All language subtitles for The Simpsons s32e17 Uncut Femmes.eng

(humming)

(explosion)

Oh, my hallwaywalking God!

I've seen my fair share
of workplace atrocities,

but this one's gonna be hard
not to whistleblow.

Uh, Carlson,
how about you forget

any unkillable
irradiated airborne entities

you think you saw

and sign
this nondisclosure agreement?

I'm sorry, I have no choice
but to speak up and say...

what's in it for me?

Guess who just got
two VIP concert tickets

to see Bob Seger tonight!

Bob Seger!

Which Bullet Band
is he bringing?

Silver!

In that case,
I'm closin' shop early.

(humming)

Marge, you know how nothing
ever happens to me?

Well, the curse has been lifted!

Oh. I love how excited you are

to chaperone
the kids' weekend sleepover

on the World War II battleship.

What?! Chaperoning?

You can't just spring this on me
at the last...

(yelping)

D'oh!

Aw, you've got to fill in
for me, Marge.

I'd do it for you
if you were the husband.

You always get to do
the fun thing

and leave me holding the bag.

I'll get you a new bag.
A tote from the merch table.

What size are you?

No. I'm watching the Gen Gala
redcarpet arrivals tomorrow.

Can't you just record it
and watch it next week

when me and Lenny are
at the Hall & Oates concert?

Oh! I'm hosting the watch party.

I have firm commitments
from several Alevel gays.

We're all gonna make
snarky comments

about celebrities'
outrageous outfits.

I'm working up the courage
to use the Bword on a man.

Okay, honey, I give up.

You host your party.
I go to the concert.

No field trip for the kids.

It was your decision,
so I'll let you tell them.

♪ Yoho, yoho ♪

♪ A field trip life for me. ♪

(sighs)

(horn blares)

- Whoa!
- Whoa.

Mommy! Mommy!

I took a bite of my juice box
because I forgot!

Ready about, sailors!

Name's Captain Bowditch.

For the next 36 hours,
you will be my crew

aboard the USS ship with a name
we're not allowed to say anymore

and with good reason.

Now, the year is 1943.

We sailors have fought many
battles in the Pacific theater,

but today we face
our most vicious enemy yet:

oxidation.

(booing)

Kill those lousy Oxies!

Rust has overtaken the vessel,
and I'm giving you three tools

to neutralize the threat:
wire brushes, marine paint,

and the remainder
of the weekend.

(shouting excitedly)

Chaperones, you will stand watch
in sixhour shifts.

Now, pair up!

Can you imagine getting stuck
with Sarah Wiggum

for the whole weekend?

What's she looking for,
a personality?

(quiet laughter)

So, I guess we should figure out
some system to pair up, like...

Oh.

(sighs)

Hey, Sarah, we've met before.

I'm Bart's mom, Marge.

Hi.

(sighs)

So, overnight field trips
the things we do for our kids.

Kids.

So...

have you ever been
on a battleship before?

Probably.

We're so close,
we can read the labels

on the drummer's medications.

Hey, I have that, too.

Mild depression rules!

Eh, nice seats, huh, fellas?

Yeah, Mr. Burns' payoffs
are always the best.

Luckily, I was able to get
my wife to take over chaperoning

some stupid battleship weekend
with Ralphie.

Hey, I saddled my wife
with that, too.

Marge and Sarah
were okay with that?

Ah, they'll be fine.

Wives, they love
that World War II stuff.

(chuckles):
Yeah, they're always gifting their husbands

books and movies about it,

but you know they're really
buying it them for themselves.

Hmm.

And number ten would be...

oh, "telling a funny story."

What are your top ten ways
of starting a conversation?

Talking.

(sighs)

I guess we should get back
to the kids.

They're asleep.

What?

Almost midnight?
How did it get so late?

Oh. It's only 8:50?

Wait. Did you move
the clock ahead

to trick the kids
into going to sleep early?

Sarah, I'm impressed.

(gasps)
Ooh.

A bottle of pocket alcohol.

(exhales):
Ah...

Dang, this is the last place
on earth I want to be.

No offense, Marge, but, geez,
this field trip sucks!

