Original subtitles

I'm Jane McDonald and I love to cruise. For 20 years,

the sea has been my home.

First, below deck, as a cruise-ship singer,

and, now, above, as a passenger.

I've learned the ropes and now it's your turn.

I want to show you how to cruise with confidence.

We'll explore famous landmarks...

Oh, wow.

There's the bridge and there's the opera house.

..and uncover unique hideaways.

Cheers!

Cooee!

So, come onboard with me for a journey of discovery.

This time, I'm in pursuit of purest Portugal...

Look at this place! It's amazing.

..taking a trip up the Stairway to Heaven...

It's beautiful, isn't it?

I wonder if they'd mind if I put my feet in that fountain.

..sizzling over the Spanish border...

I'm sorry, but there's nothing more attractive than a doctor

who can play guitar and sing. That's pretty hot!

..and sinking my teeth into luscious Lisbon.

Look at this!

We're in tart heaven.

Do you fancy eight days in a Portuguese paradise?

Hop on board with me.

Now, this stunner is going to give us a cruise to remember.

Vamos! Woo-hoo-hoo!

Welcome to the port of Porto in Portugal.

I do like it when they make things easy to remember.

It's the starting point of our eight-day cruise

along the River Douro.

But it has at least one other claim to fame.

Porto is the second-largest city in Portugal.

It's a Unesco World Heritage site.

It's also known as the capital of the north.

But WE know that there's only one capital of the north,

and it's not here, is it?

So, let's call it by its other name, which is the City of Bridges.

And I can see why.

There's six of them in all, making crossing the Douro a doddle.

The Maria Pia Bridge was designed by Gustave Eiffel, who went on

to create a great big tower in Paris.

Can't think what that one's called!

Anyway, I've arrived early, so I can fit in a whistle-stop tour

of the city before we sail.

If you're an architectural buff, then Porto is filled with

some beautiful Baroque buildings.

I fancy something a bit more neo-Gothic,

with some wizardry connection.

This is the world-renowned Livraria Lello book shop.

Apparently, it inspired one of our greatest authors, JK Rowling,

who used to work in Porto as a teacher.

One little tip - get your voucher online before you get here.

If you're at the back of the queue, when you get to the front,

you will not get in without that.

So, that's a little tip. Get that before you come.

Wow!

You can so see where JK Rowling got her inspiration from.

You just walk in and you actually feel like

you're in a Harry Potter film.

The Livraria Lello was started by two brother-in-laws

who both had a burning passion for...books. No surprises there!

The whole place groans under the weight of them,

from Portuguese literature, to this 18,000 euro first edition.

Hope the phrasebooks don't cost as much.

You know that five euros that you've just spent on that?

If you buy a book, you get it refunded.

So, it's a win-win, really, isn't it?

"English to Portuguese."

That's what I need. I could do with learning just a few phrases.

Don't have to be bilingual.

Just be trilingual and try a little bit!

Now, it may be a little early in the day, but I can't visit

this city without sampling the drink named after it - port.

That vino, with a dash of added spirit that we all love to slurp

at Christmas with a big slab of cheese, was first made here

over three centuries ago.

But there's something about the brand names that sound,

I don't know, homely.

We've got Cockburn's, we've got Osborne's, we've got Taylor's,

we've got Sanderson's, and, I don't know about you, but they don't sound

very Portuguese to me, so let's go and find out

why they sound so very British.

I've booked myself on a guided tour of Taylor's, one of the oldest

port houses, founded here 327 years ago.

A perfect day out for people like me who want to do more than just drink.

OK. You can stop sniggering!

My guide, Anna, is showing me around.

Why have the British got such a taste for port?

Cos we love port.

England and France were in constant wars

and the British started to discover the wines

coming from the Douro Valley region,

so, full-bodied wines,

and establishing the houses that we know today.

So, all port is made in Portugal?

Yes. Yes - by law.

Yes. On this valley? All in the Douro Valley region, yes.

It is really a unique region in the world with a specific

climate and native grapes coming from the region also -

and an amazing scenery.

OK, that's the history and geography sorted.

Now for the really important bit.

Ooh!

It is so good - so smooth...

Fills your mouth.

It does. There's all sorts going on.

It's dancing across my tongue. Layers and layers.

There is.

I might finish this one.

In fact, I might... Leave the bottle.

Do you know, I've always loved port and I have had a blast and I shall

be taking a couple of bottles of this home -

mainly in my stomach, methinks.

Right, suitably fortified,

I'm off to find my boat.

Now, this time I'm cruising down a river.

If you are someone who is worried about waves, concerned

about a current, or is scared of being seasick,

then you can't go wrong with a river cruise.

It's brilliant.

I've done river cruises all over mainland Europe,

but never in Portugal -

until today.

This is the beautiful Emerald Radiance.

She's got 46 suites - and I know that's no megaship -

but size isn't everything.

Well, not in this case, anyway.

She's barely 12 months old, which is like brand-spanking new, isn't it?

So, come on, let's go! Weehee!

Coming up next, I lug my legs up this stunning staircase...

198, 199...

I've lost count now.

..and have a brush with a lovely cockerel.

Look at that - it's got plumage.

Hi, welcome aboard.

Oh! My pleasure.

My name is Manuel.

I'm your hotel manager. Thank you, Manuel.

Welcome to Emerald Waterways and Portugal.

Oh, it's gorgeous. Please.

Thank you.

This boat has everything you'd expect on a seagoing vessel.

Three levels - housing a restaurant, a bar and all your other cruising

essentials - including a pool.

I'm sure I'll be sampling them all, but, as ever, I can't wait

to inspect my cabin.

Ah!

Oh!

Owner's suite - yes!

Oh, look at this!

Oh, wow.

Oh, first thing - chuck my bag down, take my shoes off.

Oh, it's proper shagpile carpet.

You can't beat a shagpile carpet in hot weather.

It's very, very, very modern.

I don't think I've ever seen a room

as tastefully done as this.

It's just beautiful.

No shortage of mod cons either.

Coffee machine, iPad, free bottle of champagne.

Don't mind if I do.

And a lovely spacious loo.

Oh, let me just... Oh, let me just...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I know it's a beautiful, beautiful ship, but the room is so nice

that I could just literally spend the whole time relaxing,

watching all those gorgeous views go by.

Our cruise along this fabulous river's about to begin. From Porto,

we follow it inland to the historic city of Lamego.

We'll hop over the border into Spain to visit Salamanca, then rejoin

the Douro to head to the riverside town of Pocinho.

Then there's a stop-off at Regua before returning to Porto,

where we'll board a train to the country's capital, Lisbon.

In Portuguese, the Rio Douro means river of gold,

so let's hope we discover some real treasures on our way.

Night-time sailing isn't allowed on the Douro, which means departures

are first thing in the morning -

so early even the sparrows are still snoozing.

Hang on!

What?

It's 6.30, it's time for sail away.

No, it's not.

Sail away yourself.

I never was good in the mornings - especially after a few

glasses of port.

This is a time where I've got my camera on a stick.

I'm going to see the ship now - for the first time - with you.

This ship really is the height of modern elegance.

It's just beautiful, isn't it?

