Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:04,000
[♪]
2
00:00:29,732 --> 00:00:31,399
Oh, hi.
3
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,065
A hundred episodes.
4
00:00:34,099 --> 00:00:35,565
That's a lot.
5
00:00:35,599 --> 00:00:38,132
During the course of which
George, Elaine, Kramer, and I
6
00:00:38,165 --> 00:00:42,332
have had many experiences,
both positive and negative.
7
00:00:42,365 --> 00:00:44,165
Well, mostly negative.
8
00:00:44,199 --> 00:00:45,799
There have been
some relationships
9
00:00:45,832 --> 00:00:46,999
that haven't worked out.
10
00:00:47,032 --> 00:00:48,699
Ambitions that were
unfulfilled.
11
00:00:48,732 --> 00:00:50,999
Hopes dashed.
12
00:00:51,032 --> 00:00:53,632
Some property damage.
Hurt feelings.
13
00:00:53,665 --> 00:00:55,234
I know one guy got deported.
14
00:00:55,234 --> 00:00:55,632
I know one guy got deported.
15
00:00:55,665 --> 00:00:57,699
Physical injury and...
16
00:00:57,732 --> 00:01:00,065
all right,
maybe even a death or two.
17
00:01:00,099 --> 00:01:04,165
But we've persevered,
because we're people.
18
00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:05,899
Real TV people.
19
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,032
And for 30 minutes a week,
20
00:01:08,065 --> 00:01:09,865
that's pretty important to us.
21
00:01:09,899 --> 00:01:11,399
So if you're joining us late,
22
00:01:11,432 --> 00:01:14,665
here's some highlights
from what's happened so far.
23
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:16,732
Why don't they have salsa
on the table?
24
00:01:16,765 --> 00:01:19,132
What do you need salsa for?
25
00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:22,165
Salsa is now the number-one
condiment in America.
26
00:01:22,199 --> 00:01:23,799
Do you know why?
27
00:01:23,832 --> 00:01:25,234
Because people like
to say "salsa."
28
00:01:25,234 --> 00:01:25,865
Because people like
to say "salsa."
29
00:01:27,732 --> 00:01:29,232
Excuse me.
Do you have any salsa?
30
00:01:29,265 --> 00:01:32,032
We need more salsa.
Where's the salsa? No salsa?
31
00:01:32,065 --> 00:01:35,299
You know, it must be
impossible for
a Spanish person
32
00:01:35,332 --> 00:01:38,899
to order seltzer
and not get salsa.
33
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,632
I wanted seltzer, not salsa.
34
00:01:41,665 --> 00:01:44,132
Don't you know the difference
between seltzer and salsa?
35
00:01:44,165 --> 00:01:46,399
You have the seltzer
after the salsa.
36
00:01:46,432 --> 00:01:49,032
See? This should be the show.
This is the show.
37
00:01:49,932 --> 00:01:51,032
What?
38
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:54,232
This. Just talkin'.
39
00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:55,234
Yeah. Right.
40
00:01:55,234 --> 00:01:58,232
Yeah. Right.
41
00:01:58,265 --> 00:02:00,499
No, I'm really serious.
I think that's a good idea.
42
00:02:00,532 --> 00:02:03,799
Just talking?
Well, what's the show about?
43
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,232
It's about nothing.
44
00:02:05,265 --> 00:02:07,265
What's that red dot
on your sweater?
45
00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:11,532
Hey, didn't we come in
over there?
46
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:14,565
I thought we came in
over there.
47
00:02:17,365 --> 00:02:18,499
I'm out.
48
00:02:25,165 --> 00:02:25,234
What?
49
00:02:25,234 --> 00:02:26,632
What?
50
00:02:26,665 --> 00:02:30,399
Yeah, I'm out.
I'm out of the contest.
51
00:02:30,432 --> 00:02:32,065
No story?
52
00:02:32,099 --> 00:02:33,399
No, forget the story.
53
00:02:33,432 --> 00:02:34,999
But we gotta have a story.
54
00:02:35,032 --> 00:02:36,399
Who says you gotta
have a story?
55
00:02:36,432 --> 00:02:39,699
[PLAYING SLOW, ELEGANT MELODY]
56
00:02:48,332 --> 00:02:49,399
[LAUGHS]
57
00:02:49,432 --> 00:02:51,365
Four.
Seinfeld.
58
00:02:51,399 --> 00:02:52,665
Four?
59
00:02:52,699 --> 00:02:54,832
That will be five,
ten minutes.
60
00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:55,234
Boy, do you smell
something?
61
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:56,232
Boy, do you smell
something?
62
00:02:56,265 --> 00:02:57,465
Do I smell something?
63
00:02:57,499 --> 00:02:59,165
What am I,
hard of smelling?
64
00:02:59,199 --> 00:03:00,799
What is it?
65
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,732
I think it's BO.
66
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,665
And who's on the show?
Who are the characters?
67
00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:07,232
I could be a character.
68
00:03:07,265 --> 00:03:08,565
You?
69
00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:09,832
Yeah, you base
a character on a me.
70
00:03:09,865 --> 00:03:11,232
It's come to my attention
71
00:03:11,265 --> 00:03:12,865
that you
and the cleaning woman
72
00:03:12,899 --> 00:03:15,399
have engaged in
sexual intercourse
73
00:03:15,432 --> 00:03:17,265
on the desk
in your office.
74
00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,165
Who said that?
75
00:03:22,199 --> 00:03:23,432
She did.
76
00:03:24,765 --> 00:03:25,234
Was that wrong?
77
00:03:25,234 --> 00:03:26,499
Was that wrong?
78
00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:29,399
Should I not
have done that?
79
00:03:29,432 --> 00:03:31,499
I tell you, I gotta plead
ignorance on this thing,
80
00:03:31,532 --> 00:03:33,899
because if anyone had said
anything to me at all
81
00:03:33,932 --> 00:03:35,399
when I first started here,
82
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:39,565
that that sort of thing
was frowned upon...
83
00:03:39,599 --> 00:03:41,399
And who else is on the show?
84
00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:42,932
Elaine could be a character.
85
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,332
I wonder what happened
to my fiancé?
86
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:48,232
I know he's
here somewhere.
87
00:03:48,265 --> 00:03:51,999
I have lost my fiancé,
the poor baby.
88
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:53,099
[LAUGHS]
89
00:03:55,099 --> 00:03:55,234
[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
90
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,765
[AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]
Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
91
00:03:58,932 --> 00:04:00,832
What?
92
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,665
The dingo ate your baby!
93
00:04:04,765 --> 00:04:06,065
Kramer.
94
00:04:06,099 --> 00:04:08,065
Now, he's a character.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
95
00:04:08,099 --> 00:04:10,599
The bus is outta control!
96
00:04:11,832 --> 00:04:13,332
So I grab him
by the collar,
97
00:04:13,365 --> 00:04:15,499
I take him out of the seat,
I get behind the wheel,
98
00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:17,499
now I'm drivin' the bus.
99
00:04:19,065 --> 00:04:20,165
You're Batman.
100
00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:21,899
Yeah, yeah. I am Batman.
101
00:04:21,932 --> 00:04:24,999
Then the mugger, he comes to,
and he starts chokin' me!
102
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:25,234
So I'm fightin' him off
with one hand,
103
00:04:25,234 --> 00:04:27,032
So I'm fightin' him off
with one hand,
104
00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:30,065
and I kept drivin' the bus
with the other, you know.
105
00:04:30,099 --> 00:04:31,632
Then I managed
to open up the door,
106
00:04:31,665 --> 00:04:33,999
and I kicked him out the door,
you know, with my foot,
107
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:35,632
you know, at the next stop!
108
00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,899
You kept makin'
all the stops?
109
00:04:37,932 --> 00:04:40,665
Well, people kept ringin'
the bell!
110
00:04:42,599 --> 00:04:45,165
So everybody I know
is a character on the show?
111
00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:46,232
Right.
112
00:04:46,265 --> 00:04:47,632
My wallet's gone!
113
00:04:47,665 --> 00:04:49,399
My wallet's gone!
114
00:04:49,432 --> 00:04:50,565
Jerry!
115
00:04:50,599 --> 00:04:51,865
Uncle Leo.
116
00:04:51,899 --> 00:04:53,065
Hello!
117
00:04:53,099 --> 00:04:54,232
How could you?
118
00:04:54,265 --> 00:04:55,234
How could I what?
119
00:04:55,234 --> 00:04:55,632
How could I what?
120
00:04:55,665 --> 00:04:58,832
You were making out
during Schindler's List?
121
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,399
How long does it take
to find a bra?
122
00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:03,565
What's goin' on
in there?!
123
00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:05,299
You ask me to get
a pair of underwear,
124
00:05:05,332 --> 00:05:08,232
I'm back
in two seconds.
125
00:05:08,265 --> 00:05:11,165
You know about
the, uh, cup sizes and all?
126
00:05:13,099 --> 00:05:14,732
They have different cups.
127
00:05:14,765 --> 00:05:17,799
Yeah. I-I know about the cups.
128
00:05:17,832 --> 00:05:19,265
You got the A...
129
00:05:20,432 --> 00:05:21,899
B...
130
00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:23,999
the C...
131
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,065
the D...
132
00:05:25,099 --> 00:05:25,234
That's the biggest.
133
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:26,565
That's the biggest.
134
00:05:26,599 --> 00:05:28,232
I go out for a quart of milk.
135
00:05:28,265 --> 00:05:30,465
I come home
and find my son
136
00:05:30,499 --> 00:05:34,165
treating his body
like it was an amusement park.
137
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:39,165
I'm a United States
postal worker.
138
00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:41,032
Aren't those the guys
that always go crazy
139
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:44,332
and come back with a gun
and shoot everybody?
140
00:05:44,365 --> 00:05:46,732
Sometimes.
141
00:05:46,765 --> 00:05:47,899
Why is that?
142
00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:50,032
Because the mail
never stops.
143
00:05:50,065 --> 00:05:51,899
Every day it piles up
more and more and more,
144
00:05:51,932 --> 00:05:53,565
and you gotta get it out.
145
00:05:53,599 --> 00:05:55,234
But the more you get out,
the more it keeps coming in.
146
00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:55,532
But the more you get out,
the more it keeps coming in.
147
00:05:55,565 --> 00:05:56,899
Then the bar-code
reader breaks,
148
00:05:56,932 --> 00:05:58,665
and it's Publishers
Clearing House day!
149
00:05:58,699 --> 00:05:59,799
All right,
all right.
150
00:05:59,832 --> 00:06:01,832
So you're sayin',
I go into NBC
151
00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:04,799
and tell them I got this idea
for a show about nothing?
152
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,465
We go in to NBC.
153
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:07,699
We?
154
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:08,999
Since when are you a writer?
155
00:06:09,032 --> 00:06:13,999
What writer?
We're talkin' about a sitcom.
156
00:06:14,032 --> 00:06:15,732
You wanna go with me to NBC?
