Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

(GASPS)

(EXHALES)

ENN: Is she really going out with him?

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING ON RECORD PLAYER)

(SPITS)

NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) The silver jubilee

marks 25 years of Her Majesty's reign.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

Oi, watch it!

(GROANS)

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

(BARKING)

- I'll fucking kill you! - (GLASS SHATTERS)

Don't come back here,

you fucking thieving little git!

- (CHUCKLES) Fuck off! - Fucking bastards!

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)

All right, John?

All right, boys?

All right, go, go, go, go!

(CHILDREN CHEERING)

VIC: Keep fighting the machine, boys!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

To the Queen!

- Hip, hip... - ALL: Hooray!

MAN: Hip, hip... ALL: Hooray!

Mum, can I have a word?

Can you sub me next week's pocket money?

- You'll be home by 12:00? - Yeah.

A revolution bankrolled

entirely by Mum's spare change.

(ALL LAUGHING)

God save the Queen!

- BOTH: The fascist regime! - (ALL BOOING)

WOMAN: Get off!

(BOYS SHOUTING)

I fucked your mum!

I had fun with her afterwards.

She's a very generous lover.

- (PUNKS LAUGHING) - Whoa!

(BOTH GROANING)

(PUNKS LAUGHING)

VIC: Oi, slow down, mate. Slow down. Come on.

JOHN: I can't believe you did that. That was so funny.

ENN: Thank you very much.

VIC: When did they start charging a bleeding pound

for a punk show in Croydon?

Shut it, Vic, all right? We're getting in for free.

- (LAUGHS) - Up here.

VIC: Females await, boys.

- (REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING) - MC: Don't touch my hair.

Don't touch my hair.

Please kiss my heart and touch my mind. Don't touch me there.

Don't touch my hair.

Don't touch my fucking hair.

Oi!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(WHISTLES)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING CONTINUES)

- Fuck you, bitch! Bitch! - (LAUGHING)

Whoa, punk really is the greatest thing

that ever happened to ugly people, isn't it?

Fuck you, Jerry.

(CHUCKLES)

Wait till you see Slap. Wait till you see my boy!

Oi, get the fuck out of here!

GIRL: Come in the front door, you poofs!

Oh, boys, this place is teeming with proper gash.

(SCOFFS)

VIC: Do you not like that word, Enn?

Would you prefer "lady bits" or "front bottom"?

Fuck off.

God, those braces are clinging on for dear life, ain't they?

I think the one with pink hair is Shirley from school.

VIC: Yeah, I know her.

She's Boadicea's right-hand bitch.

Go and talk to her then. Get us into the after party.

Hey, who's the twat in the turtleneck?

VIC: Must be another label sniffing around The Dyschords.

You know, Boadicea should be reading our fanzine.

Yeah, he's right. She could put us on the map.

- Get us an intro then. - I don't want to.

- Talk to Shirley. - No. I don't want to.

You went to school with her.

- Sod off. - Aww, are you a virgin?

- Fuck off! - Go on!

VIC: The chick is leaving the nest.

MAN: I was in Despair,

and now I'm in another band called Lipstick,

which was formed from the remnants of Despair.

Hiya!

It's Shirley, right?

Uh, we went to school together.

The name's Spinning Jenny.

Nice. I'm Enn.

Uh, we did that show together? Do you remember?

Baa Baa Black Sheep?

I was a bag of wool, and so were you.

And we had that duet together.

Go on, give us a tune then, "Shirley."

- Piss off. - Um...

I do remember that song we did though.

Let's sing it.

Oh, come on. You start.

(SINGING) We are bags of wool, and I love you

And I'm happy 'cause you love me too

Don't pay any attention to that.

But now I'm a gray sock and you're a winter's cap

Forever apart on the same cold

(IN HIGH-PITCH) Chap

(ALL LAUGHING)

MC: Oi, oi, oi. Bunch of boob-sniffing fucks!

Ever get the feeling

your invitation was lost in the mail?

Who could imagine you lot out here

- in a shithole like Croydon! - PUNK: Fuck off!

MC: In the world of quantum mechanics,

punks are everywhere at the same time.

Until, observe.

Let me welcome you to the leaders

of the Party go Punk revolution!

The incredible Dyschords!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) With your, with your vampire

'Cause I'm your little sex toy

Your city is torn

She's singing I love you Oh, oh, oh, oh

I had a planned adolescence

- (CROWD SINGING ALONG) - Under duress

A planned obsolescence

I'm so depressed

Yes!

Fuck off! Fuck off!

Cradle to the grave We are told what to do

I'm bleeding from my tongue

But my blood's not blue Oh, oh, oh, oh

I had a planned adolescence

(WHOOPING)

WOMAN: Suck him off!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Stop!

- Fuck off! - SLAP: Piss off!

MAN 1: Virgin Records!

- MAN 2: Fuck you, yeah! - Oh, oh, oh, oh!

ALL: (SINGING) I had a planned adolescence

Under duress

- Yeah! - A planned obsolescence

I'm so depressed

A planned adolescence

Under duress

A planned obsolescence

- (YELLS) - I'm so depressed

(ALL YELLING)

- (SLAP LAUGHING) - (GLASS SHATTERING)

MAN: Get off!

There's your seven-inch.

BOADICEA: You stupid fucking pillock.

