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1
00:00:00,734 --> 00:00:02,369
What are lawyers, really?
2
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,305
To me, a lawyer is basically
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,842
the person that knows
the rules of the country.
4
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,145
We're all throwing the dice,
playing the game,
5
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,680
moving our pieces
around the board,
6
00:00:11,714 --> 00:00:14,517
but if there's a problem,
the lawyer is the only person
7
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:18,187
that has read the inside
of the top of the box.
8
00:00:18,221 --> 00:00:20,023
I think one of the fun things
for them
9
00:00:20,056 --> 00:00:21,025
is to say, "objection."
10
00:00:21,058 --> 00:00:22,492
"Objection!
11
00:00:22,526 --> 00:00:26,597
Objection, Your Honor."
12
00:00:26,631 --> 00:00:29,367
"Objection," of course,
is the adult version of...
13
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,000
"afraid not."
14
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,337
"afraid not."
15
00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:34,941
[♪]
16
00:00:34,974 --> 00:00:37,710
To which the judge
can say two things.
17
00:00:37,744 --> 00:00:39,446
He can say, "Overruled,"
18
00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:43,617
which is the adult version
of "afraid so."
19
00:00:43,651 --> 00:00:44,952
or he can say, "Sustained,"
20
00:00:44,986 --> 00:00:47,321
which is the adult version
of "duh!"
21
00:00:53,395 --> 00:00:56,699
So uh...
So you're a lawyer?
22
00:00:56,732 --> 00:00:58,201
What kind of cases
do you handle?
23
00:00:58,234 --> 00:01:00,871
Oh, everything:
divorce, patents,
24
00:01:00,904 --> 00:01:02,206
immigration
and naturalization.
25
00:01:02,239 --> 00:01:03,140
What is that?
26
00:01:03,174 --> 00:01:04,208
Immigrants come over,
27
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:05,643
you show them
how to act natural?
28
00:01:08,646 --> 00:01:10,115
Are your friends
as funny as you?
29
00:01:10,148 --> 00:01:12,284
No, they're not funny at all.
30
00:01:12,317 --> 00:01:14,320
No, I have no funny friends.
31
00:01:14,353 --> 00:01:15,654
I'm the funny one.
32
00:01:15,688 --> 00:01:17,624
El clown-o.
33
00:01:17,657 --> 00:01:18,825
ELAINE:
Look, I was nice enough
34
00:01:18,858 --> 00:01:19,216
to pick it up
for you.
35
00:01:19,216 --> 00:01:20,127
to pick it up
for you.
36
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,496
Hey, I've been back four days.
I want my mail.
37
00:01:22,529 --> 00:01:25,165
It's mostly bills, magazines,
and junk mail anyway.
38
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,635
Elaine, that's what mail is.
39
00:01:27,668 --> 00:01:29,170
Without bills, magazines,
and junk mail,
40
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:30,305
there is no mail.
41
00:01:30,339 --> 00:01:31,807
Here's my card.
42
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,175
Oh, okay. Thank you.
43
00:01:33,209 --> 00:01:35,011
Hey, good
talking to you.
44
00:01:35,044 --> 00:01:36,012
Nice meeting you.
45
00:01:36,045 --> 00:01:37,347
Yeah.
46
00:01:38,681 --> 00:01:39,649
Hi.
47
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,084
Hey, how
are you doing?
48
00:01:41,118 --> 00:01:42,486
You would not believe
what just happened.
49
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:43,654
I was waiting
for you,
50
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,289
and this woman was
sitting at the counter.
51
00:01:45,323 --> 00:01:46,457
What? The one
who just left?
52
00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:47,859
Yeah, yeah,
and, so, you know,
53
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,216
we started talking,
54
00:01:49,216 --> 00:01:49,294
we started talking,
55
00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:51,030
and she's this lawyer
who's incredible!
56
00:01:51,063 --> 00:01:53,165
You know, everything I said
was funny, you know?
57
00:01:53,198 --> 00:01:55,168
She thought-- She laughed
at everything I said.
58
00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:56,169
She thinks I'm hilarious.
59
00:01:56,202 --> 00:01:57,337
[CHUCKLES]
60
00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:59,339
You know, in a way,
I was almost too good.
61
00:01:59,372 --> 00:02:00,641
I started so good.
62
00:02:00,674 --> 00:02:03,144
I can't go any place
but down now, you know?
63
00:02:03,177 --> 00:02:05,379
I got
no place to go.
64
00:02:05,412 --> 00:02:08,516
Yeah, well,
I guess it's all over.
65
00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:11,019
Hey, is that Babu?
66
00:02:11,053 --> 00:02:12,688
JERRY:
It is.
67
00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:14,190
Hey, Babu!
68
00:02:14,223 --> 00:02:15,358
Jerry!
69
00:02:15,391 --> 00:02:16,826
Look at you.
You got the job.
70
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,862
Yes, yes, they gave me
a job, thanks to you.
71
00:02:18,895 --> 00:02:19,216
Oh, I didn't do anything.
72
00:02:19,216 --> 00:02:20,397
Oh, I didn't do anything.
73
00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:21,565
No, no,
you do everything.
74
00:02:21,598 --> 00:02:23,834
Got me a job, a place
to live in your building.
75
00:02:23,868 --> 00:02:25,035
Come on.
76
00:02:25,069 --> 00:02:27,005
You're a very good man.
You did everything for me.
77
00:02:27,038 --> 00:02:28,807
My family and I can
never thank you enough
78
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:29,975
for everything you do.
79
00:02:30,008 --> 00:02:31,977
You see, this is what
I do with women.
80
00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:34,180
I start out
too strong.
81
00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:35,347
Now I have
to become real.
82
00:02:35,381 --> 00:02:37,184
That's when
it all falls apart.
83
00:02:37,217 --> 00:02:38,351
What good is real?
84
00:02:38,385 --> 00:02:39,486
They don't want real.
85
00:02:39,519 --> 00:02:40,554
They want funny.
86
00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:41,655
No, they don't.
87
00:02:41,689 --> 00:02:42,856
Oh, yes,
they do, Elaine.