157
00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:17,632
Yeah. I think we really got
somethin' here.
158
00:06:17,665 --> 00:06:18,899
What do we got?
An idea.
159
00:06:18,932 --> 00:06:20,032
What idea?
160
00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:21,065
An idea for the show.
161
00:06:21,099 --> 00:06:23,199
I still don't know
what the idea is.
162
00:06:23,232 --> 00:06:24,799
It's about nothing.
163
00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:25,234
Right.
164
00:06:25,234 --> 00:06:25,999
Right.
165
00:06:26,032 --> 00:06:27,165
Everybody's doing
something.
166
00:06:27,199 --> 00:06:28,899
We'll do nothing.
167
00:06:28,932 --> 00:06:31,299
Let's go do something.
I don't wanna sit around here.
168
00:06:31,332 --> 00:06:32,899
Okay.
Wanna go get something to eat?
169
00:06:32,932 --> 00:06:34,132
Where do you
wanna go?
170
00:06:34,165 --> 00:06:37,465
I don't care.
I'm not hungry.
171
00:06:37,499 --> 00:06:39,565
We could go to one of
those cappuccino places.
172
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,699
They let you just sit there.
173
00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:43,332
What are we gonna do there?
Talk?
174
00:06:44,765 --> 00:06:46,799
We could talk.
175
00:06:46,832 --> 00:06:48,899
I'll go if I don't have
to talk.
176
00:06:50,665 --> 00:06:51,732
Then we'll just sit there.
177
00:06:51,765 --> 00:06:53,899
Oh, wow. That's
the astronaut pen.
178
00:06:53,932 --> 00:06:55,234
I heard about that.
Where did you get it?
179
00:06:55,234 --> 00:06:55,865
I heard about that.
Where did you get it?
180
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,565
Oh, it was a gift.
181
00:06:57,599 --> 00:06:59,532
Oh, 'cause a lot of times
I write in bed,
182
00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:02,865
and I have to turn and lean on
my elbow to make the pen work.
183
00:07:04,265 --> 00:07:05,332
Take the pen.
184
00:07:05,365 --> 00:07:06,399
Oh, no.
185
00:07:06,432 --> 00:07:07,665
Go ahead.
I couldn't.
186
00:07:07,699 --> 00:07:09,065
Come on. Take the pen.
187
00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:10,399
I can't take it.
Do me a personal favor.
188
00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,899
I'm not comfortable.
Take the pen!
189
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,332
I cannot take it.
Take the pen!
190
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:15,299
Are you sure?
I'm positive!
191
00:07:15,332 --> 00:07:16,699
Take the pen.
192
00:07:16,732 --> 00:07:18,199
Okay.
All right.
193
00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:20,032
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
194
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,232
Gee! Boy.
195
00:07:21,265 --> 00:07:22,632
Jack, what are you doing?
196
00:07:22,665 --> 00:07:23,699
Stop it.
197
00:07:23,732 --> 00:07:24,865
Jack,
we should go.
198
00:07:27,065 --> 00:07:28,965
It was nice
meeting you.
199
00:07:28,999 --> 00:07:30,299
Mmm.
Nice to meet you.
200
00:07:30,332 --> 00:07:31,399
Thanks again,
Jack.
201
00:07:31,432 --> 00:07:32,732
Come on!
202
00:07:36,932 --> 00:07:38,432
This?
203
00:07:39,832 --> 00:07:41,299
I agreed to wear this?
204
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:42,732
Yeah, yeah.
205
00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:45,365
Well, when did I do that?
206
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,899
When we went to dinner
the other night.
207
00:07:47,932 --> 00:07:49,732
What are you, crazy?
208
00:07:49,765 --> 00:07:52,199
What were you talkin' about
when I went to the bathroom?
209
00:07:52,232 --> 00:07:53,665
I don't know.
210
00:07:53,699 --> 00:07:55,132
I couldn't understand
a word she was saying.
211
00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:55,234
I was just nodding.
212
00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:56,232
I was just nodding.
213
00:07:56,265 --> 00:07:58,399
Pow! There you go.
214
00:07:58,432 --> 00:07:59,899
Where I go?
215
00:07:59,932 --> 00:08:02,899
You mean she was asking me
to wear this ridiculous shirt
216
00:08:02,932 --> 00:08:04,732
on national TV and I said yes?
217
00:08:04,765 --> 00:08:06,232
Yes.
Yes, you said it.
218
00:08:06,265 --> 00:08:08,132
But I didn't know
what she was talking about.
219
00:08:08,165 --> 00:08:09,465
I couldn't hear her.
220
00:08:09,499 --> 00:08:10,832
Well, she asked you.
221
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,799
I-I can't wear this
puffy shirt on TV.
222
00:08:13,832 --> 00:08:16,999
I mean, look at it.
It looks ridiculous.
223
00:08:17,032 --> 00:08:18,965
Well, you gotta wear it now.
224
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,365
This pirate trend that
she's come up with, Jerry,
225
00:08:21,399 --> 00:08:23,399
this is gonna be
the new look for the '90s.
226
00:08:23,432 --> 00:08:25,234
You're gonna be
the first pirate.
227
00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:25,399
You're gonna be
the first pirate.
228
00:08:25,432 --> 00:08:27,899
But I don't wanna
be a pirate.
229
00:08:27,932 --> 00:08:30,399
I don't understand.
Do you have my reservation?
230
00:08:30,432 --> 00:08:31,499
Yes, we do.
231
00:08:31,532 --> 00:08:33,299
Unfortunately,
we ran out of cars.
232
00:08:33,332 --> 00:08:36,399
But the reservation
keeps the car here.
233
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:38,732
That's why you have
the reservation.
234
00:08:38,765 --> 00:08:40,899
I know why
we have reservations.
235
00:08:40,932 --> 00:08:42,265
I don't think you do.
236
00:08:46,365 --> 00:08:49,232
If you did, I'd have a car.
237
00:08:49,265 --> 00:08:51,165
So you know how to take
the reservation.
238
00:08:51,199 --> 00:08:54,899
You just don't know how
to hold the reservation.
239
00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:55,234
And that's really
240
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:56,399
And that's really
241
00:08:56,432 --> 00:08:59,165
the most important part
of the reservation,
242
00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:00,232
the holding.
243
00:09:00,265 --> 00:09:02,199
Anybody can just take 'em.
244
00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:13,744
I think I can sum up the show
for you with one word.
245
00:09:15,178 --> 00:09:16,444
Nothing!
246
00:09:17,944 --> 00:09:19,111
Nothing?
247
00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,411
Nothing!
248
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:21,544
What does that mean?
249
00:09:21,578 --> 00:09:23,444
What did you do today?
250
00:09:23,478 --> 00:09:24,644
I got up and came to work.
251
00:09:24,678 --> 00:09:26,078
There's a show.
That's a show.
252
00:09:27,644 --> 00:09:29,044
How is that a show?
253
00:09:29,078 --> 00:09:31,311
Well, uh, m-maybe
something happens to you
254
00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:32,478
on the way to work.
255
00:09:32,511 --> 00:09:35,411
No. No. No!
Nothing happens!
256
00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:35,545
Well, something happens.
257
00:09:35,545 --> 00:09:37,578
Well, something happens.
258
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,144
Well, why am I watching it?
259
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:41,011
Because it's on TV.
260
00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:43,078
Not yet.
261
00:09:43,111 --> 00:09:45,911
[♪]
262
00:09:59,844 --> 00:10:02,311
I'm telling you,
she's good-looking.
263
00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:04,644
What about the body?
What kinda body?
264
00:10:04,678 --> 00:10:05,545
Good body.
Nice body.
265
00:10:05,545 --> 00:10:05,744
Good body.
Nice body.
266
00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:06,811
How nice?
Nice.
267
00:10:06,844 --> 00:10:07,878
Just nice?
Pretty nice.
268
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:08,944
Really good?
269
00:10:08,978 --> 00:10:11,178
Really, very nice and good.
270
00:10:16,778 --> 00:10:17,811
What about person--?
271
00:10:17,844 --> 00:10:21,478
Good personality.
272
00:10:21,511 --> 00:10:22,578
Funny.
273
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:24,078
Bright.
274
00:10:24,111 --> 00:10:26,044
Smarter than me? I don't want
anyone smarter than me.
275
00:10:26,078 --> 00:10:29,311
How could she be
smarter than you?
276
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:33,644
[LAUGHING]
Oh, no, he's a really,
really funny guy.
277
00:10:33,678 --> 00:10:35,545
What does he look like?
278
00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:35,778
What does he look like?
279
00:10:35,811 --> 00:10:36,878
Pardon?
280
00:10:36,911 --> 00:10:38,611
What does he look like?
281
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:39,911
Um...
282
00:10:39,944 --> 00:10:42,544
Well, he's got a lot of
character in his face.
283
00:10:42,578 --> 00:10:46,144
Um, he's short.
Um, he's stocky.
284
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:47,578
He's fat.
285
00:10:47,611 --> 00:10:49,644
Is that what you're saying?
That he's fat?
286
00:10:49,678 --> 00:10:51,311
Powerful.
287
00:10:51,344 --> 00:10:52,811
He is so powerful!
288
00:10:52,844 --> 00:10:57,378
He can lift 100 pounds
right up over his head.
289
00:10:57,411 --> 00:10:58,644
And, um...
290
00:10:58,678 --> 00:10:59,811
What else? What else?
291
00:10:59,844 --> 00:11:01,611
Oh. R-- Um...
292
00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:03,044
Er-- Well...
293
00:11:03,078 --> 00:11:04,444
He's-- He's kind of,
294
00:11:04,478 --> 00:11:05,545
just kind of...ungh,
295
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:06,244
just kind of...ungh,
296
00:11:06,278 --> 00:11:07,311
losing his hair.
297
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:08,811
He's bald?!
298
00:11:08,844 --> 00:11:10,411
No!
299
00:11:10,444 --> 00:11:12,078
No, no, no.
300
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:13,778
He's not bald.
301
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:15,711
He's balding.
302
00:11:15,744 --> 00:11:17,211
So he will be bald.
303
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,144
Yeah.
304
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,511
Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me.
305
00:11:28,011 --> 00:11:30,078
"Thick, lustrous hair
is very important to me."
306
00:11:30,111 --> 00:11:31,144
Is that what you said?
307
00:11:31,178 --> 00:11:32,244
Yeah, that's right.
308
00:11:32,278 --> 00:11:34,644
Just clarifying.
309
00:11:34,678 --> 00:11:35,545
Lemme ask you this.
310
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:35,811
Lemme ask you this.
311
00:11:41,311 --> 00:11:43,778
If you stick your hand
in the hair,
312
00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:46,244
is it easy to get it out?
313
00:11:49,178 --> 00:11:50,944
Do you wanna be able
to get it out,
314
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,911
or do you wanna not be able
to get it out?
315
00:11:53,944 --> 00:11:55,311
I'd like to be able
to get it out.
