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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,534
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:08,868
( theme music playing )
3
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,434
( laughing )
4
00:00:53,534 --> 00:00:56,467
Becky: MOM, WE'REWATCHING SHOCK THEATRE.
5
00:00:56,467 --> 00:00:58,434
DAD SAID IT'S REALLY SCARY.
6
00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,601
MAYBE WE CAN
TURN OUT THE LIGHTS
7
00:01:00,601 --> 00:01:03,701
AND BURN SOME CANDLES.
8
00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:05,834
YOU WANT THE NEIGHBORS
TO FIND OUT
9
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:07,834
WE'RE DEVIL WORSHIPPERS?
10
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,400
DAD SAID I COULD WATCH
SHOCK THEATER.
11
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,067
OH, HE DID, DID HE?
12
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,901
ME AND MY MAN
ARE GONNA GET SHOCKED.
13
00:01:13,901 --> 00:01:15,567
OVER MY DEAD BODY.
14
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,934
BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER,
15
00:01:17,934 --> 00:01:20,934
WE'LL BE UP TO OUR NECKS
IN DEAD BODIES.
16
00:01:20,934 --> 00:01:22,400
( laughs maniacally )
17
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,701
D.J., YOU DON'T WANT TO
WATCH ALL THAT SCARY STUFF.
18
00:01:25,701 --> 00:01:27,334
THAT'LL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES.
19
00:01:27,334 --> 00:01:28,234
NO, IT WON'T.
20
00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:29,834
WELL, THEY GIVE ME NIGHTMARES.
21
00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,567
HEY DAD, WE GONNA WORK
ON THE BOAT TOMORROW?
22
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:33,901
YOU BET.I FIGURE WE CAN
PUT IN A COUPLE OF RIBS,
23
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:35,834
AND GET 'EM SANDED DOWN
REAL GOOD.
24
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,400
GEE, I ONLY WISH YOU WERE AS
INTERESTED IN YOUR HOMEWORK
25
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,400
AS YOU ARE IN WORKING ON
THAT DAMN BOAT.
26
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,868
HEY, I DO MY HOMEWORK.
27
00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:45,567
GET OFF MY BACK!
28
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:47,067
I GOT DIBS ON THE COUCH.
29
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:49,167
YOU'RE NOT HOGGING
THE WHOLE THING, LARD BUTT.
30
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:50,767
Becky: HEY DEEJ,CAN I HAVE THE SALT?
31
00:01:50,767 --> 00:01:53,167
- HEY, YOU.
- WHO, ME?
32
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:56,167
YEAH.WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE DOING,
33
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,601
LETTING HIM STAY UP LATE
TO WATCH ALL THIS TRASH?
34
00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:02,000
HONEY, THIS IS
CLASSIC TRASH.
35
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,300
BESIDES, I WASN'T THAT MUCH
OLDER THAN THE LAD THERE
36
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,033
WHEN I SAW
MY FIRST SHOCKER.
37
00:02:06,033 --> 00:02:08,167
YEAH, AND LOOK
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.
38
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,067
KNOCK IT OFF, COUNT.
39
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,167
BESIDES, I'M GONNA BE SITTING
NEXT TO HIM THE WHOLE TIME.
40
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,067
HE'S PROBABLY GONNA FALL ASLEEP
BEFORE THE FIRST COMMERCIAL.
41
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:18,501
- WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?
- I'M WORRIED HE'S GONNA BE
42
00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:20,567
SLEEPING BETWEEN US
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
43
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:23,834
IT'S STARTING, DAD.
COME ON, WE NEED YOU.
44
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,634
( sinister laughter )
45
00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:28,501
D.J., WAKE UP,
IT'S STARTING.
46
00:02:28,501 --> 00:02:30,100
Roseanne:
NOW, COME ON, DAN,
47
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:33,167
WE'RE MISSING A CHANCE TO GIVE
THIS FAMILY A DOSE OF CULTURE.
48
00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:36,234
SORRY, BABE,
KIDS WANT VAMPIRES.
49
00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:38,300
MOB RULES.
50
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:40,801
INSTEAD OF WATCHING
THE THING THAT WOULDN'T DIE,
51
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:42,434
ON THE THING
THAT WOULDN'T DIE,
52
00:02:42,434 --> 00:02:44,434
WHY DON'T WE ALL
DO SOMETHING TOGETHER?
53
00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:46,534
WE ARE DOING
SOMETHING TOGETHER.
54
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,467
I WONDER WHAT PEOPLE DID
BEFORE TELEVISION.