Every angle we look at looks really fabulous.

Hi.

Now, this is the dining room.

You know, it's not like

a big megaship where there's sometimes 29 restaurants on them.

This is the only one -

and it is absolutely fabulous.

Sorry, what is your name?

Nuno. Nuno? I am the head chef. Nuno?

Oh, you're the head chef? Yes. Hello, Nuno.

Well, thank you so much for looking after us. Thanks you so much.

I'm very, very pleased to meet you.

And you're the most important person on the ship -

let's be honest.

Thank you so much, Madame. Lovely to meet you, Nuno.

Nice to meet you. Bye. Bye.

Always pays to make friends with the man who gives out the food.

I like the fact that they've used mirrors everywhere as well,

so everything looks a lot bigger.

There's a little sundeck out there where you can just nip out

and have a cup of tea or a glass of wine.

I still can't get over that.

There's people waving.

Oh, it's beautiful.

That's a posh pool, isn't it?

You know, I don't usually...

I don't usually go for many pools on ships,

but this one just looks...

..so inviting.

I never thought I would say ocean cruising would be beaten,

but I'm getting there.

You never tire of this wonderful, wonderful view.

It's fantastic.

I love it.

I love my life.

There's a full day of this cruise along the Douro before reaching our

first port of call.

Once there, I'll be doing some serious walking.

Best get some rest beforehand, then.

Oh, hello.

Welcome to my boudoir.

I'm just checking that we're going to Lamego tomorrow...

..which looks fantastic.

It's got fabulous tiles.

I mean, Portugal is well-known for its tiles,

so I'm going to have a look at some of those because you never know

when you're going to change your kitchen, do you now?

So, that's my trip tomorrow.

I do hope you enjoy as much as I do.

I cannot tell you how excited I am about this amazing bed.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, this is great, isn't it?

I think I'll need that button again to get me up in the morning.

Good morning!

Or, as they say in Portugal,

bom dia!

Let's go to Lamego.

One of the great things about a river cruise is that you get

to see places that are off the normal tourist trail -

just like this hidden gem.

You know, I absolutely adore discovering somewhere

for the first time - and Lamego is stunning.

The first king of Portugal was declared right here

in the 12th century.

Right here. Well, not here.

I mean, here in Lamego -

and we all love a bit of royalty,

don't we? Almost as much as us Yorkshire girls

love a good step. That's step singular, by the way.

Hello, fellow passengers. Hello!

How you doing? Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

Have you walked up this yet?

No, we've come down. Come down.

How come I've got to the bottom?

How come they've dropped me off at the bottom?

Because I'm supposed to go up them. Is there a stairlift?

No. No, there's nothing there.

Now, this was built in the 1700s,

and right at the top is the chapel of Our Lady Of Remedies.

686 steps later,

I hope there's a good foot remedy for our lady here,

because - let's be honest - I'm going to need one.

Right. How many? One, two,

three, four...

One of the designers credited with this masterpiece

is Nicolau Nasoni.

Remember him - because he'll be cropping up later.

Now, this is the place

to ask for a cure if you or someone you know is sick.

53,

54...

Now, apparently, if you're very religious or pious, you do

this on your knees.

Now, I'm no angel, but I haven't been that bad.

54, 55, 56, 57...

198, 199...

500, 501...

Two, three, four, five,

six, seven, 508.

Now, everywhere you go...

Just hang on a minute!

Everywhere you go here,

you see these beautiful tiles - blue and white tiles -

called oozai, oozoo...

What is it called again?

Azulejos.

OK.

You see these beautiful tiles called azulejos.

They are absolutely stunning -

and every single time you see this on the way up, it's all dedicated

to Our Lady Of Remedies.

They are really stunning.

There's a challenge to find a tile depicting an angel with six toes.

After all this climbing, I think I've found a heartbeat in mine.

600 and...

I've lost count now.

I just know there's a lot of steps.

But look at this.

Look at it - it is worth it.

This is the payoff.

It is stunning.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

It is definitely worth that climb.

I didn't think so halfway up,

but now I'm here and I can see how absolutely extraordinary this is...

..it's worth every step.

Look!

I wonder if they'd mind if I put my feet in that fountain?

Do you know, that trip's left me feeling all inspired.

The ship runs a tile-painting workshop,

so I've put my name down.

Are you any good at painting?

Absolutely not. No? Good. Are you?

No.

Finger-paint. I know. I can't even do that.

The tiles are a Spanish import.

Originating in Seville,

they hopped over the border in the 1500s

and have been a Portuguese tradition ever since.

We do grouting,

they do painting.

What tips have you got for us here, Joyce?

For doing this? Yeah.

A steady hand. A steady hand.

Mine don't look a bit like this, so...

It will do when it's fired.

Yeah, so it don't matter if you put your own interpretation on, does it?

No. As I say, when it's fired, it'll be a lot better.

Will it? Yep, I'm sure it will, yeah. Well, you never know, do you?

You never know.

We've got started on our kitchen tiles, haven't we?

We have, love, yeah.

It is blue and white, your kitchen?

Well, no, but it will be.

You know? I might just change it.

And if I do, this will be the perfect resting place for me teapot.

I'm really enjoying this.

Absolutely.

It's like being back at school.

It's fantastic, isn't it?

Look at that. It's a very proud cockerel, mine.

It's got plumage.

The cockerel we're painting is The Barcelos Rooster -

Portuguese symbol of good luck.

You'll find it everywhere here from tea towels to, well, tiles.

I think I've done a really good job there, don't you?

No, actually, that's mine. It's not great, is it?

I'm very proud.

My teacher said it's quite good.

Thank you.

Shall I give you that now?

Thank you very much. Thank you.

JANE MAKES SMASHING NOISE

Well, thanks for watching my new series, Tiling With Jane McDonald.

You've all been wonderful.

Now, I'm due to go to Salamanca tomorrow.

Salamanca.

Isn't that a Bond villain? Is it?

No, that's Scaramanga.

Scaramanga, isn't it?

Oh, I prefer Goldfinger anyway.

But tonight I've got a licence to chill!

Good morning, Captain.

Good morning.

How are you? Very well.

See you later.

It's a two-and-a-half-hour drive from the port to Salamanca,

so it's wise to have a full English before setting off.

And be prepared for busy streets.

It's a lively place,

as it's home to around 30,000 students as well as all us tourists.

I've booked myself on a guided city tour -

always useful when you don't speak the language -

and a great way of getting to know your fellow passengers.

I actually love being on a group tour because you're with friends

that you've met over a drink or a meal and you're all sort of learning

a different thing together, so you're all, like, bonded,

and you're all in the same boat.

Pardon the pun!

Now, we're going to go to the old headquarter

of the university -

and there we must find

the most famous frog of the city of Salamanca.

We don't need to kiss it - only admire it.

A frog means long life.

It means good luck.

It means you're going to pass your exams.

Well, two out of three isn't bad.

I could do with finding a frog,

but I can't find the flipping frog anywhere.

It's somewhere on this.

You see on the first floor... On the first floor on the right column

the big right column...

Oh, there it is.

And again - one, two, three - there.

Yay!

Little did you think you could spend your day frog hunting.

