Original subtitles

OK, everybody.

Tomorrow's show is live.

Listen, everybody. Shut up for a moment, please.

Can I ring you back in a second?

Thank you.

Right, OK, thanks.

You need to get different passes for the live show, OK.

It's different security.

We can't have anybody just wandering about.

Viv's husband, Jared, is the only non-crew permitted backstage. Got it?

-Jared. That's weird, isn't it? -What is?

-Well, what is their marriage? -I think he's sweet.

Yeah, but they don't have sex. They can't, can they?

-I don't want to talk about this. -Quite right.

-He doesn't do her. -Damien, sex can be many things.

What d'you mean?

Well, for instance, some people get satisfaction without the actual act.

-Yes? -Yes, in some relationships, for example,

sadomasochistic role play might replace intercourse. You know, domination.

You think Viv's a bit of a Dom?

-I don't mean Viv. -I can see that.

-What? You think she gets her boots on and all the gear? -No.

-Jared on all fours with a dog leash wearing a mask? -No, no.

That makes sense.

It's a turn-on, all that shouting she does. That's what he likes.

I'm not talking about Viv.

Mate, I bet you're like me when she gets going. A bit of a knob on, eh?

You can stop this.

I know where you're heading.

You and me, spit roast, lovely!

Because... (SHE TALKS "SPANISH")

Yo obtiendo un permiso. Jeso Christo!

What's she saying?

-Her nanny's being deported. -Where's your nanny being deported to?

Venez-fucking-zuela.

My coffee's cold, I need a new coffee. And a new nanny!

Naomi, ring the agency.

Are we having a meeting?

Yes, right, yes, sorry.

Come on. People!

Come on! Right!

-Naomi. -Yeah.

I don't care if they smoke. I don't care if they're a funny fucking crew,

I just want them at my house, tomorrow, 5 am.

Right! Right.

We are live tomorrow.

Carol, I want tight into the commercial breaks, all right?

Are we having a delay?

We'll have to - there are so many fucks.

No delay, no.

We are absolutely live as live.

No swearing, no beepers, no buttons, absolutely no swearing.

You tell them that, you tell the guests, Damien...

You tell the audience, that is your responsibility, Carol.

But, no delay, right?

No, we are live as live, you know.

As it happens, it happens, you know.

Then it's gone forever and it's not coming back. We are out there, we are in the ether.

The button has been pressed and the missiles have been launched.

-So if... -HELENA: Somebody swears we'll just put an apology

out on the autocue and put an apology out on the crawler.

-Sorry, what's a crawler? -Shut up.

You are, mate.

Who's checking captions?

Remember, people, there is no edit.

No edit, I repeat, no edit. This is live.

I don't think it's gonna be very helpful having you in my ear.

This has got to be timed so precisely. It won't be any help.

Oh, right, so my role will be...?

The show's mainly catch-up, folks, so you know...

Let's just keep 'em calm, Damien.

Calm, yeah? Not comatose. Calm.

Right, I don't want 'em coming out swearing. I don't want any of that.

Yeah, and I know I keep banging on about this, but I want all guests checked.

Screen them, really screen them, I want us to know everything about them.

No court cases pending, nothing.

Jonathan, anything we need to know about the people you do catch-up with?

Oh, yes, fine.

So, well, they're all OK

apart from the one you so sensitively call their...

Frigid Bride.

Can I just say, erm, no we, erm...

You cannot use this,

it's confidential but...

Now, the reason that her sexual problems exist is because

of childhood abuse so you cannot,

CANNOT use...

Right, erm, who's gonna be where because I want to know, you know...

It's not all right... I want people to be specific.

I don't want everybody just wandering about.

-Except Jared. Jared's allowed to go everywhere. -Yeah, of course, of course.

But not in the gallery, please.

He loves the gallery. Just don't let him eat all the sweets.

Yep, private pool.

Private beach.

All right, lovely.

Yeah, e-mail me.

(BUZZER)

Jared? Janey Evans.

-Hello, how are you? -The Mail.

-How can I help you? -I just want to tell you that we're running a story

about the young boy who fell off the balcony and died at that party.

I'm sorry, I've no idea what you're talking about.

We have good evidence from someone who was at that party that you were also there.

Would you like to talk to me about it?

I'm afraid you must be mistaken.

We both know I'm not, Jared. Think again.

