Original subtitles

Janni, Jimmy, get in here now!

I'm so tired of all the fighting. You have no idea!

- He hit me first. - He hit me first.

- Liar! - I don't care who started it.

It has to stop. I need you two to get along.

You understand that one day

you will inherit my empire, yes?

- What's an empire? - Shut up.

This will remind you that you are two halves of one.

Together, you are more powerful than apart, yes?

What does this mean?

One day, you will find out.

Hey, señor!

- Freeze! - Hi, honey.

I just vacuumed this rug, okay? I got it all even.

Take your shoes off, please. You know the rule.

Now, please, try not to scare Blanche.

Don't clunk! You're scaring her!

Look, you scared Blanche now, Jill. Jill!

Be done here in just a minute. Hey, don't go in there!

There's a surprise in there! Don't look.

Okay.

Ta-da!

Finished it up today.

It's all our favorite hit men. All our favorite hits.

Now, I don't think you ever met Tony, the tooth. Capped him in Chicago.

I was even able to get the little hole in his head where I whacked him with a 9-iron.

Santo "Three Fingers". Remember the rat that wouldn't shut up?

And, of course, Frankie Figs.

Who could forget Frankie Figs?

"Oh, wow, Jimmy, you shot me. "

- Poor Frankie. - Jimmy!

- What? - We need to talk.

I mean, I...

I just wanted everything to be, you know, perfect for when the baby came. That's all.

That's what we need to talk about.

So, how did the hit go?

- Good. - Really?

- So, you let him get away. - No!

- Then he's dead? - Yeah.

- Then what is your problem? - I didn't kill him.

- But he is dead. - Look, at first, everything went as smooth as silk.

I did everything you said. I had the taxi, I had the flowers.

Nobody even notices me. I'm telling you, I could've been invisible.

Did you have a problem getting in the room, what?

Oh, honey, I finally used my lock-pick set!

Like this, I was in there and I'm waiting and I'm tottaly poised.

I'm cool as a cucumber. All of a sudden, the frigging guy's phone rings.

Jill, you flinched.

- And I whip my gun around... - You flinched!

...and I knock over his bowl of tomato sauce.

You must stay focused when you are killing another person!

Then I've got this whole big mess to contend with.

And the more I try to clean up the floor, the worse it gets.

Tomato sauce is a really tough stain to get out. You need a good grease cutter for that.

Then finally, I hear the guy's key in the lock.

Now, let me guess. Your shotgun's out of reach.

So, now I got to think fast. So, I go for my gun,

he slides across the floor and, well...

I would get into detail, but let's just say...

he left the building.

I don't know, I gotta say, if the guy's dead, we gotta put this in the win column.

It was the same exact thing with the Spiegelman hit. He fell down an elevator shaft.

Yeah, but, honey, you were running right behind him just before he fell down the shaft.

But I just wanna shoot someone!

All right, now. All right, now, baby.

Murdering another human being can be a very moving experience.

Listen...

I got an idea.

What do you say we go and kill somebody tonight, just the two of us?

We'll go out, we'll find some drunk tourist,

we'll take him out on the beach and put three in the back of his coconut.

- Wow! - What's your favorite gun?

- A. 45. - Great.

We'll make a big mess. How does that sound, baby doll?

My roast.

- This isn't working. - Oven's working just fine, Jill.

No, this, this, Jimmy.

I thought I married a contract killer, not Martha Stewart.

Hey, I am in disguise, okay?

Yeah, well, your disguise is dumb.

I mean, look at yourself.

And anyway, what the hell are you doing in disguise?

Everyone in their mind thinks you're dead.

Well, you never can tell, can you?

Now, you are gonna sit and enjoy this meal.

I got this recipe from Mrs. Sanchez next door, okay?

This is a cilantro reduction.

Hey, watch your fingerprints!

I spent the whole morning scrubbing this kitchen down.

See? There is definitely something wrong with you.

Hey, hey, there is nothing wrong with me, okay?

There is nothing wrong with me.

Every man that has an ongoing sexual relationship

experiences certain peaks and valleys

within his male libido from time to time.

Last time we saw anything resembling a peak

was almost a year ago, Mr. Jimmy "the tulip" Tudeski.

We're in a valley. We're below sea level. We're under the water.

The tulip has...

Jimmy "the tulip" is alive and well, okay?

I'm not so sure about that. I saw a doctor when I was in L. A.

This is a cilantro reduction.

You marinate the meat in tequila for 2 and a half hours.

- The meat just melts into-- - Are you listening to what I'm saying?

He said it wasn't me.

Jill, please just come eat. I have been cooking all day.

Jimmy!

You might be shooting blanks.

This is not a dumb disguise. Now, come eat.

Think fast!

- Strabonitz! - Papa.

This is the best birthday present I could ever have.

Come here, my big boy, giant in the family.

- It's a beautiful day, no? - Yes!

No?

No.

"No" meaning "yes".

"No" meaning "yes".

- Get in the car, I'm starving! - All right.

If I don't eat soon, I'll pass out.

Hello, birdie. Tweet, tweet, my friend. Tweet, tweet.

- Oh, babe, you look hot. - Oz, knock it off.

Just checking out the gyroscopic swivel pan mechanism.

You know, the new one.

You checked it three times already this morning.

Nobody is coming, Oz.

- Knock it off. - Okay.

I got it, honey!

- Who sent you? - Buttercup Scouts of America.

Bullshit! What troop are you with?

- What? - You heard me.

What's your den mother's name?

Carol?

Jesus, Oz, what the hell are you doing?

She's a Buttercup Scout.

I'm not buying this Buttercup Scout routine.

And besides, I think there's something in her hand.

Cookies. Minty Thins.

This is Ellen Wasserstrom's daughter.

I told her mother I'd buy cookies from her.

Putz!

- I heard that! - Jag-off.

- Well, that was a close call, huh? - Mm-hm.

Minty Thins are bad for your teeth anyway. They cause gum recession, staining...

- You've really got to stop this now, Oz. - I know.

Nobody is coming to get us. They can't come and get us...

-... because they're all dead. - They're all dead.

- Or in jail. - Right.

I swear to God, Oz, if you look at that monitor one more time...

I'll be taking cold showers for the rest of my life?

For starters.

You look very nice in that robe.

This will make you very happy, I think.

You think, huh?

Well, for starters, I hate the color.

So!

You are the two that tried to muscle in on my businesses

while I was gone.

No!

Tell everyone that Lazlo Gogolak

is back in town.

How are they gonna tell anyone when they're dead?

What?

Come here. I love you, boy.

Don't correct me. As a rule.

- What is that? Give it to me. - Here, boss.

Oh, another surprise.

That was fun.

Oseransky.

- It's me. - Oh, hey, Jill, how are you?

How's your new dental assistant?

Well, she's not trying to kill me,

so I put that in the win column.

- As long as you never forget the fun we had. - Uh-huh.

Hey, listen. Can I ask you something?

Sure, anything.

Do you think that Jimmy and Cynthia talk?

What do you mean talk? Like you and I talk?

No, like, I mean, "talk" talk.

I don't understand. Why would Jimmy and Cynthia be "talk" talking?

No, no, no! Cynthia would tell me. She tells me everything.

- Why would you ask that? - He's acting like a fruitcake.

What do you mean, he's killing people again?

I wish. No, he's up to something.

He's acting like he's out of his mind, but I don't believe it for a second.