(gasps)
You said all those words!

I'm just quiet.

Even though everyone thinks
I'm an idiot.

No, no, we don't think
you're an idiot.

We just think you're boring.

(gasps)
Oops.

(laughter)

Did you bring this from home?

Actually, I got it from Admiral
Dingdong's liquor cabinet.

- It wasn't locked?
- Oh, maybe it was.

Uh, wink.

MARGE:
Ooh.

I've never done a swig.

Whoa!

(laughter)

Oh, Sarah Wiggum, who are you?

I love Clancy, but you have
no idea what it's like

to be married to a man
with a dangerous job

he's just not good at.

Actually...

And with the way he eats,

each crust
he sucks the cheese out of

could be his last.

Maybe I do understand.

It just takes so much work
to be a mom and a wife

and keep the goods
in a tight little package,

if you catch my drift.

Sometimes it feels like he...

Takes me for granted!

Why do his lastminute manplans
have to ruin

the one day of the year
where I get to be catty?

(chuckles):
Hell yeah, sister.

Well, you know what?
You and me,

we're like two fun peas
in a party pod.

We should do more hangouts.

Oh, I'd like that, but there's
a reason I keep to myself.

Ooh.

(singsongy):
Secret reasons.

(gasps) Oh, no.

What are you doing here?

How did you find me?

Sarah!

Marge!

MARGE:
Please take this bag off my head.

I think whoever you kidnapped

before me was a smoker. Ugh!

Why did you bring her into it?

She's just
some vanilla soccer mom.

She doesn't know anything.

Hey, once I start bagging heads,
I can't stop.

Hey, there, Sarah.
I see you're hanging

with the Yankee Candle crowd.

Wait. YYou know these people?

Marge, meet Bette and Erin.

They're my old partners.

In a throuple?
Who are the original two?

Partners in crime.

You're a criminal?

Jeebus Crackers!

Hi, Mr. Seger.

Boy, you probably
don't remember this,

but I saw you
at an airport once,

and I was too nervous
to say anything,

and then it wasn't you.

We love you, man!
We promised our wives

we'd go on some
dumb school field trip,

but when we got these tickets,
we ditched them so fast.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You broke a promise
to your wives?

A good husband's supposed to be
"Like a Rock."

Because we're all running
"Against the Wind."

Terrible "Night Moves."

Look at this.

Those aren't tour dates.

They're all the times I've
kept commitments to my wife.

"Rock and Roll Never Forgets"

the needs
of his coequal life companion.

You sicken me.

Were... were we
just Segershamed?

Why, the real silver bullet
is truth.

We're terrible husbands.

I never should have left Marge
holding the bag.

We've got to go make it up
to Bob Seger.

And our wives.

Sarah, you were a crook?

Everything I never knew
or cared to wonder about you

has been a lie.

We weren't crooks.
We were thieves.

♪ A few times
I've been around that track ♪

Sexy, girlie thieves.

♪ I ain't no hollaback girl,
I ain't no hollaback... ♪

They never saw us coming,

but they loved
to watch us walk away.

There's nothing
we wouldn't lift.

Wallets. Watches.

MP3 players that held
over a hundred songs.

Man, it was a blast.

Our biggest jobs were brought
to us by a gal named Red.

She got a line
on some unsupervised diamonds

in a penthouse safe.

I was the driver,
and as always...

the honeypot.

Ooh. Ow.

Hey there, blue boy.

I was walking
past your big building

and seemed
to have sprained my ankle

because of my high flops.

Do you happen to have...

- What, a girlfriend?
- ...an icepack?

(both laughing)

I'm sorry. I'm s...

Of course, of course I do.

Uh, this is just my night job,
by the way.

I'm, uh, putting myself through
the police academy. Yeah.

- Isn't that free?
- Well, the first time, yeah.

I love a man
in a rented uniform.

(moaning)

The kiss was part of the plan.

But falling
head over high flops wasn't.

Clancy...

(siren wailing)

- (gasps) Oh, no.
- No, no, don't leave.

Come back to pile.

Uh, I gotta go, blue boy.

- I'm sorry.
- Ah, no problem.

- Oh, um, will you marry me?
- Probably!

