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00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:02,753
[serious music]
2
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,506
- Good evening.
I'm Randall Park.
3
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:09,343
Candidate Dwayne Johnson
finds himself embroiled
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,345
in controversy today
over the announcement
5
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,305
of his vice presidential
running mate,
6
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,098
General Monica Jackson.
7
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,475
As a West Point cadet,
8
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,519
General Jackson wrote
a weekly humor column
9
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,021
for the school newspaper called
"Just Joking,"
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00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,648
where she offered up
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00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,359
"witticisms
of mass destruction."
12
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,485
Yeah.
13
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,196
- Randall, we have vetted
General Jackson thoroughly,
14
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,697
and I've seen her column.
15
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,199
- Even this one
16
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,536
where she calls
UN Secretary General Kofi Annan
17
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,204
"a weak cup of Kofi"?
18
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,747
- Look, clearly she's not
my running mate
19
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:39,998
for her sense of humor.
20
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,043
She's here because we have a
shared vision for the country.
21
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,711
- Well, as someone who's
familiar with comedy
22
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,296
from my acting days,
23
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,048
I know how polarizing
it can be.
24
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,717
Amy Polarizing.
- [laughs]
25
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:51,885
That's good!
- Yeah.
26
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:52,886
- That is good.
Get in here.
27
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,137
That's good.
- Okay.
28
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,472
Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
29
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,350
- Awesome.
- Uh, where you going?
30
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,227
We still have an interview,
I think, right?
31
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,896
- Oh, oh, sorry.
No, I-I-I just got excited.
32
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,064
- Caught up in the moment.
33
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,065
- Yeah.
- It was a good joke.
34
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,400
- Thank you, thank you.
35
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,902
Anyway, so certain factions
are calling on you
36
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,362
to choose a new running mate,
37
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,072
saying that Jackson
lacks the credibility
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00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,574
to be vice president.
39
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,409
- Look, she's still my partner
in this thing,
40
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,244
and I don't leave
my partners behind.
41
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,912
- Mm.
- Hopkins taught me that one.
42
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,289
- Hopkins.
- Yeah.
43
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,623
- Yes, yes, Hopkins, Hopkins.
44
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,167
Your costar
in "The Scorpion King," right?
45
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,335
- No one named Hopkins
on that one.
46
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:28,547
- Right, no, no.
That's not Hopkins.
47
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,424
Hopkins was...
48
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,925
- You know, Randall,
it might be easier
49
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,385
is I just told you the story.
50
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:34,928
- Right.
- [laughs]
51
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,598
1991, I was playing football
for the University of Miami.
52
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,391
- ♪ Miami bass, bass, bass ♪
53
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,934
- So I've been open
54
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,562
about how badly I handled
my first semester of college,
55
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,772
getting injured and almost
flunking out of school.
56
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,941
I was spending the off-season
rehabbing
57
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,943
and getting myself back
on track
58
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,113
and ready for a new season
with new teammates.
59
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,865
- You Dwayne Johnson?
60
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,409
- Yeah, who's asking?
61
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,412
- Warren Sapp,
freshman tight end.
62
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:03,332
- ♪ Miami bass, bass,
bass, bass ♪
63
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:05,250
- Future bench-press
record holder.
64
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,960
- Oh, you think you got it?
65
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,129
- Man, get your Sharpie ready.
- [laughs]
66
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,964
Okay, freshman.
- I don't want no excuses.
67
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:11,965
I know you already been
working.
68
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,467
- Don't worry.
You won't hear any.
69
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,802
- Uh-huh.
Let's get it.
70
00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:16,970
- [grunts]
71
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,640
This is so easy.
- So easy.
72
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,308
- I'm thinking about what
I'm about to have for lunch.
73
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,143
- I wish I had a book.
I'd start reading it.
74
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,811
I was feeling strong,
75
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,897
couldn't wait
for the next season to start.
76
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,398
My parents were so excited,
77
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,983
they even watched tapes
of our practice scrimmages.
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00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,318
- Whoo-hoo!
79
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,319
- Something happen
on that play?
80
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,904
- Yes, Dewey didn't get hurt!
81
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,656
♪ ♪
82
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:39,660
- Ooh, you know!
- Yeah, you like that, Dewey?
83
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,703
What about this?
84
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,502
You know
what those grades mean?
85
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,337
You're still
on academic probation.
86
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,838
- Coach O, how did you
get my grades?
87
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,006
Aren't they private?
88
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,174
- Nothing's private
from me, son.
89
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,509
This ain't no joke now.
90
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,678
Not only do you need to get
these grades up,
91
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,680
you need to show the school
your appreciativeness
92
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,597
to even letting you play.
93
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,307
- Like compliment them
on the renovations
94
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,643
they made
to the administration building.
95
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,771
- You are making me
so mad, Dwayne.
96
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,439
No!
97
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,024
You need to volunteer.
98
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,610
Do something to help
the university.
99
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:15,278
Show them your dedication
to the school
100
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,655
goes beyond football.
101
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,823
Here.
102
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,826
Call this guy.
103
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,036
Tell him you want to help out
with campus security.
104
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,081
This is real important, Dewey.
You can't mess this up.
105
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,749
- Uh, Coach, this is your card.
106
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,501
- What?
Oh.
107
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,545
Kind of looks like me,
don't it?
108
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,339
Yeah, I found that
on the clip art.
109
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,007
There, that face.
110
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,551
- While I was doing
whatever I had to
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00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,969
to keep playing football,
112
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,012
my grandmother was returning
to the U. S.
113
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,224
after years of exile in Samoa.
114
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,475
- Could you take
your hat off, please?
115
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,394
- Why?
- It's obscuring your face.
116
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,729
- Are you hitting on me?
- Ma'am.
117
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,231
- Fine.
118
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,732
- And where are you
coming from?
119
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:56,194
- Where am I coming from?
Hell, that's where.
120
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,071
For almost two years in Samoa,
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00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,032
I was homeless and sleeping
on people's couches,
122
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:04,494
and at night, I would stare
up in the stars,
123
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,872
thinking about getting back
to my family,
124
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,791
and then one day I heard
from my daughter.
125
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,419
She told me that my grandson
had found a way
126
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:14,421
to get me back
into the country.
127
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,257
My prayers had been answered.
128
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,093
- Okay, so,
under "countries visited,"
129
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,220
I'm just gonna put Samoa.
130
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,099
- Idiot.
131
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,769
Stupid.
132
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,604
- Okay, wait.
I'm confused.
133
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,439
How did you get her back
into the country
134
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,274
if she was deported
by the federal government?
135
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,235
- Let's just say that I found
a little loophole in the law,
136
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,112
and she became a citizen again.
137
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,614
- Can I ask
a follow-up question?
138
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,407
- I wouldn't.
- Just a quick one.
139
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,867
Was Hopkins somehow involved
in all that?
140
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:46,411
- No, he wasn't.
I hadn't met Hopkins yet.
141
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,746
I was about to.
142
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,664
Coach's contact pulled through
143
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,917
and helped me get a job
in campus security
144
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,044
in a department called
"Phone Services."
145
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,630
- You'll be checking
the emergency phones on campus
146
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,964
to make sure
they're operational.
147
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:58,757
- Okay, so I just have to--
148
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,300
- Don't worry,
I'm gonna have one
149
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,594
of our most experienced techs
train you.
150
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,513
Hopkins!
151
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:10,143
- Hopkins!
- Hopkins!
152
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,144
- That's Hopkins.
- That's Hopkins.
153
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,729
Come on, give me some.
154
00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:14,815
- [laughs]
All right, yes!
155
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,316
- Where you going? We're still
doing the interview.
156
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,651
- Oh, that's right.
You're totally right.
157
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:18,819
That's right.
- That's right.
158
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,487
There we go.
- Okay, sorry about that.
159
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:21,780
- It's okay.
- Just got excited.
160
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,990
- It's Hopkins.
- Hopkins!
161
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,827
- Hopkins, this is your new
partner, Dwayne Johnson.
162
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,829
- I don't need a partner.
I'm good, thanks.
163
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,998
- This isn't a choice, Hopkins.
This is an assignment.
164
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,708
[soft music]
165
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,335
- Get somebody else
to take him.
166
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,670
I've got seniority,
for God sakes.
167
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,421
- Come on.
168
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,924
Show Dwayne the ropes.
169
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,176
- Just eight months
to graduation.
170
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,345
♪ ♪
171
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,346
- So we just check
the phone and--
172
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,848
- Okay, here's the deal.
None of that matters.
173
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,015
All right?
174
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,684
We write our names on that
sign-in sheet every morning,
175
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,686
get the list of phones
we're supposed to check,
176
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,479
then go home and watch movies
until it's time to sign out.
177
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,523
- What?
But Justin said that--
178
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,192
- He has to say that,
but he knows the deal.
179
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,360
We look out for each other.
180
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,863
Now that I've told you,
you're a part of that circle.
181
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,699
- Look, this job is keeping me
on the football field.
182
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,034
If you're messing with my
chances to get to the NFL,
183
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,369
I will kill you.
184
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,621
- Just take it easy, big fella,
all right?
185
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,748
Just follow my lead,
and everything will be fine.
186
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:17,210
The only thing I need to know
is, do you like action movies?
187
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,336
- Of course I like
action movies.
188
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,506
- Then welcome to the greatest
scam in college history.
189
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:26,136
.
190
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,054
[sirens wailing on TV]
191
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,556
- Whoa!
192
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,182
- Yo, you sure about this?
193
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,893
We just watch movies
and then go back and sign out
194
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,519
at the end of our shift?
195
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,354
You sure we don't have
to check any campus phones?
196
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,397
- Look here, man.
197
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,065
I used to check the phones
like a good soldier
198
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,484
my first few months here,
and you know what I found?
199
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:42,569
They worked.
200
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,029
If they don't,
somebody'd tell us.
201
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,072
We're entirely unnecessary.
202
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:49,701
Trust me, I've been doing this
a long time, almost a year.
203
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,416
[chuckles]
This flick is good.
204
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,084
Not as good
as Schwarzenegger's--
205
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,586
best action star of all time.
206
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,212
- No, Stallone, all day.
207
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,381
- This isn't a debate.
It's a fact.
208
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,217
- It's a fact that my guy
could take your guy
209
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,762
via land, sea, air, and time.
210
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,597
- Say your daughter gets
kidnapped
211
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,598
by a Latin American dictator.
212
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,183
- Okay.
213
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,517
- You can send one guy
to save her--who do you pick?
214
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,852
- Rambo.
- Mm-mm.
215
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,604
He's experienced
in tropical environments.
216
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,189
He's escaped a P. O. W. camp.
217
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,107
He knows how to deal
with a loose cannon.
218
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,943
- Rambo knows Vietnam.
He doesn't know South America.
219
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,403
And, yeah, he escaped
a P. O. W. camp,
220
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,946
but he lost his best friends
in the process.
221
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,365
- 'Cause he was double-crossed!
222
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,949
- Schwarzenegger
doesn't make excuses.
223
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,576
- Oh, but I'm sure you will
for "Red Sonja."
224
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,079
- Two beautiful foreigners
with swords getting revenge?
225
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,330
I don't see a problem.
226
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,082
[explosion on TV]
- Ooh!
227
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,628
- Here we are!
228
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,255
- [grunts]
Why are these so heavy?
229
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,383
- It's the wood
for my carvings.
230
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,635
- So we have a surprise.
231
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,969
We've called some
of the old crew,
232
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,471
and they're all coming to town.
233
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,640
We're throwing you a barbecue
this weekend.
234
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,809
- Who's gonna man the grill?
235
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,644
- Why is that everyone's
first question?
236
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,938
Who cares who mans the grill?
237
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,940
- Ah, Dewey.
238
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,983
I can't wait to see him.
239
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,652
- Won't be long
before you're able to see him
240
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,946
play football on TV
on Saturday.
241
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,989
- You hear that, High Chief?
242
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:14,160
You're grandson, big star,
playing football on TV.
243
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,121
How much he get paid?
- Nothing.
244
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,205
- They don't get paid
in college.
