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♪
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00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,800
- Really good news.
- Love that.
3
00:00:16,842 --> 00:00:18,282
- We were able to get
you your talk show.
4
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,152
- NICOLE: [screaming]
5
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,634
About a month ago, me and
the girls were having lunch.
6
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,944
Actually, it was just a
couple of lychee martinis.
7
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:27,551
We were doing that
love-hate thing we do.
8
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,682
"I love you." "Bitch, please."
9
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:32,635
And it occurred to me that maybe
we should have a talk show.
10
00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:34,864
Wait, did I say "we"?
11
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:37,954
[laughing]
12
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,214
Gosh, the networks
really still love me.
13
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,426
- Full disclosure.
14
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,865
Uh, nobody really
knew who you were.
15
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:45,572
So, in order to make it work,
we just...we had to partner
16
00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,480
you up with one of
our top clients.
17
00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:49,265
- Well, I don't really wanna
be partnered up with anybody.
18
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,530
I mean, except Boris,
of course, if I have to.
19
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,793
- Hm, okay, well, I guess
I'll just call the network then
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and let them know you're not
interested in that 65 on-air
21
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:57,712
episode guarantee.
22
00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:58,713
- Sixty-five?
23
00:00:58,754 --> 00:00:59,714
- Mm-hm.
24
00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:00,795
Oh, you are the bomb.
25
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,853
- [laughing]
26
00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:04,718
- Who are they thinking-Foxx,
Fishburne, DiCaprio?
27
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,680
- Nope, this Negrio.
28
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:07,678
[laughing]
29
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,629
- Ew!
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♪ This is the life
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♪ We got the life
We got the life ♪
32
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♪ This is the city
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♪ Where we party
Every night ♪
34
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♪ Party every night
35
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♪ You and me
36
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,861
♪ Down and to go
37
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♪ Welcome to Hollywood
38
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- Trina, I don't think
this is gonna work.
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- Nicole...
40
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- Of course it's gonna work.
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All you gotta do is leave Boris.
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- You don't stop, do you?
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- Nicole, are you tellin' me
that you're gonna walk out on
44
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:33,955
a 130-episode guarantee?
45
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- Trina, you told me 65.
46
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- Girl, listen, the network
wants me so bad they upped
47
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it to 130.
48
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Called the Kevin Hart
Effect, baby.
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[clicking tongue]
50
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- Okay, I don't get it.
51
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,930
Why are you doing this?
52
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- What are you talking about?
53
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- You don't think I'm gonna
sleep with you, do you?
54
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,200
- Uh, yes, I do.
- Oh!
55
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- I'm joking, Nicole.
Nicole, I'm joking.
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- Then what do you
really want, Kevin?
57
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- What do you mean
what do I really want?
58
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- [heavy thud]
- Hey, oh...
59
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- Oh, God!
- Hey, honey.
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00:01:58,422 --> 00:01:59,862
- [Spanish accent]
Oh, my God, LisaRaye, thank
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you so much for putting
me on the ladies' show.
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Papi?
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00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:05,691
- Yes?
Who's my assistant?
64
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- Here's the deal.
65
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I'm goin' to Punta Cana with
some friends and I had to do
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00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,261
something to keep Charmagne
occupied for a couple of weeks.
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00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:12,695
So, I guess I'll see
you when I come back.
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00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:15,701
[laughing]
If I come back.
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00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:19,364
- WOMEN: [giggling]
- Okay, ladies, you know that
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I've been putting all my
positive energy into that talk
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show we've been in
discussions about.
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Well...
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- Oh, my God, you got it.
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00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:26,965
- Yeah!
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[laughing]
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- ALL:
[screaming, laughing]
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- Oh, my God!
- Shut up!
78
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,629
Is she serious?
79
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- When you said that you were
gonna get your own talk show,
80
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:34,369
I was like, "Well, who would
give her a talk show?"
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00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:35,975
- Girl, forget all of that.
82
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,235
When do we start, 'cause I'm
tryin' to get that new Bentley
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that's comin' out.
84
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:39,636
- Hey, when are they
gonna call our agents?
85
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,641
I have to warn you
my quotes are high.
