Original subtitles

Shaw: Is my suit straight?You don't have to be nervous

just 'cause you're meeting my dad.

It's not a big deal. Let's not make it a thing.

My dad is a preacher,

but he's not like a preacher preacher, okay?

Okay.

You gonna have to get the devil and my foot

out your ass!You ain't half the man that your father was.

Don't talk about my dead father.Cut her off from testimonials!

Now see who gonna pray for you.You ain't praying for nobody no way!

Everybody gotta pray right behind you--

Come on up here! Walking like you were blind.Hey, Daddy!

I'll beat you like your first husband.Oh, really?!

[ Indistinct shouting ]Hmm. I like this church.

Okay, now, Daddy, Miss Myrtle,

y'all know y'all too grown to be acting like this.Myrt: Mmm!

So in your quietest inside voices,

tell me what's wrong.

Me and your daddy was practicing

for Ed Lover's Cold Spades and Hot Wings Tournament --

Oh, Lord, not spades!You know your daddy is the king of spades.

Ha!Meanwhiles,

Lucifer over here making treacherous mistakes,

gonna cut my ace of hearts using her highest spades.

Blasphemy, I tell you.Now, Myrt, you know you got to watch the board.

Why you got to go crying to your daughter?

We won the books.And we lost books, too.

But you won, Daddy.You know something.

You can find yourself another partner.

Good, good.Partner, I quit!

'Cause y'all don't work. This is bad. This is not good.Get the hell out of my way.

You ain't said shit, little old-ass lady.

I can get my daughter to be my partner.

Won't you, Baby Z?

Won't you be my partner in the tournament?

♪ I was born on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪♪ South Side ♪

♪ Everybody stick together like we in a line ♪

♪ 'Cause it ain't no side like the South Side ♪

♪ On the South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪

All right, guys. I gotta leave early.

Stacy, you'll be locking up.

Remember, set the ADT decoy sign and club the door.

Good night.

[ Telephone rings in distance ]

[ Door opens, bell dings ]

[ Door closes ]

He is--Unh.

He gone.

Whoo![ All cheer ]

♪♪

[ Groans ]

Oh, oh! Ow!

Ow! Oh...

[ Breathing heavily ]

Okay. There.

I flossed. Are you happy now?

Miss You Have Bad Breath, You Need To Floss, I flossed.

Mmm. [ Blows ]

See? Hey.

But, seriously, what's on your mind, man?

I'm supposed to play with my daddy

in Ed Lover's Cold Spades and Hot Wings Tournament,

and I just -- I'm not looking forward to it.

Why not, you terrible?No. Why would you say that?

It's just, you don't even understand

how serious people take spades in Chicago,

'cause you from Gary.

Well, first off, I do understand,

because Gary is the blackest place on Earth.

[ Chuckles ] Oh.And second of all, I'll have you know that

I have a five-alarm wing recipe that will win the wings portion

of the Cold Spades and Hot Wings Tournament.

So I may not be from 'Cago or whatever -- Excuse me!

What the fuck you just call my city?

♪ We'll be special ♪♪ We'll be special ♪

♪ We'll be ♪♪ Will be special

-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

All right, let's get to stepping.

Give you a little bit of volume right there.

-Yeah, there it is. -Turn it up. Turn it up.

Oh, y'all ain't ready for the real.

Call me when the J.V. squad get off the floor.

-Come on, man! -They slide into my DMs.

Get on up here, Simon. Let's go!

All: Hey!

Ain't y'all open? Hello?!

-There it is. There it is. -Hey! Hey!

[ All cheering ]

-Oh. -O-kay.

Whoa.Aaron: Whoa.

That's... He caught us stepping.

Uh.

Terrible. Maybe it's the weed.

That's the worst stepping in Chicago

since the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Look at me, baby. Are you having a stroke?

You smell toast?

Hey, hey! Hey, that's a good one.

Okay, but I think we should all get ready.

Q want us to get out of here.

Let's go ahead and start locking up.

I'ma take the initiative and get started over here.

I got one good leg, and I can step better than that.

Q leaves, everybody wants to play.

