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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:05,001 Tennis is the only sport where the uniform is what you'd wear... 2 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,370 ...under your clothes in any other sport. 3 00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,600 You're actually out there in your underwear. 4 00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,405 Unless in the old days, they would wear those long pants... 5 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,947 ...and the big heavy sweaters. How long did it take them to get over that? 6 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,415 We're out here in the hot sun, running after a ball. 7 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,077 What exactly are we all dressed up for? 8 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,390 That's why they started keeping score like that. Point? 9 00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:29,517 You know what? Make it 15. I'm dying in this sweater here. 10 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,096 Another one got by me? Take another 10 points. 11 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,096 Let's just get this over with. 12 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,636 - Come on, let's go. - No, wait. I gotta go in here. 13 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,402 - I gotta pick up Mr. Pitt's racket. - What's it doing here? 14 00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,273 He wanted to have it re-strung. I need to pick that up. 15 00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,507 - Hello. - Oh, hi. 16 00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,776 - Jocelyn Landis from Doubleday. - Yes. 17 00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,819 I interviewed you for a position a couple of months ago. 18 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,321 Yes. The one I didn't get. 19 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,283 I was watching you play. 20 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:01,757 Oh, I'm not very good. 21 00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:05,762 No, you exhibited a lot of grace out there. 22 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:10,096 - Really? Grace? - Yes. So have you found anything yet? 23 00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:15,066 - No. Not really. - You know, you should keep in touch. 24 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,835 Something may be opening up in a few weeks. 25 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,713 Is that a Bruline? 26 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,576 Oh, Bruline. Newmars got the same one. 27 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,685 - Newman plays tennis? - He's fantastic. 28 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,912 Would you mind if I tried this out? 29 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,520 No. Take it. 30 00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:34,421 How will you get it back? 31 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,688 Well, I could come by your office and pick it up tomorrow. 32 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,264 That's so generous of you. Thanks. 33 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,896 - You loaned her Pitt's racket? - What could I do? 34 00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:47,505 She said there might be something for me at Doubleday. 35 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:50,939 Wouldrt that be great? I wouldn't have to work for Mr. Pitt anymore. 36 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:53,375 - I gotta get going. - Oh, okay. 37 00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,447 Next time let's play Ping-Pong. It's easier to jump over the net. 38 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,277 Yeah. 39 00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,713 - Bye. - Bye-bye. 40 00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,982 Have you noticed that she never laughs? 41 00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:09,119 - Really? - Yeah. Think about it. 42 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:15,495 You're not gonna believe this. There she is. Check that out. 43 00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,768 - You're dating this woman? - That's right. 44 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,841 George, you're becoming one of the glitterati. 45 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:27,837 - What's that? - You know, people who glitter. 46 00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:30,307 - She's a slim gal. - Yeah. 47 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,077 And the amazing thing is she eats like there's no tomorrow. 48 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,915 I've never seen an appetite like this. Desserts, everything. 49 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,320 - I don't know how she does it. - Maybe she's bulimic. 50 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,687 - What? - Bulimic, you know? 51 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,322 - Kramer, she's a model. - Exactly. 52 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:49,096 Well, I have noticed she does tend to go to the bathroom... 53 00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,169 ...right after we finish eating. - Yeah. 54 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,568 There you go, monkey boy. Come on. 55 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,105 That's so good. 56 00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,513 How's that? 57 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,353 Arert you hungry? 58 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,482 Just enjoying watching you. 59 00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:18,195 - So did you like the movie? - Yeah, it was okay. 60 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,629 Frankenstein didn't seem quite right to me. I missed the sport jacket. 61 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:26,569 Not that it was that nice of a jacket. I mean, it didn't fit him that well. 62 00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:29,970 To me there's just something about a monster in a blazer. 63 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,441 It shows at least he's making an effort. 64 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,739 That's funny. 65 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,046 I'm glad you enjoyed it. 66 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,984 I'm so full. 67 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,126 Yes. Full. Love to be full. 68 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:51,855 Love to just sit back, loosen the old belt and digest away for hours. 69 00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,965 Let those enzymes do their work. 70 00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,567 - Will you excuse me? - Where are you going? 71 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,432 - I just need to freshen up. - You're fresh. 