Alan Williams, 17, rent boy, dead, Grosvenor Square.

Jared, the police are opening a murder inquiry.

Does Viv know you were at this party?

Jared... There are photos.

We're running the story on Sunday.

If you'd like to talk to me before then, here's my card. All the best to Viv.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC)

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Oh, my God.

What have I done?

What have I done?

(COUGHS)

Oh, what did you do?

What did you do?!

Think, think, think, think, think...

To do, to do, what to do.

It didn't happen.

Did it happen?

Did it?

It wasn't my fault!

I didn't do anything.

It wasn't me! It wasn't me!

(HE SOBS)

DESMOND: Camera two, I want you tight on Viv. HELENA: Come on, people.

I want two cameras on Viv. I want two cameras on Viv!

The whole show, no!

No, she is the show. Yeah, OK.

Camera two and six tight on Viv.

MCU two, BCU six...

It's very cosy over here. Could you just do guest stand in, please.

(ALL TALK AT ONCE)

Look, doctor, it's not real life.

It's just practising. One minute.

-Just... -I know it's not real life.

OK. I'm here...

Mark, mark, mark. Point, point, point.

Look at audience.

Up steps.

I just want to say I caught that look between the two of you earlier.

I don't know what it's about but I don't like it and I will not have it. Is that understood?

Whatever sordid game is going on between you, it ends now.

OK? And I will move back here and look back to him.

I expect it from him, not from you. It ends now.

But, Viv, I just have to say...

Thank you. Away, away.

Camera one, you are on the reverse right.

Camera five you're roaming. Lots of low angle, wideshots...

...in the bottom corner, bottom left-hand corner. Hello? Who is it?

Hello? Who is that?

Yeah, the nanny.

Tomorrow?

Hello? Is she Spanish?

Helena, this incest.

The incest couple. I'm worried about them going up to the junction.

I think we should swap them with the frigid bride.

I can easily cut her tears off.

Um...Can I stop you there? Helena...Helena, I...

Can they just be tears of joy?

Yes, they have done well in their treatment

-and they have a very healthy sexual relationship. -Yes.

Please can we have that and not just tears of despair from the past?

You are the only person going on about this.

You are the only person reminding me of the word "abuse".

If I happen to say it by accident, it's going to be your fault, do you understand?

Fucking Christ, am I an idiot?

(BUZZER)

-Who is it? -MIRIAM: It's me.

Drink?

Come.

Sit.

-When's Viv back? -Soon, I expect.

Oh God, Miriam! You've got to help me.

Who was it?

Janey. I know Janey. I know her mother.

Janey has been after Viv for years.

What did she say? What have they got?

I don't remember. It was such a shock.

Some evidence, I think she said, that I was at the party.

What evidence did she say?

Photographs, statements, what?

She said there were photographs.

She said "There were photographs" or "We've got photographs"?

I can't remember. Oh, God. Viv is going to kill me.

We're supposed to be going on holiday.

Jared, tell me what I need to know.

I was out with the usual gang.

We have these parties.

-Risky? -No, not normally.

Someone brought these boys along and it got out of hand.

I was very, very drunk. I'm sorry.

I don't remember coming home that night.

I think I left before the boy fell to his death.

Oh, God!

If this gets out it's going to kill me.

Viv and I are so good together.

This is going to kill us.

Normally I'm so careful.

-So very careful. -Don't kill yourself.

Here's the thing. If they had a load of stuff they would print the stuff.

They would not warn you.

She is giving you a chance. She is fishing.

They want a bargain.

We don't know what they've got so we can bargain but we'll have to give them something.

-I'm going to phone Janey. -No...

Jared, they know you were there. But that is probably all they know.

Let's be real, this is not about you. Who are you? You're nobody.

This is about Vivienne.

They want a Viv story. I don't care about you.

I care about Viv. Right.

I'm going to phone Janey Evans. Where's your phone?

There's one in the dining room.

VIVIENNE: Darling?

(DOOR CLOSES)

I was thinking we might go down to that Lebanese tonight.

Are you feeling Lebanesey?

-(HE SOBS) -What's the matter, darling?

Why's Miriam here?

-What? -Sit down, Viv.

Has someone died?

-Is someone dead? It's not your mother, is it? -Oh, God! My mother.

I'd forgotten about my mother.

