Original subtitles

(cheering)

NOW YOU'RE CONFIDENT THIS WILL IMPRESS HER--

NOT DRIVE HER INTO WITNESS PROTECTION?

GRAND GESTURES, DAVE. MAKES THEM WEAK IN THE KNEES.

ARE YOU READY? YEAH, LAST COUPLE.

HEADS UP! IT'S ALMOST SHOWTIME.

(crowd) SEVEN... SIX... FIVE...

THIS IS GONNA BLOW HOLLY'S MIND. OH, ON THAT, WE CAN AGREE.

(crowd) TWO... ONE!

(cheers and applause)

(fireworks popping)

WHOO!

(man) HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(shouting at once)

(man) "HOLLY, I'M HERE."

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS PULLED QUITE A PRANK TONIGHT.

HOLLY, WHEREVER YOU ARE, WHOEVER YOU ARE,

I HOPE YOU'RE IMPRESSED. SOMEONE IS LOOKING FOR YOU.

OH, YOU BETTER RUN, GIRLFRIEND.

HEY! ("Auld Lang Syne" playing)

WE SHOULD GET GOING.

I'M SURE THE COPS ARE ON THEIR WAY OVER. THAT'S AWESOME. WE NEED YOU TO GET CAUGHT.

COME AGAIN?

YOU GET ARRESTED. THEN YOU GET INTERVIEWED.

YOU TELL THE REPORTER YOUR STORY.

YOU CAN'T BUY THAT KIND OF PUBLICITY, DAVE. DUDE, I'M HERE ON AN EXPIRED VISA.

THEY'LL SEND ME STRAIGHT BACK TO IRELAND. MY STORY WON'T MATTER. I WISH YOU'D MENTIONED THAT.

I WISH YOU'D MENTIONED THE "GETTING ARRESTED" PART.

I THOUGHT I'D JUST TAKE CREDIT IN A PERSONALS AD OR SOMETHING.

FINE. I'LL GET ARRESTED, OKAY?

I'LL TELL YOUR STORY.

♪ LANG SYNE ♪

HEY! HAPPY NEW YEAR, OFFICERS!

(horns honk)

(man) DID EVERYONE SEE THE BALL DROP?

(laughter)

SOMEONE HAS COJONES.

OUT THERE SOMEWHERE

THERE'S THIS HOLLY REALIZING, "SOMEONE LOVES ME."

SUPER ROMANTIC. DON'T YOU THINK, DR. McCRAE?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'D ASK MYSELF IF I WERE THIS HOLLY,

WHAT KIND OF MAN HAVE I BECOME INVOLVED WITH--

THE SORT OF MAN WHO BREAKS THE LAW?

THE SORT OF MAN WHO WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER? YEAH, I GUESS IT'S MORE OF A FANTASY.

FANTASY'S OVERRATED. THESE DAYS, I'M LOOKING

FOR A RELATIONSHIP THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME CRAZY

OR INCONVENIENCE ME. (cell phone rings)

(ring) OH. EXCUSE ME.

(beep) WHAT IS IT?

I WAS SURPRISED TO GET YOUR CALL, CHARLES.

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME OUT.

WELL, IT'S TRUE THAT GENERALLY SPEAKING, I PREFER PSYCHIATRISTS

WHO BELIEVE IN PSYCHIATRY, BUT I DO KNOW HOW YOUR FANS

ARE CLAMORING FOR A FOLLOW-UP.

THIS PARTICULAR CASE SEEMED RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.

MAYBE IT'S YOUR NEXT BEST SELLER.

(woman) DR. MARS, C.I.U.

DR. MARS, C.I.U.

HE BELIEVES HE'S CUPID?

HE'S STEADFAST ON THAT POINT.

WELL, I DOUBT I CAN DO ANYTHING

WITH AS MUCH HALOPERIDOL AND RISPERIDONE

AS YOU'VE GOT PUMPED INTO HIM.

HE'S PROBABLY SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF HIS OWN DROOL.

HE HAS BEEN ODDLY RESISTANT TO MEDICATION.

BUT HERE, YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF. HE'S, UM...

♪♪

HE'S GONE.

(Cupid) CAN'T HEAR YOU, SCHIZOPHRENICS!

(chorus) ♪ IT'S EASY ♪

(piano playing The Beatles' "All You Need Is Love")

♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ♪

WILD GUESS--THAT'S OUR GUY? ♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ♪

♪ ALL TOGETHER NOW ♪ ♪ DA DA DA DA DA ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ♪

♪ EVERYBODY ♪

♪ ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, LOVE ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ♪

ISAAC, CAN YOU BRING YOUR NEWEST PATIENT TO MY OFFICE, PLEASE?

♪ LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED ♪ THAT'S ENOUGH, PEOPLE!

♪♪

♪ SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ (cheering)

♪ SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

HELLO, MISTER...

IT'S CUPID. I'VE GOT ALL NIGHT.

FANTASTIC. IT APPEARS I'M FREE, TOO.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HANG THE "DO NOT DISTURB" SIGN.

I'LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TO REFRAIN FROM THAT KIND OF INNUENDO.

DOCTOR... PATIENT.

I SUPPOSE YOU'D LIKE ME TO DISROBE? UH, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

ISAAC, I'M FINE HERE.

I'LL BE JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

THOUGHT HE'D NEVER LEAVE.

SO... WHERE WERE WE?

(door opens and closes)

"CUPID." I CAN'T HELP YOU UNLESS YOU LET ME.

OKAY. YOU WANT TO HELP ME?

GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.

ALL RIGHT? I GOT A JOB TO DO, AND I CAN'T GET IT DONE IN HERE. SO THIS IS A JOB?

PUNISHMENT IS MORE LIKE IT.

200 MORTALS MATCHED.

100 HAPPILY EVER AFTERS BEFORE I'M ALLOWED BACK.

BACK WHERE?

OLYMPUS. OF COURSE.

YOU ASKED.

SO THIS PUNISHMENT-- DID YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG?

WELL, AT MY EXPULSION, THEY YAMMERED ON

ABOUT RELEARNING MY CRAFT

AND THE SCREWED UP STATE OF LOVE AND ROMANCE.

FRANKLY, I HAD TROUBLE TAKING THE WHOLE THING SERIOUSLY. WHY IS THAT?

A HUNDRED COUPLES? I USED TO KNOCK THAT OUT BEFORE LUNCH. HOW DID YOU PULL THAT OFF?

MY BOW. MY ARROWS.

(whispers) THEY'RE MAGIC.

DO YOU HAVE THOSE WITH YOU NOW?

(normal voice) YOU MEAN AT THIS MOMENT?

MAYBE YOU COULD SHOOT ME,

AND I'D MORE FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS... MAGIC.

DO YOU SEE A BOW?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THIS QUEST WILL TAKE YOU... BOWLESS?

TWO WEEKS, MAX. TWO WEEKS.

MAKE IT TEN DAYS. FINAL ANSWER?

SIX DAYS.

(high-pitched voice) FOUR.

39 DAYS INTO OBSERVATION,

PATIENT PRESENTS NO RELIEF FROM HIS DELUSIONAL STATE.

WE CONTINUE TO MONITOR MISSING PERSON REPORTS

IN THE HOPES OF LEARNING HIS TRUE IDENTITY.

THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO. YOU'RE GONNA WALK UP TO MARLA,

TELL HER THE BEST PART OF YOUR DAY IS WATCHING HER

MEDICATE THE OLD-TIMERS IN THAT EAST WING BAY WINDOW.

AS A SIDE NOTE, HE HAS MANAGED TO WIN OVER MUCH OF THE STAFF.

TELL ME ABOUT OLYMPUS.

DESCRIBE HOME TO ME. YOU FRAMED A POSTCARD?

NO. I TOOK THAT.

IT'S THE VIEW FROM MY APARTMENT.

YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT OLYMPUS.

NONSTOP CLOTHING-OPTIONAL PARTY.

AN AMAZING PLACE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

A VAGUE IDEA. YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE PLAYBOY MANSION.

MERCURY--TELL ME ABOUT HIM. (chuckles) GANGSTA'S GOT MY BACK.

DUDE'S BAILED ME OUT OF SO MANY JAMS.

ONE TIME, WE STOLE THIS UNICORN-- LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE JUST STICK TO CAREER HIGHLIGHTS?

OKAY, FINE. MERCURY-- MESSENGER OF THE GODS.

SON OF JUPITER. VENUS AND MARS.

MOM AND DAD. COME ON. WE STARTED EASY. ROMULUS?

FOUNDER OF ROME. PENELEOS?

THEBAN LEADER DURING THE TROJAN WAR.

WAY INTO BLACK CHICKS. FINE. YOU KNOW YOUR MYTHOLOGY.

TELL ME, HOW DID PSYCHE REACT

WHEN THE GODS SENT YOU BACK TO EARTH? WHO?

PSYCHE.

PSYCHE. CUPID'S WIFE.

MY WHAT?

HIS WIFE. SHE WAS A MORTAL.

HE FELL IN LOVE WITH HER DESPITE THE GODS' OBJECTIONS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW THIS.

THIS IS THE BEST-KNOWN MYTH OF CUPID. THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

SURE IT DID. THERE'S EVEN A PICTURE. NO, I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER.

SEE FOR YOURSELF.

RECOGNIZE HER?

YOU'RE SAYING CUPID WAS MARRIED?

YES. HE WAS.

OVER THE PAST 90 DAYS,

THE PATIENT WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF AS "CUPID"

HAS DEMONSTRATED NO DANGER TO HIMSELF OR OTHERS.

A JOHN DOE? YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA

AS TO THE PATIENT'S TRUE IDENTITY--NO NAME?

IT'S TREVOR.

TREVOR PIERCE.

WELL, GOOD.

THAT RELIEVES ONE OF MY QUALMS.

WE WILL APPROVE THE RELEASE OF TREVOR PIERCE

ON A TRIAL BASIS IF YOU CONTINUE TO MONITOR HIS PROGRESS.

UH... I...

TO THAT END, WE WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE WEEKLY REPORTS

KEEPING US INFORMED OF THE PATIENT'S PROGRESS,

INCLUDING FINDING EMPLOYMENT.

I'M SORRY, BUT MY CASELOAD IS SUCH THAT I CAN'T--

IF YOU FIND THAT THE PATIENT STOPS MAKING PROGRESS,

HE SHOULD IMMEDIATELY BE READMITTED SO WE CAN BEGIN

A MORE AGGRESSIVE, PHARMACOLOGICAL APPROACH.

THANK YOU, DR. McCRAE. NEXT CASE.

TREVOR!

HEY!

TREVOR!

TREVOR!

A COUPLE OF NIGHTS A WEEK, I MEDIATE A GROUP.

LOOK AT THAT. YOU GOT A CARD.

YES. I'VE GOT A CARD. IT'S A SINGLES GROUP--

KIND OF AN INFORMAL, ROUNDTABLE THING.

WE DISCUSS RELATIONSHIPS AND HEALTHY DATING PATTERNS.

SINGLES GROUP. PERFECT. FISH IN A BARREL.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, TREVOR? I'M SAYING I'VE GOT A JOB TO DO--

FIND HOLLY, MATCH ANOTHER 99 COUPLES.

I GOT A LOT TO DO BEFORE I GET TO GO HOME.

I WASN'T GONNA GET IT DONE IN THAT PLACE. YOU WERE FAKING.

LOOK, TREVOR, I JUST STAKED MY PROFESSIONAL REPUTATION ON YOU.

WHICH WAS SWEET. KEEP IT. YOU WANT ONE? ON ME. WHAT? NO.

LOOK, TREVOR. YOU ARE NOT A GOD. YOU ARE A MAN.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT. SOUNDS LIKE THESE PEOPLE NEED ME.

EXCUSE ME. STOP, PLEASE. THANK YOU.

♪♪

(man) ♪ SAVOR THE SOFTNESS OF SUMMER ♪

♪ I'LL WRAP UP WHEN WINTER BLOWS ♪

♪ BUT WHEREVER I'M A-GOING ♪

♪ I'LL GO IN SEARCH OF A ROSE ♪

HEY!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I-I THOUGHT THEY SENT YOU UP THE RIVER!

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.

