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1
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,470
(CROWD CHEERING AND SHOUTING)
2
00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:29,673
Foul! Foul! Book him!
Send him off!
3
00:00:30,367 --> 00:00:32,397
Who was that foul on? Ainsworth.
4
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,567
Jesus, if we lose him!
Look at the linesman running
up and down there!
5
00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:43,603
Tripping over his own
bloody beer belly! Get him off.
The referee's a fucking twat.
6
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:49,573
If we ever go to the play-offs
and this club goes up, it'll
need a lot of money to sustain.
7
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:51,603
-Sorry, us?
-The team.
8
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,700
-Oh, yes, the Reds.
-No, the Blues.
9
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,330
-Yes, the Blues.
-I wonder how much
it costs to buy a club?
10
00:00:59,033 --> 00:01:01,433
Three, four million...What?
11
00:01:02,367 --> 00:01:04,027
-This is what I love.
-Oh, no, darling!
12
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,500
Well, I'll just have my own club
like Delia's got her own club.
13
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:13,167
-Sandwich?!
-Not a club sandwich.
You're not funny. Norwich.
14
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:19,470
Ooh! OK are sponsoring
the TV Pick Awards. We should
go. It's good to be seen.
15
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,600
Crack open the Versace pants!
Could be some podium action.
Kick it!
16
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:30,630
Chris Connor is on his way out.
He's doing all the talk shows
at the moment.
17
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,470
Well, he's just
drumming for votes.
18
00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:44,403
Should I call the TV Pick Awards
or the Chris Connor Awards?
19
00:01:45,867 --> 00:01:48,997
-You can call it what you
want and you look lovely.
-Yes, thank you.
20
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:55,230
-This Best Daytime Talk Show.
Every year, how do you do it?
-With you, any way you want.
21
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,200
-But seriously
where's the competition?
-I shall tell you where.
22
00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:03,503
You've got Trisha,
you've got Vanessa
and the lovely Vivienne Vyle.
23
00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,803
-Lovely! (GROWLS)
-Fucking bastard.
24
00:02:08,033 --> 00:02:09,633
Well, the TV Pick
Awards are...
25
00:02:10,633 --> 00:02:13,003
-voted for by the public.
-They are indeed.
26
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:19,727
You're at an advantage as you've
your LEGION of female fans who
vote for you every year.
27
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,730
-Will they do it again?
-There's only one lady
I'm interested in, Fern.
28
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,427
-Thank you very much indeed.
-Thank you.
29
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:29,727
Mr Chris Connor, good luck...
30
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:35,200
-Morning, darling.
-Hello. GMTV are waiting
for you in make-up.
31
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,627
They're going to meet you up
there interview you there.
32
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:41,203
-I'm not made up.
-No, they're going
to make you up.
33
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,003
Not on camera!
Jesus Christ!
34
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:50,803
It's TV Picks. It'll look
great on camera. Come on!
Energy! This is our year.
35
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:55,027
-Are they interviewing you?
-Who? Me?
36
00:02:55,767 --> 00:02:56,367
-Lorraine Kelly?
-No, it's Lynn.
37
00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:59,273
-Lynn?
-Yes, Lynn.
38
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,597
-Lynn Faulds Wood?
-No. Actually, yes she is.
39
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,133
Lynn Faulds fucking
Watchdog Wood!
40
00:03:05,967 --> 00:03:07,997
-What's the problem?
-She hates me!
41
00:03:08,767 --> 00:03:10,197
Come on! Just get jiggy with it!
42
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,497
Can you do anything with these?
Quickly, quickly.
43
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:17,497
-Can you make sure
someone's getting me coffee?
-They're bringing it now.
44
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:20,627
-And the notes for today's show?
-They're on their way.
45
00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:22,633
-Are you still pregnant?
-Yes.
46
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:28,597
-Sorry. Can we start yet?
-Yes. Sorry, Lynn.
47
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:33,097
-Well, hi. Hello there,
Vivienne. Hi. How are you?
-I'm well. How are you?
48
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,397
You're looking lovely.
