Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,001
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,013
♪
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,009
‐ Hey. Do you have anything that screams
"This guy watches golf"?
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:12,642
‐ Oh yeah.
5
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:15,638
This is from Samuel
by Sam Jackson for Kangol.
6
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,061
It's the exact model he wore
7
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,559
to the premiere
of his Capital One commercial.
8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,730
‐ Mmm. I love it
how you can wear it one way
9
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,729
and look like a newsboy
and another way and look like a bad boy.
10
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,482
‐ We patented that.
‐ Could we hurry this up?
11
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:27,744
Apparently this mall has some sort
of gap full of babies
12
00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:29,236
and a locker full of lady's feet.
13
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,198
I wanna see that stuff.
14
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,077
‐ Damn, Terry. Lookin' smooth as eggs.
15
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:35,825
‐ Oh!
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,077
Red Goobler got a gun!
17
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,460
‐ What the hell, Korvo?
You mangled my Kangol!
18
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,497
‐ Red Goobler?
19
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,750
Wait a hot fuckin' second,
20
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,671
I thought you killed
the Red Goobler last year?
21
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,210
After he hunted us
in the Halloween store?
22
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,763
R‐remember that whole thing?
‐ Yeah, I lied about killing him.
23
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,087
He got away,
and I kinda just thought
24
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,592
maybe he'd disappear like that eye
that used to be on my back.
25
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,264
‐ Damn it, Terry!
That eye is still there!
26
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,473
And so is the Red Goobler!
27
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:56,892
‐ Wait, what the fuck,
why is he so big?
28
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,060
Last time we saw him, he was
about the size of a softball.
29
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,229
Or like a fat baseball.
30
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,727
‐ I don't know, Terry,
he probably grows when I'm stressed out.
31
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,819
Or maybe he eats a lot.
Stop trying to poke holes.
32
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,685
‐ Well, sorry for trying
to be consistent.
33
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,740
‐ Wait, wait, wait, wait! I'm not trying
to kill you anymore, I swear!
34
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,029
‐ Oh please, then what's with that
sweet‐ass laser gun?
35
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,743
‐ It's just a barcode scanner.
36
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,753
I'm registering for my wedding.
37
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,542
‐ This trash isn't getting married.
Quick, Korvo, murder him!
38
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:23,751
Shoot him, shoot him,
shoot him, shoot him‐‐
39
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,420
‐ Gooby, what's going on?
‐ [sighs] This is my nightmare.
40
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,210
Jen, meet Terry and Korvo.
41
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,763
So yeah, um, Korvo birthed me
from his stress,
42
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:33,757
and I used to yell "get fucked"
and try to kill him.
43
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,140
I was a terrible, unhappy person
44
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:37,678
and, Korvo, I'm so sorry.
45
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:40,101
‐ You can shoot your apology
in the butt and bury it at sea.
46
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,100
‐ You're right,
I don't deserve forgiveness.
47
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,902
I live with the guilt
of how I treated you every day.
48
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,397
‐ You aren't
that guy anymore, Red.
49
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,478
‐ If I'm not,
it's because of you, Jen.
50
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,443
Jen pulled me
out of a dark place.
51
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,864
Now all I want to do is marry
this perfect woman,
52
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,073
wake up every day
and make her bread
53
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,833
with this Breville
Custom Loaf Bread Maker.
54
00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:58,866
[both moan]
55
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:02,829
‐ Uh, okay. Well, just don't aim
at me with a laser gun.
56
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,331
‐ Totally my fault.
Thanks for understanding.
57
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,384
Hey, I've been dreading this
for a while,
58
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,337
but it was honestly nice
running into you.
59
00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,838
‐ You too.
‐ Stay cool, brother.
60
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,681
‐ I didn't buy any of that
for a second. Did you?
61
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,796
‐ Oh, I totally bought it,
but my self‐esteem is so low
62
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,183
that I'll go along
with whatever you feel.
63
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,930
‐ He's a liar and he sucks.
‐ I know, right?
64
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,562
Fuck that little asshole!
65
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,138
‐ I love when you don't have
any conviction.
66
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,393
‐ Then I do too.
67
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,475
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
68
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,356
Until the asteroid hit.
