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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,164 The big new accessory with eyeglasses... 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,531 ...seems to be that strap that connects so you can take them on and off... 3 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:11,871 ...which I don't get because if you have glasses, isn't that because... 4 00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:14,570 ...you need to wear glasses? 5 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:16,739 "You need glasses." Isn't that what they say? 6 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:18,349 An eye doctor doesn't say: 7 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:21,009 "Would you care for some glasses?" 8 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:25,782 People with crutches don't have a chain attached to their belt... 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,588 ...so they can just let go of them every now and then. 10 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:32,357 Why not get a toupee with a rubber band for water-skiing? 11 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,432 The thing could just... 12 00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:43,772 Hey, George. 13 00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,571 Gary? 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,445 Where the hell have you been? 15 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,378 I've been leaving messages for months. 16 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,711 - I know, I've been busy. - Don't give me busy. 17 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:57,152 Who's not busy? I'm busy. We're all busy. Everybody's busy. 18 00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,951 All right. Tell me. What's kept you so busy? 19 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,855 Mostly chemotherapy. 20 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,791 Hey, I'll see you. 21 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,326 Hey, pig! 22 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,499 Hey, hey, hey! 23 00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,006 So you called the cop a pig? 24 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,171 I was yelling at the litterbug. 25 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:23,713 I mean, this is my town. 26 00:01:23,883 --> 00:01:27,011 You don't throw trash on the streets of my town. 27 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,087 So, didn't you explain that to the cop? 28 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,587 No, I fled the scene. 29 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,393 - Hey. - Hey. 30 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,529 Kramer, I need to talk to Jerry privately. 31 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,129 What about? 32 00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,664 - Kramer. - Oh, come on, George... 33 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:49,240 ...you can share it with me. 34 00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,934 - You're hurting me. - You gonna share with me next time? 35 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:56,549 - Sure. I swear. - All right. I'm looking forward to it. 36 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,723 All right, I got news. You ready? 37 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:14,496 - Gary Fogel had cancer. - Oh, yeah, I knew. 38 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,659 - You knew? How did you know? - He told me a few months ago. 39 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,236 Why did he tell you and not me? 40 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,966 - I don't know. - How are you closer to him than me? 41 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,175 - So is he okay? - Oh, yeah, he's fine. 42 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,280 He was in bad shape for a while, though. 43 00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,313 Really? How bad? Was he on his deathbed? 44 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,747 No, he was on his regular bed. 45 00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,584 So why didn't you tell me? 46 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:37,245 - He swore me to secrecy. - So? 47 00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:38,754 It's not like you're my wife. 48 00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,756 I still think you should've told me. 49 00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,360 You were better off not knowing. 50 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:45,191 It's not easy to deal with someone in a situation like this. 51 00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:48,163 I was so nice to him I almost made myself sick. 52 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,926 I'm gonna talk to him about this. 53 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,764 That's right. You let him have it. 54 00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:54,406 Who is he not to tell you about his life-threatening illness? 55 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,838 - That's what I'm saying. - His illness is your business. 56 00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,002 - Lf not mine, whose? - Lf not now, when? 57 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,079 Were you just talking about me? 58 00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,183 No, an old friend of ours, Gary. 59 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,114 Oh, the guy with cancer? 60 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,947 You told her? She's not your wife. 61 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,182 If I told you, you would've given it away. 62 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:15,794 - You don't think I can keep a secret? - No, but he would have read your face. 63 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:20,093 - You don't trust my poker face? - Do you ever win at poker? 64 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,959 No. 65 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:27,297 Hey. Oh, I just saw your old boyfriend on TV. 66 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,100 - Jake Jarmel? - Yeah. 67 00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,903 I like those glasses he was wearing. Where'd he get those? 68 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,943 - Why? You don't wear glasses. - I know. 69 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,876 But I need a new look. I'm stagnating. 70 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:40,079 I have to say, as a glasses-wearer, I take exception to that. 71 00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:43,620 That's like me buying a wheelchair to cruise around in. 72 00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,224 Yeah, I've considered that. 73 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,327 Look, how do I get in touch with this guy? 74 00:03:49,629 --> 00:03:52,393 He's having a two-day book signing at Walders. 75 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,294 You know, we had a really bad breakup. 76 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,332 The Jujyfruits? 77 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,102 Yeah, the Jujyfruits. 78 00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,207 Okay, K-Man. 79 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:05,936 - Enjoy the book. - Thank you. Listen, Jake... 80 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,012 ...where did you get those eyeglass frames? 81 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,342 - I can't tell you. - You don't know where? 82 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,349 Yes, I do, but I don't want anyone else to have them. 83 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:16,420 Well, that's peculiar. 84 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,527 Oh, there's that woman that never talks to anybody. 85 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:23,985 Really? 86 00:04:24,163 --> 00:04:26,188 Every day she comes in and reads. 87 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:27,663 Never talks to anybody. 88 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,598 Oh, I spoke to Debby Biblow. She said to say hi. 89 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:32,263 Really? 90 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,506 Gary, I really have to say I'm a little bit hurt... 91 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:37,802 ...that you didn't decide to confide in me. 92 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,946 Well, frankly, you can't keep a secret. 93 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,709 You know, you'd get two pair, the whole table knows. 94 00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,374 Well, I still think it was wrong. 95 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:49,214 I'm sorry. All right? I guess I was just thinking of myself. 96 00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:51,084 Yes. 97 00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,350 So I called the litterbug a pig. Not you. 98 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:58,190 I like policemen. I wanted to be a policeman. 99 00:04:58,364 --> 00:05:00,298 Yeah, so why didn't you? 100 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,559 I'm scared of being shot. 101 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,664 Mr. Kramer, let me tell you a story. 102 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:10,832 In 1979, I ticketed a brown Dodge Diplomat for parking in a church zone. 103 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,841 That fine was never paid. 104 00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:16,038 And since then, that scofflaw has piled up more parking tickets... 105 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,046 ...than anyone in New York City. 106 00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:20,913 For 16 years I pursued him... 107 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:24,181 ...only to see him give me the slip time and time again. 108 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,655 I've never got a clean look at his face... 109 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:29,886 ...but he's become my white whale. 110 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,396 Mr. Kramer, that day was yesterday. 111 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:37,764 But thanks to you, I don't know if I'll every get that chance again. 112 00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,836 I like that eye patch. 113 00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,636 All right. I'm gonna move my car. My meter's up. 114 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,376 - You can't park in this city. - Hey. 115 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,414 George, you know that company I work for? 116 00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,449 They own the parking lot around the corner. 117 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:57,783 - Oh, that's a Kinney lot? - Yeah. There's a space opening and... 118 00:05:57,957 --> 00:06:00,152 ...I could get it for you. You'd just pay tax. 119 00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:02,021 It'd be, like, 50 a month. 120 00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,522 Fifty bucks a month? That's incredible. 121 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,028 Okay. Thanks. 122 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,928 I got lunch, all right? 123 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,391 Still owe me a secret. 124 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:15,004 All right, there is something I haven't told you. 125 00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:18,371 - Yeah? - But you can't tell Jerry. 126 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:22,941 What do you think, I tell Jerry everything? It's not like he's my wife. 127 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,373 Okay. Well... 128 00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:28,210 ...the thing is I've been living a lie. 129 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,315 Just one? I'm living, like, 20. 130 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,487 What's yours? 131 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:36,389 Well, I... 132 00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,564 I never actually had cancer. 133 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,427 I'll see you. 134 00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,202 So he refused to tell you where he got the glasses? 135 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:47,896 Flat out refused. 136 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,338 Yeah, isn't that just like him? 137 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,944 You know, he has to be the only one who has them. 138 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,603 Yeah, tell me about it, soul sister. 139 00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:59,183 - Anyway, I told Jake that you said hi. - What? 140 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,318 - You told Jake I said hi? - Yeah. 141 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:05,252 I can't believe you did that. Why did you tell him I said hi? 142 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,757 I never said hi. When did I say hi? 143 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,054 - I never heard her say hi. - It's common courtesy. 144 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:14,563 No, no, Kramer. You don't understand. He made the last contact between us. 145 00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:18,636 I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. 146 00:07:19,138 --> 00:07:22,596 If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand. 147 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,538 It's like a game of tag. 148 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,942 - Where are you going? - Nowhere. 149 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,013 You're going to the bookstore to see Jake. 150 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,479 - So what if I do? - Listen... 151 00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:34,177 ...if you're going, you can get him to tell you where he got those glasses. 152 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,116 Elaine! 153 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,089 Hey. 154 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:42,693 - How'd it go with Gary? - Fine. Fine. 155 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:47,193 - Really? - Yeah. 156 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:53,670 - Looks like something's on your mind. - No, nothing. I'm fine. 157 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,534 So that's your poker face. 158 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,848 - A regular face. - No, it isn't. 159 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,279 I've seen your regular face. That is not it. 160 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,120 What are you saying? 161 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,756 All right, George, come on. What do you got? 162 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:15,390 - I got nothing. - What do got? A pair of bullets? 163 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,728 What are you talking about? 164 00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,330 Two pair? Three of a kind? 165 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:23,196 - Will you stop it? - Oh, my God. You got a flush. 166 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:26,003 - You're holding a flush. - I don't have a flush. 167 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,902 A full house? You got a full house? 168 00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:33,177 Turn them over, George. I wanna see them. Come on. I'm calling. 169 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,043 - What do you got? - Gary Fogel never had cancer! 170 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:45,580 So you see, Kramer took it upon himself to say hi to you for me... 171 00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:48,522 ...when in fact, it was an unauthorized hi. 172 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,855 - You didn't say hi? - That's what I'm saying. 173 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,021 - That's what you came to tell me? - Correct. 174 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,860 - You never said hi. - Correct. 175 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,025 - You still like me, don't you? - Correct. What? 176 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,763 Hey, I have been trying to get this book signed all day. 177 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:04,103 How can you say that I still like you when I didn't even say hi to you? 178 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,268 Coming down to say that you didn't say hi... 179 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,709 ...is more of a gesture than if you did say hi. 180 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,039 Jake... 181 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,113 The doctors thought he had cancer... 182 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,779 ...but the surgery revealed he never actually had it. 183 00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,016 - So, what was wrong with him? - Nothing. 184 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,784 He's been lying to me for two months? 185 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,930 - That's right. - What kind of person is this? 186 00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:28,533 There's one other person who might do something like this, and that's you. 187 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,231 - Well... - I don't even think you could do it. 188 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,338 No, I could do it. 189 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:36,339 - Yeah, I guess you could. - Come on. 190 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,337 He was so worried about losing more hair with chemo treatments... 191 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:44,313 ...I bought him an unlimited gift certificate at the Hair Team For Men... 192 00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,075 ...just to put his mind at ease? 193 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:47,749 - You did that? - Yeah! 194 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,651 - Oh, I can't wait to talk to this guy. - Wait! You can't say anything. 195 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:54,088 - Why not? - Because he'll know I told you. 196 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,661 Besides, he's giving me a parking spot around the corner for nothing. 197 00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,889 So because you're getting free parking... 198 00:10:00,066 --> 00:10:01,897 ...I gotta pretend this guy had cancer? 199 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,797 Yeah. 200 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,260 Well, I don't like it. 201 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,374 I don't like it one bit. And I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. 202 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,237 Maintain the same disposition. 203 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,708 You can't act any differently. You have to be nice. 204 00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:16,609 - Why didn't he tell me? - Because you were being so nice. 205 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,444 - I don't think I could be that nice. - You be nice! 206 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,734 Gary? 207 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,336 What do you think? 208 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,200 Check it out. 209 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:48,213 - Is that from my gift certificate? - Yeah, buddy. 210 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,315 You came through. You've been so nice. 211 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,213 Yeah, well, I'm glad you could take advantage. 212 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:56,753 Yeah. Hey, know what I'm thinking of doing? 213 00:10:56,922 --> 00:11:00,358 I'm getting rid of all my fillings because that mercury's toxic. 214 00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,994 - Hey, let me see your fillings. - I don't think so. 215 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:05,859 Oh, come on. Open up. Let me take a look. 216 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,366 You be nice. He's giving me a parking space. 217 00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:13,027 Parking space. Parking space. 218 00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,867 Well, what do you know. 219 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:23,573 - Hey, lookie there. You're loaded. - Okay. 220 00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:25,344 Hey, look who's over there. 221 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,409 Miss Cool Toes. 222 00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,187 Check this out, Jack. 223 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,225 Hey, buddy. 224 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,882 Hey. 225 00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:37,689 Look at you. What's this? 226 00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:41,094 - It's an eye patch. - You look like a pirate. 227 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,558 I wanna be a pirate. 228 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,837 - This is Gary. - How are you doing? 229 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,238 Well, I tell you, there's only one problem. 230 00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:02,449 Can't see on your right side? 231 00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:06,253 No. It's itchy. 232 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,052 - Nice car. - Yeah. 233 00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:13,758 Once belonged to Jon Voight. 234 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,367 - Really? - Sure did. 235 00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:23,566 So, what made you just call me out of the blue like that? 236 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:28,612 Oh, well, Gary told me you said hi. 237 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,942 - I didn't say hi. - You didn't? 238 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:37,488 No, I told him to send you my regards. I didn't say hi. 239 00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:41,417 - Regards? - Yeah, regards. 240 00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,332 Anyway, I admit I was dumb to go to the bookstore... 241 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,901 ...to tell him I didn't say hi, but he didn't have to act so smug. 242 00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:53,470 Oh, I hate smugness. Don't you hate smugness? 243 00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,608 Smugness is not a good quality. 244 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:59,174 Oh, my God, that man over there. 245 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:04,146 I think he's wearing glasses that look like Jake's. Pull over. Stop the car. 246 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:07,619 Here. I think I've got a way of getting back at my ex-boyfriend. 247 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,813 Good. Revenge is very good. 248 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,252 Excuse me. 249 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:16,826 - Excuse me. Excuse me. Sir, sir? - Yeah. 250 00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:21,296 If you don't mind my asking, could you tell me where you got your glasses? 251 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,934 - Malaysia. - Malaysia? 252 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,694 Yeah. 253 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:28,306 Look, I know this'll sound odd, but can I buy them from you? 254 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:33,509 Actually, I was gonna buy a new pair. But I can barely see without these. 255 00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:38,311 - Come on. - Well, these were expensive. 256 00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,508 Let's start the bidding. 257 00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,713 So you didn't think this was a date? 258 00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,551 No, not really. Why? Is it a date? 259 00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,124 I thought it was a date. 260 00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,489 No, it's not a date. 261 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,131 - What about the regards? - Regards don't mean anything. 262 00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,790 I mean, it's not like I said hi. 263 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,992 I mean, the fact is... 264 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,773 ...I shouldn't say anything. - No, tell me. 265 00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,501 - Can you keep a secret? - Me? Oh, yeah. 266 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:10,171 I never had feelings for Gary until he got sick. 267 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:16,185 But he was so brave and gained such a wonderful perspective on life. 268 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,284 I fell in love with him. 269 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,755 Yeah, he's got some perspective there. 270 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,890 - Hey, you know what the whip does? - What whip? 271 00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,623 The whip in the Senate and the House. 272 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,324 Well, in the old days when the senators didn't vote... 273 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:33,130 ...the way that the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them. 274 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:40,307 "You better vote the way we want you to, or there's gonna be big trouble." 275 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,415 She won't talk to anyone, huh? 276 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:48,280 Oh, no, she won't say a word to anybody. 277 00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:53,357 Well, she's talking a blue streak now, Jack. 278 00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:02,661 Well, well, the white whale. 279 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,627 Oh, look at this. There's no place to park around here. 280 00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,669 I don't know why they even sell cars here. 281 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,070 Don't complain. At least you have your health. 282 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,006 George, watch out for that man! 283 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:25,390 Hey, hey, get back here. 284 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,258 Newman? The white whale. 285 00:15:30,629 --> 00:15:32,824 Can you believe he sold his glasses on the street? 286 00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:37,526 Can you believe someone would lie about chemotherapy to get a wig? 287 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,197 - Would you do that? - No, definitely not. 288 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:43,341 I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. 289 00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,239 Know what else? He picked up that woman in the coffee shop. 290 00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:48,137 - The one who sits by herself? - Yeah. 291 00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,975 - How? - Because he was brimming... 292 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,380 ...with confidence from the toupee. - Really? 293 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:57,682 Debby told me she fell in love with him because he has perspective. 294 00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,017 She thinks a guy who lies about an illness... 295 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,490 ...so he can get some phony hair has perspective? 296 00:16:06,932 --> 00:16:09,400 - He picked her up? - Walked right over to her table. 297 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,659 Wow. 298 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:22,202 Jake. Jake, take a look. 299 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,848 See? You're not the only one who has them. I have them too. 300 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,851 - Where did you get those? - Malaysia. I was in the area. 301 00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:35,686 - Kramer. - Just drive. 302 00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,989 All right. Now you listen, and you listen good. 303 00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,064 I know who you are. 304 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,463 You're the scofflaw. 305 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:48,303 - What are you talking about? - Don't play dumb. It's me, Cosmo. 306 00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,532 All right, so it's me. So what? 307 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:54,509 You don't think I know how you're feeling every second of the day? 308 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,581 Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up... 309 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,378 ...sitting alone at night knowing they could be closing in. 310 00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:04,852 - I can't sleep, I tell you. I can't sleep. - Of course you can't, you poor sap. 311 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,788 - Why didn't you tell me? - I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone. 312 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,053 So you've been living this secret by yourself? 313 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,595 - It's been awful. - Yeah. 314 00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,497 I wanted to tell somebody. 315 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:19,296 - Help me, Kramer. Help me. - All right, I'm gonna help you. 316 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:22,702 I'll try some on, we'll see how they look. It's just hair. 317 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,809 Ever see what that looks like in the back? 318 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,740 You got natural curls on the bottom... 319 00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:29,642 ...and that big phony mat coming down on top of it. 320 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:32,579 Some look good. The ones that look good, you don't know about. 321 00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:35,345 What if you got involved with a woman? How do you tell her? 322 00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,853 The way they make them, I'll never have to tell her. 323 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:40,116 So you keep it a secret your whole life? 324 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,125 Then at your funeral, the mortician comes out, "Mrs. Costanza... 325 00:17:43,295 --> 00:17:45,559 ...I thought you might want this." 326 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:52,095 It's no secret that it's my dream to have my own publishing house. 327 00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:55,502 If this Jake Jarmel book does, you know, what I think it's gonna do... 328 00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:58,302 ...if I can get this whole thing off the ground, then... 329 00:17:58,477 --> 00:18:02,777 ...I think I'll have something for you. - Oh, Mr. Lippman. 330 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,450 That is so exciting. I mean, you have no idea... 331 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:10,145 ...how sick I am of running around town looking for socks. 332 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,580 By the way, those are great glasses. 333 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,420 - Oh, really, you like them? - Very unusual. 334 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:17,255 - Well, you know what? - What? 335 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,862 - You can have them. - No, no. 336 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,828 No, no. Go to that place on the corner. 337 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,399 They'll change the prescription in an hour. Take them. 338 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:25,036 - Really? - I have no use for them. 339 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:26,466 - Honestly. - I could use... 340 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:29,471 ...a new pair of reading glasses. - They're from Malaysia. 341 00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:32,508 - Oh, yeah? - Fabulous. 342 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,570 Well, Mr. Newman, in all my years on the bench... 343 00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:40,809 ...I have never come across anything quite like this. 344 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:46,817 I have given this matter some serious consideration, and I've decided that... 345 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:51,929 ...what's best for the city and possibly yourself, is for you to keep your car... 346 00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:56,193 ...in a garage that is conveniently located next to your home. 347 00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:57,960 I can't afford that. 348 00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:01,137 Afford it you will, Mr. Newman... 349 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:05,675 ...or this court will see that your car is impounded and sold at auction. 350 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:08,904 Well, don't you worry, Your Honor. He's in my custody. 351 00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,480 Well, what do you think? 352 00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:21,250 I really can't say. 353 00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:25,253 - No, say. I want you to say. - It's not good, okay? 354 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,227 It's not good. 355 00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:28,696 You look... 356 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,266 ...stupid. 357 00:19:30,435 --> 00:19:31,766 I'm sorry. 358 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:35,434 You have to realize this has not been custom-fitted to his scalp. 359 00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,768 I really think this looks pretty good. 360 00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,002 Why not get white shoes, move to Miami Beach... 361 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,170 ...and get the whole thing over with? 362 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,052 Maybe you could show me something else. 363 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:52,156 As I said, it'll be different once we design something specifically for you. 364 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:54,849 But I don't think your friend here is being very helpful. 365 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,326 Oh, hey. I'm being helpful. I am the only one being helpful. 366 00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:01,159 I don't think you're being helpful! You're being disruptive. 367 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,893 You make it difficult for your friend to improve his life. 368 00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,594 I'm preventing him from becoming one of those guys... 369 00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,673 ...people snicker at because they look ridiculous. 370 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:12,036 No offense to you personally. 371 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,270 You people with hair think you're so superior. 372 00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:15,936 You have no idea what it's like. 373 00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:18,514 You ever look in the tub and see a fistful of hair? 374 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:19,912 Start your day with that! 375 00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,576 All right. Take it easy. Take it easy. 376 00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,312 I'm sorry. 377 00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:26,250 Please. 378 00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,663 Hey, Jerry. 379 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:34,262 George, you decided to get a rug. 380 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,958 Good for you, Jack. 381 00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,366 Well, I'm just looking, really. 382 00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:44,908 Tommy, I'm gonna need a little adjustment. 383 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,712 I'll be right with you. 384 00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:54,383 Listen, George, I got some bad news. 385 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,919 I'm not gonna be able to give you that parking space. 386 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,182 - What? - What? 387 00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,690 This judge has to use it for some scofflaw. 388 00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:04,522 And you know, you can't fight city hall. 389 00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,431 You know, Gary... 390 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,834 ...I had a little chat with George the other day. 391 00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:18,673 - You didn't! - I did. 392 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,744 And he told me that... 393 00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:23,540 - I'm not 100 percent recovered yet. - Give me that thing. 394 00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:43,159 How's your life? All right? 395 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,895 Yeah, not bad at all. 396 00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,511 And now, ladies and gentlemen of the press... 397 00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:09,923 ...it is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. Jake Jarmel. 398 00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:13,460 So, Jake, what's your percentage on this book? 399 00:22:13,632 --> 00:22:16,760 Actually, I have some very interesting information on that. 400 00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:19,768 - You know, this is a co-venture... - Where did you get those? 401 00:22:19,938 --> 00:22:21,599 - And as such it... - Those glasses. 402 00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:24,105 - Where did you get those glasses? - Where? 403 00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:27,109 Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke on me? 404 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:30,339 Because it's not very funny. Give me those. 405 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,881 - I want the glasses. Give me those. - Wait. Calm down. 406 00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:34,985 - Give me those. - Don't touch me! 407 00:22:35,153 --> 00:22:37,781 I'm gonna go look for some socks. 408 00:22:38,781 --> 00:22:48,781 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 32819

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