All language subtitles for Sanford and Son - 02x24 - Rated X.DVDRip.Addic7ed.com.srt (English)

Lamont!

Lamont! Come on down.
I got your lunch ready.

Soup a la Fred.

Lamont, come on down!

Why'd you have to get
dressed up for lunch?

Now I gotta put napkins
on the table.

I hope it's something light, Pop.

I've gotta go someplace,
and I don't wanna eat too much.

Well, it's light,
but it's fillin'.

Cream of leftover meat loaf.

- What's cream of leftover meat loaf?
- Soup of the day.

I'm not eatin'
no soup that you made.

Listen, this soup is good.

It's not like out of the can.
It's homemade, and it's good.

You know, like that song?
M'm, m'm, good

M'm, m'm, good

Sanford's meat loaf soup is
m'm, m'm, good

I'm not eatin' it, 'cause you're always
lappin' in the soup.

Nobody don't wanna eat no soup
after you done lapped in it.

- I ain't been lappin' in it.
- Then how you know it's good?

I smelled it.

That's even worse.
Sniffin' in the soup.

Cream of dirty old man soup,
and I ain't eatin' it!

I spent half of the morning
over that hot stove...

and you ain't gonna eat this soup?

I told you I wasn't hungry.
I got something to do.

- That why you all dressed up?
- Yeah.

I got a very important
interview this afternoon.

- What kind of interview?
- I'll tell you if you promise...

not to go blabbing it
all over the neighborhood.

My lips are locked.

I'm goin' to see a man
about gettin' a part in a movie.

It's one of them low-budget fiIms
done by an independent fiIm company...

and they pay you $50 a day.

Once the fiIm comes out,
I could be discovered.

Now tell me the one about
Goldilocks and the three bears.

Why don't you believe me?

Same reason I don't believe in
the Easter Bunny. I got good sense.

That's the very thing
that makes me mad at you, Pop.

Any old dog or cat could
come in here off the street...

and tell you he was startin'
a movie career...

and you'd be askin' him
for an autograph.

But let me,
your own flesh and blood...

tell you the same thing,
and you put me down.

- It's not right.
- Any old dog or cat could have talent.

And I suppose
I don't have no talent, huh?

You ain't got talent to be a junk man.
Maybe you could be a movie star.

You see that?

That's why I don't eat soup
that you make...

'cause you always
lappin' in it!

I ain't lappin' in it.
You ain't gonna eat none?

- No.
- Then I was lappin' in it.

Say, what was
this movie about, anyway?

I don't know. I'm going to meet
with the director and the producer.

In fact, Rollo should have
been here ten minutes ago.

What? Rollo?
Did you say Rollo?

Yeah, he's the one
that told me about it.

If you and Rollo gonna be in a movie,
I got the perfect name for it.

"Super Dummies. "

I'm not gonna be
a dummy much longer.

Listen, as long as there's a Rollo,
you'll be a dummy.

He takes advantage of you
'cause you got an empty head.

Your head is empty. That's why you
make a good pair. Rollo and Hollow.

- I don't wanna talk about it no more.
- Good.

- I ain't gonna say no more about it.
- Thank you.

- You got into this on your own.
- Right.

I ain't gonna tell you
what I'm thinkin'.

Good.

I think you're a bigger fool
than I thought you were.

What's the matter with you?

Come on in, Rollo.

Is that Rollo? I didn't know
you came out in the daytime.

Come on. Let's get outta here.
Oh, listen.

I don't have a picture of myself.
You think I'm gonna need one?

I hope not, 'cause I ain't got
a picture of myself either.

Rollo, why don't you go down
to the post office...

and take one of your pictures
down off the wall?

- Come on. Let's go.
- Wait. I ain't through talkin' yet.

Listen, Rollo,
I don't like the way...

you're always gettin' my son
messed up in your crazy schemes.

Hey, Pops! This movie
don't fall into that category.

This movie's
on the for real side, jack.

- You ain't got to explain to him.
- Yes, I do.

Ajoke is a joke, but why you treat me
like a criminal when I come here?

'Cause I want you
to feel at home.

Man, you behind the times,
Mr. Sanford.

This is the golden age of fiImmaking
for the black man.

Those studios
are searchin' high and low...

for star material
like myself and Lamont.

That's right, Pop.
Black is very profitable right now.

Studios in Hollywood
is comin' out with black fiIms...

faster than cars are comin' off
the assembly lines.

