Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:10,370
No one ever imagined
we would make it this far.
2
00:00:10,455 --> 00:00:15,424
♪ I guess all the mountains that
I moved just weren't enough ♪
3
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:19,186
♪ And all those nights
I walked you home ♪
4
00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,528
♪ From crowded bars
when you were drunk ♪
5
00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:23,668
Incision-less surgeries,
4D imaging,
6
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,846
mechanical organs,
stem cell therapy...
7
00:00:28,198 --> 00:00:32,460
♪ And I just wonder what
it'd take to make you stay ♪
8
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,659
♪ 'Cause when you said jump,
I said how high ♪
9
00:00:39,986 --> 00:00:41,035
♪ But when I jumped,
you said goodbye ♪
10
00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:44,079
Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,
11
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,300
unimaginable
until it was achieved.
12
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:50,612
♪ I would've walked through hell ♪
13
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,988
And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.
14
00:00:54,073 --> 00:00:56,690
Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,
15
00:00:57,134 --> 00:00:59,456
your ABG's improved,
16
00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:02,007
your RSBI
looks promising,
17
00:01:02,139 --> 00:01:03,964
and oxygen requirements
have decreased.
18
00:01:04,049 --> 00:01:05,536
If you keep this up,
19
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:08,222
I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.
20
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:10,831
Because
the other side of the unimaginable
21
00:01:10,915 --> 00:01:12,065
is death.
22
00:01:12,149 --> 00:01:13,730
And the pain
that comes with loss.
23
00:01:13,815 --> 00:01:14,937
Dr. Altman?
24
00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:17,026
♪ Without you here tonight
25
00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:18,767
Bailey said
you'd need some help
26
00:01:18,851 --> 00:01:21,074
covering the COVID ICU
since...
27
00:01:21,158 --> 00:01:24,729
- since we lost...
- Yeah, uh... uh, o-okay.
28
00:01:24,813 --> 00:01:27,363
- Thank you.
- ♪ Nothing I can do
29
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:30,605
♪ 'Cause
you don't wanna try ♪
30
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:32,868
And that side
never stops coming.
31
00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:35,001
We need some good news,
Meredith.
32
00:01:35,085 --> 00:01:35,901
Please, just...
33
00:01:35,986 --> 00:01:39,527
- we really need some good news.
- ♪ I would've walked through hell ♪
34
00:01:39,612 --> 00:01:41,485
♪ To find another way
35
00:01:41,619 --> 00:01:44,792
♪ I would've laid me down
36
00:01:44,877 --> 00:01:47,100
- ♪ If I knew that you would stay ♪
- It's you again!
37
00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:50,712
♪ I would've crossed the stars
38
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:53,019
♪ To keep you in my life
39
00:01:53,103 --> 00:01:56,457
♪ But now I'm falling hard
40
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:58,546
♪ Without you here tonight
41
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:01,183
Captioning provided by
ABC Studios and ABC, Inc.
42
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,267
*GERY'S ANATOMY*
Season 17 Episode 08
43
00:02:03,393 --> 00:02:04,723
Aired on:
March 18, 2021
44
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:06,254
Episode Title:
"It's All Too Much"
45
00:02:08,118 --> 00:02:09,731
You going in today?
46
00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,179
Day off.
47
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:18,261
Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?
48
00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:20,481
Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.
49
00:02:20,565 --> 00:02:22,178
Mm, I have wrapped my head
50
00:02:22,262 --> 00:02:23,440
around the concept,
yeah.
51
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:27,488
I need joy in my life.
52
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,332
Val died,
53
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,727
and DeLuca...
54
00:02:33,269 --> 00:02:35,100
I can't even say it yet.
55
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:38,341
And I physically have
no more room left in my body
56
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:39,341
for sadness.
57
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:43,779
So I am switching specialties
to OB
58
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:47,203
and all I need from you
is encouragement.
59
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:48,813
You thought
I would judge you for that?
60
00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:51,005
I literally spend all day
every day at work
61
00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:52,621
wanting to
walk out that door
62
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,725
just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months
63
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:56,971
until there's a vaccine.
64
00:02:57,056 --> 00:02:59,693
There's not gonna be a vaccine
in three months.
65
00:02:59,778 --> 00:03:01,043
I'm sorry...
you just said no judging.
66
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:04,046
I know,
but that's just ridiculous.
67
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:07,677
Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?
68
00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:08,833
Yes.
69
00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:10,997
- Wow.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:16,102
What was that?
71
00:03:16,186 --> 00:03:17,712
In lieu of confetti.
72
00:03:21,495 --> 00:03:25,285
♪ I walked outside and got
kissed with a gentle breeze ♪
73
00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:28,375
♪ The sunshine and roses
gave me everything I need ♪
74
00:03:28,481 --> 00:03:30,098
- ♪ I feel alive
- You okay?
75
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:31,989
No.
76
00:03:32,202 --> 00:03:33,858
The kids loved Andrew.
77
00:03:33,943 --> 00:03:35,396
He used to
play his guitar for them
78
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:36,896
and teach them songs
in Italian.
79
00:03:36,981 --> 00:03:38,755
He brought gelato
to every birthday.
80
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,309
And every half-birthday.
81
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:42,949
Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.
82
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:46,262
I'm just so sorry.
83
00:03:46,346 --> 00:03:47,437
For all of you.
84
00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:49,285
Aunt Maggie!
It's your turn!
85
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,059
Okay, Zozo.
86
00:03:52,352 --> 00:03:53,483
I'll be there.
87
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,817
Know what?
88
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,516
I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.
89
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:00,919
Ndugu moves.
What do you say, Zola?
90
00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:02,191
- Gimme a shot?
- Yeah!
91
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,294
- Alright. Make room.
- ♪ Lucky today
92
00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:05,379
Unh!
93
00:04:11,589 --> 00:04:13,507
- ♪ I'm feeling lucky today Hey!
- Yeah?
94
00:04:13,695 --> 00:04:15,482
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
95
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,250
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
96
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:19,848
- Ooh, ooh! Come on!
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling... ♪
97
00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:23,589
And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.
98
00:04:26,604 --> 00:04:28,261
Do you think
that was okay?
99
00:04:28,345 --> 00:04:31,700
It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.
100
00:04:31,809 --> 00:04:33,222
Nothing's "okay."
101
00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:36,617
But funerals
no longer exist, so...
102
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:38,398
Do you want me
to record yours?
103
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:40,224
I'm, um...
104
00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:42,971
Yeah, just, um...
105
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,169
No.
106
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:47,465
And, uh, later today,
107
00:04:47,565 --> 00:04:48,928
I need you to meet a team...
108
00:04:49,012 --> 00:04:50,637
...from county
at the loading dock.
109
00:04:50,769 --> 00:04:52,115
We're giving them PPE.
110
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,090
They're wearing trash bags
over there.
111
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:57,812
Mm.
112
00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:59,770
Do we have extra PPE?
113
00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:02,469
We have more than others.
Which is extra.
114
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,297
When was the last timeyou were home?
115
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:05,820
Hunt! Yeah, Altman.
Come in.
116
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:07,604
Meredith's stable.
117
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,004
I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings today.
118
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:11,919
I'm hopeful.
