All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s08e16 Couple Off.eng

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
one of the best music videos on MTV wasTake On Me.

It combined
cutting-edge technology

and animation
that blew my mind.

So, obviously, I decided
I had to make my own.

Hi, Adam.
Look at me. I'm lines.

I said no talking.

Join me in this
comic book world.

♪ We're talking away

♪ I don't know what I'm to say

Look. The Cabbage Patch. ♪ I'll say it anyway

The Running Man. ♪ I'll be coming
for your love okay?

The Roger Rabbit.♪ Take on me

Stop. I have to
trace all this.

I'm a person!
I'm a cartoon.♪ Take me on

I'm a person. I'm a cartoon. ♪ Take me on

I make life better. ♪ Take on me ♪

Oh, no!
It's the bad guys

who are dressed like French
Grand Prix racecar drivers

for some reason!

♪

POPS: A-Am I
doing this right?

I still don't understand
why we have to be animated.

No, I do
the animation after.

-It's called rotoscoping.
-Does it hurt?

Um, that's a wrap
on Pops.

Oh, boy.

♪

BEVERLY: Poopie!

Poopie, I'm still
stuck in here.

But I'll get out.

[CRASHES] ♪ Take on me

♪ Take on me

♪ Take me on

[GRUNTING AND
BREATHING HEAVILY]

Argh! ♪ Take on me ♪

Yay! I made it
to your world,

and now we can be
together forever!

♪ Nom-nom-nom
nom-nom-nom-nom

♪ Nom-nom-nom-nom-
nom-nom-nom-nom ♪

♪ Nom-nom-nom-nom
nom-nom-nom ♪

-Wow.
-I know, right?

I'm sorry I didn't use you
for the video,

but my mom financed it

and demanded the lead
and an associate producer credit.

-How long did it take?
-Weeks.

But that's mostly because

I broke the first
rotoscoping equipment

when I opened the box
too excitedly.

Do you ever notice
how different our lives are?

Oh, no.
You're finally realizing you're a total smoke show

and this is as tall
as I'll ever be.

I enjoy
your compact frame.

I'm just saying
you live a charmed life.

That's ridiculous.

My life is extremely
challenging.

Lunch is served.

A feast for my boy king.

Not great timing, Mom.

I'll open your soda.

I know how delicate
your little fingies are.

This is not how
she usually does it.

True.
Forgot your swirly straw.

Adam has
very delicate lips,

as I'm sure
you and I both know.

What a fun thing
we share.

I'm gonna head to work.

Brea, baby, I may have
some creature comforts,

but I put on my track jackets
just like anyone else,

one arm at a time.

Oh, no.
Are you cold, schmooey?

Dammit, Mom.
I'm just proving a point.

But, yes,
I am slightly chilly.

Ow. Just got
my thumb stuck. No biggie.

Okay, I can't take it anymore.
My baby is slightly chilly.

Not in front of
my special girl!

You heard him, Brea.
Hit the bricks.

Wrong arm! Wrong arm!

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

ADULT ADAM:
It was April 7th, 1980-something,

and my brother Barry's romance
was starting a new chapter.

Ooh!

-What's up, un-sexy friends?
-Hi.

Please say you weren't
making out in the stacks.

That's where
knowledge lives.

We ruined so many books
and periodicals.

-Yeah, we did.
-And my desire to ever come back here.

Have a relationship
if you want,

but can you stop constantly
rubbing it in my face?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Geoff, you think we're in a relationship?

Your hands and lips
sure are.

No labels.
See, we can't be boxed in

with the conventional ideas
about love or romance

or what's appropriate
-in public. -No.

Well, I'm gonna label it
"time for us to scoot."

Geoff and I
are going camping.

Yeah. Erica walked in on you
massaging Joanne with Wesson oil

and called me immediately
and said,

"We're driving to the woods."[SCOFFS] Sounds great.

Speaking of,
let's hit the travel books

and French on France.

Ooh, I like
where your head's at.

-Especially the mouth.
-Mmm.

Yeah, that's actually
the horror section.

They're going
to the right place.

ADULT ADAM:
And so Erica and Geoff

escaped to the great outdoors.

Listen to those sounds,

the rushing of a stream,
the wind in the trees.

[HORN BEEPS]

What's up, [BLEEP]-os?
[LAUGHS]

And the soundtrack
to my nightmares.

What the hell
are you guys doing here?