316
00:11:55,344 --> 00:11:57,911
I think you'll get it out.
317
00:11:57,944 --> 00:11:59,478
What about the skin?
318
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,511
I need a good cheek.
I like a good cheek.
319
00:12:02,611 --> 00:12:03,878
She's got a fine cheek.
320
00:12:03,911 --> 00:12:05,545
Is there a pinkish hue?
321
00:12:05,545 --> 00:12:06,478
Is there a pinkish hue?
322
00:12:09,178 --> 00:12:10,478
A pinkish hue?
323
00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:13,478
Yes. A rosy glow.
324
00:12:13,511 --> 00:12:16,644
There's a hue.
325
00:12:16,678 --> 00:12:18,111
She's got great eyebrows.
326
00:12:18,144 --> 00:12:20,578
Women kill to have
her eyebrows.
327
00:12:22,311 --> 00:12:24,111
Who cares about eyebrows?
328
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:27,111
Look at you.
329
00:12:27,144 --> 00:12:30,211
Why don't you do something
with your life?!
330
00:12:30,244 --> 00:12:31,911
Sit around here all day.
331
00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:34,244
You contribute nothing
to society.
332
00:12:34,278 --> 00:12:35,545
The alarm didn't go off,
it's 9:15!
333
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:36,044
The alarm didn't go off,
it's 9:15!
334
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,944
You're gonna miss the plane,
it's 9:15!
335
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,078
[GROGGILY]
9:15?
336
00:12:39,111 --> 00:12:40,911
Yeah, 9:15!
337
00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:43,578
Eh, we'll never make it.
I'll leave tomorrow.
338
00:12:43,611 --> 00:12:44,711
Tomorrow? Are you crazy?!
339
00:12:44,744 --> 00:12:45,778
No. Now, now.
340
00:12:45,811 --> 00:12:47,211
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
341
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:48,611
You get dressed.
You get dressed.
342
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:52,511
How could I be with
someone like you?
343
00:12:53,611 --> 00:12:55,378
Wouldn't respect myself.
344
00:12:55,411 --> 00:12:56,644
Put your pants on.
345
00:12:56,678 --> 00:12:58,211
I'll go tomorrow
or the next day.
346
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,711
No, you have your ticket.
You have to go now.
347
00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:00,778
We'll never make it.
348
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:01,944
Don't say that.
349
00:13:01,978 --> 00:13:04,278
Well, it takes 45 minutes
to get--
350
00:13:05,344 --> 00:13:05,545
It takes 45 minutes
to get there,
351
00:13:05,545 --> 00:13:07,378
It takes 45 minutes
to get there,
352
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,644
that will only leave me
5 minutes to get to the plane.
353
00:13:09,678 --> 00:13:10,944
Shut up and pack!
354
00:13:10,978 --> 00:13:13,378
I take it all back,
every word!
355
00:13:13,411 --> 00:13:15,878
I love you!
356
00:13:15,911 --> 00:13:18,244
I love you!
357
00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:20,644
It's not you. It's me.
358
00:13:20,678 --> 00:13:22,478
You're giving me
359
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:25,544
the "it's not you,
it's me" routine?
360
00:13:25,578 --> 00:13:28,244
I invented
"it's not you, it's me."
361
00:13:28,278 --> 00:13:30,744
Nobody tells me
it's them, not me.
362
00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:32,211
If it's anybody, it's me.
363
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:33,478
All right.
364
00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:34,611
George, it's you.
365
00:13:34,644 --> 00:13:35,545
You're damn right it's me.
366
00:13:35,545 --> 00:13:37,144
You're damn right it's me.
367
00:13:37,178 --> 00:13:38,444
Elaine...
Hm?
368
00:13:38,478 --> 00:13:41,544
you don't know the first thing
about first base.
369
00:13:41,578 --> 00:13:46,044
Oh. Well, I know something
about gettin' to first base.
370
00:13:46,078 --> 00:13:48,811
And I know you'll
never be there.
371
00:13:48,844 --> 00:13:50,978
The way I figure it,
I've already been there.
372
00:13:51,011 --> 00:13:54,378
I plan on rounding second
tonight at around 11:00.
373
00:13:54,411 --> 00:13:55,611
[LAUGHS]
374
00:13:55,644 --> 00:13:56,811
Well, uh...
375
00:13:56,844 --> 00:13:59,911
I'd watch the third-base coach
if I were you,
376
00:13:59,944 --> 00:14:04,311
'cause I don't think
he's wavin' you in.
377
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,545
I guess things changed for me
on Tuesday night.
378
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,044
I guess things changed for me
on Tuesday night.
379
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:08,378
Tuesday night?
380
00:14:08,411 --> 00:14:10,078
What happened
Tuesday night?
381
00:14:10,844 --> 00:14:13,378
I saw your act.
382
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,311
My act? Wh-what does that
have to do with anything?
383
00:14:16,344 --> 00:14:18,378
To be honest, it...
384
00:14:18,411 --> 00:14:20,478
just didn't make it for me.
385
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:23,411
It was just so much fluff.
386
00:14:23,444 --> 00:14:24,644
So, what're you saying?
387
00:14:24,678 --> 00:14:26,244
You didn't like my act?
388
00:14:26,278 --> 00:14:27,778
So that's it?
389
00:14:27,811 --> 00:14:31,244
I can't be with someone
if I don't respect
what they do.
390
00:14:31,278 --> 00:14:33,144
You're a cashier.
391
00:14:33,178 --> 00:14:35,545
You don't know my name,
do you?
392
00:14:35,545 --> 00:14:35,978
You don't know my name,
do you?
393
00:14:36,011 --> 00:14:38,211
Yes, I do.
394
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:39,478
What is it?
395
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:42,911
It rhymes with
a female body part.
396
00:14:42,944 --> 00:14:44,278
What is it?
397
00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:47,344
Mulva?
398
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:51,978
I think you're really sick.
399
00:14:52,011 --> 00:14:53,311
I'm not sick.
400
00:14:53,344 --> 00:14:56,144
You said much sicker
things than me.
401
00:14:56,178 --> 00:14:57,278
I'm leaving.
402
00:14:57,311 --> 00:14:58,711
So, where were we?
403
00:14:58,744 --> 00:15:00,111
I was just leaving.
404
00:15:00,144 --> 00:15:01,944
Right.
You were leaving.
405
00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:05,411
I can't believe you sent
a woman into the sauna
to do that.
406
00:15:05,444 --> 00:15:05,545
That was an accident.
407
00:15:05,545 --> 00:15:07,144
That was an accident.
408
00:15:07,178 --> 00:15:09,278
I think you're both
mentally ill.
409
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:11,311
Ohhh...
410
00:15:17,444 --> 00:15:18,811
And by the way...
411
00:15:18,844 --> 00:15:23,444
they're real,
and they're spectacular.
412
00:15:23,478 --> 00:15:25,811
Why shouldn't we be able
to do that once in a while
413
00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:26,911
if we want to?
414
00:15:26,944 --> 00:15:28,278
I know!
415
00:15:28,311 --> 00:15:30,311
I mean, really,
what is the big deal?
416
00:15:30,344 --> 00:15:31,644
We go in there,
417
00:15:31,678 --> 00:15:33,544
we're in there
for a while,
418
00:15:33,578 --> 00:15:35,545
and then we come back
out here.
419
00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:35,644
and then we come back
out here.
420
00:15:35,678 --> 00:15:37,444
That's not complicated.
421
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,478
It's almost stupid
if we didn't.
422
00:15:39,511 --> 00:15:40,811
It's moronic!
423
00:15:40,844 --> 00:15:42,844
Absurd!
424
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,644
Of course...
425
00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:51,544
I guess, maybe, some little
problems could arise.
426
00:15:51,578 --> 00:15:53,378
Ah, you know,
there are always a few.
427
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,744
I mean, if anything happened,
428
00:15:54,778 --> 00:15:58,311
and we couldn't be friends
the way we are now...
429
00:15:58,344 --> 00:15:59,911
that would really be bad.
430
00:15:59,944 --> 00:16:01,078
Devastating.
431
00:16:01,111 --> 00:16:03,911
Because this...
is very good.
432
00:16:06,411 --> 00:16:08,578
And that would be good.
433
00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:11,411
That would be good too.
434
00:16:11,444 --> 00:16:14,478
The idea is to combine
the this...
435
00:16:14,511 --> 00:16:16,811
and the that...
436
00:16:16,844 --> 00:16:19,478
but this cannot
be disturbed.
437
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:22,311
Yeah. We-- We--
We just wanna take this...
438
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:23,711
and...
439
00:16:23,744 --> 00:16:25,511
add that.
440
00:16:28,444 --> 00:16:31,244
But of course,
we have to figure out a way
441
00:16:31,278 --> 00:16:34,244
to avoid the things that cause
the little problems.
442
00:16:34,278 --> 00:16:35,545
Mmm.
Maybe some rules or something.
443
00:16:35,545 --> 00:16:36,311
Mmm.
Maybe some rules or something.
444
00:16:36,344 --> 00:16:37,611
Huh.
445
00:16:37,644 --> 00:16:39,111
For example...
446
00:16:40,578 --> 00:16:42,744
now, I call you
whenever I am inclined
447
00:16:42,778 --> 00:16:44,144
and vice versa.
Right.
448
00:16:44,178 --> 00:16:47,478
But if we did that,
we might feel...
449
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:49,078
a certain obligation to call.
450
00:16:49,111 --> 00:16:51,944
Oh-- Well, why should that be?
451
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:54,478
Oh! I have an idea.
I have an idea.
452
00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:59,078
No calls the day after that.
453
00:16:59,111 --> 00:17:00,744
Beautiful.
454
00:17:00,778 --> 00:17:02,144
Let's make it a rule.
455
00:17:02,178 --> 00:17:03,911
All right, sir.
456
00:17:06,678 --> 00:17:08,411
Now, here's
another little rule.
457
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,744
Yeah.
458
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,144
When we see each other now,
459
00:17:11,178 --> 00:17:13,811
we retire
to our separate quarters.
460
00:17:13,844 --> 00:17:17,078
But sometimes, when people
get involved with that,
461
00:17:17,111 --> 00:17:20,478
they feel...
pressure to...
462
00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:22,578
sleep over...
463
00:17:22,611 --> 00:17:26,411
when that is not really sleep.
464
00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:31,478
Sleep is separate from that,
465
00:17:31,511 --> 00:17:33,078
and I don't see
466
00:17:33,111 --> 00:17:35,545
why sleep got all tied up
and connected...
467
00:17:35,545 --> 00:17:39,044
why sleep got all tied up
and connected...
468
00:17:39,078 --> 00:17:40,478
with that.
469
00:17:40,511 --> 00:17:42,311
Okay. Okay.
470
00:17:42,344 --> 00:17:46,678
Rule number two:
spending the night
is optional.
471
00:17:48,578 --> 00:17:51,144
Well, now we're gettin'
somewhere.
472
00:17:51,178 --> 00:17:52,744
I slept with Elaine
last night.