- We had him. We had him! - (SLAP GRUNTS)

And then you had to go and fuck it up!

What are you, suicidal?

- Ahh! You remind me of my mum. - Good!

SLAP: Bo, I'm the golden goose!

You haven't laid the golden egg yet, have you?

I've had it, Slap!

- So where's the after party? - Wadeson Street. And you!

- You are barred! - (GROANS)

ENN: I can't bear it if they sign

to a major, though. So wrong.

JOHN: Well, The Clash signed to CBS.

ENN: They're dead to me.

I've written an editorial in the new issue.

JOHN: Did you put my Slits review in?

ENN: Some of it.

- What did you take out? - The epic fucking poetry.

Oi! Rimbaud was a symbolist.

You want to forget the artsy crap next Tuesday, John mate.

Where are you going to take her?

- Who? - My impending date.

When did you get a date? Who with?

- Tracey. - What? Tracey the Slag?

Tracey the Magnanimous.

(IMITATING TRACEY) "Now, boys, you can touch one of them.

"Left one's bigger..."

BOTH: "...right one's nicer!"

(BOTH LAUGHING)

So I was thinking, do I save up and take her into town?

The Roxy maybe? I mean, she's not a punk...

Nah, some mafia queer runs the place now.

Don't know if he'll let you fuck her in the toilet.

That is genuinely sad to take advantage.

Not as sad as being the guy at the party

who ends up in the kitchen,

talking to someone's mum.

(IMITATING MUM) "Oh, lovely shade of blue, your balls."

Yeah, that'll be the shade of your mum's lipstick, mate.

- (BICYCLE BELL RINGS) - (PUNKS LAUGH)

- Come on, boys! - Tonight, all that changes

- at the after party! - (WHOOPING)

ENN: Do you know where we're going?

VIC: Yeah, Wadeson Street. ENN: Which is which way?

Just down the road around the corner.

I trust you implicitly, Vic!

VIC: I absolutely know where we're going.

ENN: Ugh, again.

Why don't we go for a bit of a swing

in the kids' park instead?

- Fuck me! - VIC: I'd hurt you, Enn.

- JOHN: How about this, right? - (MUSIC PLAYING)

Why don't we finish our beers

and decide on the Virys run tomorrow.

Enn?

Enn?

What's that music?

- What music? - Shh!

I've almost got it.

- (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) - JOHN: Now I hear it.

Never doubt me again.

(JOHN LAUGHING)

JOHN: That music is amazing. Is it German?

ENN: I feel like I've heard it before.

JOHN: You never heard nothing before me, mate.

- VIC: Shut it. Let's get laid. - (ALL WHOOPING)

Hello.

We're friends of Boadicea.

She manages The Dyschords.

There is no discord here.

Right. What's your name, then?

Stella.

That's got to be the prettiest name I have ever heard.

It's like a star, isn't it?

No. Stellas have been stars, but not all stars are Stellas.

Well, you look like a star, Stella.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

They must be from California.

Jackpot.

They fuck anything that moves in California.

JOHN: Yeah, and Croydon is the sister city to Fresno.

It's going to be all right, mate.

Just corner the one that looks the loneliest

and speak in short admiring sentences.

Excuse me.

Hmm.

(WHISPERING) Enn. Enn, mate. Come here.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

So cool.

Might have a bit of a dance to that.

I'm...

I'm gonna go find the kitchen.

Hello. (CHUCKLES)

You look like you could use some company.

I'm Enn.

Short for Henry.

I'm Wainswain. It's long for Wain.

I don't remember you.

Don't you find it sad that we never seem

to recognize each other on birthdays?

Weren't you a virus last time?

- Last time? - I thought so.

I'm a Second.

A second what?

Second Colony.

Today

I manifested imperfectly.

Again.

But that is no reflection on Parent-Teacher Wain.

That is my own burden.

My mate John has got a third nipple,

and it never held him back in any way.

In our culture, he would class as an abomination.

I'm...

(ALL SINGING)

ALL: Happy birthday, Waldo.

PT WALDO: Happy birthday to you.

Fourth Colony manifests...

ALL: Individuality!

PT WALDO: Let's be grateful for our bodies.

After all, they're our last ones.

The iconic London sights, Big Ben, Westminster Abbey,

and the private Pleasure Dome of the Prime Ministers,

- aren't going to happen. - (ALL GROANING)

This whole Queen's jubilee celebration

sort of blindsided us Parent-Teachers

and the city is booked solid.

But we've managed to patch together

a brand-new itinerary

of equally nourishing experiences,

all within this deeply authentic

suburban community of...

Croydon.

Zan, what are you looking forward

to experiencing in Croydon?

I've sensed some tension over our last few stops, Zan.

Do you have something you want to interjaculate?

Don't hold back, Zan.

- Fourth Colony manifests... - ALL: Individuality!

(ALL CONTINUE SINGING)

You constantly use words like

"enrichment" and "authenticity,"

but we're behaving more like tourists than travelers.

I mean, perhaps we could emulate the Stellas

and really participate.

The Stellas have a different way

of enriching their community.

Well, all we ever seem to do is observe and consume.

PT WALDO: You are what you eat, Zan.

I know I am.

Zan...

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Are you shocked?

No, um...

I get it. I'm into punk.

My name is Enn.

Zan.

Tell me more about yourself, Zan.

Why? We've probably met a thousand times. (SIGHS)

What's punk?

Like the Ramones? Or the Sex Pistols?

Or the New York Dolls.

Well, some people don't count the Dolls.

But it's like anarchy.

(GASPS) Now that is punk!

Do more punk to me.

Hmm...

Me and my mates were thinking of starting a band, actually,

'cause none of us know how to play anything, which is...

- (GASPS) - Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Um, you're bleeding.

How do I further access the punk?

Well, I could take you dancing at the Roxy.

Rape is playing tomorrow.

Our schedule doesn't allow for Rape.

Does yours? Are you a Sixth?

What do you mean?

You're a local?

Stella said it was all right.

And only the Stella knows you're here?

Hey, Stella. You're luminous, you know that?

I wanna kiss you forever,

but you make me feel shy.

I don't wanna go too fast, but...

Are you prepared?

Yeah.

Then kneel.

What?

Remove your clothes.

Okay.

(VIC CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

ENN: How long have you lot been here?

ZAN: We arrived this morning.

It's the last stop on our tour.

What do your people do on an ordinary day?

(VIC BREATHING HEAVILY)

Relax.

Breathe.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Close your eyes.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GASPS)

Breathe, Victor.

Breath.

Respire from the orifice.

ENN: Saturday's our fanzine distribution day.

Sunday, we pick tomatoes over by the sewage pipes.

You see, tomato seeds,

they don't break down in the digestive system,

so they grow wild wherever there's a leak in the pipes.

We pick them to sell them for photocopying money.

Dancing, free trade, duplication,

having no restrictions?

Well, we do what we want.

- (VIC MOANING) - Release!

Merge!

Let go!

(CONTINUES MOANING)

VOICES: Ascend!

(MOANING INTENSIFIES)

Who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck is he?

Who the fuck are you?

(MUSIC PLAYING)

ZAN: Do you think I could smell it?

- Yeah, pop it off like that. - (BOTTLE CAP CLATTERS)

(ZAN SNIFFS)

That's a Level One violation.

PT WALDO: Yes, it is, Celia.

Level Two.

She's approaching a Level Three!

- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) - VIC: Enn!

Enn, we've all got to get out of here!

What?

You! I see you!

Stay away from me!

(ALL SINGING)

(MOANING)

(MOANING LOUDLY)

I claim our Colony's right to unique experience, Waldo!

This is unprecedented.

Oh! You mean it's unique?

PT WALDO: Zan, this tone.

(MOANING)

John! John! We've got to get out of here!

Shut the fuck up!

Hurry! Hurry!

Out! Out!

Out! Out!

Lads. Lads, lads. Lads, lads. Lads.

Lads, that was the future.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Did you force her or something?

Fuck you!

What was that for?

Vic. Vic. Vic, where you going, mate?

- Vic. - Enn!

Enn. Enn.

I claimed a unilateral dispensation.

What?

I can come with you.

To the punk.

Oh. Well, everything's closed.

Everything on the island?

The island?

Oh... Well, yeah.

When do you have to be back?

I have 48 hours.

Enn...

What is it?

I feel

this body is dying.

(VOMITING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

It may yet live.

(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Are those my shoes?

ZAN: How did you know?

Because they look exactly like my shoes.

No, you don't have to.

Did you build this place?

No. My dad built it for me.

I like your ring.

It's the symbol of my Colony.

Are these the symbols of your Colony?

- Uh... - The Punk Colony?

I guess some of them.

'Cause our mag's called Virys, uh,

so I came up with this cartoon character, Virys Boy,

because he looks a bit punk.

See here, he goes around

and he meets all these arseholes,

and just spreads himself everywhere

and infects everyone

to fight fascism and conformity.

So the solution to conformity

is forced insemination and cloning?

Oh. Um...

That's... It was meant to be a metaphor for freedom.

I just think once we're free,

we'll stop doing what we're told,

which is just consume.

If we don't stop, we'll eat the fucking world.

There are contradictions in your metaphor.

Yeah.

But I am moved by it.

- Really? - Mmm.

Do you know that in every person's DNA

there's a remnant of every virus

that has ever infected a human being

since the birth of man?

I think adapting to survive viruses

is what eventually turned bacteria into human beings.

I was a bacterium...

Who knows what we will become in the future.

- ...but I never met a virus. - I think viruses will save us.

Wow, your skin is so soft there.

Your hands are so cold.

Your ears are translucent.

Your penis is small and folded

like the bud of a tiny pink flower.

Oh, it's losing its structure.

Hmm.

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Mum, this is, uh, my friend.

- She... - (GRUNTS)

We, um... We actually...

Right. Explanation.

I am Zan.

Zan's American.

Oh! Oh! I nearly went to Hollywood once.

No, Mum. You actually didn't nearly go to Hollywood once.

- I was a model. - A foot model.

There was this audition for a Diana Dors film.

ENN: That film was shot in Ealing. I looked it up.

They needed to do a close-up on Diana's foot,

and they called us models in

because Diana had six toes on the foot in question.

I kept my foot wrapped in Vaseline for seven days.

And then when I took the bag off,

my skin was as soft as a baby's lips.

Mum, Vaseline promotes hair growth.

Marilyn Monroe grew a mustache

from using Vaseline.

And she did all right for herself, didn't she?

If by "all right," you mean dead.

Do you ever see me shaving my feet?

