All language subtitles for Crshd.2019

[overlapping chattering]

[video game music]

["O-Tron" by Avenue D]

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Hey, I got a brand new toy

♪ I won't be needing
you tonight boy ♪

♪ In 45 seconds, it
gives me more play ♪

♪ Then your little
wienie gets me in a day ♪

♪ I told the lesbo at the store
♪ that I was getting bored

♪ With my boys and my toys
and with being a whore ♪

♪ I said I need something
new to razzle me on ♪

♪ She said girl what you
need is the orgazmatron ♪

♪ Orgazmatron

♪ Orgazmatron

- Whoa.

You okay?

You really-

Your face was like that.

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Okay.

["@Cartier" by
Little Baby Angel]

I won't hurt your sprint.

[guitar playing]

- I love it.

- Yeah, those shoes are dope.

Like we should make an
Instagram page for 'em.

- [Blonde Girl] What
should the handle be?

- [Girl With Red Skirt]
White Girl, White Boots

- I'm gonna start one on it.

Yeah, let's just like, you know,
like boots chillin', right?

- [Girl With Sunglasses]
Okay, boots on the quad.

- [Blonde Girl] What did
you use to paint these?

- [Girl With Red Skirt]
Just like a color.

["@Cartier" by
Little Baby Angel]

♪ Just my type

♪ Pull up in that shit
with that off-white light ♪

♪ You don't gotta compete,
you just gotta be right ♪

♪ You just vessel the mood,
you just fuck with the life ♪

♪ Vice lives in
intentions, babe ♪

- [Blonde girl] Killin', right?

- [Girl with Sunglasses]
Okay, boots on the quad.

- [Girl With Red Skirt]
Boots on the quad baby.

- [Girl with Sunglasses] Oh my
God, those socks are so good.

- [Girl With Red
Skirt] Thank you.

- [Girl with Sunglasses]
You're such a good artist.

Honestly, you're-

- At work, chill 'till two,
come hang before lunch.

- Dope, see you in
an hour or so, Anuka?

- Yay, heart emoji.

- [Blonde girl] It's brewed
so much that I just like,

I don't know,

I just randomly made them one
night when I was really drunk.

- Zero percent chance of me
losing my virginity tonight,

thumbs down emoji,
eggplant emoji.

- We made a pact,
it's our last night.

We have to hold each
other accountable.

- Just don't forget, you're
the only one who knows.

- DWAI, babe, you're
secret is safe with me.

Kissy face emoji.

- Mark, 22, this could be us.

- Jason, 24, TTF only.

- Alexander, 27,
I'm a real catch.

- Albert.

- Georgie.

22, I'm cooking pasta

and we can watch a movie
with my cat, Snickers.

[playful electronic music]

- Hey.
- Shit, sorry.

- I must have scared you.

- No, I, just didn't see you.

- Sorry about that.

- So are you ready
for the astro test?

- Uh.

- I'm really not sure either.
- Yeah.

I'm kind of nervous though.

- Yeah, I'm getting
tense as well.

But you know, that's my
demeanor, is always tense.

I don't really
know how to react.

I totally get it though, it's
like crazy freshman year.

Like, I stay up so
late sometime and,

there are regrets.

I feel like I barely got to
like open up actually to anyone.

Like see the real me.

That's a totally
different story.

Anyway, have you heard about
that party happening tonight?

- Yeah.
- Hi!

- Wait for me?
- I wanna take a shower.

- No, just one minute.

- Okay, cool, see ya.
- Bye.

- Who's that?

- I don't know, he's
in my astro class.

- Look who it is.

Izz, getting down to
biz, all sweaty and shiz.

- Deb, this is my friend, Izz.

- Hi Izz, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- You doing anything
interesting this summer?

- I'm gonna spend the
summer with my grandparents

outside Chicago.

I'm trying to pass my
drivers' test finally.

- You know what they say?

Every time you get in a car,
you put your seatbelt on

and every time you have sex,

you use a condom.
- Really, mom?

Like right now?

- She's a sex educator.
- Thanks.

- Well, time to get this
road on the show JuJu.

- Bye.

- [blows kisses] Drive
safe my Indian princess.

- He's still saying that?

[slow string music]

[water running]

- Izzy, look at these notes.

You're totally ready
for your final.

- [Izzy] It was so easy
for me in high school

but this class is killing me.

- [Anuka] Can we just
have fun tonight?

- [Izzy] I'll have fun
when I get to Chicago.

- [sighs] Izzy.

You look fine.

It's just a black t-shirt.

[upbeat music]
[cacophony of sounds]

- Excuse me, these
shoes smell like piss.

- Um, that's how
they all smell, so.

- I'm not putting
those on my feet.

- Yeah okay, well then
you can't bowl, so.

[spraying aerosol]

Can you just not do that?

We have a very particular way
about cleaning about them, so,

that's my job.

- Well it seems like a bad way.

Because it still
smells like puke.

- Cool.

Yeah, if you don't put
these on, you can't bowl.

Okay, you can't
bowl in your socks.

- Why do all the pretty girls
also have to be talented?

♪ I'm not your disco bowl,
I'm not your ghost... ♪

So much more fair
if they all sucked.

- Okay, you're acting like
you're not pretty and talented.

I mean like your hair's doing

like a funny little
thing today but.

- Have you seen her Instagram?

♪ Your Valentine

♪ I'm not your daydream,
I'm not your crime ♪

♪ Your superstition,
your Valentine ♪

♪ I'm not your photograph,
I'm not your vintage wine ♪

♪ Your new religion,
your valentine ♪

- [Fiona] Lisa's so hot.

Nolan is so hot.

- They're both pretentious.

["Valentine" By David Su]

[playful video game music]

- Come see my lovely art
at #crushparty tonight.

- What's a crush party?

♪ I'm not your deck of cards

- I don't know.

["Valentine" By David Su]

[man falls]
[bowling ball drops]

Be right back.

["Valentine" By David Su]

- Hey, hi.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Why is everyone so
obsessed with her?

Her art isn't even good.

- I like her art.

It's cute.

- I don't want my
art to be cute.

- Yeah, your art isn't cute.

- I was just looking
at your Instagram.

- Hmm hmm.

- And I was just wondering
what a crush party is.

- Oh, a crush party
is, are you a freshman?

- Hmm hmm.

- I mean look at her shoes.

She had to paint these as well?

I don't get it.

♪ I'm not your day dream

♪ I'm not your workshop,
your superstition ♪

♪ Your valentine

["Valentine" By David Su]

[bell chimes]

["Valentine" By David Su]

- [Izzy] No one's
even gonna be there,

everyone's left for the summer.

- Yeah, that's why
everyone's gonan be there

specially to bone.

- Isn't that like every party?

Also, who says bone?

- Uh, I say bone, boning is hot.

- It sounds like ET, bone
home or throw a dog a bone.

- [laughs] No, it's like
come on bone me baby

or like come on, just
a quick little bone

before this party tonight.

- It sounds awful.

- [Fiona] Hey, you're
like a monk with a vagina.

- That's a nun.

- I haven't even
started studying.

- We made a pact.

- Fiona, if I do
not pass this test,

I'm literally dead and
will lose my scholarship.

- Wait, what pack?
- Okay.

- You're gonna be stuck with
your grandparents all summer.

Um, eating oatmeal and
playing like badminton

and massaging their dog when
she's constipated, okay.

You need to be freaking DM on
getting some dick right now.

- Oh she'll do the guy
she did last summer.

What's his name?

- Travis.

- [Fiona] Oh Travis,
who is Travis.

- Never mind.

If I submit my crush's name.
- Hmm hmm.

- They get a
specific invitation.

- Yes.

- And if someone crushes me,

I also get an invite.

- Crush party.

- [Man On Radio] There
was a dog trapped

inside a sewage plant.

It's unclear how
he ended up there.

But everything turned out okay.

He's back home safe
with his owners

eating a big bowl of kibble.

- [Woman On Radio] Thank
you Jeff, in other news,

Huntington Center is hosting

the Midwest succulent
convention today.

- Hi.

- [Woman On Radio]
Admission is free

for children under 12...

[midtempo music]

[faint overlapping chattering]

[midtempo music]

- You need to friend
him on Facebook

and then deep like
one of his photos.

- Deep what?

- It's like, you go way
back into their photos

and then like one.

So that it sends them a signal
that you're stalking them

and that you're
interested in them.

- I couldn't find
the one on Facebook.

I'll try to find
tagged photos of him.

- My profile reads apathetic
with a touch of fuck boy.

It's clear that I took
time to curate my page

but not that much time.

I love internet art
and I have a tattoo

of my childhood stuffed
animal on my bicep

so I have no pictures
of no one here.

[faint murmuring]

- I sort of forget to
update my profile picture.

It's been the same
for like two years

and I'm fairly hot but I don't
really like to show it off.

But no picture
with Nolan, sorry.

- What about that guy?

- I haven't changed my
profile picture since 2007.

- I only use Facebook to
follow banned pictures.

- I don't have Facebook so
technically I don't exist.

[buzzard beeping]
- No, whatever.

And I think he's dating Elise.

- Elise is gay, like
gay gay, not bi.

Because in one of our class,

she brought in all
these paintings

of all the vaginas
of all her exes

and then she talked about
all the breakups like

every story, so.

She's gay.

What about that guy?

[playful electronic music]

- [Izzy] No.

I'mma gonna get some cereal.

- Okay.

[overlapping chatter]

[pensive music]

- Elise, 22.

Let's get naked and paint
each other's bodies.

- Hey Elise.

[cacophony of sounds]

Yo, what's up girlfriend, no.

[cacophony of sounds]

Question about the
crushed party, eh.

[upbeat music]

- It's at Big Blue.

Just go there and
ask for Stephanie.

She's like tall and stunning
and really hip and friendly.

Just tell her you wanna
submit in a crush.

- Cool.
- Definitely go.

It'll be so fun.
- Okay.

- [Elise] See ya there.

- We're both getting action,
we're both getting action.

[playful loud singing]

- Shh, shh.

You're always so loud.

- I prefer enthusiastic.

[clears throat] Isabel.

We made a pinky promise,
a pact, you and I.

I'm going to make
out with Elise.

You are going to find
someone and bone them

and pop that sweet, sweet,
cute little cherry of yours.

- Shh.

- You just have to um,
channel your secret,

inner female goddess
and have eye sex

with everyone on
the dance floor.

Super simple.

- Eye sex, hmm hmm.

- You just find
someone in this party

and then you lock
eye, like this.

[dramatic techno music]

Yeah, okay, try
it, try it with me.

[dramatic techno music]

Okay, hmm, hold eye contact.

Okay, a little less diarrhea.

Okay, okay, let's stop.

Um, we're just gonna get
your very drunk, okay?

[rhythmic music]

- I'm Sexy Rexy, AKA Mean
Profit, AKA Young Jump Start.

I love bowls of spaghetti,
my pod collection,

Naruto fan fiction and dad bods.

I could be your
devil or your angle.

Hope I made you turtle.

[playful video game music]

[loud banging]

- You really want that cereal?

It sticks together
when it's stale so.

You can just take
some from the top.

But punching it
might be more fun.

- Genius, thank you.

[dramatic techno music]

- No problem.

- I'm always like struggling
to get it open like...

- [Izzy] I'll give
them back tomorrow.

- Izzy, you...

- Do you have an
early flight tomorrow?

- Hmm hmm.
- Hmm hmm, so.

- Early morning.
- Right, yeah.

We probably shouldn't
go out then.

- See, you gotta
stop doing that.

- You don't want to
be hung over tomorrow.

- You are--
- Can we call it?

I have to go back to work.

Someone took shoes,
I don't know.

That means you have to
go to Big Blue, okay.

You need to submit Nolan.

I'm gonna submit Elise, okay.

It's two blocks down
the road, just go.

There should be a box.

Find the box, if
there's not a box, knock

and ask for Stephanie.

Apparently, she's really hot.

[Izzy reluctantly groaning]

- [Anuka] Izzy, I know
where we're going.

- [Izzy] It's that way.

It's that's way!
- Eh, no.

[pensive music]

Where are we?

I think this way.

[pensive music]

That way.

[pensive music]

[playful video game music]

Are you sure?

This has to be it.

[playful video game music]

Oh my God, it smells like weed.

[playful video game music]

[pensive music]

[light knocking]
[cat meowing]

[pensive music]

- Yo, what's up ladies?

Or should I say girls?

Or should I say women?

- Is Stephanie here?

- Stephanie is ocucpano,
if you know what I mean.

- We're here to submit our
crushes for the party tonight.

- Party?

- The crush party, it's
happening here tonight?

- We sell great parties.

You ladies wanna smoke?

- No, we're here to
submit our crush's name

in a box to make sure that
they're invited to the party

and to let them know that
someone else in the party

is interested in
them romantically.

- What about Tinder?

K, K?

- I matched with him on Tinder.

- What?

- I couldn't find a pen but if
you write down your crushes,

I'll make sure they
get to Stephanie.

- In that?

[slow pensive music]

- [Izzy] Anuka, are
you submitting someone?

- [Anuka] Yeah, just for fun.

- Do not tell me this is
my Phineas and Ferb DVD.

It is.

For six months, I've
been looking for this.

Please put it somewhere safe.

And then Fifi, hand me the tens.

We gotta do a count on that too.

Thank you. [grunts]

Oh boy, that is heavy, God!

Hand me the fourteens.

You kids lack mortals.
- Hmm hmm.

- [grunts] You have
no scruples, at all.

- Hmm hmm.

- Bowlers, we gotta keep our
minds out of the gutters.

The red tape doesn't
belong in here.

Where's the, where's the--

- I--
- Oh here.

Take that.

And take these.

We gotta kid coming in.

Competitive, he's good.

- Are we really gonna
close College Lanes

because of a stolen
pair of shoes?

[light buzzing]

[slow music]

[both inhaling]

[slow music]

- We can't close
College Lanes, okay.

I hated being a barista.

I hated it Tony.

I hated it.

- See, where's
that passion been?

You're over here,
a kid tipping balls

and then you're hopping
on the oil pushers.

- What?

- The thing that
cleans the lanes.

- Oh.

- I know it's fun, it's like
a Zamboni, but seriously.

Look at that.

My grandma painted that by hand.

We said, grandma, why?
- Why?

- Why by hand, we'll do it,
we'll get decals, whatever.

She said, un uh,
I'm gonna do it.

We said, it doesn't match.

Brown and yellow,
it doesn't match.

- No.

- Said, I wanna do it in neon.

That's become the fabric
of this whole place,

you see what I'm saying?

- I do.

- It's all cobbled together
with people like us,

but these, the shoes,
they keep it going.

Repeat after me.
- Okay.

- We.
- We.

- Won't.
- Won't.

- Lose.
- Lose.

- Slow down.
- Sorry.

- Any more.
- Any more.

- Shoes.
- Shoes, I will find them.

- Go find the shoes.
- Okay.

- Uh hey, are you gonan be
studying all night, tonight?

- She's on no astro diet.

No more studying.

- Not totally no more studying.

- So are you gonna be going to
any parties, tonight, maybe?

- The crush party.

At Big Blue.
- Cool.

Cool, yeah, me too, actually.

- Cool.

- I don't usually go to parties.

I usually stay in with
Paul and we watch videos.

- Yeah, I--

- Yeah, just these sort
of like sort of Russian

motorcycle accident videos.

There's like no road laws there.

Phew!

[engine revving]

- Yeah, they're actually
pretty exhilarating.

[engine revving]
[upbeat music]

[deeply inhaling]

- Cool.

I'll see you there, then.

- Yeah, no, I'll
probably see you later.

- You don't wanna
get with this guy!

He's gross!

- Stop.

- Dude, gross is in.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- That boy is totally into you.

You should flirt with him.

- He's awkward.

And his friend literally
just said he's gross.

- They're just messing with you.

Here.

[soft music]

- They took my gin.

I didn't know they were
allowed to open the cabinets

or anything.

- Would you have sex with
all these old people,

staring at you?

- They're not old people.

Do you even know who
Vera Cooper Rubin is?

- Literally, no one cares.

- [Izzy] She
discovered dark matter.

- How many people do you think
had sex on your mattress?

- I can't do to this party
sober and we have five hours

to get alcohol and get drunk

and my mom thinks
I'm 12 years old

and sent me a single lollipop
in a box covered in hearts.

[midtempo music]

- You're freaking kidding me.

[midtempo music]

[cellphone beeps]

- Fiona, they took my
gin in room inspections.

We're gonna go get
beer or something

at the gas station, ugh.

Crying emoji.

- Dude, that's so much alcohol.

- Dude, shh, come on.

[midtempo music]

- Hi boys.

[midtempo music]

- [Guys] Hi.

- You don't have
alcohol, do you?

- [Employee] Will Lee?

- Yeah, Willy.

- It says this time
that you're from uh,

Dicksville, Arkansas.

- Yeah, yeah, Dicksville, yeah.

- Well, you have a good
time in Dicksville, okay.

- Yeah, man.
- Not bad though.

Respect, my dude.
- Yeah.

- [Employee] $8.50.

- Take care, yeah.

- Next.

- Just the ramens for ya?
- Yeah, just the ramen.

- Are you sure you don't want

a smell my nuts flavored candle?

- No.

- Where you from?

- India.
- India, okay.

Is it hot in India?

'Cause I like it hot.

- Yeah.

- What about you, young lady?

This is all?

You have an ID?

[curious music]

[plastic flicking]

[curious music]

[teeth shattering]

So how is the weather
in um, in Apalachocola?

- Nice, warmish.

- Warmish?

Okay.

I don't think so my lady.

But I could give
you one of those

smell my nuts flavored candles.

- That was ridiculous.

- You're lucky that he
gave you your ID back.

- Fiona isn't even answering.

[electronic beeping]

- Dear Isabelle,

I will be in my office
until nine this evening.

Please come by with questions
and to review the materials.

You need at least 71% on
this test to pass the class.

I don't wanna see you fail.

And I highly suggest that
you come by to see me.

- I have some of Julius' weed.

- You know weed gives me
horrible panic attacks. [sighs]

I should just go
see my professor.

[electronic beeping]

Oh my God.

- Congratulations, hot stuff.

[playful electronic music]

You've been crushed.

- Somebody crushed me.

Who do you think crushed me?

- Tonight you get
to chase your crush.

Wear pink and red and show
up at Big Blue by 11:00 p.m.

to get a heart.

Only people who've been
crushed are allowed in.

See you then sexy.

Winky face, smiley, Stephanie.

[playfully exclaiming]

- [Anuka] That guy is
peeing on that car.

- You are a sex goddess.

Come to the party tonight.

You won't regret it.

- Don't you wanna succeed?

- You don't wanna end your
freshman year still a virgin,

do you?

- This is your future Isabelle.

[pensive music]

- Ah, this is some
legit kinky stuff.

[phone buzzing]
Oh my God.

- [Jared] You should
not put those on.

- Oh my God, just feeling
them makes you so nice.

It's like very sexual Jared.
[phone buzzing]

Kind of like it too much.

Like very into this.
[phone buzzing]

- Ah.

- Fiona, answer your phone.

I just got crushed.

[police car alarm wailing]

- Dispatch, put me on with
George George Victor, 1133.

[faint talking on dispatch]

[Officer Mike knocking on glass]

- I let you borrow mom's
car and this is what you do?

I thougth you were
gonna take pop pop

to the Midwest
succulent convention.

- I'm really sorry
officer, you know,

I just thought these were
like kinky handcuffs,

like for sex not for jail.

And I--

Sorry.

- [Officer Mike] Okay.

- Thank you.

- J, when you're
behind the wheel,

you need to be aware of
everything around you.

We're all fishes.

You need to watch out for
all of them around you.

- Dad!

- No, you're gonna
let me finish.

- Don't move, I'll
be right there.

[car honking]

Hello, I found alcohol
ladies, let's go shall we?

- [Izzy] Fiona, who
are these children

and where are they taking us?

- Izzy, don't worry about it.

- [Anuka] If we die
tonight, it's on you.

[Fiona yelling]

[upbeat music]

- [Jared] All right, just
a little bit further.

- [Izzy] Where are we going?

[upbeat music]

- Oh wow.

Yeah.

- [Anuka] I hated
high school, you know.

Everyone thought I
was a middle schooler,

'cause I had my braces on still.

It's a hard time.

- Well, don't worry--

- In the beginning, about
13 billion years ago,

all the space, matter and
energy of the known universe

was contained in the volume
of a single pinpoint.

The diversity of life on Earth.

[cacophony of voices
from the professor]

Don't you want to succeed.

Lose your virginity
another time.

This is your future, Isabelle.

[electronic music]

- Izzy, you'll do fine.

- I should have gone
to see my professor.

- Well, maybe you're
not the next Carl Sagan.

- Sagan.
- Sagan.

- You're Izzy Alden.

You're smart, committed.

And you'll do fine,

even if you study all
night tonight or not.

- Let's play, never have I ever.

If you've done it, you drink.

Never have I ever
been in a threesome.

[Emerson laughs]

- Oh.

- [Jared] Bullshit, Emerson.

- You don't know my life Jared.

- Two boys or two girls?

- Both.
- Oh.

[upbeat music]

- [Professor] Even
though you don't see it

or feel it, touch
it or taste it,

smell it or even sense it,

does not mean it does not exist.

Part of why we have
science at all is to decode

that which is true in nature
that otherwise transcends

our sensory perceptions.

- Fiona!
- Fiona!

- [group laughing]

- Yes.

[group laughing]

- Let's go.
- Okay, okay.

- Oh Izzy.
- I'll be your driver.

- [Woman] Izzy, you're
a terrible driver.

- [Izzy] You don't
have a license.

- [Anuka] You're all too drunk.

- [deep inhaling] You
will not be a statistic.

- [Jared] What you doing?

- She's grounding herself.

- Just feel the wheel on your
sexy little fingertips, okay.

You're ready for takeoff.

You're like a sexy
car astronaut.

[upbeat music]

Come Izzy, floor it.

We gotta get you on
the way to boneville.

Bone, bone, boneville!

Boneville, bone--
- Would you stop?

[overlapping talking]

- [Anuka] Um, just
go a little faster.

[upbeat music]

Okay, so we get back, get
changed and go to Big Blue.

Just focus on the road Izzy.

- Can you tell me who it's from?

- Your mom just texted.

She said, Izz, did
you get my package?

Just a little end of
the year celebration.

She sent a photo
of herself with,

a joint?

- Okay, your mom is hot.

- Is that all she said?

- My dad got a thing for her.

- Who?

[police car siren wailing]

- Shit.

- Oh, it's my dad again.

[police car siren wailing]

- Who's that?
[faint talking]

[police car siren wailing]

- [Fiona] Oh my God,
no, no, no, no, no.

[overlapping talking]
[police car siren wailing]

- J, what in the hell is
she doing driving mom's car?

You lose soda pop
privileges for two weeks.

- That's not fair, dad you
can't even pull people over.

- You see this badge Jared?

If you're being a safety threat,

which this young lady,
going 15 in a 35,

I most certainly can.

- Sorry officer.

- Can I see some ID please?

- You're not a cop.

[police car siren beeps]

[pensive music]

- Apalachocola?

We've got cousins there.

- Ah, yeah.

Nice weather.

- I gotta make it
down there sometime.

J, put gas in the car.

[engine revs]

[police car siren beeps]

[pensive music]

[Izzy exhales]

[faint talking]

- [Fiona] Ah, I just
feel so good right now.

- [Izzy Voiceover] So that
was my gin they were drinking.

- [Fiona] I gotta shower.

[door slams]

- Okay, I'm gonna go change

and I'll meet you
in the playground.

- They faked the
room inspections.

All that alcohol you were
drinking, was stolen.

- Um, and Elise's boots?

- I'll give them back.

- Ah huh.

Nolan Wiles, hmm.

- I have a lot of
pictures of me smiling.

But taken with
cool film cameras.

It's a good combination
of hip, but approachable.

I have a big trust fund

but my most expensive
item of clothing?

$30.

I also do a lot of
promotion for my band page.

- I just added him for you.

You love pretentious boys.

- Does my make up look okay?

- No, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait.

You deep like when
he accepts, okay?

Oh my God.

His band is called Cut Loose.

♪ You could say oh my God,
your lips are too soft ♪

♪ What is too soft,

♪ Nothing's ever too soft

♪ Want you to pick my
brain and my subconscious ♪

♪ With me you don't have
to feel self-conscious ♪

♪ You look so pretty
when you're sad ♪

♪ Wanna give you little
cuddles on my bean bag ♪

♪ On my bean bag

♪ You don't have to feel sad

♪ On my bean bag

- It said to wear pink and red.

♪ You don't have to feel sad

♪ Then we got to your...

- Wait.

Here, wear these.

- But, you know I'm not like
into big jewelry and stuff.

- Just wear them.

They're for good luck.

They were a part of my
great grandmother's dowry.

And you know the rubies,

they came from the red cells

of her mother's father's
[speaking foreign language].

It's like my great
grandparents soul

is preserved in these,

soon to be followed
by my grandparents

and my parents and then me.

- Is that an Indian tradition,

trapping your
ancestor's in jewelry?

- Just wear them.

I wore them when I took
my SAT's and I got 2360.

Here.

Nana Deelep.

And Nani Meena.

Will guide you tonight.

- Okay, let's go.

- [Anuka] Will you
ever get a bag?

- One sec, I forgot something.

Tell Fiona that
we're heading out.

[cellphone beeps]

[upbeat music]

- Hey, you still coming tonight?

- Yeah!

[upbeat music]

- Izzy matched with JuJu?

[upbeat music]

- Last night was fun.

Wanna hang again?

[phone ringing]

[playful video game music]

[slapping]

- Okay, I'm ready.

Is Fiona meeting us there?

I bet she's already at
Big Blue and making out

with Elise on the dance floor.

You coming?

- Yeah.

- [Izzy] You okay?

- Yeah.

Take your phone back.

- Just wait.
- Okay.

Make sure that I don't
chicken out, okay.

Who do you think crushed me?

Do you think Nolan crushed me?

Oh my God, if Nolan crushed me,

my heart is going to explode.

God, I'm so nervous.
- Hmm hmm.

[playful video game music]

This isn't even the right place.

- No shit.

They're gonna stop letting
people into the crush party

in 12 minutes.

- Of course, they only
had to say Big Blue.

That's not even an address.

Does anyone here feel that
we're a part of a big joke?

[cacophony of sounds]

Izzy, it's not a
great disappointment.

Everything happens for a reason.

- Hot.

[clears throat]

[phone beeps]
Hello Instagram friends.

This is Fiona, I just
wanted to update you all.

I am alive and
alone in this park.

And I'm going to the party.

Hmm, I don't like that.

[phone beeps]

Oh my God.

[playful video game music]

- LOL, nice.

You going to the
crush party later?

[upbeat music]

- Please don't.
- I actually don't know.

But I'm gonna trust
you on this one.

Again, don't let me
down and let's go.

[upbeat music]

Hey, uh, how's the
not studying going?

- I think I'm gonna go.

- No, wait.

- Uh, have--
- Sorry.

- Guys, my friend Paul.

[upbeat music]

- He's one of the nicest
guys I've ever, ever met.

He's actually very
trendy as well.

- [laughs] He's kidding.

But seriously,
this guy is great.

I mean if I were you.

- Um, are you going
to Big Blue later?

- [Anuka] We got lost.

- It's just down the hill.

We'll get you there in time.

Okay, one.
- Ah!

- Two.

[wheels rolling]

- [Professor] Every
one of our body's atoms

is traceable to the Big Bang.

We are made of star matter.

We are not simply
in the universe.

We are a part of it.

We are born.
[loud booming]

You might even say we've been
empowered by the universe

to figure it out and
we've only just begun.

[whooshing]
[car honking]

[engine revving]

- [Anuka] Oh my God, Izzy.

- Are you okay?

- Deelep and Meena,
they saved me.

- Uh, okay.

Let me just.

- Whoa, oh my God,
that's so sweet.

Thank you so much.

What time is it?

- It's 10:57.

- Three minutes, hmm!

Sorry about your skateboard.

- [Anuka] Sorry, she's
embarrassing sometimes.

- Dude.

She breaks your board.

What's next, your heart?

This isn't a Soviet film,
this is your life, man.

- Can you shut up?

[muffled music]
- So frustrating.

That no one takes my
art seriously because
I'm an athlete.

[muffled music]

- Izzy.
- Ah, I feel really weird.

- Izzy, you're fine, okay.

I have have to go.

[overlapping talking]

You're now will be here soon.

Georgie messaged you on Tinder.

So flirt with him.

Yeah?

I'm gonna go.
[muffled music]

- What?

[muffled music]

[Izzy sighs]

[muffled loud music]

Hello, I've been crushed.

- Excuse me, sorry.

- Izzy.

Isabelle Alden.

A-L-D-E-N, like Baldwin
but not Baldwin.

[conversation drowned
out by muffled music]

- Just kidding.

[muffled music]

[playful video game music]

[Izzy nervously laughing]

Enjoy.

- Can I have some of your water?

[music abruptly stops]

- [Man] What the fuck
happened to the music?

[crowd yelling]

- [Woman] There's a cooler
art party down the street.

Let's go to the that.

- [Coordinator] Come on
guys, come back to ours.

- [Woman] No music.

- [Student] Don't
make fun of this kid,

he doesn't know what he's doing.

- [Woman] God, okay.

[faint talking]

- Ah, thank you so much.

- Yeah, so I don't know.

It's always just been
like a personal dream

of mine to like break
the sound barrier,

jet plane, you
know, Mach 3 or 4.

- Yeah.
- I don't know.

Like Speed Runner.

- I'm inside alone.

I don't know what to do.

- What, you're already there?

Where's Anuka?

- She left.

- I've been waiting for
you guys at the playground.

- Why?

- Eh, whatever.

We didn't have sex.

Running man emoji.

- Break the sound barrier.
- Hmm hmm.

- Apparently, cum travels
at 65 miles an hour

which when I found that out,

I'm just like so
scared. [laughs]

- Wow, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

- That's not possible.

That's like double the speed
limit on Main Street, so.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Anyways.
- Yeah, it's like.

- Yeah.

- [Guy] But I heard it's even
faster if you eat celery.

[overlapping chattering]

[loud party music]

- Thanks.

- It should work now.

[loud party music]

I like your shirt.

- Thanks, it was my grandpa's.

He was the music producer

of some Christian
Death Metal group.

- My grandpa was in
the music industry.

- Woe, sick shoes.

- Hey, you wanna
help me DJ, make out,

then go home together
and have romantic sex

on my twin Xl bed?

- I would love to have
romantic sex with you

on your twin XL bed.

[bell chimes]

[loud party music]

I like your shirt.

- What?

- I like your shirt,
what does it say?

- What?

- What does it say?

Your shirt.

- I don't know, I got
it at a thrift store.

- Oh, cool!

I have a lot of those too.

- Yeah, cool.

[loud party music]

[crowd yelling]

[loud party music]

- [Fiona Voiceover] Have eye sex

with someone on the dance floor.

- [Anuka Voiceover] Deep
like one of his photos.

- [Stephanie Voiceover]
You don't wanna end

your freshman year
still a virgin, do you?

[loud party music]

- Hey, you made it?

- Yeah.

- You smell great.

- Thanks.

[loud party music]

- [Julius] What
you up too buddy?

- I'm not at a party.

- Are you smoking?

- It's not lit.

- Uh, how's the party?

- Not lit, either.

[voice breaking]

Wait, JuJu, you're frozen.

[Julius' voice breaking]

- You need a light?

[playful video game music]

- Um.

Can I call you back?

- Wait, wait, who's that?

- Bye.
- Who's that guy--

- I'm trying to quit, so.

- So, you fake smoke at parties?

You mind if I join you for one?

- Um hmm.

- Anuka, right?

- [laughs] Yeah.

- So uh, who's JuJu?

- My boyfriend, I guess.

- I guess?

[Anuka laughing]

- Wait, how come
you're not inside?

- I wasn't crushed.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, that
nobody crushed me.

- Wait so if you weren't
crushed, that means.

Izzy got crushed for real.

[reflective music]

What? [laughs]

Wait, you weren't
crushed for real?

- [laughs] Well, you
don't have to rub it in.

- No.

[both laughing]

Sorry.

[reflective music]

[loud party music]

- I just feel like your
background deserves
more than this.

Like.

Your cultural--
- Oh!

So you mean, I should
put all the Hindu gods

all over the place?

- No, I mean--
- No.

- Just like if this
is a self-portrait.

- Yeah, which is ugly
because I am ugly.

- No.
- No.

- What?
[Anuka laughing]

Uh, it just doesn't seem
as unique as you do.

- It's okay.

- I, look, I've just seen
some stuff like this before.

- Oh. [murmuring]

- I can be kind of
an asshole, I know.

- Yeah, I've heard that.

- Yeah?
- Hmm hmm.

- [Rex] What have you heard?

- That you wrote a
sexist crossword puzzle

in a newspaper or something.

- All right, I didn't even
think it was that bad.

- [Anuka] Oh.

- The clue was the
skin around the vagina

for a five letter word.

- Labia?

- Woman.

I guess it incorporates my
cis, straight white male,

privilege background
pretty nicely.

- Hmm hmm, definitely.

[cellphone beeps]

Ew, JuJu?

- Hi.

Izzy said you left?

Hey, I'm Fiona.
- Hey, I'm Rex.

- Yeah, I know who you are.

You're the vagina man.

[both sarcastically laughing]

Um, where's Izzy?

- Inside.

- Oh, Izzy's on her
way to bonetown.

Welcome, welcome
to the bonetown.

No, you don't know that song?

- Nope, no I don't, do you.

- Hmm hmm, no.

- Hmm, that's fine.

Have you seen Elise,
'cause she slummed my DM's.

- Well, she's probably inside.

But they won't let you
in if you're not crushed.

- They won't let
me in if I'm not,

what are you talking about?

Let's just go through a window.

[loud party music]

- Is this really necessary?
- Yes.

- [Rex] Hey you guys,

we can just get in
through the back door?

- [Fiona] What!

- You know, I'm not gay, right?

- No, not me either.

- Okay, good.

[muffled party music]

[urine trickling]

[loud party music]

[Anuka laughing]

[loud party music]

- Shit!

Shit.

- They were a part of my
great grandmother's dowry.

My great grandparents soul
is preserved in these.

Soon to be followed
by my grandparents

and my parents and then me.

- Come on grandma.

Tell me where grandpa is.

[muffled party music]

[someone knocking on door]

[talking drowned
out by loud music]

One sec.

[muffled party music]

[loud party music]

I thought you left.

I made out with Georgie.

He smelled like a
kitty litter box.

- Cool.

[loud party music]

Wait, are you?

- Hey, hey, hey,
Nolan's over there.

Go and make out with him.

- I already made
a fool of myself.

- Izzy, come on.

I'm gonna find Elise, just
go make out with Nolan.

Okay, please, yes, thank you.

[loud party music]

[loud rhythmic music]

- [Man] All right,
gig's up folks.

Too many noise complaints.

[loud rhythmic music]
[overlapping chattering]

♪ Easy for you to say I say

♪ I say this to you every day

♪ Easy for you to say

♪ The sky is a special

- Anuka, someone crushed me.

[slow alternative music]

[cellphone notification beeps]

Did you guys leave?

[slow alternative music]

[Izzy vomiting]

- Izzy?

Hey Izzy, aw, are you okay?

- [Officer Mike] Dispatch,
put me at the house party.

[faint talking in dispatch]

- Fiona, those are my shoes!

Your friend has my shoes.

What the fuck!

She vomited on them.

- [Fiona] You took those
from the bowling alley

and didn't tell me?

You knew I got in trouble?

- [Officer Mike] You have
this young lady's shoes?

- Give me my shoes back.

That's actually psychotic?

- You realize that
you're the reason

I might get fired right,

like you're the reason
College Lanes might close.

You know, I love
working there Izzy.

I got a whole lecture today.

I guess you should have stayed
at home and studied. [scoffs]

[reflective music]

- I think maybe you
should come with me

and sober up a little
bit young lady.

[reflective music]

[faint talking on dispatch]

- I love y'all like you're
my own but you're a lot.

You a freshman?

I have a speech for freshmen

who don't their
substance limits.

I like to remind you kids

that the world ain't
easy all the time.

You're all just fishes.

Swimming upstream, fins
against the current.

When you're in college,
it's easy to forget

that we're all just a school
of fish who are people.

On this Earth for
different reasons

but swimming in the same waters.

- Izzy, 19.

I have a decent Yelp review.

Look me up.

Cat emoji, heart emoji,
smiling poop face emoji.

I seem like the biggest weirdo.

- Most important,

love yourself.

Keep that love somewhere
around your mind

like a love fish.

He's a slippery fellow.

But if you ever find
yourself lost or unsure,

just try catching that
love fish and hold on tight

and don't let go.

[Izzy sobbing]

Oh shoot, I'm sorry.

- I thought today
would be the night

I had to leap and mean
it and they're souls

and they're good
luck but not for me.

My friends, they don't get it

because it's never
been hard for them.

They just look at a guy

and he comes to
them and that's it.

They're kissing and hanging out

and holding stupid hands
and watching stupid movies

and laughing at stupid jokes

and all that other stupid,
cute shit that I want.

- I'm sorry, I was just
talking about self love.

- I'm so cool.

Like what is the
reason for all of this?

Like honestly, I
have a good body.

And my dad always said that
I had a good sense of humor

and I know that there
are like worse things

in the world to worry about

so I try not to think about.

They're too much,
I get too upset.

But I just really, wanted
to like finally have sex!

[tires screeching]

[Officer Mike clears throat]

Can I have some gum?

- Yeah, sure.

- [Izzy] Thanks.

- And then I gave my
roommate back his first suit

- [Oliver] Guys, wait up.

- After I got it dry
cleaned of course.

And uh.

- I'm sorry. [labored breathing]

Um, do you know where Izzy is?

- I don't know who that is.

- No, why?

- I'm just looking for her.

It's something personal.

Sorry, to disturb you guys.

- It's cool, man.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

I should be fine.

- Okay.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Okay, cool, nice
meeting you dude.

- I'll see you guys.

- Yeah, definitely.
- Good night.

[pencil scribbling]

- I know I'm intimidating.

[Fiona laughs]

Girls find me intimidating.

I always have to
make the first move.

- Oh, well, I mean,
you're like really pretty

and really cool, so.

That makes sense.

But you're also like,

by far the sexiest bowler I've
ever seen working here, so.

[soft music]

- This powder stuff
is really cool.

I took intro to drawing
class my freshman year.

I was gonna be this
studio art minor.

But we were suppose
to do a self-portrait

and I showed mine to the class

and everyone thought
it was a bottle

even though I was trying to--

[soft music]
[lips smacking]

[Rex clears throat]

And uh, I um.

- I'm in an open relationship.

- [Rex] Uh oh, okay.

I was wondering about that.

[soft music]

[lips smacking]
[soft music]

♪ Cause you got a hold of me

[faint talking on dispatch]

♪ Lies at the end of your eyes

♪ It's hard to see

♪ You got a hold of me

[soft music]

- Here, drink this.

Read this.

And this.

And this one.

You should probably
read all of these.

Just, I'll take you home.

- Thanks.

What's your name?

- Officer Mike's the name.

- Mike.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry you had to
deal with me tonight.

- Don't worry,
you're not to blame.

It's your parent's fault
for not raising you right.

- [Fiona] [laughs] You always
come in here alone though.

- Yeah, my friends hate bowling.

Yeah, I know.

They think it's like, just
for old people which it is,

kind of.

- This place may close.

- What?

- Yeah.

- You guys should
like, I don't know.

You should try and
make it like more cool

and like hipster and stuff.

Like, do like theme nights.

Like you guys could do
like a Big Lebowskiy night

or something.

Yeah, you could guys could
do like White Russians

and have like a bar.
- Huh.

- I don't know, that
might bring people in.

- That's good.

- Don't forget to wash your
feet before you go to sleep.

Otherwise, you'll get sick.

- Thanks, again.

- [Officer Mike] Yeah.

[soft pensive music]

- Shit. [sighs]

[Izzy grunting]

[cellphone ringing]

Anuka, please, please answer.

Please, please,
please, please, please.

- [Anuka's Voicemail]
Hi, it's Anuka.

- No.
- Leave me a message.

And I'll call you back, thanks.

[knocking on glass]

Anuka.

[banging on glass]

Anuka!

[banging on glass]

Anuka, you have my keys!

Anuka!

[banging on glass]

Anuka!

[banging on glass]

- Izzy, shut up!

- I've been calling
and texting you.

You have my keys.

- [Anuka] Yeah, well
I've been sleeping.

- Did you have a fun night?

- [Anuka] Yeah.

- Why are you being weird to me?

- I'm not being weird.

- Yes you are, look at me.

- What?

Did you sleep with Julius?

- What?

No.

- So you're trying to
tell me that you did not

go on a Tinder date with him?

- Yeah, at the beginning
of the year, we.

Talked and got burritos.

- Yeah, and why didn't
you tell me this?

- 'Cause I didn't think
it was a big deal.

- My current boyfriend tried
sleeping with my best friend.

- We didn't sleep together.

- [Anuka] Oh and you
want me to believe that?

- Yes because--
- Because!

- Because--
- Because what!