473
00:17:56,844 --> 00:17:57,978
Oxygen.
474
00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:59,744
I need some oxygen.
475
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:00,811
I thought you'd like that.
476
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:02,544
Oh, this is huge.
477
00:18:02,578 --> 00:18:03,911
I know.
All right.
478
00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:05,545
Okay. Let's go. Details.
479
00:18:05,545 --> 00:18:06,311
Okay. Let's go. Details.
480
00:18:06,344 --> 00:18:07,978
No, I can't give details.
481
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:09,144
No details?
482
00:18:10,011 --> 00:18:12,144
I'm not in the mood.
483
00:18:13,844 --> 00:18:15,978
You asked me here
to have lunch,
484
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,078
tell me you slept with Elaine,
485
00:18:18,111 --> 00:18:21,444
and then say you're not
in the mood for details.
486
00:18:21,478 --> 00:18:24,044
Now, you listen to me.
487
00:18:24,078 --> 00:18:27,044
I want details,
and I want them right now.
488
00:18:27,078 --> 00:18:29,644
I don't have a job.
I have no place to go.
489
00:18:29,678 --> 00:18:30,878
You're not in the mood?
490
00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:33,078
Well, you get in the mood!
491
00:18:35,844 --> 00:18:38,144
I was at
the unemployment office,
492
00:18:38,178 --> 00:18:39,578
and I told them I was
very close
493
00:18:39,611 --> 00:18:41,478
to getting a job
with Vandelay Industries.
494
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:42,978
and I gave them
your phone number.
495
00:18:43,011 --> 00:18:44,878
So now,
when the phone rings,
496
00:18:44,911 --> 00:18:47,311
you have to answer
"Vandelay Industries."
497
00:18:47,344 --> 00:18:48,478
I'm Vandelay Industries?
498
00:18:48,511 --> 00:18:49,578
Right.
499
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:50,644
What is that?
500
00:18:50,678 --> 00:18:51,878
You're in latex.
501
00:18:51,911 --> 00:18:52,978
Latex.
502
00:18:53,011 --> 00:18:54,044
Yes.
503
00:18:54,078 --> 00:18:55,311
And what do I do with latex?
504
00:18:55,344 --> 00:18:56,878
I don't know.
You manufacture it.
505
00:18:56,911 --> 00:18:59,644
Right here,
in this little apartment?
506
00:18:59,678 --> 00:19:01,278
And what do I say about you?
507
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:03,811
You're considering hiring me
for your latex salesman.
508
00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:05,545
I'm gonna hire you
as my latex salesman?
509
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:06,311
I'm gonna hire you
as my latex salesman?
510
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:07,478
Right.
511
00:19:07,511 --> 00:19:10,078
[LAUGHS]
I don't think so.
512
00:19:10,111 --> 00:19:11,278
Man, I'm tellin' you
513
00:19:11,311 --> 00:19:13,978
this pizza idea
is really gonna happen.
514
00:19:14,011 --> 00:19:15,578
This is the thing
where you go,
515
00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:17,411
and you have to make
your own pizza?
516
00:19:17,444 --> 00:19:18,811
Yeah. We give you the dough.
517
00:19:18,844 --> 00:19:20,778
You smash it. You pound it.
518
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,378
You fling it
up in the air.
519
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,911
And then you get to
put your sauce,
520
00:19:23,944 --> 00:19:26,378
and you get to sprinkle
your cheese, and then...
521
00:19:26,411 --> 00:19:29,811
you slide it
into the oven!
522
00:19:29,844 --> 00:19:31,444
You know, you have to know
how to do that.
523
00:19:31,478 --> 00:19:33,378
You can't have people
shoving their arms
524
00:19:33,411 --> 00:19:34,911
into a 600-degree oven.
525
00:19:34,944 --> 00:19:35,545
It's all supervised.
526
00:19:35,545 --> 00:19:36,611
It's all supervised.
527
00:19:36,644 --> 00:19:38,078
Oh, well.
528
00:19:38,111 --> 00:19:40,744
Tolstoy used to write
in the village square.
529
00:19:40,778 --> 00:19:42,444
The faces inspired him.
530
00:19:42,478 --> 00:19:45,811
Although, one wonders
if War and Peace
531
00:19:45,844 --> 00:19:47,644
would have been as highly
acclaimed as it was
532
00:19:47,678 --> 00:19:50,244
had it been published
under it's original title,
533
00:19:50,278 --> 00:19:52,944
War: What Is It Good For?
534
00:19:52,978 --> 00:19:54,044
What?
535
00:19:54,078 --> 00:19:55,711
Yeah, Mr. Lippman.
536
00:19:55,744 --> 00:19:59,144
It was his mistress who
insisted that he call it
War and Peace.
537
00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:00,244
Elaine.
538
00:20:00,278 --> 00:20:01,478
War: What Is It Good For?
539
00:20:01,511 --> 00:20:04,244
♪ Absolutely nothin'
Huh! ♪
540
00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:05,545
If I see her, what do I say
that I'm doing here?
541
00:20:05,545 --> 00:20:06,244
If I see her, what do I say
that I'm doing here?
542
00:20:06,278 --> 00:20:08,311
Well, you came to see me.
I work in the building.
543
00:20:08,344 --> 00:20:10,444
What do you do?
544
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:12,811
I'm an architect.
545
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,578
You're an architect?
546
00:20:14,611 --> 00:20:16,578
I'm not?
547
00:20:19,411 --> 00:20:21,744
I don't see architecture
coming from you.
548
00:20:21,778 --> 00:20:23,644
We'll make our choice
in a few days,
549
00:20:23,678 --> 00:20:26,044
and we'll let you know.
550
00:20:26,078 --> 00:20:28,044
I have no chance, do I?
551
00:20:28,078 --> 00:20:29,178
No.
552
00:20:30,178 --> 00:20:31,444
You know I always wanted
553
00:20:31,478 --> 00:20:32,978
to pretend
that I was an architect.
554
00:20:33,011 --> 00:20:34,244
What do you do?
555
00:20:34,278 --> 00:20:35,545
I'm an architect.
556
00:20:35,545 --> 00:20:37,044
I'm an architect.
557
00:20:37,078 --> 00:20:39,144
Have you designed
any buildings in New York?
558
00:20:39,178 --> 00:20:42,244
Have you seen the new addition
to the Guggenheim?
559
00:20:42,278 --> 00:20:43,811
You did that?
560
00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,278
Yep, yep.
561
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:47,411
You know, it didn't take
very long either.
562
00:20:47,444 --> 00:20:48,711
The beauty of my book is,
563
00:20:48,744 --> 00:20:50,478
if you don't have
a coffee table,
564
00:20:50,511 --> 00:20:52,911
it turns into a coffee table.
565
00:20:52,944 --> 00:20:54,244
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
566
00:20:54,278 --> 00:20:55,878
Isn't that fabulous?
567
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:57,511
Look at this!
568
00:20:58,944 --> 00:21:00,444
What-delay industries?
569
00:21:00,478 --> 00:21:01,778
No.
570
00:21:01,811 --> 00:21:03,544
GEORGE:
"Vandelay," say "Vandelay."
571
00:21:03,578 --> 00:21:05,545
No. No, you're
way, way, way off.
572
00:21:05,545 --> 00:21:05,944
No. No, you're
way, way, way off.
573
00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:07,378
What?
"Vandelay"!
574
00:21:07,411 --> 00:21:09,211
Say--!
575
00:21:09,244 --> 00:21:10,578
Vandelay Industries.
576
00:21:10,611 --> 00:21:13,344
No problem.
No problem.
577
00:21:22,944 --> 00:21:26,678
And you wanna be
my latex salesman.
578
00:21:29,811 --> 00:21:33,144
I think Superman probably has
a very good sense of humor.
579
00:21:33,178 --> 00:21:35,545
I never heard him
say anything really funny.
580
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:36,044
I never heard him
say anything really funny.
581
00:21:36,078 --> 00:21:38,044
He's got super strength,
super speed.
582
00:21:38,078 --> 00:21:40,311
I'm sure he's got super humor.
583
00:21:40,344 --> 00:21:43,211
Either you're born with
a sense of humor,
or you're not.
584
00:21:43,244 --> 00:21:44,444
It's not gonna change.
585
00:21:44,478 --> 00:21:46,411
Even if you go from
the red sun of Krypton
586
00:21:46,444 --> 00:21:48,978
all the way to the yellow sun
of the Earth.
587
00:21:49,011 --> 00:21:50,911
Why?
588
00:21:50,944 --> 00:21:52,711
Why would that
one area of his mind
589
00:21:52,744 --> 00:21:56,378
not be affected by
the yellow sun of the Earth?
590
00:21:56,411 --> 00:21:58,744
I don't know,
but he ain't funny.
591
00:21:58,778 --> 00:21:59,811
What's today.
592
00:21:59,844 --> 00:22:01,478
It's Thursday.
593
00:22:01,511 --> 00:22:03,044
Really?
594
00:22:03,078 --> 00:22:05,545
It feels like Tuesday.
595
00:22:05,545 --> 00:22:05,878
It feels like Tuesday.
596
00:22:05,911 --> 00:22:08,211
Tuesday has no feel.
597
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,411
Monday has a feel.
598
00:22:10,444 --> 00:22:12,411
Friday has a feel.
599
00:22:12,444 --> 00:22:13,711
Sunday has a feel.
600
00:22:13,744 --> 00:22:14,878
I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.
601
00:22:14,911 --> 00:22:16,878
All right, shut up
the both of you.
602
00:22:16,911 --> 00:22:18,278
You double dipped the chip.
603
00:22:18,311 --> 00:22:19,478
Double dipped?
604
00:22:19,511 --> 00:22:20,944
Wh-what are you
talkin' about?
605
00:22:20,978 --> 00:22:22,144
You dipped the chip,
606
00:22:22,178 --> 00:22:24,478
you took a bite...
607
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,478
and you dipped again.
608
00:22:27,311 --> 00:22:28,644
So?
609
00:22:28,678 --> 00:22:32,311
That's like putting your whole
mouth right in the dip.
610
00:22:32,344 --> 00:22:33,644
Look.
611
00:22:33,678 --> 00:22:35,545
From now on,
when you take a chip,
612
00:22:35,545 --> 00:22:36,378
From now on,
when you take a chip,
613
00:22:36,411 --> 00:22:39,411
just take one dip
and end it!
614
00:22:39,444 --> 00:22:41,111
Could I offer you
something to drink?
615
00:22:41,144 --> 00:22:42,144
Okay, yeah.
616
00:22:42,178 --> 00:22:43,444
I'll have a--
617
00:22:43,478 --> 00:22:46,278
Do you have
a decaf cappuccino?
618
00:22:47,811 --> 00:22:49,278
I don't think we have that.
619
00:22:50,611 --> 00:22:52,711
Well, that's a little strange.
620
00:22:52,744 --> 00:22:54,711
Uh, why does that surprise
you?
621
00:22:54,744 --> 00:22:58,478
Well, it's...
It's a very popular drink.
622
00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:00,444
This is an office.
623
00:23:00,478 --> 00:23:02,444
That's true.
624
00:23:02,478 --> 00:23:03,578
Magellan?
625
00:23:03,611 --> 00:23:04,811
You like Magellan?
626
00:23:04,844 --> 00:23:05,545
Oh, yeah.
My favorite explorer.
627
00:23:05,545 --> 00:23:06,644
Oh, yeah.
My favorite explorer.
628
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:08,644
Around the world.
Come on.
629
00:23:08,678 --> 00:23:09,811
Who do you like?
630
00:23:09,844 --> 00:23:12,111
I like de Soto.
631
00:23:12,144 --> 00:23:13,478
De Soto? What did he do?
632
00:23:13,511 --> 00:23:15,078
Discovered the Mississippi.
633
00:23:15,111 --> 00:23:17,111
Oh, yeah, like they wouldn't
have found that anyway.
634
00:23:17,144 --> 00:23:18,878
I was talkin' to this guy,
you know,
635
00:23:18,911 --> 00:23:21,478
and I just happened to throw
my purse on the sofa,
636
00:23:21,511 --> 00:23:24,944
and my diaphragm goes
flying out.
637
00:23:27,511 --> 00:23:29,778
So I just froze,
you know.
638
00:23:29,811 --> 00:23:31,078
Ahhh!
639
00:23:31,111 --> 00:23:32,611
Staring at my diaphragm,
you know.
640
00:23:32,644 --> 00:23:33,644
It's just lying there.
641
00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:34,744
So then this woman,
642
00:23:34,778 --> 00:23:35,545
the one who sold me
this hair thing,
643
00:23:35,545 --> 00:23:36,144
the one who sold me
this hair thing,
644
00:23:36,178 --> 00:23:37,878
she grabbed it
before the guy noticed.
645
00:23:37,911 --> 00:23:41,044
So I mean,
big deal, right?
646
00:23:41,078 --> 00:23:42,778
So I carry around
my diaphragm.
647
00:23:42,811 --> 00:23:43,978
Who doesn't?
648
00:23:44,011 --> 00:23:46,111
I mean, like
it's a big, big secret
649
00:23:46,144 --> 00:23:49,411
that women carry around
their diaphragms.
650
00:23:49,444 --> 00:23:51,678
You never know when
you're gonna need it, right?
651
00:23:56,678 --> 00:23:58,611
[SIGHS]
652
00:23:58,644 --> 00:24:00,711
I hate Keith Hernandez.
Hate him.
653
00:24:00,744 --> 00:24:02,911
I despise him.
654
00:24:02,944 --> 00:24:04,478
Why?
NEWMAN: Why?
655
00:24:04,511 --> 00:24:05,545
I'll tell you why.
Let me tell her.
656
00:24:05,545 --> 00:24:05,978
I'll tell you why.
Let me tell her.
657
00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:07,944
You can't tell her.
You always tell it.
658
00:24:07,978 --> 00:24:09,944
All right, tell it.
Ah, you just tell it.
659
00:24:12,144 --> 00:24:14,611
June 14th, 1987.
660
00:24:14,644 --> 00:24:15,944
Mets-Phillies.
661
00:24:15,978 --> 00:24:17,611
We're enjoying
a beautiful afternoon
662
00:24:17,644 --> 00:24:19,111
in the right-field stands
663
00:24:19,144 --> 00:24:20,644
when a crucial
Hernandez error
664
00:24:20,678 --> 00:24:23,311
opens the door to
a five-run Phillies 9th.
665
00:24:23,344 --> 00:24:24,644
Cost the Mets the game.
666
00:24:24,678 --> 00:24:27,944
Our day was ruined.
667
00:24:27,978 --> 00:24:29,578
There was a lot of people,
you know.
668
00:24:29,611 --> 00:24:31,411
They were waiting by
the players parking lot.
669
00:24:31,444 --> 00:24:33,078
Now, we're comin'down the ramp.
670
00:24:33,111 --> 00:24:34,944
Newman was in front of me.
671
00:24:34,978 --> 00:24:35,545
Hernandez was comingtoward us.
672
00:24:35,545 --> 00:24:37,144
Hernandez was comingtoward us.
673
00:24:37,178 --> 00:24:39,378
As he passes us,
Newman turns and says,
674
00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:42,011
"Nice game,pretty boy."
675
00:24:44,744 --> 00:24:47,411
Hernandez continued past usup the ramp.
676
00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:48,944
Then, a second later,
677
00:24:48,978 --> 00:24:51,744
something happened
that changed us
678
00:24:51,778 --> 00:24:56,644
in a very deep and profound
way from that day forward.
679
00:24:56,678 --> 00:24:57,778
What was it?
680
00:24:57,811 --> 00:24:59,578
He spit on us.
681
00:25:01,178 --> 00:25:04,644
Then I screamed out,"I'm hit!"
682
00:25:04,678 --> 00:25:05,545
Then I turned,
683
00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:06,811
Then I turned,
684
00:25:06,844 --> 00:25:10,144
and the spit ricochetedoff him and it hit me.
685
00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:12,644
Wow.
686
00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:14,378
What a story.
687
00:25:14,411 --> 00:25:16,878
Unfortunately,
the immutable laws of physics
688
00:25:16,911 --> 00:25:19,978
contradict the whole premise
of your account.
689
00:25:20,011 --> 00:25:22,644
Allow me to reconstruct this,
if I may, for Miss Benes,
690
00:25:22,678 --> 00:25:25,111
as I've heard this story
a number of times.
691
00:25:25,144 --> 00:25:29,211
Newman, Kramer,
if you'll indulge me.
692
00:25:29,244 --> 00:25:31,144
According to your story,
693
00:25:31,178 --> 00:25:34,478
Hernandez passes youand starts walkingup the ramp.
694
00:25:34,511 --> 00:25:35,545
Mm-hmm.
Then,
you say, you were struck...
695
00:25:35,545 --> 00:25:37,144
Mm-hmm.
Then,
you say, you were struck...
696
00:25:38,444 --> 00:25:40,644
...on the right temple.
697
00:25:40,678 --> 00:25:44,278
The spit then proceeds
to ricochet off the temple,
698
00:25:44,311 --> 00:25:45,711
striking Newman between
699
00:25:45,744 --> 00:25:47,478
the third and the forth rib.
700
00:25:49,978 --> 00:25:51,878
The spit then came
off the rib,
701
00:25:51,911 --> 00:25:53,144
made a right turn,
702
00:25:53,178 --> 00:25:56,378
hitting Newman
in the right wrist,
703
00:25:56,411 --> 00:25:58,144
causing him to drop
704
00:25:58,178 --> 00:25:59,444
his baseball cap.
705
00:26:01,244 --> 00:26:03,644
The spit then splashed
off the wrist,
706
00:26:03,678 --> 00:26:05,545
pauses in midair,
mind you...
707
00:26:05,545 --> 00:26:06,911
pauses in midair,
mind you...
708
00:26:07,844 --> 00:26:09,944
makes a left turn,
709
00:26:09,978 --> 00:26:12,844
and lands on
Newman's left thigh.
710
00:26:14,511 --> 00:26:17,611
That is one magic loogie.
711
00:26:27,383 --> 00:26:31,350
Story is the foundation
of all entertainment.
712
00:26:31,383 --> 00:26:34,017
And people really have to care
about the characters.
713
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:36,183
Yeah. Forget about care. Love.
714
00:26:36,217 --> 00:26:37,683
They have to love
the characters.
715
00:26:37,717 --> 00:26:39,850
Now get the hell out
of my house.
716
00:26:39,883 --> 00:26:41,217
Quiet!
717
00:26:42,117 --> 00:26:43,450
You shut up.
718
00:26:43,483 --> 00:26:46,083
As of now, you're banned
from the store. You're banned!
719
00:26:46,117 --> 00:26:49,217
It's a pizza the moment you
put your fists in the dough.
720
00:26:50,717 --> 00:26:52,539
I have a hair on my tongue.
721
00:26:52,539 --> 00:26:53,083
I have a hair on my tongue.
722
00:26:53,117 --> 00:26:54,683
Can't get it off.
723
00:26:54,717 --> 00:26:56,450
You know how much I hate that?
724
00:26:56,483 --> 00:26:57,750
Soup's not a meal.
725
00:26:57,783 --> 00:26:59,450
You're supposed
to buy me a meal.
726
00:26:59,483 --> 00:27:01,683
Yeah, well, just keep out
of my business, you big ape.
727
00:27:01,717 --> 00:27:03,517
Who you callin'
"big ape"?
728
00:27:03,550 --> 00:27:04,850
I'm calling you an ape.
729
00:27:04,883 --> 00:27:06,183
Yeah, come on.
730
00:27:06,217 --> 00:27:07,517
All right.
Break it up, break it up.
731
00:27:07,550 --> 00:27:08,850
Come on, you two.
732
00:27:08,883 --> 00:27:10,583
Just cut it out now.
733
00:27:10,617 --> 00:27:12,350
But you put on a pair of shoes
when you walk
734
00:27:12,383 --> 00:27:14,117
into the New York
Public Library, fella.
735
00:27:14,150 --> 00:27:17,083
We had a funny guy
with us in Korea.
736
00:27:17,117 --> 00:27:19,150
A tail gunner.
737
00:27:19,183 --> 00:27:22,450
They blew his brains out
all over the Pacific.
738
00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:27,850
There's nothin' funny
about that.
739
00:27:27,883 --> 00:27:32,483
We will annex Poland
by the spring at any cost!
740
00:27:32,517 --> 00:27:36,217
And our stock will rise high!
741
00:27:38,650 --> 00:27:40,117
You may think
you're an idiot,
742
00:27:40,150 --> 00:27:41,183
but with all due respect,
743
00:27:41,217 --> 00:27:43,183
I'm a much bigger idiot
than you are.
744
00:27:43,217 --> 00:27:44,950
Listen.
Don't insult me, my friend.
745
00:27:44,983 --> 00:27:46,317
Remember who you're
talking to.
746
00:27:46,350 --> 00:27:47,983
No one's a bigger idiot
than me.
747
00:27:48,017 --> 00:27:49,750
Am I a hipster doofus?
748
00:27:49,783 --> 00:27:51,350
No.
No.
749
00:27:51,383 --> 00:27:52,539
Said I'm not good-lookin'
enough for her.
750
00:27:52,539 --> 00:27:53,417
Said I'm not good-lookin'
enough for her.
751
00:27:53,450 --> 00:27:54,817
Not good-looking.
752
00:27:54,850 --> 00:27:57,183
Jerry, look at me.
Look at my face, huh.
753
00:27:57,217 --> 00:27:58,750
Am I beautiful?
754
00:27:58,783 --> 00:28:00,450
George, am I beautiful?
755
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,083
You're very attractive.
756
00:28:05,117 --> 00:28:06,150
Yeah!
757
00:28:06,183 --> 00:28:07,517
Is it possible
758
00:28:07,550 --> 00:28:08,917
I'm not as attractive
as I think I am?
759
00:28:08,950 --> 00:28:10,350
We're not gay.
760
00:28:10,383 --> 00:28:11,850
Not that there's anything
wrong with that.
761
00:28:11,883 --> 00:28:13,250
No, of course not.
762
00:28:13,283 --> 00:28:15,617
I mean, it's fine if that's
who you are.
Absolutely.
763
00:28:15,650 --> 00:28:17,683
I mean,I have many gay friends
My father's gay.
764
00:28:17,717 --> 00:28:20,417
Look, I--
I know what I heard.
765
00:28:20,450 --> 00:28:21,683
Heard?
It was a joke.
766
00:28:21,717 --> 00:28:22,539
Look, you wanna have
sex right now?
767
00:28:22,539 --> 00:28:23,183
Look, you wanna have
sex right now?
768
00:28:23,217 --> 00:28:24,950
Do you wanna have
sex with me right now?
769
00:28:24,983 --> 00:28:26,517
Let's go!
770
00:28:28,117 --> 00:28:29,817
Come on!
Let's go, baby!
771
00:28:29,850 --> 00:28:32,517
Come on!
772
00:28:32,550 --> 00:28:33,917
Hey, come on.
Let's go.
773
00:28:33,950 --> 00:28:37,350
I thought we were
gonna take a steam.
774
00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:40,517
No, I don't want any steam.
No. No steam.
775
00:28:40,550 --> 00:28:42,917
Well, I don't wanna sit
there naked all by myself.
776
00:28:42,950 --> 00:28:44,017
You fake?
777
00:28:44,050 --> 00:28:45,450
On occasion.
778
00:28:45,483 --> 00:28:46,617
And the guy never knows?
779
00:28:46,650 --> 00:28:47,683
No.
780
00:28:47,717 --> 00:28:49,817
How could he not know that?
781
00:28:49,850 --> 00:28:52,539
[SENSUALLY]
Because I was good.
782
00:28:52,539 --> 00:28:52,850
[SENSUALLY]
Because I was good.
783
00:28:52,883 --> 00:28:54,283
I guess after
that many beers,
784
00:28:54,317 --> 00:28:56,750
he's probably
a little groggy anyway.
785
00:28:56,783 --> 00:28:58,850
[ALL LAUGH]
786
00:28:58,883 --> 00:29:00,183
Well...
787
00:29:00,217 --> 00:29:02,017
you didn't know.
788
00:29:04,217 --> 00:29:05,350
What's that?
789
00:29:06,550 --> 00:29:09,017
You didn't know.
790
00:29:09,050 --> 00:29:10,417
Are you saying--?
791
00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:12,917
Ahem, I think I'll have
a piece of cake.
792
00:29:12,950 --> 00:29:14,750
With me?
Well...
793
00:29:14,783 --> 00:29:16,017
You faked with me?
794
00:29:16,050 --> 00:29:17,683
Yeah.
You faked with me?
795
00:29:17,717 --> 00:29:18,783
Yes.
No.
796
00:29:18,817 --> 00:29:19,850
Yes.
You faked it.
797
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:21,117
I faked it.
798
00:29:21,150 --> 00:29:22,539
That whole thing,
the whole production,
799
00:29:22,539 --> 00:29:22,683
That whole thing,
the whole production,
800
00:29:22,717 --> 00:29:23,850
it was all an act.
801
00:29:23,883 --> 00:29:26,183
Not bad, huh?
802
00:29:26,217 --> 00:29:28,750
What about the breathing,
the panting, the moaning,
803
00:29:28,783 --> 00:29:29,850
the screaming?
804
00:29:29,883 --> 00:29:32,750
Fake, fake, fake, fake.
805
00:29:32,783 --> 00:29:33,917
I'm disturbed.
806
00:29:33,950 --> 00:29:35,250
I'm depressed.
807
00:29:35,283 --> 00:29:36,517
I'm inadequate.
808
00:29:36,550 --> 00:29:38,983
I got it all!
809
00:29:39,017 --> 00:29:41,850
Can't you see what's happened?
810
00:29:41,883 --> 00:29:44,083
I've become George.
811
00:29:44,117 --> 00:29:45,750
Don't say that.
812
00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:47,250
It's true.
813
00:29:47,283 --> 00:29:49,183
I'm George.
814
00:29:49,217 --> 00:29:50,917
I'm George!
815
00:29:50,950 --> 00:29:52,539
Tuna on toast, coleslaw,
cup of coffee.
816
00:29:52,539 --> 00:29:53,350
Tuna on toast, coleslaw,
cup of coffee.
817
00:29:53,383 --> 00:29:54,683
Yeah.
818
00:29:54,717 --> 00:29:55,983
No, no.
No, wait a minute.
819
00:29:56,017 --> 00:29:57,583
I always have
tuna on toast.
820
00:29:57,617 --> 00:30:01,483
Nothing's every worked out
for me with tuna on toast.
821
00:30:01,517 --> 00:30:04,350
I want the complete opposite
of tuna on toast.
822
00:30:04,383 --> 00:30:06,850
Chicken salad on rye...
823
00:30:06,883 --> 00:30:08,450
untoasted...
824
00:30:08,483 --> 00:30:11,083
with a side of potato salad...
825
00:30:11,117 --> 00:30:12,683
and a cup of tea! Ha-ha!
826
00:30:12,717 --> 00:30:16,117
Well, there's no telling
what can happen from this.
827
00:30:16,150 --> 00:30:18,483
You know, chicken salad's
not the opposite of tuna.
828
00:30:18,517 --> 00:30:19,850
Salmon's the opposite of tuna,
829
00:30:19,883 --> 00:30:22,517
'cause salmon swim
against the current,
830
00:30:22,550 --> 00:30:25,417
and the tuna swim with it.
831
00:30:25,450 --> 00:30:28,183
Good for the tuna.
832
00:30:29,650 --> 00:30:31,283
Uh, George.
833
00:30:31,317 --> 00:30:33,683
You know that woman
just looked at you.
834
00:30:33,717 --> 00:30:35,150
GEORGE:
So what?
835
00:30:35,183 --> 00:30:36,517
What am I supposed to do?
836
00:30:36,550 --> 00:30:38,017
Go talk to her.
837
00:30:38,050 --> 00:30:39,583
Elaine...
838
00:30:39,617 --> 00:30:42,317
bald men with no jobs
and no money
839
00:30:42,350 --> 00:30:44,350
who live with their parents
840
00:30:44,383 --> 00:30:47,417
don't approach strange women.
841
00:30:47,450 --> 00:30:49,650
Well, here's your chance
to try the opposite.
842
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:52,417
Instead of tuna salad
and being intimidated
by women,
843
00:30:52,450 --> 00:30:52,539
chicken salad
and goin' right up to 'em.
844
00:30:52,539 --> 00:30:54,850
chicken salad
and goin' right up to 'em.
845
00:30:54,883 --> 00:30:57,283
Yeah, I should do
the opposite, I should.
846
00:30:57,317 --> 00:30:59,083
If every instinct
you have is wrong,
847
00:30:59,117 --> 00:31:02,350
then the opposite
would have to be right.
848
00:31:04,783 --> 00:31:06,817
Yes.
849
00:31:06,850 --> 00:31:08,950
I will do the opposite.
850
00:31:08,983 --> 00:31:10,650
I used to sit here
and do nothing
851
00:31:10,683 --> 00:31:12,250
and regret it
for the rest of the day.
852
00:31:12,283 --> 00:31:14,983
So now I will do the opposite,
and I will do something.
853
00:31:21,883 --> 00:31:22,539
Excuse me,
854
00:31:22,539 --> 00:31:23,150
Excuse me,
855
00:31:23,183 --> 00:31:25,583
uh, I couldn't help
but notice
856
00:31:25,617 --> 00:31:27,483
that you were looking
in my direction.
857
00:31:27,517 --> 00:31:28,950
Oh, yes, I was.
858
00:31:28,983 --> 00:31:31,550
You just ordered
the same exact lunch as me.
859
00:31:32,683 --> 00:31:34,517
My name is George.
860
00:31:34,550 --> 00:31:38,317
I'm unemployed,
and I live with my parents.
861
00:31:41,050 --> 00:31:43,517
I'm Victoria. Hi.
862
00:31:51,450 --> 00:31:52,539
Boy, these pretzels
are makin' me thirsty!
863
00:31:52,539 --> 00:31:53,517
Boy, these pretzels
are makin' me thirsty!
864
00:31:53,550 --> 00:31:56,250
These pretzels
are makin' me thirsty.
865
00:31:56,283 --> 00:31:58,383
These pretzels...
866
00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:01,083
are making me thirsty!
867
00:32:01,117 --> 00:32:04,117
Boy, I'm really startin'
to dislike the Drake.
868
00:32:04,150 --> 00:32:05,250
Hate the Drake.
869
00:32:05,283 --> 00:32:07,017
[SNEEZES]
870
00:32:07,050 --> 00:32:08,750
You are soooo good-lookin'.
871
00:32:08,783 --> 00:32:11,083
You can't believe her,
she's one of these
low talkers.
872
00:32:11,117 --> 00:32:12,683
You know,
because he's a high talker.
873
00:32:12,717 --> 00:32:14,350
He's nice.
Bit of a close talker.
874
00:32:14,383 --> 00:32:16,183
How 'bout you, Jerry?
875
00:32:16,217 --> 00:32:17,650
I'm swamped.
876
00:32:17,683 --> 00:32:19,017
Are you sure?
877
00:32:19,050 --> 00:32:21,650
You could examine
the artwork up close.
878
00:32:21,683 --> 00:32:22,539
ELAINE:
I don't have a square
to spare.
879
00:32:22,539 --> 00:32:23,850
ELAINE:
I don't have a square
to spare.
880
00:32:23,883 --> 00:32:25,683
I can't spare a square.
881
00:32:25,717 --> 00:32:27,683
I need hands.
I have no hands.
882
00:32:27,717 --> 00:32:30,783
[WHISPERING]
Newman! Newman! Newman!
883
00:32:30,817 --> 00:32:33,017
[FLATLY]
Hello, Newman.
884
00:32:33,050 --> 00:32:34,850
So you're still master
of your domain.
885
00:32:34,883 --> 00:32:37,683
Yes. Master of my domain.
886
00:32:37,717 --> 00:32:39,817
I am king of the county.
887
00:32:39,850 --> 00:32:41,350
Lord of the manor.
888
00:32:41,383 --> 00:32:43,850
I'm queen of the castle.
889
00:32:43,883 --> 00:32:46,017
You mean...shrinkage?
890
00:32:46,050 --> 00:32:47,483
Yes.
891
00:32:48,817 --> 00:32:50,517
Significant shrinkage.
892
00:32:50,550 --> 00:32:52,517
So you feel you were
shortchanged.
893
00:32:52,550 --> 00:32:54,150
Yes.
894
00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:55,250
If she thinks that's me,
895
00:32:55,283 --> 00:32:57,150
she's under
a complete misapprehension.
896
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:59,083
So, what's the difference?
897
00:32:59,117 --> 00:33:00,783
What if she discusses it
with Jane?
898
00:33:00,817 --> 00:33:02,683
Oh, she's not gonna tell Jane.
899
00:33:02,717 --> 00:33:04,950
Couldn't you tell her
about the shrinkage factor?
900
00:33:04,983 --> 00:33:07,017
No, I'm not gonna tell her
about your shrinkage.
901
00:33:07,050 --> 00:33:09,983
Besides, I... I think women
know about shrinkage.
902
00:33:10,017 --> 00:33:11,783
How do women know
about shrinkage?
903
00:33:11,817 --> 00:33:12,917
Isn't it common knowledge?
904
00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:13,983
Aw...
905
00:33:14,017 --> 00:33:15,283
Elaine!
Elaine!
906
00:33:15,317 --> 00:33:16,517
Elaine!
907
00:33:16,550 --> 00:33:18,817
Get-- Come--
908
00:33:18,850 --> 00:33:20,017
What?
909
00:33:20,050 --> 00:33:22,317
Do women know
about shrinkage?
910
00:33:22,350 --> 00:33:22,539
What do you mean,
like laundry?
911
00:33:22,539 --> 00:33:24,150
What do you mean,
like laundry?
912
00:33:24,983 --> 00:33:26,417
No.
913
00:33:26,450 --> 00:33:30,217
Like when a man goes
swimming...afterwards...
914
00:33:32,117 --> 00:33:34,050
It shrinks?
915
00:33:35,983 --> 00:33:38,283
Like a frightened turtle.
916
00:33:43,883 --> 00:33:45,083
Why does it shrink?
917
00:33:45,117 --> 00:33:46,883
It just does.
918
00:33:48,650 --> 00:33:51,883
I don't know how you guys walk
around with those things.
919
00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:59,301
GEORGE:
Um, about the script.
920
00:33:59,335 --> 00:34:00,501
The script.
921
00:34:00,535 --> 00:34:03,201
Now, I've read this thing
three times.
922
00:34:05,435 --> 00:34:07,935
And every time I read it...
923
00:34:11,201 --> 00:34:12,635
What?
924
00:34:14,001 --> 00:34:15,101
Excuse me for a second.
925
00:34:15,135 --> 00:34:16,335
What?
926
00:34:16,368 --> 00:34:17,735
W-would you like
a Pepto-Bismol?
927
00:34:17,768 --> 00:34:20,668
I keep 'em
in my wallet.
928
00:34:20,701 --> 00:34:22,235
Do you think he liked it?
929
00:34:22,268 --> 00:34:24,115
[RETCHING]
930
00:34:24,115 --> 00:34:25,301
[RETCHING]
931
00:34:27,468 --> 00:34:29,768
I'm not sure.
932
00:34:43,001 --> 00:34:44,768
Yeah!
933
00:35:01,135 --> 00:35:04,368
[SINGING OPERATICALLY
IN ITALIAN]
934
00:35:13,301 --> 00:35:16,135
Waaaaaaah!
935
00:35:16,168 --> 00:35:17,835
The air conditioner!
936
00:35:26,301 --> 00:35:27,968
[DOG BARKING, YELPS]
937
00:35:34,868 --> 00:35:36,668
My mother caught me.
938
00:35:36,701 --> 00:35:39,001
Caught you? Doin' what?
939
00:35:39,035 --> 00:35:40,868
You know...
940
00:35:43,535 --> 00:35:46,968
I was alone...
941
00:35:47,001 --> 00:35:48,001
You mean--?
942
00:35:48,035 --> 00:35:49,168
Uh-huh.
943
00:35:49,201 --> 00:35:50,335
[LAUGHS]
She caught you?
944
00:35:50,368 --> 00:35:52,468
Where?
945
00:35:52,501 --> 00:35:54,115
I stopped by the house
to drop the car off,
946
00:35:54,115 --> 00:35:54,901
I stopped by the house
to drop the car off,
947
00:35:54,935 --> 00:35:56,735
and I went inside
for a few minutes.
948
00:35:56,768 --> 00:35:57,968
Nobody was there.
949
00:35:58,001 --> 00:35:59,401
They're supposed
to be working.
950
00:35:59,435 --> 00:36:02,135
My mother had
a Glamour magazine.
951
00:36:02,168 --> 00:36:04,568
I started leafing
through it.
952
00:36:04,601 --> 00:36:05,668
Glamour?
953
00:36:05,701 --> 00:36:06,835
[LAUGHS]
954
00:36:06,868 --> 00:36:09,668
So one thing
led to another.
955
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:11,235
So, what did she do?
956
00:36:11,268 --> 00:36:14,968
First she screams, "George,
what are you doing?! My God!"
957
00:36:15,001 --> 00:36:17,601
Then it looked like
she was gonna faint.
958
00:36:17,635 --> 00:36:20,001
She started clutchin'
the wall, tryin'
to hang onto it.
959
00:36:20,035 --> 00:36:23,768
I didn't know whether
to try and keep her from
fallin' or zip up.
960
00:36:23,801 --> 00:36:24,115
What did you do?
961
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,301
What did you do?
962
00:36:25,335 --> 00:36:26,801
I zipped up.
963
00:36:26,835 --> 00:36:28,735
So, she fell?
Yeah.
964
00:36:28,768 --> 00:36:31,668
Well, I couldn't run
over there the way I was.
965
00:36:31,701 --> 00:36:33,468
No, I guess you couldn't
have done that.
966
00:36:33,501 --> 00:36:34,668
I wouldn't think so.
967
00:36:34,701 --> 00:36:36,568
So, she fell,
and then she starts screaming,
968
00:36:36,601 --> 00:36:38,401
"My back, my back!"
969
00:36:38,435 --> 00:36:40,968
So I picked her up,
I took her to the hospital.
970
00:36:41,001 --> 00:36:42,801
[LAUGHS]
Oh. How is she?
971
00:36:42,835 --> 00:36:43,968
She's in traction.
972
00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:45,001
I'm sorry.
973
00:36:45,035 --> 00:36:46,135
It's not funny, Elaine.
974
00:36:46,168 --> 00:36:47,235
I know. I'm sorry.
975
00:36:47,268 --> 00:36:49,168
It's serious.
976
00:36:49,201 --> 00:36:51,901
Her back went out, she's gotta
be there for a couple of days.
977
00:36:51,935 --> 00:36:53,001
Glamour?
978
00:36:53,035 --> 00:36:54,115
[LAUGHS]
979
00:36:54,115 --> 00:36:55,568
[LAUGHS]
980
00:36:55,601 --> 00:36:56,801
I'll tell you this though.
981
00:36:56,835 --> 00:36:59,101
I am never doing...
982
00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,235
that again.
983
00:37:00,268 --> 00:37:01,801
What?
984
00:37:01,835 --> 00:37:03,568
You mean, in your mother's
house, or all together?
985
00:37:03,601 --> 00:37:04,801
All together.
986
00:37:04,835 --> 00:37:07,635
Oh, gimme a break.
Yeah, right.
987
00:37:07,668 --> 00:37:09,635
What? You don't
think I can?
988
00:37:09,668 --> 00:37:11,168
No chance.
989
00:37:11,201 --> 00:37:12,568
You think
you could?
990
00:37:12,601 --> 00:37:14,701
Well, I know I could
hold out longer than you.
991
00:37:16,301 --> 00:37:18,435
Care to make it
interesting?
992
00:37:19,468 --> 00:37:20,835
Sure. How much?
993
00:37:20,868 --> 00:37:22,168
Hundred dollars.
994
00:37:22,201 --> 00:37:23,468
You're on.
995
00:37:23,501 --> 00:37:24,115
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
996
00:37:24,115 --> 00:37:25,101
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
997
00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:26,968
Count me in on this.
998
00:37:27,001 --> 00:37:28,335
You?
Yeah.
999
00:37:28,368 --> 00:37:30,001
You'll be out before
we get the check.
1000
00:37:32,168 --> 00:37:33,801
I wanna be
in on this too.
1001
00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:35,168
Oh, no.
No.
No, no.
1002
00:37:35,201 --> 00:37:36,968
Not a level playing field.
Why?
1003
00:37:37,001 --> 00:37:38,935
It's a whole different thing.
What? Why?
1004
00:37:38,968 --> 00:37:40,101
Because you're a woman.
1005
00:37:40,135 --> 00:37:41,168
So what?
1006
00:37:41,201 --> 00:37:42,268
It's easier for a woman
1007
00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:43,501
not to do it than a man.
1008
00:37:43,535 --> 00:37:45,001
We have to do it.
1009
00:37:45,035 --> 00:37:48,801
It's part of our lifestyle.
1010
00:37:48,835 --> 00:37:50,568
It's like, uh, shaving.
1011
00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:52,601
Oh, that is such bologna.
1012
00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:53,835
I shave my legs.
1013
00:37:53,868 --> 00:37:54,115
Not every day.
1014
00:37:54,115 --> 00:37:55,501
Not every day.
1015
00:37:57,468 --> 00:37:58,668
All right,
you want to be in?
1016
00:37:58,701 --> 00:38:00,168
Yeah.
You gotta give us odds.
1017
00:38:00,201 --> 00:38:01,268
At least two to one.
1018
00:38:01,301 --> 00:38:03,001
You gotta put up $200.
1019
00:38:03,035 --> 00:38:04,801
No, $1000.
1020
00:38:04,835 --> 00:38:07,401
No, I'll put up $150.
1021
00:38:07,435 --> 00:38:08,768
All right.
You're in for $150.
1022
00:38:08,801 --> 00:38:10,168
Okay, $150.
1023
00:38:10,201 --> 00:38:12,168
All right, now.
How we gonna monitor this?
1024
00:38:12,201 --> 00:38:14,835
Well, obviously we all
know each other very well.
1025
00:38:14,868 --> 00:38:16,501
I'm sure
we'll all feel comfortable
1026
00:38:16,535 --> 00:38:19,535
within the confines
of the honor system.
1027
00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:23,435
All right. Come on.
1028
00:38:24,868 --> 00:38:26,101
ALL:
Yeah!
1029
00:38:29,601 --> 00:38:30,735
Fire!
1030
00:38:30,768 --> 00:38:32,168
[ALL SCREAMING]
1031
00:38:36,368 --> 00:38:38,101
We have sacrificed
everything,
1032
00:38:38,135 --> 00:38:40,668
all for the sake
of our little...
1033
00:38:40,701 --> 00:38:42,368
bubble boy.
1034
00:38:43,335 --> 00:38:44,401
Excuse me.
1035
00:38:44,435 --> 00:38:46,301
Oh, no. Here.
1036
00:38:50,768 --> 00:38:53,068
It's amazing how many
beautiful women live
in New York.
1037
00:38:53,101 --> 00:38:54,115
Well, you're as pretty
as any of them.
1038
00:38:54,115 --> 00:38:55,101
Well, you're as pretty
as any of them.
1039
00:38:55,135 --> 00:38:56,335
Just need a nose job.
1040
00:39:01,601 --> 00:39:04,168
♪ Yankee bean ♪
1041
00:39:04,201 --> 00:39:05,301
♪ Yankee bean ♪
1042
00:39:05,335 --> 00:39:12,135
♪ I like my Yankee beans ♪
1043
00:39:12,168 --> 00:39:14,601
In fact, I hate anyone
that ever had a pony
1044
00:39:14,635 --> 00:39:16,001
when they were growin' up.
1045
00:39:16,035 --> 00:39:17,868
I had a pony.
1046
00:39:20,201 --> 00:39:22,001
Well, I...didn't, uh...
1047
00:39:22,035 --> 00:39:24,115
When I was a little girl
in Poland,
1048
00:39:24,115 --> 00:39:25,135
When I was a little girl
in Poland,
1049
00:39:25,168 --> 00:39:27,401
we all had ponies.
1050
00:39:27,435 --> 00:39:29,001
My sister had pony.
1051
00:39:29,035 --> 00:39:31,468
My cousin had pony.
1052
00:39:31,501 --> 00:39:32,835
So, what's wrong with that?
1053
00:39:32,868 --> 00:39:34,268
Nothing, nothing at all.
1054
00:39:34,301 --> 00:39:36,135
He was a beautiful pony.
1055
00:39:36,168 --> 00:39:37,935
And I loved him.
1056
00:39:37,968 --> 00:39:39,268
Well, I'm sure you did.
1057
00:39:39,301 --> 00:39:40,901
Who wouldn't love a pony?
1058
00:39:40,935 --> 00:39:43,835
Who wouldn't love a person
that had a pony?
1059
00:39:43,868 --> 00:39:45,101
You.
1060
00:39:45,135 --> 00:39:46,235
You said so.
1061
00:39:46,268 --> 00:39:48,135
That's
my father's cabin.
1062
00:39:49,201 --> 00:39:50,801
I just realized,
1063
00:39:50,835 --> 00:39:53,635
you never gave me back
the change from the tolls.
1064
00:39:53,668 --> 00:39:54,115
So you heard
that I was in a car accident
1065
00:39:54,115 --> 00:39:55,935
So you heard
that I was in a car accident
1066
00:39:55,968 --> 00:39:59,868
and then decided to stop off
for some Jujyfruit?
1067
00:40:00,968 --> 00:40:03,568
Well...
1068
00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:05,835
the counter, ahem,
was right there.
1069
00:40:05,868 --> 00:40:09,001
I didn't know
she had a pony.
1070
00:40:09,035 --> 00:40:12,035
Who figures an immigrant's
gonna have a pony?
1071
00:40:13,868 --> 00:40:15,568
I mean, in all
the pictures I saw
1072
00:40:15,601 --> 00:40:19,001
of immigrants on boats
comin' into New York Harbor...
1073
00:40:19,035 --> 00:40:21,535
I never saw one of them
sittin' on a pony.
1074
00:40:23,601 --> 00:40:24,115
But why would anyone
come here if they had a pony?
1075
00:40:24,115 --> 00:40:26,668
But why would anyone
come here if they had a pony?
1076
00:40:26,701 --> 00:40:28,468
Who leaves a country
packed with ponies
1077
00:40:28,501 --> 00:40:30,501
to come to
a non-pony country?
1078
00:40:30,535 --> 00:40:34,301
It doesn't make sense.
1079
00:40:34,335 --> 00:40:37,268
Now we'll open
the peritoneal cavity,
1080
00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:41,568
exposing the body's
internal organs.
1081
00:40:41,601 --> 00:40:43,268
What are you eating?
1082
00:40:43,301 --> 00:40:45,501
Junior Mints.
1083
00:40:45,535 --> 00:40:47,501
You want one?
No.
1084
00:40:47,535 --> 00:40:49,635
I can't see.
1085
00:40:50,535 --> 00:40:51,701
Psst!
1086
00:40:53,035 --> 00:40:54,115
Psst!
1087
00:40:54,115 --> 00:40:54,601
Psst!
1088
00:40:54,635 --> 00:40:56,535
Could you get...?
1089
00:41:01,701 --> 00:41:03,168
Where'd you get those?
1090
00:41:03,201 --> 00:41:04,568
In the machine.
Do you want one?
1091
00:41:04,601 --> 00:41:05,768
No.
Here.
1092
00:41:05,801 --> 00:41:06,901
Take one.
I don't want one.
1093
00:41:06,935 --> 00:41:08,101
No, they're good.
Take one.
1094
00:41:08,135 --> 00:41:09,568
I don't want any.
Just take one.
1095
00:41:09,601 --> 00:41:10,868
No, Kramer.
Stop it.
1096
00:41:15,301 --> 00:41:16,335
[SPLAT]
1097
00:41:16,368 --> 00:41:19,001
It's a Junior Mint.
1098
00:41:19,035 --> 00:41:20,335
Drake's Coffee Cake.
1099
00:41:20,368 --> 00:41:21,968
Snapple?
No, thanks.
1100
00:41:22,001 --> 00:41:23,835
Snapple?
No, thanks.
1101
00:41:23,868 --> 00:41:24,115
PEZ?
Uh, no.
1102
00:41:24,115 --> 00:41:25,101
PEZ?
Uh, no.
1103
00:41:25,135 --> 00:41:26,335
Do you have a box
of Jujyfruits?
1104
00:41:26,368 --> 00:41:27,435
Clark Bar.
1105
00:41:27,468 --> 00:41:28,501
I love Yoo-hoo.
1106
00:41:28,535 --> 00:41:29,635
Ooh, Chunkys.
1107
00:41:29,668 --> 00:41:30,835
Chocolate babka.
1108
00:41:30,868 --> 00:41:31,901
It's Gore-Tex.
1109
00:41:31,935 --> 00:41:32,968
Ooh, cashmere?
1110
00:41:33,001 --> 00:41:34,301
No, Gore-Tex.
1111
00:41:34,335 --> 00:41:37,001
Who's gonna turn down
a Junior Mint?
1112
00:41:37,035 --> 00:41:38,635
It's chocolate,
it's peppermint.
1113
00:41:38,668 --> 00:41:40,335
It's delicious!
That's true.
1114
00:41:40,368 --> 00:41:43,135
It's very refreshing!
1115
00:41:43,168 --> 00:41:44,468
What's goin' on
over here?
1116
00:41:44,501 --> 00:41:46,168
There's a beached whale.
She's dying.
1117
00:41:46,201 --> 00:41:49,201
MAN:
Is anyone here
a marine biologist?
1118
00:41:54,368 --> 00:41:56,935
GEORGE:
The sea was angry that day,my friends.
1119
00:41:59,935 --> 00:42:03,201
Like an old man trying to
send back soup in a deli.
1120
00:42:09,301 --> 00:42:12,268
I got about 50 feet out,
when suddenly...
1121
00:42:12,301 --> 00:42:15,335
the great beast appeared
before me.
1122
00:42:15,368 --> 00:42:19,168
I tell you, he was 10 stories
high if he was a foot.
1123
00:42:19,201 --> 00:42:22,501
As if sensing my presence,
he let out a great bellow.
1124
00:42:22,535 --> 00:42:24,115
I said, "Easy, big fella."
1125
00:42:24,115 --> 00:42:24,868
I said, "Easy, big fella."
1126
00:42:26,635 --> 00:42:29,901
And then... as I watched him
struggling, I realized
1127
00:42:29,935 --> 00:42:32,135
that something was
obstructing its breathing.
1128
00:42:32,168 --> 00:42:33,468
From where I was standing,
1129
00:42:33,501 --> 00:42:35,668
I could see directly into
the eye of the great fish.
1130
00:42:35,701 --> 00:42:37,268
Mammal.
Whatever.
1131
00:42:38,968 --> 00:42:40,335
Well, what did
you do next?
1132
00:42:40,368 --> 00:42:42,001
Well, then,
from out of nowhere,
1133
00:42:42,035 --> 00:42:43,801
a huge tidal wave lifted me,
1134
00:42:43,835 --> 00:42:45,235
tossed me like a cork,
1135
00:42:45,268 --> 00:42:47,001
and I found myself
right on top of him,
1136
00:42:47,035 --> 00:42:48,968
face-to-face
with the blowhole!
1137
00:42:49,001 --> 00:42:51,435
I-- I could barely see
from the waves
1138
00:42:51,468 --> 00:42:52,835
crashing down upon me,
1139
00:42:52,868 --> 00:42:54,115
but I knew
something was there.
1140
00:42:54,115 --> 00:42:55,801
but I knew
something was there.
1141
00:42:55,835 --> 00:42:58,435
So I reached my hand in,
felt around,
1142
00:42:58,468 --> 00:43:01,435
and pulled out
the obstruction!
1143
00:43:21,535 --> 00:43:23,101
What is that,
a Titleist?
1144
00:43:27,001 --> 00:43:29,201
A hole in one, huh?
1145
00:43:30,201 --> 00:43:31,501
So we go in to NBC.
1146
00:43:31,535 --> 00:43:33,668
We tell 'em we got an idea
for a show about nothing.
1147
00:43:33,701 --> 00:43:34,735
Exactly.
They say,
1148
00:43:34,768 --> 00:43:35,935
"What's your show about?"
1149
00:43:35,968 --> 00:43:37,801
I say, "nothing."
There you go.
1150
00:43:37,835 --> 00:43:40,368
I think you may have
something here.
1151
00:43:50,268 --> 00:43:52,368
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
1152
00:43:57,201 --> 00:44:00,535
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
1153
00:44:13,279 --> 00:44:16,113
Look, why don't you two just
go to the movies by yourself?
1154
00:44:16,146 --> 00:44:17,479
I'm not in the mood.
1155
00:44:17,513 --> 00:44:19,613
Well, me either.
I'm goin' to Sky Burger.
1156
00:44:19,646 --> 00:44:21,546
So you're not goin'?
1157
00:44:21,579 --> 00:44:22,813
You don't need us.
1158
00:44:22,846 --> 00:44:25,479
Well, I can't go
to a bad movie by myself.
1159
00:44:25,513 --> 00:44:29,446
What, am I gonna make
sarcastic remarks
to strangers?
1160
00:44:29,479 --> 00:44:31,813
Oh, I guess
I'll just go to my uncle's.
1161
00:44:31,846 --> 00:44:33,313
Should we tell him
we're leaving?
1162
00:44:33,346 --> 00:44:35,643
What for?
Let's just get outta here.
1163
00:44:35,643 --> 00:44:35,979
What for?
Let's just get outta here.
1164
00:44:42,013 --> 00:44:44,513
Seinfeld, four!
78732
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof