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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,640 Hello, my name is Sean Anders. Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive. 2 00:00:11,810 --> 00:00:14,370 Hi, John. I didn't see you there. 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:19,280 - This is John Morris. - Screenwriter and producer of Sex Drive. 4 00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:22,180 - Welcome to the unrated... - Uncircumcised... 5 00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:23,550 ... edition of... 6 00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:25,520 ... Sex Drive. - Sex Drive. 7 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:28,100 How many times has this happened to you? 8 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:32,490 You purchase an unrated DVD to view with your friends. Only with your friends... 9 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:36,690 Only to find that you got the same old movie with a few extra curse words, 10 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,060 and maybe an additional tit or two. 11 00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:41,190 - What a jip. - And how... 12 00:00:41,270 --> 00:00:42,600 Not this time. 13 00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:46,830 That's right, John. On this unrated DVD we promise you, 14 00:00:46,910 --> 00:00:48,240 the viewer, 15 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:53,270 a genuinely wacky, zany and unrated viewing experience. 16 00:00:53,350 --> 00:00:56,250 - We promise... - Plus, we promise more tits. 17 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,580 Bare tits like these. 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,150 These tits are good. 19 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,130 Plus, more cock, like this. 20 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:09,160 That's good cock, John. 21 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,900 That's right, John, and that's not all, we promise lots of additional scenes, 22 00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:18,300 takes and other bullshit that will make the movie way too long. 23 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:21,140 And this means a lower standard of filmmaking for you, 24 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:22,200 - the viewer. - The viewer. 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:26,970 So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before, please, for real, 26 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:29,520 do not watch this version first. 27 00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:33,310 Watch the real theatrical version and then come back and watch this one. 28 00:01:33,390 --> 00:01:34,480 Why? 29 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:39,120 Yes, because this version of the movie is going to suck. 30 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:50,190 Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you. I have this exact same tribal tattoo. 31 00:01:50,270 --> 00:01:52,240 Mine's one my... It's on my back. 32 00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:56,110 But actually I have a town car outside if you wanna go see... 33 00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,410 All right. Why don't you do one more? 34 00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:29,170 We open up against Michigan in two weeks. 35 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,040 Coach's got me hitting the bench pretty hard. 36 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:38,219 37 00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:41,350 Shit. How much is a lot? 38 00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:45,180 One... No, two. 39 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,030 I'm putting up three hundy. 40 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:03,970 Well, let's see, Tasty. 41 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,410 Wow! 42 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:12,910 Um... 43 00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,860 Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen... 44 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:19,420 No, stop it, stop it. 45 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:23,260 Don't be so fucking desperate. Come on, be a dick. Be cool. 46 00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:27,960 Don't be a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank. 47 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:32,600 Yeah. 48 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,900 Not bad. 49 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,500 I've seen better. 50 00:03:37,107 --> 00:03:41,100 51 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,470 Yeah, whatever. 52 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:49,150 Coach's got us running two-a-days, so I gotta bounce. 53 00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:16,080 Miss Tasty? How did you get here? 54 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,270 Shh! 55 00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:40,470 Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20, 56 00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:42,590 so if you want a ride to work you better get your poop in a group. 57 00:05:42,670 --> 00:05:44,800 - Okay, I'll be right down. - No. Now, Clay Aiken. 58 00:05:44,870 --> 00:05:46,860 - All right. - No, now, homo. 59 00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:48,970 - Just give me a minute. - No, no, no, no. Now, sissy. 60 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,810 - Just... - No, now, chode-stroker. 61 00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:54,470 Now, ball bag. 62 00:06:01,190 --> 00:06:02,380 Hey... 63 00:06:02,590 --> 00:06:04,890 - Ow! Cut it out. - Hurts, doesn't it? 64 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,090 Shut up! I'm trying to sleep. 65 00:06:07,490 --> 00:06:11,330 Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep. You're golden. 66 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,130 - You, get your ass up. - Give me a minute. 67 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:15,890 What're you doing under there, huh? 68 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:19,410 What're you doing? You're firing off your skin pistol? 69 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,470 Come on, get up. What are you hiding? 70 00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,530 You got a big fattie under there, don't you? 71 00:06:23,610 --> 00:06:27,840 Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too. What the F? 72 00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:32,550 Your little brother's sleeping not ten feet away. Jesus Christ! 73 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:34,320 Good. My boys are all here. 74 00:06:34,390 --> 00:06:36,360 - Dad, Ian's free... - Can it, Rex. 75 00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:39,860 Your pop's got a bombshell to drop, so ears open. 76 00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:42,900 Last night, your old man popped the question. 77 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,760 Show them, Karen. 78 00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:50,130 I'm so happy. 79 00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:54,970 Hey, way to go! 80 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,500 Ian, you wanna get off your duff and come over here and give Karen a hug? 81 00:06:58,580 --> 00:06:59,570 Um... 82 00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:04,850 - Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude. - Can we do that later? 83 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,380 - Damn it, Ian, get up... - No, no, honey. It's okay. 84 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:13,360 We have to give him time to get used to the idea. 85 00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:16,720 Karen? Are you okay? 86 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,860 Karen? Karen, honey? You okay? 87 00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:19,920 Sweetheart? 88 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,370 What smells like jizz? 89 00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:30,340 Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo! 90 00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:43,650 Come on, get in. Get in! 91 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,260 You suck! 92 00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:58,430 Okay, seriously. Quit being such a fag and get in. 93 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,930 Never go down So let's get it up 94 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,680 Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question, and I want a straight answer. 95 00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:15,950 - You queer? - What? 96 00:08:16,020 --> 00:08:18,490 - God damn it! I knew it! - I didn't say anything. 97 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,860 Exactly. If someone asks you if you're a pole smoker, 98 00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:24,360 you just deny it, straight off. No pause, no farting around. 99 00:08:24,430 --> 00:08:25,830 Rex, I'm not gay. 100 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,890 - Dad thinks you're gay. - What? 101 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:31,100 - You're breaking the old man's heart. - No, I'm not. I told him I'm not. 102 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:34,300 Ian, you're 18, and you've never had a girlfriend. 103 00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:37,070 That's how people wind up getting gay, you know. 104 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:39,110 I don't think that's really how it happens. 105 00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:41,580 Is that not how it happens? So tell me how it happens, expert. 106 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:44,080 Fucking cock expert. Cockspert. 107 00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,140 Hey, what do you like better, the shaft or the balls? 108 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:49,310 - That's gross. - You like them both, don't you? 109 00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:53,930 It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock, 110 00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:57,400 and Wednesdays and Thursdays you're on to the balls. 111 00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,660 - I don't know why you're talking about it. - You can't choose, can you? 112 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:02,630 That's a tough one. You love it and you're obsessed with it. 113 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,140 No, you are. You keep talking about it. 114 00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:06,970 Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious. 115 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,980 Don't fucking smile at me. You know I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth. 116 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,910 What does it taste like? 117 00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:14,340 Like, right when you take your mouth off and it's like kind of 118 00:09:14,410 --> 00:09:17,650 like you can almost see your reflection in that fucking cock. 119 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,880 Smack you in the face with it a little bit. 120 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:22,080 - You don't like that? - I don't eat... 121 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:29,060 Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff, hot vascular mushroom head. 122 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:30,320 Yeah, yeah. 123 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,660 Look, every guy's got a fantasy about another guy, 124 00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:36,460 but you got to bury that shit way down. This is America, God damn it. 125 00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:40,530 There is... There is a girl that I've been kind of... 126 00:09:40,610 --> 00:09:43,510 All right, I'm listening. Where'd you meet her? 127 00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:45,130 On the... Online. 128 00:09:46,850 --> 00:09:50,300 What? For fuck's sake, Ian, don't you watch Dateline? 129 00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:54,790 She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe. 130 00:09:54,850 --> 00:09:58,420 But you'd love that, wouldn't you? 'Cause you're a homo. 131 00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:16,670 Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer than you are now. 132 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,980 Seriously, though. You're a fag. 133 00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:25,070 Hey, don't look at me like that. I'll punch you in the goddamn throat. 134 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:38,220 Hey 135 00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:42,290 What's your favorite song? 136 00:10:42,370 --> 00:10:45,200 Maybe we could hum along 137 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:52,780 Well, I think you're smart, you sweet thing 138 00:10:53,910 --> 00:10:58,680 Tell me your name, I'm dying here 139 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,750 Got you where I want you 140 00:11:08,930 --> 00:11:10,420 Yeah 141 00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:24,740 - Hey, Becca. How are you? - I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever. 142 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,970 Hey, Becca. Looks like you had a long, nasty night. 143 00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:32,880 - Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno. - Whatever. You guys are gross. 144 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:37,510 - I'm not gross. I didn't say anything. - Okay, who's going on coupon rounds? 145 00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:43,390 - No, Becca, I did it yesterday. - Please, Ian. 146 00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:47,390 I love you so much. 147 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:53,160 Hello. This is a coupon for six free... No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No. 148 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,870 - Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen. - Thanks. 149 00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:57,530 You're welcome. Sorry. 150 00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:01,440 Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is? 151 00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:05,580 - It's just past the movie theater. - Thanks, man. 152 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,490 Yeah, real funny. 153 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,420 Free donuts, free coupons. 154 00:12:17,660 --> 00:12:20,000 Felicia. How's it fitting, hon? 155 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,540 Well, you look nice. 156 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,440 You know, sweetie, there's still time to have your boobs done 157 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:39,680 before my wedding. 158 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,220 Darren and I already discussed them, and he said he'd pay for it. 159 00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:45,450 I mean, he's a dentist, so it's totally not a big deal. 160 00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:48,920 Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors? 161 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,050 Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie? 162 00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:54,620 Oh, no. I was just hoping you could slit my wrists for me quickly. 163 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,500 My husband killed himself last Christmas. 164 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,830 I am so sorry. I was just... 165 00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:07,710 Hello. This is a coupon for six free donuts. Donuts? 166 00:13:13,950 --> 00:13:19,360 Oh, my God! You look so hot in that. 167 00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:22,760 Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please don't take this the wrong way, 168 00:13:22,830 --> 00:13:24,760 but your whole trying too hard thing, 169 00:13:24,830 --> 00:13:27,490 it's just coming across as needy, you know? 170 00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,900 And I think you're better than that, Kimberly. 171 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:34,870 - But all I was saying was that... - Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay? 172 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,030 I mean, Christ, I'm out buying him clothes right now. 173 00:13:37,110 --> 00:13:40,980 He's 18 years old. I don't have to do that shit anymore. 174 00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:45,580 Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel. 175 00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:50,920 Well, it's official, Lance, your mom's still bat-shit crazy. 176 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:53,290 What? You're telling me she doesn't shit-talk me? 177 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,260 No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever. 178 00:13:56,330 --> 00:13:59,160 All right. Let me give you some advice, Lance, all right? 179 00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:02,220 Don't ever get married. Just an endless parade of horseshit. 