What do you mean?
I said it sounded great.

No, you actually said,
"Sounds great."

That's just how
my voice is. Watch.

Oh, your hair is so good
and not gross at all.

Barry! I saw a bug!

Oh! That's why I brought
the Wiffle ball bat!

Get it.

Oh, man! You are
my big, strong Grizzly Adams.

I used to be a Cub Scout

until I was dishonorably
discharged, so that tracks.

As Geoff and Erica
had a wild start to camping,

I was determined to prove

I wasn't as spoiled
as Brea thought.

Great news, everybody.
I'm not rich.

I'm not sure you know
what great news is.

No. I saw my dad's
underwear drawer.

It's clearly the remnants
of someone without means.

Adam, stop. So your family
has disposable income,

and I have a single mom
and have to work to buy things.

-I'm okay with it.
-I mean, sure,

I have a few extra knickknacks
and odds and ends,

but I'm not some
Scrooge McDuck swimming in gold.

No! That's just leftover
Hanukkah gelt!

It's foil-covered
chocolate!

You're eating chocolate
for lunch?

That's pretty
decadent, dude.

I must've grabbed
the wrong bag

when I was watching TV
in the kitchen.

Kitchen TV?
Ooh-la-la.

How many televisions
do you own?

Just a couple.

One in the den,
one in the basement.

Don't forget about
-the one in the computer room. -You have a computer room?

It's more of an alcove.[WHISPERS]
Like in the Vatican?

It's not just that.

I mean, have you ever had
an after-school job?

My mom says my main job
is to get home safely.

-Do you hear yourself?
-Back me up here, fellas.

You guys don't have jobs,
do you?

I deliver pizzas.
You've be amazed

how many people
have cat habitats.

Brea, just come over
after school

and we can watch a movie.

I rented
Brewster's Millions.

The story of a guy
who wastes a bunch of money

just so he can get
more money to waste?

I know the plot,
Dave Kim!

-Sorry, I can't.
-Why? 'Cause you're mad?

No. Because I have to work.

ADULT ADAM:
Was I an out-of-touch, spoiled-rotten kid?

Only one way to find out,

by testing the limits
of my cheapest family member.

Dad, can I have
a brand-new car?

Sure. Whatever.

Wait. Are there
really no limits to what you'll give me?

-Sure. Whatever.
-Whatever I want?

Like a Pontiac Firebird
Trans Am that talks

-like KITT in Knight Rider?
-Sure.

What about
a Miami Vice speedboat?

-Whatever.
-What about a to-scale

exact replica
of Optimus Prime's blue and red semi-truck?

What? Get away from me!

I'm trying to watch
The Weather Channel,

and I missed
the dew point!

Oh, I'm not wildly spoiled.

You're just a horrible,
disengaged parent.

Thanks for everything
you are, Dad.

Sure, whatever.

There he is.
Everything work out with Brea, kiddo?

Yep. Brea's wrong.
We're not well-off.

Of course we're not.

Sure, we're fortunate-ish,

but remember when we didn't
have premium cable

-for a little while?
-No HBO.

Yes. Tell Brea that.

How about instead of

trying to convince Brea
that you're not spoiled,

why don't you show her
by getting a [BLEEP] job?

Suggestive language.

Adam can't get a job.
He is just a child.

There's laws against that.

A job
would be good for him.

Haven't you benefited
from working?

I suppose there is
a certain satisfaction

that comes after a long day
of wardening.

I don't like
where this is heading.

And you have some pride
when you come home.

When you put your feet up,
you've earned it.

"Put my feet up"? Me?

Ha! Right away,
I'm folding laundry

and making snackies
for this one.

While he plays with the toys
I bought him.

I'm your wittle boy angel.

You know what?
You should get a job.

There you go.
A step forward.

But if it becomesuncomfortable in any way,

Mama Bear will run in
and fix it.

And a big honkin'
step back.

But we're going
back and forth, and that's not nothin'.

ADULT ADAM:
As I was wrestling with going to work,

Barry and Joanne were getting
worked up about wrestling.

It's Randy Savage!

That's insane!

You sound insane!

What are they even
arguing about now?

I think about
which wrestling star is the most jacked?

It's Hulk Hogan.

He's as ripped as the shirts
he occasionally wears.

I just realized
if they stay together,

this is gonna be
our whole life.

You're right.
Normal couples get a break from annoying in-laws

every other holiday,
but not us.