Oh, jeez! A homicidal maniac acting totally crazy. What a surprise.

- Jill! - I gotta go. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later.

Yeah?

- So, that's the one we're after, huh? - Yes.

Cost me 10,000 to get, you know, the dental work.

- To find out if it's him. - Did you save receipts?

- No. What receipts? - I'm kidding.

Nobody saves receipts anymore. Don't worry. That's why it's funny.

It's funny. All right, so you go in and you grab him.

- Yes. - You go in...

And I...

And grab him.

- What do you do? - I go in and I grab him.

Piece of pie.

- No, it's "cake". - What did I say?

- Pie. - And you said?

- Cake. No, it's pie. - Piece of pie.

Cake.

Mr. White, how's that implant treating you?

Okay.

So, how are you? How're you doing? You're looking top-notch. Very stellar.

That's a nice sweater. Is it a burnt orange or...

Hey, Dr. Oseransky, your wife's on line 1.

- Is she upset? - You know what?

I can't tell whether she's laughing or crying.

I think she might be laughing.

- Okay, well, put her through, okay, Julie? - Okay.

Here we go, Mr. White. A little nitrous for you.

Now, don't take this off until I tell you.

You may enjoy that.

- Hi, honey, what's up? - Got some news.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah. We're pregnant.

What?!

We're pregnant!

What? When?

Probably when you were on top of me.

Or when you were on top of me.

- Doctor. - Mrs. Himelfarb.

- Don't forget to floss. - God, Oz, I love you so much!

Oh, I love you too. So, you're not angry?

About me being pregnant?

No, about me almost shooting a Buttercap Scout this morning.

Mrs. Havacamp.

- Forget that about that. I wanna see you. - Oh, I wanna see you too.

I gotta go. So, I'll meet you at your favorite place. Okay, I love you.

Mr. White.

I'm so sorry.

I'm gonna bring somebody in to do that for me, okay?

He's not breathing or moving, okay?

So, call whoever deals with that. I'm going to lunch with Cynthia.

911! 911 deals with that.

Call 91... Hold on, please.

Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

This can't be good.

- It really is perfect now, isn't it? - Yes.

- There's so much planning to do. - I know.

So many things to buy.

We gotta get a crib, clothes.

We have to redecorate the guest bedroom.

I'll finally get around to building that moat.

- What? - Oh, no, no worries.

I've already checked with zoning and city council.

Are you kidding?

We're not building a fricking moat in our yard.

No, no, no. This will go all around the perimeter.

- Oz, no. Don't ruin this moment. - I am not...

We're having a baby. I mean not right now in the restaurant.

I mean, we're fighting right now, but then we're gonna have a baby.

- Honey, I'm just trying to-- - Drive me insane.

Look, I don't wanna raise a child in an environment of complete and total fear.

Fear? Who's talking about fear? We're talking about a moat.

Just think of it as a little, round swimming pool.

- You're afraid of everything, Oz. - That is so not true.

- Hola. - Hey.

- Thinking about me? - Off and on. Yeah.

- See the paper? - Mm-hm.

- Well? - Well, I'm a little nervous about this.

There's nothing to be nervous about, Cynthia.

- What, is he driving you nuts again? - Yes.

Sounds like you could use a break. A little...

- Cahooting? - I seem to remember...

...you were always good at cahooting, Cynthia.

Cynthia, I remember a time when your middle name was danger.

Oh, Jimmy!

- Cynthia. - I hate lying to Oz like this.

Oz can't know anything about this, Cynthia. Are we clear?

Yeah, we're clear. Does Jill suspect anything?

- Jill thinks I'm losing my mind. - She's probably right.

- You still got the numbers, right? - Of course.

- God! - What?

You still sound so sexy on the phone.

- Listen, one more thing. - Yeah?

What are you wearing?

It's not important.

All right, I gotta go.

- Game time. - Good luck.

You're on.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Honey, I'm sorry.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

It's the idiot from under the table.

Honey?

Honey!

She not here.

Oh, my God!

Mr. White, what are you doing here?

Look, if this is about the amount of nitrous oxide I gave you...

- Dentist, sit down. - ...I'm sorry!

Where is my wife?

Your wife...

- ...is in a safe... - My wife's in a safe?

- ...place! Safe place!

Let me finish a sentence. I talk, you talk, I talk.

That's how we should have a conversation, yes?

- Okay, yes, good. Whatever you say. - Now...

How safe and for how long is entirely up to you.

Would it be out of line if I asked at this juncture...

who you are and what you're doing in my home?

I'm...

flabbergasted.

- I'm sorry. - Chagrined.

That you don't see the similarity in the facial structure.

And you guys just basically understand all of this?

Do you remember Janni Gogolak?

Do you or don't you?

- Do I or don't I what? - Remember Janni!

- Yes, I remember Janni. - Janni...

...was my son.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, I know what you're thinking.

- Yes, you do. - Well, I think I do.

You're like the Amazing Kreskin.

Well, you know all this, where it's going?

No. No, no, no, no. I just think...

I just think that you think that I killed your son. And I did not kill your son.

- Jimmy Tudeski killed your son. - You know, I collect these.

- Really? - Nope.

- Where's Jimmy? - Jimmy's dead.

- Jimmy's dead! They're both dead! - And I'm bored!

Strabo, put one in his head. Maybe that will help him remember.

- Papa... - No, no, no. If Strabo puts one in my head...

- ...how am I gonna remember anything? - Shut up!

- I'll try that then. - Where's Jimmy? I know he's alive!

Mr. Gogolak, I don't know where Jimmy is.

Please, as far as I know, he's dead.

- Strabo. - Strabo!

Don't, Mr. White. Strabo!

Enough! Enough!

Are you kidding me? That's loud!

Come on, come on, he's getting away.

Stop, stop! Why are you shooting in a neighborhood like this?

Let everybody know we're here.

Go on, go next door, show them the weapon. There you go.

- What are we gonna do, Papa? - Relax.

The dentist will lead us to the rat.

It'll be just like maybe 5 more minutes, okay? 10, maybe.

One second. Dr. Oseranksy's office.

- Julie, it's Oz! - Hey, doc. You sound frazzled.

- Are you all right? - I am frazzled.

Look, just cancel my appointments for the rest of the week.

Do you know how many people are here right now?

Just cancel my appointments for the rest of the week!

- Okay, fine. - Okay.

I got you.

- That was good one. - Yeah, yeah.

Yermo, Zevo...

We're driving to Mexico in 10 minutes.

Stop drinking or you'll get an IUD.

Cynthia, you have something to eat?

Nice of you to take such an interest in my health.

- Cynthia, take one. Eat. - Thank you, Anya.

Mother, Mother, please, please. No.

Not now. It's nice.

- It's tough to eat with all the gas. - I made it for her.

All right.

She's 108.

I love her.

All right, let's get Jimmy! Bring around the car.

I can't believe you think Jimmy's still alive.

You remember how his body was identified?

I do. Dental records.

- So? - Sit down.

Your husband just happens to be a dentist.

He and Jimmy are buddy-buddy.

- What's your point? - Do the math!

Jimmy is still alive, and your husband, again, with him.

How the hell do you know where my husband is?

That was simple.

- LuJack. - "LuJack"?

- In the Porsche. - No, Papa.

It's... You say LoJack.

See? LoJack.

- I didn't quite hear. - Oh, LoJack.

Don't correct me.

Don't ever correct me!

You like getting hit? Is that it?