- Thankfully not. - MARION: Right.

Oh! I love this record!

It's not a record, it's a tape.

(SOUL MUSIC PLAYING)

And white people trying to sing

like black people is racist.

MARION: I'm not a racialist.

Pancakes! Let's make pancakes.

Americans love pancakes, don't they?

Come on, love. You show me how it's done.

You don't have to.

(MARION LAUGHING)

- Come on, Henry. - No, Mum.

- Come on. - No!

Come to Mama.

ENN: That is not okay.

MARION: Grind it. (CHUCKLES)

(MARION LAUGHING)

Stop it.

- What? - Looking at me.

Looked-at babies make more successful adults.

- That's proven. - (SCOFFS)

She's adorable.

And everyone needs that special someone.

Everyone, Enn.

What's that supposed to mean?

- Henry, it's just a date. - Malcolm?

Well, it's the jubilee tea dance

on Sunday, and that's all it is.

Mum, he's repugnant.

He was a paratrooper in Indochina.

He peeled potatoes. I looked it up.

Your generation will eventually

be doing nothing but looking it up.

I'm a woman. With a clitoris. Look that up.

(ENN SIGHS)

Malcolm says that my best days are not behind me.

They've just begun.

ENN: You're not England, for Christ's sake, Mum.

MARION: Well, he's a right lot kinder to me

than your left-wing father ever was.

Well, he was kind to me!

He left you when you were nine.

Well, who'd blame him, with your yammering.

You'll do the same to someone else one day.

- I'm sure! - ENN: I would never do that!

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

Oh! Sorry, love, the door wasn't locked.

It's okay. It's my first time at this.

It's taking longer than I expected.

Hmm.

Mum?

(IN PT WALDO'S VOICE) Zan.

Waldo.

I agree in principle

that there is no progress without deviation,

but you have to remember that you are not just you.

And we are not just us without you.

I'm nourishing my body with raw data

to enrich the Eating.

Isn't that the purpose of this endless tour?

I'm doing it for you.

Oh, this is not about me.

I ate pancakes which I am currently excreting.

And I danced. I danced with

the Parent-Teacher you are riding.

Those are unique experiences, Waldo.

You've exceeded your experience quota, young lady.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Ooh. I lost my place.

Oh, yeah.

You just finish up this one, love.

(SINGING)

I can see you, Keyhole Kevin.

(WHISPERS) Oh, she's a lovely girl.

ZAN: Let's go!

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(EXHALES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPS)

I like this body.

- Is it a good one? - (CHUCKLES)

I like yours.

(SNIFFS) It smells like butter.

Tastes like salt.

What do I smell like?

(SNIFFS)

(ZAN SQUEALING)

(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ZAN LAUGHING)

I like your Parent-Teacher.

Who, Mum? She never taught me a bloody thing.

What about the other one?

The one who made your tree-temple?

Oh, my dad?

Well, he was a jazz musician actually.

But he never really recorded anything

'cause he said that would be selling out.

Is that punk?

Dad was definitely a punk.

He was someone who never settled

for the way that things were.

Is that why he left you?

If I was your Parent-Teacher, I would never leave you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

PT WAIN: Waldo? PT WALDO: Yes, Wain?

PT WAIN: Has it not occurred to you

if you allow her this degree of freedom,

she may do more than rebel?

(CHUCKLES)

GIRL: Stop.

PT WALDO: That's my fault too?

Who else's?

Well, Stella did approve interaction with the local.

Limited interaction is my Colony's prerogative.

It's not my fault you can't regulate

your own progeny.

You have less than 24 hours until Exit

to rectify the situation.

And then we eat.

(ALL BREATHE DEEPLY)

PT WALDO: I'm aware of the schedule.

Then why not eliminate the problem?

- I could do with an appetizer. - Oh, come on.

PT WAIN: Stella, eating before Exit

in this manifestation will be very messy.

I recommend sequestration. She'll soon come running back.

PT WALDO: I really don't...

PT STELLA: That's a fair compromise.

All those in favor?

PT First?

Abstention. Waldo, you're outvoted.

The offspring is shunned.

Shunned.

Shunned?

Shunned.

Shunned.

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHUCKLES)

JOHN: It was like choral vocals

over a driving backbeat. Do you know what I mean?

CLERK: Eh?

It was metronomic yet tribal.

There's 12 there.

JOHN: Like... Did Eno ever produce any dub-reggae?

- Try Krautrock. - That's where I am!

Oh, speak of the devil.

That music that was playing at your party,

is that available on LP?

Oi. What you bringing her here for?

What's your problem?

Where're your other Americans?

I have no idea.

What, so you've been with him the whole time?

I slept at his house and met his mum.

And we engaged in incomplete sexual activity.

Now I'm looking forward to experiencing

just an ordinary Saturday with your Colony.

Well, you butchered my Slits review,

but otherwise, it looks great.

ENN: Thank you, mate.

JOHN: Right, I need you to push this issue this time.

Like, I reckon we can sell the whole run.

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENN SINGING)

So, uh, what do they think of

the Queen's jubilee in America?

In America?

Um, they're in favor of it.

JOHN: Really?

The sovereign embodies their collective consciousness.

They haven't had a sovereign for, what? 200 years.

Um... Their superior longevity keeps the memories fresh.

Are you saying Americans live longer than us?