180 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,000 And whatever you do, man, always wear a rubber. Christ. 181 00:14:06,070 --> 00:14:08,910 Nice. Always classy. 182 00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:12,740 Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like... Come on, dawg. 183 00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:20,280 Hey, sir. I've got something yummy for your little girl. 184 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:26,790 Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry! 185 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:36,190 - Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened? I don't know. 186 00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:38,670 Is there a cock and balls on the front of me again? 187 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:41,230 - Like a little tree trunk. - Thank you. 188 00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,240 Oh, my God. 189 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:51,170 - Whoa. You look pretty. - God, shut up, Ian! 190 00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:55,150 What? I'm just saying, you usually dress so... You look nice. 191 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,550 Ian, why do you got to work the mouth when you talk to us? 192 00:14:57,620 --> 00:15:01,120 - Yeah, Ian. - Sorry, it's a... It's a habit. 193 00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:04,220 Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, you gonna bring her to my party tonight? 194 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:09,000 - Yeah, I asked her. She said no. - Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you. 195 00:15:09,070 --> 00:15:11,540 That's what you say about everyone. 196 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,600 She made you wear the fucking costume again, right? 197 00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:16,110 - You know, I don't mind... - Dude, if you told her to fuck off, 198 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:19,510 she'd be two knuckles deep right now daydreaming about your big black cock. 199 00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:20,770 Ian, do not listen to him. 200 00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,540 Okay, girls want a nice guy who's gonna treat them well. 201 00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:25,240 - Really? - Yes. Really. 202 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,550 Look, all I'm saying is everybody wants a challenge. 203 00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:30,020 - Everybody wants... - What they can't get. I know, I got it. 204 00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:33,420 Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like I'm teaching you to walk sometimes. 205 00:15:33,490 --> 00:15:37,490 - That shit does not work. - It works on you. 206 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,330 No, it doesn't. 207 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:45,400 Felicia! 208 00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:49,440 Balls! I got to go. Evil cousin's spending the weekend. 209 00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:52,380 - Pretty cousin? - Ian, she's the anti-Christ. 210 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:55,570 - She's still super hot. - Fuck you, too. See you. 211 00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:57,710 So what happened with Becca? 212 00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,380 You been doing like I told you, being a dick? 213 00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:03,910 Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick. I'd say... No, not really. 214 00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:06,830 I mean, you know, I've sort of been practicing 215 00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:10,090 your whole being-a-dick thing with this girl I met online. 216 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,130 - And I get it, but I just... - Thanks. 217 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,030 I don't think I could do that for real. 218 00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,190 Dude, sure you can. I believe in you, you know. 219 00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:20,040 You just got to stop worrying about being the good guy all the time. 220 00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,200 I mean, okay, look at Andy and Randy over there. 221 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,140 You think they care what women think about them? 222 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,140 They could give a fuck. 223 00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:29,480 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 224 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:32,920 Hi. I'm collecting for the underprivileged children of Ecuador. 225 00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:34,380 - Would you like to help? - Not really. 226 00:16:34,490 --> 00:16:36,920 - We don't have any money. - No jobs. 227 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,220 You wanna party? 228 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,450 Um... I'm kind of working right now. 229 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:43,860 - When are you done? - Yeah, what are you doing after? 230 00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:45,490 I have a church thing tonight. 231 00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:47,500 - Kick ass, we'll come. - Yeah, where is it? 232 00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,590 Is there gonna be more hot snatch like you there? 233 00:16:49,670 --> 00:16:52,660 Those guys are total nards. They never get anywhere. 234 00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:54,670 That's just 'cause they don't know how to close. 235 00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:56,370 But they're ability to open is fucking heroic. 236 00:16:56,710 --> 00:16:59,140 - Do you wear thong underpants? - Do you want us to take our shirts off? 237 00:16:59,210 --> 00:17:01,540 - What color bra are you wearing? - Is your mom hot, too? 238 00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,210 Are you into me? 239 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:05,010 - Where do you live? - What color car do you have? 240 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,750 - Where do you live? - What's your address? 241 00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:08,510 - Do you want us to come over? - Do you like pizza? 242 00:17:08,590 --> 00:17:10,490 We've been to a motel. 243 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:18,230 - Fuck off, donut. - Rex, it's me. 244 00:17:19,470 --> 00:17:21,400 What the fuck is this all about? 245 00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:25,370 I broke the key off of our locker. I couldn't get my clothes out. 246 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,340 Stow that shit in the trunk. Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole. 247 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,850 You suck. 248 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:41,280 Becca? Hey. 249 00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,720 Wow, I didn't know that you were coming over. 250 00:17:45,590 --> 00:17:50,760 Cool. I didn't even know that you knew where I lived. I mean... 251 00:17:50,830 --> 00:17:53,490 - Yeah, I do. - Yeah. 252 00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:57,000 - So... - Oh! It's a funny story. I broke... 253 00:17:57,070 --> 00:18:00,870 I broke my key off and Ron let me borrow the... 254 00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:04,670 Anyway, so this is great. You changed your mind. 255 00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:05,970 Now, the party, it doesn't start 256 00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:09,880 - for a few hours. - Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here. 257 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:14,690 - Dylan? - Yeah. Is he here? 258 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:17,150 - My 14-year-old brother Dylan? - Yeah. 259 00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:22,180 - Nice underpants, Ian. - Snap! Dang, that was funny. 260 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,250 You know he's 14, right? 261 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:46,410 Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous. I love it. 262 00:18:56,860 --> 00:18:59,560 - Hey, congrats. Good to see you. - Hey. 263 00:19:03,570 --> 00:19:05,330 Is this the plan? 264 00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:19,050 Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here. Get off your wallflower ass. 265 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,090 - Are you smoking cigars now? - Yes. 266 00:19:22,150 --> 00:19:25,420 - Hey, Lance. Tight party. - Okay, rude. 267 00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:27,320 You can see I'm having a conversation here. 268 00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:30,330 Now, I'll be with you in a few minutes, okay? 269 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,730 - Thank you. - We're sorry. 270 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,770 - Don't apologize to her. - I'm sorry. 271 00:19:33,830 --> 00:19:35,530 Don't apologize to me. 272 00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:41,860 Hey, I'm gonna go see who Felicia's talking to. 273 00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:44,170 No, dude, forget Felicia, okay? 274 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,270 I know you guys are BFF and all that shit, 275 00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,710 but tonight's about getting that dick a little daylight. 276 00:19:48,780 --> 00:19:50,810 Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart, where you going? 277 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,350 Come here, we're not done. Get in here. 278 00:19:53,420 --> 00:19:57,250 - You know my boy Ian? - Yeah. No. I don't know. 279 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,230 - You used to be on my paper route. - Okay, sure. My mom likes you. 280 00:20:01,290 --> 00:20:07,720 Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him. He's a big, bright crimson king. Right? 281 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,000 You know what else? 282 00:20:10,070 --> 00:20:12,200 Ian is a bust-ass virgin. 283 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,210 I'm so sorry. 284 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,510 Don't let that deter you from fucking him. 285 00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:28,450 Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. I got into the University of Wisconsin, 286 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,750 and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine, 'cause that's where... 287 00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:33,260 - Are you gonna go to college? - University of Boulder. 288 00:20:33,330 --> 00:20:35,020 It's a great party school. 289 00:20:35,090 --> 00:20:40,460 You know, I read that they have a really great astronomy program. 290 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,470 I don't know if that's what you're going there for or... 291 00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:48,200 Because it's really high elevation, and you can see the stars really well... 292 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,340 Planets. 293 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:56,440 Wow! A little tip action there. That's really suggestive. 294 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,750 I'm not saying that you're gonna do that on my, well... 295 00:20:59,850 --> 00:21:03,080 You can just stick with my finger if you want 'cause this feels great, so... 296 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:09,520 You're really good at that. That's really wet. Two... 297 00:21:12,530 --> 00:21:15,000 - Ian! Dude! - I'm... Could you excuse me for a second? 298 00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,060 Hello. Hello? 299 00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:20,500 - Hey! - Hey! What up? 300 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:24,340 - What are you doing in there, man? - What're you doing out here, man? 301 00:21:24,410 --> 00:21:27,240 - I asked you first. - Nothing. 302 00:21:27,310 --> 00:21:31,080 No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt, so then I had to... 303 00:21:31,150 --> 00:21:36,090 - I thought you had, like, a girl in there. - Yeah, right. I wish. 304 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,680 So, okay. So, are your parents, like, still going 305 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,820 to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend? 306 00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:43,550 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all take off in the morning. 307 00:21:43,630 --> 00:21:44,890 Okay. Awesome. 308 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:49,990 'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts, so, I don't know, 309 00:21:50,070 --> 00:21:53,230 you think, like, maybe I could hang at your place this weekend? 310 00:21:53,340 --> 00:21:56,000 Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something. It'll be fun. 311 00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:02,380 Oh, my God! Thank you so much. Hey, I have a secret. 312 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,650 - Okay. - But it's like a girl secret, so... 313 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:11,450 - Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay. - Yeah. 314 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,320 Hey, Dibits, fuck off. 315 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,000 Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame. 316 00:22:20,070 --> 00:22:24,530 - Look at you acting like such a girl. - I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is. 317 00:22:26,370 --> 00:22:30,810 I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy. 318 00:22:31,410 --> 00:22:34,000 Yeah? Well, who is it? 319 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,880 Come on, you know me better than anyone. I bet you know who it is. 320 00:22:36,950 --> 00:22:38,510 Come on, guess. 321 00:22:40,550 --> 00:22:41,540 Um... 322 00:22:42,350 --> 00:22:43,910 I think I know. 323 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:58,000 I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you. You're so easy. You're so easy! 324 00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:05,100 - You're my best friend. - I know, and you're my best friend. 325 00:23:05,180 --> 00:23:09,140 That's why it's funny that we would kiss, because we wouldn't. 326 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,380 So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero? 327 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,150 Um... Nobody. 328 00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:22,060 - Nobody? - I... I was kidding, too. 329 00:23:23,030 --> 00:23:25,120 - That is funny. - It's hilarious. 330 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,560 - That is so funny. - That is so funny. 331 00:23:28,330 --> 00:23:30,100 Oh! I... 332 00:23:30,170 --> 00:23:31,160 - You got... - Yeah. 333 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,760 - All right. So... - Hey! 334 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,200 Okay. 335 00:23:41,110 --> 00:23:42,270 Harsh. 336 00:23:53,330 --> 00:23:55,450 Well, come on, Ian. 337 00:23:56,660 --> 00:23:58,860 You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna... 338 00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:01,760 Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy. 339 00:24:01,830 --> 00:24:05,860 No, thanks. It looks like you got your hands full there, so... 340 00:24:05,940 --> 00:24:08,130 Sure you don't want to get in on this, bro? 341 00:24:08,210 --> 00:24:10,270 No, thanks, man. 342 00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:13,740 It looks like you fellows got it all under control. 343 00:24:13,810 --> 00:24:17,810 So I'm just gonna skedaddle. You all take care now. 344 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,440 Lindsay, say hi to your mom. 345 00:24:20,620 --> 00:24:22,110 All right. See you later, buddy. 346 00:24:29,930 --> 00:24:32,060 Ian. Dude, where you going? 347 00:24:34,300 --> 00:24:35,390 Shit. 348 00:24:43,810 --> 00:24:45,800 Hey, Goldie, scoot over. 349 00:24:52,550 --> 00:24:55,750 - Hey, babe, you wanna party? - I'm at a party. 350 00:24:55,820 --> 00:24:57,950 You should pee on us. 351 00:24:58,020 --> 00:24:59,080 Why don't you take a picture, Ian? 352 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,890 Yeah, and post it on Totalfuckingawesomeness.com. 353 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,990 Backslash-we-rule! 354 00:25:04,060 --> 00:25:05,220 Where'd you come up with that? 355 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:10,390 - Hey, can I ask you guys a question? - You just did. 356 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,260 - Can I ask you another question? - You just did again. 357 00:25:13,340 --> 00:25:15,530 - What's up? What's up? - What's up, what's up? 358 00:25:15,610 --> 00:25:18,870 Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch. 359 00:25:22,010 --> 00:25:24,850 - Dude, where you going? - Come on. 360 00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:27,920 What's going on? Something troubling you? Be a buddy. 361 00:25:27,990 --> 00:25:33,080 - I'm... All right, all right. - You got to get over the monkey. 