All language subtitles for Baroness.Von.Sketch.Show.S04E07_English

Mmm, oh, TGIF.

Carolyn:
Oh, right?

Aurora:
Thank god it's Friday.

Yeah. Ah, you know I,

I haven't done
that in a while,

you're so right,
you're so right.

God, just want to thank
you for it being Friday.

One of the seven
days of the week.

In your grace
and glory. Amen.

Amen.

Thanks for the reminder.

Any time.

("Dancing Underwater"
by Brave Shores)

* Me and my friends
will spike the punch

* Rolling in the party
we'll start the fun

* Get fancy

* Hey Hey

* There's no clouds
its just the sun

* Living in times that
are meant for fun, yeah

* Hold your breath
a little longer

* Let's go dancing underwater

* Oh, oh, oh oh

Alright, who is
ready to protest?

(in unison) Woo!

When do we want to do it?

(in unison) Now!

Aurora:
Right on!
You guys are amazing!

Okay, we're going to head
straight up University

at that big intersection.

I want everybody strong,
blocking off the traffic.

Make it to City Hall.
-Sorry, I'm sorry.

Yes?

I just wanted to say

that I don't think we
have a permit to protest.

I asked around.
I think that's-

Did anyone get a permit?
(crowd murmuring)

Meredith:
No, I did not.

Carolyn:
It doesn't look good
if we don't have one.

I really don't want to
upset the police that's-

Fuck that!

Let's take this
to the streets!

(in unison) Woooo!

No we can't because we
will disrupt traffic,

and that's another-
-Oh.

Carolyn:
People do have to get to work,

and if they're annoyed
and-and we're blocking them,

it doesn't really look good.

Yeah.

Alright, what do we want?

(in unison) Change!

When do we want it?

Um, in about a month if we
put in the application today.

Yes, that sounds good.

Do we think we can get the
paperwork done in time?

No problemo.

Aurora:
Great, okay, so maybe you
can lead the paperwork team.

Carolyn:
Okay, so we'll-we'll
revolt in like a month?

We'll do it in a month.

I'll still be angry.

I mean, I might still
be angry in a month.

Woman:
I'm not going to take these.

Pardon me?

I'm not going to take these.

I'm going to take
the shirt, here.

Oh no, I'm sorry,
I don't work here.

Oh god, I'm sorry I thought-

I'm sorry.

You-you, you thought
I worked, like here?

Sorry.
-No.

(rhythmic instrumental)

It's the best day of my life!

Ooh yeah.

Oh wow, that pant suit
looks fantastic on you.

Thank you.

Actually do you
have it in a six?

I don't work here.

Yes!

(rhythmic instrumental)

There we go.

I don't work here.

Do you need help?
I don't work here.

I'm sorry, I
don't work here.

Ooh are you looking
for the sale rack?

I don't work here,
but it's in the back.

Excuse me.
-Oh no, I don't-

I'm the manager here.
(rhythmic music stops)

I-I'm so sorry, I think
maybe I got carried-

No no no no no.
(rhythmic instrumental)

I've been watching
you all day,

and you've got something
really special about you.

I'd like to offer you a job.

What?

Oh!

Here's your headset.
-Excellent.

Here's your contract,

and there's your wage.

(rhythmic music stops)

Oh.

Really?
-Yeah.

Yeah, you know what?

I don't work here.

I can't work here.

I don't work here.

Oh my god, never
meet your idols. Ugh!

She said no.

Well I danced as
hard as I could!

(sombre instrumental)

Prisoner 044-16,

you are scheduled to be
executed by lethal injection

tomorrow morning at 9:00 am.

This penitentiary
provides a last meal.

As per your request
here are, uh,

your black bean and
cashew cheese enchiladas

with a Caesar salad.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Is that bacon on my Caesar?

Is that what that is?

Oh, is that?

I'm vegan.

Ahhh! Oh my god,
I'm so sorry!

Prisoner:
That's fine.
I'm going to pick it off.

Guard: Oh no no, no no no.
-No look at me, picking it off.

No, stop. You're not
picking anything.

You're not picking anything.

No, stop, stop, don't
make me pull my gun.

Okay, fair enough,
you're the boss.

No, you're not
picking anything off,

we're going to get you
the salad you ordered,

it's your last meal.

Well thank you so much.
-Oh, no problem.

No, I really appreciate that.

It's just I cannot stand the
thought of the livestock

in those factory farms.

I mean, it keeps
me up at night.

Totally, I know,
I know, right.

