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1
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,600
Come on, Matthew.
We're ready to start playing.
2
00:00:11,625 --> 00:00:14,024
Oh, I love Guess Who.
3
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,545
Does he have long hair?
4
00:00:15,576 --> 00:00:17,055
No. No. Is it Tom?
5
00:00:17,056 --> 00:00:18,815
Yes! Brilliant.
6
00:00:18,816 --> 00:00:20,216
My turn.
7
00:00:21,616 --> 00:00:22,775
Does he wear glasses?
8
00:00:22,776 --> 00:00:24,495
Yes! Yes! Is it Matthew?
9
00:00:24,496 --> 00:00:25,815
Hey-oh!
10
00:00:25,816 --> 00:00:27,856
My turn.
11
00:00:29,056 --> 00:00:33,415
Did he, as an ill-advised treat
for his now ex-girlfriend,
12
00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:36,176
once shave off
all of his pubic hair?
13
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:41,415
I don't want to play this game.
I've got a big day at work tomorrow.
14
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,616
I need to find my old suit.
15
00:00:44,136 --> 00:00:47,455
Whoa! I didn't realise I still
had this.
16
00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:49,015
That's my camera.
17
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:52,015
Oh, come on, mate. We're best
friends. We share everything.
18
00:00:52,016 --> 00:00:54,855
The only thing you've ever shared
with me is your athlete's foot.
19
00:00:54,856 --> 00:00:56,935
You're welcome.
20
00:00:56,936 --> 00:00:58,255
Aha! There it is.
21
00:00:58,256 --> 00:01:01,575
Old Faithful. Still as good as new.
22
00:01:01,576 --> 00:01:05,295
Hey, Ben, I'll give you a fiver
to run into that wall.
23
00:01:05,296 --> 00:01:08,176
You don't have to do that, Ben.
I do. I'm broke.
24
00:01:09,056 --> 00:01:11,455
How else am I going to earn money?
25
00:01:11,456 --> 00:01:12,656
Get a job?
26
00:01:12,976 --> 00:01:16,616
This programme contains some strong
language.
27
00:01:17,096 --> 00:01:20,135
Ah, lens cap.
28
00:01:20,136 --> 00:01:21,816
Take two?
29
00:01:41,136 --> 00:01:42,176
Still fits great.
30
00:01:44,976 --> 00:01:48,416
To think I've not worn this
since graduation.
31
00:01:59,296 --> 00:02:01,215
Sweet potato.
32
00:02:01,216 --> 00:02:03,295
Hoy!
33
00:02:03,296 --> 00:02:06,176
Tom! What are you doing? Keep down!
34
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:11,375
The creature's vision
is based on movement.
35
00:02:11,376 --> 00:02:15,056
Tom, it's too early for this.
Not if you haven't been to bed.
36
00:02:16,976 --> 00:02:18,496
Ah! Huarrgh!
37
00:02:20,576 --> 00:02:21,615
Shh!
38
00:02:21,616 --> 00:02:24,655
It stirs! Tom, enough.
39
00:02:24,656 --> 00:02:26,255
I'm going to work.
40
00:02:26,256 --> 00:02:28,135
What?
41
00:02:28,136 --> 00:02:29,696
No! Turn the light off!
42
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,655
Turn the light off!
43
00:02:32,656 --> 00:02:33,855
Roooaaar!
44
00:02:33,856 --> 00:02:36,055
Arrrghhh!
45
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,216
Roooaaarghhh!
46
00:02:41,976 --> 00:02:45,855
Whoa! Matthew! Why are you
dressed as an orphan ghost?
47
00:02:45,856 --> 00:02:47,416
Why are you dressed like...
48
00:02:48,696 --> 00:02:49,895
What are you dressed like?
49
00:02:49,896 --> 00:02:52,895
Half dinosaur, half fish.
50
00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:55,375
Ben's in my first film.
51
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:59,375
I'm the producer, writer,
director, and Ben is...
52
00:02:59,376 --> 00:03:01,216
dressed like a twat.
53
00:03:03,096 --> 00:03:04,575
The star!
54
00:03:04,576 --> 00:03:06,856
Do you want that �5 or not?
55
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:12,535
He was just
a normal everyday dinosaur
56
00:03:12,536 --> 00:03:14,776
until one day...
57
00:03:16,976 --> 00:03:21,855
he was bitten by a radioactive
fish and turned into...
58
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:25,656
Piranhasaurus Rex.
59
00:03:27,016 --> 00:03:28,255
It's a working title.
60
00:03:28,256 --> 00:03:30,255
That title is not working.