Somebody's gotta do the work. I mean, what the hell.

What's up, joe? Why can't you step?

You uber embarrassed yourself.

What? Don't nobody care.

Chi-Town cares. Harold Washington cares, R.I.P.

I don't have to participate

in every stupid-ass Chicago tradition.

But to not be able to step,

that's like saying you hate deep-dish pizza.

I don't like deep-dish pizza. It's lasagna with crusts.

I don't care about learning some dance

that's only important to people in Chicago, man.

If Michael Jordan thought like that,

this city would only have five championships.

Fine! I'll learn the dance.

But, honestly, I think it's too late for me.

Nah. It's just began, homey.

All right, pupil, let's start your education.

Q: A lot of people misunderstand steppin'.

Some people think it's just some silly black salsa..

But it's not. It's life or death.

This is Steppin' Club 7, not Blockbuster Films --

Chicago people.

Man, look at the fashion.

The grace, the elegance. This shit is classic.

♪♪

Thanks for helping me get the rust off the spades game.

Shaw: You know I got you, baby.I do that.

Phew.

Hey, where's your partner?

Dorothy?Hello.

Not this quilted old bitch. Unh-unh.

Dorothy Brown. I read about you in "Thoughts We Forgot."

You a legend.Oh, okay. A legend that won't let me sell my building.

You know what --I don't want to hear shit from you today.

Just sit down, play the cards.

Okay.

Dorothy: Ooh![ Dorothy and Myrt laugh ]

Watch the board, baby. You just gave away another book.All right.

You know, you seem like a nice guy. Thank you.

And if you ever want something a little tighter,

you give old Dorothy a call.

I bet her coochie loose like a zoot suit.

She walk around with Detroit Red in her pants!

[ Laughter ]Funny. Funny.

You think that's funny?

You just want to go blind next time?

Going blind?! The bitch been blind!

[ Laughter ]

Myrtle... you need to stop it.

Look, you better watch who you full-namin'.She needs to watch her cards.

This pig play cards like Ray Charles ride a bike --

poorly.

Shaw: ♪ Georgia ♪[ Laughter continues ]

♪ The whole day through ♪You better sing, boy.

You like that?[ High-pitched ringing ]

She just need to grease up on account

of me and Dorothy being so deep in that ass!

[ Talking distorts ] [ Ringing intensifies ]

Who the fuck are dead goat-skinned bitches talking to?

Bitch, I will say your first, last, and middle name

right after I shove my foot up

your fuckin' dirty, dusty pussy hole.

And, you, go die

in a mysterious fire, and then I can

just claim insurance for the rest of my life

and then sweep your dirty-ass ashes off my fuckin' floor.

And your stupid ass, sitting over here

fuckin' kick-in' with these dumb-ass bitches.

The next time you are cold and lonely at night,

you call these two crypt pussy, you fuck-boy!

Fuck all of y'all!

Stupid bitches!

And you a bitch, too, nigga! A bitch!

That was very rude.

♪♪

[ Dogs bark in distance]

Thank you.

Hey.

Um, I brought you a Green Juice.

Ginger-fication? Mm-hmm.

You think you're funny?

What's you planting?

You know, scallions, onions, cilantro.

Jalepeno peppers -- stuff they put on nachos.

Bluto, smell this.

Yeah! I can smell the citrus.

So, I just want to say

sorry for snapping off on you like that.

It's just spades makes me really mad,

and my dad, I used to play with him,

and he just talks so much shit, I-I black out.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You know, there's a lot of shit out there that made me mad, too.

White subtitles.

When the characters go outside, you can't even really see it.

I mean, they should be yellow. You feel me?

Yeah, I-I feel you. I'm with you.

Well, I told my dad I'm not gonna play

in the tournament, so you off the hook.

I'm happy you cooled off. I still had fun.

In fact, I was thinking about playing with Bluto. Oh.

I mean, if you're cool with that, I mean.Yeah, yeah. That's cute.

K: The first step to steppin' is dressing right.

What do you think, guys?

Nope. Mnm-mnm.

It's not flowy enough.Mmm, no.

Flowy?See, when you step, you gotta look

like you wrestling a queen-size bed sheet.

Q: Forget about the swaying of the truck.

[ Tires screech ]

Focus on the swaying of your hips.

I have the basic steps.

I like it. It's, uh...flowy,

like you were saying -- way more flowy.

I just need to hem it a little bit, I think.

Hem it? You need to un-hem it.

I need way more bunchiness about the ankles.

You're the expert.

It should be looking like ankle foreskin down there.

Mm-hmm. Hum?

The music is the call of the seagulls.

If you can step to their squawks,

you can step to Boolumaster.

Oh, there it it. There it is. Bravo!

Now, that's the ugly little caterpillar

becoming a beautiful butterfly right there.

Whoo, boy! You look good!

That's alright.Look at that. Uh-huh!

♪♪

Pray tell, how goeth the wing prep?

Oh, pretty good.

Man, these bad boys are gonna be so succulent.

Ain't nobody gonna be thinking about the spades competition.

Ooh, I can think of a succulent spade myself.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, now.

Come on now.What's spades?

Oh, uh... it's a card game.

Come on, now. Look it up on Google.

Use that nig nog of yours.

I have to Google everything.

Tone. Hey, hey, hey.

Without Google, the Bosnian stork

would have never visited our home.

♪ There once was couple who were sad and alone ♪

♪ They weeped every evening, no baby at home ♪

♪ So they did lots of Googlin' all through the night ♪

♪ For an agency that gave ♪

♪ Two blacks a white ♪♪ Two blacks a white ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

All right, Google.com. Get on it.

Man: Hello and welcome to how to play spades.

♪♪

So, what's on your mind?

I'm trying to teach somebody how to step.

I won't say who, though.

It's not Simon, is it?

He's hopeless.

Someone can't step?

From the South Side?

That's bogus as hell.

Don't you think I know that?

The truth is, steppin' isn't something you learn.

It's something you unlock.

It's like teaching a baby bird to fly.

You gotta push them out the nest

and hope they flap their wings

before they hit the ground and die.

[ Chuckles ]Wow, that was deep, Mom.

I know.

♪♪

Ed Lover: Hey, everybody! Welcome, welcome, welcome!Man: Hey!

What's happenin'?

Hey, Charles, you wore that shirt anyway, huh?

I told you about that tie-dyed shit.

Oh!Big Z: There he is!

Oh! You know what's going on! The champ is here.

Oh, y'all might as well go home.

I might be from Chicago, but I keep a Boston in my hand.

Where your partner at?Oh. Right here.

I thought that was security.No, he a little angry.

Came out the womb with his fist balled.

But I'm working with him. Oh, Lord!

It's the po-po here. Please don't beat me.

Preacher's lives matter, too. Mm-hmm.

Oh, my girl. How you doin'? You lookin' good, baby girl.

Hey. Since when y'all start playing together?

Big Z: Oh.

Oh! Ah.

I got to let you handle this one by yourself, young blood.

Ed, let's go get some of them good wings you got over there.

Oh, yes, wings. Yeah, boy.

Don't give me the hot ones because they give me

high blood pressure.

Shaw, why you just didn't tell me?

Well, I didn't feel the need to run everything by you,

Zenobia, but I-I can.

These are my lucky drawers that I have on,

and I'm scared of raccoons.

They got thumbs.

Okay --I'm allergic to hummus.

This is not cute, and you know what I'm talking about.

You know how I feel about my daddy. Baby, baby...

I can't win with that kind of energy.

Yeah, I'm in a very no-more- drama-in-my-life kind of stage.

Excuse me. It's from Mary J.

I know.

I feel obliged to leave.

Officer.

[ Indistinct talking ]

Okay.

It hurt, don't it?

Yeah. It do.

All right, buddy, you ready to get this dub?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, playboy.

Where y'all think you're going

with these mysterious trays of food?

I'm here to win this hot wings tourney.

No, we play cold spades and eat hot wings.

It's a card-playing tournament. Ed provides the wings.

Wait, what?It's all in the title.

Ed Lover's Cold Spades and Hot Wings Tournament.

The language is clear.

Actually, it's fairly confusing.

As constructed here,

the word "tournament" applies equally

to both cold spades and hot wings.

That's what I said!Ain't nobody asked you!

Throw away those wings, and, you, come with me.

Wait -- Them, too!

Give me those, Josh. I got -- I'll take care of this.

All right, don't move. Sir, wait a second.

Now, hold on! This is my grandfather's recipe.

Hey, Josh. Hey, Goodnight.

See you at work. Wait.

I want to play in the tournament.

Can you be my partner?

Oh, sweetie, I don't know...I've been studying.

Please, please, please, please, please, please,

please, please, please, please!Okay, fine, fine.

It's better than going home and watching

Dave East videos, right?

Let's do it.

Are you any good?

Yeah, I'm good.

Ask me a question like that for.

I'm great.

No, no, wait! Stop! No!

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!

Oh, my God -- there go Phancy Foot Philip,

the West Side Step champion TrezVant!

Yo, Naperville Nate and his wife Peoria Janet.

Man, this competition about to be lit.

Man, y'all didn't tell me this was a competition.

There's no way I can win this. You motherfuckers set me up.

To hell with winning, boy.

This is about you stepping your game up --

literally.

When I play 2K against the computer,

I'm so-so, right?Mm-hmm.

But when I play against you --I get in that ass.

But I play better,

because there's some consequences.

That's what this is.

Oh, cool. There goes Spike.

He's actually judging the competition.

And I don't play favorites.

Damn, he can hear good as a mother...

This ain't no YouTube. A part of this game is mental.

People gonna talk a lot of nonsense,

and you can either choose to respond or stay quiet.

But no matter how crazy they talk to you,

they just trying to get in your head, okay?

I'm ready. All right, yes.

Oh, oh, okay! Ooh! [ Laughs ]

Look at you.

Oh, I know girls don't like you, little boy.

Your breath smells like behind my school.

[ Laughter ]Turner: Uh-oh!

Hey, I know that school, man. [ Chuckles ]

Come on, put 'em down. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Yeah! Yes!

♪♪

Hey, man, you should try these wings.

Let me tell you, Mr. Lover broke his foot off in these.

I mean, whoever made them, whoever his chef de jour was.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Playboy. Hey.

I thought I told you no!What?

No, I didn't bring -- man, I found this.

This is not -- you think this is mine?

You're crazy. I swear --

You know what? What don't you search me.

Come on. Put your hands on me.

That's what you want anyway, right?

Make a scene. Hey, everybody, yo.

The great wing detective is cracking another case.

Yep, he's getting to the bottom of it.

Sherlock Wings.

CSI: Wings Unit. I don't know how --

You got some saucy pockets, brother.

I don't -- I don't know how that got there.

I didn't, uh... Those are Ed's, right?

This ain't Ed's sauce.

Y'all know what time it is.

It's time to step up or sit down.

Y'all kill it.

Y'all barely touchin' the ground!

That is beautiful!

You better be steppin', 'cause Spike is comin'.

Oh, see, she just threw her shoulder into it.

She saved y'all, man. You better step it up.

Oh!

You out.

Man, you out.

All right.

Yeah, I see you, brother.

Yeah, you hangin' on.

Ed Lover: This is our final table, guys.

Two men against one woman and a child.

I'm gonna have to take it to y'all ass!

It ain't personal to you, but it is personal

with little Damien Thorn over here!

Zenobia? Zenobia?

Spell "I-cup."

Nothing, easy. Simple.

I-C-U-P.

[ Laughter ]

Oh, you little mayonnaise-colored booger, you.

Turner: Get him, Josh.You got me there.

See can you get on this?

See, they call me the Library, too,

'cause all I do is pick up books.

Get on this one.

Now, [chuckles] you like that?

Big Z and Mike take a quick lead.

Big Z: Yeah.

Turner: [ Chuckles ] Okay.

Yeah, you know, if you're hungry after this,

I can make you, like, an avocado--

Pay attention!

Okay, well, what -- what led?

No talking across the board.

Yes, rules. Get 'em, Josh.

Okay, there. Let's go.

Oh, another one.

Ooh! Zenobia and Josh come storming back.

They're two books in, but can they win?

This rhyming shit ain't working.

You suck.

But you finally engulfed what steppin' is all about.

Oh. Oh, I see what you doing.

Oh, you sacrificing yourself.

You out. You out.

I love you so much, and I'm proud of you.

And you out.

She got a better chance to hit the lottery

than beat your father in spades.

Now she got a little white dude working with her.

What happened to the little black kid.

She couldn't find a black partner.

Look at the man she with.

Man ain't got a shirt or a job.

Why she mess with a dude like that?

No self-esteem at all.

All the good time I don't put her through school,

she working on the other side.

All the jobs in the world, the po-po?

I don't even tell everybody my daughter a po-po.

Too ashamed.[ High-pitched ringing ]

Holding us down, killing us and everything.

Shameful, shameful, shameful, shameful.

And she know who the king of spades,

her daddy.

[ Distorts ] You know I'm the King!

[ Indistinct talking, laughing ]

Goodnight: There, I flossed. Are you happy now?

Baby light-skinned, being the mama is dark-skinned.

Must have got switched at birth.

I was gonna get a test, but it cost $99.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Zenobia, you know it's all fair in war

when I'm playing cards.

I love ya.

You know it.

Thank you.

Ooh. The hell you do that for?

Damn! I thought that was your 10.

Why would you think it's my 10?

Because I didn't see the white boy play the 10.

Why would you think I play a 10? I never been 10 years old.

I went from 9 to 11 to a grown-ass man.

And you still look a type short, ain't you, Deacon.

Listen here -- that's Jesus, not a pastor.[ High-pitched ringing ]

See, you don't even know your bible.

But if you should have gotten in your bible,

[distorts] go on when you was in jail.

You know what?I knew you brought me another loser here.

Fill out an application. Late for a night job.

[ Crowd murmurs ]

Who oversleep 4:30 in the evening?

Go on, put your hands on me. I wish you will.

Ed Lover: Did he just quit?

Sit down there.Did he just quit?

This is the first time in the history of Ed Lover's

Cold Spades and Hot Wings Tournament

that somebody has ever quit.

He just quit!

♪ Measure myself with hands and inches ♪

[ Stammers ] Wait a minute!

He got somebody to...

That is so beautiful and heroic.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪ Too much ♪

And it's also against the rules.

So, Big Z, Turner and Josh win!

[ Laughs ]You forfeit the game, babe!

You forfeit.Outrageous! Outrageous!

Blasphemy!We won?

You won.Where's the bylaws at?

I want to see the bylaws,

Ed Lover! I don't know why you say lover.

You ain't lovin' nobody. And where is my wings at?

Hey!

Hey, how you doing?

Okay, my man.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]Nice.

What the fuck?!

Oh! Oh!Are you defacing my poster?

Just the man I want to talk to.

This -- This is what you're doing inside.

It should say, "Ed Lover's Cold Spades Tournament,

featuring wings prepared by Ed Lover."

That would end all the confusion.

Next year, you are so not invited.

♪♪

Nobody was gonna beat TrezVant.

Oh, it was his the moment he walked in.

Hey, one week ago, you couldn't step at all.

Now you sliding like K-Y. How do you feel, man?

How do I feel? Well, let's see.

I never wanted to learn the step,

but I let y'all peer-pressure me.

I'm-a stop listenin' to motherfuckers.

Oh, I forgot the microwave. I see you up front.

Do you dance, my dude. Do your dance.

I'm gonna do my Chicago dance, partner.

♪ Rock your body ♪

♪ Rock your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ Rock your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ Rock your body ♪

♪ Move your body ♪

♪ I-I-I was born on the South Side ♪

♪ Side South ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side South ♪

♪ Good days on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪

♪ Got paid on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪

♪ Went to church on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪

♪ Went to work on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪

♪ Whole family from the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪

♪ Couldn't wait to go outside on the South Side ♪

-South Side! -South Side!

-South Side! -South Side!

♪ I was born on the South Side

♪ South Side ♪

♪ I was raised on the South Side ♪

♪ South Side ♪