I mean, I must sound
like such a hypocrite

'cause I murdered like
a bunch of people,

but you have to draw
the line somewhere.

This is, this is my line.

Yeah, they're totally
different things.

(laughter)

Jennifer:
Okay, guys.

Well I think it's time
for our next activity!

(cheering)

Okay, so,

I have asked the father-to-be
a bunch of questions,

and then Sophie,

you have to guess his answers.

Oh, this is going to
be so embarrassing.

I'm so bad at quizzes,
you guys.

No, it'll be fine I promise,
I promise.

Okay, here we go,
question one.

How often did David say,

he will get up to feed
the baby at night?

Oh, uh, probably never.

(laughter)

Actually, he said,
about half the time.

Oooh.

Told you, I'm not
really good at quizzes.

No don't worry,
just relax.

Both of you know. Okay.
-I find it really stress-

No it's super fun.
We're having fun!

We're having fun.
-Okay.

Question two,

on a scale of one to ten,

how prepared does David
feel for baby's arrival?

Oh, probably like,
I don't know,

like a four?

Oh, he said eight.

No it's okay, it's okay,
we're having fun.

This is going to be fun.
We're just getting started.

Yeah, it's great. Okay.

(lively instrumental)

Jennifer:
Question twelve,

does David think your baby
will be born with no hair,

a full head of hair
or in between.

Yeah, he'd definitely say bald.

He said a full head of hair.
Sophie: Oh.

It's genetic 'cause
I have hair.

But it's receding.

Jennifer:
Question 27,

what is David's
pet name for you?

Sophie:
Um, some...

(lively instrumental)

You got this girl.

Bunny?

No, baby think in the morning.
-Yeah.

You get up in the morning,
I'm making you coffee, ooh oooh.

Grave digger?

Jennifer:
Where was David born?

New Mexico.

Toronto.

Eggs?
-He said pasta.

How old is David in years?

12.
Aurora: Oh my-

Will the baby have
David's eyes or Sophie's?

Ah...

apple crisp.

Jennifer:
Question 47,

okay, you've got a 50/50 chance
of getting this, alright.

Is your husband left-handed

or right-handed?

Hmmm, let me think about that?
Hmmm, hmmm.

Left-handed?

Oh my god, Sophie!

He's right handed,

it's like you don't
even know his name.

It's Greg.
-It's Peter!

Oh, geez.
-It's David!

Oh.
-I'm David!

Aurora:
And cuticle cream,
and body cream,

and face cream,
and table cream.

(playful instrumental)

Whoa, whoa, oh my gosh.
(chattering)

Tonya's in heels.

I'm so sorry, I just
never wear heels.

So anyway, how are you?

Sorry I'm late, just-

I've got the heels on.

Okay, so, um,

as you can see
from the mock up

what we're talking
about here-

Sorry I'm late.

I didn't mean to be late.

I just, I decided to
wear heels today.

Sorry I'm taking so long.

I just, you know,

I'm wearing heels,
slowing it down.

I'd help file but
I'm in heels, so.

Whoa, is this what it's like
going backward in heels?

Ah, ah, I hope I
don't fall over.

Tonya you're doing it! Woo!

Oh my gosh, these heels
they are so loud.

Can you hear them?

There's carpeting so we
actually can't hear anything.

Tonya:
You can't hear?

Oh my god, stop it.

Stop it, you loud heels.

Ting, ting, ting!

Heels!!
-Ai yai yai!

I hope no one chases
me in these heels!

She's probably able
to catch me in heels!

(lively 80s rock instrumental)

*

* I'm all upset for glory

* Nothing's gonna stop me now

* Its my story

* And no one's gonna tell me
how I gotta do it right *

HEELS!!
-Oh my god!

Shut up!!!

I can't help it!

The heels control me,
I don't control them.

Fuck off, Tonya!
Jesus Christ.

Ah!!
-Stop it!

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Aurora:
I can't stop eating grapes.

Meredith:
What's in those pastries?

Oh its little Tourtières.

Oh, I'd love it.
-Deconstructed Tourtière.

Who wants vino?
-I do, white with ice.

Oh my god,
I'm having the same.

Wendy, what do you want, hun?

None for me thanks,
I'm good.

What? Did you want red or?

Uh, no.
No, you know what,

I think I'm just going
to stick with water.

It's uh-

Oh, no it's, I know,
I know, it's just, um-

I'm just not drinking for
the month of January,

it's called Dry January,

you know you cut out all
booze for the month,

and, uh, it's just
basically a refresh

from being drunk for
all of December.