- You're a freak who enjoys pain? - Of course not.

- Watch the broad! - All right.

Do you know how this works?

Thanks, I got it.

Hold still or you're gonna look like a Hare Krishna.

That's funny.

- Are you okay? - Am I bleeding?

No!

- Hello. - Jill!

- Who's that? - I can't talk right now.

Who is that? Give me the phone. Give me...

Give me the phone.

- Who is this? - Jimmy, Jimmy, hi, it's Oz.

Oz!

- How the hell did Oz get our number? - I don't know.

Oz, what did I tell you about ever calling here?

I think you said something about killing me...

Yes, killing me and beating me to death with my own corpse.

That's right. That's what it was.

Yeah, that's right. Good memory. What do you want?

- I'm in Mexico. - You're in Mexico?

I was just thinking maybe I would swing by and...

If you come by this house, Oz,

if you come within 25 miles of this house,

I will back a car over your head 75 times.

Okay.

Hi, I'm a dead man.

Good talking to you.

No, no, no! No, no, no. Stay away from the vehicle!

Get out of the car! Get out of the car!

Jimmy, Jimmy, don't shoot! It's me, it's Oz!

I know.

That almost hit me.

How're you doing?

Are you wearing bunny slippers?

Stay away from my chickens, Oz.

Oh, my God! Oh, no! Blanche!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Blanche!

- Who's Blanche? - Consuelo!

Xerxes! Alert the others, there's been a tragedy!

Who's Blanche?

This is Blanche.

- You killed her. - I'm sorry.

Go home, Oz.

Go home before something bad happens.

Something bad already has happened. Cynthia's been kidnapped.

Poor Blanche. Cut down in her prime.

He names his chickens. You name your chickens?

Blanche! You're dead!

Hey, Oz, you're here!

- He killed Blanche. - I see.

- What are you doing here? - I'd like to know that too.

What are you doing here?

Put a sock in it. Oz and I talk all the time.

- Jill! - Really?

You talk all the time?

We spoke once. And I think it was mostly about some kind of fruit.

- Are you alone? - Yeah!

- You weren't followed? - No!

- How would you know? You're a dentist. - Honey!

Well, now that he's here, he's staying for lobster à la Tudeski.

Lobster à la Tudeski? I can't stay for lobster à la Tudeski.

- Lazlo Gogolak was at my house. - Oh, my God!

- Am I setting a place or not? - Yes, please.

- What is the matter with him? - It's a long story. Talk to me.

All right. Well, Cynthia's been kidnapped.

- Are you serious? - Yes.

Lazlo wants Jimmy's head on the platter for killing Janni.

And he came to your house?!

Wouldn't this conversation be so much better dining on my masterpiece?

What's wrong with him?

Are you crazy? Are you out of your mind?

They know you're alive.

- How would they know that, Oz? - Because they do!

Oh, look, honey, we have a squealer in the house.

A squealer? I'm not a squealer!

I've never squealed on anybody in my life.

How do they know, Oz?

They have Cynthia. I need your help.

- Yeah. - And I'm your friend.

You know what, Oz? Friendship is overrated.

I got enough friends.

In fact, I'm thinking about maybe losing a couple.

This could be great! A way for you to get back in the game!

Yes, back in the game!

I don't wish to get back in the game.

I like cooking.

I like cleaning.

And I like to decorate.

We're talking about Cynthia here.

Yes, Cynthia. Your ex-wife?

Well, I think "ex" would be the key word in that sentence, Oz.

If you don't get off your ass and help us get Cynthia back,

I swear to God I'll never talk to you again.

If you ever grab me like that again, I will stick a knife in your face.

Is that clear?

We'll talk about it, and we're doing it over dinner,

which is probably ruined by now.

Both of you go wash your hands.

We eat in 15 minutes.

He's kidding.

You better go wash your hands, Oz.

Well, it really is a nice presentation.

It would have been, if we hadn't let the sauce clot.

The potatoes were supposed to be floating around the lobster,

not just stuck there like that.

I had this whole tricolore thing going on.

I think it looks great.

You know, I would hate to think that you were placating me, Oz,

just to get me to talk about Cynthia.

No. No.

- Is that Hebrew? - Yeah.

- Aren't you Catholic? - Yeah. Devout.

- That makes sense. - Oz...

Give us the lowdown on Cynthia.

She's pregnant.

Oh, my God! That's so great!

- Thanks. - Congratulations!

And the funny thing is, we weren't even trying.

Oh, my God! That's great!

Do you have any idea where they're keeping her?

Just somewhere with Lazlo. What's the matter with him?

Nothing, don't worry about him.

This is just his way of expressing joy lately.

Oh, so this is how a retired mass murderer acts.

No, this is how a retired mass murderer behaves when people show up uninvited for dinner!

- Noted. - Jimmy.

- How many goons does he have with him? - 7, 8.

- And his son. - Strabonitz?

Well, should I go to the police?

Lazlo just got out of jail. Kidnapping would put him away forever.

'Cause he'd be willing to make her disappear in order to avoid going back to the slammer.

- Right, honey? - Why are you asking me?

- This is Oz's problem. - Jimmy.

You have to help me.

What, are you nuts?

I got a great thing going on down here, Oz.

Plus, I'm safe down here.

And besides, I don't really care what happens with you and Cynthia.

I'm not uprooting my life to save your sorry ass.

Light it up like a piñata!

- You told them where I live? - No!

You're dead, squealer! You told them where I live, squealer!

- You're a dead man! - I'm not a squealer!

Jimmy, are you coming or not?!

You can run, but you can't hide!

Let's go!

Oz!

Put the... Let's go!

You better run, tooth-boy.

I get a second, I'm gonna slice you up.

Anyone hit anything yet?

Let's go.

Will you come on?!

This idiot. Will you come on?

Get up!

Go!

They're getting away!

Come on!

You're shooting at the house, they're in the car.

You had one shot.

All right, it was a nice shot. It was. Come here.

It was a nice shot.

Nice shooting, honey.

Thanks, honey.

The sons of bitches got away.

So, do I clip her or not?

Keep Cynthia happy for the time being. Can you do that?

Not likely.

Sick bastards!

What? What is it? What?

Janni!

I want him dead.

Dead!

Yesterday!

Before breakfast!

Before eggs!

Scrambled.

I don't understand why we have to dump my car.

It's not your business to understand anything, tooth-boy.

So, it's not my business to leave my $80,000 car in Mexico.

Yeah, you know, maybe you got a plan there. Take the car, lose the wife.

- Good plan. - I'll get the tickets.

You do that, you squealer!

I didn't squeal on anybody!

Sure! The Gogolaks just showed up there on their own.

- Forget it, Jill. - It means he's a rat and a liar.

This coming form someone who married someone in the witness protection program.

You got a really funny way

of asking for help, squeal cheese!

- Please, help me? - Well, that's a little better.

But it still doesn't help, now that the bad guys know where I live.

You're spitting in my mouth.

Just go and get the tickets, all right, squeal weasel?

- How was that? - It was good.

- Scary. - Really?

Come here.

So, Oz, congratulations on Cynthia being pregnant.

Thank you.

You think I'd be a good father?

You don't think I'd be a good father?

- I didn't say that. - You didn't say anything.

No, I think you'd be a good father.

- I didn't understand what you just-- - Shut up.

Why are we on this bus?

Your car's got a GPS system on it.

I figure that's how Lazlo tracked you down.

At least, that's what I'm hoping anyway, for your sake.

For my sake?

Yeah. Because if that's not the case,

I'm gonna kill you.

- Right, baby? - Yes, sirree, Bob.

- I wish Cynthia would get kidnapped more often. - Me too.

Well, I'll just make sure to put my wife in danger

whenever you guys have problems in the bedroom.

What problems? What problems?

I didn't say anything.

Is this what you two talk about on the phone, huh, behind my back?

How would you like it if I talked to Cynthia behind your back?

- Sit down. - Okay.

- You're causing a scene. - You grabbed my face.

The front part of my head.

Yes?

The dentist bought three one-way tickets to L.A.

Los Angeles? Interesting.

All right, so we cut them off at the piss.

Just like John Wayne, we ride up over the hill, huh?

You two in the Porsche. All right?

When we get to L.A., we strip it, make a few dollars and then torch it.

But for now, you hot-wire it and follow us. All right? Come on.

# Come to Los Angeles #

Can we stop the horseplay for one second?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Okay, so we had a car. My car. My $80, 000 car.

Then we're on a bus. And now we're renting a car.

It still doesn't make any sense to me.

- Someday it will. - I specifically ordered...

...a black cup of coffee, right?

A black cup of coffee.

I screwed up. I apologize.

Yeah, well, do I have to wait another 20 minutes for your screw-up?

- A black cup of coffee. - I'm sorry.

- I'll get you a fresh cup. - Okay. You're still standing there.

- You're still standing. - I apologize.

Bye!

Hey, pal...

Why don't you give the girl a break, huh? She already said she was sorry.

- She's just working for a living. - Right.

Why don't you mind your own business?

- Asshole! - Oh, no.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, I was just gonna remind you...

Now, son, you're never gonna be as mean or rude

to a waitress or a waiter or anybody that brings you food

like your dad just was, are you, son?

- No. - Real good.

Eat up all your corn. Grow up to be big and strong like your Uncle Jimmy.

You see, Oz? I'd be a great father.

I just taught that kid not to be mean to waitresses.

You know, we could make this a real party.

What, we need more balloons?

Oh, Strabo!

I love your name.

No, Strabo, I mean, you and me...

well, we could make this, you know...

a fun party.

Oh, you mean you and me...

That's right.

I've always had a little bit of a crush on you.

You know, I've always sensed that!

- You did? - Yes!

I guess Jimmy just moved a little bit quicker, huh?

Well, Jimmy... Jimmy is as good as...

And so you and the dentist...

Things not so well going?

To tell you the truth...

I kind of miss the excitement.

And I like your hair that way.

Long.

- You're making me blush. - That's good.

Give me one good reason to trust you.

- Well, I can give 280 million. - What?

- What are you talking about? - Your father never told you?

What?

What's so funny?

What's so goddamn funny, huh?

Strabo....

Your daddy thinks you're a moron.

- Anya! - Coming.

Anya, you watch the broad, huh?

- Where you going? - I'm going to the bus station.

- Find Papa. - My God!

Anya, can I use your bathroom?

Yes.

All right.

- I got your cream cheese and scrambled egg. - Yummy!

I'm gonna take the ham and cheese. That leaves you with the tuna.

- I don't like tuna. - Start liking it.

Okay.

You know, I thought of another reason why you don't have to kill me.

What would that be, dentist?

What if they didn't trace me through my car?

I mean, that's a hell of a thing to hang my life on.

Only thing to hang your life on is trust, Oz.

- You want me to get some mustard, baby? - Yes, honey, thank you.

What, no Jewish prayer before we heave our ham and cheese?

You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz?

Do unto others before you're turned into a pillar of salt.

Exactly. Unless they're a rat.

Then you can shoot them in the eyes.

- A pillar of salt? - That's right. Moses said that.

Read the Bible, Oz.

Eat up, dentist. It could be your last meal.

So, if they don't show up, you're just gonna shoot me, is that it?

That's about the size of it.

And then you're just gonna let Cynthia die too?

I told you before, Oz, I don't care what happens to Cynthia, okay?

Oh, yeah, sure. That's why you're still wearing her crucifix around your neck.

No, wait. I'm sorry, what?

What did you say was Cynthia's?

Did I say something?

Two years we've been together and you never think to mention

you're wearing a present from your ex-wife around your fricking neck?

It wasn't a present.

- Where's it from, Oz? - I don't know.

It's Cynthia's.

Her grandmother gave it to her when she was a kid

and she gave it to Jimmy for good luck on hits.

You say you're not a squealer, huh?!

Looks like you got a reprieve, Oz.

Oh, thank God the killers are here.

So, check the bus?

As opposed to...

...just looking at the bus? Yes, check the bus!

Oh, let me out of here!

Let me out of here!

Come on, open the door!

Perfect. Right on time.

Your wife's as good as home, Oz.

I know you're in here.

- Looking for me, Strabo? - Oh, shit!

Anything tricky, I blow your ribs across the parking lot.

- The rat's not here. - Not here.

The Jimmy...

is watching me right now. I can feel it.

Hey, Lazlo.

- No, no, no. - Look what I got.

- I'm sorry, Papa. - Man, did you get old!

I like the whole Liberace thing, though.

How long you think you can hide from me?

Where are you going with this?

I'll call you to tell you where we're gonna make the exchange with Cynthia.

Any of your knuckleheads follow this car, I start throwing out body parts.

Feet first.

You harm

one hair on his head...

If they have Strabo, who has girl?

Answer. Answer, Mother.

You okay, darling?

- What's up, Jill? - Nothing.

Open the trunk. Don't even think about it!

Thank you.

I think you nicked his head there.

I'm sorry. I didn't see you.

- What is your problem, Jill? - Nothing.

- I don't have a problem. - Good.

Why don't you go and check us in.

Okay.

You know, I wouldn't mind you wearing it, it's just so ugly.

- Why don't you just throw it away? - I can't.

- Because you still have feelings for her? - Because, it's sacrilegious, Jill.

Why don't you just give it back to her then?

Because I haven't seen her since I did my nickel up in Joliet, Jill!

Where does he get sayings like that?

You and I aren't gonna talk much, are we?

You know waht? There is something really wrong with you, Jill.

- You're still in love with her. - That's insane. Isn't it?

Why don't you just let me take it and then--

- Okay, tell you what... - Jimmy, Jim, Jimmy, Jimmy!

I love you, Jill.

But if you touch this crucifix again, I will kill you. That's a promise.

This is my good luck charm.

I take it off, I'm jinxed.

Wanna see me dead, Jill?

Do you?

Sometimes, yeah.

I'm going to check in.

Can you believe this?

Well, 47% of all couples at some point in their relation--

You know, you've got a very long face.

Like a goldfish or...

a Shetland pony or something.

Bring Strabo, Oz!

I gotta... have you...

Where is she?

Look, how nice. Everybody is still here

having a little repast. Isn't that lovely?

Where else would I be?

I don't know.

One would venture a guess.

A question could be asked. Where have you been?

Big loft, very drafty. I understand.

Get me Figueroa on the phone!

Mr. G., Frankie Figs is dead.

How sad for him. Try calling the one who's still alive!

Jill, come on, open the door.

Jill!

Jill, will you come on? Be sensible.

Apologize.

Jill, honey, I'm sorry I pointed a gun at your face

and said I was gonna blow your brains out.

Okay? I didn't mean that.

Come on, knock it off.

I'll knock it off when you get rid of that crucifix.