YOU GOT PLANS TONIGHT? (laughs)

(Locksley's "Don't Make Me Wait" playing)

♪ ONE LOOK WAS ALL IT TOOK ♪

♪ AND EVERYTHING WAS SAID, MY DARLING ♪

♪ ONE LOOK WAS ALL IT TOOK ♪

♪ AND YOU WERE IN MY HEAD, MY DARLING ♪

♪ IT'S SOMETHING SO SURREAL ♪

♪ THE STUPID WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪

♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS SAID AND DONE ♪

♪ SOMEHOW YOU ARE STILL THE ONE ♪

♪ DON'T MAKE ME WAIT ♪

♪ SO LONG ♪

(knocks) (speaks indistinctly)

OH, MY GOD. LOOK WHO'S HERE. FELIX, ARE YOU RENTING OUT MY ROOM?

YOU WERE HERE FOR A WEEK, AND THEN YOU DISAPPEARED

FOR THREE MONTHS. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I'VE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT? YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I WAS MISDIAGNOSED. IT WAS NOTHING.

BUENOS DíAS, LITA. QUIERO BAÑAR EN TU SUDOR.

UGH. GROW UP. HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S MY SISTER.

THE GUYS AT ARRIBA ARRIBA SAID

THAT'S A COMMON SPANISH GREETING.

"I WANT TO BATHE IN YOUR SWEAT"? NO, NOT REALLY.

(switch clicks) AH, LOOK AT THIS. THIS THING WORKS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO-- THAT'S A FUTURE ANTIQUE.

LEAVE IT ALONE. HEY, SO LISTEN, YOU GOT A KEY FOR ME?

(sighs) THAT DEPENDS. YOU GOT THE RENT?

I WILL IF YOU LET ME PICK UP A COUPLE SHIFTS AROUND HERE.

HAVEN'T EXACTLY BEEN PACKIN' 'EM IN LATELY.

KEEP ME ON, CHIEF, AND I PROMISE YOU'LL BE PACKED TONIGHT.

MARGARET, I RESPECT YOUR DECISION. I DO.

ALL I'M SUGGESTING IS THAT IF YOU'RE GOING TO CONTINUE

TO PLACE AN AD IN THE PERSONALS,

IT MIGHT BE WISE TO MENTION YOUR CHASTITY PLEDGE WITHIN THE TEXT.

OKAY.

OKAY, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT TIME FOR ONE MORE PERSON.

TREVOR, MAYBE IT'LL BE A GOOD IDEA

IF YOU JUST AUDITED THE FIRST COUPLE OF MEETINGS.

IT'S NOT FOR ME. IT'S FOR MY FRIEND DAVE HERE.

HE NEEDS HELP. (whispers) NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TELL YOUR STORY. ALL RIGHT, WELCOME, DAVE. TELL US ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

UH, OKAY. WELL, UH, LAST SUMMER I WAS WORKING

IN MY DAD'S PUB, AND THIS AMERICAN GIRL COMES IN

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS TO CONNOLLY STATION.

AND THEN SHE HAD TO GO CATCH A PLANE BACK TO NEW YORK.

BUT, UM, THOSE 20 MINUTES WERE ALL IT TOOK, YOU KNOW?

WE--WE JUST HAD THIS... TRANSCENDENT,

PALPABLE CONNECTION.

OOH. BUT UNFORTUNATELY I ONLY CAUGHT HER FIRST NAME--HOLLY.

OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE THE GUY WHO CHANGED THE BALL DROP SIGN.

(gasps) UH, YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. WITH A LITTLE BIT OF HELP.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT DAVE DID?

DAVE TOOK ALL HIS MONEY,

BOUGHT A ONE-WAY TICKET TO NEW YORK,

AND HE'S BEEN HERE EVER SINCE, ON THE STREETS, ON A QUEST.

SO SPREAD THE WORD, PEOPLE.

DO YOU KNOW A HOLLY WHO HAD A MAGIC MOMENT WITH A GUY

IN A PUB IN DUBLIN? HE'S HERE.

HE'S LOOKING FOR HER, AND THAT, GOOD PEOPLE, IS LOVE!

(man coughs)

I'M SORRY. THAT MAY BE ROMANTIC, BUT IT'S NOT LOVE.

WHAT?

DIDN'T YOU HEAR HIM?

"PALPABLE, TRANSCENDENT CONNECTION"!

PERHAPS WE CAN AGREE TO CALL IT INFATUATION.

WE COULD AGREE TO DISAGREE. WHAT ARE YOU PREACHING IN HERE--

JUST DON'T DO IT? REACH FOR THE COPPER RING?

I TELL PEOPLE, "BE SMART."

LOVE ISN'T SMART. LOVE IS STUPID.

YOU WANT TO WRESTLE THAT MINOTAUR? BE BOLD!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT IS A MYTH.

LOVE IS BUILT ON A STURDIER FOUNDATION, TREVOR--

SHARED INTERESTS, MUTUAL RESPECT, FRIENDSHIP--

THINGS YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY ESTABLISH IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

LET ALONE 20 MINUTES.

NO. LOVE IS PASSION.

LOVE IS HEAT, CHEMISTRY, SEX.

YEAH! (murmuring)

NO. LOVE IS WHAT'S LEFT

AFTER THE HEAT AND THE PASSION DIE.

(man) OUCH.

OR FADES AWAY...

KIND OF SLOWLY.

WOW. WHO RIPPED YOUR HEART OUT?

I THINK THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO WRAP UP.

AN ANNOUNCEMENT, THOUGH.

TRES EQUIS, JUST DOWN THE STREET,

IS OFFERING HALF-PRICE MARGARITAS FOR SINGLES TONIGHT.

IT'S MARIACHI/KARAOKE DUETS NIGHT.

I WILL BE BARTENDING AND POURING 'EM STRONG.

SEE YOU TONIGHT, PEOPLE! BE BOLD!

TREVOR, STAY.

15 YEARS OF TRAINING

HAS PREPARED ME TO HELP THESE PEOPLE.

AND WHAT, AND BEING THE ROMAN GOD OF LOVE

SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME HAS PREPARED ME FOR WHAT--

CELEBRITY JUDGE ON "BLIND DATE"?

