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1
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,174
Hey, Pop, I hope my breakfast
is ready, man, I'm starving.
2
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,975
Say, what're you looking at?
3
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,944
There's somebody
out there in the yard.
4
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:11,114
Well, find out who it is.
Maybe it's a customer.
5
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,616
No, he's not looking
at the merchandise,
6
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,419
he's looking at the
house more like the police
7
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,453
look at the house.
8
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:19,989
He's doing more
snooping than looking.
9
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:23,693
Let me take a look.
10
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,996
He doesn't look like
a policeman to me.
11
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:28,331
Maybe he's a bill collector.
12
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,068
Well he came to the right place.
13
00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,470
Well, if he comes to the
door, find out what he wants.
14
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,004
I'm gonna get something to eat.
15
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,273
I don't care what he wants,
16
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:38,942
so I just ain't going
to open the door.
17
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,012
Hey, Pop, will you get the door?
18
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:48,773
We're closed. There's
a junkman strike.
19
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,559
Hey, man, are you
going to get the door,
20
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,760
or do I have to come
out there and do it?
21
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,863
All right, all right.
22
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:03,333
Mr. Sanford? Fred Sanford?
23
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,202
You must have the wrong address.
24
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,669
I'm looking for Fred Sanford
25
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,572
and the sign out front
says Sanford and Son.
26
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,640
Oh, that's two different people.
27
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,543
See, that's Fred Sanford
and Sanford Andson.
28
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:19,015
See, Sanford is the first name
and Andson is the last name.
29
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:23,886
Eh, who is it, Pop?
30
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,922
Oh, this is my son, Lamont.
31
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,978
Lamont Andson.
32
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,830
What're you talking about?
33
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,866
Can I help you?
34
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,169
I hope so. I'm looking
for a Fred Sanford.
35
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:42,205
That's him.
36
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,241
Then you are Fred Sanford.
37
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,742
Mr. Sanford,
38
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,945
I'm with the firm of Cornwall,
Phillips, Bishop and Shapiro.
39
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,880
Say, son, this may be
some kind of racket, son.
40
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:55,118
Next thing he'll tell
you he's Shapiro.
41
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,854
Pop, at least wait and listen
to what the man has to say.
42
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:58,855
Thank you.
43
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,757
My name is Lester Barrington,
44
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,859
and I was to try and
track down Fred Sanford.
45
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,628
I'm here to inform Mr. Sanford
46
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,496
that his Uncle
Leotis Sanford died.
47
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,598
I don't know no Leotis Sanford.
48
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,223
And to tell him that he
left him 1,500 dollars.
49
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,529
Uncle Leotis is dead?!
50
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:23,413
Pop, I didn't know you
had an uncle named Leotis?
51
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:26,650
Are you kidding? That
was my favorite uncle...
52
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,253
Come in Mr. Shapiro.
53
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,555
Barrington.
54
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,057
Barrington? Oh,
the beard fooled me.
55
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,659
Say, why were you
beating around the bush?
56
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,260
Why didn't you come
right out and say
57
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,062
that my Uncle Leotis
he died and left me
58
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,698
1,500... I mean died
and left this world?
59
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,066
Poor Uncle Leotis.
60
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,535
I didn't know you had an
named uncle named Leotis.
61
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,071
Yeah, I did.
62
00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:49,439
He was my favorite uncle
63
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,575
and he liked me better
than he liked his own kids.
64
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,444
According to my information,
Leotis Sanford had no children.
65
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,468
Uh...
66
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,049
Yeah, that was Uncle Ernest.
67
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,785
Yeah, see, all uncles
look alike to me.
68
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:06,122
But Uncle Leotis was
the athlete of the family.
69
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,725
Yeah, he was fast
as Jesse Owens.
70
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,159
Now wait a minute.
71
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,362
I remember you talking
about a Leotis Sanford
72
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,763
that had a club foot.
73
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,732
Is that the same one?
74
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,268
Yeah, and if it hadn't
been for that club foot
75
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,759
he'd of been faster
than Jesse Owens.