55
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,501
THEY MADE DOLLS
OUT OF CORN COBS,
56
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,734
AND STARED AT FIRE.
57
00:02:58,934 --> 00:03:00,667
Darlene: MOM?
58
00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,100
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
59
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,901
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
60
00:03:04,901 --> 00:03:06,767
WHAT'S WRONG?
61
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:08,634
I DON'T KNOW.
62
00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:09,834
( sighs )
63
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,567
YOU HAVE A HEADACHE?
64
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:14,100
- NO.
- OR A STOMACH ACHE?
65
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,734
NO.
66
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:21,400
YOU WORRIED ABOUT MAKING
THE MORTGAGE PAYMENT?
67
00:03:22,601 --> 00:03:25,100
NO.
68
00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:27,834
COME HERE.
69
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,567
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
A FEVER,
70
00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:44,367
SO I GUESS YOU'RE NOT GONNA
PERISH IN THE NIGHT.
71
00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:46,901
I JUST CAN'T
GET BACK TO SLEEP.
72
00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:49,367
DID YOU HAVE A NIGHTMARE?
73
00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:51,534
MAYBE.
74
00:03:51,534 --> 00:03:54,534
WAS IT IN TURN-OF-
THE-CENTURY VIENNA?
75
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,534
NO.
76
00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:58,334
WHAT WAS IT ABOUT?
77
00:03:58,334 --> 00:04:00,367
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
78
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:02,767
( sighs )
79
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:07,000
DARLENE, DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'RE A LITTLE OLD FOR THIS?
80
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,234
I DON'T WANT TO GO
BACK TO MY ROOM.
81
00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:12,400
CAN'T I STAY HERE,
JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE?
82
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,667
JUST UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP?
83
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,133
( groans ) OH, YOU DON'T
WANT TO SLEEP HERE, HONEY.
84
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:19,100
TRUST ME.
85
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:22,100
DADDY DOESN'T EVEN LIKE
SHARING THE BED WITH ME.
86
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,601
( groaning )
87
00:04:23,601 --> 00:04:26,801
OH, I KNOW.
I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
88
00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:29,801
COME ON, I'LL TAKE YOU
BACK UP TO YOUR ROOM.
89
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,467
- DAN?
- YEAH.
90
00:04:36,467 --> 00:04:38,434
REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID
YOU'D BE RESPONSIBLE
91
00:04:38,434 --> 00:04:40,734
FOR WHATEVER
HAPPENED TONIGHT?
92
00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:42,100
UH-HUH.
93
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,133
DARLENE'S UP, AND SHE CAN'T
GO BACK TO SLEEP.
94
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:45,934
( groans )
95
00:04:45,934 --> 00:04:48,601
SO ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
TAKE HER BACK UP TO HER ROOM
96
00:04:48,601 --> 00:04:50,767
AND GET HER
A DRINK OF WATER.
97
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:54,400
TUCK HER IN AND MAKE SURE
SHE GETS BACK TO SLEEP.
98
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,167
OKAY.
99
00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:59,734
ALL RIGHT, HONEY, COME ON.
LET'S GO.
100
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,267
I DON'T THINK
I CAN FALL ASLEEP.
101
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:05,434
YOU WANT ME
TO TELL YOU THE STORY
ABOUT HOW I MET DADDY?
102
00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:07,367
THAT MIGHT DO IT.
103
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:11,167
CAN'T I SLEEP ON THE COUCH?
104
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:15,667
NO.DARLENE, YOUR NIGHTMARE'S
NOT GONNA COME BACK.
105
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:19,868
AND EVEN IF IT DOES,
YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.
106
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:22,367
I'M IN THE BOOK.
107
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:24,868
I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP.
108
00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:27,000
( sighs )
109
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,100
TELL ME WHAT YOU
DREAMT ABOUT, HONEY.
110
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,267
YOU MIGHT FEEL BETTER
IF YOU TALK ABOUT IT.
111
00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:34,567
IT WAS SCARY.
112
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:37,067
DREAMS ARE NOTHING
TO BE AFRAID OF.
113
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:38,601
IT'S JUST WHEN
YOU'RE ASLEEP,
114
00:05:38,601 --> 00:05:39,901
THERE'S THIS
PART OF YOUR BRAIN
115
00:05:39,901 --> 00:05:42,200
THAT JUST SITS AROUND
TELLING STORIES.
116
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,067
YOU MEAN LIKE GRANDPA?
117
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,501
TELL ME WHAT YOU DREAMT.
