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00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
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00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:23,074
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3
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,000
Go, Hayley.
4
00:00:58,100 --> 00:00:59,100
Seven minutes.
5
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,000
Go get 'em, cowboy.
6
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:03,100
See you in seven minutes.
7
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,900
Stu, run it by me again.
8
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,600
Kissing is first base.
9
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,000
Second base is boob.
10
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,600
- Third base is-
- Finger.
11
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,200
- Finger?
- Or thumb.
12
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,500
Okay.
13
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,900
Charlie, trust me.
14
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,500
Second base is what
it's all about.
15
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,100
I'm all about
the boobies.
16
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,200
Okay.
Anything else?
17
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:28,900
An intentional walk
is a kiss on the cheek.
18
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,300
An inside park home run
is a blow job.
19
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,600
What's a blow job?
20
00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,300
I have no idea,
21
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,800
but I overheard
my dad saying
22
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,700
that he gets one
once a year on his birthday.
23
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,700
So it must be good.
24
00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:53,800
Yeah!
25
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:55,700
You, me.
26
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,000
Closet.
27
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,300
Seven minutes.
28
00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,300
Heaven.
29
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,800
He's so gross.
30
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,700
Sorry, Jennifer.
31
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:14,800
Stop.
32
00:02:15,300 --> 00:02:16,200
Don't touch me.
33
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:17,900
Stand on that side
of the closet,
34
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,100
and I'll say we kissed.
35
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,200
I will... if you say
we did the nasty.
36
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,100
No.
I'll say we kissed.
37
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,300
Say I touched
your boobies.
38
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,300
No!
I'll say we kissed.
39
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,300
Okay.
40
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,100
I kissed your boobies.
41
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,600
Anisha!
42
00:03:05,700 --> 00:03:07,500
Stop staring.
You're freaking me out.
43
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,300
I'm looking at you
'cause I like you, Charlie.
44
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,700
It's okay.
45
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,400
Come on. You can
do what you want.
46
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,300
That's okay.
I'm kind of new at this.
47
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,800
Let me see your penis.
48
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,400
What's the matter?
Don't you want me?
49
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,300
Oh, my God!
50
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,900
That's my boy.
51
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,200
He's probably
blow-jobbing her.
52
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:36,300
Anisha!
I can't breathe!
53
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,500
I love you, Charlie.
54
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,600
I've loved you
since the third grade.
55
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,300
Um... thank you?
56
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,100
So you like to play
hard to get.
57
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,100
Back off!
58
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,700
I've read
in my mom's Cosmo
59
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,100
this is supposed
to increase pleasure.
60
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,200
Don't worry.
This is my first time, too.
61
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,300
First time what, killing?
62
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,800
No, Charlie.
Making love.
63
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,400
Get off me, you freak!
64
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,800
Charlie Logan, you are not
my boyfriend anymore.
65
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:09,000
I hex you!
66
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,300
You what?
67
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,700
I hex you.
You will never be happy.
68
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,200
Around you love will fall
like rain.
69
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,300
But you won't hold it.
Your heart will pain!
70
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,200
Once the girl
has been with you,
71
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,700
to the next she will be true!
72
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,000
Was that Phil Collins?
73
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:36,700
What happened?
74
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,700
Did you thumb her?
75
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,300
Charlie, we could get arrested
for public indecency.
76
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,100
I like the way you think.
77
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,300
Okay.
78
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,500
All right!
79
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,000
Oh, my-
Oh, my God, Carol.
80
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,200
I love you.
81
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,600
I love you!
82
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,700
Thank you.
83
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,400
I love you, Charlie.
84
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,500
Oh, that's nice.
85
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,300
"That's nice"?
86
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,300
I'm licking the sand
off your balls,
87
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,500
and you say,
"That's nice"?
88
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,700
No, I said,
"Oh, my God" to that.
89
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,200
I said, "Oh, my God"
very enthusiastically about the ball lick.
90
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,700
Hey, listen, I'm sorry.
91
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,700
I just don't think the "L" word
should be thrown around casually.
92
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,400
The "L" word?
What are you, eight?
93
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,700
How about the "F" word
and the "you" word?
94
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,500
I can't believe
you and Carol went belly-up, man.
95
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,800
She was so into you.
96
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:33,700
Yeah, well, she was
a, uh, noisy eater.
97
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,900
It's that word, Stu: love.
98
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,400
I wanted to say it,
but I just- I couldn't.
99
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,900
How can I say something
if I don't feel it?
100
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,900
Easy. Lie.
101
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,400
What do you think
all relationships are based on, man?
102
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,500
Lies.
103
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,200
"No, honey, your ass
looks great in those jeans. "
104
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,900
"Honey,
I love your parents. "
105
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,400
"You're kidding me. That sore right there?
That's not herpes. "
106
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,600
You know what I'm saying?
107
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,900
So, then, who are you
taking to Katie's wedding?
108
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,900
Oh, I don't know.
You want to go?
109
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,500
Do bridesmaids give head
in the coat room?
110
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,600
Of course I want to go!
111
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,400
You know how easy it is
to score at a wedding?
112
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,900
Have you ever scored
at a wedding?
113
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,800
Pacing myself.
114
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,500
Must be weird.
115
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,200
You were dating Katie
six months ago,
116
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,800
and now she's
marrying a doctor.
117
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,500
I'm a doctor.
118
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,600
He's a heart surgeon.
You're a dentist.
119
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,700
It's like saying
General Patton and Colonel Mustard
120
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,100
are both military men.
121
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,100
Hi, Dr. Stu.
122
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,200
Natalie.
123
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,400
I jerk off
to her mammograms.
124
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,500
God, I love my job.
125
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,100
Every day is like Christmas.
126
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,900
Who are you
working over today?
127
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,500
Dr. Charlie,
you're five minutes late!
128
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,300
You've got four fillings,
three cleanings,
129
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,800
two crowns, and a canal.
130
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,300
You've got too many patients,
131
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,100
and I've got too little patience
132
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,600
for you to be gabbing gossip
133
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,600
with Dr. Boob Jobs in the hallway.
134
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,200
How are you today, Reba?
135
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,200
Were you just
looking at my tits?
136
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,800
Because I am more than happy
137
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,500
with what the Lord Almighty gave me.
138
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,200
I wasn't looking at your-
139
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,800
Come on, Dr. Charlie.
140
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:25,400
I don't want anybody else
141
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,500
When I think about you,
I rub myself
142
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:34,000
I don't want
anybody else
143
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,000
When I think about you,
I touch myself
144
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,400
You are what-
145
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,700
Okay, you're my wingman.
146
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,500
If the blonde asks,
147
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:46,000
I'm the billionaire
who invented string cheese.
148
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,200
If it's that redhead,
149
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,200
tell her I wrote
"We Are the World. "
150
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,500
And, uh, if it's
that cheerleader hottie over there,
151
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,800
my penis is in
the Guinness Book of World Records:
152
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,100
girth, not length.
153
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,600
I want it to sound believable.
154
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,200
Holy shit.
155
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,300
Activate pelvis.
156
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,800
Yo, yo, yo, hold on
to your pantyhose.
157
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:19,500
The hostess
with the mostest
158
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,100
has got a toastess.
159
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,200
I just want to thank everybody
160
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,400
for coming to share
this day with us.
161
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,400
I couldn't imagine
being any happier
162
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,900
than I am right now.
163
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,000
Wait till tonight, sweetheart.
164
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,000
I know it's
a little unorthodox,
165
00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:44,000
but I'd also like
to propose a toast...
166
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,600
to Charlie Logan.
167
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:52,700
Thank you, Charlie,
for being my lucky charm.
168
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,700
To Charlie!
169
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,800
- To Charlie.
- To Charlie.
170
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,300
So, you're that Charlie?
171
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:04,600
What Charlie?
172
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,000
You know, Charlie,
the- the dentist.
173
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,500
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
174
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:37,100
- Oh, no. Are you okay?
- That's horrible.
175
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,300
- I'm all right.
- I didn't- I didn't mean to.
176
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,700
Sorry about that.
177
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,100
Oh, jeez.
178
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,600
Here you go.
179
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:45,900
- Thanks.
- Sure.
180
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,700
Oh. There I am.
181
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,700
Join us.
182
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,500
So, what did I miss?
183
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,800
Not much.
184
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,700
Same old-
I do, I do.
185
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,100
"You may
kiss the bride. "
186
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,100
White cake
with raspberry filling,
187
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,900
and the doves
being released,
188
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,600
but the doves
refuse to leave.
189
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,300
I'm Cam. I went
to college with the bride.
190
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,600
I'm Charlie.
I used to date the bride.
191
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:13,700
Me, too.
192
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,900
Well, no. I mean,
it was a one-time-only
193
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,500
experimental thing,
sophomore year.
194
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,000
We were young.
And drunk.
195
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,100
Is this person
being dipped in acid?
196
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,900
Waiter, could we
have some chloroform for the singer?
197
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,600
What are you going to sing?
198
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,700
I'm thinking about
doing Bon Jovi "Livin' On a Prayer. "
199
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,300
Really?
That's the one I was going to do.
200
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,700
- Oh, really?
- No.
201
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,000
So, Cam, what do you do?
202
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,600
I run the Penguin Habitat
at Aqua World.
203
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:52,400
Seriously, what do you do?
204
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:54,700
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
205
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:55,800
I'm a serial killer.
206
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,000
My passion is killing people
I meet at weddings.
207
00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,000
What do you do?
208
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,600
FBl.
You're under arrest.
209
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,700
Your run is over,
Miss "Wexler,"
210
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,000
if that's your real name.
211
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,600
Actually, I am a dentist.
212
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:10,900
You're a dentist?
213
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,300
You'll love me.
Perfect teeth. No cavities.
214
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,700
Want to see?
215
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,400
Oh, my! My legs!
216
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,500
I'm sorry.
217
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,600
Water!
218
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,400
Oh, no!
219
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:24,700
I'm sorry.
220
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,000
I'll just get in there and-
221
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,400
- That's all right.
- I'm sorry.
222
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,200
Wait.
Let me see, let me see.
223
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,500
- Thanks.
- It looks like cum!
224
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,700
Well, here I am.
225
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,300
What are your other two wishes?
226
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,100
Stu, Cam.
Cam, Stu.
227
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,100
- Hi.
- Hi.
228
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,600
It's actually Doctor Stu.
229
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,100
I'm a reconstructive
surgeon.
230
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,900
If anyone has an accident
or is born with a deformity,
231
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,600
I'm there to help.
232
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,900
And by deformity,
he means small breasts.
233
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:57,900
He's just jealous
234
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,200
because he has to clean
plaque all day long
235
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,100
while I'm out
making the world a better place.
236
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,900
Cam, you will not
believe this doofus
237
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,800
that just tried to pick me up.
238
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,200
Oh. Hi.
239
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,200
Hi.
240
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,400
- Again.
- Yeah.
241
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:12,900
Yeah.
242
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,200
I got to go.
243
00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:16,900
Nice to meet you.
244
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,200
Tits and teeth.
245
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,300
I don't think
she was into me.
246
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,700
Say, uh, ladies-
247
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:30,900
Hey, you.
248
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,400
Hey.
249
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:34,100
- You look great.
- Thank you.
250
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,700
So do you.
251
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,100
So, how are you and Carol doing?
252
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:40,400
We're-
253
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,200
We're just giving each other
a little space right now.
254
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,600
I worry about you
sometimes, Chuck.
255
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:51,300
Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.
256
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,100
It's better
to have loved and lost
257
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,900
than to have never
loved at all.
258
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,200
I'll buy that when you can honestly
tell me that you have loved.
259
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,500
Touch�.
260
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,600
I just want to see you
happy, Chuckles.
261
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:09,000
Attention, hot mamas.
262
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:10,800
Can we have all
the single ladies
263
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:13,700
out on the terrace
for the tossing of the bride's bouquet?
264
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,000
See you.
265
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,100
Ready, ladies?
266
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,800
One!
267
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,100
Two!
268
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,700
Three!
269
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:51,600
Morning, Reba.
270
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,300
Good morning, Dr. Logan.
271
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:57,300
Good morning, Doctor.
272
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,300
I think I have a cavity.
273
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,800
Me, too.
274
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,800
- Hey, Sharon. Is Stu in?
- Hi.
275
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,300
Sharon-
Oh, Dr. Logan.
276
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,500
Can you come back here
for a second, please?
277
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,600
Oh, I'm sorry.
278
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,800
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
We need you.
279
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,800
Dr. Logan-
280
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,000
This is Pleasure.
281
00:15:58,100 --> 00:15:59,300
Nice to meet you.
282
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,200
The pleasure's all mine.
283
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,900
Get it?
284
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,700
"The pleasure's all mine"?
285
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,800
My name is Pleasure.
286
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:11,500
That is... enormously clever.
287
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,500
We need
a second opinion.
288
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,900
What do you think?
289
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,400
Are they even?
290
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,600
So you knew they were even.
291
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,100
Of course they were even. I did them.
292
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,500
I just wanted you to see them
293
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,300
without having to pay
for a lap dance.
294
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,400
How did you get a license
to practice medicine?
295
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:28,800
You need a license?
296
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:32,500
Listen, have you noticed
anything different about me?
297
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,000
Other than your aversion
to fantastic, gigantic titties?
298
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,900
Women seem to be
coming on to me
299
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,900
in an unusual manner.
300
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,400
Really?
301
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,100
That's crazy.
302
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,300
Charlie! Stuart.
303
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:57,600
Carol.
304
00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:00,100
Are these back
in season again?
305
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,300
You're getting married.
306
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,700
What can I say?
307
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,900
I guess you are
a lucky charm.
308
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,200
You have 14 new messages.
309
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:28,400
Message 1.
310
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,700
Hey, Charlie.
My name's Nicole Adams.
311
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,900
You don't know me,
312
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,900
but I got your number
from Amy in Radiology.
313
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000
I was wondering
if we could meet up
314
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,300
for drinks
one of these nights.
315
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,000
Hi, Charlie.
My name's Julia.
316
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,800
I normally don't do this, but I'm desperate.
Could you-
317
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,400
I'm not sure how you
choose your dates,
318
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,800
but I'm 5'10", blonde-
319
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,400
Hello, Charlie.
My name is Daisy.
320
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,000
Uh, actually in town-
321
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:53,300
Hi. My name is Bob.
322
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,500
No, it's not a wrong number.
Hear me out.
323
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,500
Hi. This is Cindy.
324
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,800
I'm a friend of Katie's-
325
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:00,800
Hey, my name's Colleen-
326
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:03,300
Hey, there.
We met at the gym.
327
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,400
StairMaster buddies?
328
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,100
Eat up, Shadow.
329
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,800
Last chance before bedtime.
330
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,900
Good boy.
331
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,500
Grumpy, don't be a pig.
332
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,000
Don't be a pig.
That's Chester's.
333
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,500
There you go.
334
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,900
Good boy.
335
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,300
Here, Dougie.
Gobble it up.
336
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:31,300
Come here, Tina.
337
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,700
Grumpy,
you're such a pig.
338
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,800
Joe, hurry up!
339
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:38,500
I want to go home.
340
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:44,000
Did you get lost
back there?
341
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,200
Sorry.
342
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,600
Just taking five...
343
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,700
hits from my bong.
344
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,200
If they catch you with weed,
you're going to get fired.
345
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:53,800
They don't care
that you're my brother.
346
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,300
Oh, take a chillaxitive.
347
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,000
How is anybody
going to know?
348
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,700
Maybe 'cause you smell like you've been
bathing in bong water.
349
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,400
Sweet.
350
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:04,600
What's that in your pocket?
351
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,600
Oh, I was looking for this.
352
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:12,100
Three months.
353
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,000
Hey, Skully.
354
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,800
Joe!
Joe, I'm slipping!
355
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,500
And you think I look wasted.
356
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,400
Grumpy, no!
357
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000
You okay?
358
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,600
I think I chipped a tooth.
359
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,400
It's great to finally meet you.
360
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,500
Let me get that for you.
361
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,100
- Oh, thank you.
- Sure.
362
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:04,000
- All right?
- Yeah.
363
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:10,900
All right.
364
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:11,900
Are you ready?
365
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,400
Yeah, let's go.
366
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:20,400
Don't you want to, uh-
367
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,600
What?
368
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,100
I don't know,
have dinner first?
369
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,000
Is that how this works?
370
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,300
How what works?
371
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,300
The thing.
372
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,000
The thing. The magic.
373
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,300
The charm.
374
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,800
Wait a second.
375
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,400
Gretel, what the hell
are you talking about?
376
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,700
You're a lucky charm.
You have sex with someone,
377
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,600
and then they find
their true love.
378
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:45,900
Isn't that how it works?
379
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,100
Has everybody
lost their minds?
380
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,200
That's ridiculous.
That's absurd.
381
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,700
Do you want top
or bottom?
382
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,700
Put that back
in your secret booby place.
383
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,800
That's- No.
384
00:20:54,900 --> 00:20:57,000
I don't want to take
advantage of you.
385
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,000
Look, don't take this
so seriously.
386
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,200
I'm certainly not.
387
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:06,000
I'm doing this on a lark.
388
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:08,600
And you won't be
taking advantage of me.
389
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,700
Do you know how many
loser boyfriends I have had?
390
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,400
Do you know how many times
I have given myself-
391
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:16,000
body, mind, soul-
392
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:18,400
hoping that this was it,
this was the one,
393
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:23,100
only to find out he was
just another asshole?
394
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,000
Look, if there's a chance-
395
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:30,100
I mean even a. 0001 %%% chance
that you're the key,
396
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:34,000
that being with you could
open the door to something better,
397
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:39,000
well, I think I'd be
taking advantage of you.
398
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,100
Do you want to have sex
before or after dinner?
399
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,700
Actually, I have dinner plans.
400
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,300
I got to get that.
It's my emergency line.
401
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,300
Oh. Emergency.
Now, that's sexy.
402
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,500
Dr. Logan speaking.
403
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,700
Hey, it's Cam Wexler.
404
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,800
Remember,
from the wedding?
405
00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,800
The serial killer?
406
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:06,400
Yeah. Yeah, hi.
407
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,700
I'm sorry to bother you,
408
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,400
but I have a bit
of a dental emergency.
409
00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:12,400
You don't have to make up stories, Cam.
410
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:15,600
If you want to see me,
all you have to do is ask.
411
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,400
No, seriously.
I chipped a tooth,
412
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:18,500
and it's Saturday night,
413
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,800
and I don't know
who else to call.
414
00:22:20,900 --> 00:22:22,400
Oh, you chipped a tooth?
How?
415
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:24,500
I slipped while having
a fish fight,
416
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:25,800
slid down an ice ramp,
417
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,200
got tackled by a penguin,
418
00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:29,600
and fell face-first
into a fake ice boulder.
419
00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:31,700
This is very common.
420
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,500
Do you know
where my office is?
421
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,900
Yeah. I got your card
right here.
422
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,700
I can be there
in 20 minutes?
423
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,900
20 minutes.
I'm leaving now.
424
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,300
Okay.
425
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:56,100
Okay, all fixed.
426
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,600
Does that hurt?
427
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,300
Can you describe the penguin
that attacked you?
428
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:02,700
Very funny.
429
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:03,900
You can rinse.
430
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,600
So what really happened?
431
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:10,200
Did you get caught
in the middle
432
00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:12,100
of some North Pole-
South Pole gang war?
433
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,300
There are no penguins
in the North Pole.
434
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,600
That's polar bears.
435
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:17,800
You really are
a penguin freak, aren't you?
436
00:23:17,900 --> 00:23:19,500
Oh, you have no idea.
437
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,600
Obsessed is putting it mildly.
438
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:23,600
I believe you.
439
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,500
Oh, what's that?
440
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,000
Oh, I travel
to Guatemala every year
441
00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:30,800
to help some
of the poorer villagers.
442
00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:34,000
That's so sweet.
443
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,000
Sorry!
444
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:39,700
Oh! Oh, no!
They went in!
445
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,700
They're in there!
446
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,100
- What's in there?
- The things!
447
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,700
Oh, here.
448
00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:46,100
Oh, I'm sorry.
449
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,600
This is bad.
450
00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:49,800
- You're hurt.
- It's okay.
451
00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:51,200
I'm so sorry.
452
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,600
Should have worn
that lead vest.
453
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:55,800
Oh, this always
happens to me.
454
00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:57,100
Are you okay?
455
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,300
Yes.
Yeah, I'm fine.
456
00:23:58,500 --> 00:23:59,800
- You sure?
- I feel good.
457
00:23:59,900 --> 00:24:03,700
Man. I hope you let me
buy you a new shirt.
458
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,500
No. No, really.
It's, uh, it's good.
459
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:09,300
But I hope you'll let me
take you out to dinner...
460
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,400
sometime.
461
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,700
Trust me, you can do
far more damage with a steak knife.
462
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,000
I'm sorry.
I- I can't.
463
00:24:17,100 --> 00:24:19,200
How much do I owe you
for the tooth?
464
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:21,500
Wait a second.
So you will draw first blood,
465
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,500
but you won't
make it up to me?
466
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,200
Please, how much?
467
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,300
No.
468
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,900
Your money's no good here.
469
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,000
You sure?
470
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:33,400
I will not accept that.
471
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:35,500
Really?
472
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:36,600
Thank you.
473
00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:37,600
Yes.
474
00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:40,400
- I'm sorry.
- No.
475
00:24:42,100 --> 00:24:44,500
See you in six months
for a routine stabbing.
476
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,200
- Bye.
- Bye.
477
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,100
Change your mind?
478
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,700
My car won't start.
479
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:07,700
Sure it won't.
480
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,500
No, really.
I left my lights on.
481
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,000
Fine.
I'm pushing the car.
482
00:25:14,100 --> 00:25:16,300
No, no, no, wait.
I want to jump you.
483
00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:25,400
Now?
484
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:28,100
Not now.
Wait till I get this in here.
485
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,300
Now?
486
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,100
Oh!
487
00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:37,300
You okay?
488
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:38,400
Yep.
489
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:39,500
Let's-
490
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:40,700
I'm so sorry.
491
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,300
No, no. It's fine.
It's good.
492
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,100
Cauterized my wounds.
493
00:25:46,700 --> 00:25:47,700
Thank you.
494
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,500
Thank you for fixing my tooth
495
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:51,800
and jumping my car.
496
00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:53,200
Don't mention it.
497
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:00,500
And thank you
for taking me home
498
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,600
to get my spare
set of keys.
499
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,900
I have a feeling
this kind of thing happens to you often.
500
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,600
My brother
calls me Murphy.
501
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:15,600
Murphy?
502
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,600
You know,
like, Murphy's Law:
503
00:26:17,700 --> 00:26:19,500
anything that can
go wrong, will.
504
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:21,000
Details.
505
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,800
Check out the thumb.
506
00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:25,200
Holy crap!
507
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,300
What, did you get
pissed off at a stamp?
508
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,400
How many bones
have you broken?
509
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:32,800
- 12.
- 12 bones?
510
00:26:32,900 --> 00:26:35,500
I'm warning you,
keep a safe distance.
511
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,200
Come on. I can't believe
it's really that bad.
512
00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:40,300
Is this the heat?
513
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:41,400
No!
514
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,700
Convertible top.
515
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,800
Oops.
516
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:53,900
Keep the meter running.
517
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:54,800
All right.
518
00:26:54,900 --> 00:26:56,300
Oh, shit!
519
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,900
Shit! Shit! Shit!
520
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,400
Pardon my French.
521
00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:03,700
I speak a little French,
and that sounded like "shit. "
522
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,900
I left my house key
on the car ring-
523
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,300
You know what?
Doesn't matter.
524
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:26,100
Got it!
525
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,200
- Sorry.
- You all right?
526
00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:36,800
Yeah.
527
00:27:36,900 --> 00:27:38,700
- Hope these are the right keys.
- Yeah.
528
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,900
Thank you.
529
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,100
I'm sorry about the top,
530
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,600
and the, uh,
nerve damage in the back,
531
00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:01,700
and the whole
electrocution thing, and-
532
00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:04,600
I'd still like
to pay for the tooth.
533
00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:06,900
I told you.
Buy me dinner.
534
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:09,800
Lunch.
535
00:28:09,900 --> 00:28:11,500
Vending machine.
536
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,500
Drinks. Water.
I'm easy.
537
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,500
I'm just...
538
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,200
not emotionally available
at this time.
539
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,700
I'm okay with that.
540
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,100
I'm looking for more of
a physical relationship anyway.
541
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,500
So I've heard.
542
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:34,800
I was kidding.
543
00:28:34,900 --> 00:28:37,500
That was a joke.
That was a stupid joke.
544
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,000
Okay. I- I get it.
545
00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:42,400
So no way, then.
546
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:45,800
I'm sorry.
547
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:49,900
Good night, Dr. Logan.
548
00:28:58,600 --> 00:28:59,500
Thank you.
549
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,800
I, uh...
550
00:29:01,900 --> 00:29:03,800
Yeah.
551
00:29:45,300 --> 00:29:46,400
Hi, Dr. Charlie.
552
00:29:46,500 --> 00:29:48,700
Reba! What the hell
are you doing here?
553
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,000
Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you.
554
00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:52,500
I used the key you left me
in case of emergencies.
555
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,800
What's the emergency?
556
00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:57,500
I know about the charm.
557
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,400
Not you, too.
558
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:00,700
Somebody
posted about you
559
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,400
on perfectmatch. com
560
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,100
It's an internet
dating site.
561
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:05,600
Yeah, I know what it is.
562
00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:06,900
This is out of control.
563
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,400
These stories
are just coincidence.
564
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:09,900
That's what I thought.
565
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,800
But then I went
to urbanlegends. com,
566
00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:14,200
and nobody's disproved it.
567
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:17,100
Reba, I'll see you at work on Monday.
Good night.
568
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,000
Dr. Logan, you've always
been there for me.
569
00:30:19,100 --> 00:30:20,800
When you need a day off, yes.
570
00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:22,600
When you need a lift home, yes.
571
00:30:22,700 --> 00:30:24,600
When Reggie died
four years ago,
572
00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:26,300
you sent that beautiful card.
573
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:27,800
Do you remember
what you wrote?
574
00:30:27,900 --> 00:30:31,300
"If there's anything I can do,
please let me know. "
575
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,300
Yeah, but, uh-
576
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,900
Well, I'm letting
you know.
577
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,400
That's not
what I had in mind.
578
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:39,800
These panties are edible,
579
00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:41,500
but I'd avoid the tush area
580
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,000
as I've been sitting
for about three hours.
581
00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:45,800
Reba, I'm not the guy for you.
582
00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:47,100
I'm not saying you are.
583
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,500
But the next guy might be.
584
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:51,100
Dr. Charlie, if we're together,
585
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,900
I know I'll find my soul mate.
586
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,800
That- That's ridiculous.
587
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:58,400
No.
588
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:00,300
No, Reba. Don't cry.
It's okay.
589
00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:03,000
Come on, Dr. Charlie.
590
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:05,100
You got to do this for me.
Please.
591
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,100
- Reba!
- Charlie-
592
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,600
I can't do this.
593
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:13,200
Don't worry.
594
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,300
I'll do everything.
595
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,500
Please.
596
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,200
Just close your eyes
597
00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:22,600
and imagine somebody beautiful.
598
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,300
I'll imagine you.
599
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,000
No one but you.
600
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:43,700
Reba?
601
00:31:43,900 --> 00:31:45,400
You slept with Reba?
602
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:46,900
Shut up.
603
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:47,900
You shut up.
604
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,700
What the hell's
the matter with you?
605
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,700
You're telling me
that you have the power
606
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,400
to turn any hot chick
out there-
607
00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:54,800
any hot chick-
608
00:31:54,900 --> 00:31:58,700
into a knob-gobbling,
lance-waxing flesh monger,
609
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,500
and you're out there
plowing the back 40 with Reba!
610
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,100
You don't know
because you weren't there.
611
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:05,600
Thank God I wasn't there.
612
00:32:05,700 --> 00:32:07,800
It's disgusting.
It's revolting.
613
00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,100
You're nasty.
614
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:10,200
How was she?
615
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,700
Dude, check it.
616
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,500
You see, that is
the kind of tail you should be chasing.
617
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,700
I could suck a fart
out of her ass
618
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,000
and hold it
like a bong hit.
619
00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:27,700
Nice stop, kid.
Way to be.
620
00:32:29,700 --> 00:32:31,100
Dude, these chicks,
621
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,400
they think that you're,
like, a lucky charm, man.
622
00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:34,900
I mean,
you poke the poon,
623
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,600
she marries the next guy
she dates after you.
624
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:38,900
It's not true.
625
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,200
Who cares if it's true?
626
00:32:40,300 --> 00:32:41,900
Wake up, man.
627
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,600
You got it made.
628
00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:45,900
What is it
that all women want?
629
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,500
To get married,
630
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,600
raise crib midgets,
631
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,300
and apparently, buddy,
632
00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:54,800
you got the ticket
to the big show.
633
00:32:54,900 --> 00:32:56,400
Do you know
what this means?
634
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,000
Trim.
635
00:32:58,100 --> 00:33:00,900
You're going to be seeing
trim like Tommy Lee,
636
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,400
like Colin Farrell,
637
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,500
like Ellen DeGeneres-
just-
638
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,600
Have you considered
the possibility the reason
639
00:33:09,700 --> 00:33:11,200
you haven't been laid
in the last decade
640
00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:13,900
has something to do with
your routine use of the word "trim"?
641
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,100
Yeah!
642
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,900
Seven days a week, 56 weeks a year, trim!
643
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,000
That's my bad.
644
00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:24,400
Where's your manners, shithead?
645
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,000
What did you say to me?
646
00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:29,200
Little help here, honey?
647
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,500
Look, you and I are different, okay?
648
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,500
Besides the fact
that I'm not retarded,
649
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:39,400
I don't want
to take advantage.
650
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:40,600
- Dude.
- Yeah.
651
00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:43,200
Was Martin Luther King,
Jr. taking advantage
652
00:33:43,300 --> 00:33:45,500
when he said that thing
in that place?
653
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,200
I don't think so.
654
00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:51,300
Was Gandhi taking advantage
when he was doing his thing?
655
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:52,700
No.
656
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,700
And don't tell me
that Gandhi didn't score
657
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,700
some sweet-ass
Native American trim.
658
00:33:56,800 --> 00:33:58,500
Gandhi was Indian.
659
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,600
They don't like
to be called that.
660
00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:03,700
Dude, I thought
you wanted to feel love.
661
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:04,800
I do.
662
00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:08,600
So stop dipping your foot in the pool
and dive the fuck in!
663
00:34:08,700 --> 00:34:10,600
And think about this, man.
664
00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:12,900
You'd be providing
a much-needed public service.
665
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,200
You'd be helping women find love.
666
00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:17,600
Now, don't come bitching to me
667
00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:19,100
you haven't found Miss Right yet
668
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:21,400
if you got women lining up
for the position
669
00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:23,700
and you're turning
your back on them.
670
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:28,300
Nice.
671
00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:32,000
I guess.
672
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,100
If I did it for the right reasons.
673
00:34:34,100 --> 00:34:37,600
Whatever helps you
sleep at night, biznatch.
674
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,300
No, no, no. Whoa, whoa.
Don't take off my top.
675
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,400
Something wrong?
676
00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:16,300
They're for the baby.
677
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,100
You have a baby?
678
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,000
No, but I will someday.
679
00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:28,500
It's really good.
680
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:30,600
Fuck me.
681
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:34,600
Fuck me harder.
682
00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:38,600
Oh.
Yeah.
683
00:35:38,700 --> 00:35:40,100
Fuck me!
684
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,000
- Fuck me!
- I'm fucking!
685
00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:44,800
Fuck me, you cocksucking,
cum-guzzling shithead!
686
00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:46,100
Split my pussy in two!
687
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,400
You motherfucking asshole!
688
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:53,800
Is something wrong?
689
00:36:30,900 --> 00:36:32,300
Oh, God.
690
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,400
Oh, God!
691
00:36:35,100 --> 00:36:39,600
Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ, almighty!
692
00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:42,100
God, my savior!
693
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:46,500
I shall adore thee from now
until forever more!
694
00:36:46,700 --> 00:36:49,000
Oh! Amen!
695
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,600
Would you like to
pray with me now?
696
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:55,800
Uh... no.
697
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,200
Yeah, I don't do that with men.
698
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:32,100
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
699
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,000
That's it!
700
00:37:34,100 --> 00:37:36,100
That's definitely it!
701
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:37,800
That'll be my wedding dress.
702
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,400
What do you think?
703
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,700
Megan, I swear I know you
from some place.
704
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:02,500
We went to high school together.
705
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,300
Megan...
706
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,100
What's your last name?
707
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:07,300
Gilles.
708
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,600
Gilles.
I knew a Matthew Gilles.
709
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,200
God, you do look like him.
Is that your brother?
710
00:38:13,300 --> 00:38:16,200
Actually, that was me
before the operation.
711
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:33,600
Thanks.
712
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,700
You're welcome.
713
00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:43,100
- This just isn't working for me.
- Yeah, right.
714
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:45,100
You're just gonna give up
boning all these women?
715
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,200
These girls don't want
to be with me.
716
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:49,100
They want to be
with the next guy.
717
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,500
So what? The road
to the next guy leads through you.
718
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,200
It's not that satisfying.
719
00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:57,100
I'll tell you not satisfying.
720
00:38:57,300 --> 00:39:00,000
Last night I masturbated
into a grapefruit.
721
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,200
I put it in the microwave.
722
00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:05,000
I heated it up
a little bit, which helped,
723
00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:06,000
but...
724
00:39:06,100 --> 00:39:08,600
still.
725
00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:19,400
You know, I read somewhere
that penguins like to eat their own shit.
726
00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:32,600
You have 108 messages.
727
00:39:33,700 --> 00:39:35,600
Messages deleted.
728
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,400
The female lays a single egg
729
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,400
and rolls it onto
the feet of the male.
730
00:39:54,500 --> 00:39:57,200
The male stands
and incubates the egg
731
00:39:57,300 --> 00:40:00,200
until it hatches,
about 65 days.
732
00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:02,700
Having built up
a thick layer of fat
733
00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:04,800
to sustain him
through the long winter,
734
00:40:04,900 --> 00:40:07,500
he never leaves the egg
to hunt for food.
735
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:11,300
The female returns just
before the chick hatches.
736
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:17,200
If you have any questions,
please feel free to ask.
737
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:25,900
What are you doing here?
738
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,800
Are you telling me
that the male penguin
739
00:40:27,900 --> 00:40:29,900
really lives off
his own fat for 65 days
740
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:31,600
while he's protecting
the egg?
741
00:40:31,700 --> 00:40:33,700
You think that the female could bring him,
like, a mackerel burger?
742
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:37,500
Seriously, why are you here?
743
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,000
Look, I don't buy the whole
744
00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:41,300
"I'm not emotionally available" thing.
745
00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:42,300
Are you dying?
746
00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:43,900
Is that why you don't want
to get involved with me?
747
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,800
Because you don't wanna
hurt me when you die?
748
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:47,000
No, I'm not dying.
749
00:40:47,100 --> 00:40:49,800
Well, I'm not dying either,
so what is it, then?
750
00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:51,900
Am I not your type?
I can take it if it's that.
751
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,700
I think you should go.
752
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,000
No, I think
I should stay,
753
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:58,900
because I paid $38.00
to see you today.
754
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,100
And I'm not leaving
until you pay me my money back.
755
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:02,500
Is this the dude?
756
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,400
- No. Joe!
- Have you been talking about me?
757
00:41:04,500 --> 00:41:06,000
Why aren't you wearing your shirt?
758
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:07,500
- Has she been talking about me?
- Yeah.
759
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:08,800
- No!
- You're the dentist.
760
00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:10,800
I am the dude!
761
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,200
No, I mentioned you in passing.
762
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:14,800
I said you were funny.
763
00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:16,500
- Oh.
- And you said he was-
764
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,600
And I said you were
charming and...
765
00:41:19,700 --> 00:41:21,500
good-looking, and...
766
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,600
you have a nice smile.
767
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:24,700
Oh, I would not go out with me, either.
768
00:41:26,700 --> 00:41:29,400
Excuse me, miss?
How come the mommy penguin
769
00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:31,800
doesn't bring back food
for the daddy penguin?
770
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:34,500
'Cause the daddy penguin
doesn't need any food, sweetie.
771
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,100
I have another question.
772
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,700
Why won't you go out with Charlie?
773
00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:46,900
- She'd love to.
- Joe! You're my brother!
774
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,000
Why are you taking his side?
775
00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:51,100
Because I know
how long it's been-
776
00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:54,100
Another word,
I hide your stash.
777
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,000
Go put a shirt on.
778
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:00,900
Look, how about this.
779
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,600
Why don't you eat,
780
00:42:02,700 --> 00:42:05,100
and I'll just digest my own lard.
781
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,600
Look...
782
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:10,300
I just...
783
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,700
I know three women
you've gone out with.
784
00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:14,800
I'm just not into dating
as a sport.
785
00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:19,600
Wait, you said if anybody
had any questions-
786
00:42:19,700 --> 00:42:21,600
- No! I'm not going out with you!
- That's not my question.
787
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,900
That was the little girl's question.
I have a new question.
788
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,200
What is that penguin
right there?
789
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,000
That's a Gentoo,
one of several species
790
00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,900
of penguin that is
completely monogamous.
791
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,600
I hope that answers
your question.
792
00:42:36,700 --> 00:42:38,400
Oh, and penguins are unique
793
00:42:38,500 --> 00:42:41,600
in that mate selection
is up to the female.
794
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:43,900
Much like our relationship.
795
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,000
Why do you wanna take me
to dinner so badly?
796
00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:47,300
You look hungry.
797
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,600
Seriously.
798
00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:51,300
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
799
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,200
Because you remind me
of these penguins.
800
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,300
Yes, they're kind of
awkward and goofy.
801
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,800
Yet in the water,
they're so beautiful.
802
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:13,200
Okay.
803
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,500
Okay, what?
804
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:16,600
- Okay, dinner.
- Will you put that in writing?
805
00:43:16,700 --> 00:43:18,700
Don't push it.
806
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,900
But only as friends...
807
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,400
because if you must know,
there is someone else.
808
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:27,500
His name is Howard Blaine.
809
00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:29,600
He is a foremost expert on penguins,
810
00:43:29,700 --> 00:43:32,600
and I'm meeting him
later this year at a conference.
811
00:43:32,700 --> 00:43:34,500
I'm interested in him.
812
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:35,800
Well, I'm interested
in choreographing
813
00:43:35,900 --> 00:43:38,400
a wacky line dance
that sweeps the nation,
814
00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:41,100
but we both know
that's never gonna happen.
815
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,200
One date as friends.
816
00:43:43,300 --> 00:43:45,200
Fine.
817
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:46,600
Bye.
818
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,800
I'm okay.
Just-
819
00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:51,300
- Yeah.
- I'm fine.
820
00:43:53,900 --> 00:43:55,100
Bye.
821
00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:14,800
So do sharks get cavities?
822
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,000
No.
823
00:44:16,100 --> 00:44:18,000
- You have no idea, do you.
- I don't know.
824
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,600
I thought we were gonna
ask each other personal questions.
825
00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:23,700
Isn't that the point
of 100 Questions?
826
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:25,100
Is that your question?
827
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,500
No, my question is...
828
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,000
Why penguins? Why?
829
00:44:31,100 --> 00:44:32,300
Why teeth?
830
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:33,500
Same as every other dentist.
831
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:34,600
Couldn't get
into med school.
832
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,400
That's funny.
833
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,600
My parents didn't think so.
834
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:40,900
So really, why penguins?
835
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,400
Couldn't get into shark school.
836
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,000
I don't know,
lots of reasons.
837
00:44:47,100 --> 00:44:49,400
For one, you can't help but smile
when you see a penguin.
838
00:44:49,500 --> 00:44:53,000
Yeah, plus they have that bad-ass tuxedo
embedded in their flesh.
839
00:44:53,100 --> 00:44:54,400
I know! They're just so cute.
840
00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,000
I just-
I just love 'em so much.
841
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,900
I just love, love, love 'em!
842
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,700
I even go to Antarctica
for research.
843
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,700
Oh, it's so beautiful there.
844
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,500
You know they have
once-a-year sunsets?
845
00:45:06,700 --> 00:45:08,700
You haven't seen beauty
until you've seen that.
846
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,800
Oh, I don't know about that.
847
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,800
And the penguin rituals
are just fascinating.
848
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,300
Okay now, by rituals,
do you mean, like,
849
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:20,900
eating their own poop?
850
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,400
No.
851
00:45:22,500 --> 00:45:24,500
Like when a male
is sweet on a female,
852
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,000
he searches
the entire beach
853
00:45:26,100 --> 00:45:28,600
to find the perfect pebble
to present to her.
854
00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:30,200
When he finally finds it,
855
00:45:30,300 --> 00:45:31,700
he waddles over
856
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,600
and presents the stone
by placing it at her feet.
857
00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:37,200
If she accepts,
they'll be life-long mates.
858
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,000
It's kind of like
an engagement ring.
859
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,700
Yeah, it's unbelievable to watch.
860
00:45:46,300 --> 00:45:47,900
I have a feeling
861
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:49,900
that you are
a very good kisser.
862
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,300
And I know this because I spent
an hour and a half inside your mouth,
863
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:54,900
and I scoped it out.
864
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,300
What makes you think
I'll be kissing you, huh?
865
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:00,900
You all right?
866
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:04,200
You okay?
867
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,100
I guess I was wrong about
the "really good kisser" thing.
868
00:46:29,300 --> 00:46:30,800
Come on, we'll find
something you're good at.
869
00:46:30,900 --> 00:46:32,000
What!
870
00:46:34,500 --> 00:46:37,200
Perfectly imperfect?
What the hell does that mean?
871
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:38,600
I don't know.
872
00:46:38,700 --> 00:46:41,700
I mean, haven't you ever
fallen for someone's flaws?
873
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,100
I'm a plastic surgeon.
874
00:46:43,300 --> 00:46:46,200
I see a flaw,
I pour spackle over it.
875
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,100
Hey, are these new?
876
00:46:48,100 --> 00:46:49,600
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, no!
877
00:46:49,700 --> 00:46:53,300
No, you don't touch these.
878
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,600
It's Pamela Anderson's
breast implants.
879
00:46:55,700 --> 00:46:57,700
Why are they not implanted
in her breasts?
880
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,500
It's a reduction, baby.
This is what came out.
881
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,000
So you're hoping that
some sick dude will buy these?
882
00:47:03,100 --> 00:47:05,500
Some sick dude already did.
883
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,100
This dude!
884
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,700
What the hell do you want
Pamela Anderson's breast fillings for?
885
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,500
Why the hell do you want
Miss Penguin Pussy?
886
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,500
To each his own, buddy.
887
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,800
Oh, Miss Penguin Pussy.
Who the fuck are you?
888
00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:18,700
Stu Klaminsky.
Nice to meet you.
889
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,000
Anyway, Cam's the one, man.
890
00:47:22,100 --> 00:47:24,500
When I'm with her,
I don't know, Stu.
891
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,300
I mean, I feel like...
892
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,700
She just-
She-
893
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:30,100
Completes you.
894
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:31,400
- Screw you.
- Screw you.
895
00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:32,700
And can I just say
896
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,700
that I'm an idiot
for listening to you?
897
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:35,700
Public service.
898
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:36,700
May I remind you
899
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,100
that you got
your axle greased
900
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,500
a fair amount
in the process?
901
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:42,100
What's sex without love?
902
00:47:43,100 --> 00:47:44,500
Sex!
903
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,600
It's still sex!
904
00:47:47,700 --> 00:47:49,400
Jesus Christ.
905
00:47:49,500 --> 00:47:52,600
I never met a guy so bummed
to squirt a little baby gravy.
906
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:53,900
Baby gravy?
907
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,100
You know, man chowder.
908
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:01,800
Can't believe you're going
cold turkey for this chick.
909
00:48:01,900 --> 00:48:03,700
If she wants me to be
more like a Gentoo,
910
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,300
I'm going to be
like a Gentoo.
911
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:07,700
You lost me.
912
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,300
Gentoo.
It's a monogamous penguin.
913
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,900
Who's ridiculed
by the other penguins
914
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,300
for being a fag.
915
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,200
Here it comes!
916
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,500
You got some- right there.
917
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:32,800
Thanks.
918
00:48:32,900 --> 00:48:34,300
Do I have any on me?
919
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:35,300
No, no.
920
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:36,700
You want to get that?
921
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,200
You're silly.
922
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,900
I have something for you.
923
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:44,000
Really?
924
00:48:45,100 --> 00:48:46,500
A gift?
925
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,200
Oh, bad form.
926
00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:49,700
A gift on the third date?
927
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:51,000
Open it.
928
00:48:51,100 --> 00:48:52,500
Okay.
929
00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:58,800
You're an asshole.
930
00:48:58,900 --> 00:49:00,900
Yes, but a thoughtful asshole.
931
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,500
Thank you.
932
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,600
So, fess up about this charm.
933
00:49:08,700 --> 00:49:09,700
You heard about that.
934
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,300
Yeah. It's quite a scam
you got going.
935
00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:13,900
- No, it's not me.
- Please.
936
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:15,100
It's not.
I'm serious.
937
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:16,900
Somebody somewhere
got it into their head
938
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,600
that once a girl's
been with me,
939
00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:19,800
she'll meet her true love
940
00:49:19,900 --> 00:49:21,800
with the next guy
she goes out with.
941
00:49:21,900 --> 00:49:22,900
Can you believe it?
942
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:24,400
Please.
943
00:49:24,500 --> 00:49:27,100
People will believe
whatever they want to believe.
944
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,600
Okay. I've got one for you.
945
00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:44,200
Did you know
it is physically impossible
946
00:49:44,300 --> 00:49:46,300
for a human being
to lick their own elbow?
947
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:47,500
How do you know that?
948
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:48,600
No one can do it.
949
00:49:48,700 --> 00:49:50,400
All right.
I can do it.
950
00:49:54,900 --> 00:49:56,700
Can't do it, my friend.
951
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:58,000
All right, fine.
952
00:49:58,100 --> 00:49:59,200
I've got one.
953
00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,100
Did you know
that the average person
954
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,400
produces 10,000 gallons of saliva
in their lifetime?
955
00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:07,300
Did you know that I produce
10,000 gallons of saliva in one kiss?
956
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,400
That's disgusting.
957
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:09,900
I'm going to show you.
Come here.
958
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,400
I'm serious.
I'm serious about this.
959
00:50:11,500 --> 00:50:13,300
I don't like sloppy kisses.
960
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,100
Are you trying to unhook my bra?
961
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:50,700
No. No.
I wouldn't do that. No.
962
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,100
Why not?
Am I not your type?
963
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,200
You are definitely my type.
964
00:50:55,300 --> 00:50:56,400
What's your type?
965
00:50:56,500 --> 00:50:59,100
Black and blue,
riddled with bandages.
966
00:51:00,500 --> 00:51:03,400
And braless.
Yeah. Definitely braless.
967
00:51:19,300 --> 00:51:21,300
Your move.
968
00:51:26,900 --> 00:51:28,000
That's it?
969
00:51:28,100 --> 00:51:29,700
Socks are next.
Slow down.
970
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:31,300
Wuss.
971
00:51:36,300 --> 00:51:37,700
You really want to do this?
972
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:40,200
I mean, you really want
to take us further?
973
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,300
This is not happening.
974
00:51:58,900 --> 00:52:00,500
I got to get it.
975
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,500
It's- It's my emergency line.
976
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:03,500
No. No.
977
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,600
I got to get it.
I'll be back.
978
00:52:05,700 --> 00:52:06,800
I'll be fast.
979
00:52:10,700 --> 00:52:11,700
Dr. Logan speaking.
980
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:13,500
Dude!
981
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:16,900
Is this an emergency?
982
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:18,700
You're going to want
to hear this, man.
983
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:21,800
Well, I am rather busy
right now.
984
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,000
Good night!
985
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:25,000
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Did you bone her yet?
986
00:52:25,100 --> 00:52:28,000
Look, unless
this is an emergency,
987
00:52:28,100 --> 00:52:30,200
call my office
in the morning.
988
00:52:30,300 --> 00:52:32,600
Fine. You want
to lose her forever,
989
00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:34,400
you hang up the phone
right now.
990
00:52:34,500 --> 00:52:37,400
This is going to be
the best night of your life.
991
00:52:37,500 --> 00:52:39,100
Are you still there?
992
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:42,600
Chuck. Are you there?
993
00:52:42,700 --> 00:52:44,000
What are you
talking about?
994
00:52:44,100 --> 00:52:46,400
Dude, it's that charm thing.
995
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:48,900
It turns out it's real!
996
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:52,800
No. That's not true
because you told me yourself-
997
00:52:52,900 --> 00:52:54,300
Uh-uh, but now I believe.
998
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,300
I started
calling all your exes.
999
00:52:56,300 --> 00:52:57,600
They're married.
1000
00:52:57,700 --> 00:52:59,200
Not just some. All.
1001
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,500
A to Z on your Palm Pilot, man.
1002
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:03,300
Susan Agrezzi
to Jeannie Zeigert.
1003
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,700
Every single one
you closed the deal with.
1004
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,500
And did you see this month's
high school newsletter?
1005
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:09,900
Sarah McDowell.
1006
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:11,800
What, the girl
I lost my virginity to?
1007
00:53:11,900 --> 00:53:13,600
Did you see who she
wound up marrying?
1008
00:53:13,700 --> 00:53:17,200
Tony Lamberto, that douche bag
she dumped you for!
1009
00:53:17,300 --> 00:53:20,300
You know what this means,
don't you?
1010
00:53:20,400 --> 00:53:21,800
You shake the sheets with Cam,
1011
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,100
she's going to marry
the next guy she dates.
1012
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:28,200
This- This-
1013
00:53:28,300 --> 00:53:29,600
I hate you.
1014
00:53:29,700 --> 00:53:32,200
I really hate you!
1015
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,100
I got to go.
I got to go.
1016
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:39,900
A dental emergency.
1017
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,200
Freak accident.
1018
00:53:42,300 --> 00:53:44,800
Children, they thought
it was gumballs.
1019
00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:46,400
Ball bearings,
1020
00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:49,000
and it just fucked up
their shit.
1021
00:53:50,500 --> 00:53:52,400
You look great.
I had a good time.
1022
00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:53,500
I got to go.
1023
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,600
I got to go!
1024
00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:01,200
I can't believe you're
really considering doing this.
1025
00:54:01,300 --> 00:54:03,400
If you believe it
and everyone else believes it,
1026
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:04,700
what else can I do?
1027
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:05,900
Anything but this.
1028
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,100
I got to be sure.
1029
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,200
I've got to put the curse to the test.
1030
00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:11,200
Where is she?
1031
00:54:11,300 --> 00:54:12,700
She's beached over there
1032
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:16,200
by the giant garbage bag
full of doughnut holes.
1033
00:54:16,300 --> 00:54:18,500
Eleanor Skepple.
1034
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:22,400
She's angry, rude,
and she smells bad.
1035
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,100
In addition to back acne,
1036
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:28,400
she's got front acne
and side acne.
1037
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,500
You see that glass of water there?
1038
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,600
She keeps her teeth
in that glass.
1039
00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:36,400
So you're saying
that she's single.
1040
00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:37,900
She's your best bet, man.
1041
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:39,700
You sink the soldier all you want.
1042
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:41,100
This chick ain't never
getting married.
1043
00:54:41,200 --> 00:54:43,400
If she was the last woman
on the face of the earth,
1044
00:54:43,500 --> 00:54:46,400
humanity would come
to a screeching halt.
1045
00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:07,600
Hey, asshole,
got my peanut butter?
1046
00:55:07,700 --> 00:55:11,200
No. My name's Charlie.
1047
00:55:15,900 --> 00:55:17,500
I'm sorry.
I was just wondering
1048
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,700
if, um- if I could
take you out tonight.
1049
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:23,500
How does that-
How does that sound?
1050
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,600
You want me to elaborate?
1051
00:55:28,700 --> 00:55:30,600
No. I get your drift.
1052
00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:32,300
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
1053
00:55:39,100 --> 00:55:41,600
Pay you a hundred dollars
to go out with me tonight.
1054
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:45,800
$200.
1055
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:49,500
Make me happy.
1056
00:55:57,900 --> 00:55:59,100
So a thousand dollars,
1057
00:55:59,100 --> 00:56:01,700
and all you have to do
is take me to dinner?
1058
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,700
Well, actually, I thought
that maybe we could,
1059
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,900
you know, we-
you and I could, uh-
1060
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:15,900
get physical.
1061
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:19,800
All right.
1062
00:56:19,900 --> 00:56:23,900
I'm gonna fuck you
till you die!
1063
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:43,900
And now we wait.
1064
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:52,100
Oh, Coco,
I know how you feel.
1065
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,200
We just put ourselves
out there,
1066
00:56:54,300 --> 00:56:55,400
and what happened?
1067
00:56:55,500 --> 00:56:57,200
I'm left hanging.
1068
00:56:57,300 --> 00:56:59,400
Huh, girl?
1069
00:57:02,100 --> 00:57:03,900
Has he called yet?
1070
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,500
No, Joe, he hasn't.
1071
00:57:06,600 --> 00:57:10,400
Thanks for asking.
I really appreciate it.
1072
00:57:10,500 --> 00:57:12,900
God, I feel so stupid.
1073
00:57:13,000 --> 00:57:15,300
Why did I act like that?
1074
00:57:16,700 --> 00:57:18,200
Why hasn't he called?
1075
00:57:18,300 --> 00:57:21,300
All this waiting
is driving me crazy.
1076
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:25,400
You know, there's always
some madness in love.
1077
00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:31,200
But there's also always
some reason in madness.
1078
00:57:32,500 --> 00:57:34,200
Nietzsche.
1079
00:57:34,300 --> 00:57:36,300
Been using the pages
of this philosophy book
1080
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,500
for rolling paper.
1081
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:40,500
It's like I'm smoking
their thoughts.
1082
00:57:47,500 --> 00:57:48,500
It's him.
1083
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:50,500
Well, get it.
1084
00:57:50,700 --> 00:57:52,200
I'm gonna let it ring.
1085
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:57,000
I'll screen it.
1086
00:57:57,100 --> 00:57:59,300
Sorry I haven't called,
but I've been really sick.
1087
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:02,300
I can't even get out of bed.
1088
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:05,100
Do you think maybe we could
just talk on the phone
1089
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:06,300
or on the computer?
1090
00:58:08,100 --> 00:58:10,000
I'd really, really like that.
1091
00:58:10,100 --> 00:58:11,500
Call me.
1092
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:35,600
I can't pretend
to be sick forever.
1093
00:59:35,700 --> 00:59:36,800
Come on, man.
You're my hero.
1094
00:59:36,900 --> 00:59:38,900
- I don't know.
- Yeah, you gotta do this for me.
1095
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,100
You got this, my brother.
You're a crazy train.
1096
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:42,800
You're the man
in the mirror.
1097
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:44,600
You're a force of nature.
Hurricane Stu.
1098
00:59:44,700 --> 00:59:45,600
I can't do it.
1099
00:59:45,700 --> 00:59:46,900
You have to do it.
1100
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,400
No one's asked her out yet.
1101
00:59:48,500 --> 00:59:51,000
Yeah, right. So I go out
with Eleanor Skepple
1102
00:59:51,100 --> 00:59:52,100
to test your curse,
1103
00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:53,400
and what happens next?
1104
00:59:53,500 --> 00:59:55,200
I'm walking down the aisle
with Shamu!
1105
00:59:55,300 --> 00:59:56,400
I don't think so.
1106
00:59:56,500 --> 00:59:58,200
Do you see what I'm doing here?
1107
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:00,800
The friend card, man?
1108
01:00:00,900 --> 01:00:01,900
Yeah.
1109
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:03,000
That's mean.
1110
01:00:03,100 --> 01:00:05,100
You leave me no choice.
1111
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:09,600
Give me that,
you son of a bitch.
1112
01:00:09,900 --> 01:00:11,500
If I marry her, Chuck,
1113
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:13,900
we're going to hunt you down
and eat you.
1114
01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:29,400
Yeah, Stu.
1115
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:35,500
I can't believe
you're still sick.
1116
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,000
How long has it been?
1117
01:00:37,100 --> 01:00:38,900
Two weeks. It's, uh...
1118
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,300
it's killing me,
but, you know,
1119
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:41,800
I don't
want to infect you.
1120
01:00:41,900 --> 01:00:44,000
At this point,
I wouldn't mind.
1121
01:00:46,100 --> 01:00:47,900
You know, I feel
like a kid again.
1122
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,800
I haven't talked
on the phone this much
1123
01:00:49,900 --> 01:00:51,200
since I was in high school.
1124
01:00:51,300 --> 01:00:52,600
That reminds me.
1125
01:00:52,700 --> 01:00:54,800
Would you go to the prom with me?
1126
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:57,900
I love your voice.
1127
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,200
The crazy things is,
I can't picture you anymore.
1128
01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:03,300
Okay, here's the update:
1129
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:04,600
I am now 4' 3",
1130
01:01:04,700 --> 01:01:08,300
I weigh 235 pounds,
and I've got a cleft eye.
1131
01:01:10,700 --> 01:01:12,000
Can I ask you something?
1132
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:13,400
Yeah.
1133
01:01:13,500 --> 01:01:15,800
Are you not into girls?
1134
01:01:20,900 --> 01:01:23,400
No.
No.
1135
01:01:23,500 --> 01:01:26,300
Are you... seriously, are you there?
1136
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:27,300
Yeah.
1137
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:28,900
I'm not... not into girls.
1138
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,900
You should have seen
my room growing up.
1139
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:33,000
It was full of posters of... of girls!
1140
01:01:33,100 --> 01:01:34,900
There was no guys.
It was girls!
1141
01:01:35,000 --> 01:01:38,200
Well, are you avoiding
actually seeing me?
1142
01:01:38,300 --> 01:01:41,800
No, Cam. I'm dying to see you.
It's killing me.
1143
01:01:41,900 --> 01:01:44,900
Then come over.
Right now. Wash my back.
1144
01:01:45,100 --> 01:01:46,100
Come on.
1145
01:01:46,300 --> 01:01:48,400
I'll wear a mask.
You could wear a mask.
1146
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:49,500
We'll play doctor.
1147
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:52,100
Ooh, boy. I want to,
1148
01:01:52,300 --> 01:01:53,400
but with the-
1149
01:01:53,500 --> 01:01:55,100
No buts.
I need to see you.
1150
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:57,300
I need to see if that
birthmark you have
1151
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:58,500
really looks like Alfred Hitchcock.
1152
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:00,400
Now, wait. No. That-
1153
01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:02,700
That is a restricted area, okay?
1154
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:04,100
Not everybody gets a peek
1155
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:05,600
at the Master of Suspense,
1156
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:06,900
if you know
what I'm saying.
1157
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,100
If I can't see you,
1158
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:09,500
we should take
our phone relationship
1159
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:10,700
to the next level.
1160
01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:13,100
What do you mean?
1161
01:02:15,700 --> 01:02:16,900
Oh, yeah.
1162
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,700
That feels good.
1163
01:02:18,900 --> 01:02:21,500
I like that.
Do you like that?
1164
01:02:21,700 --> 01:02:23,100
Like what?
1165
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:24,500
That's my phone sex voice.
1166
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,900
Come on, Charlie,
work with me here.
1167
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,900
I want to. I just don't
think that we should do that.
1168
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,800
I mean, nothing to do with-
1169
01:02:32,900 --> 01:02:34,000
Does your phone
receive pictures?
1170
01:02:34,100 --> 01:02:35,200
Yeah, why?
1171
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:36,200
Sending.
1172
01:02:36,300 --> 01:02:37,400
Sending?
1173
01:02:37,500 --> 01:02:39,100
What are you sending to me?
1174
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:41,700
Fuck!
1175
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:45,000
- I got it.
- Got it?
1176
01:02:45,100 --> 01:02:46,600
I'm done for the night.
Thank you.
1177
01:02:47,700 --> 01:02:49,100
Oh, God.
Hold on one second.
1178
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,100
Stu, what's up?
1179
01:02:51,700 --> 01:02:53,700
The deed is done.
1180
01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:56,000
I went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
1181
01:02:56,100 --> 01:02:57,900
I'm not proposing to her,
1182
01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,900
so you're in the clear.
1183
01:03:01,600 --> 01:03:02,700
Are you there?
1184
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:04,400
Chuck?
1185
01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:10,500
I feel better.
1186
01:03:59,500 --> 01:04:01,100
Camcorder in the bedroom, huh?
1187
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:02,200
Kinky.
1188
01:04:08,700 --> 01:04:11,100
So, for the, uh, camera,
1189
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:13,800
do I have to sign a waiver
or something, you know,
1190
01:04:13,900 --> 01:04:15,000
for internet purposes?
1191
01:04:15,100 --> 01:04:16,900
You really want
to talk right now?
1192
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:20,400
Whoa, those are nice.
1193
01:04:20,500 --> 01:04:22,200
Oh, God bless you.
1194
01:04:24,300 --> 01:04:25,200
You pushed me.
1195
01:04:25,300 --> 01:04:26,900
Sorry.
It's been a while.
1196
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:29,400
I can see I'm going
to have to wear protection.
1197
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:54,800
Stop staring at me.
1198
01:04:54,900 --> 01:04:57,200
You're creeping me out.
1199
01:05:26,500 --> 01:05:28,500
...no matter what your size.
1200
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:30,200
You will not go to waste.
1201
01:05:30,300 --> 01:05:31,700
Sometimes it takes
a little love
1202
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:34,200
to make someone want
to shed the pounds.
1203
01:05:34,300 --> 01:05:35,900
Two main reasons-
1204
01:05:46,300 --> 01:05:47,800
What the hell?
1205
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:52,200
Hello.
1206
01:05:52,300 --> 01:05:54,700
"The deed is done"?
The deed is done!
1207
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:55,900
I thought you said
1208
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:57,400
you went out
with Eleanor Skepple.
1209
01:05:57,500 --> 01:05:58,900
No, man. I just said that.
1210
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,600
What?
1211
01:06:00,700 --> 01:06:02,100
I didn't want to risk it.
1212
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:03,500
Marrying her?
Are you stupid?
1213
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:04,800
But I saw you, man.
1214
01:06:04,900 --> 01:06:06,500
You asked her out.
1215
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,600
No, man. I asked her
what time it was.
1216
01:06:08,700 --> 01:06:10,400
She said it was 3:53.
1217
01:06:13,500 --> 01:06:15,000
I can't believe
that I trusted you, Stu.
1218
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:16,100
You fucked me!
1219
01:06:16,300 --> 01:06:17,400
Take out your friend card.
1220
01:06:17,600 --> 01:06:19,100
What?
1221
01:06:19,300 --> 01:06:21,700
Take out your friend card now
and rip it up
1222
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:23,000
because you fucked me, Stu.
1223
01:06:23,100 --> 01:06:26,000
Oh, buddy, she's just a girl.
1224
01:06:26,100 --> 01:06:29,300
No. It's not a girl.
1225
01:06:32,100 --> 01:06:33,200
It's the girl.
1226
01:06:33,300 --> 01:06:35,900
Now I'm going to lose her.
1227
01:06:39,300 --> 01:06:41,500
I'm not going to lose her.
1228
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:51,200
Breakfast in bed.
1229
01:06:52,700 --> 01:06:56,700
Wake up! Good morning!
It's a beautiful day!
1230
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:58,200
Wow.
1231
01:06:58,300 --> 01:07:00,700
Am I supposed to eat
my way out of here?
1232
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,400
I walked into the supermarket.
1233
01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,800
I stood there. I was like,
"What does Cam want?"
1234
01:07:04,900 --> 01:07:05,900
And I couldn't stop.
1235
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:09,000
I was like, "She'll want that
and that and that," and I got it all.
1236
01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:11,300
They didn't have Spam, though.
I talked to the manager.
1237
01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:13,300
They won't have it in until next week.
Anyway, enjoy.
1238
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,100
Are you okay?
1239
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:16,600
I am fantastic.
I feel like-
1240
01:07:16,700 --> 01:07:18,200
I did this-
1241
01:07:18,700 --> 01:07:20,200
And then I gave myself
one of these. Look.
1242
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,100
And I made out with myself.
1243
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:24,300
You're acting kind of strange.
1244
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:25,900
No. No, no.
1245
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:29,800
Yeah, eat up. Eat up.
Try that. Try that.
1246
01:07:29,900 --> 01:07:31,100
Eat up.
1247
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,400
Hey, um, what are your plans
1248
01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:35,000
for the rest of today?
1249
01:07:35,100 --> 01:07:37,500
I'm going to work.
1250
01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:39,300
I'm going to go
to work with you!
1251
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:40,600
I'm going to hang out.
1252
01:07:40,700 --> 01:07:43,100
I got it all planned out.
I'm going to go.
1253
01:07:44,900 --> 01:07:46,900
I'm kidding.
I'm not going to work with you.
1254
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:48,200
Actually, Saturday.
1255
01:07:48,300 --> 01:07:49,600
What are you plans for Saturday- Sunday?
1256
01:07:49,700 --> 01:07:50,600
What are your plans
for Sunday?
1257
01:07:50,700 --> 01:07:52,000
Don't even answer that
1258
01:07:52,100 --> 01:07:53,500
because I'm already
thinking about Wednesday.
1259
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:54,700
What are you doing Wednesday?
1260
01:07:54,900 --> 01:07:56,500
Let's just seal it right now-
seal the deal-
1261
01:07:56,600 --> 01:07:58,100
and then I'll do my pineapple dance.
1262
01:07:58,200 --> 01:07:59,900
Yes, Wednesday?
1263
01:08:02,700 --> 01:08:05,300
This is your fault!
Everything!
1264
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:08,800
You!
1265
01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:12,700
Jesus Christ, why me?
1266
01:08:12,700 --> 01:08:15,500
Just shut your lips, Stu.
Shut up!
1267
01:08:17,900 --> 01:08:19,900
Hi, Cam. What's up?
It's Charlie.
1268
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:21,100
How are you doing today?
1269
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:22,300
I just wanted to call
1270
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:24,300
and make sure I had
the right number,
1271
01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:26,900
and I do, and I do.
1272
01:08:27,000 --> 01:08:28,100
How are you doing?
1273
01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:29,600
Having a good day at work?
1274
01:08:29,700 --> 01:08:32,000
Well, I'll let you get back,
but I wanted to remind you,
1275
01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:35,200
Wednesday night,
you and me, happily.
1276
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:37,700
All right.
I'll talk to you later. Bye.
1277
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:39,200
This is your fault!
1278
01:08:39,300 --> 01:08:40,700
His!
1279
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,100
You already ate.
Why are you-
1280
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:59,500
Is there something different
in here since lunch?
1281
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:27,800
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
1282
01:09:27,900 --> 01:09:30,600
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, banana
1283
01:09:30,700 --> 01:09:33,100
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
1284
01:09:33,200 --> 01:09:36,100
Your love's got me
lookin' so crazy right now
1285
01:09:36,200 --> 01:09:38,600
Got me lookin'
so crazy right now
1286
01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:41,500
Your touch has got me
lookin' so crazy right now
1287
01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:44,300
Got me hopin'
you'd page me right now
1288
01:09:44,300 --> 01:09:47,300
Your kiss got me hopin'
you'd save me right now
1289
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:49,900
Lookin' so crazy,
your love's got me lookin'
1290
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:54,600
Got me lookin' so crazy,
your love
1291
01:09:54,700 --> 01:09:56,400
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, got it.
1292
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:58,700
Got me going,
so pay me right now
1293
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:02,800
Raise the habitat.
1294
01:10:02,900 --> 01:10:05,000
Crazy, crazy, crazy
1295
01:10:05,200 --> 01:10:07,300
Crazy for you
1296
01:10:09,400 --> 01:10:10,400
Changed my mind.
1297
01:10:10,500 --> 01:10:12,000
Took the day off
so I could hang.
1298
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:13,400
I won't be in the way.
1299
01:10:13,500 --> 01:10:15,800
I know what you're thinking.
I'm going to be in the way.
1300
01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,800
But I think I'm going to blend in like this.
I think I'll blend. Look.
1301
01:10:18,900 --> 01:10:20,500
I know how to do that.
1302
01:10:20,600 --> 01:10:23,900
Charlie, I'm working.
1303
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:31,400
Or I could go.
1304
01:10:31,500 --> 01:10:32,900
Yeah, I-
1305
01:10:35,700 --> 01:10:36,900
Get out of here.
1306
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:39,900
No, no.
1307
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:41,000
Thanks.
1308
01:10:49,700 --> 01:10:51,200
Have a great day at work.
1309
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:54,100
My car's this way.
1310
01:11:07,300 --> 01:11:08,400
Hi, Cam.
1311
01:11:16,600 --> 01:11:18,400
Work is done.
Time for fun.
1312
01:11:22,300 --> 01:11:23,500
Hey.
1313
01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:27,000
Listen, I know
an amazing sushi place,
1314
01:11:27,100 --> 01:11:28,400
and the best part of all:
1315
01:11:28,500 --> 01:11:29,800
when you're finished
with your leftovers,
1316
01:11:29,900 --> 01:11:32,100
they put them in a doggie bag-
or a penguin bag.
1317
01:11:32,200 --> 01:11:33,800
- Charlie-
- Oh, you don't like sushi.
1318
01:11:33,900 --> 01:11:35,500
Uh, Thai? Indian.
1319
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:38,600
Listen to me, you need
to leave me alone, okay?
1320
01:11:38,700 --> 01:11:40,000
I need some space.
1321
01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:43,800
So tonight is no good.
1322
01:11:43,900 --> 01:11:47,900
I'm very close
to changing my phone number.
1323
01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:49,800
Do you understand?
1324
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:08,700
If you were a hamburger
at McDonald's,
1325
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:11,100
I'd name you my
McBeautiful Tittie Sandwich
1326
01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:12,600
With Titties On Top.
1327
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:28,400
- Can I see Stu?
- Just a sec-
1328
01:12:28,500 --> 01:12:29,600
Yeah.
1329
01:12:29,700 --> 01:12:32,500
Stu, I need you.
It's important.
1330
01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:34,800
I'm Dr. Charlie Logan.
1331
01:12:34,900 --> 01:12:37,500
I don't know who this Stu
is you speak of.
1332
01:12:47,700 --> 01:12:48,600
Call me.
1333
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:49,700
I need your help.
1334
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:51,700
Hey, are we still friends?
1335
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,100
Cam is going to fall in love with
and get married
1336
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,300
to the next guy she goes
on a date with, right?
1337
01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:58,500
I'm going to be that next guy.
1338
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:00,100
Yeah.
You're a plastic surgeon.
1339
01:13:00,300 --> 01:13:03,000
You're going to...
change my face up.
1340
01:13:03,100 --> 01:13:05,200
I don't care if you
give me a beak.
1341
01:13:05,300 --> 01:13:07,200
I'm going to look
like a different guy.
1342
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:08,500
That way,
when I meet her-
1343
01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:09,700
Hi. My name's Ronald-
1344
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:11,900
I'm the new guy
she falls in love with.
1345
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:13,100
Let's go. Right now.
1346
01:13:13,200 --> 01:13:15,400
Don't look at me
in that tone of voice.
1347
01:13:15,500 --> 01:13:18,000
I'm talking the truth.
Please?
1348
01:13:18,100 --> 01:13:20,000
Chuck...
1349
01:13:20,100 --> 01:13:22,100
take a look around, man.
1350
01:13:22,200 --> 01:13:25,000
I mean, I can give you tits.
You want tits?
1351
01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:27,900
So you're
not going to help me.
1352
01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:31,400
Yes, but not by
rearranging your face, man.
1353
01:13:31,500 --> 01:13:33,200
Come here. Have a seat.
1354
01:13:34,400 --> 01:13:35,800
There's got to be
a better way, right?
1355
01:13:36,900 --> 01:13:38,800
I mean, I know
things are bad now,
1356
01:13:39,000 --> 01:13:41,900
but things could be
a lot worse, right?
1357
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:44,600
Listen, you could be
like my cousin, man.
1358
01:13:44,700 --> 01:13:46,200
He found out last week
1359
01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:48,100
he's got an inoperable
brain tumor.
1360
01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:50,900
That's horrible.
1361
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:52,200
Yeah.
1362
01:13:52,300 --> 01:13:54,100
He's only got, like,
one week left to live.
1363
01:13:56,500 --> 01:13:57,800
That is...
1364
01:13:59,300 --> 01:14:00,700
perfect.
1365
01:14:00,800 --> 01:14:03,000
That's perfect.
He's the perfect guy for her.
1366
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:04,100
What?
1367
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:05,200
Yeah.
There's no harm, right?
1368
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,100
He gets laid.
She falls in love.
1369
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:08,300
He's dead within a week.
1370
01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:09,500
I swoop in, console her.
1371
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:10,700
Bing-bang-boom,
everybody's happy.
1372
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:11,900
Hey!
1373
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,700
Why don't you club her
and have a wedding ceremony
1374
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:15,600
while she's knocked unconscious?
1375
01:14:15,700 --> 01:14:16,900
That'd work!
1376
01:14:18,600 --> 01:14:20,900
What the hell
is wrong with you?
1377
01:14:20,900 --> 01:14:24,400
You have to let her go.
1378
01:14:24,500 --> 01:14:27,900
That's the one thing
I can't do.
1379
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:01,200
- Next time I'll bring my suit.
- Yeah.
1380
01:15:01,300 --> 01:15:02,600
Oh, no.
1381
01:15:02,700 --> 01:15:04,500
Oh, no. That's not good.
1382
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:11,000
No.
1383
01:15:11,100 --> 01:15:13,300
It's over.
1384
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:14,700
That has to be George.
1385
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:16,900
George.
1386
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:21,000
Hey, George!
1387
01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:22,700
- What's up, George?
- What?
1388
01:15:22,800 --> 01:15:24,100
- How you doing, George?
- I'm not George.
1389
01:15:24,200 --> 01:15:25,600
You're going to stay
away from Cam, all right?
1390
01:15:25,700 --> 01:15:28,900
You're going to stay away
from Cam, you hear me?
1391
01:15:29,000 --> 01:15:31,600
- You're George!
- Charlie!
1392
01:15:31,700 --> 01:15:33,200
- I'm not George!
- Cam!
1393
01:15:33,300 --> 01:15:34,400
What are you doing?
1394
01:15:34,500 --> 01:15:36,400
I just met George.
He's a real jerk.
1395
01:15:36,500 --> 01:15:37,900
You shouldn't like him.
I want to see you.
1396
01:15:38,000 --> 01:15:40,500
Stay away from me!
Stay away from me!
1397
01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:41,600
No!
1398
01:15:42,300 --> 01:15:44,700
Falling.
1399
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:47,700
What is wrong with you?
1400
01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:53,100
I'm being bitten!
1401
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:55,400
Does he have fish
in his pants?
1402
01:16:00,700 --> 01:16:03,800
Oh, those fuckers
are vicious.
1403
01:16:03,900 --> 01:16:05,300
Yeah? Well, they don't like it
1404
01:16:05,400 --> 01:16:07,000
when someone disturbs
their environment.
1405
01:16:07,100 --> 01:16:08,600
Time to go, buddy.
1406
01:16:08,700 --> 01:16:10,600
I know I've been acting crazy,
but there's a reasonable-
1407
01:16:10,700 --> 01:16:11,900
Let me guess, Charlie.
1408
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:13,400
You believe
you're a lucky charm,
1409
01:16:13,500 --> 01:16:16,400
and you're afraid I'm going
to marry the next guy I date,
1410
01:16:16,500 --> 01:16:19,000
so you've been smothering me
and attacking my friends.
1411
01:16:19,100 --> 01:16:20,100
What about George, okay?
1412
01:16:20,300 --> 01:16:21,700
What about your date with George?
1413
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:23,700
Wednesday night?
What big date with George?
1414
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:25,500
George is my hairdresser!
1415
01:16:27,300 --> 01:16:29,900
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I was eavesdropping.
1416
01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,900
Are you really
Charlie Logan the lucky charm?
1417
01:16:32,000 --> 01:16:34,600
Because... I was wondering-
1418
01:16:34,700 --> 01:16:36,800
I can't. I'm sorry.
Cam, listen. Cam-
1419
01:16:36,900 --> 01:16:38,800
- No. Charlie, I just don't think we can
do this anymore.
1420
01:16:38,900 --> 01:16:39,700
- Don't say it!
1421
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:41,100
- It's not working.
- Please, Cam.
1422
01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:43,300
Please, just don't say it's over.
1423
01:16:45,500 --> 01:16:46,600
It's over.
1424
01:17:15,700 --> 01:17:16,600
Dr. Charlie?
1425
01:17:16,700 --> 01:17:18,600
Hi, Reba.
1426
01:17:18,700 --> 01:17:20,600
I've been
calling you all day.
1427
01:17:20,700 --> 01:17:21,800
Where have you been?
1428
01:17:21,900 --> 01:17:23,800
Decided to take
another day off.
1429
01:17:23,800 --> 01:17:26,700
Hey, does our building
have roof access?
1430
01:17:26,800 --> 01:17:30,000
Oh, things can't be that bad.
1431
01:17:30,100 --> 01:17:33,400
You know, I owe you a thank-you.
1432
01:17:33,500 --> 01:17:36,300
I met a guy, and he's wonderful.
1433
01:17:36,400 --> 01:17:38,000
I really think he's the one.
1434
01:17:38,100 --> 01:17:42,100
That's great.
I'm happy for you.
1435
01:17:43,500 --> 01:17:46,800
You've done a good thing,
Dr. Charlie.
1436
01:17:46,900 --> 01:17:50,200
Helping people find love.
1437
01:17:50,300 --> 01:17:51,600
It's great.
1438
01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:56,800
I bet you didn't think
you'd be responsible
1439
01:17:57,000 --> 01:17:58,600
for helping me
find true love again,
1440
01:17:58,700 --> 01:17:59,900
but you did.
1441
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:01,800
You did, Dr. Charlie.
1442
01:18:12,600 --> 01:18:14,400
Dr. Charlie, are you all right?
1443
01:18:14,500 --> 01:18:17,500
Love fall like rain.
I'm in pain.
1444
01:18:17,600 --> 01:18:19,100
She was right, Reba.
1445
01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:20,200
It's raining.
1446
01:18:20,300 --> 01:18:22,100
Oh, my God!
1447
01:18:26,100 --> 01:18:27,800
Stu, I need
to Google something.
1448
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:29,100
Unacceptable!
1449
01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:30,400
Hey!
1450
01:18:30,500 --> 01:18:31,700
I wish I hadn't seen that!
1451
01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:33,700
A man can't masturbate
in his own house?
1452
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:35,200
That is disgusting.
1453
01:18:35,300 --> 01:18:36,500
It's a known fact
1454
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:38,200
that stimulation
of the prostate-
1455
01:18:38,300 --> 01:18:40,600
No, no, no, no.
Just get dressed
1456
01:18:40,700 --> 01:18:42,300
and wash your hands!
1457
01:18:45,100 --> 01:18:47,200
All I know is that I'm hexed.
1458
01:18:47,300 --> 01:18:49,800
Yeah. If by hexed
you mean bat-shit crazy,
1459
01:18:49,900 --> 01:18:51,000
then yeah,
you're hexed, man.
1460
01:18:51,100 --> 01:18:52,200
Don't you remember?
1461
01:18:52,300 --> 01:18:53,600
Black lipstick,
long fingernails. A total freak.
1462
01:18:53,700 --> 01:18:55,400
She wanted me
to show her my penis.
1463
01:18:55,400 --> 01:18:57,000
I wouldn't,
so she pulled my nipples
1464
01:18:57,100 --> 01:18:58,500
and put a hex on me.
1465
01:18:58,700 --> 01:19:01,400
Stu, I've lost the most
special person of my life.
1466
01:19:01,500 --> 01:19:03,500
I have to break this spell.
1467
01:19:03,600 --> 01:19:05,800
You haven't lost me, dude.
1468
01:19:05,900 --> 01:19:07,100
I'm here for you always.
1469
01:19:07,200 --> 01:19:08,900
Just drive the fucking car.
1470
01:19:12,800 --> 01:19:15,000
Oh, I'm so sorry, buddy.
1471
01:19:19,200 --> 01:19:21,400
Hey, what's up with Chester?
1472
01:19:21,500 --> 01:19:23,400
His girlfriend Molly's sick.
1473
01:19:23,500 --> 01:19:25,500
I sent her away for treatment.
1474
01:19:25,600 --> 01:19:27,300
He stopped grooming himself.
1475
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:31,600
It's heartbreaking, you know?
1476
01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:33,100
If she doesn't come back,
1477
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:35,700
he may never find another mate.
1478
01:19:41,300 --> 01:19:45,300
Murphy, maybe
you reacted too harshly.
1479
01:19:45,400 --> 01:19:47,300
You should call him.
1480
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:48,600
I can't, Joe.
1481
01:19:48,700 --> 01:19:50,700
You saw him.
He's crazy.
1482
01:19:50,800 --> 01:19:53,700
Love does that
to you sometimes.
1483
01:19:53,800 --> 01:19:56,000
I don't want another one
of your philosophy lessons, Joe.
1484
01:19:56,100 --> 01:19:58,000
He was smothering me.
1485
01:19:58,100 --> 01:20:00,300
I want to be part of someone's life,
1486
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:01,500
not all of it.
1487
01:20:01,600 --> 01:20:06,000
Have you taken a look
at your bedroom lately?
1488
01:20:06,100 --> 01:20:07,600
If you love something,
1489
01:20:07,700 --> 01:20:11,100
sometimes you just want
to be surrounded by it.
1490
01:20:18,800 --> 01:20:20,500
That's it. That's it.
1491
01:20:24,500 --> 01:20:27,000
How can I get her
to break the spell?
1492
01:20:27,000 --> 01:20:29,500
I don't know. She wanted to look
at your penis, right?
1493
01:20:29,600 --> 01:20:31,000
That was a joke.
1494
01:20:31,100 --> 01:20:32,400
Chuck?
1495
01:20:34,100 --> 01:20:35,300
Chuck, that was a joke.
1496
01:20:36,300 --> 01:20:37,300
Oh, my God.
1497
01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:46,000
Hi. Is your mother home?
1498
01:20:47,700 --> 01:20:50,400
Is your mother's name Anisha?
1499
01:20:50,500 --> 01:20:52,800
What's with the 50 questions?
1500
01:20:52,900 --> 01:20:54,300
That was two questions.
1501
01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:55,700
It's a hyperbole.
1502
01:20:55,800 --> 01:20:57,300
Sweetheart, who is it?
1503
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:03,000
Are you Anisha Carpenter?
1504
01:21:03,100 --> 01:21:05,000
Do I know you?
1505
01:21:06,500 --> 01:21:08,200
Charlie Logan.
1506
01:21:09,500 --> 01:21:12,200
Look, I know this is
going to sound crazy,
1507
01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:14,900
but you put a hex on me
1508
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:16,200
so that all my girlfriends
1509
01:21:16,300 --> 01:21:18,100
would fall in love
with other people,
1510
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:19,900
and I need you...
1511
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:21,500
to reverse the spell?
1512
01:21:25,700 --> 01:21:26,900
Woo! That-
That's your pendant.
1513
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:28,400
You used to wear that!
1514
01:21:28,500 --> 01:21:31,400
You wore it at the party
when you pulled out my hair
1515
01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:33,100
and did the- with the thing.
1516
01:21:33,200 --> 01:21:34,500
And then you wanted
to see my penis,
1517
01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:35,700
and I said no.
1518
01:21:35,800 --> 01:21:37,700
Go to your room, Lila.
Lock the door.
1519
01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:39,200
But this is just getting good.
1520
01:21:39,300 --> 01:21:40,200
Now.
1521
01:21:41,800 --> 01:21:43,900
I'm sorry.
1522
01:21:44,000 --> 01:21:48,400
What can I do to convince you
to help me?
1523
01:22:06,600 --> 01:22:10,300
This spell-
turn it off, please.
1524
01:22:10,400 --> 01:22:11,800
Charlie, I was just a kid.
1525
01:22:11,900 --> 01:22:13,200
I didn't know
what I was doing.
1526
01:22:13,300 --> 01:22:14,600
I don't even know
what I did.
1527
01:22:14,700 --> 01:22:16,200
You fucked up my life!
1528
01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:17,400
That's what you did.
1529
01:22:17,500 --> 01:22:19,200
I asked you
to watch your language.
1530
01:22:19,300 --> 01:22:21,600
Your room. Now.
1531
01:22:24,500 --> 01:22:29,600
Anisha, I am begging you.
1532
01:22:29,700 --> 01:22:32,000
Have you ever wanted
someone so badly
1533
01:22:32,100 --> 01:22:34,200
that you would do anything
to get them?
1534
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:38,500
If someone's
meant to be yours,
1535
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:41,100
eventually they will be.
1536
01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:47,200
No.
Wait. No!
1537
01:22:47,300 --> 01:22:49,100
If you think
that by me being here,
1538
01:22:49,200 --> 01:22:50,300
we're supposed
to get together-
1539
01:22:50,400 --> 01:22:53,400
I wasn't talking about you.
1540
01:22:55,000 --> 01:22:56,700
My husband Kurt.
1541
01:22:56,900 --> 01:22:59,400
Really, Charlie, I was 10.
1542
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:01,500
I may have thought
I was in love,
1543
01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:03,500
but I was also hot
for Scott Baio.
1544
01:23:05,000 --> 01:23:06,400
So-
1545
01:23:12,200 --> 01:23:15,000
I've blown it.
1546
01:23:16,100 --> 01:23:19,400
Well, then,
all you can do is let her go.
1547
01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:31,500
Yeah, dude!
1548
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:33,300
You're my hero!
1549
01:23:35,700 --> 01:23:38,300
How was she?
1550
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:39,500
Take me home.
1551
01:23:39,600 --> 01:23:42,400
I'm not that easy, man.
1552
01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:45,500
You're going to have to
take me to dinner first.
1553
01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:47,700
You little munchkin.
1554
01:23:47,900 --> 01:23:49,600
I have to set her free,
1555
01:23:49,700 --> 01:23:51,800
let Mother Nature
take its course.
1556
01:23:51,900 --> 01:23:53,700
If you love something,
set it free, right?
1557
01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:57,600
I think Cam is really
going to respond
1558
01:23:57,700 --> 01:23:59,000
to the new gay you,
Chuck.
1559
01:23:59,100 --> 01:24:01,200
Take me home.
1560
01:24:01,300 --> 01:24:02,900
I got a phone call to make.
1561
01:24:15,100 --> 01:24:18,000
Hi. I'm trying to find
Howard Blaine.
1562
01:24:18,100 --> 01:24:19,300
Hi, Howard.
1563
01:24:19,400 --> 01:24:21,100
Um, we've never met,
1564
01:24:21,200 --> 01:24:25,500
but I have a friend
that you really need to meet.
1565
01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:33,000
Howard?
1566
01:25:50,500 --> 01:25:52,100
Eat me.
1567
01:25:52,200 --> 01:25:53,700
Eat me.
1568
01:25:53,800 --> 01:25:55,200
Gotcha.
1569
01:25:57,600 --> 01:25:58,800
Owned.
1570
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:01,800
Owned.
1571
01:26:01,900 --> 01:26:03,600
I'm getting married!
1572
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:07,300
Chuck! I found my dream girl,
1573
01:26:07,400 --> 01:26:10,400
and it's all because
of you I just proposed.
1574
01:26:10,500 --> 01:26:12,300
Lara, get your sweet ass
over here.
1575
01:26:12,500 --> 01:26:13,700
You remember Lara?
1576
01:26:15,700 --> 01:26:17,800
Lara stepped out of heaven-
1577
01:26:18,900 --> 01:26:22,300
and into my office
to correct a condition.
1578
01:26:22,400 --> 01:26:23,600
She's got polymastia.
1579
01:26:24,800 --> 01:26:26,600
Has more than two boobs.
1580
01:26:26,700 --> 01:26:28,800
Isn't that perfect for me?
Show him.
1581
01:26:28,900 --> 01:26:29,800
No, no.
1582
01:26:29,900 --> 01:26:31,200
No, no, that's okay.
1583
01:26:31,300 --> 01:26:32,600
Really. I don't mind.
1584
01:26:32,700 --> 01:26:34,900
Yeah, I used to be
embarrassed about it,
1585
01:26:34,900 --> 01:26:36,700
but that was before
pookie pants here
1586
01:26:36,800 --> 01:26:39,000
made me realize
how special I am.
1587
01:26:39,100 --> 01:26:40,200
Oh, baby,
you're so goddamn special.
1588
01:26:40,300 --> 01:26:42,100
Oh, I love you, monkey pie.
1589
01:26:42,200 --> 01:26:43,700
- Okay, show him.
- Okay.
1590
01:26:46,800 --> 01:26:48,300
Is that or is that not
1591
01:26:48,400 --> 01:26:50,600
the most beautiful sight
you've ever seen in your life?
1592
01:26:50,700 --> 01:26:53,900
It's like seeing
the Grand Canyon for the first time.
1593
01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:56,600
It's like seeing Earth
from space.
1594
01:26:56,700 --> 01:26:58,400
Like Three's Company,
1595
01:26:58,500 --> 01:27:00,400
but all Chrissies,
you know what I'm saying?
1596
01:27:00,500 --> 01:27:01,600
I'm happy for you, buddy.
1597
01:27:02,900 --> 01:27:05,800
But, dude, that's not
why we came, okay?
1598
01:27:05,900 --> 01:27:09,300
Did you know that it smells
like shit in here?
1599
01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:11,300
You may want to open a window.
1600
01:27:11,400 --> 01:27:12,800
It's making me a little-
1601
01:27:12,900 --> 01:27:14,100
Okay, you tell him, baby.
1602
01:27:14,200 --> 01:27:16,800
Okay, so I'm friends with Katie,
who knows Cam,
1603
01:27:16,900 --> 01:27:18,900
and she said that Cam
said she's leaving today
1604
01:27:19,100 --> 01:27:21,600
for Antarctica
with some penguin guru.
1605
01:27:25,100 --> 01:27:28,100
That's nice.
I'm happy for her.
1606
01:27:31,400 --> 01:27:34,000
You sure as shit
don't look happy.
1607
01:27:34,100 --> 01:27:37,200
I loved something,
and I set her free.
1608
01:27:37,300 --> 01:27:39,000
She met somebody else.
1609
01:27:39,100 --> 01:27:42,100
But I set her free.
That's what's important.
1610
01:27:48,600 --> 01:27:50,600
She's leaving, buddy...
1611
01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:53,300
for Antarctica...
1612
01:27:54,600 --> 01:27:56,100
right now.
1613
01:27:56,200 --> 01:28:00,300
She is going.
1614
01:28:00,400 --> 01:28:04,500
She's going.
1615
01:28:04,600 --> 01:28:09,900
She's... leaving.
1616
01:28:09,900 --> 01:28:11,300
What the fuck am I doing?
1617
01:28:11,400 --> 01:28:12,500
That's what we're saying!
1618
01:28:12,600 --> 01:28:15,300
Go!
Go get your girl, will you?
1619
01:28:15,400 --> 01:28:16,400
He's a little slow.
1620
01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:50,400
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, guys.
1621
01:28:50,600 --> 01:28:51,800
Ma'am, excuse me.
1622
01:28:54,400 --> 01:28:57,600
Has the flight for
Antarctica boarded yet?
1623
01:28:57,700 --> 01:28:59,800
There are no direct flights, sir.
1624
01:28:59,900 --> 01:29:00,900
Connecting flight?
1625
01:29:01,100 --> 01:29:03,000
Which one?
There are two.
1626
01:29:03,100 --> 01:29:04,200
Has the flight
1627
01:29:04,300 --> 01:29:06,900
with a passenger
named Cam Wexler boarded yet?
1628
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:10,300
Sorry, sir.
Can't give you that information.
1629
01:29:10,400 --> 01:29:12,800
Sir, you won't be able to go
to the gate without a ticket.
1630
01:29:12,900 --> 01:29:15,400
I have to get
to Antarctica,
1631
01:29:15,500 --> 01:29:18,600
so I will take a ticket
for both planes.
1632
01:29:18,700 --> 01:29:22,300
There are only first class
tickets available, sir.
1633
01:29:22,400 --> 01:29:25,600
Of course there are.
I'll take them both.
1634
01:29:27,200 --> 01:29:29,200
Are you traveling
with any baggage?
1635
01:29:29,300 --> 01:29:30,400
No.
1636
01:29:30,500 --> 01:29:32,200
No.
1637
01:29:32,300 --> 01:29:34,800
You do realize
that it's -60 degrees there.
1638
01:29:34,900 --> 01:29:35,900
Yes.
1639
01:29:38,200 --> 01:29:40,700
And that'll be $17,412.
1640
01:29:47,500 --> 01:29:48,500
Just do it.
1641
01:29:52,900 --> 01:29:54,000
Here you go.
1642
01:30:02,600 --> 01:30:05,100
Shoes, belt, watch.
1643
01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:07,100
You've never been
to an airport, dummy?
1644
01:30:14,500 --> 01:30:15,800
What goes in pockets?
1645
01:30:15,900 --> 01:30:17,100
Change.
1646
01:30:17,200 --> 01:30:19,100
Change.
Change goes in pockets.
1647
01:30:19,200 --> 01:30:20,300
Put it in the little bucket.
1648
01:30:20,400 --> 01:30:21,800
Don't waste
my big bucket.
1649
01:30:21,900 --> 01:30:23,400
No.
Small bucket!
1650
01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:24,800
I don't need it.
1651
01:30:24,900 --> 01:30:26,000
Want to make this quick?
1652
01:30:26,100 --> 01:30:27,500
I am in a real hurry.
1653
01:30:27,600 --> 01:30:29,000
Let's do this.
Take your pants off.
1654
01:30:29,100 --> 01:30:30,400
What?
1655
01:30:30,500 --> 01:30:32,600
You heard me.
Take your pants off.
1656
01:30:34,800 --> 01:30:36,800
I'm kidding you, weirdo.
Don't do that.
1657
01:30:36,900 --> 01:30:38,400
Why would you do that?
1658
01:30:38,500 --> 01:30:39,800
Come on, let's go.
1659
01:30:41,700 --> 01:30:44,100
Go, go, go.
1660
01:31:05,400 --> 01:31:06,300
Cam.
1661
01:31:07,700 --> 01:31:09,800
Wait!
One more! Here.
1662
01:31:17,500 --> 01:31:18,500
I meant to do that.
1663
01:31:29,700 --> 01:31:30,600
Here.
1664
01:31:30,700 --> 01:31:31,700
Thanks.
1665
01:31:33,500 --> 01:31:34,500
Charlie?
1666
01:31:34,600 --> 01:31:36,800
I'm sorry.
Please don't be mad.
1667
01:31:36,900 --> 01:31:39,700
Antarctica? You couldn't have
just taken her to a movie?
1668
01:31:39,800 --> 01:31:41,000
Charlie-
1669
01:31:41,100 --> 01:31:43,200
Look, I know that it's
crazy that I'm here,
1670
01:31:43,300 --> 01:31:45,900
but it felt even crazier
not to come.
1671
01:31:46,100 --> 01:31:48,500
Excuse me.
You have to take your seats.
1672
01:31:48,600 --> 01:31:49,500
Charlie-
1673
01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:50,700
My entire life,
1674
01:31:50,800 --> 01:31:52,400
I've been nothing more
than a stepping-stone
1675
01:31:52,600 --> 01:31:54,300
to every relationship
I've ever been in.
1676
01:31:54,400 --> 01:31:57,400
There's always been a next guy
who's better than me.
1677
01:31:57,500 --> 01:32:01,400
For once in my life,
I want to be that next guy.
1678
01:32:04,500 --> 01:32:08,400
I've never said this
to anybody in my whole life.
1679
01:32:08,500 --> 01:32:09,500
Cam...
1680
01:32:13,300 --> 01:32:15,500
I love you.
1681
01:32:15,600 --> 01:32:17,000
I love you, Cam.
1682
01:32:19,600 --> 01:32:22,200
Please don't go.
1683
01:32:23,700 --> 01:32:27,200
Charlie, I'm coming back
on Wednesday.
1684
01:32:27,300 --> 01:32:28,700
What?
1685
01:32:28,800 --> 01:32:29,700
Yeah.
1686
01:32:29,800 --> 01:32:30,900
But Howard and-
1687
01:32:31,000 --> 01:32:34,400
Have you met
Howard's wife Marilyn?
1688
01:32:34,500 --> 01:32:36,800
Howard's wife?
1689
01:32:36,900 --> 01:32:38,400
Howard's wife.
1690
01:32:38,500 --> 01:32:39,500
Hi.
1691
01:32:39,600 --> 01:32:41,000
Hi, Howard's wife.
1692
01:32:41,100 --> 01:32:42,100
Howard's wife.
1693
01:32:42,100 --> 01:32:44,600
I know about your call
to Howard.
1694
01:32:44,700 --> 01:32:46,400
I knew you wanted to meet him.
1695
01:32:46,500 --> 01:32:48,400
I knew it would make you happy.
1696
01:32:48,500 --> 01:32:50,700
I swear that's all
I've ever wanted to do.
1697
01:32:50,800 --> 01:32:53,600
Plus, mate selection
is up to the female.
1698
01:32:55,700 --> 01:32:57,700
But, Charlie,
you've been acting so-
1699
01:32:57,900 --> 01:32:59,500
I know, I know.
Idiotic, nuts.
1700
01:32:59,600 --> 01:33:01,600
And no more lucky charm excuse.
1701
01:33:01,700 --> 01:33:05,000
I'm done thinking
about the past and what could be.
1702
01:33:05,100 --> 01:33:08,000
All I care about now is what is.
1703
01:33:08,100 --> 01:33:10,500
And this-
1704
01:33:10,600 --> 01:33:12,800
This is.
1705
01:33:15,800 --> 01:33:17,500
Ladies and gentlemen,
1706
01:33:17,600 --> 01:33:19,300
we are about to close
the cabin doors.
1707
01:33:19,400 --> 01:33:20,500
Please take your seats.
1708
01:33:23,600 --> 01:33:24,700
That's for you.
1709
01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:26,300
Here.
1710
01:33:46,700 --> 01:33:47,700
Charlie!
1711
01:33:57,700 --> 01:33:59,300
Excuse me, are you that guy who-
1712
01:33:59,500 --> 01:34:00,600
He isn't anymore.
1713
01:35:00,600 --> 01:35:01,800
Excuse me.
1714
01:35:16,700 --> 01:35:19,600
Giggle monkey,
what are you looking for?
1715
01:35:19,700 --> 01:35:21,000
Sex tapes.
1716
01:35:21,100 --> 01:35:24,700
What is the point in house sitting
if you can't scope out
1717
01:35:24,800 --> 01:35:27,900
some good old-fashioned
homemade porn!
1718
01:35:28,000 --> 01:35:30,300
- Score!
- You're a genius.
1719
01:35:32,400 --> 01:35:33,500
Okay.
1720
01:35:33,600 --> 01:35:34,500
Hold on.
1721
01:35:42,500 --> 01:35:44,400
Do it. Do it. Oh, yeah.
1722
01:35:44,500 --> 01:35:45,400
Babe.
1723
01:35:45,400 --> 01:35:47,000
Yeah, what?
1724
01:35:47,100 --> 01:35:48,100
Oh, you like that.
1725
01:35:48,300 --> 01:35:50,200
You like when I do
stuff with the-
1726
01:35:50,300 --> 01:35:52,700
All right. I'll do it
for just one last time.
1727
01:35:52,800 --> 01:35:53,700
This is it.
1728
01:35:53,800 --> 01:35:54,900
Okay.
1729
01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:56,000
Because I'm not
into bestiality,
1730
01:35:56,100 --> 01:35:57,500
and you know that.
That's documented.
1731
01:35:57,600 --> 01:35:59,100
No, I know. It's fake.
1732
01:35:59,200 --> 01:36:00,100
All right.
1733
01:36:00,200 --> 01:36:01,100
But it's hot.
1734
01:36:01,200 --> 01:36:02,100
Okay.
1735
01:36:02,200 --> 01:36:04,500
Hey. So, uh...
1736
01:36:04,600 --> 01:36:05,800
so do you want to-
1737
01:36:05,900 --> 01:36:07,400
You come to this
glacier often?
1738
01:36:08,700 --> 01:36:12,200
I'm really interested in you
because you're a Gentoo soul.
1739
01:36:13,400 --> 01:36:14,700
You like that?
1740
01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:17,100
Yeah, I like that.
Do it faster.
1741
01:36:17,200 --> 01:36:19,300
You like... when I do that?
1742
01:36:20,600 --> 01:36:22,500
You ever seen me
go down on a-
1743
01:36:22,600 --> 01:36:23,700
Shh. It's okay. No, no.
1744
01:36:23,800 --> 01:36:25,200
Baby, baby, don't worry.
1745
01:36:27,200 --> 01:36:28,500
Yeah, I like that.
1746
01:36:34,300 --> 01:36:35,500
You like that, don't you?
1747
01:36:35,600 --> 01:36:36,500
Yeah.
1748
01:36:36,600 --> 01:36:37,600
Oh, that's so hot.
1749
01:36:37,700 --> 01:36:39,900
Shh. No more "Uhh. "
No more "Uhh. "
1750
01:36:42,900 --> 01:36:44,700
Do it. Yeah.
1751
01:36:44,800 --> 01:36:45,700
Oh, yeah.
1752
01:36:46,800 --> 01:36:49,800
That's really good.
1753
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,400
Okay, now do the other thing.
1754
01:36:51,500 --> 01:36:52,600
Do the other thing.
1755
01:36:55,800 --> 01:36:57,800
Look at me. Here's
really what you like.
1756
01:36:57,900 --> 01:36:59,700
Yeah, you know what I like.
1757
01:36:59,800 --> 01:37:03,300
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm really
getting in the mood now.
1758
01:37:03,400 --> 01:37:05,300
You like when I eat
your penguin ass?
1759
01:37:05,400 --> 01:37:07,700
Yeah. Baby,
I think I'm ready.
1760
01:37:09,100 --> 01:37:12,600
Turn it off, baby.
1761
01:37:14,300 --> 01:37:15,500
You still in the mood?
1762
01:37:15,600 --> 01:37:16,500
Yeah.
1763
01:37:16,700 --> 01:37:17,600
All right.
1764
01:41:08,900 --> 01:41:11,900
Subtitled by J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
1765
01:41:12,305 --> 01:41:18,314
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