119
00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:13,523
Hunt,
how are we with beds?
120
00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:17,484
The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.
121
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:21,365
Morale is pretty low
with DeLuca...
122
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,750
It's hit everyone
pretty hard.
123
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:26,426
Well, I expect
DeLuca's autopsy results
124
00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,114
by the end of the day.
125
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,367
You asked for his results?
Why?
126
00:05:31,451 --> 00:05:33,064
Andrew DeLuca
was one of our own.
127
00:05:33,148 --> 00:05:34,841
Obviously,
something went wrong.
128
00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:36,111
I want to know what that was.
129
00:05:38,357 --> 00:05:39,645
That's all.
130
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:48,341
Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.
131
00:05:48,425 --> 00:05:49,989
Well after I could have done
132
00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:52,707
something to change the outcome.
133
00:05:53,425 --> 00:05:55,125
Shut the door
on your way out.
134
00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:56,770
Yes?
135
00:05:58,739 --> 00:05:59,830
Yeah.
136
00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:01,426
Alright.
137
00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:04,325
Dr. Connor to the ICU.
138
00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,254
Thank youfor coming with me.
139
00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:07,735
I wouldn't miss it.
140
00:06:08,343 --> 00:06:09,521
I have privileges,
right?
141
00:06:09,606 --> 00:06:10,973
My department,
my world.
142
00:06:11,058 --> 00:06:12,367
Dr. Gruber to the OR.
143
00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,292
- Helm, what do we got?
- Dr. Gruber to the OR.
144
00:06:14,387 --> 00:06:18,396
Byron Gibbis, 52, found
passed out on his front porch.
145
00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:20,833
He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.
146
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:22,271
Rapid COVID was negative,
147
00:06:22,356 --> 00:06:24,529
no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.
148
00:06:24,614 --> 00:06:25,903
Let's add a cardiac CT.
149
00:06:26,012 --> 00:06:27,669
Um, do you work here?
150
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:28,779
Dr. Winston Ndugu,
151
00:06:28,864 --> 00:06:30,380
cardiothoracic surgeon
from Tufts.
152
00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:32,114
He's got Osler's nodes.
153
00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:38,344
Oh, my God.
My God.
154
00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,725
Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.
155
00:06:40,809 --> 00:06:42,116
You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance...
156
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,099
- Get away from me!
- Okay...
157
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:44,561
No, I'm serious.
Everybody back up, okay?
158
00:06:44,645 --> 00:06:46,217
I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?
159
00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:48,441
- Sir, please just...
- Everybody here is sick.
160
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:49,661
Oh, God.
161
00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:51,935
Okay, Byron,
I know that this is a shock
162
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,263
and I know
that you're scared,
163
00:06:53,348 --> 00:06:54,670
but if we don't get
a look at your heart,
164
00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:56,021
you may not make it home.
165
00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:57,427
We have all been tested.
166
00:06:57,512 --> 00:06:59,591
If you need a mask
or if you need a face shield,
167
00:06:59,676 --> 00:07:00,819
we can get you
whatever you need.
168
00:07:00,903 --> 00:07:02,803
But, please, just stay.
169
00:07:02,887 --> 00:07:04,489
I was so good.
170
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:05,850
I didn't go anywhere.
171
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,496
Let's get you ready
for CT.
172
00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:14,341
One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister
173
00:07:14,426 --> 00:07:17,383
and his family
and what a great guy he was.
174
00:07:17,957 --> 00:07:19,864
Next minute,
I'm filled with guilt.
175
00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:21,213
Then I'm filled with rage.
176
00:07:21,347 --> 00:07:22,856
That a person could
177
00:07:24,082 --> 00:07:27,004
Do that
to another human being.
178
00:07:27,434 --> 00:07:30,458
I'm scared. Hopeless.
Sometimes numb.
179
00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:32,130
I can always go back
to guilt.
180
00:07:32,215 --> 00:07:34,096
Guilt is my go-to.
181
00:07:34,512 --> 00:07:37,099
My go-to is numb.
182
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,871
Wow.
183
00:07:39,185 --> 00:07:41,747
Did you just describe
exactly what was wrong
184
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:43,740
with our relationship
in only five words?
185
00:07:45,191 --> 00:07:47,474
I think maybe
I just did.
186
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,207
I just...
DeLuca. I...
187
00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:59,072
I-I just can't
get my head around it.
188
00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,559
What is this?
189
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:10,784
Looks like whiskey.
190
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,934
Mm, what was it doing
191
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,224
on the top shelf behind
the fancy candlesticks?
192
00:08:15,308 --> 00:08:16,841
What were you doing
on the top shelf
193
00:08:16,926 --> 00:08:17,965
behind the fancy
candlesticks?
194
00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:19,228
Are you drunk?
195
00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:20,543
It's 9:00 in the morning.
196
00:08:20,661 --> 00:08:22,187
Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.
197
00:08:22,271 --> 00:08:24,895
Yeah, well, not me,
Amelia.
198
00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:27,061
I live at home
with four kids.
199
00:08:27,146 --> 00:08:29,586
Sometimes late at night...
200
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,718
...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.
201
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:32,980
We're in a pandemic.
202
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:35,722
You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?
203
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,232
Do youhear yourself?
204
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,638
Hiding alcohol
is an objectively bad sign.
205
00:08:39,723 --> 00:08:41,641
Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.
206
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:43,469
If you have a problem,
you can talk to me.
207
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:45,906
I'm, like, literally
the best person in the world
208
00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:48,129
- you could talk to.
- Do you know stressed out I am?
209
00:08:48,213 --> 00:08:49,162
All the time?
210
00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:51,092
And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,
211
00:08:51,176 --> 00:08:53,218
now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention
212
00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,200
that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death
213
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,950
by somebody
who sells children for sex.
214
00:08:57,035 --> 00:08:59,013
Okay, that is all of us.
That is not just you.
215
00:08:59,098 --> 00:09:01,400
And not all of us
have to drink to cope.
216
00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,372
You don't have to,
or you don't get to?
217
00:09:03,457 --> 00:09:06,067
Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcoholic.
218
00:09:06,165 --> 00:09:07,428
I'm not in recovery and...
219
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:10,317
Y'know what?
220
00:09:10,798 --> 00:09:12,348
I can't be here right now.
221
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:14,325
- You're leaving?
- Yes.
222
00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:16,311
Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.
223
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,635
Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.
224
00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:21,051
But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.
225
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,483
And... And this is
one of those times.
226
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:24,364
So, yes, I'm leaving.
227
00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:27,818
And I'm taking this
with me.
228
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:30,778
Oh, and, uh,
just so we're clear...
229
00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,633
I'm coming back.
230
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,347
Because
I'm not a bad guy!
231
00:09:40,739 --> 00:09:43,747
No pressure, Grey, but we really
need you to pull through this.
232
00:09:43,831 --> 00:09:46,496
This place
can't stand another loss.
233
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,637
Are we ready?
234
00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:50,599
I'm gonna lighten
her sedation...
235
00:09:51,839 --> 00:09:54,366
...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.
236
00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:57,177
And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward
237
00:09:57,262 --> 00:09:58,841
with spontaneous
breathing trials.
238
00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:00,686
Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this
239
00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:01,939
with the
respiratory therapist.
240
00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:03,332
Maybe you should
get some rest.
241
00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:05,247
I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.
242
00:10:05,331 --> 00:10:08,247
Which has nothing to do with
getting Meredith off the vent.
243
00:10:16,721 --> 00:10:18,201
Come on, Grey.
244
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:22,466
Come on, Grey,
you can do this.
245
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:26,474
You look just like Ellis
just now,
246
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,741
the way you're looking
at your feet.
247
00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:28,872
So serious.
248
00:10:28,957 --> 00:10:30,881
Then she gets that
worried little brow.
249
00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:35,494
This is torture!
250
00:10:35,578 --> 00:10:37,200
You're right here,
and I can't...
251
00:10:37,285 --> 00:10:38,419
It's torture!
252
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,282
It's a torture
of your own devising.
253
00:10:40,366 --> 00:10:42,225
You were always good at that.
254
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,546
Good at what?
255
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,028
Torturing yourself.
256
00:10:45,114 --> 00:10:47,607
I don't do that
as much anymore.
257
00:10:52,594 --> 00:10:54,841
You never got to meet Ellis.
258
00:10:54,926 --> 00:10:56,302
We didn't even know.
259
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:58,215
I wish
you got to know her.
260
00:10:58,542 --> 00:11:00,293
She looks just like you.
261
00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:02,521
She breaks the rules
just like you.
262
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:05,959
And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.
263
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:11,442
And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.
264
00:11:12,832 --> 00:11:16,005
Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,
265
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,099
and... and gets enraged
at the thought
266
00:11:18,184 --> 00:11:20,184
of anybody wanting to
cut down a tree.
267
00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:29,576
Is... Is this thing clean?
268
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,982
People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.
269
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,568
We thoroughly disinfect
the entire room
270
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:35,700
in between patients.
271
00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:38,115
- Sir?
- Just... I need a minute, okay?
272
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,177
Can I leave my face shield on,
please?
273
00:11:40,262 --> 00:11:41,864
- Sure.
- Oh, God.
274
00:11:43,004 --> 00:11:45,021
If you'd like,
I can stay with you.
275
00:11:45,106 --> 00:11:46,450
- I can hold your foot or...
- No, no, no, no. I don't want
276
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:48,669
anybody touching me.
Nobody touches me, okay?
277
00:11:48,754 --> 00:11:51,786
Osler's nodes,
so... endocarditis.
278
00:11:51,871 --> 00:11:54,129
Yes, but what is
the underlying cause?
279
00:11:54,317 --> 00:11:55,857
He denies
intravenous drug use,
280
00:11:55,942 --> 00:11:58,458
there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes...
281
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:01,075
He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?
282
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,286
May I?
283
00:12:04,612 --> 00:12:06,059
- Hey, Byron.
- Yeah?
284
00:12:06,144 --> 00:12:08,490
Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?
285
00:12:08,575 --> 00:12:11,599
I had a... a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,
286
00:12:11,684 --> 00:12:12,787
and I picked it out
with a paperclip
287
00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:14,615
and... and now my gums
are a little sore,
288
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,975
but I-I'm not going
to the dentist.
289
00:12:16,059 --> 00:12:17,928
I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes
290
00:12:18,012 --> 00:12:19,225
inhaling somebody's
spit droplets.
291
00:12:19,309 --> 00:12:20,825
- No way.
- Bingo.
292
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:24,395
Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.
293
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:28,746
Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valves.
294
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,270
Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.
295
00:12:33,028 --> 00:12:34,641
I thought of it.
296
00:12:34,725 --> 00:12:36,068
You just said it first.
297
00:12:36,153 --> 00:12:38,166
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
298
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:39,905
100%.
299
00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:46,523
Were you looking
for me, dear?
300
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:48,211
Yeah, I was.
Yeah.
301
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:55,271
You know, I built my life,
302
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,270
my sanity,
303
00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:59,883
my sobriety...
304
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:03,387
around the surrender
to a higher power.
305
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:04,933
I mean, for me,
306
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,937
it's the belief
that there's some purpose.
307
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:14,072
That there's
a... a bigger plan.
308
00:13:14,156 --> 00:13:17,840
Something that if
I got all the way above it
309
00:13:17,981 --> 00:13:20,176
and could look down on it
310
00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:21,819
like, um...
311
00:13:21,904 --> 00:13:24,568
- like a jigsaw puzzle, okay?
- Mm.
312
00:13:24,731 --> 00:13:27,390
That somehow it would...
it would make sense.
313
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,045
My faith is rooted
in the trust
314
00:13:30,129 --> 00:13:34,397
that there's a... a meaning
and a wisdom
315
00:13:35,426 --> 00:13:38,967
that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.
316
00:13:39,223 --> 00:13:42,864
A faith that
whoever made this puzzle,
317
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:45,231
it makes sense to Him.
318
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,567
- And it's beautiful.
- Mm.
319
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,982
Today,
I'm... I'm struggling.
320
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:56,027
I'm struggling
with my faith.
321
00:13:56,111 --> 00:13:58,809
I'm struggling
to trust anything.
322
00:14:00,637 --> 00:14:07,145
And I just cannot
see any wisdom in this.
323
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:14,692
I live
with stage 4 cancer.
324
00:14:14,996 --> 00:14:18,093
A cancer
very few people survive.
325
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:21,193
I just got the results
from my latest scan,
326
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:24,098
and... nothing has grown.
327
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,450
It makes no sense.
328
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,029
Everywhere we look,
329
00:14:29,114 --> 00:14:32,411
someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.
330
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,371
It makes no sense.
331
00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:38,910
"Puzzle"
is the right word.
332
00:14:39,285 --> 00:14:45,729
You can look for the pain,
the lost, the unbearable.
333
00:14:46,028 --> 00:14:50,043
Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...
334
00:14:50,637 --> 00:14:52,518
the miracle.
335
00:14:52,879 --> 00:14:55,793
And nothing grew?
336
00:14:56,653 --> 00:14:58,959
Nothing grew.
337
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:06,576
Okay, so, I know
that people buy and trade
338
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:09,653
and get rich
and then just lose everything.
339
00:15:09,832 --> 00:15:12,543
But what exactly
is the stock market?
340
00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:15,013
It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.
341
00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,708
Why? Well, questions like that
342
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,209
make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.
343
00:15:21,926 --> 00:15:24,594
Uh...
who is it?
344
00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:26,683
It's Jackson Avery!
345
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:28,337
I'm here for a quick bang.
346
00:15:28,421 --> 00:15:29,816
I...
Jo!
347
00:15:30,025 --> 00:15:31,070
I...
348
00:15:36,976 --> 00:15:38,655
Shut up.
349
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:40,001
Bad time?
350
00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:44,620
Oh, crap.
351
00:15:44,865 --> 00:15:46,529
Hey. Really bad time.
352
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,796
Um, I brought whiskey.
353
00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:51,514
Oh, we're day drinking.
Ah!
354
00:15:51,622 --> 00:15:53,633
Sorry, dude.
I didn't realize, uh...
355
00:15:53,717 --> 00:15:54,972
No, no, it's cool.
356
00:15:55,056 --> 00:15:57,632
Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.
357
00:15:57,717 --> 00:15:59,608
Yep. Sweet deal.
358
00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:02,588
Here.
359
00:16:02,672 --> 00:16:03,981
Oh, no,
I'm on, uh, call.
360
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:05,475
Oh! Dibs.
361
00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,991
Okay. Cheers.
362
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:10,553
Happy...
363
00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,240
all-our-friends-are-dying
day.
364
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:22,850
I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.
365
00:16:22,943 --> 00:16:26,101
His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 64%,
366
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,834
so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.
367
00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:30,921
Who cleans his teeth
with a paperclip?
368
00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:33,772
Isolation makes people
do crazy things.
369
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,483
We're not meant
to be alone.
370
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:38,655
People physically
need people.
371
00:16:43,107 --> 00:16:45,327
Oh, no, no! Don't...
Don't... Don't touch me!
372
00:16:45,412 --> 00:16:47,928
Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.
373
00:16:48,076 --> 00:16:50,086
- Dr. Pierce!
- I'm sorry. I can't be here!
374
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:52,711
- I can't do this. I can't! Get away from me!
- Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.
375
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:54,711
- Dr. Pierce! A little help?
- I can't be here! I can't be here!
376
00:16:54,795 --> 00:16:56,613
- Oh, God.
- I can't! I can't be here.
377
00:16:56,698 --> 00:16:58,787
I can't.
I need to get out of here!
378
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:03,771
Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.
379
00:17:03,882 --> 00:17:05,407
- You go to the OR board.
- I don't know where that is.
380
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,280
- It's...
- Did anyone lose a naked man?
381
00:17:07,365 --> 00:17:08,732
Because he went that way.
382
00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:09,983
Oh.
383
00:17:14,235 --> 00:17:15,326
Byron?
384
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:26,912
Hey, Byron.
385
00:17:26,997 --> 00:17:28,376
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
386
00:17:30,536 --> 00:17:32,123
I can't do this.
I can't be here.
387
00:17:32,207 --> 00:17:33,608
I...
388
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:36,176
Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.
389
00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:38,130
Honey, you're not wearing
anything.
390
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,982
My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.
391
00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,491
Never worked a day job
his entire life,
392
00:17:49,576 --> 00:17:50,593
he didn't smoke,
he didn't drink,
393
00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:51,892
he... he ran triathlons.
394
00:17:52,086 --> 00:17:54,526
He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A week!
395
00:17:54,611 --> 00:17:56,443
Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.
396
00:17:56,527 --> 00:17:57,792
Do you know
how many people
397
00:17:57,998 --> 00:17:59,568
they're projecting die
from this?
398
00:17:59,676 --> 00:18:02,073
- Hundreds of thousands.
- I know.
399
00:18:02,157 --> 00:18:04,615
And if you
want to walk out of here,
400
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,076
I'm not gonna stop you.
401
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:07,725
Wait, what?
402
00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:09,254
But I will follow you.
403
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,299
Because your heart's
only gonna get worse,
404
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,991
and I owe it to you,
405
00:18:13,076 --> 00:18:14,824
I owe it to my oath,
406
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,474
I owe it...
407
00:18:19,651 --> 00:18:21,701
I lost someone, too,
Byron.
408
00:18:22,307 --> 00:18:23,794
Not COVID.
409
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,097
But I know that pain,
410
00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:32,016
and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.
411
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,529
But I think...
412
00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:38,673
I think we owe it
to the people we lost
413
00:18:38,758 --> 00:18:40,633
to live the lives
that they can't.
414
00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:44,724
Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.
415
00:18:45,169 --> 00:18:48,119
Byron, you have a problem
that we can fix.
416
00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:49,468
We can fix this.
417
00:18:49,552 --> 00:18:50,904
But you have to let us.
418
00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:52,732
I don't want to die.
419
00:18:52,816 --> 00:18:53,950
I don't want to die.
420
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:56,083
I don't want you to die,
either.
421
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,747
Okay.
422
00:19:10,263 --> 00:19:11,403
Okay.
423
00:19:11,487 --> 00:19:14,275
Let's get you
a gown first.
424
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,341
She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.
425
00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:18,691
And then
we saved her baby.
426
00:19:18,776 --> 00:19:20,389
And then...
427
00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:21,783
she died.
428
00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:23,960
It's like,
during a pandemic,
429
00:19:24,045 --> 00:19:26,921
shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?
430
00:19:27,045 --> 00:19:28,484
You're seriously
gonna quit surgery?
431
00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:30,076
I need some good things
in my life.
432
00:19:30,161 --> 00:19:31,357
And babies are good.
433
00:19:31,458 --> 00:19:33,381
You realize OB
is all about moms, yeah?
434
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,123
Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.
435
00:19:36,207 --> 00:19:38,343
Not having my own
any time soon...
436
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:39,387
Fingers crossed.
437
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:40,982
...or maybe ever,
438
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,898
so I might as well hang out
with some others.
439
00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:44,856
I got like 15 of them
at home.
440
00:19:44,941 --> 00:19:47,225
- Hang out with those.
- It's so unfair!
441
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:49,702
You and Amelia
didn't even want a baby,
442
00:19:49,786 --> 00:19:51,944
and then you got one
and neither of you died.
443
00:19:52,029 --> 00:19:54,005
Oh, poor you.
444
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:57,194
You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.
445
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,742
No, we're not...
not dating. It's just sex.
446
00:19:58,826 --> 00:20:00,631
- And you can still work.
- Oh.
447
00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:02,932
Last time
my life sucked this bad,
448
00:20:03,016 --> 00:20:05,326
I quit medicine
and moved to Venice Beach.
449
00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:07,014
Ah, yes.
The bike shop, right?
450
00:20:07,099 --> 00:20:08,373
Heaven.
451
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,157
Jackson wants to
run away to the woods.
452
00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:11,326
Oh, nice.
Can I come?
453
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:12,632
No, that would defeat
the purpose.
454
00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:14,466
What is
the purpose?
455
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:16,555
- You kidding? Escape. Outta here.
- Mm.
456
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:19,147
Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.
457
00:20:19,232 --> 00:20:20,515
Escape from humanity.
458
00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:22,123
I mean,
trees don't murder people.
459
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:23,562
- Trees are not racist.
- Mm-hmm.
460
00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:25,433
Trees do not
politicize a disease
461
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:26,521
and convince
millions of people
462
00:20:26,605 --> 00:20:27,866
not to protect themselves
and others
463
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,221
by using a simple piece of damn
fabric on their faces, so...
464
00:20:30,305 --> 00:20:31,982
Trees don't even
have faces.
465
00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:33,553
You know what?
Maybe you can come.
466
00:20:35,223 --> 00:20:36,444
Ohh!
467
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:39,708
♪ Oh
468
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:44,491
Uh, primary repair
of the stomach...
469
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,218
...diaphragm, splenectomy,
470
00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:48,592
and repair
of ventricular injury...
471
00:20:48,677 --> 00:20:50,279
all intact.
472
00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:53,591
Ultimately died
from coagulopathy.
473
00:20:53,676 --> 00:20:55,985
- Like I told you.
- Well, now we have it in writing.
474
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,584
Which will make
the M&M go smoothly.
475
00:20:58,669 --> 00:20:59,859
The M&M?
476
00:21:00,076 --> 00:21:01,996
Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?
477
00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:03,779
It's Andrew DeLuca.
478
00:21:03,864 --> 00:21:06,310
He gave five years of his life
to this hospital.
479
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,958
We own him due diligence.
480
00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,613
What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?
481
00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:13,513
The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,
482
00:21:13,763 --> 00:21:16,440
who hardly sleep or eat
or even shower,
483
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,486
who see their families
on screens...
484
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:21,811
Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,
485
00:21:21,896 --> 00:21:24,170
and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer
486
00:21:24,255 --> 00:21:25,951
and be grilled
on whether they messed up
487
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,756
trying to save
one of their own?
488
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,541
Let them grieve,
for God's sake!
489
00:21:37,501 --> 00:21:39,591
You are causing me harm.
490
00:21:40,244 --> 00:21:44,240
You are causing harm
to Hunt and Altman.
491
00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:48,603
DeLuca was a victim
of a horrible crime,
492
00:21:48,687 --> 00:21:50,833
and he lost
too much blood.
493
00:21:50,982 --> 00:21:54,740
No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.
494
00:21:54,824 --> 00:21:56,678
And the mere suggestion
that any of us
495
00:21:56,763 --> 00:21:59,958
didn't do everything possible
to save his life...
496
00:22:02,397 --> 00:22:04,819
...it's a pain
I wouldn't put on anyone.
497
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,701
I want you closer.
498
00:22:19,877 --> 00:22:22,419
Could you please
just come here?
499
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:26,959
Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola
500
00:22:27,044 --> 00:22:28,339
how to ride a bike?
501
00:22:28,423 --> 00:22:30,384
She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,
502
00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:33,341
and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."
503
00:22:33,458 --> 00:22:36,216
And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.
504
00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,366
Well, I was trying
not to laugh.
505
00:22:38,451 --> 00:22:40,568
So am I.
506
00:22:40,997 --> 00:22:43,919
I can't do it for you.
507
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,505
It's your beach.
508
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,497
Zola's amazing,
isn't she?
509
00:22:48,731 --> 00:22:51,782
I mean,
she's just so brilliant.
510
00:22:51,968 --> 00:22:53,475
She writes me letters
in her journal.
511
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,037
Did you know that?
512
00:23:01,064 --> 00:23:03,094
Well, what is that?
What is that face?
513
00:23:03,179 --> 00:23:05,184
Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?
514
00:23:05,269 --> 00:23:06,585
No!
515
00:23:06,670 --> 00:23:07,876
No.
516
00:23:07,961 --> 00:23:09,243
You would relax.
517
00:23:32,617 --> 00:23:34,133
It hasn't been that long.
518
00:23:34,305 --> 00:23:36,276
Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,
519
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,712
at least run another ABG.
520
00:23:37,796 --> 00:23:39,330
And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest
521
00:23:39,414 --> 00:23:41,412
while we wait
for the results?
522
00:23:41,496 --> 00:23:43,239
I'm turning the settings
back up.
523
00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:46,946
Grey's staying
on the vent.
524
00:23:57,682 --> 00:23:59,430
How's the book report
coming?
525
00:24:00,722 --> 00:24:03,293
That was
one of my favorites.
526
00:24:03,377 --> 00:24:05,126
That's what grownups say
to convince you
527
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:06,369
to finish your homework.
528
00:24:06,454 --> 00:24:07,868
You got me there.
529
00:24:08,730 --> 00:24:11,518
I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.
530
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:14,744
Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?
531
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,368
Your mom is pretty smart.
532
00:24:19,828 --> 00:24:22,798
If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,
533
00:24:22,883 --> 00:24:24,052
would you take it?
534
00:24:24,136 --> 00:24:25,489
I don't know.
535
00:24:25,573 --> 00:24:26,925
Uncle Link said,
"Heck yeah."
536
00:24:27,009 --> 00:24:28,789
That sounds like him.
537
00:24:29,648 --> 00:24:31,537
Me, I don't know.
538
00:24:31,704 --> 00:24:35,907
I think the fact
that we can't live forever
539
00:24:36,243 --> 00:24:39,329
is one of the things
that makes life so special.
540
00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:41,048
Impermanence.
541
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:42,723
I think if we could
live forever,
542
00:24:42,807 --> 00:24:45,248
we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love
543
00:24:45,332 --> 00:24:47,293
instead of holding tight
while we still can.
544
00:24:47,377 --> 00:24:49,164
Impermanence.
545
00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:50,818
I like that word.
546
00:24:51,054 --> 00:24:52,529
Me too.
547
00:24:52,614 --> 00:24:55,838
If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.
548
00:24:56,493 --> 00:24:58,158
Me too.
549
00:24:59,955 --> 00:25:01,612
Hey,
you want to call her?
550
00:25:01,774 --> 00:25:03,383
Alright.
551
00:25:10,444 --> 00:25:11,548
Hello there.
552
00:25:11,633 --> 00:25:12,731
Can we have a minute?
553
00:25:12,816 --> 00:25:13,883
Of course.
554
00:25:15,479 --> 00:25:19,050
Hi, Mommy.
I miss you so much.
555
00:25:19,191 --> 00:25:20,289
I love you.
556
00:25:20,495 --> 00:25:24,633
Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.
557
00:25:25,719 --> 00:25:27,438
How are you doing?
558
00:25:27,555 --> 00:25:28,943
It didn't work?
559
00:25:29,143 --> 00:25:31,571
Altman wants to try again
in a day or so.
560
00:25:36,754 --> 00:25:38,669
When I lost my wife,
um...
561
00:25:40,952 --> 00:25:42,305
...the therapist,
she said that
562
00:25:42,389 --> 00:25:45,917
there's no wrong way
to process the loss,
563
00:25:46,195 --> 00:25:47,849
the grief.
564
00:25:49,571 --> 00:25:51,414
But there is.
565
00:25:52,747 --> 00:25:55,336
Over a bloody computer screen,
it's...
566
00:25:56,925 --> 00:25:58,500
...it's wrong.
567
00:25:58,744 --> 00:26:00,323
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
568
00:26:00,407 --> 00:26:02,934
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
569
00:26:05,455 --> 00:26:06,836
Ohh!
Oh!
570
00:26:06,961 --> 00:26:10,289
You know the rules.
Who deserves it?
571
00:26:10,373 --> 00:26:11,586
Deserves what?
Rules to what?
572
00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:13,898
"Make it Sadder."
We tell our sob stories,
573
00:26:13,983 --> 00:26:17,642
and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.
574
00:26:17,883 --> 00:26:19,688
"Make it Sadder"?
That's fun?
575
00:26:19,782 --> 00:26:20,822
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
576
00:26:20,907 --> 00:26:22,388
Okay. Alright.
I'll be the judge.
577
00:26:22,472 --> 00:26:23,433
I'll be the judge.
Alright, go.Okay.
578
00:26:23,517 --> 00:26:24,825
Alright.
579
00:26:24,909 --> 00:26:28,263
I am currently raising
four children
580
00:26:28,347 --> 00:26:30,657
in a hellscape of a world
581
00:26:30,741 --> 00:26:32,529
where people
don't listen to science.
582
00:26:32,613 --> 00:26:35,358
My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding
583
00:26:35,442 --> 00:26:36,837
even though
there's a pandemic,
584
00:26:36,922 --> 00:26:38,491
so they'll probably
get sick and die.
585
00:26:38,575 --> 00:26:41,886
And, uh, my last shred
of me-time...
586
00:26:41,970 --> 00:26:43,376
sneaking an occasional drink,
587
00:26:43,461 --> 00:26:44,986
which was already
pretty pathetic,
588
00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:48,327
I know... is now ruined.
589
00:26:48,532 --> 00:26:50,590
- Strong. Yeah.
- Mm, alright.
590
00:26:50,674 --> 00:26:56,161
I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.
591
00:26:56,336 --> 00:26:58,680
I had crawled out
of my depression,
592
00:26:58,765 --> 00:27:02,555
and I was all set
to start over by...
593
00:27:02,730 --> 00:27:03,704
going...
594
00:27:05,297 --> 00:27:08,118
...going on dates.
595
00:27:08,203 --> 00:27:09,347
- Oh, yeah.
- Aww!
596
00:27:09,432 --> 00:27:11,219
Okay, yes, yes.
597
00:27:11,303 --> 00:27:13,787
You guys,
I even bought outfits, okay?
598
00:27:13,871 --> 00:27:17,375
Hang on. Okay.
Ah! Okay.Alright.
599
00:27:17,571 --> 00:27:19,184
Let me show you.
600
00:27:19,268 --> 00:27:22,317
What do we have?
Oh, this is cute, right?
601
00:27:22,401 --> 00:27:26,234
The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.
602
00:27:26,318 --> 00:27:27,509
Oh, what about this?
603
00:27:27,594 --> 00:27:29,368
This, for the, um,
career girl
604
00:27:29,452 --> 00:27:31,849
that just spent, um,
seven hours
605
00:27:31,933 --> 00:27:34,460
making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.
606
00:27:34,544 --> 00:27:36,636
Or...
Or...
607
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,305
How about this?
608
00:27:38,505 --> 00:27:42,572
This, for... for
the funeral of a co-worker
609
00:27:42,657 --> 00:27:44,735
who got stabbed to death...
610
00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:49,856
who doesn't even
get a funeral.
611
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:56,758
Okay,
Jo wins the last shot.
612
00:27:58,742 --> 00:28:00,399
No, no!
613
00:28:00,483 --> 00:28:01,618
Yes. No way. Unh-unh.
614
00:28:01,719 --> 00:28:02,947
- Unh-unh.
- Thank you so much.
615
00:28:03,032 --> 00:28:06,579
She has an entire loft
all to herself!
616
00:28:06,663 --> 00:28:07,798
Mnh-mnh.
617
00:28:09,100 --> 00:28:10,104
- Hold on.
- Ahh!
618
00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:12,411
What's that?
619
00:28:12,578 --> 00:28:13,576
It's Richard.
620
00:28:13,661 --> 00:28:15,579
The memorial for DeLuca
is tonight.
621
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:19,679
Alright, I'll drive.
622
00:28:20,149 --> 00:28:22,625
Let's, um, get ready.
623
00:28:23,593 --> 00:28:24,989
Orderly to 6 East.
624
00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:47,454
Hey. Uh, just moved
Mr. Cabrera up here.
625
00:28:47,539 --> 00:28:48,680
Another complete white-out.
626
00:28:48,765 --> 00:28:51,133
- How's Meredith?
- Um, uh...
627
00:28:51,490 --> 00:28:52,973
It... It didn't work.
628
00:28:53,172 --> 00:28:55,585
And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.
629
00:28:55,821 --> 00:28:58,631
Well, DeLuca's autopsy results
came back.
630
00:28:58,715 --> 00:29:00,446
We did everything
that we could.
631
00:29:00,533 --> 00:29:02,144
I know that.
632
00:29:03,545 --> 00:29:05,204
And he's still dead.
633
00:29:17,385 --> 00:29:20,173
Your kids call every day
on a video chat.
634
00:29:20,454 --> 00:29:22,180
Don't know
if you can hear them.
635
00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:25,752
Don't even know
if you can hear me now.
636
00:29:25,836 --> 00:29:28,977
♪ There's a million things
637
00:29:29,062 --> 00:29:30,789
You look perfect.
638
00:29:31,407 --> 00:29:34,972
♪ I can't control
639
00:29:35,056 --> 00:29:36,495
Maybe... Maybe
640
00:29:36,579 --> 00:29:38,628
it's none of my business,
Grey,
641
00:29:38,712 --> 00:29:40,455
but I'm begging you.
642
00:29:40,539 --> 00:29:41,727
Fight.
643
00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:45,056
♪ There is one thing
that I know ♪
644
00:29:45,141 --> 00:29:46,810
That's up to you.
645
00:29:46,894 --> 00:29:48,463
But if you're asking me,
646
00:29:48,547 --> 00:29:50,001
you should hear him out.
647
00:29:50,086 --> 00:29:51,292
They need you, Grey.
648
00:29:51,376 --> 00:29:52,859
The little one...
649
00:29:52,943 --> 00:29:55,253
- Ellis.
- She looks just like you.
650
00:29:55,337 --> 00:29:57,243
She got
all your expressions.
651
00:29:57,328 --> 00:29:58,954
She doesn't smile
easy or often,
652
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,129
but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.
653
00:30:02,214 --> 00:30:04,175
What did you do
to make her smile?
654
00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:05,517
You shoulda seen it...
655
00:30:05,602 --> 00:30:06,786
she smiles and she smiles,
656
00:30:06,870 --> 00:30:09,223
and it gets bigger
and bigger until...
657
00:30:09,307 --> 00:30:11,574
Boom!
She just bursts out laughing.
658
00:30:11,658 --> 00:30:14,098
What did you do
to make her laugh?
659
00:30:14,182 --> 00:30:16,100
Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard
660
00:30:16,184 --> 00:30:17,231
right in his ear.
661
00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:18,276
That's Bailey.
662
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:19,669
And then the oldest one
comes in,
663
00:30:19,753 --> 00:30:22,236
and she takes the tablet
and says they're hogging it
664
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,716
and that she needs
time with you, too,
665
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,241
because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.
666
00:30:27,325 --> 00:30:29,287
Zola.
667
00:30:29,371 --> 00:30:32,769
Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.
668
00:30:32,853 --> 00:30:35,598
Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.
669
00:30:35,682 --> 00:30:39,166
But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.
670
00:30:39,250 --> 00:30:41,516
And she's
sittin' in the dark.
671
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,431
She's in her closet.
672
00:30:43,515 --> 00:30:46,043
That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.
673
00:30:46,127 --> 00:30:49,220
And she says,
"I'm really sorry, Mum.
674
00:30:49,304 --> 00:30:51,091
Didn't mean for things
to get so violent.
675
00:30:51,175 --> 00:30:54,051
Ellis can be
truly infuriating."
676
00:30:56,180 --> 00:30:58,316
They need you, Grey.
677
00:30:58,400 --> 00:30:59,709
I know.
678
00:30:59,793 --> 00:31:01,145
They need you to fight.
679
00:31:01,229 --> 00:31:05,715
♪ My thoughts don't drift
680
00:31:05,799 --> 00:31:08,249
-♪ When you're around
- We all need you to fight.
681
00:31:08,674 --> 00:31:11,694
I don't know that I can.
682
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:15,608
It's... so warm here.
683
00:31:15,716 --> 00:31:17,982
The water is so cool.
684
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:20,033
I feel so relaxed.
685
00:31:20,117 --> 00:31:21,774
And there's no pain.
686
00:31:21,858 --> 00:31:23,727
I watched my kids
lose their mum.
687
00:31:23,812 --> 00:31:25,345
You don't want
that for your kids, Grey.
688
00:31:25,429 --> 00:31:27,608
There are people getting better
here every day.
689
00:31:27,710 --> 00:31:29,608
You could be
one of those people.
690
00:31:29,692 --> 00:31:31,374
♪ Nothing is forever
691
00:31:31,459 --> 00:31:33,927
I believe that you could.
692
00:31:34,052 --> 00:31:36,031
'Cause I've heard the stories a
bout other fights
693
00:31:36,116 --> 00:31:37,661
you've already won, so...
694
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:42,233
- ♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪
- So I'm asking you to fight.
695
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:44,014
You fight, Grey.
696
00:31:44,098 --> 00:31:45,911
♪ Tides will change ♪
697
00:31:45,996 --> 00:31:48,568
- ♪ The sea can't help it ♪
- It's okay. I'll be right here.
698
00:31:48,653 --> 00:31:51,279
♪ Nothing is forever
699
00:31:51,364 --> 00:31:57,680
♪ When it feels like
I'm in constant motion ♪
700
00:31:57,764 --> 00:32:04,599
♪ You're my anchor
in the ocean ♪
701
00:32:21,309 --> 00:32:23,810
Dr. Webber
set something up for DeLuca.
702
00:32:24,537 --> 00:32:25,904
A memorial.
703
00:32:34,027 --> 00:32:35,716
I'm not a great Jew.
704
00:32:37,944 --> 00:32:40,700
I cheated
at my bar mitzvah.
705
00:32:40,949 --> 00:32:45,483
I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins
706
00:32:45,568 --> 00:32:47,217
that I didn't learn Hebrew,
707
00:32:47,301 --> 00:32:50,263
so I just wrote it out
phonetically and read that instead.
708
00:32:50,404 --> 00:32:54,093
I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.
709
00:32:54,177 --> 00:32:56,263
And if I'm honest, I...
710
00:32:56,789 --> 00:32:58,707
go back and forth
about believing in God,
711
00:32:58,791 --> 00:33:01,753
which is actually very Jewish,
but...
712
00:33:01,946 --> 00:33:04,644
It's the traditions
that I find helpful.
713
00:33:06,203 --> 00:33:09,341
When a loved one dies,
we have...
714
00:33:09,426 --> 00:33:13,041
rules about how to grieve
and move on.
715
00:33:13,253 --> 00:33:14,649
Protocols.
716
00:33:14,849 --> 00:33:19,536
We force ourselves
to sit in the pain.
717
00:33:19,812 --> 00:33:21,646
We cry.
718
00:33:22,466 --> 00:33:24,123
And we laugh.
719
00:33:24,207 --> 00:33:26,822
And we eat a lot.
720
00:33:27,068 --> 00:33:29,591
And it doesn't bring
the person back,
721
00:33:30,871 --> 00:33:32,841
but it does
start the healing.
722
00:33:37,263 --> 00:33:39,050
Chief, your mom died.
723
00:33:43,117 --> 00:33:44,383
My mom makes me crazy,
724
00:33:44,506 --> 00:33:47,381
but I'm gonna fall apart
when she dies.
725
00:33:47,622 --> 00:33:50,982
And you have people
you can be with.
726
00:33:52,466 --> 00:33:57,333
People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.
727
00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:01,263
This pandemic
has taken so much.
728
00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:05,074
Don't give it that,
too.
729
00:34:06,467 --> 00:34:08,603
♪ There's a light
730
00:34:11,646 --> 00:34:14,043
♪ A certain kind of light
731
00:34:16,340 --> 00:34:21,571
♪ It's never shone on me
732
00:34:21,656 --> 00:34:23,052
Hey.
733
00:34:23,294 --> 00:34:24,310
Oh, sorry.
734
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:28,056
Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.
735
00:34:28,141 --> 00:34:30,102
He's sedated and stable.
736
00:34:30,186 --> 00:34:33,018
You gonna go
to the memorial?
737
00:34:33,102 --> 00:34:36,138
I thought bad things
about him.
738
00:34:36,506 --> 00:34:41,896
When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."
739
00:34:42,068 --> 00:34:44,029
I had no compassion.
740
00:34:44,113 --> 00:34:45,716
And now he's just...
741
00:34:45,934 --> 00:34:47,548
dead.
742
00:34:47,633 --> 00:34:48,729
And we can't hug.
743
00:34:48,814 --> 00:34:51,167
And as a rule,
I hate hugs, but...
744
00:34:51,286 --> 00:34:52,676
♪ What good does...
745
00:34:52,761 --> 00:34:56,045
...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves
746
00:34:56,130 --> 00:34:57,013
in over two months,
747
00:34:57,098 --> 00:35:01,105
and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that patient.
748
00:35:01,190 --> 00:35:02,586
Another week of this and...
749
00:35:02,687 --> 00:35:04,638
I'll be running through
the hospital naked.
750
00:35:04,723 --> 00:35:06,051
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
751
00:35:06,135 --> 00:35:07,536
Stand up.
752
00:35:08,498 --> 00:35:09,502
And turn around.
753
00:35:09,773 --> 00:35:11,299
I'm sorry?
754
00:35:11,415 --> 00:35:12,680
Just trust me.
755
00:35:15,448 --> 00:35:19,150
♪ To love somebody
756
00:35:19,235 --> 00:35:22,720
♪ To love somebody
757
00:35:22,804 --> 00:35:25,154
♪ The way I love you
758
00:35:30,333 --> 00:35:35,080
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
759
00:35:36,862 --> 00:35:37,565
Thank you.
760
00:35:37,650 --> 00:35:42,260
♪ Baby, you don't know what it's like ♪
761
00:35:42,345 --> 00:35:43,721
Spread out, please.
762
00:35:43,806 --> 00:35:46,455
We may be outside, but we still
need to maintain our distance.
763
00:35:46,597 --> 00:35:49,690
♪ To love somebody
764
00:35:49,962 --> 00:35:53,377
♪ The way I love you
765
00:36:04,237 --> 00:36:07,241
♪ The way I love you
766
00:36:12,767 --> 00:36:13,858
Richard.
767
00:36:15,074 --> 00:36:16,556
I'm...
768
00:36:16,771 --> 00:36:19,603
I need to
take some time off.
769
00:36:19,687 --> 00:36:20,909
I'm not sure how long.
770
00:36:20,993 --> 00:36:22,998
But I-I need to go home.
771
00:36:23,082 --> 00:36:24,782
However long you need.
772
00:36:28,055 --> 00:36:32,251
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?
773
00:36:32,465 --> 00:36:34,600
Thank you.
774
00:36:34,956 --> 00:36:37,788
I appreciate
you all being here tonight.
775
00:36:38,329 --> 00:36:41,384
Grey-Sloan is a family.
776
00:36:41,622 --> 00:36:44,696
And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.
777
00:36:44,834 --> 00:36:47,710
And his death,
however brave...
778
00:36:48,618 --> 00:36:50,852
Well,
it's still heartbreaking.
779
00:36:50,936 --> 00:36:55,821
We can't honor his life
like we might have in the past,
780
00:36:56,055 --> 00:36:58,837
but we can still honor him.
781
00:37:00,329 --> 00:37:01,868
Dr. Perez?
782
00:37:02,532 --> 00:37:07,903
♪ There is a man,
he runs right to me ♪
783
00:37:07,996 --> 00:37:13,212
♪ He wraps his loving arms
around me ♪
784
00:37:13,298 --> 00:37:17,774
♪ He knows
785
00:37:18,050 --> 00:37:20,446
♪ He knows my pain
786
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:23,145
♪ Oh, he knows my pain
787
00:37:23,229 --> 00:37:25,974
♪ Oh, he gives me life
788
00:37:26,058 --> 00:37:30,108
♪ And I don't know
if that is for me ♪
789
00:37:30,192 --> 00:37:35,287
♪ It's darker than I thought,
in all its broken glory ♪
790
00:37:35,371 --> 00:37:37,333
♪ My soul
791
00:37:39,810 --> 00:37:42,686
♪ Just wants to go home
792
00:37:42,770 --> 00:37:45,515
♪ He's calling me home
793
00:38:09,275 --> 00:38:12,063
♪ And there was a light
794
00:38:12,147 --> 00:38:14,587
♪ Oh, there was a fire
795
00:38:14,671 --> 00:38:17,242
♪ She came through
in the night ♪
796
00:38:17,326 --> 00:38:20,332
♪ She entered like an angel
797
00:38:20,416 --> 00:38:22,508
♪ Hold on
798
00:38:25,769 --> 00:38:27,818
♪ Hold on
799
00:38:27,902 --> 00:38:31,517
♪ She's just memories
800
00:38:36,389 --> 00:38:39,090
Hello.
801
00:38:39,174 --> 00:38:41,788
Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be
802
00:38:41,872 --> 00:38:43,703
applying to the surgical
residency program
803
00:38:43,787 --> 00:38:46,184
at Grey-Sloan
Memorial Hospital.
804
00:38:46,268 --> 00:38:47,478
A bit about me.
805
00:38:47,563 --> 00:38:49,960
I am Italian,
but I grew up in Wisconsin.
806
00:38:50,278 --> 00:38:51,848
A lot of doctors
in my family,
807
00:38:51,933 --> 00:38:53,501
including my big sister,
Carina.
808
00:38:53,586 --> 00:38:55,983
Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,
809
00:38:56,103 --> 00:38:58,413
so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of mine
810
00:38:58,498 --> 00:39:00,220
for a very long time.
811
00:39:00,489 --> 00:39:03,056
The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan
812
00:39:03,141 --> 00:39:05,399
and... and learning
from surgical legends
813
00:39:05,484 --> 00:39:07,726
like Richard Webber
and Miranda Bailey
814
00:39:07,811 --> 00:39:11,296
and Jackson Avery
and Meredith Grey...
815
00:39:11,380 --> 00:39:14,473
uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.
816
00:39:14,557 --> 00:39:16,649
I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon
817
00:39:16,733 --> 00:39:18,738
is that
I've always had
818
00:39:18,822 --> 00:39:21,089
this insatiable desire
to help people.
819
00:39:21,173 --> 00:39:25,093
And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.
820
00:39:25,177 --> 00:39:26,877
And, uh, she had
this really giving heart,
821
00:39:26,961 --> 00:39:29,488
and she always pushed me
to do as much good as possible,
822
00:39:29,572 --> 00:39:32,853
so I guess
I'm doing this for her.
823
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,653
Now, you should be warned,
824
00:39:34,738 --> 00:39:37,788
I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.
825
00:39:37,873 --> 00:39:42,185
But I promise that,
if I match with you...
826
00:39:42,508 --> 00:39:44,769
Speaking Italian...
827
00:39:44,979 --> 00:39:47,345
I will give you
the very best of me.
828
00:39:47,828 --> 00:39:49,702
Thank you.
829
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,694
Alright.
830
00:40:01,256 --> 00:40:02,876
Meredith: At all costs,
831
00:40:02,976 --> 00:40:05,501
we avoid
negative experiences.
832
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,104
We ignore pain.
833
00:40:26,085 --> 00:40:28,917
We steer clear
of the unfamiliar.
834
00:40:29,197 --> 00:40:31,407
We lie when asked
about how we feel.
835
00:40:32,853 --> 00:40:35,163
♪ Steady as a rock
836
00:40:35,247 --> 00:40:37,720
♪ I stand, I wait
837
00:40:37,805 --> 00:40:39,696
We shouldn't do that.
838
00:40:42,515 --> 00:40:45,303
I stopped by
the hospital for, um...
839
00:40:45,387 --> 00:40:46,883
I watched.
840
00:40:47,078 --> 00:40:49,561
♪ But eyes that can't erase
841
00:40:51,008 --> 00:40:52,727
I won't keep booze
in the house anymore.
842
00:40:52,829 --> 00:40:54,617
That's not what I need
from you.
843
00:40:54,701 --> 00:40:56,883
♪ Hands that hold
844
00:40:56,968 --> 00:41:00,578
What I need from you
is no more secrets.
845
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:04,975
It's just...
we have this baby together.
846
00:41:05,059 --> 00:41:08,065
We have this whole life
together, so...
847
00:41:08,149 --> 00:41:10,543
I want to really know you.
848
00:41:11,797 --> 00:41:13,078
Deal.
849
00:41:14,895 --> 00:41:17,466
I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.
850
00:41:17,727 --> 00:41:19,424
I will hold my breath.
851
00:41:19,508 --> 00:41:27,041
♪ Ohhh
852
00:41:27,125 --> 00:41:30,348
♪ So, send me into space
853
00:41:30,432 --> 00:41:32,611
♪ And cut me free
854
00:41:32,695 --> 00:41:34,751
Because I've learned something
from these last several months.
855
00:41:34,835 --> 00:41:35,875
Teddy?
856
00:41:37,982 --> 00:41:41,398
- ♪ And like a satellite
- Hey.
857
00:41:41,491 --> 00:41:46,663
- ♪ Just look for me
- Teddy.
858
00:41:48,972 --> 00:41:50,847
I'm gonna take you home,
okay?
859
00:41:52,411 --> 00:41:53,851
Okay.
860
00:42:02,334 --> 00:42:04,734
The body
can only take so much.
861
00:42:05,947 --> 00:42:07,776
...Captions by VITAC...
862
00:42:07,860 --> 00:42:09,860
Synchronized by srjanapala
58391
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof