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1
00:00:01,900 --> 00:00:03,400
I've always wondered why
2
00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:06,533
baseball is so associated
with sex.
3
00:00:06,566 --> 00:00:08,366
"He's playing the field."
"Oh, He scored."
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,066
"He didn't get to first base."
5
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,566
"I struck out."
"Why?"
6
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,700
"She wanted a diamond."
7
00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:16,133
It's always baseball,
always baseball.
8
00:00:16,166 --> 00:00:19,400
As far as baseball goes,
I prefer the fat umpires.
9
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:22,033
I feel if you're on the field
and you're not in the game,
10
00:00:22,066 --> 00:00:24,033
you should be in the worst
physical condition
11
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,900
a human being can
possibly be in.
12
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,333
They should be allowed to eat
during the game.
13
00:00:28,366 --> 00:00:30,000
We're a little too into sports
in this country.
14
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,000
We're a little too into sports
in this country.
15
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,200
I think we got to throttle back.
You know what I mean?
16
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,733
People come home
from these games:
17
00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:37,333
"We won, we won!"
No, they won.
18
00:00:37,366 --> 00:00:39,100
You watched.
19
00:00:44,366 --> 00:00:45,833
GEORGE:
Okay, Danny take a swing.
20
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:47,733
No, no, no.
21
00:00:47,766 --> 00:00:50,533
You're not opening up
your shoulder.
22
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:51,533
Really?
23
00:00:51,566 --> 00:00:52,533
No, not really.
24
00:00:52,566 --> 00:00:53,733
I'm just saying
this to you,
25
00:00:53,766 --> 00:00:55,200
'cause I like
to hear myself talk.
26
00:00:55,233 --> 00:00:56,666
Yes, really!
27
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,333
All right,
all right.
28
00:00:58,366 --> 00:01:00,333
What are you
all sweating for?
29
00:01:00,366 --> 00:01:02,333
It's hot in this uniform.
30
00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,833
Hot?
31
00:01:03,866 --> 00:01:05,366
What is this?
32
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:06,533
What is what?
33
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,466
This uniform,
what's it made from?
34
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,800
I don't know.
Cotton?
35
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:10,582
No, this is not cotton.
36
00:01:10,582 --> 00:01:11,633
No, this is not cotton.
37
00:01:11,666 --> 00:01:13,200
Here, let me see.
What are you doing?
38
00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:14,666
I wanna see the label.
39
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:15,733
Will you stop it?
40
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,466
Of course.
Polyester.
41
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,800
So?
42
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,700
I can't believe you're not
playing in cotton.
43
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:24,833
This is what they give us.
44
00:01:24,866 --> 00:01:26,533
You know, they used to make
leisure suits
45
00:01:26,566 --> 00:01:27,966
out of this fabric?
46
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,466
You really think
cotton is better?
47
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,466
Of course.
48
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:31,533
All right,
49
00:01:31,566 --> 00:01:33,800
maybe I'll say something
to Buck.
50
00:01:33,833 --> 00:01:35,566
Catch you later.
51
00:01:36,666 --> 00:01:38,000
Hey, don't embarrass me
today.
52
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,166
I got some friends
in the stands, huh?
53
00:01:44,666 --> 00:01:46,000
[CROWD CHEERING]
54
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:47,000
MAN:
Hot dogs here.
55
00:01:47,033 --> 00:01:48,166
Yankee franks!
56
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,166
Oh, you want one?
57
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,166
Yeah.
I'll get it.
58
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,333
That's all right.
I got it.
59
00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:52,733
Jerry.
Elaine, stop it.
60
00:01:52,766 --> 00:01:54,000
Just because
I'm not working
61
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:55,566
doesn't mean I don't have
any money.
62
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,833
Yo, dogs, two.
63
00:01:57,866 --> 00:01:58,900
I'm sorry.
64
00:01:58,933 --> 00:02:00,566
ANNOUNCER:
Your attention, please.
65
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,066
New York Yankeeswould like to welcome
66
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:04,833
Miss Connecticut,
67
00:02:04,866 --> 00:02:07,066
Miss Rhode Island
68
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,733
and Miss North Dakota.
69
00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:10,582
All of whom will be competingin the Miss America pageant
70
00:02:10,582 --> 00:02:13,566
All of whom will be competingin the Miss America pageant
71
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,833
this weekend in Atlantic City.
72
00:02:16,866 --> 00:02:20,100
Now, there's a career path
you may have overlooked.
73
00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,133
Ooh, I gotta check
my machine.
74
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,900
I'm waitin' to hear
about an interview.
75
00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:26,566
Doubleday is looking
for somebody
76
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,966
to replace
Jackie Onassis.
77
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,200
Oh, she worked
at Doubleday?
78
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,366
Yes, she was
an editor.
79
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,366
Oh, right,
just like you.
Yeah.
80
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,733
Could you move
your feet?
Yeah.
81
00:02:34,766 --> 00:02:35,866
WOMAN:
Sit down!
