Original subtitles

Ahh!

Peaceful, quiet crossword.

I get to learn about new things

and protect my brain against dementia.

Two birds, one puzzle.

Should've walked louder.

Now I have to terrify her.

- Afternoon. - Oh, my God!

Oh, three across is "American dream."

- Ten letter word for sham? - Yeah.

That's definitely wrong.

Just try it. I bet you'll be surprised.

I'll just pretend to write it.

Hey, where are the scissors?

Um, third drawer to the left.

Oh, I'll just-- Here.

- What is that? - Garlic pills.

I think I have some sort of bacterial infection or something.

I feel like my nervous system is going crazy,

like I have bunch of tiny little bugs in my hair.

Like lice?

Oh, shit. I was trying on the twins' top hat collection recently.

I definitely have lice.

She just realized she has lice.

Don't want June to think I have lice.

Gonna throw her off the trail.

What's lice?

What a beautiful mind.

[ music playing ]

Is that my computer?

Uh, yeah.

I donated mine to the homeless.

Spilled juice on it.

Okay. Well, cheerio.

If you must know, I'm stream of consciousness writing.

It's the only thing that calms me down

whenever I'm in scary-sweaty panic mode.

Don't take the bait.

Okay. Well, have a nice day.

- Want me to read you some? - Yes.

- No. - "Mother is coming to town.

Scratch, scratch, judgment, fire.

Lucinda, Lucinda,

dumb witch with a pen.

Mothering Eggshell?

More like mothering whore!"

Wait. Mothering Eggshell? Like the book series?

Ugh, yeah.

Your mother is author

and behavioral theorist Lucinda Renoir Souza?

Yeah. Have you read her dumb books?

Oh! Read them? I gobbled them.

They shaped my idea of what a family is!

They taught me how to mother myself.

Wait. Why do you have to mother yourself?

[ baby voice ] Was it because your mom was too busy to play with you?

You've just stepped in a trap I've permanently set.

Yeah, I guess, she was too busy.

Too busy being dead.

What? Uh...

I'll use this walking time to figure out what to say.

There, there. Nailed it.

And now I have trapped myself.

- Why didn't you tell me? - Because I don't like to talk about it.

- How did she die? - I don't like to talk about it.

Do you not like to talk about it because you had something to do with it?

- What? No! - There, there.

Okay, no more. Pivot it back.

Okay, if your mother is Lucinda, that means--

Oh, my God! You're Eggshell!

- No! - Yes!

You're Eggshell!

Yes, I am the difficult, angry Eggshell,

born of Lucinda, subject of 12 "Walking on Eggshell" books.

It's my greatest source of shame and wanting to kick stuff.

And your sister, Poor Good Rachel!

She was so sickly, so fragile.

- What was wrong with her again? - Nothing.

She just bruised easily.

- Oh. - She didn't deserve an award.

But she's won a ton of awards, right?

She's a successful doctor or scientist?

Yes. Those are facts, yes.

But you have a whole series based on you.

I mean, you're famous. It's the coolest!

It is not the coolest! It's the worstest!

Whenever she comes, she just judges

and pokes at me until I explode,

and then she writes a book about it.

Oh, I can't wait to read it.

Not this time, baby.

I'm gonna keep my anger in check

and show my mom how great my life is.

- First step... - Treat your lice.

...go back to the Lower Roscoe Theatre Company.

Nice! Wait. Why?

Well, being in a company requires diplomacy and fellowship,

two of which the old Eggshell really struggled with.

Yeah, you did! Like in book 11, chapter 2,

where you threw that cowbell

at that girl's head at farm camp

because she was chosen to sing "Amazing Grace" instead of you--

Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

It's not funny.

[ music playing ]

- Barry! Hi. - Oh!

- Oh, hi, Kat. - Listen, spending time away

from you guys has been invigorating.

Happy to hear it.

And it's made me realize

how important it is for me to be here...

for all of us.

Kat, I'm glad you've enjoyed the time apart.

We have, too. It's really boosted morale.

- Yeah. - And because of that, I think it's best for us

to continue our artistic journeys separately.

Yeah. Or, wait, um,

maybe I can be part of the ensemble from afar?

Like an adjunct consulting actor?

That's not a thing.

Well, maybe I could direct a few plays.

I've got great ideas.

Setting them in a Blockbuster or Syria--

Being a director isn't a consolation prize, Kat.

I was a recipient of the Begley Directing Fellowship...

Gotta turn this around.

I'll just let my words surprise me.