Vivienne, pour yourself a drink.

Jared's got something he needs to tell you.

Um...

You remember that night a couple of weeks ago when I came home very, very drunk?

You'd been out with Graham.

No, I hadn't. I was... I...

I was out with the boys. The usual cabal.

Somehow we ended up at this flat in Grosvenor Square.

Oh, Jesus.

Not the one where the boy died?

Were you there?

Yes.

So what?

What? What is this? Is it the police?

You didn't push him, did you?

You didn't kill him?

No, no, no, but...

Viv, it was one of those sort of parties.

Oh, no.

-And The Mail got hold of it. -Oh, fuck.

And they came round this afternoon.

-To here? -To the door.

Jesus Christ! What have they got? The papers! The fucking papers!

I know nothing, darling. They hardly know anything.

They are just fishing. That's why Miriam is here.

They hardly have anything. They might have a picture.

I just spoke to them. They have.

They have a picture of you with this boy at the party.

-You stupid fucking idiot! -Argue later. Damage limitation now.

They will protect you in this thing.

They will keep you out of the shit.

They will have it on record that you left the party early before the gay orgy balcony horror.

But we have to give them something else.

-Like what? -Something from before you got together. Anything.

But the G-A-Y word has to feature

if you want them to leave you out of this rent boy death plunge.

Feature quite heavily. Give it an angle.

"There was once a time, I was confused and experimenting."

"I was losing my hair. Tripped on Hampstead Heath

"and somehow I fell onto this MP's cock and it went up my arse."

You are joking.

-Listen to what she is saying. -Do you want the story to come out?

Do you want to be linked to the sordid murder boy story?

Do you want them on your case for the rest of your life?

Do you want them camping outside the front door?

Do you want to do that to Vivienne?

Give them something, Jared.

Take the bullet, be a man.

You can be up to your knees in shit or drowning in it.

-Vivienne, I'm sorry. -Yes, darling. I'm sorry.

Shut up!

I'm saying goodbye to Vivienne.

Be strong, my darling.

You don't deserve this, my angel.

I never cared for your first husband and I don't like this one, either,

but you have an agreement and I respect that.

-I will protect you. -Thank you, Miriam.

Remember what my grandmother used to say.

You can turn your stumbling blocks into your stepping-stones.

You are strong. You can do that.

We should have been together, you know that, don't you?

-I would have kept my cock on for you. -Oh, Miriam, thank you.

Right.

I'm off.

-Thank you, Miriam. -Bye-bye, dear.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Thank God for Miriam.

-If you fuck this up for me, if you fuck it up for me... -Miriam will sort it out.

You're bloody lucky you have Miriam to cover your arse so you don't have to take the rap.

It is true, isn't it?

The papers aren't printing anything that isn't true. It did happen.

This is just damage limitation. Literally covering your fucking arse, Jared.

Darling, I know I have a problem. It's the drink.

I can't remember anything but I will sort it out and check into the Priory immediately.

No, you don't have a problem, I have a problem. You.

Christ, it's what we always said.

We have to be safe. Safe, safe, safe!

Whatever happens, nothing must come back on us.

-All that happened... -Don't tell me about it now.

I don't want to know about it now.

We'll get through this and see what happens.

-Viv... What are you saying? Are you going to divorce me? -I am just going to bed.

Oh, Viv, darling.

(VIVIENNE CLAPS)

(JARED SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY)

(APPLAUSE)

And we also asked Sandra if she had been texting any other men.

AUDIENCE: Ooooh.

Sandra answered no but the lie detector answered no as well.

-So you haven't been texting anyone. -(APPLAUSE)

-How are we running up? -DESMOND: Bang on time.

All right. Presentation on standby?

-Network standing by. -Good.

Here's the big one. To the question, did you sleep...

with any other men whilst your husband was in prison?

Sandra answered no.

And the lie detector tells us...

We will find that out in a moment.

But first we are going to speak to John.

JARED: Yes, mother, I will be arriving at the station...

The train leaves at 16:20. I suppose I'll be there...

What?

Yes.

She's fine.

(HIGH VOICE) Love you.

See? She sends her love.

She is sorry she can't come this time.

I don't know, Mum.

It might be for a while, I'm afraid.

Yes. All right, Mum. I'll talk to you later.

Viv wants you at the studio now.