From what I've seen
of some of'em...

they oughta send 'em back
for correction...

like they do them cars
that come off the assembly line.

In the old days, movies were movies,
and stars were stars.

Louise Beavers,
Rex Ingram, Lena Horne.

But nowadays, any fool
they cut loose from a football team...

right away they stick him in front
of a camera and call it a movie.

You got to crawl
before you walk, jack.

Personally, I'm happy to be numbered
among the brothers...

- taking these great strides forward.
- Me too.

Even if I don't make it,
it won't be because I didn't try.

I don't plan to spend my life
pumpin' gas and changin' oil.

I don't plan to spend my life
sellin'junk.

Then why don't you pump gas and oil
and you go sell junk?

- Let's get outta here.
- Wait a minute.

I wanna show your old man
this ain't jive nonsense we into.

What is that, a summons?

This is our passport out of the valley
of the shadow of poverty...

and straight into the splendor
that is Beverly Hills.

And up the river
to the penitentiary.

Hey, come on, man.
Let's get in the wind.

There they go, Frick and Frack.
Two big-time movie stars.

"Wanted"...

That sound like Rollo already.

"Wanted: Black movie actors
and actresses...

for exciting fiIm by revolutionary,
independent fiIm company.

Yes, that means you,
Mister and Miss Untapped Talent.

Are you tired
of a lackluster life?

This is your chance
to take your rightful place...

with the stars and celebrities that
you've watched through the years.

You too can be a movie star.
No previous experience needed. "

Well, them two dummies
can be a movie star, so can I.

And they don't have
the profile I got.

And I know I can act.
Ronald Colman.

If I were king...

the stars
would be your jury...

and the sun
would be your light.

If I were king.

Charles Laughton.
Come here, Mr. Christian!

Yeah. Come on in.

Can I help you?

My son, Lamont Sanford,
and his friend came down here.

He left this with me in case
I wanted to get in a movie too.

You must mean those two guys
that just got here.

Wait a minute.
Sit down.

Hello, Don?

Yeah. Can you
come in here a minute?

- So you wanna be in pictures, huh?
- Yes.

You ever done any acting?

I played Santa Claus
in a pageant back in St. Louis.

- No fooling.
- I still remember some of the words.

'Twas the night
before Christmas...

and all through the house...

not a creature was stirring,
not even a rat.

Isn't that "mouse"?

Rat. This pageant
was in the ghetto.

Don, this gentleman here
would like to work in pictures with us.

Don's our director.
What do you think?

I think we could find
a place for him.

Let me see.
The harem scene.

Wouldn't he be delicious?

Yeah, yeah.
Good thinkin', Don.

Yeah, that's good thinkin', Don.
What am I supposed to do now?

Go right through that door and relax
with your son and his friend.

- We'll be right with you.
- Okay. Say, listen.

You want me to shave my beard off?
I'll shave if you want me to.

No. You're absolutely perfect
just the way you are.

I am, ain't I?

Well, look who's here?
Rock and Tab.

Oh, no. What are you doing here?
Did you follow us?

No, the man said that
he could definitely use me...

and that I was perfect.

And you know,
that director said I was delicious.

You know, I think that director is...

- Rollo, come here, man.
- What?

What kind of movie can this be
if they're gonna use him?

I don't know. Maybe they just
gonna use him for the crowd scene.

All right, gentlemen.
Don, let's go.

Yes. Now, gentlemen, would you
kindly undress down to your shorts?

- Yeah, sure.
- Sure. Okay.

Did you say for us
to get undressed?

Maybe it's just for our costumes,
right, jack?

I'm sorry.
You haven't seen the script yet.

It's basically skeletal.
We do a lot of improvisations.

Why don't you take a look
at the script yourself?

Oh, yeah, that's... spiffy.

What kind of movie is this?
Ain't nobody got no clothes on.

Now you're gettin' it.

I ain't gettin' nothin'
but the hell outta here.

Yeah, come on, Rollo.

Why didn't you tell us
this was gonna be a nudie?

I ain't gonna be in no naked movie.
I ain't no nudie.

You're already here.
What do you got to lose?

You gonna lose about 19 of your teeth
if you don't shut up!

- Come on.
- Come on, Pop. Forget it, man.

- Just forget it.
- Hold on! Don't anybody move!

You're all under arrest!

Wait a minute, Officer.
What's the charge?

The charge is taking part
in a pornographic movie.

- What?
- Come on! Out! Move!

You too! Let's go!

Oh, I feel a big one!

I'm comin' to join you, Elizabeth!

You hear that?
But shut your eyes, honey!

It's a nudie rap!

Let me outta here, you hear that?
Let me outta here!

Hey, let me outta here!

Ajailbird.

A 65-year-old jailbird.

I'll bet you they cut off
my Social Security.

Relax, Pop.

Mr. Sanford, you better calm down.
Don't let this place get to you.

Pretty soon you'll be stir-crazy.
Then they'll throw you in the hole.

You mean like they did Paul Muni
in I Was a Fugitive from a Chain Gang?

- That's it.
- I couldn't take that.

Hey! Let me outta here!
I'm innocent!

I didn't do nothin'!
Let me outta here!

You just wait until Ralph Abernathy
finds out about this!

- Let me outta here!
- Pop, quiet down.

- Let me out!
- Knock it off!

- I wanna get outta here.
- Say, old dude, what's wrong with you?

Why don't you cancel
all this noise you're making?

Can't even hear
my radio for you.

Listen, I'm a real sick man.

I got to get out so I can get
to my medicine, else I'll go like this.

I mean, like this.

- So?
- "So"? Is that all you can say?

What kind of brother are you?
You must be a West Indian.

What do you want me to do?

Let me outta here
so I can make my one phone call.

What one phone call
is that, old dude?

The one phone call you get to make
when you get arrested.

If you'd been watching Perry Mason,
you'd know what I'm talkin' about.

He's right.
We do get to make one phone call.

Okay, I'll let you make
your one phone call if you be quiet.

Good.

Say, Pop, look.
I'll make the phone call, okay?

See, I was just
gonna call Sparitoba.

- You know, Bubba's friend Sparitoba?
- Who's Sparitoba?

He's a part-time lawyer and deliveryman
down at Leo's Barbecue.

Today is Friday, so he'll be out there
delivering at Leo's Barbecue today.

Never mind, Pop.
I know who to call, okay?

- I'll be right back.
- You can say that again, jack.

Say, listen here.
Where's the men's room?

Just turn around
and aim yourself in that direction.

- There?
- There.

That's it?

Yeah. What did you think it was,
a goldfish bowl?

Well... it's all out in the open.

I ain't gonna never
be able to use that.

I hope you don't get
too long a sentence then.

Say, listen,
gimme a cigarette, will you?

I ain't got any.
I thought you quit smoking anyway.

I did, but when I get upset,
I gotta have me a cigarette.

Anybody here got a cigarette?

- Oh, Mr. Sanford.
- Yeah, who is that?

Over here, Mr. Sanford,
in the next cell.

What you want?

I heard you asking for a cigarette,
and I thought I'd offer you one.

- I don't know if these are your brand.
- Any brand is all right...

as long as it ain't none of
that Acapulco artichoke.

This could be very disconcerting
the first time around.

Sometimes you just need someone
to hold your hand, so to speak.

A man could get locked up here
away from loved ones and sweethearts.

It could get very lonely
after a few weeks.

I'm sorry.
Here's my lighter.

Here's your cigarette
and your lighter.

- What happened?
- Everything's cool.

I called Aunt Esther.
She's on the way over here.

Esther? You called
Aunt Esther up?

Now everybody in town
is gonna know about this!

- Is Aunt Esther a talker?
- Is she a talker?

Her mouth's so big, you can
put your head in it with your hat on.

Pop, we need Aunt Esther.

She's the one
with the habeas corpus.

Yeah, she got
a big one of them too.

You don't want Esther to get us
out of here? You wanna stay in here?

Maybe, if they give me
a cell with a decent toilet.

Dinner is served.

This is dinner?

There's a fried bologna sandwich
on toast, hot...

warm milk,
Tootsie Roll Pops...

and I'll warm that up
for you if you want me to.

No? Well, bon app�tit, amigos.

Why, you...

I can't eat this here.
I'm goin' on a hunger strike.

You hear that, City Hall?
I'm goin' on a hunger strike!

Pop! Would you quiet down?
That's not gonna help.

I can't eat no sandwiches.
Sandwiches make me burp.

Eat your Tootsie Roll Pop, Pop.
That's good.

What a way to spend
my last days...

sittin' between two dummies,
suckin' on a Tootsie Roll Pop.

Well, here they are, ma'am.
Winkin', Blinkin' and Nod.

