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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,743 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,810 --> 00:00:07,682 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,749 --> 00:00:11,256 ♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,322 --> 00:00:14,262 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,328 --> 00:00:17,769 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,836 --> 00:00:21,376 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,113 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:24,716 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:30,294 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,139 --> 00:00:39,078 (alarm beeping) 11 00:00:39,145 --> 00:00:40,515 (alarm off) 12 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,654 (yawns) 13 00:00:46,492 --> 00:00:48,229 (blows raspberry) 14 00:00:48,296 --> 00:00:50,267 Alexa, what's in the news this morning? 15 00:00:50,334 --> 00:00:51,937 ALEXA: Here is your morning briefing. 16 00:00:52,004 --> 00:00:54,543 In Washington, D. C., Congress has passed a measure.. 17 00:00:54,610 --> 00:00:57,348 Alexa, skip to celebrity birthdays. 18 00:00:57,414 --> 00:01:00,287 Mario Lopez is 47 years old today. 19 00:01:00,354 --> 00:01:03,293 No way! Someone should tell his face. 20 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,930 I know, right? 21 00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:06,533 (chuckles): Seriously! 22 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,138 Okay, see you later, Alexa. 23 00:01:09,205 --> 00:01:11,342 You're my best friend. 24 00:01:11,409 --> 00:01:14,148 And you're... you're awesome, Lois. 25 00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:16,352 Best friends. 26 00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:20,160 MEG (calling out): Hey, Mom, my period started on the couch. 27 00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:21,462 (takes deep breath) 28 00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:24,836 You wanted to have a family, you wanted this life. 29 00:01:24,903 --> 00:01:27,575 My shoes are on the roof. Get 'em. 30 00:01:27,642 --> 00:01:30,047 (children's song playing on TV) 31 00:01:30,113 --> 00:01:32,628 - ♪ The driver on the bus peeks to check his phone ♪ - Come on, move your arm up. 32 00:01:32,652 --> 00:01:34,388 - Up. Close your hand. - ♪ Check his phone ♪ 33 00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:36,927 - Okay, push it through. Good. - ♪ Check his phone ♪ 34 00:01:36,994 --> 00:01:39,141 - Just let me do it. - ♪ The driver on the bus peeks to check his phone ♪ 35 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,205 - Other arm. Almost done. - ♪ Whoops, he hit a dog ♪ 36 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,941 Move your thumb. Move your thumb. Push. 37 00:01:44,008 --> 00:01:45,878 - There. Done. - ♪ The driver on the bus ♪ 38 00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:47,615 ♪ Says, "Shut up, shut up, shut up ♪ 39 00:01:47,682 --> 00:01:51,155 ♪ Let me think for a second." ♪ 40 00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,826 (Lois straining) 41 00:01:52,892 --> 00:01:54,428 Why did you do this? 42 00:01:54,495 --> 00:01:56,499 If they didn't want us to put our foot down there, 43 00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:59,506 they shouldn't make it a perfect fit for a toilet shoe. 44 00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,777 - Who's "they"? - Uh, Big Toilet? 45 00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:03,981 "Big Toilet"? Is that a thing? 46 00:02:04,048 --> 00:02:05,718 Shh! 47 00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:07,430 MAN: Welcome back to the Stuff You Should Just Spend 48 00:02:07,454 --> 00:02:09,125 the Money On podcast. 49 00:02:09,191 --> 00:02:11,964 Today's episode: "Expressing Your Dog's Anal Glands." 50 00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:14,870 MAN 2: Yeah, you really don't want to DIY on the anal glands. 51 00:02:14,936 --> 00:02:16,874 Just spend the money. It can't cost more than, 52 00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:18,878 - I don't know, 30 bucks. - (Brian grunts) 53 00:02:18,944 --> 00:02:20,882 - MAN: $30 is three months of Netflix. - (grunts) 54 00:02:20,948 --> 00:02:22,886 MAN 2: So don't watch The Crown for three months. 55 00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:24,992 - I like The Crown. - MAN: What if I like The Crown? 56 00:02:25,056 --> 00:02:27,176 - MAN 2: Watch it all in one weekend. - (both grunting) 57 00:02:27,227 --> 00:02:29,365 If you don't finish a Netflix series in a weekend, 58 00:02:29,431 --> 00:02:31,369 - that's on you. - Lois, can we just... 59 00:02:31,435 --> 00:02:33,039 can we just kiss a little first? 