(gasps)

I was supposed to be
the getaway driver.

My best friends were arrested.

And it was all my fault.

Oh, cool your jets.

Yeah, hot jets.

ERIN:
It wasn't your fault we got busted.

We were set up...

by Red.

(alarm blaring)

(gasping)

She got away
with our whole take,

including the Hourglass Diamond.

That backstabbing sack of Spanx.

Wait, so it wasn't my fault
you got caught.

Yeah, and if you hadn't gone all
horndog on that rentacop,

you'd have been locked up, too.

We found Red.

She goes by the name
Lindsey Naegle now.

I've heard of her.

She works in various female
executive positions around town.

We've got a plan to steal
that diamond back from her,

and you're gonna help us.

No, I left that life behind me.

I have a husband now,

and a son who's smart in a way
we haven't figured out yet.

Well, it'd be a real shame
if the Chief of Police

found out his wife was
a common criminal.

(gasps)
You never told Clancy?

Let's just say
he's always been better

at planting evidence
than finding it.

Why don't I just call him now
and tell him everything?

I'm in.

Our wives are missing?

Not unheard of.

Most women have such
an idealized version

of the Second World War
in their heads

that when they meet
the cold, hard reality,

they can't face it.

Did you see what happened?

There was but one witness.

Junior Seaman Ralph,
give your account of the watch.

The mommies got new face hats,
then got into a slideydoor car.

(chuckles)
Don't worry, I speak Ralph.

Face hats?
Slideydoor? (gasps)

God, they were kidnapped!

- (gasps)
- And there's only one man bold enough

to kidnap the wives
of the chief of police

and his slightly slimmer
acquaintance.

Sarah was kidnapped?

Oh, spare me the act.
We know it was you.

I spare, I swear.

I need your family
to be happy and healthy,

because who else would I say
it would be a shame

if something were to happen to?

Okay, but what about
one of your cronies?

I assure you,
you are a beloved figure

amongst my business brethren.

CLANCY:
Mm.

(whispers):
You look a lot like that guy Chief Bungles.

But there's no other reason
to kidnap Sarah.

She's just
my little schmoopadoop,

and that's all there is to her.

Apparently not. (laughs)

Perhaps your wives
were not kidnapped.

Perhaps they left
because you are selfish men.

That's the only explanation.

It was all about us.

All right, what's the job?

Naegle sold the jewels
she ripped off from us

and became a fancy socialite.

She kept the biggest rock
for herself.

The Hourglass Diamond
it's in her tiara.

And we're gonna steal it back

when she wears it
to the Gen Gala, tomorrow.

You're gonna rob the Gen Gala?

Sorry, sorry. Scheme away.

Okay,
here's how it's gonna work.

First, we come up
through this manhole.

Nope!

Excuse you?

Look, I may not know anything
about heists,

but I am the world's biggest
superfan of the Gen Gala,

and your plan won't work.

And why not?

If you did any research,

you'd know Beyoncé's
going to be carried in

by 20 plussize gladiators,

who will form a human pyramid

right on top of your way in.

No heist.

If you're so Kmart smart,

how would you get in?

Well, these entrances
will be blocked by fans,

press and authorized stalkers.

The best plan would be
to put on a crazy dress

and sneak in
through the red carpet.

Although, you wouldn't get
far without a publicist

who knows everything
about the gala.

- Someone like you?
- Yeah.

This vanilla soccer mom
could be our secret weapon.

Me? Join the robbery?

(scoffs)
No way!

Stealing is one of
the big "thou shalt nots."

It's not about the cash.

It's about setting things right.

Lindsey Naegle betrayed us
for money and fame,

and all we got
are bad prison tattoos.

MARGE:
Aw, duckies!

Marge, aren't you tired

of being underestimated
and overlooked?

Together, we can right a wrong

and look damn good doing it.

I've always wanted
to say this...

I'm in.

♪ ♪

This is Kent Brockman outside

the Museum of Generational
Wealth for the annual Gen Gala.

This year's theme is
"The Audacity."

A bold contrast
to last year's theme:

"The Nerve."

But I'm stuck out here,

where hundreds of nobodies
have gathered to watch

dozens of somebodies
walk up some stairs.

Should we do this without Marge?

This is her favorite
watchingparty of the year.

(booing)

Forget her.
I'm jonesing for snark.

Oh, God, would you look
at that dress.

Who is the designer,
the Great Pacific Garbage Patch?

- Probably?
- ALL: Ah...

Ah, that's the good shade.

The plan's working.
We look amazing.

Now, let's get those tickets.

The 55 stairs.

The Tanqueray
stiletto sharpener.

The Swarovski crystal
wheelchair ramp.

(gasps) Stop gawking.

Where do we let
the other girls in?

Right over there, next to
Oh, my God!

Rihanna! (gasps)

I listen to the clean versions
of all your songs!

Now, let's see if there's
any honey left in this pot.

Excuse me, I seemed
to have a pulled a muscle.

Do you have an ice pack
so that my leg can stop...

- quivering?
- (gulps)

Right away, ma'am.

Ohho, hot stuff.

Ugh, no sign of our wives.

We checked out all their
favorite places,

but turns out
we don't pay enough attention

to know what those are.

So I don't know what we did.

It was my distinct pleasure
to watch your son.

I find we are quite simpatico.

Both of us know nothin'
about nothin'.

JOHNNY TIGHTLIPS:
Oh!

Now that's a fluid gender!

I wouldn't mind asking them
their preferred pronouns. Oh!

(gasps)
If I'm not mistaken,

that's how Marge looks
when she's happy.

And that's my Sarah!

Come on, Homer.

It looks like this
town's got a museum.

There's Lindsey,
and she's wearing the tiara.

Okay, don't be nervous.

- You can do this.
- Nervous?

This is the best field trip
of my fricking life!

Ms. Naegle,
can I just say, "that dress."

I know, right?
You go, girl. (chuckles)

What setting would you even
wash that on?

Delicate? Ecowarm?

I bet it would make so much
noise in the dryer, right?

Um, I don't want this
to sound harsh,

but you're not famous,
so you don't exist.

Bye now.

Darling,
stop talking to that empty chair

and come take a selfie
at the Fenty lip gloss fountain.

Oh, it's a fake!

I've been robbed!

Somebody stop
those two nobodies!

Keep it cool.

We just have to slip out of here

without anyone noticing us.

(sirens blaring) (gasping)

WIGGUM (over bullhorn):
Sarah Wiggum, freeze!

We're here to give you ladies
the attention you deserve!

(panting)

Shh!
Now is not the time, Clancy.

No, no, when it comes to love,

it's always the time
for shouting!

Sarah Wiggum!

Schmoopadoop!

Shmoopbadadoopa!

I love Sa Shut up!

Oh, God, ow.

- Sarah Wiggum, who are you?
- LINDSEY: That's her!

She's the thief!

(yelps)

(grunting)

(grunting continues)

(groans)

Babe, who is she?

This is my new girlfriend.

You were tumbling
for a long time.

Oh, you poor thing.

Here's your bag, sweetie.

Oopsie!

LINDSEY:
Those aren't mine!

- My earrings!
- My blood diamond!

My conflict tennis bracelet!

Oh, this time,
leave me holding the bag.

Aw, thanks, Homie.

But they're part of
the ensemble.

Chalamet looks like dirt.

BTS looks like seven dirts.

I see nerve there
but nothing audacious.

Oh. My. God.

Jeebus Crackers!

That's Marge!

What the hell is she doing
at the Gen Gala?

Exactly.
She looks like dirt.

It's what she would have wanted.

Captioning sponsored by
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FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

And FORD.
We go further, so you can.

Oh, Clancy.

So, this whole time, I've been
married to a master criminal.

Damn straight.

(both moaning)

Wait, wait, uh, where's Ralph?

I must confess,

I thought putting
crushedup Oreos

into the cookies and cream
yogurt would be redundant.

Instead, it is transcendent.

(chuckles) I like to smoosh
the gummy bears.

Hey, no touching!

If the boy wants to smoosh,
the boy will smoosh.

I love you, scary daddy.

I love you too,
Ralphie "Stickie Hands."

Shh!

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