118
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:53,567
NO, FORGET ABOUT IT.
I DON'T WANT TO.
119
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:56,100
ARE YOU OKAY, HONEY?
120
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:58,934
I GUESS.
121
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,200
SURE YOU ARE.
122
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,534
YOU JUST LAY HERE
AND CLOSE YOUR EYES,
123
00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:07,067
AND YOU'LL BE ASLEEP
IN NO TIME.
124
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,434
MOM!
125
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:09,968
WHAT?
126
00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:11,434
NOTHING.
127
00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:14,567
DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE
WITH YOU FOR AWHILE?
128
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:17,934
OKAY, MOVE OVER.
129
00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:22,200
OKAY, LIFT UP YOUR HEAD HERE.
130
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,467
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
131
00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:30,634
GIVE ME THIS DAMN THING.
132
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:34,667
OKAY.
133
00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:38,501
SO IT WAS
THE SPRING OF 1971.
134
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,734
AND I'M COMING
OUT OF SCHOOL,
135
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,901
AND THERE'S THIS LIKE
REALLY GREAT-LOOKING GUY
136
00:06:42,901 --> 00:06:45,167
STANDING THERE, YOU KNOW.
AND HE'S WEARING THIS
137
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,968
REALLY COOL VARSITY JACKET
AND EVERYTHING.
138
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:50,934
AND HE'S CUSSING OUT
HIS MOTORCYCLE, YOU KNOW,
139
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:54,934
'CAUSE IT WOULDN'T START.
SO I GO OVER THERE AND...
140
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:56,133
( breathing deeply )
141
00:06:58,067 --> 00:06:59,968
DARLENE?
142
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:05,367
THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
143
00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:09,167
NOTHING.
GO BACK TO SLEEP!
144
00:07:10,467 --> 00:07:12,801
Becky: DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE
145
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:15,434
MOST GROSSINATINGPART OF THE MOVIE WAS?
146
00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:19,100
NO, BUT I GOT A FEELING
I'M GONNA FIND OUT.
147
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,133
DEFINITELY WHEN THE VAMPIRE
148
00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:23,167
THREW UP AFTER
EATING THE JUDGE.
149
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,067
I'M TRYING TO
EAT BREAKFAST!
150
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:27,234
WOULD YOU SHUT UP
ABOUT THE STUPID MOVIE?
151
00:07:27,234 --> 00:07:28,734
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
152
00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:31,501
YOUR FACE.
153
00:07:31,501 --> 00:07:34,667
- WHAT'S WITH HER?
- SHE HAD A ROUGH NIGHT.
154
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:36,000
WHOO!
155
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,267
GREAT MORNING, HUH?
156
00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:40,767
SHUT UP.
157
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:43,501
I CAN'T WAIT FOR AUNT JACKIE
TO GET HER TO DO MY HAIR.
158
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,734
- CAN I WATCH?
- JUST STAY OUT OF THE WAY.
159
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,801
HOW COME YOU'RE STILL
IN YOUR NIGHTGOWN?
160
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,467
- I'M WAITING TO GO TO SLEEP.
- DIDN'T YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
161
00:07:51,467 --> 00:07:52,534
NO.
162
00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,100
- I SLEPT GREAT.
- I BET YOU DID.
163
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,501
YOU HAD THAT GREAT, BIG BED
ALL TO YOURSELF.
164
00:07:57,501 --> 00:07:58,868
WHERE WERE YOU?
165
00:07:58,868 --> 00:08:01,167
I WAS UPSTAIRS GHOSTBUSTING.
166
00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:04,634
OH, BABE,
YOU SHOULD HAVE WOKE ME UP.
167
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:08,367
WELL, WHY DIDN'T
I THINK OF THAT?
168
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:09,801
D.J. HAVE A NIGHTMARE?
169
00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:13,434
I DON'T KNOW, I WAS TOO BUSY
DEALING WITH DARLENE'S.
170
00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:15,200
DARLENE HAD A NIGHTMARE?
171
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,234
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID,
BUT IT JUST SEEMS LIKE
172
00:08:17,234 --> 00:08:19,334
SOMETHING ELSE WAS GOING ON.
173
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:22,968
WHY DOES IT HAVE
TO BE SOMETHING ELSE?
KIDS HAVE NIGHTMARES.
174
00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:25,734
YEAH, AND I BET WATCHING
SCHLOCK THEATER DIDN'T HELP.
175
00:08:25,734 --> 00:08:28,267
HEY, I ONCE HAD A NIGHTMARE
FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH.