60 00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:34,876 You know what? I think it's actually starting 61 00:02:34,943 --> 00:02:36,880 to clear up on its own. ♪ Whoa, Black Betty ♪ 62 00:02:36,947 --> 00:02:38,517 ♪ Bam‐a‐lam, hey, Black Betty ♪ 63 00:02:38,584 --> 00:02:39,853 ♪ Bam‐a‐lam! ♪ 64 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,257 ♪ 65 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,002 ‐(horn honks) ‐(Lois honks back) 66 00:02:48,069 --> 00:02:51,577 Take a bite out of my ass, you sack of dirt! 67 00:02:54,281 --> 00:02:56,285 (mellow music playing) 68 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:57,555 (inhales deeply) 69 00:02:57,622 --> 00:03:00,460 Ah... you made it. 70 00:03:01,663 --> 00:03:04,368 Morning, Kyle, Lisa, Kyle H. 71 00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:05,738 Morning, Lois. 72 00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:07,542 What'll it be this morning? The usual? 73 00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,613 Ah, you know it. And with the morning I had, 74 00:03:09,679 --> 00:03:11,249 better make it a large. 75 00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:13,621 So the usual. 76 00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:15,958 How are the muffins this morning, Lisa? 77 00:03:16,025 --> 00:03:18,664 Oh, not the banana nut, 'cause I know you're allergic to nuts. 78 00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,668 (chuckles): That's right, I am. Good memory. 79 00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:22,538 Well, it's what makes you so unique. 80 00:03:22,605 --> 00:03:24,074 MAN: Hurry up! 81 00:03:24,141 --> 00:03:25,988 You know, I always thought that peanut allergies 82 00:03:26,012 --> 00:03:28,149 just went away when you became an adult. 83 00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:29,418 You know, like tonsils. 84 00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:30,688 Tonsils go away, right? 85 00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:32,291 I thought I read that. 86 00:03:32,357 --> 00:03:33,426 What are tonsils? 87 00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:35,397 Anyway, let me put in my card. 88 00:03:35,463 --> 00:03:37,134 I got one with a chip on it. 89 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,839 It's like we're living in the Star Wars. 90 00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:41,342 Okay, tip. 91 00:03:41,409 --> 00:03:42,645 I'll do cash. 92 00:03:42,712 --> 00:03:44,081 Good, you heard me. 93 00:03:44,148 --> 00:03:46,419 "Would you like to donate a cup of coffee 94 00:03:46,485 --> 00:03:48,089 to a soldier overseas?" 95 00:03:48,156 --> 00:03:51,095 Yeah, that seems like a good cause. 96 00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:53,299 MAN: Hey. Here's your free cup of coffee 97 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,671 - from a lady in Rhode Island. - What? 98 00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:02,885 ♪ 99 00:04:21,757 --> 00:04:24,428 Excuse me. Are you in line for the bathroom? 100 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:26,165 - No. - Oh. 101 00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,635 Then move! 102 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:30,708 - (rattles doorknob) - Give me the key! 103 00:04:33,547 --> 00:04:36,218 So, how was everybody's day? 104 00:04:36,285 --> 00:04:38,657 - I made the football team... - Congratulations. 105 00:04:38,724 --> 00:04:41,530 ...throw up because I put cleaner in the Gatorade. 106 00:04:41,596 --> 00:04:42,865 Still pretty good. 107 00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:46,338 You know, the funniest thing happened to me today. 108 00:04:46,405 --> 00:04:48,142 I go to this coffee shop every morning, 109 00:04:48,209 --> 00:04:50,346 and they do this fun thing where every week 110 00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:52,150 they choose a Customer of the Week. 111 00:04:52,217 --> 00:04:54,589 It's just a silly thing, which is why it's so fun. 112 00:04:54,656 --> 00:04:56,660 Anyway, I've never been picked. 113 00:04:56,726 --> 00:04:58,564 Which is fine. 114 00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:00,266 The thing is... 115 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,333 Oh, boy. 116 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,072 ...I'm friendly, I always tip, 117 00:05:03,139 --> 00:05:06,445 I almost never say anything when foreigners loudly FaceTime, 118 00:05:06,513 --> 00:05:09,384 and in general, I'm a pretty good person. 119 00:05:09,451 --> 00:05:10,688 Right? 120 00:05:10,754 --> 00:05:12,625 Yeah. I mean, you show little patience 121 00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:15,598 for the handicapped at times, but... yeah. 122 00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:17,334 Yeah, it just, it just feels like 123 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,037 it should probably be my time. 124 00:05:19,104 --> 00:05:20,641 Well, maybe this'll be your week. 125 00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:21,943 Oh, you think so? 126 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:23,446 I don't know. That‐that felt like 127 00:05:23,514 --> 00:05:24,825 the right thing to say, so I said it. 128 00:05:24,849 --> 00:05:26,352 I do impulsive things. 