Original subtitles

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪ WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.

(instrumental version

of Whitney Houston's "Didn't We Almost Have It All" playing)

♪ DIDN'T WE ALMOST HAVE IT ALL ♪

♪ WHEN LOVE WAS ALL WE HAD WORTH GIVING? ♪

(theatrical voice) ♪ THE RIDE WITH YOU WAS WORTH THE FALL ♪

♪ MY FRIEND ♪

(grinding)

♪ LOVING YOU MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING ♪

WE ALMOST REALLY DID HAVE IT ALL, HUH? I AM SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO GIVE IT ALL UP FOR ME.

HEY, NO REGRETS, MILADY.

EXCHANGING THE ROBBERY PLANS FOR YOUR FREEDOM

WAS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY. BUT WHY DID YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND HAVE TO BE

A COLOMBIAN DRUG LORD?

WHY COULDN'T HE HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE GUYS

WHO AIRBRUSHES JEAN JACKETS AT THE MALL? YO, YO, YO, YO.

STOP WHATEVER Y'ALL DOING. BIG NEWS. WHAT'S UP, ROCK?

I WENT IN TO QUIT MY JOB AT BURTON SECURITY, RIGHT?

SO I WOULDN'T BE AT MICK JAGGER'S CRIB

WHEN ENRICO ROBS IT. BUT BEFORE I COULD QUIT,

I HEARD SOMETHING SO OFF THE CHAIN

THAT THE CHAIN ITSELF WAS NOTHING BUT A DISTANT MEMORY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? PLEASE, SLOWER AND LESS BLACK.

MICK JAGGER'S ENTIRE SECURITY SYSTEM

BEING OVERHAULED RIGHT NOW.

THE WHOLE THING'S DOWN TILL MONDAY MORNING.

NOBODY THERE ALL WEEKEND.

NO MICK, NO NATH PRAN,

NO ALARMS, NO CODES, NO GUARDS...

EXCEPT FOR YOURS TRULY, ROCKEFELLER BUTTS.

IT'LL BE SO EASY, THE APARTMENT WILL PRACTICALLY ROB ITSELF.

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! WE SHOULD DO IT, THEN!

OH, MY-- HOLD ON A SECOND, GUYS.

REMEMBER, WE TRADED ENRICO THE ROBBERY PLANS

FOR ESPERANZA'S FREEDOM. NOW IF WE GO BACK ON OUR DEAL,

ENRICO AND HIS THUGS ARE GONNA FIND US, ALL RIGHT?

WE CAN'T DO IT.

BY THE TIME HE FINDS OUT, WE WILL BE DRINKING TEQUILAS

AT A BEACH IN CABO SAN LUCAS WITH SAMMY HAGAR.

YOU HEARD THE LADY. WE BETTER DO IT!

WE'RE GONNA DO IT! (all cheering)

WE'RE GONNA ROB MICK JAGGER! OH, MY GOD! ALL RIGHT, IT'S ON!

ALL RIGHT, SQUATCH,

I WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF THE SILVERWARE, ALL RIGHT?

ESPERANZA, THE JEWELRY. GARY, YOU GET THE FINE ART.

LOUIS, ELECTRONICS. CHECK OUT HIS DVDs.

SEE IF HE HAS COOL STUFF, LIKE CRITERION COLLECTION.

WHAT ABOUT ME? LOST TREASURES OF ANCIENT WORLDS--

SHROUDS, SCROLLS, ARKS, GRAILS.

AIN'T NO GRAILS UP IN THIS BITCH. I'M BEING OPTIMISTIC.

OKAY, GANG, IT'S ALL LED UP TO THIS.

I GIVE YOU...

MICK JAGGER'S APARTMENT.

WE'RE IN.

WE'RE ACTUALLY IN.

WOW, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

IT IS EVEN MORE GLORIOUS THAN I EVER DARED TO IMAGINE.

LET'S GET TO WORK! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A SECOND.

HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SAY WE HAVE

UNTIL THE SECURITY STUFF COMES BACK ON?

35 HOURS.

OH, GOD, THAT'S WAY MORE TIME THAN WE NEED.

AND WE'VE BEEN WORKING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR MONTHS.

WHAT DO YOU ALL SAY

WE HAVE OURSELVES A LITTLE FUN FIRST, HUH? HUH? HUH?

YEAH? YEAH? (all laughing)

(The Doors) ♪ TELL ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU SEE ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME DOWN ♪

♪ TELL ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU SEE ♪

♪ SET THEM FREE ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME DOWN ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME ACROSS THE SEA ♪

♪ WHERE MILKY BABIES SEEM TO BE ♪

♪ MOLDED, FLOWING REVELRY ♪

♪ WITH THE ONE THAT SET THEM FREE ♪

♪ TELL ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU SEE ♪

♪ IT'S JUST ME ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME DOWN ♪

♪ FOLLOW ME DOWN, YOU'VE GOT TO FOLLOW ME DOWN ♪

HEY, GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT.

THERE'S A REALLY COOL ROOM DOWN HERE.

HEY, WHAT IS THIS ROOM?

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S GOT NO WINDOWS.

IT'S GOT A BED AND A FRIDGE, THOUGH.

HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE RED PHONE? DOES MICK JAGGER

HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO ORDER A NUCLEAR STRIKE?

THIS IS THE PANIC ROOM, Y'ALL.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? A REAL PANIC ROOM? HELL, YEAH.

IF SOMEBODY BREAKS IN WHILE MICK'S AT HOME,

HE'S SUPPOSED TO COME IN HERE AND PUSH THE RED BUTTON. (laughs) THAT'S HILARIOUS.

LOOK. I'M PANICKING! I'M PANICKING! AAH! (laughter)

WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO I DO? (laughs)

AAH!

(laughter)

OH, WOW!

YEAH.

AWESOME. (laughs) OPEN IT UP.

I-I DON'T LIKE TO BE IN ENCLOSED SPACES.

AY, DIOS MíO.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH IT?

IT MUST BE PART OF THE SECURITY SYSTEM OVERHAUL.

THE MECHANISMS AIN'T WORKING RIGHT. OH, THAT'S FAN-FREAKIN'-TASTIC.

THIS PHONE SHOULD CONNECT ME TO BURTON SECURITY.

I'LL TELL 'EM I TRIGGERED THE DOOR BY ACCIDENT.

IT'S DEAD.

UH, MY CELL DOESN'T GET ANY SERVICE. (error sound)

(busy signal beeping) MINE, NEITHER.

WHAT ARE WE FACING HERE, ROCK?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE SURROUNDED BY

IMPENETRABLE 6-INCH WALLS OF CONCRETE AND CARBONITE STEEL.

WE HAVE NO MEANS OF CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

NOBODY WILL KNOW WE'RE HERE

UNTIL BURTON SECURITY SHOWS UP AT 7:00 A.M. MONDAY MORNING.

THAT GIVES US EXACTLY...

34 HOURS TO ESCAPE THIS ROOM.

(ticking)

PUT ON YOUR SHIRT. I'M BEGGING YOU.

(ticking)

WHAT WOULD DAVID BLAINE DO? WHAT WOULD DAVID BLAINE DO?

OKAY, PEOPLE, FIRST THINGS FIRST,

WE GOTTA TAKE STOCK OF THE SITUATION.

I WANT EVERYBODY TO FAN OUT

AND LOOK FOR ANYTHING THAT CAN BE USEFUL, OKAY?

(Eugene) WHAT DO YOU GOT? I GOT A ROPE, A FIRST AID KIT

AND A TOOLBOX. OH, GOOD. OPEN IT UP.

WHAT IS THIS, AN ELECTRIC RICE COOKER? IT'S A PORTABLE TOILET.

I SEEN 'EM ONCE ON A CAMPING TRIP IN THE OZARKS.

OPEN UP! OPEN UP! OPEN UP! WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! ESPERANZA, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!

IT'S EUGENE GURKIN. TALK TO ME, BABY.

I HAVE CLAUSTRO-FLOBIA.

COME HERE. I WILL REALIGN YOUR CHAKRAS WITH MY HANDS AND MOUTH.

THE ONLY THING THAT CAN HELP ME ARE MY SPECIAL PILLS,

AND THEY'RE IN MY BAG OUTSIDE!

WAIT, NO, I-I HAVE YOUR PURSE RIGHT HERE.

OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

WHY, PRAY TELL, DO YOU HAVE HER PURSE?

I BORROWED HER EYELINER.

WHAT?

I WAS GOING FOR MICK JAGGER'S GLAM LOOK FROM THE 1970s.

UH-HUH.

(ticking)

OKAY, PEOPLE, WE NEED A PLAN, OKAY? A PLAN.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER?

IT SMELLS LIKE THE BLACK HOLE OF CALCUTTA IN HERE.

OH, REALLY? FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION DINNER,

SINCE I SEEM TO BE THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH FOOD. CAVIAR?

YES, AND A MOTHER OF PEARL SPOON.

EVERYBODY CAN HAVE SOME EXCEPT FOR SQUATCH. WHO CARES? I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR DAMN CAVIAR!

OH, YOU WILL! MMM! MMM! YEAH?

(Eugene) WAIT A SECOND, GUYS. I HAVE AN IDEA.

IF I CAN PRY THE SWITCH PLATE OFF THE DOOR CONTROL PANEL,

THEN I CAN MESS WITH THE CONNECTION

AND GET THE GREEN BUTTON TO WORK. LOOK, CHIEF, I GOT A SCREWDRIVER.

OH, GOOD, GOOD. YEAH, BRING IT HERE. ALL RIGHT.

UH, CAN I--CAN I GET THE HAMMER, PLEASE? COME ON!

(electricity crackles, whirs off)

(Rockefeller) SON OF A BITCH.

(ticking)

(Eugene) YEAH, I'M SORRY. I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.

(Squatch) THERE'S A SHOCKER.

(flashlight clicks on)

(imitates Conan O'Brien) ♪ IN THE YEAR 2000 ♪

(Eugene) LOUIS, AWESOME! YOU GOT A FLASHLIGHT! THAT'S GREAT!

HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.

OKAY, GUYS, I GOT A GENIUS PLAN.

WE FORM A HUMAN PYRAMID WITH LOUIS ON TOP,

AND WHEN LOUIS GETS TO THE TOP-- EUGENE?

YEAH, GARY?

PLEASE, NO MORE GENIUS IDEAS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOUR GENIUS IDEAS WILL GET US ALL KILLED.

COME ON, GARY. CHIEF...

I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER, BUT YOU DID GET US INTO THIS.

SO MAYBE YOU BETTER JUST SIT DOWN

AND LET THE REST OF US FIGURE A WAY OUT.

WHAT? LOOK, I HATE TO PULL RANK, SQUATCH, BUT I AM STILL KINDA

THE LEADER AROUND HERE. YOU BEST JUST LEAD YOUR MOUTH TO SHUTTIN', EUGENE.

WHAT THE HEY'S GOING ON?! IS THIS SOME KIND OF MUTINY?!

ESPERANZA, SPEAK UP FOR ME!

(Eugene) UH-OH. ESPERANZA?

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TERENCE TRENT D'ARBY?

HE HAD SUCH A BIG HIT WITH "WISHING WELL,"

AND SUDDENLY, POOF!

HE DISAPPEARED.

I THINK SHE MAY HAVE EXCEEDED THE RECOMMENDED DOSAGE.

(ticking)

(electricity crackles, whirs on)

YAY!

(slow clapping)

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE, IF GIVEN THE CHANCE.

I'M JUST SAYIN'.

GOOD JOB, SQUATCH. HERE, YOU MAY NOT HAVE SOME CAVIAR.

I DON'T WANT ANY STUPID CAVIAR, HIAWATHA.

YOU WILL. MMM! LIKE A MOUTHFUL OF THE CASPIAN SEA.

EXCUSE ME. YES?

I'M-A... THINK I'M-A NEED A FEW MINUTES OF PRIVACY.

DEAR LORD, PLEASE LET YOU NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK YOU MEAN.

(ticking)

(Rockefeller exhales deeply and grunts)

(Rockefeller) DON'T NONE OF Y'ALL TURN AROUND.

NOT TO WORRY.

(ticking)

(Rockefeller exhales deeply) WHEW.

WE ALMOST HOME.

(ticking)

(Rockefeller grunting)

PLEASE! ENOUGH!

(Rockefeller) COME ON, MAN. ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY.

(ticking)

LET US NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

(grunts)

(buzzer sounding) (Squatch) WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S THE RED PHONE. I THOUGHT IT WAS DEAD.

HELLO? YEAH, THIS IS REGINALD VAN HOOGSTRATTEN.

UH, LISTEN, UH, DO ME A FAVOR AND RELEASE THE PANIC ROOM DOOR.

I-I CLOSED IT BY MISTAKE.

OH, NO, NO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

WELL, YOU... NO, YOU CAN DO IT FROM--

W-W-WHOA, WAIT.

NOW?

(sighs) ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'D THEY SAY?

THEY SENDING SOMEONE OVER TO FIX IT. WHEN?

NOW! WE'RE GOING TO JAIL.

NOW WILL YOU LISTEN TO MY IDEA? NO!

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE JUST DON'T PANIC.

YA THINK? (laughing) YOU SAID, "DON'T PANIC,"

AND WE'RE IN A PANIC ROOM.

IF WE GET OUT OF HERE, I GOTTA GET ME SOME OF THEM PILLS.

WE NO LONGER HAVE 34 HOURS BEFORE BURTON SECURITY COMES.

WE GOT 20 MINUTES!

(ticking)

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'LL BE 20 MINUTES? COULD BE 10 MINUTES.

(ticking)

OR FIVE MINUTES! (ticking)

ROCKEFELLER, YOU WORK FOR THEM. HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE? IF THEY CONSIDER THE SITUATION AN EMERGENCY,

THEY'LL BE HERE IN 2 MINUTES. IF NOT, THEY'LL BE HERE IN 15.

(ticking)

DO THEY CONSIDER THIS AN EMERGENCY? NAH. WE GOT 15 MINUTES.

(ticking)

HEY, ROCK, GIVE ME YOUR GUN. "EXPLAINEZ"-VOUS

WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING TO DO WITH THAT, PLEASE?

I SUGGEST THAT WE SHOOT OUT THIS VENT

AND THEN WE CRAWL DOWN THAT DUCT TO SAFETY.

I THINK WE'VE ALL HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF YOUR "EUGENIUS" PLANS.

COME ON. MAYBE THERE'S A WAY

TO JIMMY THE LOCKING MECHANISM ON THE DOOR OR SOMETHING.

WAIT A MINUTE. (all talking at once)

I AM STILL THE LEADER OF THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY!

I MADE UP THE T-SHIRTS!

(all talking at once)

(gunshot, shell casing falls to floor)

YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!

WHAT? OH, THE BULLET MUST'VE RICOCHETED.

YEAH, IT RICOCHETED... RIGHT INTO MY ASS!

I'M SORRY. I-- WHAT DOES THAT FEEL LIKE?

LIKE I GOT SHOT IN THE ASS!

(ticking)

I TELL YA, THIS INTERNSHIP

REALLY COVERS A BROAD RANGE OF RESPONSIBILITIES.

(Rockefeller grunts)

AT LEAST THE WOUND IS NOT SERIOUS.

THE BULLET DID NOT PENETRATE DEEP INTO THE BUTTOCK.

"APOLLO 11" COULDN'T PENETRATE DEEP INTO THAT BUTTOCK.

(laughs) YOUR NAME IS ROCKEFELLER BUTTS,

AND YOU JUST GOT SHOT IN...

THE PANIC ROOM!

(Esperanza laughs)

(ticking)

IT'S ALL OVER. WE'RE DONE.

FIVE MINUTES OF FREEDOM LEFT.

SINCE THIS IS THE END, UH,

THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO GET OFF MY CHEST.

REMEMBER THAT GIRL THAT I SLEPT WITH

TO GET MICK JAGGER'S NUMBER CODE?

OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE THE A.I.D.S?

NO. NO.

CHLAMYDIA? HERPES SIMPLEX 1? 2?

SYPHILIS? THE CLAP?

GONORRHEA? RICKETS?

I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH HER.

I'M STILL A VIRGIN.

AH!

PRISON TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YA.

AND ONE OTHER THING, I'M...

(imitating Beethoven's Fifth) ♪ GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY ♪

RICH.

WHAT? WHAT?

I LIVE IN GREENWICH, CONNECTICUT.

MY FATHER RUNS A HEDGE FUND.

HE'S GOT, LIKE, $250 MILLION OR SOMETHING.

THEN WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING THIS FOR?

MY DAD AND MY BROTHERS-- THEY SPEND 14 HOURS A DAY

WATCHING STOCKS JUST BLIP UP AND DOWN,

POUNDING COMPUTER KEYS LIKE TRAINED MONKEYS.

I WANTED MORE OUT OF LIFE, YOU KNOW?

YOU'RE AN IMBECILE!

GO WATCH THE BLIPS AND POUND THE KEYS LIKE A MONKEY.

I'LL BRING THE BANANAS!

WE GET THREE MINUTES LEFT.

DOES ANYONE WANT TO SAY ANYTHING?

ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, AS LONG AS WE'RE GOING AROUND THE HORN HERE,

I GUESS I JUST WANNA SAY THAT

EVEN THOUGH I GIVE YOU GUYS A HARD TIME,

I'M GONNA REALLY MISS YOUS.

YOU ALL MEAN A LOT TO ME, AND, UM...

YOU'RE A VERY SPECIAL GROUP OF PEOPLE.

♪ GAY, GAY, GAY, GAY ♪

THREE MINUTES IS PLENTY ENOUGH TIME FOR ME

TO BEAT YOU TO A PULP. YES, SIR.

I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

IT'S MY TURN. WE'RE GOING AROUND THE CIRCLE.

OH, OKAY. GO AHEAD.

MOST MEN, THEY SAY, "ESPERANZA, I LOVE YOU,"

AND THEN THEY MAKE A BEELINE STRAIGHT TO MY VA-HEE-NA.

BUT NOT YOU ALL.

YOU TREAT ME AS AN EQUAL, WITH RESPECT.

I REALLY APPRECIATE

THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE SEX WITH ME.

EUGENE?

I, UM...

PASS.

YEAH, I PASS.

UH, GARY, GO AHEAD, AND IF, UH, IF I GOT SOMETHING

TO, UH, SAY, MAYBE WE CAN COME BACK TO ME.

UM, ESPERANZA, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

(Eugene) WHAT THE--DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO WHAT SHE JUST SAID? (all talking at once)

YES, I KNOW. I HEARD,

BUT WHY SHOULD WHAT SHE SAID CHANGE WHAT I SAY?

JUST BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER

DOESN'T MEAN THAT I MAGICALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.

I-I REALLY DO. I SWEAR. I'M SORRY. I DO.

IT'S OKAY, GARY. I APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY.

REALLY? SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT WE COULD-- NO.

BUT WE ONLY HAVE TWO MINUTES AND-- NO.

WE COULD--OKAY.

(drilling) HEY, LISTEN, THEY'RE HERE.

(Louis) THEY'RE DRILLING THROUGH THE LOCK.

MY FATHER'S GONNA KILL ME.

OH, MY GOD, I... I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!

I CAN'T DO THE PERP WALK DRESSED LIKE THIS, OKAY?

THEY'RE GONNA THROW ME IN BELLEVUE WITH THE CUCKOO BIRDS!

I GOT AN IDEA, AND THIS TIME IT'S A GOOD ONE.

EVERYONE GET TO THE CENTER OF THE ROOM. (Gary) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HOLD THIS, SQUATCH. GRAB IT. I'M TAKING YOU ALL HOSTAGE. (Squatch) WHEN THAT DOOR OPENS,

THERE'S GONNA BE FOUR BURTON GUARDS, PROBABLY WITH GUNS.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE GONNA NEGOTIATE YOUR WAY OUT OF HERE? (Eugene) NO. I KNOW I'M NOT GOING TO.

BUT THERE'S NO REASON FOR EVERYONE TO GO TO JAIL.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT'S GOING DOWN.

ROCKEFELLER, YOU KNEW MICK WAS GONNA BE GONE FOR THE WEEKEND,

SO YOU INVITED SOME FRIENDS OVER.

I CAME IN TO ROB THE JOINT. I FOUND YOU,

I TOOK YOU ALL HOSTAGE, AND WHEN I BROUGHT YOU

IN THE PANIC ROOM TO TIE YOU UP, THE DOOR FELL,

AND WE ALL ACCIDENTALLY GOT LOCKED IN. IF YOU DO THAT, YOU'RE GONNA SPEND MORE TIME IN JAIL.

YEAH, BUT YOU ALL WILL GO FREE. THAT'S THE STORY.

OKAY, EVERYBODY? LET'S STICK TO IT.

(drilling continues)

(drilling continues)

IT'S A PANIC ROOM, PEOPLE. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HARD TO BREAK INTO.

OOH!

AHA!

ENRICO!

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FIND MICK JAGGER HERE.

INSTEAD, I FIND A BUNCH OF DOUBLE-CROSSING WEASELS!

OOH!

DROP THE GUN AND SLIDE IT OVER HERE.

(drill whirs)

JAIME, SHOOT THEM NOW, PLEASE.

NO!

FLAVIO, COME WITH ME.

(Eugene) NO, ENRICO! PLEASE, NO!

OH, JAIME. OH, JAIME, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, JAIME. JAIME.

JAIME, COME ON. JAIME.

YOU DON'T WANNA DO THIS.

NAH. I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES.

YOU'RE ASKING YOURSELF, "HOW DID I GET HERE?"

I KNOW HOW YOU GOT HERE.

PAPA LEFT HOME. MAMA DIDN'T LOVE YOU LIKE SHE SHOULD.

AND YOU'RE OUT ON THE STREETS

WITH YOUR FRIENDS, BUT THEY AIN'T YOUR FRIENDS.

THEY WERE NEVER YOUR FRIENDS, JAIME.

BUT NOW IT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH TIME.

'CAUSE YOU PULL THAT TRIGGER, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?

A MURDERER. YEAH, AND THAT'S THE NAME OF THAT TUNE.

SO GIVE ME THE GUN.

COME ON, JAIME. COME ON. GIVE ME THE GUN, PAPI.

'CAUSE WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE A LOT OF THINGS, BABY,

BUT YOU AIN'T NO MURDERER. HMM?

I KILL 68 PEOPLE.

THAT'S NOT GOOD.

(Enrico) JAIME! (man) BURTON SECURITY!

JAIME! THERE'S A BACK LOCK. GET THE PERIMETER LOCKED UP.

(Enrico) JAIME! THAT MUST BE THE SECURITY GUARDS FROM BURTON.

OH! COME ON! HURRY UP! THERE'S A FIRE EXIT THIS WAY.

LISTEN, ROCKEFELLER, PRETEND YOU'RE STILL WORKING

FOR BURTON SECURITY. SAY IT'S ENRICO WHO SHOT YOU IN THE BUTT.