69
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,991
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
70
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,066
and escaped into, uh, the space,
71
00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:37,492
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
72
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,158
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
73
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,871
That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.
74
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,621
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
75
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:47,043
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
76
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,502
[stammers]
This is ridiculous.
77
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,382
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
78
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,709
People are stupid.
They're always arguing about politics.
79
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,724
Everyone is so busy arguing
about politics,
80
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,006
but no one is talking about
how the Earth is an egg.
81
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,470
Why aren't they talking
about that?
82
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:01,970
♪
83
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,107
[whistle blows]
84
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,935
YUMYULACK: What is with
humans' obsession with fitness?
85
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,230
Haven't they figured out
that cardio causes cancer?
86
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,074
‐ Oh geez, we're running
the mile today?
87
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,949
I wore my fuck‐me pumps.
I can't run in them, they're rentals!
88
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,117
‐ I suck at it too.
89
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:21,235
My legs were made for operating
the left‐right orientation pedals
90
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,873
in a hunter kill star tripper,
not running in a circle.
91
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,871
‐ Eh, let's just walk it.
Nobody's gonna notice.
92
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,293
‐ Don't you remember
what happened last year?
93
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,542
[both panting]
‐ I'm gonna puke.
94
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:30,963
‐ A 15‐minute mile?
95
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:33,631
I am not letting you freaks
bring down the school average.
96
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:37,010
Our math and science budget is based
on how fast you little shits can move.
97
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,139
[blows whistle]
Everybody's running again!
98
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,346
And if you don't like doing it,
99
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:44,425
you can thank Mr. And Mrs. Kingdom
of the Crystal Fucking Skull over here.
100
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:47,393
[both grunting]
101
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,234
‐ My noogie rash just cleared up.
102
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,229
‐ That's it.
We are not doing this again.
103
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,781
Access cheating devices.
104
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,277
‐ Ooh, I didn't know you had
a pocket dimension.
105
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,570
‐ Pretty sweet, right?
‐ Yeah, maybe if it wasn't pink.
106
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,084
‐ You don't get
to choose the color!
107
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,870
‐ Wait, you're going to use
The Time Cheater helmet?
108
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:05,790
Isn't that cheating?
109
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,577
‐ Oh yeah, it's as cheating
as you can get.
110
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:11,461
‐ But, but all the after‐school programs
I watch say cheating never works!
111
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,710
‐ Look, you want people
to be mean to us all year? Hm?
112
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:16,172
Or do you wanna be cheaters
for one quick second?
113
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:20,013
‐ Well, alright,
but just this once.
114
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,470
We gotta be careful, too.
115
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,970
'Cause according to VeggieTales,
116
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,061
cheating will make you
a gay potato.
117
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,887
‐ That's a chance
I'm willing to take.
118
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,231
[sighs]
119
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,812
‐ What's with the helmets
and backpacks?
120
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,862
‐ Um, you're actually not allowed
to ask us about it
121
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:35,686
because they power
our gender identity or whatever.
122
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:38,822
‐ Fine. You two better blow me away
with your mile time this year,
123
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,280
or I will fucking kill you.
124
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,031
[gunshot]
[both panting]
125
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,788
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
126
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,957
♪
127
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:51,667
[both panting]
128
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:55,497
‐ You did the entire mile
in exactly one minute?
129
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,974
‐ That was fast, right?
So we can stop doing this stupid test?
130
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,085
‐ No! Of course you can't.
Because you two are obviously chee...
131
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,183
‐ Aw no, here it comes.
I knew it.
132
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,678
‐ The best runners we've ever had.
133
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:08,020
These beautiful aliens
are going to regionals!
134
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,396
‐ Regionals? Oh no. Are you sure
we aren't getting in over our head?
135
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,105
‐ Oh yeah. We definitely are.
136
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:16,065
‐ American Airlines? One ticket
to Regionals in Hawaii please.
137
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,146
WOMAN: [on phone]
Are you okay with coach?
138
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,490
‐ Am I okay with what?
WOMAN: Coach?
139
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,315
‐ Yes, I am the coach
and the principal.
140
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,910
‐ Uh, no, I mean economy.
141
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:23,235
‐ We all know the economy's great,
142
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,120
but you're not talking me
into an expensive ticket.