82
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,400
Hey, down in front!
83
00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,733
Hang on, I'm going.
84
00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:46,966
[GIGGLING]
85
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,066
Hot dog?
86
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,066
No, thanks.
87
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,866
I'm watching
my weight.
Oh.
88
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,400
I'm watching my height.
89
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,433
My doctor doesn't want me
to get any taller.
90
00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:58,233
So you're Miss, uh--
91
00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:00,066
Rhode Island.
Oh.
92
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,466
I was almost Mr. Coffee.
93
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:04,166
They felt I was
a little too relaxed.
94
00:03:06,233 --> 00:03:07,733
GEORGE:
Miss Rhode Island?
95
00:03:07,766 --> 00:03:09,333
Jeez, when are you
seeing her?
96
00:03:09,366 --> 00:03:10,582
Tonight.
I have to call.
97
00:03:10,582 --> 00:03:10,666
Tonight.
I have to call.
98
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:11,833
She's staying
in a hotel.
99
00:03:11,866 --> 00:03:13,566
You're incredible.
100
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,566
Get this: I'm working
in Atlantic City this weekend.
101
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,833
She's gonna be down there
for the pageant.
102
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,233
What if she becomes
Miss America?
103
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,833
You could be dating
Miss America, Jerry.
104
00:03:22,866 --> 00:03:24,500
The only bad thing is
105
00:03:24,533 --> 00:03:26,000
we have to go out
with a chaperone.
106
00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:27,000
Chaperone?
107
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,166
What, are you kidding?
108
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,700
No, it's part
of the contest rules.
109
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:30,900
What does the chaperone do?
110
00:03:30,933 --> 00:03:32,400
I don't know.
She just sits there.
111
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:35,833
Can she talk?
112
00:03:35,866 --> 00:03:39,000
I'm not sure
if she's allowed to talk.
113
00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:40,166
Are you calling?
114
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:40,582
Yeah.
115
00:03:40,582 --> 00:03:41,500
Yeah.
116
00:03:41,533 --> 00:03:45,533
♪ There she is
Miss-- ♪
117
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:47,233
Yes, room 417, please.
118
00:03:47,266 --> 00:03:48,466
Karen Hanson.
119
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,133
Hey, did you know
the Yankees don't wear
120
00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:51,366
cotton jerseys?
121
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,866
Of course,
they're polyester.
122
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,700
Well, what is that?
123
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:56,133
That's a crime.
124
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:57,966
You know how hot
those things get?
125
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,300
They should be
wearing cotton.
126
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,000
Why do they wear
polyester?
127
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,133
I don't know.
128
00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,966
That's all gonna change.
129
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,033
You're gonna do something
about it?
130
00:04:07,066 --> 00:04:08,500
Why shouldn't I?
131
00:04:08,533 --> 00:04:10,582
No reason.
132
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:10,666
No reason.
133
00:04:15,233 --> 00:04:18,633
Of course, Jackie O
was a great lady.
134
00:04:18,666 --> 00:04:21,500
Oh!
Those are going to be
some tough shoes to fill.
135
00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:24,533
Mm-hm.
Everybody loved her.
136
00:04:24,566 --> 00:04:27,466
She had such...grace.
137
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,233
Yes.
138
00:04:30,266 --> 00:04:31,400
Aaaaaah!
139
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:32,400
Grace.
140
00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:34,500
Not many people have grace.
141
00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:37,133
Well, you know,
grace is a tough one.
142
00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:40,066
I like to think I have
a little grace.
143
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:40,582
Not as much as Jackie--
144
00:04:40,582 --> 00:04:41,333
Not as much as Jackie--
145
00:04:41,366 --> 00:04:43,566
You can't have
a little grace.
146
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:47,900
You either have grace
or you...don't.
147
00:04:47,933 --> 00:04:50,233
Okay, fine.
148
00:04:50,266 --> 00:04:53,966
I have...no grace.
149
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,400
And you can't acquire grace.
150
00:04:56,433 --> 00:05:00,000
Well, I-- I have no intention
of getting grace.
151
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,466
Grace isn't something you can
pick up at the market.
152
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,900
All right, all right, look.
I don't have grace.
153
00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:07,566
I don't want grace.
154
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,433
I don't even say grace, okay?
155
00:05:12,066 --> 00:05:14,133
Thank you
for coming in.
156
00:05:14,166 --> 00:05:15,233
Yeah, yeah, right.
157
00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:19,566
We'll make our choice
in a few days,
158
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,766
and we'll let you know.
159
00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:24,033
I have no chance, do I?
160
00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:25,033
No.
161
00:05:25,066 --> 00:05:26,366
Thanks.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
162
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,400
WOMAN:
Justin Pitt to see you.
163
00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:30,033
Justin Pitt?
164
00:05:30,066 --> 00:05:33,533
He was a very close friend
of Mrs. Onassis's.
165
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,400
Mrs. Onassis's.