This cross represents my Lord and Savior.

The Christ child. The little baby in the manger.

I throw this away and I go straight to hell!

This coming from a man who's killed 21 people.

- 21! That's impressive. - It is, isn't it?

Why is it that for two years, I've been begging you to go back to work.

And then all of a sudden, when Cynthia gets kidnapped,

you're off to the races!

Off to the races?

"Apologize, then she'll come right out. "

Squeal bag! Squealster!

Remington Squeal!

You see what you got me into now with your squealing?

Now, you get over here and you help me out of this jam right now.

You better make it good!

Snoodster? Hon?

You're gonna be hearing from somebody else now.

Jill? Scooster?

Snoodster.

I think you're being a little bit unreasonable.

I mean, when he pulled a gun on you,

that was pretty funny.

Oz, nobody's talking to you.

Hey, you take it easy on Oz, okay? He's a doctor.

People go to see him when they have problems, Jill.

He's a dentist. People go to see him when they have plaque.

- He's a wonderful dentist. - Pipe it, toughie!

I promise I'll shoot you.

Frankly, I don't care whether we get Cynthia back or not.

Well, that's a bad...

- Oh, trouble in the bedroom, huh? - What did you just say?

- Nothing. - Excuse me, please.

Did you tell him that, huh?! Did you tell him that, Jill?!

A few moments of erectile dysfunction...

Just a few, really.

...and I am not a man now, huh?!

- Is that it?! What?! - Stop hitting and kicking.

If you didn't love her, you would take it off.

- Excuse me! - What?!

Can we please call Lazlo and make the switch for Cynthia?

No. And I'll tell you why we can't do that!

Because that would involve me talking to my wife,

which I am never gonna do again!

I'm going to get drunk.

You believe this?

- Well, erectile dysfunction-- - Shut up.

I'm gonna go get Jimmy. Will you watch Strabo for a while?

- Eat shit. - Okay.

How can he get drunk at a time like this?

Maybe this whole "erectile misfiring" is God's way of punishing me.

He sees all things great and small, you know.

Yeah, I've done some very bad things. I lie to Jill.

I don't take the trash out.

- I killed 21 people. - Actually, 22.

- Who did I forget? - Frankie Figs.

This is it. This is the reason that God does not want me to father a child, Oz.

He does not want me to spread my seed.

God is counting my seed, Oz.

He's probably up in heaven right now counting my little seeds.

138, 139...

- ...140-- - Stop, stop, stop counting your seed!

I don't think God is keeping an eye on your sperm.

I wish I could believe that.

What kind of a job is that for God?

It'd take Him all day. I'm gonna throw up.

Fine. Throw up. Go ahead, you have your fun.

What about me?

Why don't you just consider adopting?

Come on, Oz.

How many adoption agencies are gonna give a kid to a professional killer?

Now, you may have a point there.

Maybe I could just steal a kid.

They're small. How hard can that be?

Now, that's the kind of thinking you gotta get away from, my friend.

But I'd be a great father, Oz. I would. I'd be a great dad.

I could teach the kid how to play baseball.

- I've always been real good with a bat. - That's true.

And, I mean, when I was kid, I had this cool little slingshot, right?

I could make a slingshot for my little boy.

And I could teach him how to use it.

And if he couldn't get it right away,

I'd be patient.

I wouldn't yell at him. I wouldn't make him cry.

Jimmy, there's a lot of people looking.

Things with the husband not so well going?

I was thinking...

If you were to have sex with another man,

it would make Jimmy jealous.

Oh, yeah?

- Like with who? - Well, let's say...

With me, for example.

You look good with a gun.

- Did you have a good relationship with your father, Oz? - Me?

- We were like pals. - I'd like to kill my father.

I'd like to take an ice pick and stick it right in his eyeball.

Still wanna throw up.

Can you help me? Can you tell me? I mean, what the...

What the hell is going on here?!

Why are we all on this big, spinning ball that we call Earth?!

Why? Why?

You ever hear thing called avoidance behavior, Oz?

I don't wanna talk about that.

Yes, yes! Let's talk about avoidance behavior.

You mean, like sitting here in a bar drinking shots instead of saving Cynthia?

Cynthia's gonna be just fine, Oz.

What do you mean Cynthia's fine?

I'll tell you one thing...

I am not gonna go out there and risk my ass for my wife...

- My wife! - Whatever!

I'm not risking my ass before I get a few things off my chest, okay?

Fine. Say them. What do you wanna say?

You know I was a bed wetter?

You don't do that anymore, do you?

When I was 12, I saw my dad naked in the shower.

That's probably why you wet the bed. Very Freudian, Jungian.

And we had some great times, too.

- You and your father? - No! Me and Cynthia!

See, that's almost vomit right there.

What was it like when Cynthia told you she was pregnant?

Oh, well, that was a beautiful moment.

She's got a great rack, doesn't she?

I'm sorry?

I mean, she was so wild.

So wild! I mean...

One time we wrecked an entire suite...

- ...at the Hotel Drake. - Can we get back to talking

- ...about killing your father or something? - $7,000 worth of damage, Oz.

Can we stop talking about you and my wife, please?!

I mean, we didn't come out of the room for four days.

But I don't gotta tell you, do I?

You're married to her, you lucky son of a bitch.

What is this thing?

That's what we've been building for the last few hours.

- Get it out of here! - Why?

Because I hate it! It makes me sad.

What's happening?

What's happening now?

Where are you going now?

Check.

Good morning.

What the hell is this?

Just give me five more minutes, baby.

You are really noisy in the morning.

Jimmy, what the hell happened last night?

And why does my ass hurt?

You fell down the stairs.

Oh, good. So, nothing happened.

Of course not. Not really.

What does that mean?

We were just a couple of guys helping each other out. That's all.

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but what does that mean?

It was a really magical night, Oz. Don't ruin it.

- What is it now? - That thing!

- Oh, this? - I knew it.

Oh, my God!

You guys enjoy your slumber party?

This is not what it looks like, right?

- Where's Strabo? - He got away.

I'm kidding. He's right here.

Okay, well, I'm gonna put some clothes on.

You want some help?

I think I'm fine. Thank...

- Strabonitz! - A little male bonding?

Just like C block, huh, Strabo?

I fell down the stairs, Strabo.

Going out to get some coffee.

I should probably put some clothes on first.

Yeah.

Hey, Oz, can you come in here for a sec?

Yes.

Listen, that was not what...

Let me close that.

Why are you bottomless?

I hated that skirt.

You don't like that shirt too, huh?

Came with the skirt.

I see. I mean, I really see.

What are you doing?

Oz...

You like my perfume? Smell it.

- Actually, I've been a little stuffed up, feeling nasally. - Smell it.

Yes. Yes, I do. It's...

You like my bra?

This... Here it is. It's a purple shirt.

Give me your hand, Oz.

- What are you gonna do with it? - Give it!

Feel my heart.

I don't think that's your heart.

Isn't your heart in between all that?

My heart is broken.

Can you feel that?

Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, I...

It's so broken, Oz!

- Jill! - Oz!

- I'm so sad. Oz! - Don't be sad.

What's all this?

First my ex-wife and now my wife-wife.

No, no, no. No, no. She just hated her outfit.

- Jimmy... - He wants to talk to you for a second.

No, you.

I've been waiting a long time for this, Oz.

Oz? I think Oz is gonna be out for a good half-hour, 45 minutes, Jill.