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00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,253
- Look, you ain't
gotta call my agent.
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Call me directly 'cause I-
- Ladies!
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Let's not get ahead
of ourselves, okay?
89
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,470
- Okay, but how can we get
ahead of ourselves, Nicole?
90
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,077
I mean, you did pitch the show
with all of us, right?
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00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:54,607
- NICOLE: Yes, but in order
to get it done, I had to pick
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00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:55,912
someone from outside
of our circle.
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- Oh, they want a
White girl, huh?
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- Well, that's me, of course.
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- Girl, you ain't White.
Nicole is whiter than you.
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00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,305
- Yes, but I-
- I'm just light-skinned.
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00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:06,577
- ALL: [arguing
over each other]
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00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,061
- NICOLE: Ladies!
It's Charmagne.
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- Charmagne?
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- Hold, hold, hold, hold-
Kevin's ratchet side piece
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Charmagne?
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- Yes.
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00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,407
- Why the hell
would you do that?
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00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:17,066
- Because Kevin
is the producer.
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- Wait a minute-my Kevin?
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00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,199
- Bridgette, he's
not yours anymore.
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00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:20,202
We've all had him.
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00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,463
Get over it.
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- Unh-unh, no, no, no.
Correction.
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Everybody has not had him.
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- And I don't want him.
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00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,155
- Hey, we all know Kevin
is a whore, okay,
113
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but that's not the point.
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The point is I'm sorry,
I just...
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My hands were tied.
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They told me that if I didn't
go with her, there was going to
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be no show.
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- Nicole, you don't
have to apologize.
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We get it.
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00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,263
Now obviously you have chosen
me, so who are the other two?
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- Uh, skirt, what do
you mean "obviously".
122
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,475
- Right.
- Well, I'm her BFF.
123
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:44,307
- We've been in jail together.
124
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- We've seasoned together.
125
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,655
- I am so sorry, I-
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- ALL: [arguing over
top of each other]
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- Hi!
128
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,582
- Hey!
129
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:54,062
- Lola Michelle just released
their new limited Resort
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Collection bag.
131
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Do you like?
132
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- I love it!
133
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,371
- Well, that's good
because this is yours.
134
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,023
- No!
135
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,106
Ha! Ha!
136
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,895
- Girls, who is
this elderly woman?
137
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,251
- I have no idea.
138
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,510
But from the looks
of her crow's feet,
139
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,122
she's definitely
of Nicole's era.
140
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:11,952
Sorry, Salli, no offense.
141
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:13,080
- I ain't worried.
I look better than all of y'all.
142
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:16,302
- Look, that's
Holly Robinson Peete.
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00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,693
- BOTH: Who?
144
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,165
- You know, from "21 Jump
Street" and "The Talk."
145
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,085
- And "Hangin' with
Mr. Cooper" and "For Your Love"
146
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,180
and "Mike & Molly."
147
00:04:23,219 --> 00:04:25,179
She's taken every part that I've
wanted for the last 20 years,
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00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:29,311
including the part of
Mrs. Rodney Peete.
149
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:30,356
- Oh, you mad.
150
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,580
- SALLI: She don't know.
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00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:34,359
- Wait a second, is
that Salli with an "i"
152
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:35,364
Richardson hyphen Whitfield?
153
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,055
Girl, where have you been?
154
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,972
I don't see you at
auditions anymore.
155
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,107
Are you still in the business?
156
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,929
- [laughing]
Oh, Holly, you know I am.
157
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:43,537
I'm a director now.
158
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:47,417
- Oh, you gave up on
the acting thing.
159
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,981
- Cuts like a knife.
160
00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,027
- All right, ladies, I would
like you to meet my very dear
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BFF, Holly Robinson Peete.
162
00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,904
- Hi.
163
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:55,896
- This is Nadine.
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00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:56,987
That's Bridgette.
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00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:58,205
And Eva.
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00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,564
And you know Salli.
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00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,263
- Hi.
168
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,391
- I'm just tryin' to figure
out what she's doin' here,
169
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,873
'cause I don't really-
170
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:05,963
- I almost forgot.
171
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:12,361
I have Lola for you,
Lola for you.