166
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:36,533
That's hard to pronounce.
167
00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:37,866
Excuse me?
168
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,533
Nothing, nothing.
169
00:05:39,566 --> 00:05:40,582
Mrs. Landis,
170
00:05:40,582 --> 00:05:40,700
Mrs. Landis,
171
00:05:40,733 --> 00:05:43,033
there's something wrong
with this copying machine.
172
00:05:43,066 --> 00:05:44,366
It's all coming out slanted.
173
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,200
Now, I don't know if this
is your department or not.
174
00:05:47,233 --> 00:05:51,566
Justin Pitt,
this is Elaine Benes.
175
00:05:58,033 --> 00:05:59,833
Charmed.
176
00:05:59,866 --> 00:06:03,833
I was a great admirer
of Mrs. Onasth--
177
00:06:03,866 --> 00:06:05,533
Sus-- Ses.
178
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,666
Hello, Karen?
179
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:10,333
Hi, it's
Jerry Seinfeld.
180
00:06:10,366 --> 00:06:10,582
Oh, that's very sweet
of you.
181
00:06:10,582 --> 00:06:12,866
Oh, that's very sweet
of you.
182
00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,333
You know, you better
be careful.
183
00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:16,000
You don't wanna get
too congenial.
184
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,000
They'll slap that
Miss Congeniality on you.
185
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:21,266
You'll congenial yourself
right out of the contest.
186
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:25,700
So, what time you wanna
get together later?
187
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:27,700
What?
188
00:06:27,733 --> 00:06:29,833
So what? We don't need
the chaperone.
189
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,700
The chaperone can't make it.
190
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,000
Oh, you're not gonna
get disqualified.
191
00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:37,400
So we're not going?
192
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,582
Come on--
Hold on a minute.
193
00:06:40,582 --> 00:06:40,966
Come on--
Hold on a minute.
194
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,300
Hey, what are you
doing tonight?
195
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:43,800
Nothing.
196
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,466
I'm going out with one of
the Miss America contestants.
197
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:47,466
You wanna go?
198
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,833
What state?
199
00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:54,633
Rhode Island.
200
00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:56,633
They're never in contention.
201
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,133
How do you know?
202
00:06:59,166 --> 00:07:01,133
Because I've seen every
Miss America pageant
203
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:02,500
since I was 6.
204
00:07:02,533 --> 00:07:04,666
Look, do you want to go or not?
I'll buy you dinner.
205
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:05,700
Giddy up.
206
00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:07,500
I think I got someone.
207
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,433
The resemblance is uncanny.
208
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,300
Even the brown eyes.
209
00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:24,233
Well, a lot of people have
brown eyes.
210
00:07:24,266 --> 00:07:25,466
No, there's something else.
211
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,566
An indefinable quality.
212
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,566
Grace?
213
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,400
Grace, yes.
214
00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:36,566
You think I have grace?
215
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,400
Some grace, yes.
216
00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:40,133
Just some?
217
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:40,582
Well, you don't want
too much grace,
218
00:07:40,582 --> 00:07:41,900
Well, you don't want
too much grace,
219
00:07:41,933 --> 00:07:43,233
or you won't be able
to stand.
220
00:07:43,266 --> 00:07:45,900
[LAUGHS]
221
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,166
Oh, Mr. Pitt.
222
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,166
Elaine,
223
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,400
I want you to come
and work for me
224
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:54,866
as my personal assistant.
225
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:56,733
Now, I'll pay you the same
as Pendant,
226
00:07:56,766 --> 00:07:59,733
but I would need you
to start right away.
227
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,866
Hey, Buck, talk to you
for a second?
228
00:08:06,900 --> 00:08:08,800
Sure, George.
229
00:08:08,833 --> 00:08:10,582
How's everything going?
Everything okay?
230
00:08:10,582 --> 00:08:10,700
How's everything going?
Everything okay?
231
00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,700
Well, you know,
all of a sudden
232
00:08:12,733 --> 00:08:15,200
there's a problem with
Tartabull's swing but--
233
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:20,300
Listen, Buck, obviously
I don't need to talk to you
234
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,533
about the importance of
player morale,
235
00:08:22,566 --> 00:08:25,133
but I've been talking to
some of the guys.
236
00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:26,300
And some of them--
237
00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:27,866
I don't wanna mention
any names--
238
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,066
But some of them
are not too happy
239
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,533
with the polyester uniforms.
240
00:08:32,566 --> 00:08:33,866
How so?
241
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:36,166
Well, they get very hot
in the polyester.
242
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,833
You know, it's not
a natural fiber.
243
00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:40,582
I think they would
prefer cotton.
244
00:08:40,582 --> 00:08:41,333
I think they would
prefer cotton.
245
00:08:41,366 --> 00:08:43,500
Cotton, huh?
246
00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:44,666
Cotton breathes.
247
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,066
It's much softer.
248
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:50,333
Imagine playing games
and your team is five degrees
249
00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:51,666
cooler than the other team.
250
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,500
Don't you think that would be
an advantage?
251
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,366
They're cooler.
They're more comfortable.
252
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,166
They're happier.
They're gonna play better.
253
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,833
Maybe you got
something there, George.
254
00:08:59,866 --> 00:09:02,166
Oh, I've got something.
255
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,433
Hmm, cotton uniforms?
256
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,733
JERRY:
Congratulations.
257
00:09:07,766 --> 00:09:10,166
Yeah, and the best part is
I still get to
258
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:10,582
look for work
in publishing.
259
00:09:10,582 --> 00:09:11,833
look for work
in publishing.
260
00:09:11,866 --> 00:09:13,666
Now, what is it
that you do exactly?
261
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,333
I attend to his
personal affairs.
262
00:09:16,366 --> 00:09:18,633
Like what?
263
00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:21,866
Well, like tomorrow,
for example, I--
264
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,300
I have to buy him some socks.
265
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:25,300
Really?
266
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:27,300
Socks?
267
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,533
Yeah.
268
00:09:28,566 --> 00:09:30,666
White ones. Like the ones
you wear with sneakers.
269
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,700
Hey, maybe you can pick me
up some underwear.
270
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:36,466
Ahh. So?
271
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:38,466
What do you think?
Does this work?
272
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,582
Listen, tonight, after
we finish eating?
273
00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:41,466
Listen, tonight, after
we finish eating?
274
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,800
You make like you got
something else to do,
275
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,466
and just recede into the night,
if you know what I mean.
276
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,966
No way.
277
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,466
What?
278
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,466
Look, if you think
I'm just gonna step aside
279
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,300
and do nothing
while you defile this woman,
280
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:54,500
you're crazy.
281
00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:56,366
I'm not going to defile her.
That's right.
282
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,233
Because I'm gonna see
it doesn't happen.
283
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:00,800
Look, Jerry, these girls
are Miss America contestants.
284
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,166
It's every little girl's dream.
285
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,133
And I'm not gonna let you
trample that dream
286
00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:06,500
and make a mockery of everything
the pageant stands for.
287
00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:07,500
But--
Ahhh!
288
00:10:07,533 --> 00:10:09,566
No buts.
289
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:10,566
Those are my rules.
290
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:11,833
But wait a minute--
291
00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:14,066
If you wanna go out and have
some good, wholesome fun
292
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,566
with a nice girl,
I'll help you out.
293
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,566
If you're looking for
something more than that,
294
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,133
you got the wrong guy, buddy.
295
00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:20,733
It's just--
Ahhh!
296
00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:22,866
BOTH:
Ahhh!
297
00:10:25,266 --> 00:10:27,500
If you were Miss America,
what would you do
298
00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:30,300
to make the world
a better place?
299
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:32,800
As Miss America,
300
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:37,300
I would try and bring
an end to world hunger.
301
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:39,700
If every person
sacrificed one meal a week,
302
00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:40,582
there would be enough
to feed the whole world.
303
00:10:40,582 --> 00:10:43,033
there would be enough
to feed the whole world.
304
00:10:43,066 --> 00:10:45,033
That's a hell of a plan.
Listen--
305
00:10:45,066 --> 00:10:47,200
What advice would you give
young people?
306
00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:48,733
All right, Kramer--
307
00:10:48,766 --> 00:10:50,033
This is important stuff.
308
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,966
She's gotta be able to answer
these questions.
309
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,966
She's not gonna have time
to think out there,
310
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,700
with millions of people
watching her.
311
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:58,033
Any hesitation
could cost her the crown.
312
00:10:58,066 --> 00:10:59,233
You know, poise counts.
313
00:10:59,266 --> 00:11:01,133
You really know a lot
about this, don't you?
314
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:03,733
Oh, yeah. Last year, Miss Texas
should have won easily,
315
00:11:03,766 --> 00:11:06,200
but she lost points
in the swimsuit competition.
316
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,366
What could she have done?
317
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,066
Tape her breasts together.
318
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:15,033
What else?
319
00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:17,533
Take you, for example.
Now, you're very attractive,
320
00:11:17,566 --> 00:11:18,633
but you got a big waist.
321
00:11:18,666 --> 00:11:19,633
Hey, come on.
322
00:11:19,666 --> 00:11:21,500
No, it's okay.
323
00:11:21,533 --> 00:11:22,666
Go on.
324
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,900
Well, I'd recommend
a waist cincher.
325
00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:26,900
Really?
326
00:11:26,933 --> 00:11:28,066
Oh, yeah, just:
327
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,500
Suck you in.
328
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:31,400
All right,
I'll be right back.
329
00:11:33,766 --> 00:11:36,200
So, what's your talent?
330
00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:37,900
Magic.
Mmm.
331
00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:40,500
I'm thinking of a number
from one to 10.
332
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:40,582
Six.
333
00:11:40,582 --> 00:11:42,333
Six.
334
00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:44,066
No. Five.
335
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,233
But you were close.
336
00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:48,333
ANNOUNCER 1:
And the Yankeestake the field.
337
00:11:48,366 --> 00:11:49,866
ANNOUNCER 2:
Is it my imagination,
338
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,066
or do the Yankees looka little different tonight?
339
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,533
I can't put my fingeron it.
340
00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:54,833
Well, from whatI understand,
341
00:11:54,866 --> 00:11:56,900
they've switchedto cotton uniforms.
342
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,333
They sayit's softer--
343
00:11:59,366 --> 00:12:01,533
Well, it isa natural fiber.
344
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,800
KRAMER:
What color is your evening?
345
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,500
I'm wearing this red--
346
00:12:07,533 --> 00:12:08,866
Stop right there.
347
00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:09,966
No good?
Disaster.
348
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:10,582
Why?
349
00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:10,966
Why?
350
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,633
Well, you got brown eyes.
351
00:12:12,666 --> 00:12:14,300
You wanna wear a green dress.
352
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,466
That makes sense.
353
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:21,200
Well, here we are.
354
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:22,633
Kramer,
355
00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:25,000
would you consider
being my personal consultant
356
00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:27,300
for the pageant?
357
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,800
Okay.
358
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,800
But if I'm going to do this,
we play by my rules,
359
00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,033
or we don't play at all.
360
00:12:34,066 --> 00:12:35,500
I'm in your hands.
361
00:12:37,866 --> 00:12:39,633
Well...
362
00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:40,582
Oh, good night, Jerry.
363
00:12:40,582 --> 00:12:41,633
Oh, good night, Jerry.
364
00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:43,500
[CLEARS THROAT]
365
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,266
Oh, Kenneth
will take you home.
366
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:55,566
KRAMER:
♪ There she is ♪
367
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,333
♪ Miss Amer-- ♪
368
00:12:57,366 --> 00:12:59,100
JERRY:
Oh, shut the @#%! up.
369
00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:14,881
Hey.
370
00:13:14,914 --> 00:13:16,781
Well, if it isn't
Mr. Blackwell?
371
00:13:16,814 --> 00:13:18,281
Oh, come on.
372
00:13:18,314 --> 00:13:20,947
And that waist cincher.
That was the topper.
373
00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:22,881
Oh, you're pooh-poohing?
374
00:13:22,914 --> 00:13:25,847
Yes, I pooh-pooh.
375
00:13:25,881 --> 00:13:27,347
Well, let me tell you
something.
376
00:13:27,381 --> 00:13:29,214
I'm taking this kid
to the top.
377
00:13:29,247 --> 00:13:30,881
To the top, Jerry.
378
00:13:30,914 --> 00:13:33,847
We're going for the crown,
and you can't stop her!
379
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,347
I don't wanna stop her.
380
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,947
You can't stop her, Jerry!
381
00:13:36,981 --> 00:13:37,495
I've seen them come and go,
but this kid has got something.
382
00:13:37,495 --> 00:13:40,847
I've seen them come and go,
but this kid has got something.
383
00:13:40,881 --> 00:13:42,247
Yeah, so do you.
384
00:13:43,981 --> 00:13:45,614
Well, did you see it?
385
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:46,614
See what?
386
00:13:46,647 --> 00:13:47,681
The uniforms.
387
00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:48,847
Did you see how they played?
388
00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:50,014
Listen to these comments.
389
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:51,347
"Wade Boggs:
390
00:13:51,381 --> 00:13:54,014
"'What a fabric.
Finally, we can breathe.'
391
00:13:54,047 --> 00:13:56,347
"Louis Polonia:
392
00:13:56,381 --> 00:13:57,514
"'Cotton is king.'
393
00:13:57,547 --> 00:13:59,014
"Paul O'Neill:
394
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:03,181
'I never dreamed anything
could be so soft and fluffy.'"
395
00:14:03,214 --> 00:14:06,147
Boy, they really sound
comfortable.
396
00:14:06,181 --> 00:14:07,147
Hey, where you going?
397
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:07,495
I'm working
in Atlantic City.
398
00:14:07,495 --> 00:14:08,481
I'm working
in Atlantic City.
399
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,481
Really?
You're not working
this weekend.
400
00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:11,514
Why don't you come down.
401
00:14:11,547 --> 00:14:13,147
Atlantic City?
402
00:14:13,181 --> 00:14:14,481
Yes.
403
00:14:14,514 --> 00:14:16,981
Yes, I will go
to Atlantic City.
404
00:14:17,014 --> 00:14:18,314
I'm in.
I'm down.
405
00:14:18,347 --> 00:14:20,147
You know what?
Maybe Elaine wants to go too.
406
00:14:20,181 --> 00:14:21,481
Let me call her.
407
00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:23,481
She's at Mr. Pitt's.
I think I got the number.
408
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,514
ELAINE:
So, what do you think?
409
00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:30,647
No!
410
00:14:30,681 --> 00:14:31,647
You don't like them?
411
00:14:31,681 --> 00:14:33,647
No, I don't like them.
412
00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:35,981
What's wrong?
413
00:14:36,014 --> 00:14:37,181
They're too tight.
414
00:14:37,214 --> 00:14:37,495
Too tight?
415
00:14:37,495 --> 00:14:38,314
Too tight?
416
00:14:38,347 --> 00:14:39,314
There's no elastic.
417
00:14:39,347 --> 00:14:41,814
You need to pull too much.
418
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:43,381
I think they look good.
419
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:46,147
They're cutting off
the circulation.
420
00:14:46,181 --> 00:14:48,181
All right, well,
I'll just take them back.
421
00:14:48,214 --> 00:14:51,447
[PHONE RINGS]
422
00:14:51,481 --> 00:14:52,947
Hello?
423
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:56,147
Hi, Mr. Pitt.
Is Elaine there?
424
00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:00,947
It's for you.
425
00:15:00,981 --> 00:15:05,114
Me? Sorry.
426
00:15:05,147 --> 00:15:06,181
Hello?
427
00:15:06,214 --> 00:15:07,495
Hey, Elaine.
It's me.
428
00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:07,847
Hey, Elaine.
It's me.
429
00:15:07,881 --> 00:15:09,114
Jerry?
430
00:15:09,147 --> 00:15:10,681
Yeah, we're goingto Atlantic City.
431
00:15:10,714 --> 00:15:12,947
Really?
When?
432
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:13,947
Today.
Right now.
433
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:14,947
You in?
434
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:16,114
Um--
435
00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:18,647
Um, one second.
Hang on. Hang on.
436
00:15:18,681 --> 00:15:21,847
Um, excuse me,
Mr. Pitt?
437
00:15:21,881 --> 00:15:22,947
Would it be all right
438
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,014
if I got you the socks tomorrow?
439
00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:26,281
Tomorrow?
440
00:15:26,314 --> 00:15:27,281
Yes.
441
00:15:27,314 --> 00:15:30,881
I was hoping
for my new socks today.
442
00:15:30,914 --> 00:15:32,881
Well, it's just one more day.
443
00:15:32,914 --> 00:15:35,247
I'm sorry, I must
have them today.
444
00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:42,347
I can't go.
445
00:15:44,747 --> 00:15:45,781
Why not?
446
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,214
Because I have to return
the socks
447
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,147
and get different ones.
448
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:50,547
Elaine!
449
00:15:50,581 --> 00:15:52,847
I gotta go.
450
00:15:59,647 --> 00:16:00,647
No.
451
00:16:02,247 --> 00:16:03,747
All right, watch me.
452
00:16:10,581 --> 00:16:13,781
Turn, back, head up.
453
00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:15,014
Shoulders back.
454
00:16:15,047 --> 00:16:16,014
Posture.
455
00:16:16,047 --> 00:16:17,181
See? Posture.
456
00:16:17,214 --> 00:16:19,181
Yes, I see. Okay.
457
00:16:19,214 --> 00:16:21,681
All right. Let's try a few
more questions, all right?
458
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,681
If you were Miss America
459
00:16:25,714 --> 00:16:28,514
and the U.S. was on the brink
of a nuclear war,
460
00:16:28,547 --> 00:16:30,847
and the only way
the conflict could be averted
461
00:16:30,881 --> 00:16:34,347
was if you agreed to sleep
with the enemy's leader,
462
00:16:34,381 --> 00:16:36,347
what would you do?
463
00:16:36,381 --> 00:16:37,495
Kramer, are these questions
really that important--
464
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:38,681
Kramer, are these questions
really that important--
465
00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:40,381
Yes, they're important.
466
00:16:40,414 --> 00:16:44,047
If you stumble, if you hesitate,
you can kiss the crown goodbye.
467
00:16:44,081 --> 00:16:47,181
Now, if I told you once,
I've told you 1000 times!
468
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,847
Poise counts!
469
00:16:48,881 --> 00:16:50,981
It's just as important
as the others.
470
00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:55,014
Swimsuit, evening wear,
talent, poise!
471
00:16:57,847 --> 00:16:59,481
Hey.
Hey.
472
00:16:59,514 --> 00:17:00,481
How was the show?
473
00:17:00,514 --> 00:17:01,514
Good.
How was roulette?
474
00:17:01,547 --> 00:17:02,647
I won 50 bucks.
475
00:17:02,681 --> 00:17:03,881
Wow, this is great.
476
00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:05,314
Too bad Elaine's not here.
477
00:17:05,347 --> 00:17:07,495
Yeah, all she had to do was
buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks.
478
00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:08,514
Yeah, all she had to do was
buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks.
479
00:17:08,547 --> 00:17:10,647
It's good, but--
480
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:11,981
But what?
481
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,347
Ultimately, I don't think
they'll stay up.
482
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,181
No, no, they'll stay up.
483
00:17:16,214 --> 00:17:18,314
For a while, yes,
but not in the long run.
484
00:17:18,347 --> 00:17:20,481
That's why I got you
the tighter ones.
485
00:17:20,514 --> 00:17:22,181
Forget about those.
486
00:17:22,214 --> 00:17:24,647
Why do you keep
mentioning those?
487
00:17:24,681 --> 00:17:26,147
What do you want?
488
00:17:26,181 --> 00:17:28,847
I want a decent sock
that's comfortable,
489
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,514
that will stay on my foot!
490
00:17:36,647 --> 00:17:37,495
[DOVES COOING]
491
00:17:37,495 --> 00:17:38,847
[DOVES COOING]
492
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:45,947
What the hell is that?
493
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:46,981
I don't know.
494
00:17:47,014 --> 00:17:48,947
It sounds like pigeons
or something.
495
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:51,481
Well, I can't sleep
with that noise.
496
00:17:51,514 --> 00:17:52,647
Me either.
497
00:17:52,681 --> 00:17:54,981
Is there anything you can do
to shut them up?
498
00:17:55,014 --> 00:17:56,614
Wait a second.
499
00:17:56,647 --> 00:17:59,314
This will scare them off.
500
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:04,714
[DOVES SCREECHING]
501
00:18:05,981 --> 00:18:07,495
Mm!
502
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:07,981
Mm!
503
00:18:09,514 --> 00:18:11,881
Well, good night,
Ollie.
504
00:18:11,914 --> 00:18:13,247
Good night, Stan.
505
00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:20,047
What is it?
506
00:18:20,081 --> 00:18:22,047
My doves!
They're dead.
507
00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:24,814
I trained those birds
for eight years.
508
00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:26,714
How am I supposed to do
my magic act now?
509
00:18:26,747 --> 00:18:27,881
How did this happen?
510
00:18:27,914 --> 00:18:28,947
They like it outside,
511
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,981
so I kept them in the cage
on the terrace,
512
00:18:31,014 --> 00:18:32,914
and then I found them dead
in a pool of water.
513
00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:39,381
How did this happen?
514
00:18:39,414 --> 00:18:41,314
It must have been an accident.
515
00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:42,881
Accident?
516
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:46,047
This was no accident.
517
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:49,181
These doves were murdered.
518
00:18:51,247 --> 00:18:52,814
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
519
00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,014
Well, that's it.
520
00:18:57,047 --> 00:18:59,181
She's out of the pageant.
521
00:18:59,214 --> 00:19:01,181
What? Why?
What happened?
522
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,181
Her birds are dead.
523
00:19:03,214 --> 00:19:05,514
Birds?
Yeah, birds.
524
00:19:05,547 --> 00:19:07,495
She's got these trained doves.
She does this magic act.
525
00:19:07,495 --> 00:19:08,014
She's got these trained doves.
She does this magic act.
526
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,847
That was her talent
for the pageant.
527
00:19:10,881 --> 00:19:12,281
You know what I think, Jerry?
528
00:19:12,314 --> 00:19:14,681
I think somebody murdered
those doves.
529
00:19:14,714 --> 00:19:17,514
Somebody wanted her out
of that contest bad.
530
00:19:17,547 --> 00:19:19,847
Somebody who was just eaten up
with jealousy,
531
00:19:19,881 --> 00:19:22,014
somebody who couldn't stand
to have the spotlight
532
00:19:22,047 --> 00:19:23,314
taken off of them!
533
00:19:27,147 --> 00:19:28,981
What are you looking at?
534
00:19:30,914 --> 00:19:32,847
Oh, that. We, uh--
535
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,814
We had to leave that
outside last night
536
00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:37,495
because the water was making
the room too cold.
537
00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:38,214
because the water was making
the room too cold.
538
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:41,881
That's, uh--
539
00:19:43,347 --> 00:19:44,647
You killed them,
didn't you?
540
00:19:44,681 --> 00:19:45,814
No, you don't understand.
541
00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:47,681
It's not what you think.
It was an accident.
542
00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:49,647
Don't think you won,
because you haven't.
543
00:19:49,681 --> 00:19:51,047
This kid is a fighter!
544
00:19:51,081 --> 00:19:53,481
If you think I'm gonna
let a couple of dead birds
545
00:19:53,514 --> 00:19:55,814
get in our way,
you're crazy!
546
00:19:55,847 --> 00:19:58,014
Kramer, you've gotta
explain to her--
547
00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,314
What was that all about?
548
00:20:02,347 --> 00:20:04,647
Oh, it was just Kramer.
549
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,714
Apparently, I killed
Miss Rhode Island's doves
550
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:07,495
with the bucket of water
last night.
551
00:20:07,495 --> 00:20:08,381
with the bucket of water
last night.
552
00:20:08,414 --> 00:20:10,414
Oh.
553
00:20:13,847 --> 00:20:15,781
[APPLAUSE]
554
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:18,281
ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,that was Miss Texas.
555
00:20:18,314 --> 00:20:20,314
Wasn't she wonderful?
556
00:20:20,347 --> 00:20:23,114
And now, continuingwith the talent portion
557
00:20:23,147 --> 00:20:24,281
of the competition--
558
00:20:24,314 --> 00:20:25,447
Okay, this is it.
559
00:20:25,481 --> 00:20:26,447
How you feeling?
560
00:20:26,481 --> 00:20:27,781
I'm a little nervous.
561
00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:29,347
There's nothing to be
nervous about.
562
00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,181
But I've never sung before
in my life.
563
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:36,014
And now, let's welcomeKaren Ann Hanson,
564
00:20:36,047 --> 00:20:37,447
Miss Rhode Island.
565
00:20:37,481 --> 00:20:37,495
[APPLAUSE]
566
00:20:37,495 --> 00:20:39,514
[APPLAUSE]
567
00:20:44,881 --> 00:20:49,147
♪ It's a most unusual day ♪
568
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:53,947
♪ Feel like throwing
My worries away ♪
569
00:20:53,981 --> 00:20:57,714
♪ And if I want to sing
Throw my heart in the ring ♪
570
00:20:57,747 --> 00:21:01,381
[OFF-KEY]
♪ It's a most unusual day... ♪
571
00:21:01,414 --> 00:21:05,281
[KAREN SINGING ON TV]
572
00:21:05,314 --> 00:21:07,495
I heard those doves
were really incredible.
573
00:21:07,495 --> 00:21:09,214
I heard those doves
were really incredible.
574
00:21:09,247 --> 00:21:12,647
That's a shame.
575
00:21:12,681 --> 00:21:17,314
♪ ...And a feelingOf spring in the air ♪
576
00:21:17,347 --> 00:21:19,314
It's like watching
an animal get tortured.
577
00:21:21,647 --> 00:21:23,147
Hey, hey, Yankee game.
578
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:24,981
Oh, great.
All right.
579
00:21:25,014 --> 00:21:26,981
ANNOUNCER 1:
And the Yankeestake the field.
580
00:21:27,014 --> 00:21:28,814
ANNOUNCER 2:
And what is with the Yankees?
581
00:21:28,847 --> 00:21:30,881
They look like they'rehaving trouble running.
582
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,714
They can't move.It's their uniforms.
583
00:21:32,747 --> 00:21:34,047
They're too tight.
584
00:21:34,081 --> 00:21:36,214
They've shrunk. They'rerunning like penguins.
585
00:21:36,247 --> 00:21:37,495
Forget this game.Oh, my God.
586
00:21:37,495 --> 00:21:37,881
Forget this game.Oh, my God.
587
00:21:37,914 --> 00:21:40,381
Mattingly justsplit his pants.
588
00:21:40,414 --> 00:21:43,681
That's a shame.
589
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:47,514
♪ ...My heart won't behave
In the usual way ♪
590
00:21:47,547 --> 00:21:50,681
♪ Well, there's only one thing
To say... ♪
591
00:21:50,714 --> 00:21:52,947
Poise, poise.
592
00:21:52,981 --> 00:21:54,714
♪ It's a most unusual ♪
593
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:56,681
♪ Most unusual ♪
594
00:21:56,714 --> 00:22:00,547
♪ Most unusual day ♪
595
00:22:03,747 --> 00:22:07,014
The Miss America pageant seems
like a really tough contest.
596
00:22:07,047 --> 00:22:09,214
You know, you gotta come out
there in the bathing suit
597
00:22:09,247 --> 00:22:11,014
and the dress shoes.
598
00:22:11,047 --> 00:22:13,514
They got that
"sanitized for your protection"
599
00:22:13,547 --> 00:22:16,614
toilet seat thing
hanging off them, you know.
600
00:22:16,647 --> 00:22:18,481
Plus, they gotta wear
all the other outfits.
601
00:22:18,514 --> 00:22:19,547
I don't know why.
602
00:22:19,581 --> 00:22:22,147
The bathing suit is the contest.
603
00:22:22,181 --> 00:22:23,647
You win the bathing suit,
you win.
604
00:22:23,681 --> 00:22:26,381
What is the formalwear?
Everybody looks good
in formalwear.
605
00:22:26,414 --> 00:22:27,847
It's dark,
it covers everything.
606
00:22:27,881 --> 00:22:29,814
That's why we have
weddings in it.
607
00:22:29,847 --> 00:22:31,981
I mean, if we had weddings
in bathing suits,
608
00:22:32,014 --> 00:22:32,029
a lot of ceremonies
wouldn't be able to get past:
609
00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:33,981
a lot of ceremonies
wouldn't be able to get past:
610
00:22:34,014 --> 00:22:36,647
"If anyone sees any reason why
these two people
611
00:22:36,681 --> 00:22:38,714
should not be
joined together--"
612
00:22:38,747 --> 00:22:40,681
About 80 hands go up.
41884
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