61
00:03:30,256 --> 00:03:33,255
Fancy a role? Sure.
62
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:36,735
So do I! Bacon, please!
Oh, you're the caterer.
63
00:03:36,736 --> 00:03:39,535
I can help out tonight,
but I can't bunk off work.
64
00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:41,455
Carabine's doing this
apprentice thing,
65
00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:45,135
where one of his interns gets hired
and the rest get... you know.
66
00:03:45,136 --> 00:03:47,055
To pull his finger?
67
00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:49,095
No! Fired.
68
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,136
Oh.
69
00:03:51,176 --> 00:03:54,056
My sister put me forward for it.
That'll be her now.
70
00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:06,775
What the hell is Ben supposed
to be? Jurassic Shark?
71
00:04:06,776 --> 00:04:10,575
Jurassic Shark.
Damn it, that's better.
72
00:04:10,576 --> 00:04:12,255
Come on, Matthew, we've gotta go.
73
00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:13,695
Oh, my God.
74
00:04:13,696 --> 00:04:17,175
You've actually managed
to find an outfit that's too small even for you!
75
00:04:17,176 --> 00:04:19,496
Too small?
Old Faithful's perfect.
76
00:04:21,256 --> 00:04:22,895
Ooh. I'll put on some slacks.
77
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,055
I brought your post up for you.
78
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:27,935
Isn't that supposed
to be your job, Tom?
79
00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:32,695
I'll soon be quitting as a postman
to pursue more artistic endeavours.
80
00:04:32,696 --> 00:04:36,175
Oh, lots of angry red writing
there for you, Ben.
81
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:40,135
Oh, this is fine.
The bank's always saying this.
82
00:04:40,136 --> 00:04:44,576
No biggie. I'll just have to start...
tightening my belt. That's all.
83
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:49,575
Oh! No, Ben!
84
00:04:49,576 --> 00:04:51,495
I need you for my film.
85
00:04:51,496 --> 00:04:55,295
Speaking of which, Piranhasaurus
Rex needs a leading lady.
86
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,255
You'd be perfect.
87
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:59,295
She's an investigative journalist
88
00:04:59,296 --> 00:05:04,415
who struggles with a...
a debilitating allergy to...
89
00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:05,815
clothes.
90
00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:08,415
Let me show you my casting couch.
91
00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:11,935
Let me show you
my punching fists.
92
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:16,496
OK, OK! I'll find somebody else
to play Mammary Buttocksworth.
93
00:05:18,176 --> 00:05:19,335
What's this?
94
00:05:19,336 --> 00:05:21,175
Oh!
95
00:05:21,176 --> 00:05:23,575
Aargh! That's the finale ruined!
96
00:05:23,576 --> 00:05:26,735
Well, never mind,
this is all good stuff.
97
00:05:26,736 --> 00:05:28,256
Action!
98
00:05:31,256 --> 00:05:33,895
Rachel! You got a part in the film?
99
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:35,855
Congratulations! Bacon roll?
100
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:38,695
Come on, Matthew, we've got to go.
101
00:05:38,696 --> 00:05:40,736
See you later. Codzilla!
102
00:05:42,096 --> 00:05:43,296
Codzilla?
103
00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:45,936
Damn it! She's good at that.
104
00:05:46,976 --> 00:05:48,016
Isn't she, Ben?
105
00:05:49,336 --> 00:05:51,415
Ben?
106
00:05:51,416 --> 00:05:52,456
Oh.
107
00:05:58,376 --> 00:06:00,015
Clever girl.
108
00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,296
Ruargh!
109
00:06:04,856 --> 00:06:07,415
When are you and the Chuckle
Brothers going to grow up?
110
00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:09,535
I mean, look at me and Andrew.
111
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,135
We don't play at movie-making.
We're redecorating.
112
00:06:12,136 --> 00:06:15,295
We're consulting tone charts,
looking at colour schemes.
113
00:06:15,296 --> 00:06:17,895
Did you know there are over
100 different shades of white?
114
00:06:17,896 --> 00:06:20,015
Ice white, snow white, lily white...
115
00:06:20,016 --> 00:06:21,215
Jack White, Diamond White.
116
00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:22,616
Barry White.
117
00:06:23,856 --> 00:06:25,055
I'm being serious.
118
00:06:25,056 --> 00:06:26,815
You need to stop
playing make-believe
119
00:06:26,816 --> 00:06:28,095
with your stupid friends.
120
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,615
You'd never catch me doing that.
121
00:06:29,616 --> 00:06:32,295
I'm proud to say that my boyfriend
has no interest
122
00:06:32,296 --> 00:06:33,935
in dressing up or role-play.
123
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,135
That's a shame, Rachel.
124
00:06:35,136 --> 00:06:37,935
Oh! Ha-ha. Mr Carabine!
125
00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:40,295
Yeah, personally,
I won't go near Mrs Carabine
126
00:06:40,296 --> 00:06:42,176
unless she's dressed like The Stig.
127
00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:45,335
Well, welcome.
128
00:06:45,336 --> 00:06:51,295
Er... bienvenue to the first Carabine
Promotions Apprentice Initiative.
129
00:06:51,296 --> 00:06:54,576
Now I'm assuming that
you've all seen The Apprentice?
130
00:06:55,976 --> 00:06:59,215
Oh, you've haven't
seen The Apprentice?
131
00:06:59,216 --> 00:07:02,336
Oh, well!! Ha. You're fired! Ha-ha.
132
00:07:04,096 --> 00:07:06,336
No, seriously, you're fired.
Fuck off.
133
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,455
And then there were two.
134
00:07:15,456 --> 00:07:21,255
So, Intern 2. Why do you want to stop
interning and become full-time?
135
00:07:21,256 --> 00:07:23,015
Money?
136
00:07:23,016 --> 00:07:25,815
Mm...
Is... is not a motivating factor.
137
00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:29,055
I'm all about working
my way up to the top.
138
00:07:29,056 --> 00:07:31,816
One day, I want to be sat right
there.
139
00:07:33,336 --> 00:07:35,015
On my lap?
140
00:07:35,016 --> 00:07:37,375
No, this is years in the future.
You're not in the chair.
141
00:07:37,376 --> 00:07:40,776
You're... I don't know,
retired or... dead.
142
00:07:42,456 --> 00:07:48,455
Anyway, tomorrow you will both
be pitching to Cooks Kitchenware,
143
00:07:48,456 --> 00:07:51,615
a massive potential client for us.
144
00:07:51,616 --> 00:07:55,615
At which juncture,
I would like to call upon...
145
00:07:55,616 --> 00:07:58,896
Rachel, my second-in-command.
146
00:07:59,976 --> 00:08:01,496
There she goes.
147
00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:07,935
What do you see here? A spoon.
148
00:08:07,936 --> 00:08:09,856
A spoon!
149
00:08:13,096 --> 00:08:16,736
Oh, but it's more than just a spoon.
150
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,496
Yes! PowerPoint!
151
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:27,375
What we have here... is an
opportunity.
152
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,776
An oppor-spoonity?
153
00:08:33,296 --> 00:08:36,855
An opportunity to change the face
of your dining experience...
154
00:08:36,856 --> 00:08:39,336
for ever.
155
00:08:44,736 --> 00:08:47,096
Well, that's going to cost
a fortune to mend.
156
00:08:48,976 --> 00:08:50,855
No worries.
157
00:08:50,856 --> 00:08:52,335
There you go.
158
00:08:52,336 --> 00:08:56,416
I don't think this is the answer
to your money problems, Ben.
159
00:09:01,176 --> 00:09:02,855
Is that Queen Latifah?
160
00:09:02,856 --> 00:09:05,536
All right, plan B.
161
00:09:06,576 --> 00:09:08,775
I'll sell my organs online.
162
00:09:08,776 --> 00:09:11,015
Whoa! No, Ben.
163
00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:13,735
You need to face your debt
with the bank head-on.
164
00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:16,575
Do you know what I think?
You're afraid.
165
00:09:16,576 --> 00:09:18,415
If you try, you might fail.
166
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,016
You don't know
what it's like to fail, Tom.
167
00:09:22,576 --> 00:09:23,856
To really fail.
168
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,535
It was 1995.
169
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:34,775
It was cold. Casual-jacket cold,
not winter-coat cold.
170
00:09:34,776 --> 00:09:37,535
The church hall had no heating.
171
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:40,255
I didn't know
what I was getting into.
172
00:09:40,256 --> 00:09:42,335
I'd never done...
173
00:09:42,336 --> 00:09:45,056
a sponsored silence before.
174
00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:50,295
With �300 in sponsorship pledged,
175
00:09:50,296 --> 00:09:52,615
we stood every chance
of beating those Brownies
176
00:09:52,616 --> 00:09:55,535
to the annual junior
fundraising trophy.
177
00:09:55,536 --> 00:09:58,215
But then, with only one minute to go,
178
00:09:58,216 --> 00:09:59,416
I...I...
179
00:10:01,856 --> 00:10:03,696
One minute to go!
180
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:06,735
And so...
181
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,416
I know, Ben.
182
00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:12,535
We got disqualified
and lost the trophy.
183
00:10:12,536 --> 00:10:14,775
The Brownies had a field day.
184
00:10:14,776 --> 00:10:18,935
Yeah, they won a visit to
a Roman fort.
185
00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:21,896
And didn't they let us know
about it!
186
00:10:24,016 --> 00:10:25,495
Losers! Losers!
187
00:10:25,496 --> 00:10:29,215
And the �300 sponsorship money
went uncollected.
188
00:10:29,216 --> 00:10:30,935
Losers! Losers!
189
00:10:30,936 --> 00:10:32,495
Because of me.
190
00:10:32,496 --> 00:10:36,336
That's why I keep
that sponsorship form there.
191
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:40,416
To remind me of the price of failure.
192
00:10:41,696 --> 00:10:44,415
No. Don't try and stop me.
193
00:10:44,416 --> 00:10:45,936
I'm selling my organs.
194
00:10:56,096 --> 00:11:00,295
So, in conclusion,
this is not just a spoon.
195
00:11:00,296 --> 00:11:03,176
This is your spoon.
This is my spoon.
196
00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:07,935
This is the spoon of a generation.
197
00:11:07,936 --> 00:11:11,935
Wonderful, Rachel, wonderful!
198
00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:14,695
So, both of you take
a Cooks Kitchenware utensil,
199
00:11:14,696 --> 00:11:17,095
and let's get
those creative juices flowing.
200
00:11:17,096 --> 00:11:21,255
Now, Intern 1,
what are your initial thoughts?
201
00:11:21,256 --> 00:11:25,696
Unlock potato potential with a
Cooks Kitchenware potato pummeller.
202
00:11:27,816 --> 00:11:31,015
Excellent. Yes, well.
Rachel's brother?
203
00:11:31,016 --> 00:11:34,176
Sorry, Intern 2. No nepotism here.
204
00:11:35,816 --> 00:11:37,615
Well, I have the, er...
205
00:11:37,616 --> 00:11:39,455
the spatula.
206
00:11:39,456 --> 00:11:42,176
It's ideal for... spatuling.
207
00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:52,415
I...I suppose, like Rachel's spoon,
this isn't just my spatula.
208
00:11:52,416 --> 00:11:56,255
This is our spatula!
209
00:11:56,256 --> 00:11:58,375
Arse spatula?
210
00:11:58,376 --> 00:12:02,335
A spatula for your arse?!
211
00:12:02,336 --> 00:12:05,015
No, no, that's disgusting! No.
212
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:09,175
Listen, if you're going
to actually sell these utensils
213
00:12:09,176 --> 00:12:14,375
you have to find a way of making
them sensational, exciting,
214
00:12:14,376 --> 00:12:16,495
sexy.
215
00:12:16,496 --> 00:12:19,576
Without putting them up your arse!
216
00:12:21,456 --> 00:12:23,616
Arse spatula?
217
00:12:24,856 --> 00:12:28,895
Matthew, I got you this job so just,
please, don't embarrass me.
218
00:12:28,896 --> 00:12:31,855
You've got tonight to come up
with something, and it better be good.
219
00:12:31,856 --> 00:12:34,455
I can't do tonight. I'm helping Tom
make Pirhanasaurus Rex.
220
00:12:34,456 --> 00:12:38,095
You'd risk your job
to help out Steven Spiel-berk?
221
00:12:38,096 --> 00:12:41,935
You'd planned that one, hadn't you?
Yeah. I've been thinking of them all morning.
222
00:12:41,936 --> 00:12:45,735
I also had James Ca-Moron
and Frances Ford Floppola.
223
00:12:45,736 --> 00:12:48,576
Alfred Hitch-cock?
224
00:12:50,216 --> 00:12:51,815
That's his actual name.
225
00:12:51,816 --> 00:12:54,215
There was a time you used
to join in with our games.
226
00:12:54,216 --> 00:12:59,015
Join in? When you played cowboys
and Indians, I was the Indian.
227
00:12:59,016 --> 00:13:02,415
When you guys played medieval
France, guess who was Joan of Arc.
228
00:13:02,416 --> 00:13:04,695
And when you played
Nazi-occupied Europe...
229
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:07,655
You were a great Anne Frank.
Six hours I was in that attic!
230
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,736
I know. I read your diary.
231
00:13:10,776 --> 00:13:13,695
Look, Tom, Ben and I,
we're the Secret Dude Society.
232
00:13:13,696 --> 00:13:16,495
We made a solemn promise
to stick together no matter what.
233
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,735
You made that promise
when you were 11.
234
00:13:18,736 --> 00:13:19,775
And when you were 11,
235
00:13:19,776 --> 00:13:22,615
you used to stick little eyes
on a carrot and call it Jasper.
236
00:13:22,616 --> 00:13:25,056
Do you still do that? No.
237
00:13:31,976 --> 00:13:36,415
Look, don't tell Carabine but I've
made some notes to help you out.
238
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,856
Just don't let those dickheads
distract you.
239
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:48,895
Oi, you can't just leave me here!
At least take me home!
240
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,055
Aw.
241
00:13:50,056 --> 00:13:52,696
Maybe make me into a soup.
242
00:13:57,536 --> 00:14:00,256
All right, Jasper.
How do you feel about coleslaw?
243
00:14:04,056 --> 00:14:06,976
Guys, I need your help.
244
00:14:08,296 --> 00:14:12,495
Get on the floor! Now!
Arrgh! Take whatever you want!
245
00:14:12,496 --> 00:14:14,535
Do as I say,
else I'll do you over!
246
00:14:14,536 --> 00:14:17,495
Please don't hurt me!
I've a weak heart!
247
00:14:17,496 --> 00:14:19,456
And... cut!
248
00:14:21,496 --> 00:14:23,695
Great work, guys!
249
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,935
Ben. There's your �5.
250
00:14:25,936 --> 00:14:28,975
What about my share of the diamonds?
251
00:14:28,976 --> 00:14:30,136
Oh.
252
00:14:35,656 --> 00:14:37,975
Tom, what have you done to the flat?
253
00:14:37,976 --> 00:14:43,055
Well, Ben's troubles with the bank
gave me an idea. A heist film!
254
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:47,455
A cheeky British crime caper
with bad dance music...
255
00:14:47,456 --> 00:14:49,415
and a cockney voiceover.
256
00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:52,695
The Italian Job
meets Cool Hand Luke.
257
00:14:52,696 --> 00:14:55,376
The Cool Hand Job?
258
00:14:57,816 --> 00:14:59,455
But I need to work on this. Nope.
259
00:14:59,456 --> 00:15:03,775
What you need to do
is fix your broken camera.
260
00:15:03,776 --> 00:15:06,135
And fix me a bacon roll.
261
00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:10,416
No, you need to help me
make this spatula sexy.
262
00:15:12,296 --> 00:15:15,015
Are you laughing at the word "sexy"?
Yeah.
263
00:15:15,016 --> 00:15:18,975
No. I was laughing at the word
"spatula".
264
00:15:18,976 --> 00:15:23,175
Guys, we're supposed to be a team.
What's the Secret Dude Society's motto?
265
00:15:23,176 --> 00:15:26,295
Hello, baby!
266
00:15:26,296 --> 00:15:29,416
No, the one we all agreed on.
The one about friendship.
267
00:15:30,736 --> 00:15:31,976
Seriously?
268
00:15:34,456 --> 00:15:38,375
Oh, well, that didn't go well.
269
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,895
At least I've learnt a new word.
270
00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:42,296
Spatula.
271
00:15:43,936 --> 00:15:44,976
Brilliant.
272
00:15:46,536 --> 00:15:48,576
Right.
273
00:15:49,696 --> 00:15:52,975
Target demographic,
strong professional women.
274
00:15:52,976 --> 00:15:55,175
Top-of-mind in-store
brand awareness.
275
00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,416
Argh! What does any of this mean,
Rachel?
276
00:16:00,536 --> 00:16:02,775
OK.
277
00:16:02,776 --> 00:16:04,455
Sexy.
278
00:16:04,456 --> 00:16:06,295
Sexy.
279
00:16:06,296 --> 00:16:08,576
Spatula.
280
00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:11,296
Sexy.
281
00:16:13,176 --> 00:16:15,335
I want utensils that are sexy.
282
00:16:15,336 --> 00:16:17,575
Don't let the dickheads
distract you.
283
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:22,176
Sexy.
Sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy...
284
00:16:23,776 --> 00:16:27,016
? Oh! I'm a sexy spatula...
285
00:16:28,416 --> 00:16:30,295
? Mm
286
00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:33,255
? Ooh, he's a sexy spatula
287
00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:36,615
? I wanna make some eggs
I'm a lonely bachelor
288
00:16:36,616 --> 00:16:39,655
? Well, you can use me
cos I'm a sexy spatula
289
00:16:39,656 --> 00:16:41,495
? Oh, yeah
290
00:16:41,496 --> 00:16:42,695
? Oh... ?
291
00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:44,855
Guys! Guys!
292
00:16:44,856 --> 00:16:46,776
It's three o clock in the morning.
293
00:16:48,816 --> 00:16:50,055
Course it is.
294
00:16:50,056 --> 00:16:53,655
Do you know how long it takes to
make a spatula costume from scratch?
295
00:16:53,656 --> 00:16:55,375
We're trying to give you some ideas.
296
00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:57,336
You don't get it, do you?
297
00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:02,055
I've got a chance
at a real job here,
298
00:17:02,056 --> 00:17:04,895
not like you two losers either
dossing around at home with no money
299
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:06,895
or cooking up ridiculous schemes.
300
00:17:06,896 --> 00:17:09,295
I'm the victim
of a corrupt banking system!
301
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:12,215
Yeah, and my schemes aren't
ridiculous.
302
00:17:12,216 --> 00:17:15,095
Tom, you're trying to make
a movie without a camera.
303
00:17:15,096 --> 00:17:16,856
Not even Terry Gilliam does that!
304
00:17:18,256 --> 00:17:20,655
Now, if you don't mind,
if I'm going to have a sexy dream,
305
00:17:20,656 --> 00:17:24,376
I'd rather you two losers
weren't in it. Out.
306
00:17:28,376 --> 00:17:29,495
Losers?!
307
00:17:29,496 --> 00:17:31,375
He's got a point.
308
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:32,815
No, Ben!
309
00:17:32,816 --> 00:17:35,375
We have to prove him wrong.
310
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:39,615
I need to find a way to make
that movie. I need cameras.
311
00:17:39,616 --> 00:17:43,056
And I need �300 to pay the bank back.
312
00:17:44,056 --> 00:17:46,775
I'd rob that bank if it wasn't
for the security systems.
313
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:49,255
Quiet, Ben. I need silence.
314
00:17:49,256 --> 00:17:51,976
There's just so many
cameras in that place.
315
00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:54,415
Cameras!
316
00:17:54,416 --> 00:17:56,136
Silence!
317
00:17:57,256 --> 00:17:59,496
You're a genius!
318
00:18:04,776 --> 00:18:07,295
Listen, Ben. Help me out.
319
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:09,375
I need an outfit that
says... "winner"!
320
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:12,136
Is this tie too much?
321
00:18:14,496 --> 00:18:17,016
Oh, the silent treatment?
Very mature.
322
00:18:19,256 --> 00:18:20,535
'If only I could tell him
323
00:18:20,536 --> 00:18:24,375
'that I've restarted the sponsored
silence to pay off my debt.
324
00:18:24,376 --> 00:18:27,935
'That I've spent all morning calling
up all the original sponsors
325
00:18:27,936 --> 00:18:30,335
'and discovered that, inexplicably,
326
00:18:30,336 --> 00:18:34,495
'they were still prepared
to cough up the total of �300.
327
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:38,335
'Wait, does this count as talking?
328
00:18:38,336 --> 00:18:40,295
'Shut up, Ben!'
329
00:18:40,296 --> 00:18:42,455
How about this?
330
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,616
Count Spatula?
331
00:18:46,736 --> 00:18:48,976
You're right. It's rubbish.
332
00:18:50,456 --> 00:18:53,015
Oh, good luck with the pitch,
Matthew.
333
00:18:53,016 --> 00:18:54,295
Whoa, wait!
334
00:18:54,296 --> 00:18:56,376
You forgot your spatula costumes.
335
00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:02,135
Ben, good news.
336
00:19:02,136 --> 00:19:05,335
I've arranged for you to have
a meeting at the bank.
337
00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:07,775
You can talk to them about giving
you some money.
338
00:19:07,776 --> 00:19:11,575
But listen, it's cold out, so you're
going to need to wrap up warm.
339
00:19:11,576 --> 00:19:13,416
Raring to go?
340
00:19:15,176 --> 00:19:16,656
Fantastic.
341
00:19:26,136 --> 00:19:29,335
Take this. Get over there
and express yourself.
342
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:33,415
Lots of hand gestures,
lots of big facial expressions.
343
00:19:33,416 --> 00:19:35,455
Really cause a scene.
344
00:19:35,456 --> 00:19:36,976
Banks respond to things like that.
345
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,296
Good luck.
346
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,695
Ah.
347
00:19:51,696 --> 00:19:58,695
Oh, um, I've got a package for you
and I need you to sign for it here.
348
00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:01,535
And here. Here. Here. Here.
349
00:20:01,536 --> 00:20:03,095
Everywhere, really.
350
00:20:03,096 --> 00:20:08,496
Then take the paperwork
to the depot, with eight forms of ID, and collect it.
351
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,935
Ha-ha! The perfect crime.
352
00:20:10,936 --> 00:20:13,616
Look at all these cameras.
353
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:18,376
And... action!
354
00:20:22,216 --> 00:20:25,815
Ah! Bonne morning, bonne morning!
355
00:20:25,816 --> 00:20:29,616
Well, I hope you're both prepared
to knock the client's socks off.
356
00:20:31,176 --> 00:20:33,655
Sir, the client's in the boardroom.
He's seated and waiting.
357
00:20:33,656 --> 00:20:37,055
Seated & Waiting? I thought
he was from Cooks Kitchenware!
358
00:20:37,056 --> 00:20:39,175
Right.
359
00:20:39,176 --> 00:20:41,415
Now, I like to finish
my presentations strongly
360
00:20:41,416 --> 00:20:43,775
so, Matthew...
361
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,296
you're up first.
362
00:20:51,976 --> 00:20:54,136
Yes, sir, can I help you?
363
00:20:56,376 --> 00:20:58,216
How can I help you?
364
00:21:04,336 --> 00:21:06,415
Yes, Ben.
365
00:21:06,416 --> 00:21:07,895
Excellent.
366
00:21:07,896 --> 00:21:12,856
Time to deliver
my best cockney voiceover!
367
00:21:14,096 --> 00:21:17,215
Ooh! Er... five words.
368
00:21:17,216 --> 00:21:19,575
Second word.
369
00:21:19,576 --> 00:21:21,616
Sounds like...
370
00:21:25,136 --> 00:21:28,215
A bank somewhere like London.
371
00:21:28,216 --> 00:21:30,175
Meet Benny Ten Fingers.
372
00:21:30,176 --> 00:21:34,655
The best bleedin' bank robber
this side of the Bow Bells.
373
00:21:34,656 --> 00:21:36,296
Bank robber?
374
00:21:39,416 --> 00:21:43,935
Love a duck! He's a crafty master
of disguise!
375
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,655
A confidence trickster,
with a scrotum of steel,
376
00:21:46,656 --> 00:21:49,215
and he's got the perfect
377
00:21:49,216 --> 00:21:51,375
ice-cream van!
378
00:21:51,376 --> 00:21:52,536
Plan!
379
00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:54,896
What's that in his bag?
380
00:21:55,896 --> 00:21:57,935
It's his weapon!
381
00:21:57,936 --> 00:22:00,456
Ho-ho! Joe Public hits the deck!
382
00:22:02,096 --> 00:22:03,135
Whoo!
383
00:22:03,136 --> 00:22:06,375
Ten Fingers starts roughing
up one of the punters!
384
00:22:06,376 --> 00:22:09,215
But he's got bigger Michael Fish
385
00:22:09,216 --> 00:22:10,776
to Stephen Fry!
386
00:22:11,976 --> 00:22:14,095
Police! Nobody move!
387
00:22:14,096 --> 00:22:16,335
Police?
388
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,855
Perfect!
389
00:22:17,856 --> 00:22:22,256
How's Benny Ten Fingers
going to deal with the rozzers?
390
00:22:23,896 --> 00:22:25,936
There wasn't a package.
391
00:22:26,976 --> 00:22:29,335
Clever girl.
392
00:22:29,336 --> 00:22:31,936
Ben! We've been rumbled! Run!
393
00:22:39,536 --> 00:22:42,056
Oof! Ooh.
394
00:23:15,136 --> 00:23:18,015
Is, er... this the actual
presentation,
395
00:23:18,016 --> 00:23:21,416
or is your brother having
a complicated seizure?
396
00:23:28,976 --> 00:23:30,455
Stop!
397
00:23:30,456 --> 00:23:32,536
I've got an idea.
398
00:24:04,936 --> 00:24:07,296
We've gotta get off the streets.
399
00:24:11,776 --> 00:24:15,776
You don't just scramble
eggs! You've scrambled my mind!
400
00:24:16,816 --> 00:24:18,815
I'm in love!
401
00:24:18,816 --> 00:24:21,976
Come here, baby!
Let me flip you over!
402
00:24:22,976 --> 00:24:26,775
Bring a friend.
We'll have a menage a spatu-tois.
403
00:24:26,776 --> 00:24:28,176
Whoo-hoo!
404
00:24:35,256 --> 00:24:37,575
Is this all you've got?
405
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,895
No, there's more.
406
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:44,015
Duh-duh-duh!
407
00:24:44,016 --> 00:24:46,176
I...I think we've seen enough.
408
00:24:49,776 --> 00:24:51,415
Oh, God.
409
00:24:51,416 --> 00:24:53,455
We're on the run! Matthew?
410
00:24:53,456 --> 00:24:55,815
Are... are they with you? Yes?
411
00:24:55,816 --> 00:24:59,535
Um, it's a part of the presentation.
Yes!
412
00:24:59,536 --> 00:25:05,375
Matthew was simply showing
that Cooks Kitchenware produce big, sturdy spatulas.
413
00:25:05,376 --> 00:25:06,735
Yes!
414
00:25:06,736 --> 00:25:08,975
But what about the target
demographic?
415
00:25:08,976 --> 00:25:10,535
How does this demonstrate
416
00:25:10,536 --> 00:25:13,976
that strong professional women
actually want these spatulas?
417
00:25:14,856 --> 00:25:16,335
Nobody move!
418
00:25:16,336 --> 00:25:18,416
We want those spatulas!
419
00:25:24,936 --> 00:25:26,336
Ta-da!
420
00:25:30,216 --> 00:25:32,855
So, will you be pressing charges?
421
00:25:32,856 --> 00:25:35,816
No, they're not criminals.
They're just idiots.
422
00:25:36,576 --> 00:25:39,095
We found this on the hairy one.
423
00:25:39,096 --> 00:25:42,536
It's a sponsor form so it's clearly
some kind of charity prank.
424
00:25:44,096 --> 00:25:47,016
Oh, sponsored silence.
425
00:25:47,896 --> 00:25:50,175
Just need to fill out an
incident report.
426
00:25:50,176 --> 00:25:51,616
Name?
427
00:25:58,136 --> 00:25:59,776
Forget it.
428
00:26:02,096 --> 00:26:04,296
Matthew! Sir, I can only...
No, no, no, no.
429
00:26:05,376 --> 00:26:08,015
Security guards. Arrests.
430
00:26:08,016 --> 00:26:10,576
Human spatulas.
431
00:26:11,936 --> 00:26:16,295
He loved it! He's going to give
his entire account to Carabine Promotions.
432
00:26:16,296 --> 00:26:18,055
What?! Of course, next time,
433
00:26:18,056 --> 00:26:21,455
we'll get more convincing actresses
for the officers.
434
00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:23,495
Those two? Sheesh!
435
00:26:23,496 --> 00:26:25,895
What I'm saying is this.
436
00:26:25,896 --> 00:26:27,296
Matthew...
437
00:26:28,496 --> 00:26:29,776
you're hired!
438
00:26:35,576 --> 00:26:37,696
Get off!
439
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:46,855
All this time, you were doing
a sponsored silence.
440
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:49,416
Why didn't you say?
441
00:26:52,336 --> 00:26:54,415
OK, so let me get this straight.
442
00:26:54,416 --> 00:26:57,375
On top of a full-time job,
Carabine also gave you a bonus?
443
00:26:57,376 --> 00:27:00,295
I know. A brand-new camcorder.
444
00:27:00,296 --> 00:27:01,375
Wow.
445
00:27:01,376 --> 00:27:04,495
And you're giving it
to Quentin Taran-penis?
446
00:27:04,496 --> 00:27:06,495
Whoa!
447
00:27:06,496 --> 00:27:08,975
That way, if Tom wants
to make a bank heist movie,
448
00:27:08,976 --> 00:27:11,095
he doesn't have to go to an
actual bank.
449
00:27:11,096 --> 00:27:14,775
Oh, that's a shame. My next film's
going to be set in a women's prison.
450
00:27:14,776 --> 00:27:18,455
Now, quiet. It's about to start.
451
00:27:18,456 --> 00:27:23,095
The world premiere
of The Cool Hand Job.
452
00:27:23,096 --> 00:27:26,375
'Welcome to World's
Stupidest Criminals.
453
00:27:26,376 --> 00:27:27,535
'Check this dickhead out.
454
00:27:27,536 --> 00:27:33,056
'He's trying to rob a bank
without using any words, and his mate filmed it all.'
455
00:27:33,856 --> 00:27:35,935
My masterpiece.
456
00:27:35,936 --> 00:27:38,975
'What a Stanley Ku-prick!' Ha!
457
00:27:38,976 --> 00:27:41,615
That's a good one. Ha-ha!
458
00:27:41,616 --> 00:27:45,535
Plus the money Ben makes from his
sponsored silence will clear his debt. How long has he got left?
459
00:27:45,536 --> 00:27:47,656
One minute to go!
460
00:27:50,456 --> 00:27:52,456
Oh, shit.
461
00:27:52,506 --> 00:27:57,056
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