:09:44,180
Arh!
1319
01:09:44,283 --> 01:09:46,941
[hopeful music ♪]
1320
01:09:54,638 --> 01:09:57,089
♪
1321
01:10:03,820 --> 01:10:06,409
[JP, inside]
We're temporarily closed
at the moment,
1322
01:10:06,443 --> 01:10:07,548
but you can still view
1323
01:10:07,582 --> 01:10:10,378
our extensive
range of properties online!
1324
01:10:10,413 --> 01:10:11,931
It's Melody.
1325
01:10:12,415 --> 01:10:15,176
[JP]
Step away
from this retail property!
1326
01:10:15,211 --> 01:10:18,317
I have your keys.
You can have them.
1327
01:10:26,532 --> 01:10:27,740
Wow.
1328
01:10:29,432 --> 01:10:31,019
You're joking, yeah?
1329
01:10:32,780 --> 01:10:34,506
To the victor, the spoils.
1330
01:10:38,889 --> 01:10:41,271
Come on, JP, let's get you
a celebratory drink.
1331
01:10:41,306 --> 01:10:42,928
Glasses are over there.
1332
01:10:45,068 --> 01:10:48,002
But... first probably
some water, eh?
1333
01:10:48,036 --> 01:10:52,455
The... Toy... Factory.
1334
01:10:55,216 --> 01:10:56,700
Ah, Melody,
1335
01:10:56,735 --> 01:10:58,254
fancy meeting you here!
1336
01:10:58,357 --> 01:10:59,496
What are you doing?
1337
01:10:59,531 --> 01:11:01,291
[Laurie]
Burn Charlatan Burn!
1338
01:11:01,326 --> 01:11:04,398
I wrote it, so now...
1339
01:11:06,779 --> 01:11:08,712
...I'm going to do it!
1340
01:11:08,954 --> 01:11:11,957
Okay, Glass, video record.
1341
01:11:11,991 --> 01:11:15,271
Say my name.
I am the Metro Bitch!
1342
01:11:15,305 --> 01:11:19,275
Laurie... I wrote it...
you know that.
1343
01:11:20,345 --> 01:11:23,831
Oh, Melody,
you are funny sometimes!
1344
01:11:23,865 --> 01:11:25,419
This is really fucking serious.
1345
01:11:25,453 --> 01:11:27,490
[Harmony]
You're right, Mel,
it is really serious.
1346
01:11:27,524 --> 01:11:28,939
- Harmon--
- [Harmony] Mel, I found it.
1347
01:11:28,974 --> 01:11:30,320
I've found the revolution.
1348
01:11:30,355 --> 01:11:33,634
And, look, it'll cause
a little bit of pain,
1349
01:11:33,668 --> 01:11:35,567
quite a lot of destruction,
1350
01:11:35,670 --> 01:11:39,018
but from its ashes
a new world will arise,
1351
01:11:39,053 --> 01:11:40,537
a better world,
1352
01:11:40,572 --> 01:11:43,091
and I'll be the one
to capture that...
1353
01:11:43,885 --> 01:11:45,611
...in a kebab.
1354
01:11:45,646 --> 01:11:47,268
Okay, right, kids,
playtime is over.
1355
01:11:47,303 --> 01:11:49,891
You can go to jail for this
stuff for a very long time.
1356
01:11:49,926 --> 01:11:52,618
You can't stop me this time,
Melody.
1357
01:11:52,653 --> 01:11:56,346
Do you know that Bob Marley
once said,
1358
01:11:56,381 --> 01:11:57,796
"You haven't lived
1359
01:11:57,830 --> 01:11:59,729
until you've found
something worth dying for"?
1360
01:11:59,832 --> 01:12:01,006
Nelson Mandela.
1361
01:12:01,040 --> 01:12:05,182
[Laurie]
Well, I... am... Bob Marley.
1362
01:12:06,322 --> 01:12:08,462
Well, you can be Bob Marley
all you want,
1363
01:12:08,496 --> 01:12:10,395
Harmony and me,
we're getting out of here.
1364
01:12:11,361 --> 01:12:12,776
- No!
- Come on, Harmony.
1365
01:12:14,019 --> 01:12:17,609
[dark music ♪]
1366
01:12:19,576 --> 01:12:20,819
[chuckles]
1367
01:12:22,096 --> 01:12:23,787
Do you know what?
1368
01:12:23,822 --> 01:12:25,237
You two...
1369
01:12:26,134 --> 01:12:27,619
...you deserve each other.
1370
01:12:28,965 --> 01:12:31,657
She's always been
such a dull bitch.
1371
01:12:32,831 --> 01:12:34,626
Let's burn this fucker!
1372
01:12:34,660 --> 01:12:37,974
[intense electronica music ♪]
1373
01:12:48,916 --> 01:12:50,435
Hey, Sam, it's me.
1374
01:12:51,056 --> 01:12:52,437
I wanna move back home.
1375
01:12:53,334 --> 01:12:55,785
[Harmony's voice, echoing]
You set this whole thing up?
1376
01:12:56,095 --> 01:12:58,753
[Sam's voice, echoing]
...you've got to stop
doing these mental things...
1377
01:13:02,274 --> 01:13:03,586
[Harmony's voice]
You set this whole thing up?
1378
01:13:05,104 --> 01:13:06,243
[Sam's voice]
...you've got to stop
doing these mental things...
1379
01:13:06,278 --> 01:13:06,934
[JP's voice, echoing]
You're playing with fire...
1380
01:13:06,968 --> 01:13:08,004
You're playing with fire.
1381
01:13:08,038 --> 01:13:10,696
[overlapping echoing voices]
1382
01:13:10,731 --> 01:13:14,251
♪
1383
01:13:14,838 --> 01:13:16,426
No. You've got to stop.
No, wait.
1384
01:13:16,461 --> 01:13:17,358
- Stand back, please!
- No, no, no!
1385
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:18,877
These guys, they are morons.
1386
01:13:18,911 --> 01:13:21,397
It was me. I did it.
I burnt Charlatans.
1387
01:13:22,708 --> 01:13:24,089
Fuck you, Melody!
1388
01:13:24,123 --> 01:13:25,746
I burned Charlatans
1389
01:13:25,780 --> 01:13:28,749
and it's all here
on my Google glasses!
1390
01:13:29,128 --> 01:13:30,440
[Officer]
You stand back!
I'm warning you!
1391
01:13:30,544 --> 01:13:31,821
Mel, I'm scared!
1392
01:13:31,924 --> 01:13:33,409
- Where's JP?
- He's in the car!
1393
01:13:33,512 --> 01:13:35,134
Laurie's gone nuts!
1394
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:39,104
We're non-violent, Officer,
apart from arson!
1395
01:13:39,138 --> 01:13:40,933
♪
1396
01:13:51,910 --> 01:13:53,049
You win.
1397
01:13:53,083 --> 01:13:55,534
The attractive
loft conversion is yours.
1398
01:13:55,569 --> 01:13:57,018
- JP, stop moaning!
- What?
1399
01:13:57,053 --> 01:13:57,950
I think you've got
work to do,
1400
01:13:57,985 --> 01:13:58,779
and I think
you're gonna enjoy it.
1401
01:13:58,813 --> 01:14:00,332
Come on!
- What?
1402
01:14:01,885 --> 01:14:04,647
JP! JP, tell them!
1403
01:14:04,750 --> 01:14:06,407
Hello, Officers.
1404
01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:08,961
This woman is fucking crazy!
1405
01:14:08,996 --> 01:14:10,756
I've had enough of this shit!
1406
01:14:10,791 --> 01:14:12,827
I'm going back to Africa
to sell weapons.
1407
01:14:12,862 --> 01:14:14,967
No, JP! You tell them
it was me.
1408
01:14:15,002 --> 01:14:16,417
It was her.
1409
01:14:16,521 --> 01:14:18,350
She's one crazy fucking bitch!
1410
01:14:18,384 --> 01:14:20,421
[Laurie]
No! It was me!
1411
01:14:21,249 --> 01:14:22,561
[grunts]
1412
01:14:23,148 --> 01:14:24,667
Jesus Christ!
1413
01:14:24,701 --> 01:14:25,909
Oh, God, that felt good.
1414
01:14:25,944 --> 01:14:28,049
[Police Officer]
Right, lads, it's taser time!
1415
01:14:28,084 --> 01:14:29,465
[police siren]
1416
01:14:33,572 --> 01:14:35,643
[siren fades]
1417
01:14:35,747 --> 01:14:37,921
[soft, ambient music ♪]
1418
01:15:01,082 --> 01:15:05,639
♪
1419
01:15:17,789 --> 01:15:18,859
Thank you.
1420
01:15:19,376 --> 01:15:20,688
All right, Jones?
1421
01:15:20,792 --> 01:15:21,827
[Jones]
Yeah, you know.
1422
01:15:21,862 --> 01:15:23,622
[Melody]
How's anger management
classes going?
1423
01:15:23,657 --> 01:15:25,003
Shit.
1424
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:30,146
[no audible dialogue]
1425
01:15:30,180 --> 01:15:31,181
That's nice, innit?
1426
01:15:31,216 --> 01:15:32,907
Stop.
1427
01:15:34,391 --> 01:15:35,600
How's my nephew?
1428
01:15:36,566 --> 01:15:37,912
Good. Really good.
1429
01:15:38,430 --> 01:15:39,431
Did you get the money
1430
01:15:39,465 --> 01:15:40,950
that I transferred over
for his birthday?
1431
01:15:40,984 --> 01:15:42,089
Mm-hmm.
1432
01:15:45,161 --> 01:15:47,473
So, only two weeks to go!
1433
01:15:48,854 --> 01:15:50,546
Fucking hell,
1434
01:15:50,649 --> 01:15:51,857
two weeks.
1435
01:15:53,825 --> 01:15:55,689
See Laurie's campaign?
1436
01:15:55,723 --> 01:15:58,036
What,
the Free the Charlatans one?
1437
01:15:58,070 --> 01:15:59,278
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
1438
01:15:59,313 --> 01:16:01,246
She's been trying to get in
to do an interview.
1439
01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:02,558
One good thing about prison,
1440
01:16:02,592 --> 01:16:04,594
you can stop people
from visiting you.
1441
01:16:04,698 --> 01:16:06,700
Well, she is a massive cunt.
1442
01:16:07,252 --> 01:16:08,356
[Melody]
Yeah.
1443
01:16:09,185 --> 01:16:11,601
Saskia has said if you wanna
do a column
1444
01:16:11,636 --> 01:16:15,122
about being a posh girl in
prison there might be a slot!
1445
01:16:15,156 --> 01:16:17,262
Ooh, yeah!
1446
01:16:17,296 --> 01:16:18,712
Thanks.
1447
01:16:19,229 --> 01:16:22,370
I was actually thinking
of trying some cooking
when I get out...
1448
01:16:23,026 --> 01:16:25,960
...like a local restaurant
somewhere.
1449
01:16:27,030 --> 01:16:29,654
And nothing with a theme
and not a fucking pop-up.
1450
01:16:29,688 --> 01:16:31,725
I was actually quite
into the Nazi food.
1451
01:16:34,417 --> 01:16:36,868
By the way, yeah, Tommy's back.
1452
01:16:37,627 --> 01:16:39,249
I don't know, I thought maybe...
1453
01:16:39,284 --> 01:16:40,596
...you guys could...
1454
01:16:40,906 --> 01:16:42,839
I'd still rather have
my old room back with you,
1455
01:16:42,874 --> 01:16:43,771
if that's all right.
1456
01:16:43,806 --> 01:16:45,566
[Sam]
That's fine. Of course.
1457
01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:47,292
[exhaling deeply]
Good.
1458
01:16:47,810 --> 01:16:49,087
Harmony sends his love.
1459
01:16:49,121 --> 01:16:51,883
- Does he?
- No. Not really.
1460
01:16:53,194 --> 01:16:54,195
[laughs]
1461
01:16:54,299 --> 01:16:55,611
Phew.
1462
01:17:00,961 --> 01:17:02,514
[giggling]
1463
01:17:03,549 --> 01:17:05,241
Oh, God.
1464
01:17:05,344 --> 01:17:09,176
["Cheer Up London"
by slaves playing ♪]
1465
01:17:29,852 --> 01:17:32,751
Welcome to Guerrilla Gourmet,
my new cooking show,
1466
01:17:32,786 --> 01:17:35,133
where we're shooting here in...
1467
01:17:35,789 --> 01:17:38,861
Where are we?
...in Ukraine,
1468
01:17:39,482 --> 01:17:41,346
and I'm cooking
a flaming galah.
1469
01:17:46,662 --> 01:17:47,697
Fuck.
1470
01:17:47,732 --> 01:17:49,699
Ah, yes.
1471
01:17:49,734 --> 01:17:51,218
[Cameraman]
Harmony, I see men
in the trees.
1472
01:17:51,252 --> 01:17:53,082
Just keep shooting , Anatoli.
1473
01:17:53,116 --> 01:17:54,773
This is what this is all about.
1474
01:17:54,808 --> 01:17:58,397
This is a cooking revolution
right here.
1475
01:17:58,432 --> 01:18:00,158
[boom]
1476
01:18:00,192 --> 01:18:02,367
[Harmony grunts]
Oh, fuck. Fuck!
1477
01:18:02,470 --> 01:18:03,679
Oh, my leg.
1478
01:18:03,713 --> 01:18:05,681
Anatoli...
1479
01:18:05,819 --> 01:18:07,786
Anatoli, mate.
1480
01:18:10,168 --> 01:18:12,170
I'll get the first aid kit.
1481
01:18:13,481 --> 01:18:15,518
Anatoli, did we bring
the first aid kit?
1482
01:18:15,967 --> 01:18:18,728
♪
1483
01:18:18,763 --> 01:18:21,282
[austere music ♪]
[thunder crashing]
1484
01:18:21,524 --> 01:18:24,458
I have seen the light!
1485
01:18:24,561 --> 01:18:27,392
'Cause the anti-Christ
is coming too!
1486
01:18:27,841 --> 01:18:30,740
He gonna be bringing
smite and retribution!
1487
01:18:30,775 --> 01:18:34,261
Giant wasps,
they be coming too!
1488
01:18:34,295 --> 01:18:35,987
♪
1489
01:18:36,021 --> 01:18:37,333
[speaks Afrikaans]
1490
01:18:37,367 --> 01:18:39,542
Welcome to JP's AKs!
1491
01:18:39,645 --> 01:18:40,681
Today, we're gonna be selling
1492
01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:42,787
the best fucking weapon
known to mankind!
1493
01:18:42,821 --> 01:18:45,341
Fucking get some, baby! Yeah!
1494
01:18:45,375 --> 01:18:48,068
[metal music ♪]
1495
01:18:48,344 --> 01:18:51,450
Ladies and gentlemen,
we've only got 55
of these AK-47s left.
1496
01:18:51,485 --> 01:18:52,866
We've got to get rid of them!
1497
01:18:52,900 --> 01:18:54,419
You know, I don't wanna have to
put these in the trunk
1498
01:18:54,453 --> 01:18:56,041
of my car when I leave here
and try and drop them off
1499
01:18:56,076 --> 01:18:58,043
at a township somewhere, no!
1500
01:18:58,078 --> 01:18:59,458
These things have to go!
1501
01:18:59,493 --> 01:19:00,666
There you go, baby.
1502
01:19:00,770 --> 01:19:02,565
Do you wanna hold that
and show them how you shoot?
1503
01:19:02,599 --> 01:19:06,224
Now, look at this.
Now, you just aim down.
1504
01:19:06,258 --> 01:19:08,191
There you go, baby!
There you go!
1505
01:19:08,295 --> 01:19:10,297
Get some! Fuck you!
1506
01:19:10,331 --> 01:19:11,954
When you absolutely positively
1507
01:19:11,988 --> 01:19:14,439
must kill every motherfucker
in the room,
1508
01:19:14,473 --> 01:19:16,372
this is the only
weapon of choice.
1509
01:19:16,406 --> 01:19:18,029
Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
1510
01:19:18,063 --> 01:19:19,685
Yeah, we just sold
another five of those.
1511
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:21,998
You could shoot someone
about 1,000 yards with this
1512
01:19:22,033 --> 01:19:23,897
and still take
their fucking arm off.
1513
01:19:23,931 --> 01:19:25,726
That's just
the way it works, eh!
1514
01:19:25,761 --> 01:19:28,177
Now, this is the way
I prefer to--
Give me that there, baby.
1515
01:19:28,211 --> 01:19:30,110
This is the way I prefer
to shoot, yeah?
1516
01:19:30,213 --> 01:19:32,215
You're gonna take these
and you're gonna fucking blow
1517
01:19:32,250 --> 01:19:35,494
some fucking people's head off!
Yeah, like that!
1518
01:19:35,598 --> 01:19:37,911
Fucking get some!
Fucking get some!
1519
01:19:37,945 --> 01:19:40,396
♪
1520
01:19:40,499 --> 01:19:43,813
["Cheer Up London" resumes ♪]
1521
01:19:46,816 --> 01:19:47,679
And I said, you know,
1522
01:19:47,713 --> 01:19:49,232
"Cointreau is
for flambéing bananas,"
1523
01:19:49,267 --> 01:19:50,647
but they were drinking it!
1524
01:19:50,682 --> 01:19:52,477
[Headmaster]
Oh, goodness. Horrible!
1525
01:19:52,511 --> 01:19:54,928
Well, to bring it back
to a conclusion,
1526
01:19:54,962 --> 01:19:57,965
I think everything has gone
most satisfactorily,
1527
01:19:58,000 --> 01:19:59,173
Mr. and Mrs. Munro,
1528
01:19:59,208 --> 01:20:01,106
and I really don't have
any other questions.
1529
01:20:01,210 --> 01:20:03,453
It just remains for me
to ask Auden
1530
01:20:03,557 --> 01:20:06,456
if you have anything to add,
young man?
1531
01:20:06,698 --> 01:20:08,113
[Auden]
Cunt.
1532
01:20:13,739 --> 01:20:18,744
["Cheer Up London" playing ♪]
102042
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