LET'S JUST SAY FOR A MINUTE THAT YOU REALLY ARE CUPID.

REMIND ME AGAIN HOW YOU MADE YOUR MATCHES.

YOU MEAN-- OOH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU SHOT THEM.

RANDOM PEOPLE FALLING MADLY IN LOVE.

LOOK AROUND YOU, CUPID. YOUR METHODOLOGY DIDN'T WORK.

SO HOW ABOUT LETTING SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN

TAKE A SHOT? HAVE AT IT.

I PLAN ON IT. GO TO TOWN.

I'M ALREADY LIVING IN TOWN--DOWNTOWN.

AND ANOTHER THING--I DON'T WANT YOU FEEDING DAVE'S FANTASY.

HE'LL END UP GETTING HURT. OR LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

I PROMISED THE HOSPITAL BOARD YOU WERE NO DANGER

TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS. DON'T MAKE ME REGRET THAT.

(playing Pat Benatar's "Love Is a Battlefield")

YEAH, YEAH.

♪ HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE, WE STAND ♪

HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE, WE STAND.

HEY, BOSS.

HEY. MARGARITAS ARE HALF PRICE, HUH?

IT'S MANHATTAN. THEY'RE STILL 6 BUCKS.

(both) ♪ BOTH OF US KNOWING ♪

♪ LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD ♪

♪♪

YOU CAN'T BACK OUT. I MEAN, WE ALREADY SIGNED UP.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL GO GET US TEQUILA SHOTS. A LITTLE LIQUID COURAGE?

FINE, I'LL SING. DON'T GET ME A SHOT.

I'LL TAKE A COFFEE IF YOU'RE GETTING UP.

BE RIGHT BACK.

DON'T GO ANYWHERE. OKAY.

TEQUILA SHOT, NO LIME.

POR FAVOR, SEÑOR.

AND A COFFEE. THE COFFEE'S GONNA TAKE A MINUTE.

I GOTTA DRAIN THE DRAGON, ANYWAY.

THE JAVA'S FOR THE HOTTIE.

YOU'RE MAKING THAT HAPPEN, HUH? I'M WORKING ON IT.

SHE'S FROSTY, THOUGH.

REPORTER FROM "THE POST." SHE'S GOT HER GLOVES UP.

THAT'S OKAY. JIMMY LIKES A LITTLE FIGHT.

AHH. I'LL TAKE HER THE COFFEE.

♪♪

(both) ♪ HEARTACHE TO HEARTACHE ♪

♪ WE STAND ♪

HI. I'M TREVOR. I'LL BE YOUR SERVER TONIGHT.

COFFEE, BLACK. WORD IS YOU'RE A REPORTER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HOW ABOUT DOING A STORY ON MY FRIEND DAVE?

GO WITH ME. WHAT HAPPENS IS, HOLLY READS IT,

SHOWS UP HERE AT TRES EQUIS WHERE DAVE IS PERFORMING.

YOU GET NOT ONE, BUT TWO HEARTWARMING STORIES.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIVED IN NEW YORK, TREVOR? NOT LONG.

I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET.

PEOPLE DON'T COME HERE TO FALL IN LOVE.

PEOPLE COME HERE TO MAKEIT.

(both) ♪ LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD ♪

(cheers, applause and whistles)

(man) WHOO!

NEXT UP, WE HAVE JIMMY AND... (singsong voice) MADELYN.

THAT'S MY CUE. SORRY I CAN'T HELP YOU.

(indistinct conversations)

♪♪

JIMMY, WHERE ARE YOU?

DAVE, GET UP THERE ON STAGE.

OPPORTUNITY'S KNOCKING, MY FRIEND.

SHE IS A REPORTER FOR "THE POST."

SHE CAN HELP US FIND HOLLY. GO. ♪ DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART ♪

♪ I COULDN'T IF I TRIED ♪

(deepens voice) ♪ OH, HONEY, IF I GET RESTLESS ♪

(normal voice) JIMMY, WHEREVER YOU ARE, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

(Jimmy) HEY!

♪♪

♪ DON'T GO BREAKIN' MY HEART ♪

♪♪

♪ OH, HONEY, WHEN YOU KNOCKED ON MY DOOR ♪

♪ OOH, I GAVE YOU MY KEY ♪

(man) WHOO!

♪ OOH, OOH ♪

♪ OOH, OOH ♪

(both) ♪ NOBODY KNOWS IT ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS ♪

♪ WHEN I WAS DOWN ♪

♪ I WAS YOUR CLOWN ♪

♪ OOH, OOH ♪

♪ OOH ♪

(both) ♪ NOBODY KNOWS IT ♪

♪ NOBODY KNOWS ♪

♪ RIGHT FROM THE START ♪

♪ I GAVE YOU MY HEART ♪

HEY. (both) ♪ OH, OH ♪

♪ I GAVE YOU MY HEART ♪

(grunts)

♪ DON'T GO BREAKIN' MY HEART ♪

♪ DON'T GO BREAKIN' MY ♪ ♪ DON'T GO BREAKIN' MY ♪

(both) ♪ I WON'T GO BREAKIN' YOUR HEART ♪

♪ I WON'T GO BREAKIN' YOUR HEART ♪

(cheers and applause) (man) WHOO-HOO!

YAY!

(man) WHOO-HOO!

(cheers and applause continue)

(Lita) THAT'S IT FOR THE WEEK.

UM, MARIACHI WILL BE HERE NEXT TUESDAY.

♪♪

HEY. COULDN'T KEEP AWAY FROM ME, COULD YA?

I WANTED TO VERIFY EMPLOYMENT.

I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU, REMEMBER?

LIKELY STORY. SO WHAT CAN I GET YOU?

SEX ON THE BEACH? NO.

ONE SCREAMING ORGASM? UM...

AFTER-HOURS GROPE ON A LUNATIC'S FUTON? (woman) BARTENDER!

THINK ABOUT IT.

(mouths word and chuckles nervously)

OH, HEY.

YOU WERE SO GREAT UP THERE.

THANKS. MY PARTNER CARRIED ME.

YEAH, HE WAS REALLY SOMETHING. THOUGH I...

(whispers) I CAN'T QUITE GET OVER HIS STORY.