I didn't... I just...

Jimmy, I...

You do love me, don't you?

- Up on your toes. Get up. - What? What?

- Come on, tippy-time, tippy-time. - What? What's going on?

- There you go. There you go. - Why can't I stay in here?

- Sit down. - Okay.

Read a nice book.

Oh, God!

Yeah, baby!

That feels so good!

She just hated her outfit.

Yippee ki-yay!

Yeah!

You believe I fell down the stairs, right?

What stairs?

- Hello? - Bring me the phone.

- Put Liberace on. - Is this who I think is this?

- Back from the dead? - Yeah, Lazlo, skip the formalities.

I'll call you at 2 o'clock and tell you where we're gonna make the exchange.

Yes, well, it better be 2:00 on the dot

or I start cutting off the bitch's fingers

one at a time!

Wouldn't that be nice to get little pieces of the girl?

One, two, three...

- ...little tiny pieces. - Drop dead.

- What'd he say? - He said hi.

- We're gonna need more firepower. - I got guns. All you need.

Oz, you stud!

Here they are. What do you think?

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God, you have an H&K MP5K! - Can we hurry up? It's almost 2:00.

We're gonna be fine.

- Oh, wait, can I see this? - Uh-uh-uh, no, no, no.

- Allow me. I got it. - Okay.

Gotta be careful with these things.

I got it.

- Oz, are you okay? - Yeah, top-notch.

All right. It's almost 2:00. We've gotta load them up and move them out.

Right. There.

I got it. I got it.

Hold on, Oz.

Would you be careful of the fixtures?

I hurt the side part of my head.

- Nice guns. - Thanks.

- Put them in the back seat. - Okay.

You made her carry all the guns, huh, Oz?

Okay, can we call Lazlo? It's after 2:00.

Jimmy, you're late.

I want you to bring Cynthia to the Beverly Center.

I wanna make the exchange at the food court in one hour.

I wanna talk to my son.

You're gonna have to hold on a minute.

- Go get Strabo. - I'll go get Strabo.

- I just said that. - Right.

Go.

Strabo!

Damn it!

I can't find Strabo. I think he's gone.

- What?! - He's not where we left him.

Hold on, Lazlo. What do you mean?

I'm holding, I'm holding.

There's just a bunch of pieces of wood and chair...

- Where the hell is Strabo, people? - In the trunk.

Okay. How did Strabo get in the trunk, Oz?

- I don't know. - Well, get him out.

- Where are the keys? - In here, with me.

- It just keeps getting better and better. - Why's he in the trunk?

I don't know! You were supposed to be watching him!

Tulip!

- Hold on, Lazlo. - All right, you know what?

No more holding. Put my son on the phone now!

- Your son's... - Strabonitz?

Your son's in the trunk right now.

The trunk? I wanna talk to my son!

Strabo, your father wants to talk to you.

Strabonitz?

What?

- Did you get the gist of that? - Yes.

You locked my son in the trunk?

No, no, no, no, sir. No, sir. He locked himself in there.

This I believe. Fine. You have a spare key?

- Do we have a spare key? - No.

Car Ranch Rentals only gave us one.

- That's a negative on the spare key. - What about a locksmith?!

- Do you know of one in the area? - It's your town, dentist.

You should know where a...

Fine, you know what, Mr. Brain?

The trunk release button, how about that?

Every car since 1985 has a trunk release button.

Find it, open the trunk and let my boy out!

I have to look for a button on the driver's side.

Every car since 1985...

We kill them the moment we see them, in the head.

- I can't find it. - What kind of piece of shit car is this?

- Well, Car Ranch Rentals. - It's a hitter!

- Hitter! Lazlo's got a hitter on us. - Did you hire a hitter?

Did I...? I don't remember, really.

- Is someone shooting at you? - Your hitter is hitting at us!

That's bad. My son is there!

- Tell the hitter to stop. - Your boss says to stop it.

- His son's with us. Stop shooting! - This is Lazlo! Stop...

- ...shooting! - That's a direct Hungarian order!

Let me find speakerphone.

- Cease fire! - What's going on there?

- Talk to me. - He's not listening to you.

Well, you should fire him.

- Are you kidding me? - Sorry, that was me.

- Try not to shoot Oz, honey. - Yeah.

Let's go, kids!

Get up!

You are in no danger.

If she moves, put your cane through her eye.

Unbelievable.

How did you do that?

Every car since 1985 had a little button right here.

All right, come on out of there...

- What is this? - That's a dead hostage, Oz.

- That is what that is. - That can't be good.

No, you're right. It's not good.

It looks like he got shot in the foot. Who dies from getting shot in the foot?

He probably got shot when the hitter was shooting at us.

Well, that's really great. Well done, Jill.

Hey, look, shit happens.

That's right, Jill. Shit happens, to you.

All the time!

And you know why? Because you refuse to follow the ABC's of professional killing.

- There's an ABC's for professional killing? - Shut up, Oz!

How was I supposed to know he was gonna climb in the trunk?

- That is a good question. - I mean...

Oh, I know! How about you just watch him,

and you don't let him climb in the trunk, Jill!

I am a professional marksman. It's not my job to babysit...

You know what? I think you actually have to hit something

to count as a marksman.

Ozzie, Harriet, can we stop fighting and go get my wife?

Well, you can just forget about that, Oz, okay? Cynthia is as good as dead.

What? Don't say that.

Well, I am saying it, okay? She's as good as dead.

We have nothing to bargain with thanks to Jill.

- Look at this guy. - Don't pin this on me!

Anyway, if I'm such a screwup, what are you even doing with me?

You know what? That's a really good question too, Jill.

I'm out of here.

Well, you're not going, are you?

Hold on a minute.

You're gonna need the keys.

- Bye-bye. - I'm serious.

If I get in that car, you're never gonna see me again.

Careful backing out, hon.

Let's go.

Bag.

Why don't you take your pal Strabo with you? Remember him?

The Hungarian mobster that you let die?

He's sorry! He's very sorry!

She's coming back. I mean, she's gonna come back, right?

- No, I don't think so. - Oh, well, this is just great.

What are we gonna do now?

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna leave.

You're on your own, Oz.

I thought we were friends.

Well, that's what you get for trusting a contract killer, Oz.

You son of a bitch.

You can't do this to Cynthia.

- Okay? - Not okay.

Your darling Cynthia's not completely innocent in all this, Oz.

What? What does that mean?

Shit, shit, shit! Jill took my bag!

- So? - So...

there was something really important in the other bag, okay, Oz?

Oh, great!

- Hello. - Dentist, you hung up on me.

- Are you insane? - Lazlo!

- Hey, there was a button in the trunk. - That's great news.

- Put my son on the phone, damn it! - He's...

- We're gonna have to push back that meeting, Lazlo. - No, no.

No pushing. No pushing. Put him on the phone.

I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you.

- Put my son on the phone. - There seems to be a little static.

- Are you going through a canyon? - Am I going through a canyon? No.

Hello?

- Hello? - Lazlo?

- Lazlo? - Hello?

Dentist, can you hear me?

You're seconds from dead.

Strabonitz.

Hey, Jill.

- It's me, Jimmy. How're you doing? - Let me ask you something.

If you hadn't taken the wrong bag, would we even be talking right now?

- Are you mad or something? - Get real.

- I mean, seriously. - Okay. No.

All right? You happy now?

I chased you away, so I could protect you, Jill.

I don't know why you don't believe that.