Absolutely.

JOHN: Well, why would that be the case?

Because of the largely isolated

and vegetarian lives they lead.

McDonald's is from America.

McDonald's. Yes.

Right. So they're not, like, all vegetarians, right?

No. Not all.

Only the alpha elite.

ENN: Oh? Like the president?

Jimmy Carter's a vegetarian? I did not know that.

I've already said too much.

Surveillance, repercussions...

VIC: What, like the FBI?

Mmm. The FBI, yes. They would be vulnerable.

I don't wish to be interrogated

on this matter any further.

So I'm just going to walk away

and, when I come back, we won't speak of this again.

What's with the third degree?

She's not normal. None of them are.

(IN PT WALDO'S VOICE) Ready to come home yet?

You're riding a child, Waldo?

You gave me a dispensation.

Zan, your peers are acting out.

The PTs are angry.

This can't continue.

You're just jealous.

Has it not yet occurred to you, young Henry,

that these people could be operating

as some kind of a high-level cult?

- Exactly. - JOHN: The code of silence.

Vegetarianism. Arcane symbolism.

Shouldn't you be touring a potato field or something?

Zan, you're being childish.

I've been forbidden to even talk to you.

I bet they participate in some bizarre sex rituals.

No.

- How do you know that? - I just...

I don't see it happening.

Well, it's a global phenomenon.

ENN: What is?

Cults, brainwashing, suicide pacts.

PT WALDO: Do you want me to Exit without you?

Because I can do it like that.

I don't care what you do!

(BOY'S MOTHER SCOLDING INDISTINCTLY)

I only have 22 hours left. I now wish to see the punk.

All right.

Fucking hell.

- (PUNK MUSIC PLAYING) - (DUCKS QUACKING)

What are they saying?

ENN: What? That's where we're going.

(BELLS RINGING)

What?

BOADICEA: That's it. Give me more, give me more.

SPINNING JENNY: Boadicea, meet Enn.

He's got something very important to tell you.

ENN: Hiya.

I hope we're not interrupting your work.

Uh, I thought you might want to see our fanzine.

I've seen you at the gigs, haven't I?

ENN: Yeah.

Jumping around, falling over. Looking like a fucking idiot.

Oh! (CHUCKLES)

What you laughing at? You're Flash Harry, right?

Shiny on the outside, gaping hole within.

And this one, you're a social liability.

- (LAUGHS) - Not funny.

Why'd you do that?

Are you the Parent-Teacher here?

(CHUCKLES)

That's me. Come here.

(WHISPERS) Would you like to take a look around?

Piss off!

Come on.

You need to control your girl, Enn.

JOHN: It sounded sort of Krautrock-y.

DJ DES: So like Faust?

JOHN: Similar, but more intense.

DJ DES: Like Neu?

No, no, no. It was like... It had choral undertones,

like a million whales being strangled.

- Pere Ubu? - Maybe.

All right then. All right. Wait two minutes,

and I swear I'm gonna find something for you.

- All right, bless, brother. - Bless.

JOHN: Maybe cults don't record their own music.

Although Charlie Manson had a couple of boss tunes.

I think she's trying to leave the cult.

Exit. People exit cults.

Or they're extracted by a deprogrammer.

What, like kidnapping?

Extraction.

Bo-diss...

BOADICEA: (CHUCKLES) No. Bo-di-cee-a. Boadicea.

ZAN: Boadicea. BOADICEA: That's it.

Haven't you heard of her?

She was the Celtic queen

who ran the Romans out of London.

The first punk.

The first punk was a she.

What is punk, Boadicea?

It's just the fag end of the blues, dear.

You know, a year ago,

I had Johnny Rotten kipping right there.

Next time I saw him, he didn't even know me,

the fucking Frampton.

Siouxsie Sioux, Dee Dee Ramone,

Ari Up from The Slits.

I knew all of them in the day.

Which was only a few months ago really.

Sellouts now, of course.

I worked with Vivienne Westwood

till she fired me for improving on one of her gowns.

Green is not a good color on her, let me tell you.

Yeah, they pose as mentors, but they suck your blood

because they know that their days are numbered.

Hmm.

Your skin is like milk.

Anyway, the fucking point is to smash the oppressor,

tell the truth, be an original,

blah, blah, blah... I'm boring myself now.

"Every breath is an original."

That's a motto from my group.

What? Are you a singer then?

I've been many things.

I've even been a star.

Really?

I once harmonized with a brown dwarf.

A Brown Dwarf?

Didn't they open for The Shits?

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Fuck off!

Quiet. Quiet down, you cruds.

Shut it!

Tonight, I am delighted to announce

that The Dyschords will be welcoming a guest singer.

(CROWD MURMURING)

Who will be also modeling...

- Where's Slap? - Shut your gaping gob!

He's on probation!

So, tonight, I introduce to you

the erstwhile frontwoman

for legendary American cult collective

A Brown Dwarf.

(CROWD SCOFFING)

Let's make some noise for

Zandra!

(SCATTERED CHEERING)

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

- I don't know any songs. - You just make it up.

Just sing about something that you know.

Enough of this hippie shit.

Get up there.

All right. Zandra!

(CROWD CHEERING)

This is, um, this is the history of my people.

(CROWD SNICKERING)

(SINGING) Six is the number of the Body Celestial

(LAUGHING)

Shut the fuck up.