WE'RE GOING TO ESCAPE. COME ON! (Rockefeller) OKAY, OKAY.

GO! GO! GO!

UH...

I'D JUST LIKE TO, UH, APOLOGIZE

TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

FOR ALMOST GETTING YOU KILLED TODAY.

AND YOU WERE RIGHT.

I'M NOT A LEADER.

I'M A JANITOR.

MY IDEAS SUCK AND, UH...

I'M SORRY FOR GETTING YOU PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THIS WHOLE MESS.

YOUR IDEAS DON'T SUCK.

THEY REALLY, REALLY SUCK.

BUT WHAT I REMEMBER FROM TODAY IS THAT

WHEN THE CHIPS WERE DOWN,

YOU WERE WILLING TO GO TO JAIL FOR ALL OF US.

AND IF THAT AIN'T BEING A LEADER, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

THE BIG ONE IS OKAY!

TURN ON THE TV! TURN ON THE TV!

THREE ARMED MEN WERE ARRESTED AFTER THEY TRIED TO ROB

ROCK STAR MICK JAGGER'S APARTMENT EARLIER TODAY.

NOW THEY'RE IDENTIFIED AS ENRICO CORTEZ,

JAIME SANTANITA AND FLAVIO PUENTE.

THE THIEVES

APPARENTLY HAD LOADED UP $4 MILLION IN VALUABLES WHEN

THEY WERE SPOTTED BY JAGGER'S OWN PERSONAL SECURITY TEAM.

LET'S GET MORE ON WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW.

TELL US EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR WORDS.

THE PERPETRATORS ENTERED THE DWELLING AT 9:47 P.M.

AND WERE APPREHENDED BY MYSELF

AND TWO OTHER BURTON SECURITY SPECIALISTS.

NOW WE HEARD THAT SHOTS WERE FIRED AND THAT YOU WERE HIT.

YES, I DID SUSTAIN A FLESH WOUND TO MY...

UPPER LEG.

(Enrico) HE WAS IN ON IT!

HE--HE TRIED TO ROB MICK JAGGER! THE IMPORTANT THING IS

THAT THE PERPETRATORS ARE APPREHENDED,

AND THEY WILL BE UNABLE

TO PERPETRATE IN THE FUTURE AT THIS TIME.

HEY. HEY, MAMA. YEAH, ERNIE ANASTOS. (woman) NOW WE BRING YOU BACK TO THE STUDIO.

(turns off TV) (Gary) $4 MILLION.

WE WERE THIS CLOSE.

WE STILL COULD BE.

WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE SAYING?

I'M STILL IN.

I'M IN.

I'M IN. I'M IN.

I'M IN. (laughs) YES!

ALL RIGHT!

EXCUSE ME. WHAT EXACTLY ARE WE IN?

WE CAN NO LONGER ROB MICK JAGGER.

THERE'S NO MORE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE. YEAH, BUT THIS TOWN IS CRAWLING WITH CELEBRITIES.

WE CAN FIND ONE OF 'EM, HUH?

COME ON. NAMES. BRAINSTORM. LET'S GO.

DEREK JETER. GOOD.

WILMER VALDERRAMA. NICE.

ALEX TREBEK. TOO SMART.

PAT SAJAK THEN. PERFECT.

MADONNA. DUSTIN HOFFMAN.

THAT'S GREAT. (Louis) MICHAEL JACKSON.

(Eugene) HE DOESN'T LIVE HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T MIND IF I DO.

SORRY. (Louis) CHEVY CHASE.

MOAMMAR GADHAFI.

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

♪ ROBBIN' FROM THE RICH TO GIVE TO THEMSELVES ♪

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

♪ THEY EVEN MADE UP T-SHIRTS ♪

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

♪ ONE MORE TIME IN CASE YOU DIDN'T HEAR ♪

♪ KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY ♪

WE THE KNIGHTS, BABY.