All language subtitles for Seinfeld.S05E18E19.The.Raincoats.720p.HULU.WEBRip.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb

I really feel,
as human beings,

we need more training
in our basic social skills,

conversational distance.

Don't you hate these people
that talk to you,

they talk into your mouth,
like you're a clown
at a drive-thru?

And handshakes is the worst.

There's absolutely
no guidelines for handshakes.

You know how many people--?
Too strong, too weak.

Sometimes they give you
the three-quarter handshake,

just the fingers.

Early release, late release.

Sometimes people will
dispute your release.

You've let go.
They're hanging on.

I have actually
said to people,

I have actually
said to people,

"Hey, the handshake is over."

Too many pumps,

coming in too high.

Too sweaty.
From too far away.

Sometimes a guy will give
you a strong grip,

late release, and pull you in
for the too-close
conversation.

To him I say,
"That's three strikes.
You're out."

(♪)

You know, the timing
couldn't be worse.

Is there ever a good time
to have your parents
stay with you?

You don't understand.

I haven't been together
with Rachel
for, like, three weeks.

First I was on the road,
then my parents show up.

I'm getting a little,
uh, backed up.

When are they leaving
for Paris?

Not for another three days.

What about her place?

She lives with
her parents.

Really?

Hey, maybe this will become,
like, a cool thing,

living with your parents.

living with your parents.

Yeah, then maybe
baldness will catch on.

Things will all be
turning your way.

Hey, believe me,
baldness will catch on.

When the aliens come,

who do you think
they're gonna relate to?

Who do you think is
gonna be the first ones
getting a tour of the ship?

The baldies.

Hey, my parents
want to have your parents over

for dinner before
they leave town.

Good. Then I get
the apartment for
at least one night.

I'm paying for
this whole Paris trip.

It's their
anniversary present.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Alec.
Hey, Alec.

This is Joey.

This is Joey.

Hey, Joey. How you doing?

Hi.
Hey, listen.

I was wondering if
either one of you guys

would be interested
in doing some work

for the Big Brother
program.

I'm kinda running
the local chapter.

What do you say,
George?

Well, uh--

Wouldn't you
like to be a big brother

to someone like me?

Please?

Well...

Sure, Joey. Sure.

I would be thrilled.

That's great, George.
Thanks.

I'll get in touch
with you.

Wouldn't you like
to be a big brother--?

Wouldn't you like
to be a big brother--?

All right, Joey.
That's enough.
Let's go.

See you.

What happened?

What could I do?

Did you see the mug
on that kid?

Wouldn't you like
to pass the ketchup

to someone like me?

Please?

Hey, have you noticed
they moved

where they do
the interview
on Jeopardy now?

Yeah, it used to be
right in the middle
of Single Jeopardy.

Now they do it
right after
Single Jeopardy.

Yeah. It's much better,
isn't it?

Oh, no comparison.

Hey, I gotta stop
at the bookstore, to get
my parents one of those

French-English
dictionaries.

French-English
dictionaries.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

What?

Your parents are
going to Paris, right?

Yeah.

So, I tell Alec

that I have to
go to Paris

for an undetermined
amount of time.

Then all I have to do
is buy some postcards

and have your parents
mail them from Paris.

What about
little Joey?

Who?

I think he's probably
better off.

GEORGE:
I'm trying to get out
of this Big Brother program.

So, when you get
to Paris, all you
have to do is

drop them
in any mailbox.

But there are
no stamps on these.

But there are
no stamps on these.

Well, no, not yet.
You got to buy
French stamps.

I'll-- I'll reimburse you,
of course.

Why are you
doing this?

He wants this guy
to think he's in Paris.

Why?

Because George
is a deeply-disturbed
individual.

Oh, hey.
Helen, uh...

could I use some more
of your hand lotion?

I told you it was good.
Yeah.

It's from the Saks
Fifth Avenue in Miami.

Mm. I'm gonna remember that
if I'm ever in Florida.

Yeah. Or if you're
ever on Fifth Avenue

here in
New York City.

You can get some there.
Yeah?

Say, those are nice pants.

Say, those are nice pants.

I got a pair
just like them at home.

That doesn't
surprise me.

I bought these
at Rudy's.

It's a used
clothing store.

See, when people
like you die...

the widows, they bring
in their wardrobes.

They make a bundle.

Really?

My father's got a ton
of old clothes,

just sitting up
in the attic.

You think they're
worth something?

Yeah, if they're vintage...

and you're a widow.

What happens if the husband
dies after the wife?

Who brings
the clothing in then?

I suppose
the children do.

Yes, I suppose they do.

Yes, I suppose they do.

All right. I got a 10:00.
I'll see everybody later.

Hey, ooh,
I just remembered.

My parents really
wanna have you guys
over for dinner

before you leave town.

What about
tonight?

Tonight?

Yeah. They're making
paella.

Uh... Oh, I don't think
we can make it tonight.

