Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: {1900}{1987}Last week on Married With Children|Marcy had a little announcement. ; {1993}{2060}Jefferson and I are pregnant. {2097}{2161}Al was the first to congratulate|the happy couple. {2258}{2311}Yeah, Al was happy until. ; {2318}{2382}I'm pregnant too. {2388}{2471}The family rejoiced together. {2478}{2577}Bad Daddy. Bad, bad, bad. {2585}{2692}As if what you did wasn't bad enough,|but with our mother, for God's sake. {2698}{2774}Jefferson is the perfect husband. {2802}{2858}Here it is. I drove 50 miles... {2864}{2923}...holding it so cherries|didn't settle on the bottom. {2930}{2973}And Al couldn't do|enough for Peggy. {2980}{3045}Al, get me some water. {3132}{3227}And now, " Married With Even|More Children" continues. {3386}{3443}Hey, here's something interesting. {3449}{3510}For just $49.95... {3516}{3585}...us dads can buy "Buckle-on Baby." {3609}{3663}You get a 50-pound sack|of fluid on your belly... {3669}{3743}...to experience the wonder|of childbearing... {3756}{3858}...and the excruciating pain|of a hernia for one low price. {3925}{4067}Well, I don't know about you kids, but|I'm really happy about the new baby. {4073}{4137}The gods must be on a roll, huh? {4143}{4230}Must be playing another round of|"Can you top this?" {4236}{4280}One said, "Make him a shoe salesman." {4286}{4342}Another said,|"Let's give him a redhead." {4380}{4470}Another one, probably|a cruel, hung-over God... {4476}{4592}...said, " I know, I know, let's have|him not eat, yet not starve." {4617}{4702}Yes, Daddy, but the gods showed you|they loved you when they gave you us. {4708}{4772}Well, give them gods a Miller. {4818}{4901}Could someone please tell me|how this happened? {4907}{5027}Well, Dad, when the ovum is embedded|securely in the wall of the uterus... {5033}{5103}...the sperm, after about|two or three days of swimming... {5109}{5190}...if properly positioned,|penetrates the wall of the egg. {5208}{5280}And then the stork comes|and it's a baby. {5441}{5518}Bud, in all matters,|except vandalism and fashion... {5524}{5600}...I want you to be in charge|of educating the baby. {5616}{5694}Hey, you did the crime,|you do the time. {5720}{5825}God, I feel like Exxon. One spill,|I'm paying for it the rest of my life. {6006}{6056}Come on, Daddy,|look on the bright side. {6064}{6140}I mean, how long could the rest|of your life be? {6166}{6275}Come on, Kel. Can't you see the man's|plotting his next sexcapade? {6286}{6376}- Let's finish setting up this intercom.|- What intercom? {6387}{6496}The one Mom wants us to put in every|room so you can't have any peace. {6519}{6603}Sorry, Daddy, you wet your bed,|now lie in it. {6655}{6772}I guess I'll turn on the TV. At least|that can't reproduce. Damn shame. {6778}{6849}Thank God I don't have to hear|any more talk about babies. {6871}{6927}You're pregnant, Mindy. {6933}{7028}What a lovely baby.|Where'd you find it, Hoss? {7034}{7149}What's that, Lassie? Our cow just|had a baby and you ate the placenta? {7396}{7453}- My baby...|- Her baby... {7506}{7592}Babies declare war on Lithuania. {7649}{7720}God, that's just how I left him. {7726}{7790}You will never guess|where we went, Al. {7796}{7866}To Madame Rachel,|the baby psychic. {7872}{7904}She was amazing. {7910}{7982}For starters, she knew|that I felt bloated... {7988}{8078}...had morning sickness,|and that my nipples hurt. {8107}{8182}I didn't think|that was possible with innies. {8271}{8350}Al, don't you want to hear what|the psychic had to say about our baby? {8356}{8442}Please, Peg, can't we hear|more about Marcy's nipples? {8471}{8522}Well, gee, Al, if we're so boring... {8528}{8600}...then maybe we should talk|about something that interests you. {8607}{8652}For starters, let's talk about... {8658}{8774}...what goes through your mind at that|exciting moment when you sell a shoe. {8801}{8896}I think, " How could someone buy|something so cheap, ugly and stupid?" {8902}{9021}Then I think, "Somebody knocked up|my neighbour, so anything's possible." {9185}{9238}Oh, yeah, honey,|anything's possible... {9244}{9344}...except both of us|being satisfied after sex. {9380}{9460}That was a good one, wasn't it?|Yeah, we got your daddy good. {9466}{9513}Come on, Al, laugh with the baby. {9519}{9573}I don't wanna. {9579}{9672}If someone didn't know you, they'd|think you weren't happy about this. {9678}{9801}Oh, I'm happy about it. I mean,|after all, it's something we planned for. {9833}{9901}Oh, I love the baby.|Everyone loves the baby. {9949}{10004}God, I hate the baby. {10010}{10056}I hate Mom. {10086}{10150}I mean, you can't blame Dad.|He's a stupid animal... {10155}{10226}...but Mom knew what she was doing. {10252}{10314}Kelly, is that button on? {10328}{10416}Of course not.|One says "on" and one says "off." {10422}{10494}How stupid do you think I am? {10544}{10641}Well, I for one love the baby. {10804}{10899}What do you mean?|Why are you poking at me, gnome? {10947}{10988}They can hear us? {11020}{11090}I "wuv" the baby too. {11096}{11228}And I really, really, really love Mom.|Which damn button is on? {11234}{11298}Why do they have to|both start with an 0? {11360}{11434}And soon there'll be three. {11584}{11710}God, I wish Jefferson|was here. Rub my belly. {11716}{11762}He's my husband|and he's rubbing my belly. {11768}{11863}I'm not rubbing any occupied bellies.|I'm a human being. {12045}{12157}Oh, yeah, soon I'll be|partying like 1999. {12190}{12268}- Isn't this nice?|- You should have Jefferson do this. {12274}{12358}You can just feel the fatherhood|flow through you. {12364}{12428}Al, I don't feel the fatherhood|flowing through me. {12434}{12527}Well, you may not have felt it,|but it's obviously there. {12603}{12663}That's not the first time|he's said that to me. {12776}{12870}We got him good again.|Come on, Al, laugh with the baby. {12876}{12929}I don't wanna. {12935}{13011}Besides, I don't think you're pregnant.|That's a 10 gallon can... {13017}{13075}...of ice cream down there. {13121}{13189}Come on, Peg, laugh with the ulcer. {13325}{13424}Now, don't make|the baby hate you. Rub. {13569}{13626}God, he's depressing.|I want Jefferson. {13632}{13704}- So do I.|- So do I. {13710}{13783}At least he'll be here soon.|He's out getting me a wave machine. {13789}{13856}At the baby expo, at the|"hundred dollar and over" booth... {13862}{13930}...we learned that babies|like the sound of water. {13936}{13975}Al, I want a wave machine. {13981}{14033}I think the baby's|getting plenty of waves... {14039}{14157}...with turbulence of the daily arrival|of your four Grand Slam breakfasts. {14166}{14242}Have you tried the|Six Corn Dog Special at Bippys? {14259}{14318}Every day on the way|to Flap Jack Johnny's. {14325}{14424}You ever transport Bippys corndogs|to Johnny's and roll it up in a flapjack? {14430}{14547}With the ranch dressing and those|chunky croutons from the salad tub? {14553}{14617}- Now, that's eating.|- Now, that's eating. {14623}{14671}Peg, Peg, speaking|of eating, I too enjoy... {14677}{14754}Less talk. More rub. {14848}{14907}So Al, when do I get|my wave machine? {14913}{15010}- Not getting one.|- You don't know how much it costs. {15016}{15094}I didn't think it was important,|since I'm not getting one. {15124}{15195}Al, you don't want Marcy's baby|to be smarter than ours, do you? {15201}{15293}Peg, our other kids didn't have a wave|machine and look how they turned out. {15314}{15406}Mom, Bud has more|fingers than I do. {15514}{15580}Honey, did you try|counting on both hands? {15629}{15680}Hey. {15810}{15858}Not because they|didn't have a wave machine. {15864}{15940}That's because your parents|were brother and sister. {16019}{16073}That is not true. {16079}{16169}They just started to look alike|when Mom's hair fell out. {16197}{16309}Oh, come on, Al,|I want a wave machine. It's only $329. {16317}{16428}Oh, thank you, God, that's exactly|the price of my socket wrench set. {16434}{16508}You know, this is amazing.|You are actually gonna tell me... {16514}{16616}...you would rather spend money on a|socket set than the fruit of your loins. {16622}{16672}You know I had my|heart set on that socket... {16678}{16728}- What?|- Oh, Al, now look what you've done. {16734}{16836}I'm crying. And so's the baby. {16951}{17012}I'm crying too. {17018}{17085}I hope you're happy now. {17126}{17200}- Rub our bellies!|- Rub our bellies! {17292}{17360}Hold it. Enough. Enough.|I'm getting up. {17366}{17413}Now you see me going. {17420}{17484}Really, Al? You're really going? {17494}{17591}Yes, Peg. I'm really going. {17721}{17814}Bus for Scranton|now loading, gate 15. {18058}{18105}Another one, buddy? {18162}{18230}God, what a great place. {18236}{18276}I mean, it's genius. {18282}{18361}A bar hooked up to the public-address|system at the bus terminal... {18367}{18437}...so you don't miss your|connection for leaving your wife. {18465}{18571}Don't forget about the cheap bimbos.|They give the place class. {18594}{18643}- So where you headed, pal?|- I don't know. {18649}{18703}Someplace where|there's a lot of girls, no women. {18710}{18749}Oh, L.A. {18891}{18964}You might want to use|one of our new instant ID machines. {19345}{19395}It's genius. {19401}{19442}Hair dye. Get your hair dye. {19448}{19519}False moustaches, bulbous noses! {19566}{19662}Bus to Tacoma now loading,|gate six. {19773}{19858}Let her try and find me now. {20048}{20101}Hey, you want to hear a sad story? {20133}{20245}My wife's having another baby|and I think it's mine. The end. {20280}{20329}Hey, buddy, you gonna let go|of that dollar? {20335}{20378}Oh, I'm sorry, here you go. {20514}{20567}My next door neighbour's|having a baby too. {20573}{20621}God, what a weenie. {20627}{20712}Even has a weenie name. Jefferson. {20718}{20782}Mr. Perfect Husband. {20788}{20867}Waiting on his ferret-face of a wife. {20902}{20964}I'll tell you something,|when that guy rolls over... {20970}{21045}...and has to look at that...|Hey, Jefferson. {21145}{21216}I was just talking about the|neighbour on the other side. {21222}{21324}You know, his name is Jefferson.|He's having a baby too. {21330}{21383}What do you think about that? {21427}{21457}So, what are you doing here? {21463}{21549}I'm running like a river|when the snow melts. {21555}{21666}It was the baby expo, Al. It broke me.|You should have seen it. {21672}{21823}It was nothing but acres of fat,|pregnant women wearing Keds. {21903}{21934}Why are you running, Al? {21946}{22021}Can you look at me|and seriously ask that? {22053}{22103}Don't take an oxen that|works with his yoke... {22109}{22168}...for 20 years, take the yoke off,|and then say: {22174}{22240}"Oh, Just kidding. Here's a|heavier yoke for you, old fella. {22246}{22285}Toss it on and rub my belly." {22292}{22348}Well, you should rub|the belly I've been rubbing. {22354}{22391}I have. {22516}{22559}What you watching? {22565}{22645}Nothing. I'm just listening|to Mom eat on the intercom. {22672}{22728}Is there anything left for us to eat? {22734}{22788}Oh, sure. Why don't you|go and stick your hand... {22794}{22848}...through the door|and see what happens. {23006}{23095}I see the only chance of me getting|any food, love or attention any more... {23101}{23170}...is if the baby comes out|looking like you. {23226}{23327}But then again, what are the chances|of Mom having two circus monkeys? {23354}{23434}Why, the odds must be one in nine. {23563}{23620}Excuse me, is there|anybody down there? {23626}{23704}My buck et o' tapioca is empty. {23786}{23845}Bud, look what we've become. {23851}{23931}Pudding slaves to Mount Mom. {24018}{24086}Yeah, I don't know|how Dad can put up with it. {24092}{24172}After all he's been through, he's|out doing something nice for Mom. {24178}{24267}Well, good. Then he'll be home|soon and he can fill her trough. {24322}{24369}You wanna go to a movie? {24375}{24466}I can't. You know, I checked|that box under my bed. {24472}{24532}Someone stole all my money. {24605}{24645}Al. {24719}{24758}Al. {24782}{24862}Al. Look, just because we're leaving|our pregnant wives alone... {24868}{24933}...to fend for themselves|without a cent in the world... {24939}{24980}...that doesn't make us bad, does it? {24987}{25055}Heck, no. Many is|the great American before us... {25061}{25107}...who have skipped out|on the needy. {25113}{25215}Take, for example, The Rifleman.|He knew not to hang out with his wife. {25221}{25302}You know, I always suspected that's|who he was blowing to smithereens... {25308}{25362}...before the start of each show. {25400}{25506}I've been thinking. I mean, I'm almost|done with her first trimester. {25512}{25613}What if the worst is over and it's all|good from now on and we miss out? {25662}{25716}- What?|- I'm finally starting to understand... {25722}{25826}...how she got you.|Let me explain something to you. {25832}{25887}There is no such thing|as a trimester. {25893}{25998}There's actually|just one long 40-year "mester." {26004}{26109}When they get pregnant, it turns|into what I call the "mini-mester." {26115}{26243}You got your fat-mester,|you got your puke-mester... {26249}{26322}...and Lord help us,|you got your horny-mester. {26416}{26463}That's when I left. {26592}{26658}So, Al, where you gonna go to? {26664}{26771}Somewhere where shoe men|run wild and free in the big sky. {26808}{26897}Where never is heard|an impregnated word... {26903}{26976}...and the hooters|are uncovered all day. {27128}{27175}That's beautiful, Al, that's beautiful. {27182}{27280}Monacles, family trees, gum. {27335}{27379}Gentlemen, would you like|to be somebody? {27386}{27434}Your shirt. {27550}{27610}How much for an ex-football|player with a cool name? {27617}{27685}- Two hundred dollars.|- What can I get for a buck? {27702}{27740}A shoe salesman named Al. {27848}{27907}Give me some gum. {27915}{27951}There you go. {27992}{28074}Hey, I'll pick my own name, huh? {28080}{28144}My new name will be... {28191}{28237}...Bazooka Joe. {28297}{28381}Damn. I wish I'd thought of that|before I decided on... {28387}{28434}...Anheuser-Busch. {28464}{28563}Yep, the Buschmeister's|going to Seattle. {28587}{28661}Join up with some friends|that have a lobster boat. {28667}{28769}And I'm gonna be|the mighty fisherman. {28801}{28857}- How about you, Al?|- Going to L.A. {28863}{28927}Gonna be the big white|hooter hunter. {29035}{29118}- God, life is gonna be great.|- Yep. {29124}{29232}Bus to Seattle now leaving, gate 11. {29301}{29384}- Well, back to the wives?|- Yeah, back to the wives. {29390}{29454}If she has another baby in the|next 18 years, I'm going. {29460}{29502}Me too. {29551}{29634}Well, I'm going home. {29640}{29691}Can I have my dollar back? {29752}{29796}Here's five. Take a cab. {29802}{29836}Five? {29921}{29966}Can I have some change? {30213}{30295}Oh, hi, honey. Come lay beside me. {30359}{30430}There is no beside you, Peg. {30464}{30521}Watch the cookies, honey. {30569}{30656}So you went to the bus station, huh? {30662}{30768}- How'd you know?|- Marcy has Jefferson miked. {30813}{30895}Hi, Marcy, I'm home.|You look beautiful. {30901}{30975}Thank you... Anheuser. {31074}{31135}You just couldn't leave, could you? {31141}{31179}I knew you wouldn't be able to. {31185}{31259}You love your little Pooh Bear,|don't you? {31364}{31436}You do, you do. {31442}{31487}I really don't. {31572}{31680}So, Al, what's in the bag?|Your socket set, huh? {31686}{31775}Oh, well. You know, if one of our|children grew up to be a success... {31781}{31863}...who would the street sweepers|of tomorrow be? {31948}{32074}Oh, Al, a wave machine! {32080}{32162}Oh, you do care, don't you? {32168}{32243}Peg, touch me with even|one lip, I take it back. {32278}{32327}You know, the only reason|I wanted this... {32333}{32431}...is so that at least one of our children|would have every opportunity in life. {32437}{32525}I mean, you saw what not having one|did for the other two. {32531}{32607}Oh, what a pair of misfits. {32613}{32692}But you know, Peg, the baby's|already got one up on the other two. {32698}{32739}He's already smarter than Kelly. {32745}{32819}And he's closer to a woman|than Bud will ever be. {32998}{33056}What a pair of losers. {33127}{33191}Honey, are you sure|that intercom is turned off? {33196}{33268}Sure, I'm sure. There's an "on" switch|and an "off" switch. {33274}{33339}Why, how dumb do you think I am? 16588