72 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,803 You're very fresh. You seem very fresh to me. 73 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,912 You're very vital. I couldn't take you any fresher. 74 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,479 George, I need to freshen. 75 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,344 George? George? George! 76 00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:14,577 It was unbelievable. You were right. 77 00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,450 The jokes kept bouncing off her like Superman. 78 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,688 - See? What did I tell you? - Even when she did like something... 79 00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:24,489 ...she doesn't laugh. She says, "That's funny." 80 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,731 "That's funny." 81 00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,594 I gotta call that woman at Doubleday. 82 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,430 See when I can pick up Mr. Pitt's racket. 83 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,038 How could I be with someone that doesn't laugh? 84 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:38,041 It's like... Well, it's like something. 85 00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:43,378 Hello. Yeah, hi. Is Miss Landis there, please? 86 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,517 What? 87 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,018 Gosh. Okay. She'll be in later? 88 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,456 Okay. Thank you. 89 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,788 This guy said she hurt her arm playing tennis. 90 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,861 It's pretty bad. 91 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,463 Well, I heard a noise. 92 00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,674 - What noise? - You know: 93 00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,740 What...? 94 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,272 From the bathroom. 95 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:21,011 - You think she was refunding? - Every time we go out to eat... 96 00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:23,712 ...the minute we're done, she's running for the bathroom. 97 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:28,327 - So you're concerned? - Elaine, of course I'm concerned. 98 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,724 I'm paying for those meals. 99 00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,729 It's like throwing money down the toilet. 100 00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,025 - In a manner of speaking. - Right. 101 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:41,105 Let me digest it. Let me get my money's won'th. What would be good... 102 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,539 ...is if there was someone else in the bathroom that could tell me. 103 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,939 - Hey, here's your scrubber back, pal. - Oh, thanks. 104 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,309 Hey, maybe I could bribe one of those women... 105 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,644 ...that hand out the towels in the powder room. 106 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,310 - A matron? - Yeah. 107 00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:57,949 Well, I can't help you there. 108 00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,693 - What? - Nothing. 109 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,158 - You know a matron? - Me? 110 00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:04,819 - You. - No. 111 00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,022 - Kramer. - Look. Just leave me alone. 112 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,168 - Well, what is it? - Don't make me! 113 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,269 - What? - No, I can't, all right? I can't. 114 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:15,134 - Who? - My mother's a matron! 115 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,906 - Babs? - Yeah, there. All right? I said it. 116 00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,307 You satisfied? Anything else you wanna know? 117 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,711 Kramer, Kramer, I need to know if Nina is refunding. 118 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,579 - Look, George, I can't help you. - Well, why not? Why not? 119 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:30,052 Let go. Because I haven't talked to my mother in five years. 120 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:34,023 We just don't see eye to eye. I don't even wanna get into my childhood. 121 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,924 I'm still carrying a lot of pain. A lot of pain. 122 00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:40,657 - Come on, you could really help me. - I can't. 123 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,960 Kramer, you're gonna have to face her sometime. 124 00:06:47,673 --> 00:06:49,072 Hello? 125 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,746 Oh, my goodness. What happened? 126 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,312 I tore my humeral epicondylitis. 127 00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:04,246 The doctor said it may never fully heal. I may never play again. 128 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,156 - You'll be playing... - lf I can't play tennis... 129 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,158 ...I don't know what I'll do. 130 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,795 There are plenty of things you can do. There's chess... 131 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,096 ...and mahjong. 132 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,469 You don't know how lucky you are to be healthy. 133 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:25,406 - And biking and... - What am I going to do? 134 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,877 Could I...? 135 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:37,853 If I can't play tennis, I have no reason to live. 136 00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:47,799 You know, it's not important. I'm gonna... Okay. 137 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:52,336 Well, you know, take care of that condylitis. 138 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,743 Ma? 139 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,512 Cosmo. 140 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,224 Cosmo? 141 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:18,194 - Why didn't you just ask her for it? - I told you, I couldn't. 142 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:22,357 The woman was crying about how she might never play tennis again. 143 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,869 - Yeah. - Hidee-ho. 144 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,665 Come on up. 145 00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,671 Well, when do you have to get the racket back to Mr. Pitt? 146 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:35,007 He's got a big match tomorrow with Ethel Kennedy. 147 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:40,950 He needs a $300 Bruline to beat Ethel Kennedy? 