76
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,541
Poor Uncle Leotis.
77
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,443
I'd like to extend my sympathy.
78
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,877
While you're at it...
79
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:32,515
would you like to
extend my money?
80
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,050
I'm afraid I can't.
81
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,318
Your money is in St. Louis.
82
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:38,788
Huh? What's my
money doing in St. Louis?
83
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,022
Well, Mr. Sanford,
84
00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:41,658
because your uncle
thought so much of you,
85
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,660
it was his last request
that no one but you
86
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,395
take care of his
burial arrangements.
87
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,396
When you complete
this requirement,
88
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,664
the money is yours.
89
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,800
Well, can we put him
in the ground today?
90
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:56,072
Well, no. Burial plans are being
held up until you approve them.
91
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,874
So, may I suggest
you leave for St. Louis
92
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,008
as soon as possible.
93
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,477
Say listen.
94
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,746
Couldn't they ship Uncle Leotis
out here to the West Coast,
95
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,969
he'd love California.
96
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:10,487
And smog wouldn't
bother him at the cemetery.
97
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,688
I'm sorry.
98
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,456
My instructions were
to get you to St. Louis.
99
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,659
Here is the address and
the man you are to contact
100
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,193
when you get there.
101
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,562
Thanks a lot, Mr. Barrington.
102
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,498
We'll try and get out
as soon as possible.
103
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,900
And I'm sorry my father
gave you a little trouble at first,
104
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,134
but he's a very suspicious man.
105
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,135
I understand. Well, good day.
106
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,338
Thank you very much.
107
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:29,639
How about that, Pop?
108
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,441
Fifteen-hundred bucks
and all we got to do
109
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,242
is go to St. Louis
and pick it up.
110
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,577
I can't believe it.
111
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,446
Me either. Leaving
me all that money.
112
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:40,983
I haven't seen Uncle
Ulysses in 30 years.
113
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,320
You mean Leotis, don't you?
114
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,690
Yeah, I ain't seen
him in 30 years either.
115
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,891
Look here son, you come
on over here to the phone
116
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,159
and call the train station
117
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,828
and find out what
time we gotta to leave.
118
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,230
Hey, wait a minute, Pop, the
train ain't gonna get it, man.
119
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,432
You heard what the man said;
120
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,233
we've got to get there
as soon as possible,
121
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,035
now that means we've got to fly.
122
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,537
Fly?
123
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,706
You mean on an airplane?
124
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,763
No, on a Frisbee!
125
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:08,678
Of course on an airplane.
126
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,979
Uh-uh. I ain't getting
on no airplane.
127
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:10,980
That's dangerous.
128
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,382
Pop, do you realize
it's more dangerous
129
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,385
driving on the freeway than
it is flying on an airplane?
130
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,788
And I ain't taking
no freeway either.
131
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:22,925
I ain't flying. Forget it.
Just call me a choo-choo.
132
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,462
Hey, Pop, flying is fun, man.
133
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:26,763
Haven't you've seen
those commercials:
134
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:29,966
"Hi, I'm Jackie,
fly me to St. Louis."
135
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,602
Okay, you fly, give me Jackie,
136
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:39,642
and we'll meet you
in St. Louis, Louie.
137
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,345
Pop, you've never even
been on a plane before.
138
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:45,482
Or a plane crash either.
139
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,149
And you're 66 years old.
140
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,552
And gonna live to be 67...
141
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,188
Well, what makes you think
the plane is gonna crash?
142
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,357
How come you gotta look
for the worst in everything?
143
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:58,583
Because the last time I hoped
for the best, you were born.
144
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,164
No airplane. That's out.
145
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,767
All right, we're gonna
mess right around here
146
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,402
and blow $1,500.
147
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,303
That's $1,500, Pop.
148
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:10,473
I know you don't want to
take a chance on losing that.
149
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:15,177
And also, I don't want to
take a chance on losing this.
150
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:19,883
Pop, this is the 20th century,
man. Everybody flies nowadays.
151
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,484
It's the same thing
as taking a bus.
152
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:24,788
I ain't never heard of nobody
skyjacking no Greyhound.
153
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,424
Oh, come on, man...
Well, you read about it
154
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,392
in the paper
everyday, don't you?
155
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,761
Everyday you read about
somebody hijacking something.
156
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,030
We might wind up
in Turkey or Poland
157
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,465
or one of them primitive places
158
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:39,702
and wind up catching
some Oriental disease.
159
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,704
Listen, Pop, you go
upstairs and pack the bag,
160
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,005
and I'll call the airline.
161
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,040
Wait, a minute, son.
162
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,041
Wait a minute, don't call.
163
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,342
Wait a minute, please.
164
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,010
We gotta make reservations
as soon as possible.
165
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,346
I'm so broken up
over Uncle Leotis,
166
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,949
if we don't fly, I'll
have enough time
167
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,551
to pull myself together.
168
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,554
A train or a bus
would take too long.
169
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,556
Now we either fly
or we don't go at all.
170
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,757
Now, I'm gonna
call the airlines.
171
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,592
Wait a minute,
son. Wait a minute.
172
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,393
I'm beginning to feel bad.
173
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,295
You'll be fine once
you're up in the air.
174
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,699
In the air? How high?
175
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:14,571
H-h-h-how high?
176
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:17,406
How high they go up?
177
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,599
About 30, 40,000 feet...
178
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,916
Oh, I feel a big one coming.
179
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,518
You hear that, Elizabeth?
180
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,153
I'm coming to join you, honey.
181
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,145
In a 747.
182
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,531
Dallas is now
ready for boarding.
183
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,666
Passengers please proceed...
184
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,735
Excuse me, is this
the way to flight 195?
185
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:46,970
That's right.
186
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,872
Would you walk right
through here, please?
187
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,439
Say, what's this thing?
188
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,908
That's a metal detector, sir.
189
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,142
Yeah, that's to stop people
190
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,545
from sneaking weapons
on board the plane.
191
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:59,816
I ain't got no weapon.
I left my knife at home.
192
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,718
Yeah, well you gotta
go through it anyway.
193
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,508
You go through first.
194
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,189
Thank you. Next please.
195
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:10,026
You didn't get no shock
or nothing, did you?
196
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,570
No. Now would you
walk through there?
197
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,104
Sir, would you
step right over here
198
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:24,407
for just a moment, please?
199
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,042
What's wrong? What's
the trouble, officer?
200
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,344
Well, this gentleman had a
very high reading on the machine.
201
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,647
Sir, do you have any
metal objects on you?
202
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:31,681
No. I don't have any.
203
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:32,705
Lester, please.
204
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,585
What's that thing there?
205
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,721
It's just a portable metal
detector, sir, it's harmless.
206
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,322
He's just gonna
pass it over your body.
207
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,859
Watch that stuff!
208
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:46,328
Sir, would you empty
that pocket please?
209
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:47,363
Why? Come on, Pop.
210
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,387
Stop wasting time, man.
211
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:55,605
A crucifix... A St.
Christopher's Medal...
212
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:59,809
A star of David... A
crescent of Islam...
213
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:04,135
and a Buddha... And a mojo!
214
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:12,254
What do you need
all these things for?
215
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,423
It's flight insurance.
216
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,225
Deep down here on
the ground I'm a Baptist,
217
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:19,462
but up there I ain't
taking no chances.
218
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,130
Can we go now?
219
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,932
Yes, you can go right
through that gate there.
220
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,934
Look at this, why... You
don't want me to have...
221
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,346
Good afternoon.
222
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,648
Good afternoon.
223
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,872
Hi, are you Jackie?
224
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,688
No, I'm Carol.
225
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,324
Oh, we were supposed
to fly Jackie to St. Louis,
226
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,193
but I guess we'll
fly you, Carol.
227
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,529
Here's our seats, Pop.
228
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,931
You wanna sit
next to the window?
229
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,155
No, there ain't nothing
out there I want to see.
230
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,042
Good afternoon.
231
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,243
Oh, good afternoon.
232
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,012
May I have your name
and destination please?
233
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:12,314
Lamont Sanford and
I'm going to St. Louis.
234
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,516
Thank you.
235
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,584
Is your companion asleep?
236
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,186
Hey, Pop, open your eyes,
237
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,055
the stewardess wants to
ask you some questions.
238
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,024
Is she pretty?
239
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,525
What difference does it make?
240
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:26,017
I'm not just gonna open my
eyes to look at somebody ugly.
241
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,520
She's very pretty.
242
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:34,037
Are you Jackie?
243
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,471
No, I'm Susan.
244
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,174
Hey, Pop, just answer
the questions, man.
245
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,176
May I have your name
and destination please?
246
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:45,548
Uh, Sanford. That's
S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.
247
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:46,949
Hey listen, honey.
248
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,617
Can't me and you go
somewhere and sit somewhere
249
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:52,188
alone just me and you,
by ourselves, together?
250
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,279
So in case the plane
crashes, I'll be smiling.
251
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,817
Pop!
252
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:02,965
He's only kidding.
253
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,488
No I ain't.
254
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,637
Well, I'll be back a
little later, Mr. Sanford.
255
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,995
You can call me Fred, darling.
256
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,745
I can't take you no place.
257
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,014
You're not satisfied unless
you're embarrassing me.
258
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,015
Good afternoon,
259
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,449
ladies and gentlemen,
260
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,953
and welcome aboard
our flight 195 to St. Louis.
261
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,555
At this time we ask you to
make sure that your seat belts
262
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,057
are securely fastened
263
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,392
and that you
extinguish all cigarettes
264
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,729
and observe the
no smoking signs.
265
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:33,753
Thank you.
266
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,570
Hey listen, will you
put that cigarette out?
267
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,494
Can't you read the sign?
268
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,782
Talking to me?
269
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,050
Uh, no, excuse me...
270
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,517
Can't you read the sign
271
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,353
that tells you to put
the cigarette out?
272
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,777
So put it out!
273
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,264
Sit down and relax there, moose.
274
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,600
Would you just sit down here
and mind your own business?
275
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,835
This is my business.
276
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:15,037
You think I want to be
blown up in this plane
277
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,239
Just because
that idiot over there
278
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,975
can't read the sign?!
279
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:22,133
You all right, moose.
280
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,816
Ladies and
gentlemen, at this time,
281
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,851
I'd like to point out some
of the safety features
282
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,419
of this airplane.
283
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:34,556
Located in the compartment
above you is an oxygen mask.
284
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,659
I don't see none.
285
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,427
In the event there
is insufficient oxygen
286
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,797
in the cabin, it will drop
down automatically.
287
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,933
Simply place the oxygen
mask over your nose and mouth
288
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,924
and breathe normally.
289
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,439
Would you sit down!
290
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:52,641
You're supposed to be seated
when the seat belt sign is on.
291
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,911
Let me go! I want
an oxygen mask.
292
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,313
Listen, there's an oxygen mask
right up here and it drops down.
293
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,848
Now sit down! What
if it don't drop down?
294
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,416
What if it gets stuck up there?
295
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,785
I want me an oxygen mask!
296
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,253
For your safety and convenience,
297
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,488
please note the locations
of the emergency doors
298
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,024
and windows that are located
299
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,125
throughout the plane.
300
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,348
They are clearly marked.
301
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,197
Hey, we got a emergency window?
302
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:17,566
No, Pop. Emergency windows
have "emergency" written on them.
303
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,335
Well, why don't we have
an emergency window?
304
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,736
If everybody else got
an emergency window,
305
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,638
I want an emergency window too.
306
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:25,708
Hey, I want an emergency
window and an oxygen mask.
307
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,110
You want an emergency
window too and an oxygen mask?
308
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,847
Make that two emergency
windows and an oxygen mask.
