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1
00:00:14,085 --> 00:00:16,991
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:17,077 --> 00:00:19,143
- Take the apple, Mrs. Sherman!
3
00:00:19,246 --> 00:00:21,714
- Reach out and take it. Take the apple.
- Mr. Ryan.
4
00:00:21,816 --> 00:00:23,521
Mr. Ryan, would you please
step back to your podium?
5
00:00:23,546 --> 00:00:24,607
She wouldn't take the apple.
6
00:00:24,685 --> 00:00:29,121
Which one of you Johnny Appledick shit
for brains came up with that bit?
7
00:00:29,223 --> 00:00:32,358
Hi, ma'am, I just arrived
here in Winter Blunderland.
8
00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:35,594
He looked like Ike
Turner handing Tina a snack.
9
00:00:35,696 --> 00:00:37,396
I think we've identified
the key problem,
10
00:00:37,498 --> 00:00:39,698
which is that Jonah does not
interact well with humans.
11
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,501
No, I don't interact well
with hag-ass old bitches.
12
00:00:42,603 --> 00:00:45,871
Do you realize that you just
handed O'Brien New Hampshire
13
00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:48,774
chained to a radiator
with its twat shaved?
14
00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,876
- I'm hanging up!
- I'm sorry, Mom.
15
00:00:50,978 --> 00:00:52,778
You know what? On the positive side,
16
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:56,448
now I can just try and concentrate
on our little family weekend.
17
00:00:56,550 --> 00:00:59,451
- Just us Meyers.
- Well, then why is Gary here?
18
00:00:59,553 --> 00:01:02,354
- I mean, no offense.
- Gary's family, too.
19
00:01:02,456 --> 00:01:03,231
Oh, thank you.
20
00:01:03,256 --> 00:01:05,581
I'm just really excited
to have this time
21
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:09,161
for you and Dad and Monny to
get to know the real Marjorie.
22
00:01:09,263 --> 00:01:12,164
I mean, fun Marjorie, not just
Marjorie the Secret Service agent.
23
00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:15,134
Oh, I'm excited to get
to know fun Marjorie, too.
24
00:01:15,236 --> 00:01:16,802
When is she arriving?
25
00:01:19,507 --> 00:01:22,341
I'm just kidding. I'm just teasing.
26
00:01:23,878 --> 00:01:26,278
Whoo-hoo-hoo! The president is driving.
27
00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:28,480
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Look out.
28
00:01:28,582 --> 00:01:31,016
Bump. How about that?
29
00:01:31,118 --> 00:01:33,485
- Look!
- Dad! Monny!
30
00:01:33,587 --> 00:01:34,404
Kitty Cat!
31
00:01:34,429 --> 00:01:36,879
All right, so the Chinese
are gonna be here any minute.
32
00:01:36,957 --> 00:01:39,658
- Yeah.
- Beijing has demanded complete secrecy.
33
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:43,395
So you're gonna have to keep Charles
Ponzi and pussyride away from me.
34
00:01:43,497 --> 00:01:45,764
We Meyers are very resourceful.
35
00:01:45,866 --> 00:01:48,834
You do know you're not really
a member of my family, right?
36
00:01:48,936 --> 00:01:50,069
- I do.
- Right.
37
00:01:51,272 --> 00:01:52,771
What is that insanity
38
00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:54,506
you're putting all
over the tree, Monica?
39
00:01:54,608 --> 00:01:58,577
Oh, this is my homemade
cranberry and popcorn tinsel
40
00:01:58,679 --> 00:02:00,879
- that I like to call...
- Popcornaments!
41
00:02:00,981 --> 00:02:02,748
Someone's been reading my blog.
42
00:02:02,850 --> 00:02:04,783
I just trademarked the word last week.
43
00:02:04,885 --> 00:02:07,252
It sounds delicious and it's adorable.
44
00:02:07,354 --> 00:02:08,654
So I'm gonna call it delorable.
45
00:02:08,756 --> 00:02:10,122
See? We can all do it.
46
00:02:10,224 --> 00:02:11,457
- Hey, Mom.
- Yes?
47
00:02:11,559 --> 00:02:13,125
I just wanted to let
you know that Marjorie
48
00:02:13,227 --> 00:02:15,627
is a raw food vegan and
she's turned me into one.
49
00:02:15,730 --> 00:02:18,163
Oh, so that's two things
she's turned you into.
50
00:02:18,265 --> 00:02:22,301
Yeah, we just thought maybe we could
have, like, a sham ham for Christmas.
51
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,470
What is that, sweetie?
Is that like tofurkey?
52
00:02:24,572 --> 00:02:26,238
No, ma'am, tofurkey is cooked.
53
00:02:26,340 --> 00:02:29,174
This is a raw log made of
mushrooms and soaked walnuts.
54
00:02:29,276 --> 00:02:30,509
But it tastes like a ham?
55
00:02:30,611 --> 00:02:31,944
- Yeah, it's close.
- Not at all.
56
00:02:32,046 --> 00:02:33,846
We could all cut back
on our meat consum...
57
00:02:33,948 --> 00:02:35,781
I'm terribly sorry, Marjorie.
58
00:02:35,883 --> 00:02:37,683
- I thought you were Selina.
- That's okay, sir.
59
00:02:37,785 --> 00:02:39,017
People make that mistake constantly.
60
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,186
How about you touch neither of us?
61
00:02:41,288 --> 00:02:44,356
Okay, I'm gonna go check on
that funky food order and...
62
00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:47,893
Mom, I wanted to ask you about something,
but I can just talk to Dad about it.
63
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,261
He's better with money stuff.
64
00:02:49,363 --> 00:02:51,029
What money stuff?
65
00:02:51,132 --> 00:02:53,499
Well, it's just that
there's so much of it
66
00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:55,334
that it's really tough to
know what to do with it.
67
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,469
Uncle George was saying that maybe
I should sell the Palm Beach house
68
00:02:57,571 --> 00:02:59,238
so that I could pay
off the estate taxes.
69
00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:03,242
Palm Beach house, honey? That
was my daddy's favorite house.
70
00:03:03,344 --> 00:03:06,478
Actually, Lee, right now is
a fantastic time to sell.
71
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:09,581
And, Catherine, do you remember
that Brazil hotel chain?
72
00:03:09,683 --> 00:03:11,283
- What?
- I told them about your veganism
73
00:03:11,385 --> 00:03:14,253
and they decided to convert the
whole thing to an eco resort.
74
00:03:14,355 --> 00:03:16,989
- No, they didn't.
- I have a prospectus in my briefcase.
75
00:03:17,091 --> 00:03:19,892
I'll tell you what. I think we
should not talk about money
76
00:03:19,994 --> 00:03:23,061
during our sort of pre-Christmas
Christmas celebration.