176
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,534
IT WAS THE SINGLE
MOST FRIGHTENING--
177
00:08:30,534 --> 00:08:32,567
GOD, WHEN I THINK OF IT
EVEN NOW.
178
00:08:32,567 --> 00:08:34,567
I USED TO HAVE THIS CUP.
179
00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:37,734
AND ON THE SIDE OF THE CUP
WAS A DECAL OF AN AIRPLANE.
180
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:40,267
AND EVERY TIME I STARTED
TO TAKE A DRINK,
181
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,367
THE TOP OF THE CUP
WOULD TOUCH MY NOSE...
182
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:46,667
AND THE PROPELLERS
WOULD START UP,
183
00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:48,734
AND THE AIRPLANE
WOULD GET GOING,
184
00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:53,133
AND I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE,
IT FLEW RIGHT UP MY NOSE.
185
00:08:57,601 --> 00:09:00,667
YOU'RE SCARY.
186
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,901
I KNOW IT DOESN'T
SOUND LIKE MUCH NOW,
187
00:09:02,901 --> 00:09:06,133
BUT YOU DIDN'T SEE
THE SIZE OF THE PROPELLERS.
188
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:10,067
DAN, THIS IS NO ORDINARY
AIRPLANE-UP-THE-NOSE NIGHTMARE.
189
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:12,667
THIS IS DARLENE.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
190
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,534
SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT
THROUGH THE NIGHT?
191
00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:17,200
AND SHE REFUSED
TO GO BACK TO SLEEP.
192
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,334
I WAS UP THERE
ALL NIGHT WITH HER.
193
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:21,400
- HEY, BIG D.
- HI, DAD.
194
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,234
WHAT TIME'S
YOUR BASKETBALL GAME?
195
00:09:23,234 --> 00:09:24,767
- 1:30.
- GREAT.
196
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:26,667
WE CAN PUT IN A COUPLE
OF HOURS ON THE BOAT.
197
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,801
Becky: D.J.,THEY'RE NOT IN THERE!
198
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:32,601
I DON'T WANT TO WORK ON
THE BOAT TODAY, OKAY, DAD?
199
00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:35,000
- MOM?
- YEAH, HONEY?
200
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,467
- I--
- Becky: D.J.!
201
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:39,200
HEY, BABY, I CAN'T FIT A RIB
WITHOUT MY MASTER CARPENTER.
202
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,868
NOT TODAY, OKAY, DAD?
203
00:09:40,868 --> 00:09:43,267
- MOM?
- WHAT, HONEY?
204
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:45,667
WILL YOU TELL D.J.
TO STOP BOTHERING ME?
205
00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:48,400
HE SPILLED MY MAKEUP
ALL OVER THE BATHROOM.
206
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,400
YEAH, I'LL BE THERE
IN A MINUTE.
207
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,868
NO, MOTHER, NOW.
208
00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:54,434
I'VE GOT TO GET READY
FOR MY DATE TONIGHT.
209
00:09:54,434 --> 00:09:56,501
MOM, THIS IS
VERY IMPORTANT.
210
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:58,234
OH, HONEY, I'LL BE
RIGHT BACK IN A MINUTE.
211
00:09:58,234 --> 00:10:00,467
HONEY, LISTEN TO
YOUR WEATHERBEATEN
212
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:03,033
OLD SKIPPER OF A FATHER.
213
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:05,067
NIGHTMARES CAN REALLY
DEPRESS YOU.
214
00:10:05,067 --> 00:10:06,968
I KNOW, 'CAUSE
WHEN I WAS A KID,
215
00:10:06,968 --> 00:10:10,734
AND I SHUDDER EVEN
THINKING OF THIS NOW,
216
00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:13,100
I HAD
A RECURRING NIGHTMARE.
217
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,400
AND IT HAPPENED
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
218
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,968
THE MOST TERRIFYING DREAMS
CAN HAPPEN DURING THE DAYTIME.
219
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,000
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
220
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,400
BECAUSE THEY'RE SO REAL.
THIS ONE WAS A BEAUT.
221
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,934
I USED TO HAVE
THIS LITTLE CUP--
222
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:28,234
AN AIRPLANE FLEW UP HIS NOSE.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
223
00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:30,100
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO EXPLAIN TO THE CHILD
224
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:33,000
THAT I KNOW HOW TERRIFYING
NIGHTMARES CAN BE.
225
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,267
CAN EVERYBODY SHUT UP
ABOUT NIGHTMARES?
226
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:36,734
I DIDN'T HAVE A NIGHTMARE.
227
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:39,200
THEN WHY'D YOU HAVE TROUBLE
GOING TO SLEEP?
228
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,334
ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT
YOUR BASKETBALL GAME?
229
00:10:41,334 --> 00:10:43,400
NO, I WASN'T WORRIED
ABOUT MY BASKETBALL GAME.
230
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,501
DID YOU SCREW UP
IN HISTORY AGAIN, DARLENE?
231
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,667
NO, I DIDN'T SCREW UP
IN HISTORY AGAIN.
232
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:49,334
THEN WHAT IS THE MATTER?
233
00:10:49,334 --> 00:10:52,601
I GOT MY PERIOD, OKAY?!
234
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,634
( Becky shouts )
235
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,734
- HI, SIS.
- HEY, JACKIE.
236
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,634
WELCOME TO YOU WASH,
WE PAY LAUNDROMAT.
237
00:11:09,634 --> 00:11:11,801
YOU THINK THE ONLY REASON
I COME OVER HERE
238
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,334
IS TO DO MY LAUNDRY?
239
00:11:13,334 --> 00:11:15,968
NO, I THINK YOU COME OVER
FOR THE FREE COFFEE TOO.
240
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:18,334
- GET OUTTA HERE!
- HIDDEN SCENT.
241
00:11:18,334 --> 00:11:20,300
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK
242
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,000
OF THIS OUTFIT
TO GO ROLLERSKATING IN?
243
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,634
I THINK THAT THAT
WOULD LOOK GREAT
244
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,868
WITH YOUR HAIR SWEPT UP.
245
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:29,200
YEAH.CHIP LOVES
MY HAIR LIKE THAT.
246
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,601
WELL, NOT TOO UP THOUGH
'CAUSE I DON'T WANT NOBODY
247
00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:35,234
MISTAKING YOU FOR SOME KIND
OF COCKTAIL WAITRESS.
248
00:11:35,234 --> 00:11:36,701
MOM...
249
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:37,901
SO, WHAT'S NEW?
250
00:11:37,901 --> 00:11:40,234
DARLENE GOT HER PERIOD
LAST NIGHT.
251
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,901
YOU'RE KIDDING.
SHE'S ONLY 11.
252
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,434
WELL, I WAS ONLY 11.
253
00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:48,133
YEAH, BUT YOU WERE ALREADY
WEARING A "D" CUP.
254
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:51,300
YEAH, TWO OF 'EM.
255
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:55,601
Jackie: SO, I GUESSSHE'S PRETTY UPSET, HUH?
256
00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:58,434
YEAH, AND I WISH SHE'D
TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.
257
00:11:58,434 --> 00:11:59,767
GIVE HER SOME TIME.
258
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:02,467
POOR KID'S JUST BEEN
SENTENCED TO 35 YEARS
259
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:05,033
OF MONTHLY INCONVENIENCE.
260
00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:07,701
WELL, GEE, JACKIE,
I ONLY HOPE I CAN FIND A WAY
261
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:11,234
TO IMPART THAT
ENLIGHTENED VIEWPOINT
ONTO MY DAUGHTER.
262
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:14,234
YOU WILL.
JUST... TELL HER
263
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,634
ABOUT ALL THESE FAMOUS
ATHLETIC WOMEN TYPES
264
00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:19,567
AND HOW THEY ALL
GET THEIR PERIODS TOO.
265
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:23,033
YEAH, WHY DIDN'T
I THINK OF THAT?
266
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,534
WELL, NO MATTERWHAT YOU TELL HER,
267
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:27,234
IT'S GONNA BE BETTER THAN
THE WAY MOM HANDLED IT.
268
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:29,167
( both laughing )
269
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,300
REMEMBER SHE TOLD US
IF WE HAD ANY QUESTIONS
270
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,400
TO FEEL FREE TO
ASK THE SCHOOL NURSE.
271
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,667
RIGHT?
( laughs )
272
00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:39,634
( laughing )
SO WHAT-- WHAT ABOUT--
273
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:42,968
SHE BROUGHT PAMPHLETS HOME
FROM THE RED CROSS.
274
00:12:44,334 --> 00:12:47,701
FOR TWO WEEKS I THOUGHT WHAT
I HAD WAS A NATIONAL DISASTER.
275
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,767
WELL, TO MOM, IT WAS.
276
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,601
WHEN I GOT MINE,
SHE CRIED FOR THREE DAYS
277
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:54,701
ABOUT HOW SHE'D LOST
HER LITTLE BABY.
278
00:12:54,701 --> 00:12:57,133
YEAH, WELL YOU
HAD IT EASY, SIS.
279
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:59,701
'CAUSE I HAD TO
BREAK THAT WOMAN IN.
280
00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:01,400
SHE WAS A BASKET CASE.
281
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,534
SHE ALMOST RUINED
THE WHOLE THING FOR ME.
282
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,267
YOU WERE SO WEIRD.
283
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:07,167
IT'S LIKE YOU WERE
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
284
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:09,200
YEAH, I WAS FINALLY
DOING SOMETHING
285
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,167
THAT MOM COULDN'T CONTROL.
286
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,167
BESIDES, IT MEANT
I WASN'T GONNA GET
287
00:13:14,167 --> 00:13:16,601
ANY MORE NANCY DREW BOOKS
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
288
00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:18,801
I WAS JUST TRYING
TO FIND A CURE FOR IT.
289
00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:20,400
( both laugh )
290
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,133
- IT'S NOT A DISEASE.
- I KNOW IT'S NOT.
291
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:24,000
BUT IT FELT LIKE IT.
292
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,100
I THOUGHT I COULDN'T
GO SWIMMING ANYMORE,
293
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,467
AND I COULDN'T HORSE AROUND
294
00:13:28,467 --> 00:13:30,868
WITH THE BOYS ANYMORE
LIKE I USED TO.
295
00:13:30,868 --> 00:13:33,067
I BET THAT'S EXACTLY THE WAY
DARLENE FEELS RIGHT NOW.
296
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,801
YEAH, I BET IT IS TOO.
297
00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:38,133
I WISH THERE WAS
SOME WAY TO TELL HER,
298
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:39,667
EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T
FEEL LIKE IT NOW,
299
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:42,234
- THIS IS REALLY
SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.
- UH-HUH.
300
00:13:42,234 --> 00:13:45,534
SHE'S FINALLY BECOMING
A FULL-FLEDGED MEMBER
OF THE WOMAN RACE.
301
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:48,901
AND HERE COMES
OUR NEWEST MEMBER.
302
00:13:48,901 --> 00:13:50,467
HI, AUNT JACKIE.
303
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,133
HI, HONEY.
304
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,834
HOW YOU FEELING?
305
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,033
GOD, MOM, YOU HAVE TO
TELL THE WHOLE WORLD?
306
00:13:58,033 --> 00:14:00,634
( door slams )
307
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:03,100
JACKIE, DOES THE PHRASE
"TIMING IS EVERYTHING"
308
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,501
RING A BELL HERE?
309
00:14:06,801 --> 00:14:08,734
( sighs )
310
00:14:12,834 --> 00:14:15,200
OH, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
311
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,901
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY.
312
00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:18,634
UH...
313
00:14:20,534 --> 00:14:22,501
GOOD GOING.
314
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,667
THANKS, DAD.
315
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:31,434
WAIT A SECOND, HONEY.
316
00:14:31,434 --> 00:14:33,000
UH...
317
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,434
WHAT ARE THEY
TALKING ABOUT IN THERE?
318
00:14:35,434 --> 00:14:37,667
OH, THEY'RE ALL YAKKING
ABOUT BECKY'S HAIR, YOU KNOW.
319
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,467
YEAH.
320
00:14:39,467 --> 00:14:41,367
SO...
321
00:14:41,367 --> 00:14:43,968
- HOW'S IT COMING?
- ALL RIGHT.
322
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:47,200
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'LL EVER
FLOAT, BUT SHE'S COMING...
323
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:49,701
SLOWLY.
324
00:14:49,701 --> 00:14:52,734
OH, THERE'S MY BASKETBALL.
I KNEW I LEFT IT SOMEWHERE.
325
00:14:52,734 --> 00:14:54,701
YEAH, HEY, UH,
WHAT TIME'S YOUR GAME?
326
00:14:54,701 --> 00:14:55,767
1:30.
327
00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:58,033
OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
328
00:14:58,033 --> 00:15:00,133
YOU GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
329
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,200
- LOADS.
- YEAH.
330
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,133
YOU KNOW YOU DON'T
HAVE TO PLAY IF YOU DON'T...
331
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:08,067
...FEEL LIKE IT.
332
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,467
- I KNOW.
- OH.
333
00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:14,434
ARE YOU, UH--
ARE YOU GONNA PLAY?
334
00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:15,801
I DON'T KNOW.
335
00:15:15,801 --> 00:15:17,501
OH.
336
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,868
( exhales )
WELL, UH, LISTEN, UH...
337
00:15:20,868 --> 00:15:22,801
WHAT?
338
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:24,901
I THINK I SHOULD
SAY SOMETHING.
339
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,000
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
340
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,167
NO, I KNOW I DON'T
HAVE TO BUT I...
341
00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:30,734
I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING.
342
00:15:30,734 --> 00:15:31,601
HERE.
343
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:33,634
( pats seat )
344
00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:36,968
( sighs )
345
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:39,667
GRANDPA SAYS THAT YOU SAID
LACE WAS ON 'EM.
346
00:15:46,834 --> 00:15:48,267
YEAH, WHAT?
347
00:15:48,267 --> 00:15:50,334
BASKETBALLS.
348
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,968
OH, YEAH, THEY DID.
349
00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:54,934
LACES ON 'EM.
350
00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:59,234
DAD, HOW DO I LOOK?
351
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,300
BEAUTIFUL.
352
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,767
GUYS AREN'T SUPPOSED
TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL!
353
00:16:04,767 --> 00:16:06,534
DAMN BEAUTIFUL.
354
00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:08,434
THAT'S BETTER.
355
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,901
WHERE WAS I?
356
00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:14,767
NOT SURE.
357
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,567
OH, YEAH, I WAS
GONNA SAY SOMETHING.
358
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:20,000
AND UH, SOMETIMES...
359
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,501
SAYING SOMETHING, AS FAR
AS YOUR FATHER IS CONCERNED
360
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:24,434
ISN'T THE EASIEST THING
IN THE WORLD.
361
00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:28,000
- I KNOW.
- YEAH, SO...
362
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,234
BASICALLY, WHAT IT
BOILS DOWN TO IS THIS:
363
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,367
THIS IS BASICALLY
WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO:
364
00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:36,601
WHAT?
365
00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:40,601
DARLENE...
366
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,567
( drawling ) YEAH?
367
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,234
I LOVE YOU.
368
00:16:48,234 --> 00:16:51,934
I LOVE YOU TOO, DADDY.
369
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,267
WELL, UH, HERE, IN CASE
YOU DECIDE YOU WANT TO PLAY.
370
00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:00,334
- THANKS.
- YEAH, UH, HEY.
371
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:04,467
GOOD GOING.
372
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,968
THANKS.
373
00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:12,334
( shudders )
374
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,133
( knocking )
375
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:25,133
WHAT?
376
00:17:28,868 --> 00:17:31,501
SO WHAT'D YOUR DADDY
HAVE TO SAY?
377
00:17:31,501 --> 00:17:33,701
YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT DAD SAID?
378
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:36,601
HE SAID, "SO...
379
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,601
GOOD GOING."
380
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:45,133
MY LIFE IS OVER
AND HE CONGRATULATED ME.
381
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:46,834
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
382
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:49,133
GETTING RID OF
ALL THIS JUNK.
383
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:52,968
OHH, I GET IT.
384
00:17:52,968 --> 00:17:56,234
YOU THINK YOU GOTTA LEAVE
THIS STUFF BEHIND YOU NOW.
385
00:17:56,234 --> 00:17:58,834
LIKE WOMEN HAVE TO
GIVE UP BASEBALL GLOVES
386
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,033
AND START WEARING APRONS
AND STUFF.
387
00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:03,734
ALL I KNOW IS
I'M NOT SHAVING MY LEGS
388
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,834
AND WEARING PANTYHOSE
LIKE BECKY.
389
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,968
YOU THINK I MAKE BECKY
PUT ON MAKE-UP AND WEAR PERFUME?
390
00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:14,601
NO.
391
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:18,000
NO, SHE DOES IT
'CAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS
LIKED THAT KIND OF STUFF.
392
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,901
THAT'S THE KIND OF WOMAN
SHE WANTS TO BE.
393
00:18:19,901 --> 00:18:23,567
WELL, THAT'S NOT THE KIND
OF WOMAN I WANT TO BE.
394
00:18:23,567 --> 00:18:26,667
THEN WHAT ARE YOU THROWING
ALL YOUR STUFF AWAY FOR?
395
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,868
THESE ARE
A GIRL'S THINGS, DARLENE,
396
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:30,934
AS LONG AS A GIRL USES 'EM.
397
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:33,868
YOU LOVE ALL THIS STUFF.
398
00:18:33,868 --> 00:18:40,200
THAT'S REASON ENOUGH
TO KEEP IT.