- I've also dedicated my-- - [ laughing ]

I don't wanna be part of this company.

I was just kidding. This is all a trick.

So--

Oh. Okay.

I'm-- I'm done here.

- Uh, enough. - Get a car!

[ music playing ]

Look at me, wearing a scarf

like a fancy 21st century female.

- Oh, hey, June. - It's Tiff!

- And Bobby. - And Bobby.

So, corporate's coming this week.

Ugh. Sucks, right?

- Not really. - No. Yeah, they're not bad.

They're doing their semi-annual review of our team,

so we're going around asking people to dress nicer.

Totes.

Oh, wait. Is this not okay?

Because it actually took me, like, a long time to pick it out.

I ordered several scarves because, um, you said,

"A woman with a scarf is a woman indeed!"

I never said that.

Or something like that.

Uh, it really struck me.

I, um, pinned it on my vision board.

Well, your whole outfit is kind of, um,

Depression era home ec?

I'm not gonna get promoted for running a tight ship

if you don't step your game up tomorrow.

Tiff, seriously,

I would rather die than let you down.

Okay!

I need a new look.

[ music playing ]

Okay, so I'm not in the theatre company, and that's fine.

I'll just lie and say I am.

Problem solved.

Breathing is like a cold shower.

It clears my head, cools my anger.

Stupid [ bleep ] Barry!

I hope you get mushed by a truck.

Oh, no.

Fury sweat.

Can't look angry when Mom gets here.

Does cucumber absorb anger?

Or is it puffiness?

I'll just rub some on my face and eat some, too.

Everything's fine.

She can't write a book and humiliate me once again,

if everything's fine.

- [ doorbell rings ] - [ grunts ]

Hi!

[ sighs ]

- Hi. - Katherine!

Everything's fine!

So, Katherine, how is the theatre?

It's great. Great.

Working well with everyone. Making a salary.

Donating most of it.

You're sweating. You seem upset.

Oh, God. She knows all my tells.

Play it cool, baby.

Oh, I'm-- I'm not upset.

I'm actually feeling a lot of emotional neutrality lately,

probably because of all the breathing.

Please. You wear your emotions on your sleeves.

Those messy, little sleeves.

Oh. Have you been eating ranch dressing again?

No!

Every day.

And why are you scratching your head?

Have you been playing with street animals again?

No.

Every day.

Always the same habit patterns.

It has begun. Sorry, June.

This is for my own good.

June's mother died and she refuses to talk about it.

Really?

[ clears throat ]

Here she is. Your hero in the flesh.

Say something nice and normal.

Easy does it.

You're my flesh hero!

- Pardon? - Regroup!

Uh, nothing.

So, do you enjoy the weather?

Do you like... the light?

You have a beautiful body.

No! Get off her body.

I mean I wish my body was as compact as yours.

Do you yoga or swim or--

- Stop. - [ exhales ]

You're incredibly nervous and strange.

I know. I'm sorry.

I'm sure Kat told you,

I am a huge fan of your Eggshell books.

She didn't. Thank you. That's sweet.

Seriously, they taught me so much

about different mothering techniques and family structure.

I mean, I read them like a bajillion times.

They're my "Lord of the Rings."

Fascinating.

Because you didn't have a mother,

reading books about the family unit

read as high fantasy.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah. They-- they really helped me.

- Hmm. - Well, look at this.

She's not even looking at me.

Perfecto!

But I can see

that you are still struggling with self-confidence.

The way you're touching your scarf screams,

"Is this me? Am I me?"

Yeah! Yeah!

I don't know who me is, and it's a problem.

I should really use June more often.

Say more things.

More things equals more hand touches.

Like today at work,

um, corporate is observing us for the week,

and we were told to dress up.

So, you know, I tried my best, but still got reamed

for looking too Depression era home ec.

That's a confusing critique.

[ gasps ] Double hands!

June. I'm touched that my books meant so much to you.

I can't bring your mother back,

but I can... take you shopping.

You are my mother now.

Mother gaze successfully deflected.

June: Lucinda!

- [ gasps ] - I feel like a hot Attorney General.

- It's such a beautiful cut. - And so soft.

I feel like I'm wearing a rat's underbelly.

- What? - Nothing.

It's very handsome, but I think we can do better.

You think I can pull this off?

A better question is can this pull off you?

[ shrieks ]

Does it fit?

I don't need a scoliosis bra.

Not according to that massive curve in your spine.

Okay, well, why does June get to try on all the pretty things?

'Cause June has a job and a confidence deficit,

just like your sister Rachel.

Rachel needed kid gloves, whereas you need thick glass-cutting gloves.

Okay, well, I have that, too. I'm very insecure. I have really thick hair.

- So, it's-- - Kat, you sound angry.

June: Lucinda, could you come here a moment?

Don't like this dynamic.

Making me wanna kick.

- [ gasps ] - [ shrieks ]

Oh, June, you look stunning.

It's the perfect dress.

- Oh, come. Come see. - Oh!

Kat, come take a look at your sister!

I mean, roommate!

It is the perfect complement

to your perfect waist to hip ratio.

I love it! I'm gonna get it!

- No. - Oh.

Do you wanna buy it for me--

Don't you understand, June?

You don't need the power dress.

The outfit is inside you.

But the scoliosis bra can't be inside me?

Oh.

But I should still get this, right?

No. Your outside clothes don't need to reflect your inside clothes.

You can pull off anything with this confidence.

So I could wear that homemade dinosaur sweater

I've always wanted to wear, but I've been too scared to?

Exactly. Wear what makes you happy.

- I will then! - Yes.

My very own Lucinda motivational speech.

- Dreams do come true. - Oh, yeah, breathe.

Can't get angry. Angry equals book.

Book equals photo shoot.

Photo shoot equals egg costume.

Egg costume equals angry.

Circles! Patterns!

June: The outfit's inside me.

How obvious. How true.

Oh, Lucinda, your love is feeding me

like the breast milk I was denied.

Kat: You're gonna get it good, June.

This will teach you to--

What am punishing her for?

Hmm. Don't wanna reflect on it.

- [ frog croaks ] - Aah! Oh, my God!

What? Oh, my God!

[ laughs ]

You're scared!

I love it.

Thank you.

It's not a gift!

It was supposed to make your life hell,

but the plan backfired because you're a freak!

Wait. Didn't you throw a frog in Poor Good Rachel's bed?

Uh-oh.

- No. - Yes, you did!

In "Book 3: The Terror Years."

Your mom and Rachel went to the ballet together without you,

and you were mad even though you were invited.

You said you didn't wanna go because ballet was "bragging on your toes."

Stop remembering my life, you idiot.

Oh, my God.

I'm poor good Rachel.

Damn it. That checks out.

Stop it! You're so not!

Yes! Yes!

Your mom is treating me like I have brittle bones,

and you like you're made of angry steel.

That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

I've got your number, little egg.

Better watch your step.

I've read the books. I know your ways.

Oh, try to stay cool, you know?

Wouldn't want you to burst a blood vessel in your eye

like you do in Books 5 through 9.

[ croaking ]

[ music playing ]

I am visualizing my inside outfit.

Nobody can see my outside outfit.

I'm wearing a power dress.

A beautiful power dress.

- Hey, y'all! - Oh, my God.

- It's working! - What's that?

- It's not working? - June, what are you wearing?

I asked you to step it up. Is this a homemade shirt?

Homemade clothes are for the weekend, June.

Oh, no. Can they not see my inside outfit power dress?

Uh, I guess I just wanted to... make a big splash?

You know, I read in Forbes

that often the wrong choice is the right choice

if you... believe?

I think you should go home and change.

And maybe take the whole day off.

Corporate shouldn't see this. Nobody should.

You know I appreciate dinos, June, but not like this.

Am I so embarrassed that I'm actually...

not embarrassed?

Oh, no. There it is.

Yup. Definitely wanna die.

Did Lucinda give me bad advice?

No. You can't publish books and be incorrect about things.

That's a contradiction too great for this world.

Lucinda: Oh, June!

Half day at work?

Um, no. My boss sent me home early.

I guess I didn't pick a nice enough inside outfit.

I was afraid of that.

Hmm.

Your mother's death left a giant hole inside of you.

It doesn't matter how beautiful your inside outfit is,

if you're filled with holes, that's all people will see.

Yeah.

So, should I buy the dress or--

No! You don't fill grief holes with clothes.

You fill them with...

Raisins? Handmade dolls?

Little rat kisses?

- ...love. - Oh, right.

Well, that's just--

Something we can fix.

You're so in need of love.

Okay.

I'd like to try some skin-to-skin time.

Something you were denied as a baby.

Wait, my mom was alive when I was a baby.

Okay, now we're going to breathe for five,

hug for five, and then breathe for five.

Ugh, this level of intimacy is unendurable,

like sex with the lights on

or butterfly kisses with my principal.

