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1
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_
2
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,203
_
3
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,308
No, sweetie. That's a deadly glass ball
4
00:01:08,385 --> 00:01:10,644
that we hang where babies can get it.
5
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,655
See? Deadly glass ball?
6
00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:21,488
- Oh!
- Oh!
7
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,921
Huh? Todd Flanders?
How'd that get on our tree?
8
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Christmas is no time to
think about your neighbors.
9
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It's a very interesting story.
10
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A Christmas story of
failing and redemption.
11
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Isn't that every Christmas story?
12
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A Christmas story of your
father's failing and redemption.
13
00:01:42,937 --> 00:01:44,553
Isn't that every Homer story?
14
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This one also has a secret room,
15
00:01:46,631 --> 00:01:48,941
and it's set six years in the past.
16
00:01:49,017 --> 00:01:52,185
Oh, thank God
it's not the horrible present.
17
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:53,520
What year did it happen?
18
00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:55,280
Oh, you know the year.
19
00:01:55,357 --> 00:01:58,233
The Oscar went to an overrated
movie that nobody remembers,
20
00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:00,110
Tom Brady won the Super Bowl
21
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,945
and a public figure had to apologize
22
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,947
for saying something stupid.
23
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- Oh, that one.
- That year.
24
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,742
Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Remember it well.
25
00:02:07,819 --> 00:02:09,536
Okay. So, Homer and I
26
00:02:09,613 --> 00:02:12,372
were going to the
office Christmas party.
27
00:02:12,449 --> 00:02:15,458
I had just lost my last adult tooth,
28
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,461
- which they say is worth thousands.
- Grampa.
29
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,714
- This is my story.
- Fine.
30
00:02:20,790 --> 00:02:22,257
We were getting ready...
31
00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:25,093
Listen, before we go,
I want to ask you a favor.
32
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:27,637
Don't drink at the office party.
33
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,265
But then it just becomes a meeting.
34
00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:33,435
I'm serious. I don't want you
embarrassing yourself at work.
35
00:02:33,511 --> 00:02:36,229
All right. I'll just drink soda.
36
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:38,991
- Water is healthier.
- Not in this town.
37
00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:43,737
Woo-hoo! Kids, get the hot dogs!
38
00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:45,439
Homer, that's not safe.
39
00:02:45,485 --> 00:02:48,584
Marge, it's natural gas.
40
00:03:00,923 --> 00:03:03,465
Marge. Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge.
41
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:06,259
- When will you ever settle down?
- What the...?
42
00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:09,971
Hey, Marge, want to rub shoulders?
43
00:03:10,048 --> 00:03:12,849
Cover yourself up and
quit hitting on my wife.
44
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,027
Oh, so now she's your wife.
45
00:03:15,103 --> 00:03:17,529
I've never been at a
party where I'm sober
46
00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:20,032
and everyone else is drunk.
This is a nightmare.
47
00:03:20,108 --> 00:03:21,483
I know how you feel, pal.
48
00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,318
I haven't had a drink in four years.
49
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:25,779
You're so boring.
50
00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:28,081
He's right. I am boring.
51
00:03:30,285 --> 00:03:32,377
We should give Homer a little help
52
00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,213
- enjoying the party.
- Mm-hmm.
53
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,294
So, if you're all partying,
who's running the plant?
54
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:44,631
We got a dog that barks
when a light goes red.
55
00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:05,869
Ah, it's nice to get close
to the workers once a year.
56
00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:10,082
- Are you enjoying your holiday?
- I was just watching
57
00:04:10,158 --> 00:04:12,534
this fantastic movie,
It's a Wonderful Life.
58
00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,253
A tribute to my favorite character:
59
00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:17,497
the conniving, evil banker
who ruins Christmas Eve.
60
00:04:17,574 --> 00:04:20,425
I presume it ends with
Jimmy Stewart's suicide.
61
00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:22,252
Attention! Attention!
62
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:25,588
I've arranged for some of the
latest hip music to be sung.
