All language subtitles for Mom.S08E13.WEBRip.x264 - 2054 - HI

Huh.

Hmm.

Hmm.

SPORTSCASTER:
Buckle up.

We're going to overtime.

(whoops)

What the hell is this?

Warriors and Knicks overtime.

Ashley... five stars.

Natalya... four stars.

Cornelia... one star.

What,
because her name was Cornelia?

That's not her fault,

you should give her parents
one star.

It's my amends list for Al-Anon.

And you hid it
behind my panty drawer?

Freak.

I wasn't hiding anything,
I lost it.

I wrote that a year ago.

You know, I don't just vent
about you at Al-Anon.

I do the steps.

SPORTSCASTER:
Let's get ready for the tip-off.

Except that one.

Yeah, you're gonna catch
the highlights, pal.

So, you owe an amends
to all these women?

And some of their husbands.

And what do the stars mean?

How hot they were?

It's how bad
my behavior was.

Candy was four stars?

Yeah.

(laughs):
Actually, in both departments.

(clears throat)

So,
you wrote down this list

of, like, a thousand names,

and you haven't gotten
in touch with any of them?

Correct.

And, by the way,
where is my name?

Oh, wait, here I am.

Different Bonnie.

[♪ ♪]

*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 13

Episode Title:
"Klondike-Five and a Secret Family"

Aired on:
April 08, 2021

Interesting.
My amends list

was a bunch of
laws I broke.

Yours is a bunch of hearts
you broke.

My Al-Anon sponsor had me look
at my patterns with women,

and I did a lot
of damage there.

I was either drawn
to drama or creating it.

Like you create it
with me?

Sure.

So I...

made this list
and then I lost it.

If that's not a sign
from my higher power...

Yeah, nice try.

At least I had drugs
and drinking to blame.

Yeah, you had alcohol.

I had a penis.

Both weapons of mass destruction
when used irresponsibly.

Well, there's your list.

There's your phone,
get cracking.

(chuckles)

I know I should.

I just don't know what to say.

And that's where, once again,
you are fortunate to have me.

No one has made more amends
to more people than I have.

It's the reason
I learned Spanish.

I've done them in person,
on the phone, in song.

I'm not gonna sing to anyone.

The DMV lady loved it.

♪ I'm sorry I drove us
off a bridge ♪

♪ During my three-point turn ♪

♪ But I was tripping balls
on acid. ♪

Don't be shy
with the jazz hands.

I-I don't know.

I've got six pages of past here.

Well, let's start
at the beginning.

What's the story
with five-star Ashley?

Uh, she was a girl I started
dating right out of college...

Redhead, psych major,
loved to ski.

Get to the stars.

I slept with somebody
she knew.

Go on.

And when I moved to L.A.,

I accidentally on purpose
didn't give her my new number.

That's it?

And I kept her
Supertramp album.

(scoffs) Supertramp?
You did her a favor.

Let me tell you, honey,
making amends is a lot like sex.

The first time,
it's awkward

'cause you don't know
what you're doing.

And then you get better
at it and it's fun,

and eventually
you get so good,

you set up a camera
and film yourself.

Hypothetically.

Should we have waited
for Bonnie?

She never waits for us.

But you know she's gonna
get more mad at me

than the rest of you guys.

Don't worry, if she comes
after you, I got your back.

- Thanks.
- Incoming.

Seriously, Wendy?

You couldn't wait?

We tried to tell her.

What was that?

How you survive seven years
in prison.

Give me the cake.

I need it
after the morning I just had.

You know, you don't
have to come every day.

At my urging,

Adam decided to embark
on his amends journey.

Let's just say the first one
did not go so well.

She's dead?

Jazz hands.

(women sympathizing)

Oh, so sad.

Kicked the bucket
six months ago.

Dead. That's a tough one
out of the gate.

Yeah. He still gets
credit for trying.

Mm.

I remember my first time
tackling my amends list.

Did you have Agnes
at the switchboard connect you

to Klondike-five,
zero-one-nine-eight?

No.

It was in a phone booth,

and I had to do awful things
to get the change for the call.

Mm. I had a whole
section of my list

that was just
"things I set on fire."

Adam's taking this woman's
death very hard.

I caught him crying while
he was brushing his teeth.

It's so gross when men feel.

Yeah. It's like women being
umpires... who needs that?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry, were you an umpire?

I bet you looked real cute
in those gray slacks.

No, this makes me realize it's
time I get to my big amends.

You mean like not having
my back with Bonnie?

Why don't we let that one go,
sweetheart?

So, who is it?
A fella you done wrong?

(gasps) Oh, I know.

Did you set someone on fire
in their jail cell?

What is it with
you and fire?

Oh, honestly, it's just
so beautiful while it destroys.

Someone talk.

It's the steakhouse I robbed.

I've driven by it
so many times.

I've just never had
the courage to go in.

Yeah, me, too,
but for very different reasons.

The only steak that costs $4.99
is called horse.

You know what?

I'm starting to think
it was the husband.

He's too nice,
and they wouldn't use

an actor like that
unless he murdered.

And that guy had
a show, remember?

Remember, he lived on a boat
and gave free legal advice

to other people
that lived on boats?

What was it called?
Boat's La?

I-I don't really care. Yeah,
well, neither did America.

That's why it's not
on anymore.

Aren't you gonna open
that beer?

No, you can have it.

Unless you want me to
end up on a pool floatie

in the Bellagio fountain,
no, I cannot.

(chuckles):
Sorry.

(chatter on TV)

(scoffs)

What's going on?

You have barely said
a word all day,

and now you're not paying
attention to NCIS: New Orleans.

And this is a good one.

The crawdads ate the
guy's fingerprints off.

I'm f... I'm fine.

Oh, my God.

Are you still upset
about Ashley?

Hello, that was Tuesday.

The official mourning period
for a girl you dated

during the Reagan
administration is over.

You women all want us
to be vulnerable until we are.

You're sad because
you kissed a girl who's dead.

I mean,
if it's any comfort,

I had sex with someone
while he was dying.

Actually, wait.

That happened twice.

I think I'd like to be alone.

Seriously?
You're pushing me away?

I just need some space.

Are you still in love
with Ashley?

Do you have a secret family?

Oh, God,
I got to get out of here.

To go and see them?

What is it,
little Adam's birthday?

You're crazy.

Why is this affecting you
so much?

It just is, okay?

Where are you going?
I'm trying to help.

- Try less.
- (groans)

Legal Seagull!
That was the name of the show.

Hi, hello,
are you the manager?

Who's asking?

Well, my name is
Tammy Diffendorf,

and when this was
an Outback, I...

Hey, we chose
to change the name.

They didn't leave us.

Okay. Well, nine years ago,

I robbed this restaurant
and I went to prison.

And since that time, I've gotten
sober and changed my life.

And I just really want to make
amends for my crime.

Oh, I remember.

You wore a catsuit and hit us
on cops-eat-free night.

That security footage
was a staple

at the Christmas party
for years.

Also a staple at my trial.

You know what
the real crime is?

Nine years later,
I still work here.

Anyway, um...
(clears throat)

I can't take back what I did,

but I want you to know
from the bottom of my heart...

(phone rings)

Excuse me. (Clears throat)

Hey, Bon, I'm kind of
in the middle of something here.

Have you seen Adam?

He took off in the RV,
and he's not answering his phone.

Oh, my God.

Is this blood?

I'm sorry, Bonnie.

I haven't heard from him,
but I'm sure he'll be back.

Are you? He basically
drove off in a house.

There's nothing to stop him
from starting a new life.

(gasps) And he just learned
how to remove his fingerprints.

DARRYL:
Follow my logic here.

A hamburger is meat
between two pieces of bread.

How is that not a sandwich?

Because it's a hamburger.
It's its own damn thing, D'rryl.

Please stop using
my name like that.

I will when you finally
make a point, D'rryl.

All right, smart guy,

- what about a patty melt?
- Not a sandwich.

(groans)
Stop embarrassing yourself.

It's a melt,
it's right there in the name.

I can't even look at you.

Will you two
please shut the hell up?

Excuse me?

I've been listening to you
jackasses for 20 minutes.

Is a hot dog a sandwich?

Is a taco a sandwich?

Is a jelly doughnut
a sandwich?

Who cares?
We're all gonna die!

What's your problem,
Wheels?

Don't you call me that.

Oh, okay. Chair?

(levers click)

Sorry about that.

My friend's husband seems
to be missing.

Oh. You might want
to take a look around

and see if he's here.

We get a lot of angry
men eating alone.

I'm sure the Bloomin' Onion
cheers 'em up.

Hey, we don't offer
that product or anything

that infringes on
its trademark.

All right, let's
wrap up the apology.

I've got a sneeze
guard to wipe down.

- It's actually an amends.
- What's the difference?

Well, an apology is just
saying "I'm sorry."

An amends is an attempt

to actually change the way
you live your life.

- That's part of an apology.
- No, it's not.

- It is where I come from.
- No, no.

An apology is just
saying you're sorry.

You're not actually
doing anything.

Totally disagree.
A sincere desire

to change must be
included in any apology,

or it doesn't count.

No, see, the word "amends" comes

from the root word "mend,"
meaning "to repair."

So an amends is a...
an attempt to fix things.

Are you gonna stand
there and tell me

an apology doesn't fix things?

This got kind of intense.

Which is strange 'cause
I really don't care.

Look, I'm just trying
to work my program

so I can be more
spiritually evolved!

If you really want to make
a difference in the world,

how about you and I go
out to the parking lot,

you hop in your car
and run me over?

Hey, Nancy.

Marge!

Did another one of your lambs
lose their way?

(laughs)

Not officially one of mine,

but he's married to one of mine.

Adam Janikowski.

Do you guys still accept
the Discover Card?

Yeah. You should be getting the
friends and family discount.

Janikowski's ride's here.

Let me guess.
You nailed him on a 647?

Boy, you're good. Huh.

Could've had him
on a 415, too.

- A fight?
- Mm.

Who would fight a man
in a wheelchair?

Someone who got punched

in the face by a man
in a wheelchair.

Thanks for coming.

Sorry I called you
instead of Bonnie.

I just can't deal
with her right now.

Sometimes she makes me
so mad.

And you end up punching somebody
who doesn't deserve it.

Been there,
just never got caught.

Warning: I am not
having a good day.

Terrific,
and sitting next to me.

You can't whisper when the
person's right next to you.

It doesn't work.

She does it all the time.

What are you doing?

You're like a kid at the zoo
poking a stick through the bars.

First, Adam took off in
his stupid house-on-wheels,

and now he won't answer
my calls or my texts.

Marjorie isn't
answering my texts.

This one took my call
but was very distracted.

Hey, I was mid-amends with the
manager of the place I robbed.

He's an interesting guy.

Did you know the first steak
ever was served in Italy?

I'm guessing the first steak
ever was served

when a cow got hit
by lightning.

In Italy.

I just... I don't understand
why he's so upset.

And why is he shutting me out?

I'm in his corner
no matter what.

Did you let him know that
whatever he's feeling is okay,

and you can handle it?

While being patient
and understanding

with both looks
and your tone?

I don't know. Maybe.

I-I might have been
a little insensitive.

I can't be sure unless Marjorie
is here making a face at me.

The odds of you being
insensitive are pretty good.

That's very insensitive
of you to point that out.

Wait. Was that insensitive
or just annoying?

Where the hell
is Marjorie?!

This is nice.

- You got your own fortress of solitude.
- Yeah.

I felt like I needed
to be alone with my thoughts.

Then I thought,

"Now I'm alone
with my thoughts."

And then my thoughts said to me,

"Why are you leaving us alone
with you?"

And next thing you know,

I'm bailing you out
instead of your wife.

Yeah.

So what's going on?

Beats the hell out of me.

I started making my amends.

Number one on the list
is dead.

It knocked me sideways.

And then I got in my first
bar fight of our new century.

Mm. That still doesn't
help me understand

why you didn't call Bonnie.

Because Bonnie couldn't
understand why I was upset.

Uh, and neither can you.
(chuckles softly)

You know,
Bonnie's always talking

about how helpful you are.

Whe-When does that part
kick in?

When you get honest
about what's really going on.

Oh, that was good.

Well, one thing...
Might be it, might not...

I didn't tell her
the whole truth

about what happened
with Ashley.

You're gonna play it
that way, huh?

Okay.

We broke up
because I slept with somebody,

and that somebody
was her mother.

I'd appreciate if you wouldn't
look at me right now.

I'll stare into my coffee.
Go on.

I didn't sleep with her once.
I slept with her seven times.

You might want to grip your seat
for this moment.

There was one day
where I slept with them both.

How much of this
does Bonnie know?

Not much. There was some
heavy editing of the truth.

(sighs)
Oh.

I did this horrible thing
that I've lived with for years,

and now there's no way for me
to ever make amends to Ashley.

Not direct amends, but
you can make a living amends.

We don't do this to stay
in the guilt and shame.

We do this to move forward.

So, how do I do that?

You can start
by living differently

so that it never happens
with anyone else.

Well, I already do that.

Maybe part of living differently
is being honest with Bonnie.

Even if it's hard,
even if it hurts.

Oh, it's gonna hurt.

At this point,
it'll hurt either way.

Thanks... for being here.

If I can ever do anything
to repay you, like,

like...

You can loan me this thing next
time there's a music festival.

I can't even go anymore
'cause I have to pee too much.

So, to review...

You cheated on Ashley
with her mother,

you cheated on her
mother with Ashley,

you chose not to
tell me those facts,

you got arrested in a bar fight,

and then called Marjorie
instead of your loving wife.

To be fair, those events took
place over a 40-year period.

Still stings.

You're right.
I'll add you to the list.

No, no, you already have
a Bonnie on your list.

This one's gonna need jewelry.

I should have shared
with you first.

Why didn't you?

'Cause I was ashamed of myself.

Ashley and her mother
ended up not speaking,

and that was all on me.

Oh, honey.

You sit in those meetings,

and you hear all the ways that
people have hurt each other,

and you start thinking
about all the stuff

that you've done
that you're not proud of.

I mean, I felt so awful
about so many things.

And I...

started to worry, "How...

How can Bonnie ever feel
the same way about me again?"

I like the way you look at me.

I don't want that to change.

Oh...

After all the things you've
learned about me over the years,

how can I sit here
and judge you?

I mean, I love that
you have a past.

Your past is what's
made you you.

And-and it's something to talk
about if the cable goes out.

And... I am sorry if
I was a little hard on you

when you were being...

- Emotional?
- Yeah.

I'm happy to know
you're someone

who's capable
of remorse.

I mean, given that
half the world decided

shame is no longer
a thing anymore,

it's kind of refreshing.

Thank you.

And you know what else?

I think I owe you an amends.

Man, this amends thing
is just a carousel

- you can't get off, isn't it?
- Mm-hmm.

Are we seriously
eating here?

You all smell that,
don't you?

Oh, hi, Lou.
Table for four.

Are you messing with me?

My friends and I eat out
about 17 times a week,

so I figured we'd work you
into the rotation.

How about you go ahead and dust
off one of those tables for us?

Is this still part of
the whole apology thing?

Amends. Do not go there.
He will not yield.

All right, ladies,
follow me.

And I never said this, but skip
the surf, stick to the turf.

Your fish isn't fresh?

It's not even fish.

Where is she?
Where is she?

You look high,
I'll look low.

Geez, you think
they charge more for eye-level?

Probably.
It's like a grocery store.

I feel bad
for the bottom row.

Stuck down there
like the off-brand soda.

Their loved ones have to pop a
squat just to say "I miss you."

Think you could save the op-ed
for the drive home?

Yeah. Sorry.

Hey.

Here she is,
right next to her mother.

I bet they made up, huh?

I hope so.

I'll just put the flowers
in the little vase

and let you do your thing.

(quietly): By the way, he grew
up to be a really good man.

Hey, Ashley.

It's Adam.

Sync corrections by srjanapala