We have plans.

What plans?

We have plans.

We have plans.

Where did you
get plans?

We have plans.

Oh. Well, um...
what about tomorrow
night?

Maybe.

Okay, uh...

I guess I'll
tell them that.

Hey, give them
our best, though.

Yeah.
I'll call you later.

Yeah.

So, what plans
do you have?

None.

So, how come
you're not going
over there for dinner?

Jerry, we don't
care much for
the Costanzas.

Jerry, we don't
care much for
the Costanzas.

We can't stand them.

Really? Since when?

Since always.
We've never liked them.

Why?

They're so loud.
They're always fighting.

It's uncomfortable.
You never noticed?

Oh, I noticed.
But they're from
your age group.

I didn't think
you could detect
abnormal behavior

among your own kind.

Well, we do.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

Yeah?

(ELAINE AND AARON LAUGHING)

ELAINE:
It's us.

Oh. Come on up.

It's Elaine. You don't have
a problem with her, do you?

It's Elaine. You don't have
a problem with her, do you?

We adore Elaine.

She wants to say "Hi"
with her new boyfriend.

What's he like?

He's nice.
Bit of a close talker.

A what?

You'll see.

I really had no idea that

you felt this way
about the Costanzas.

They're exhausting.
It's like being in an asylum.

(BOTH):
Hi.

There she is.

Hello, Elaine!

Hi,
Mrs. Seinfeld.

Oh...this is Aaron.

Hello, Aaron.

Hello.
Hello, Aaron.

So, how long are
you folks in town?

Oh.

Oh.

Three more days.

Three more days,
and then we're off
to Paris.

Ah.

We're going with
a select charter group.

I love France.
I was just there
last year.

In fact...you know,

I still have an envelope
full of French francs.

I'll give them to you.

We can't take money.

No. It's a gift.
From us.

Oh, that is so nice,
Aaron.

Isn't he nice?

Has Jerry been
showing you
a good time?

No, I haven't.

No, I haven't.

You know,
I have a friend

who works at
the Metropolitan
Museum of Art.

How'd you like
a behind-the-scenes tour?

Really? You could
do that?

Easily.

It wouldn't be
any trouble?

Of course not.

When could we go?

How about right now?

I'm ready.

Are you sure?
Yes!

Okay, let me get my coat.

Elaine,
what do you say?

Well, I don't
think so, Aaron.

Uh...I have plans.

Oh.

Oh.

How about you,
Jerry?

I'm swamped.

You sure?
You can examine
the artwork up close.

Maybe I'll try
and catch up with you.

Yeah, that'll
happen.

All right.
We're off.

Okay. Bye.

Okay, bye-bye.
Have a good time.

Bye.
See everybody later.

Okay.
Bye.

Why would he ask your parents
to go to a museum?

I don't know.
What is that?

Maybe he was just
trying to be nice.

Have you ever heard of anyone
doing anything like this?

Have you ever heard of anyone
doing anything like this?

Wait a second. He just
did me a big favor.

What?

He got them
out of the house.
What?

I can call Rachel.

Oh.

Oh, no.
I got the machine.

Rachel, are you there?

I got the place to myself
for a few hours. Rachel!

Where are you?

Rachel!

Sorry, pal.
Wish I could help you out.

(SMOOCHES)

FRANK:
They're not coming?

No. They had
plans.

How could they
have plans?

That's what
I wanna know.

That's what
I wanna know.

What difference
does it make?

They wouldn't lie to us.
They're our dear friends.

What am I supposed to do
with all this paella?

They said tomorrow,
maybe.

Maybe?
Maybe they don't like us.

Why wouldn't they
like us?

(GASPS)

Again with the pepper?

What do you gotta use
all that pepper for?

Ah, keep quiet.

What are you,
trying to set
my mouth on fire?

I don't know what
the reason could be.

(LAUGHTER)

Hello.
Oh, hi.

Hello.
Oh, hi.

What a day.

Ah, Jerry, you would
not believe the time
we had.

Aaron is quite
the tour guide.

Jerry, have you ever seen
any of those
Impressionist paintings?

Oh, sure, like Monet.

Don't you think
he had to be, uh, nearsighted?

I mean, nobody would paint
like that if they could see.

It's all out of focus.

Well, he's from
the Impressionist school,

you know,
like Monet, Manet,

Tippy-tippy-day-day.

I say that guy was painting
without his glasses.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Rachel.

Rachel.

Yeah.

Uh, no.
They're back.

Jerry, if you have
something to do,

we can just
sit right here
and read.

Yes.

Well, uh,
I'm sorry too.

Listen...
I'll call you later.

Okay, bye.

Well,
I should be
going.

Oh, thanks
again.

Goodbye.
Bye.

Hey.

Oh, you must be
Kramer.

I've heard
about you.

Hey, you must be Aaron.
I've heard about you.

(LAUGHS)

Well, see you later.

Yeah.

Bye.
Okay.

So, what are you guys
doing for dinner?

We have no plans.

Look at that, Helen.

Do you see what
he's wearing?

That's the Executive.

What is the Executive?

The beltless trench coat.
My father invented it.

I sure did.
Raincoats were my business.

The Executive
was a classic.

These haven't
been made in 20 years.

These haven't
been made in 20 years.

Why would they?
Nobody bought them then.

He's wearing one.

These are a hot item
at Rudy's.

You don't say.

You know, I have boxes
of those sitting
in my garage in Florida.

Get them up here.

You give me 25 percent,
I'll take care of
everything.

You got a deal.

Yeah.

This is like the meeting
of Smith and Wesson.

I'll call
Jack Klompus.

He's got a key
to the garage.

He can send them
overnight delivery.

You're gonna first start
shipping boxes?

We're leaving for Paris
in three days.

We're leaving for Paris
in three days.

He'll send them
express.

You're crazy.

I'll tell you
how crazy I am.

I'm gonna pay for
this whole trip
with these coats.

I'm paying
for the trip.

So much the better.

Anyway, it's kind of
a fluke thing, but, uh,

I'll be leaving for Paris
in two days and...

I will send you a postcard
when I get there.

Paris, huh?

Yeah, yeah.
You know, I feel
terrible about Joey,

but it's a great
business opportunity.

but it's a great
business opportunity.

I don't even know how long
I'm gonna be away for.

Where will you stay?

An apartment complex.

The, uh--
The Eiffel Towers.

Uh...

Like I said, uh,

you'll be getting
a postcard in a few days.

And again, I'm sorry.

George, you have no idea
how fantastic this is.

Fantastic?
Yeah.

We've been trying to reunite
Joey with his father,

who lives in Paris.

But he's afraid to
fly alone.

But he's afraid to
fly alone.

You know, he's
kind of withdrawn.

But he seems to
take to you.

So, it's a perfect
solution.

Gee. What a coincidence.
Yeah.

And you'll send me
a postcard.

Helen really seemed
to respond to Renoir.

I think she really
connected

with the way
he painted children.

Mm-hmm.

And that Morty...

I'll tell you, that
old guy's full of life.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

He was convinced
Monet was nearsighted.

I kept telling him.

Aaron?

Yes?

Uh...let me ask you
a question.

How come you asked
Mr. and Mrs. Seinfeld,

to go to the museum
with you?

Well, they were in
from out of town.

I thought
they would enjoy it.

Uh-huh.

Um, you didn't feel
uncomfortable

spending the whole day
at the museum

with two complete
strangers

with two complete
strangers

who are more than
twice your age?

No.

It was fun.

You had fun
with Mr. and
Mrs. Seinfeld?

Yeah.

They bought me a Coke.

How'd you come up with
the idea for the
beltless trench coat?

I came home one night

and I tripped over
one of Jerry's toys.

So I took out my belt,
just to threaten him.

And I got a glimpse
of myself in the mirror.

And I got a glimpse
of myself in the mirror.

How serendipitous.

So, that night,
I cut off the loops,

and the Executive was born.
Mm.

He also came up with an idea
for a brimless rain hat,

but that never materialized.

All right, come on.
Let's play.

Did you call
Jack Klompus yet?

I haven't been able
to reach him.

I'll call him right now.
Come on.

Just a second.

Jerry, have you seen
Schindler's List?

No, I haven't
seen it yet.

Oh, you have to go.
You have to.

I'm going.

You have to.
Okay.

Hello, Jack?
Yeah?

Jack, it's Morty.

Who died?

Nobody died.

Jack, I want you
to do me
a big favor.

In my garage there are
a couple of boxes.

What boxes?

I'm gonna explain
what boxes.

All right.
How the hell do I know?

Anyway, there are these
three big boxes.
You can't miss them.

I want you to ship them here
to New York for me.

I thought you were
going to Paris.

I'm still going to Paris.

I got a big deal
cooking here.

What's in the boxes?

Raincoats.
Raincoats?

Raincoats.
Raincoats?

You think you're
gonna sell those
old, crappy raincoats?

That's garbage.

HELEN:
I guarantee you,

Doris is not letting him
mail those boxes.

When do you want these?

Send them tomorrow.

ESTELLE:
So...

you think they're
coming tonight?

I don't know.
They said maybe.

Of course they're coming.
They're leaving soon.

If they don't come tonight,
they might not see us.

Well, they better come.

I got all this paella.

I admire Morty and Helen
going to France.

I admire Morty and Helen
going to France.

We should take a trip.

Maybe a cruise.

Yes, a cruise.

A long cruise.

Just the two of you.

Georgie,
what were you doing,

poking around the attic
last night?

I...

I wasn't in the attic.

I heard noise.

Maybe it was a mouse.

Okay, that's it!
We're moving!

What?

I will not tolerate
infestation.

You haven't even seen one.

You haven't even seen one.

Don't you understand?
The very thought,
the very idea.

I'll never be
comfortable again.

All right, Frank,
that's enough.

GEORGE:
I guess I've been
hanging onto them

for so long,
because...

I just couldn't
accept the fact

that Dad was really
gone forever.

Uh-huh.

They will get a good home,
won't they?

Look, I gotta be
honest with you.

There's nothing here
too spectacular.

Oh, I beg to
differ.

My father took great pride
in his appearance.

He was a very
handsome man.
A Casanova, really.

I'll give you $200
for the three boxes.

Could you make it 225?

That was his high game
in bowling.

Yeah, I'm in
a good mood. Here.

Thank you.

Hey...George.
What are you doing here?

Uh, I'm just selling
some of Dad's things.

That's what he would
have wanted.

Oh. I got you.

Oh. I got you.

That'll do.

Oh, hey, guess what.
Morty Seinfeld and I

are going into business
together selling raincoats.

Hey, that's swell.

We worked it all out
over dinner last night.

Dinner?
What?

You...had dinner
with the Seinfelds?

Yeah, last night.

Was this something
you had planned for a while?

No, it was
spur of the moment.

Well, you--
You know Morty.

He likes to fly by the seat
of his vintage pants.

They had plans.
They had plans!

Ooh. Boy, I've never
seen these before.

Ooh. Boy, I've never
seen these before.

They just came in.

Part of my springtime
cruise collection.

Two for $25.

Oh, I'll take these. Yeah.
All right.

Hey, remember
this raincoat that
you sold me?

Sure. That's the Executive.
Uh-huh.

Do you have any others?

I wish. They don't
make them anymore.
Come here.

Suppose I told you
I have 50
in mint condition.

You interested?
Very interested.

They're coming in
from Florida.

Bring them in.
So, you'll buy them?

I don't see what would
possibly stop me.

Ahhh, hahhh.

Aha!

They had plans, huh?
They were busy.

They were busy
with their big
plans, huh?

What are you
talking about?

Mom and Pop Seinfeld.

Look, I don't know.

I know what they did
last night.

They had dinner with Kramer.

Oh, they were tired.
It was a last-minute thing.

They don't wanna have dinner
with my parents?

That's right.

Something wrong
with my parents?
Absolutely.

They're wonderful people.

The same people
you currently live with?

The same people
you currently live with?

Yes!

Uh-huh.

So, are they coming tonight?

I don't know what
their plans are.

Okay. Fine.

It's going to be
very interesting.

Very interesting
if they don't
show up tonight.

You know, my mother
made all this paella.

What is that, anyway?

It's a Spanish dish.

It's a melange of fish
and meat with rice.

Very tasty.

All right.
I'll tell them.

Could you do
one other thing for me?

Name it.

Name it.

Would your parents
have any objections

to taking a little kid
to Paris with them?

It turns out that the kid's
father lives in Paris.

Is that a coincidence?

Alec wants me
to take him over there.

So I figure as long as
they're going--

You thought as long as
they're mailing postcards,

it wouldn't be too much
to ask my parents

to drag a child
who they've never seen

through the streets of Paris?

through the streets of Paris?

If you think
it's too much,

they don't have to
mail the postcards.

So, where's
he taking you?

First, we're going to
a matinee.
I'm taking the afternoon off.

We're gonna go see
My Fair Lady.

And then we're gonna
go to dinner.

He knows all these
fantastic places.

You are one lucky girl.

Wish I could find a nice guy.

Oh. Hi, Aaron.

Hey, Joanne.
(LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY)

Hey.

Hi.

Hello, hello!

Hello, Elaine.

(LAUGHTER)

I was able to finagle
two more tickets
to My Fair Lady,

and I thought, why not ask
Morty and Helen?

Great.

This is some
office.

What's the square
footage?

You don't mind,
do you, Elaine?

Mind? Oh,
of course not.

We can make
a whole day of it.

We can make
a whole day of it.

This is some
building.

Harry Fleming
used to have
an office here.

There was a deli
on the first floor.

You don't get corned beef
like that anymore.

What happened to that deli?

I really don't know,
Mr. Seinfeld.

(WOMAN SINGING "I COULD
HAVE DANCED ALL NIGHT"
FROM MY FAIR LADY)

♪ I could have danced
All night! ♪

♪ I could have danced
All night! ♪

♪ And still have begged
For more ♪

♪ I could have
Spread my wings ♪

♪ I could have
Spread my wings ♪

♪ And done a thousand things ♪

♪ I've never done before ♪

♪ I'll never know ♪

♪ What made it so exciting ♪

♪ Why all at once ♪

♪ My heart took flight... ♪

Mm. Mm.
Mmm...

We better
not.

We better
not.

Look, they're gonna
be here any second.

When are
they leaving?

In two days.

It's been so long.

I know.

Okay.

It's only
two more days.

Right.

Thursday,
3:00.

MORTY:
♪ I could have danced
All night ♪

♪ I could have
danced all night
And still-- ♪

Oh!

Oh, hi.

We didn't know
you had company.
Yeah.

This is Rachel.
Hi.

This is Rachel.
Hi.

Hello, Rachel.
We'll come back
another time.

What other
time?

Whenever.
Where you going?

We'll drive around
for a while.

You don't have
a car.

We'll take
a bus.

Come on,
stop.

No, we don't
mind.

I'll get
a book.

No, no, it's okay.
I was just leaving anyway.

Are you sure?
We don't want--

No, it's okay.

So, we'll go see
Schindler's List later.

Definitely.
Okay.

It was nice meeting you.
Okay.

Nice meeting
you.

I'll call you later.

Boy, that was
some show.

Boy, that was
some show.

What show?

My Fair Lady.

When did you get
tickets to see that?

Aaron surprised us.
And Elaine came.

Oh, Elaine?
Really?

Well, that sounds
interesting.

We saw Regis Philbin
get out of a limousine.

He looks better
on TV.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello?

Hello, Jerry?

Yeah?

It's Jack Klompus.

Oh, hi, Jack.

So, when are you coming down
to Florida again?

So, when are you coming down
to Florida again?

As soon as is
humanly possible.

You know,

I still got that pen,

the one that writes
upside down.

Yeah, yeah.
I should have kept it.

So, where's
your father?

Oh, he's
right here.

Yeah?

Hello, Morty.

Listen...I can't get
in the garage.

What do you mean?

There is something wrong
with the gate.

The gate doesn't work.

You gotta jiggle it
a little bit.

I jiggled it. I jiggled it
for 15 minutes.

I jiggled it. I jiggled it
for 15 minutes.

Tell him to come
down here and get
his own packages.

You have nothing
better to do than to
worry about his boxes?

You gotta pull on the knob
as you turn it.

Get the hell outta here
with your knob!

What does he want from you?

My idiot son could open
that garage door.

What did I do?

Just do it
first thing tomorrow.
I need it.

They'll be here
first thing Thursday morning.

Thursday morning?
You know we're leaving
at 3:00.

Yeah, you're
leaving at 3:00.

How you gonna get
this done in time?

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, how will get
this done in time?

Yeah, how will get
this done in time?

GEORGE:
They were drinking
champagne in a buggy!

First Kramer,
then Elaine?

Yeah.

It's a slap
in the face.

What did we ever
do to them?

I want to know
what we did to them.

What are they,
too good
for us?

A raincoat salesman.

I could buy and sell him,
like that.

The hell with them!

The thing that bothers me
the most is the lying.

Well, let's forget
about it.

We're going on
a beautiful vacation.

Vacation?

Your mother and I are
planning on taking a cruise.

Ohh!

But I can't find any of
my vacation clothes.

There were in the attic.

The attic?

You haven't worn any
of those clothes for years.

How can I go on a cruise
without my cabana-wear?

I love those--
Those clothes.

Aah! A mouse!
I saw a mouse!

It's the remote.

Where the hell
are my clothes?

I love
those clothes.

I love
those clothes.

Lousy, moth-ridden
crap.

I'm not crazy
about used clothes.

I mean, they call it
vintage, you know,

to take your mind off
of what it really is--

nasty-wear.

"Oh, it's clean.
People wear underwear."

Yeah, well, they don't
wear iron underwear.

And that's what
it's gonna take

to get me
in those clothes.

I mean, I'll move
into an apartment

after a strange person
moves out.

Why would I want to move
into somebody's pants?

Why would I want to move
into somebody's pants?

There is no vintage
underwear, of course.

But it's not because a guy
couldn't sell his underwear.

It's because men
wear their underwear

until it absolutely
disintegrates.

Men hang onto underwear

until each
individual underwear
molecule is so strained,

it can barely retain
the properties of a solid.

It actually becomes
underwear vapor.

We don't even throw it out.

We just open a window,

and it goes out
like dandelion spores.

That's how men
throw out underwear.

That's how men
throw out underwear.

We just go--
(BLOWS)

And it's gone.
That's it.

(MOVIE DIALOGUE
IN GERMAN)

Hey.
MORTY: Hey, Jerry.

So, how was
the movie?

Oh. Really
good.

Really good.

Didn't the three hours
go by just like that?

Like that.

What about the end,
with the list?

Yeah, that
was some list.

What'd you think of
the black and white?

The black and white?

The whole movie was in
black and white.

Oh, yeah.
I didn't even realize.

You don't even
think about it.

There's so much
going on.

There's so much
going on.

Yeah. Yeah.

I tell you,
I could see it again.

So, Klompus has
the key, but the jerk
couldn't open it up.

All you got to do
is jiggle it.

You just get
it in there,
jiggle it, jiggle it.

Look, I find this whole
thing very uninteresting.

When you get
the coats, come in.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Hey, I'm on your side.
Yeah, yeah.

Hey. What, again?

I'm trying to buy
some of the clothes back.

Hey, you want to come over
for dinner tonight?

My mother made
all this extra paella.

My mother made
all this extra paella.

Paella? Yeah,
I'll be there.

Apparently, the Seinfelds
are too good for us.

I shouldn't say anything
bad about your partner.

No, we're not really partners.
I only get 25 percent.

Twenty-five percent?
It was your idea.

Yeah, I know.

You're doing
all the legwork.

That's right.

He's ripping you off.

You're right!
He's ripping me off.

If anybody should be
getting more, it's you.

He's ripping me off!

Don't let him
take advantage of you
like that.

Aah!

Oh, it's you.

You're the one
who sold me the moth-ridden
cabana crap.

You know,
I've been thinking.

Why is Kramer
getting 25 percent?

Well, he told you
about the place.

So what?
Why is that
worth 25 percent?

It's a finder's fee.
You know what
a finder's fee is?

You find something,
you get a fee.

A finder's fee is
10 percent, no more.

Well, it's
too late now.

Those are my coats.
I saved them, I stored them.

I've been waiting years
for this payoff.

I've been waiting years
for this payoff.

Well, you're not
gonna say anything.
Hm.

I've been thinking
about something.

Yeah. So have I.
Ah!

I don't think
the deal is fair.

You don't think it's fair?
No. No. No.

I found the place.
I set the whole thing up.

I'm doing all the legwork.

What legwork?

Oh, there's legwork.

If anything, you're
getting too much.

Too much?

That's right.
They're my coats.

Okay, look, I want
35 percent.

I'm thinking
more like 15.

No way
I'm taking 15.

Well, you're not
getting 35!

All right, let's
compromise.

All right, let's
compromise.

Twenty-five
percent.

Okay,
it's a deal.

RUDY
Moths are the scourge
of my business.

All it takes is
one moth to lay eggs.

You know what happens
to the larvae?

They hatch
and they're everywhere.

Well, I'm--
I'm sorry.

Here's your money back.

And I'll take the clothes.

This will hardly
put a dent in my
fumigation bill.

So, uh, where are
the clothes?

I burned them.

Oh. That's good.

ELAINE:
Now, I know they're
your parents, Jerry,

ELAINE:
Now, I know they're
your parents, Jerry,

and they're
very nice people.

But don't you think
it's odd that
a 35-year-old man

is going to
these lengths

to see that someone
else's parents are
enjoying themselves?

Don't you find that
abnormal?

It is a tad askew.

I mean, they're your parents,
and you don't do anything.

So, why is this stranger
doing it?

I've hardly been out
to dinner with them.

See? And I can't even
say anything.

Because all he's really
doing is being nice.

But nobody is
this nice.

But nobody is
this nice.

This is like
certifiably nice.

You're right.
He's insane.

Yes. He's insane.
That's what I think.

So, what are you
gonna do?

I don't know.

I don't know
what to do.

Oh, God.
So, how was
the movie?

Uh, from what I saw,
it was pretty good.

Yeah, what do you mean
"from what you saw"?

Well, I, uh--

I didn't actually
get to see
the whole movie.

Yeah? Why not?

I was, kind of, um...
making out.

I was, kind of, um...
making out.

You were making out
during Schindler's List?

I couldn't help it.

We hadn't been alone
in a long time.

It just got
the better of me.

During
Schindler's List?

We're both living
with our parents.

Did anybody see you?
Did anyone say anything?

No, I don't think so.

I saw Newman
as I was leaving,
but he didn't see me.

Oh.

Hello, Mrs. Seinfeld.

(IMITATING JERRY)
Hello, Newman.

Jerry's not here.

Uh, uh...
having a nice trip?

Wonderful.
We went to the theater
last night.

Oh, the theater.

Because I
was wondering...

Wondering what?

Why I didn't see you
at Schindler's List
with Jerry.

Well, we already saw it.

Oh, well, it's
a good thing

for Jerry that
you didn't go.

Why is that?

Why is that?

Well, he really
seemed to have
his hands full,

if you know
what I mean.

I'm afraid I don't.

Him and his buxom
little friend, Rachel,

were going at it
pretty good in the balcony.

What?

What, do I have
to spell it out
for you?

He was moving on her
like the stormtroopers
into Poland.

Jerry was necking
during Schindler's List?

Yes!

And a more offensive
spectacle I cannot recall.

Anyway, I just really
came up to get
some detergent.

Jerry sends
his laundry out.

Jerry sends
his laundry out.

Oh, right.

Well, it was nice
seeing you folks.

And, oh, by the way,
you didn't hear this
from me.

Ta-ta.

(LAUGHS)

Hi.

What?
What did I do?

How could you?

How could I
what?

You were making out
during Schindler's List?

You were making out
during Schindler's List?

What?

No!

Don't lie, Jerry.

(WHISPERS)
Newman!

How could you do
such a thing?

I couldn't
help it!

We hadn't been alone
together in a long time!

And we just started up
a little during
the coming attractions.

And the next thing we knew,
the war was over!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Hello.

Jerry.

It's Jack Klompus.

It's Jack Klompus.

Hang on a second.

Dad, it's Klompus.

Hello.

Hello, Morty?

Listen. That key
doesn't work.

It's no good!

You didn't get in?

Oh, I got in.

I had to break the window
with a rock.

And then I got my hand
all cut up reaching in.

You broke the window?

He broke the window?

You wanted those damn boxes,
didn't you?

DORIS:
He should be on his hands
and knees thanking you.

Did you send them?

Yeah. They'll be there
tomorrow afternoon, 2:00.

Yeah. They'll be there
tomorrow afternoon, 2:00.

Tomorrow
afternoon?

Tomorrow
afternoon?

Tomorrow
afternoon?

I told you to
send them express!

Well, it was $10 cheaper
in the afternoon

than the morning.

I figured, what the hell's
the difference?

What did you do
about the window?

I got to fix
your window now?

All right, all right!
Goodbye!

I don't think we're
gonna make that flight.

What do you mean?

We have to make
the flight.

We're with
a charter group.

If we don't,
the trip is off.

If we don't,
the trip is off.

What's the difference?
We'll go someplace else.

Someplace else?
What about Paris?

You don't understand.

I've come this far.
I can't stop now.

I can't believe that
you're doing all this

just to sell
some stupid raincoats.

You don't understand.
Fashion is cyclical.

This thing
could come back.

I think you're
out of your mind.

FRANK:
I just don't understand

how all those clothes
can disappear.

Moths?

Moths ate
three boxes?

Well, you know
what happens when
larvae hatch.

Well, you know
what happens when
larvae hatch.

They-- They're
everywhere.

You know,

I was thinking today.

I never liked
those Seinfelds anyway.

He's an idiot
altogether.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Oh, there's Kramer.

KRAMER:
Hello?

Hello!
KRAMER: Ohhh ohhh ohhh!

Hey.

Good evening.

Hope you're
hungry.

Ooh, paella.

Here, let me
take your coat.

Oh, yeah.
Thanks, buddy.

Hey.

That shirt.
Where did you get that shirt?

What?

What?

That's my cabana shirt.

You stole my shirt,
you son of a bitch!

George, I had no idea
your friends were

up in the attic
stealing my clothes!

Give me that back!

Wait.
Give me that! Give me!

Hey, I bought it
from Rudy!

Rudy? That skunk!

I knew he didn't
burn those clothes!

Who's Rudy?
What clothes?

I sold your clothes
yesterday.

You sold my clothes?

What do you mean,
you sold my clothes?

I didn't think
you wore them anymore.

It's cruise-wear!

Kramer...

Kramer...

I love that
shirt.

That's because it's mine!

You look
just like Frank...

on our honeymoon.

Oh.

Well...thank you.

Who's this Rudy?

Rudy's the guy buying
Morty's raincoats.

Morty Seinfeld?
He's a bum.

Well...the whole deal's
going down tomorrow.

Morty's gonna miss
his plane for it.

Missing his plane?
Wasn't that
a charter flight?

Yeah.

Well, what happens to
charter tickets,

when you don't
use them?

Well, I suppose
they're wasted.

Yes, I suppose
they are.

Yes, I suppose
they are.

Tomorrow I'm going
straight down to this Rudy

and get my clothes.

A mouse!
Egad! A mouse!

In the bedroom!
Aah!

Get in!

You want the tickets?
Yes.

You're gonna take
this kid to Paris?

Hey, I get a free trip
to Paris,

I go in the Big Brothers'
Hall of Fame.

I mail my own postcards.

You know, I'm paying
for these tickets.

It's all right.
I got lunch.

Oh, you should've
gone to the Costanzas'
for dinner.

Mm. The paella
was magnificent.

Have you ever had
really good paella?

Have you ever had
really good paella?

Not really.

Oh, it's an orgiastic
feast for the senses,

a wanton festival
of sights, sounds
and colors.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Hey, Dad, you sure
we're at the right
carousel?

This is it.

So, how much
we gonna make, hm?

Take it easy.

I've been through a million
of these negotiations.

What, 2000,
3000?

That's giving it away.
This is a one-of-a-kind item.

More?
More than 3000?

Just watch me do my thing.
Ha, ha, ha.

Say, Dad,
isn't that
one of yours?

Look at this.
Look how this idiot
packed it.

Look at this.
Look how this idiot
packed it.

He didn't tape it.
He just flipped
the flaps.

Wait. Ho-hold it.

Kramer, you missed
a couple.

Bonjour.

Welcome to the Gateway
to Paris charter flight.

Dad, isn't that
your charter group?

GEORGE:
Honesty, hard work.

These are the values
that I was raised with.

The most important
thing, Joey,

is to be able to look
yourself in the mirror

before you go to
sleep at night.

Hey, I got news for you,
four-eyes:

There's no way
you're staying with us
in Paris.

FRANK:
You burned them?

Those clothes are
not yours to burn.

Who are you anyways?

I'm the father.

He said his father
was dead.

He said I was dead?

That's right.

Squeezed an extra
$25 out of me.

That's what my life
is worth to him, $25?

Hey, Frank!

Oh. Hey, I just want you
to know

that I'm retracting
that dinner invitation.

Well, you don't
have to retract it,
'cause we never went.

I'm retracting that
it was ever offered.

I retract
your retraction.

What are you, trying to unload
some of that junk of yours?

What are you, trying to unload
some of that junk of yours?

Will you excuse me,
please?

We're conducting
business here.

Keep your raincoats.
I'm not interested.

I thought we had
a deal.

That's another one
of my shirts!

I'm not buying any more
clothes from anyone
off the street.

Who's off the street?
I'm in the raincoat
business 35 years.

Maybe they have moths,
like his stuff.

My clothes
don't have moths!

Because of his moths,
you're not buying
my raincoats?

That's right.

(LAUGHS)
I'm all ticklish!

MAN (OVER PA):
Flight 433 now boarding
for Miami at gate 18-A.

MAN (OVER PA):
Flight 433 now boarding
for Miami at gate 18-A.

Flight 433, now boarding.

Okay, let's go.

It was so nice of you
to come to the airport

to see us off.

Are you sure
you can't stay
a little longer?

No!
No!

Goodbye.
Bye.

Bye-bye.
Take care.

Okay, Jer.
See ya.

Bye-bye, Elaine.
Bye-bye.

We'll call you
when we get home.

Thank you.

I think
she meant me,
but--

And make sure
Kramer uses good tape

when he sends
back the raincoats.

Okay.

Bye.
Bye.

Bye.
Bye.

Aaron?

Aaron, are you
okay?

I could've
done more.

I could've done
so much more.

You did enough.

No. I could've called
the travel agency,

got them on another
flight to Paris.

I could've got them out!

You tried, Aaron.
It was too expensive.

This watch.

This watch could've paid
for their whole trip.

This ring...

This ring is
one more dinner

I could've taken
them out to.

I could've taken
them out to.

Water.

They need
some water.

Why?

They'll get dehydrated
on the plane!

Get the Seinfelds
some water!

Please!

Please!

Hi, Mr. Goldstein.
Is Rachel home?

I'm afraid Rachel's not going
to be able to see you tonight,

or any other night
for that matter.

Why? What did I do?

You know very well.

I heard about your behavior
at the movies the other night.

I heard about your behavior
at the movies the other night.

It was disgraceful.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

I, for one, will not
allow my daughter
to be involved

with someone of such
weak moral fiber.

Fortunately, my postman
happened to witness
the entire incident.

A heavyset fellow.
I believe he lives
in your building.

(MOUTHS) Newman.
Now, if you don't mind.

Rachel.

Rachel.
Good night.

JERRY:
So, my parents get home,

they open the door,
my father flicks
the light on,

the whole place is
cleaned out...everything.

(GASPS)
Get out!

How did that happen?

How did that happen?

The broken window.
Klompus never fixed it.

They just walked right in.

Ohh boy.
They could use
a vacation.

Yeah, they're taking one.

The travel agent's trying
to set something else up
for them.

So, how about that Aaron?
(WHISTLES)

You know what drove me
crazy about him?

Did you ever notice that
he stood too close to you
when he talked?

No, I hadn't noticed.

Pair of bear claws,
please.

Hi, Newman.

Hello, Jerry.

Hello, Jerry.

Say, I happened to
catch you

coming out of
Schindler's List
the other night.

Oh. Were you there?

Yes, I was.

It's a pow--
It's a powerful film.

Yes. Shocking brutality,
don't you think?

Shocking.

Yeah, well,
that was nothing.

Jerry! Jerry!

(TRADITIONAL FRENCH
MUSIC PLAYING)

GEORGE:
Where the hell
is your father?

ESTELLE:
This is the best thing
we ever did.

ESTELLE:
This is the best thing
we ever did.

I just hope
those exterminators know
what they're doing.

Ah, forget about them.
Let's just try and relax.

Personal distance is
a very important thing.

There's a new personal
distance, ATM distance.

When someone's
using an ATM,

you want to be about
6 feet back, don't you?

People get a little edgy
around that ATM, don't they?

They got
their money out,

their eyes are darting
all around.

The other place I want to be
about 6 feet away is a urinal.

You want some
distance there too.

ATMs and urinals.

I guess whenever someone's
taking valuables
out of their pants,

I guess whenever someone's
taking valuables
out of their pants,

you want to give them
as much room as possible.

(♪)