143
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:26,657
WOMAN:
Let's start over: Nonstop?
144
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,250
‐ Wow, okay.
[deep breath]
145
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,905
[speaking rapidly] One ticket to regionals
in your finest seat please.
146
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,213
I'd like to pay with a credit card
ending in 7624.
147
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,997
WOMAN: I'm just going to put you
in first class to end this conversation.
148
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,251
‐ Works every time.
149
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:41,545
‐ That swole tomato's up to something,
I can feel it in my mound.
150
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:42,760
We need to be ready
for an attack.
151
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,429
‐ I'm going to take
half my suicide pills now
152
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:46,678
and save the other half
for when he tortures us.
153
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,640
[gulps]
[doorbell rings]
154
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,729
[gasps]
‐ If you're a Girl Scout, say it now,
155
00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:50,845
and I will still shoot you.
156
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,141
‐ It's Jen!
‐ Please don't kill us!
157
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,354
‐ Not even!
Sorry for dropping by unannounced,
158
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,694
I just really need
to ask you guys for a favor.
159
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,280
‐ Let me guess, you want us
to shoot ourselves through our throats?
160
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,146
Well, fat chance!
161
00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:03,862
‐ Uh, no. I‐I was wondering if you two
would come to our wedding?
162
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,489
‐ It's a trap, Terry, run!
163
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,450
‐ No, stop.
Gooby doesn't know I'm here.
164
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,541
You guys are the closest thing
he has to family.
165
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,116
If you came to our wedding,
it might let him
166
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,831
finally make peace with his past.
167
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,541
‐ Attend a Red Goobler wedding?
168
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,711
Ha. No fucking way.
169
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,300
‐ Listen, as long as that goobler's
got something else in his life,
170
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,336
he won't be trying to cut out your eyes
and shit in your mouth.
171
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,840
‐ You might have a point.
Your annual one good idea.
172
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,892
‐ Nuh‐uh, I had a good idea
last week! Remember?
173
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,676
I raised money for our frat
by selling pies,
174
00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,349
but the bottom of the pie tin
had a naked picture
175
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:30,718
of the Alpha Beta's girlfriends?
176
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,564
That's why we sold so many pies?
The whole pie thing? Remember?
177
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,020
‐ I will attend your ceremony,
178
00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:38,020
to trick the Red Goobler into being happy
so he won't hurt me anymore.
179
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:41,033
‐ Fine, but can you also not be
this weird at the wedding?
180
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,066
My mom's gonna there and‐‐
181
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,489
‐ Shut up.
There's only one problem:
182
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,697
you're far too basic
to keep Red Goobler satisfied.
183
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,117
And if you break up, he'll become
more dangerous than ever before.
184
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,116
‐ I'm engaged to a goobler.
I'm as not basic as they come.
185
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,869
‐ Your name is Jen,
you're very forgettable.
186
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,001
Where do you shop,
T. J. Minimum?
187
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,918
‐ Sure he loves you now,
but once he's sick of you
188
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,957
like we already are,
it's back to hunting me!
189
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:01,211
‐ I'm starting to understand
why Red hates you.
190
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:02,463
Ah! What the hell?
‐ Quick, Terry,
191
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,054
go grab
the Rad Awesome Terrific Ray!
192
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,299
‐ On it! Ah!
193
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,468
‐ Terry, help!
194
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:12,811
This Lululemon basic ho is kicking my ass
in the most boring way possible!
195
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,388
Shoot her with
the Rad Awesome Terrific Ray!
196
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,273
‐ What the hell is that!
197
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,649
‐ Hold still, this ray's gonna
make you terrific and some other stuff.
198
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,226
‐ Don't you dare shoot me with that!
I'll sue you!
199
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,732
‐ She's getting basic‐er
by the second!
200
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:28,374
[squeaks]
201
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,775
‐ Give me that.
202
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,743
You used the wrong ray!
This is the Rat Ray!
203
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,663
We needed the R‐A‐T Ray.
204
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,664
It's right there, you idiot.
205
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,424
Can't you read?
‐ Of course I can.
206
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,496
RON HOWARD: He can't.
[Arrested Development sting]
207
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,251
‐ Why would you put them
in order of first letter?
208
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,803
‐ It's alphabetical, Terry!