399
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,834
DEFINITELY, AND SINCE
YOU GOT YOUR PERIOD,
400
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:45,534
YOU'RE GONNA BE
THROWING A LOT FARTHER.
401
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,267
OH, GOD.WHY ME?
402
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:52,400
- 'CAUSE YOU'RE LUCKY.
- RIGHT.
403
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,267
MOVE.
404
00:18:56,367 --> 00:18:58,601
NOW, YOU--
405
00:18:58,601 --> 00:19:01,767
YOU GET TO BE PART
OF THE WHOLE CYCLE OF THINGS.
406
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,334
( scoffs )
407
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:05,901
YOU KNOW, THE MOON
AND THE WATER.
408
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:07,133
AND THE SEASONS.
409
00:19:08,968 --> 00:19:11,968
IT'S ALMOST MAGICAL, DARLENE.
410
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,901
AND YOU SHOULD BE REALLY
PROUD TODAY, 'CAUSE...
411
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:17,234
THIS IS THE BEGINNING
412
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:20,133
OF A LOT OF REALLY WONDERFUL
THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.
413
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:23,133
YEAH, CRAMPS.
414
00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:26,467
WELL, I'LL ADMIT THAT'S
ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS, BUT...
415
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,501
I'M TALKING ABOUT A PART
THAT'S EVEN BETTER THAN THAT.
416
00:19:30,501 --> 00:19:33,601
NAME ONE GOOD THING THAT COULD
COME OUT OF THIS WHOLE MESS.
417
00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:34,868
OKAY, I'LL NAME THREE.
418
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:36,167
( giggling )
419
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:38,801
OKAY, BECKY, D.J.,
420
00:19:38,801 --> 00:19:40,767
AND WHAT'S THAT
OTHER KID'S NAME?
421
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:42,701
YOU KNOW, THAT REAL
KIND OF BRATTY ONE?
422
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:44,801
- MOM.
- NO, IT'S NOT MOM.
423
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:48,000
IT'S, UH...
WHAT IS IT?
424
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,367
DARLENE.
425
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:53,000
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
426
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,000
DARLENE.
427
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:59,033
THANKS, MOM.
428
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,834
COULD YOU GO NOW?
429
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,968
YEAH, ONE MORE THING.
430
00:20:07,968 --> 00:20:10,801
WATCH OUT FOR
THOSE MOOD SWINGS.
431
00:20:15,534 --> 00:20:18,434
WELL, BUB,
I THINK THE CUBS
432
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,601
ARE GONNA HAVE TROUBLE
WITH THE METS THIS YEAR.
433
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:22,400
I HATE THE METS.
434
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,234
YOU AND ME BOTH.
435
00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:27,901
GIMME A SMOOCH
ON THAT ONE.
436
00:20:27,901 --> 00:20:31,200
SO, DID CHIP
KISS YOU GOODNIGHT?
437
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,033
( giggles )
YEAH.
438
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,300
DOES THAT MEAN I CAN'T?
439
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,267
YOU CAN HAVE THIS CHEEK.
440
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:39,067
OH, THANKS.
441
00:20:40,701 --> 00:20:42,701
YOU KNOW YOU'RE
MY FAVORITE DAUGHTER,
DON'T YOU?
442
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,400
- NIGHT, MOM.
- NIGHT.
443
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,000
- HI.
- HELLO.
444
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,534
WHAT'S THIS I HEAR
ABOUT A KISS?
445
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:54,901
CHIP'S MY BOYFRIEND.
446
00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:56,667
HE CAN KISS ME.
447
00:20:56,667 --> 00:20:58,234
WHERE DID HE KISS YOU?
448
00:20:58,234 --> 00:21:00,133
RIGHT THERE.
449
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:01,434
- WHERE?
- THERE.
450
00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:04,434
- WHERE? WHERE?
- THERE.
451
00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:07,667
- NIGHT, PRINCESS.
- NIGHT, DAD.
452
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,234
I THINK AFTER
A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP
453
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:10,834
I'LL FEEL BETTER
IN THE MORNING.
454
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,667
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL YOU THIS, HONEY,
455
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:15,367
BUT YOU AIN'T
GONNA FEEL BETTER
FOR ABOUT 40 YEARS.
456
00:21:20,434 --> 00:21:23,667
GOOD NIGHT.YOU KNOW YOU'RE
MY FAVORITE DAUGHTER, DON'T YOU?
457
00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:26,734
BUT OF COURSE.
458
00:21:26,734 --> 00:21:28,334
HMM.VOILA.
459
00:21:28,334 --> 00:21:30,167
FEED ME.
32379
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