63
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:29,342
* Hark, the herald angels sing *
64
00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:33,179
* Good old Monty is our king *
65
00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:36,891
* He's a mean old crocodile *
66
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:40,895
* Worse than jock itch by a mile *
67
00:04:40,972 --> 00:04:44,616
* I can't wait till Burnsy dies *
68
00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:48,737
* Watching vultures eat his eyes. *
69
00:04:48,813 --> 00:04:51,531
Not so fast. Release the hounds!
70
00:04:51,986 --> 00:04:55,285
On, Slasher! On, Gasher!
On, Mangey and Nips 'Em!
71
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:58,955
On, Stalker! On, Vicious!
On, Rabid and Rips 'Em!
72
00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:09,766
Good night, Mr. Burns.
73
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:12,124
_
74
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:16,973
Die! Die! Die!
75
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,559
And cool me whiskey.
76
00:05:21,046 --> 00:05:24,397
* Good King Wenceslas looked out. *
77
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,735
Homer, we've got to go.
78
00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:31,654
Come on, can't I finish
filling my pants with shrimp?
79
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,165
Mm.
80
00:05:33,241 --> 00:05:35,450
Ooh.
81
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,580
I don't know what happened.
82
00:05:40,657 --> 00:05:43,083
What happened is what
happens every time.
83
00:05:43,159 --> 00:05:46,053
You got drunk,
and you made a fool of yourself.
84
00:05:48,757 --> 00:05:51,016
I don't want you coming home
85
00:05:51,093 --> 00:05:53,393
until I know you've changed.
86
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,638
Good night.
87
00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:59,024
Uh, aren't you gonna get out?
88
00:05:59,101 --> 00:06:02,519
No, just drive me around
in circles, please.
89
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:06,323
Oh, sorry. You have to order
an Uber Sad for that.
90
00:06:10,278 --> 00:06:13,372
There, there.
Prices are always surging at Christmas.
91
00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:16,541
Where do I go? Where do I go?
92
00:06:16,618 --> 00:06:19,702
Hey. You got to bowl or go home.
93
00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:23,548
Skate or go home.
94
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:28,044
Go home or go home.
95
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,630
Isn't a church supposed
to offer sanctuary?
96
00:06:30,707 --> 00:06:33,508
I'll tell you what.
Quote one Bible verse,
97
00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:35,677
and I'll let you in.
98
00:06:35,753 --> 00:06:38,346
Um... "There once was a man from Judaea
99
00:06:38,423 --> 00:06:41,057
who said to my wife, 'If I pay ya...'"
100
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,225
And no.
101
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:44,561
Please. I have nowhere to go.
102
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,355
Well, there is one person
103
00:06:47,432 --> 00:06:49,858
that takes the homeless, lost dogs,
104
00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:52,953
even grocery bags
carried off by the wind.
105
00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:56,739
Oh. I don't know how to put this.
106
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,042
Come on in, my brother.
107
00:07:00,278 --> 00:07:01,920
You, too.
108
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:07,208
Look, Maude.
God blessed us with another mouth
109
00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:09,594
- to feed.
- More like a sinkhole
110
00:07:09,671 --> 00:07:11,254
that likes french fries.
111
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,598
Oh, now, Maude, Jesus said,
"Love your neighbor"
112
00:07:13,675 --> 00:07:16,384
even though he never seemed
to live next to anyone.
113
00:07:16,461 --> 00:07:19,429
Please, Ned. I'm due any day.
114
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,441
Maude, when I look
in that man's face, I see Jesus.
115
00:07:22,517 --> 00:07:24,651
When you look at everything,
you see Jesus.
116
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:28,021
I bet you're seeing Jesus right now.
117
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:29,731
I love you so much.
118
00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,357
Put him in your man cave.
119
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,525
Man cave?
120
00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:34,619
My Son of Man cave.
121
00:07:35,676 --> 00:07:37,456
The Wi-Fi password is
"sinners burn in hell."
122
00:07:37,532 --> 00:07:39,699
The second "S" is a dollar sign.
123
00:07:39,776 --> 00:07:42,368
The first "L" is a one.
The "E" in "sinners" is a three,
124
00:07:42,445 --> 00:07:44,787
but the "E" in "hell"
is an "E" for "eternity."