77
00:03:23,164 --> 00:03:26,365
Catherine and Marjorie,
can you gals go outside
78
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,534
and get some wood to start a fire?
79
00:03:28,636 --> 00:03:31,470
Ma'am, your daughter's dazzling
eyes can start a fire themselves.
80
00:03:31,572 --> 00:03:33,138
Okay, well, that's terrifying,
81
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,607
but I actually do think we need
to get some wood from outside.
82
00:03:35,709 --> 00:03:38,477
- Yes, ma'am.
- Thanks. Gary, we got to go.
83
00:03:38,579 --> 00:03:41,213
Okay, are the Chinese here yet?
84
00:03:41,315 --> 00:03:43,015
Delayed on the road, ma'am.
85
00:03:43,117 --> 00:03:45,317
Presumably driving slowly and
not using their signals.
86
00:03:45,419 --> 00:03:47,519
Hey, any updates on Debralee's sonogram?
87
00:03:47,621 --> 00:03:49,421
Nothing. I'm going crazy.
88
00:03:49,523 --> 00:03:51,857
What do you got going
there, Depravey Crockett?
89
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:54,359
You can't go in with a plan.
The knife tells you.
90
00:03:54,461 --> 00:03:56,061
Okay, so lay it on me, Ben.
91
00:03:56,163 --> 00:03:57,563
It's all been prenegotiated, ma'am.
92
00:03:57,665 --> 00:03:59,264
In exchange for you
lifting the sanctions,
93
00:03:59,366 --> 00:04:01,900
China's agreed to build an
electronics plant in Ohio
94
00:04:02,002 --> 00:04:04,336
and an engine assembly
plant in North Carolina.
95
00:04:04,438 --> 00:04:06,071
Okay, so we got North Carolina, Ohio.
96
00:04:06,173 --> 00:04:07,239
That's the presidency for me.
97
00:04:07,341 --> 00:04:08,974
And as per usual, we raised the issue
98
00:04:09,076 --> 00:04:11,810
of the Dalai Lama and the Panchen
Lama returning to Tibet.
99
00:04:11,912 --> 00:04:14,546
- Dalai Lama, I'm so sick of him.
- He's insufferable.
100
00:04:14,648 --> 00:04:16,615
Do we have a press release
ready to go, Mike?
101
00:04:16,717 --> 00:04:18,150
All I got to do is press send and we...
102
00:04:18,252 --> 00:04:20,319
actually, I do need to
spell-check this thing.
103
00:04:20,421 --> 00:04:22,754
Ma'am, Minna Häkkinen is through
security and headed this way.
104
00:04:22,857 --> 00:04:26,692
How is it that that Asperger salad
inserted herself into this situation?
105
00:04:26,794 --> 00:04:29,094
President Lu trusts her. Likes
what she did with the IMF.
106
00:04:29,196 --> 00:04:31,463
No, I'll tell you what he likes.
Nordic beav.
107
00:04:31,565 --> 00:04:33,298
Irresistible. Ooh!
108
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,933
- Shh.
- What?
109
00:04:35,035 --> 00:04:37,135
- Oh, Minna!
- Selina.
110
00:04:37,238 --> 00:04:39,238
- Hello.
- Hello. I have not seen you
111
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:41,540
since you failed to vote for
me to be head of the IMF.
112
00:04:41,642 --> 00:04:43,375
And, oh, you changed your hair.
113
00:04:43,477 --> 00:04:44,943
Thank you, yes. I have more highlights.
114
00:04:45,045 --> 00:04:48,981
And you changed your eyelids.
You had oculoplasty.
115
00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:50,883
- Um...
- You look more alert.
116
00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:52,384
Yeah...
117
00:04:52,486 --> 00:04:54,419
Well, the latest poll numbers are in
118
00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:56,722
and you've fallen 20 points
behind the Widow Sherman.
119
00:04:56,824 --> 00:04:59,024
We have to keep you away from people.
120
00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:02,728
Yeah, surround you with some trees.
Make you look human-sized.
121
00:05:02,830 --> 00:05:05,530
Yeah, back to the natural
habitat your nitwit mother
122
00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:08,567
found you in, you fucking
shaved Sasquatch.
123
00:05:08,669 --> 00:05:12,137
But the good news is that you're only three
points behind Jon H Ryan, whoever that is.
124
00:05:12,239 --> 00:05:15,674
Hey, Slick. What's Blondie's situation?
125
00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:18,510
Does she choke for Coke?
126
00:05:18,612 --> 00:05:20,312
You should ask her.
127
00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:21,446
Yeah.
128
00:05:21,548 --> 00:05:23,482
It's been a very hard year.
129
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,550
The menopause has really
taken a hold of me.
130
00:05:25,653 --> 00:05:29,187
- Is that so? Yeah.
- Yes. You know... you're menopausal.
131
00:05:29,290 --> 00:05:31,456
- What?
- You're menopausal as well.
132
00:05:31,558 --> 00:05:32,858
- No, I'm not.
- Well...
133
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,526
- No?
- What?
134
00:05:34,628 --> 00:05:35,961
No, you are.
135
00:05:36,063 --> 00:05:37,896
No, you're older than me, so I...
136
00:05:37,998 --> 00:05:40,098
No, I am actually two years younger.
137
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,000
Oh, I still have regular periods,
138
00:05:42,102 --> 00:05:43,936
but my joints, they're very swollen.
139
00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,904
You know, I wonder if we can
just get back to the Chinese.
140
00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:49,841
The Chinese may try to change
the terms of the done deal.
141
00:05:49,944 --> 00:05:51,109
- Really?
- Yes.
142
00:05:51,211 --> 00:05:52,511
- But if they do this...
- Yeah?
143
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,913
...you are simply ready
to perform the walkout
144
00:05:55,015 --> 00:05:56,915
to convince the Chinese
that you will not negotiate
145
00:05:57,017 --> 00:05:58,717
if the terms of the deal
are not satisfactory.
146
00:05:58,819 --> 00:06:00,786
- Okay.
- You say the terms are unacceptable
147
00:06:00,888 --> 00:06:03,288
and you take both your
palms and you place them
148
00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:05,090
firmly on the table like that.
149
00:06:05,192 --> 00:06:07,592
- Oh, God.
- Then you walk out.
150
00:06:07,695 --> 00:06:10,329
And then someone must say
this is unprecedented.
151
00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:12,230
- She never does this.
- Ben can do that.
152
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:15,000
- Who, me?
- It is much harder than it sounds.
153
00:06:15,102 --> 00:06:16,969
- Perhaps we should rehearse?
- Absolutely.
154
00:06:17,071 --> 00:06:19,237
So this is unacceptable.
155
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:21,673
And then, uh, I walk out.
156
00:06:21,775 --> 00:06:24,509
No, that is not credible. You try again.
157
00:06:24,611 --> 00:06:27,045
- This is unacceptable.
- Mm-hmm.
158
00:06:27,147 --> 00:06:29,581
No, you see, that's the
same, but it's just louder.
159
00:06:29,683 --> 00:06:30,646
She never does this.
160
00:06:30,671 --> 00:06:33,175
Oh, no, that is good.
Now, that is convincing.
161
00:06:33,253 --> 00:06:35,053
- Hey, girlies.
- Mom.
162
00:06:35,155 --> 00:06:37,155
- Yes, honey?
- I want you to open your gift.
163
00:06:37,257 --> 00:06:39,725
Since technically it's early
Christmas Eve, I got you something.
164
00:06:39,827 --> 00:06:41,693
What have we got here?
165
00:06:44,198 --> 00:06:45,082
Oh.
166
00:06:45,107 --> 00:06:47,757
It was used in 1907 at the
Second Hague Convention.
167
00:06:47,835 --> 00:06:50,769
And I figured you could use it
to sign important peace treaties
168
00:06:50,871 --> 00:06:52,337
when you're officially elected.
169
00:06:52,439 --> 00:06:54,439
It's actually lovely, Catherine.
170
00:06:54,541 --> 00:06:57,909
Amex gave me this crazy new card
that's made out of black metal.
171
00:06:58,012 --> 00:07:00,912
It truly shows the special
172
00:07:01,015 --> 00:07:03,749
mommy-daughter bond
that you and I share.
173
00:07:05,452 --> 00:07:07,219
- So good.
- I have an idea.
174
00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:10,255
Marjorie, why don't you open my gift?
175
00:07:10,357 --> 00:07:12,224
Oh, you got Marjorie a gift.
176
00:07:12,326 --> 00:07:15,127
Marjorie's part of the
family now, aren't you, pal?
177
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:18,463
Yeah, I got Marjorie a gift, too.
Um, right, Gary?
178
00:07:18,565 --> 00:07:19,831
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
179
00:07:19,933 --> 00:07:21,400
- It's beautiful.
- Stuck in security.
180
00:07:21,502 --> 00:07:23,735
Stuck in security. I don't
know how that happened.
181
00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:26,138
- I got the tracking number.
- Okay. Let's see what you got.
182
00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:30,909
Ah, it's an old book.
183
00:07:31,011 --> 00:07:34,046
- Do you like it?
- I am overcome with emotion.
184
00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:35,814
Oh, my God.
185
00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:38,583
It's a first edition Gertrude Stein.
186
00:07:38,685 --> 00:07:39,851
That's Marjorie's favorite poet.
187
00:07:39,953 --> 00:07:41,720
How did you know that, Dad?
188
00:07:41,822 --> 00:07:42,364
I listen.
189
00:07:42,389 --> 00:07:44,013
I'm going to put
this someplace special.
190
00:07:44,091 --> 00:07:45,457
- Hey.
- Hi.
191
00:07:45,559 --> 00:07:48,060
I noticed two golf carts
filled with Asian people.
192
00:07:48,162 --> 00:07:52,898
- Yeah, we should go.
- That's the kitchen crew and the chef.
193
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,966
- They wear really nice suits.
- Yeah.
194
00:07:55,069 --> 00:07:57,345
Okay, I want to go
find Marjorie's gift.
195
00:07:57,370 --> 00:07:58,127
Me, too.
196
00:07:58,205 --> 00:08:00,259
So, I will
make the introductions.
197
00:08:00,284 --> 00:08:01,030
Yeah.
198
00:08:01,108 --> 00:08:03,175
- You're wearing that?
- What?
199
00:08:03,277 --> 00:08:08,613
Yeah. Oh.
200
00:08:10,217 --> 00:08:13,685
This is President Lu Chi-Jang...
201
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,386
Secretary General of
the Communist Party...
202
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,645
Studied chemical engineering.
203
00:08:16,723 --> 00:08:18,690
He's currently on his second
wife, he enjoys tennis.
204
00:08:18,792 --> 00:08:20,659
...paramount leader of the
People's Republic of China.
205
00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:22,594
- This is Zhang Shengxi.
- He collects art.
206
00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:25,030
- Premier of the State Council.
- His son is a freshman at Georgetown.
207
00:08:25,132 --> 00:08:26,587
This is Xao Jintong,
1st Rank Vice Premier...
208
00:08:26,612 --> 00:08:27,623
London School of Economics.
209
00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:31,369
He enjoys fly fishing and his favorite
snack is freeze-dried strawberries.
210
00:08:31,472 --> 00:08:34,272
Thank you. I didn't get any
of that except strawberries.
211
00:08:34,374 --> 00:08:36,575
- Okay.
- ...the exchanging of gifts.
212
00:08:36,677 --> 00:08:38,977
This is a depiction of the most popular
213
00:08:39,079 --> 00:08:41,980
children's cartoon character
in China, Sad Piglet.
214
00:08:42,082 --> 00:08:44,249
It looks just like my
daughter Catherine.
215
00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:44,985
Huh?
216
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,909
Your daughter
is a beautiful woman
217
00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:48,553
and this is a piglet.
218
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:51,323
- It's upset.
- Oh, no, no, no. I... I love it.
219
00:08:51,425 --> 00:08:54,326
Believe me, if you say
SeaWorld to Catherine
220
00:08:54,428 --> 00:08:56,761
you will understand
what I'm talking about.
221
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:59,197
This is just lovely.
Thank you very much.
222
00:08:59,299 --> 00:09:00,298
And now our gift.
223
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,167
Oh.
224
00:09:02,269 --> 00:09:04,936
This is a silk robe
from the Qing Dynasty.
225
00:09:05,038 --> 00:09:06,972
The dragon symbolizes good fortune.
226
00:09:07,074 --> 00:09:09,307
Your generosity is overwhelming.
227
00:09:09,409 --> 00:09:11,109
- And so...
- This is...
228
00:09:11,211 --> 00:09:14,746
Seriously? This is
beyond what we imagined.
229
00:09:14,848 --> 00:09:16,581
Or prepared for.
230
00:09:16,683 --> 00:09:19,050
This is a tapestry from Qing Dynasty.
231
00:09:19,153 --> 00:09:21,153
The central image, the peony,
232
00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:24,189
is a symbol of royalty and virtue.
233
00:09:24,291 --> 00:09:28,560
This is exquisite and I
really hope that's all.
234
00:09:30,731 --> 00:09:33,398
And now our gifts for you.
235
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:36,968
This is an American geode,
236
00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:41,740
which symbolizes the solid foundation
237
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,576
that we have between our two countries.
238
00:09:44,678 --> 00:09:46,778
And it sparkles like we hope
239
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:50,148
our conversation will sparkle.
240
00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:52,984
Thank you for this rock.
241
00:09:54,054 --> 00:09:55,353
Oh.
242
00:09:56,924 --> 00:10:00,492
Um, and this wine
243
00:10:00,594 --> 00:10:03,628
from Napa Valley, California.
244
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:10,001
And this additional wine,
also from a local vineyard
245
00:10:10,103 --> 00:10:12,938
in, uh, New Zealand,
246
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,473
which is local to us
247
00:10:15,576 --> 00:10:18,510
and it's also close to Asia,
248
00:10:18,612 --> 00:10:20,278
which makes it local to you
249
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:22,948
as we are all local friends.
250
00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:25,283
- Thank you.
- She's just being polite.
251
00:10:25,385 --> 00:10:28,119
- President Lu does not drink.
- Oh, God.
252
00:10:28,222 --> 00:10:32,524
Um, Jang, there's a common
saying here in America,
253
00:10:32,626 --> 00:10:34,459
"But wait, there's more."
254
00:10:34,561 --> 00:10:37,395
So I would like to present
our final gift to you.
255
00:10:38,865 --> 00:10:42,167
A very meaningful and historic pen
256
00:10:42,269 --> 00:10:47,405
from the Second Hague
Conference of 1907.
257
00:10:47,507 --> 00:10:49,541
Gary, the box.
258
00:10:49,643 --> 00:10:51,910
- What? Really?
- Yes.
259
00:10:54,481 --> 00:10:57,616
- Oh!
- This is a very worthy gift.
260
00:10:57,718 --> 00:11:00,252
- Oh, good.
- It is historically significant and apt.
261
00:11:00,354 --> 00:11:02,654
Gold is a very auspicious
color for the Chinese.
262
00:11:02,756 --> 00:11:05,023
- It signifies prosperity and good luck.
- Oh, great.
263
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:08,560
- You have pleased them.
- Oh, I'm pleased, then. Great.
264
00:11:08,662 --> 00:11:11,038
And now they are discussing
how casually you are dressed.
265
00:11:11,063 --> 00:11:11,854
Hmm?
266
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:15,634
They say you look like a prisoner
267
00:11:15,736 --> 00:11:18,069
or a pirate.
268
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,740
An exercise book.
269
00:11:21,842 --> 00:11:24,276
Why did Menopause not warn us
270
00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:26,344
that the Chinese were going
to out gift us like that?
271
00:11:26,446 --> 00:11:28,913
Our intel suggested they hated you.
272
00:11:29,016 --> 00:11:30,682
Ma'am, Dan and Amy for you.
273
00:11:30,784 --> 00:11:31,368
What?
274
00:11:31,393 --> 00:11:33,142
Ma'am, Jonah shot
himself in the foot.
275
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,420
Oh, my God. What did he do this time?
276
00:11:35,522 --> 00:11:38,156
No, he literally shot himself
in the foot. We're in the ER.
277
00:11:38,258 --> 00:11:40,425
Turn on CNN, ma'am.
It's on right now.
278
00:11:40,527 --> 00:11:42,093
Turn on the...
279
00:11:42,195 --> 00:11:45,697
These are the woods where I used
to hunt with my stepfather.
280
00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:47,666
And he taught me the proper...
281
00:11:47,768 --> 00:11:49,968
Jesus!
282
00:11:50,070 --> 00:11:51,403
- Oh, my God.
- I'm okay.
283
00:11:51,505 --> 00:11:55,307
Oh, my God.
284
00:11:55,409 --> 00:11:58,843
- It's not funny, Ben.
- I know, it's terrible.
285
00:11:58,945 --> 00:12:01,346
- A little bit of blood.
- You are, it's all over the place.
286
00:12:01,448 --> 00:12:05,350
Jonah shot himself in the eye with
a rubber band in second grade.
287
00:12:05,452 --> 00:12:07,786
I tell him now what I told him then...
288
00:12:07,888 --> 00:12:09,387
guns can be dangerous.
289
00:12:09,489 --> 00:12:11,156
We're all praying for his recovery.
290
00:12:11,258 --> 00:12:13,124
So lay it on me. How bad is it?
291
00:12:13,226 --> 00:12:15,527
It's a complicated fracture.
Shattered some bone.
292
00:12:15,629 --> 00:12:18,330
- They say it's gonna take...
- No, not for him, for me.
293
00:12:18,432 --> 00:12:21,099
Right. Critical condition, but
we're not throwing in the...
294
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:22,701
Okay, I'm not listening
to any more of this.
295
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:24,502
That's New Hampshire for O'Brien.
296
00:12:24,604 --> 00:12:26,905
- We got to have those factories now.
- Ni hao.
297
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,374
President Lu requests to go
on a nature walk with you.
298
00:12:29,476 --> 00:12:31,142
Well, I'm the president. I don't walk.
299
00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:33,778
He is also the president
and he likes to walk.
300
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,280
On a walk?
301
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:38,149
Camp David is where
President Eisenhower came
302
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:40,452
to recover after his heart attack.
303
00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:43,588
Yeah.
304
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:45,457
Is he okay?
305
00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:49,227
President Eis... he's pass... he's dead.
He's long gone.
306
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:52,664
Now this path was originally used
by F.D.R. for his morning strolls.
307
00:12:52,766 --> 00:12:54,232
Or rolls, I should say.
308
00:12:54,334 --> 00:12:55,867
Uh, do you have more gum?
309
00:12:55,969 --> 00:12:57,569
Can I bum a piece of gum?
310
00:12:57,671 --> 00:13:00,071
Uh, may I chew gum with you?
311
00:13:01,408 --> 00:13:04,743
Thank you. Chinese gum, huh?
312
00:13:04,845 --> 00:13:06,845
Pretty cool. Never had it.
313
00:13:09,149 --> 00:13:11,816
Oh, wow. It's got a kick.
314
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:13,418
Who knew?
315
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,720
Thank... oh, hang on.
316
00:13:15,822 --> 00:13:17,589
I have just the thing.
317
00:13:17,691 --> 00:13:20,525
- Gracias.
- Sorry, no, no. Wrong language.
318
00:13:20,627 --> 00:13:22,327
Well, we need to work together
319
00:13:22,429 --> 00:13:24,763
to better engage with North Korea
320
00:13:24,865 --> 00:13:27,932
because the North Koreans
are people like us.
321
00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:30,235
Except without any food.
322
00:13:30,337 --> 00:13:32,737
Hi, Mom. Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
323
00:13:32,839 --> 00:13:34,973
- No, no.
- Just to be clear, my girlfriend and I
324
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:37,142
aren't just vegan, we're raw vegan
325
00:13:37,244 --> 00:13:42,180
which means no meat, no dairy, and
absolutely nothing cooked at all.
326
00:13:44,151 --> 00:13:46,351
- Thank you.
- Okay, good.
327
00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:50,121
Mom, come back soon, okay? Monica's
making some nutmeg soy butter.
328
00:13:50,223 --> 00:13:52,791
Oh, how wonderful. Thank you.
329
00:13:52,893 --> 00:13:55,593
Ah, Jang, that was my daughter
330
00:13:55,695 --> 00:13:58,396
and she obviously did not recognize you.
331
00:13:58,498 --> 00:14:03,168
She doesn't understand anything
about global politics.
332
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:07,439
My family is here as a cover story.
333
00:14:10,844 --> 00:14:12,977
No, but I didn't...
I didn't do that.
334
00:14:13,079 --> 00:14:15,580
I'm not...
I didn't make that face.
335
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:18,716
Shall we carry on this way?
336
00:14:18,819 --> 00:14:21,419
Can you translate "we need to get
a new translator"?
337
00:14:21,521 --> 00:14:23,855
- Marvin Gardens.
- You want it?
338
00:14:23,957 --> 00:14:26,257
Catherine, can I borrow
200 Monopoly dollars?
339
00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:28,359
Oh, everybody's still awake.
340
00:14:28,462 --> 00:14:29,794
- Hi.
- Hi.
341
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:32,764
Is that Marjorie's gift from security?
342
00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:36,768
Yes.
343
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:39,771
Ma'am, I mean, you
really didn't need to.
344
00:14:39,873 --> 00:14:41,272
Oh.
345
00:14:41,374 --> 00:14:44,909
Ma'am, this is stunning.
346
00:14:45,011 --> 00:14:48,046
Well, it's...
it's vintage.
347
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,114
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh.
348
00:14:50,217 --> 00:14:53,651
Feels like it was woven out of
Catherine's silken hair. Feel this.
349
00:14:53,753 --> 00:14:56,421
- Aw.
- I thought you might enjoy something...
350
00:14:56,523 --> 00:14:59,023
- Oh, my God.
- ...that was like her hair.
351
00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:01,426
- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Oh, you're welcome. Ow.
352
00:15:01,528 --> 00:15:03,761
Mom, I can't believe that.
It's gorgeous.
353
00:15:03,864 --> 00:15:05,630
- I got to go to bed.
- It was my turn.
354
00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:07,532
- Good night.
- Good night.
355
00:15:07,634 --> 00:15:10,268
You know that's government
property, right?
356
00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:13,204
- You just committed a federal crime.
- It's real.
357
00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:20,378
- You got to see this.
- Jesus, those are your pajamas?
358
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,047
It's the outfit I picture
when I'm trying not to come.
359
00:15:23,149 --> 00:15:24,983
- Who's that?
- Oh...
360
00:15:25,085 --> 00:15:27,385
Judy Sherman claims
she's for New Hampshire,
361
00:15:27,487 --> 00:15:29,153
- but what's her real agenda?
- What is this?
362
00:15:29,256 --> 00:15:31,756
You need to be more careful.
Guns can be dangerous.
363
00:15:31,858 --> 00:15:33,191
On election day,
364
00:15:33,293 --> 00:15:36,194
tell Judy Sherman you
care about freedom.
365
00:15:36,296 --> 00:15:38,463
- What the fuck is going on?
- Look, it's everywhere.
366
00:15:38,565 --> 00:15:40,999
...Sherman claims
she's for New Hampshire...
367
00:15:41,101 --> 00:15:43,001
Oh, my God. Hey.
368
00:15:45,672 --> 00:15:48,239
It's the NRA.
369
00:15:48,341 --> 00:15:50,942
It's a Christmas miracle.
370
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,080
All right, well, I'm gonna get back
to this, so I'll see you later.
371
00:15:57,684 --> 00:16:00,318
Okay, Kent, best guess, is
New Hampshire back in play?
372
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:03,021
Ma'am, I don't even use the
colloquial phrase "I guess."
373
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:06,257
- Get Dan and Amy right now.
- The Chinese are ready.
374
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:08,259
- She never knocks.
- Uh, Minna,
375
00:16:08,361 --> 00:16:10,662
I am right in the middle of something.
376
00:16:10,764 --> 00:16:13,865
Selina, do I need to remind you how
sensitive the Chinese are to promptness?
377
00:16:13,967 --> 00:16:16,801
Then why is my wonton soup so
cold every time they deliver it?
378
00:16:16,903 --> 00:16:18,202
What?
379
00:16:18,305 --> 00:16:21,439
Minna, I'm the middle of an
international emergency.
380
00:16:21,541 --> 00:16:24,309
- Um, it's in the Middle East.
- Shh.
381
00:16:24,411 --> 00:16:26,444
It is in Kuwait and
that's all I can say.
382
00:16:26,546 --> 00:16:27,679
- Kuwait?
- Yes.
383
00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:29,581
That is so strange.
384
00:16:29,683 --> 00:16:32,650
Because Amir Al-Khabat and myself,
we follow each other on Instagram.
385
00:16:32,752 --> 00:16:35,753
Only five minutes ago, he posted
a picture of his dinner salad.
386
00:16:35,855 --> 00:16:38,256
Ah, well, it happened
387
00:16:38,358 --> 00:16:41,259
right after he had that salad, in fact.
388
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:44,095
Sort of an intermezzo emergency.
389
00:16:44,197 --> 00:16:46,097
- Oop, I got Dan.
- Al-Egan.
390
00:16:46,199 --> 00:16:48,900
Yeah, the ambassador
to Kuwait's liaison.
391
00:16:49,002 --> 00:16:52,103
Thank you. As-salaam-alaikum, Dan.
392
00:16:52,205 --> 00:16:54,439
- Okay, I will take them for a walk.
- Yeah.
393
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:55,607
Yeah. Okay.
394
00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:57,575
- Uh-huh.
- Thank you.
395
00:16:57,677 --> 00:17:00,011
Okay, so now we love the NRA.
396
00:17:00,557 --> 00:17:06,117
_
397
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:12,196
_
398
00:17:14,694 --> 00:17:15,660
Huh?
399
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,766
The Chinese are very upset.
400
00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:23,301
They have changed the terms of the deal.
401
00:17:23,403 --> 00:17:25,670
- What?
- The Chinese request the United States
402
00:17:25,772 --> 00:17:29,173
drop its objections to China's
claim of the Diaoyu Islands.
403
00:17:29,275 --> 00:17:31,209
How do I put this delicately?
404
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:35,546
The Chinese were very disturbed
by a recent incident.
405
00:17:35,649 --> 00:17:36,881
What? What incident?
406
00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:39,283
With your daughter.
407
00:17:39,386 --> 00:17:42,053
Oh, my God. Minna, seriously,
408
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:44,255
that was a complete honest mistake.
409
00:17:44,357 --> 00:17:45,690
Catherine was just confused.
410
00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:48,826
But you are her mother.
You did not stop her.
411
00:17:48,928 --> 00:17:52,096
How could I have stopped her?
I had to let her finish.
412
00:17:52,198 --> 00:17:54,198
You're a mother. You've got a son.
413
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:56,034
I'm sure you've done it before.
414
00:17:56,136 --> 00:17:57,635
- You've been in this position.
- No, I have not.
415
00:17:57,737 --> 00:17:59,904
This happens occasionally in Iceland,
416
00:18:00,006 --> 00:18:01,773
but there it's just an accident.
417
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:03,541
- What?
- What?
418
00:18:03,643 --> 00:18:06,511
God, this was their real
demand from the beginning.
419
00:18:06,613 --> 00:18:08,880
I mean, those islands
didn't come out of nowhere.
420
00:18:08,982 --> 00:18:10,915
Actually, they did. The
Chinese created islands
421
00:18:11,017 --> 00:18:12,784
by piling sediment from under the sea...
422
00:18:12,886 --> 00:18:15,153
Madam President, you can't
give them these islands.
423
00:18:15,255 --> 00:18:16,854
It'll destabilize the whole region.
424
00:18:16,956 --> 00:18:19,057
Will you please go and
talk to Chi-Jang and try...
425
00:18:19,159 --> 00:18:22,093
I will try, but I don't know how much
I'm going to be able to get his ear.
426
00:18:22,195 --> 00:18:25,163
But what you're gonna need to
do is let him get a word in.
427
00:18:25,265 --> 00:18:29,200
Okay, well, you know what? This reminds me
of negotiations between India and Bhutan.
428
00:18:29,302 --> 00:18:31,602
- Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
- Bhutan was being stubborn.
429
00:18:31,705 --> 00:18:33,371
So, I've got to go check
on my other prom date.
430
00:18:33,473 --> 00:18:34,872
Okay? I just...
431
00:18:34,974 --> 00:18:37,041
- Yes?
- I'm sorry, do you know where I can get
432
00:18:37,143 --> 00:18:39,277
any more of this amazing Chinese gum?
433
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,778
It's nicotine gum.
434
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,480
Oh, no.
435
00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:53,524
Well, that does
not change the fact
436
00:18:53,626 --> 00:18:58,029
that our friends in Japan still
have claims to the Diaoyu Islands.
437
00:18:58,131 --> 00:19:00,631
President Lu says
dropping your objections
438
00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:04,135
must be part of any deal.
439
00:19:04,237 --> 00:19:06,070
Well, that is unacceptable.
440
00:19:06,172 --> 00:19:09,006
- Unacceptable!
- She never does this.
441
00:19:09,109 --> 00:19:12,343
I mean, I will storm out. Here I go.
442
00:19:14,614 --> 00:19:18,015
No way. It's unacceptable!
443
00:19:18,118 --> 00:19:20,418
This is not happening.
444
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,221
In all honesty, she's never done this.
445
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:29,470
_
446
00:19:29,495 --> 00:19:32,072
_
447
00:19:32,932 --> 00:19:34,766
I know two million sounds
like a lot, sweetie.
448
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:37,568
It's not. It's a small price to pay
449
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,971
to save the Brazilian rain forest.
450
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:43,141
But aren't you cutting down the rain
forest in order to build the resort?
451
00:19:43,243 --> 00:19:46,511
So we can conserve the rest.
452
00:19:46,613 --> 00:19:48,613
It's a virtuous cycle.
453
00:19:48,715 --> 00:19:50,848
- Well, I guess that makes sense.
- Hey! Hey!
454
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:51,767
Hi, Mom.
455
00:19:51,792 --> 00:19:54,242
What are you guys doing
all the way out here?
456
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,586
We can talk about this later.
457
00:19:55,688 --> 00:19:57,522
I'll leave the pamphlets on your pillow.
458
00:19:57,624 --> 00:20:00,925
- Thanks, Dad.
- Darling. Lee.
459
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:03,027
Okay, listen to me.
460
00:20:03,129 --> 00:20:05,663
If you want to get advice
or talk about money,
461
00:20:05,765 --> 00:20:07,098
you can come to me, okay?
462
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,233
I've got the whole Treasury Department.
463
00:20:09,335 --> 00:20:11,536
And they're, you know...
464
00:20:11,638 --> 00:20:13,571
they've been better, I realize.
465
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:17,008
I mean, Daddy loves you, sweetheart,
466
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:20,144
but he's a crook.
467
00:20:20,246 --> 00:20:21,546
- I know.
- Right?
468
00:20:21,648 --> 00:20:23,514
- Oh, excuse me.
- I just thought I could...
469
00:20:23,616 --> 00:20:26,150
I don't mean to interrupt
an intimate moment,
470
00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:30,154
it's just that there have been seismic
developments in the negotiations.
471
00:20:30,256 --> 00:20:31,956
You have really rattled
the Chinese leaders.
472
00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:33,257
- Oh.
- Chinese leaders?
473
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,259
- Yes, Catherine.
- Seriously, Mom?
474
00:20:35,361 --> 00:20:38,162
I think he is going to use the gold pen
from the Second Hague Convention very soon.
475
00:20:38,264 --> 00:20:40,898
Your mother has given an amazing
pen to the Chinese leaders.
476
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,501
- It's gold...
- She knows... she knows about that pen.
477
00:20:43,603 --> 00:20:46,504
You are so terrible.
478
00:20:46,606 --> 00:20:48,840
- Catherine.
- No.
479
00:20:48,942 --> 00:20:50,675
- Catherine. Okay.
- Sorry.
480
00:20:50,777 --> 00:20:53,044
Even labor and delivery
with her was a nightmare.
481
00:20:53,146 --> 00:20:54,245
Oh, yes? Why is that?
482
00:20:54,347 --> 00:20:55,580
You have a very narrow vagina?
483
00:20:55,682 --> 00:20:57,281
Well, tight. In the States we say tight.
484
00:20:57,383 --> 00:21:00,985
The Chinese economy is in a worse
state than anyone realized.
485
00:21:01,087 --> 00:21:02,820
These sanctions, they are
really crippling them.
486
00:21:02,922 --> 00:21:05,122
And Chi-Jang, he is a
proud, stubborn man.
487
00:21:05,225 --> 00:21:07,058
Like a Chinese Mr. Darcy.
488
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,393
But stupid also, like a Chinese Mr.
Bingley.
489
00:21:09,495 --> 00:21:10,795
I love "Mary Poppins."
490
00:21:10,897 --> 00:21:13,831
So if the United States
lifts the sanctions
491
00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:16,534
and is prepared to meet their
demands for industrial metals
492
00:21:16,636 --> 00:21:20,838
for the next 25 years,
the Chinese might...
493
00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:25,343
might be prepared to discuss Tibet.
494
00:21:25,445 --> 00:21:28,546
- To bet on what?
- Wait, to talk about freeing Tibet?
495
00:21:28,648 --> 00:21:31,082
No, they are prepared to
discuss a framework for talks
496
00:21:31,184 --> 00:21:32,917
aimed at a possible path
to self-determination.
497
00:21:33,019 --> 00:21:35,686
- I'm freeing Tibet?
- No, no, not free.
498
00:21:35,788 --> 00:21:38,890
It would likely be one country,
two systems similar to Hong Kong.
499
00:21:38,992 --> 00:21:41,492
- That's it.
- Bono's gonna shit his sunglasses.
500
00:21:41,594 --> 00:21:44,762
That is like some man on
the moon legacy shit.
501
00:21:44,864 --> 00:21:49,400
My God, Selina Meyer, the
woman who freed Tibet.
502
00:21:49,502 --> 00:21:51,202
Not... no, really, not free.
503
00:21:51,304 --> 00:21:53,037
What about the factories in Ohio?
504
00:21:53,139 --> 00:21:54,906
Jonah's ahead in all the latest polls.
505
00:21:55,008 --> 00:21:57,575
Fuck those factories, man.
I'm freeing Tibet.
506
00:21:57,677 --> 00:21:59,543
- Fuck it!
- Really, not freeing.
507
00:21:59,646 --> 00:22:01,312
It is, of course, tragic
508
00:22:01,414 --> 00:22:04,115
for the unemployed workers
of Ohio and North Carolina.
509
00:22:04,217 --> 00:22:05,650
Well, they should have
tried going to college.
510
00:22:05,752 --> 00:22:07,752
Worry about your own
unemployment in Finland.
511
00:22:07,854 --> 00:22:09,487
We don't have unemployment in Finland.
512
00:22:09,589 --> 00:22:12,590
I'm gonna win a Nobel fucking
Peace Prize, you guys.
513
00:22:12,692 --> 00:22:14,959
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
514
00:22:15,061 --> 00:22:16,894
- Oh, sorry. Are you all right?
- It's okay.
515
00:22:16,996 --> 00:22:19,497
And Tibet will have a new future.
516
00:22:19,599 --> 00:22:22,076
Oh, God, sorry, sorry.
Excuse me. Hey, babe.
517
00:22:22,101 --> 00:22:23,091
Hare Krishna.
518
00:22:23,169 --> 00:22:25,036
Hi. How was the ultrasound?
519
00:22:27,807 --> 00:22:29,974
Twins? Oh, my God.
520
00:22:30,076 --> 00:22:32,810
Oh, no, I'm twice as happy now.
521
00:22:34,109 --> 00:22:36,805
Hmm, who should I vote for, huh?
522
00:22:36,883 --> 00:22:38,382
Pow, pow.
523
00:22:38,484 --> 00:22:42,520
Who should I vote for?
You can't teach that.
524
00:22:42,622 --> 00:22:44,422
I hope he votes for himself.
525
00:22:44,524 --> 00:22:47,658
Oh, I'm sorry. I need another ballot.
526
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,261
I just... I just need another ballot.
527
00:22:50,363 --> 00:22:52,797
Pow, pow.
528
00:22:52,899 --> 00:22:54,632
I don't want to talk to you.
529
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:56,600
I want to tell you something,
530
00:22:56,703 --> 00:22:59,537
but it's very confidential, okay?
531
00:22:59,639 --> 00:23:02,506
Mommy is going to free Tibet.
532
00:23:02,608 --> 00:23:04,141
I don't care.
533
00:23:04,243 --> 00:23:06,510
Catherine, come on, honey,
remember when you were little
534
00:23:06,612 --> 00:23:09,880
and you had that "Free Tibet" sticker
and you put it up on the wall
535
00:23:09,983 --> 00:23:13,818
and we couldn't get it off, remember, because
you put it on wallpaper inexplicably.
536
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,587
Hey, Kit-Cat. It's me. Can I come in?
537
00:23:16,689 --> 00:23:18,122
Just you.
538
00:23:20,927 --> 00:23:24,428
- Hey, baby.
- Well, yeah.
539
00:23:31,938 --> 00:23:33,471
Wonderful.
540
00:23:33,573 --> 00:23:36,207
- Gan bei!
- Gan bei!
541
00:23:37,577 --> 00:23:39,477
And now, let us celebrate
542
00:23:39,579 --> 00:23:42,380
with a traditional Christmas feast.
543
00:23:42,482 --> 00:23:44,815
This is a...
544
00:23:46,953 --> 00:23:50,021
culturally significant
and traditional...
545
00:23:50,123 --> 00:23:52,223
- Freedom log.
- ...freedom log.
546
00:23:52,325 --> 00:23:56,494
Why don't we slice that
up for everyone to enjoy?
547
00:23:56,596 --> 00:24:01,332
You know, we have a statement
that is ready for release.
548
00:24:03,369 --> 00:24:05,202
There will be no statement.
549
00:24:05,304 --> 00:24:07,371
These are very delicate issues
550
00:24:07,473 --> 00:24:08,672
and cannot be rushed.
551
00:24:08,775 --> 00:24:09,974
Oh, yes, of course.
552
00:24:10,076 --> 00:24:12,143
I understand that completely.
553
00:24:12,245 --> 00:24:16,881
Although, perhaps when things
are as significant as Tibet,
554
00:24:16,983 --> 00:24:22,086
things are accidently
leaked to the press
555
00:24:22,188 --> 00:24:25,589
so that the world may know
of our accomplishments.
556
00:24:29,662 --> 00:24:32,163
It would be very unfortunate
if it also leaked
557
00:24:32,265 --> 00:24:36,300
that you lied to your country
about our hacking of your tweets.
558
00:24:36,402 --> 00:24:38,069
That is ridiculous.
559
00:24:38,171 --> 00:24:40,671
We have your emails to prove it.
560
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:46,644
Okay, well, we can just wait for
you guys to release a statement.
561
00:24:46,746 --> 00:24:48,913
- Xiè xie.
- Xiè xie.
562
00:24:50,983 --> 00:24:52,049
Minna.
563
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,720
Mr. McLintock?
564
00:24:56,823 --> 00:24:58,856
- Mm-hmm.
- Good news.
565
00:24:58,958 --> 00:25:00,791
Your adoption paper has been approved.
566
00:25:00,893 --> 00:25:04,161
You and your wife soon
will have a Chinese baby.
567
00:25:04,263 --> 00:25:05,963
Congratulations.
568
00:25:08,367 --> 00:25:09,900
What is happening?
569
00:25:10,002 --> 00:25:11,402
Well, good-bye, Andrew.
570
00:25:11,504 --> 00:25:14,438
Catherine has any questions
about the Brazil investment,
571
00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:16,440
- always available.
- I have a question.
572
00:25:16,542 --> 00:25:19,743
Is it actually an investment in Brazil?
573
00:25:19,846 --> 00:25:20,978
I can take this if you'd like.
574
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,813
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, sure.
575
00:25:22,915 --> 00:25:24,815
- Thank you for everything, ma'am.
- Oh, you're so welcome.
576
00:25:24,917 --> 00:25:27,952
All right, wheels up in
10 minutes on Marine One.
577
00:25:28,054 --> 00:25:29,353
Pick up the...
578
00:25:29,455 --> 00:25:31,655
- Oh, hi, Catherine.
- Really?
579
00:25:31,757 --> 00:25:33,324
- What?
- It's official.
580
00:25:33,426 --> 00:25:35,759
At 8:20 this evening, the
Widow Sherman conceded.
581
00:25:35,862 --> 00:25:38,429
Oh, H.R. Fucknstuf,
Jonah won the election?
582
00:25:38,531 --> 00:25:39,425
It was a small margin.
583
00:25:39,450 --> 00:25:41,523
But still counts as a
sign of the apocalypse.
584
00:25:41,601 --> 00:25:45,035
- So Jonah's gonna vote for me and I'm...
- Gonna be president!
585
00:25:45,138 --> 00:25:47,004
- I've got to call him.
- I got him. He's right here.
586
00:25:47,106 --> 00:25:48,706
Oh, my God.
587
00:25:48,808 --> 00:25:50,374
Congressman Ryan.
588
00:25:50,476 --> 00:25:52,243
Hello, Madam President.
589
00:25:52,345 --> 00:25:54,745
- Or should I call you colleague now?
- I wouldn't.
590
00:25:54,847 --> 00:25:56,514
And I just want to let you know that I,
591
00:25:56,616 --> 00:25:58,549
Congressman Jonah Ryan,
592
00:25:58,651 --> 00:26:02,153
will personally deliver you the vote
that delivers you the presidency.
593
00:26:02,255 --> 00:26:05,623
- That means so much to me.
- Ma'am, while I have you on the phone,
594
00:26:05,725 --> 00:26:08,759
New Hampshire is struggling with
an epidemic of opiate addict...
595
00:26:08,861 --> 00:26:10,161
Yeah, I'm not gonna...
596
00:26:10,263 --> 00:26:11,695
Oh! Oh, God.
597
00:26:11,797 --> 00:26:14,498
- Oh, good. That goes in my bag.
- Yeah.
598
00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:21,572
I can elect anyone in New Hampshire.
599
00:26:21,674 --> 00:26:24,542
- I can elect a Muslim AIDS virus.
- Okay, Jeff.
600
00:26:24,644 --> 00:26:27,311
A terrorist fucking AIDS virus
601
00:26:27,413 --> 00:26:30,347
in the tiniest suicide vest ever made,
602
00:26:30,449 --> 00:26:32,149
I could make it governor
of New Hampshire.
603
00:26:32,251 --> 00:26:33,551
Okay, Jeff, you're drunk.
604
00:26:33,653 --> 00:26:35,819
New Hampshire, wow. Wow, New Hampshire.
605
00:26:35,922 --> 00:26:37,121
Thank you.
606
00:26:37,223 --> 00:26:40,558
Oh, my God. I did this.
607
00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:43,694
We just elected Jonah to Congress.
608
00:26:43,796 --> 00:26:47,097
Looking around, I see so many
familiar faces of people
609
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,334
- that supported me and believed in me.
- Yeah.
610
00:26:50,436 --> 00:26:52,503
And I see a few that didn't.
611
00:26:52,605 --> 00:26:54,171
Like Jessica Thompson.
612
00:26:54,273 --> 00:26:57,074
Hey, Jessica. Jessica, I see you there.
613
00:26:57,176 --> 00:26:59,043
Yeah, it's been a long
time since high school.
614
00:26:59,145 --> 00:27:00,711
I like what you did with your hair.
615
00:27:00,813 --> 00:27:03,113
- Do you like what I did with my life?
- Oh!
616
00:27:03,216 --> 00:27:06,283
Jimmy O'Connor, I've been waiting
20 years to say this to you.
617
00:27:06,385 --> 00:27:09,053
Oh, my God, I did this.
618
00:27:09,155 --> 00:27:11,355
You just elected Jonah to Congress.
619
00:27:11,457 --> 00:27:13,857
I think that you are the spaz.
620
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,626
But through it all,
621
00:27:15,728 --> 00:27:19,763
there was one person who
truly believed in Jonah Ryan
622
00:27:19,865 --> 00:27:22,166
and that was Jonah Ryan.
623
00:27:22,268 --> 00:27:23,734
This is my dream,
624
00:27:23,836 --> 00:27:26,470
that you can believe in yourself so hard
625
00:27:26,572 --> 00:27:28,906
that you eventually
become a congressman.
626
00:27:29,008 --> 00:27:31,508
Thank you, New Hampshire. Thank you.
627
00:27:31,611 --> 00:27:34,111
Yeah, well, we're thrilled.
Thank you, Congressman.
628
00:27:34,213 --> 00:27:36,780
Jonah is gonna be sworn in
with the rest of the freshmen.
629
00:27:36,882 --> 00:27:37,891
Yeah.
630
00:27:37,916 --> 00:27:40,942
Mom, I've come to a
decision, by the way,
631
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:42,853
about the Palm Beach house.
632
00:27:42,955 --> 00:27:45,723
- Okay, Catherine, listen...
- I'm keeping it.
633
00:27:45,825 --> 00:27:47,891
Oh, Catherine.
634
00:27:47,994 --> 00:27:51,161
And I'm turning it into a sanctuary
for rescued farm animals.
635
00:27:51,264 --> 00:27:52,763
What?
636
00:27:52,865 --> 00:27:55,432
- Rescued farm animals.
- Yeah, I heard her.
637
00:27:55,534 --> 00:27:56,967
I think it's inspiring, ma'am.
638
00:27:57,069 --> 00:27:58,736
You're taking my daddy's house
639
00:27:58,838 --> 00:28:03,641
and turning it into some
Club Med for goats?
640
00:28:03,743 --> 00:28:04,975
Well, it won't be just goats.
641
00:28:05,077 --> 00:28:06,810
I mean, there's so much property
642
00:28:06,912 --> 00:28:08,746
that we were talking about all
different kinds of animals.
643
00:28:08,848 --> 00:28:10,481
I mean, you could have ducks or...
644
00:28:10,583 --> 00:28:12,416
- Lame horses.
- Pigs.
645
00:28:12,518 --> 00:28:14,618
- Pigs. Potbellied pigs.
- Emus.
646
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,087
- Oh.
- And we could have horses as well.
647
00:28:17,189 --> 00:28:19,056
- Okay.
- We could have peacocks, too.
648
00:28:19,158 --> 00:28:21,592
- Can you do llamas?
- Oh, yeah, we could have llamas.
649
00:28:21,694 --> 00:28:24,161
- Llamas.
- Maybe a three-legged goat.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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