Aunt Esther,
are we glad to see you.

Well, I'm sure not glad to see you,
at least not in jail.

Why don't you shut up, Esther.

You just keep suckin'
on that sucker, sucker.

And when I pull your chain,
you bark.

Otherwise, don't you say nothin'.

Lamont Sanford,
I'm ashamed of you.

If your mother was alive to see you now,
this would break her heart.

This would kill her.

Hey, you over there.

Aren't you Rita Larson's boy Rollo?

- Yes, ma'am.
- Just wait till Rita hears about this.

It's gonna break her heart.

Aunt Esther, are you gonna
help us get outta here?

They're checkin' it out upstairs.

Fred Sanford, I'm glad my sister
isn't here to see this...

and see the awful stain
you put on our family.

Listen, Esther,
I didn't put no stain on your family.

Your family was stained
when I met you-all.

- Don't you talk about my family!
- I'll talk about your family.

Every time a baby was born,
they had that ugly stain on 'em.

That's right.
That ugly stain.

Even Ajax couldn't do nothin'
with a stain like that.

How dare you say something
like that about my family!

Why, you bean-eatin' bear hugger!

- Don't you call me that!
- I'm gonna beat your brains in!

Don't you talk about my family!

Wait a minute, lady.
Just a minute. Please!

Lady, just a minute.
Please! Whew!

All right, now.

Fred Sanford, Lamont Sanford
and Rollo Larson.

- Yeah, that's us.
- You're the men who were brought in...

in conjunction with a raid
on a pornographic fiIm factory, right?

Yeah, but it was...
We were framed! We're innocent!

Wait a minute, Pop.
Don't spoil it for us.

Yeah, shut your double-breasted lips!

- Lady...
- You dirty old man!

Guilt is written all over
your lecherous face!

- Will you hold it, please?
- You shut your big...

Quiet, quiet.

- Lady, hold it!
- Don't you tell me to shut up!

I'll shut up when I get ready!
You don't tell me to shut up!

Wait a minute.
Thank you.

We can get this thing
all cleared up right away.

Now, I'm sorry if your detention
has inconvenienced you gentlemen...

but we had to check out your story,
and you've been exonerated.

- Hey, beautiful!
- Can we get outta here now, Lieutenant?

That's right.
Let 'em go.

- Wait a minute.
- What?

- Don't let 'em out yet.
- What?

- I got somethin' to say to 'em.
- Can't you say it out on the street?

These heathens ain't gonna
stand still to listen to this.

Isaiah, chapter 42, verses 5 to 7.

Don't tell me...

"Thus said God the Lord, I the Lord
have called you in righteousness...

to bring out the prisoners...

and them that sit in darkness
out of the prison house. "

I don't hear no amen in there.

Can I get an amen
for chapter 42?

- Amen.
- Amen. Let us get on outta here.

Well, all right. Let me hear somethin'
if you wanna get out.

You're not the only one
that knows something about the Bible.

Remember this:
He who keep runnin' thy lipeth...

will get their lipeth spliteth
with one of these!

And one of those!

It's been a long, hard day.
I think I'm gonna turn in, Pop.

You hear what I said?
What are you reading?

Huh? I'm lookin'
at the movie section.

You think those porno movies
ain't big these days?

Listen. They all over the place.
Look at these.

"Nurse's Night Out.
Frank, daring and bold. "

And here's another one.
"Sweets from Sweden.

No one under 40 admitted. "

And here's another one.
"Sex on the High Seas.

The story of a man,
a woman and a fish. "

- They're disgustin', ain't they?
- Yeah.

A lot of people are gettin' uptight
about them pictures.

They've been condemned
in a lot of places.

They should be.

- I'd be the first one to condemn 'em.
- Do what you want to do.

- I'm goin' to bed.
- You think I won't?

You betcha I'll call somebody.
Nurse's Night Out.

Sweets from Sweden.

High seas and all that.
What happened to old family movies?

Like Mickey Rooney in them
Andy Hardy pictures, stuff like that.

Nobody don't play
that stuff no more.

Hello.

This the Paradise Theater?

Yeah. Well, listen.

You showin' a picture tonight
called Nurse's Night Out?

What are you doing showing that kind
of movie in a neighborhood theater?

What? It shows what?

They are?

They do?

Well, listen,
what time the next one start?

Yeah. Okay.

I gotta go down and see 'em
before I can condemn 'em.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.