148 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,519 He'll only play with his racket. 149 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,386 Why don't you wait till she's not there on her lunch hour... 150 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,529 ...and just take it? - That's stealing. 151 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,096 Stealing? You loaned her the racket. 152 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,257 I know. 153 00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,395 Hey. So, what happened with Kramer's mother? 154 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,473 It's all worked out. Nina and I are gonna have dinner Thursday... 155 00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,872 ...at the restaurant where Babs works. 156 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,377 - What's she like? - Oh, she's a Kramer. 157 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:13,474 And while I was there, I happened to pick up... 158 00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,986 ...another juicy little nugget about our friend. 159 00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:19,124 - I'm ready. What? - Come on. What is it? 160 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:23,384 - I got the first name. - What? 161 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,259 You found out Kramer's first name? 162 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:29,265 - That's right. You ready? - Yes, we're ready. 163 00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,302 I've been trying to get it out of him for 10 years. What is it? 164 00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,665 Cosmo. 165 00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,575 - Cosmo? - Cosmo? 166 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,879 - Cosmo. - Cosmo? 167 00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,587 Cosmo! 168 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,197 What's so funny? 169 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,267 What? 170 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,895 Cosmo? 171 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,006 All right, all right. Okay. 172 00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:14,112 So you know the name now. The cat is out of the bag. 173 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,143 I gotta hand it to you. 174 00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,251 You did a hell of a job keeping it a secret all these years. 175 00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:21,943 It's not such a bad name. 176 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,783 You know, all my life I've been running away from that name. 177 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,892 That's why I wouldn't tell anybody. But I been thinking about it. 178 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,995 All this time I'm trying not to be me. 179 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:34,860 I'm afraid to face who I was. But I'm Cosmo, Jerry. 180 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,696 I'm Cosmo Kramer, and that's who I'm gonna be. 181 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,771 From now on, I'm Cosmo. 182 00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,378 - Yes? - Hi, is Sandi here? 183 00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:53,314 Oh, hi. You must be Jerry. Sandi's in the shower. You wanna come in? 184 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,545 Well, I would except I forgot to bring a towel. 185 00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,893 So the roommate laughed at everything I said. 186 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:14,968 It was a great-sounding laugh too. Kind of lilting and feminine. 187 00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,836 None of those big, coarse "ha's." 188 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,670 - You know those? - Oh, yeah. 189 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,510 Hate the big, coarse "ha." I hate those. 190 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,808 And the worst part is that she also possessed... 191 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:28,420 ...many of the other qualities prized by the superficial man. 192 00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,551 I see. 193 00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:38,062 So as you can see, I've got a bit of a problem here. 194 00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:43,500 Well, if I hear you correctly, and I think that I do... 195 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,066 ...my advice to you is to finish your meal... 196 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,233 ...pay your check, leave here and never mention this to anyone again. 197 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,974 Can't be done, huh? 198 00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,215 - The switch? - The switch. 199 00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,284 Can't be done. 200 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,782 I wonder. 201 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,354 Do you realize in the entire history of Western civilization... 202 00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:09,289 ...no one successfully accomplished the roommate switch. 203 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,626 In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it. 204 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,095 They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages. 205 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,928 - How do you know? - For one thing... 206 00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,573 ...they didn't have apartments. 207 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:26,042 I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and 1200 somewhere... 208 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,305 ...there were two women living together. 209 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,472 The point is, I intend to undertake this. 210 00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:33,675 And I'll do it with or without you. So if you're scared... 211 00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:37,016 ...if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's get it out right now. 212 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:42,491 And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get onboard, and we can get to work. 213 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:44,561 Now, what's it gonna be? 214 00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,322 All right, damn it, I'm in. 215 00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:50,793 I couldn't do it without you. 216 00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,831 All right. Let's get to work. 217 00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,232 All right. 218 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,660 That's enough for today. 219 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,268 You're tired. Get some sleep. 220 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:31,432 - I'll see you first thing in the morning. - We can't do it. Who are we kidding? 221 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,340 It's impossible. It's true. You can't do the switch. 222 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:36,481 Nobody can do the switch. 223 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,585 It was a stupid idea to begin with. Let's face it. 224 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,880 I'm stuck with the non-laugher, and that's that. 225 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:46,491 - We'll come up with something. - Yeah. Sure we will. 226 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:48,993 See you tomorrow. 227 00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,506 I got it! 228 00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:11,913 All right. Let's go over it again one more time. 229 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:18,087 All right. So I tell Sandi that I wanna have a menage a trois... 230 00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:22,125 ...with her and her roommate. - That's right. 231 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:26,890 And you believe this course of action will have a two-pronged effect. 232 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:32,670 Firstly, the very mention of the idea will cause Sandi to recoil in disgust. 233 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:36,535 Whereupon, she will insist that I remove myself from the premises. 234 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,405 - Keep going. - At this point, it is inevitable... 235 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,409 ...that she will seek out the roommate... 236 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,141 ...to apprise her of this abhorrent turn of events. 237 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:48,912 - Continue. - The roommate will then offer... 238 00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:51,249 ...her friend the requisite sympathy... 239 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:55,553 ...even as part of her cannot help but feel somewhat flattered... 240 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,459 ...by her inclusion in the unusual request. 241 00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,399 A few days go by... 242 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:08,336 ...and a call is placed at a time when Sandi is known to be busy at work. 243 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:13,409 Once the initial awkwardness is relieved with a little playful humor... 244 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,742 ...which she, of course, cannot resist... 245 00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:21,947 ...an invitation to a friendly dinner is proffered. 246 00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,256 Well, it all sounds pretty good. 247 00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,217 There's only one flaw in it. 248 00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:32,796 They're roommates. She'd have to go out with me behind Sandi's back. 249 00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:35,092 She's not gonna do that. 250 00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,702 You disappoint me, my friend. 251 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,233 Sandi wants nothing to do with you. 252 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:47,812 She tells Laura, "If you wanna waste your time with that pervert... 253 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,274 ...that's your problem." 254 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,017 It's the perfect plan. 255 00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,218 So inspired, so devious, yet so simple. 256 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,892 This is what I do. 257 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,336 Can I help you? 258 00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,136 - No. I'm okay. - Then what are you doing... 259 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,975 ...with that racket? - It's mine. 260 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,947 - Ms. Landis borrowed it. - I'm sorry. You can't take that. 261 00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,212 - No, no, no. - No, no. I can. I can. 262 00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,653 - It's mine. It's my racket. - Look, I don't know who you are... 263 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,851 ...I don't know what you're doing... - Okay. I'm going. I'm going. 264 00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,861 - Not with that racket. - Give that to me. You give it. 265 00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,828 Give it to me. 266 00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,972 All right, all right. Forget it. But you don't have to mention any of this... 267 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,598 ...to Miss Landis, do you? - I don't have to, but I will. 268 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,446 - Hi, Cosmo. - Hi, Mr. Clotwon'thy. 269 00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,777 - How are you today? - Couldrt be better. 270 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,180 - Hi, Lorraine. - Hi, Cosmo. 271 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,877 - My mom, Babs. - Hi, Mrs. Kramer. 272 00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,751 - Lorraine. - Yes, it's a fine day. 273 00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:09,087 - What do you say, Cosmo? - Hey, everything, my man. 274 00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,928 - What? - I don't know the exact pronunciation... 275 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:18,934 ...but I believe it's "menage a trois." 276 00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,200 That is a wild idea. 277 00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:32,406 You know, Ma, I been thinking. I want you to quit that matron job. 278 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,745 Yes, well, isn't that just easy for you to say. 279 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,683 What the hell do you think I'm gonna do? 280 00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:39,756 Well, maybe we could go into business together, if you're clean. 281 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,319 I told you I've been clean for two years. 282 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:47,124 - Anyway, what would we do together. - I got plenty of ideas. 283 00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,961 I always believed in you, Cosmo. You know that. 284 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:54,335 So I want you to call that place today and tell them that you're through. 285 00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,265 - All right, I'll do it. - Yeah. 286 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,581 - So good. - So glad. 287 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,642 Excuse me, I've gotta freshen up. 288 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:10,619 And why shouldn't you? Be fresh. Stay fresh. 289 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,225 I'll be back. I'm really not feeling very well. 290 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,994 - Care to see our dessert menu? - Yeah. Do you know Babs? 291 00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,189 Oh, yeah. I was sorry to hear she left. 292 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,401 - Babs left? - Yeah. She quit today. 293 00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,616 What are you doing in here, George? 294 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:54,293 I was just wondering what it was you wanted for dessert? 295 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,369 How you feeling? 296 00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:14,908 - Hi, Newman. - Hi, Babs. 297 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,679 What are you doing? 298 00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:21,325 - Minding my own business. - You can't get into trouble that way. 299 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,393 What makes you think I'm looking for trouble? 300 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:29,000 From what I hear, you postmen don't have to look too far. 301 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:36,773 Well, you know, sometimes it just has a way of finding you. 302 00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,106 Cigarette? 303 00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,770 Don't mind if I do. 304 00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:50,354 Kramer. Kramer! 305 00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,989 - Hey. - What happened to Babs? 306 00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:57,253 She never showed up last night. The whole thing blew up in my face. 307 00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,953 That's a shame. 308 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:05,760 Hey, what happened with Sandi? I forgot all about it. Did you call her? 309 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,496 Yeah, I did. In fact, I went over there. 310 00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,767 So, what happened? Did she throw you out? 311 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,411 No, actually, she took it pretty well. 312 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,811 - So, what happened? - She's into it. 313 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,788 - Into what? - The menage. 314 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,891 And not only that, she just called me. 315 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,890 She told me she spoke with the roommate... 316 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,053 ...and the roommate's into the menage too. 317 00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:34,322 That's unbelievable. 318 00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,558 Oh, it's a scene, man. 319 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,297 Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God... 320 00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:45,466 ...that you know me and have access to my dementia? 321 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,376 What are you talking about? I'm not gonna do it. 322 00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,982 You're not gonna do it? What do you mean? 323 00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:54,880 I can't. I'm not an orgy guy. 324 00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,488 Are you crazy? 325 00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:02,383 This is like discovering plutonium by accident. 326 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,656 Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? 327 00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:09,926 It changes everything. I'd have to dress and act different. 328 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,162 I'd have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions... 329 00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,273 ...and get a new bedspread, new curtains. 330 00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,604 I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. 331 00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:23,142 Then I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends. 332 00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,910 No, I'm not ready for it. 333 00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:33,382 If only something like that could happen to me. 334 00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:35,517 Shut up. You couldn't do it either. 335 00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,593 I know. 336 00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:43,892 - Did you get your racket? - No. I got caught. 337 00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:47,672 - What do you mean, you got caught? - Her assistant caught me. 338 00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:50,501 I'm probably not gonna get a job. He's gonna tell Landis... 339 00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:52,667 ...that I was sneaking around her office. 340 00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:55,312 I still don't understand how you can get in trouble... 341 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,345 ...for taking your own racket. 342 00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:03,144 Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt's got this match with Ethel Kennedy this afternoon. 343 00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:04,983 - Hey. - Hey, Cosmo. 344 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,488 - Hi, Cosmo. - Thanks, buddy. 345 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:09,218 Hey, doesn't Newman have a Bruline racket? 346 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:12,653 Yeah, yeah. But he's on vacation. Went to Baltimore. 347 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:14,927 But you got the key to his place, right? 348 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:17,466 - Yeah. - Elaine needs to borrow his racket. 349 00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:19,228 - Just for today. - All right. Come on. 350 00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:21,167 I'll take you over to Newmars. 351 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,638 Hey, Cosmo! What happened to your mother last night? 352 00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,834 - She hung me out to dry. - She quit. 353 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,844 It would have been nice if somebody told me about it. 354 00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,048 I just think she could've said something, that's all. 355 00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:34,617 - Don't talk to me, George. Talk to her. - Where is she? 356 00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,117 I don't know. 357 00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:38,588 Ma! 358 00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,759 - Cosmo. - I'm sorry. We werert... We didn't... 359 00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:45,419 Cosmo? 360 00:22:46,419 --> 00:22:56,419 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 29224

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