88
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:44,025
No...
89
00:02:44,058 --> 00:02:45,193
You gotta put on a show.
90
00:02:45,226 --> 00:02:46,828
You always gotta give them
a big show.
91
00:02:46,861 --> 00:02:48,029
You always have to be on.
92
00:02:48,062 --> 00:02:49,216
Otherwise,
why would they like me?
93
00:02:49,216 --> 00:02:49,831
Otherwise,
why would they like me?
94
00:02:49,864 --> 00:02:51,901
They'd just go
for a better-looking guy
95
00:02:51,934 --> 00:02:53,035
with more money.
96
00:02:54,704 --> 00:02:56,572
You mean that's true?
I'm right?
97
00:02:56,606 --> 00:02:57,841
Okay, great.
98
00:02:57,874 --> 00:02:59,209
Well, I'm glad
everything worked out, Babu.
99
00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:00,877
Oh, yes, yes,
everything's wonderful.
100
00:03:00,911 --> 00:03:02,513
Okay, I'll see you
around the building.
101
00:03:02,546 --> 00:03:03,614
I'll see you
in the building.
102
00:03:05,717 --> 00:03:07,685
Remember Babu Bhatt?
Who's he?
103
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:09,955
Remember that guy
that opened the restaurant
104
00:03:09,988 --> 00:03:11,957
across the street
from the building last year,
105
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,392
and he wasn't doing
so well...
106
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,394
and I told him he should make it
all Pakistani,
107
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:16,996
and that drove him
right out of business?
108
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:19,216
So are you going with me
to the auto show Saturday?
109
00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,901
So are you going with me
to the auto show Saturday?
110
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:21,969
Yeah, yeah.
111
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,371
Can you bring my mail then,
please?
112
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,472
What mail?
113
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,975
I picked up his mail
while he was on the road.
114
00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:28,376
Why didn't Kramer pick it up?
115
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,145
Because he's
at that baseball fantasy camp
116
00:03:30,178 --> 00:03:31,147
in Florida.
117
00:03:31,180 --> 00:03:32,982
Oh, yeah, right.
118
00:03:33,015 --> 00:03:33,983
When's he coming back?
119
00:03:34,016 --> 00:03:34,984
Monday, I think.
120
00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:38,088
Kramer goes to a fantasy camp.
121
00:03:38,121 --> 00:03:40,824
His whole life
is a fantasy camp.
122
00:03:40,858 --> 00:03:44,996
People should plunk down $2000
to live like him for a week.
123
00:03:45,029 --> 00:03:48,166
Do nothing,
fall ass-backwards into money,
124
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,216
mooch food off your neighbors,
125
00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:49,468
mooch food off your neighbors,
126
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:50,569
and have sex without dating.
127
00:03:50,602 --> 00:03:52,371
That's a fantasy camp.
128
00:03:53,773 --> 00:03:55,976
Hey, listen, if you're going to
go out with this lawyer,
129
00:03:56,009 --> 00:03:57,343
why don't you have
dinner with us,
130
00:03:57,377 --> 00:04:00,013
and then maybe you can go
to the auto show with her.
131
00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:02,316
You know, have a little company,
take the pressure off.
132
00:04:02,349 --> 00:04:04,385
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS]
133
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,855
He never heard
of corduroy.
134
00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:10,693
Jerry, you're
killing me!
135
00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:12,828
He never heard
of corduroy.
136
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,363
[BANGING ON TABLE,
LAUGHING]
137
00:04:14,397 --> 00:04:16,666
True story. True story.
138
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,216
That's funny.
139
00:04:19,216 --> 00:04:19,869
That's funny.
140
00:04:19,904 --> 00:04:22,106
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
141
00:04:22,139 --> 00:04:23,841
No, no.
142
00:04:23,874 --> 00:04:25,009
I don't-- I don't think so.
143
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:26,377
Why?
144
00:04:26,411 --> 00:04:29,180
Well, I think I'm better off
going one-on-one.
145
00:04:29,214 --> 00:04:31,317
I don't know why
you want to play man-to-man
146
00:04:31,350 --> 00:04:32,819
when you could play a zone.
147
00:04:32,852 --> 00:04:35,822
She might not be comfortable.
148
00:04:35,855 --> 00:04:36,989
Why? We're all
very nice.
149
00:04:37,024 --> 00:04:37,991
We're very friendly.
150
00:04:38,025 --> 00:04:38,992
We'll be funny.
151
00:04:39,026 --> 00:04:40,027
No. No...
152
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,329
It's not good.
Hee, hee.
153
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:42,663
I don't think so.
154
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:43,664
All right.
155
00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:44,999
Well, if you change
your mind,
156
00:04:45,033 --> 00:04:46,835
we'll wind up at Isabella's
probably around 7:00.
157
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:48,737
No, no Isabella's.
I don't wanna go to Isabella's.
158
00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:49,216
Why?
159
00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:50,005
Why?
160
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,241
No, it's too trendy.
No Isabella's.
161
00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:00,517
Excellent.
162
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,386
Like I really know
what I'm talking about.
163
00:05:05,290 --> 00:05:08,060
Toasting makes
me uncomfortable,
164
00:05:08,093 --> 00:05:09,895
but toast, I love.
165
00:05:09,928 --> 00:05:13,332
Never start the day
without a good piece of toast.
166
00:05:13,366 --> 00:05:15,902
In fact, let's toast
to toast.
167
00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:17,904
[CHUCKLES]
168
00:05:23,244 --> 00:05:24,379
Look who's here.
169
00:05:24,412 --> 00:05:26,347
Georgie boy!
170
00:05:26,381 --> 00:05:27,549
What are you doing here?
171
00:05:27,583 --> 00:05:29,251
I-I thought you said
you hated Isabella's.
172
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,852
Yeah, I talked him
into it.
173
00:05:30,886 --> 00:05:32,188
What happened
to the auto show?
174
00:05:32,221 --> 00:05:33,890
Oh, we're still going.
We're still going.
175
00:05:33,923 --> 00:05:36,093
Elaine,
do the spokesmodel.
176
00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:38,561
The turbo-quadramatic
transmission
177
00:05:38,595 --> 00:05:40,030
offers you
the power and prestige
178
00:05:40,063 --> 00:05:41,198
to propel you
179
00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:42,366
well into
the 21st century.
180
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,802
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
181
00:05:49,441 --> 00:05:51,711
Hi.
182
00:05:51,744 --> 00:05:54,880
Cheryl, this is Elaine
and Jerry.
183
00:05:54,914 --> 00:05:56,316
Hi. Nice
to meet you.
184
00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:57,584
Would you
like to join us?
185
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,253
No, no, they don't wanna
join us.
186
00:05:59,286 --> 00:06:00,487
No, it's okay.
Don't be silly.
187
00:06:00,521 --> 00:06:01,722
Oh, okay,
why don't we just
188
00:06:01,755 --> 00:06:02,724
put these two tables
together?
189
00:06:02,757 --> 00:06:03,991
No, no,
you can't do that.
190
00:06:04,025 --> 00:06:05,059
They're round.
191
00:06:05,092 --> 00:06:07,930
It makes an eight,
and it-- Oh, all right.
192
00:06:09,765 --> 00:06:10,899
Yeah,
that's great.
193
00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:12,335
Jerry, Jerry, tell them
that funny story
194
00:06:12,368 --> 00:06:13,336
you were telling me.
195
00:06:13,369 --> 00:06:15,839
No, no!
196
00:06:15,872 --> 00:06:18,007
No, George,
it's so funny.
197
00:06:18,042 --> 00:06:19,216
We saw this cab driver's
picture, right?
198
00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:19,676
We saw this cab driver's
picture, right?
199
00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:21,411
You know, we should
really order.
200
00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,780
The service
is so slow here.
201
00:06:22,813 --> 00:06:24,782
By the time
you get anything...
202
00:06:24,815 --> 00:06:26,184
Oh, Cheryl,
203
00:06:26,217 --> 00:06:28,286
can I ask you
a legal question?
204
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,455
I'm being sued.
205
00:06:29,488 --> 00:06:30,456
What happened?
206
00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:31,858
[SIGHS]
207
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:33,993
Well, I ran out
to apologize to a virgin,
208
00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:37,164
and I crossed
against a light...
209
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:40,000
and I knocked over
the delivery boy.
210
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,371
Was he Chinese?
211
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,939
Yeah.
212
00:06:44,973 --> 00:06:47,542
Is your-- Is your
last name Benes?
213
00:06:47,576 --> 00:06:48,543
How did you know?
214
00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:49,216
Oh, God!
215
00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:50,212
Oh, God!
216
00:06:50,245 --> 00:06:51,881
Ping is my cousin.
217
00:06:51,914 --> 00:06:53,616
No.
218
00:06:53,649 --> 00:06:54,951
That's so funny.
219
00:06:54,985 --> 00:06:56,452
I'm handling his case.
220
00:06:56,486 --> 00:06:57,721
What?
221
00:06:57,754 --> 00:06:58,855
You're Cheryl Fong?
222
00:06:58,889 --> 00:06:59,890
That's right.
223
00:06:59,923 --> 00:07:01,358
Oh, my God.
224
00:07:01,392 --> 00:07:03,227
I can't believe it!
225
00:07:03,260 --> 00:07:04,228
This is such
a coincidence.
226
00:07:04,261 --> 00:07:06,231
I know!
227
00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:07,565
Wow. Well...
228
00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:09,735
I guess you don't have
any advice for me
229
00:07:09,768 --> 00:07:11,270
on how to win
the case.
230
00:07:15,108 --> 00:07:16,843
Will you excuse me?
231
00:07:16,876 --> 00:07:18,045
I have to make
a call.
232
00:07:18,078 --> 00:07:19,216
Oh, sure.
233
00:07:19,216 --> 00:07:19,546
Oh, sure.
234
00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:20,748
Tell Ping
I said hello.
235
00:07:20,781 --> 00:07:22,850
Yeah...
tell him you think
236
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:24,685
you may have broken
the case wide open.
237
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:26,622
[ALL LAUGH]
238
00:07:30,592 --> 00:07:32,061
I can't
believe this.
239
00:07:32,094 --> 00:07:34,230
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
240
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:35,865
What?
This is not good.
241
00:07:35,898 --> 00:07:37,400
This is not good.
What's the matter?
242
00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:40,237
I just don't think it's such a
great idea for you to sit here.
243
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:41,239
Why not?
244
00:07:41,272 --> 00:07:42,740
He thinks that
if you're too funny,
245
00:07:42,773 --> 00:07:43,908
he might not look
so funny.
246
00:07:43,942 --> 00:07:45,744
Biff...
247
00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:47,412
What?
248
00:07:47,446 --> 00:07:48,780
You're not worried about that.
249
00:07:48,814 --> 00:07:49,216
No. Of course not.
250
00:07:49,216 --> 00:07:50,616
No. Of course not.
251
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,086
I mean, so what if I'm funny?
Who cares?
252
00:07:53,119 --> 00:07:55,221
He thinks that if
a woman sees a guy
253
00:07:55,255 --> 00:07:56,422
put on a better show,
254
00:07:56,456 --> 00:07:58,859
she'll walk out
on his show,
255
00:07:58,892 --> 00:07:59,860
go see
the other show.
256
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:01,729
Well, should we leave?
257
00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:02,864
Let's...
258
00:08:02,897 --> 00:08:04,232
You don't have to be
so funny.
259
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,433
I mean,
would it kill you
260
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:07,069
not to be so funny
all the time?
261
00:08:07,102 --> 00:08:08,203
That's all
I'm asking.
262
00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:09,572
This woman thinks
I'm very funny,
263
00:08:09,605 --> 00:08:10,773
and now you're
gonna be funny.
264
00:08:10,806 --> 00:08:12,041
So, what am I
gonna be?
265
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,409
I'm gonna be
a short bald guy
266
00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:14,711
with glasses
267
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,447
who suddenly doesn't
seem so funny.
268
00:08:17,481 --> 00:08:19,216
This is
so ridiculous.
269
00:08:19,216 --> 00:08:19,917
This is
so ridiculous.
270
00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,452
Can we just go
over there?
271
00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:23,288
Come on.
Look, I don't have to be funny.
272
00:08:23,321 --> 00:08:24,289
I don't care.
273
00:08:24,322 --> 00:08:25,624
You don't?
No way.
274
00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:27,459
It's completely
under my control.
275
00:08:27,493 --> 00:08:28,927
No, it's not.
276
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,297
You cannot
not be funny.
277
00:08:31,330 --> 00:08:33,265
Of course I can.
Am I being funny now?
278
00:08:33,299 --> 00:08:35,135
A little.
279
00:08:35,168 --> 00:08:38,271
This is funny?
I'm being funny?
280
00:08:38,305 --> 00:08:39,573
Yeah.
281
00:08:39,607 --> 00:08:41,109
George, is this funny?
282
00:08:41,142 --> 00:08:43,211
It's funny.
283
00:08:45,113 --> 00:08:46,080
It wouldn't kill you
284
00:08:46,114 --> 00:08:47,282
to not be
so funny either.
285
00:08:47,316 --> 00:08:48,918
What?
What did I do?
286
00:08:48,951 --> 00:08:49,216
Hi.
287
00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:49,952
Hi.
288
00:08:49,985 --> 00:08:51,354
Hi.
289
00:08:51,387 --> 00:08:53,389
[SOMBER]:
Hello.
290
00:08:56,059 --> 00:08:58,662
Welcome back.
291
00:09:00,564 --> 00:09:02,299
I'm sorry. It was
my aunt's birthday.
292
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,935
She makes such
a big deal about it.
293
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,537
Well, nobody likes
to get old, right?
294
00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:06,538
Yeah.
295
00:09:06,571 --> 00:09:08,874
Well, birthdays
are merely symbolic
296
00:09:08,907 --> 00:09:11,878
of how another year
has gone by...
297
00:09:11,911 --> 00:09:14,213
and how little
we've grown.
298
00:09:14,247 --> 00:09:16,049
No matter
how desperate we are
299
00:09:16,082 --> 00:09:18,218
that someday
a better self will emerge,
300
00:09:18,252 --> 00:09:19,216
each flicker
of the candles
301
00:09:19,216 --> 00:09:19,219
each flicker
of the candles
302
00:09:19,253 --> 00:09:20,187
on the cake,
303
00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:22,557
we know
it's not to be...
304
00:09:22,590 --> 00:09:23,558
that for the rest
305
00:09:23,591 --> 00:09:27,629
of our sad, wretched,
pathetic lives,
306
00:09:27,663 --> 00:09:29,866
this is who we are
to the bitter end.
307
00:09:29,899 --> 00:09:33,536
Inevitably,
irrevocably...
308
00:09:33,570 --> 00:09:35,738
happy birthday?
309
00:09:35,772 --> 00:09:38,576
No such thing.
310
00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:41,946
Funny guy, huh?
311
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:48,087
Here, take it. I was glad
to get rid of it.
312
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,216
Well, thank you
very much.
313
00:09:49,216 --> 00:09:49,589
Well, thank you
very much.
314
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:50,723
It's about time.
315
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,225
Oh, listen.
316
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,659
So guess what.
317
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:57,264
Cheryl convinced Ping
to drop the case against me.
318
00:09:57,298 --> 00:09:59,100
Drop the case?
319
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,567
Wow, congratulations.
320
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,536
That'll save you some money.
321
00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:02,737
Yeah, no kidding.
322
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,539
That lawyer was gonna
charge me a fortune.
323
00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:06,541
Oh, great.
324
00:10:06,574 --> 00:10:09,044
Birth announcement
from Arnie and Joy Harris.
325
00:10:09,077 --> 00:10:11,280
[DOOR SLAMS]
326
00:10:11,314 --> 00:10:12,281
Hear that?
327
00:10:12,315 --> 00:10:13,617
Guess who's back.
328
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,452
Oh.
329
00:10:15,485 --> 00:10:16,720
Hey!
330
00:10:16,753 --> 00:10:19,216
Thought you weren't coming back
till Monday.
331
00:10:19,216 --> 00:10:20,124
Thought you weren't coming back
till Monday.
332
00:10:23,428 --> 00:10:27,566
Well, the camp ended
a few days early.
333
00:10:27,599 --> 00:10:29,435
Why?
334
00:10:29,468 --> 00:10:31,904
Well, there was an incident.
335
00:10:31,938 --> 00:10:33,740
What happened?
336
00:10:33,773 --> 00:10:37,244
I punched Mickey Mantle
in the mouth.
337
00:10:37,277 --> 00:10:38,245
What?
338
00:10:38,278 --> 00:10:39,413
Yeah, I punched him,
339
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:40,781
and they took him
to the hospital,
340
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,550
and then they canceled
the rest of the week.
341
00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:45,220
You punched who
in the mouth?
342
00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:47,056
Mickey Mantle.
343
00:10:47,089 --> 00:10:48,924
What happened?
344
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:49,216
Well, you know,
we were playing a game,
345
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,560
Well, you know,
we were playing a game,
346
00:10:50,593 --> 00:10:51,961
and, you know, I was pitching,
347
00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:54,430
and I was really, you know,
throwing some smoke,
348
00:10:54,464 --> 00:10:56,567
and Joe Pepitone, he was up,
349
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,103
and, man, that guy, you know,
he was crowding the plate.
350
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,604
Wow. Joe Pepitone!
351
00:11:00,638 --> 00:11:02,073
Yeah, well,
Joe Pepitone or not,
352
00:11:02,106 --> 00:11:03,608
I own the inside of that plate.
353
00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:05,477
So you know,
I throw one...
354
00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:07,245
you know,
inside, you know,
355
00:11:07,279 --> 00:11:08,914
a little chin music.
356
00:11:08,947 --> 00:11:10,083
Right on his pants,
357
00:11:10,116 --> 00:11:11,450
because I got to
intimidate, you know,
358
00:11:11,484 --> 00:11:12,952
when I'm
on the mound.
359
00:11:12,986 --> 00:11:14,253
Well,
the next pitch,
360
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:16,123
he's right back
in the same place.
361
00:11:16,156 --> 00:11:19,216
So I had to plunk him.
362
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:19,494
So I had to plunk him.
363
00:11:19,527 --> 00:11:21,662
You plunked him?
364
00:11:21,696 --> 00:11:22,663
Oh, yeah.
365
00:11:22,697 --> 00:11:23,865
Well, he throws down his bat,
366
00:11:23,899 --> 00:11:25,534
he comes racing up to the mound.
367
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,037
Next thing, both benches
are cleared, you know?
368
00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:29,205
A brouhaha breaks out
369
00:11:29,238 --> 00:11:30,773
between the guys in the camp,
you know,
370
00:11:30,807 --> 00:11:32,208
and the old Yankee players,
371
00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:33,810
and as I'm trying to get
Moose Skowron
372
00:11:33,843 --> 00:11:35,445
off of one of my teammates,
you know,
373
00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:37,280
somebody pulls me from behind,
you know,
374
00:11:37,314 --> 00:11:40,118
and I turned around,
and I popped him.
375
00:11:40,151 --> 00:11:43,154
I looked down, and whoa, man,
it's Mickey!
376
00:11:45,324 --> 00:11:46,458
I punched his lights out.
377
00:11:46,491 --> 00:11:48,327
Wow,
this is incredible.
378
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,216
BABU:
Leave me alone!
379
00:11:49,216 --> 00:11:49,562
BABU:
Leave me alone!
380
00:11:49,595 --> 00:11:51,998
You can't do this
to me.
381
00:11:52,032 --> 00:11:54,300
What's going on out there?
BABU: What are you doing?
382
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:55,802
This is not right,
people.
383
00:11:55,836 --> 00:11:58,305
You're making a bad
mistake, very bad.
384
00:11:58,339 --> 00:12:00,341
Babu!
I'll be right back.
385
00:12:00,374 --> 00:12:01,509
Yeah, so?
386
00:12:01,543 --> 00:12:03,077
Then Hank Bauer, you know,
he's screaming,
387
00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:04,079
"Mickey, Mickey!
388
00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:05,213
"What have you done with Mickey?
389
00:12:05,247 --> 00:12:07,883
You killed Mickey!"
390
00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:08,917
So, what'd you do?
391
00:12:08,951 --> 00:12:11,721
Well, I got the hell
out of there.
392
00:12:11,755 --> 00:12:13,823
They took Babu away.
393
00:12:13,857 --> 00:12:15,559
They took Babu away?
394
00:12:15,592 --> 00:12:18,563
Yeah, the immigration guy
said his visa was expired.
395
00:12:18,596 --> 00:12:19,216
Poor Babu.
396
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:19,564
Poor Babu.
397
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:20,931
Everything was going so well
for him.
398
00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:23,001
He had an apartment.
He had a job.
399
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,002
What a shame.
400
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,437
BABU:
Jerry!
401
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:28,774
Help me!
402
00:12:28,808 --> 00:12:31,243
I will, Babu!
403
00:12:31,277 --> 00:12:32,579
I will help you,
Babu!
404
00:12:32,612 --> 00:12:34,447
Don't worry!
405
00:12:34,481 --> 00:12:36,116
Then Hank Bauer,
you know,
406
00:12:36,149 --> 00:12:37,585
he's chasing me around.
407
00:12:37,618 --> 00:12:40,588
He trips over third base
and knocks over Clete Boyer.
408
00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:41,756
Uh-oh.
409
00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:43,592
What?
410
00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:44,693
Well,
this is interesting.
411
00:12:44,726 --> 00:12:46,295
What is that?
412
00:12:46,328 --> 00:12:48,564
It's a letter
from the immigration bureau.
413
00:12:48,598 --> 00:12:49,216
It's Babu's visa renewal
application form.
414
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:53,970
It's Babu's visa renewal
application form.
415
00:12:54,004 --> 00:12:56,240
They must've put it
in my mailbox by mistake.
416
00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:58,943
Well, doesn't he need that?
417
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:09,956
If you had given me my mail
last week,
418
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,257
this whole thing
never would've happened.
419
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,427
You should've come
to my house to pick it up.
420
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,794
Yeah, so am I
being funny now?
421
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,496
No, actually,
you're not being funny now.
422
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:19,500
Yeah, see, I told you
I wasn't funny all the time.
423
00:13:19,534 --> 00:13:21,469
Hey, George, look.
I'm not funny now.
424
00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:22,603
No, and you weren't funny
425
00:13:22,637 --> 00:13:23,939
last night either.
426
00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:25,674
In fact, you got us both
so depressed
427
00:13:25,707 --> 00:13:27,643
she asked me to drive
her home after dinner.
428
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,912
Well, look, I need to get
in touch with Cheryl.
429
00:13:29,946 --> 00:13:31,914
Babu needs a lawyer.
His visa's expired.
430
00:13:31,948 --> 00:13:33,917
What do you need her for?
There's a million lawyers.
431
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:34,117
You said this is one of the
things that her firm does.
432
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:36,754
You said this is one of the
things that her firm does.
433
00:13:36,787 --> 00:13:39,757
All right, all right,
but no funny business.
434
00:13:39,790 --> 00:13:40,759
Same deal
as last night.
435
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,093
Oh,
will you stop it already?
436
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:43,094
Jerry, please.
437
00:13:43,127 --> 00:13:44,463
How long is this gonna go on?
438
00:13:44,496 --> 00:13:46,631
Till I'm comfortable.
439
00:13:46,665 --> 00:13:48,801
Well, when is
that gonna be?
440
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:50,936
After consummation.
441
00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:53,473
Consummation?
442
00:13:53,506 --> 00:13:56,310
I don't think you have
enough material.
443
00:14:00,347 --> 00:14:01,783
I actually have
a friend
444
00:14:01,816 --> 00:14:02,950
in the immigration
department
445
00:14:02,984 --> 00:14:04,117
who owes me
a big favor.
446
00:14:04,117 --> 00:14:04,119
who owes me
a big favor.
447
00:14:04,152 --> 00:14:06,054
You're very lucky.
448
00:14:10,359 --> 00:14:11,828
[SOMBER]
That's wonderful news.
449
00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:14,398
Thank you.
450
00:14:14,431 --> 00:14:16,666
You're a very serious person,
aren't you?
451
00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:20,738
Well, so many people
in the world
452
00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:22,908
deprived and unhappy...
453
00:14:22,941 --> 00:14:24,309
Doesn't seem
like it would be fair
454
00:14:24,342 --> 00:14:25,511
to be...cheerful.
[FLY BUZZING]
455
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,117
I understand.
456
00:14:34,117 --> 00:14:35,088
I understand.
457
00:14:35,122 --> 00:14:37,090
I think
that's curdled.
458
00:14:37,124 --> 00:14:39,027
I don't care.
459
00:14:41,395 --> 00:14:44,433
Do you ever laugh?
460
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,102
Not really.
461
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,705
Sometimes
when I'm in the tub.
462
00:14:49,739 --> 00:14:52,943
That's so sad.
463
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,511
What do you do?
464
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,480
I'm a comedian.
465
00:14:57,815 --> 00:15:00,418
Oh, let me get that.
466
00:15:00,452 --> 00:15:02,053
You've been
so helpful.
467
00:15:04,657 --> 00:15:08,026
Hey, we're gonna
go see Babu now, right?
468
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,129
Yeah, I'll just pay
for this.
469
00:15:10,163 --> 00:15:12,265
Oh, I'm just gonna
say hi to Cheryl.
470
00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:13,267
Hi.
471
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,601
Hi.
472
00:15:14,634 --> 00:15:16,536
Listen, gosh,
I wanted to thank you so much
473
00:15:16,570 --> 00:15:18,973
for convincing Ping
to drop the case.
474
00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:21,209
Well, you know, after we met,
you were all so nice,
475
00:15:21,242 --> 00:15:23,111
I just couldn't go through
with it...
476
00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:24,312
but between you and me,
477
00:15:24,346 --> 00:15:25,514
you would've paid
through the nose.
478
00:15:28,017 --> 00:15:28,985
You're kidding.
479
00:15:29,018 --> 00:15:30,853
No, I'm not.
480
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:40,464
Babu.
481
00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:41,666
[GASPS]
482
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,767
Jerry. Jerry.
Hello, Jerry.
483
00:15:42,801 --> 00:15:43,802
You remember Elaine.
484
00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:46,606
Yes. Yes, of course.
485
00:15:46,639 --> 00:15:47,607
Nice to meet you.
486
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,108
So nice of you both to come.
487
00:15:49,141 --> 00:15:51,111
Oh, Babu.
488
00:15:51,144 --> 00:15:52,979
No, no, you're both very kind,
very kind.
489
00:15:53,013 --> 00:15:54,448
Oh, well, you know.
You know.
490
00:15:54,481 --> 00:15:55,816
We try.
We do what we can.
491
00:15:55,849 --> 00:15:56,984
We do what we can.
492
00:15:57,018 --> 00:15:58,485
You see, the problem is,
493
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:01,156
I never got my visa renewal form
in the mail.
494
00:16:01,189 --> 00:16:02,490
I was expecting it.
495
00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:04,117
Yes, well, see, uh,
here's the thing, Babu.
496
00:16:04,117 --> 00:16:06,128
Yes, well, see, uh,
here's the thing, Babu.
497
00:16:06,161 --> 00:16:07,496
Um, what happened was, uh...
498
00:16:07,530 --> 00:16:09,799
I was away for a couple of weeks
doing comedy shows--
499
00:16:09,833 --> 00:16:11,367
Yes, yes, the comedy shows.
500
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,636
You're a very funny man.
501
00:16:12,669 --> 00:16:15,672
And, well, Elaine here
was picking up my mail
502
00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:17,808
while I was away,
because, you know,
503
00:16:17,842 --> 00:16:19,277
that little box
can get very full.
504
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:20,445
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
505
00:16:20,478 --> 00:16:21,612
TV Guide, magazines,
everything.
506
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:23,181
You know,
I would've picked up your mail.
507
00:16:23,214 --> 00:16:24,616
Your box
is right next to mine.
508
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,119
Oh, I don't want to bother you.
No bother.
509
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,121
You got me a job,
you got me an apartment.
510
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,623
You're a very,
very good man.
511
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,525
Well, yesterday
after they took you away,
512
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:33,794
I looked in my mail,
513
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:34,117
and I noticed that the mailman
514
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:35,362
and I noticed that the mailman
515
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,798
accidentally put
your visa renewal
516
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,000
in my mailbox.
517
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:40,201
Come again?
518
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,836
You see, I'd been home
for a week,
519
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,973
and Elaine didn't give me
my mail till yesterday,
520
00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:47,677
even though I asked her
repeatedly for it.
521
00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:49,312
Yeah, but, um,
Babu,
522
00:16:49,345 --> 00:16:51,347
he could've come
to my house to pick it up.
523
00:16:51,381 --> 00:16:53,149
You had my visa application?
524
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,751
Well, not technically.
I'll kill you!
525
00:16:54,785 --> 00:16:55,752
Well, what about her?
526
00:16:55,786 --> 00:16:56,821
I'll kill both of you!
527
00:16:56,854 --> 00:16:58,322
Babu!
528
00:16:58,355 --> 00:16:59,591
No "Babu." No "Babu."
529
00:16:59,624 --> 00:17:01,426
You're a bad man.
You're a very bad man.
530
00:17:01,459 --> 00:17:02,427
A very lazy, bad man.
531
00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:04,117
Babu,
I'm gonna fix everything.
532
00:17:04,117 --> 00:17:04,329
Babu,
I'm gonna fix everything.
533
00:17:04,362 --> 00:17:05,864
I have a lawyer
who knows someone
534
00:17:05,898 --> 00:17:07,200
in the immigration department.
535
00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:08,767
They're gonna straighten
the whole thing out.
536
00:17:08,802 --> 00:17:10,036
The wheels are in motion.
537
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:11,938
Things are happening
even as we speak.
538
00:17:11,971 --> 00:17:13,340
The wheels are in motion?
539
00:17:13,373 --> 00:17:14,674
The wheels are in motion.
540
00:17:14,708 --> 00:17:15,810
Things are happening.
541
00:17:20,048 --> 00:17:21,016
Jerry?
542
00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:22,518
I'm very
attracted to him.
543
00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:24,620
You think the person
you were talking to
544
00:17:24,653 --> 00:17:25,687
was him?
545
00:17:25,721 --> 00:17:27,790
That's not even
close to him.
546
00:17:27,824 --> 00:17:29,025
He's funny.
547
00:17:29,058 --> 00:17:30,126
Jerry's funny.
548
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:31,461
He's never said
anything funny.
549
00:17:31,494 --> 00:17:33,463
He can't not be funny.
550
00:17:33,496 --> 00:17:34,117
No, no, no, he's--
551
00:17:34,117 --> 00:17:34,532
No, no, no, he's--
552
00:17:34,565 --> 00:17:36,434
He's dark...
553
00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:38,636
and disturbed.
554
00:17:38,669 --> 00:17:41,640
Dark and disturbed?
555
00:17:41,673 --> 00:17:44,643
His whole life revolves around
Superman and cereal.
556
00:17:44,676 --> 00:17:46,378
What kind of
a friend are you?
557
00:17:46,411 --> 00:17:49,215
You see, I convinced him
to act like that
558
00:17:49,249 --> 00:17:50,817
so that you would think
I was funnier.
559
00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:53,119
That's how
disturbed I am.
560
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,288
You want disturbed?
561
00:17:54,321 --> 00:17:55,656
That's disturbed.
562
00:17:55,689 --> 00:17:58,225
I mean, you can't find sickness
like that anywhere.
563
00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:00,462
You think sickness like that
grows on trees?
564
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,831
Nobody is sicker than me,
nobody.
565
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,117
He's pretending.
I'm the genuine article.
566
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,167
He's pretending.
I'm the genuine article.
567
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,904
So you're telling me
Jerry's whole thing was an act?
568
00:18:07,937 --> 00:18:09,806
Yes,
and I put him up to it,
569
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,808
because I'm sick.
570
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,843
I'm the one that needs help.
571
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,014
I got to go.
572
00:18:17,047 --> 00:18:19,650
Well, should I
call you later?
573
00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:20,651
Please don't.
574
00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:21,653
But...
575
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,655
But I'm disturbed.
576
00:18:23,689 --> 00:18:24,990
I'm depressed.
577
00:18:25,024 --> 00:18:26,492
I'm inadequate.
578
00:18:26,525 --> 00:18:28,861
I got it all!
579
00:18:31,498 --> 00:18:33,667
So, what's up
with Babu?
580
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,117
How come
he's not back?
581
00:18:34,117 --> 00:18:35,035
How come
he's not back?
582
00:18:35,068 --> 00:18:36,036
I don't know.
583
00:18:36,069 --> 00:18:37,305
I don't understand it.
584
00:18:37,338 --> 00:18:39,173
Cheryl was supposed
to take care of it.
585
00:18:39,207 --> 00:18:40,675
He should be back by now.
586
00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:42,010
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
587
00:18:42,043 --> 00:18:43,178
Yeah?
588
00:18:43,212 --> 00:18:44,379
It's George.
Come on up.
589
00:18:44,413 --> 00:18:46,181
MAN:
Babu, oh!
590
00:18:46,215 --> 00:18:47,817
Babu, my goodness.
591
00:18:47,850 --> 00:18:49,319
Babu must be back.
592
00:18:49,352 --> 00:18:50,486
Well, where's Babu?
593
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:51,655
He is in Pakistan.
594
00:18:51,688 --> 00:18:52,989
Who are you?
595
00:18:53,023 --> 00:18:53,990
I am his brother.
596
00:18:54,024 --> 00:18:54,992
He knew a lawyer.
597
00:18:55,026 --> 00:18:56,527
It was all going to be fixed.
598
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,563
I'm sure the lawyer
did everything they could.
599
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,198
Then where is Babu?
600
00:19:00,232 --> 00:19:01,867
What happened to Babu?
601
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,569
Show me Babu.
602
00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:06,505
Snapple?
603
00:19:06,539 --> 00:19:07,506
No.
604
00:19:09,508 --> 00:19:11,010
Too fruity.
605
00:19:14,514 --> 00:19:16,984
Hey, what happened?
606
00:19:17,017 --> 00:19:18,353
I thought Cheryl
was gonna help Babu
607
00:19:18,386 --> 00:19:19,354
get his visa.
608
00:19:19,387 --> 00:19:20,555
She didn't help him?
609
00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:22,157
No.
Where is he?
610
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:23,859
He's in Pakistan.
611
00:19:23,892 --> 00:19:25,828
Oh, boy.
612
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:28,030
What do you mean,
"Oh, boy"?
613
00:19:28,064 --> 00:19:30,200
Well...
last night,
614
00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:32,670
she told me
that she liked you.
615
00:19:32,703 --> 00:19:34,117
Not you,
the disturbed you.
616
00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:35,706
Not you,
the disturbed you.
617
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,341
So I had to tell her
the truth.
618
00:19:37,375 --> 00:19:38,509
Told her the truth?
619
00:19:38,542 --> 00:19:39,844
Well, you got
Babu deported.
620
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:41,112
What do you mean, I got?
621
00:19:41,145 --> 00:19:43,048
You didn't give him
his visa application.
622
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:44,283
That's because
she had my mail.
623
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,384
Yeah, well,
624
00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,019
I wouldn't have had
to get your mail
625
00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:48,621
if he hadn't gone
to that fantasy camp.
626
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:49,790
Well,
I just came back
627
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,124
from Mickey Mantle's
restaurant.
628
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,959
How could you
go in there?
629
00:19:52,993 --> 00:19:54,361
Well, I had to.
630
00:19:54,395 --> 00:19:56,197
I had to apologize.
631
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,900
I mean, I punched Mickey Mantle,
my idol.
632
00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:00,702
It was...
eating me up inside.
633
00:20:00,735 --> 00:20:02,404
Well,
what happened?
634
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:03,639
I got down on my knees,
635
00:20:03,672 --> 00:20:04,117
and I went, "Go ahead,
Mickey, hit me.
636
00:20:04,117 --> 00:20:05,641
and I went, "Go ahead,
Mickey, hit me.
637
00:20:05,674 --> 00:20:07,243
"I'm begging you,
Mickey, please.
638
00:20:07,276 --> 00:20:08,712
"Hit me.
Come on, hit me.
639
00:20:08,745 --> 00:20:10,880
I love you, Mickey.
I love you."
640
00:20:10,914 --> 00:20:12,316
So, what'd he do?
641
00:20:12,349 --> 00:20:13,550
Well,
the four of them,
642
00:20:13,583 --> 00:20:15,152
they picked me up
by my pants,
643
00:20:15,185 --> 00:20:18,323
and they threw me outside
right into a horse.
644
00:20:18,356 --> 00:20:19,724
[CHUCKLING]
645
00:20:19,758 --> 00:20:21,493
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
646
00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:22,494
MAN: Kramer.
Hey!
647
00:20:22,528 --> 00:20:23,495
Hey, yeah.
648
00:20:23,529 --> 00:20:25,064
It's my Chinese food.
649
00:20:25,097 --> 00:20:27,634
Oh, Ping, hi.
650
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:28,801
Listen,
thank you so much
651
00:20:28,835 --> 00:20:30,637
for dropping
that lawsuit against me.
652
00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:31,805
Not anymore.
653
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:32,806
What?
654
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,117
Cheryl call me last night.
655
00:20:34,117 --> 00:20:34,575
Cheryl call me last night.
656
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,809
Lawsuit back on.
657
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,511
Why?
658
00:20:37,545 --> 00:20:39,814
She call you
and your friends big liars.
659
00:20:39,848 --> 00:20:41,850
You think she
nice girl?
660
00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:44,153
Wait till you
see her in court.
661
00:20:44,186 --> 00:20:45,420
She's a shark.
662
00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:48,158
They call her
the Terminator.
663
00:20:48,191 --> 00:20:50,661
She never lose a case,
664
00:20:50,694 --> 00:20:52,996
and now,
you make her mad.
665
00:20:53,029 --> 00:20:55,366
She double the damages.
666
00:20:55,399 --> 00:20:57,969
Hasta la vista, baby.
667
00:21:02,474 --> 00:21:04,117
[♪]
668
00:21:04,117 --> 00:21:04,643
[♪]
669
00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:05,811
So his friend had the mail,
670
00:21:05,844 --> 00:21:07,847
but she did not give it to him,
671
00:21:07,881 --> 00:21:09,649
and then he came to visit me.
672
00:21:09,683 --> 00:21:11,351
Said a lawyer would call
and help.
673
00:21:11,385 --> 00:21:13,854
He said the wheels
were in motion,
674
00:21:13,888 --> 00:21:15,355
but there was no motion.
675
00:21:15,389 --> 00:21:17,358
There was nothing...
676
00:21:17,392 --> 00:21:19,360
and so they sent me back here.
677
00:21:19,394 --> 00:21:22,531
This is a terrible story,
Babu.
678
00:21:22,564 --> 00:21:24,166
What are you going to do?
679
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,203
I'm going to save up
every rupee.
680
00:21:27,236 --> 00:21:29,005
For someday
681
00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:31,041
I will get back to America,
682
00:21:31,074 --> 00:21:32,342
and when I do,
683
00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:34,117
I will exact vengeance
on this man.
684
00:21:34,117 --> 00:21:35,713
I will exact vengeance
on this man.
685
00:21:35,746 --> 00:21:37,515
I cannot forget him.
686
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,384
He haunts me.
687
00:21:39,418 --> 00:21:42,521
He's a very bad man.
688
00:21:42,554 --> 00:21:46,226
He's a very, very bad man.
689
00:21:46,259 --> 00:21:48,028
I am for open immigration,
690
00:21:48,061 --> 00:21:49,162
but that sign we have
691
00:21:49,195 --> 00:21:50,531
on the front
of Statue of Liberty,
692
00:21:50,564 --> 00:21:53,700
"Give us your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses..."
693
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:55,202
Can't we just say,
694
00:21:55,236 --> 00:21:57,372
"Hey, the door's open.
We'll take whoever you got"?
695
00:21:57,405 --> 00:22:01,409
Do we have to specify
the wretched refuse?
696
00:22:01,443 --> 00:22:03,011
I mean, why don't we just say,
697
00:22:03,045 --> 00:22:04,117
"Give us the unhappy, the sad,
the slow, the ugly,
698
00:22:04,117 --> 00:22:05,748
"Give us the unhappy, the sad,
the slow, the ugly,
699
00:22:05,781 --> 00:22:07,516
"people that can't drive,
700
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:08,718
"if they have trouble merging,
701
00:22:08,752 --> 00:22:10,086
"if they can't stay
in their lane,
702
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,089
"if they don't signal,
can't parallel park,
703
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:13,758
"if they're sneezing,
if they're stuffed up,
704
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,259
"if they're clogged,
705
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:17,862
"if they have bad penmanship,
don't return calls,
706
00:22:17,895 --> 00:22:19,064
"if they have dandruff,
707
00:22:19,097 --> 00:22:21,032
"food between their teeth,
708
00:22:21,066 --> 00:22:24,036
"if they have bad credit,
if they have no credit,
709
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:25,404
Missed a spot shaving..."
710
00:22:25,437 --> 00:22:26,405
In other words,
711
00:22:26,438 --> 00:22:30,043
any dysfunctional,
defective slob
712
00:22:30,077 --> 00:22:32,480
that you can somehow cattle-prod
onto a wagon,
713
00:22:32,513 --> 00:22:33,714
send them over.
714
00:22:33,747 --> 00:22:34,117
We want them.
715
00:22:34,117 --> 00:22:34,627
We want them.
716
00:22:45,061 --> 00:22:48,894
[♪]
47725
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