I'll talk to you later, Mum. I can't talk now. Bye.

Go, go!

We asked Sandra, did you sleep with any other men whilst her husband was in prison

and Sandra answered no.

And I can reveal the lie detector...

reveals she was telling the truth!

Close on Sandra.

15 seconds to the break, stand by network.

I think, John, you owe your wife an apology.

Give her a hug.

Five, four, three, two, one.

(APPLAUSE)

I think congratulations are in order for our happy couple.

And a success story for you, Jonathan.

It must be nice because your profession comes in for so much abuse.

Yes.

What was the underlying problem with Marina's frigidity?

There are some things which we can't talk about.

Not on this show, I don't think.

They are extraordinary people.

Please give it up for Marina and John. We will be following their story.

Obviously leave them alone at night now.

DESMOND: What is this? We've still got five minutes to go.

-As you all know, this is the last show of this season. -AUDIENCE: Awwww.

Thank you. I want to take a few minutes to introduce you to somebody...

who's very special to me.

I don't know what she's doing.

I want you to introduce you to my lovely husband Jared, sitting in the audience.

Jared, would you come up on stage?

DESMOND: Camera five, stay on him.

I don't know where this is going but stay with him.

Thank you. My husband, Jared.

Jared, here, darling. Here.

I know you weren't expecting this. You are very nervous.

What is this?

-Do you know about this? -Stay on her.

Here on the Vivienne Vyle Show

we believe in telling the truth.

So that is what I am about to do.

Yesterday, something rather shocking happened, didn't it, Jared?

Two shots, that's lovely.

Some of you may have read in the papers about a party that happened

a few weeks ago in Grosvenor Square.

That's here in London.

Where a young man...

fell to his death.

-Oh, my God. -Fuck!

Very shocking and tragic and...

our hearts go out to the family of that poor boy.

So...

Certain members of the press are trying to involve Jared in this incident.

And...

Jared, you told me, didn't you, darling, that you were in fact at that party.

Yes, I was.

Take the mike, darling. Why were you at that party, Jared?

I want you to tell everybody.

I had been taken to the party with some friends but

I didn't know the person who was holding the party.

-You were drunk. -I was very drunk.

And more than that.

You ended up at the party because...

-Because... -Why don't you tell everybody, darling?

-Why don't you tell everybody? You're... because... -Because I...

Because I... I'm...

-I am a... -You are an alcoholic.

-Yes, I am an alcoholic. Yes. -You are an alcoholic. You are an alcoholic, darling.

-You've got a drink problem. -Yes, I have, darling.

-I am getting help and treatment. -You're not proud of it.

Yes, I am not proud.

I had nothing...

-nothing to do with... -Look in that camera and tell them, darling.

I had nothing... This one?

I had nothing to do with the death of that boy.

Who we have been told was a rent boy.

Yes, I believe so. I left the party early.

I appreciate I have behaved foolishly and stupidly.

But most of all that I have hurt you, Vivienne, my darling.

It's all right. Ladies and gentlemen, he's a brave man.

My husband, Jared.

-(APPLAUSE) -You're a wonderful man. Thank you.

One minute, one minute. One minute to fill.

Thank you.

He is a very brave man.

I am going to help him.

I am going to stand by him.

Because that man has done so much for me.

He has seen me through an awful lot in my life.

I trust him.

He's helped me trust men again.

He has got me through some very tough times with his strength and compassion.

Um... Sorry, I have to say something now.

Week after week, people come on my show and open their hearts and they trust me.

You see, what Jared has...

helped me with is the fact that

I was abused as a child.

Ohhh!

I'm sorry. I don't...

-You clever girl. -Sorry, Carol...

Thank you, darling.

I wasn't going to say this.

I know there are many of us out there, so...

I am sorry I have to say this but I had to.

I hope that it gives people strength,

that people find strength from my honesty.

Thank you. That's all I can say. I'm sorry. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

She's a genius.

She's the devil.

VIVIENNE: Thank you for your support.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are very kind.

You've been watching the award-winning Vivienne Vyle Show.

I'm Vivienne Vyle from the heart.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you so much!

Thank you!

Jared, come here.

Counting you down, Viv.

Five, four, three...

Take us, presentation.

Thank you, presentation.

Well done, studio. Thank you very much.

-Fuck me! -Absolutely.

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