309
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,348
That's what I want.
310
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,892
Pop, would please sit down
and stop making trouble?
311
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,761
Lamont!
312
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:46,762
Lamont!
313
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,464
What? The plane is moving.
314
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,299
No kidding. Now just relax.
315
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,035
The plane is just
taxiing onto the runway
316
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,036
so we can take off.
317
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,738
Now just relax, all right?
318
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,139
Why do we have to take off?
319
00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:00,142
Why can't we just taxi
right on into St. Louis?
320
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:03,913
We're already on here
now, Pop, so just relax.
321
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,249
Listen, suppose I
have a heart attack.
322
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,384
Can I get out of here?
323
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,452
It's too late, Pop, we're
already on the plane,
324
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:11,854
now just relax.
325
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,379
Oh, I ain't gonna make it.
326
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,026
Would you stop that?
327
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:20,696
Everybody on the
plane is staring at us.
328
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,899
What the hell's wrong with
you, you ain't you never seen
329
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:27,158
no man have a
heart attack before?
330
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:32,508
You can watch me have a
heart attack if you want to, moose.
331
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,377
Sir, are you alright?
332
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,313
Yeah, he's fine. You see, um,
333
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,549
this is his first trip,
and he's a little nervous.
334
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,152
See, I'm going to St. Louis,
and I'm taking my father with me.
335
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:47,790
Yeah. He's taking me
to join my dead uncle.
336
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,591
Well, perhaps you'd
like something to drink.
337
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:50,626
What would you like?
338
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:54,218
I'd like a fifth of Ripple.
339
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,500
I beg your pardon?
340
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,869
We'll both have champagne.
341
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,305
That's good,
champagne and Ripple.
342
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,206
We'll mix them together
that's my favorite...
343
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,197
I call it Champipple.
344
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,812
We'll just have
champagne, thank you.
345
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,613
Well, here are your menus.
346
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,115
When I come back
with your drinks,
347
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,251
you can tell me what
you'd like for your entrée.
348
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,753
I don't need this, honey,
I know what I want.
349
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,923
Give me some neck
bones and black eyed peas,
350
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,159
can of sweet potatoes,
and some collard greens,
351
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:26,762
and some peach cobbler
and a side of zucchini.
352
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,998
And a bowl of gravy.
353
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,823
I'll explain it to him.
Thank you very much.
354
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,095
Onion gravy!
355
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,042
Pop, would you just relax.
356
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,644
Now look, there's a lot of nice
things on the menu here, okay?
357
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,147
Now look at this: you
got steak over here,
358
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,749
you got lobster, you
got Cantonese duck...
359
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:49,285
A lot of nice things on here.
360
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,486
Look, this stuff cost so much,
361
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,955
they don't even put
the prices beside it.
362
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,191
No, Pop, we're flying
first class, man...
363
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,726
we get our choice of
any of this stuff for free.
364
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,728
See, you don't get
that in second class.
365
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,897
We can eat any of
this stuff here for free?
366
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,032
Our choice.
367
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,233
Then I won't be needing these.
368
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:08,871
I won't be needing
these chicken wings.
369
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,106
What is that?!
370
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,874
I told you, it's chicken wings.
371
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,909
Would you put those things away!
372
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,711
No, maybe somebody can
use them in second class.
373
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:18,369
Please, Pop! Please, no, please!
374
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:27,390
Hey, anybody back here want
to buy some chicken wings?
375
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,181
Chicken wings, fool!
376
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,236
I just hate to see
some wings go to waste.
377
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:44,073
Just sit down here and
behave yourself, please?
378
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,207
Behave yourself?
379
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,309
You ain't my daddy;
I'm your daddy.
380
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,744
You don't tell me what to do.
381
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,546
Well, somebody's got
to tell you what to do,
382
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,348
because you don't
know how to act in public.
383
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,549
Listen, you keep
talking like that
384
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,351
I'm going to put my
foot right in your...
385
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,394
Ah, gentlemen, come in, please.
386
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:09,465
Have a seat.
387
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,833
Did you have an
enjoyable flight?
388
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,169
Yeah, it was Pop's first flight,
389
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,603
but everything
turned out all right.
390
00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,205
Oh, Mr. Sanford,
how did you like it?
391
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:19,942
It was all right. I spent
most of the time in the toilet.
392
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,343
Oh, were you ill?
393
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,413
No. I just got done,
and I was on my way out
394
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,516
and this sign flashed on
and said: Return to seat.
395
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,107
So I sat back down.
396
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,430
Uh...
397
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,665
We tried to get here as
soon as possible, Mr. Menton.
398
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:44,967
I hope we're not too late.
399
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,069
No, no, you're just fine.
400
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,405
Uh, Mr. Sanford,
your uncle must have
401
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,806
thought a lot of you to entrust
402
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,641
this responsibility to you.
403
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,842
Yeah, poor Uncle Leotis.
404
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,511
Hey, Lamont, we've
got to give Uncle Leo
405
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:59,014
a real nice send-off.
Nothing but the best.
406
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,282
Can we see him?
407
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,750
In a minute, Pop.
408
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,152
Now what about the
arrangements, Mr. Menton?
409
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:05,354
Well, since I wasn't sure
when you would arrive,
410
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:08,357
I took the liberty of inquiring
into suitable arrangements,
411
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:10,259
I was sure you'd want your uncle
412
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,495
interred as
expeditiously as possible.
413
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:17,966
Yeah, and we ought to
try and get him buried too.
414
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,602
I beg your pardon.
415
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,003
Nothing.
416
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,404
You did the right thing.
417
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:27,776
Yes. Well, I've itemized a
list of things like the burial plot,
418
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,412
coffin, headstone, mortuary fee.
419
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:32,314
With all the prices of course.
420
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,949
And if these meet
with your approval,
421
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:35,117
We'll have them confirmed
422
00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,719
and set by tomorrow afternoon.
423
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,155
A copper colored coffin,
424
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:42,090
a cement and marble headstone.
425
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,093
Uncle Leotis always
was a sharp dresser.
426
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:49,398
Can I take a look at that, Pop?
427
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,832
Yeah, everything
seems to be in order.
428
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,434
Good, good.
429
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,870
In that case, then there's
just a little matter of a check.
430
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,672
Your uncle's gift to you.
431
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,207
Yeah, just think.
432
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,909
This'll be the last thing I
ever get from Uncle Leotis.
433
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,244
Thank you.
434
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,313
And thank you, Uncle Leotis.
435
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:08,350
Wherever you are.
436
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,053
Mr. Sanford, if you'll just
endorse the check over to me,
437
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,611
I'll take care of everything.
438
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:20,429
Thank you.
439
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,930
I'll just take this
into my secretary
440
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,132
and then we can get right
off to the funeral home.
441
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,334
No, wait a minute.
442
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:27,169
I thought you were
going to cash this check.
443
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:28,637
Cash it?
444
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,539
Uh, no, didn't the man
who that contacted you
445
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,374
in Los Angeles
explain the situation?
446
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,710
Yeah, he said I had I
had a neat 1,500 coming,
447
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,745
and if you ain't going
to cash the check,
448
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:37,946
just give it back to me
449
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,748
and I'll cash it when
I get back home
450
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,983
at the liquor store
where I trade.
451
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:43,985
I'm afraid you've been misled.
452
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:46,655
You see, this money wasn't
intended for you to keep.
453
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,525
It was intended for you to
use for your uncle's funeral.
454
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:50,759
What?
455
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,160
What're you talking
about, Mr. Menton?
456
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,862
I'm talking about
your uncle's will.
457
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:55,897
And this is in
accordance with it.
458
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,267
Yeah but after we finish
paying for all of this,
459
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,135
we'll barely have
enough to cover the price
460
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,270
of the plane tickets.
461
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,606
Well, this was
all your uncle left.
462
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,274
And he wanted
his favorite nephew
463
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:06,808
to use it for his funeral.
