Original subtitles

[ "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE" THEME PLAYS ]

Man: GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. BRIGGS.

TWO ESPIONAGE GROUPS FROM AN ENEMY COUNTRY

ARE ENGAGED IN A POWER STRUGGLE

WHICH IS FOCUSED ON THE PROBLEM

OF WHICH GROUP WILL ASSASSINATE THIS MAN,

PROFESSOR NAPOLSKI, WHO RECENTLY DEFECTED TO US.

IN SIX DAYS, THE PROFESSOR MUST APPEAR

AT A SCIENTIFIC CONFERENCE,

WHERE HE WILL BE AN OPEN TARGET.

THIS IS ANDREI FETYAKOV,

THE NUMBER ONE ASSASSIN

FOR THE NEW YOUNG CIVILIAN GROUP,

WHICH THE SECRETARY CONSIDERS FAR MORE DANGEROUS

THAN THE OLD-LINE MILITARY INTELLIGENCE SERVICE

REPRESENTED BY THIS MAN, COLONEL SHTEMENKO.

MR. BRIGGS, YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO ACCEPT IT,

WOULD BE TO STOP THE ASSASSINATION

IN SUCH A WAY AS TO TOTALLY DISCREDIT FETYAKOV

AND HIS ORGANIZATION

SO THAT THE OLD GROUP, WHICH WE FIND EASIER TO HANDLE,

WILL REMAIN IN POWER.

AS ALWAYS, SHOULD YOU OR ANY OF YOUR I.M. FORCE

BE CAUGHT OR KILLED,

THE SECRETARY WILL DISAVOW ANY KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR ACTIONS.

PLEASE DISPOSE OF THIS RECORDING IN THE USUAL MANNER.

GOOD LUCK, DAN.

ANDREI FETYAKOV.

YOUR JOB, CINNAMON, IS TO CONVINCE THE MAN WITHIN 6 DAYS

THAT YOU'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM.

MM, THAT SHOULDN'T BE TOO DIFFICULT.

HE'S VERY, VERY ATTRACTIVE.

AND LOOKS LIKE HE KNOWS IT, TOO.

AND HE ALSO KNOWS THAT YOU'RE AN AGENT

WHOSE JOB IT IS TO PROTECT THE PROFESSOR.

WELL, HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT?

I MADE SURE THAT HE LEARNED IT

AND THAT YOU KNOW WHO AND WHAT HE IS.

BUT WHY, DAN?

BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERESTIMATE HIM.

AND DON'T YOU.

THE MAN IS GOOD -- TOO CLEVER FOR ME TO BE CERTAIN

THAT I CAN CONTROL WHATEVER ASSASSINATION PLAN

HE COMES UP WITH.

THE ONLY PLAN I'M SURE I CAN HANDLE

IS THE ONE WE PROVIDE HIM.

AND I'M THAT PLAN?

YES. YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE HIM BELIEVE

YOU'RE HIS BEST WAY TO THE PROFESSOR.

WAIT A MINUTE, DAN.

IF HE'S ALL THAT CLEVER,

ISN'T HE GOING TO SMELL A TRAP,

SUSPECT SOMETHING, IGNORE ME?

THERE'S ONE MORE THING HE KNOWS --

HIS OWN CLEVERNESS, HIS OWN ATTRACTIVENESS.

I READ THE MAN AS AN ENORMOUS SHOWOFF,

SUPREME EGOTIST.

I'M BETTING THAT HE CAN'T TURN DOWN A CHALLENGE,

ESPECIALLY ONE FROM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

LOOKS LIKE A PRETTY INTERESTING CHALLENGE FOR ME, TOO.

IT'S A LOT MORE THAN THAT.

FETYAKOV HAS LEFT QUITE A TRAIL BEHIND HIM --

30 PEOPLE DEAD,

MANY OF THEM AGENTS, MOST OF THEM WOMEN.

YOU STILL WANT THE JOB?

[ SIGHS ]

WHERE WILL YOU AND BARNEY BE?

NOT CLOSE.

WE'LL HAVE OUR HANDS FULL WITH THE OLD-TIMER SHTEMENKO.

MY SPY'S PRETTIER THAN YOUR SPY.

AND MORE DIFFICULT TO HANDLE.

THESE TWO ARE ARCHRIVALS.