No, I never did - never in a million years -

and I didn't realise it was such a lucky symbol, either.

Or that it was so small. I know.

I'm glad we found it. Yes!

Not every couple likes the same things.

When you're on an organised tour like this, if your wife

or your husband or your partner wants to stay on the ship and do

what they want to do, then this is the perfect thing.

You can come and join a group like this so you're never alone,

but you're seeing everything that you want to see -

and then nobody's upset.

We have the old cathedral -

the Romanesque Cathedral -

constructed in the 12th century.

In the centre of Salamanca there are two

huge cathedrals, side-by-side.

This was built in the 1200s

and in the 1500s

it was so rich - was this place -

that they built the massive, massive

cathedral next door and they were going to knock this down.

People fell in love with it so much and they worshipped here for so long

that they decided to value the old.

And thank goodness they did, because look at the history.

The value of the old.

There's hope for me yet!

It's just wonderful.

I love the story as well.

This is their interpretation of heaven and hell.

All the people from heaven have got clothes on.

All the people in hell are naked.

That would put you on the straight and narrow, wouldn't it?

What's going on here?

Hi. Hi! Do you know what that is?

No. What is this?

This is the tuna.

This is a very special tradition we've got in the city of Salamanca.

Traditionally, they were poor students and they asked

for some money, and for that

they sang throughout the streets...

Yeah. ..of the city.

Nowadays, we've got the pleasure to have here

the medical school. The medics.

So, these are all trainee doctors? Yeah, that's right.

I'm sorry, but there's nothing more attractive than a doctor,

but a doctor who can play guitar and sing

that's pretty hot!

I bet they've got a lovely bedside manner too.

Hope Ed isn't watching!

I feel a bit of an idiot,

because there's only me dancing.

I don't care.

What a perfect end to a perfect day.

On second thoughts, there's only one way to end a day in Spain.

Coming up next, I brave the banks of the Douro

with a little help from my brolly...

It gets a little bit wet going under this.

Oh!

JANE LAUGHS

..and I call in on a world-famous wine house.

Things could get messy.

She looks like she's had a bit too much.

I'm on day five of my cruise down Portugal's River Douro.

We've crossed the border with Spain and are now heading back

up the river.

There's a full day on board before we reach our next part

of Regua, but it won't be all plain sailing.

Along with the five

massive hydroelectric dams along this stretch of the river,

there are other pieces of engineering designed

to challenge our captain to the max.

Now, on this particular journey, there are five locks -

and we're just about to come to another one right now.

A lot of people might think this is a boring part, but, for me,

I find it quite interesting - and it's amazing to see how high

we are here to how low we're going to have to get there.

Our skipper, Alfonso Ribeiro -

that's him there concentrating - has got less than a metre

either side of the ship to squeeze into this lock.

Everyone breathe in.

That is pretty close.

And don't forget - this is the front bit -

this is the pointy end...

but down that side there's hardly

any room at all.

Captain, just the man I need.

Hello, lovely. How are you?

Very well, thank you. I want...

Wait - good driving. Yes?

Good driving there.

Thank you so much. Yeah.

You're good at, sort of, you know, manoeuvring.

That's the lock - that's the most difficult manoeuvre. On my car,

I've got parking sensors,

so if I'm going to hit a wall, it goes "beep, beep."

Have you got one of those in there?

No, no, no, no, no. No? No, no, no.

Oh, so you really have to know your game.

I have to see myself.

That's amazing.

A lock is basically a lift for boats.

The difference in water level here is 27 metres -

that's more than six double decker buses.

We have come to the next level of our journey.

Now, apparently it gets a little bit wet going under this,

so I have come prepared.

You don't get this type of thing in ocean cruising, but I think

this is really spectacular.

Ooh, here we go!

Well, you do, actually, because you

get caught in a few tropical storms in the ocean, don't you?

Ooh!

Ooh!

And now, brolly down.

Sunglasses back on.

And we're back on our holidays.

And when you're on your holidays

there's always time for a shindig.

That's worn me out.

I think I'll take a quick dip.

I told you I'd get in that pool.

Tomorrow's stop has got quite a few tours, but there's one

on it that is particularly catching my eye because it's where

Mateus rose's made.

If I remember rightly, my auntie Nancy made a lamp out of the bottle

because we all thought we were really cool doing that.

Yeah, exactly like this.

She made a lamp exactly the same as this, but it had a lot

more fringing on, a bit bigger,

lots of fringing, very ornate, very chintzy.

But, yeah, that's exactly how it was.

So, I would like to go and see where this is made tomorrow.

So, goodnight for now.

Yeah.

How do you switch this off?

I can't switch it off.

Is there a way to switch this off?

Hello?

Morning has broken on day six

and I'm off to Mateus Palace.

Look at that!

It's definitely the picture on the bottle.

It is exactly this place.

She looks like she's had a bit too much.

It was designed by the architect Nicolau Nasoni.

Yes, the same guy that did the fancy steps in Lamego.

Busy fellow, wasn't he?

Now, I'm here in the height of summer -

so it's August right now -

but if you come in the spring this whole place is awash

with a rainbow of colours.

Hark at me! Monty Don, eat your heart out!

Come on, let's go inside.

Hello. Hi.

You're Philippa? Nice to meet you. Yes. I'm Jane.

Welcome... Very nice to meet you.

..to the Palace of Mateus. Thank you.

So, this is where it all began? Yes, exactly.

The house was built in the first half of the 18th century -

so 1749.

It's belonged to generations of the same family.

A well-travelled bunch who stuffed it with lots of lovely pieces

from around the world.

They must keep all the Yorkshire stuff behind lock and key somewhere.

In here we have one of the most beautiful pieces and one of the most

valuable pieces in our collection -

this table here. This came from Gujarat -

that is north of India -

and, well, this is priceless.

You can see here in the top

this is made with mother of pearl and turtle shell.

I daren't even go near it.

I'll just step back from the priceless table.

I've got a Swedish table in my house.

It came flat-pack from a store just north of Birstall.

So, this is our beautiful dining room.

Wow. Oh, it's just gorgeous, isn't it?

It feels peaceful

and opulent.

Yes. With the gardens

you can see from here, it's beautiful, too.

It's very Versailles, isn't it?

Yes. The father of the present count ordered a garden inspired

in the Versailles gardens. Wow. Yeah.

Look at me! Yeah!

I seem to see... You know this stuff. Exactly.

Yeah, I've seen it on the telly.

Yeah. That's what it is.

It really is a beautiful place.

But so far, no sign of the famous rose.

Now, Mateus rose...

It's not MATY-US, is it?

It's... MET-EOS. MAT-EOS rose

was huge and still is in the United Kingdom.

Yeah, it's mass production, yeah.

Is it made here? No. Nowadays no,

but, in the beginning, the first productions was made with the grapes

off this property.

Ah. Yeah. So, it's the vineyard here.

The vineyards from here.

Nowadays the only connection that we have

it's only the label. Uh-huh. The label.

Yeah, the label is as famous as the wine.

Exactly. Absolutely.

For years, I have recognised this image.

It's been in every supermarket I've ever been in on the front

of every bottle.

This family are collectors.

They bring wonderful things from all around the world

back to this home.

I bring back fridge magnets.

As the sun goes down, it's time for the social highlight.

I've been invited to the captain's table for dinner, don't cha know?

Oh, hello.

You get everywhere.

Now, I've been to a few of these before, but I still get

butterflies in my stomach.

Well, at least I won't be on my own.

Are we sitting here? You're next to me, Jane. Oh, am I next to you?

Yes, you are. Oh, hello! Thank you.

Thank you very much.

An invite to the captain's table is a great excuse to get your

glad rags on and mingle.

Eating, drinking and chatting - it don't come much better than that.

You cruise a lot, don't you?

And you enjoy life.

We travel, we have travelled.

Well, that's good.

INDISTINCT

The food on this trip has been really amazing.

The produce is fresh and local, so you get a real flavour

of where you are.

Right, risotto time. My favourite. I love risotto.

Bit of cheese and rice, but my God, it tastes fabulous, doesn't it?

And it just keeps on coming!

And on recommendation from the captain, I'm going for the beef.

I've done quite a lot of captain's dinners,

because of course, when I was a singer on the ships

as well, I used to host tables.

So I've got used to talking to people.

It's still nerve-racking, but I've always left feeling honoured,

pleased that I've met some wonderful people,

and you always get the finest wines on the captain's table.

So, if you do get an invite to the captain's table, go!

Cheers, everyone.

Thank you, Captain, for your invitation.

Thank you.

Salute. Salute.

I've had a fabulous time on this cruise.

It's just a pity it's coming to an end so soon.

Bittersweet today, really.

I'm getting off the ship, but I'm getting on a train

and going to Lisbon.

So, although it's quite sad at this side,

it is going to be very exciting at that side.

So, come on.

Thank you. Thank you, Jane, for cruising with Emerald Waterways.

Oh, bless you. I see you very soon. All right.

Thank you. Ciao, baby.

Cheers, lovely.

Bye!

So, from the ship to the station.

But in true Portuguese style, it's not your average one.

More like an art gallery.

Wow! Look at this place!

It's amazing that there's 20,000 beautifully painted tiles here,

and yet everybody who's coming in and now is just getting

on with their lives, thinking, "Where's my train?"

And yet there's all this beauty surrounding.

Sao Bento Station is over 100 years old and definitely worth a visit,

even if you don't have a train to catch.

I mean, look at those tiles! You don't get them at

Wakefield Westgate, do you?

It's really something to see.

Right.

Where's my train?

Uh... That's it, this way.

It's this one, I'm sure.

Coming up next,

the dolls have eyes - a few too many, if you ask me.

That one there...

That's going to get me.

And after eight days away, I find my home from home.

Look at this!

We're in tart heaven!

I'm nearing the end of my passage through Portugal.

I've left behind the River of Gold and now I'm in the nation's capital.

Hello, lovely Lisbon!

Well, this is slightly different, isn't it?

The slow pace of the Douro,

and now we're in the busy, busy city of Lisbon,

and there's shops. I'm off!

This is Europe's second oldest capital city.

Some of history's most adventurous explorers were Portuguese.

So, as a tribute to them, I'm off to do some exploring

of my own.

I always say, when you're on a cruise, you should try to do

something that you would normally never do.

I'd never normally visit a doll's hospital.

So, guess where I'm going now.

Hospital de Bonecas is open to visitors, and today guides Melanie

and Manuela are introducing me to one of the patients.

She has come in for cleaning and for a new dress.

And people have that in their bedrooms?!

Yes, sometimes.

They like that?!

I would be... I would never sleep, cos they're just looking

at you the whole time - especially dressed as a clown!

There's drawers full of spare body parts to fix anything from priceless

porcelain heirlooms to run-of-the-mill Barbies.

Have you got any of the eyes?

Could I see the eyes?

All these boxes have eyes. Different colours, different size.

JANE SQUEALS

Oh... Oh, my God, look at that. Oh...

This, for example... Oh, yeah. ..it's brown.

So, you just do that and they're weighted, yeah? Yeah.

Weights.

There's also a museum that's home to over 4,000 dolls.

That's not a good-looking doll, is it?

Yeah, that... That's a spooky...

That's creepy.

I mean, this, she looks...

I mean, that's...that's...

Oh!

Wow! Every room is crammed full of eyes, just peering at you!

Do you not get..."Ooooh"? No. No?

Yeah, it's just a doll. It's a doll.

So, if you have a doll that you still love

but it's in a bit of a state, send it here

and these lovely ladies will bring it back to all its glory.

Just don't ask me to come and collect it for you!

I'm thinking...that I was just having a look at some

nice, pretty dolls

and then three of them eyeballed me.

I'm talking, really, as if they were going to come and go...

You know, like the film.

That one there...

That's just not... That's...

That's going to get me.

Lisbon's a bustling cultural capital, but the longest lines

aren't for galleries or museums.

This massive queue here is all for a custard tart.

Huge amounts are sold every day, and there's lots of bakeries

that claim that they came up with the recipe.

But I think this is the most popular,

so I'm going to join that queue

and I'm going to see how they're made and I'm going to test them

for myself, cos you know me,

I love a tart.

Pasteis de Belem date all the way back from 1837

when a nearby monastery started producing them.

The same recipe's still going strong today.

Are you Maria? Hello! Hello! How do you do? I'm Jane.

Do you want to join me?

I will show you the baking. Oh, fantastic. OK.

They make up to 40,000 tarts here every day.

The recipe's so secret, only three people in the whole world know it.

So every single bit is handmade?

Yes. Wow!

You want to try? Yeah.

Come on. Can I? Yes. OK.

So you do...

Oh, blimey. This is harder than you think.

Have to do this, for me...

You see the swirl over there? You press the swirl to the walls.

This is a lot harder than you think.

She's made four to my one.

I'm rubbish at this.

So, we have the outside,

but what about the all-important filling?

So, this is the custard room? Yes.

It comes from the pressure pan,

they boil it upstairs,

and comes down from the hose to there too cool down.

So it's all been made up there...

Part of it, yeah. ..and then comes down the tube...

Yes. ..and into that? Into there, yeah.

JANE GASPS

Wow! This is amazing! Yes.

The tarts are filled with custard and baked to perfection.

Ooh! Look at this!

We're in tart heaven!

Can you get the...the smell?

The smell is so good!

Oh, my goodness me.

I can't wait to eat one.

And when I say I can't wait, I mean it,

because it's time to tuck in!

Oh, they're nice and warm.

Mm. Good, isn't it?

Oh... You like it? Mmmm!

Mmmm!

That is not just a tart.

That is an experience.

And now I've seen them all being made,

you have to come to Portugal

and you have to come here...

..because this is something you will never taste anywhere else

but here.

And trust me,

it's worth it.

Oh! Mmmm!

A delicious way to end my time here in this beautiful country.

What an amazing trip from start to finish.

Every single bit of this journey through Portugal I have loved.

I feel like I've had a holiday romance that I don't want to finish.

I have definitely now got a love affair with Portugal,

and I intend to come back.

What a fabulous time I've had.

I sincerely hope you have a great time as well.

Go for it.

# Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ah-ah

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# From the mountains of faith

# To the river so deep

# I must be looking for something

# Something sacred I lost

# But the river is wide

# And it's too hard to cross

# But even though I know the river is wide

# I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore

# I try to cross to the opposite side

# So I can finally find what I've been looking for

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# Through the valley of fear

# To a river so deep

# I've been searching for something

# Taken out of my soul

# Something I'd never lose

# Something somebody stole

# I don't know why I go walking at night

# But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore

# I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life

# Until I find what it is that I've been looking for

# In the middle of the night

# Ooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# Through the desert of truth

# By the river of dreams

# In the middle of the night. #

Look at this beautiful day.

Let's go to Lamenga!

Mo...go... Wait, Lamego? LAUGHTER

This time a river cruise up the Danube.

I feel like I'm in a film.

Budapest, capital of Hungary

It's cosmopolitan, cultured,

and everywhere I look there's stunning architecture.

Look at this.

It all looks dead posh, a bit like Paris.

And today is the starting point for my first-ever river cruise.

Very exciting.

I'm glad that I'm doing this show with you, and you,

because I would never have booked this.

I don't know why, but it would not have come up on my radar.

This is the Maria Theresa, and I've heard it's one of the most

luxurious river ships in the world.

I can't wait to see for myself.

I just have a passion for cruising. I love it.

I absolutely love it.

I'll be sailing up the Danube, Europe's second longest river.

It rises in the Black Forest in Germany and flows through ten

countries on its way to the Black Sea.

Almost 2,000 miles of scenery like this. Magic!

It's fab, innit?

From Budapest, we head west into Austria and the glamour

and romance of Vienna.

Next stop is Weissenkirchen and a meeting with an Austrian

princess in her castle, before crossing into Germany

and my final stop at Passau, one

of the jewels of the Danube.

Where you off to now, Jane?

I'm checking in. Are you coming? Come on.

It's like a private yacht.

Looks like a yacht. It's stunning, this thing.

Hello. Very nice to meet you. I'm Jane. Nice to meet you.

I'm Danny, I'm the hotel manager.

The Maria Theresa is the flagship of the Uniworld fleet, an ultimate

river-cruising luxury experience.

She is named after Archduchess Maria Theresa, Marie Antoinette's mother.

There are oil paintings, sweeping staircases, palace-length corridors,

chandeliers, 64 state rooms and 11 suites.

This ship is very much like a floating Dorchester.

Whereas I'm used to Travelodge.

Look at this.

Everything is decorated in a blend of high baroque and rococo styles,

and these coronets are hand-painted with real 22-carat gold leaf.

Are you expecting royalty or something?

These walls are covered in specially designed block-printed silk

and the beds are handmade.

They're the same as the ones in the Savoy and Claridge's.

It's even nice carpet.

Pull and push. Pull and push.

JANE GASPS

Oh, my God!

Look at this!

Oh, it's so comfortable.

How do you say it? Her-meez?

Her-mee-ez? Hermes. Hermes. Hermes. Hermes.

Oh!

Floor heating and towel heater.

There's floor...underfloor heating? Yes.

This is fabulous, honestly.

It's as if they've just gone into my head and said,

"Let's just make it a room for Jane."

Oh, gosh, look at that.

I love that, don't you?

It feels just so luxurious.

It's beautiful.

Even an extra toilet roll!

SHE SQUEALS EXCITEDLY

Budapest is a treasure trove of architecture, history,

art and romance.

It looks completely different, but it's only 15 years older

than my beloved Wakefield. Who knew?

It used to be three separate cities - Buda and Obuda to the west,

and Pest to the east.

The Chain Bridge, a Hungarian national icon, made the merger

possible, and the modern city of Budapest was born.

I'd rather go on a recommendation of something.

"Oh, you can go see that and you can go see that,

"but we did this and it was brilliant."

I think I'd rather do that.

We aren't sailing until tonight,

so I've got time to explore the city.

I've never been here before, so I've decided to ask Twitter

what I should do.

So, let's just see if anybody...

..ever answers me! SHE LAUGHS

So, are we off, then?

Oh, and this is Sue.

Everyone needs a travelling companion, and she's my best friend,

and we go way back.

Do you know what's happening, then?

I think they've hired you a car, love. Oh! That'll be nice.

Is this me?

Is this my car? Yes.

Oh, hello. Hello, I'm Tumi. Hello.

The Trabans is an icon of Eastern Bloc motoring.

After the 1956 Soviet invasion,

Hungarians had to buy cars made in Russia

or other Iron Curtain countries.

Buying a rubbish East German Trabi was a subtle act of defiance

and preferable to owning a better car made in Russia.

So, where do you want to go now?

Oh. Do you want me to...? I don't know where I'm going.

In fact, I'll just check Twitter. OK.

"Don't miss the grand market." OK. Is that right? Yes.

"It's got everything you need there."

Of course, it's a very good place to go. Really? Yeah.

Is this your car? Mm-hm.

Yes, it's mine.

I think it's much more fun to take a car like this. Mm.

OK, I'll let you know.

THEY LAUGH

Up on the hill, that's the Castle District. Mm.

That's the Royal Palace there. Yeah.

So, Jane, the Grand Market is right there.

Budapest has a thriving market culture, and the Grand Market

is the biggest and most famous.

Built in 1897, it is both tourist magnet and foodie destination

for the locals.

I don't understand any of this.

Downstairs, it's all wide avenues selling fresh local produce.

There's some weird and wonderful things.

Hungarians are big meat eaters and love their pork,

so if that's what you're after, this is the place for you.

They look a bit like pork scratchings, don't they?

Actually looks a bit more appetising than the ones that

we've got at home.

They've got everything from suckling pig to salami and sausages.

We have big slabs of fat but it's usually got a pork belly

underneath it.

There's also veg, loads of veg, and I've never seen

these in Wakefield.

What is this?

I've never seen one of these before, have you?

Do you speak English? No. No. OK.

Upstairs it couldn't be more different.

Filled with tourists like me, it's as crammed and

crowded as Oxford Street at Christmas.

And I quickly discovered

how to annoy one of the stallholders.

I don't even know what the rate is. STALLHOLDER SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE

No?

Oh, wow. Look at this. Real eggs.

Are these real eggs? Did you do these?

No, my chickens. You've got very talented chickens.

Yes, it's very nice.

SHE LAUGHS

How did you like it?

Uh... Not my cup of tea.

So, Jane, where do you want to go?

"Go and play chess at the..."

How do you say that? Szechenyi. Szechenyi. Spa. Spa? Yeah.

Thermal baths have been a part of life in Budapest

since the Romans first discovered them.

The Szechenyi Baths are the biggest in Europe, and the water here

is the hottest in the city, up to 38 degrees, straight from the springs.

But be prepared - they do pong a bit.

Apparently it's the sulphur, which is good for you...apparently.

It's a beautiful place, and absolutely packed.

I can see somebody playing chess there, look.

I'm not ready to disrobe and play chess with some old men.

All right, hang on, whoa. That's it.

"You have to go to the Shoes on the Danube.

"It's very moving.

"It's very sad, but very moving."

I've actually checked it up about these shoes,

and it's absolutely horrendous.

So, the Hungarian fascists in World War II shot the Jews.

They were ordered to take off their shoes and were shot

at the edge of the water so that the bodies fell

into the river and were carried away.

And it represents their shoes left behind on the bank.

I mean, that is so awful, so sad.

Oh, it's just awful. Awful, awful.

You can't believe that this actually happened. It's just...

SHE SOBS

This is just...so sad.

The sculpture is so...

..fantastically done...

..that it looks as if they've just been left today.

This is not very long ago,

and I've been walking round like a tourist all day.

You know, my feet hurt, this wasn't right, this wasn't right.

And then you come and see something like this

and it sort of slaps you across the face.

There's all this amazing beauty and then the hatred

and the ugliness of this.

And if I say anything to anybody coming to Budapest,

come and see this.

That was so sad.

It was amazing to see, but so sad.

Can you just take me to the ship now?

Yes, of course I can. Thank you. You're welcome.

Tonight's the captain's dinner, and it'll be my first chance to meet

the other passengers. I hope I make a good impression -

I think they're all a bit posh.

Oh, this looks lovely.

Hello. Good evening. Welcome.

Hello, Captain. Nice to meet you. I'm Jane.

Hello. I'm Chad. Hello there. Really nice to meet you.

Hello, Kate.

Well, this is rather lovely, isn't it?

Cheers.

There are such lovely people at the dinner table.

The captain is just charm itself.

How long have you been here?

As my job, 41 years.

41 years? Yeah.

I loved today, but it's been jam-packed.

I'm at that lovely, comfy tiredness now where I know I'm going

to have the best night's sleep.

Get into bed and drift off.

Drift off to slumberland.

This is the River Danube,

and this is the Maria Theresa going up the River Danube.

And this is me, Jane McDonald, in bed in the Maria Theresa

going up the River Danube.

Cruising is all about doing the things you always want to do

but never have time for at home.

This morning, I'm having breakfast in bed, delivered by a butler.

Literally just woken up, yet somehow completely made up.

I don't understand how...

Darling, me and Joan Collins will always look

like this when we're in bed on a morning.

Don't lose the mystique.

Hello. Come in. Good morning. Morning.

Can I have it here? Sure, of course.

Thank you so much.

Oh, look at this.

Mmm.

I feel like a princess.

This is my first river cruise on the Danube.

We left Budapest late last night, and the Maria Theresa is heading

west towards Vienna.

I've never been there, either. I'm excited!

Just going to go off and explore.

So, that's me.

I'm ready to go,

and you can take a hike.

Nothing personal.

Love you, mean it, bye.

Whenever I'm on a cruise, one of the first things I do is get

to know the ship and find out what's where...

Hello.

..and who's who.

I've literally only been in my cabin

and the restaurant, so I actually don't know where I'm going.

Look at that view. Hello.

Gorgeous.

This is the beauty of being on a river, because no matter

where you are, you've got a view of land,

there's something to see.

It's absolutely gorgeous.

Chess.

Are they going to...? Hello. Come in. Oh, it's the captain!

Am I allowed in here? Of course. Oh, good.

Can I sit in your chair? Yeah, go on, and I'll show you how it works,

then I go... OK. ..for a coffee.

Oh, my goodness. He's going for a coffee while I...

No, I stay with you, don't worry. Don't do that to me.

It is fantastic. And you've got such a great view. Yeah.

Isn't he nice?

Aren't you lucky, doing this? It's fabulous. Yeah.

I'm back doing what I love, actually, back on the ships.

There's 57 members of staff aboard, looking after up to 150

passengers, including nine housekeepers and state room

attendants keeping everything shipshape.

In the galleys, there's a team of more than 20 chefs,

sous chefs, commis chefs and patisseries chefs,

creating and making the delicious,

extravagant, glorious dishes and fancies available 24 hours a day.

And if that wasn't enough,

there are also three full-time butlers.

Hello, my name is Bosko.

I'm coming from Bosnia and Herzegovina.

This is my first year as a butler.

My name is Laszlo. I'm seven years with the company.

My name is Tibor. I am Hungarian

and first season like butler.

INTERVIEWER: What makes you proudest to be a butler?

The butler, for me... Uniform.

The uniform, of course. THEY LAUGH

Who's the best butler?

In 2015, I was the butler of the year in Uniworld.

So I get a nice award.

I think, at the moment, me.

I'm the one.

I'll put my vote for myself.

THEY LAUGH

Tell me what you each carry?

Bread crumber, to clean the table.

A pocket watch.

And I have the daily programme.

Our goal is not always to be the fastest one.

You have to pay attention for the details,

which is...takes more time.

If you ever saw those girls, models, which they are walking

with the books on the head, this is what we are actually

doing on trainings.

There is an expression, always wear an invisible crown.

Actually, it's very funny when we do these trainings.

So, to be a butler,

it's not easy.

Nowadays, all the top cruise lines offer some kind of spa

or pampering option.

This one's no exception,

and the Maria Theresa prides itself on its massages,

so I've booked one outside on the top deck.

And...and then I'm going to step on you a little bit. Oh, are you?

Yeah, a little bit.

So, and just relax, yeah?

During the massage, if you feel something wrong,

just let me know.

I was a little apprehensive because you just never know

how it's going to be with someone personally touching you like that.

Are you crazy? What are you doing to me?

Not because he was interfering with me or anything,

but, I mean, different masseurs

have different techniques.

And I was thinking, "Oh, please don't be too painful because that's

"just not going to be pleasant."

How do you feel?

Um, surprisingly OK.

I like it hard, so you're OK.

I've never been stood on before.

I'm not a heavy person.

But it was one of the best experiences I've ever

had as a massage.

So there's the two points. Yeah.

Here and here.

So he's just found two points. Over here.

No, have I got it? No.

Forget it. Just sit down.

I'm feeling quite like my chakras have been un-knotted.

Oh, that is so good.

You need to get one of these.

With the sun setting ahead of us, we cross the border

into the Austrian countryside.

Look at that.

It's just stunning. It's just stunning.

Coming up...

I have a Viennese whirl...

Oh, I feel like Heidi!

..and sample street food, Vienna style.

Why are you filming me eating a sausage?!

The Maria Theresa left Budapest two days ago and is heading

up the Danube through picture postcard Austrian countryside.

Our next stop is Vienna, capital of Austria -

home to almost one third of all Austrians,

the heartbeat of classical music

and one of the wealthiest cities in the world.

But right now, I hope it's somewhere I can buy a frock.

I'm meeting a princess tomorrow.

I need something special to wear.

I don't buy an awful lot.

Oh, I'm such a liar. But money is for spending.

What's the point in just putting it in a bank?

I spend the lot.

I'm going to die owing.

Central Vienna is stuffed with baroque buildings,

palaces and churches.

They're everywhere you look.

It's breathtaking.

I've never been here before, but I know some

of my favourite composers -

Mozart, Beethoven and Johann Strauss - all lived here.

Wow! Look at all this.

And of course, Vienna is the home of cafe culture.

This is beautiful!

Vienna.

Go for a wander. All right.

I feel like I'm in a film.

I feel like I'm about to burst into song and swing myself

around that lamppost.

Now, that is a sculpture.