464
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:09,077
I'm glad you agree you
wanted the very best for him,
465
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,147
because that's exactly
what I got. The very best.
466
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,449
Excuse me, will you?
467
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,806
Wait a minute, man.
468
00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,420
You believe that?
469
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,489
We flew all the way here
to St. Louis for nothing?
470
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,292
Come all the way out here to
St. Louis, just to sign a check.
471
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,215
I'll be damned.
472
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,597
Well, I guess it's
something we had to do.
473
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,467
Come on, Pop, let's go pay
our last respects to your uncle.
474
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:33,891
I don't want to see that clown.
475
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:36,004
Pop!
476
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,606
I knew there was
something about that chump
477
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:41,109
I didn't like.
478
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,846
He had one good eye,
and that one was sneaky.
479
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:46,181
Come on, Pop, show some respect.
480
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,449
The man just died.
481
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,552
One less ugly
person in the world.
482
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:53,789
And he was ugly.
483
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:57,092
He looked like a fried
monkey in the face.
484
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,995
Had a old peanut-shaped head.
485
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,130
Every time it rained,
486
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,233
he had a big puddle
of water in the middle.
487
00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,369
I thought you said he
was your favorite uncle.
488
00:22:07,393 --> 00:22:12,374
Are you kidding?! I didn't
like him or his mama.
489
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:14,643
Well, there's nothing we can
do about the money now, Pop.
490
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:17,045
So just cheer up, at least
you got a chance to take
491
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:20,871
a free trip to St. Louis,
man. Cheer up, Pop.
492
00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:26,021
Elizabeth, honey,
493
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:29,124
if a clubfooted, sneaky-eyed,
guy shows up there
494
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,126
with a peanut shaped
head with a puddle of water
495
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:34,463
in the middle of it,
that's Uncle Leotis.
496
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:38,367
And honey, don't
let that clown in.
497
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:42,360
Please honey, shut
the gate on that clown.
498
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,652
What a drag. What a drag.
499
00:22:56,676 --> 00:22:59,054
We came all the way
to St. Louis for nothing.
500
00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:03,492
My luck ain't been this
bad in my whole entire life.
501
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,594
Are we going to go
through that again, Pop?
502
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,195
It was your Uncle
Leotis' final request that
503
00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:10,366
you to take care of
the final arrangements.
504
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:13,134
I could've phoned in
those arrangements.
505
00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:15,337
Well, it's already been done,
and we're on our way home,
506
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:16,405
so just relax, okay?
507
00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:18,440
Hey, do you want to
sit next to the window?
508
00:23:18,464 --> 00:23:19,842
I don't want to sit over there,
509
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:22,466
with my kind of
luck I'd fall out.
510
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:25,981
I smell chicken.
511
00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:27,783
Hey, maybe we're going
to have chicken for dinner.
512
00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:32,855
Oh, no, this is
probably what you smell.
513
00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:36,492
Gimme that. Don't tell me you
still got these chicken wings?
514
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:37,693
I'm gonna ring
for the stewardess
515
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:38,994
and have her throw these out.
516
00:23:39,018 --> 00:23:40,596
No don't do that!
You might get hungry
517
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:42,097
on the way home
from the airport.
518
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:44,800
Yes, may I help you?
519
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:48,504
Yeah, oh, hi, are you Jackie?
520
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:51,239
No, I'm Wendy. Do
you want to see Jackie?
521
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:53,074
Jackie's on this plane here?
522
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,644
Yes, she is... Jackie!
523
00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:57,245
You hear that?
Jackie's on the plane.
524
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,847
Jackie's on this
plane here that we on!
525
00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,749
I've been trying to
find her all the times...
526
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,808
Jackie's on this
plane! Hi, I'm Jackie!
527
00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:20,891
I'm going to the toilet.
528
00:24:40,546 --> 00:24:41,857
Sanford and Son
529
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:42,991
is recorded on tape
530
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:45,415
before a live studio audience.
39491
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