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00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:15,099
Ready, mama, Lola for you.
173
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,360
- How sweet is
Holly Robinson Peete?
174
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,674
Love her.
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00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,320
- Here are your cards
with the topics for your
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00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,374
auditions tomorrow.
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00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:23,369
- OTHERS: Auditions?
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00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,720
- Wait. What?
179
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,409
- You don't want me to play
favorites, do you?
180
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,456
- OTHERS: Yes!
181
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:28,591
- Where's my card?
182
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,032
- You don't need one.
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00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,028
What Trump shoulda told ya-
184
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:32,589
- BOTH: You're hired!
185
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:33,856
- What do you mean she's hired?
186
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:36,418
- Why do we have to audition,
but not her?
187
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:38,426
- Which one of you little
glorified day players has ever
188
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,778
had your own talk show?
189
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:44,607
That's what I thought.
190
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:45,608
- You know what?
191
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:46,609
I'ma tell Kevin.
192
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,610
- Go right ahead.
193
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,741
He gave me carte blanche.
194
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:52,664
- Look, I don't care what kinda
watch he gave you, Kevin Hart
195
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:56,180
can't have anything with his
name on it and leave me out.
196
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,045
- Listen, Nicole, either we're
all on the show or none of
197
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,046
us are.
198
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:00,057
We are not auditioning.
199
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,928
- What?
- Right, ladies?
200
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,450
- OTHERS: Right!
- Let's go.
201
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,103
And, Holly, you can
keep that damn purse.
202
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:06,667
- Unh-unh-unh-unh, cobalt blue
is everything this season, girl.
203
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,902
- Salli Richardson-Whitfield.
204
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,938
- Well, look who's here.
205
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,034
- Snake-ass Salli.
206
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,472
- Mm-hm.
207
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:21,118
- Miss Either-We-All-Get-the-
Job-Or-No-One-Does.
208
00:06:21,163 --> 00:06:23,823
Girl, you are as fake as
those teeth.
209
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,301
- You mean the ones I'll be
flashing on camera when I get
210
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,301
this job?
211
00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,652
[laughing]
212
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:30,481
- Girl, just sign in and
sit your beige ass down.
213
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,960
- I prefer "pecan."
214
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:38,695
Un momentito por favor.
215
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:41,136
Chad!
216
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,233
Please.
Moisture.
217
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,362
- Who is this?
218
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,544
- Her bitch.
219
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,539
- So, are you ladies
ready to audition?
220
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,242
- Yes!
- Yes.
221
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,239
- Cool.
222
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,410
Then let the Hunger Games begin!
223
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,545
- [heavy thud]
- [gasping]
224
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:58,029
- Who died and made
that bitch Oprah?
225
00:06:58,069 --> 00:07:00,419
- And another thing that's so
amazing about this rejuvenating
226
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,513
cream is that it has
no nasty sulphites.
227
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,732
I mean, who really wants that?
228
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:10,302
This stuff is so natural,
you can actually eat it.
229
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:11,612
[gagging]
[coughs]
230
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,218
Okay. Okay, I lied.
231
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,258
This is nasty.
232
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:15,393
All right, let's cut
the [bleep].
233
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,385
Director, bring the
camera in closer.
234
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,438
Now do you see my skin-
how nice and even it is?
235
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:22,494
Do you know what products I use?
236
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,489
It's called "I'm only 29."
237
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:27,622
I mean, let's just be honest,
ladies, if you're over 35,
238
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:29,674
baby, you're screwed.
239
00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,630
I mean, the only options you
really have now are plastic
240
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:35,499
surgery or Spanx-for your face.
241
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,682
- Today, we have guest chef
and author of "The Single Girl's
242
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,419
Guide to Cooking,"
Allison Brown.
243
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,640
Allison, what are we
cookin' today?
244
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,600
- Well, I've whipped up a meal
that any single girl can make
245
00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:48,379
when there's no time to prepare
something extravagant, a meal
246
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:51,514
you can make in 20 minutes
for that special someone.
247
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,388
- Twenty minutes?
248
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,519
When my guy comes over for
a booty call, he ain't givin'
249
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,612
no time for none of this.