- Because I'm a virgin!

- What about Travis?

[somber music]

So you've been lying
to me this whole year?

[somber music]

Izzy, pick someone
and fuck them already.

It's not a big deal.

[soft music]

There's so many guys that
are attracted to you.

- You certainly don't
think that's true.

[soft music]

- I was just trying to
boost your confidence.

How about you give
me my earrings back

and let's just call
it a night please.

[soft music]

Izzy, can I have
my earrings back?

- I'm really sorry.

I lost the other one.

- You what?

- At the party.

- [scoffs] Are you serious?

- I just--

[Anuka scoffs]

- [Anuka] Fuck!

[soft music]

- Yo hey, I never thanked
you for saving the party,

earlier.

- No, no, no, no problemo.

- Nolan, who you talking to?

- Okay, bye.

- Hey, do you wanna
hang out for a bit?

So how come we've
never met before?

- We did.

At orientation.

- Oh, I was high
like that whole week.

- [Nolan] You do music stuff?

- I played bass for like
a month in middle school.

So that like doesn't
really count.

- I bet you have a
good voice, like,

high pitched, talk rat moaning.

- Yeah, accurate.

So sexy.

- Thanks.

[ambient music]

[lips smacking]

[ambient music]

- Do you wanna join?

♪ Do you want...

- And I'll trick behind you.

- Yeah, yeah.

[ambient music]

[lips smacking]

[ambient music]

I have a final tomorrow.

This has been great.

Have a good summer.

[ambient music]

[slow music]

♪ One, two, three, will
you list it off to me ♪

♪ How you're sorry you feel
weird in a jubilation dream ♪

♪ And you're sorry
about the load ♪

♪ Feeling sorry about the load

[somber music]

[cellphone ringing]

[water trickling]

[soft music]

Guys, I'm so sorry
I was such an idiot

and a horrible
friend last night.

Anuka, I won't leave campus
until I find the earring.

And Fiona, I'll obvi
apologize to Elise and Tony

about the shoes.

I'm gonna miss you ladies
so much this summer.

I wouldn't have survived
freshman year without you both.

Heart emoji, praise hands
emoji, family emoji.

- You still alive
after last night?

- Trying.

You?

- Yeah, you know, I've been
here since six, chugging coffee.

Bam!

Um, how was the
rest of your night?

- You know, just uh.

Typical, typical
party stuff, whew!

I have a final that
I have to, go to.

Cheers.

- Cheers to you.

[soft music]

- You make things hard
for yourself, don't you?

[soft music]

- Thanks.

- You have an exam now.
- Yeah, Astro 101.

- Cool well, see ya.

Good luck.

- Shoes?
- Found the shoes.

- Good.
- Tony.

- What?

- I have a solution.

- Hit me.
- Okay.

Theme nights.

Bedazzle Raffle.

Disco night.

Ladies night.

I just really think that,

we just need to get
people in here, you know.

I think the themes
will bring people in,

people love that,
they can Instagram it.

I just--
- Hmm hmm, hmm hmm.

This one could work.

- Bedazzle Raffle.
- Hmm hmm.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Diamonds.
- I like the diamonds.

- Hmm hmm.

- My grandma liked diamonds.

You know I like my grandma.

- Neon--
- Neon.

But no, for sure.
- Hmm hmm.

- Hmm hmm.
- For sure.

- Hmm hmm.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Cool.
- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Is that it?
- Yeah.

- Okay.

[soft music]

[cellphone beeps]

- Thanks, let me know
about the earring.

I'll post about it on Facebook.

I'm gonna miss you both.

Let's make sure we FaceTime.

Kissing face emoji.

- It's fine Izzy, actually.

Elise and I stayed up all night

'cause she had a really great
idea for saving the lanes.

It was hot.

Fire emoji. [laughing]

I can't believe you threw
up on her white shoes, LOL.

Crush that astro exam, okay?

Love you, winky face.

[objects clanging]

[soft reflective music]

- Good morning, good morning.

Now, we will all.

[soft music]

Now we will all stand.

Yes, yes, everyone
up on your feet.

As I like to do
before every exam.

And reach your arms
up the heavens.

Up to the celestial sphere
and ask for some support

from the sky on this exam.

You may be seated.

[soft music]

- Izzy.

- [Professor] There are 50
multiple choice questions

on this exam.

- Hi Meena.

- [Professor] And 10
short answer responses.

All the equations you need
are on the back of the test.

[cellphone beeps]

- Hey, it's Oliver.

Uh, I found your earring
last night, funny story.

Would you want to grab coffee
or something for the exam?

[soft music]
[professor faintly talking]

- You're a star, winky face.

How about a celebratory
coffee after the exam?

[soft music]

- [Professor] As I'm
sure that you do as well.

You may begin.

[soft music]

["Sad Boy" By Deer Scout]

♪ Mom and dad, don't worry

♪ Somebody will want me

♪ I do my own laundry

♪ I don't need your pity

♪ I go to liberal art school

♪ Everybody's an individual

♪ I come home for the holidays

♪ I am not the boy you raised

["Sad Boy" By Deer Scout]

["Valentine" By David Su]

♪ I'm not your daydream,
I'm not your crown ♪

♪ Your superstition,
your valentine ♪

♪ I'm not your photograph,
I'm not your vintage wine ♪

♪ Your new religion,
your valentine ♪

["Valentine" By David Su]

♪ I'm not your disco
ball, I'm not your ghost ♪

♪ Your Anastasia,
your wedding toast ♪

♪ I'm not your tick tock,
I'm not your stop sign ♪

♪ Your chocolate
fountain, your valentine ♪

♪ I'm not your daydream,
I'm not your crown ♪

♪ Your superstition,
your valentine ♪

♪ I'm not your photograph,
I'm not your vintage wine ♪

♪ Your new religion,
your valentine ♪

[woman singing in
foreign language]

♪ I'm not your Christmas
tree, your so decline ♪

♪ Your New York City,
your Valentine ♪

♪ I'm not your deck of
cards, between the lines ♪

♪ Between the lines,
your valentine ♪

["Valentine" By David Su]