(normal voice) I MEAN, IF I WERE THAT HOLLY,

I WOULD BE SO UNNERVED IF I FOUND OUT THAT SOME GUY

HAD FLOWN ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUN--

HEY. HEY.

THERE YOU GO.

OH. SO YOU TWO ARE LEAVING, HUH?

YEAH, UH, WE'RE GONNA GO FIND SOMEPLACE QUIET.

I THINK I'M GONNA DO A STORY ON DAVE.

WOW. THAT'S A-- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

WELL, TREVOR DESERVES THE CREDIT.

IT WAS HIS SUGGESTION. GOTTA BOOGIE.

SEE YA. SEE YA.

(ice rattles)

I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING FOR ME. WHAT WAS IT?

DRAWING A BLANK.

I ASKED YOU NOT TO FEED DAVE'S FANTASIES.

IT IS ONE THING TO PROCLAIM YOU ARE CUPID,

THE GOD OF LOVE, BUT IT'S SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY

WHEN YOU INSERT YOURSELF INTO STRANGERS' LIVES. YEAH. THEN IT'S CALLED DIVINE INTERVENTION.

AND BESIDES, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ANYWAY?

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TELLING MY FOLLOWERS

TO SEND ME THEIR SOCIAL SECURITY CHECK. TREVOR, YOU DO NOT HAVE FOLLOWERS.

OH, REALLY?

THEN HOW COME THERE'S A TEMPLE OF EROS IN CHELSEA?

THEY SELL TRASHY LINGERIE. OF COURSE THEY DO. IT'S ONE OF THE SACRAMENTS.

WHAT'S NEXT ON THE AGENDA FOR DAVE

AFTER THE NEWSPAPER INTERVIEW?

WELL, HOLLY TOLD DAVE ABOUT THIS DEEJAY SHE LIKES

WHO SPINS, LIKE, TWICE A YEAR, INCLUDING TOMORROW NIGHT

AT THIS CLUB IN BROOKLYN.

WE'RE GONNA SEE IF WE CAN FIND HER. (whoosh)

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

PARLOR TRICK.

I'M GOING WITH YOU TOMORROW.

WHY?

TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE NO HARM TO OTHERS,

LIKE I PROMISED THE HOSPITAL BOARD.

(horn honks)

THANKS, YVONNE.

THANKS.

SO HOW DID YOUR FAMILY REACT WHEN THEY HEARD

YOU WERE FLYING OFF TO THE STATES

TO TRACK DOWN THIS MYSTERIOUS STRANGER? WELL, ME DA HAD TO SUPPORT ME, YOU KNOW?

UM, HE MET MY MOM AT A MATCHMAKING FESTIVAL

IN LISDOONVARNA.

(chuckles) I'M NOT SURE WHAT I HAVE A HARDER TIME BELIEVING--

A MATCHMAKING FESTIVAL OR A TOWN CALLED "LISDOONVARNA."

THEY'RE BOTH REAL. TRUST ME. NEVER MET A HAPPIER COUPLE.

SO YOUR MOM MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY SUPPORTIVE AS WELL.

UH, NO, SHE WAS KILLED WHEN I WAS 12. DRUNK DRIVER.

I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

HEY, DO YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF HER? MM-HMM.

SHE WAS A MUSIC TEACHER.

SHE'S YOUR SCREEN SAVER.

YEAH. YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL WHO YOU SHOW THAT TO.

THIS IS MANHATTAN. DID YOU NOT SEE

THE "YOU MUST BE THIS COOL TO ENTER" SIGN?

THEN I'M IN REAL TROUBLE THEN, BECAUSE I AM ABSURDLY UNCOOL.

(door bells jingle) BUT YOU KNOW, I NEVER HUNG OUT WITH THE COOL PEOPLE ANYWAY,

YOU KNOW? THEY ALWAYS SEEM SUCH A DRAG.

(Trevor) HEY!

WELL!

SO I'M MOPPING UP BACK AT THE BAR

WHEN I GET THIS IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU GET THE NEWSPAPER

TO HIRE A SKETCH ARTIST, DO A COMPOSITE OF DAVE'S DREAM GAL,

RUN IT WITH THE STORY?

SHE'LL SEE IT AND SHOW UP AT TRES EQUIS. WE CAN DO THAT.

UH, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

YOU THINK YOU CAN GIVE A DESCRIPTION? OH, ABSOLUTELY.

EXCELLENT.

(hammering)

(dog barking)

(hammering continuing) (whimpers)

YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON OPENING A POOL HALL IN HERE, ARE YOU?

(dog barks) NO.

MY SISTER, UH, SAID SHE HEARD YOU ARGUING WITH SOME WOMAN

LAST NIGHT AFTER CLOSE.

SAID THE WOMAN CALLED YOU "TREVOR." YEAH. THAT WAS MY SHRINK.

SO THEN SHE SAYS THAT YOU, UH, BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE CUPID. YEAH. IT'S A REAL BONE OF CONTENTION BETWEEN US.

YOU TOLD ME YOUR NAME WAS ED ROSS.

NOW, I TOLD YOU MY NAME WAS EROS.

IT'S WHAT THE GREEKS CALL ME.

YOU KNOW, THE ITALIANS SAY "CUPID." TAKE YOUR PICK.

PROBABLY JUST GO WITH TREVOR. WHATEVER MAKES YOU COMFORTABLE.

SO WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? I DON'T GET TO GO HOME--

HOME? MT. OLYMPUS--UNTIL I MATCH UP A HUNDRED COUPLES.

THIS JUST HELPS ME KEEP SCORE.

SO WHAT, YOU GET A POINT FOR EVERY, UH...

IF EVERY COUPLE YOU HOOK UP DOES A...

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT... MAKES LOVE?

I WISH. ONLY COUNTS IF THE GODS DECIDE IT'S TRUE LOVE.

YEAH, THE--THE HAIR IS GOOD.

CAN YOU MAKE THE EYES MORE, LIKE... PLAYFUL?

I'M STARVING. IS ANYONE ELSE HUNGRY?

I'M DYING TO FIND A DECENT GREEK PLACE.

MMM. BAKLAVA.

