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1
00:00:07,519 --> 00:00:10,370
No one ever imagined
we would make it this far.
2
00:00:10,455 --> 00:00:15,424
♪ I guess all the mountains that
I moved just weren't enough ♪
3
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:19,186
♪ And all those nights
I walked you home ♪
4
00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,528
♪ From crowded bars
when you were drunk ♪
5
00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:23,668
Incision-less surgeries,
4D imaging,
6
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:27,846
mechanical organs,
stem cell therapy...
7
00:00:28,198 --> 00:00:32,460
♪ And I just wonder what
it'd take to make you stay ♪
8
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,659
♪ 'Cause when you said jump,
I said how high ♪
9
00:00:39,986 --> 00:00:41,035
♪ But when I jumped,
you said goodbye ♪
10
00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:44,079
Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,
11
00:00:44,164 --> 00:00:46,300
unimaginable
until it was achieved.
12
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:50,612
♪ I would've walked through hell ♪
13
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,988
And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.
14
00:00:54,073 --> 00:00:56,690
Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,
15
00:00:57,134 --> 00:00:59,456
your ABG's improved,
16
00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:02,007
your RSBI
looks promising,
17
00:01:02,139 --> 00:01:03,964
and oxygen requirements
have decreased.
18
00:01:04,049 --> 00:01:05,536
If you keep this up,
19
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:08,222
I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.
20
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:10,831
Because
the other side of the unimaginable
21
00:01:10,915 --> 00:01:12,065
is death.
22
00:01:12,149 --> 00:01:13,730
And the pain
that comes with loss.
23
00:01:13,815 --> 00:01:14,937
Dr. Altman?
24
00:01:15,021 --> 00:01:17,026
♪ Without you here tonight
25
00:01:17,276 --> 00:01:18,767
Bailey said
you'd need some help
26
00:01:18,851 --> 00:01:21,074
covering the COVID ICU
since...
27
00:01:21,158 --> 00:01:24,729
- since we lost...
- Yeah, uh... uh, o-okay.
28
00:01:24,813 --> 00:01:27,363
- Thank you.
- ♪ Nothing I can do
29
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:30,605
♪ 'Cause
you don't wanna try ♪
30
00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:32,868
And that side
never stops coming.
31
00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:35,001
We need some good news,
Meredith.
32
00:01:35,085 --> 00:01:35,901
Please, just...
33
00:01:35,986 --> 00:01:39,527
- we really need some good news.
- ♪ I would've walked through hell ♪
34
00:01:39,612 --> 00:01:41,485
♪ To find another way
35
00:01:41,619 --> 00:01:44,792
♪ I would've laid me down
36
00:01:44,877 --> 00:01:47,100
- ♪ If I knew that you would stay ♪
- It's you again!
37
00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:50,712
♪ I would've crossed the stars
38
00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:53,019
♪ To keep you in my life
39
00:01:53,103 --> 00:01:56,457
♪ But now I'm falling hard
40
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:58,546
♪ Without you here tonight
41
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:01,183
Captioning provided by
ABC Studios and ABC, Inc.
42
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,267
*GERY'S ANATOMY*
Season 17 Episode 08
43
00:02:03,393 --> 00:02:04,723
Aired on:
March 18, 2021
44
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:06,254
Episode Title:
"It's All Too Much"
45
00:02:08,118 --> 00:02:09,731
You going in today?
46
00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,179
Day off.
47
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:18,261
Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?
48
00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:20,481
Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.
49
00:02:20,565 --> 00:02:22,178
Mm, I have wrapped my head
50
00:02:22,262 --> 00:02:23,440
around the concept,
yeah.
51
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:27,488
I need joy in my life.
52
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,332
Val died,
53
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,727
and DeLuca...
54
00:02:33,269 --> 00:02:35,100
I can't even say it yet.
55
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:38,341
And I physically have
no more room left in my body
56
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:39,341
for sadness.
57
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:43,779
So I am switching specialties
to OB
58
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:47,203
and all I need from you
is encouragement.
59
00:02:47,287 --> 00:02:48,813
You thought
I would judge you for that?
60
00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:51,005
I literally spend all day
every day at work
61
00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:52,621
wanting to
walk out that door
62
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:55,725
just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months
63
00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:56,971
until there's a vaccine.
64
00:02:57,056 --> 00:02:59,693
There's not gonna be a vaccine
in three months.
65
00:02:59,778 --> 00:03:01,043
I'm sorry...
you just said no judging.
66
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:04,046
I know,
but that's just ridiculous.
67
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:07,677
Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?
68
00:03:07,762 --> 00:03:08,833
Yes.
69
00:03:08,917 --> 00:03:10,997
- Wow.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:16,102
What was that?
71
00:03:16,186 --> 00:03:17,712
In lieu of confetti.
72
00:03:21,495 --> 00:03:25,285
♪ I walked outside and got
kissed with a gentle breeze ♪
73
00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:28,375
♪ The sunshine and roses
gave me everything I need ♪
74
00:03:28,481 --> 00:03:30,098
- ♪ I feel alive
- You okay?
75
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:31,989
No.
76
00:03:32,202 --> 00:03:33,858
The kids loved Andrew.
77
00:03:33,943 --> 00:03:35,396
He used to
play his guitar for them
78
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:36,896
and teach them songs
in Italian.
79
00:03:36,981 --> 00:03:38,755
He brought gelato
to every birthday.
80
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,309
And every half-birthday.
81
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:42,949
Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.
82
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:46,262
I'm just so sorry.
83
00:03:46,346 --> 00:03:47,437
For all of you.
84
00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:49,285
Aunt Maggie!
It's your turn!
85
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,059
Okay, Zozo.
86
00:03:52,352 --> 00:03:53,483
I'll be there.
87
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,817
Know what?
88
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,516
I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.
89
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:00,919
Ndugu moves.
What do you say, Zola?
90
00:04:01,004 --> 00:04:02,191
- Gimme a shot?
- Yeah!
91
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,294
- Alright. Make room.
- ♪ Lucky today
92
00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:05,379
Unh!
93
00:04:11,589 --> 00:04:13,507
- ♪ I'm feeling lucky today Hey!
- Yeah?
94
00:04:13,695 --> 00:04:15,482
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
95
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,250
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
96
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:19,848
- Ooh, ooh! Come on!
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, I'm feeling... ♪
97
00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:23,589
And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.
98
00:04:26,604 --> 00:04:28,261
Do you think
that was okay?
99
00:04:28,345 --> 00:04:31,700
It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.
100
00:04:31,809 --> 00:04:33,222
Nothing's "okay."
101
00:04:33,575 --> 00:04:36,617
But funerals
no longer exist, so...
102
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:38,398
Do you want me
to record yours?
103
00:04:38,483 --> 00:04:40,224
I'm, um...
104
00:04:41,358 --> 00:04:42,971
Yeah, just, um...
105
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:44,169
No.
106
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:47,465
And, uh, later today,
107
00:04:47,565 --> 00:04:48,928
I need you to meet a team...
108
00:04:49,012 --> 00:04:50,637
...from county
at the loading dock.
109
00:04:50,769 --> 00:04:52,115
We're giving them PPE.
110
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,090
They're wearing trash bags
over there.
111
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:57,812
Mm.
112
00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:59,770
Do we have extra PPE?
113
00:04:59,854 --> 00:05:02,469
We have more than others.
Which is extra.
114
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,297
When was the last timeyou were home?
115
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:05,820
Hunt! Yeah, Altman.
Come in.
116
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:07,604
Meredith's stable.
117
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,004
I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings today.
118
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:11,919
I'm hopeful.
119
00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:13,523
Hunt,
how are we with beds?
120
00:05:13,607 --> 00:05:17,484
The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.
121
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:21,365
Morale is pretty low
with DeLuca...
122
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,750
It's hit everyone
pretty hard.
123
00:05:22,834 --> 00:05:26,426
Well, I expect
DeLuca's autopsy results
124
00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,114
by the end of the day.
125
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:31,367
You asked for his results?
Why?
126
00:05:31,451 --> 00:05:33,064
Andrew DeLuca
was one of our own.
127
00:05:33,148 --> 00:05:34,841
Obviously,
something went wrong.
128
00:05:34,926 --> 00:05:36,111
I want to know what that was.
129
00:05:38,357 --> 00:05:39,645
That's all.
130
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:48,341
Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.
131
00:05:48,425 --> 00:05:49,989
Well after I could have done
132
00:05:50,073 --> 00:05:52,707
something to change the outcome.
133
00:05:53,425 --> 00:05:55,125
Shut the door
on your way out.
134
00:05:55,405 --> 00:05:56,770
Yes?
135
00:05:58,739 --> 00:05:59,830
Yeah.
136
00:05:59,915 --> 00:06:01,426
Alright.
137
00:06:03,019 --> 00:06:04,325
Dr. Connor to the ICU.
138
00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,254
Thank youfor coming with me.
139
00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:07,735
I wouldn't miss it.
140
00:06:08,343 --> 00:06:09,521
I have privileges,
right?
141
00:06:09,606 --> 00:06:10,973
My department,
my world.
142
00:06:11,058 --> 00:06:12,367
Dr. Gruber to the OR.
143
00:06:12,452 --> 00:06:14,292
- Helm, what do we got?
- Dr. Gruber to the OR.
144
00:06:14,387 --> 00:06:18,396
Byron Gibbis, 52, found
passed out on his front porch.
145
00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:20,833
He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.
146
00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:22,271
Rapid COVID was negative,
147
00:06:22,356 --> 00:06:24,529
no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.
148
00:06:24,614 --> 00:06:25,903
Let's add a cardiac CT.
149
00:06:26,012 --> 00:06:27,669
Um, do you work here?
150
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:28,779
Dr. Winston Ndugu,
151
00:06:28,864 --> 00:06:30,380
cardiothoracic surgeon
from Tufts.
152
00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:32,114
He's got Osler's nodes.
153
00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:38,344
Oh, my God.
My God.
154
00:06:38,428 --> 00:06:40,725
Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.
155
00:06:40,809 --> 00:06:42,116
You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance...
156
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,099
- Get away from me!
- Okay...
157
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:44,561
No, I'm serious.
Everybody back up, okay?
158
00:06:44,645 --> 00:06:46,217
I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?
159
00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:48,441
- Sir, please just...
- Everybody here is sick.
160
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:49,661
Oh, God.
161
00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:51,935
Okay, Byron,
I know that this is a shock
162
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,263
and I know
that you're scared,
163
00:06:53,348 --> 00:06:54,670
but if we don't get
a look at your heart,
164
00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:56,021
you may not make it home.
165
00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:57,427
We have all been tested.
166
00:06:57,512 --> 00:06:59,591
If you need a mask
or if you need a face shield,
167
00:06:59,676 --> 00:07:00,819
we can get you
whatever you need.
168
00:07:00,903 --> 00:07:02,803
But, please, just stay.
169
00:07:02,887 --> 00:07:04,489
I was so good.
170
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:05,850
I didn't go anywhere.
171
00:07:05,934 --> 00:07:07,496
Let's get you ready
for CT.
172
00:07:10,416 --> 00:07:14,341
One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister
173
00:07:14,426 --> 00:07:17,383
and his family
and what a great guy he was.
174
00:07:17,957 --> 00:07:19,864
Next minute,
I'm filled with guilt.
175
00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:21,213
Then I'm filled with rage.
176
00:07:21,347 --> 00:07:22,856
That a person could
177
00:07:24,082 --> 00:07:27,004
Do that
to another human being.
178
00:07:27,434 --> 00:07:30,458
I'm scared. Hopeless.
Sometimes numb.
179
00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:32,130
I can always go back
to guilt.
180
00:07:32,215 --> 00:07:34,096
Guilt is my go-to.
181
00:07:34,512 --> 00:07:37,099
My go-to is numb.
182
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:38,871
Wow.
183
00:07:39,185 --> 00:07:41,747
Did you just describe
exactly what was wrong
184
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:43,740
with our relationship
in only five words?
185
00:07:45,191 --> 00:07:47,474
I think maybe
I just did.
186
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,207
I just...
DeLuca. I...
187
00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:59,072
I-I just can't
get my head around it.
188
00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,559
What is this?
189
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:10,784
Looks like whiskey.
190
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:12,934
Mm, what was it doing
191
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,224
on the top shelf behind
the fancy candlesticks?
192
00:08:15,308 --> 00:08:16,841
What were you doing
on the top shelf
193
00:08:16,926 --> 00:08:17,965
behind the fancy
candlesticks?
194
00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:19,228
Are you drunk?
195
00:08:19,312 --> 00:08:20,543
It's 9:00 in the morning.
196
00:08:20,661 --> 00:08:22,187
Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.
197
00:08:22,271 --> 00:08:24,895
Yeah, well, not me,
Amelia.
198
00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:27,061
I live at home
with four kids.
199
00:08:27,146 --> 00:08:29,586
Sometimes late at night...
200
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,718
...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.
201
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:32,980
We're in a pandemic.
202
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:35,722
You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?
203
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,232
Do youhear yourself?
204
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,638
Hiding alcohol
is an objectively bad sign.
205
00:08:39,723 --> 00:08:41,641
Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.
206
00:08:41,725 --> 00:08:43,469
If you have a problem,
you can talk to me.
207
00:08:43,553 --> 00:08:45,906
I'm, like, literally
the best person in the world
208
00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:48,129
- you could talk to.
- Do you know stressed out I am?
209
00:08:48,213 --> 00:08:49,162
All the time?
210
00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:51,092
And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,
211
00:08:51,176 --> 00:08:53,218
now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention
212
00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,200
that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death
213
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:56,950
by somebody
who sells children for sex.
214
00:08:57,035 --> 00:08:59,013
Okay, that is all of us.
That is not just you.
215
00:08:59,098 --> 00:09:01,400
And not all of us
have to drink to cope.
216
00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,372
You don't have to,
or you don't get to?
217
00:09:03,457 --> 00:09:06,067
Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcoholic.
218
00:09:06,165 --> 00:09:07,428
I'm not in recovery and...
219
00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:10,317
Y'know what?
220
00:09:10,798 --> 00:09:12,348
I can't be here right now.
221
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:14,325
- You're leaving?
- Yes.
222
00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:16,311
Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.
223
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,635
Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.
224
00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:21,051
But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.
225
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,483
And... And this is
one of those times.
226
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:24,364
So, yes, I'm leaving.
227
00:09:26,292 --> 00:09:27,818
And I'm taking this
with me.
228
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:30,778
Oh, and, uh,
just so we're clear...
229
00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,633
I'm coming back.
230
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,347
Because
I'm not a bad guy!
231
00:09:40,739 --> 00:09:43,747
No pressure, Grey, but we really
need you to pull through this.
232
00:09:43,831 --> 00:09:46,496
This place
can't stand another loss.
233
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,637
Are we ready?
234
00:09:48,844 --> 00:09:50,599
I'm gonna lighten
her sedation...
235
00:09:51,839 --> 00:09:54,366
...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.
236
00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:57,177
And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward
237
00:09:57,262 --> 00:09:58,841
with spontaneous
breathing trials.
238
00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:00,686
Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this
239
00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:01,939
with the
respiratory therapist.
240
00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:03,332
Maybe you should
get some rest.
241
00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:05,247
I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.
242
00:10:05,331 --> 00:10:08,247
Which has nothing to do with
getting Meredith off the vent.
243
00:10:16,721 --> 00:10:18,201
Come on, Grey.
244
00:10:20,433 --> 00:10:22,466
Come on, Grey,
you can do this.
245
00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:26,474
You look just like Ellis
just now,
246
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:27,741
the way you're looking
at your feet.
247
00:10:27,825 --> 00:10:28,872
So serious.
248
00:10:28,957 --> 00:10:30,881
Then she gets that
worried little brow.
249
00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:35,494
This is torture!
250
00:10:35,578 --> 00:10:37,200
You're right here,
and I can't...
251
00:10:37,285 --> 00:10:38,419
It's torture!
252
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,282
It's a torture
of your own devising.
253
00:10:40,366 --> 00:10:42,225
You were always good at that.
254
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,546
Good at what?
255
00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:45,028
Torturing yourself.
256
00:10:45,114 --> 00:10:47,607
I don't do that
as much anymore.
257
00:10:52,594 --> 00:10:54,841
You never got to meet Ellis.
258
00:10:54,926 --> 00:10:56,302
We didn't even know.
259
00:10:56,387 --> 00:10:58,215
I wish
you got to know her.
260
00:10:58,542 --> 00:11:00,293
She looks just like you.
261
00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:02,521
She breaks the rules
just like you.
262
00:11:02,606 --> 00:11:05,959
And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.
263
00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:11,442
And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.
264
00:11:12,832 --> 00:11:16,005
Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,
265
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,099
and... and gets enraged
at the thought
266
00:11:18,184 --> 00:11:20,184
of anybody wanting to
cut down a tree.
267
00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:29,576
Is... Is this thing clean?
268
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:31,982
People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.
269
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,568
We thoroughly disinfect
the entire room
270
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:35,700
in between patients.
271
00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:38,115
- Sir?
- Just... I need a minute, okay?
272
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,177
Can I leave my face shield on,
please?
273
00:11:40,262 --> 00:11:41,864
- Sure.
- Oh, God.
274
00:11:43,004 --> 00:11:45,021
If you'd like,
I can stay with you.
275
00:11:45,106 --> 00:11:46,450
- I can hold your foot or...
- No, no, no, no. I don't want
276
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:48,669
anybody touching me.
Nobody touches me, okay?
277
00:11:48,754 --> 00:11:51,786
Osler's nodes,
so... endocarditis.
278
00:11:51,871 --> 00:11:54,129
Yes, but what is
the underlying cause?
279
00:11:54,317 --> 00:11:55,857
He denies
intravenous drug use,
280
00:11:55,942 --> 00:11:58,458
there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes...
281
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:01,075
He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?
282
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,286
May I?
283
00:12:04,612 --> 00:12:06,059
- Hey, Byron.
- Yeah?
284
00:12:06,144 --> 00:12:08,490
Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?
285
00:12:08,575 --> 00:12:11,599
I had a... a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,
286
00:12:11,684 --> 00:12:12,787
and I picked it out
with a paperclip
287
00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:14,615
and... and now my gums
are a little sore,
288
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,975
but I-I'm not going
to the dentist.
289
00:12:16,059 --> 00:12:17,928
I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes
290
00:12:18,012 --> 00:12:19,225
inhaling somebody's
spit droplets.
291
00:12:19,309 --> 00:12:20,825
- No way.
- Bingo.
292
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:24,395
Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.
293
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:28,746
Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valves.
294
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:31,270
Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.
295
00:12:33,028 --> 00:12:34,641
I thought of it.
296
00:12:34,725 --> 00:12:36,068
You just said it first.
297
00:12:36,153 --> 00:12:38,166
Oh, yeah, I believe you.
298
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:39,905
100%.
299
00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:46,523
Were you looking
for me, dear?
300
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:48,211
Yeah, I was.
Yeah.
301
00:12:53,098 --> 00:12:55,271
You know, I built my life,
302
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,270
my sanity,
303
00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:59,883
my sobriety...
304
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:03,387
around the surrender
to a higher power.
305
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:04,933
I mean, for me,
306
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,937
it's the belief
that there's some purpose.
307
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:14,072
That there's
a... a bigger plan.
308
00:13:14,156 --> 00:13:17,840
Something that if
I got all the way above it
309
00:13:17,981 --> 00:13:20,176
and could look down on it
310
00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:21,819
like, um...
311
00:13:21,904 --> 00:13:24,568
- like a jigsaw puzzle, okay?
- Mm.
312
00:13:24,731 --> 00:13:27,390
That somehow it would...
it would make sense.
313
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,045
My faith is rooted
in the trust
314
00:13:30,129 --> 00:13:34,397
that there's a... a meaning
and a wisdom
315
00:13:35,426 --> 00:13:38,967
that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.
316
00:13:39,223 --> 00:13:42,864
A faith that
whoever made this puzzle,
317
00:13:43,418 --> 00:13:45,231
it makes sense to Him.
318
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,567
- And it's beautiful.
- Mm.
319
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,982
Today,
I'm... I'm struggling.
320
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:56,027
I'm struggling
with my faith.
321
00:13:56,111 --> 00:13:58,809
I'm struggling
to trust anything.
322
00:14:00,637 --> 00:14:07,145
And I just cannot
see any wisdom in this.
323
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:14,692
I live
with stage 4 cancer.
324
00:14:14,996 --> 00:14:18,093
A cancer
very few people survive.
325
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:21,193
I just got the results
from my latest scan,
326
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:24,098
and... nothing has grown.
327
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:27,450
It makes no sense.
328
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,029
Everywhere we look,
329
00:14:29,114 --> 00:14:32,411
someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.
330
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,371
It makes no sense.
331
00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:38,910
"Puzzle"
is the right word.
332
00:14:39,285 --> 00:14:45,729
You can look for the pain,
the lost, the unbearable.
333
00:14:46,028 --> 00:14:50,043
Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...
334
00:14:50,637 --> 00:14:52,518
the miracle.
335
00:14:52,879 --> 00:14:55,793
And nothing grew?
336
00:14:56,653 --> 00:14:58,959
Nothing grew.
337
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:06,576
Okay, so, I know
that people buy and trade
338
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:09,653
and get rich
and then just lose everything.
339
00:15:09,832 --> 00:15:12,543
But what exactly
is the stock market?
340
00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:15,013
It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.
341
00:15:15,153 --> 00:15:16,708
Why? Well, questions like that
342
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:18,209
make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.
343
00:15:21,926 --> 00:15:24,594
Uh...
who is it?
344
00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:26,683
It's Jackson Avery!
345
00:15:26,767 --> 00:15:28,337
I'm here for a quick bang.
346
00:15:28,421 --> 00:15:29,816
I...
Jo!
347
00:15:30,025 --> 00:15:31,070
I...
348
00:15:36,976 --> 00:15:38,655
Shut up.
349
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:40,001
Bad time?
350
00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:44,620
Oh, crap.
351
00:15:44,865 --> 00:15:46,529
Hey. Really bad time.
352
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,796
Um, I brought whiskey.
353
00:15:48,889 --> 00:15:51,514
Oh, we're day drinking.
Ah!
354
00:15:51,622 --> 00:15:53,633
Sorry, dude.
I didn't realize, uh...
355
00:15:53,717 --> 00:15:54,972
No, no, it's cool.
356
00:15:55,056 --> 00:15:57,632
Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.
357
00:15:57,717 --> 00:15:59,608
Yep. Sweet deal.
358
00:16:01,357 --> 00:16:02,588
Here.
359
00:16:02,672 --> 00:16:03,981
Oh, no,
I'm on, uh, call.
360
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:05,475
Oh! Dibs.
361
00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,991
Okay. Cheers.
362
00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:10,553
Happy...
363
00:16:10,786 --> 00:16:12,240
all-our-friends-are-dying
day.
364
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:22,850
I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.
365
00:16:22,943 --> 00:16:26,101
His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 64%,
366
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,834
so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.
367
00:16:28,936 --> 00:16:30,921
Who cleans his teeth
with a paperclip?
368
00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:33,772
Isolation makes people
do crazy things.
369
00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,483
We're not meant
to be alone.
370
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:38,655
People physically
need people.
371
00:16:43,107 --> 00:16:45,327
Oh, no, no! Don't...
Don't... Don't touch me!
372
00:16:45,412 --> 00:16:47,928
Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.
373
00:16:48,076 --> 00:16:50,086
- Dr. Pierce!
- I'm sorry. I can't be here!
374
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:52,711
- I can't do this. I can't! Get away from me!
- Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.
375
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:54,711
- Dr. Pierce! A little help?
- I can't be here! I can't be here!
376
00:16:54,795 --> 00:16:56,613
- Oh, God.
- I can't! I can't be here.
377
00:16:56,698 --> 00:16:58,787
I can't.
I need to get out of here!
378
00:17:01,303 --> 00:17:03,771
Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.
379
00:17:03,882 --> 00:17:05,407
- You go to the OR board.
- I don't know where that is.
380
00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,280
- It's...
- Did anyone lose a naked man?
381
00:17:07,365 --> 00:17:08,732
Because he went that way.
382
00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:09,983
Oh.
383
00:17:14,235 --> 00:17:15,326
Byron?
384
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:26,912
Hey, Byron.
385
00:17:26,997 --> 00:17:28,376
I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
386
00:17:30,536 --> 00:17:32,123
I can't do this.
I can't be here.
387
00:17:32,207 --> 00:17:33,608
I...
388
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:36,176
Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.
389
00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:38,130
Honey, you're not wearing
anything.
390
00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,982
My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.
391
00:17:47,403 --> 00:17:49,491
Never worked a day job
his entire life,
392
00:17:49,576 --> 00:17:50,593
he didn't smoke,
he didn't drink,
393
00:17:50,677 --> 00:17:51,892
he... he ran triathlons.
394
00:17:52,086 --> 00:17:54,526
He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A week!
395
00:17:54,611 --> 00:17:56,443
Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.
396
00:17:56,527 --> 00:17:57,792
Do you know
how many people
397
00:17:57,998 --> 00:17:59,568
they're projecting die
from this?
398
00:17:59,676 --> 00:18:02,073
- Hundreds of thousands.
- I know.
399
00:18:02,157 --> 00:18:04,615
And if you
want to walk out of here,
400
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,076
I'm not gonna stop you.
401
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:07,725
Wait, what?
402
00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:09,254
But I will follow you.
403
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,299
Because your heart's
only gonna get worse,
404
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,991
and I owe it to you,
405
00:18:13,076 --> 00:18:14,824
I owe it to my oath,
406
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,474
I owe it...
407
00:18:19,651 --> 00:18:21,701
I lost someone, too,
Byron.
408
00:18:22,307 --> 00:18:23,794
Not COVID.
409
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,097
But I know that pain,
410
00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:32,016
and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.
411
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,529
But I think...
412
00:18:35,991 --> 00:18:38,673
I think we owe it
to the people we lost
413
00:18:38,758 --> 00:18:40,633
to live the lives
that they can't.
414
00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:44,724
Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.
415
00:18:45,169 --> 00:18:48,119
Byron, you have a problem
that we can fix.
416
00:18:48,203 --> 00:18:49,468
We can fix this.
417
00:18:49,552 --> 00:18:50,904
But you have to let us.
418
00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:52,732
I don't want to die.
419
00:18:52,816 --> 00:18:53,950
I don't want to die.
420
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:56,083
I don't want you to die,
either.
421
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:09,747
Okay.
422
00:19:10,263 --> 00:19:11,403
Okay.
423
00:19:11,487 --> 00:19:14,275
Let's get you
a gown first.
424
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,341
She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.
425
00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:18,691
And then
we saved her baby.
426
00:19:18,776 --> 00:19:20,389
And then...
427
00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:21,783
she died.
428
00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:23,960
It's like,
during a pandemic,
429
00:19:24,045 --> 00:19:26,921
shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?
430
00:19:27,045 --> 00:19:28,484
You're seriously
gonna quit surgery?
431
00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:30,076
I need some good things
in my life.
432
00:19:30,161 --> 00:19:31,357
And babies are good.
433
00:19:31,458 --> 00:19:33,381
You realize OB
is all about moms, yeah?
434
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,123
Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.
435
00:19:36,207 --> 00:19:38,343
Not having my own
any time soon...
436
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:39,387
Fingers crossed.
437
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:40,982
...or maybe ever,
438
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,898
so I might as well hang out
with some others.
439
00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:44,856
I got like 15 of them
at home.
440
00:19:44,941 --> 00:19:47,225
- Hang out with those.
- It's so unfair!
441
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:49,702
You and Amelia
didn't even want a baby,
442
00:19:49,786 --> 00:19:51,944
and then you got one
and neither of you died.
443
00:19:52,029 --> 00:19:54,005
Oh, poor you.
444
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:57,194
You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.
445
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:58,742
No, we're not...
not dating. It's just sex.
446
00:19:58,826 --> 00:20:00,631
- And you can still work.
- Oh.
447
00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:02,932
Last time
my life sucked this bad,
448
00:20:03,016 --> 00:20:05,326
I quit medicine
and moved to Venice Beach.
449
00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:07,014
Ah, yes.
The bike shop, right?
450
00:20:07,099 --> 00:20:08,373
Heaven.
451
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,157
Jackson wants to
run away to the woods.
452
00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:11,326
Oh, nice.
Can I come?
453
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:12,632
No, that would defeat
the purpose.
454
00:20:12,716 --> 00:20:14,466
What is
the purpose?
455
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:16,555
- You kidding? Escape. Outta here.
- Mm.
456
00:20:16,732 --> 00:20:19,147
Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.
457
00:20:19,232 --> 00:20:20,515
Escape from humanity.
458
00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:22,123
I mean,
trees don't murder people.
459
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:23,562
- Trees are not racist.
- Mm-hmm.
460
00:20:23,646 --> 00:20:25,433
Trees do not
politicize a disease
461
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:26,521
and convince
millions of people
462
00:20:26,605 --> 00:20:27,866
not to protect themselves
and others
463
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:30,221
by using a simple piece of damn
fabric on their faces, so...
464
00:20:30,305 --> 00:20:31,982
Trees don't even
have faces.
465
00:20:32,067 --> 00:20:33,553
You know what?
Maybe you can come.
466
00:20:35,223 --> 00:20:36,444
Ohh!
467
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:39,708
♪ Oh
468
00:20:41,751 --> 00:20:44,491
Uh, primary repair
of the stomach...
469
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,218
...diaphragm, splenectomy,
470
00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:48,592
and repair
of ventricular injury...
471
00:20:48,677 --> 00:20:50,279
all intact.
472
00:20:51,215 --> 00:20:53,591
Ultimately died
from coagulopathy.
473
00:20:53,676 --> 00:20:55,985
- Like I told you.
- Well, now we have it in writing.
474
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,584
Which will make
the M&M go smoothly.
475
00:20:58,669 --> 00:20:59,859
The M&M?
476
00:21:00,076 --> 00:21:01,996
Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?
477
00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:03,779
It's Andrew DeLuca.
478
00:21:03,864 --> 00:21:06,310
He gave five years of his life
to this hospital.
479
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,958
We own him due diligence.
480
00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,613
What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?
481
00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:13,513
The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,
482
00:21:13,763 --> 00:21:16,440
who hardly sleep or eat
or even shower,
483
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,486
who see their families
on screens...
484
00:21:18,693 --> 00:21:21,811
Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,
485
00:21:21,896 --> 00:21:24,170
and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer
486
00:21:24,255 --> 00:21:25,951
and be grilled
on whether they messed up
487
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:27,756
trying to save
one of their own?
488
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,541
Let them grieve,
for God's sake!
489
00:21:37,501 --> 00:21:39,591
You are causing me harm.
490
00:21:40,244 --> 00:21:44,240
You are causing harm
to Hunt and Altman.
491
00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:48,603
DeLuca was a victim
of a horrible crime,
492
00:21:48,687 --> 00:21:50,833
and he lost
too much blood.
493
00:21:50,982 --> 00:21:54,740
No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.
494
00:21:54,824 --> 00:21:56,678
And the mere suggestion
that any of us
495
00:21:56,763 --> 00:21:59,958
didn't do everything possible
to save his life...
496
00:22:02,397 --> 00:22:04,819
...it's a pain
I wouldn't put on anyone.
497
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,701
I want you closer.
498
00:22:19,877 --> 00:22:22,419
Could you please
just come here?
499
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:26,959
Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola
500
00:22:27,044 --> 00:22:28,339
how to ride a bike?
501
00:22:28,423 --> 00:22:30,384
She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,
502
00:22:30,468 --> 00:22:33,341
and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."
503
00:22:33,458 --> 00:22:36,216
And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.
504
00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:38,366
Well, I was trying
not to laugh.
505
00:22:38,451 --> 00:22:40,568
So am I.
506
00:22:40,997 --> 00:22:43,919
I can't do it for you.
507
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,505
It's your beach.
508
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:48,497
Zola's amazing,
isn't she?
509
00:22:48,731 --> 00:22:51,782
I mean,
she's just so brilliant.
510
00:22:51,968 --> 00:22:53,475
She writes me letters
in her journal.
511
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,037
Did you know that?
512
00:23:01,064 --> 00:23:03,094
Well, what is that?
What is that face?
513
00:23:03,179 --> 00:23:05,184
Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?
514
00:23:05,269 --> 00:23:06,585
No!
515
00:23:06,670 --> 00:23:07,876
No.
516
00:23:07,961 --> 00:23:09,243
You would relax.
517
00:23:32,617 --> 00:23:34,133
It hasn't been that long.
518
00:23:34,305 --> 00:23:36,276
Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,
519
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:37,712
at least run another ABG.
520
00:23:37,796 --> 00:23:39,330
And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest
521
00:23:39,414 --> 00:23:41,412
while we wait
for the results?
522
00:23:41,496 --> 00:23:43,239
I'm turning the settings
back up.
523
00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:46,946
Grey's staying
on the vent.
524
00:23:57,682 --> 00:23:59,430
How's the book report
coming?
525
00:24:00,722 --> 00:24:03,293
That was
one of my favorites.
526
00:24:03,377 --> 00:24:05,126
That's what grownups say
to convince you
527
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:06,369
to finish your homework.
528
00:24:06,454 --> 00:24:07,868
You got me there.
529
00:24:08,730 --> 00:24:11,518
I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.
530
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:14,744
Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?
531
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,368
Your mom is pretty smart.
532
00:24:19,828 --> 00:24:22,798
If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,
533
00:24:22,883 --> 00:24:24,052
would you take it?
534
00:24:24,136 --> 00:24:25,489
I don't know.
535
00:24:25,573 --> 00:24:26,925
Uncle Link said,
"Heck yeah."
536
00:24:27,009 --> 00:24:28,789
That sounds like him.
537
00:24:29,648 --> 00:24:31,537
Me, I don't know.
538
00:24:31,704 --> 00:24:35,907
I think the fact
that we can't live forever
539
00:24:36,243 --> 00:24:39,329
is one of the things
that makes life so special.
540
00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:41,048
Impermanence.
541
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:42,723
I think if we could
live forever,
542
00:24:42,807 --> 00:24:45,248
we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love
543
00:24:45,332 --> 00:24:47,293
instead of holding tight
while we still can.
544
00:24:47,377 --> 00:24:49,164
Impermanence.
545
00:24:49,555 --> 00:24:50,818
I like that word.
546
00:24:51,054 --> 00:24:52,529
Me too.
547
00:24:52,614 --> 00:24:55,838
If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.
548
00:24:56,493 --> 00:24:58,158
Me too.
549
00:24:59,955 --> 00:25:01,612
Hey,
you want to call her?
550
00:25:01,774 --> 00:25:03,383
Alright.
551
00:25:10,444 --> 00:25:11,548
Hello there.
552
00:25:11,633 --> 00:25:12,731
Can we have a minute?
553
00:25:12,816 --> 00:25:13,883
Of course.
554
00:25:15,479 --> 00:25:19,050
Hi, Mommy.
I miss you so much.
555
00:25:19,191 --> 00:25:20,289
I love you.
556
00:25:20,495 --> 00:25:24,633
Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.
557
00:25:25,719 --> 00:25:27,438
How are you doing?
558
00:25:27,555 --> 00:25:28,943
It didn't work?
559
00:25:29,143 --> 00:25:31,571
Altman wants to try again
in a day or so.
560
00:25:36,754 --> 00:25:38,669
When I lost my wife,
um...
561
00:25:40,952 --> 00:25:42,305
...the therapist,
she said that
562
00:25:42,389 --> 00:25:45,917
there's no wrong way
to process the loss,
563
00:25:46,195 --> 00:25:47,849
the grief.
564
00:25:49,571 --> 00:25:51,414
But there is.
565
00:25:52,747 --> 00:25:55,336
Over a bloody computer screen,
it's...
566
00:25:56,925 --> 00:25:58,500
...it's wrong.
567
00:25:58,744 --> 00:26:00,323
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
568
00:26:00,407 --> 00:26:02,934
Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.
569
00:26:05,455 --> 00:26:06,836
Ohh!
Oh!
570
00:26:06,961 --> 00:26:10,289
You know the rules.
Who deserves it?
571
00:26:10,373 --> 00:26:11,586
Deserves what?
Rules to what?
572
00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:13,898
"Make it Sadder."
We tell our sob stories,
573
00:26:13,983 --> 00:26:17,642
and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.
574
00:26:17,883 --> 00:26:19,688
"Make it Sadder"?
That's fun?
575
00:26:19,782 --> 00:26:20,822
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
576
00:26:20,907 --> 00:26:22,388
Okay. Alright.
I'll be the judge.
577
00:26:22,472 --> 00:26:23,433
I'll be the judge.
Alright, go.Okay.
578
00:26:23,517 --> 00:26:24,825
Alright.
579
00:26:24,909 --> 00:26:28,263
I am currently raising
four children
580
00:26:28,347 --> 00:26:30,657
in a hellscape of a world
581
00:26:30,741 --> 00:26:32,529
where people
don't listen to science.
582
00:26:32,613 --> 00:26:35,358
My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding
583
00:26:35,442 --> 00:26:36,837
even though
there's a pandemic,
584
00:26:36,922 --> 00:26:38,491
so they'll probably
get sick and die.
585
00:26:38,575 --> 00:26:41,886
And, uh, my last shred
of me-time...
586
00:26:41,970 --> 00:26:43,376
sneaking an occasional drink,
587
00:26:43,461 --> 00:26:44,986
which was already
pretty pathetic,
588
00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:48,327
I know... is now ruined.
589
00:26:48,532 --> 00:26:50,590
- Strong. Yeah.
- Mm, alright.
590
00:26:50,674 --> 00:26:56,161
I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.
591
00:26:56,336 --> 00:26:58,680
I had crawled out
of my depression,
592
00:26:58,765 --> 00:27:02,555
and I was all set
to start over by...
593
00:27:02,730 --> 00:27:03,704
going...
594
00:27:05,297 --> 00:27:08,118
...going on dates.
595
00:27:08,203 --> 00:27:09,347
- Oh, yeah.
- Aww!
596
00:27:09,432 --> 00:27:11,219
Okay, yes, yes.
597
00:27:11,303 --> 00:27:13,787
You guys,
I even bought outfits, okay?
598
00:27:13,871 --> 00:27:17,375
Hang on. Okay.
Ah! Okay.Alright.
599
00:27:17,571 --> 00:27:19,184
Let me show you.
600
00:27:19,268 --> 00:27:22,317
What do we have?
Oh, this is cute, right?
601
00:27:22,401 --> 00:27:26,234
The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.
602
00:27:26,318 --> 00:27:27,509
Oh, what about this?
603
00:27:27,594 --> 00:27:29,368
This, for the, um,
career girl
604
00:27:29,452 --> 00:27:31,849
that just spent, um,
seven hours
605
00:27:31,933 --> 00:27:34,460
making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.
606
00:27:34,544 --> 00:27:36,636
Or...
Or...
607
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,305
How about this?
608
00:27:38,505 --> 00:27:42,572
This, for... for
the funeral of a co-worker
609
00:27:42,657 --> 00:27:44,735
who got stabbed to death...
610
00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:49,856
who doesn't even
get a funeral.
611
00:27:54,298 --> 00:27:56,758
Okay,
Jo wins the last shot.
612
00:27:58,742 --> 00:28:00,399
No, no!
613
00:28:00,483 --> 00:28:01,618
Yes. No way. Unh-unh.
614
00:28:01,719 --> 00:28:02,947
- Unh-unh.
- Thank you so much.
615
00:28:03,032 --> 00:28:06,579
She has an entire loft
all to herself!
616
00:28:06,663 --> 00:28:07,798
Mnh-mnh.
617
00:28:09,100 --> 00:28:10,104
- Hold on.
- Ahh!
618
00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:12,411
What's that?
619
00:28:12,578 --> 00:28:13,576
It's Richard.
620
00:28:13,661 --> 00:28:15,579
The memorial for DeLuca
is tonight.
621
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:19,679
Alright, I'll drive.
622
00:28:20,149 --> 00:28:22,625
Let's, um, get ready.
623
00:28:23,593 --> 00:28:24,989
Orderly to 6 East.
624
00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:47,454
Hey. Uh, just moved
Mr. Cabrera up here.
625
00:28:47,539 --> 00:28:48,680
Another complete white-out.
626
00:28:48,765 --> 00:28:51,133
- How's Meredith?
- Um, uh...
627
00:28:51,490 --> 00:28:52,973
It... It didn't work.
628
00:28:53,172 --> 00:28:55,585
And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.
629
00:28:55,821 --> 00:28:58,631
Well, DeLuca's autopsy results
came back.
630
00:28:58,715 --> 00:29:00,446
We did everything
that we could.
631
00:29:00,533 --> 00:29:02,144
I know that.
632
00:29:03,545 --> 00:29:05,204
And he's still dead.
633
00:29:17,385 --> 00:29:20,173
Your kids call every day
on a video chat.
634
00:29:20,454 --> 00:29:22,180
Don't know
if you can hear them.
635
00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:25,752
Don't even know
if you can hear me now.
636
00:29:25,836 --> 00:29:28,977
♪ There's a million things
637
00:29:29,062 --> 00:29:30,789
You look perfect.
638
00:29:31,407 --> 00:29:34,972
♪ I can't control
639
00:29:35,056 --> 00:29:36,495
Maybe... Maybe
640
00:29:36,579 --> 00:29:38,628
it's none of my business,
Grey,
641
00:29:38,712 --> 00:29:40,455
but I'm begging you.
642
00:29:40,539 --> 00:29:41,727
Fight.
643
00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:45,056
♪ There is one thing
that I know ♪
644
00:29:45,141 --> 00:29:46,810
That's up to you.
645
00:29:46,894 --> 00:29:48,463
But if you're asking me,
646
00:29:48,547 --> 00:29:50,001
you should hear him out.
647
00:29:50,086 --> 00:29:51,292
They need you, Grey.
648
00:29:51,376 --> 00:29:52,859
The little one...
649
00:29:52,943 --> 00:29:55,253
- Ellis.
- She looks just like you.
650
00:29:55,337 --> 00:29:57,243
She got
all your expressions.
651
00:29:57,328 --> 00:29:58,954
She doesn't smile
easy or often,
652
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,129
but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.
653
00:30:02,214 --> 00:30:04,175
What did you do
to make her smile?
654
00:30:04,259 --> 00:30:05,517
You shoulda seen it...
655
00:30:05,602 --> 00:30:06,786
she smiles and she smiles,
656
00:30:06,870 --> 00:30:09,223
and it gets bigger
and bigger until...
657
00:30:09,307 --> 00:30:11,574
Boom!
She just bursts out laughing.
658
00:30:11,658 --> 00:30:14,098
What did you do
to make her laugh?
659
00:30:14,182 --> 00:30:16,100
Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard
660
00:30:16,184 --> 00:30:17,231
right in his ear.
661
00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:18,276
That's Bailey.
662
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:19,669
And then the oldest one
comes in,
663
00:30:19,753 --> 00:30:22,236
and she takes the tablet
and says they're hogging it
664
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,716
and that she needs
time with you, too,
665
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:27,241
because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.
666
00:30:27,325 --> 00:30:29,287
Zola.
667
00:30:29,371 --> 00:30:32,769
Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.
668
00:30:32,853 --> 00:30:35,598
Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.
669
00:30:35,682 --> 00:30:39,166
But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.
670
00:30:39,250 --> 00:30:41,516
And she's
sittin' in the dark.
671
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,431
She's in her closet.
672
00:30:43,515 --> 00:30:46,043
That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.
673
00:30:46,127 --> 00:30:49,220
And she says,
"I'm really sorry, Mum.
674
00:30:49,304 --> 00:30:51,091
Didn't mean for things
to get so violent.
675
00:30:51,175 --> 00:30:54,051
Ellis can be
truly infuriating."
676
00:30:56,180 --> 00:30:58,316
They need you, Grey.
677
00:30:58,400 --> 00:30:59,709
I know.
678
00:30:59,793 --> 00:31:01,145
They need you to fight.
679
00:31:01,229 --> 00:31:05,715
♪ My thoughts don't drift
680
00:31:05,799 --> 00:31:08,249
-♪ When you're around
- We all need you to fight.
681
00:31:08,674 --> 00:31:11,694
I don't know that I can.
682
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:15,608
It's... so warm here.
683
00:31:15,716 --> 00:31:17,982
The water is so cool.
684
00:31:18,265 --> 00:31:20,033
I feel so relaxed.
685
00:31:20,117 --> 00:31:21,774
And there's no pain.
686
00:31:21,858 --> 00:31:23,727
I watched my kids
lose their mum.
687
00:31:23,812 --> 00:31:25,345
You don't want
that for your kids, Grey.
688
00:31:25,429 --> 00:31:27,608
There are people getting better
here every day.
689
00:31:27,710 --> 00:31:29,608
You could be
one of those people.
690
00:31:29,692 --> 00:31:31,374
♪ Nothing is forever
691
00:31:31,459 --> 00:31:33,927
I believe that you could.
692
00:31:34,052 --> 00:31:36,031
'Cause I've heard the stories a
bout other fights
693
00:31:36,116 --> 00:31:37,661
you've already won, so...
694
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:42,233
- ♪ You're my anchor in the ocean ♪
- So I'm asking you to fight.
695
00:31:42,318 --> 00:31:44,014
You fight, Grey.
696
00:31:44,098 --> 00:31:45,911
♪ Tides will change ♪
697
00:31:45,996 --> 00:31:48,568
- ♪ The sea can't help it ♪
- It's okay. I'll be right here.
698
00:31:48,653 --> 00:31:51,279
♪ Nothing is forever
699
00:31:51,364 --> 00:31:57,680
♪ When it feels like
I'm in constant motion ♪
700
00:31:57,764 --> 00:32:04,599
♪ You're my anchor
in the ocean ♪
701
00:32:21,309 --> 00:32:23,810
Dr. Webber
set something up for DeLuca.
702
00:32:24,537 --> 00:32:25,904
A memorial.
703
00:32:34,027 --> 00:32:35,716
I'm not a great Jew.
704
00:32:37,944 --> 00:32:40,700
I cheated
at my bar mitzvah.
705
00:32:40,949 --> 00:32:45,483
I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins
706
00:32:45,568 --> 00:32:47,217
that I didn't learn Hebrew,
707
00:32:47,301 --> 00:32:50,263
so I just wrote it out
phonetically and read that instead.
708
00:32:50,404 --> 00:32:54,093
I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.
709
00:32:54,177 --> 00:32:56,263
And if I'm honest, I...
710
00:32:56,789 --> 00:32:58,707
go back and forth
about believing in God,
711
00:32:58,791 --> 00:33:01,753
which is actually very Jewish,
but...
712
00:33:01,946 --> 00:33:04,644
It's the traditions
that I find helpful.
713
00:33:06,203 --> 00:33:09,341
When a loved one dies,
we have...
714
00:33:09,426 --> 00:33:13,041
rules about how to grieve
and move on.
715
00:33:13,253 --> 00:33:14,649
Protocols.
716
00:33:14,849 --> 00:33:19,536
We force ourselves
to sit in the pain.
717
00:33:19,812 --> 00:33:21,646
We cry.
718
00:33:22,466 --> 00:33:24,123
And we laugh.
719
00:33:24,207 --> 00:33:26,822
And we eat a lot.
720
00:33:27,068 --> 00:33:29,591
And it doesn't bring
the person back,
721
00:33:30,871 --> 00:33:32,841
but it does
start the healing.
722
00:33:37,263 --> 00:33:39,050
Chief, your mom died.
723
00:33:43,117 --> 00:33:44,383
My mom makes me crazy,
724
00:33:44,506 --> 00:33:47,381
but I'm gonna fall apart
when she dies.
725
00:33:47,622 --> 00:33:50,982
And you have people
you can be with.
726
00:33:52,466 --> 00:33:57,333
People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.
727
00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:01,263
This pandemic
has taken so much.
728
00:34:03,333 --> 00:34:05,074
Don't give it that,
too.
729
00:34:06,467 --> 00:34:08,603
♪ There's a light
730
00:34:11,646 --> 00:34:14,043
♪ A certain kind of light
731
00:34:16,340 --> 00:34:21,571
♪ It's never shone on me
732
00:34:21,656 --> 00:34:23,052
Hey.
733
00:34:23,294 --> 00:34:24,310
Oh, sorry.
734
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:28,056
Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.
735
00:34:28,141 --> 00:34:30,102
He's sedated and stable.
736
00:34:30,186 --> 00:34:33,018
You gonna go
to the memorial?
737
00:34:33,102 --> 00:34:36,138
I thought bad things
about him.
738
00:34:36,506 --> 00:34:41,896
When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."
739
00:34:42,068 --> 00:34:44,029
I had no compassion.
740
00:34:44,113 --> 00:34:45,716
And now he's just...
741
00:34:45,934 --> 00:34:47,548
dead.
742
00:34:47,633 --> 00:34:48,729
And we can't hug.
743
00:34:48,814 --> 00:34:51,167
And as a rule,
I hate hugs, but...
744
00:34:51,286 --> 00:34:52,676
♪ What good does...
745
00:34:52,761 --> 00:34:56,045
...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves
746
00:34:56,130 --> 00:34:57,013
in over two months,
747
00:34:57,098 --> 00:35:01,105
and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that patient.
748
00:35:01,190 --> 00:35:02,586
Another week of this and...
749
00:35:02,687 --> 00:35:04,638
I'll be running through
the hospital naked.
750
00:35:04,723 --> 00:35:06,051
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
751
00:35:06,135 --> 00:35:07,536
Stand up.
752
00:35:08,498 --> 00:35:09,502
And turn around.
753
00:35:09,773 --> 00:35:11,299
I'm sorry?
754
00:35:11,415 --> 00:35:12,680
Just trust me.
755
00:35:15,448 --> 00:35:19,150
♪ To love somebody
756
00:35:19,235 --> 00:35:22,720
♪ To love somebody
757
00:35:22,804 --> 00:35:25,154
♪ The way I love you
758
00:35:30,333 --> 00:35:35,080
♪ You don't know
what it's like ♪
759
00:35:36,862 --> 00:35:37,565
Thank you.
760
00:35:37,650 --> 00:35:42,260
♪ Baby, you don't know what it's like ♪
761
00:35:42,345 --> 00:35:43,721
Spread out, please.
762
00:35:43,806 --> 00:35:46,455
We may be outside, but we still
need to maintain our distance.
763
00:35:46,597 --> 00:35:49,690
♪ To love somebody
764
00:35:49,962 --> 00:35:53,377
♪ The way I love you
765
00:36:04,237 --> 00:36:07,241
♪ The way I love you
766
00:36:12,767 --> 00:36:13,858
Richard.
767
00:36:15,074 --> 00:36:16,556
I'm...
768
00:36:16,771 --> 00:36:19,603
I need to
take some time off.
769
00:36:19,687 --> 00:36:20,909
I'm not sure how long.
770
00:36:20,993 --> 00:36:22,998
But I-I need to go home.
771
00:36:23,082 --> 00:36:24,782
However long you need.
772
00:36:28,055 --> 00:36:32,251
Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?
773
00:36:32,465 --> 00:36:34,600
Thank you.
774
00:36:34,956 --> 00:36:37,788
I appreciate
you all being here tonight.
775
00:36:38,329 --> 00:36:41,384
Grey-Sloan is a family.
776
00:36:41,622 --> 00:36:44,696
And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.
777
00:36:44,834 --> 00:36:47,710
And his death,
however brave...
778
00:36:48,618 --> 00:36:50,852
Well,
it's still heartbreaking.
779
00:36:50,936 --> 00:36:55,821
We can't honor his life
like we might have in the past,
780
00:36:56,055 --> 00:36:58,837
but we can still honor him.
781
00:37:00,329 --> 00:37:01,868
Dr. Perez?
782
00:37:02,532 --> 00:37:07,903
♪ There is a man,
he runs right to me ♪
783
00:37:07,996 --> 00:37:13,212
♪ He wraps his loving arms
around me ♪
784
00:37:13,298 --> 00:37:17,774
♪ He knows
785
00:37:18,050 --> 00:37:20,446
♪ He knows my pain
786
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:23,145
♪ Oh, he knows my pain
787
00:37:23,229 --> 00:37:25,974
♪ Oh, he gives me life
788
00:37:26,058 --> 00:37:30,108
♪ And I don't know
if that is for me ♪
789
00:37:30,192 --> 00:37:35,287
♪ It's darker than I thought,
in all its broken glory ♪
790
00:37:35,371 --> 00:37:37,333
♪ My soul
791
00:37:39,810 --> 00:37:42,686
♪ Just wants to go home
792
00:37:42,770 --> 00:37:45,515
♪ He's calling me home
793
00:38:09,275 --> 00:38:12,063
♪ And there was a light
794
00:38:12,147 --> 00:38:14,587
♪ Oh, there was a fire
795
00:38:14,671 --> 00:38:17,242
♪ She came through
in the night ♪
796
00:38:17,326 --> 00:38:20,332
♪ She entered like an angel
797
00:38:20,416 --> 00:38:22,508
♪ Hold on
798
00:38:25,769 --> 00:38:27,818
♪ Hold on
799
00:38:27,902 --> 00:38:31,517
♪ She's just memories
800
00:38:36,389 --> 00:38:39,090
Hello.
801
00:38:39,174 --> 00:38:41,788
Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be
802
00:38:41,872 --> 00:38:43,703
applying to the surgical
residency program
803
00:38:43,787 --> 00:38:46,184
at Grey-Sloan
Memorial Hospital.
804
00:38:46,268 --> 00:38:47,478
A bit about me.
805
00:38:47,563 --> 00:38:49,960
I am Italian,
but I grew up in Wisconsin.
806
00:38:50,278 --> 00:38:51,848
A lot of doctors
in my family,
807
00:38:51,933 --> 00:38:53,501
including my big sister,
Carina.
808
00:38:53,586 --> 00:38:55,983
Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,
809
00:38:56,103 --> 00:38:58,413
so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of mine
810
00:38:58,498 --> 00:39:00,220
for a very long time.
811
00:39:00,489 --> 00:39:03,056
The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan
812
00:39:03,141 --> 00:39:05,399
and... and learning
from surgical legends
813
00:39:05,484 --> 00:39:07,726
like Richard Webber
and Miranda Bailey
814
00:39:07,811 --> 00:39:11,296
and Jackson Avery
and Meredith Grey...
815
00:39:11,380 --> 00:39:14,473
uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.
816
00:39:14,557 --> 00:39:16,649
I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon
817
00:39:16,733 --> 00:39:18,738
is that
I've always had
818
00:39:18,822 --> 00:39:21,089
this insatiable desire
to help people.
819
00:39:21,173 --> 00:39:25,093
And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.
820
00:39:25,177 --> 00:39:26,877
And, uh, she had
this really giving heart,
821
00:39:26,961 --> 00:39:29,488
and she always pushed me
to do as much good as possible,
822
00:39:29,572 --> 00:39:32,853
so I guess
I'm doing this for her.
823
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,653
Now, you should be warned,
824
00:39:34,738 --> 00:39:37,788
I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.
825
00:39:37,873 --> 00:39:42,185
But I promise that,
if I match with you...
826
00:39:42,508 --> 00:39:44,769
Speaking Italian...
827
00:39:44,979 --> 00:39:47,345
I will give you
the very best of me.
828
00:39:47,828 --> 00:39:49,702
Thank you.
829
00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,694
Alright.
830
00:40:01,256 --> 00:40:02,876
Meredith: At all costs,
831
00:40:02,976 --> 00:40:05,501
we avoid
negative experiences.
832
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,104
We ignore pain.
833
00:40:26,085 --> 00:40:28,917
We steer clear
of the unfamiliar.
834
00:40:29,197 --> 00:40:31,407
We lie when asked
about how we feel.
835
00:40:32,853 --> 00:40:35,163
♪ Steady as a rock
836
00:40:35,247 --> 00:40:37,720
♪ I stand, I wait
837
00:40:37,805 --> 00:40:39,696
We shouldn't do that.
838
00:40:42,515 --> 00:40:45,303
I stopped by
the hospital for, um...
839
00:40:45,387 --> 00:40:46,883
I watched.
840
00:40:47,078 --> 00:40:49,561
♪ But eyes that can't erase
841
00:40:51,008 --> 00:40:52,727
I won't keep booze
in the house anymore.
842
00:40:52,829 --> 00:40:54,617
That's not what I need
from you.
843
00:40:54,701 --> 00:40:56,883
♪ Hands that hold
844
00:40:56,968 --> 00:41:00,578
What I need from you
is no more secrets.
845
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:04,975
It's just...
we have this baby together.
846
00:41:05,059 --> 00:41:08,065
We have this whole life
together, so...
847
00:41:08,149 --> 00:41:10,543
I want to really know you.
848
00:41:11,797 --> 00:41:13,078
Deal.
849
00:41:14,895 --> 00:41:17,466
I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.
850
00:41:17,727 --> 00:41:19,424
I will hold my breath.
851
00:41:19,508 --> 00:41:27,041
♪ Ohhh
852
00:41:27,125 --> 00:41:30,348
♪ So, send me into space
853
00:41:30,432 --> 00:41:32,611
♪ And cut me free
854
00:41:32,695 --> 00:41:34,751
Because I've learned something
from these last several months.
855
00:41:34,835 --> 00:41:35,875
Teddy?
856
00:41:37,982 --> 00:41:41,398
- ♪ And like a satellite
- Hey.
857
00:41:41,491 --> 00:41:46,663
- ♪ Just look for me
- Teddy.
858
00:41:48,972 --> 00:41:50,847
I'm gonna take you home,
okay?
859
00:41:52,411 --> 00:41:53,851
Okay.
860
00:42:02,334 --> 00:42:04,734
The body
can only take so much.
861
00:42:05,947 --> 00:42:07,776
...Captions by VITAC...
862
00:42:07,860 --> 00:42:09,860
Synchronized by srjanapala
58391
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