Oh okay.

That's amazing.
-That's good.

Oh, wow.
-Yeah, good for you.

Yeah.
-That's great.

Yeah it feels great.
It feels really, really good.

Meredith:
So just to be clear, there's
like no booze at all?

No booze at all, none, yeah.

Wait, so you're not going to
drink at Don and Tara's wedding?

Oh, yeah no,

I'm definitely drinking at
Don and Tara's wedding.

Okay, I'm just saying.

I mean, that's an open bar,
you know, you kind of have to,

and you've bought the presents

and then you have to make up the
money in the booze, you know.

What about Jeanette's
baby shower on the 14th,

what are you doing?

You know what, I'll
probably be drunk for that,

it's super boring,
you know, ah a baby.

Fair enough.
Fair enough.

You know you can make
exceptions, right,

like, you've got a wedding,
you got a birthday.

It's Friday.
-It's Tuesday.

You take a pottery class.

"Roxanne" comes on the radio.

If you have a bad dream.

You got to go to a funeral.
-It's church.

Or like if your friends
are drinking wine,

and they want to do a toast.

Let's have a toast!

I think it's actually bad luck
to do a toast with water.

You know what, friends are
gonna toast, have a little bit-

Are you having some red?

I'm going to have a
little bit of red.

Yeah, here we go.
Here we go.

Oh, come on, it has to
do you for the month.

Okay, I gotta do it for the
month, alright, here we go.

Just a little toast.
-Dry January

Dry January.
-Yes.

Yeah, it's gonna be great.

Mmm, yeah just a
little bit more.

Okay, I'll just have that for
the rest of the night

and then I go back
to the water.

So since you said Dry January,
I just feel freaked out.

My mouth feels dry.
Makes me thirsty, you know,
water might be fine too.

Yeah, I'm just scared.

Oh excuse me,
excuse me,

I'm sorry to bother you,

it's just that your dog,
he's just so cute.

Oh thank you.

Hi, hi, do you mind
if I name him?

What?

I'm going to call you Stanley.

You're such a Stanley, yes.

I-I already-

Stanley.

I named him Max.

Woman:
You're welcome.

Who are you?

Max?
(growl)

Alright, well we've covered
everything on the agenda today,

but before we break off,

let's give a big
hand to Willa.

Willa, great first week.

Oh, thank you so much,
thank you.

I'm really happy to
be part of the team.

Welcome aboard.

Oh, okay.

Bring it in, you're
part of the team now.

Okay. Okay.

Ah, ah.

Yes.

Thank you.
-Thank you.

(playful instrumental)

Man:
I'm really looking forward
to working with you.

Mm. You smell like flowers.

Thank you.

Willa.
-Yeah?

Welcome aboard.

Oh, thank you.
Oh, thank-

You.

Yeah.

Just had hummus. Okay.

Well as I say, I'm-
-Here, bring it in, come here.

What, oh, do you-

She doesn't work with us,
I don't think.

No, I just really like hugs.

Okay.

Whoa. Oh we're kissing.

Okay.

Great meeting you.

Yes, thank you, oh no.

Mmmm.
-Okay.

You feel tense.

Yeah I am a little tense.

I don't like to
be hugged, okay.

I just don't,
I don't like it.

I never do it.

My family doesn't hug,
it's nothing personal,

I'm just uncomfortable with-with
getting closely physical

with people I
don't really know.

I'm sure you're all lovely,

but it just weirds me out.

You kissed me, I don't even
know what to do with that.

I'm French.

Ugh, I don't want it.

Thank you.

Well, uh, what would
you suggest we do?

Well we could,
you know,

we could shake hands or,
you know, fist bump,

a little high five action,

you know, we could
just use our words.

It feels impersonal.

French Woman:
It doesn't feel right.

It sounds to me like
someone needs a-

(in unison) Group hug!

No, I don't.

That's not what I need.

I don't want this.

I don't, I don't,
I don't want it.

I don't want it.
I'm not, I don't.

Debbie:
Ah, what do you know.

Meredith:
I, for one, am so happy
that Alison and Jeff

kind of got back together.

Oh yeah, well I mean,

engaged is like,
really back together.

It's serious back together.
-Yeah, I just um-

Can I tell you something?
I just-

You know how you're
not supposed to, um,

say bad things
about someone's ex?
-Yeah.

Your friend's ex when
they're broken up?

Uh, yeah well I did that.

I-I went hard on Jeff.

Why?

'Cause I think he's
a jerk. I know.

We're in our 40s, you
do that in your 20s.
-I know, I know.

Everyone gets back together!
-But I didn't know.

I'm sorry, I tripled down,
I went really bad. I said-

(in unison) Hiiiii!

Ahhhh!

So happy!

Oh my god, I'm so glad
you guys could make it.

I'm sorry, I'm just so excited.
- There you go.

Come on in, get yourself
some champagne.

Happy engagement.

I don't want to go.

Okay, so help
yourself to anything,

we've got champagne,
we've got wine,

I'm just going to go put
this in the present pile.

Fantastic, see ya in a sec.

Well that didn't go well.

I think it went fine.
-No it didn't.

What's wrong with you?
-She wasn't even looking at me.

Yes, she was.

No, she knows exactly what
I've said about Jeff.

She doesn't even
want me here.

Oh my god, Debbie,
take it down a notch.

Listen, just go be extra nice
to Jeff in front of her,

and she won't know
the difference, okay.

You're a genius, that's
exactly what I'll do.

You're a gen-dodododo.

Stop, take it down,
take it down, Debbie.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Please don't, you just,
oh wow, I don't know.

And that's how you spike
a volleyball drunk.

(exaggerated laughing)

Jesus Debbie.

Oh god!

Debbie.
-Jeff!

Oh, you're so funny,
you are such a nut.

(chuckling) How are you though?

How's Jeff?
How are you?

How is Jeff?

Is Jeff okay?

I'd like to know.
-What?

How's Jeff?
How's Jeff?

I'm, I'm good.

Oh, good.

The firm had the best fiscal
quarter in the last decade

thanks to me and
my team, so great.

I'm really great.

Can I-can I just say

how much I love how much
you talk about money.

Oh.

I mean, it's so refreshing in
this day and age, you know,

to find someone who actually
values money, you know.

Haha, it's refreshing.

It is fresh.

Fresh, fresh, fresh, everybody!

Jeff, check this out,

I'm gonna get everyone
to say fresh.

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff!
-No, no, okay, uh-

Jeff means fresh!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!

Jeff:
How are you?

Chicken on the farm
says fresh, fresh.

Chicken on the farm
says Jeff is fresh!

I'm fine.

Hey.
-How's it going?

Good.
-Good.

They're being, they're
really getting along.

Yeah.

Let me lift you up in the
air like Dirty Dancing.
-Okay.

Let me lift you up
like Jennifer Grey.

Is it at all possible that
she's overcompensating

because of all the mean
shit she said about Jeff?

Hop on my back
and let's fly.

I'm not getting on your back.

Let's fly to Australia and
put the shrimp on the bbq.

Oh god, yeah.

I mean, you'd think she was
the one that slept with him.

What?
-What?

Bwok bwok bwok bwok
bwok bwok. That's-

Did you sleep with Jeff?

Did you sleep?
Do you sleep with him?

You do 'cause you're engaged,

you probably have said-

I can tell you want,
he should sleep with you,

and your, that
key to that trunk

is fresh, fresh, fresh,
fresh, fresh, fuck.

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Yeah and then it turned
out that the whole story

was planted by the corporation
in question in the first place.

I mean, it's just
impossible to know

what's true and what's
fake news these days.

I know and I mean we're being
brainwashed by the politicians.

Oh, not to mention advertisers.

Oh yeah and the press,

we are fed lies all the
time about the government,

about the environment,

about the world being round,

about the consumer
pricing index,

about the fact that-

Whoa, sorry, sorry,
you got to go back for me,

what's weird about the
world being round?

Oh it's just
because it's flat.

What?

You believe the earth is flat?

I mean, seriously what proof
do we have that it isn't?

Oh, I don't know,

only several thousand years
of scientific observation.

Look, ah, let's just agree
to disagree on this one.

The earth is round,
that's a fact.

Well, I mean, you
believe that fact

because you believe in
scientific facts, so.

Science doesn't really care
if I believe in it or not,

it just is, you know,

it's not a matter of opinion.

Help me out here, Jan.

Ah, you know,

everyone has a different
belief system, so.

Aurora:
What the fuck are you
saying right now?

We're talking about
observable facts.

You know, planes

they can go on a continual
loop around the planet

and not fall off
into a void.

You can-you can see ships
come up over the horizon.

There's fucking photos of the
earth from space and it's round.

Okay, I just,

I don't know,
I just feel,

I feel like the earth is flat.