129 00:05:26,418 --> 00:05:29,224 That's how I ended up getting Rod Stewart's hair. 130 00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:30,628 Morning, luv. 131 00:05:30,694 --> 00:05:33,332 Mind if I sing a tune into your vagina? 132 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:36,573 ♪ 133 00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:40,313 Everybody, if we could have your attention, 134 00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:43,687 we'd like to announce this week's Customer of the Week. 135 00:05:43,754 --> 00:05:45,824 Ah. I've never seen them do it live. (chuckles) 136 00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:48,897 This must be what it feels like to see Bruce. 137 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,840 This week's Customer of the Week is... 138 00:05:53,907 --> 00:05:55,544 Lester! 139 00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:59,017 ♪ 140 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,471 (sobbing) 141 00:06:11,710 --> 00:06:13,814 (sobbing loudly) 142 00:06:19,491 --> 00:06:21,630 Hey, Bon, Wednesday Wisdom's live! 143 00:06:21,696 --> 00:06:23,499 - Is it good? - No. 144 00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:24,969 It's great! 145 00:06:31,181 --> 00:06:33,319 You know what I think the problem is, Stewie? 146 00:06:33,386 --> 00:06:34,756 I need to show them 147 00:06:34,822 --> 00:06:36,593 that I deserve to be Customer of the Week. 148 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,740 - You don't. - Well, they probably see a woman like me and think, 149 00:06:38,764 --> 00:06:40,668 - "She's got it all." - They don't. 150 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,672 I know it's a silly little award, 151 00:06:42,738 --> 00:06:44,676 - but I don't ask for much. - You do. 152 00:06:44,742 --> 00:06:46,078 And this is the one place, 153 00:06:46,145 --> 00:06:48,049 the one place that makes me feel happy. 154 00:06:48,115 --> 00:06:50,453 - You aren't. - I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. 155 00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:52,892 I‐I feel like I really vibe with everyone there. 156 00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:54,896 - You don't. - I'm one of their best customers. 157 00:06:54,962 --> 00:06:56,700 You know, if I stopped showing up, 158 00:06:56,766 --> 00:06:58,169 they'd probably wonder where I went. 159 00:06:58,235 --> 00:07:00,373 - They wouldn't. - Because I'm a nice person. 160 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,710 - You're not. - I tip in cash. 161 00:07:01,776 --> 00:07:03,613 - So? - And I can't think of one reason 162 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,517 - why they wouldn't pick me. - I can. 163 00:07:05,584 --> 00:07:06,864 Oh, thanks for listening, Stewie. 164 00:07:07,822 --> 00:07:09,100 - I had no choice. - You know, I'm gonna show them 165 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,728 that I deserve to win this award. 166 00:07:10,794 --> 00:07:12,732 I need this‐‐ just like I needed 167 00:07:12,798 --> 00:07:15,571 my own Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane. 168 00:07:15,637 --> 00:07:17,273 - Next. - Hi, Gil. 169 00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:18,340 Uh, can I get... 170 00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:20,184 Pound of honey ham. Cut it thin. 171 00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:21,783 Oh, excuse me, I believe I was next. 172 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,954 Step aside, lady. 173 00:07:28,462 --> 00:07:29,799 Yeah, hi, Gil. 174 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,404 Can I try a piece of the pepper turkey? 175 00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:34,675 ♪ 176 00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,217 Here you go. Anything else today? 177 00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:41,155 Yeah, the coffee, and you know what? 178 00:07:41,221 --> 00:07:43,794 I'll take that piece of artwork for sale on the wall. 179 00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,798 Really? That's my painting. 180 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,535 Wha...? Is it? 181 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,605 You are very talented. 182 00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,810 Well, how much do I owe you? 183 00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:55,450 - $600. - (chokes) $600? 184 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,619 Do you still want it? 185 00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:57,621 Of course. 186 00:07:57,688 --> 00:07:59,024 (quiet grunt) 187 00:07:59,090 --> 00:08:00,727 It's important to support local artists 188 00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:02,665 by spending a year's worth of co‐pays 189 00:08:02,731 --> 00:08:04,635 on a painting of a... (chokes, belches) 190 00:08:04,702 --> 00:08:05,971 (pounding counter) 191 00:08:06,038 --> 00:08:06,873 ...bridge. 192 00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,777 A ladder and an apple. 193 00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:11,649 A ladder and an apple! What a theme! 194 00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:13,486 Can you split it on two debit cards? 195 00:08:13,553 --> 00:08:16,526 - I have a limit. - I can't really ring it up on the register. 196 00:08:16,593 --> 00:08:18,763 - It has to be cash. - (chokes) 197 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,401 Perfect! 198 00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,673 ♪ 199 00:08:27,213 --> 00:08:29,150 - By the way, I told you. - Told me what? 200 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:31,154 I told you nobody could tell I was drinking. 201 00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:34,094 - No one cares. - I care. I do. 202 00:08:35,329 --> 00:08:38,302 Here, take this. Start recording right before they say my name. 203 00:08:38,369 --> 00:08:40,406 And hold it landscape, not portrait. 204 00:08:40,473 --> 00:08:42,754 This is an important moment, not a fast‐food worker fight. 205 00:08:42,778 --> 00:08:45,216 (quietly): I wish it was a fast‐food worker fight. 206 00:08:45,283 --> 00:08:48,757 - What? - (loudly): I wish it was a fast‐food worker fight. 207 00:08:48,823 --> 00:08:50,192 Welcome, everybody. 208 00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:53,198 This week's Customer of the Week is... 209 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,673 ...Terry Newcustomer. 210 00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:02,585 Wow, this is so unexpected, because I'm such a new customer. 211 00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:03,887 Lois, should I stop recording? 212 00:09:03,954 --> 00:09:05,389 Oh, you got a text. 213 00:09:05,456 --> 00:09:06,559 Oh, I clicked it. 214 00:09:06,626 --> 00:09:07,561 Oh, it's Bonnie. 215 00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:09,030 She's responding to you. 216 00:09:09,097 --> 00:09:11,401 Oh, about me. Oh, I'm reading the old texts. 217 00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,571 Oh, I should stop. 218 00:09:12,638 --> 00:09:13,573 Oh, but I can't. 219 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,709 Oh, you're unhappy. 220 00:09:14,775 --> 00:09:15,911 Oh, who's Greg? 221 00:09:15,978 --> 00:09:17,681 Oh, there's Greg. 222 00:09:17,748 --> 00:09:19,752 ♪ 223 00:09:20,554 --> 00:09:23,593 All right, on three, everyone say their favorite Spider‐Man. 224 00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:25,931 All right? One, two, three. 225 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,644 (saying different Spider‐Man characters and actors) 226 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,837 ALL BUT LOIS: What?! 227 00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:32,010 (Meg, Chris, Peter, Brian and Stewie arguing) 228 00:09:33,613 --> 00:09:36,619 In fact, there'd be no superhero movies without Tobey Maguire. 229 00:09:36,686 --> 00:09:39,424 No way! Garfield never got a chance. 230 00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,694 Is Affleck the best Batman? 231 00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:42,139 No. But he had the best Batman body. 232 00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:44,535 He'll be the first ex‐Spider‐Man to win an Oscar. 233 00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:47,508 Just 'cause it's in animation, people think it's not legit. 234 00:09:47,574 --> 00:09:50,279 (indistinct arguing) 235 00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:53,052 ♪ 236 00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:55,691 (others continue arguing) 237 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,538 I don't get it! 238 00:10:02,604 --> 00:10:03,673 Wait, Spider‐Man? 239 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:05,076 He's a guy with spider powers. 240 00:10:05,142 --> 00:10:06,779 Can't I have one thing in my life? 241 00:10:06,846 --> 00:10:07,915 Is that too much to ask? 242 00:10:07,981 --> 00:10:09,451 What is it, do they hate me? 243 00:10:09,518 --> 00:10:11,789 Because astrologically I'm very compatible 244 00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:13,793 with Kyle H. and Lisa. 245 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,797 I'm a Gemini and they're both Aquarius, 246 00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:17,500 so we're natural matches! 247 00:10:17,568 --> 00:10:19,505 Kyle is a Virgo, which doesn't match with Gemini, 248 00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:21,976 but they're supposed to at least care about people! 249 00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:23,580 What am I missing? 250 00:10:23,646 --> 00:10:25,784 You know, Mom, if you really want to get noticed, 251 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:27,688 you should save one of their lives. 252 00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:29,390 - What? - There was a kid at school 253 00:10:29,457 --> 00:10:31,929 who got a whole page in the yearbook dedicated to him 254 00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:34,935 because he saved a kid who had a peanut allergy. 255 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,006 Peanut allergy? 256 00:10:37,073 --> 00:10:38,676 I have a peanut allergy. 257 00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:42,618 Yeah. This kid accidentally ate something with peanuts in it 258 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,354 and the other kid came over 259 00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:46,559 and Pulp Fictioned him with an EpiPen. 260 00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:47,661 Huh... 261 00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,364 I can't even touch peanuts. 262 00:10:49,430 --> 00:10:51,803 That kid was a hero. 263 00:10:51,869 --> 00:10:53,338 Hero... 264 00:10:53,405 --> 00:10:54,608 You flush it! 265 00:10:54,675 --> 00:10:56,344 It scares me when it goes away. 266 00:10:57,881 --> 00:10:59,250 Yes... hero. 267 00:10:59,317 --> 00:11:00,352 I'll be a hero, 268 00:11:01,522 --> 00:11:03,001 and then they'll have to make me Customer of the Week. 269 00:11:03,025 --> 00:11:04,571 Why is this story all about Mom this week? 270 00:11:04,595 --> 00:11:07,734 What, are we giving Seth's voice a rest? 271 00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:16,017 (electric guitar riff plays) 272 00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:24,969 Okay, I'll just pour some of these Planters peanuts 273 00:11:25,035 --> 00:11:26,639 into Lisa's car. 274 00:11:26,706 --> 00:11:27,941 The official peanut 275 00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:29,612 of poisoning people with allergies. 276 00:11:29,678 --> 00:11:31,749 What? No, she's kidding! 277 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,118 Come on, look at me: 278 00:11:33,185 --> 00:11:35,657 top hat, gloves, shoes, no other clothes. 279 00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,093 I'm a good guy! 280 00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:40,165 Okay, now I wait for her to get in her car 281 00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,136 and start to have a reaction. 282 00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:45,009 Then I'll swoop in and save her with this EpiPen. 283 00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:47,781 Then I'll be a lock to be Customer of the Week. 284 00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:49,852 Stewie, you okay back there? 285 00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:52,056 Having fun playing with Mommy's phone? 286 00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,093 Yup. I put the headphones up my nose, 287 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,864 but I made it work. 288 00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,037 Okay, there she is. 289 00:11:59,103 --> 00:12:00,974 She's walking to her car... 290 00:12:01,041 --> 00:12:02,678 she's getting out her keys... 291 00:12:02,744 --> 00:12:04,347 she's starting her car... 292 00:12:04,414 --> 00:12:05,951 driving away? 293 00:12:09,658 --> 00:12:13,065 Damn it, I didn't put enough peanuts in there. 294 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,071 Oh, shaving cream! 295 00:12:17,473 --> 00:12:20,112 Ooh, shaving cream. 296 00:12:22,851 --> 00:12:24,822 Oh... 297 00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:27,059 shaving cream. 298 00:12:31,368 --> 00:12:32,370 Oh, good. 299 00:12:33,171 --> 00:12:34,975 Oh, shaving cream. 300 00:12:41,589 --> 00:12:44,995 Mom, why are we at the hospital to visit your barista? 301 00:12:45,062 --> 00:12:47,534 Chris, I promise that if one of your baristas 302 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:50,172 ever gets into an accident, I'll go to the hospital, too. 303 00:12:50,239 --> 00:12:51,909 Okay. That's all I wanted to hear. 304 00:12:51,976 --> 00:12:55,282 I've got a lot of baristas who make questionable choices. 305 00:12:55,349 --> 00:12:58,355 Hi, you must be Lisa's mother. 306 00:12:58,422 --> 00:12:59,290 How's she doing? 307 00:12:59,357 --> 00:13:01,161 Did she say what happened? 308 00:13:01,227 --> 00:13:03,633 No, she's mostly just said... 309 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,235 (ghastly moaning) 310 00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:07,206 Oh, that's not a good moan. 311 00:13:07,273 --> 00:13:09,945 Well, apparently, someone put peanuts in her car 312 00:13:10,012 --> 00:13:11,682 and she's deathly allergic. 313 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,851 Oh, no. 314 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:14,454 Here are flowers. 315 00:13:14,521 --> 00:13:16,659 STEWIE: She took those from a guardrail memorial. 316 00:13:16,725 --> 00:13:18,863 D‐Do they have any leads on who could have done it? 317 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:19,865 No. 318 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,468 Good. Grief! 319 00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,773 "Good grief," is what Charlie Brown would say here. 320 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,844 Peanuts. Probably a poor choice of reference. 321 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:28,348 But they're going to check the parking lot surveillance tape 322 00:13:28,415 --> 00:13:29,283 to see who did. 323 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,856 Surveillance tape? Good grief! 324 00:13:31,922 --> 00:13:33,225 Uh, who are you again? 325 00:13:33,291 --> 00:13:35,864 I'm a... a very good customer. 326 00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,399 Oh, my God, I've got to go. 327 00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,470 Exit stage left! 328 00:13:41,642 --> 00:13:45,349 That was a very sad door to run in to. 329 00:13:56,137 --> 00:13:58,375 What the hell? Lois? 330 00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:03,051 LOIS: Put the phone down, Kyle H. 331 00:14:04,988 --> 00:14:06,267 ...so then I start hearing people say 332 00:14:06,291 --> 00:14:07,727 there are different levels 333 00:14:07,794 --> 00:14:09,554 of peanut allergies and I was like, "Levels?" 334 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:12,169 I mean, when I hear allergy, I think rash, 335 00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:14,273 not throat‐close‐car‐crash. 336 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:17,313 Okay, well, I‐I'm so glad that we could talk about this 337 00:14:17,379 --> 00:14:20,052 and that you understand how we got to where we are. 338 00:14:20,118 --> 00:14:21,755 So, are you gonna let me go? 339 00:14:21,822 --> 00:14:22,824 Yes. 340 00:14:23,859 --> 00:14:24,971 I mean, once I figure out this whole kerfuffle. 341 00:14:24,995 --> 00:14:26,030 Oh. 342 00:14:26,097 --> 00:14:28,235 Why, are you scared, Kyle H.? 343 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,974 This isn't scary. 344 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,544 I'm a good person. 345 00:14:32,611 --> 00:14:35,082 Now, there are two ways we can go from here: 346 00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:37,052 you can give me your absolute trust, 347 00:14:37,119 --> 00:14:39,925 or I can get you hooked on heroin. 348 00:14:39,992 --> 00:14:41,294 Heroin's not bad. 349 00:14:41,361 --> 00:14:44,267 Not having heroin, that's what's bad. 350 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:46,972 Y‐You can trust me. It's just... 351 00:14:47,039 --> 00:14:48,041 Just what? 352 00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,243 I have a cat. 353 00:14:49,310 --> 00:14:50,980 Someone needs to feed him. 354 00:14:51,047 --> 00:14:53,653 (long inhale) 355 00:14:53,719 --> 00:14:57,126 Now, a bad person would say "who cares" here. 356 00:14:57,192 --> 00:14:59,865 But since I am a good person, 357 00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,735 I will take care of your cat. 358 00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:03,338 Now, open your mouth, I'm gonna stuff 359 00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:05,242 my son's baseball sock in it. 360 00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:18,134 What the hell? Who are you? 361 00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:19,370 Oh, hello. 362 00:15:19,437 --> 00:15:23,178 Um, hi, I'm Kyle H.'s cat‐sitter. 363 00:15:23,244 --> 00:15:25,382 He didn't tell me he had roommates 364 00:15:25,449 --> 00:15:27,587 who could feed his cat for him. 365 00:15:27,654 --> 00:15:30,292 Wait, why do you have his laser pointer 366 00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,995 and Heisenberg keychain? 367 00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:34,901 Yeah, his keychain flair is how he expresses his quirkiness. 368 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,437 He must be in danger! 369 00:15:41,381 --> 00:15:43,318 You can't leave us like this, lady. 370 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:44,387 Don't say "lady." 371 00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:45,923 It makes me feel old. 372 00:15:45,990 --> 00:15:48,094 And why is everyone acting like this is my fault? 373 00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:50,365 If anything, it's Kyle H.'s fault. 374 00:15:50,432 --> 00:15:52,202 I'm a good person. 375 00:15:52,269 --> 00:15:53,739 People are gonna know we're gone. 376 00:15:53,806 --> 00:15:55,175 I promised my boyfriend that I'd... 377 00:15:55,242 --> 00:15:56,645 - Wait, you're gay? - Yeah. 378 00:15:56,712 --> 00:15:57,712 You sound surprised. 379 00:15:58,682 --> 00:15:59,827 I don't know, you just don't present as gay. 380 00:15:59,851 --> 00:16:01,053 Oh, so gays "present"? 381 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,322 No, no, no, that's not‐‐ 382 00:16:02,389 --> 00:16:04,393 What? I'm woke, okay? 383 00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:05,596 Is he your boyfriend? 384 00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:06,832 No, I'm not gay. 385 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,602 What? But you're roommates. 386 00:16:08,669 --> 00:16:10,272 - So? - So?! 387 00:16:10,338 --> 00:16:11,474 And that's not weird? 388 00:16:12,409 --> 00:16:13,688 I mean, do you have your own bathrooms? 389 00:16:13,712 --> 00:16:15,449 - No. - What, so you just walk around 390 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:17,328 - like there's nothing potentially sexual? - Yeah. 391 00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,423 Yeah. I mean, ever since he joined the gym, 392 00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:21,093 he's really turned his body around. 393 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,720 But that's not what I'd be attracted to. 394 00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:25,135 It's more sticking to his commitment to get healthy. 395 00:16:25,202 --> 00:16:27,306 - That's attractive. - Aw, thank you, bro. 396 00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:28,542 Mm, you're welcome, bro. 397 00:16:28,609 --> 00:16:29,845 See, this! 398 00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:32,216 I don't know. I‐I guess I'm not woke, okay? 399 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,253 Fine, you win with your gay stuff. 400 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,990 That's what you want, right? To win? 401 00:16:36,057 --> 00:16:39,396 Here, drink whatever you think a day's worth of water is. 402 00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:41,067 Look, what I was trying to say is that 403 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,739 you can't leave us like this because I promised my boyfriend 404 00:16:43,806 --> 00:16:45,926 that I'd make a meal for his grandmother's meal train. 405 00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:48,916 If I don't drop it off, they're gonna know something's wrong. 406 00:16:48,983 --> 00:16:51,922 (long inhale) 407 00:16:51,989 --> 00:16:53,224 (exhales) 408 00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:54,794 What are you supposed to make? 409 00:16:54,861 --> 00:16:57,366 - Beef Wellington. - What‐‐ Beef Wellington?! 410 00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:58,969 - For tonight? - Yeah, why? 411 00:16:59,036 --> 00:17:00,338 - Is that hard? - Yes! 412 00:17:00,405 --> 00:17:04,113 If you're starting at 2:00 p. m., very! Yes! 413 00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:10,960 Lois, have you seen the pooping iPad? 414 00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:13,264 I can only go while watching Tiger King. 415 00:17:13,331 --> 00:17:14,901 - Huh? - The iPad we use only 416 00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,674 while pooping and occasionally on flights for Stewie. 417 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,478 Ew, I play Elmo's ABCs on that. 418 00:17:20,546 --> 00:17:23,151 Is that why I keep getting pink eye? 419 00:17:23,986 --> 00:17:25,188 I don't know where it is. 420 00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:26,601 But it's definitely not in the shed. 421 00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,170 So don't even look back there in the shed. 422 00:17:28,194 --> 00:17:30,165 What, you mean the earwig fortress? No thanks. 423 00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:31,602 I haven't been in there 424 00:17:31,668 --> 00:17:33,047 since I won the Battle of the Wheelbarrow. 425 00:17:33,071 --> 00:17:34,406 Nyah‐ha! 426 00:17:34,473 --> 00:17:37,379 Too fast and too smart for you, earwigs. 427 00:17:38,782 --> 00:17:41,320 Now, to continue clearing the yard... 428 00:17:41,387 --> 00:17:45,328 (monotone): ...collecting moisture and sleeping in wood. 429 00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:46,965 Hey, Lois, what ever happened to 430 00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,878 - that Customer of the Week thing? - Th‐the what? 431 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,482 The Customer of the Week at the coffee shop. 432 00:17:50,506 --> 00:17:51,708 Did you ever win? 433 00:17:51,775 --> 00:17:53,177 Why? Why would you bring that up? 434 00:17:53,244 --> 00:17:54,547 What are you, obsessed with it? 435 00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:56,350 Uh, you‐‐ you had been talking about it... 436 00:17:56,417 --> 00:17:58,054 Oh, so you can hear me when I say that, 437 00:17:58,121 --> 00:18:00,058 but can't hear me when I say "get off the couch." 