49
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,230
-It's really exciting
being here.
-Isn't it?
50
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:40,633
Thank you for having us.
51
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:45,403
So how are you feeling
about the TV Pick Awards?
52
00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:50,430
Well, I was just talking
to my PA Dionne and saying
how exciting it is.
53
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,730
But with the hair, make-up
and getting the right dress,
it can be stressful.
54
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:02,070
I feel as if I know you because
Viv and I, we worked together
many years ago at TV-AM.
55
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,700
Do you remember?
56
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,670
So we've everything we need.
Now, before you start putting
your tiles on your wall,
57
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:14,300
get your stick, measure
your stick, so you know
where exactly they will go.
58
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:16,633
You're not going to show
the clips, are you?
59
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:20,797
Viv, tell me what are you doing
in the show today?
60
00:04:22,633 --> 00:04:26,003
Today's show is a catch-up show.
It's a show where guests that
have previously been on
61
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:31,073
come back and
we see how they're doing.
Today it's Jane and Keith.
62
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,230
-It's Jamie and Kath.
-Yes, who are a lovely couple.
63
00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:40,703
You know, despite the disgust
I feel at your behaviour...
64
00:04:41,367 --> 00:04:43,267
WOMAN: Give them a chance.
65
00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:48,267
The revulsion I have at your
lifestyle of drugs and crime,
66
00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:51,397
despite the contempt that I
67
00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:56,173
and any tax-payers in
my audience feel for you,
68
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,670
-I am going to help you.
-(APPLAUSE)
69
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,727
There's something
I've always wondered,
why do you do this show?
70
00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:11,767
Well, Lorr... Sorry, I was about
to call you Lorraine. Lynn...
71
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:13,427
It's meaningful.
72
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:18,300
And Vivienne Vyle is
very different to other shows
like Chris Connor,
73
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,130
-who I do admire
as a colleague.
-Do you?
74
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,400
Yes. But our show
I don't see as entertainment.
75
00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:27,803
I think it's helping people
in a very real sense.
76
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,167
-Really, you really do?
-Yes.
77
00:05:31,567 --> 00:05:34,597
I can't stop them taking
your kids away from you.
I can't do that.
78
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:39,433
-But your research team said
it'd be all right!
-You shut up!
79
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,273
You're on the Vivienne Vyle
Show, I do the talking.
80
00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:45,333
-All right?
-(APPLAUSE AND CHEER)
81
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,670
-I don't like you.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
82
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:54,267
I'm not doing it for you.
I'm doing it for Kath,
ladies and gentlemen,
83
00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:58,300
-and the little baby
she's got inside of her.
-(AUDIENCE SYMPATHISES)
84
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:03,430
Now, I can be a teeny bit
aggressive at times,
but you're really aggressive.
85
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:09,203
Do you think so?
Well, I think the difference
is that I'm honest.
86
00:06:10,767 --> 00:06:15,067
-If you think that's aggressive,
only you can judge that.
-I judge it aggressive.
87
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:21,527
This show is about people
voluntarily coming back to show
us how much we've helped them.
88
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,733
But they're scared NOT to come
back. You're scary.
89
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:30,770
Listen. The thing is, some
people like to knock this show.
90
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,797
I mean, I've had my knockers,
and I get angry.
91
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:41,730
It's not for myself, I get angry
for the people that come on the
show and guest and who trust me.
92
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:46,000
But you help them because
they help you. It's just telly.
93
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:50,030
Hello. Hello.
Hello. Hiya.
94
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:56,067
Vivienne won't be long now.
She'll be back. We'll just have
a little chat, shall we?
95
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,230
Just keep it going, Carol.
Where is she?
96
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,697
-A couple here want to go
to the loo, is that OK?
-Yes. Whatever.
97
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:07,000
Be as quick as you can.
98
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,703
What the hell is happening?
Desmond, it's ridiculous.
99
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,070
Make-up have just left me
in the chair. I'm half done.
100
00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:17,333
-Oh, sorry.
-Who's this?
101
00:07:17,867 --> 00:07:20,267
-GMTV.
-Oh. Why?
102
00:07:21,267 --> 00:07:22,997
-We're up for a TV shit award.
-What?
103
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:26,497
TV Pick Award as voted for
by the general morons.
104
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,370
She's on her way
to the floor!
Run up the intro!
105
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,473
-She's not here yet.
-Fuck!
106
00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:34,467
-I'm on. I just need
to get some mascara.
-Fuck!
107
00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:38,167
-Sorry.
-Fuck! (HEAVES A SIGH)
108
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:40,667
-You're not actually shooting
that, are you?
-Yeah.
109
00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:42,673
Well, I won't release it!
110
00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:49,333
Everybody, just remember
that crews are in, so be
on your best behaviour.
111
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:54,300
-How close are we?
-Are that other couple
still in the toilet?
112
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,630
No, no, they went separately.
113
00:07:58,633 --> 00:08:01,373
-I hear we're up
for a TV Pick Award.
-We?
114
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,227
Jesus!
115
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,067
Oh, there you are. Stop!
116
00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:06,503
Those shoes...Come on!
117
00:08:07,433 --> 00:08:08,433
-You need to finish me.
-I can't just now.
118
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:11,497
-I'll find you.
-But, I'm not...Where are
you going?
119
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:13,173
(AUDIENCE PREP
IN THE BACKGROUND)
120
00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:15,473
VIVIENNE: Why have you
chosen these shoes?
121
00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:18,227
They look like old
ladies' shoes.
122
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:23,427
-I'd only wear those
with slacks.
-What's with all the shoes?
123
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:28,767
The shoes they've given me
were the same I wore in the
"previously" of the catch-ups.
124
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,730
Between you and me,
I can't...
125
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:37,530
Well, can I ask you about
some of the shows you've done
in the last year,
126
00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:44,027
like Father, Wherefore Art Thou?
That was on-the-spot cheek
swabs, DNA testing?
127
00:08:45,067 --> 00:08:46,197
-None of these are any good.
-What should I do?
128
00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:50,067
-Call Jared.
-He is on his way.
He won't be here in time.
129
00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:55,327
What about, "I'm The Son Of God,
an examination of schizophrenia,
130
00:08:56,733 --> 00:09:01,203
via a Best Jesus competition,
chaired by a defrocked
gay bishop?"
131
00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:05,273
You don't think it's odd,
but I'm glad you're crying.
132
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:10,267
Look at Jamie. You're hurting,
Jamie. You're hurting.
I can tell.
133
00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:12,703
You are hurting.
134
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:19,000
Do you know why you're hurting?
Because I think you actually
love your kids.
135
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:23,797
Are you a criminal? Do you fund
your drug habit with crime?
Look me in the eye.
136
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,430
Look at me, Jamie.
137
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:33,403
Look me in the eye. It's just
you and me here. Is your drug
habit making you a criminal?
138
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,800
Look me in the eye, Jamie.
139
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:42,467
-Are you a criminal?
-Yeah.
140
00:09:44,867 --> 00:09:45,497
Yeah. Good. Well done.
141
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,267
Thank you for
looking me in the eye.
142
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,670
That's a brave man, everyone!
143
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:55,533
Darling, babe, we've now got
like six cameras waiting.
144
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:59,027
-What's the problem?
-Come on. I need shoes.
145
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,570
Can we like...get a move on?
146
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:04,233
-What about her shoes?
Helena? Helena?
-What?
147
00:10:04,867 --> 00:10:06,027
We need your shoes.
148
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:13,067
Yes, yes, yes! You can have
my bloody shoes, anything.
But just can we get a move on?
149
00:10:14,033 --> 00:10:15,703
-Does my face look all right?
-Yep. Good.
150
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:19,327
What about your adult
late-night specials?
151
00:10:20,033 --> 00:10:23,033
Farmyard Friends? Bestiality?
152
00:10:24,233 --> 00:10:25,673
No, they're still warm. I won't
put them on if they're warm.
153
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,400
Having Fun With Your
Excrement? Coprophilia?
154
00:10:31,367 --> 00:10:34,127
-Is this the stuff of
award-winning TV?
-Where did you get that?
155
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,800
-We've not done those yet.
-From Helena!
156
00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:44,127
In development. Well, as for
award-winning, let's let the
public decide, shall we, Lynn?
157
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:48,597
The show we're doing today
is about human reality.
Follow me. Ouch!
158
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,403
Good luck!
159
00:10:51,767 --> 00:10:53,597
(APPLAUSE AND CHEER)
160
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,400
Where's Viv? Where's she gone?
161
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:59,130
(CHEERING)
162
00:11:02,533 --> 00:11:07,133
-Stand by two.
-Welcome back to the Vivienne
Vyle Show. Remember this?
163
00:11:08,033 --> 00:11:10,373
It's no-one else's
business, right?
164
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,630
Shut up! You have made it
everybody's business.
165
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:19,633
You! Young man, by coming on
to national television.
166
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,703
Are you OK, mate?
167
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,173
-I could do with a smoke.
-No, you're clean. Remember?
168
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,430
-Why don't you give
each other a nice big hug?
-I need a smoke.
169
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:36,367
I'll sort something out for
you after. I will have a smoke
ready for you. I promise.
170
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,370
BOLLOCKS to your
national television!
171
00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:40,273
-Sit down!
-(AUDIENCE BOOS)
172
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,630
Sit down! Who are you
to tell me to sit down?
173
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,600
I feel sick.
They'll boo when we come out.
174
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:51,797
They won't. It's all fixed.
Viv'll take care of that.
175
00:11:52,933 --> 00:11:55,503
Shocking scenes,
I'm sure you'll all agree.
176
00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:59,533
Why don't you hold hands?
You love each other.
177
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,170
Up you get. You'll be fine.
Just think about your kids.
They are most important.
178
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:08,333
Those people came onto this show
because they wanted help.
179
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:11,797
And they got it from
Dr Jonathan Fowler.
180
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,100
You'll be fine.
Nothing to worry about. Yeah?
181
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:23,097
They're back here so we can see
how they've done. Please welcome
Jamie and Kath.
182
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:26,667
-(AUDIENCE BOOS)
-Give them respect.
183
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:27,800
Yeah, yeah, OK!
184
00:12:28,933 --> 00:12:31,503
Give them a chance,
ladies and gentlemen.
185
00:12:32,633 --> 00:12:36,433
Welcome back, Jamie and Kath.
I'm sorry about that.
186
00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:37,567
Just take a seat.
187
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,997
-You're holding hands,
that's lovely.
-Yes, Viv.
188
00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:45,467
-How are you doing, Kath?
-I'm all right, Viv.
189
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,630
-You're looking good.
-Thanks.
190
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:52,767
Last time you were on this show,
I told you to go away and
clean up. Didn't I?
191
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,430
To get off drugs. Told you
to leave your life of crime.
192
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,473
To get a job.
193
00:13:02,167 --> 00:13:05,297
Just have a look for them while
we're on Viv. That's great.
That's really looking good.
194
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,603
-(JAMIE SCREAMING)
-Camera three...
195
00:13:09,967 --> 00:13:14,227
Darling, tickets for
Glyndebourne, do we want
them? Nod once for yes.
196
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,270
You said you would on
national television.
197
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,633
How are you feeling
about that now?
198
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,070
-Picnicking or not picnicking,
darling? Nod once...
-No! No! No!
199
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,330
No, Jamie, I'm talking to Kath.
200
00:13:29,867 --> 00:13:32,227
-Camera five, let's look
at that audience shot.
-VIVIENNE: As a mother...
201
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,300
-I'm feeling good.
-(APPLAUSE)
202
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:40,270
Oh, and a bit of mascara. Just a
little bit along the bottom.
203
00:13:41,867 --> 00:13:45,097
And you chose to have help
from Dr Jonathan Fowler,
Director of psychotherapy.
204
00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:47,603
Let me remind you
of that moment.
205
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:48,700
And run VTA.
206
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:51,497
-Will you commit to change?
-KATH: Yes.
207
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:55,400
It starts here with our director
of after-care services,
208
00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:58,033
Dr Jonathan Fowler!
Ladies and gentlemen.
209
00:13:58,433 --> 00:14:00,233
(APPLAUSE)
210
00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:06,067
Jonathan, quite a pair
you've got. You've got your
work cut out, I'd imagine?
211
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,033
Maybe this time
I have, Vivienne.
212
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,167
Shit! I've got
the same clothes on.
213
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,697
CAROL: Nobody will notice.
Just go on.
214
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:19,427
So let's welcome
Dr Jonathan Fowler!
215
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,370
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
216
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:29,270
-(AMUSED) He's in
the same clothes!
-Well, stop the show.
217
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:34,400
No, we're on a roll. We're not
stopping the show for him. Twat!
218
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:38,597
...after the cognitive
behavioural therapy.
219
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:44,527
The co-dependency
was underpinned by
addictive personalities...
220
00:14:45,367 --> 00:14:47,397
No escaping it.
He's killing this.
221
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,500
...was in danger of being
repeated with their children.
222
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,773
He is losing the audience.
She's going to have to cut
him off.
223
00:14:56,433 --> 00:15:01,703
Actually, what you're talking
about here is the family cycle
of abuse.
224
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,300
Well done, Vivienne. Well done.
225
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:09,170
These people have surprised me.
You have surprised me.
226
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:13,433
I think you've proved to me,
and to my audience,
227
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,630
and possibly even to yourselves,
that you can change.
228
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,470
-KATH: Thank you.
-(CHEERING)
229
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:23,403
That you can take a little bit
of responsibility.
230
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,630
There's something you don't
know. Your kids are here today.
231
00:15:27,033 --> 00:15:29,033
What! Where?
232
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,800
-They're backstage, as we speak,
-(AUDIENCE IS GLAD)
233
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:37,033
-with a social worker
and one of our researchers.
-(APPLAUSE)
234
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:40,730
Can you say,
"Can't wait to see you"?
235
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:49,570
If you say, "When are we coming
home," you'll both get a lolly.
236
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:51,303
Go on. Say it into there.
237
00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:54,327
-BOTH: When are we coming home?
-(AUDIENCE IS GLAD)
238
00:15:59,533 --> 00:16:02,273
Get those tears! Where's the
camera on the audience?
239
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,370
-It doesn't happen any quicker
if you shout.
-Come on!
240
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,330
-Just move away from the desk!
-What about that woman in the
second row? Is she crying?
241
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,670
-Do your fucking job!
-Can we see you now, five?
242
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:22,300
I got those leather trousers
from Dolce Gabbana.
I hope that's OK.
243
00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:25,273
For the awards.
244
00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:28,073
-Who's this?
-GMTV.
245
00:16:28,467 --> 00:16:29,627
(HE GREETS)
246
00:16:30,633 --> 00:16:34,173
Jamie and Kath,
because you have worked hard
247
00:16:34,733 --> 00:16:36,573
with Dr Jonathan Fowler,
248
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,800
we've spoken to
the social worker.
249
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:46,597
She says you can indeed
have your kids come back
and live with you.
250
00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:49,133
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
251
00:16:50,567 --> 00:16:54,097
-Hang on a minute.
-Is that cleared? It's not.
That's not cleared.
252
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,400
Give it up for Jamie and Kath,
ladies and gentlemen!
253
00:17:01,233 --> 00:17:04,033
Jamie and Kath on The Vivienne
Vyle Show! Thank you.
254
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,767
You've been watching... I'm
Vivienne Vyle from the heart.
255
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,600
See you next time. Well done.
Don't come near me, darling.
Well done.
256
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,433
(APPLAUSE)
257
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,030
VIVIENNE: You see helping people
is the only reward I need, Lynn.
258
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,700
You don't like me
and I don't care.
259
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,670
Thanks very much, everyone.
That's it for the day.
260
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,800
Sorry, you'll have to
pay off that social worker
or pull the bloody show!
261
00:17:33,467 --> 00:17:36,327
-You deserve the award.
-I'm not going.
You can have my ticket.
262
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:38,670
They won't give it to you
if you don't go.
263
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,570
-Helena, we never get it.
-Team effort - think of
the team.
264
00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:47,403
I was a fucking mess
because of your bloody shoes!
(SHE CURSES)
265
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:55,297
-Oh, yeah, right!
-I don't want to go to the
awards. I've got ratings.
266
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:57,730
-Come on, Jared.
-Darling! Viv!
267
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,370
Don't worry, she'll go.
268
00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:05,033
-About the awards, Helena,
will there be a place for me?
-What?
269
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,570
COMMENTATOR ON TV:
Inside the Shrewsbury half.
270
00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:15,773
-To Hayes on
the left-hand side...
-Oh! Oh. Oh.
271
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:20,797
Shot down into the ground
by Clive Platt, no power
behind it.
272
00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:24,703
-What's with the football?
-It's the bane of our existence.
273
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,170
It's what she and her ex
dead husband got into.
274
00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:35,273
Um, darling, Paul O'Grady's
presenting this year.
275
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:39,173
-Darling, we have company.
-I'm watching.
276
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:44,797
No, darling. Viv,
the award-winning show?
277
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,030
That's what
it sounds like, yeah?
278
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,627
Please, no. Watch. Helena!
279
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,067
-Award-winning?
-Out of the way!
280
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,227
-Award-winning
Vivienne Vyle show.
-Sounds marvellous.
281
00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:58,773
Only when you want to go
'cause you've got the trousers.
282
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:01,197
You've got to come.
283
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:03,203
Anyway, it'll be a blast!
284
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:08,003
Darling, no grown up that isn't
coked off her tits thinks that's
a good way to spend an evening.
285
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:13,103
It's just for embryonic
reality TV stars with
their barbie doll dresses...
286
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,330
-and liggers!
-No, no, no, no.
287
00:19:16,933 --> 00:19:21,573
How do you know? You've never
been there sober. It's medieval,
isn't it, darling?
288
00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:24,067
It's daytime vision of TV hell.
289
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,630
-(CROWD CHEERS ON TV)
-BOTH: Goal! Goal!
290
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,730
-If you've got nothing to wear,
I can lend you a Stella.
-No, I'm styling her.
291
00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:36,633
-It's Lulu in Robert Cavalli -
Rock Chick.
-Don't lose it.
292
00:19:39,667 --> 00:19:42,727
Oh, Viv, Viv,
Lynn really loved the show.
293
00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:48,403
-Oh?
-Yeah. She said she was
really surprised.
294
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:52,670
She was going to say
something to you but
you walked off or something...
295
00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:54,367
Oh.
296
00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:00,303
I probably have got something
I could wear.
297
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:03,567
Darling, it's the Lulu
look, rock'n'roll!
298
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:08,367
Pendants, necklaces, high
Vivienne Westwood tight boots.
299
00:20:09,367 --> 00:20:10,697
Get your boobies out.
Plenty of cleavo. Hmm?
300
00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:17,173
No! We'll wing it. We'll look
like we've just walked off
the beach. We don't give a shit!
301
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,430
Sand in our hair! Burton and
Taylor! Sunk his gods.
302
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,630
So, whichever way,
you win. (HISSES)
303
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:26,303
You're going to win anyway.
I know.
304
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:30,633
-Who did you hear it from?
-Don't know. A very
good authority. Got to go.
305
00:20:31,067 --> 00:20:32,397
-Helena?
-What?
306
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:37,000
Don't touch my plums.
Display only.
307
00:20:37,433 --> 00:20:39,033
Oh, Tin-Tinny!
308
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,667
(PEOPLE TALKING)
309
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:46,333
(INSTRUMENTAL PARTY MUSIC)
310
00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:05,667
Right, everybody! I still
don't know exactly who's coming,
311
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:11,003
but I'm waiting for a phone call
from a couple of friends,
312
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,700
then we'll know who, all right?
But everybody get ready,
just in case.
313
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:19,627
Um, got a car. Can take two.
314
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,270
Rest of you will have
to tube it.
315
00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:25,303
-What?
-All right.
316
00:21:31,867 --> 00:21:34,027
(LOUD SNIFFING)
317
00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:37,727
(INSTRUMENTAL PARTY MUSIC
IN THE BACKGROUND)
318
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:10,233
It's OK. No, he's not coming.
No, he can't come, no. No. No.
319
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,700
Cool. Catch you later.
OK. Bye. (SNIFFING)
320
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:15,303
Right, everybody can come!
321
00:22:15,833 --> 00:22:17,773
Everybody except...
322
00:22:19,967 --> 00:22:25,167
Naomi. Jonathan,
you're coming with me.
Um... Oh, you look nice!
323
00:22:26,433 --> 00:22:30,203
-Thank you. So do you.
-(SNORTS) Oh, God!
Come on. Party!
324
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,530
-Did you get the tickets?
-I've got the tickets. Look.
325
00:22:39,467 --> 00:22:42,297
If you put the sticker
on the windscreen,
326
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:49,030
we get straight up to the red
carpet. The police won't hold
you up at the barrier.
327
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:52,630
-I've got them.
-Ridiculous, these cars!
328
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,630
-They're great. I've never
been in one before.
-They're shag-mobiles.
329
00:22:58,533 --> 00:23:01,333
Compeeds for my blisters
with these shoes?
330
00:23:02,567 --> 00:23:04,997
-I've slipped them
into your flats.
-You're so good.
331
00:23:07,367 --> 00:23:10,297
But you know, this is amazing.
332
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:16,470
-What is it?
-Thank you. It's my muff.
333
00:23:18,133 --> 00:23:19,203
You just touched my muff.
334
00:23:23,367 --> 00:23:27,227
-Sorry. I'm not
embarrassed by your muff.
-That's all right.
335
00:23:37,133 --> 00:23:40,673
-Are these darkened windows?
-No, darling, you're wearing
your glasses, it's night-time.
336
00:23:43,733 --> 00:23:47,573
So you've got a girlfriend then,
have you? Or um...boyfriend?
337
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:52,630
-No. I have a girl...
I have a partner.
-Is she a boy?
338
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,000
-Yep, she is.
-No. She's not a boy, no. No.
339
00:23:59,433 --> 00:24:01,773
Can we please, when we
get to the photographers,
just zip through.
340
00:24:03,033 --> 00:24:05,233
Unless they shout and
there's no-one else coming.
341
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,730
-Do you have a...boy...Girl?
-No.
342
00:24:14,100 --> 00:24:16,630
You're a very
attractive woman.
343
00:24:23,633 --> 00:24:25,733
(RADIO CHATTERING)
344
00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:28,567
-Turn the radio up.
-Turn it off.
345
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,197
Turn it up!
346
00:24:31,467 --> 00:24:33,667
-Are they playing
the play-offs tonight?
-Yes. Mrs Viv.
347
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:37,400
-Is it the play-offs tonight?
-It's the play-offs tonight.
348
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,600
Oh, my God!
349
00:24:39,967 --> 00:24:41,367
I've got a speech, darling,
in case you need to
say anything.
350
00:24:42,533 --> 00:24:44,303
No, I know what I'm going
to say. Is it tonight?
351
00:24:45,233 --> 00:24:46,273
DRIVER: Wycombe are
playing Boston.
352
00:24:51,967 --> 00:24:53,627
-(MOBILE RINGS)
-Oh, goody-goody-goody!
353
00:24:54,833 --> 00:24:58,673
Viv-Viv-Viv. Hi, darling. What?
Sorry, can't hear you. What?
354
00:24:59,167 --> 00:25:01,727
No. But why? What?
355
00:25:03,833 --> 00:25:05,603
No!
356
00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:09,130
Come on, babe, please! Plea...
357
00:25:10,633 --> 00:25:12,503
-Shit!
-Shit what?
358
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,100
Viv's not coming.
359
00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:18,327
-What? Why?
-Oh, I don't know.
360
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:23,170
(CHEERING)
361
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,770
Come on, you blue boys!
Come on, you boys in blue!
Come along!
362
00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:37,097
-Stop it.
-What, darling?
363
00:25:38,633 --> 00:25:42,303
-You knew this match
was on tonight.
-I thought, your career...
364
00:25:43,367 --> 00:25:46,527
You don't do that thinking.
I do that thinking.
365
00:25:47,667 --> 00:25:51,567
-Helena, speak to me.
You're looking fabulous.
-Thanks.
366
00:25:52,933 --> 00:25:56,073
-Is Vivienne coming?
-She's really ill.
She's not coming.
367
00:25:57,333 --> 00:26:02,403
-Are you going to win tonight?
-She's not coming. She's ill.
368
00:26:02,833 --> 00:26:06,603
(LOUD CHEERING)
369
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,100
Chris, mate!
370
00:26:11,633 --> 00:26:15,033
-Chris! Are you feeling
lucky tonight?
-I'm just happy to be here.
371
00:26:16,567 --> 00:26:20,727
Just um...What was the question?
Delighted. That's all
that matters. Love you!
372
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:23,300
Is this the new Mrs. Connor?
373
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:29,330
-Get ready
'cause I'm on in a minute.
-On where?
374
00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:32,667
-They're presenting me
at half-time. It's an honour.
-Oh, darling!
375
00:26:34,433 --> 00:26:38,073
-Can I stay here?
-No, you're coming with me.
I'm not going on my own.
376
00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:43,070
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my
pleasure to welcome on to the
pitch one of our most famous
377
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:49,000
supporters, who has been a
friend to the club for many
years, Miss Vivienne Vyle!
378
00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:55,370
(LOUD BOOING)
379
00:26:56,867 --> 00:27:02,397
But, ladies and gentlemen,
Viv should be at an awards
ceremony tonight.
380
00:27:04,367 --> 00:27:09,027
And there's something we'd like
to show her over there on
the big screen coming up now.
381
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,400
Thank you. Settle down now,
please. Come on, you lot.
382
00:27:13,867 --> 00:27:16,397
Shut up! I want to be out
of here before two o'clock
in the morning.
383
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,470
Now it's time for the award
for Best Daytime Talk Show.
Are you ready for this, Chris?
384
00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:27,200
And the winner is...
385
00:27:28,333 --> 00:27:32,073
It's that vicious-tongued vixen
herself, Vivienne Vyle!
386
00:27:32,633 --> 00:27:35,573
(BOOING AND CHEERING)
387
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:38,100
I've won. I've won!
388
00:27:38,467 --> 00:27:41,597
(CHEERING)
389
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,270
-I've won.
-Darling, your speech.
390
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,300
I can't believe I've won
an award. Thank you!
391
00:27:51,467 --> 00:27:55,327
Thank you so much. This is
the greatest moment of my life.
392
00:27:57,133 --> 00:28:01,573
I've never won anything before.
I promise that I will take the
faith that you have shown in me
393
00:28:03,167 --> 00:28:08,597
and we will go forward! We will
enter the transfer market!
We will buy a new stand!
394
00:28:10,567 --> 00:28:14,667
We will get into the Premiership
and I will take you there!
395
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,800
-Steady on, love,
it's just the TV Pick.
-Well done, darling.
396
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,500
(LAUGHTER)
397
00:28:29,333 --> 00:28:31,203
Oh, fuck!
398
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,200
Close to death but need to get
something off your chest?
399
00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:37,497
'Don't want to take your secrets
to the grave.
400
00:28:39,167 --> 00:28:41,627
We'll confront a terminally-ill
person with tough questions
who need honest answers.
401
00:28:43,133 --> 00:28:47,303
We're doing a week-long special
- Spill The Beans Before You
Kick The Bucket.
402
00:28:48,667 --> 00:28:51,327
So if the air in your family
needs to be cleared
before death,
403
00:28:52,267 --> 00:28:55,127
contact us.
We'd love to hear from you.
35692
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