‐ Oh my god. What does that mean?
209
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,467
Ahh!
‐ Shit! Grab her, grab her!
210
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,137
Oh my god, Terry, if we don't get her back
in time for the wedding,
211
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,465
the Red Goobler
will hunt us for sure!
212
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,179
‐ Fuck! Okay, okay, okay,
I'll find her and de‐rat her
213
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,771
while you keep
the Red Goobler distracted.
214
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:54,925
Come out, Jen.
215
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:58,233
We can go to a coffee shop
that has a painting of wings on a wall,
216
00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:00,688
you can pose
in front of it, so fun.
217
00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,069
Get the fuck out here!
♪ ice cream truck music playing ♪
218
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,606
Ice cream break.
219
00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:06,527
[squeaking]
220
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:07,608
I want a Sonic pop.
221
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,163
Not the new design
Twitter bullied them into. The original!
222
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,237
Oh no,
that's too complicated.
223
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,291
Give me a Ninja Turtle pop
from the second of the first movies
224
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,365
but not from the cartoons!
225
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,369
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Rat Jen, no!
226
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,621
Ring me up!
Come on, let's go.
227
00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,003
Go, ninja!
Go, ninja, go!
228
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,541
♪ jazz music playing ♪
229
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:25,054
♪
230
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,429
♪
231
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,715
[slot machines beeping]
[coins clattering]
232
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,218
‐ Welcome to your bachelor party!
233
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,602
‐ Red already had one of these
a month ago.
234
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:36,268
We built an orphanage
in Nicaragua.
235
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,186
‐ Goddammit, Tanner!
You're always undercutting me.
236
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:38,935
‐ Who are you?
237
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:41,606
‐ I'm the guy who dropped
mucho shekels on a penthouse suite.
238
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:43,185
And not to distract you
from anything,
239
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,690
only because
I love hospitality.
240
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,861
‐ Oh, that's amazing, Korvo!
Thank you!
241
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,400
This is a dream come true.
242
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,323
Ever since I saw
Wedding Crashers,
243
00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:52,912
I've wanted to have
a Hangover‐themed bachelor party.
244
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,948
‐ It's your big night, baby.
[clattering]
245
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,292
[baby wailing, tiger growling]
‐ Hangover stuff!
246
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,577
[growls]
‐ Whoa!
247
00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:00,790
‐ This is the last night
before Red Goobler sells his land
248
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,001
to Jen's family
in exchange for her dusty womb.
249
00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,171
Let's make it one
to remember!
250
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,209
‐ Hell yeah! Let me just
check in with Jen,
251
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,133
and then we can hit the fl‐‐
252
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,969
‐ No phones, bro!
Bachelor party rules!
253
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,718
Let's hit the strip Indiana Jones
passage of time style!
254
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,061
Cocaine for everyone!
255
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,676
Brrrr!
[sniffing]
256
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,643
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh yeah.
257
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:23,023
♪
258
00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:33,619
‐ Wow. Regionals is everything
I thought it would be.
259
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,575
Alright, you filthy fucking aliens,
if you guys win,
260
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,156
we're gonna be drowning
in Hawaiian pussy.
261
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,833
Do this for me.
262
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,672
‐ Oh no, oh man.
There are so many people here.
263
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:43,956
We're gonna get caught
for sure.
264
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,879
‐ Okay, look, I'll dial back
the Cheater device.
265
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:47,798
That way, we can compete
but still lose.
266
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,626
Then we'll just sip Mai Tais
on the beach
267
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,801
while Cooke gets
his rocks off.
268
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,049
‐ Okay.
269
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,680
ANNOUNCER: [on speakers]
On your marks. Get set.
270
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:55,932
[gunshot]
271
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,933
[panting]
272
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,524
‐ Holy fuck! Yes!
273
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,149
[crowd cheering]
274
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:05,305
‐ Thirty seconds?
You son of a bitch!
275
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:06,864
We went even faster that time!
276
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,357
‐ Shit! I must've adjusted it
the wrong way!
277
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,438
‐ Maybe nobody noticed!
[clears throat]
278
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,704
‐ Excuse me, I couldn't help
but notice you two‐‐
279
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,946
‐ Oh god, we're so sorry.
280
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,658
A homeless guy in a Hulu sweatshirt
made us do it!