I don't believe you anything you say anymore.

- Jill... - I don't trust you anymore.

How am I supposed to have a kid with somebody I don't trust?

You know what? Forget it. I don't even know if I wanna have a kid with you anymore.

Hold on a minute.

I'm thinking that if I were pregnant right now, I wouldn't even tell you.

Are you saying if you had a son and I...

And you were his mom and I was his dad, you wouldn't let me even see him just once?

- Not once. - Don't say that, Jill!

- Take it back right now. - I'm not gonna take it back.

You better tell me everything right now, or I'm not gonna lift a finger to help you.

- How far back does this thing go? - Like a couple days or something.

You're so full of it. You're gonna lie to me more?

All right, months and months. There, you happy now?

And why was Cynthia in on it from the beginning?

I was just trying to keep you out of harm's way.

- You trusted her not to get hurt. - Jill!

I gotta go help Oz. For me to do that, I've gotta go up there.

Just do everything I told you, and we're gonna be fine, all right?

Don't worry. I'll remember everything you told me.

Jullie, call Mrs. Himelfarb, remind her to floss,

cancel all my appointments for the rest of my life,

send in as much nitrous as you can, and call the FBI.

- What? - Call the FBI!

- What's wrong? - What's wrong? What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong. Everything's wrong.

Take a look around you. Nothing's right.

Cynthia got kidnapped by a bunch of Hungarian killers.

And instead of calling the FBI or the police, like every other rational man would do,

I thought to myself...

"Hey, hey, let's try to get in contact with somebody else that kills a lot of people."

So, I went down to Mexico,

which is heavily underdeveloped by the way,

and I asked him to help me out. And did he help me out?

No! No, he didn't help me out. He didn't help me out.

No, he didn't help me out!

You know what he did? He put on bunny slippers, he shot at me,

and then he cooked me some chicken!

I'm gonna be okay.

I'm gonna calm down,

I'm gonna go downstairs,

and I'm gonna take a nice, leisurely drive in my Porsche.

Oh, no, wait a minute! I can't take a drive in my Porsche,

because I don't have a Porsche anymore.

That's gone, that's history, that's archives!

We left that. We left the Porsche,

so we could get on a bus and rent some other car.

And you know why? Because I don't. Do you know why?

Some kind of GPS, I don't know, system.

- What's that smell? - I'll tell you what that smell is.

It's me. I smell. And you know why?

Because I've been wearing this suit for three days. I smell like ass.

Or... foot.

Or some kind of foot that's been lodged up deep, deep, deep inside an ass.

I'll tell you the worst thing...

I woke up naked next to another naked man who admittedly wets the bed.

So, if you talk to anybody or anybody calls here...

you tell them I fell down a flight of stairs.

- Yes, sir. - Don't "yes, sir" me!

- Call the FBI! - Calling. I'm calling.

Dial F-B-I.

Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of stairs!

My guess is that going to the feds is the thing that's gonna get Cynthia killed.

What are you doing here? I don't need you anymore, all right?

I can handle this on my own. I'm an adult.

You okay?

Thanks.

Let's face it, Oz. Kicking ass is not your expertise. That's my job.

Hanging on to the woman you love is where I fall a little short.

- How do you do that? - Do what?

That. That.

One minute I wanna kill you, the next minute you got me...

feeling sorry for you.

Oz, you really are a good guy.

And I don't want you or Cynthia or anyone else paying for my past sins anymore.

I thought you said friendship was overrated.

I'm a liar.

- So, what do we do? - Go get Cynthia.

- How? - You just leave that to your old pal Jimmy Tudeski.

God! Julie, Julie, Julie, don't call the FBI!

Julie who?

My receptionist. Your wife's replacement.

- Julie, what did you do? - I chloroformed his ass.

Why? You don't have to tell me why.

Now, you can go quietly or your ass can get the chloroform too.

What kind of a receptionist are you?

The kind that doesn't forget who murdered her brother.

What?!

All right, look, I'm gonna get the temp agency on the phone.

Don't you dare make a move, Dr. Oseransky. Keep your ass right there.

Julie, Julie, if that is your real name?

My name is Jules. Jules Figueroa.

- Frankie Figs? - Frankie Figs.

You remember that? He was my brother.

And I do believe you knew him.

- I'll take that chloroform now. - Yeah, I know you will.

- You smell great, baby. - Oz.

You know, I don't have to be at work today. We can...

Oz!

Jimmy.

Jimmy. Jimmy!

It's been a long time since I've been chloroformed.

Still got that little zing to it, though.

Tastes like they put a bunch of pennies in your mouth, doesn't it?

Jimmy, I'm sorry.

- I didn't find it. - Find what?

You've been here three days, Cynthia.

I got into the safe, but it's not there.

- What safe? - It's got to be here somewhere.

Well, this isn't exactly what we talked about, either, is it?

Calm down, all right? Just calm down. All right? I'm on it.

What safe? Why are you guys talking together so much?

Have you been involved in this from the beginning?

- Oz... - Correct me if I'm wrong,

but we took vows.

And I think one was you're not supposed to pretend that you're kidnapped

and get your husband shot at for three days while he's trying to save you.

- That was uncalled for. - I'm not a lawyer,

but I believe this is grounds for divorce.

And what is that sound?

That's chain saws.

Chain saw, check.

Hack tub.

What is that for?

What's the tin metal thing for?

They're gonna hack us up into little pieces in that, so that blood doesn't get everywhere.

Oh, I see.

They're gonna put the hacked-up pieces in those plastic bags.

- Are you done? - Yes, he's done.

Jimmy Tulip...

The rat-shit scum of Chicago.

Mr. Tough Guy,

served up to me on a platter by the pretty black girl.

That stings.

I made you who you are, and you stab me in the heart

with something sharp.

What does he mean, he made you who you are?

Oh, yes. Could not fire a slingshot until I taught him how.

"Pay attention, little boy. Hold it firm.

"Stop crying and watch.

"Like this."

Where's Strabo?

I'm pretty sure he's with Janni right now.

Where is my son?

- Where's my boy?! - All right, that's it! I've had enough.

- Oz! - No.

If you ever wanna see your son alive again,

you'll let us go right now.

Is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

And if we're not out of here by 11 o'clcok,

Jill's gonna put one in Strabo's forehead,

just like Jimmy put one in Janni's forehead.

- It wasn't pretty. - Give me a gun.

- Not bad, Oz. - Thanks.

- I think it's Jimmy's wife. - What?

- No, no, no! That was going so well. - What is this?

I wanna come in and talk business with you.

- Or else. - Or else what?

Or else I'm afraid I'm gonna have to blow Strabo's head off.

Oh, no, no, no. Strabo, you all right?

He's fine.

He can't talk, he's duct-taped.

I got this car wired with explosives.

- You let me in, he'll be fine. - Fine.

Come in, do whatever you want, apparently.

Get the broad! Get the car! Get the Strabo!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- What is in the big purse? - Nothing.

- It's what? - I'm good.

- Take a right. - This way.

What the fuck are you assholes up to now?

Look who's here.

Can I ask you a questionnaire how you found this place?

Nice Porsche you got.

You still have the Porsche?

Let me explain to you when we all get a moment together the concept...

- ...of the secret hideout. - All right!

Everybody drop your weapons right now and slide them over to me,

or I'll press this button, and Strabo gets blown to little Hungarian meatballs.

- Don't push nothing. - I'm gonna push it.

Drop them! Now!