AREN'T YOU MEETING A PHOTOGRAPHER

OUT IN CONEY ISLAND IN AN HOUR? DAMN. SHOULD WE ALL CAB OUT THERE TOGETHER?

YEAH. CAN'T. I GOTTA MEET UP WITH SOMEBODY.

WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU AT THE FERRIS WHEEL.

HEY, DID I JUST SEE A PICTURE OF YOU,

DARYL HALL AND JOHN OATES GO BY? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, SPORT? WHY?

BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME, THAT'S WHY.

THEY INVITED THE WEBMASTERS OF THE TOP TEN FAN SITES

IN THE COUNTRY TO HANG OUT BACKSTAGE. THERE ARE TEN HALL & OATES FANS?

EH. WELL, I CERTAINLY FEEL BETTER

ABOUT MY "PROPERTY OF THE BORG" BOXERS NOW. GET A LIFE, NERD.

SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

YEAH. THAT'S HER.

THAT'S THE GIRL I CAME HERE TO FIND. LET'S SEE.

THAT'D LAUNCH A THOUSAND SHIPS.

(indistinct conversations)

(camera shutter clicks) (Madelyn) ACT NATURAL, MR. COOL.

(click) I THINK I GOT IT.

THANKS, ROGER.

(screaming)

HEY, "DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION."

(dance music playing)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TEACHING THIS YOUNGSTER HOW WE USED TO KICK IT IN THE MID '90s.

♪♪

SO IS IT LIKE GOLF-- THE LOWER THE SCORE, THE BETTER? HUSH.

SO WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU FIND HOLLY AND SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND?

I'LL GET OVER IT EVENTUALLY,

BUT, UH, NOT KNOWING WHETHER IT WAS REAL

WOULD BE WORSE THAN KNOWING THAT IT WASN'T. IF YOU SAY SO.

DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU THIS THING WE CALL ROMANTIC LOVE

WAS AN INVENTION OF THE 19th CENTURY?

HEY, TAKE THESE TWO. FOR THEM, LOVE IS WINNING

A GIANT STUFFED ANIMAL, A PHOTO BOOTH MAKE-OUT SESSION,

A RIDE ON THE FERRIS WHEEL, BUT THAT'S NOT REAL.

I COULDN'T TELL YOU. I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A FERRIS WHEEL.

INCONCEIVABLE.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, LADY.

(whoosh, crowd cheers)

UGH. OKAY. TO THE FERRIS WHEEL.

(crowd screaming)

ARE YOU SURE DAVE REMEMBERS

YOU'RE TAKING HIM TO THIS CLUB TONIGHT?

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT HERE.

MAYBE YOU TWO WOULD BE BETTER SERVED

BY ALTERING YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

POPPYCOCK. THAT'S MORTAL-THINK.

COME ON.

(scoffs)

(laughs) OKAY.

HERE, GIVE ME THAT.

HOW HIGH ARE WE?

ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M F--I'M FINE. I'M JUST...

I THOUGHT THIS THING WAS LIKE A KIDDIE'S RIDE, YOU KNOW?

LIKE A... LIKE A MERRY-GO-ROUND ON ITS SIDE.

(laughs)

OKAY, THIS THING IS TERRIFYING.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE TOTALLY UNCOOL.

YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIRE MY KEEN SELF-AWARENESS.

WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

OKAY.

CHALK ONE UP FOR MORTAL-THINK.

SHE THREW HERSELF AT YOU, DIDN'T SHE? NO.

SHE KISSED YOU, THOUGH, RIGHT? WELL, YEAH, BUT--

SPILT MILK. BYGONES. I DIDN'T EXACTLY FIGHT MADELYN OFF.

MAYBE THAT'S A SIGN. DAVE, DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT YOU'VE CREATED

A PERFECT WOMAN IN HOLLY THAT NO FLESH AND BONE WOMAN

COULD COMPETE WITH UP UNTIL NOW?

WHY DO YOU HATE ME? DAVE?

REMEMBER, WHEN WE GET INSIDE, WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE WOMAN THAT

INSPIRED YOU TO BUY A ONE-WAY TICKET TO AMERICA, OKAY?

SO TRY NOT TO TRIP AND LAND WITH YOUR TONGUE

IN ANYONE ELSE'S MOUTH. IT'S JUST THAT MADELYN'S SO EASY TO TALK TO.

FOCUS, DUDE. EASE OF COMMUNICATION IS ONE OF MY FOUR PILLARS OF--

ZIP! YOU KNOW, MADELYN WOULD PROBABLY LOVE THIS PLACE.

YOU SHOULD SEE HER DANCE.

MADELYN IS BUSY FILING HER STORY,

BECAUSE MADELYN UNDERSTANDS HER ROLE IN THIS EPIC JOURNEY.

(whispers) EPIC. PEOPLE, IF YOU ARE NOT ON THE LIST,

YOU WILL NOT GET IN TONIGHT.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. (man) THIS SUCKS!

EXCUSE ME. SORRY. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

HI. WOW. BIG. UH, MY BUDDY WAS IN THE BAR LAST NIGHT,

AND HE THINKS HE LEFT HIS CREDIT CARD IN THE BAR.

CAN HE GO INSIDE REAL QUICK AND CHECK?

QUICK LIKE A BUNNY. REMEMBER, IN AND OUT. SEE IF SHE'S IN THERE. GO.

IT'S A HUMAN INTEREST PIECE. IT'S NOT WATERGATE.

TEN MORE MINUTES.

(Claire) I DON'T GET IT.

YOU SAY YOU'RE ON A MISSION TO MATCH 100 COUPLES.

WE FIND A MAN AND A WOMAN YOU INTRODUCED

HITTING IT OFF, KISSING, AND YOU DRAG HIM AWAY.

HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION?

(scoffs) LOOK, I ONLY GET CREDIT FOR A MATCH IF IT'S TRUE LOVE,

THE--THE KIND OF LOVE YOU'D CROSS OCEANS TO FIND.

THEY WERE VERY SPECIFIC ON THAT POINT.

SO ROMEO AND JULIET COUNTS.

ROMEO AND THE COAT CHECK GIRL DOESN'T.

GUYS. WHAT'S UP?

NO LUCK.

(sighs) ALL RIGHT, ON TO PLAN "B."

AH, TREVOR.

THERE ARE TWO GUYS IN THE ALLEY TRYING TO DROP OFF A P.A.

THEY'RE ASKING ME FOR A CHECK. EXCEPT I DIDN'T RENT A P.A.

DON'T YOU READ THE PAPER?

HAVING A BIG SHOW HERE TONIGHT.

YOU SHOULD FIRE HIM.

WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND STRAYS?

(man) THE PATIENT WHO WAS GIVEN THE... (speaks indistinctly)

SUFFERS FROM SOMATOFORM DISORDER.

NOW SPECIFICALLY SHE SUFFERED FROM CONVERSION DISORDER

REPRESENTING A CENTRAL NEUROLOGICAL SYMPTOM

SUCH AS... (speaking indistinctly)

(Trevor) IT'S TREVOR.

TREVOR PIERCE.

(acoustic guitar playing)

♪ I'VE HEARD SO MANY TIMES ♪

♪ WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE AND SAY GOOD-BYE ♪

♪ BUT THEY COME BACK ♪

♪ THEY FALL IN LINE ♪

♪ IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME ♪

♪ THAT SHE MIGHT CHANGE HISTORY ♪

♪ AND FIND SOMEONE ♪

AHEM. BIG NIGHT. YEAH.

THEY ALL WANT TO KNOW IF THIS HOLLY IS GONNA SHOW UP, HUH?

STILL THINK I SHOULD FIRE HIM?

♪ AND SAD SONGS AND KILLING MOVES SHE GAVE ♪

YOU SURE CLEAN UP NICE.

AM I BEING STUPID? HE'S IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

YOU'RE BEING PROACTIVE. THAT'S CHAPTER ONE OF MY BOOK.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE LADY THAT MADE IT ALL POSSIBLE.

THESE ARE ON THE HOUSE.

WELL, IF IT ISN'T "TREMOR PIERCED."

♪ I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU SAY ♪

♪ AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME ♪

(cheering)

CHEERS. THANKS VERY MUCH.

THIS, UH, THIS NEXT SONG

I LEARNED ESPECIALLY FOR TONIGHT,

AND IT GOES OUT TO SOMEBODY WHO'S SPECTACULARLY UNCOOL,

BUT, UM, THAT'S WHAT I DIG ABOUT HER.

(playing Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams Come True")

(woman) ALL RIGHT!

WHOO! ♪ WHAT I WANT, YOU'VE GOT ♪

♪ AND IT MIGHT BE HARD TO HANDLE ♪

♪ LIKE A FLAME THAT BURNS A CANDLE ♪

♪ THE CANDLE FEEDS THE FLAME ♪

A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO, I FELT SORRY FOR THE GIRL

ON THE TIMES SQUARE SIGN, AND NOW I'M JEALOUS OF HER. DON'T BE.

HE'S ONLY IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF SOMEONE ELSE.

♪ WELL, WELL, WELL, YOU ♪

(audience joins in) ♪ YOU'RE MAKIN' MY DREAMS COME TRUE ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

HOLLY?

I KNEW I'D FIND YOU.

(cheering)

YEAH! YEAH!

M-MADELYN?

MADELYN! MADELYN!

THIS IS IT. YOU'VE GOT YOUR STORY!

BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THE GIRL

WHO GOT THE STORY THIS TIME, TREVOR.

I WANTED TO BE THE GIRL THAT GOT THE SONG, AND I WAS THIS CLOSE. BUT, MADELYN--

I TRIED BEING BOLD, TREVOR.

I-I SHOULD'VE STUCK WITH BEING SMART.

I LOVE THIS PLACE. ALL IT NEEDS IS THOSE, UH,

LITTLE JUKEBOXES THAT THEY HAVE IN THE BOOTHS, YOU KNOW?

OH, HEY! TREVOR, TREVOR! THIS IS HOLLY.

HOLLY, THIS IS A FRIEND OF MINE--TREVOR.

THIS IS THE GUY WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR TWISTING

THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME AND GETTING US BACK TOGETHER. A REGULAR CUPID, HUH?

WHO TOLD YOU? SO WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT

WHAT OUR FIRST REAL DATE SHOULD BE. SIMPLE--RED-EYE TO VEGAS. ELVIS IMPERSONATOR HITCHES YOU.

LIFETIME OF BLISS. I WAS THINKING A MOVIE.

WELL, YOU CAME A LONG WAY. ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT

TO MAKE IT DINNER AND A MOVIE? I MAKE IT A POINT

TO CLEAR MY SCHEDULE FOR ANY MAN WHO PUTS MY NAME IN LIGHTS

ON TIMES SQUARE. WELL, HOW ABOUT A CARRIAGE RIDE THROUGH THE PARK?

(laughs)

OH, MY GOD. YOU WERE SERIOUS. I'M SO SORRY.

JADED NEW YORKER COMPLETELY DEVOID OF A SENSE OF WONDER.

SO... WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN YOU SAW DAVE'S PICTURE

IN THE PAPER, AND YOU READ THE STORY?

MY FIRST REACTION? "WHO IS THIS GUY?"

BUT I CALLED MY SISTER, AND SHE REMINDED ME.

I GUESS I'D SENT HER AN E-MAIL THAT SAID,

"FINALLY MET A COOL GUY IN IRELAND.

TOO BAD IT WAS MY LAST DAY."

YOU'RE THAT COOL GUY.

OH. WELL... COOL IS NOT EVERYTHING.

(thud)

(cell phone rings)

(beep)

HELLO? Hi. It's Trevor.

I THINK I SCREWED UP LAST NIGHT,

AND I NEED YOU TO HELP ME FIX IT. WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

THAT PICTURE IN YOUR OFFICE--

THAT WAS TAKEN FROM YOUR BUILDING, RIGHT?

(telephone ringing

BAKLAVA. YOU AND ME.

I'VE BEEN INVESTIGATING.

I KNOW WHERE WE CAN FIND THE BEST IN THE CITY.