250
00:07:57,651 --> 00:08:01,701
I would take some of these green
things, some raw chicken,
251
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:04,752
a sweet potato and you have
the makings of a perfect power
252
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,618
smoothie to boost my
man's stamina.
253
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:13,581
- [blender whirring]
- I like this.
254
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,633
It feels good.
255
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,720
- Oh!
256
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:22,629
[gasping]
- It's so good!
257
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:24,716
It's so good!
258
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,635
- In this segment, I'm
gonna show you ladies how
259
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:27,810
to protect yourselves.
260
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,415
I'll need help from
one of our PAs.
261
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,595
Help me, Jesus.
262
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:32,601
Ah, Jesus!
263
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,602
Don't you look great.
264
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:34,733
- Actually, it's "Hey-sus."
265
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:37,595
- Actually, it's spelled
"J-e-s-u-s."
266
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,077
That's Jesus.
267
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,517
Now, ladies, how many times
has this happened to you?
268
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:43,784
You're in the club chillin' with
your girls and your drink,
269
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:46,607
havin' a good time, and this
broke mother [bleep] here
270
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:47,696
comes up to you
wantin' to dance,
271
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,314
tappin' you on your shoulder.
272
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:52,265
You don't touch me!
273
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,714
This is how you handle that
very threatening situation.
274
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,451
Tap me, Jesus.
275
00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,843
- [heavy thud]
- Oh, Jesus!
276
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,537
- Oh, now your name is Jesus.
277
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,634
- [groaning]
- Don't even know what an Asian
278
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,723
is doin' with an
Hispanic name anyway.
279
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,292
- Are you ready to try
a little pole dancing?
280
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,720
- Well, I haven't done it
before, so I'll give it a try.
281
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:11,766
Are you gonna show me something?
282
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,342
- Okay. Simple.
283
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,595
Okay. Your turn.
284
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,818
- All right, let
me give it a shot.
285
00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:24,827
[laughing]
286
00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:37,748
♪
287
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,804
- Hm, how was that?
288
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,760
- You know, Nicole, they're
actually all pretty good.
289
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,579
Which one are you gonna pick?
290
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:45,627
- [tsk'ing]
I don't know.
291
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:49,332
It depends on who
the network likes.
292
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:50,761
[laughing]
293
00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:51,807
- Well, actually, Nicole,
the decision is all yours.
294
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:53,642
- I know.
295
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,680
I'm just tryin' to
make you feel useful.
296
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:55,814
[laughing]
297
00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,596
Do you have
any more meaningless,
298
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,690
clever notes to
feed to my shredder?
299
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,120
- Ever since the North Koreans
hacked into my email, and these
300
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:07,127
talentless, back-stabbing,
out-of-work whores learned that
301
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:10,131
I was referring to them as
talentless, back-stabbing,
302
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:13,614
out-of-work whores, they've been
walking around talking to me
303
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,656
like I give a damn about
their little show.
304
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:20,622
Oh, and I do have one
more wicked little note.
305
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:24,583
This show should be
called "Rat Chat."
306
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,104
Take that, mother [bleep].
307
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:32,892
- It is "turn up," grandma.
308
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:33,886
Get it right.
309
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:35,587
- Thank you.
310
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,065
- On today's turn up topic,
we're discussing the
311
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:42,986
Metropolitan Museum of Art's
decision to put on an exhibit
312
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,993
on American pop culture
featuring Kim Kardashian
313
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,686
and her infamous derriere.
314
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,134
- Oh, Kim!
315
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,960
- Unh-unh, I don't eat
derriere, okay?
316
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,039
I am lactose intolerant.
317
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,047
- Let's just stay on topic.
318
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,049
- I heard that they're gonna
put it right next to the
319
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,921
Martin Luther King Jr.
exhibit.
320
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,752
- Hm.
321
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:01,790
- They're gonna call it
"Turn the Other Cheek."
322
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:02,875
- I love that!
323
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,843
- That's like a good play
on words.
324
00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,802
- I'm not hating on Kanye,
but I think Kim could have
325
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:08,931
done better.
326
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,892
- I love Reggie Bush.
327
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,851
But then again I always have had
a weakness for Trojan men.
328
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:15,070
- Wow.
329
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:17,149
- I'm a Magnum girl, myself.
330
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,938
- Try out the Lifestyle.
331
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:20,202
- Ladies, ladies!
332
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:23,124
Unlike your legs, can we keep
it together?
333
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,810
- Oh!
334
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:27,558
- I think what Nicole is trying
to get us to do is to talk about
335
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:30,819
Kim K. and discuss is she
a worthy role model.
336
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,784
- No!
337
00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,002
- Me, personally, I think that
Kim Kardashian is a great role
338
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,301
model.
339
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,956
I think that she should be in
the Mausoleum.
340
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:39,791
- So you want her dead.
341
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:40,789
- No, Nicole Richie, I'm saying
that I want you dead.
342
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,790
Don't start with me.
343
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,141
- You know what?
344
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,660
What's the big deal about
Kim Kardashian's ass?
345
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,534
I mean, why didn't they put
Bridgette Hart's ass up in
346
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:47,965
the museum?
- Why not?
347
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:48,971
- 'Cause this is
all the way real.
348
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,672
- She's got a point.
349
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,800
- I mean, she's got
a very nice ass.
350
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,192
- You know what?
351
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:54,885
Miss Bridgette actually
really has a great point.
352
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,671
- Thank you.
353
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,886
- The African-American booty
is the gold standard in
354
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,806
the community, correct?
355
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:02,811
- Mm-hm.
356
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:03,982
- And it took Kim K.
357
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:04,987
to make it cross over.
358
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,808
Why is that, people, why?
359
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,417
- Because she's White.
360
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:10,817
- Let's go back to our sponsor
and take a commercial break.
361
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:15,910
When we come back, we'll learn
how to take the hood out of all
362
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:18,042
of these rats.
363
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:19,905
- ALL: [mixed conversations]
364
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,126
- I don't know
about you guys,
365
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,955
but I think we did a
great job together.
366
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,924
I think we should
all do the show.
367
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,052
- Well, why don't we tell all
of this to your crazy ass friend
368
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,045
who's been keepin' us
waitin' for three hours.
369
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,227
- Unh-unh.
370
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,142
- I'm done with this [bleep].
371
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:33,136
- Ooh, get her, Salli.
372
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:35,837
- Salli's on game.
373
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,015
- Nicole?
374
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,020
- Mm-hm?
375
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,721
- We need a decision.
376
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,059
- Nicole, I think everybody
should do the show.
377
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:44,548
- Holly, baby, you got
it toughen up, girl.
378
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,899
Everybody can't do anything
in this town. [snaps fingers]
379
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:48,160
You and Leah Remini should
know better than anyone.
380
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,992
- Who is in and who is out?
381
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,070
- I don't know.
382
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,158
I haven't made up my mind yet.
383
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,246
You know what?
384
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,864
Come by my house
tomorrow afternoon.
385
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:55,954
Maybe I'll know by then.
386
00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:59,912
In the meantime, get lost.
387
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:02,833
Oo-wee, biscuits 'n gravy.
388
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:09,959
Chad, where have you been
all my life-ife-ife-ife?
389
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,966
- [doorbell ringing]
- Is she remodeling?
390
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:13,919
- Oh, no.
391
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,057
- I know Nicole didn't get...
392
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:17,008
[unintelligible].
393
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:18,057
- No, there's something wrong.
- Hi, ladies.
394
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,891
- Hi, Holly.
395
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:20,929
- Come on in.
396
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:21,984
[laughing]
397
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,108
- Well, what's for lunch?
Paint?
398
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,370
- Oh, Bridge.
399
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,682
No, you know I'm gonna
feed you well, girl.
400
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:29,068
[laughing]
You all look so beautiful today.
401
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,112
- Yeah, cut the crap.
402
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,067
Have you made a decision yet?
403
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,765
- No, I haven't.
404
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:38,033
My brain has just been consumed
with this remodeling project.
405
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,558
There's so much to do.
406
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:42,301
There's rooms to paint and
floors to sand and decks to
407
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:46,093
build and the construction crew
just up and left.
408
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:49,309
I don't know how I'm gonna get
around to it.
409
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,870
- Why's she talkin' like
the Queen of English
410
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,437
of all a sudden?
411
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,093
- I don't know, but I know
this heifer don't think we about
412
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,877
to remodel her house.
413
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:59,102
- Well, the tarp
is already down.
414
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,752
Takers?
415
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:04,146
To tell you the truth, I already
know who's not gonna make it.
416
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:07,061
But my contractor walked out on
me and Boris is only good at
417
00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:08,627
using one tool.
418
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:12,113
I know it's wrong, but I just
love watching these uppity
419
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,065
bitches tap dance for me.
420
00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:15,594
[laughing]
421
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,076
and get them little
varmints ready for school.
422
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,042
Unbelievable.
423
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,340
Hi, Deej.
Unh-unh.
424
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,998
Bridgette did what?
When?
425
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,313
This afternoon?
Oh, no, no.
426
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:32,568
Oh, no, Deej, you don't.
427
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,310
You don't have to hurt anybody.
428
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:34,310
No, unh-unh.
429
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:37,351
I'm on it right now.
430
00:14:37,398 --> 00:14:39,358
I owe you one, girl.
431
00:14:41,576 --> 00:14:44,096
- Please welcome the
broads of "Broad Talk."
432
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:48,024
I am your host,
Holly Robinson Peete.
433
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:52,501
- Holly Robinson Peete,
my BFF, back-stabbin',
434
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:54,073
fake ass friend.
435
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,500
Happy Kwanzaa.
436
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:58,586
- Toughen up? Toughen up?
437
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:02,206
Well, now I'm the host of
the show and you're not.
438
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,949
Is that tough enough
for you, Nicole?
439
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,521
[clapping hands]
440
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:10,038
Go long, Chad, go long.
441
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,483
- Hey, Trina, how's it goin'?
442
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:17,221
- Hey, Nicole, um...
443
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,614
- I wanna know what the [bleep]
is goin' on over here.
444
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:22,437
- Um...
The network didn't like you.
445
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:24,136
Uh, "hate" was the word they
actually used.
446
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:25,234
- Really?
447
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:28,322
What didn't they "like"
about me?
448
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,322
- They didn't feel like you had
chemistry with the other girls.
449
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:32,284
- Pffft! Who gives a [bleep]?
450
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,242
It's my show.
451
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,021
- Well, not anymore.
452
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,415
They've decided to move on
in another direction.
453
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,369
- Oh, the other direction.
454
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,366
I see.
455
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,377
This is unbelievable.
456
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,988
Get Kevin in the phone.
457
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:43,809
Does he know about this?
Get him on the phone.
458
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,545
- Nicole-
- Call Kevin.
459
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:46,546
- It's done.
460
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,117
- Now.
461
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:51,394
- Okay. Sure.
462
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:55,128
- Let's get to the bottom
of this right now.
463
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,261
- Hey, what?
464
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,174
I'm on vacation.
Did you fire Nicole yet?
465
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,698
- Fire me?
- She's here.
466
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,222
- I thought you had
my back, Kev.
467
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,085
I thought we were partners.
468
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,267
- Yeah, but me and
Charmagne are lovers
469
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:06,792
and she can't stand you.
470
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,095
Look, the network gave me
a two-year commitment if I got
471
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:11,271
rid of you, so I got rid of you.
472
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:12,318
All right, guys, I've gotta go.
473
00:16:12,362 --> 00:16:14,412
Toodle-loo.
474
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,021
- Hey, that was mine.
475
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,062
- Hold up. Hold up.
- And who are you?
476
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,237
- CHAD: [laughing]
I'm the line producer.
477
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,553
- Great.
478
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,239
Well, walk your ass in
a line and go produce me
479
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,246
a cup of coffee.
480
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,198
!¡Señoritas!
481
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:30,287
Ladies, I am filled with so much
gratitude.
482
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,467
Thank you for filling in for me.
483
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,122
Let's roll, cameras, fellas.
484
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,336
Roll the damn cameras.
485
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:38,255
Hi, I'm Nicole Ari Parker
and welcome to "Broad Talk"
486
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:41,301
where, from now on, I'll be
the only broad talking.
487
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,608
Let's start with the new hidden
camera segment called
488
00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:47,144
"Back Stabbing Bitches."
489
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,750
Let's get a tight shot
of this, fellas.
490
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,531
And playback!
491
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,746
- You know the only reason
Charmagne and her fake-ass
492
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,356
accent are on the show
is 'cause she's sleepin'
493
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:58,056
with Kevin.
494
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,154
But that'll all be over as soon
as Kevin finds out that while
495
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:02,723
he's in Punta Cana, she's been
givin' her poon to the Chad.
496
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,500
- ALL: Oh!
497
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,325
- Runnin' around.
498
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:07,163
- You need to mind
your business.
499
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,590
- Let's stay on topic.
500
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,727
- We'll I'd be a hoe, too,
'cause, Chad, that boy's fine.
501
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:12,809
He can have my Punta, too.
502
00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:14,207
- [laughing]
- I...I said I would.
503
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,690
- Oh, so you had him, too.
504
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:17,511
- I'd give, not I gave.
505
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,208
- But, wait, there's more.
506
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:22,425
- Girl, they are not
gonna pick Salli, okay?
507
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,606
Her ass is way too old.
508
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:24,611
- What?
509
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,522
- Shhh. Wait for it.
510
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:27,257
- I don't know.
They're pretty tight.
511
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:28,347
- Tight?
512
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:31,305
She's not tight with
the network.
513
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,364
Between me and you, I sent her
birth certificate to them.
514
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,529
- Boom!
515
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:36,794
- And, uh, it was on
a stone tablet.
516
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,578
- That's just evil,
little girl.
517
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,322
- First of all, you've been
working for the last 78 years.
518
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:44,193
Can you give somebody
else a job, please?
519
00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:45,667
- You wish you could
work that long.
520
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,366
- Give somebody else a chance.
521
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,374
- Again, so watch it.
522
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,496
- Scratch Bridgette from
the show.
523
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,157
She's on parole.
524
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,161
- OTHERS: [gasping]
- Are you serious? For what?
525
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:57,163
- A fight backstage during
the hair show in Atlanta.
526
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,336
She, nor her weave, are supposed
to leave Georgia.
527
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,252
- NICOLE: [laughing]
528
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:06,477
- Bitch, no, you didn't put
my business in the street.
529
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,170
- Your business is
all over the street.
530
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,477
Your business is the street.
531
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,533
- Oh, well, fat lady
is about to sing.
532
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,179
- Girl, there ain't no way that
12-year-old boy Eva is gettin'
533
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:16,573
this job.
534
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:19,577
Not after I tell Nicole
that she was hittin' on Boris.
535
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:20,580
- Boris is gay?
536
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,361
- Oh. [fake sobbing]
537
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:23,745
- Just because you cannot be
as beautiful as me, bitch,
538
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,368
you gon' lie?
539
00:18:25,408 --> 00:18:27,238
- You can't just keep sleeping
with everyone.
540
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,410
People find out.
541
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:32,325
- I do not [bleep] AARP
members. Period.
542
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:33,422
- I think that they're
using it because-
543
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:36,380
- And now for
the coup de grace...
544
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,469
You know, I'm just sorry you
spent all that money on those
545
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,418
expensive hand bags.
546
00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:42,207
- HOLLY: [laughing]
No need to be sorry.
547
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:45,301
Those bags are as fake as
Nadine's SAG card.
548
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,341
- NICOLE: [screaming]
- I'm ready to fight!
549
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,607
- Boo-yah!
550
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:55,610
- ALL: [all shouting
over each other]
551
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,216
- NICOLE: It's like you said,
Salli, either all of us are on
552
00:18:57,266 --> 00:19:01,876
the show, or none of us!
553
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,533
I tried.
554
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:05,407
- This is just great.
555
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:08,758
This is exactly the kind of
drama we have been missing.
556
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,669
Oh, my God,
we're gonna be a hit.
557
00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:19,025
- [arguments continue]
- Well, I guess it's all of us.
558
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:29,300
Chad!
559
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:34,092
♪
40001
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