Six are the holy names

(CROWD GRUMBLING)

You need to shout it a bit more.

(DRUMMER PLAYING BEAT)

(LOUDLY) Six are the Colonies

And six their Parent-Teachers

SLAP: Oi, that's my mic, you Yankee bitch!

- Shut the fuck up, Slap! - (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

She's only a bloody tourist.

I am not a tourist!

(MUSIC INTENSIFYING)

They suckled us Like babes in a crèche

(ZAN VOCALIZING)

Until Eating Time

Where they tear our flesh

They ate us alive like the Titans ate the gods

They ate us alive like the punks ate the mods

BOTH: Eat me alive, Mummy, Mummy!

Eat me alive, Daddy, Daddy!

Eat me alive, Mummy, Mummy!

Eat me alive, Daddy, Daddy!

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!

(CROWD CHEERING)

They took their children's flesh

Come on, you pricks!

And wore it as a robe

Abducted my body

And fucked me with a probe

Eat me alive, Mummy, Mummy

Eat me alive, Daddy, Daddy

I love it! I love it!

Eat me alive, Mummy, Mummy

Eat me alive, Daddy, Daddy

The Sun grips the Earth Takes a bite

Spits the Moon into the sky

We sink our teeth into the ground

And suck it dry

Shit the world a fat goodbye

But man can't live by man alone

The fate of a cannibal people

Is one of tooth and bone

BOTH: Tooth and bone

Eat me, Mummy, Mummy

Eat me, Daddy, Daddy

Eat me, Mummy, Mummy Eat me, Daddy, Daddy

(ALL CHEERING)

(PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Tooth and bone

Please, God, don't leave me alone

BOTH: Hey

Ha

La

I'm here I see you

Let me inside I'll never leave you

Hey

Ha

La

Let me be your virus Let me be your virus

Let me be your virus Let me be your virus

And in the end

The love you take

Is equal to

The love, the love, the love, the love

The love, the love, the love, the love

You ate

(ZAN PANTING)

(YELLING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

BOADICEA: Yes!

Move back! Move back! Everyone, move back.

Go back there.

- This is a moment! - (CROWD CHEERING)

I made this happen!

Get Vivienne on the phone! Get her on the phone now!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

- Did you see what I saw? - Yes!

Somebody must've dosed us.

- (MUSIC PLAYING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

- How did we know what to sing? - (CHUCKLES)

Something mad about an Eating Time.

But that's real. That's the end of our journey.

- How did you know about that? - I don't know.

What do you mean by "the end of our journey"?

Tomorrow we Exit, which is followed by the Eating.

What is the Eating?

The Parent-Teachers eat their children.

I don't know, it's supposed to feel good.

It's how we sustain the species.

What?

(LAUGHING)

Stay here!

Don't move!

(CROWD SHOUTING)

John!

I think they're planning a mass suicide.

Amazing. The time is now, comrade.

Do what must be done.

DJ DES: John, I found some Krautrock.

- (KRAUTROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (CROWD CHEERING)

(JOHN LAUGHING)

Do you hear that?

This was what I was talking to you about!

(SPINNING JENNY LAUGHING)

(SPINNING JENNY MOANING)

(BONES CRACKING)

(MOANING CONTINUES)

(SPINNING JENNY SQUEALING)

(SPINNING JENNY MOANING LOUDLY)

That was amazing, Zan.

Where did you learn that song?

Something happened to you on that stage.

Something that has never happened before.

Does Waldo know you're here?

You've been shunned.

- (WAINSWAIN LAUGHS) - What does that mean?

Zan, what you sang about the Eating,

you made it sound frightening.

PT WAIN: Wainswain!

Multiple violations!

(SPINNING JENNY MOANING LOUDLY)

Unauthorized manual permeation?

(SPINNING JENNY GASPING)

Bad Stellas.

(EXHALES)

Oh, the things I'm going to do to you for this.

You're in extreme danger of being left behind.

We have to leave now.

I feel alive.

I feel opened.

Zan.

- Get away from her! - Leave him alone!

Everyone just leave everyone alone!

(ZAN SCREAMING)

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD SINGING ALONG)

(CHEERING)

(VOMITS)

CROWD: Ugh!

(LAUGHING)

Enn?

Enn.

Enn!

(ZAN PANTING)

Congratulations are in order, my dear.

You are with child.

(ZAN BREATH SHAKILY)

(SPLASHES)

Fuck!

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

PT WAIN: She's a menace.

I move for the immediate eradication

of the deviant child.

- No! - I call a vote.

PT BOB: We don't have a quorum to vote.

Where is Stella?

- Welcome, Stella. - Thank you, Stella.

You know, Daddy doesn't get out very much.

Only for special occasions.

PT STELLA: Stella, you know there are consequences

when you interact with locals without permission

and it can't wait until after Exit.

Will it feel like the supernova manifestation?

Stella, will you do the honors?

Certainly, Stella.

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

- (JAW CRACKING) - (MALE STELLA GROANING)

(STELLAS GASPING)

(GROANING)

Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

- (MALE STELLA MUMBLING) - Come.

Come, my pretty.

In you go.

No...

- No, I... - (MALE STELLA PROTESTING)

I don't wanna go.

No! No! (SCREAMING)

- (BONE CRACKING) - (ALL SCREAMING)

Enn!

