Original subtitles

I'm so fucking bored.

Yeah.

All right, ready?

One, two...

Fuck!

Ow!

Fuck this challenge, bro!

Oh, dude.

Look at how gross.

What is going on?

Ow.

Oh, shit.

♪ ...so happy that Santa's on his way ♪

Jesus. Fuck. Fuck off!

Fuck off!

Sh... Sh... She texted me to come.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Shit.

You did not look pregnant.

It's a whole thing.

A-And it's mine, or...

Not... Not... Not in a slut-shamey way,

I swear to God. Just...

we didn't date for that long and...

and it was fast when we did it

and... and... and you were on your period or...

There wasn't anyone else.

D, I'm so fucking sorry.

No, it's okay. It's all good.

I mean, you know, it's okay.

Sure. You... You just tell me what you want to do, okay?

'Cause i-it's your body a-and your choice and... and all that.

That's really nice. Thanks.

I mean, there's not really a lot left to choose

'cause it kind of already happened and...

Yeah, no, no, no, yeah. Of course.

I think I just really need to get out of this fucking mall.

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck,

holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.

♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

- ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ - Hey, it's me.

♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

Like if you went to a hospital, they'd give you a wheelchair.

Whatever. We... We... We gotta go.

- Come on. - Come on.

- Okay. - Put that down.

Come on.

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

Get the baby.

- Come on. - Oh! Okay, okay!

Oh, shit! Okay.

We're good, we're good.

Okay.

You okay? We got you, we got you.

Don't forget the placenta, okay?

I'm sorry.

Look at me. Never apologize, never explain.

♪ Fast away the old year passes ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Hail the new year, lads and lasses ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Sing we joyous, all together ♪

♪ Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪

- ♪ Heedless of the wind and weather ♪ - Fuck you, mall! Fuck you!

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

¿Que haces?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I just came in here to tell Miss Cranky

that school is cancelled 'cause of the wildfires.

Wait, what?

Check your phone, cabróna.

Wait, close the door.

Riley, we have to leave in five...

Air quality day.

No school.

Is that my orchid?

You're getting me a new one.

Today.

Something about these fires gets me so horny.

Mm.

Girl, your life es un desmadre.

You don't think so? He took you for a steak,

licked you from your eyeball to your asshole,

then peaced out.

You're better off sola.

Wait, Greta's going somewhere.

Let me exercise my maternal responsibilities.

Muchos besos.

Where are you going?

Should I be making you do something today...

or with your life in general?

I might shoot some hoops later.

Why are you playing basketball?

There's smoke in the air.

They say going outside is like smoking 10 packs.

And also "shoot some hoops"?

I see you.

Stop.

I feel like you're just using me for my car.

Yeah. Obviously.

Can we do something fun

'cause the world is burning down around us?

Yes. Let's get it.

Okay, we're gonna be gentle.

Very gentle.

Foot on the brake. Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.

- Okay. - You're in drive.

- Yes. - Now go light on the gas.

Light. Light.

Oh, my God. Stop! Stop! Brake!

- Oh, my... Oh, my God. - I could have been paralyzed.

- Oh, my God. No! - That was too fast.

- That was too much right out the gate. - More. More. More.

This is "Mario Kart." More... I want more.

No. That is a very bad thing to say.

You need to work on your pedal skills.

So, imagine you're being fingered.

Excuse me, what?

Would you... Would you like it

if someone just jammed their finger

onto the entirety of your damned clit

like it was the power button on a vintage MacBook?

- No! - No!

- No! - No!

No, thank you, sir or miss.

You want them to feel it out, use a little intuition.

- Subtle. - Subtle.

- Yes. Subtle. - Yes. Yes.

Then, if it's working, a little more.

Oh.

And if they're panting too much, a little less.

Wow.

I did not think clit was your jam.

Okay, first of all, that's homophobic.

You don't think that I've engaged with a vagina or two?

I mean, have you actually?

Safiyah Norris.

What? How old were you guys?

I dunno. Like, eighth grade. 13.

Safiyah was my neighbor,

and she taught me how to respect the clit.

Oh, my God! Stop it.

Stop! Stop it right now!

Or we're going to jail for the night

like those TikTok boys who had the weed in their pants!

Stop! I'm not for it!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪

♪ Let's talk about you and me ♪

♪ Let's talk about all the god things ♪

♪ And the bad things that may be ♪

♪ Let's talk about sex ♪

♪ Let's talk about sex ♪

♪ Let's talk about sex ♪

♪ Let's talk about sex ♪

Ooh. What about this guy?

He has an actual 18 pack. Let me count this.

- One, two, three... - No.

I don't like when they write "well hung."

- How come? - 'Cause they never are.

Also, if they don't smile, it tells you something.

Mama didn't raise no fool. Next.

So, what do you like then? Built? Fem?

Skinny? Older?

If it's hot, it's hot.

Yeah.

What does punching and then peach emoji mean?

Likes fisting.

Ew.

I want to see what you look like.

You're gonna love it.

- Oh. - Mm.

26?

Ooh!

18 is legal, but if you put that,

everyone thinks that you're 16.

I-I don't need to be jailbait.

My abs speak for themselves.

I mean... the confidence.

- Earned. - Yeah.

Oh, wait, you don't show your face?

This is all they need.

Who else, who else, who else?

Looks like he's on Million Dollar Listing.

Next.

Posing with two twin babies. No.

Oh, my God!

Holy fuck!

- Fuck me twice! - What?

I didn't even know guidance counselors

were allowed to be on this thing!

"Straightforward. Present.

Down to play, but not down for the games."

Plus he's so cute and innocent in his little T-shirt.

Is that Greta?

Ask her what she's doing right now.

♪ In the suburbs like, "Bitch, what's up?" ♪

♪ Hit the west side like, "Bitch, what's up?" ♪

♪ East side treat me like, "Hey, what's up?" ♪

- ♪ But hometown treat me like ♪ - ♪ What the fuck did you say? ♪

♪ Stunting on these bitches like I'm paid half time ♪

♪ Like, when these execs gonna treat me right? ♪

♪ 'Cause if I'm stuntin' on these motherfuckers in your club ♪

♪ People better play this all over town ♪

♪ Ow ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, I guess I gotta get this right ♪

♪ I guess I gotta get this right ♪

♪ I guess I gotta get this right ♪

♪ Come on, come on ♪

Where did you get this repulsive herb?

My father's sock drawer, right next to

the Perfect 10 magazines, if you're looking.

What's that?

You don't know the Perfect 10?

It's the premier porn magazine for all the big naturals.

You've got champagne flutes,

you have party hats, you have tear drops.

All the boob shapes that God has ever graced us with.

- Oh. - Mm-hmm.

Wow.

God.

This burger/weed combo is nauseating.

But I guess the world is on fire and ending, so...

Right.

So, no regrets.

Like Greta.

What?

I don't know.

I don't know.

She's really...

I don't know. She's really sweet.

I bet she's gonna surprise you.

Or there's Luz.

That girl wants to unzip your pants with her teeth.

Have you ever dated any girls?

I don't date.

I hook up.

- Hard same. - Yeah.

Have you ever even hooked up with a girl?

No.

But...

you know, if it's hot, it's hot.

Yes! If it's hot, it's hot.

Hey!

- Hi. - What's up?

Are you guys sure you want to come?

- Yeah. - We just want to be led.

It's just this community center where I volunteer.

- Okay. - All right.

Backing up.

Backing up.

- Back... Back... Backing up. - Boop, boop, boop.

Oh, my God.

When are you gonna go out for your school team, huh?

I don't know. Maybe in, like, five years when you die.

Oh, you're bad.

This fucking air.

Can you see the fires?

No. Just the smoke.

Whoa.

G, I can't believe they let you the fuck up here.

I've been volunteering since I was 11.

Come here.

Yes.

It's... It's a friendly ghost.

Chester!

What?!

Do you want to go to Greta's house for food?!

Okay!

I said to chop them finely.

What do you think I'm doing here, woman?

The only fine thing I see is you.

You just cheated!

Tell me how.

Y-You think I'm smart enough to cheat a computer?

Riley, I'm loving your Instagram.

Aw, so sweet.

You showed her?

I mean, you are an artist, lady.

Why are you on private?

You could blow the fuck up, get that sponsorship money.

I don't know. Parents are pretty weird about kids posting nudes.

Well, Ana won't post nudes, she won't send nudes.

She thinks the government's reading her texts.

You don't think they're watching right now?

You're not in your immigrant mind-set.

Amor.

What grade are you in?

I'm in fourth grade, but today we didn't have any school

because everything's on fire.

Yeah, same.

What are you guys making?

Well, I was gonna make tripas,

but I think we're just gonna have fajitas and chile relleno.

Mm. How do you make that?

Um, well, you have to put, like, cheese inside...

Cut open the chilies, take the seeds out.

Oh, yeah. Put the cheese inside the chilies.

At least Sela's not cooking, huh?

Say what you want about my sister,

but she makes some bomb-ass tripas, okay?

Disgusting!

- See? Nope. - Callate boba.

If Greta's mom was here, I'd have her make it for you.

If my mom was here?

This apartment would be way cleaner.

- Oh. - If your mom was here,

that Kristen Stewart poster in your room would be up your ass!

Kristen Stewart? For real?

- "Twilight" is good! - "Twilight" is amazing.

Ay.

She's in a pain in my ass, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Are you going on this trip to San Francisco, too?

Yeah, I think we're going to see "Paris is Burning."

With, like, Jennie Livingston talking or something.

So, you're gonna be spending the night

in a hotel room with my niece?

Um... well, uh...

And what about tonight?

Um, I think t-tonight,

we were just talking about maybe going back to my house.

Yeah. I was gonna show them some of my photography stuff.

Your photography "stuff"?

What exactly are your intentions here?

Oh, uh... I mean, no.

Like, I think we're just gonna hang out or whatever.

It's not, um...

Maybe go swimming.

You think you're gonna take this girl swimming in the night?

- Are you serious? - No, no. Like, no.

No.

Ana, can you stop?

What's going on?

Sorry.

That was hard to do with a straight face,

but this is the best part of motherhood.

I need you home tomorrow by noon to watch Miguel.

Have fun.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for having us.

Thank you.

Aww.

Thank you for feeding us.

It was so nice meeting you.

Aw, so nice meeting you, too.

- I like this. - Aww.

Come back soon. Watch "X-Files" with us.

The... Wait, the TV show?

It is a work of genius,

and I am not fucking kidding you.

Bye.

- Bye! - Bye-bye.

I'm obsessed with her.

- She's amazing. - I agree.

Raise your hand if you don't want this day to end.

Are you raising your hand, Greta?

Yeah.

Do you have to tell your parents when you get home?

Mnh-mnh.

Lucky.

They only really talk to me to talk shit about each other.

Or explain the difference

between a separation and a divorce.

Sorry, I didn't realize.

It's whatever.

It's cool how you made your bathroom into a darkroom.

Oh. Yeah. Thank you.

I, uh... I watched, uh, some documentary

about these photographers in France.

They had trunks with a ton of outfits in them,

and they would just have all their cool artist friends

dress up, and I was like, "I'm gonna do that, too."

Yes. My nonna used to take me to Ye Olde Pitchur Gallery

- at Knott's Berry Farm to do that. - Oh?

This is some sad Goodwill shit.

That was my uncle's.

He died before I was born.

Oh.

I'm so sorry.

He was an artist, too.

I mean, not... not "too."

Yeah. Too.

Here we go.

Now we getting to good Out of the Closet type shit.

Greta, you would rock this.

Yes.

And this.

- Yes. Yes! - Yes.

Oh, shit.

Your uncle was gay.

Oh, my God.

You wear this coat so well.

Mm-hmm. I know.

Wow. Wow.

Open it up for me. Yes. Yes.

What are you doing, Mormon?

Take off your clothes or you're gonna look bulky as fuck.

We need clean lines.

Let's do one on the ground.

Get low, get low, get low.

Amazing.

Okay.

One facing just straight... straight towards me.

Oh, my God. You look so good.

- Oh, my God. - Wow.

- Oh, my God. - You look so good.

Okay. Stand here.

All right. Both hands on the cane,

spread your feet a little bit.

Power stance.

Yes.

Iconic duo.

You guys look so good.

Good, good, good.

Give me sex.

Yes. Give me lust.

Fuck that camera.

- Stop it. - Okay, sorry. Sorry.

Look at the camera like you want to take it to a nice dinner

and then out to the theater,

and then fuck it.

Here, Greta. Come over here.

Stand on this ledge.

Okay.

Oh, my God. The light is so good.

Yes, just like that.

Yes.

Here, use the camera.

Yes.

Yes.

So good.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

Beautiful.

You look so fucking cool.

I usually hate getting my picture taken.

Not tonight.

Yeah.

Not... by you.

You guys are spending the night, right?

Yeah, but y'all are crowding me

with your pointy girl-asses, so I'm taking the floor.

Do you like this?

Definitely.

She shouldn't have done the milkshake.

Should we go to sleep?

Night, my bitches.

- Good night. - Good night.

I loved today.

Mm.

How'd your parents say good night to you?

They didn't. I just went to sleep.

Just regular, like, my mom would just say good night.

My mom would take weird songs and make them into lullabies.

Like... "Bootylicious."

She'd make that work.

She could make everything work.

So?

What?

You know you're gonna do it.

I am living for Dom Greta.

♪ He could promise the moon and the stars above ♪

♪ Even if he promised me the world ♪

♪ Just remember I'm forever your girl ♪

♪ Hey, baby, could promise the world ♪

♪ Gotta remember ♪

♪ I'm forever your girl ♪

I saw you.

I saw you.

-- Subs by kinglouisxx -- for www.addic7ed.com