- Drop them! - Drop it.

- Go ahead. Come on. Come on. - Let's go. On the floor.

Kick them over. Step away.

- Untie Oz and Cynthia. - No. No untying...

- Do it! Untie Oz and Cynhtia. - Let's see where it's going.

All right. Come on. Come on.

Aren't you forgetting something, Jill?

Am I forgetting something? I don't think so.

- They had a terrible fight. - Did they?

What would you do, if I told you I have something you want?

I would be baffled, to begin with.

Or, more precisely...

half of something you want.

Don't.

You have Jimmy's half.

- Would you cut me in for a slice? - You want a slice of the pie?

Maybe...

- Keep talking. - I wanna work for you.

- Of course you do. Who doesn't? - I don't have any allegiances to anyone.

I'm all yours. And I could be your most valuable hitter.

You shut up or I'll blow your brains out!

First thing I'm going to need is my son Strabo in my company.

Secondly, maybe a little test.

I'm thinking... kill Jimmy.

In the melon. One shot.

- What do you say? - Name the time and place.

Is now good for you?

- Right here, right now? - Right fucking now.

- You gotta be kidding me, right? - Jill, what the hell are you doing?

Take your little cross back.

What are you gonna do without your good luck charm now?

- Jill, stop screwing around. - Shut up, Oz!

That's right, Jill, stop screwing around. You're not gonna shoot anybody.

All you gotta do, is tell me you're not still in love with Cynthia.

- I'm not gonna do that. -Why?

She's my ex-wife. I still have feelings for her and I always will.

- Ooh, that's a really bad answer. - Shut up, Oz!

You can't even just say it, can you?

Just say it.

This is reminding me now of my favorite soap opera...

'the Hourglass of my Sand Children'.

Listen, you're either a shooter or you're not.

I am. I am.

I am.

Here's an idea for you...

- Got an elevator shaft around here, Lazlo? - I'm sorry?

Because I could fall down that. You know, die that way.

- You might wanna stop. - And that would be the only way

anybody's really gonna get killed around here.

- Shut up! - You couldn't even hit that lamp over there.

But I'll give you a tip. You wanna hit that lamp, you should aim at me.

Jimmy, she aimed for the lamp and she hit the lamp.

She aimed and hit the lamp.

- Still, lucky shot. - I'm gonna give you one last chance, baby.

- You don't have the balls. - Ha!

- This from a guy who rarely gets it up. - It's funny. He never had that problem with me.

Not helping. Not helping. Why isn't anybody helping?

I think you have to be in love with someone to get it up, Jill.

Shoot him.

Jill, you're never gonna be a hit girl,

just a stupid, stumbling, bumbling, can't-kill-anything ex-dental assistant.

- Jimmy, Jimmy! - He's dead?

- Yes? - He's dead. He's dead!

He's dead! I didn't think you had it in you, quite frankly.

Don't cry. Everything's going to be fine. Go get Strabo, now.

Give me this. For the record, this is, what, a garage door opener?

Very clever.

So clever, I want you to keep that aimed at her, please.

- Wait, I thought we had a deal. - "I thought we had a deal." No.

Locked.

Lazlo, the car is loaded with Primacord.

I'm sure it is.

The first dollar I ever stole is back together.

- You okay? You okay? - Yeah.

You! You killed Strabonitz.

Whoa, look what I did!

Good work, Jimmy. Jammy, Jammy!

Nice work with that chair, Oz. Way to go, Cyn.

- Come here, baby. - You're alive?

I mean, good, but you...

Don't even think about it.

You were in on this whole thing from the beginning!

Of course I was. It's an old routine. It's the Skokie Switcheroo.

"The Skokie Switch..."? Where do you guys come up with these names?

I'm nor gonna calm down. I just watched my friend get shot through the heart.

- Larry's House of Halloween. - And what is the deal with that lamp?

I saw her shoot the lamp.

The first round was live, the rest were blanks, Oz. Try and keep up, really.

- We are gonna have such a talk later! - Sons of bitches!

So how far back does this go?

Hell, you were shooting at me in Mexico. Was that all part of the plan?

As a matter of fact, it was, yeah.

- You killed my Strabo! - Actually, Strabonitz was already dead, Lazlo.

Your hitter whacked him when she was shooting at us.

- This true? - Lazlo, shit happens.

Shit!

Yeah, watch this shit happen.

- All right, all right. Take it easy. - Was that real? I mean, is she really dead?

I mean, was that a fake bullet?

Jimmy, let me propose something before you start the killing.

Regroup the Gogolak gang. 50-50, you and me.

Like the old days.

Murder, mayhem, a couple of laughs.

I don't think so, Lazlo. Jill, tie him up.

- Wait. - What am I gonna tie him up for?

- I'm gonna kill him. - No, he specifically said--

- Yeah, I know I said that, baby, but we can't kill him. - Shut up!

Of course you can't kill him. You can't kill anybody in this plan, not for real.

I think I can get him from here. It's a point-blank range.

No, I didn't mean you can't shoot him, I mean you just can't shoot him.

- Come on. - But you said I'm gonna make my bones.

You're gonna have to make your bones on somebody else.

- Bones? How do you "make bones"? - You can't kill him.

It's gangster terminology. She wants to make a name for herself.

You said I couldn't, I want to!

- Will you just listen one time? You can't kill him! - Why? Tell me why.

- Did you not hear what he said? No killing! - Tell me why not!

Because he's my father!

- Okay, even I didn't know about this. - Oh, see? See?

It doesn't feel good to not be involved in the plan, to not know what...

- He's your father?! - I raised you as one of my own.

- That's far enough. - I made him a man!

A man who can't kill his papa.

Step aside, Jill. It could go right through.

Jimmy.

- Jill, shoot Papa in the foot. - Straight through or leave a souvenir?

- Oh, no, no. Wait. - Souvenir.

That's gotta hurt.

- Who is that? The fake police? - Okay, we gotta go.

I'm not going anywhere until somebody tells me what this is all about.

Cynthia, help me get Oz out of here. Thanks for the inheritance, Pops.

- Way to go, Cyn. - You'll never live to spend a dime, Jimmy!

We're rich! We're rich!

- Baby, you were so good! - I had a good teacher.

Well, I'm so glad we're so overjoyed. I've never been this confused in my entire life.

I think you dropped this a while back.

No, just borrowing it from an old friend, that's all.

- Don't need it anymore, Cyn. - Okay.

Would somebody tell me what the hell's going on?

This! This is what's going on. See that number right there, huh?

That is Lazlo Gogolak's main account in the Grand Caymans.

Somewhere around $280 million, half of which is yours.

Your tooth-pulling days are over, Oz.

- That was the plan? - Yes!

- Were you part of the plan? - I didn't even know about it until this afternoon.

Why couldn't I have been involved in the plan?

I could've helped down. I could have played a part.

In college, I minored in theater.

$280 million?

That's it. This is too much, okay? It's great, but it's too much.

- Any more surprises? - Just one.

- What? - I guess the doctors were wrong.

- What do you mean? - I'm pregnant.

Oh, my God, congratulations!

Oh, my God, are you serious?

I'm gonna be a dad?

We're not gonna start with that again, are we?

Put the top up, okay? It's embarrassing.

- Come on! Come and get me. - Freeze, right there!

- Cross, cross. - Watch it, buster.

Anybody for cookie, coffee, tea?

Mother, please.

One of you, could you just shoot me?

Please.