SOONER OR LATER, THE GOOD COLONEL WILL START GETTING IN THE WAY.

IT WILL BE MY JOB TO TAKE HIM OUT OF THE PICTURE.

WHERE WILL BARNEY BE?

HE'LL BE AT THE HOTEL WITH THE PROFESSOR.

I'LL BE THERE IN TIME FOR THE KILL.

OH.

I SEE.

YOU TWO ARE THE TRAP.

YES. WHY?

WELL, I THOUGHT I WAS THE TRAP,

BUT I'M NOT.

I'M THE CHEESE.

[ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

YOU DON'T MIND, DO YOU?

WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS?

I DIDN'T THINK I DID.

ANDREI FETYAKOV.

MINE'S CINNAMON.

CINNAMON?

IS THAT SOME KIND OF MEDICINE?

NO, IT'S A SPICE.

COULD YOU GET RID OF YOUR DATE?

OH, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY DO THAT.

OF COURSE YOU COULD.

BE NICE TO A FOREIGNER.

WELL, HERE WE ARE.

THANK YOU FOR LENDING ME THIS EXQUISITE CREATURE.

IT SEEMS MORE OF A GIFT THAN A LOAN, COMRADE.

HENRY.

ENCHANTé, MADEMOISELLE.

HEADING FOR THE LIBRARY?

YES.

GIVE HIM A FEW MINUTES.

HERE.

TELL ME, PLEASE, ARE YOU SURE I CANNOT BE OF SOME HELP?

NO, SIR, NOT AT THE MOMENT.

BUT THERE MUST BE SOMETHING I CAN DO.

I ASSURE YOU, YOUNG MAN, IT GETS RATHER BORING

JUST TO STAND ABOUT WAITING FOR SOMEONE

TO COME TO TRY TO ASSASSINATE YOU.

[ LAUGHS ] ALL RIGHT.

HAVE YOU EVER WIRED PHOTOELECTRIC EQUIPMENT?

NO, BUT I'M SURE I COULD LEARN.

FINE.

YOU HOLD THESE.

AHH.

[ Indistinct arguing ]

[ INDISTINCT ARGUING ]

ENOUGH, ENOUGH!

GENTLEMEN...

THERE ARE GUESTS INSIDE THIS CONSULATE.

Please sit down and calm yourself, comrade.

You'll have another heart attack.

THE JOB OF ASSASSINATING THE PROFESSOR

WAS ASSIGNED TO MY GROUP WHEN HE DEFECTED.

THE ORDER HAS BEEN REVOKED.

AND WE HAVE AN EXCELLENT PLAN.

OLD-FASHIONED, OUTDATED, FROM WORLD WAR I.

Andrei, you do get to be too much sometimes.

Look, Gregory, there are two approaches

to this assassination --

EITHER ONE WAITS AND DOES IT DURING THE CONFERENCE,

WHICH IS CRUDE, LEADS TO JAIL

AND INTERNATIONAL REPERCUSSIONS,

OR ONE PICKS THE MAN BEFOREHAND AND QUIETLY --

Impossible!

I appeal to you, Comrade Suverin.

WE HAVE A VERY SIMPLE, UNSPECTACULAR PLAN

WHICH REQUIRES ONE INEXPENSIVE BULLET.

UNSPECTACULAR IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

WHY DON'T YOU LURK AT THE ENTRANCE

TO THE CONFERENCE HALL, AND WHEN HE ARRIVES,

YOU THROW AN INEXPENSIVE BRICK AT HIS HEAD?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

SIT DOWN!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH FROM BOTH OF YOU.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

WELL, PLEASE COME IN.

OH, FORGIVE ME.

OH, I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING ANYTHING.

OH, NOT AT ALL.

Oh, excuse me. This --

but, of course, you know Andrei.

EXCUSE ME.

ANYTHING WRONG?

NO, NO. IT'S JUST THAT MY ESCORT, I THINK,

HAS HAD ONE TOO MANY TO DRINK.

AND YOU WANT ME TO GIVE HIM A BLOODY NOSE?

NO, NOTHING AS SERIOUS AS THAT.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD --

YOU LIKE ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SO BLUNT.

MY CIGARETTES, PLEASE, HMM?

EXCUSE ME?

I GAVE THEM TO YOU WHILE WE DANCED.

OH, YES, YES.

YES.

LOVELY RECEPTION.