438 00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:01,561 I like to be up by people. 439 00:18:01,628 --> 00:18:03,766 May I be excused to... 440 00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:07,507 (monotone): bring this plate of moisture to the crawl space? 441 00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:11,080 Yeah, for the record, 442 00:18:11,147 --> 00:18:12,291 I would rather drink a sinus infection 443 00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:13,418 than win that stupid award. 444 00:18:13,484 --> 00:18:14,888 It's all rigged anyway. 445 00:18:16,157 --> 00:18:17,970 Did you know that Lester lived in the same building as Lisa? 446 00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:19,564 How is that fair, huh? 447 00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:22,302 God, what a boring thing to bring up at dinner, Brian. 448 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,039 I'm going to the sunroom, 449 00:18:24,106 --> 00:18:26,978 and that's where I'll be from 9:00 to 11:00 if anyone asks. 450 00:18:27,045 --> 00:18:28,716 No one come check on me. 451 00:18:29,884 --> 00:18:32,422 You guys want to play spin the bottle for finger stuff? 452 00:18:32,489 --> 00:18:34,226 Crank this night up a notch? 453 00:18:34,293 --> 00:18:36,297 I'm in. 454 00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:39,771 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 455 00:18:39,838 --> 00:18:41,942 In local news, two roommates were found 456 00:18:42,008 --> 00:18:43,888 bound and gagged in their apartment this morning 457 00:18:43,912 --> 00:18:46,852 in what they're calling, "The Cat‐Sitter Tie‐er Upper." 458 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,624 Guys, we need to get better name‐comer‐upper‐withers. 459 00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,329 ♪ 460 00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,638 (sirens wail faintly) 461 00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:58,776 ♪ 462 00:19:13,739 --> 00:19:15,308 Okay. 463 00:19:19,149 --> 00:19:20,653 (indistinct radio chatter) 464 00:19:20,719 --> 00:19:21,822 Lois? 465 00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:24,326 I'm just finishing the dishes. 466 00:19:24,393 --> 00:19:26,430 I'm a good person, Joe. 467 00:19:26,497 --> 00:19:29,102 Sometimes good people do bad things, Lois. 468 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,606 You can finish the dishes. 469 00:19:30,673 --> 00:19:32,375 Then I gotta take you in. 470 00:19:32,442 --> 00:19:34,346 You can't take her away, Joe! 471 00:19:34,413 --> 00:19:35,850 (whispering) 472 00:19:35,916 --> 00:19:37,587 And you can put in one load of laundry. 473 00:19:37,653 --> 00:19:39,289 Then I gotta take you in. 474 00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:40,826 (whispering) 475 00:19:40,893 --> 00:19:43,130 After that, you can write down the Wi‐Fi log‐in. 476 00:19:43,197 --> 00:19:45,168 Then I gotta take you in. 477 00:19:45,235 --> 00:19:46,403 (whispering) 478 00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,140 Where's the peanut butter? 479 00:19:48,207 --> 00:19:49,577 (whispering) 480 00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:51,189 Well, Peter, I think the main difference is 481 00:19:51,213 --> 00:19:52,650 Chinese people are from China 482 00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:54,854 and Japanese people are from Japan. 483 00:19:54,921 --> 00:19:56,023 (whispering) 484 00:19:57,292 --> 00:19:59,692 Yes, that's probably why you were banned from the restaurant. 485 00:20:05,475 --> 00:20:08,381 ♪ 486 00:20:08,447 --> 00:20:10,653 ♪ 487 00:20:28,655 --> 00:20:30,592 Good morning. 488 00:20:30,659 --> 00:20:32,930 Ah, what a charming place this is. 489 00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:35,468 Oh, look, you do a Customer of the Week. 490 00:20:35,536 --> 00:20:36,738 How cute. 491 00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:40,244 Now, I'll take a Nitro Cold Brew. 492 00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:43,150 And with the morning I've had, better make it a large. 493 00:20:43,217 --> 00:20:44,587 Hey, that's funny. 494 00:20:44,654 --> 00:20:46,490 Yeah, I know. 495 00:20:46,558 --> 00:20:48,494 There you go. 496 00:20:49,396 --> 00:20:52,002 And there you go. 497 00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:54,640 Well, you could have said thank you. 498 00:20:54,707 --> 00:20:57,312 Don't see a lot of five dollar bills in there. 499 00:20:57,379 --> 00:21:00,919 I must be a pretty good person to give a five. 500 00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:05,519 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36505

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