TO UNDERSTAND THE HISTORY OF BAKLAVA,

YOU FIRST HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THE HISTORY OF CYPRUS,

WHICH IS TO SAY THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE

OF THE GREEK-TURKISH CONFLICT. (whistles)

(tires screech)

SOME HERETICS WILL HAVE YOU BELIEVE

THAT SYRUP IS AN AUTHENTIC TOPPING.

HUMBUG. GIVE ME HONEY.

(elevator bell dings)

AH. WELL, THEY SAID IT WAS ALFRESCO.

THIS ISN'T A RESTAURANT, TREVOR.

NO, I--WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? GOOGLE MAPS'ED IT.

LET ME GO FIND THE MANAGER.

(switch clicks)

♪ I'VE BEEN SO MANY PLACES ♪

♪ IN MY LIFE AND TIME ♪

♪ SUNG A LOT OF SONGS ♪

♪ AND I'VE MADE SOME BAD RHYMES ♪

♪ I'VE ACTED OUT MY LOVE ON STAGES ♪

♪ 10,000 PEOPLE WATCHIN' ♪

(mariachi band playing)

♪ WE'RE ALONE NOW ♪

♪ AND I'M SINGING THIS SONG FOR YOU ♪

♪♪

I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT.

YEAH, YOU WERE.

(laughing)

(Madelyn laughs)

(Claire) IF I HADN'T SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES,

I DOUBT I WOULD HAVE BELIEVED IT.

CERTAINLY THERE WAS NO MAGIC BOW AND ARROW,

BUT TREVOR CREATED A ROMANTIC SCENARIO

THAT WITNESSES WOULD DESCRIBE AS "MAGICAL."

CASEBOOKS ARE FULL OF STORIES ABOUT SOLDIERS

WHO HAVE SEEN SO MUCH SUFFERING ON THE BATTLEFIELD

THAT THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN COPE IS TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES

THEY'RE JESUS CHRIST. THE DELUSION SERVES

TO PROTECT THESE SOLDIERS' FRAGILE MINDS.

I BELIEVE MY MYSTERY PATIENT WHO CALLS HIMSELF TREVOR PIERCE

HAS EXPERIENCED NO LESS A TRAGEDY.

THE KEY TO DISPELLING THE DELUSION, THEREFORE,

IS TO LEARN THE CAUSE, TREAT THE HEARTBREAK

AND ALLOW THIS CUPID TO FIND HIS PSYCHE.

(man) ALL RIGHT, LATER!

(tires screech)

DAVE O'LEARY?

I'M AGENT MORRIS, IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT.

I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO COME WITH ME.

NICE STORY ABOUT YOU IN THE PAPER, BY THE WAY.

HEY, MAN. HEY.

(man) IT USED TO BE ON BLEECKER...

HEY. HEY, BOSS. WHAT'S THE GOOD WORD?

HEY. THAT SINGER DAVE CALLED.

OH, YEAH? HE WAS HOPING YOU'D BE AROUND. IMMIGRATION CAUGHT UP WITH HIM,

AND--AND THEY PUT HIM ON A PLANE BACK TO DUBLIN. NO.

HE WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AND SAY GOOD-BYE.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET A CELL PHONE.

I MISSED HIS CALL.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

YOU KNOW, I WAS READING "MODERN INVENTION" MAGAZINE.

THERE'S THIS RIVETING PIECE IN THERE.

APPARENTLY, THERE ARE THESE FLYING CONTRAPTIONS NOW

THAT ALLOW PASSENGERS TO TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES.

I HAVE A LIFE HERE, A JOB. I CAN'T JUST PICK UP.

TRUE LOVE CROSSES OCEANS.

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD, TREVOR?

PEOPLE DON'T FALL IN LOVE IN TWO DAYS.

SEE, THAT'S WHERE WE DIFFER.

YOU TAKE YOUR ADVICE FROM DR. McCRAE.

I TAKE MY ADVICE FROM CAPTAIN KIRK.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T PUT MYSELF OUT THERE LIKE THAT.

(voice breaking) THAT'S HOW YOU GET HURT.

OKAY.

OKAY, I GET IT.

WELL, I GOT A PHONE NOW. DON'T BE A STRANGER.

(normal voice) I WON'T.

BE GOOD.

(Trevor) It was all I could do to not throw her

over my shoulder and put her on a plane.

(Claire) I'm pleased you didn't.

I had one card left to play. No idea if it worked.

WHY DO MORTALS MAKE FALLING IN LOVE SO DIFFICULT?

YOU'LL GET USED TO IT, TREVOR.

"Be bold." What was I thinking?

There's someone for everyone, Trevor.

You say that with your authoritative tone.

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW BETTER, I ALMOST BELIEVE YOU.

WELL, SOMEONE BROKE YOUR HEART. I'M SURE OF THAT MUCH.

BUT YOU'LL HEAL. YOU'LL EVEN FALL IN LOVE AGAIN.

HERE, WITH A MORTAL? NOT LIKELY.

CUPID FELL IN LOVE WITH PSYCHE. SHE WAS A MORTAL. I TOLD YOU, THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

And I never did get that baklava.

YOU EVER HEAR OF THIS PLACE-- ST. NICK'S?

GREEK PLACE IN SOHO. PEOPLE RAVE.

LET'S HAVE LUNCH TOMORROW. YOU AND ME. I'LL BUY.

THERE ARE RULES, TREVOR.

DOCTOR, PATIENT. LEST I FORGET.

ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE THING--

I could really use some counseling, Dr. McCrae.

SUDDENLY DOUBTING YOUR OMNISCIENCE?

No. But from what people tell me,

you're the best shrink around.

IT MIGHT TAKE A LITTLE TIME,

BUT... AND WITH AROUND-THE-CLOCK AVAILABILITY,

SOME ELBOW GREASE,

YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO CURE ME OF THIS. THIS WHAT?

HOMESICKNESS.

HOMESICKNESS, HUH? ALL RIGHT, I WILL MEET YOU DOWN THERE,

SEE IF WE CAN'T MAKE THIS WORK.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOIN'? NO EARTHLY IDEA.

♪ SHE'S GONE ♪

It's on 2nd between Pacific and Atlantic.

How does 1:00 sound?

♪ SHE'S... ♪

HEY.

TREVOR?

TREVOR?

I'LL BE THERE.

BYE. (beep)