Okay, listen up, dopes.

You started dating
to annoy us. Mission accomplished.

But you're both
too emotionally out of control to be together,

so you can stop
whatever this is.

Whatever this is
is way better than whatever that is.

-Excuse me?
-She's saying

if we're comparing,
we're clearly better than you.

Let's end this
once and for all.

Whoever makes camp first
is the better couple, alright?

Not a couple,
but hell yeah.

Losers have to cook and clean
for the winners.

-Mmm-hmm.
-Deal?

Guys, let's not do this.

E-Every relationship
is a snowflake,

and I think ...al.

Oh, fun.
Our relaxing camping trip

has become some weird
couple Olympics.

Indeed it had.

And Erica was
determined to win.

But the first event
would bring any couple to the brink,

assembling a tent.

Hey, hon,
where's the flashlight?

I dunno.
I thought you packed it.

You didn't pack
the flashlight?

I specifically said,
"Make sure you pack it."

Why would I pack it?

You pack our stuff.
It makes no sense.

Doesn't matter.
'Cause we're so in-sync as a couple

that we can still
assemble this.

Just put the thing
-in the thingy. -Real helpful, babe.

-There!
-And that's why we're the better...

Crap.

Oh, hey.
They finally noticed we won.

The good news is you don't
have to worry about wolves.

I spread my scent
all over this place.

While Erica and Geoff
were losing big,

I was hoping to win back
the respect of my girlfriend.

Look who it is,
Mr. Money Bags.

Sorry, sir,
the store isn't for sale.

I'm not here
as a wealthy patron.

I'm your fellow
Krispy Kone employee.

-Really?
-Yeah.

I dazzled our manager, Randy,
at my interview.

I won't
let you down, sir.

I was actually named
"most hardworking"

at my private
theater summer camp.

Just don't
come to work high.

There's a guy who knows
how to inspire people.

Let's push some cream.

And so I did.

And it turned out my first day at work was a real day at work.

Let's go, let's go.
Move it.

[GROANS]

It was a long day,
but we made it.

Adam, our shift
is another five hours.

Uh, those scoops are coming
out of your paycheck, slick.

Now get a mop.
Some kid hurled

what I hop
is a rainbow gumball on the display case.

-Balls!
-Gum balls.

[SIGHS]

On the heels of my first shift
at the local creamery,

I was ready to relate
to my working-stiff friends.

Mind if I sit?
My dogs are barking.

Long shift
at the ol' factory.

You know, like a character
in a Bruce Springsteen song.

Don't you just
put gummy bears on soft serve?

Sometimes.
But payday can't come soon enough, am I right?

Management's the worst,
am I right?

Minimum wage is
a maximum bummer, am I right?

Turns out my blue collar
was not a good color on me.

I don't get it.

First you said
we couldn't relate

because I didn't have a job,

but now I have one
and that's still not right.

That's because
you're acting like

working is just
some big joke.

Where'd you even get
that mechanic's shirt?

This is from when I portrayed
Louis DiMucci in Grease 2.

The school paper
called my performance "vaguely offensive."

See what I mean?

Working to you
is putting on a costume

and pretending to be
someone you're not.

I need my paycheck.
You clearly don't.

♪

This job isn't doing
what it was supposed to do.

You mean building character
and teaching you the value of work?

Proving to Brea
I'm not spoiled.

And I really hate it.

My hands are always
cold and sticky.

Maybe I should quit.

You can't do that.

You're right.
The optics would be terrible.

There's gotta be
another way out.

Ready for
a hilarious story?

Remember last week
when I had Stanley fired

for being a lazy butcher?
[CHUCKLES]

Well, look at this
razor-thin salami. Hmm?

The new guy
is the real deal.

In that moment,
I realized I had a choice.

I could work harder
to prove to my girlfriend

the kind of man I was, or...

Mama? My boss, Randy,
is not a nice man.

What are these horrible words?
Tell me everything.

For starters,
he tells me when to be there and what to do.

-Who does he think he is?
-His boss?

And he told me my ice cream
clown cake was bad.

Oh, no.

Randy told me to throw it
in the trash at my house

so it doesn't
haunt the store.

Somebody needs
to tell Randy

that you have
a unique perspective

and once-in-
a-generation talent.

[MUFFLED] This is
a huge mistake, Adam.

Are you eating the cake?

Well, it's ice cream.

While Pops was digging into
a frozen treat,

the couples
camping competition was just heating up.

Well, I hope you guys got
that Yoo-hoo bottle

I hucked at those
kids kayaking.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, you're such
a good person, girl.

They're just jealous
they clearly don't have what we have.

-Pre-diabetes?
-ERICA: This is bullcrap.

You're two idiots
who barely know each other.

All I know is
our tongues are in sync, and so are our souls.

Enough spicy talk!

We're gonna end this
once and for all.

The game is which couple
knows each other better.

Loser makes dinner.

All I'm gonna cook
is a platter of your defeat.

Oh, well, speaking of,
first challenge,

Joanne, what's Barry's
favorite food?

Um, he always has sauce
on his face, so pizza.

Oh, God, no.
It's calzones.

We are strangers.

Babe, a calzone is basically
just a folded-up pizza.

[LAUGHS]
I knew we were soul twins.

[LAUGHS]
Same question back to you.

Easy. Spaghetti.

[IMITATES BUZZER]
Wrong. It's chicken pot pie.

No way. He orders spaghetti
whenever we go out.

That's true,
but it's not my favorite.

What? Then why would you get
something you don't even like?

'Cause I know
it's your second favorite,

so I want to make sure
you can have a little.

JOANNE: Okay,
question two...

What instrument
did Geoff play as a kid?

Saxophone. Booya.

Boo-nah. Geoff picked that up
when he was a teenager.

Before that,
he was a symphonic cellist.

Geoff, you never
played cello.

ADAM: Oh, but he had.

♪

♪

Oh, God.

The entire time I thought
music was my thing,

it was really yours?

It's fine. Cello can't compare
to the love of a woman.

Even though
its evocative curves do remind me of one.

This is super upsetting!

It's not like I kissed it
or danced with it or anything!

Not that.

That you let me railroad you
and gave up something you love.

-I don't want that.
-That was ages ago.

I don't do that stuff anymore.
I'm assertive now.

Which is how you're suggesting
I should be, right?

While Erica was coming
to a realization about Geoff,

I was waiting
for my mom to come in

and rescue me
from the workforce.

Wow.
You're still here.

Frankly, I thought
you'd quit by now.

Me? Come on.

I see things through
to the end.

In fact, ice cream scooping
might be my life.

Well, I'm sorry
about earlier.

You trying
is pretty cool.

Wait a minute.
It was working.

Brea respected me.

Maybe I didn't have to quit.

Oh, fudge me.

Where's this Randy fella?

-Can I help you?
-No.

But I can help you.

Rule number one,
never tell my schmoopaloo what to do.

That'd be a whole lot easier
if I knew what a schmoopaloo is.

-She means him.
-Rule number two,

no physical labor.

No lifting, mopping,
or scooping.

That's pretty much
the whole gig.

Rule number three,
you will double his salary

and let him work from home
on Tuesdays.

Or I have
a better solution.

Adam, you're super fired.

No! I fire you!

Okay, Mom!
I think I got it from here.

Good for you, honey.

Oh. You know,
for a new manager,

you are showing
great leadership.

You're lucky
to have this one, Brea.

[CLICKS TONGUE]
It's not what it looks like.

It looks like you got your mom
to come in here

and get you fired,
because you were too chicken to quit.

Well, that's only
most of it.

Brea, I need you to cover
Adam's shift on Saturday.

But she has her cousin's
wedding on Saturday.

She asked off weeks ago.
That's not fair.

A lot of things in life
aren't fair,

but I guess you wouldn't
know about that.

I had lost my job
and my girlfriend's respect,

but for my mom,
it was a big win.

There's my brave boy.

Come and sit. I made
pancake dippers for dinner

to celebrate
your early retirement.

Oy vey.

Just stop, okay?

Because of you,
my whole life, I've wanted for nothing.

I've never known
hunger or pain or disappointment of any kind.

Oh, baby,
that's the best thanks a mama could have.

Gah! How can
you just sit there?

Talk to your
daughter, dammit.

Thing is, kiddo,
she's not wrong this time. You are.

What in God's name
are you talking about?

Hey, you didn't like
working hard,

so you took
the easy way out.

'Course Brea
doesn't like that. Frankly, I don't either.

Pops' disappointment
was a rude awakening.

And Erica was about to get
a wake-up call of her own.

Geoff?

Ow!

What are you doing?

I have a huge paper
due Monday.

Wait, you had work
to do this weekend?

-Why didn't you tell me?
-I did,

but you were so determined
to go camping that you didn't hear me.

-And it's fine.
-It doesn't seem fine.

And I think you're
about to burn your...

Dammit! Well,
it would have been fine

if I could have counted on you
to bring the flashlight!

Dudes, we left the city
to get away from this racket!

Your fighting
is keeping us up!

-We're not fighting.
-Except we definitely are.

Now they're fighting
about if they're fighting.

Make it stop!

Oh, my God. I just realized.
This could be our whole life.

We'll never get a break
from these two

since we're double
sibling couples.

Wait, you just said
we were a couple.

Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.
I-I meant...

-I liked it.
-You did?

I mean, seeing how broken
Geoff and Erica are

makes me want to honor
this beautiful,

mostly physical thing
between us.

So happy for you.
Now can everyone just leave me alone

so I can finish this paper
that's worth half my grade?

It's not their fault
that you agreed to a camping trip

when you clearly should have
just stayed home.

Now I can officially say it.
We're the better couple.

Honestly,
it's not that hard

to be a better couple
than we are right now.

Are you kidding me?

I do everything for you.
Everything!

And you clearly
resent me for it.

Well... [SCOFFS]

Babe, we have like
four extra flashlights.

That's too many.

After taking the easy way out
by using my mom to get me fired,

I had a lot of
hard work to do.

Hey.

Hey yourself.

Look, if you're here
to say sorry, you can save it.

I-I'm not. I'm just here
to cover your shift.

What are you
talking about?

I convinced Randy
to give me my job back.

I apologized for
siccing my mom on him.

I detailed his van.

Did you know there are
a lot of other nudie mags besides Playboy?

I-I don't want to know.
[SIGHS]

-I thought you hated this job.
-I do.

But I love you.

I admit it,
I'm spoiled.

I don't have a worry
in the world.

Except one big one,

that you would
think less of me

for not seeing
that life isn't as easy for you.

Dammit.

What?

That's gonna make it a lot
harder to stay angry at you.

That's good.
'Cause this is just the beginning.

I never want you to feel like
I don't understand you again.

Thanks, Adam.

♪ We're talking away ♪

Sometimes, it's not just
about loving someone.

It's about understanding
what they truly need.

Hey.
About last night, I'm really sorry.

Wait, you're crying?

[SIGHS]
Yeah. Because I knew

that you were gonna try
to make me feel better.

And that's not
what you wanted?

What I want is for you to stop
thinking about what I want.

You're always so kind
and unselfish and forgiving.

Yeah, sure, I'm the worst.

That's not what I'm saying.

I used to think
it was the sweetest thing

how you'd do
anything for me.

Even give up
the things that you love.

That's because the thing
I love the most is you.

And I love you, too,
more than anything,

but I can't be
the reason that you eat spaghetti forever.

Or change
everything you are for me.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying
you need to find out who you are again.

Without me.

Wait, you're...
You're breaking up with me?

Not a breakup.
A break.

We don't have to
put a label on it.

This is coming
out of nowhere.

Is it?

You didn't go
to study in Spain because of me,

and you moved to the dorms

because you wanted
a freshman experience,

and we still spend
every second together.

Yeah, that's because
I want to spend time with you.

There's nothing wrong
with that.

But there is.

One day, years from now,
you are gonna wake up and resent me

for everything
that you've given up.

And as much
as you love me now, you are gonna hate me then.

I can't believe
you're doing this.

I'm not trying
to hurt you.

But I think we have to. ♪ Take on me

Does this make
any sense at all?

It doesn't. ♪ Take me on

But I guess this is just
one more thing you want,

so, like always,
I'll give it to you.

♪ I'll be gone

Love is not always easy.

In fact, most of the time,

it takes work.

When you're in sync,
there's nothing better.

Yeah, nice. ♪ I'll be gone

But when you're not,

there is nothing worse.

♪ In a day or two ♪

♪

Scwibbity-bee,
scwibbity-boo.

Who you gonna telephone?

The Ghostfellas!

Some women like
a sensitive man.

Usually people just pretend
to listen to me and then do whatever they want.

All the magic you need
is right in here.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go back and get into

my very mentally
unstable character.

Now come here
and give me a hug.

If you just believe in yourself like I do,

you can't lose.

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