245
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,248
- Stupid.
246
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,709
You made me bore the High Chief
with stupid news?
247
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,002
You know how busy he is
in Heaven?
248
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,921
- You son of a bitch.
249
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,508
- He's no Stallone,
250
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,677
but your guy Schwarzenegger
can deliver a catchphrase.
251
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:31,678
- Hell, yeah, he can.
252
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,179
[imitates Schwarzenegger]
Get to the chopper.
253
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:34,514
- Get to the chopper.
- Get to the chopper.
254
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,684
- Get to the chopper!
- Get to the chopper!
255
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,352
- ♪ Yeah! ♪
256
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,979
- Oh, there it is, there it is.
It's coming, it's coming.
257
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,148
- Oh!
- Yes!
258
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,484
♪ Stan Bush's "The Touch" ♪
259
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:52,115
♪ ♪
260
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,700
[laughs]
- Watch this.
261
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,452
- Oh!
- Aah!
262
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,870
[laughter]
263
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,664
♪ You've never walked,
you've never run ♪
264
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,709
♪ You're a winner ♪
265
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,044
- Kill me!
I'm here!
266
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,629
Come on, do it now!
Kill me!
267
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,715
- Aah!
268
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,051
[laughs]
269
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,719
- You have to cut
the ground wire.
270
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:16,056
It's the blue wire
with the white stripe.
271
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,725
- ♪ You got the power ♪
272
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,893
- Yes!
273
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,395
- ♪ You got the touch ♪
274
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,230
- You see, the mud
is what protects you.
275
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,399
- No, I don't--I would've
seen him regardless.
276
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,318
- It's invisibility.
You would not have seen him.
277
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,736
- Bro, you don't know my power.
278
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,156
- Says here all the phones
are in working order.
279
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,741
You sure about that?
280
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,868
- Of course we're sure.
281
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,495
- I was gonna say,
"We have 'Total Recall.'"
282
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:39,579
- Here you go.
283
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,790
- That's hilarious.
284
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,958
- Have a good one.
285
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,338
You guys better hope
those phones are working.
286
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,924
That was Amanda Chavez from HQ.
She's doing quality control.
287
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,926
- What do you mean
quality control?
288
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,719
- She's checking the phones.
289
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,054
She's got your checklist,
290
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,555
and she's gonna make sure
it's accurate.
291
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,933
- You said no one ever checks.
- They don't.
292
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,768
They never do.
- Well, they are now.
293
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,603
Amanda Chavez is checking
your work,
294
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,021
and if anything's off,
we're all screwed.
295
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,606
- Oh, I can't mess this up.
296
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,442
My football career, my life
is on the line.
297
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,236
- And I'm saving up
for a Sega Genesis.
298
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,029
- Then you need to get
to those phones
299
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,948
before Amanda Chavez does.
300
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,617
♪ ♪
301
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,702
Do not screw this up!
302
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,664
God help us if Chavez is
wearing her comfortable heels.
303
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:26,167
.
304
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:27,877
[birds chirping]
305
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,089
[dramatic music]
306
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,257
- Move, move, move, move!
307
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,550
- Whoa!
- Excuse me!
308
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,968
- Hey!
309
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,469
- Sorry, sorry!
310
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,097
[birds chirping]
311
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,306
♪ ♪
312
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,475
- She's halfway
to the first phone.
313
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,394
- How are we gonna beat her
there without her seeing us?
314
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,813
- What if we go this way?
- Jump the arboretum wall?
315
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,981
That bitch is eight feet high!
316
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,315
- Or we could go
through the natatorium.
317
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,650
- Pool. Man, the lifeguards
will make us walk.
318
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,152
- Well, the arboretum
or the natatorium?
319
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,319
- Um...
320
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,320
- The arboretum
or the natatorium?
321
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,613
Make the call!
- The arboretum!
322
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,823
- Okay.
323
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,158
[grunts]
324
00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,659
♪ ♪
325
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,119
[birds chirping]
326
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,328
♪ ♪
327
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,873
[line trilling]
All right, It works.
328
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,709
Hey, Hopkins, look.
329
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:10,128
- What's she doing over there?
- She changed her route.
330
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,005
She's headed to the phone
by the library.
331
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:15,675
♪ ♪
332
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:16,759
- Damn it!
333
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,761
It doesn't make any sense.
Why would she do that?
334
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,346
- We're dealing
with a loose cannon.
335
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,848
- She's heading to the phone
on the other side
336
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,016
of that plaza.
337
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,685
She's almost there.
What do we do?
338
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:26,936
- I got an idea.
339
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:29,606
You move those cones and
reroute that band to block her.
340
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,025
I'm gonna cut through the
building to beat her there.
341
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,944
[marching band playing]
342
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:42,160
♪ ♪
343
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,790
- Oh, uh...
344
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,628
[humming]
345
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:55,215
- It's up to you now, Johnson.
346
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:59,219
- Today we're gonna be talking
about electromagnetic force.
347
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:02,222
[dramatic music]
348
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,224
Excuse me, can we help you?
349
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,059
- Uh, no need, all good.
350
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,644
- What is your name?
351
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,854
- Warren Sapp!
352
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,899
[Bonnie Tyler's
"Holding Out for a Hero"]
353
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,234
♪ ♪
354
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,361
[line trilling]
355
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:22,533
♪ ♪
356
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,578
- ♪ Where have all the good
men gone? ♪
357
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,790
♪ And where are
all the gods? ♪
358
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,792
♪ Where's
the streetwise Hercules ♪
359
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:31,751
[line trilling]
360
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:35,255
♪ To fight the rising odds? ♪
361
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:40,843
♪ Isn't there a white knight
upon a fiery steed? ♪
362
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,928
[line trilling]
363
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,430
♪ Late at night,
I toss and I turn ♪
364
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:47,100
♪ And I dream of what I need ♪
365
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,269
♪ I need a hero ♪
366
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:53,940
♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till morning light ♪
367
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,943
♪ He's got to be sure,
and it's got to be soon ♪
368
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:00,029
♪ And he's got to be larger
than life ♪
369
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,447
- Hopkins.
- What?
370
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,782
- Put your feet down.
371
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,951
♪ ♪
372
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,286
- Oh.
[chuckles]
373
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:10,832
♪ ♪
374
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,584
[laughter]
375
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,045
- Thank you, baby.
- Thank you.
376
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:17,297
- I know this sounds crazy,
377
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,965
but I think I might grill up
some peaches.
378
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,633
[cheers]
379
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,052
- Is she making peach burgers?
- Mm-hmm.
380
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,972
- Lia, you wouldn't believe
how much beef jerky
381
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,474
they make me eat when I shoot
one of those commercials.
382
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,143
[chuckles]
Guess how much.
383
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,311
- A hundred pounds?
384
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,229
- A hundred p--
385
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,231
No, now, that is a crazy amount
of jerky.
386
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,442
38 sticks, yeah.
387
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:38,651
- Ooh.
- 38.
388
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,154
- I once ate 38 eggs in a day.
389
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,406
- Ah, well, there ain't no
money in eggs, my brother,
390
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,285
but beef jerky did pay
for my Lambo
391
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,455
Ooh, yeah!
392
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,707
- Billy Crystal told me to buy
two Lamborghinis
393
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,792
and use them as roller skates.
[laughter]
394
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,836
- I'm so glad
you called me, Lia.
395
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,337
I didn't think you were ever
gonna forgive me
396
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,006
for going with Greg Yao.
397
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,257
- It's funny.
398
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,843
I used to care about things
like that,
399
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:07,013
but my time in Samoa...
[sighs]
400
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:10,349
- Mom, you get the first burger
off the grill.
401
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:13,311
- Thank you, darling.
I'm not hungry.
402
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,022
- You okay, Lia?
You don't seem like yourself.
403
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,106
What's the matter?
404
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,817
- [sighs]
Me.
405
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,693
I'm the matter.
406
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:23,529
In Samoa,
I had a lot of time to think,
407
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:27,116
and I realized the most
important thing is family.
408
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,202
Nothing else matters.
409
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,662
Now that I've come home,
410
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,165
I see how I failed my family.
411
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,750
- Mama, you didn't fail us.
412
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,544
- I wanted to keep
Peter's dream alive.
413
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,881
His business was our legacy,
and I didn't do that.
414
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,549
He shouldn't have left it
to me.
415
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,051
- Oh, no, don't say that.
- Don't say that.
416
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,677
- No, it's true.
417
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,138
I mean, we live
in a two-bedroom apartment
418
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,223
in Tonka.
419
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,849
- Tampa.
- Lia.
420
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,977
You gave me a place to stay
when I had nowhere else to go.
421
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,354
I'll never forget that.
422
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,064
- Playing cards in your kitchen
was some
423
00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,232
of the best times of my life.
424
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,901
- Auntie, you loaned us money
and helped us get started,
425
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:02,693
remember?
426
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,320
- And I completely
betrayed you,
427
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,738
but you still found it
in your heart
428
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,240
to welcome me back
to the family.
429
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,741
- When Peter was alive,
430
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,410
I never did see
the wrestling business as his.
431
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:14,122
- He needed you, Baba,
same as you needed him.
432
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:18,000
- Peter would have been proud
of the way you fought for us.
433
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,044
- To Lia and Peter.
434
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,421
all:
Lia and Peter.
435
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,340
- Thank you, boys.
436
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,175
Now, can someone get me
a hamburger?
437
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,385
I'm starving.
438
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,761
- Mom, your hamburger's
right here!
439
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,556
- Oh, right, right, right.
440
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,434
You know, I am full on the love
and the well wishes.
441
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,604
[laughter]
442
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,773
- Who wants the peach burger?
443
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,276
Come on, Randy,
you get in there.
444
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,987
[laughter]
445
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,031
- Got eyes on Chavez.
446
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,867
She stopped for a coffee break
at the student center.
447
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,910
We should have plenty of time
to check this last phone.
448
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,745
- Let's get it done, son.
We got this.
449
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,457
[bicycle bell dings]
[shouts in slow motion]
450
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,710
- [slowed] No!
451
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,547
- Hopkins, can you hear me?
- Aah!
452
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,132
- Hopkins!
- I hear you, man!
453
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,633
It's my leg, not my ears!
454
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,635
- Come on, get up.
- I can't.
455
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,970
My leg is busted.
Just go, all right?
456
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,805
Just leave me.
- I'm not gonna leave you.
457
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,057
Would Tango leave Cash?
- You can't risk it.
458
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:17,476
[grunts]
You need this job for football.
459
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:20,229
- And you, you need
that Sega Genesis.
460
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,148
Now come on.
461
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,984
[dramatic rock music]
462
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:30,031
♪ ♪
463
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:36,120
.
464
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:37,997
- [breathing heavily]
465
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,251
Phone Services.
I'm commandeering this cart.
466
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:45,296
[dramatic music]
467
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:50,760
♪ ♪
468
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,179
- Johnson, no, don't do it!
Don't do it! Are you crazy?
469
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,680
Look out, look out!
470
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,307
Oh!
471
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,310
[brakes squeal]
472
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,187
[line trilling]
- [laughs]
473
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,606
- Yes!
- We did it.
474
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,192
[laughs]
475
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,612
- Oh, man, I'm thinking we
need to frame this.
476
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:13,282
Wait.
What the hell is that?
477
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,867
There's one more phone,
478
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,035
and it's in the student center.
479
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,371
- That's why Chavez
went there first.
480
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,248
She wasn't on a coffee break.
481
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,500
- She went to check that phone.
482
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,168
You need to get to it
before she does.
483
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,378
- There's no way.
484
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,046
The path goes all the way
around the quad.
485
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,214
It'll take ten minutes.
486
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,882
- Not if you cut across
on foot.
487
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,343
I've got my walkie.
I'll be with you the whole way.
488
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,304
♪ ♪
489
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,390
- Phone steam ahead.
490
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,059
- What?
- It's word play.
491
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:47,108
♪ ♪
492
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,911
She hasn't checked it yet.
493
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,957
♪ ♪
494
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:04,750
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
495
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:05,835
Damn it!
496
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,756
Hopkins.
Hopkins, you there?
497
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,425
- Johnson, what's happening
in there?
498
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,261
- The phone is dead.
I don't have much time.
499
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,887
Chavez is almost done
with her coffee.
500
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,347
- Hang on, Johnson.
501
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,602
[line trilling]
Come on, pick up the phone.
502
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,270
- Emergency Services,
this is Justin.
503
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,606
- Justin, it's Hopkins.
We've got a broken phone.
504
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,607
What do we do?
- I don't know.
505
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,108
It could be a million things.
506
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,192
- Just give us a fix, damn it!
507
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,279
- Okay, look, nine times
out of ten, it's the wiring.
508
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,615
Try to unscrew
the receiver end.
509
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,117
- Johnson,
unscrew the receiver.
510
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,619
- Right.
511
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:43,164
♪ ♪
512
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,333
- Okay.
- What's next?
513
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,126
- There should be
four connected wires--
514
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:50,129
blue, white, orange, and black.
515
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,380
Do you see those?
516
00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:52,965
- Do you see four wires?
517
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,635
Blue, white, orange, and black.
518
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,137
- Yes, but the blue one
and the orange one
519
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,639
aren't connected to anything.
520
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:00,640
- The blue one
and the orange one
521
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,807
aren't connected to anything.
522
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,310
- Okay, blue wire goes
to the battery.
523
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,937
Orange one goes
to the terminal strip.
524
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,272
- Blue wire to the battery,
525
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,607
orange one
to the terminal strip.
526
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,484
- Wait,
what's the terminal strip?
527
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,819
Isn't that the shady strip club
by the airport?
528
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,322
[feedback whines]
529
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,657
- Damn it, she's heading over.
530
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,159
[radio crackling]
- Johnson?
531
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,243
Johnson!
532
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,995
- Hopkins!
533
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,706
[feedback whines, stops]
534
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,041
Okay.
535
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,835
Blue wire to the battery.
536
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,671
Which one's the battery?
537
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,298
You got this, Johnson.
Here goes nothing.
538
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:41,430
♪ ♪
539
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,441
[heartbeat pounding]
540
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:59,323
♪ ♪
541
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,080
We did it!
542
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,707
- Whoo! Ha ha!
543
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:08,958
- Yes!
544
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:15,548
Heard the Gulf War
is going well.
545
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,383
- Whoa, that was intense.
546
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,051
- Bet your ass
it was intense, Randall.
547
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,720
[laughs]
My life has been intense.
548
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,972
That's why I surround myself
with people I trust.
549
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,307
When times are tough,
you don't get rid of them.
550
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,892
You weather out the storm
together.
551
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,395
- [chuckles] So is Hopkins
still in your life?
552
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,688
- Oh, yeah!
553
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,565
Yeah, we're
in a football pool together.
554
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:33,733
- That's beautiful.
- [laughs]
555
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:34,900
- So before we go,
556
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,902
do you have any final thoughts
about General Jackson?
557
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,405
- I know without hesitation
that when the chips are down,
558
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,074
I want General Monica Jackson
by my side.
559
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,411
She is a fighter, she's tough,
and she never gives up,
560
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,079
and I have her back.
561
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,289
And when we need it most,
562
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,082
she's gonna have
America's back as well.
563
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,251
- General Jackson,
how much does it mean
564
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,087
to hear Mr. Johnson defend you
through these tough times.
565
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,590
- It means that we have
a presidential candidate
566
00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,259
with integrity and character.
567
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:04,054
And I can't think of a better
person to lead our country.
568
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,514
And all this chatter
569
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:08,768
about my college
newspaper column
570
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,229
has really got my comedy juices
flowing again.
571
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,064
- What?
572
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,901
- Here's my top ten reasons
why Dwayne Johnson
573
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:17,943
would be a great leader.
574
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:18,778
Number ten--
575
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,447
he will never take you
for granite.
576
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,450
Number nine--he rocks.
577
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,952
Number eight--
- How many more are there?
578
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,330
- Eight.
- Right.
579
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:30,998
- Power to the pebble.
580
00:21:31,048 --> 00:21:35,598
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