362 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:37,320 Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see? 363 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,230 - 'Cause we're the shit. - Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch. 364 00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:47,700 - So where's Felicia? - Fel-ate-cha. Yeah. 365 00:25:48,670 --> 00:25:52,040 - She's in... - Fe-lay-cha! You banging her? 366 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,470 We're just friends. 367 00:25:54,550 --> 00:25:56,310 - I'm uncircumcised. - Yeah. 368 00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,680 - I'm into you and I'm hard. - Yeah. 369 00:25:58,750 --> 00:26:01,150 - Hey, I was born to fertilize. - Yeah. 370 00:26:01,220 --> 00:26:03,380 I'm a firefighter. Fuck off! 371 00:26:04,820 --> 00:26:06,620 Wait, I thought you took her to prom. 372 00:26:06,690 --> 00:26:09,660 Yeah, but it was a just-friends kind of thing. 373 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,160 You should bang her. We would. 374 00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:17,890 Dude, we would bang her so hard. 375 00:26:18,070 --> 00:26:20,440 We would take that ass and just... 376 00:26:23,310 --> 00:26:25,470 Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you if you're not into it. 377 00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:26,910 Yeah. Hard. 378 00:26:26,980 --> 00:26:29,210 - With our dicks! - Yeah, our dicks are huge. 379 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,410 You could see them from space! What's up? 380 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:35,450 - What's up? - Hey, do you have a phone number? 381 00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,150 You don't. Okay. 382 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:46,160 I'll call you from nationals. 383 00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:52,030 Say it. - You're my little donut girl. 384 00:26:56,210 --> 00:26:59,870 - Bye, sexy. - Yo, Ian. 385 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:04,850 - You want to smell my finger? - Yeah, okay. 386 00:27:09,350 --> 00:27:11,850 Are you sure you got the right hole? 387 00:27:19,770 --> 00:27:20,890 Kids. 388 00:27:27,940 --> 00:27:29,200 Awesome. 389 00:27:34,950 --> 00:27:37,250 Hmm... '69. 390 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:45,820 Whoa. 391 00:27:48,095 --> 00:27:54,095 392 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:56,570 Don't puss out. Be cool. 393 00:27:59,340 --> 00:28:01,770 I don't know. 394 00:28:02,110 --> 00:28:08,010 That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit! 395 00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:13,180 Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this. 396 00:28:13,190 --> 00:28:17,190 397 00:28:20,191 --> 00:28:23,191 398 00:28:25,230 --> 00:28:26,700 Holy buckets. 399 00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:31,200 She wants me to give her the D. 400 00:28:32,340 --> 00:28:33,360 Well, honey 401 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:34,430 What ya got, Mr. Mans? 402 00:28:34,510 --> 00:28:35,940 I got a lot of money 403 00:28:36,010 --> 00:28:37,940 I don't see no keys in my hands 404 00:28:38,010 --> 00:28:40,880 I just wanna nasty girl 405 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,650 Now tell me, is that nasty girl you? 406 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:45,910 Do you like what you see? 407 00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:52,550 Could you be my nasty girl and let me do that dirty dance with you? 408 00:28:52,620 --> 00:28:54,720 I can love you long time 409 00:29:08,510 --> 00:29:11,810 I like 'em all in shapes and sizes 410 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,070 And it don't make no difference to me 411 00:29:15,980 --> 00:29:20,440 If you're short, tall, big or small Long if there ain't no big surprises 412 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,750 Chances are you'll suit me to a T 413 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:32,830 Love beef. 414 00:29:36,670 --> 00:29:38,330 Terry, phone call. 415 00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:45,640 Dude, weren't you in my gym class? What is it? Egan? 416 00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:47,700 Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan. 417 00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:56,850 Right. Whatever, scrotch. You can't get your fist pregnant. 418 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:00,590 Russ, man, check it out. Yo, look who's buying jimmys. 419 00:30:01,530 --> 00:30:04,020 You want these gift-wrapped, Egan? 420 00:30:08,670 --> 00:30:10,260 Just ring it up, man. 421 00:30:10,340 --> 00:30:12,700 Karen, let me have that for you. 422 00:30:13,510 --> 00:30:16,070 Dad, what did you do with my helmet? 423 00:30:35,430 --> 00:30:42,360 Ian, honey, I made you some tollhouse cookies. 424 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,670 I'll just leave these here for you. 425 00:30:46,910 --> 00:30:48,270 I'll get them later. 426 00:30:48,940 --> 00:30:51,910 There's $40 in the cow for fun money, 427 00:30:52,580 --> 00:30:55,980 so be safe and sorry I didn't knock. 428 00:30:57,450 --> 00:31:01,250 Anytime. It's your home now. 429 00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:03,950 Oh, dear. 430 00:31:07,730 --> 00:31:09,350 - Dude. - Hey. 431 00:31:09,430 --> 00:31:12,450 What is going on with you? You bought rubbers? 432 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,670 - How did you know that? - It's on Russ Miller's blog. 433 00:31:15,672 --> 00:31:19,172 434 00:31:19,770 --> 00:31:21,900 Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago. 435 00:31:21,970 --> 00:31:23,410 What's the deal? Dude. 436 00:31:24,910 --> 00:31:27,880 She wants me to meet her tonight at the Big Boy in Knoxville. 437 00:31:28,010 --> 00:31:31,920 This is a fucking written invitation to your dick from the Internet. 438 00:31:31,980 --> 00:31:33,250 Oh, Jesus. 439 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,620 Seriously, dude, pack your shit. We're going to Knoxville. 440 00:31:35,690 --> 00:31:37,750 No. Stop it. Put these back. 441 00:31:37,860 --> 00:31:39,620 This is the type of girl who has... 442 00:31:39,690 --> 00:31:42,320 She has it shaved into a landing strip. 443 00:31:42,730 --> 00:31:44,130 I can't deal with a landing strip. 444 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,860 Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean, she could have anything under there. 445 00:31:46,930 --> 00:31:51,490 There could be a little Hitler or just a full, nasty Chewbacca. 446 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,200 But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh. 447 00:31:56,270 --> 00:32:00,140 You know, she doesn't even want me. She wants him. 448 00:32:01,310 --> 00:32:05,080 I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine. 449 00:32:05,150 --> 00:32:07,240 I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes. 450 00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,040 Tasty's probably a guy, anyway. 451 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:12,820 Maybe. But what if she's not? 452 00:32:13,290 --> 00:32:16,780 You know, I mean, look, you've already opened, and I could help you close. 453 00:32:17,330 --> 00:32:18,730 We just need one thing. 454 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:28,870 Ian, just look at this. I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO, 455 00:32:28,940 --> 00:32:31,570 she's gonna drop an egg right there in the Big Boy parking lot. 456 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,610 Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this. 457 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,770 Here. Strap that end down. Tight. 458 00:32:38,380 --> 00:32:41,580 - The cord's too short. - Put a little sack into it, powder puff. 459 00:32:45,490 --> 00:32:47,890 - All right. Thanks, little brother. - Yeah. 460 00:32:48,290 --> 00:32:49,950 - Hey, Ian. - Yeah. 461 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,520 Did I hear something about you wanting to borrow my car? 462 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,260 No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you. 463 00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:57,560 You sure? 464 00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:02,400 You're my little brother, Ian. All you gotta do is ask. 465 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:05,540 Okay. 466 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,170 Could I use The Judge this weekend? 467 00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:18,780 Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts. 468 00:33:22,390 --> 00:33:24,620 Let's go, Dad. - What a dick. 469 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,530 You should take his car just on principle. 470 00:33:26,930 --> 00:33:28,870 What do you want me to do, you know? 471 00:33:28,930 --> 00:33:31,490 I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, since I don't even know what that means. 472 00:33:31,570 --> 00:33:33,040 What are you doing? 473 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:39,970 No. Lance, no! Put it back. Did you just hear him? Please. 474 00:33:40,050 --> 00:33:42,210 Come here, we're gonna have a talk. 475 00:33:42,550 --> 00:33:44,740 She's only nine short hours away, okay? 476 00:33:44,820 --> 00:33:47,680 We're gonna head down there tonight and you're gonna put a dent in that shit. 477 00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:50,720 Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat that needs tenderizing. 478 00:33:50,790 --> 00:33:52,480 With his dick instead of a hammer. 479 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,680 You can pound it till it bleeds. 480 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:58,390 Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess, and then we're gonna be... 481 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:02,230 - What're you doing? - Still rolling. 482 00:34:02,300 --> 00:34:05,060 Who's gonna pound on it? Say it. Ian's gonna pound on it. 483 00:34:05,140 --> 00:34:07,830 We're back tomorrow before Rex even knows the car is gone. 484 00:34:07,910 --> 00:34:09,970 Now, listen, these girls at Madison are gonna be fucking at a college level. 485 00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:13,170 I need you ready for that. 486 00:34:13,510 --> 00:34:15,500 Wait! Put it... Put it back. 487 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:17,370 Back here. 488 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,530 For God's sake. You two rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes? 489 00:34:53,290 --> 00:34:54,410 Shit. 490 00:35:10,970 --> 00:35:12,530 - Shit! - Fuck! 491 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:15,130 I told her she could stay here this weekend. 492 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:19,170 Dude, what the hell? Why are you driving Rex's car? 493 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:21,040 I thought me and... 494 00:35:22,780 --> 00:35:25,440 - Are you bitching out on me? - No. 495 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:26,710 - No. - No. 496 00:35:26,790 --> 00:35:29,520 Good. Well, then where are we going? 497 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:33,080 Um... Knoxville, Tennessee. 498 00:35:34,230 --> 00:35:35,660 Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom. 499 00:35:35,730 --> 00:35:39,560 Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome. 500 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,250 Dude, what the fuck? 501 00:35:41,330 --> 00:35:43,160 - I don't want her along. - Really? 502 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:45,400 You don't want to bring Yoko on your sex trip? 503 00:35:45,470 --> 00:35:47,800 Yeah, no shit. She's always cock-blocking you. 504 00:35:47,870 --> 00:35:50,430 No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a... 505 00:35:50,510 --> 00:35:52,700 Okay, twat blocking. 506 00:35:52,780 --> 00:35:53,870 Professor. 507 00:35:53,950 --> 00:35:54,970 When will you be coming back? 508 00:35:55,050 --> 00:35:56,380 No, tomorrow. 509 00:35:56,450 --> 00:35:59,510 - When? - No. Bye! God. 510 00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:01,920 You guys drive safe now. Bye! 511 00:36:02,490 --> 00:36:04,180 So, what's in Tennessee? 512 00:36:04,860 --> 00:36:07,620 My grandma has got some cancer. 513 00:36:08,430 --> 00:36:10,260 - Grammy K? - She's fine. 514 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,620 She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time. 515 00:36:14,900 --> 00:36:16,730 It's, you know... I mean, what is it called? 516 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,860 - It's foot cancer. - She's got a little foot cancer. 517 00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:21,130 She'll be hopping around in no time. 518 00:36:21,970 --> 00:36:24,370 So what's she doing in Tennessee? 519 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,740 Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass cancer center there. 520 00:36:28,810 --> 00:36:32,610 - Yeah. - Yeah, it's like... It's famous. 521 00:36:32,850 --> 00:36:35,480 - Yeah. - So if you ever get any cancer, 522 00:36:35,550 --> 00:36:39,790 you should totally check it out. 523 00:36:41,190 --> 00:36:42,320 I would. 524 00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:49,630 So you want I-80 East and then 65 goes all the way through Indiana. 525 00:36:50,700 --> 00:36:52,600 - So how's it feel? - What? 526 00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:57,070 I don't know, breaking the rules, talking some shit, driving The Judge? 527 00:36:58,310 --> 00:36:59,830 It feels pretty good. 528 00:36:59,910 --> 00:37:02,210 I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw 529 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,370 I'm in the prime of my life 530 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:14,350 Let's make some music, make some money Find some models for wives 531 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:22,500 This is our decision To live fast and die young 532 00:37:23,030 --> 00:37:28,170 We've got the vision Now let's have some fun 533 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,100 I said, yeah, yeah, yeah 534 00:37:37,020 --> 00:37:38,680 This dude wants to race. 535 00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:41,720 Let's go, ladies. 536 00:37:41,790 --> 00:37:44,480 Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you don't know who's in there. 537 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:48,690 Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car. 538 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,750 I refuse to be embarrassed by a car that looks like a Trapper Keeper. 539 00:37:51,830 --> 00:37:53,960 I am not racing in my brother's car. 540 00:37:54,970 --> 00:37:57,030 Holy shit. 541 00:37:58,070 --> 00:37:59,730 What the hell is that? 542 00:38:01,970 --> 00:38:04,030 Looks like a Nachos BellGrande. 543 00:38:04,110 --> 00:38:05,580 And a chalupa! 544 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,240 Medium Coke! 545 00:38:08,610 --> 00:38:09,640 Go right! 546 00:38:09,810 --> 00:38:11,910 - Turn the wipers on! - They are on. 547 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,610 They're not working! 548 00:38:13,820 --> 00:38:16,650 Please, don't yell at me. I'm doing the best I can. 549 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,060 - Winnebago! - Where? 550 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:20,960 Winnebago! Winnebago! 551 00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:30,590 Oh, my God, are you all right? 552 00:38:35,540 --> 00:38:38,940 Yeah, nobody offer to help. I got this under control. 553 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:50,480 - Are you all right? - Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck! 554 00:38:52,790 --> 00:38:57,660 You know what might make you feel better? Putting 40 on pump two. 555 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,710 Hey. You okay in there? 556 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,880 God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling. 557 00:39:28,690 --> 00:39:30,180 Sweet relief. 558 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,220 You got the shy bladder? 559 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,530 - Yeah. - Damn. 560 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,240 Paruresis. That's what they call it. 561 00:39:43,310 --> 00:39:46,110 Let me tell you something. I didn't catch your name. 562 00:39:46,180 --> 00:39:47,440 It's Ian. 563 00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:52,010 Let me tell you something, Ian. I had it something fierce. 564 00:39:55,590 --> 00:39:58,990 You can do it, Ian. You can do it. 565 00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:07,790 Go running down by your sister. 566 00:40:07,870 --> 00:40:10,960 Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump. 567 00:40:11,370 --> 00:40:15,030 Yeah? You move your meat, you lose your seat. Hmm. 568 00:40:16,370 --> 00:40:19,830 Logan, do not eat that. You will fuck up your appetite! 569 00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:22,300 Damn. 570 00:40:23,410 --> 00:40:25,580 Listen, Reba. 571 00:40:25,650 --> 00:40:30,180 If you value the rest of your teeth, you will shut off that pump. 572 00:40:35,590 --> 00:40:38,990 So I tells my daddy, "You know what? You're not the boss of me." 573 00:40:39,060 --> 00:40:42,660 "Not you, not Angie," that's that girl I was telling you about. 574 00:40:42,730 --> 00:40:44,790 "And sure as hell not this bladder of mine. " 575 00:40:44,870 --> 00:40:46,960 Well, he looked at me, and you should have... 576 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,800 Ian. Where you going? Don't give up. 577 00:40:53,710 --> 00:40:56,650 Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour. 578 00:41:01,150 --> 00:41:05,150 - Another one for the collection. - Cool. Thanks. 579 00:41:07,890 --> 00:41:08,980 What? 580 00:41:14,500 --> 00:41:17,700 It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry. 581 00:41:17,770 --> 00:41:19,460 Lance, what are you doing? 582 00:41:19,540 --> 00:41:21,470 Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself, 583 00:41:21,540 --> 00:41:25,480 because I'm just trying to show another human being a little compassion. 584 00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:27,480 And my dick. 585 00:41:29,980 --> 00:41:33,040 It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall. 586 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:35,520 You know why? 'Cause our love will dry them up. 587 00:41:35,590 --> 00:41:39,280 Love will keep us alive. Just like that song. You know that song? 588 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:43,490 That's our song now. That song represents our bond. 589 00:41:45,260 --> 00:41:47,930 Don Henley's words represent our love. 590 00:41:54,410 --> 00:41:55,930 What have you got? 591 00:41:56,310 --> 00:41:58,740 Hey, kid, where you from? 592 00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:04,950 - I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago. - Are you two married. No? 593 00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:12,220 - No, we're just friends. We're amigos. - You make a good couple. 594 00:42:12,790 --> 00:42:15,490 She's pretty. Marry that girl. 595 00:42:15,590 --> 00:42:19,150 See my lady and I here, we've been married forever. 596 00:42:19,230 --> 00:42:21,630 And I tell you she was gorgeous. 597 00:42:21,700 --> 00:42:25,140 The first day I saw her, I said, "This is gonna be my wife. " 598 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,760 And you know what? It happened. 599 00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,500 I tell you, that was a very good year for corn. 600 00:42:31,580 --> 00:42:33,940 Made lots of money. 601 00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:39,780 I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady a sexy French lingerie. 602 00:42:39,850 --> 00:42:42,980 Boy, those were the best six bucks I ever spent. 603 00:42:45,260 --> 00:42:48,450 You kids want to help yourself to a can of Purple? 604 00:42:48,860 --> 00:42:52,820 - Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple? - Yeah, I can go... 605 00:42:55,470 --> 00:42:57,630 Say, the boys still hanging? 606 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,100 - You ever had a peppermint fatty? - No. Let's have that. 607 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:04,140 See how that shoe fits. 608 00:43:07,580 --> 00:43:10,310 Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this? 609 00:43:12,620 --> 00:43:15,880 You know that thing, when runners say they break the wall? 610 00:43:15,950 --> 00:43:18,620 You know, and it's all good after that? 611 00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:20,920 I feel like that when my dick's in your mouth. 612 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,390 It actually says Purple Soda. 613 00:43:29,230 --> 00:43:31,200 Bad boy. 614 00:43:35,940 --> 00:43:37,970 You like him, don't you? 615 00:43:41,050 --> 00:43:45,410 - What? Who? - Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right? 616 00:43:45,550 --> 00:43:50,350 Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot. 617 00:43:50,420 --> 00:43:54,290 I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever. 618 00:43:58,060 --> 00:44:01,120 - Brandy! - Uh-oh! 619 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,230 Brandy! Shit. 620 00:44:07,110 --> 00:44:09,040 - Howdy. - Howdy. 621 00:44:09,110 --> 00:44:13,980 Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. Where the fuck's Brandy at? 622 00:44:23,050 --> 00:44:28,650 - You ever hear of a rolling brown-out? - No. Let's try it. 623 00:44:30,290 --> 00:44:31,960 You bleach that. 624 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:36,700 Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown! Nothing brown! Nothing brown! 625 00:44:36,770 --> 00:44:39,170 What're you gonna do? Hit a girl? 626 00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:43,600 No, but I'm gonna pummel his ass real good. 627 00:44:43,670 --> 00:44:46,040 There you go. There you go. 628 00:44:47,110 --> 00:44:48,100 Hey! 629 00:44:48,250 --> 00:44:49,580 I have to go to church. 630 00:44:50,450 --> 00:44:53,380 Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door! 631 00:44:59,290 --> 00:45:03,350 All right, this is not what it looks like. It was a project for school. 632 00:45:03,430 --> 00:45:04,590 Purple Soda! 633 00:45:13,810 --> 00:45:15,000 Wiener! 634 00:45:18,940 --> 00:45:19,930 Ow! 635 00:45:42,270 --> 00:45:43,760 There you are. 636 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:48,940 Come on, come on. I do not want to die naked. 637 00:45:55,310 --> 00:45:59,580 Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch! 638 00:46:07,530 --> 00:46:11,120 Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy! 639 00:46:11,330 --> 00:46:15,390 I'm gonna ask you this just one time. Did she give you the nugget? 640 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:17,270 Hey, hold on! 641 00:46:18,940 --> 00:46:20,160 Come on, man, she's not worth it. 642 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:22,930 She's just gonna shit all over you. Trust me. 643 00:46:23,340 --> 00:46:26,370 - She touch your butthole? - No, no. Jesus, no! 644 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,070 - Let's see! - I thought she was a man. I'm gay. 645 00:46:29,150 --> 00:46:30,740 I'm gay as hell. 646 00:46:33,220 --> 00:46:35,690 Eat bat, dickhead! 647 00:46:37,290 --> 00:46:38,720 Holy shit! 648 00:46:40,830 --> 00:46:41,990 Ian just killed that guy. 649 00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:44,190 Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? 650 00:46:44,260 --> 00:46:47,600 Look, I have my insurance card. I'm sorry. We're from out of town. 651 00:46:47,670 --> 00:46:51,160 I couldn't see you through the corn. I'm sorry. 652 00:46:54,740 --> 00:46:56,970 - Where the hell's the road? - It feels like left. 653 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,200 I told you we didn't have time for this, 654 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,540 - but all you care about is your stupid dick. - Ian. 655 00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:02,270 And you leave us out there with her mom's weird soda. 656 00:47:02,350 --> 00:47:04,750 - Ian. - And her dad's balls in plain view... 657 00:47:04,820 --> 00:47:05,940 Ian, Ian, whip a shitty! 658 00:47:06,020 --> 00:47:07,310 Motherfucker! 659 00:47:18,130 --> 00:47:21,330 Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that! 660 00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:25,300 Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving. Lance, you suck! 661 00:47:25,570 --> 00:47:27,870 - Where the hell are we? - Where are the Google maps? 662 00:47:27,940 --> 00:47:30,370 - They're in my pants. - Which are? 663 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:32,870 In the trailer. 664 00:47:34,550 --> 00:47:36,710 Mmm-hmm. Great. 665 00:47:37,420 --> 00:47:41,680 Shit. I got gum in my bush. 666 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,890 Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can show us back to the highway. 667 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,520 - Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker. - Don't worry, I won't. 668 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:54,960 No, no, no. 669 00:47:56,230 --> 00:47:58,130 Oh, my God. 670 00:48:00,370 --> 00:48:04,360 Hey! Thanks for the lift, man. I've been out there for hours. 671 00:48:04,810 --> 00:48:06,500 Not one car. Can you believe it? 672 00:48:06,580 --> 00:48:09,210 - Listen, sir, we didn't... - You're good people. 673 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,740 - Guy, you're not wearing any pants. - Yeah, I know. 674 00:48:13,180 --> 00:48:14,210 Right on. 675 00:48:14,290 --> 00:48:16,190 Let's go. We better go. 676 00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,620 Hey, you got my stuff. 677 00:48:22,090 --> 00:48:26,000 Hey, real quick, guys, what's the story of the girl? 678 00:48:26,060 --> 00:48:30,060 - I'm 25 years old. - I don't know what he's talking about. 679 00:48:39,710 --> 00:48:44,270 I got nothing. There's no bars. You know, it probably just needs water. 680 00:48:44,580 --> 00:48:46,110 Got any in the trunk? 681 00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,910 Hey, sweetheart, men are talking. We got this one. 682 00:48:48,990 --> 00:48:51,960 Yeah, thanks, but this happened to my brother's car once 683 00:48:52,020 --> 00:48:54,820 - and you just piss in the radiator. - Really? 684 00:48:55,060 --> 00:48:56,650 Yeah. 685 00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,920 Oh, God! Damn it! 686 00:49:01,370 --> 00:49:03,330 - Are you okay? - Fuck. Yeah. 687 00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,100 That's a lesson learned. 688 00:49:07,740 --> 00:49:09,600 You can watch, if you're into that kind of thing. 689 00:49:09,670 --> 00:49:13,110 Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen your dick enough for one day. 690 00:49:13,180 --> 00:49:18,010 - Do you hear that? There's a ringing. - Your loss. It's like razor blades. 691 00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:22,880 What? There's ants down here. FYI. 692 00:49:22,950 --> 00:49:27,720 All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it. 693 00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:31,720 Okay. Go away. 694 00:49:32,130 --> 00:49:36,260 Dude, seriously? Still? I thought you got over this shit. 695 00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,270 You're a grown man. 696 00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:50,140 Flowing river, gentle stream. Flowing river, gentle stream. 697 00:49:50,210 --> 00:49:54,670 - Yo, stage fright, how're we doing? - Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute. 698 00:49:56,090 --> 00:50:00,580 Excuse me. We kind of need you to pee in the radiator. 699 00:50:01,130 --> 00:50:04,250 - Why? - We just do. 700 00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:09,120 I'm sorry. I just took a squirt a couple of minutes ago. 701 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,190 You want me to shit in it? 702 00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:15,640 - We'll get back to you on that one. - All right. 703 00:50:17,810 --> 00:50:20,400 - I'm telling you, I could shit right now. - Awesome. 704 00:50:22,350 --> 00:50:25,340 Our new friend's got nothing left in the tank. 705 00:50:29,890 --> 00:50:31,050 What? 706 00:50:34,660 --> 00:50:39,320 No. Guys, come on. I don't have the aim that you do. 707 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,130 Every drop helps so much. 708 00:50:44,540 --> 00:50:48,340 Hey, look what I found in my bag. 709 00:50:48,410 --> 00:50:49,740 Thank God. 710 00:50:50,170 --> 00:50:53,440 - No! - What the fuck are you doing? 711 00:50:57,210 --> 00:51:01,170 You all just wait 20 minutes and I'll top it off for you. 712 00:51:03,820 --> 00:51:05,380 Could be ten. 713 00:51:05,460 --> 00:51:09,220 Fine, fine. Okay. But if any of you pervs peek, 714 00:51:09,290 --> 00:51:12,520 I swear to God it will be your last conscious act. 715 00:51:20,470 --> 00:51:21,600 Shit. 716 00:51:36,250 --> 00:51:38,220 You kids need some help? 717 00:51:45,100 --> 00:51:46,120 Hi. 718 00:51:52,340 --> 00:51:53,530 Are you okay? 719 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,730 Yeah, I'm great. I just beaved a family of four. 720 00:51:57,910 --> 00:51:59,100 Try it. 721 00:52:04,580 --> 00:52:05,740 All set? 722 00:52:05,820 --> 00:52:08,650 Look, I'm sorry, sir, but we can't give you a ride. 723 00:52:10,750 --> 00:52:12,850 I'm gonna say this once. 724 00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:16,920 You unlock this fucking car, or God is my witness, 725 00:52:17,460 --> 00:52:19,620 I'll stake you all to the ground, 726 00:52:19,700 --> 00:52:22,960 cut you open and let the dogs get at you. 727 00:52:24,470 --> 00:52:25,460 Oh, yeah? 728 00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:30,470 Bye-bye. 729 00:52:35,610 --> 00:52:37,910 Shit, shit, shit, shit. 730 00:52:37,980 --> 00:52:39,810 - What happened? - It's stuck. 731 00:52:43,550 --> 00:52:44,920 Uh-oh. 732 00:52:44,990 --> 00:52:47,920 That didn't work out like you planned, did it? 733 00:52:47,990 --> 00:52:52,360 You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed. It shows zero character. 734 00:52:52,430 --> 00:52:53,990 I know, I'm sorry. 735 00:52:54,060 --> 00:52:55,730 And you're a dick. 736 00:52:56,300 --> 00:53:00,500 You're a dick. You know what, ma'am? You're a dick, too. 737 00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:07,970 - Here's that pee you ordered. - Roll them up. 738 00:53:09,910 --> 00:53:13,850 - There you go, Tex. - You're soaked with pee. 739 00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,480 Quick car wash? 740 00:53:15,550 --> 00:53:17,990 - God! - Gross. 741 00:53:18,060 --> 00:53:21,650 It smells like beef jerky. You know? 742 00:53:22,330 --> 00:53:25,390 It's just got like that sour sweetness. 743 00:53:27,530 --> 00:53:30,090 How can nobody go down a road for an hour and a half? 744 00:53:30,170 --> 00:53:32,000 Why did they even make this stupid road? 745 00:53:32,070 --> 00:53:34,400 It's so hot out here. 746 00:53:34,470 --> 00:53:35,460 Ow! 747 00:53:38,910 --> 00:53:43,570 Oh, my God, your head. Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see. 748 00:53:43,710 --> 00:53:45,770 Yes. It hurts. 749 00:53:48,050 --> 00:53:51,490 - What is that? - Oh, my God. 750 00:53:55,060 --> 00:53:56,050 Wow. 751 00:54:08,740 --> 00:54:11,260 That is so beautiful. 752 00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:21,580 Need some help? 753 00:54:22,750 --> 00:54:27,780 - Yeah, but no offense... - Right, 'cause I'm Amish, 754 00:54:27,860 --> 00:54:30,830 so I wouldn't know anything about your '69 GTO Judge. 755 00:54:31,130 --> 00:54:34,890 455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi, something like that. 756 00:54:34,970 --> 00:54:37,990 Weird, that thing must have fallen straight from space. 757 00:54:38,070 --> 00:54:40,760 Well, good luck with the future ride, spaceman. 758 00:54:43,470 --> 00:54:45,600 Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on. 759 00:54:45,980 --> 00:54:47,140 Wow! 760 00:54:47,210 --> 00:54:48,240 Okay. 761 00:54:48,310 --> 00:54:52,610 What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea. 762 00:54:52,780 --> 00:54:53,940 - What? - Come on. 763 00:54:54,020 --> 00:54:56,540 You don't know how far we have to walk. Those are your only pair of shoes. 764 00:54:56,620 --> 00:54:59,890 You know what? You're probably right. God, you're so sensible. 765 00:55:00,060 --> 00:55:02,720 But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't? 766 00:55:02,790 --> 00:55:04,090 I should. 767 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,290 I can't believe you just did that. 768 00:55:08,370 --> 00:55:11,460 So he met this chick on the Internet, which is sketchy. 769 00:55:11,540 --> 00:55:13,030 The Internet? 770 00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:17,970 Yeah, it's like a series of computers that are connected through... 771 00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:19,370 Computers? 772 00:55:21,010 --> 00:55:24,610 A computer is like a big calculator, you know, with the screen. 773 00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,010 I'm just busting your balls, man. I know what the Internet is. 774 00:55:29,850 --> 00:55:31,910 - Okay. - You ever heard of Rumspringa? 775 00:55:31,990 --> 00:55:34,420 Yeah, that ska band from Delaware. 776 00:55:34,490 --> 00:55:38,690 No, it means "run wild. " It's an Amish tradition where when we turn 16, 777 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:41,320 we can go live like you heathens for a while. 778 00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:46,630 You go nuts, party for months or years till your folks start hassling you, 779 00:55:46,700 --> 00:55:49,070 and then it's back to the Stone Age. 780 00:55:49,140 --> 00:55:51,130 But if you're on Rumspringa, what's with the buggy? 781 00:55:51,210 --> 00:55:54,410 Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore. 782 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,880 I probably shouldn't even be talking to you but... 783 00:55:56,950 --> 00:55:59,780 I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw. 784 00:55:59,850 --> 00:56:03,310 - Sometimes I just miss the world. - What do you miss the most? 785 00:56:03,390 --> 00:56:06,580 You know, I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. 786 00:56:06,660 --> 00:56:07,680 Oh. 787 00:56:07,760 --> 00:56:13,460 And gambling. Went to Vegas once. And buttfucking. 788 00:56:15,100 --> 00:56:17,290 Have a lot of nice memories there. 789 00:56:17,370 --> 00:56:19,200 - I hear that. - Oh, yeah. 790 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:21,370 Buttfucking. 791 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,910 Wait, are we talking about dudes? 792 00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,010 - No. - Okay. Then yeah. 793 00:56:29,050 --> 00:56:32,880 I mean, unless that's what you're into, and then, whatever. 794 00:56:32,950 --> 00:56:34,680 - It's not. - No? 795 00:56:34,750 --> 00:56:35,740 No. 796 00:56:36,290 --> 00:56:38,950 - Not into dudes. - No, no, no, no, no. 797 00:56:39,390 --> 00:56:41,910 - How old are you? - Old enough. 798 00:56:43,530 --> 00:56:45,150 How old are you? 799 00:56:50,900 --> 00:56:52,730 This is gonna happen. 800 00:56:54,910 --> 00:56:57,240 It's gonna happen whether you fight it or not. 801 00:56:57,310 --> 00:56:59,740 So I kind of want you to fight it. 802 00:57:01,380 --> 00:57:02,400 Cut. 803 00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,540 - All right. Now you. - No way. Forget it. 804 00:57:05,620 --> 00:57:08,140 Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever. 805 00:57:08,220 --> 00:57:11,350 Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country to go to... 806 00:57:11,420 --> 00:57:14,980 To visit your grandma? Whoa! 807 00:57:15,130 --> 00:57:17,920 So anyway, we're there and she's like... 808 00:57:19,860 --> 00:57:20,850 Oh, yeah. 809 00:57:21,670 --> 00:57:22,860 Like, she won't stop crying. 810 00:57:22,930 --> 00:57:24,420 - That's the funniest thing, too. - I know. 811 00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:28,340 I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas, and I was like, "you want this?" 812 00:57:28,410 --> 00:57:32,000 So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it." 813 00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:35,580 And I was like, yeah, this gets hotter by the second. 814 00:57:35,650 --> 00:57:39,380 "What're you crying about?" She's like, "... wanted to be a doctor." 815 00:57:39,450 --> 00:57:44,390 And I'm like, "Yeah, you're a fucking Ph. D. of cock." 816 00:57:44,450 --> 00:57:46,350 - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly. 817 00:57:46,420 --> 00:57:50,590 And then coercing my load out on to the crying face. 818 00:57:50,660 --> 00:57:54,460 Vegas in general is just... Good times. 819 00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,760 You can get a blowjob for $10. 820 00:57:57,870 --> 00:58:02,070 Or for free if you meet the right girl and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa." 821 00:58:02,140 --> 00:58:04,940 "What is this blowjob that you speak of?" 822 00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,010 "Your techno music beguiles me." 823 00:58:09,350 --> 00:58:11,410 Let me put it in your butt. 824 00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,180 You know, when you cut your foot on a piece of glass, 825 00:58:13,250 --> 00:58:15,680 - don't think I'm gonna carry you. - You know what? I will be fine. Okay? 826 00:58:15,750 --> 00:58:20,660 - I was born barefoot. - Hey! Wait! 827 00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:23,780 Hey! Stop! 828 00:58:27,500 --> 00:58:29,490 Have a nice walk, shit-birds. 829 00:58:32,770 --> 00:58:34,100 Oh! 830 00:58:37,610 --> 00:58:40,240 Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel. 831 00:58:40,310 --> 00:58:42,010 What up, English? 832 00:58:50,950 --> 00:58:52,790 There's no service out here. 833 00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:56,150 - I can't even tell her I'll be late. - Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting. 834 00:58:56,230 --> 00:58:58,390 You don't want to come off as desperate. 835 00:58:58,460 --> 00:59:01,190 I'm driving nine hours. How am I not coming off desperate? 836 00:59:01,260 --> 00:59:05,290 - We had shit to do. - Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff? 837 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,970 You blew your head gasket. That's not good. 838 00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:11,560 - Shit. - Don't cry. We can fix it. 839 00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:13,770 - Really? - Yeah, really. We're good at it. 840 00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,370 - Yeah? - Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it, 841 00:59:15,450 --> 00:59:16,570 but it's an impressive thing. 842 00:59:16,650 --> 00:59:18,480 - Yeah. We'll fix it. - Wow, that'd be cool. 843 00:59:18,550 --> 00:59:22,780 Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I might be the coolest guy you ever met. 844 00:59:22,850 --> 00:59:24,080 - Wow. - Wow. 845 00:59:25,090 --> 00:59:26,680 - Thank you. - Yeah. You're welcome. 846 00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,350 That's what you say when people do nice things for you. 847 00:59:29,430 --> 00:59:31,490 You know, there's a pretty big shindig shaping up next door 848 00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:34,590 if you guys want to hang there while we work on it. 849 00:59:34,670 --> 00:59:37,500 Take it easy while we do all this for you. 850 00:59:40,140 --> 00:59:43,630 - Does he have an attitude? - No, he's fucking with you. 851 00:59:44,510 --> 00:59:45,670 Okay. 852 00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:50,880 Just relax, man. I got a good feeling about this, you know. 853 00:59:50,950 --> 00:59:52,380 You're gonna party with the Amish. 854 00:59:52,450 --> 00:59:55,510 Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be one kick-ass quilting bee. 855 00:59:58,490 --> 00:59:59,980 What's up, man? 856 01:00:00,060 --> 01:00:05,120 - Hey. - No f-ing way! 857 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:12,130 When I'm home alone I just can't stop myself 858 01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:15,400 - This is insane! - I know. 859 01:00:17,940 --> 01:00:24,900 Signing off, " I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen" 860 01:00:24,980 --> 01:00:29,980 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 861 01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:35,580 I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen 862 01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:41,650 The kid was all right, but it went to his head 863 01:00:49,370 --> 01:00:54,780 Thank you, guys, very, very, very much. You guys fucking rule, man. 864 01:01:10,590 --> 01:01:14,330 Dude. Don't even bother. Your game is not gonna work on that girl. 865 01:01:14,630 --> 01:01:18,760 What do you know about girls? I've never even seen you with a girl. 866 01:01:19,500 --> 01:01:21,730 I'm gonna go check on the car. 867 01:01:27,710 --> 01:01:29,650 Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance. 868 01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:34,520 - Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize. - Come on. Don't be hating. 869 01:01:39,190 --> 01:01:40,680 Fine. 870 01:01:52,450 --> 01:01:53,970 So at this point, her panties are off, 871 01:01:54,050 --> 01:01:56,310 but I'm still apprehensive about her husband being there, 872 01:01:56,390 --> 01:01:57,940 'cause he is just staring at me. 873 01:01:58,020 --> 01:02:03,720 Whoa! Hey, what is this? Why are the seats out? 874 01:02:03,790 --> 01:02:06,120 Ian, do you know anything about fixing these old Pontiacs? 875 01:02:06,190 --> 01:02:10,290 I don't care, okay? Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just 876 01:02:10,370 --> 01:02:13,430 - put them back in there. I don't want... - Ian, you've gotta calm down. 877 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:14,830 Do you know any breathing exercises? 878 01:02:14,900 --> 01:02:17,060 Because you are right on the verge of a freak-out. 879 01:02:17,140 --> 01:02:21,940 You don't know my brother, okay? He's gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters. 880 01:02:22,010 --> 01:02:25,640 What? He's gonna what? With what? 881 01:02:25,710 --> 01:02:30,480 Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early, and he's gonna walk into the bank, 882 01:02:30,550 --> 01:02:32,650 stand in line, change a 10, 883 01:02:32,790 --> 01:02:36,620 find my ass and just fuck it with a roll of fucking quarters. 884 01:02:51,710 --> 01:02:53,500 Yeah, witness sucks! 885 01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:57,740 We've got to get that guy laid tonight. 886 01:02:58,180 --> 01:03:00,310 Is your sister still a slut? 887 01:03:25,570 --> 01:03:29,910 Check it out. It's totally working. 888 01:03:29,980 --> 01:03:32,210 You're the best wing-man ever. 889 01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:34,810 She's in, she's in. Watch this. 890 01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:48,220 Rumspringa! Whoo! 891 01:03:50,100 --> 01:03:52,430 - I took a wicked digger. - Yes, you did. 892 01:03:52,500 --> 01:03:54,990 I think you may have had a little too much to drink. Maybe you should... 893 01:03:55,070 --> 01:04:00,270 Maybe you should shut your face hole 'cause I've only had one beer ever. 894 01:04:03,850 --> 01:04:06,680 - First day of Rumspringa? - Rumspringa! 895 01:04:09,820 --> 01:04:11,410 - Uh-oh! - Oh! 896 01:04:13,990 --> 01:04:15,080 Hey. 897 01:04:17,290 --> 01:04:22,890 - All right. Okay. You good? All right. - Aw! You guys are so nice. 898 01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:24,960 Don't let her step in it. 899 01:04:26,670 --> 01:04:30,400 I love you guys 'cause you're awesome. 900 01:04:30,470 --> 01:04:32,300 'Cause you're awesome. 901 01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:36,070 Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off. 902 01:04:37,050 --> 01:04:40,140 What? What's wrong with you? 903 01:04:40,380 --> 01:04:44,150 - Yeah, what's your problem, bitch? - Nothing. I'm fine. 904 01:04:44,290 --> 01:04:47,310 Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off. 905 01:04:47,620 --> 01:04:49,060 - It's Lance, right? - No. 906 01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:51,490 I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl and you're out here. 907 01:04:51,560 --> 01:04:52,580 Wrong. 908 01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:55,530 Come on, Leesh, just drop the hard-ass thing for two minutes. 909 01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:59,230 You know. It's okay. You're into Lance. 910 01:05:01,740 --> 01:05:05,100 - God, I'm such an idiot. - Look, there's something about Lance. 911 01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:10,470 Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance. 912 01:05:11,980 --> 01:05:14,920 Just promise me you won't ever be like Lance. 913 01:05:16,850 --> 01:05:21,650 What is wrong with us? Let's go have some fun. Come on. 914 01:05:22,190 --> 01:05:24,220 - No. No. - No? 915 01:05:24,730 --> 01:05:29,660 Come on, we're young, and we're Amish, and it's Rumspringa. 916 01:05:29,730 --> 01:05:31,220 Rumspringa! 917 01:05:58,530 --> 01:06:01,320 Ian, you little cock-sucker! 918 01:06:39,270 --> 01:06:40,290 Ah! 919 01:06:40,370 --> 01:06:43,030 Leesh, you're so stubborn. Look at your feet. 920 01:06:43,100 --> 01:06:45,400 They are fine. All right? 921 01:06:46,910 --> 01:06:49,170 Hey. What's the plan? 922 01:06:50,510 --> 01:06:53,410 I might as well find a phone and call Rex 923 01:06:54,180 --> 01:06:58,210 - so he can get on with killing me. - What about visiting your grandma? 924 01:06:58,450 --> 01:07:01,910 Yeah, dude. You been putting off visiting your grandma for too long. 925 01:07:01,990 --> 01:07:05,250 - It's about time you visited Grandma. - Yeah. 926 01:07:05,330 --> 01:07:10,560 Lance, you know, I really do want to visit my grandma, but... 927 01:07:10,630 --> 01:07:15,500 Dude, I really can't stress enough how much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma. 928 01:07:15,870 --> 01:07:19,430 You know, I visit my grandma sometimes two or three times a week, 929 01:07:19,510 --> 01:07:22,700 and it is always a pleasure. She's just a delight. 930 01:07:22,840 --> 01:07:23,870 What am I supposed to do? 931 01:07:23,980 --> 01:07:26,280 Our transportation is all over the floor of that barn. 932 01:07:26,350 --> 01:07:27,680 Hey, Mary! 933 01:07:30,050 --> 01:07:31,040 Hi. 934 01:07:34,820 --> 01:07:38,120 Wow, you look beautiful. 935 01:07:38,590 --> 01:07:39,820 Oh, please. 936 01:07:39,890 --> 01:07:45,130 I mean, seriously, you wearing that, churning some butter. Sexy. 937 01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:47,930 So I had the best time with you last night. 938 01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:49,440 Yeah, me, too. 939 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:52,370 So you got my number. You're gonna call me, right? 940 01:07:53,540 --> 01:07:54,740 No. 941 01:07:55,910 --> 01:07:58,640 "No." You're funny. 942 01:07:59,380 --> 01:08:05,080 I mean, Lance, I really like you, but Rumspringa's over for me. 943 01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:08,010 - So... - Rumspringa! 944 01:08:14,300 --> 01:08:15,660 Sorry. 945 01:08:41,590 --> 01:08:42,780 You fixed it? 946 01:08:42,860 --> 01:08:46,350 Yeah, we hit a few snags, but she's banging like a champ now. 947 01:08:46,430 --> 01:08:49,290 Man, I don't even... I don't even know what to say here. 948 01:08:49,360 --> 01:08:51,760 You know, I don't really have much... 949 01:08:51,830 --> 01:08:53,630 Oh, no, we're good. We're good. 950 01:08:53,700 --> 01:08:57,400 I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor, that's a gift. 951 01:08:57,770 --> 01:09:01,040 Man, you're too... Here, thanks. Thank you so much. 952 01:09:01,110 --> 01:09:02,770 - You're welcome. - Thank you, it's really cool. 953 01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:04,810 It is. You know, I mean, 954 01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:08,210 if you felt the need to reciprocate in some way, 955 01:09:08,280 --> 01:09:10,680 I mean, there's a lot of chores that need to be done around here. 956 01:09:10,750 --> 01:09:14,850 Yeah, no, the only thing about that is we're kind of behind schedule right now. 957 01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:16,950 Yeah, but, I mean, we could totally come back. 958 01:09:17,020 --> 01:09:19,320 - We could hit you on our way back through. - Okay. 959 01:09:19,390 --> 01:09:22,020 Yeah, you should. You should really get on the road. 960 01:09:22,100 --> 01:09:26,930 I mean, you got a smooth-running vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it. 961 01:09:27,000 --> 01:09:31,840 - Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good? - We're good. Yeah, technically. 962 01:09:32,110 --> 01:09:34,300 I mean, we fixed your car for free, and you're leaving. 963 01:09:34,380 --> 01:09:37,000 So I'd say that makes us dead square. 964 01:09:38,410 --> 01:09:39,740 We'll come back. I promise. 965 01:09:39,810 --> 01:09:43,110 - I'm looking forward to that. - Hey, no, seriously, we will. 966 01:09:43,180 --> 01:09:45,620 Okay. We'll all hold our breath till you get back. 967 01:09:45,690 --> 01:09:48,780 On three, guys. Three, two... 968 01:09:58,470 --> 01:10:01,990 My stomach's killing me. Tell me if you see a rest stop. 969 01:10:02,870 --> 01:10:04,300 You know, I really feel sorry for Mary 970 01:10:04,370 --> 01:10:08,240 because her lifestyle is keeping her from being happy. 971 01:10:08,310 --> 01:10:10,540 And that's no way to live. 972 01:10:10,610 --> 01:10:14,410 Lance, don't you know your little theory of "People want what they can't get. " 973 01:10:14,480 --> 01:10:16,920 That's all she is. Ian, gas station. 974 01:10:16,980 --> 01:10:21,920 No. Felicia, this is different okay, because she changed me. 975 01:10:21,990 --> 01:10:24,650 You know, I'm a butterfly now because of her. 976 01:10:24,730 --> 01:10:29,320 Because when I'm with her, I was like a spiritually whole human being. 977 01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:33,530 And if you don't believe that, you can suck my dick. 978 01:10:53,550 --> 01:10:56,550 Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian. 979 01:10:56,790 --> 01:10:58,590 'Cause you're a big, giant pussy. That's right. 980 01:10:58,660 --> 01:11:02,390 I'm gonna lift up this door and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge 981 01:11:02,460 --> 01:11:05,130 is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me, 982 01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:08,260 or I'm gonna have the fucking neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole. 983 01:11:25,850 --> 01:11:27,010 Want some of this? 984 01:11:32,560 --> 01:11:34,260 He took my fucking baby. 985 01:11:36,260 --> 01:11:37,590 Cocksucker! 986 01:11:41,770 --> 01:11:42,830 Shit! 987 01:11:42,900 --> 01:11:46,570 Hey, Knievel, what say you get your bike out of the fricking road? 988 01:11:46,710 --> 01:11:49,200 Hey! Hey! 989 01:12:08,430 --> 01:12:10,230 All ocupado, sport? 990 01:12:15,500 --> 01:12:18,300 Sounds like someone's got one in sideways. 991 01:12:24,180 --> 01:12:25,370 Gents. 992 01:12:25,980 --> 01:12:30,180 Well, looks like we're up. Go on, get in there. 993 01:12:38,730 --> 01:12:39,720 Oh! 994 01:12:40,660 --> 01:12:42,490 Am I getting a signal? 995 01:12:44,060 --> 01:12:47,300 Tasty, I got sidetracked last night. 996 01:12:48,370 --> 01:12:51,400 I had to party with some new homies. 997 01:12:54,140 --> 01:12:58,340 Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy. 998 01:13:00,050 --> 01:13:01,810 I'm worth the wait. 999 01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:07,710 Yes! 1000 01:13:15,830 --> 01:13:19,860 No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you! 1001 01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:26,460 Hello? Little buddy? Hello. 1002 01:13:28,280 --> 01:13:30,210 Spooner. Spooner. Spooner. 1003 01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:36,540 - Was that you screaming in there? - I don't want to talk about it. Ever. 1004 01:13:36,620 --> 01:13:39,640 - Where's Felicia? - She went to get corn dogs. 1005 01:14:04,850 --> 01:14:07,140 Can you believe the girls around here, man? 1006 01:14:07,210 --> 01:14:11,210 But, man, where am I ever gonna find another girl as cool as Mary? 1007 01:14:14,420 --> 01:14:15,820 You like it? 1008 01:14:20,590 --> 01:14:23,150 - What about Felicia? - What about her? 1009 01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:30,330 - She's into you. - Yeah, no shit. Get in line. 1010 01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:33,130 What is that? She's not good enough for you? 1011 01:14:33,210 --> 01:14:35,140 Felicia's awesome, 1012 01:14:35,210 --> 01:14:38,340 but the obvious statement to make here is that you like her. 1013 01:14:39,180 --> 01:14:43,670 - What? No, I... - You're shocked. You can't believe it. 1014 01:14:43,750 --> 01:14:48,150 - This bombshell. Come on. - You know, she's not into me anyways. 1015 01:14:48,220 --> 01:14:52,280 Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter. I still... I could never do that to you. 1016 01:14:53,660 --> 01:14:57,500 Okay, but you do know that she's not into you, right? 1017 01:14:57,570 --> 01:15:02,030 - Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know. - No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you. 1018 01:15:02,100 --> 01:15:06,560 There's no maybe. Okay? And I'm saying this as your best friend, 1019 01:15:06,640 --> 01:15:12,240 but never. Never fucking ever. You know? 1020 01:15:12,310 --> 01:15:13,580 Because you guys are friends. 1021 01:15:13,650 --> 01:15:17,380 You know what every girl I've ever banged had in common? 1022 01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:20,750 I wasn't friends with any of them. 1023 01:15:20,820 --> 01:15:24,280 And usually they have awesome tits, but not always. 1024 01:15:25,130 --> 01:15:28,030 Sometimes you get that bronze medal, you know? 1025 01:15:28,100 --> 01:15:31,550 Real simple. Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize. 1026 01:15:31,630 --> 01:15:35,160 Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins, there's no height requirement. 1027 01:15:35,270 --> 01:15:39,000 Why don't you step up and win your girlfriend a prize? 1028 01:15:39,070 --> 01:15:41,340 We're not... She's not my girlfriend. 1029 01:15:41,410 --> 01:15:44,500 - What about your other girlfriend there? - Nice. 1030 01:16:02,160 --> 01:16:03,960 All right, come on, Ian. You can do it. 1031 01:16:04,030 --> 01:16:07,190 Come on, you're almost there! You're almost there! Go, go, go! 1032 01:16:07,400 --> 01:16:09,200 Winner! Winner! Winner! 1033 01:16:10,570 --> 01:16:12,970 - That was awesome. - How the hell did you do that? 1034 01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,240 We had one of these at Cub Scout camp. I kind of mastered it. 1035 01:16:15,310 --> 01:16:17,330 Yeah, you think you're hot shit? 1036 01:16:19,380 --> 01:16:22,320 - Lolly? - Thank you. 1037 01:16:26,050 --> 01:16:27,780 Hey, hey, hey, ass. 1038 01:16:31,330 --> 01:16:33,320 Hey. What's your secret? 1039 01:16:33,390 --> 01:16:36,230 You just... If you keep your shoulders down... 1040 01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:38,960 - No coaching. - What? 1041 01:16:39,370 --> 01:16:41,730 No coaching there, Lombardi. Read the sign. 1042 01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:44,400 No coaching. 1043 01:16:46,740 --> 01:16:48,370 Cheese and rice! 1044 01:16:48,910 --> 01:16:49,900 Oh! 1045 01:16:51,350 --> 01:16:54,710 - Thanks. I'm Sandy. - I'm Ian. 1046 01:16:55,280 --> 01:16:56,540 - Hi. - Hey. 1047 01:17:00,520 --> 01:17:04,720 - Consolation prize? - Wow! Thank you so much. 1048 01:17:04,790 --> 01:17:07,490 You know, my dance team's performing over at the tent in a couple of minutes. 1049 01:17:07,560 --> 01:17:08,930 You guys should come watch. 1050 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,830 - Actually, we were just about to go. - That sounds super fun. He'll be there. 1051 01:17:11,900 --> 01:17:13,560 Great. See you. 1052 01:17:14,800 --> 01:17:17,030 Dude, that girl reeks of sex. 1053 01:17:17,870 --> 01:17:19,360 - Really? - Yeah. 1054 01:17:19,610 --> 01:17:22,770 Hey, Harry Potter, take you and your girlfriends out of here. 1055 01:17:24,550 --> 01:17:28,280 What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres? I will crush you. 1056 01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:31,480 That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady. 1057 01:17:33,350 --> 01:17:36,450 Everybody's talking all this stuff about me 1058 01:17:36,990 --> 01:17:40,020 Why don't they just let me live? 1059 01:17:41,330 --> 01:17:42,760 I don't need permission 1060 01:17:42,830 --> 01:17:44,730 - Do we really have time for... - Hey, hey. 1061 01:17:44,800 --> 01:17:46,460 You have to stop doing that to him. 1062 01:17:46,530 --> 01:17:48,470 - Doing what? - Twat blocking. 1063 01:17:48,540 --> 01:17:51,700 I'm not twat... Doing that. 1064 01:18:00,580 --> 01:18:04,880 Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers! 1065 01:18:05,990 --> 01:18:09,320 Come on, girls, let's help me get some fellas up in here. 1066 01:18:11,190 --> 01:18:12,450 - Ian. - Oh, no. Please. 1067 01:18:12,530 --> 01:18:14,590 Get up there. Come on. 1068 01:18:14,660 --> 01:18:15,920 Come on! 1069 01:18:16,800 --> 01:18:18,530 In the back! In the back! 1070 01:18:18,830 --> 01:18:20,930 Yeah! 1071 01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:26,200 Come on, two more, two more! 1072 01:18:28,310 --> 01:18:29,300 Yeah! 1073 01:18:32,310 --> 01:18:33,840 Dude, turn around. 1074 01:18:42,190 --> 01:18:47,590 Look at this fine crop of handsome fellas I got here. 1075 01:18:49,300 --> 01:18:51,990 But before we get down to business, 1076 01:18:52,070 --> 01:18:53,590 there's a young woman here 1077 01:18:53,670 --> 01:18:56,660 who would like to share her story with these young men. 1078 01:18:56,740 --> 01:19:00,730 - Kristy, you ready, baby? - Okay. 1079 01:19:03,580 --> 01:19:07,840 So, last year I was at a dance with my boyfriend. 1080 01:19:07,920 --> 01:19:10,010 He wanted to go to his car. 1081 01:19:10,680 --> 01:19:11,950 So I did. 1082 01:19:12,490 --> 01:19:17,980 So we were both naked in the back seat and we started having oral... 1083 01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,910 Yeah! 1084 01:19:57,000 --> 01:19:58,930 Daddy likes that! 1085 01:20:01,370 --> 01:20:02,460 Excuse me! 1086 01:20:02,870 --> 01:20:08,240 Excuse me! Is this tragic story turning you on? 1087 01:20:18,190 --> 01:20:23,450 This courageous young lady pours her heart out and this is getting you hot? 1088 01:20:24,120 --> 01:20:26,490 It's time for you to pledge. Right now! 1089 01:20:26,990 --> 01:20:29,860 Boy, you need this more than anybody. 1090 01:20:31,230 --> 01:20:33,390 Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain. 1091 01:20:34,870 --> 01:20:39,330 I can't believe you took a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on. 1092 01:20:39,510 --> 01:20:40,560 It's classic. 1093 01:20:40,640 --> 01:20:43,840 Look, I didn't even know what she was talking about. That doesn't count! Okay? 1094 01:20:43,910 --> 01:20:45,780 - Ian! Hey! - It gets better. 1095 01:20:45,850 --> 01:20:47,750 I am so proud of you! 1096 01:20:48,250 --> 01:20:49,840 Get away from me. Is that what you do? 1097 01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:53,250 You go out and you lure little dorks like me into your little no-having-sex club? 1098 01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:55,310 Ian, it's not like that at all. 1099 01:20:55,390 --> 01:20:58,050 Just go away. Now. 1100 01:21:01,900 --> 01:21:04,830 - I would've eaten your asshole, you know. - Really? 1101 01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:05,990 - Oh, man. - Wow. 1102 01:21:06,070 --> 01:21:09,130 You can keep your stupid flipping lollipop, anyway! 1103 01:21:11,870 --> 01:21:14,140 - You are dead, psycho-virgin! - No, no! 1104 01:21:14,210 --> 01:21:16,140 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1105 01:21:19,210 --> 01:21:23,650 Hey, are you sure you want to get dental work done in Floater, Kentucky? 1106 01:21:24,750 --> 01:21:27,120 Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like. 1107 01:21:27,190 --> 01:21:28,680 - Thank you. - Welcome. 1108 01:21:41,640 --> 01:21:44,930 Fine, okay, you were right. My feet are killing me, 1109 01:21:45,010 --> 01:21:47,630 and I never should've tossed my shoes. 1110 01:21:47,940 --> 01:21:51,840 No, come on. I love that your shoes are in that tree. 1111 01:21:54,550 --> 01:21:57,480 I do. That's premium Felicia. 1112 01:21:58,720 --> 01:22:00,210 Felicia Alpine. 1113 01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:02,240 Oh. 1114 01:22:03,090 --> 01:22:07,290 - So what'd you do to her? - Hmm? 1115 01:22:07,360 --> 01:22:08,450 Smack her around a little bit? 1116 01:22:08,800 --> 01:22:10,700 She gets out of line, you pop her one? 1117 01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:14,430 - No. No, sir, I... - I got you. I'm just teasing you, man. 1118 01:22:14,500 --> 01:22:16,090 We have fun. 1119 01:22:17,070 --> 01:22:19,130 - He didn't, though, did he? - Hmm? Mmm-mmm. 1120 01:22:19,210 --> 01:22:21,700 Blink twice if you feel you're in danger. 1121 01:22:23,040 --> 01:22:25,140 Be back in a couple minutes. I'm gonna wait for that to numb up. 1122 01:22:25,210 --> 01:22:26,240 Mmm-hmm. 1123 01:22:26,310 --> 01:22:28,340 Hands to yourself, O.J. 1124 01:22:30,350 --> 01:22:34,410 Ian, you know the other night at Lance's party? 1125 01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:40,150 - Was I there? - No, come on. 1126 01:22:41,730 --> 01:22:43,590 Here. 1127 01:22:47,170 --> 01:22:53,130 I mean, you know the only reason is because I don't want to ruin our friendship. 1128 01:22:54,340 --> 01:22:58,570 Totally, I mean friendship is awesome. Good call. 1129 01:22:59,780 --> 01:23:03,880 I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. 1130 01:23:11,460 --> 01:23:16,050 - You won't. - What are you thinking about? 1131 01:23:18,430 --> 01:23:21,490 - What are you thinking about? - I asked you first. 1132 01:23:26,040 --> 01:23:27,230 You got a little loogie. 1133 01:23:30,310 --> 01:23:32,340 I'm gonna go see if Lance... 1134 01:23:32,410 --> 01:23:33,440 Mmm-hmm. 1135 01:23:33,510 --> 01:23:35,070 Go. Go. 1136 01:23:47,290 --> 01:23:50,820 Um, I'll take these as well. 1137 01:23:55,040 --> 01:23:59,600 They're not for me. They're not. 1138 01:24:08,280 --> 01:24:11,050 - Heads up. - What's with you? 1139 01:24:12,920 --> 01:24:14,980 I'm thinking maybe we head back home. 1140 01:24:15,060 --> 01:24:16,820 What? Why? 1141 01:24:17,060 --> 01:24:20,650 Well, Felicia and I were talking in there, 1142 01:24:20,730 --> 01:24:24,460 - and we kind of had a moment. - Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment? 1143 01:24:24,530 --> 01:24:26,120 - Yeah. - You're a moron. 1144 01:24:26,770 --> 01:24:29,290 Fuck you. We've talked about this. 1145 01:24:29,600 --> 01:24:32,770 Look, we're almost there, and I'm not letting her do this. 1146 01:24:32,870 --> 01:24:35,900 We're going to Knoxville, and you're getting your nut. 1147 01:24:36,610 --> 01:24:38,700 No, I'm not. I'm not. 1148 01:24:38,780 --> 01:24:41,580 No, I'm gonna text Tasty, and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming. 1149 01:24:41,650 --> 01:24:44,910 - Ian, get in this car. - I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. 1150 01:24:45,390 --> 01:24:49,910 Shit, where's my phone? Hey, you got a new smile. 1151 01:24:49,990 --> 01:24:53,290 You have my phone. I didn't know... This is for you. 1152 01:24:54,930 --> 01:24:56,230 Mmm! A message came in. 1153 01:24:56,430 --> 01:24:59,330 Your grandma says she's really excited to see you. 1154 01:24:59,400 --> 01:25:01,730 And something about her hot, shaved pussy. 1155 01:25:01,800 --> 01:25:03,130 Must be the cancer talking. 1156 01:25:04,300 --> 01:25:07,270 All right. Good deal. We're going to Knoxville. 1157 01:25:11,110 --> 01:25:12,100 All I've got is frustration, frustration 1158 01:25:15,450 --> 01:25:18,650 I hate this vacation 1159 01:25:19,290 --> 01:25:21,750 So, give up, give up Give up, give up 1160 01:25:22,960 --> 01:25:26,620 I've got to get away from here It's killing me just thinking 'bout 1161 01:25:26,690 --> 01:25:31,630 Frustration, frustration I hate this vacation... 1162 01:25:31,700 --> 01:25:34,170 Ian, you're going the wrong way. 1163 01:25:34,430 --> 01:25:36,400 - We're going home. - What? 1164 01:25:36,970 --> 01:25:39,960 Please, do not turn around because of me. Okay. 1165 01:25:40,040 --> 01:25:42,370 - Yeah, no shit. - I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty. 1166 01:25:42,440 --> 01:25:43,810 This is going to be hilarious. 1167 01:25:43,880 --> 01:25:46,350 A hundred bucks says she has a wiener. 1168 01:25:46,410 --> 01:25:49,310 Look, I said we're going home. I don't want to talk about it. 1169 01:25:49,380 --> 01:25:50,970 I knew you'd find some way to fuck this up for him. 1170 01:25:51,050 --> 01:25:54,450 Me? You two are fucking scheming behind my back. 1171 01:25:54,520 --> 01:25:56,890 - No, we're not. - Okay. You stole Rex's car. 1172 01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:58,650 You drove halfway across the country. 1173 01:25:58,730 --> 01:26:01,720 This must be what you want to do. So do it, chicken shit! 1174 01:26:01,800 --> 01:26:04,200 - Fucking A, chicken shit. - Fine! You know what? 1175 01:26:04,260 --> 01:26:07,260 I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch, and I'll go pork somebody. Right now. 1176 01:26:07,330 --> 01:26:08,800 I'll be that guy. Is that what you want? 1177 01:26:08,870 --> 01:26:10,670 - Be that guy! That guy rules. - Sounds awesome. 1178 01:26:10,740 --> 01:26:14,330 - That would make me so happy. - All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it. 1179 01:26:14,510 --> 01:26:17,440 Watch out, Ian! Fuck! Watch it, Ian! 1180 01:26:19,650 --> 01:26:20,770 Whoo! 1181 01:26:21,950 --> 01:26:24,470 - You like that? - Did your fucking balls just drop? 1182 01:26:24,550 --> 01:26:26,040 Holy shit, Ian. 1183 01:26:26,990 --> 01:26:29,999 Oh, man, it's this douche again. 1184 01:26:32,100 --> 01:26:33,690 You want it? You got it. 1185 01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:36,730 - Hold on to your pantyhose. - Okay, we gotta work on your banter, 1186 01:26:36,800 --> 01:26:39,030 but otherwise, this is awesome. 1187 01:26:41,970 --> 01:26:44,770 - You're losing him. - No, I got him. I got him. 1188 01:26:47,170 --> 01:26:50,900 - Jesus, Ian! Not so close. - God damn it! 1189 01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:57,450 No way, man! You're dead. 1190 01:26:59,450 --> 01:27:01,350 Sorry. He's all right. 1191 01:27:01,960 --> 01:27:04,550 This guy's fucking dangerous! 1192 01:27:10,100 --> 01:27:11,790 Where is he? Talk to me, dudes. 1193 01:27:11,900 --> 01:27:14,490 Right up our ass. He's in our ass. 1194 01:27:19,170 --> 01:27:22,370 - He's tagging out. - Ladies! 1195 01:27:22,440 --> 01:27:23,470 Ian, look out! 1196 01:27:29,720 --> 01:27:31,010 Oh! Oh! 1197 01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:32,240 God damn it. 1198 01:27:34,020 --> 01:27:37,750 What were you doing, man? Shit. 1199 01:27:39,290 --> 01:27:41,890 Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault. He jumped right in front of you. 1200 01:27:41,960 --> 01:27:44,900 Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault. 1201 01:27:45,230 --> 01:27:46,700 Now, come on, man, this possum's not gonna fuck you. 1202 01:27:46,770 --> 01:27:48,320 We gotta go find Ms. Tasty. 1203 01:27:48,400 --> 01:27:52,770 He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna leave him here by himself. Okay? 1204 01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:56,770 Okay. You're right. 1205 01:27:58,710 --> 01:28:02,010 We gotta help him. We gotta call a vet or something. 1206 01:28:02,550 --> 01:28:07,610 Ian, look at him. There's not a lot that we can do. 1207 01:28:09,320 --> 01:28:12,020 You may want to cover your eyes, sweetheart, there could be some splatter. 1208 01:28:12,090 --> 01:28:15,260 - What the fuck are you doing? - I'm gonna take him out of his misery. 1209 01:28:15,330 --> 01:28:18,860 They don't make little wheelchairs for him. He's done, man. 1210 01:28:18,930 --> 01:28:22,700 Fuck you, Lance. God, you don't even give a shit about him. 1211 01:28:23,970 --> 01:28:25,340 I'll do it. 1212 01:28:34,550 --> 01:28:35,880 I'm sorry. 1213 01:28:40,120 --> 01:28:41,920 All possums go to heaven. 1214 01:28:43,160 --> 01:28:48,960 Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still... 1215 01:28:50,100 --> 01:28:51,500 Shit. 1216 01:28:58,670 --> 01:29:00,610 Oh, no. 1217 01:29:01,340 --> 01:29:04,570 Ian, I'm so sorry, it's... 1218 01:29:04,640 --> 01:29:10,610 Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it! I'm trying to do the right thing here. 1219 01:29:11,280 --> 01:29:15,980 - He's really hanging in there. - God! Fuck! 1220 01:29:16,920 --> 01:29:20,880 You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby has got to be about a year old now. 1221 01:29:20,960 --> 01:29:22,520 I can't believe she had a fucking baby. 1222 01:29:30,170 --> 01:29:32,200 How was I supposed to know it was an endangered possum? 1223 01:29:32,270 --> 01:29:34,930 You know, the vet said there's actually a good chance he might pull through. 1224 01:29:35,010 --> 01:29:37,500 You better hope so, mister. Get in. 1225 01:29:39,610 --> 01:29:41,100 Lock up cell B. 1226 01:29:47,020 --> 01:29:48,540 We are in jail. 1227 01:29:57,860 --> 01:30:00,800 Okay, listen, you have got to be cool, 'cause if they see you shitting yourself 1228 01:30:00,870 --> 01:30:01,930 they're gonna fuck with us. 1229 01:30:02,000 --> 01:30:03,990 Hey! Hey, ladies. 1230 01:30:04,240 --> 01:30:07,800 Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down before me and you have a problem? 1231 01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:11,610 How about you just chill out, man? Be cool. 1232 01:30:11,680 --> 01:30:14,200 - All right. We good? - Yeah, we're good. 1233 01:30:25,830 --> 01:30:30,690 - Excuse me. - Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you... 1234 01:30:32,500 --> 01:30:34,870 You should've seen the look in his eyes. 1235 01:30:35,440 --> 01:30:38,270 His heart was breaking for this poor little thing. 1236 01:30:38,510 --> 01:30:43,200 Shit, that boy Ian don't seem like he got no balls at all. 1237 01:30:43,280 --> 01:30:47,080 Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some over a suffering critter? 1238 01:30:47,550 --> 01:30:49,570 I think that's real sweet. 1239 01:30:49,650 --> 01:30:52,910 Well, I say this Lance, he sounds like a real hunk of man. 1240 01:30:53,420 --> 01:30:57,010 The only way you can keep his kind around is to get his babies up in you pronto. 1241 01:30:57,090 --> 01:30:59,520 But he got no respect for bitches. 1242 01:31:00,360 --> 01:31:05,060 Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches. None whatsoever. 1243 01:31:06,300 --> 01:31:08,730 You love Ian, don't you, baby? 1244 01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:16,370 Well, it's just we've been best friends since we were really little, 1245 01:31:16,840 --> 01:31:20,340 and I don't know, he's the only person I can really talk to, you know? 1246 01:31:20,650 --> 01:31:23,210 You give your heart to that boy, 1247 01:31:23,280 --> 01:31:28,650 and you can toss that "friendship" right out the motherfucking window. 1248 01:31:28,720 --> 01:31:34,320 When I was a girl, my best friend was a fella named Creighton McDaniel. 1249 01:31:35,300 --> 01:31:40,860 We used to stay up all night just talking and laughing and carrying on. 1250 01:31:42,070 --> 01:31:46,770 Then one day I got it into my head that we ought to be more than friends. 1251 01:31:46,840 --> 01:31:49,170 So I tell him I love him. 1252 01:31:49,710 --> 01:31:51,200 What happened? 1253 01:31:54,350 --> 01:31:56,040 We dated for a few weeks. 1254 01:31:57,220 --> 01:31:59,620 Then he met a gal over in Wofford. 1255 01:32:00,990 --> 01:32:03,320 We still talk from time to time. 1256 01:32:04,490 --> 01:32:07,020 But it was never the same between us. 1257 01:32:14,330 --> 01:32:20,640 Baby. Come here. Come on, now. Come on, now. 1258 01:32:22,580 --> 01:32:25,940 You know you need a hug. Come on, honey. 1259 01:32:27,380 --> 01:32:28,900 Cuddle up. 1260 01:32:32,990 --> 01:32:33,980 Dude. 1261 01:32:35,360 --> 01:32:38,980 - What? - Look, you're pissing in front of everybody. 1262 01:32:41,760 --> 01:32:43,350 Yeah, I am. 1263 01:32:43,430 --> 01:32:46,730 - And that guy's looking right at your dick. - Atta-boy. 1264 01:32:49,000 --> 01:32:52,560 - Look at you. You're a new man. - No, I'm not. 1265 01:32:52,770 --> 01:32:57,440 Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly, 1266 01:32:57,510 --> 01:33:00,540 you got arrested, you got in a prison fight. 1267 01:33:01,310 --> 01:33:03,210 See Duane, he was there. 1268 01:33:03,280 --> 01:33:05,910 And I mean, you really beat an endangered species to death today. 1269 01:33:05,990 --> 01:33:07,650 That's got to count for something. 1270 01:33:07,720 --> 01:33:11,950 And now you're in here in jail pissing like a big dog in front of all the perverts. 1271 01:33:12,030 --> 01:33:13,650 I mean, there's only one thing left. 1272 01:33:13,730 --> 01:33:16,990 Yeah, well, that's out. I was supposed to meet her two hours ago. 1273 01:33:18,230 --> 01:33:20,100 Dude, when we get out of here, just tell her you got pinched. 1274 01:33:20,170 --> 01:33:23,470 She'll think that's bad-ass, because it totally is. 1275 01:33:24,470 --> 01:33:27,500 Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted. 1276 01:33:27,710 --> 01:33:28,730 Really? 1277 01:33:28,910 --> 01:33:32,940 - Time to go. - Shit! 1278 01:33:33,010 --> 01:33:35,450 - What? - Rex. 1279 01:33:35,750 --> 01:33:36,740 Oh. 1280 01:33:38,890 --> 01:33:41,010 All right, this is it for us, Duane, 1281 01:33:41,090 --> 01:33:42,920 but, you know, back to what we were talking about earlier, 1282 01:33:42,990 --> 01:33:45,080 I don't give a shit what Denise says, 1283 01:33:45,160 --> 01:33:47,750 I think there's still room for somebody to write the great American novel. 1284 01:33:47,830 --> 01:33:50,850 So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy. 1285 01:33:59,210 --> 01:34:00,300 Hey. 1286 01:34:02,080 --> 01:34:03,570 Mary! 1287 01:34:08,410 --> 01:34:10,350 Wait. Wait. How did you find me? 1288 01:34:10,420 --> 01:34:13,440 Well, I called your cell phone, and then someone answered here. 1289 01:34:13,520 --> 01:34:18,890 - That's awesome. Okay. - Are you okay? Why are you in jail? 1290 01:34:18,995 --> 01:34:21,195 1291 01:34:21,260 --> 01:34:22,250 I mean, there's a number of charges, 1292 01:34:22,330 --> 01:34:24,520 but the most prominent ones were animal cruelty 1293 01:34:24,600 --> 01:34:26,660 and the assaulting the officer. 1294 01:34:26,730 --> 01:34:29,290 But it's not nearly as bad as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise. 1295 01:34:29,370 --> 01:34:32,430 - Okay. - Okay. Wait right here. Okay. 1296 01:34:34,270 --> 01:34:35,760 - Teddy. - Lance, my man. 1297 01:34:35,840 --> 01:34:38,110 - You guys got my stuff? - It's gonna be a few minutes. 1298 01:34:38,180 --> 01:34:39,240 All right. 1299 01:34:39,310 --> 01:34:41,110 - Your daughter still selling those cookies? - Yes. 1300 01:34:41,180 --> 01:34:43,810 You find me that wallet, I'll buy one. 1301 01:34:43,880 --> 01:34:45,910 - That'd be nice of you. - How is she now? 1302 01:34:45,990 --> 01:34:50,010 I'm just fucking with you. I don't need one more charge brought. 1303 01:35:16,720 --> 01:35:19,980 You can't know, oh, no You can't know 1304 01:35:20,050 --> 01:35:25,680 How much I think about you, no 1305 01:35:26,790 --> 01:35:29,850 It's making my head spin 1306 01:35:33,030 --> 01:35:36,490 Looking at you And you are looking at me 1307 01:35:36,570 --> 01:35:40,130 And we both know what we want 1308 01:35:43,140 --> 01:35:45,110 So close to giving in 1309 01:35:46,910 --> 01:35:53,820 Ian, don't do this. No, don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy. 1310 01:35:54,490 --> 01:35:56,750 Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin. 1311 01:35:56,820 --> 01:36:01,620 So what if you're a virgin? God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not... 1312 01:36:01,690 --> 01:36:06,860 No, Felicia, it's not about the sex. It's not. I'm weird. 1313 01:36:06,930 --> 01:36:10,630 I'm the only virgin I know. I need to get this done 1314 01:36:11,340 --> 01:36:14,240 so everyone can just stop freaking out about it. 1315 01:36:14,640 --> 01:36:17,510 Look, I know you don't approve, but I'm sorry, I just... 1316 01:36:17,580 --> 01:36:19,170 I'm not going home a virgin. 1317 01:36:19,250 --> 01:36:21,110 Then, sport, fuck me. 1318 01:36:23,520 --> 01:36:24,680 What? 1319 01:36:26,520 --> 01:36:29,180 Sport, fuck me and not some stranger. 1320 01:36:30,360 --> 01:36:33,810 We're friends so you know you're not gonna get some, like, 1321 01:36:33,890 --> 01:36:38,160 crabs or genital warts or some pussing thing that's coming... 1322 01:36:38,230 --> 01:36:40,760 Wow, Leesh. That's hot! 1323 01:36:43,140 --> 01:36:44,690 You know what? 1324 01:36:45,710 --> 01:36:49,800 I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever than lose it on pity-sex. 1325 01:36:50,440 --> 01:36:53,380 - I'm not talking about pity-sex. - Then what are you talking about? 1326 01:36:53,450 --> 01:36:56,570 I don't know. Sex. 1327 01:36:57,280 --> 01:37:03,280 It doesn't have to mean anything. It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship. 1328 01:37:03,690 --> 01:37:04,710 Ah! 1329 01:37:04,790 --> 01:37:07,520 Leesh, you know what? Fuck the friendship! 1330 01:37:08,360 --> 01:37:10,120 I'm sorry, I just can't do it. 1331 01:37:10,200 --> 01:37:14,330 I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to about your boyfriends anymore. I can't... 1332 01:37:14,700 --> 01:37:17,100 I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up in the middle of the night, 1333 01:37:17,170 --> 01:37:21,540 and you're gonna cry to because Derrick Dicottes found some other girl. 1334 01:37:22,740 --> 01:37:26,770 And maybe I'm just being selfish here, but it is not enough. 1335 01:37:26,850 --> 01:37:30,250 Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door, and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex 1336 01:37:30,320 --> 01:37:35,410 with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully female person that I met on the Internet. 1337 01:37:37,490 --> 01:37:40,220 Unless you've got something better to say to me. 1338 01:37:57,540 --> 01:37:59,410 That's what I thought. 1339 01:38:28,510 --> 01:38:30,000 Cyclops. 1340 01:38:33,410 --> 01:38:37,250 - How'd you find me? - You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick? 1341 01:38:42,660 --> 01:38:43,750 Come here. 1342 01:38:43,860 --> 01:38:46,690 Burn that mother down, y'all 1343 01:38:46,930 --> 01:38:48,330 Burn, baby, burn 1344 01:38:48,560 --> 01:38:50,390 Disco inferno 1345 01:38:50,500 --> 01:38:51,990 Burn, baby, burn 1346 01:38:52,060 --> 01:38:53,090 Burn that mother down 1347 01:38:53,170 --> 01:38:56,000 Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... The one I told you about from the Internet. 1348 01:38:56,070 --> 01:38:59,470 She's right across the street, Rex. She wants to do it with me and everything. 1349 01:38:59,540 --> 01:39:01,270 Like I give a shit! 1350 01:39:14,120 --> 01:39:16,020 Get your shit, queer-bait! We're going home. 1351 01:39:16,090 --> 01:39:17,750 Okay. Okay, fine. 1352 01:39:18,020 --> 01:39:20,020 Now! 1353 01:39:20,090 --> 01:39:21,990 It probably wouldn't have changed 1354 01:39:22,060 --> 01:39:25,520 all these feelings that I've been having lately anyway. 1355 01:39:27,130 --> 01:39:29,620 What are you talking about? 1356 01:39:29,700 --> 01:39:33,570 I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings, 1357 01:39:35,170 --> 01:39:40,170 curiosity about men. 1358 01:39:42,680 --> 01:39:44,310 Oh, shit, Ian! 1359 01:39:45,680 --> 01:39:50,710 I think you might be right. I think I might be getting gay. 1360 01:39:50,920 --> 01:39:55,420 God damn it. Fuck! 1361 01:39:56,730 --> 01:40:00,030 But I just haven't had any luck with girls, Rex. 1362 01:40:00,100 --> 01:40:04,060 No way! No way my little brother's taking it in the chili ring. 1363 01:40:10,780 --> 01:40:13,970 All right, you take the car, 1364 01:40:14,880 --> 01:40:17,680 and you go bang the female woman like the good Lord intended. 1365 01:40:17,750 --> 01:40:19,240 You've got one hour! 1366 01:40:20,150 --> 01:40:22,050 - Ian. - Yeah? 1367 01:40:24,390 --> 01:40:26,260 Fill up the tank, would you, buddy? 1368 01:40:26,330 --> 01:40:28,890 - Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks. - Right. 1369 01:40:50,950 --> 01:40:55,220 Hey, man. You looking for somebody? 1370 01:40:59,160 --> 01:41:00,420 Ms. Tasty. 1371 01:41:01,730 --> 01:41:02,920 Ian? 1372 01:41:09,300 --> 01:41:12,530 Oh, my gosh! Hey. 1373 01:41:12,610 --> 01:41:14,940 I was sure you were standing me up. 1374 01:41:16,380 --> 01:41:20,970 - But here you are. Look at you. - See you. 1375 01:41:21,050 --> 01:41:24,070 You look a little different than your picture. 1376 01:41:24,150 --> 01:41:27,750 Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight 'cause I had the runs... The flu. 1377 01:41:29,390 --> 01:41:33,920 Well, you're mighty cute, and your car is really pretty. 1378 01:41:34,790 --> 01:41:36,660 Why don't you take me for a ride? 1379 01:41:42,430 --> 01:41:46,200 So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name? 1380 01:41:47,610 --> 01:41:53,740 - How about I tell you after? - Yeah, sure. 1381 01:41:55,750 --> 01:41:57,380 Works for me. 1382 01:42:04,620 --> 01:42:11,430 ... below the ocean Where I wanna be 1383 01:42:12,100 --> 01:42:14,120 She may be 1384 01:42:14,200 --> 01:42:17,570 Way down below the ocean... 1385 01:42:17,640 --> 01:42:20,800 - No, Mary, wait. - What? 1386 01:42:20,870 --> 01:42:24,270 - What's wrong? - Nothing. I mean... 1387 01:42:24,840 --> 01:42:28,970 Nothing, I just... I really like you, 1388 01:42:31,680 --> 01:42:36,090 and I don't want to ruin this. You know? 1389 01:42:36,960 --> 01:42:41,950 But, hey, maybe you could come to Chicago and we could hang out 1390 01:42:42,030 --> 01:42:43,860 - and take it a little... - No. 1391 01:42:43,960 --> 01:42:47,800 Lance, it doesn't work like that. 1392 01:42:51,240 --> 01:42:54,670 And, I mean, if I don't go back, I'm gonna be shunned. 1393 01:42:56,140 --> 01:42:58,440 I could never see my family again. 1394 01:43:00,010 --> 01:43:04,420 - This Amish thing is a real motherfucker. - Yeah, tell me about it. 1395 01:43:13,490 --> 01:43:15,220 - Ian. - Yeah. 1396 01:43:15,290 --> 01:43:17,520 I think we should take our clothes off. 1397 01:43:19,400 --> 01:43:21,200 Wow. Really? Right here? 1398 01:43:21,270 --> 01:43:22,260 Mmm-hmm. 1399 01:43:22,700 --> 01:43:25,860 No one's around for miles. Come on. 1400 01:43:26,770 --> 01:43:27,900 Okay. 1401 01:43:36,320 --> 01:43:39,750 - What do you think? - Thank you. 1402 01:43:41,450 --> 01:43:46,910 That is one of the better sets that I've seen today. 1403 01:43:47,360 --> 01:43:49,550 I appreciate your honesty. 1404 01:43:50,560 --> 01:43:51,790 They're nice. 1405 01:43:52,530 --> 01:43:54,160 Really? 1406 01:43:54,230 --> 01:43:56,830 You're fit. 1407 01:43:56,900 --> 01:44:00,860 - You're so sweet. - Yeah. 1408 01:44:02,710 --> 01:44:06,200 I think we should take your clothes off now. 1409 01:44:06,280 --> 01:44:09,510 Yeah, maybe we should. 1410 01:44:09,580 --> 01:44:14,640 - I don't play football! - Okay. 1411 01:44:14,720 --> 01:44:16,980 I... I really don't. I mean, I don't really even watch football. 1412 01:44:17,060 --> 01:44:19,180 I mean, I got all that stuff from Friday Night Lights, 1413 01:44:19,260 --> 01:44:22,230 which is a show. It's also a movie starring Billy Bob Thornton. 1414 01:44:22,290 --> 01:44:24,290 - I don't know if you saw it, but... - Ian. 1415 01:44:24,360 --> 01:44:30,430 What? You think everything in my profile's the God's honest truth? No. 1416 01:44:30,500 --> 01:44:33,400 Now, come on, take your clothes off. 1417 01:44:35,810 --> 01:44:40,440 Look, there's this girl... 1418 01:44:41,510 --> 01:44:45,750 Ian, this can be our little secret. No one has to know. 1419 01:44:47,290 --> 01:44:48,780 Now come here. 1420 01:45:02,230 --> 01:45:07,260 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you. 1421 01:45:07,340 --> 01:45:12,040 I'm kissing you, and I'm thinking about somebody else. 1422 01:45:12,950 --> 01:45:16,850 No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say. I mean, she's not even... 1423 01:45:18,680 --> 01:45:22,750 Oh, no, no, no. Ms. Tasty, please don't cry. 1424 01:45:22,820 --> 01:45:26,590 It's not a reflection of... You're so pretty, like... 1425 01:45:27,290 --> 01:45:28,990 You're laughing. 1426 01:45:29,060 --> 01:45:32,030 Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole! 1427 01:45:33,130 --> 01:45:36,530 Look, I'm sorry, okay. I don't mean to lead you on here, 1428 01:45:36,600 --> 01:45:41,060 and I'll give you a ride home, but I don't think that... What the fuck? 1429 01:45:41,140 --> 01:45:43,570 What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh? 1430 01:45:43,940 --> 01:45:45,340 What're you, a Gap model? 1431 01:45:47,980 --> 01:45:51,070 - Do you have any jacks? - Yup. 1432 01:45:52,480 --> 01:45:56,010 - I win. - Again. 1433 01:45:56,090 --> 01:45:57,320 Yup. 1434 01:46:01,690 --> 01:46:04,220 - All right, just take your shirt off. - Okay, good. 1435 01:46:07,300 --> 01:46:11,570 You were right, Ian. '69 Judge. You were worth the wait. 1436 01:46:14,470 --> 01:46:19,540 - Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car! - And good luck with the lady friend. 1437 01:46:22,180 --> 01:46:23,480 Fuckface! 1438 01:46:26,820 --> 01:46:30,260 Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit. 1439 01:46:30,360 --> 01:46:33,950 Oh, Bobby, you were so awesome back there. 1440 01:46:34,030 --> 01:46:35,790 - Love you so much. - Cool. 1441 01:46:37,060 --> 01:46:41,520 Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you always have to flash them the twins? 1442 01:46:41,600 --> 01:46:43,760 You know, I mean, I do got a gun. 1443 01:46:43,840 --> 01:46:48,800 - Oh, baby, you know they're only for you. - Okay, cool. 1444 01:46:48,870 --> 01:46:51,900 Now, listen. I got another car coming any minute now, okay? 1445 01:46:51,980 --> 01:46:53,670 - Got it. - So take me back to the Big Boy 1446 01:46:53,750 --> 01:46:56,150 - and get this goat over to Luis. - Right. 1447 01:46:57,520 --> 01:47:03,720 And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent! 1448 01:47:04,290 --> 01:47:06,520 - I fucking told you. - I know where it is. 1449 01:47:11,160 --> 01:47:16,400 And if you do good, momma's gonna take real good care of you. 1450 01:47:16,770 --> 01:47:18,000 Really? 1451 01:47:20,410 --> 01:47:23,070 You mean the thing I like well? 1452 01:47:28,280 --> 01:47:32,150 Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking about the same thing here. 1453 01:47:32,220 --> 01:47:34,190 The pepper grinder. 1454 01:47:38,220 --> 01:47:40,320 Pepper grinder! 1455 01:47:41,330 --> 01:47:44,120 Pepper grinder! Yeah. 1456 01:47:52,400 --> 01:47:53,460 Hi. 1457 01:47:59,440 --> 01:48:03,010 - Hey, boys. You finally made it. - What's up, Ms. Tasty? 1458 01:48:03,080 --> 01:48:05,610 What's up? What's up? 1459 01:48:05,680 --> 01:48:08,310 - Damn, you're hot as fuck. - Yeah. 1460 01:48:08,390 --> 01:48:11,690 - We brought beers and rubbers. - And some lotion for your tits. 1461 01:48:12,960 --> 01:48:14,620 - It's not a marathon. - It's a sprint. 1462 01:48:14,690 --> 01:48:17,130 - Bang. Yeah. - In chicks. 1463 01:48:31,180 --> 01:48:32,730 You Felicia? 1464 01:48:35,510 --> 01:48:36,910 I'm Bobby Jo. 1465 01:48:38,420 --> 01:48:39,440 Hi. 1466 01:48:49,630 --> 01:48:54,260 I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean, seriously, what are the odds? 1467 01:48:55,370 --> 01:48:57,630 Oh, yeah! More of that. 1468 01:48:59,670 --> 01:49:04,770 So, wait, you do want to party? 1469 01:49:05,480 --> 01:49:06,600 With us? 1470 01:49:06,680 --> 01:49:09,910 Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party. 1471 01:49:22,390 --> 01:49:25,390 Fuck! I can't fucking believe this. 1472 01:49:29,840 --> 01:49:32,670 Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker! 1473 01:49:34,510 --> 01:49:39,170 - Who the fuck are you? - Holy fucking fuck-balls! 1474 01:49:39,410 --> 01:49:43,580 Okay, my bad. 1475 01:49:43,650 --> 01:49:45,340 Now, I thought you were someone else, all right? 1476 01:49:45,420 --> 01:49:50,790 You done fouled up my ride, so I'm gonna have to take yours. 1477 01:49:51,660 --> 01:49:52,650 Fuck that shit. 1478 01:49:53,830 --> 01:49:55,920 Here you go. Pulls to the left. 1479 01:49:57,700 --> 01:49:59,690 What the fuck, dumb-ass? 1480 01:50:03,640 --> 01:50:06,070 Oh, shit! 1481 01:50:06,840 --> 01:50:13,110 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! 1482 01:50:13,180 --> 01:50:14,870 Hey, highlights, back it up. 1483 01:50:16,310 --> 01:50:18,180 Bite my dick, asshole! 1484 01:50:23,060 --> 01:50:25,890 Ow! What the fuck you do that for? 1485 01:50:27,030 --> 01:50:31,220 - Lance? What the fuck is going on? - That's the son of a bitch I was looking for! 1486 01:50:31,300 --> 01:50:34,360 Hey, guy. How'd you... 1487 01:50:34,430 --> 01:50:37,830 - Found your computer maps, douche-bag! - Okay. 1488 01:50:37,900 --> 01:50:39,060 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 1489 01:50:39,140 --> 01:50:42,000 Boat show, you and your boyfriend bring it in here. 1490 01:50:42,070 --> 01:50:43,340 I don't need no trouble right now. 1491 01:50:43,410 --> 01:50:45,270 Let's go. Bring it in. 1492 01:50:46,710 --> 01:50:50,410 - Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that? - Who? 1493 01:50:50,480 --> 01:50:53,750 - That! - That's Felicia. 1494 01:50:53,820 --> 01:50:56,050 She was hiding in the back seat, no biggie. 1495 01:50:56,120 --> 01:50:58,610 Fuck! She heard everything then. 1496 01:50:58,690 --> 01:51:01,320 - Hello! - Damn, you're right. 1497 01:51:03,800 --> 01:51:05,320 Come on, darling. 1498 01:51:05,400 --> 01:51:07,700 - Shut up! - Now, take it easy on the hair. 1499 01:51:07,770 --> 01:51:10,500 - Get down! - Hey, hey, come on. 1500 01:51:10,570 --> 01:51:13,440 - All right, all right. - Take your hands off her! 1501 01:51:25,150 --> 01:51:28,140 - Stop shooting our car. - Inconsiderate. 1502 01:51:33,660 --> 01:51:35,650 Please! No! 1503 01:51:41,470 --> 01:51:44,530 - All right. Get back, man. - Ian? 1504 01:51:44,600 --> 01:51:47,300 Everybody just be cool. 1505 01:51:47,370 --> 01:51:49,930 - Felicia, you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. 1506 01:51:50,010 --> 01:51:53,070 Ian, give me the goddamn gun before you shoot your dick off. 1507 01:51:53,150 --> 01:51:54,340 - Rex, I got this. - Ian! 1508 01:51:54,410 --> 01:51:58,140 God damn it, Rex, I got this! Do not fuck with me! Not now! 1509 01:51:59,050 --> 01:52:02,180 Ease it back, man. That donut ain't fucking around. 1510 01:52:03,920 --> 01:52:05,650 Hands where I can see them. 1511 01:52:06,990 --> 01:52:11,120 - Ian, dude, you're working the mouth. - I don't give a shit! 1512 01:52:11,200 --> 01:52:15,330 Okay. All right, sorry. You're doing so good. Proud of you. 1513 01:52:15,400 --> 01:52:16,990 I mean that. I don't say it enough. 1514 01:52:17,070 --> 01:52:20,160 - Tasty and you... - Bobby Jo. 1515 01:52:21,340 --> 01:52:25,000 Ian... Over there. Slowly. 1516 01:52:25,740 --> 01:52:29,940 All right, you, corn-fed, you can punch my friend Lance, but just once. 1517 01:52:30,050 --> 01:52:33,250 - Dude! What the fuck? - You nailed his girlfriend. 1518 01:52:33,320 --> 01:52:36,450 - Not exactly. I mean, it was... - And he came all this way. 1519 01:52:36,520 --> 01:52:40,050 All right. All right, fair enough. Just not in the nuts. 1520 01:52:43,660 --> 01:52:48,900 - Oh, shit! - Okay. Okay, all right. 1521 01:52:50,570 --> 01:52:55,370 What a punch. I think my kids are gonna be retarded. 1522 01:52:55,440 --> 01:52:57,410 You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude. 1523 01:52:57,480 --> 01:53:02,850 - Yeah, you got a little... - Thanks. My ears are ringing. 1524 01:53:03,450 --> 01:53:05,310 Stop it! I'm warning you! 1525 01:53:05,380 --> 01:53:07,980 Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one. 1526 01:53:10,560 --> 01:53:11,650 Whoa! 1527 01:53:13,590 --> 01:53:16,720 - Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude. - I'll shoot you in the leg. 1528 01:53:16,800 --> 01:53:18,390 Suck his cock, Ian. 1529 01:53:18,460 --> 01:53:21,260 - You serious? - Do I look serious? 1530 01:53:23,300 --> 01:53:25,270 I don't think you got the plums, boy. 1531 01:53:28,840 --> 01:53:30,570 God! 1532 01:53:35,110 --> 01:53:36,270 Oh, fuck. 1533 01:53:37,120 --> 01:53:39,580 Okay. Okay. 1534 01:53:41,320 --> 01:53:44,190 Anybody can shoot someone in the leg, dude. 1535 01:53:45,390 --> 01:53:48,690 - Give me the gun! - Jesus, man, what do I got to do? 1536 01:53:51,800 --> 01:53:54,700 Don't move, asshole, or you're a fucking stain. 1537 01:53:54,770 --> 01:53:55,890 Okay. 1538 01:53:57,170 --> 01:53:59,160 Holy shit, Ian. Right on! 1539 01:54:00,610 --> 01:54:02,870 Where do you think you're going, cunt? 1540 01:54:02,940 --> 01:54:04,340 Cat fight! 1541 01:54:07,050 --> 01:54:10,310 'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore 1542 01:54:10,380 --> 01:54:11,940 Damn you, whore! 1543 01:54:12,020 --> 01:54:13,750 I've forgotten what I started fighting for 1544 01:54:13,820 --> 01:54:15,450 Fuck you! 1545 01:54:17,620 --> 01:54:21,680 And if I have to crawl upon the floor 1546 01:54:22,060 --> 01:54:25,550 Come crashing through your door 1547 01:54:26,460 --> 01:54:31,270 Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore 1548 01:54:32,340 --> 01:54:34,430 Drop the weapon, donut man! 1549 01:54:35,870 --> 01:54:38,210 Okay, put your hands on your head! 1550 01:54:38,280 --> 01:54:41,840 - Both hands, asshole! - I can't move the other arm. 1551 01:54:41,910 --> 01:54:45,610 - Who said that? Who said that? - I can't move the other arm. 1552 01:54:48,020 --> 01:54:52,010 Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir. 1553 01:54:55,360 --> 01:54:59,160 The big Mexican won't go down! Take the shot! 1554 01:54:59,930 --> 01:55:01,590 - Holy shit. - Jesus! 1555 01:55:01,670 --> 01:55:04,500 Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay? 1556 01:55:04,600 --> 01:55:08,700 He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief. 1557 01:55:09,440 --> 01:55:13,000 Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt. 1558 01:55:21,090 --> 01:55:22,580 Anything else? 1559 01:55:24,520 --> 01:55:27,460 Oh, yeah, apparently there's a guy named Luis, 1560 01:55:27,530 --> 01:55:31,290 and he has a chop shop at 5th and Crescent! 1561 01:55:31,360 --> 01:55:33,850 - Thanks. - We were just banging that chick in our car. 1562 01:55:33,930 --> 01:55:37,060 - Yeah, you mentioned that. - Yeah, super hard. 1563 01:55:37,140 --> 01:55:43,170 The boy did have some plums. He had some plums. 1564 01:55:43,240 --> 01:55:46,400 Hey, this is Rick. He's played arena football. 1565 01:55:46,480 --> 01:55:48,810 - Hi. I'm Mary. - Hi. Nice to meet you. 1566 01:55:48,880 --> 01:55:50,540 That's a weird little dude you got there. 1567 01:55:50,620 --> 01:55:53,520 Are you guys hungry? Is this place open 24 hours? 1568 01:55:56,250 --> 01:55:58,810 Thank you for coming for me. 1569 01:55:59,920 --> 01:56:02,920 What were you doing in the back seat? 1570 01:56:02,990 --> 01:56:06,190 Nothing. I was... 1571 01:56:06,260 --> 01:56:10,220 - You were stalking me. - No, I wasn't. I... 1572 01:56:12,070 --> 01:56:15,510 Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little. 1573 01:56:17,010 --> 01:56:20,540 I just... I knew you were gonna do something you were gonna regret, and I... 1574 01:56:20,610 --> 01:56:24,780 Felicia. Why can't you just say it? 1575 01:56:29,820 --> 01:56:33,920 - Why can't you? - Well, I asked you first. 1576 01:56:41,730 --> 01:56:43,430 Fine. I'll say it. 1577 01:56:50,080 --> 01:56:53,700 - You love me. - Fine. 1578 01:56:55,850 --> 01:56:57,710 You love me, too, then. 1579 01:57:02,990 --> 01:57:08,320 Life is beautiful 1580 01:57:11,360 --> 01:57:15,060 But it's complicated 1581 01:57:15,130 --> 01:57:16,500 Thank God. 1582 01:57:17,240 --> 01:57:20,170 We barely make it 1583 01:57:33,690 --> 01:57:35,740 You fucking heifer. 1584 01:57:49,400 --> 01:57:50,960 - You fixed it! - Yeah. 1585 01:57:51,040 --> 01:57:52,660 Don't lean on it. 1586 01:57:55,110 --> 01:57:57,400 I guess you get to live. 1587 01:57:57,480 --> 01:58:00,500 - You guys are amazing. - Thanks. 1588 01:58:00,580 --> 01:58:02,100 Let's talk seriously for a second. 1589 01:58:02,180 --> 01:58:07,880 I figure with the parts and labor, you know, out the door... 4,200. 1590 01:58:09,890 --> 01:58:10,910 Oh. Um... 1591 01:58:10,990 --> 01:58:14,650 - It's just a round number. - Yeah. No, I didn't really... 1592 01:58:18,860 --> 01:58:20,160 I don't know what to... 1593 01:58:20,230 --> 01:58:23,260 I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man. 1594 01:58:23,330 --> 01:58:27,460 - Wait, I mean, you're serious? - Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries. 1595 01:58:27,540 --> 01:58:28,870 - You sure? - Yeah, of course. 1596 01:58:28,940 --> 01:58:29,930 - Thank you, man. - It's what I live for, 1597 01:58:30,010 --> 01:58:31,910 fixing other people's shit for free. 1598 01:58:35,610 --> 01:58:36,710 Yeah. 1599 01:58:42,390 --> 01:58:44,720 - Hey. - Straight home, pussy! 1600 01:58:44,790 --> 01:58:49,060 - Dude, we got to go. - Fucking piece of shit! 1601 01:58:49,160 --> 01:58:52,820 You go on ahead. I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish. 1602 01:58:52,900 --> 01:58:54,760 Dude, what are you talking about? 1603 01:58:54,870 --> 01:58:58,390 I don't know, a little hard work, fresh air, missionary position. 1604 01:58:59,240 --> 01:59:00,970 It's a man's life. 1605 01:59:01,040 --> 01:59:02,730 - Sounds pretty good, you know. - Yeah, it sounds... 1606 01:59:02,810 --> 01:59:05,440 Come on, Lance. Get serious. 1607 01:59:09,880 --> 01:59:11,280 Come here. 1608 01:59:12,250 --> 01:59:15,120 I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. I'm proud of you, you know. 1609 01:59:15,190 --> 01:59:18,280 You held out for a good one, the one you wanted. 1610 01:59:19,120 --> 01:59:21,650 And you fucking made it happen. 1611 01:59:22,760 --> 01:59:27,560 But, please, I'm begging you, go take that girl to visit Grandma. 1612 01:59:27,630 --> 01:59:29,900 - All right. - And when you do, don't... 1613 01:59:29,970 --> 01:59:33,170 - Lance, I got it. - Yeah? 1614 01:59:34,710 --> 01:59:35,800 Yeah. 1615 01:59:37,810 --> 01:59:40,370 Okay. I think you might. 1616 01:59:40,450 --> 01:59:42,210 - See you. - Bye. 1617 01:59:48,590 --> 01:59:52,110 Well, no, no, me, I never worry 1618 01:59:52,820 --> 01:59:55,690 Because, me, I never try 1619 01:59:55,960 --> 02:00:02,560 And I never care to hold onto what I just couldn't kiss goodbye 1620 02:00:21,020 --> 02:00:24,890 - Are you sure you're ready? - Yeah. 1621 02:00:27,030 --> 02:00:29,760 All right, well, come on, take them off. 1622 02:00:42,140 --> 02:00:43,540 Let's do it. 1623 02:00:49,780 --> 02:00:51,370 Yeah! 1624 02:00:51,450 --> 02:00:53,040 Oh, shit! 1625 02:00:54,090 --> 02:00:55,950 What the fuck! 1626 02:00:56,020 --> 02:00:58,280 Give me that fucking shoe... 1627 02:00:58,360 --> 02:01:01,480 You know what? Fuck you! I want a divorce. 1628 02:01:01,560 --> 02:01:04,590 A few weeks later, I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding. 1629 02:01:04,700 --> 02:01:08,130 But this time, it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing. 1630 02:01:10,400 --> 02:01:13,270 And Rex did make my life hell for a while. 1631 02:01:14,040 --> 02:01:15,700 But that Thanksgiving, 1632 02:01:15,770 --> 02:01:19,140 we finally found out what's been up his ass all these years. 1633 02:01:19,210 --> 02:01:23,240 I'm gay! And, so, that's it. 1634 02:01:25,480 --> 02:01:28,080 By Christmas, my dad got used to the idea. 1635 02:01:28,150 --> 02:01:31,120 And Rex is actually a pretty great guy these days. 1636 02:01:31,190 --> 02:01:33,950 Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot during rough sex. 1637 02:01:34,030 --> 02:01:36,590 Karen and I want you to have this, for Christmas. 1638 02:01:36,660 --> 02:01:38,650 - Merry Christmas. - Thanks. 1639 02:01:41,100 --> 02:01:42,400 A juicer. 1640 02:01:42,470 --> 02:01:47,870 Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome. Wow, I gotta get some fruit. 1641 02:01:48,370 --> 02:01:49,430 Wow! 1642 02:01:53,480 --> 02:01:54,950 Thank you, thank you. 1643 02:01:55,580 --> 02:01:58,670 Dylan knocked up Becca and had to take my old job. 1644 02:02:00,350 --> 02:02:02,340 Let's see, what else? 1645 02:02:02,990 --> 02:02:05,510 Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend. 1646 02:02:08,430 --> 02:02:11,830 And on New Year's Eve, Felicia and I finally visited Grandma. 1647 02:02:11,900 --> 02:02:12,950 Again? 1648 02:02:14,230 --> 02:02:15,670 Damn, yes. 1649 02:02:18,340 --> 02:02:20,360 - Felicia, you want to do this? - Yes. 1650 02:02:29,250 --> 02:02:31,010 Oh, that was awesome! 1651 02:03:11,260 --> 02:03:15,190 - Hey, boys. You get some rest? - Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus. 1652 02:03:15,260 --> 02:03:17,020 - A pleasure. - Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus. 1653 02:03:17,090 --> 02:03:19,490 - Appreciate it. - Thanks for playing that show for us, too. 1654 02:03:19,560 --> 02:03:22,900 - Yeah, no worries. - It was a nice five-song set. 1655 02:03:22,970 --> 02:03:25,370 Yeah, what do you guys typically... 1656 02:03:25,440 --> 02:03:27,870 I assume you get compensated very well for that. 1657 02:03:27,940 --> 02:03:30,840 - Must be a good living. - Yeah, we do. I mean... 1658 02:03:30,910 --> 02:03:33,810 Yeah, you know, I... Gosh, if I was really to calculate 1659 02:03:33,880 --> 02:03:37,010 what you'd lose if this bus couldn't have gotten back on the road, 1660 02:03:37,080 --> 02:03:38,280 if you couldn't have gotten to your shows, 1661 02:03:38,350 --> 02:03:43,220 I imagine all those weeping teenage girls outside, "I need to dance." 1662 02:03:43,290 --> 02:03:46,260 Could we send you some pictures? We don't really have cash or anything. 1663 02:03:46,320 --> 02:03:49,290 - Some autographed photos? - Or we could give you CDs. 1664 02:03:49,360 --> 02:03:51,590 Yeah, we've got a lot of use for that around here. 1665 02:03:51,660 --> 02:03:53,760 There is a lot of work that needs to be done around here. 1666 02:03:53,830 --> 02:03:58,100 - You guys are some strapping young lads. - I don't know if we're really built for that. 1667 02:03:59,540 --> 02:04:02,060 - Yeah. - I can hear you. 1668 02:04:02,140 --> 02:04:04,540 I'm just saying, you guys put in a 20-minute show, 1669 02:04:04,610 --> 02:04:06,240 - we spent all night on the bus... - Yeah. 1670 02:04:06,310 --> 02:04:07,500 I mean, that was a lot of work. 1671 02:04:07,580 --> 02:04:09,770 We could maybe try to write a check later on, 1672 02:04:09,850 --> 02:04:12,320 or like I said, we could send you guys some CDs. 1673 02:04:12,380 --> 02:04:14,610 City folk are always trying to solve things with money. 1674 02:04:14,690 --> 02:04:16,710 It's the spirit of the community around here. 1675 02:04:16,790 --> 02:04:19,310 Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy. 1676 02:04:19,390 --> 02:04:22,150 Keep him safe on the road. 1677 02:04:22,230 --> 02:04:25,320 Help him to aspire to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi. 1678 02:04:25,400 --> 02:04:26,620 - Help him to... - Thanks. 1679 02:04:26,700 --> 02:04:28,600 - Okay, thanks, man. - Thanks, man. We gotta roll. 1680 02:04:28,670 --> 02:04:30,600 - Amen. - We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much. 1681 02:04:30,670 --> 02:04:32,230 All right, boys. It was a pleasure meeting you. 1682 02:04:32,300 --> 02:04:35,270 I loved your penis on the Internet, by the way. 1683 02:04:35,340 --> 02:04:37,400 - Fucking asshole! - You're a dick! 1684 02:04:53,820 --> 02:04:57,760 Say my name and his in the same breath 1685 02:04:57,830 --> 02:05:01,290 I dare you to say they taste the same 1686 02:05:01,370 --> 02:05:04,890 Let the leaves fall off in the summer 1687 02:05:04,970 --> 02:05:08,030 And let December glow feel flames 1688 02:05:08,610 --> 02:05:11,700 Brace myself and let go 1689 02:05:11,780 --> 02:05:15,340 Start it over again in Mexico 1690 02:05:15,410 --> 02:05:19,210 These friends, they don't love you 1691 02:05:19,280 --> 02:05:22,950 They just love the hotel suites, now 1692 02:05:23,020 --> 02:05:26,080 I don't care what you think 1693 02:05:26,160 --> 02:05:29,820 As long as it's about me 1694 02:05:29,960 --> 02:05:33,120 The best of us can find happiness 1695 02:05:33,230 --> 02:05:36,390 In misery 1696 02:05:36,770 --> 02:05:40,360 Said, I don't care what you think 1697 02:05:40,440 --> 02:05:44,240 As long as it's about me 1698 02:05:44,310 --> 02:05:47,570 The best of us can find happiness 1699 02:05:47,650 --> 02:05:49,440 In misery 1700 02:05:55,420 --> 02:05:59,010 Oh, take a chance, let your body get a tolerance 1701 02:05:59,090 --> 02:06:01,990 I'm not a chance, but a heat wave in your pants 1702 02:06:02,060 --> 02:06:04,620 Pull a breath like another cigarette 1703 02:06:04,700 --> 02:06:07,190 Palms up, I'm trading 'em 1704 02:06:08,000 --> 02:06:09,830 Trading 'em 1705 02:06:09,900 --> 02:06:13,030 I'm the oracle in my chest 1706 02:06:13,400 --> 02:06:16,310 Let the guitar scream like a fascist 1707 02:06:16,370 --> 02:06:18,070 Sweat it out, shut your mouth 1708 02:06:18,140 --> 02:06:19,940 Free love on the streets 1709 02:06:20,010 --> 02:06:24,040 But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now 1710 02:06:24,120 --> 02:06:27,110 I don't care what you think 1711 02:06:27,180 --> 02:06:31,090 As long as it's about me 1712 02:06:31,160 --> 02:06:34,220 The best of us can find happiness 1713 02:06:34,290 --> 02:06:37,560 In misery 1714 02:06:37,830 --> 02:06:41,490 Said, I don't care what you think 1715 02:06:41,570 --> 02:06:45,330 As long as it's about me 1716 02:06:45,440 --> 02:06:48,530 The best of us can find happiness 1717 02:06:48,610 --> 02:06:50,370 In misery 1718 02:07:02,950 --> 02:07:06,510 Said I don't care just what you think 1719 02:07:06,760 --> 02:07:10,060 As long as it's about me 1720 02:07:10,130 --> 02:07:13,530 Said I don't care just what you think 1721 02:07:13,600 --> 02:07:17,230 As long as it's about me 1722 02:07:17,300 --> 02:07:20,830 Said I don't care, I don't care 1723 02:07:20,940 --> 02:07:30,670 Said I don't care, I don't care 1724 02:07:31,180 --> 02:07:32,170 No, I don't 1725 02:07:32,250 --> 02:07:35,620 I don't care, I don't care 1726 02:07:35,690 --> 02:07:39,490 I don't care 1727 02:07:39,560 --> 02:07:42,460 I don't care what you think 1728 02:07:42,530 --> 02:07:46,050 As long as it's about me 1729 02:07:46,430 --> 02:07:49,560 The best of us can find happiness 1730 02:07:49,630 --> 02:07:53,030 In misery 1731 02:07:53,100 --> 02:07:56,600 Said I don't care what you think 1732 02:07:56,670 --> 02:08:00,470 As long as it's about me 1733 02:08:00,540 --> 02:08:04,070 The best of us can find happiness 1734 02:08:04,150 --> 02:08:10,250 In misery 1735 02:09:02,740 --> 02:09:06,270 Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor. 1736 02:09:06,340 --> 02:09:08,680 You know in all the teen unrated DVDs, 1737 02:09:08,750 --> 02:09:12,310 you never really get to see the star's naughty parts. 1738 02:09:12,780 --> 02:09:16,220 Well, that is gonna change today. 1739 02:09:16,290 --> 02:09:18,190 That's right. Take a seat, 1740 02:09:18,260 --> 02:09:21,090 maybe close the door so mom doesn't come in. 1741 02:09:21,160 --> 02:09:24,060 Get all ready. Looks good. 1742 02:09:25,460 --> 02:09:26,790 Here we go. 1743 02:09:30,530 --> 02:09:32,020 Suckers! 1744 02:09:33,670 --> 02:09:34,970 This is serious matter. 1745 02:09:36,070 --> 02:09:37,230 Run for your life. 1746 02:09:37,310 --> 02:09:39,900 Oh, shit! You know what? We see the fake balls on the table there. 1747 02:09:41,080 --> 02:09:43,810 All right. We'll shoot another. Cut. Cut. 1748 02:09:48,810 --> 02:09:49,810 Subtitles by LeapinLar 139992