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(GASPING)

(PANTING)

(COUGHING)

JOHN: The Kronos Syndrome.

Who?

Cannibal incest, comrades.

This is a higher level of cult.

We need to get the authorities involved.

No. It'll be a bloodbath.

(SCOFFS) Fine by me.

Kill em all. Let Satan sort 'em out.

Look, I don't know happened to you in there, Vic,

but if they took your balls too, you can leave now.

I've got my balls.

How did you find out all this info again?

I saw it through their fucking window!

Now, are you lot with me?

Yeah, course we are, Enn.

VIC: Yeah, mate.

Right.

We'll need backup.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

ENN: It's not a joke.

She's part of an American cannibalistic cult.

- (CONTINUE LAUGHING) - They eat their young.

Enn, all species eat their young.

- Boadicea, I need your help. - (BOADICEA LAUGHS)

- Fuck off. - ENN: I can't do this...

Come here. Come here.

- (GLASS SHATTERS) - Your skin...

Yes, your skin is like cheese. (SNIFFS)

BOADICEA: (WHISPERS) Like a fine Stilton.

- What, do I repel you? - No, but...

When I was your age, I was pretty.

- Zan needs your help, and I... - Let me tell you something.

I have had 12 abortions and nothing to show for it.

How did I end up in this fucking Croydon

at the fag-end of my fertility!

But you're the closest thing to a mum that Zan's ever had.

- (BOADICEA SCREAMS) - You chose her.

She was chosen.

PT WALDO: It's hard to be a parent.

You must relinquish all other attachments.

You will raise them, teach them,

and then you will let them go.

I wish to stay.

I'm not sure they could be born here.

We are made of different stuff.

Zan, listen carefully.

Our people are dying.

We give birth to fewer and fewer each cycle.

But your children are a sign

that there's a different way for our people.

What way?

I have a plan. We must play along

- until I can implement it. - (DOORBELL RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Yes?

Asbestos check.

The hidden killer in your home.

This is not our home.

Mandatory check. Government regulations.

Won't take a minute.

(ENN SHUSHES)

Do you have identification?

SPINNING JENNY: Certainly.

(GROANS)

We're in!

- (ALL YELLING) - (PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

Perimeter breach!

(ULULATING)

(YELLING STOPS)

(GROANS)

(ALL GROANING)

Onward!

(PUNKS YELLING)

- Let's split up. - Oh, I don't know...

No. We'll find her faster that way.

- Shout if you see her. - Fuck.

- What the fuck? - Keep looking.

Oh, shit.

- Any luck? - Nothing.

- No. Can't find her. - Bollocks.

- (BLUE COLONY SCREECHING) - Oh, shit!

- (PUNKS GROANING) - (SCREECHING CONTINUES)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

- Zan! - (GASPS)

- You must stay quiet. - ENN: Zan!

If they find us, they will kill us all.

Enn would never let that happen.

- (BLUE COLONY SCREECHING) - (PUNKS GROANING)

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

Good thing you can just swallow us up.

You sprang from our loins.

We are England!

(ALL YELLING)

Oi, them's the ones what stole my arse-cherry!

I was saving that.

Oh, really?

BLOND STELLA: Victor.

BOTH: We've been waiting for you.

(PUNK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

Gotcha.

(LAUGHING)

What, you cannot be ridden?

I gave that up ages ago, dear.

Herpes and sprogs. (CHUCKLES)

- Sprogs? - Kids.

(GASPS)

Sex is over. Haven't you heard?

Tear it all down.

Evolve or die, love.

Evolve or die.

It's been a long day.

Drink?

If I could do something with you,

you might have a future.

Tea break!

(PUNKS CHEERING)

Fucking fancy, comrades.

PT FIRST: The outcome of this assault is in doubt.

Zan must be dealt with, without delay.

Come, my dear.

You will harm no child of mine.

You're not permitted to touch me.

I created you.

Well, you curated us really.

And now I will save us all.

CELIA: Fourth Colony manifests...

FOURTH COLONISTS: Individuality!

ENN: Zan!

PT STELLA: We feast...

(SIGHS) We feast a lot on children.

(CLICKS TONGUE) And it fills me up...

It fills me up good and proper,

but then I get lonely after that.

What's going on?

I feel deeply, deep hole, deep hole inside...

What's going on?

What is going on?

ENN: Where the hell is Zan?

I don't know. Uh, try through there.

BOADICEA: Try through there.

Whoa!

(CHOKING)

Zan!

Enn!

(GASPS) I call a General Synod.

I have that right, once an eon.

(PT WALDO BREATHES HEAVILY)

Prepare for Wide-Radius Counterruption.

(HIGH-PITCH FREQUENCY WHINING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(WHINING STOPS)

Ugh.

(EXHALES)

Waldo? You dare call a Synod.

Oh, Wain, why do you always have to shout?

PT, you are compromised.

Ooh. Level One Violation! (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

PT First, the humans are neutralized. I recomm...

I told you he was different.

I'm an artist.

Brothers and sisters, I move

to amend the Celestial Charter.

I propose the elimination of the Eating.

(ALL MURMURING)

PT WAIN: Don't be ridiculous!

The Eating is what keeps us alive.

What about the children?

PT WAIN: Their experiences will go to waste.

They will live out their natural cycles

nourished by their own experiences.

What, and they all get to breed?