Oh, now she's getting skin-to-skin contact?

This is the last straw!

This is insulting.

[ sighs ] Must get out.

We're gonna do this every day until the hole closes.

No! I don't wanna fill my dead mom hole.

It's my most favorite hole!

Where's my sister Egg?

Enjoying my mother?

I bet you love being complimented

and treated like an invalid.

No! I mean, you'd think yes,

but the emotional intimacy is untenable!

I can't be her Poor Good Rachel.

And you can't have her writing another book about you.

It would be my undoing.

Your mother's teachings sound much better

than they are in practice.

- Well, thank you. - So, let's make a plan.

Already made one.

If my mom sees that I don't ever get angry

under high pressure situations,

then she'll fly far, far away.

Great idea. Okay, so let's sit down

- and figure out maybe-- - No. Shh, shh.

Let's just say, I hope you enjoy the show.

[ music playing ]

- Both: Hey, Kat. - Oh, look, it's my friends the twins.

Just wanted to come and revel.

In our triumph and your defeat.

What are you guys talking about?

Oh, also, this is my mom.

- We don't care who your mom is! - Nice to meet you.

Just wanted to let you know

that even though you had the best audition--

Tessa: Much better than ours.

Everyone agrees, you're incredible.

We got the leads in "Out of Africa."

- Oh, man. - They're making it into a play?

That's one of my most favorite movies.

Yeah, that's why I wanted you to see me play the lead.

If your audition was so good, why didn't you get the role?

- Politics! - Corruption!

Aren't you so mad?

No, actually, I feel very in control of my emotions.

Even though it's a musical and you love musicals?

Even though. Brave, brave me.

Um, well, thanks for stopping by--

You didn't get it because

your voice isn't as good as you think it is.

What'd you say?

Yeah, and it's weird you always say you're a soprano,

'cause your head voice is kind of thin and weak.

- Oh, no. - That's not true.

- You're definitely an alto. - Take it back.

- I am not an alto! - Kat, don't listen

to these jealous, filthy, identical liars!

- Hey! - It's true!

I am a soaring soprano!

- Aah! - Go, go, go!

Katherine!

You nearly threw a flower pot at those street children.

I can't say I'm surprised.

These are your patterns. They're as much a part of you

as your heavy breasts or your baby teeth.

I'm so sorry that you had to see that.

But you should know,

even though patterns can't be broken,

holes can be filled.

Let's do some skin-on-skin.

Leave June's hole alone.

Fill mine instead!

I'm sorry that I'm not a perfect egg like Rachel and June.

I'm sorry that I throw cowbells!

I'm sorry that I'm not the perfect me

that you want me to be!

Katherine, you're exactly who I want you to be.

You're Eggshell,

a person so interesting and complicated,

I created an entire series around you.

You have given me a career and yourself an inheritance.

You like me like this?

I love you like this.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack.

Ooh, so you're leaving?

That was easy. And fast.

No, no, no. I'm leaving because I'm sick of being here.

Your bathroom is disgusting.

I'll be at the Sheraton down the block

working on the next Eggshell book.

Mother...

you're welcome.

Never change, Katherine.

- June? - Mm-hmm?

You've got a lot of work to do on yourself.

I guess the old adage is true.

Never meet your heroes.

They might be Kat's mom.

Ah, sweet relief. Now I can be myself,

a labyrinth of nuance and messy hot emotions.

Eww. You're spilling.

Who cares? With my new Eggshell money,

I can buy you a new floor.

I can buy you new clothes.

I can buy you therapy for your holes.

- That's gross. - I can buy you the moon

- if you want the moon. - Hmm.

Can you please use the lice treatment I got you?

They're just gonna keep laying eggs.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

I am an interesting,

complicated individual after all.

No. This is bullshit.

Your mom's parenting technique is bullshit.

You don't get to never change just because you're the star

of a book series about an angry egg.

[ baby voice ] I'm the mother now.

[ panting ]

- Be better! - I'm scared!

What are you gonna do to be a real adult person?

- Stop getting lice! - Yes! And?

Apply for Barry's fancy director program!

Good! Yes! And what am I gonna do?

Also apply for Barry's fancy director program!

No! I'm gonna buy that power dress!

Well, how am I supposed to know that?

[ music playing ]

The outfit is outside of me.

The outfit is outside of me.

June! Oh, my God.

That outfit looks amazing on you!

Thanks.

My dead mom didn't help me pick it out.

Great.

Still a win.