Oooh well she does
have you there.

I mean, feelings are things.

Feelings are not facts.

They kind of are.

No!
(church bell ring)

Aurora:
I'm just surprised that we're
having this discussion in 2019,

but fine, fine,

even if you feel that
the earth is flat,

it is round,

and it's four billion years old,
by the way.

Okay, well I, uh, I
just feel differently.

But you know what,

I'm-I'm happy to agree
to disagree on this one.

Okay, you know what,

you can't feel that the
world is a certain way.

Okay, you know what,
maybe it is flat,

and you should watch out

because maybe you're going
to trip over the edge

and somebody might push
you off the edge of it.

Hey, what are you doing?

Well when something's flat,
it has an edge,

and you might trip
over the edge,

maybe somebody's
going to push you.

Stop it! Stop!

Oh my god.

Ah!

Jan:
(echoing) Oh my god.

What have you done?

Don't worry she'll be fine,

there's a magical
trampoline made of clouds

and it will just rebound
her right back up here.

No, there isn't.

Hmm, agree to disagree.

Julie?

Oh. Oh oh.
-Oh, hey you're here, great.

Meredith:
Hi.

Carly:
Oh my god, what happened?

I just sneezed and ow,
I just blew my back out.

Oh no.
Brian: Are you okay?

Ah, it just feels like a
hot knife went in my back.

And then just, ow, it just
like moves down to my butt.

Maybe you should go home.

You continue on
with your work.

Great.

Ahhhh. Ooowww.
(playful instrumental)

Oh oh, did you want a-

Oh Carly, thank you so much,

could you just put that
down there for me.

Carly:
Sure.

Could you just actually pick
it up and put it on my desk.

Here you go.
-Maybe on your desk,
if you could.

Oh. Sure.
-So it's just easier for me to-

Yeah.
-Thank you. I don't
want to be a bother.

No bother.

Meredith:
Continue with your work.

You too.

Meredith:
Ah, ah, oh.

Oh, hang on.

Do you mind with the chair?
- Not at all. Not at all.

Yeah, there we go.

It's a bit too much, Carly,
can you just push it out a bit.

Sure. Oh.

Oooh, in, ow ow, in,
ow, in, wow, wow.

Good?
-Just great, get back to work.

Ah ah sisisisiiii, Brian,
I can't reach my pen.

Oh.

Oooh, thank you.

No problem.

Get back to work.

This is a
heavy highlighter.

Brian, I need a
smaller highlighter.

Oh.

The cap.
Carly: Oh.

Ah!

Hi Brian, that
coffee looks good.

Brian:
Yeah, how's your back?

Oh, it'd be better
with a coffee.

Brian:
Do you want my coffee?

Stop it.
-No it's nothing.

No, stop, Brian.
-Nah nah, here you go, take it.

I can't. Thank you.
-Ahahahah, Brian.

(lapping sounds)

Okay there you go.

Aurora:
That feels great I bet-

Ah!!

(disturbed piano chords)

Muffin looks good.

I'm sure hungry.

Use your tongue,
kinda move it around.

Yeah, just move it
around in your mouth.

There you go.
-Yeah, there you go.

Chew it for me.
-I can't, I have strep throat.

Chew it for me!
(disturbed piano chords)

Ahhhh, ahhhhh.
(disturbed piano chords)

Eeeh, eeeh.

Aaah. Aaaah.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Ah ah ah ah ah-
(disturbed piano chords)

This is nice.
(disturbed piano chords stop)

Okay, great.
-Thanks.

Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh!
Ahhhhhh! Ah, Carly.

Hey.

Why don't you just go home?

Meredith:
Brian, I'm gonna vomit,
hand me your mug.

Brian.
- You have my mug.

Jesus, Brian,
give it to me quick.

(panicked instrumental)

(retching)

Someone hold my hair back.

(retching)

Oh just leave me here to rot.
Brian: Okay.

I don't want to be a bother.
Brian: No bother.

Brian, um, there's no bother,
nobody pay attention to me.

Get out of your work-

(eerie chords)
Carly?

(eerie chords)

Carly?
(eerie chords)

(echoing) Carly.

She's coming.

(eerie chords)
Save yourselves!

Save yourselves.

Save yourselves, she's coming!
(screaming)

I can hear you!
-Get going, get going!

Carly!

Brian!

Hey guys, I got to
go to the bathroom.

(tense instrumental)

(tense instrumental)
(bones cracking)

Pull my pants down!
(screaming)