Where does it end? Factionalism?

War? Environmental collapse?

The answer is yes.

Each of your peoples met apocalypse.

Have you forgotten?

Each of you were convinced

you were the only species in the universe.

Maddened by the arrogance of solitude,

you gorged on your worlds' resources.

You grew fat as your planets shriveled.

You eat when you're lonely.

And now, our numbers dwindle,

for holy attrition

was always at the secret heart of my design.

We shall diminish.

And we shall do it with grace and compassion.

The parents will consume the children,

and then I will consume the parents,

until at last

I, alone, will turn upon myself

and eat.

No more knowledge in the meat to distract us.

Only the freedom of silence.

And the universe breathes a sigh of perfect relief.

ENN: Bollocks!

I don't know what the bloody hell you're on about

with your Swedish suicide complex,

but you can't just come down here and insult us.

- Silence! - Now we may have

cocked this planet up royally,

but at least we're fucking alive.

We like to eat, we like to shit, we like to dance.

We like to fall in love.

And we try and fix what our parents fucked up.

But you!

What kind of parents are you?

I mean, even the most pathetic poser of a punk,

who'll end his days wanking

on the wall of his padded tree house,

at least he had a dad

who'd rather leave him in a ditch

than stick around and eat him alive!

PT WAIN: Enough of this.

Let us proceed to the gratuitous vote.

All those in favor of retaining the Eating?

Bob?

- I vote to abolish. - (PT WAIN SCOFFS)

- Predictable. - Fuck you, Wain.

Fuck you for millennia.

- Stella? - What?

Do you vote to retain the sacred ritual?

Yeah, what the hell.

The little shits taste staler every cycle.

(SIGHS)

I vote to abolish.

Evolve or die.

That is nonetheless a deadlock.

- No change is possible. - There is one more vote.

Zan is a mother with children growing within.

That qualifies her as a Parent-Teacher.

She is entitled to full voting powers.

PT WAIN: Uh-uh. Contamination is not conception.

PT First, I beg you to adjudicate.

You're pregnant?

- PT WAIN: PT First. - But...

They're ours.

PT FIRST: Waldo's logic is sound.

Zan's would be the deciding vote.

But to cast her vote, she must give birth.

To give birth, she must Exit.

Her brood cannot be born in this manifestation.

Zan, your decision is between this world and our own.

But if you Exit, you cannot return.

You must choose.

(CRYING)

Stop her!

Stop him!

ENN: Get off me!

- PT First... - Shut up, Wain.

Zan will either become

a Parent-Teacher or she will not.

Release him.

We Exit in three hours.

Make your preparations.

John!

John!

John, mate! John! John!

Zan!

It's a good world.

I thought it would be bigger,

and cleaner,

and more colorful somehow.

But still... It's a jewel.

ENN: Then stay.

I could be their father.

I could.

I don't think that they could be born here.

My brothers and sisters will die,

and I can stop it.

Maybe I can stop it forever.

Spirit, mind, voice, will, sex, strength.

- Six colonies... - Seven.

Is that my ring?

It's the heart.

The interchange.

The way in and the way out

to what is beyond.

Love.

(TINKLING)

I can hear them.

Our children are singing.

Don't go.

(ZAN BREATHING HEAVILY)

- No! What are you doing? - (GASPS)

No, no, no...

(SHUSHING)

(SIGHS)

(CRYING)

I love you.

(GRUNTS)

No!

(ENN GASPS)

(SOBBING)

No!

No, no, no!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

JOHN: So, Enn.

What do you think happened to your lady?

She must've gone on with the others.

They didn't even say goodbye.

She'll be all right, mate.

She's a tough one.

Well, look, let us not forget the day.

- What? - Tonight, I take

Tracey the Magnanimous to the pictures.

So I'm turning to you now,

as you're both men of fashion and adventure.

Lay it on me.

You got to forget everything you think you know.

Just accept that you are nothing

but a worthless initiate at her altar.

That's how you build trust.

Right.

No great secret.

Just remember that you're you

and she's her.

And together,

that'll be another thing.

Fat lot of good yous pair were. (SCOFFS)

It's all right, mate.

(GRUNTS)

- (BELL DINGS) - (JOHN SIGHS)

JOHN: All right then.

Ride on, you rotter.

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) - (FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

ENN: Hiya. EMILY: Hi.

ENN: How's it going? EMILY: Very well, thank you.

ENN: Thanks so much for coming out.

- EMILY: I adore your work. - Thank you very much.

- What's your name? - Emily.

- Where have you come from? - EMILY: Um, East Sussex.

ENN: Thanks for making that journey.

- (EMILY CHUCKLES) - Lovely to meet you.

- Thank you, Tom, keep writing. - TOM: Thank you.

Cheers. See you later. See you guys.

Hello, how are you?

SIOUXSIE: Very well, thank you.

- What's your name? - It's for all of us.

DEE DEE: We can only afford one copy.

ARI UP: We've just moved here.

Okay, well, I can make it out to all of you.

What are your names.

Siouxsie. With an "X."

(CHUCKLES)

- Dee Dee. - (CHUCKLES)

Ari Up.

Jonesy.

Enn.

She thought we should travel alone.

We think we'd like to stay.

We want to start a band.

(CRYING)

SLAP: Shut the fuck up!

BOADICEA: That was terrible. Do it again!

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