MM-HMM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, PLEASE, THANK YOU,

AND I'M VERY PLEASED THAT YOU COULD COME.

INSANITY, SIMPLE INSANITY

TO PLAY GAMES WITH FOREIGN AGENTS

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A REPUTATION

FOR BEING A LADY-KILLER.

Fetyakov: OH, COLONEL!

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID --

STAY OUT OF THIS.

WE SHALL SEE. POWER IS AS POWER DOES.

ANDREI, WHY DO YOU COMPLICATE MATTERS FOR YOURSELF?

YOU KNOW I'M TRYING TO BE IMPARTIAL,

IN YOUR FAVOR, OF COURSE,

BUT YOU MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR ME.

DO NOT ANTAGONIZE HIM.

LEAVE HIM TO ME. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

HE DOESN'T WORRY ME.

SHE IS THE ONE THAT HAS ME PERPLEXED.

BUT WHY?

SHE'S OBVIOUSLY NOTHING.

MUCH TOO OBVIOUS.

SHE'S MUCH TOO CLEVER

TO HAVE DONE A THING LIKE THAT WITHOUT A REASON.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

YES.

BUT...

I THINK IT'S GOING TO BE RATHER FUN.

FUN?

YOU MAY HAVE TO KILL HER.

I KNOW.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

WAITING FOR ME HERE ALONE?

YES.

GOOD.

SHALL WE GO?

LISTEN, AS LONG AS

IT IS GOING TO BE THE TWO OF US,

WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE THE TWO OF US? HMM?

[ Feedback ]

[ Southern accent ] YOU LOSE SOMETHING, SON?

YES. A GIRL.

WHERE I COME FROM,

THEY SAY A NEW ONE COMES ALONG EVERY MINUTE.

THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THIS ONE

WHERE YOU COME FROM, COLONEL.

VERY GOOD, BARNEY, FOR AN AMATEUR.

I THOUGHT IT SHOWED A DEFINITE EYE

FOR COMPOSITION.

HMM.

UH-HUH.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

SEE?

BUT WHY ALL THIS ELABORATE NONSENSE?

ISN'T IT ENOUGH SIMPLY TO CATCH A MAN

WITH A GUN IN HIS HAND?

YES, BUT ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT WE WANT TO PROTECT YOU,

WE WANT TO MAKE THIS MAN LOOK AS BAD AS WE CAN,

AND PICTURES OF A SPY WALKING INTO A TRAP

CAN BE QUITE CONDEMNING.

VERY AMERICAN.

PUBLIC RELATIONS.

YES, SIR.

TELL ME, PLEASE. I AM MILDLY CURIOUS.

WHAT ARE BOTH MY ASSASSINS DOING?

FETYAKOV IS WITH MISS CARTER.

IS SHE SAFE?

NO.

OH.

AND THE OTHER, THE OLD TERRORIST?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

[ RING ]

[ Russian accent ] HELLO?

HELLO. COLONEL SHTEMENKO?

[ Southern accent ] WELL, NO.

UH, YOU MUST HAVE THE WRONG ROOM, SON.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, MR. KINCAID.

I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.

GOODBYE, SIR.

HMM.

PLEASE DON'T.

WHAT A DISCREDIT YOU ARE TO YOUR NATION.

NO POLITICS. WE AGREED, REMEMBER?

NO, I MEAN IT.

AFTER THE CONFERENCE,

I WILL HAVE TO GO BACK HOME

AND TELL ALL MY JOURNALIST COMRADES

THE TRUTH ABOUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL,

BUT GLACIAL, AMERICAN FASHION MODELS.

YOU CAN TITLE IT "THE ICE AGE IN NORTH AMERICA."

EXACTLY.

MY FIRST VICTORY.

BUT YOU DIDN'T WIN.

HMM?

WE'RE PLAYING AMERICAN RULES --

TWO OUT OF THREE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S CHEATING.

TWO DAYS NOW WE'VE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER, DAY AND NIGHT,

AND NOT ONE SIMPLE FRIENDLY KISS.

OUTRAGEOUS.

I KNOW I'M NOT UNATTRACTIVE.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

IS IT SIMPLY BECAUSE I'M THE ENEMY?

DON'T BE SILLY.

YOU DISTRUST JOURNALISTS.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING.

THEN I WILL DEFECT FROM JOURNALISM.

YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT ME?

I AM ONLY INTERESTED IN THE TRUTH.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T WANT

TO GET HUNG UP ON ANYONE, NOT NOW.

"HUNG UP," I TAKE IT, IS A...

SUBSTITUTE PHRASE FOR BEING IN LOVE.

IT'S ONE OF THEM.

I THINK IT'S A VERY BAD ONE AT THAT.

TELLS THE STORY.

YOU WERE IN LOVE ONCE, AND YOU GOT HURT.

I THINK I KNOW THAT FEELING.

I DOUBT IT.

WHY? HAPPENS TO THE MOST CLEVER OF US.

I SUPPOSE.

WHAT WAS THE MAN LIKE?

HE WAS A VERY CHARMING LOUSE,

RATHER LIKE YOU.

IT'S HARD TO DESCRIBE HIM. IMPOSSIBLE, IN FACT.

YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

DO YOU KNOW I GRADUATED WITH HONORS IN ENGLISH,

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND HALF OF WHAT YOU SAY?

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T TELL YOU ABOUT HIM.

YOU -- YOU JUST HAD TO BE THERE.

NOW, WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AS TO USE

YOUR OTHER LIMITED VOCABULARY TO EXPLAIN

SOME OF THE SITUATION TO A POOR TOURIST?

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT WHEN I WAS AROUND HIM,

FOR NO RATIONAL REASON,

I COULD HEAR MY HEARTBEAT.

YOU SEE HOW MUCH BETTER THAT IS?

YES, AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I CAN'T GET INVOLVED

IN KISSING GAMES RIGHT NOW.

I SUDDENLY FIND MY HEARING IS VERY KEEN.

BESIDES, THERE'S A PLANE LEAVING IN ABOUT TWO WEEKS,

AND YOU'LL HAVE TO BE ON IT.

WE STIPULATED NO MENTION OF ASSIGNMENT.

OKAY. OKAY.

CALL ME A COWARD. THIS TIME I'LL HAVE TO PASS.

WHAT A SHAME.

WHY, DID YOU SEE US GROWING OLD AND GRAY TOGETHER?

NO.

STILL, ONE MUSTN'T SPEND ONE'S OLD AGE

THINKING ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

YOU NEVER GIVE UP, DO YOU?

HOW INSULTED YOU WOULD BE IF I DID.

TRUE.

HERE.

WHAT AM I TO DO WITH THESE?

HELP KEEP AMERICA CLEAN.

TWO POINTS.

ANDREI --

SHH.

TALK TOO MUCH.

WE BOTH TALK TOO MUCH.

ANDREI.

I NEED ONE MORE

JUST TO GET THE TASTE FIXED IN MY MIND.

IS THAT WHAT IS CALLED "AMERICAN KNOW-HOW"?

HA HA HA.

I SUPPOSE SO.

YOU KNOW, WITH A LITTLE HELP,

I COULD LEARN TO LIKE AMERICA.

HOW DID YOU OBTAIN THIS RECORDING?

BY BEING CRUDE AND OLD-FASHIONED.

WORLD WAR I.

THE MAN IS PREPARING TO DEFECT.

ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.

I AM SENDING A LETTER HOME BY COURIER TONIGHT.

YOU ARE NO LONGER SIMPLY A PEST.

YOU ARE NOW BECOMING DANGEROUS

TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS WHOLE ASSIGNMENT.

I AM WILLING TO GO EVEN FURTHER.

I BELIEVE THAT FETYAKOV

HAS POINTED ME OUT TO THE AMERICANS

OUT OF HIS DESPERATION AND FEAR THAT HE MIGHT FAIL,

AND I MIGHT SUCCEED.

PARANOIA.

NO!

YES.

NO! I HAVE BEEN IN THE BUSINESS FOR 30 YEARS,

AND RIGHT NOW I HAVE A FEELING

THAT SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG.

I AM GETTING STRANGE PHONE CALLS,

AND I KNOW I AM BEING WATCHED.

COLONEL SHTEMENKO.

MUST BE GETTING VERY TIRED. HE'S NOT THAT YOUNG.

THE THREE OF YOU HAVE BEEN KEEPING LATE HOURS.

THE THREE OF US?

YES. HAVEN'T YOU SEEN SHTEMENKO FOLLOWING YOU?

NO.

WELL, HE HAS BEEN.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING HIM.

WE'RE DOING GOOD WITH THE OLD COLONEL.

HE'S PRETTY AGITATED WITH THE TWO OF YOU.

I MAKE MY MOVE TONIGHT.

I SEE. THE HONEYMOON IS OVER.

YES.

ARE YOU SET TO TURN THE CORNER WITH FETYAKOV?

OF COURSE.

YOU SURE?

WELL, I SAID SO. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING WITH ME.

YOU WOULDN'T BY ANY CHANCE

BE GETTING CAUGHT UP IN YOUR OWN PERFORMANCE?

YOU MEAN FALLING FOR HIM?

YES.

NO.

'CAUSE IF IT SLIPPED YOUR MIND,

HE'S KILLED 30 PEOPLE.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO BE 31.

[ ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

WHAT'S WRONG, ANDREI?

NOTHING. LET'S GO INSIDE.

COME ON.

GOOD EVENING.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?

[ Southern accent ] I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU ALL ARE AFTER,

BUT YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME FOR DAYS.

I WISH YOU'D CUT IT OUT.

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, COLONEL SHTEMENKO.

YOU CAN DROP THE ACCENT. IT'S NOT TOO GOOD ANYWAY.

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT.

I'LL KILL THE PROFESSOR FOR YOU.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK

I CAN AFFORD TO BELIEVE THAT SORT OF THING?

ANY SOLUTION THAT ARRIVES

SO NEATLY AND SO CONVENIENTLY

MUST OBVIOUSLY BE SOME SORT OF TRAP.

WHAT POSSIBLE TRAP?

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHERE THE PROFESSOR'S HIDDEN.

I DO THE KILLING.

YOU NEED KNOW NOTHING AND DO NOTHING EXCEPT PAY.

WHO ARE YOU?

MR. JONES WILL DO.

OH, OF COURSE, MR. JONES.

NO, I MEAN, WHERE DO YOU FIT IN?

I SEE YOU ESCORT AN AMERICAN AGENT

TO OUR CONSULATE.

I MIGHT INFER THAT YOU ARE ONE YOURSELF.

INFER WHATEVER YOU WANT.

YOU MIGHT EVEN HAVE AS AN ASSIGNMENT

THE PROTECTION OF THE PROFESSOR.

SUPPOSE THAT WERE TRUE.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL HIM?

FOR A VERY PURE AND SIMPLE MOTIVE -- PROFIT.

AND A VERY SIZABLE ONE.

NO. YOU MUST HAVE MORE REASON THAN THAT.

IF I WERE TO TELL YOU THAT I WANT OUT

FROM THIS UNGRATEFUL BUSINESS, WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT?

THAT I WOULD BELIEVE.

THE MONEY.

LET'S COME TO IT.

50,000...DOLLARS.

I CAN BUY 10 KILLINGS FOR THAT MONEY.

CERTAINLY, BUT I KNOW WHERE THEY'RE HIDING THE PROFESSOR,

AND YOU DON'T.

-$5,000? -STOP IT.

$10,000?

I'LL MEET YOU HERE TOMORROW NIGHT.

$50,000 OR NOTHING.

I CAN'T RAISE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

[ Dial tone ]

I'M SORRY, BUT $22,000

IS ALL WE COULD CREDIT YOU WITH.

THANK YOU.

MIGHT I HAVE THE LIST OF THE GUESTS

AT THE RECEPTION THE OTHER NIGHT?

CERTAINLY.

LET ME SEE.

AH, HERE WE --

GOOD AFTERNOON, ANDREI.

GREGORY. HELLO AGAIN, COLONEL.

I HAVE MISSED YOU, YOU KNOW.

YOU HAVEN'T FOLLOWED ME SINCE LAST NIGHT.

LEAVE HIM ALONE.

OUR GOOD FRIEND HAS JUST INFORMED US

THAT HE'S LEAVING THE FIRM.

WHAT?

YES. AT ANY RATE, THANK YOU AND GOODBYE.

GOOD LUCK, MY FRIEND.

GOODBYE TO YOU.

GOODBYE, SHTEMENKO.

GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOUR OPERATIONS.

THANK YOU.

AND JUST REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING

THAT BEFORE THE GODS DESTROY A MAN,

THEY FIRST MAKE HIM VAIN.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

YOU ASKED TO SEE ME?

-YES. -WHAT FOR?

WHAT'S GOING ON, ANDREI?

SHTEMENKO -- HE HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME EVER SINCE --

YES, AND HE IS NOT ANYBODY'S KIND OF FOOL,

NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK.

YOU WOULDN'T BE STALLING BY ANY CHANCE, WOULD YOU?

BECAUSE IT'S BEEN FIVE DAYS NOW.

PERHAPS YOU ARE GROWING TO LIKE THIS WOMAN,

PERHAPS EVEN MORE THAN LIKE.

NO, I SAID $50,000.

I -- I COULD RAISE IT. $22,000?

NO.

MR. JONES, $22,000 IS A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY.

NOT ENOUGH.

I'D PAY MORE, BUT I CAN'T GET IT.

I SAID NO.

EVEN IF I DIDN'T GET CAUGHT, I'D BE CANNED FOR NEGLIGENCE,

AND $22,000 ISN'T ENOUGH TO START ME IN A NEW CAREER.

MR. JONES, I CAN'T RAISE ANYMORE.

FORGET IT.

HANK.

HANK CLARKE.

NO, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG MAN, MISTER.

YES, SIR, MR. CLARKE'S IN ROOM 304 AND 305.

304 AND 305?

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU, SON.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[ FLASHBULBS POPPING ]

AND I WAS THE ONE TALKING ABOUT THE GODS MAKING A MAN VAIN.

IT MAY NOT BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK, COLONEL.

NO, NO MORE DEALS, NOT WITH YOU, MY FRIEND.

I KNOW WHEN I'M FINISHED.

ALL RIGHT, BARNEY.

WAIT, WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU PROPOSING?

WE WOULDN'T HAVE BOTHERED ABOUT YOU

IF YOU WEREN'T IN THE WAY OF THE MAN WE REALLY WANT.

YOU MEAN I'M NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO CATCH ANYMORE?

I'VE GOT THESE PICTURES OF YOU. I COULD RUIN YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. FETYAKOV'S THE MAN I WANT.

FETYAKOV? GO ON.

HERE'S AN AIRLINE TICKET,

A FREE RIDE OUT OF HERE COMPLIMENTS OF UNCLE SAM.

SOME FRIENDS OF MINE EXPECT TO SEE YOU BOARD THE PLANE.

IF THEY CALL AND REPORT THEY SAW YOU GO,

I'LL TEAR UP THE NEGATIVES.

DO IT. A MAN YOUR AGE HAS NO BUSINESS

RUNNING AROUND DOING THIS KIND OF WORK.

I'M FREE TO GO ANYWHERE, JUST LIKE THAT?

I WOULDN'T WASTE ANY TIME GETTING TO THE AIRPORT.

YOU'LL GIVE ME YOUR WORD

THAT THE NEGATIVES WILL BE DESTROYED?

IF YOU DON'T COME BACK TO THE UNITED STATES,

WHY SHOULD WE BOTHER? RETIRE.

I WILL. WHAT A FILTHY WAY IT IS

TO SPEND A LIFE LIKE THIS.

REALLY, MR. BRIGGS, YOU WERE VERY TRANSPARENT.

LET'S HOPE IT WAS TRANSPARENT ENOUGH.

WHY SO SAD?

YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ALL NIGHT.

IS ANYTHING BOTHERING YOU?

YES.

CARE TO TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

I'M AFRAID IT'S TOO COMPLICATED.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT IT IS.

OF COURSE YOU DO,

BUT YOU KNOW WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

SOONER OR LATER YOU KNEW WE WOULD.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

ARE YOU EXPECTING ANYONE?

NO.

[ KNOCKING LOUDER ]

YOU'D BETTER SEE WHO IT IS.

HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM...

ANDREI.

THAT I AM NOT EVEN CLEVER ENOUGH

TO FIGURE OUT YOU SET ME UP?

OH, SHTEMENKO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

KINDLY AMERICANS -- "GO HOME.

WE LIKE YOU. WE'LL LET YOU GO."

WHAT CONTEMPT FOR ME YOU MUST HAVE

TO BE SO OBVIOUS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

BACK OUT THERE ON THE TERRACE.

COLONEL, I HAVE NO INTENTIONS

OF BEING PUSHED OFF THAT TERRACE,

NOT BY A SENILE OLD FOOL WHO THINKS THAT I TURNED HIM IN.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT HERE.

OH!

NOW YOU WANT TO PLAY GAMES?

ANDREI!

NOW GET OUT.

GET OUT!

GO BACK HOME AND TELL THEM

WHAT A COMPLETE JACKASS YOU MADE OUT OF YOURSELF,

YOU USELESS OLD SLOB!

YOU AND I MAKE A GOOD TEAM, DEAR.

THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID.

WELL, THE NICE THING ABOUT SCENES LIKE THIS,

THEY CLEAR THE AIR.

INDEED, THEY DO.

NOW WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

WORKING EACH OTHER, DARLING,

RIGHT?

RIGHT.

NOW...

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAD ME INTO A TRAP, CORRECT?

AND YOU FAILED.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

HE RUINED IT FOR BOTH OF US.

WHY DID YOU JUST RISK YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT?

I WISH I KNEW.

COME HERE. I'LL SHOW YOU.

NO.

COME HERE.

NO, ANDREI.

THEY SAY IF YOU TELL A LIE OFTEN ENOUGH,

CONVINCINGLY ENOUGH,

YOU BEGIN TO LIVE THAT LIE.

IT BECOMES THE TRUTH.

IT'S OVER, ANDREI.

I FAILED, YOU FAILED, WE'VE ALL FAILED.

CINNAMON, YOU SAVED MY LIFE. WHY?

DID YOU REALLY KILL ALL THOSE PEOPLE?

HOW MANY DID THEY TELL YOU?

30.

UH-HUH.

ENEMIES OF MY COUNTRY,

AGENTS...LIKE YOU.

AND WERE MOST OF THEM WOMEN LIKE ME?

WOMEN?

YES...

BUT NOT LIKE YOU.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

GOOD.

HE'S FAST ASLEEP.

WELL, SHTEMENKO'S PROBLEM IS SOLVED.

THE REASON HE DIDN'T GET ON THAT PLANE

IS BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

KILLED HIMSELF?

HEART ATTACK.

NOW, BARNEY, THERE'S ANOTHER PROBLEM.

WHAT'S THAT?

I HAVE A FEELING THAT SOMETHING

MAY HAVE GONE WRONG WITH CINNAMON.

DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE --

NOT A CHANCE. SHE'LL PULL IT OFF.

OF COURSE SHE WILL.

CINNAMON, I WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,

BUT I KNOW THAT YOU WON'T BELIEVE ME.

I WON'T. YOU'VE BEEN TOO CONVINCING A LIAR ALL WEEK.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SO UNCONVINCING, EITHER.

AT LEAST I WASN'T LYING LAST NIGHT.

DID YOU GET THE IMPRESSION THAT I WAS?

DID YOU?

ANYWAY, WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU

IS THAT DURING THE LAST DAYS, I...

LEARNED TO APPRECIATE YOUR COUNTRY A BIT MORE --

WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME STOP YOU.

YOU'RE GOING TO DO YOUR ACT NOW?

YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU WANT TO DEFECT?

WELL, WHY SHOULDN'T I?

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.

WHY SHOULDN'T I?

BACK HOME, I AM WHAT THEY NERVOUSLY REFER TO

AS A SPY WITH A SHORT TAIL.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THAT MEANS NO CHILDREN, NO MOTHER, NO RELATIVES,

NO ONE THAT THEY CAN THREATEN ME WITH.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CROSS THE LINE,

I'M A FREE MAN.

WHY SHOULD I RISK MY NECK? WHAT FOR?

FOR YOUR COUNTRY?

"FOR MY COUNTRY."

I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY,

ONLY FOR MYSELF.

THAT'S NOT ABOUT TO CHANGE, IS IT?

I WON'T PRETEND THAT IT WILL,

BUT TRY TO LOOK AT IT FROM AN OBJECTIVE POINT OF VIEW.

HOW MUCH BETTER WITH MY TALENTS

COULD I DO HERE?

IF I GET BORED, I COULD EVEN BECOME A DOUBLE AGENT.

YOU KNOW THAT WOULD APPEAL TO ME, DON'T YOU?

THAT WOULD BE JUST YOUR CUP OF TEA.

THAT'S RIGHT.

ANYWAY, AT LEAST I HAVE BEEN TRYING

TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I KNOW THAT YOU ARE PROBABLY MUCH TOO CYNICAL

AND MUCH TOO BITTER

TO BELIEVE THAT I DO LOVE YOU.

I AM.

SO THERE WE ARE, AREN'T WE?

SAD, ISN'T IT?

MM-HMM.

ANDREI!

DON'T GO NEAR THAT CONFERENCE HALL.

THEY'LL KILL YOU.

I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF GOING NEAR THE PLACE.

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED,

ANYONE WHO DEFECTS TO THIS COUNTRY

IS NO LONGER TO BE CONSIDERED A TRAITOR.

HE IS SIMPLY USING HIS HEAD.

I'M SORRY YOU DON'T WANT ME.

I'M SURE YOUR GOVERNMENT WILL.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO SEEK REFUGE

IN THE AUSTRIAN EMBASSY, I THINK.

THEY SERVE THOSE WONDERFULLY TASTY

BREAKFAST CAKES OVER THERE.

YOU'LL HEAR FROM ME.

ANDREI, PLEASE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

I'LL ARRANGE IT. STAY HERE.

WHY SHOULD I STAY?

BECAUSE SHTEMENKO LEFT HERE WITH MURDER IN HIS EYES.

RELAX. THE GUN IS RIGHT THERE.

GOODBYE.

PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

STAY HERE. LOCK THE DOOR.

I'LL SEND SOMEBODY FOR YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

[ TELEPHONE DIALING ]

ANYTHING?

NOTHING. SHE DOESN'T ANSWER.

SOMETHING MUST HAVE GONE WRONG.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

YES?

Cinnamon: DAN, IT'S ME. OPEN UP.

I'M SORRY TO COME HERE, BUT SOMETHING'S HAPPENED.

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

HE'S AT THE APARTMENT.

HE WANTS TO COME TO OUR SIDE.

DID HE FOLLOW YOU HERE?

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

I JUST CALLED YOU. THERE WAS NO ANSWER.

DAN, JUST LISTEN TO ME.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

DAN.

DON'T MOVE.

JUST PUT YOUR HANDS UP, ALL OF YOU.

WHAT IS --

ANDREI...

Dan: CINNAMON...

DON'T TRY ME. I WARN YOU.

I WARN YOU.

CINNAMON, I WILL PULL THIS TRIGGER WITHOUT...

BLINKING.

I KNOW.

[ CLICK ]

[ CLICK ]

VERY GOOD.

HA.

WHEN DID YOU DO THAT?

BETWEEN KISSES.

HA HA HA HA.

Cinnamon: WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.

ANDREI, I JUST WANT TO SAY I HOPE THEY PRINT 500 OF THESE

AND SCATTER THEM ACROSS THE LAWNS

OF EVERY EMBASSY FROM HERE TO PEKING.

WHAT IS IT THAT HATH NO FURY

LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED?

LET'S GO.

I WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS CARTER.

HAD I KNOWN TWO YEARS AGO WHEN I DEFECTED

HOW AMERICAN WOMAN

WAS SO SELF-SUFFICIENT AND CLEVER,

I MIGHT NEVER HAVE COME HERE AT ALL.

YOU'RE WELCOME, PROFESSOR.

ENJOY THE CONFERENCE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU, TOO, MR. BRIGGS.

YOU KNOW, I MUST ADMIT,

I DID NOT ALWAYS BELIEVE YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

HA HA HA HA.

YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE, SIR.

THESE AMERICANS -- INCREDIBLE.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

TELL ME...

YOU KNEW HE'D FOLLOW YOU OVER HERE, DIDN'T YOU?

SURE.

WHAT WAS ALL THAT WILD TALK WHEN YOU CAME IN?

THAT WAS FOR HIS BENEFIT.

HE HAD TO KNOW WHAT ROOM WE WERE IN,

AND I COULDN'T TELL HIM.

IF I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU BEFORE, I WANT TO TELL YOU NOW.

I THINK YOU'RE A PRETTY TALENTED LIAR.

THE BEST.

I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

I LOST CONFIDENCE THERE A MOMENT OR TWO.

I THOUGHT FETYAKOV MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN TO YOU.

I TOOK THE BULLETS, DIDN'T I?

YES, YOU DID.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

BESIDES, YOU JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.

YOU JUST HAD TO BE THERE.

THAT'S ALL.

[ "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE" THEME PLAYS ]