281
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,210
We don't even like going fast.
282
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:23,535
‐ Stacy Grabowski,
this is my partner Flart.
283
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,000
We're with
the Federal Student Athlete Police.
284
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:28,211
There's something suspicious
going on here.
285
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,382
‐ D‐uh. What do you mean?
286
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,959
‐ It's suspicious that
287
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,634
you two aren't running
in the Olympics!
288
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:33,973
You're so fast!
289
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,797
‐ Holy shit. I saw that coming
a mile away. Get it?
290
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,563
‐ We're here scouting
for the US Teen Olympic track team,
291
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,266
and we just need you
on our roster.
292
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,096
The race is this Sunday
in Moscow.
293
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:46,191
‐ Now we'll finally be able to beat
those no‐good cheatin' Russians
294
00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:50,028
with the most morally sound pair
of supersonic American children!
295
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,645
‐ Ruskie Pusskie,
here we comski!
296
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:53,703
‐ Mm, yeah.
297
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,659
‐ [slurring] We're doing a blood pact.
298
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,328
Hurry before I get dizzy.
299
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,453
[all gasp]
Shit, sorry,
300
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,793
I forgot how much my blood
loves the taste of human blood.
301
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,333
Classic Vegas moment.
302
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,173
[squeaking]
303
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,667
‐ Jen, get that tight rat ass
back here, girl!
304
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,133
Ooh, that's right,
305
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:14,049
it's the entire series
of Terriers on Blu‐Ray.
306
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,259
Rats love Terriers, don't you?
307
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,970
There you go. Good girl.
308
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:19,680
They should have
never canceled it.
309
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,100
What the fuck
were they thinking?
310
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:23,098
Nah. Ah, damn it!
Which one is Jen?
311
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,600
Ah, they all have great asses!
312
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,311
Goddammit.
Okay, Terry, buckle down.
313
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,441
This is your moment to shine.
I will not rest until‐‐
314
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:29,898
Ooh, ice cream!
315
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,689
‐ Weird how he yelled,
"I'm invincible!"
316
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,153
before proving
the exact opposite.
317
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,492
‐ You put in six bullets!
318
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,987
Don't you know
how to play Russian Roulette?
319
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,579
‐ No, I don't. I thought I'd figure it out
as we went along.
320
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:41,485
And now I know.
Less bullets, got it.
321
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:42,793
Don't worry,
I can fix this.
322
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,203
‐ [gasps] Whoa!
323
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,293
‐ I don't want to go
into too much detail here,
324
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:48,790
but, uh, it turns out
only some dogs go to Heaven.
325
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,252
The other dogs are racist.
[whispers] White dogs.
326
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:54,173
♪
327
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:55,923
‐ Come on, come on.
[grunting]
328
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,514
[rats squeaking]
329
00:11:57,509 --> 00:11:59,719
Ahh, why didn't I just do two trips?
330
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,466
Hopefully, none
of those were Jen.
331
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,595
AISHA, I need a machine
that puts wedding dresses on rats.
332
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,691
AISHA:
Oooh! That's machine 25.
333
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:14,479
‐ Come on, where are you,
you basic bride.
334
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,114
Probably buying a rug
at Cost Plus World Market.
335
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,414
[laughter]
336
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,117
‐ What a night
of distracting activities!
337
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:25,907
‐ I haven't had to bury a body
in the desert in quite some time.
338
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,793
Thank you for tonight.
I know you put a lot of thought into it.
339
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,460
‐ Anything for you, Red Goobler.
340
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:33,299
‐ Hey, would it be crazy
if I changed my name to Chris?
341
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:36,625
‐ It's a strong, beautiful name.
It suits you... Chris.
342
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:38,382
‐ Here. Let me see your hand.
343
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,433
‐ Ooh, your hands are so warm.
344
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,757
‐ Look at your stress line.
345
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,562
It begins at your palm
and travels all the way to your heart.
346
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,056
‐ Mm. That feels good.
347
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,404
Are we doing this?
348
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,778
[rhythmic wailing]
‐ Hey! Hey! Dude. Buddy.
349
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,356
Come on, wake up.
I need my stuff!
350
00:12:57,361 --> 00:13:00,161
Ugh. How is he sleeping
through that alarm, it's like blaring.