125
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,175
I'll just use my
data plan like an animal.
126
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,639
You ate the Christmas ham.
127
00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:56,716
And it wasn't even cooked.
128
00:07:56,793 --> 00:07:58,426
Wait, wait. You were saving that?
129
00:07:58,752 --> 00:08:00,637
It was still in the plastic.
130
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,097
That was plastic? Uh-oh.
131
00:08:04,281 --> 00:08:05,475
I know it's tough, Marge,
132
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:06,893
but you're doing the right thing.
133
00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,603
Just like I raised him.
134
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,230
Punish, punish, punish.
135
00:08:10,306 --> 00:08:12,690
And after it's much too late, love.
136
00:08:12,767 --> 00:08:14,493
It's not just this one thing.
137
00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:17,487
It's a pattern of
constant disappointment.
138
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,949
You must see it.
You live with us temporarily.
139
00:08:21,025 --> 00:08:23,168
What do you mean, "temporarily"?
140
00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:25,286
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.
141
00:08:25,363 --> 00:08:26,880
Have a good night.
142
00:08:33,542 --> 00:08:36,056
Oh, I can't take this place.
143
00:08:36,952 --> 00:08:38,591
- _
- Ooh!
144
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,301
- _
- Aw.
145
00:08:40,378 --> 00:08:43,647
Even my peripheral
vision is betraying me.
146
00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:48,719
_
147
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:56,034
So, wife threw you out, eh?
148
00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:59,696
- Yeah.
- We've got a nice, warm bed for you
149
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,374
in the lake of eternal flame!
150
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:05,702
A house by the lake?
I could get some writing done.
151
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,495
In the lake.
152
00:09:07,572 --> 00:09:10,373
Oh, thank God. Any excuse not to write.
153
00:09:11,731 --> 00:09:12,792
Kill me.
154
00:09:14,412 --> 00:09:15,962
Hey, hey, kids.
155
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,297
Especially the little ones.
156
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:19,215
Here's an all-new Itchy & Scratchy.
157
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,059
Parental discretion advised.
158
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,803
But if they were around,
you wouldn't be watching.
159
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,107
Ah!
160
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:29,901
Ah!
161
00:09:36,487 --> 00:09:37,650
Where's Daddy?
162
00:09:37,727 --> 00:09:40,745
Um, he-he won't be back for a while.
163
00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:43,072
It's okay. I love Bart.
164
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,326
I love Bart. I love Bart. I love Bart.
165
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:48,253
And I love Lisa.
166
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,538
I love you, I love you, I love you.
167
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:51,998
Oh, that's wonderful.
168
00:09:52,075 --> 00:09:54,876
We can still have a nice Christmas,
169
00:09:54,952 --> 00:09:56,836
- even without your...
- Daddy's back.
170
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,212
Daddy's back.
171
00:09:58,289 --> 00:10:00,715
Look at that hat.
He must be a millionaire.
172
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,102
Okay, it's time to go to bed.
173
00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:06,095
We'll have fun tomorrow.
174
00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:14,863
See? Even without Daddy,
it's Christmas at the mall.
175
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:18,858
Please give something.
176
00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:21,953
I'm about to be the first person
ever dishonorably discharged
177
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,913
by the Salvation Army.
178
00:10:27,485 --> 00:10:30,128
Aw, that was a real beard.
179
00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:32,120
_
180
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:34,582
Can I get these for me and Daddy?
181
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:37,752
I'm not sure Daddy will
be back by Christmas.
182
00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:41,214
Ooh, I smell marital problems.
183
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:42,965
A salesman's dream.
184
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,218
Little boy, if she doesn't buy it,
185
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,220
she doesn't love you.
186
00:10:47,296 --> 00:10:50,390
Really? And do you have
a happy homelife?
187
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,567
Why, ye... No.
188
00:10:55,346 --> 00:10:57,656
Aw, poor fella.
I know what'll cheer him up.
189
00:10:57,732 --> 00:10:59,824
Homer, would you like to say grace?
190
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,776
I'd rather just eat.
191
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:03,403
No grace?
192
00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:05,830
Then I'm gonna let my hair grow natural.
193
00:11:06,858 --> 00:11:08,241
Homer, please.
194
00:11:08,317 --> 00:11:10,284
Honor the Lord until we're all bored.
195
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,496
Dear God, how you doing?
196
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,674
I know your son's birthday's coming up.
197
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,167
Oh, with his mother, you say?
198
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,294
Oh, that's too bad.
199
00:11:20,371 --> 00:11:23,506
Now, Homer, in this house,
grace is personal, pious,
200
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,133
and at least 500 words.
201
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,467
Fine.
202
00:11:26,544 --> 00:11:28,520
Thank You, O Lord,
for my wonderful home,
203
00:11:28,596 --> 00:11:29,804
which I'm not in.
204
00:11:29,881 --> 00:11:32,691
And my beautiful family,
which I can't see.
205
00:11:32,767 --> 00:11:35,309
I mean, Flanders is great and all,
206
00:11:35,386 --> 00:11:38,438
but even you must think
he's kind of a jackass.
207
00:11:38,514 --> 00:11:40,314
What's a jackass?
208
00:11:40,391 --> 00:11:42,033
It's a silly person, Roddy.
209
00:11:42,110 --> 00:11:44,110
Daddy, you're a jackass.
210
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:46,204
Sheesh. The mouth on that kid.
211
00:11:46,281 --> 00:11:49,365
Ned, that man has got to go.
212
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,543
Maude, you know we can't
turn away someone in need
213
00:11:51,619 --> 00:11:53,286
right before Christmas.
214
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,496
You're right.
I forgot my Christian values.
215
00:11:55,573 --> 00:11:58,541
Could you please get our
guest some Christmas candy?
216
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,552
Absotively.
217
00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:03,796
Get the hell out.
218
00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:08,059
Where'd he go?
219
00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,136
Can't be a rapture, I know that.
220
00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:12,063
- Yep.
- Scram!
221
00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,817
I have no luck.
222
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,066
Just keep bringing me drinks
223
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,244
until I pass out under this table.
224
00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:29,038
Also, you have tables?
225
00:12:32,068 --> 00:12:33,910
Why aren't you home with Midge?
226
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,371
I've been kicked out.
I have no place to go.
227
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,923
Oh, you poor guy.
228
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,383
Let's take a walk.
229
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,139
Finally.
230
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,439
Aw...
231
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:59,778
If only I could get
back in there tonight.
232
00:12:59,854 --> 00:13:01,687
Well, uh, actually, there is a way.
233
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:04,282
What are you talking about?
234
00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:07,109
There's a tiny little
room above your garage
235
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,453
that you've never noticed.
236
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:11,364
Until Marge forgives you,
you can hide out in there.
237
00:13:12,239 --> 00:13:13,908
Have you ever stayed up there?
238
00:13:13,985 --> 00:13:17,703
I haven't, but, uh, I did
rent it out to a nice Irish family.
239
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,585
Oh, Ma, this is the best place
we've ever lived.
240
00:13:24,662 --> 00:13:27,630
We only have to clean
Moe's bar for seven years,
241
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,599
and then we get our passports back.
242
00:13:53,968 --> 00:13:56,075
God bless Bart. God bless Mommy.
243
00:13:56,152 --> 00:13:59,054
God bless Santa. Santa bless God.
244
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,956
And especially God bless Daddy.
245
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,166
God, I don't know if you could do this,
246
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,627
but I want a different father.
247
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,117
I'm home.
248
00:14:12,762 --> 00:14:15,562
_
249
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,201
So cozy. Ooh, cheese!
250
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,703
Rat trap! Ow!
251
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,204
Ooh, more cheese.
252
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,206
Rat trap! Ow!
253
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,625
Ooh, rat trap!
254
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:47,919
Cheese! Ow!
255
00:14:47,995 --> 00:14:51,047
At least I haven't seen any spiders.
256
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:55,551
Cool. Now that I'm a bachelor again,
my hair is coming back.
257
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,228
Aah!
258
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:05,061
Hey, Lenny.
259
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,021
Yeah, I'm doing okay.
260
00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:09,073
You're living the life
you always dreamed of:
261
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:10,983
not being able to stand.
262
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:14,078
I'm so lonely I made a
Marge from insulation.
263
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:15,156
Mommy?
264
00:15:15,231 --> 00:15:17,073
Bart and I decided we'll give up
265
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,992
all our toys for Christmas
if Daddy can come back.
266
00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:21,494
But I'll need double on my birthday.
267
00:15:21,570 --> 00:15:22,828
Take it or leave it.
268
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,914
What's happened to you?
269
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:27,258
I'm becoming a jerk
because I have no dad.
270
00:15:27,335 --> 00:15:30,211
So you'll be better if he comes back?
271
00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:33,097
Maybe not,
but you won't get all the blame.
272
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,683
_
273
00:15:40,221 --> 00:15:41,235
_
274
00:15:41,590 --> 00:15:43,349
Well, I want him back, too.
275
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:44,892
Yay!
276
00:15:44,969 --> 00:15:47,436
I want him back,
but I need your father
277
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,355
to do one great thing.
278
00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:50,990
One thing to show
279
00:15:51,066 --> 00:15:53,492
that all the nonsense I
put up with has a point.
280
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:55,244
Now, we're going to go to midnight mass
281
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,037
without your father.
282
00:15:57,114 --> 00:15:59,415
Aw, missing church.
283
00:15:59,425 --> 00:16:02,209
This is the saddest
I've ever been happy.
284
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,106
One thing. One gesture.
285
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:17,032
I know!
286
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:20,728
I'll do the thing that
Christmas is really all about!
287
00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:22,905
Make cookies.
288
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:25,941
Dad made cookies!
289
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:26,953
Yay!
290
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,235
How many did you eat?
291
00:16:28,312 --> 00:16:30,946
Most but not all.
292
00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,615
Oh, that's wonderful!
293
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,001
Mwah.
294
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:43,584
No forgiveness, no cookies,
295
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:45,044
and I burned the good drapes
296
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,546
so we'll have to get corncob curtains.
297
00:16:48,731 --> 00:16:49,965
I need a miracle,
298
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,134
but those never happen at Christmas.
299
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,637
Contraction!
300
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,816
Oh, if only that pregnant
woman would stop that racket
301
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:00,151
so I could think.
302
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,935
You could deliver the baby.
303
00:17:01,972 --> 00:17:02,976
Wait, who are you?
304
00:17:03,013 --> 00:17:04,104
I'm your brain.
305
00:17:04,181 --> 00:17:05,564
How come I haven't
heard from you before?
306
00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:07,608
Your stomach gets all the blood.
307
00:17:07,684 --> 00:17:08,942
You shut up about that!
308
00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:10,402
I know where you live.
309
00:17:10,479 --> 00:17:12,154
Oh, the baby's coming.
310
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,615
Oh, wh-where's your father?
311
00:17:14,691 --> 00:17:17,668
He's delivering Christmas
turkeys to the poor.
312
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,328
That selfish jerk.
313
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,247
Did somebody order an unlikely hero?
314
00:17:22,324 --> 00:17:24,750
Maude, let's get you to the hospital.
315
00:17:25,623 --> 00:17:27,252
No. It's too late.
316
00:17:27,329 --> 00:17:30,339
Then I'll deliver this baby myself.
317
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:32,341
How are you gonna do that?
318
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,967
The same way I learned
319
00:17:34,044 --> 00:17:36,678
what the top ten bass solos
through history are...
320
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,522
through YouTube.
321
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:41,859
_
322
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,645
- _
- Oh, there's always a commercial.
323
00:17:44,721 --> 00:17:47,531
There will be a time, mark my words,
324
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:51,160
where the monkey attempts
to eat your face.
325
00:17:55,065 --> 00:17:56,990
If you've done everything correctly,
326
00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,827
your mother-to-be is calm and peaceful.
327
00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:02,955
Shut up. You know nothing.
328
00:18:03,031 --> 00:18:05,216
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get angry.
329
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,375
That's okay.
330
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,718
Of course it's okay!
331
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,640
Could you do me a favor?
332
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,298
- Anything.
- Pretend to be Ned.
333
00:18:15,043 --> 00:18:16,227
Okay.
334
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,753
Oodily doodily.
335
00:18:18,755 --> 00:18:21,223
Uh, no clownin', that baby's crownin'.
336
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,401
You're almost out of labor, neighbor.
337
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,978
No, no. The real Ned.
338
00:18:26,054 --> 00:18:28,397
Um, uh, uh, I'm a left-handed weirdo
339
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,065
with a cop mustache.
340
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,848
No. No, no, no.
341
00:18:32,102 --> 00:18:35,904
I mean the quiet,
wonderful man I married.
342
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:36,916
All right.
343
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,323
To help you deliver this baby,
344
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,367
I'll make the ultimate sacrifice.
345
00:18:40,444 --> 00:18:42,628
I'll act like a weenie.
346
00:18:43,739 --> 00:18:45,539
Maude, I know I'll love heaven
347
00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,708
because you've made one for me on Earth.
348
00:18:47,784 --> 00:18:50,970
Let's bring another
angel into this world.
349
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:55,007
Perfectly normal.
350
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:58,093
Eight fingers and eight toes.
351
00:18:58,128 --> 00:18:59,261
Aw.
352
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,679
How long have you been here?
353
00:19:00,756 --> 00:19:03,265
Long enough to see the man I married
354
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,601
is heroic and wise
355
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,228
and capable and brave
356
00:19:08,305 --> 00:19:09,855
- and...
- Give me my baby!
357
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:12,375
I guess it is mostly yours.
358
00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:15,277
- Here.
- Homie, you did great.
359
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,329
Mmm!
360
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,615
Oh, Maude.
361
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:20,782
I'm so sorry.
362
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:21,794
It's okay, Neddy.
363
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,702
I was in good hands.
364
00:19:23,779 --> 00:19:26,288
I redeemed myself at Christmas,
365
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,465
like the Grinch,
366
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,041
the Die Hard guy
367
00:19:29,117 --> 00:19:30,551
and Scrooged.
368
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:32,920
In honor of today,
369
00:19:32,996 --> 00:19:35,380
we're gonna name our son Homer.
370
00:19:36,456 --> 00:19:37,966
Uh... Todd Homer Flanders.
371
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,302
Todd's middle name is Homer?
372
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,816
Yep. And for similar reasons,
373
00:19:42,851 --> 00:19:45,100
Maggie's middle name is Lenny.
374
00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:49,478
But that's a story for
the next Arbor Day.
375
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,271
Well, I want to see your secret room.
376
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,065
Oh-oh-oh, not so fast, boy.
377
00:19:53,141 --> 00:19:55,567
First you have to tell
me one of your secrets.
378
00:19:55,644 --> 00:19:57,161
Okay. Not saying why,
379
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,530
but you might want to
get a new toothbrush.
380
00:20:01,358 --> 00:20:02,741
You, too, son.
381
00:20:02,818 --> 00:20:04,894
You, too.
382
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:11,250
And I found out something else
about the day you were born.
383
00:20:11,326 --> 00:20:12,751
What?
384
00:20:12,828 --> 00:20:14,962
You were born with a full set of teeth.
385
00:20:15,038 --> 00:20:16,347
And here they are!
386
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,017
Where are my dentures?!
387
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,593
I got a hot date tonight,
388
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,604
and I want to show off
by eatin' chicken.
389
00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:27,274
What am I doin' up there?
390
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:41,989
You think the kids can hear?
391
00:20:42,065 --> 00:20:44,533
No, no, everything up here
is totally soundproof.
392
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,028
Well, don't let me stop youse.
393
00:20:47,063 --> 00:20:48,546
What? What are you lookin' at?
394
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:53,293
_
395
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:56,794
_
396
00:20:56,797 --> 00:21:01,130
_
397
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:04,812
_
398
00:21:04,924 --> 00:21:09,113
_
399
00:21:09,246 --> 00:21:12,578
_
400
00:21:25,594 --> 00:21:29,026
_
401
00:21:29,983 --> 00:21:31,238
Shh!
402
00:21:34,097 --> 00:21:36,851
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