Look at that marble effect. That's real.

That's all real.

Oh, that's nice.

I think the lederhosen will be fantastic for my fella.

I'll make him wear them, you know, just for my personal use, obviously.

But I like that as well.

I'm sure he'd like to see me in that.

Hello, I'm Jane. I'm pleased to meet you.

My name is Daniela. Daniela. Lovely to meet you, too.

You've got every single outfit.

Is this all traditional?

This is traditional.

Let me show you one.

This one comes from Styria.

It's called Ausseer,

and every colour symbolises the county it's coming from.

I'm going to tell you one secret.

It's very important to know. OK.

It is very important to know which side you wear the bow.

OK. The bow, you know. The bow. Yeah, bow, sorry. OK.

Because if you wear it on the left side, you're available.

Talking about your love life. OK, right.

If you wear it on the right side,

you're not available. OK.

It looks great, because it's about...

..the...you know.

It definitely looks very good on a woman.

Does it? Actually, you would look stunning in one. Really?

What about meeting a princess in one of those? What do you think?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I need a second opinion.

I mean, I can't trust this film crew, can I?

So I've called my friend Kay, who's working here.

I've told her I'm in a dress dilemma and I need her help.

Come on, I'm going to meet my mate.

Cafe Central is one of the most famous buildings in Vienna.

Anyone who's anyone in Austrian history has been through its doors.

Sigmund Freud, Leon Trotsky and even Adolf Hitler were all unable

to resist their cakes, pastries and hot chocolate.

Oh! Oh, hello.

Nice fella.

EXCITED SQUEALING

I was going to walk straight past you, then.

Hello, darling, how are you?

Lovely to see you. This is a big thing, Jane McDonald in Vienna.

I know. I'm so excited.

# The feeling is gone, only you and I

# This means nothing to me... #

I love it. It's fabulous.

It's a gorgeous city, isn't it?

I can see why you've fallen in love with it.

Well, you know that I'm going to meet this princess, don't you?

I do. I think I've found the perfect dress. OK. So, um...

That's fine. Yeah.

Let's go and see what you've picked. All right.

The food here is brilliant. Absolutely gorgeous.

Oh, thank you so much.

Is it really rich?

Oh, that's so good! SHE CHUCKLES

I'm very, very, very vain. I can't help it.

If I look good in something, then I don't want to take it off.

Do you feel like that in this dress? I haven't tried it on yet.

Oh, so... I'm just hoping that you can help me, really. OK.

Very intrigued.

And it's here.

Oh! Oh, gosh.

Hello, Daniela. This is Kay.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

You want to wear it when you are meeting a princess, you said.

That's right, yes. OK. You want to look classy. Yes.

You're a classy woman. Oh, you'll do for me.

That has been said by a professional. All right.

All right. Thank you so much. OK, all right.

This is really, really nice, and very classy at the same time.

At the same time, also very traditional, because these buttons

are hand-painted china buttons. Wow!

My grandmother used to make them and wear them,

so it's something really traditional. OK. Yeah?

Are you ready to try your first dirndl? Yes.

That's good to hear. So exciting!

It's exciting.

When a woman puts on her first dirndl,

she feels like a princess.

It is a very special dress that makes you feel

like a very special person.

Definitely.

OK.

It's actually really, really suits you.

You're joking!

Oh, I feel like Heidi. THEY LAUGH

This is a really lovely detail around the neck. That is handmade.

It's called, erm, Froschgoscherl.

Froschgoscherl. Which means "frog's mouth".

I feel like I should have some German beer in my hands,

and serve it.

You really need to see the boobs a little bit up here. Yeah.

It's funny how you let people touch you if you think -

it's like a doctor, isn't it?

And she obviously wanted to sort me out, and she did.

The princess won't be overwhelmed by my heaving bosoms

coming out at the top, will she?

They'll be under my chin.

That's how it is. Yeah?

We have a saying in Austria -

that every woman looks absolutely fantastic when she wears a dirndl.

I feel quite liberated.

It's fabulous.

I just feel really womanly.

I've got my outfit! So excited. Honestly, it looks amazing.

Being a tourist is so tiring.

I think it's time for an afternoon nap.

Welcome back. How was Vienna? Oh, it was fabulous. You enjoy it?

I got so much shopping, it was lovely.

Your bags, please. Are you sure? Yes, of course.

Oh, it's just the best place ever.

Thank you very much. Have a nice afternoon. See ya.

Excursions are a part of every cruise.

They're a great way to meet people and make friends.

And tonight is dead posh.

Hello, darling.

How fabulous!

I'm off to a Mozart and Strauss concert

with waltzing and operatic arias.

You always look so glamorous. Oh, thank you.

GLASSES CLINK Cheers, darling. Cheers to you.

Always with champagne in your hand. Well, listen, it's got to be done.

ORCHESTRA PLAYS

Are you enjoying yourself? I'm having a great time.

Do you like Vienna? I love it.

OPERATIC SINGING

The sound was amazing in there.

If there's ever an event that you should get dressed up for,

it's going to see an orchestra and opera in Vienna.

And then, to top it off a waltz -

which is what my father taught me to do -

was really quite special.

I filmed you, you see yourself dancing.

Would you like to...? Yes, please, could I?

MUSIC PLAYS ON PHONE

Oh, I look like I know what I'm doing!

SHE LAUGHS

How can you not fall in love with Vienna?

It's funny because you conjure up a fantasy of what you think

it's going to be like.

And this has far surpassed anything I could've imagined it to be.

Thanks for doing my hair so nice, Sue,

cos it looked nice in there. It looked magnificent...

I thought it looked magnificent.

I was at the back, drinking. Just for a change!

You can have too much culture, you know,

and there's one thing I want to do before we leave.

Why are you filming me eating a sausage?

There are Wurst stalls all over Vienna, and this one is right

opposite the super swanky Opera House.

Everyone comes here.

I've heard the cab drivers and the occasional duchess in diamonds

and furs stand side-by-side, enjoying a Kasekrainer -

the best Wurst.

SHE LAUGHS

Coming up, I meet a princess and put my foot in it...

I brought nothing. I didn't know you had to bring a present.

..and I try to get the chef to give me something I really want.

Are you single, by any chance? No.

Travelling through these landscapes has been a complete privilege.

I had no idea it would be like this and I'd be sailing

into these timeless valleys.

It's so relaxing, but not right now.

I'm going to meet a princess. Sorry, what?

I'm going to meet a princess, in a castle.

It's exciting.

Um, Jane, what are you going to do about this dress? What do you think?

It's creased.

OK, all right, then. Yeah, see you in a bit. I'm in a rush.

This is Schloss Artstetten, ancestral home of Princess Anna

Charlotte Maximiliana Euphemia Maria Helena

von Hohenberg, also known as Princess Anita.

And I'm on my very best behaviour.

My mum would be so proud.

Hello, welcome to my lovely abode.

Right, get out of my shot now. Your bosoms are looking smashing.

Are they? Are they heaving?

Princess Anita is the great-granddaughter of Archduke Franz Ferdinand,

heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne, whose

assassination in Sarajevo led directly to the outbreak

of the First World War.

I'm meeting a princess in a minute!

A proper one - a proper princess!

Do you feel suitably attired for the occasion?

I think this is the perfect outfit.

I hope she likes me.

She might think I'm bonkers.

This is for your grandchildren.

Oh, great. So we have some biscuits from the royals at home

to commemorate your birthday. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I thank you from all my heart.

I haven't brought a present.

I brought nothing. I didn't know you had to bring a present.

Why didn't you tell me?

What's the favourite thing for you about this wonderful house?

Because it's all big - I like when it's big. Yeah?

See? Size does matter.

Like you say, you can take the girl out of Wakefield, but the princess

can't have minded because next I knew she'd invited me

for a private audience.

Normally, you have a pocket in your dirndl. Really? On the right side.

Each dirndl has to have a pocket.

Oh, it has!

Thank you.

Why we put dirndls on every day?

Because we have a pocket in a beautiful dress.

I'm so excited, I found a pocket! There is traditional jewellery

for a dirndl, which usually is a lot of silver, but it is rather heavy.

So this one I found would also fit into a traditional dirndl.

Perfect!

Oh! Oh, hello! There you go.

Have you any photographs of you in any dirndls?

In dirndl, we have one there.

My mum some years ago.

That's beautiful.

It's modern.

Yeah, that's really nice because it leaves you free.

But what is not modern and what is classic and beautiful is this work.

A frogmouth. Yeah.

Thank you so much for your time.

Even Alexandra is wearing it.

A dirndl, and she's one.

Oh, there you go! How cute is that?

Thank you so, so much.

Thank you.

Oh! That was just so lovely.

# Vienna! #

So approachable.

She seemed relaxed. Yeah. What a joy.

She was genuine.

That's what I liked.

Well, yes, you say that, but some of them don't really want to know you. I know. She was very relaxed.

It says in the Uniworld brochure that no request is too large, no

detail too small.

So I'm going to see how they cope with what I'm going to ask for.

Hello, Danny. Hello, how are you doing?

I'm really well, but I'm actually having a craving for a Yorkshire

pudding and onion gravy.

Ms McDonald, this is our chef, Michael. Hello.

Hello, Michael. Nice to see you, Jane. How are you doing? Welcome. I'm really, really well.

I hear about your special order.

Yes, Yorkshire pudding. Why do you want to have it?

You don't like our food?

I love your food.

Please follow me.

You like the sweet or with a nice jus, the Yorkshire pudding?

Oh, no! Onion gravy! Going to show you

how to make the nice onion gravy because I hear a lot of stories about your gravy - powderand water.

Yeah. What's the matter with a granule? Granule!

Chef Michael is just lovely.

He showed me how to properly do it as well.

A lot of them are a bit precious, aren't they, chefs?

So him and James Martin - I like both of them.

So what we need for the beef onion gravy is the beef.

Stirring, stirring. Stirring? Yes.

Look at this!

This is a stew in our house.

Just wanted to push the boundary.

I didn't expect it to have every ingredient in the world!

Continue. Nice and sexy.

Nice and sexy! Like it!

And in the meantime, I'm going to prepare for you nice, sweet sauces.

Sweet sauce? Yeah. I've never had a sweet sauce with a Yorkshire pudding.

Let's try. Now it's coming, the red wine.

Oh, red wine! Now you're talking!

Yeah, I have learnt a lot with him, and he's so nice, so amiable, so married.

Are you single, by any chance?

No.

Oh, my gosh!

OK? Voila! Voila!

Look at that!

I've tried a sweet Yorkshire pudding today, which I've never

had before, which to a Yorkshire person is like...

Mm! Proud of you.

Of your gravy. That is really good! I've read in the brochure that

no request is too big. It's beautiful.

And they've just proved that to me. Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Thank you for visiting me and to help me to make the Yorkshire pudding for you.

Oh, you're so sweet!

It's the last morning of the cruise. We're still in Austria,

and the Maria Theresa is approaching Engelhartszell.

Uniworld prides itself on its floating fleet, but it's also

very proud of its two-wheeled fleet, and some passengers are actually

going to cycle 30km to Passau in Germany.

Not me, though.

How does it feel? I feel like I'm going to hit the bus.

This is Chad.

He hasn't ridden a bike in seven years.

So I said, no, you may not get a bike.

This is Kate, Chad's wife.

She's very aware that Chad hasn't ridden a bike in seven years.

Kate is a little worried, but we have lots of insurance.

We don't have insurance on him!

Love you. You too.

Oh, dear! Chad is on the bicycle trip.

He's going to be 69 soon, and we'll have our anniversary

on June 14th.

And I'd like to celebrate it with my husband!

He will be here, I promise you.

After three days sailing through Austria,

we've crossed into Germany...

..and are heading for the delightful town of Passau.

I'd never heard of Passau before, but I've discovered

that St Stephan's Cathedral there boasts the biggest

organ in Europe.

It's the largest cathedral organ in the world.

It's a real whopper!

What a beautiful place. Isn't it?

Are you doing anything this afternoon?

They'll have me doing something, Kate, I can guarantee it.

Yes, you've been busy.

You could say that!

I'm so relaxed I don't fancy doing anything too energetic,

so I'm just going to go and wander round the town with some

of my new mates and get something to eat...

..and drink.

Haven't you just loved it on here? Oh, it's been fabulous.

Really enjoyed it.

This looks nice, doesn't it?

We've just got time for a quick tour of the town to take

in the beautiful baroque architecture.

Up on the hill is the Veste Oberhaus.

It's a bit of a walk from here and was built as a fortress

by a local bishop in 1219.

I tell you what - my dogs are barking. I'm not surprised after that walk

up that hill.

It has towered over the town for almost 800 years.

And it's the best place to look down over Passau and the three rivers

that converge here - the Danube, the Inn and the Ilz.

That's beautiful.

Yeah. Shall we go and get a beer?

Yeah.

Take it in a minute, man! I mean, come on!

It is like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, isn't it?

At the end of the day, it was worth it, that,

just for the view. That's beautiful.

Shall we go and get a beer?

Yeah!

Let's go and find somewhere with a beer. After making

all that effort walking up the hill,

I've decided to treat everyone to a special Bavarian feast of meat,

beer and pretzels. Is this us?

I jump up and down like a child when I see something like this.

There's a bit of black pudding and everything here.

It's the perfect spot for me and my new friends to sit back

and reminisce about the brilliant cruise.

Happy holidays! Cheers to all.

And we all look forward to coming to one of your concerts in England very soon. Mm!

He is good! He's very good!

This was a cruise that I never would have gone on because it's so posh.

It's so classy in every way,

from the staff doing everything for you to the food, the beautiful

ambience of the ship -

it's just stunning.

I'm having one of those moments in life that I never want to forget.

They call them the Kodak moments, don't they?

They do. That's right, yes.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I've had such a lovely time. Pleasure.

The absolute beauty of watching postcards

going past you all the time -

it was just stunning. Top class!

# We walked in the cold air

# A man in the dark in a picture frame

# So mystic and soulful

# The feeling has gone Only you and I

# It means nothing to me

# This means nothing to me

# Oh, Vienna

# This means nothing to me

# Oh, Vienna. #

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