351
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:02,525
[wailing gets louder]
352
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,869
‐ I told you you'd get fucked.
353
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,001
‐ Uhh, I didn't know
it was foreshadowing.
354
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,328
[both laugh]
355
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,464
‐ Oh God,
I just cheated on Jen,
356
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,751
and I don't regret it!
357
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,304
Does that mean
we shouldn't get married?
358
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,007
‐ No. You still need to get married.
359
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,087
To me! We're Runaway Bride‐ing this shit!
360
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,644
[glass shatters]
[both laughing]
361
00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,433
‐ Ugh. This is it. We're done.
362
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,354
Someone's gonna find out
we're big cheaters
363
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:34,023
and then they're gonna kill us
just like they did with Lance Armstrong.
364
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,612
‐ He wasn't killed,
they just took one nut.
365
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,237
‐ But we don't have any nuts!
What are they gonna take?
366
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,735
‐ Maybe this isn't as big
of a deal as it feels.
367
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:42,697
Nobody pays attention
to the Teen Olympics.
368
00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:44,068
I haven't even heard of it before.
369
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:46,986
‐ Michelle Obama?
370
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,374
‐ Jesse, Yummy!
371
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:51,000
My two American superstars.
372
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,828
‐ Um, hi. What's up, MO?
373
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,253
‐ Ever since I became President
in this timeline,
374
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:57,342
I've been looking for heroes.
375
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,297
You two are the image
of honesty and integrity,
376
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:03,549
which is why I bet
the entire US treasury
377
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,102
on you to win today.
378
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,635
‐ Aw, man, that's legal?
‐ Hell yeah.
379
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,978
Bush was riding high after 9/11,
and he lost it all on WrestleMania.
380
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:14,095
‐ So the entire fate of the country
relies on us winning honestly?
381
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,774
‐ Yes. And if you lose,
we'll have to close America,
382
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:19,533
and everyone in the world
will know it's your fault.
383
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,195
‐ I'll admit this has gone way too far.
‐ You think?
384
00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:25,948
‐ Let's just say we didn't eat
enough McDonald's
385
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:28,159
so now we have explosive diarrhea
and can't run.
386
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,080
‐ No. Enough is enough.
387
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,618
We can't just keep cheating
and hoping nobody kills us.
388
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:34,673
This is done.
‐ You're so right.
389
00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,706
It's time for us
to stand up and come clean.
390
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,340
This charade ends now.
391
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:41,797
Because what good is the fame,
the money, the sex,
392
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,588
the American Express commercials
with Tina Fey and Michael Che?
393
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,143
♪ patriotic music playing ♪
394
00:14:46,637 --> 00:14:49,927
‐ You've won the hearts
of millions with your speed
395
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:52,182
but mostly with your integrity.
396
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:53,274
‐ Thank you.
‐ You betcha.
397
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:55,598
‐ All of us in the country
have chipped in
398
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,944
to get you a little present.
399
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,860
Ten million dollars!
400
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,028
A million for each second you took
to run the mile today.
401
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,568
Woo! So fast.
402
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,571
[people cheering]
[Pupa sobbing]
403
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:10,793
‐ We should've done this sooner.
404
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:12,576
I've been searching
for a life‐mate for years
405
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,459
not knowing one was
inside me all along.
406
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,956
‐ I'm yours forever, Korvy.
407
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:18,088
‐ Quick, love, Apple Maps
the nearest chapel.
408
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:21,045
‐ There's a fast casual Mormon castle
two miles away.
409
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:24,546
‐ Perfect! Let's listen to a podcast
together, as a couple, while we drive.
410
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:28,140
PODCASTER: Today, we'll be talking
about the sound of brass.
411
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:28,926
Brass tones‐‐
412
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,679
‐ Can we, uh, listen
to something else?
413
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:31,971
‐ Come on, give it a chance.
414
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,314
‐ If this is going to work,
we need to be honest with each other.
415
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,649
And I honestly hate everything
about this podcast.
416
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:39,815
‐ Fine, my sweet.
What do you want to listen to?
417
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,438
JOE ROGAN:
See, Ayahuasca might actually be
418
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,322
the tree of life
we've been searching for.
419
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,609
The healing properties
are astronomical.
420
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,913
Free guns don't come free.
You have to lick feet.
421
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,657
‐ This guy sucks!
I don't like this.
422
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:53,369
‐ What? Joe Rogan is
our generation's Maya Angelou.
423
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,500
‐ Our generation already has
a Maya Angelou.
424
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:56,417
It's Mark Cuban!
425
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,165
‐ Hey, hun?
‐ Yes, darling?
426
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,086
‐ I love you,
but you sound like an asshole
427
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,295
when you say stuff like that.
428
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:03,125
‐ How can I sound like an asshole
when I don't even have one?
429
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,470
Also, what were you fucking me in
earlier in that one scene?
430
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,835
[gasps] Dammit, I'm gooblering!
See what you made me do?
431
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,223
‐ Well, you liked what I made you do
last night, slut!
432
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:15,643
‐ This isn't gonna work, is it, Chris?
‐ I'm afraid it isn't.
433
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:19,523
What have I done? I can't believe
I ruined what I had with Jen.
434
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,941
I'm an idiot.
I al‐‐ I always do this.
435
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,150
‐ Maybe it's not too late.
436
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,610
May‐‐ maybe we can get you back
for the wedding.
437
00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:26,450
‐ We don't have time.
‐ We have plenty of‐‐
438
00:16:26,445 --> 00:16:29,485
Shit! We gotta hurry! I forgot time
always moves forward on this planet.
439
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,449
[tires squealing]
440
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,533
[horn blaring]
441
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:33,954
RED GOOBLER:
You're such a bad driver.
442
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,082
‐ I fucking hate you.
443
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,042
‐ [sighs] Tell me about yourself.
444
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,829
‐ Squeeeeeeee.
445
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,082
‐ Wait. Jen?
‐ Reee, reee, squeee.
446
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:41,964
‐ Dammit! You're a rat.
447
00:16:42,461 --> 00:16:43,421
‐ Squeeee.
448
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,090
‐ Fuck it! I just have
to make you awesome.
449
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,628
Red Goobler won't even notice
the difference.
450
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,005
‐ Ree. Reeee.
451
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,140
‐ Squee, squee.
452
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,386
‐ That's it,
you guys sound cool as hell!
453
00:16:55,349 --> 00:16:56,349
‐ Hey, just want to say again,
454
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,230
congrats on winning everything
one could win
455
00:16:58,227 --> 00:16:59,557
and doing it without cheating.
456
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,055
‐ Ugh, I can't take it anymore!
457
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,484
When are we going
to learn a lesson?
458
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:05,652
‐ Usually getting away with things
makes me feel good,
459
00:17:05,651 --> 00:17:06,691
but this blows.
460
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,073
Getting into USC as a long snapper
was the last straw.
461
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,451
‐ Usually at this point in our adventures,
we've learned a lesson.
462
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,279
I feel like ants are crawling
on my skin.
463
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,794
Is it cold? Is it hot?
Oh god, I'm sweating and freezing!
464
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,207
‐ We're in lesson withdrawal!
465
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,745
We're gonna keep feeling this way
unless we learn some lesson.
466
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,539
‐ But how? What can we do?
467
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,043
‐ Wait! This whole time,
we've been cheating.
468
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,714
But what if cheated
even more than ever before
469
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,683
and used another sci‐fi device
to double down on cheating?
470
00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:31,295
Do we have anything
that teaches a lesson?
471
00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:33,601
‐ Well, we do have
that Lesson‐alyzer helmet,
472
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:36,005
but, I mean, we don't wanna
use that, do we?
473
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,604
[rumbling]
474
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,269
[bell dings]
475
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:40,936
Did it work?
Did you learn a lesson?
476
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,056
‐ Oh yeah, and it feels amazing.
477
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,403
I learned "Don't count your chickens
before they hatch."
478
00:17:45,399 --> 00:17:47,189
‐ Oooh!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
479
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,898
[bell dings]
Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.
480
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,203
‐ What did you get?
‐ "Beer before liquor, never sicker."
481
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,617
‐ Oh, that's a good one.
482
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,445
‐ You want another hit?
‐ Yeah, fuck yeah.
483
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,450
‐ I need your help moving
15 to 20 rat women
484
00:17:57,452 --> 00:17:58,662
to a Red Goobler wedding. Come on!
485
00:17:58,662 --> 00:18:00,662
‐ That's the most Solar Opposites thing
I've ever heard.
486
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,584
[bell dings]
‐ Ohhh yeah.
487
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,003
"The thicker the cushion,
the sweeter the pushin'."
488
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:07,172
I gotta remember that
when I'm at the couch store.
489
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,264
♪ church organ music playing ♪
490
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:12,176
♪
491
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:14,966
‐ We must never speak about
what happened in that hotel room.
492
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,056
I'm talking about the fucking.
493
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,555
‐ No shit, you idiot.
Why would you bring that up right now?
494
00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:20,638
I'm about to get married.
495
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,402
‐ Sorry, I just hope that you
and Jen stay happily married,
496
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:25,105
keeping us safe
from your repressed rage.
497
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,395
[door opens]
498
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,148
♪
499
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:34,284
[squeaking]
500
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:38,616
‐ Multiple brides?
Are we doing a YouTube thing?
501
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:41,209
[crowd gasping, screaming]
Jen! Which one's Jen?
502
00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:43,535
‐ Aw, man, if you don't know,
then I definitely don't.
503
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,210
‐ She's not here!
Who the hell are these brides?
504
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:47,960
‐ Terry, what the hell?
You‐‐ you didn't find her?
505
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,801
‐ What do you mean "find her"?
What the fuck is going on?
506
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:51,967
‐ Oh wow, where to begin.
507
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,425
I turned that bitch into a rat.
508
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:54,375
‐ What?
[bell dings]
509
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:56,894
‐ "Ass, grass, or gas.
Nobody rides for free."
510
00:18:56,887 --> 00:19:00,097
‐ Fuck you, you Shlorpian shit bags!
You've ruined my life!
511
00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:01,308
‐ You know what,
screw you, Red Chris!
512
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,268
You pillow talk told me
you didn't really love Jen.
513
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,688
‐ Yeah, this wasn't our fault‐‐
Wait, pillow talk?
514
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,357
Did you two doink?
‐ Nothing. Forget it.
515
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,066
We banged. Shut up about it.
[bell dings]
516
00:19:09,066 --> 00:19:12,356
‐ The best way to cope
with stress is to confront it.
517
00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:15,661
Only then can you truly be happy.
518
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:18,196
Or at least satisfied a little bit.
519
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,410
‐ She's right.
You are my stress, Red Goobler.
520
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:23,910
I, I should have never gotten caught up
trying to manage you or work with you.
521
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:25,504
I have to set boundaries.
522
00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:26,749
By lasering your ass!
523
00:19:27,543 --> 00:19:29,043
‐ Ah!
[crowd screaming]
524
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:32,839
‐ Get fucked!
525
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,382
‐ Goddammit, now we're back
where we started.
526
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:37,264
‐ But we all learned a valuable lesson.
527
00:19:37,261 --> 00:19:38,721
At least you did, about stress,
528
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,390
and I guess the replicants did
about cheating.
529
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:41,639
I‐I didn't learn anything at all.
530
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,810
‐ Give Terry the lesson helmet
531
00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,558
so he can learn a lesson
like the rest of us.
532
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:46,602
[rumbling]
533
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:47,273
[bell dings]
‐ Whoa,
534
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:48,811
I just learned that sometimes
535
00:19:48,814 --> 00:19:51,284
emotional stories don't fit
into a rigid structure,
536
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:53,565
and you just have to embrace the chaos
and not worry about it.
537
00:19:53,569 --> 00:19:55,239
‐ As a family.
538
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,945
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
539
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,470
♪
540
00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:22,055
‐ If you feel like you haven't learned
a lesson, please visit
541
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:26,185
www.thesolaropposites.com/lessonalyzer.
542
00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:28,935
You get the first lesson for free,
but it's on the honor system after that.
543
00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,397
So you have to send us money.
544
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,607
And if you agree to send the money,
then you've learned a lesson.
545
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:35,438
And if you don't, well, you're a dick
that steals from cartoons.
546
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:38,994
♪
547
00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:41,489
♪ theme music playing ♪
548
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:45,701
♪
549
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:24,825
[mimicking laser fire]
44226
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof