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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:04,467 - I'M JUST EXPECTING A TEXT FROM BRETT. 2 00:00:04,467 --> 00:00:06,367 - MAYBE BE MATURE AND TEXT HIM. 3 00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,127 - YOU NEED SOME CAREER ADVICE? 4 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,133 - RIGHT NOW I'M, LIKE, A RECEPTIONIST. 5 00:00:10,133 --> 00:00:11,433 - MAYBE I KNOW SOMEONE WHO COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR. 6 00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:12,533 - WE HAD THIS AMAZING NIGHT, 7 00:00:12,533 --> 00:00:13,573 AND THEN SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME. 8 00:00:13,567 --> 00:00:14,967 - SEE YOU AROUND. 9 00:00:14,967 --> 00:00:16,897 - I KEEP WONDERING, DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? 10 00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:23,867 both: * YOU'RE THE MOON IN MY CLOUDLESS SKY * 11 00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:28,367 * YOUR EYES ARE MY ULTIMATE LULLABY * 12 00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:29,897 - THEIR LOVE MAKES ME ANGRY. 13 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,670 - I WANT TO BREAK THAT TINY BANJO. 14 00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:32,827 [phone beeps] 15 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,833 - AH, BRETT. 16 00:00:34,833 --> 00:00:36,303 IT'S THAT MAGICAL TIME OF NIGHT 17 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,830 BETWEEN HIS THIRD AND FOURTH BEER 18 00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:40,373 WHERE I SEEM LIKE THE BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD. 19 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,497 - SO WHAT'S THE LATEST? 20 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,700 IS BRETT YOUR ULTIMATE LULLABY? 21 00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:45,800 - UH, MORE LIKE MY FOR-NOW SLOW JAM. 22 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,530 WE HOOK UP, A FEW NIGHTS GO BY, 23 00:00:47,533 --> 00:00:51,003 AND IF THE CELL RECEPTION IS JUST RIGHT, WE DO IT AGAIN. 24 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,630 WASH, RINSE, REPEAT. 25 00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,473 - MORE LIKE PINE, OVERTHINK, AND REPEAT. 26 00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:55,527 - UH, NO. 27 00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,173 I DON'T PINE. - OH. 28 00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:58,897 YOU PINE. YOU'RE A PINE TREE. 29 00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,600 I COULD PUT PRESENTS UNDER YOU. 30 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,870 - UH, NO. BRETT AND I ARE SUPER CASUAL AND ADULT. 31 00:01:02,867 --> 00:01:04,967 I THINK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU 32 00:01:04,967 --> 00:01:06,467 AND THE GIRL WHO STOLE YOUR PANTS. 33 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,227 - YEAH, I WAS TRYING NOT TO OBSESS ABOUT JANE, 34 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:10,103 BUT LAST NIGHT I ORDERED THAI 35 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,630 FROM THE PLACE SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME WITH-- 36 00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:14,103 I KNEW IT WOULD REOPEN OLD WOUNDS, BUT... 37 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,730 OH, THE DUMPLINGS ARE REALLY GOOD. 38 00:01:15,733 --> 00:01:17,703 - CRAPSICLE-- LENCH, 11 O'CLOCK. 39 00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,100 - YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO O'CLOCKS. 40 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,930 - BEHIND YOU, CHATTING UP FRANKEN-[bleep]. 41 00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,633 COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE IT SEES US. 42 00:01:22,633 --> 00:01:24,273 - WAIT. I SHOULD REALLY GO TALK TO HIM. 43 00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:26,267 - [groans] - HE NEVER GOT BACK TO ME 44 00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:30,227 ABOUT HIS JOB CONNECTIONS. FIVE MINUTES. 45 00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:31,473 HEY, LENCH. 46 00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:35,097 - J-BONE, HEY, LONG TIME. TINA. 47 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,800 - YEAH, I'M OUT. 48 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,400 - SO, UH, WHO'S YOUR LADY FRIEND? 49 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,630 - OH, THIS IS SAMBA-ANN. 50 00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:43,933 SHE'S MY COVER GIRL FOR THIS MONTH'S ISSUE OF ALL NATURALS. 51 00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:45,533 - I THOUGHT ALL NATURALS WAS A MAGAZINE 52 00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,073 WHERE TOPLESS GIRLS WITH UNDERARM HAIR 53 00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,227 TEACH YOU HOW TO MAKE TOFU. 54 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,073 SHE'S MORE "ALL SURGICAL." 55 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,797 - YEAH, IT'S THE IRONIC ISSUE. 56 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,630 YOU WANT SOME MOONSHINE? I MADE IT MYSELF. 57 00:01:53,633 --> 00:01:55,403 - UH, OKAY. 58 00:01:58,267 --> 00:02:00,067 [coughs] - I KNOW, RIGHT? 59 00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:02,327 DISTILLED FROM QUINOA IN MY BATHTUB. 60 00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,473 - GREAT. SO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA HOOK ME UP 61 00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:07,197 WITH SOME CAREER CONNECTIONS OR WHATEVER? 62 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,070 - NO. - IT WAS, LIKE, A WEEK AGO. 63 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,927 LOOK, I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP. 64 00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,203 I'M, LIKE, TREADING WATER AT A RECEPTION DESK. 65 00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:17,697 - OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 66 00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,100 YOU COME WORK FOR ME AT ALL NATURALS. 67 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,670 - UH, WHAT EXACTLY WOULD I BE DOING THERE? 68 00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,627 - WELL, YOU'RE A MUSIC GUY, RIGHT? 69 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,203 ECO-HIPSTERS LOVE TUNES. YOU COME WRITE ABOUT THEM. 70 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,870 MAYBE A PIECE ABOUT VEGAN LADY DRUMMERS 71 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,597 WHO DON'T WEAR BRAS. 72 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,170 - THANKS. CAN I THINK ABOUT IT? 73 00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,597 - SURE, SURE. YOU GO PONDER IT. 74 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,830 I AM GONNA GO PONDER SAMBA-ANN'S BODY, 75 00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:42,103 AND BY PONDER, I MEAN I'M GONNA SCALE THOSE LADY MOUNTAINS, 76 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,600 AND BY LADY MOUNTAINS, I-- 77 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,430 - I GOT IT. - BREASTS. 78 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,073 YEAH. 79 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,367 YOU LOOK NICE. 80 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,703 - [exhales deeply] - WHOO. 81 00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,630 THAT WAS WELL PLAYED, MY LADY. 82 00:02:58,633 --> 00:03:01,573 - OH, THANKS, BRETT. YOU DIDN'T MAKE ANY MAJOR ERRORS YOURSELF. 83 00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:04,297 - SO HOW MANY CALORIES DO YOU THINK WE JUST BURNED? 84 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,630 - OH, PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE LITTLE GREEK YOGURTS YOU LIKE. 85 00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:08,833 - 2% OR FULL-FAT? 86 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,673 - 2%. DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF. 87 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,927 - SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' TONIGHT? 88 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,603 - PROBABLY HANG OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS, 89 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,300 MAYBE SEE A BAND, MAYBE WILD SOME TEENS. 90 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,770 TEXT ME LATER. 91 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,967 - OH, ACTUALLY... 92 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,967 MY FRIEND JAMES FRANCO'S HOSTING THIS RAVIOLI PARTY. 93 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,967 - YOU KNOW JAMES FRANCO? 94 00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:30,327 - YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS FROM-- - FROM BEING RICH AND WHITE? 95 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:33,473 - ACTUALLY WE HAVE THE SAME TATTOO CONSULTANT. 96 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:36,067 ANYWAY, HE HOSTS THIS REALLY COOL RAVIOLI PARTY EVERY YEAR, 97 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:39,127 AND I WAS WONDERING, MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO GO WITH ME. 98 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,173 I COULD PICK YOU UP HERE. WE COULD GO OVER TOGETHER. 99 00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,667 YOU MEAN LIKE AN ACTUAL PRE-MIDNIGHT PLAN, 100 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,727 WHERE WE MEET UP EARLY AND SOBER? 101 00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:47,103 I DON'T KNOW. IT'S KIND OF A BIG STEP. 102 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,830 DO YOU THINK WE'RE READY FOR IT? 103 00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:51,903 - YEAH, BUT I'LL KEEP A FLASK ON ME JUST IN CASE. 104 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,400 COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN. 105 00:03:57,067 --> 00:04:00,697 - UH, OKAY, I'LL GO. 106 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,370 YOU CAN TROT ME AROUND LIKE YOUR LITTLE SHOW PONY. 107 00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,797 - COOL. BRUSH YOUR MANE AND TAIL. 108 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,370 I'LL PICK YOU UP AROUND 9:00. 109 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:09,697 SEE YOU THEN. 110 00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,770 [door opens, closes] 111 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,200 - COULD YOU CHEW ANY LOUDER? 112 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,230 - IT'S CAP'N CRUNCH, BABE, NOT CAP'N QUIET. 113 00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:20,073 PUT YOUR HEADPHONES ON. 114 00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:22,667 - WHEN I WEAR MY HEADPHONES, YOU COMPLAIN YOU CAN HEAR MAROON 5. 115 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,197 [people moaning] 116 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,130 GOD, IT SOUNDS LIKE GUANTANAMO UP THERE. 117 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,973 - YOU THINK THEY'RE HAVING WILD SEX IN GUANTANAMO? 118 00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:32,567 - JESUS, I MEAN WHO HAS SEX AT, LIKE, 11:00 A.M.? 119 00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:34,327 - WE USED TO. 120 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:37,603 [moaning continues, bed springs squeaking] 121 00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,197 [mouse clicks] 122 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,400 - ALL NATURALS IS A MAGAZINE 123 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:46,500 THAT HAS THE TWO BEST THINGS IN LIFE-- 124 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,670 BREASTS AND VEGETABLES. 125 00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:51,967 BEETS, RADISHES, EGGPLANT. 126 00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,497 KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE LATEST ISSUE OF ALL NATURALS, 127 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,630 AVAILABLE AT-- THERE'S PEOPLE HANDING IT OUT 128 00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,133 AS YOU COME OUT OF WHOLE FOODS. 129 00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,073 - HOW'S THE INTERNET, HANDSOME? 130 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,227 [chuckles] 131 00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,633 I WAS VIDEO-CHATTING LAST NIGHT 132 00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:05,073 WITH THIS REALLY NICE FAMILY IN TORONTO. 133 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:07,767 THEY HAD NO IDEA I WAS CRANKIN' IT THE WHOLE TIME. 134 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,097 WHAT ARE YOU INTO-- CAT SEX? 135 00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,070 - NO. NO CAT SEX TODAY, JB. 136 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,927 - TOO BAD. BUT DON'T FRET. 137 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:16,873 THE GREAT NEWS TRAIN JUST PULLED INTO THE JASON STATION. 138 00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:19,127 ONE OF THE SAILORS WE SAW FOR SUNKEN SOUL 139 00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:20,573 WRECKED THE BATHROOM. 140 00:05:20,567 --> 00:05:21,967 IT'S LIKE THE TOILET'S BEEN COATED 141 00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,727 IN THAT CHOCOLATE MAGIC SHELL. 142 00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:25,733 SO GRAB A MOP, JAY. 143 00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:27,203 - THIS IS THE SIXTH TIME THIS MONTH. 144 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,070 CAN'T WE JUST HIRE A CLEANING SERVICE? 145 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:32,927 - OKAY, CLEANING THE BATHROOM IS THE MOST VALUABLE THING YOU DO. 146 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,533 SERIOUSLY. 147 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,603 I MEAN, I ONLY HIRED YOU FOR YOUR LONG, SKINNY ARMS. 148 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,400 - NO. I'M NOT CLEANING THE BATHROOM. 149 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,300 - OOH, MEXICAN STANDOFF. 150 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:46,200 WELL, IT'S CLEAN OR QUIT, HOMBRE. 151 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,930 - THEN I GUESS I QUIT. 152 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,533 - REALLY? 153 00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,573 WHO'S GONNA WATER THE PLANTS? 154 00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,227 - I QUIT. - FINE, THEN GO. 155 00:05:55,233 --> 00:05:57,073 JUST LEAVE! 156 00:05:57,067 --> 00:06:00,367 I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU OR YOUR VULNERABLE DEER EYES AGAIN! 157 00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:01,797 [rock music] 158 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,700 - * OOH-OOH-OOH OOH-OOH-OOH * 159 00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:08,900 * OOH-OOH-OOH WHOO-OOH-OOH * 160 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,130 - UH, HI. 161 00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:15,203 I'M ERIC. THIS IS STACEY. AND WE LIVE DOWNSTAIRS. 162 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,300 - UM, I'M BETH, AND THIS IS KEVIN. 163 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,970 WE KNOW YOU. WE'VE SEEN YOU BY THE RECYCLING. 164 00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:20,927 YOU'RE VERY ORGANIZED. - [laughs] 165 00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:22,433 UH, SO-- 166 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,273 - I'M GONNA MAKE AN EMBARRASSING GUESS HERE. 167 00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:25,827 WE WERE BEIN' LOUD. 168 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:28,533 - A TINY, TINY BIT. 169 00:06:28,533 --> 00:06:31,073 GOD, I'M SORRY. I JUST... 170 00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,167 WE'RE TRYIN' TO STUDY. IT'S EXAM TIME-- 171 00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:35,097 - WE GET IT. WE JUST TOOK THE GMATs. 172 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,670 WE'LL KEEP IT DOWN, PROMISE. 173 00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:37,767 SORRY. - [chuckles] 174 00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:38,797 OKAY. - COOL. 175 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,270 - UH... 176 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,697 WAIT. UH, WOULD YOU GUYS WANT TO HANG OUT LATER? 177 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,630 WE'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW WE WANT MORE COUPLE FRIENDS, 178 00:06:46,633 --> 00:06:49,373 AND WE'VE GOT ALL THIS WINE. - COME OVER. 179 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,897 PLAY WITH US. 180 00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,570 - UM... - UH...[clears throat] 181 00:06:53,567 --> 00:06:57,697 - WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'VE-- WE'VE GOT A TON OF WORK TO DO. 182 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,530 BUT, YEAH, MAYBE WE'LL STOP BY LATER. 183 00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,533 - OH, GREAT. [laughs] 184 00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,073 - SWEET. - YAY! 185 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,427 [laughter] 186 00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,333 - SO WHAT DID "PLAY WITH US" MEAN? 187 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,733 - UH, I DIDN'T GET A SCRABBLE VIBE. 188 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,273 - YEAH, I GOT A "COME JUGGLE ALL OUR BOY AND GIRL PARTS" VIBE. 189 00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:14,067 - ME TOO. BUT IT WASN'T THAT, RIGHT? 190 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,267 I MEAN, THAT'S-- THAT'S CRAZY. 191 00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,927 - CRAZY. WE'LL JUST TELL 'EM WE'RE TOO SWAMPED WITH WORK. 192 00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:21,073 I KNOW YOU'D NEVER BE DOWN FOR FOUR-PERSON SEXY TIMES, ANYWAY. 193 00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:24,127 - WAIT. ME? WHY WOULD I BE THE ONE THAT WOULDN'T BE INTO IT? 194 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,603 - WELL, FIRST BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T, 195 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,200 AND SECOND, DON'T FORGET-- I'VE DONE THIS. 196 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,600 I'VE HAD A THREESOME. - [laughs] 197 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,070 A THREE-WAY KISS WITH CHUBBY GIRLS FROM THE DORM 198 00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,327 IS NOT A THREESOME. 199 00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:33,533 - THREE TONGUES TOUCHED, BABE. THREE. 200 00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:37,833 - WELL, I HATE TO SHOCK YOU, BUT I JUST MIGHT BE INTO IT. 201 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,073 - SO WOULD I. - WELL, OKAY, THEN. 202 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,897 - OKAY, SO I GUESS WE'RE GOIN' UP THERE TONIGHT. 203 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,570 - I GUESS WE ARE. 204 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,167 WE'LL JUST, UH... SEE WHERE THE NIGHT TAKES US. 205 00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:48,067 - NOT THAT IT'S A BIG DEAL, 206 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,627 BECAUSE IT'LL PROBABLY JUST TAKE US TO A GAME OF SCRABBLE. 207 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,533 - ALL NATURALS, CAN I HELP YOU? 208 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,233 IT'S 10:00 TO 6:00. 209 00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:58,403 - HI. UH, I'M HERE TO SEE SCOTT LENCHNER. 210 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,530 I'M GONNA BE WORKING HERE. 211 00:07:59,533 --> 00:08:01,103 - OH, ARE YOU THE J-BONE? 212 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,170 YEAH, LENCH SAID YOU MIGHT BE OUR NEW INTERN. 213 00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,067 - NO. 214 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,127 I MEAN, YES, I AM THE J-BONE, BUT I'M NOT THE NEW INTERN. 215 00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,633 I'M HERE FOR, LIKE, A REAL JOB. 216 00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:12,403 - WELL, I WROTE IT DOWN JUST LIKE HE SAID-- 217 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,100 "THE J-BONE MAY STOP BY. HE'S THE NEW INTERN." 218 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:18,730 CONGRATS. INTERNS SIT IN THERE. PICK WHATEVER CHAIR YOU'D LIKE. 219 00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:23,403 WI-FI PASSWORD IS "UNSHAVEN." TUESDAY IS OUR TOFU TACO DAY. 220 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,800 BRING YOUR OWN ALMOND MILK. 221 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,400 MAKE SURE YOU LABEL YOUR OWN LOCAL PRODUCE-- 222 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,800 - LENCH, WHAT THE HELL, MAN? 223 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,070 I JUST QUIT MY JOB FOR AN UNPAID INTERNSHIP? 224 00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:35,497 - FIRST, STOP YELLING. 225 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,200 I HAVE A MASSIVE CASE OF THE FEAR. 226 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,070 SECOND, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED ME LAST NIGHT. 227 00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:43,067 I WAS MOONBLOWING. - WHAT THE HELL IS MOONBLOWING? 228 00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:46,327 - SHOT OF MOONSHINE, BUMP [bleep]--MOONBLOWING. 229 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,503 THE COMBINATION DOES NOT A TRUSTWORTHY MAN MAKE. 230 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,900 ARE WE GOOD? 231 00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:54,170 - NO, DUDE, WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR GOOD. 232 00:08:56,467 --> 00:08:58,967 - AMBER. AMBER. 233 00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:03,067 I NEED A PEDIALYTE AND A TRASH CAN THAT LOCKS IN ODOR. 234 00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:04,697 - I FEEL HIS PRESENCE THERE. 235 00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:06,570 [phone vibrates] BUT SOMETIMES 236 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,227 BEING PARANORMALLY INCLINED... - HI. 237 00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:09,973 - I JUST GOT YOUR TEXT. I'M GONNA KILL LENCH. 238 00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,797 LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY NECK-DEEP 239 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,270 IN POP ROCKS AND PITY RIGHT NOW, 240 00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,227 BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. 241 00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:17,103 - FIND A JOB, GET HEALTH INSURANCE? 242 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,730 - NO. WELL, YES, DEFINITELY, 243 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:20,073 BUT IN THE MORE IMMEDIATE FUTURE, 244 00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:23,067 JOIN ME AT JAMES FRANCO'S RAVIOLI PARTY. 245 00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:23,927 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 246 00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:25,303 - JAMES FRANCO'S HAVING 247 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,530 SOME KIND OF POSH PASTA PARTY TONIGHT. 248 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,373 I'M GOING WITH BRETT--HE'S PICKING ME UP AND EVERYTHING. 249 00:09:29,367 --> 00:09:31,427 IT'S VERY PROPER. - WHOA. 250 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,803 - I KNOW. - I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. 251 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,230 BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE EATING PASTA 252 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:35,533 WITH RICH PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. 253 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,933 I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE, AND LATER, 254 00:09:36,933 --> 00:09:38,803 WHEN I WANT TO FEEL EXTRA PATHETIC, 255 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,370 I'LL EAT LEFTOVER THAI FOOD AND THINK OF OTHER REJECTIONS. 256 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,267 - IT'S JUST-- THE THING IS... 257 00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:45,067 SINCE HE'S BRINGING ME TONIGHT AND INTRODUCING ME TO HIS WORLD, 258 00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:48,567 I KIND OF WANT TO INTRODUCE HIM TO MINE. 259 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,197 YOU'RE AN ICE QUEEN IF YOU SAY NO TO ME. 260 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,800 I JUST CALLED YOU "MY WORLD." 261 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800 - SO WHAT SHOULD WE BRING-- COOKIES? 262 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,600 - NOT MY FIRST-GRADE BIRTHDAY PARTY, BABE. 263 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,870 HOW ABOUT MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE? 264 00:09:57,867 --> 00:09:59,397 - NOT MY EIGHT-GRADE BIRTHDAY PARTY. 265 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,030 - HOW ABOUT THIS FANCY BELGIAN BEER? 266 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,873 - PERFECT. 267 00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:04,897 IT'S A THOUGHTFUL DRINK FOR A NORMAL NIGHT WITH NEW FRIENDS. 268 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,800 AND IF IT GOES ANOTHER WAY, IT'S EUROPEAN, 269 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,530 WHICH KIND OF SAYS, "HELLO, I'M HERE FOR A SEXUAL ADVENTURE." 270 00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:13,603 - SEX ADVENTURE? YOU? NO, NO. 271 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,870 NO ONE WHO BUYS THAT MUCH ACTIVIA IS SEXY. 272 00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:17,727 - WHAT? WE ARE SUPER SEXY. 273 00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:19,133 WE'LL HAVE SEX RIGHT HERE, IF YOU WANT. 274 00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,273 - YEAH. HOP UP ON THE ICEBOX, BABE. 275 00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:22,767 LET'S DO THIS. 276 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:24,427 - PLEASE, MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS ARE STILL OUT. 277 00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:26,003 I DON'T WANT THIS IN MY STORE. 278 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,430 - YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK LIKE A ROCKETTE 279 00:10:31,433 --> 00:10:33,233 IN THOSE LITTLE SPARKLY SHORTS. 280 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,573 - OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU NEED TO GET AT LEAST THREE DRINKS IN ME 281 00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:37,527 BEFORE I START DOING ANY HIGH KICKS. 282 00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:39,403 - OH. I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE. 283 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,070 - [laughs] - SO... 284 00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:44,197 FRANCO BOUGHT THIS PLACE WHEN SPIDEY 3 HIT 800 MIL. 285 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,630 - OH, KIND OF LIKE HOW I BOUGHT CLOGS 286 00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:47,873 AFTER GETTING MY CHRISTMAS BONUS. 287 00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:50,697 WHOA. MY CLOGS WEREN'T THIS NICE. 288 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,567 - BRETT, WHAT'S GOOD, MAN? - EVERYTHING... 289 00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,697 COMPARED TO SOLANGE'S DINNER PARTY LAST WEEK. 290 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,630 - RIGHT? I HEARD SHE DOESN'T EVEN COMPOST. 291 00:11:02,633 --> 00:11:05,273 - [scoffs] - THAT MEAT WAS SO NOT-LOCAL. 292 00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:08,197 I TWEETED ABOUT IT. IT JUST FELT LIKE "SCREW YOU," YOU KNOW? 293 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,600 - VALID. 294 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,830 - HEY, WHAT WAS UP WITH OOLAY? I'M SO-- 295 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,073 - WHO'S OOLAY? DO I KNOW HER? 296 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,767 - UH, HIM. NO, HE WAS IN FROM L.A. 297 00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:16,627 I'M SORRY, BUT NO SWISS MOUNTAIN DOG IS THAT FRIENDLY. 298 00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:19,133 [laughter] RIGHT? 299 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:22,933 - [laughing] I WAS LIKE, "MOM, YOU FINISHED ALL THE HUMMUS!" 300 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,603 [laughter] - THAT'S SO HER MOM. 301 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,070 - OH, THAT REMINDS ME OF THIS GREAT HUMMUS PLACE 302 00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,527 THAT WE WENT TO IN TURKEY-- 303 00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,773 SUCH A ROMANTIC COUNTRY. 304 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,297 - YOU LOOKED GOOD IN THAT COUNTRY. 305 00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,970 - OH! 306 00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:35,297 - MMM. - OH. 307 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,770 [smooching] MM-HMM. 308 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,967 - UH, IT'S HAPPENING. 309 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,427 WE'RE FOURSOME-ING. WE JUST MOVED FROM TWOSOME TO FOURSOME. 310 00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:45,933 WE TOTALLY SKIPPED A LEVEL, ESPECIALLY YOU. 311 00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:47,603 - SHUT UP. 312 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,330 - MM-HMM. 313 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,273 - KEEP GOING. 314 00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:54,267 - I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG-- I LOVE MAKING CHOCOLATE, 315 00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:56,427 BUT I JUST--I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY WRITING. 316 00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,133 - WELL, I TOLD YOU, YOU SHOULD START A BLOG. 317 00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:01,533 - UM, YOU HAVE ZERO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, OKAY? 318 00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:04,173 I WRITE FOR A BLOG. YEAH, GUILTY. 319 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,867 I HAVE AN MFA, AND THEY'RE, LIKE, 320 00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:07,567 FINING ME FOR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. 321 00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,227 I'M SUFFOCATING THERE. 322 00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:11,073 - YOU SHOULD FINISH YOUR MEMOIR, ABRAHAM. 323 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,127 - I'M SO OVER THE INTERNET. 324 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,527 - PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT ARMED WITH A STORY 325 00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:19,073 ABOUT YOUR SUMMER ABROAD OR A KOMBUCHA-MAKING CLASS. 326 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:20,767 - I NEVER WENT ABROAD. 327 00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:22,597 MY PARENTS WOULD JUST DRIVE US TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF MISSOURI. 328 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,330 - THANKS FOR COMING, JAY. 329 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,933 AND SORRY ABOUT THE JOB THING, BUT YOU'LL BOUNCE BACK. 330 00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,603 - YEAH, SURE. I'M A REAL SUPER BALL. 331 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,070 OKAY, I'M HERE FOR YOU. 332 00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,727 SHOW ME YOUR BRETT. 333 00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:32,673 - OKAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, HE IS WEARING A POCKET MONOCLE. 334 00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:33,827 TRY TO SEE PAST IT. 335 00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,203 BRETT, THIS IS MY FRIEND JAY. 336 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,530 DON'T BOTHER ASKING HIM FOR ANY SHAMEFUL STORIES ABOUT ME. 337 00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:40,533 I'VE NEVER HAD AN UNDIGNIFIED MOMENT IN MY LIFE. 338 00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,873 - IT'S TRUE. I'VE NEVER HELD HER HAIR BACK 339 00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:45,067 OUTSIDE OF BASICALLY EVERY BAR IN BROOKLYN. 340 00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,497 - [laughs] - HEY, CHEERS, MAN. 341 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,230 - YEAH, IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU, BUDDY, 342 00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,933 [phone beeps] I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU. 343 00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:51,573 - DUDE, FRANCO'S DOING A DRAMATIC READING 344 00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,197 OF HIS WIKIPEDIA PAGE ON THE ROOF. 345 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,600 WE GOT TO SEE THIS. - CLASSIC. 346 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,170 - BRETT SEEMS STYLISH AND... 347 00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,367 BUSY. 348 00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:00,967 - AND RUDE. UGH! 349 00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:03,497 I NEED A DRINK. 350 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,530 - OKAY, I GUESS I'LL JUST GO NETWORK, THEN. 351 00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:19,473 - HMM. 352 00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,067 - HOW NICE ARE MY GIRL'S GIRLS, EH? 353 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,297 - VERY NICE. FRIENDLY. 354 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,070 - SPOILER ALERT-- THEY'RE PIERCED. 355 00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,727 - OH. 356 00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:29,233 - DUDE, TELL MY GIRL WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TO HER BOOBS. 357 00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:30,833 - OH, WAIT. DON'T TELL ME. 358 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,633 TELL...THEM. 359 00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:35,703 - UH... 360 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,400 - TELL 'EM, ER. 361 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,330 - OKAY, I GUESS I WANT TO SMUSH YOU TOGETHER 362 00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:46,333 AND SEE IF YOUR PIERCINGS STICK LIKE MAGNETS. 363 00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,503 - YEAH. DO IT. 364 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,270 - OKAY. 365 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,397 - FOUR BECOME ONE. 366 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,570 - OH. 367 00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:01,067 [both moaning] 368 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,230 - IT'S A GREAT PARTY, HUH? 369 00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:06,303 PRETTY PEOPLE, LOTS OF CARBS. 370 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,970 - YOU WANT TO KNOW IF THE BEARD'S REAL, HUH? 371 00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,167 - UH, NO-- 372 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:10,967 - HOW LONG IT TOOK TO GROW? 373 00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:13,327 IT'S LIKE, I DIDN'T GROW IT FOR YOU, BRO, OKAY? 374 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:16,573 STAY SHAVEN, POSEUR. 375 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,170 - WAIT. HOLD ON. IF THERE'S AN INTERMISSION, 376 00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,227 IT'S NOT A ONE-ACT PLAY. 377 00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,973 ARE YOU GUYS EVEN LISTENING TO YOURSELVES? 378 00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:27,067 - OKAY, SO I'M GONNA GO. - WHAT? 379 00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,227 WHY? IT'S, LIKE, 11:00. 380 00:14:28,233 --> 00:14:29,903 - YEAH, I CAN TELL TIME. GOOD NIGHT. 381 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,330 - HEY, WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND. TALK TO ME. CALM DOWN. 382 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,333 - UH, I DON'T NEED TO CALM DOWN. I JUST THOUGHT THAT, YOU KNOW, 383 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,073 SINCE YOU ASKED ME TO COME HERE WITH YOU, 384 00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,467 THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLANNED ON TALKING TO ME TONIGHT. 385 00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,967 YOU HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED ME TO A SINGLE ASSHAT HERE. 386 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,627 - I'M SORRY. I GUESS I THOUGHT 387 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,573 YOU WERE CAPABLE OF MAKING CONVERSATION ON YOUR OWN. 388 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,867 AND THESE PEOPLE--BY THE WAY, THEY'RE NOT ASSHATS. 389 00:14:45,867 --> 00:14:47,467 THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. 390 00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,067 I'M SORRY YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THEM. 391 00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,527 - OH, YEAH, I'M SO INTIMIDATED. 392 00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:53,173 IF ONLY I KNEW MORE ABOUT LOCAL MEATS... 393 00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:54,127 - I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD NEED 394 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:55,503 A LITTLE EXTRA HAND-HOLDING. 395 00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,830 THESE AREN'T EXACTLY YOUR PEOPLE. 396 00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,373 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN-- NOT MY PEOPLE? 397 00:14:58,367 --> 00:14:59,797 - JUST FORGET IT. 398 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,430 YOU'RE TALKING INAPPROPRIATELY LOUD, 399 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:03,603 JUST GO GET SOME OF THAT NICE ICED EARL GREY OVER THERE, 400 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,370 TAKE A LAP. - AM I EMBARRASSING YOU? 401 00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:08,927 BECAUSE I CAN GET LOUDER! 402 00:15:08,933 --> 00:15:10,603 - YOU KNOW THOSE TWO? 403 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,870 - YEAH. ACTUALLY, THE BLONDE'S MY BEST FRIEND, 404 00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:14,197 BUT WHEN SHE GETS MAD, 405 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,930 SHE BECOMES LIKE NICKI MINAJ IN MONSTER. 406 00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:17,803 - [laughs] "FIRST THINGS FIRST, I'LL EAT YOUR BRAINS." 407 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,800 - WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT COMBINING BON IVER 408 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,570 AND NICKI MINAJ WOULD BE SO GOOD? 409 00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:22,967 - I KNOW, RIGHT? 410 00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:24,897 - I'M LUKE. - JASON. 411 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,600 - JESUS, I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH ATTENTION YOU NEEDED. 412 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,630 - OH, YES, THAT'S ME. I'M SUCH A DELICATE FLOWER. 413 00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:31,473 YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. 414 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,127 MEANWHILE, YOUR BELT IS MADE OF TINY GUN BULLETS. 415 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,773 YOU ONLY WORE THAT SO PEOPLE WOULD ASK YOU ABOUT IT, 416 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,227 AND YOU'D BE LIKE, "OH, THIS OLD THING? 417 00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,073 CIVIL WAR BULLETS. WHATEVS." 418 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,897 - WORLD WAR I. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. 419 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,070 - YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON! 420 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,127 - YEAH, I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE LISTENING PARTIES 421 00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:47,073 ARE THE BEST WAY TO GET PEOPLE EXCITED ABOUT NEW RELEASES, 422 00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:48,627 YOU KNOW? - WE THREW ONE LAST WEEK-- 423 00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,573 FULL HOUSE. - OH, YEAH? WHERE DO YOU WORK? 424 00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,427 - CRACKEN RECORDS. 425 00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:54,303 IT'S AN INDIE LABEL FOUNDED BY SOME FORMER MATADOR EXECS. 426 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,070 - YOU KNOW, I NEVER DO THIS, 427 00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:59,767 BUT IF THERE'S A JOB I'D BE RIGHT FOR, I-- 428 00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:01,667 - ACTUALLY, WE JUST PROMOTED SOMEONE, 429 00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,327 SO AN ENTRY-LEVEL JOB JUST OPENED UP. 430 00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,703 - REALLY? 431 00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,170 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO, THEN, 432 00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,467 'CAUSE THIS IS GETTING BORING, TINA. 433 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,697 - YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW 434 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,370 WHY I CAME HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT. 435 00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,797 I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT, 436 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,400 WHY YOU WOULD ACT DIFFERENT. 437 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,100 IT'S LIKE ASKING A PEDOPHILE TO BABYSIT, 438 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,800 AND THEN WONDERING WHY YOUR KID IS ACTING WEIRD AFTERWARDS. 439 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,670 - WELL, I'M SORRY I SUGGESTED IT. 440 00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:20,597 I GUESS YOU'RE JUST MORE OF A "LATE NIGHT TEXT" KIND OF GIRL 441 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,770 THAN AN "INTRODUCE TO YOUR FRIENDS" KIND OF GIRL. 442 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,527 WAIT. HOLD ON, TINA. 443 00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:28,773 COME ON, WHAT? 444 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,297 NO WITTY RETORT? 445 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,673 [crash] - HEY! 446 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,327 - WITTY RETORT. - NOT COOL! 447 00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:37,973 - WE'RE LEAVING. - UH, OKAY. 448 00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:40,067 SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING ME THAT INTERVIEW. 449 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,967 I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 450 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,697 - TEEN, WHAT HAPPENED? 451 00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:51,097 [Kevin and Beth moaning] 452 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,230 - I THINK WE SHOULD MOVE THIS TO THE BEDROOM. 453 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:03,433 - [chuckles] - [chuckles] 454 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,373 [all chuckle awkwardly] 455 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,497 [door opens] 456 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,200 - FELIX. 457 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,800 - WHO'S FELIX? - OUR ROOMMATE. 458 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,430 - DUDE, WE'RE REALLY SORRY. 459 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,273 - GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE A RAIN CHECK. 460 00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:18,967 - WE SHOULD'VE WAITED FOR YOU. 461 00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:22,527 - OH, NO WORRIES. I'LL CATCH UP. 462 00:17:22,533 --> 00:17:25,533 - [chuckles] - MMM. 463 00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:27,603 - UH, THIS JUST WENT FROM FOURSOME TO ORGY. 464 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,700 ANY ODD NUMBER OF PEOPLE FOOLING AROUND OVER THREE EQUALS ORGY. 465 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,930 - I'M NOT UP TO ORGY, BABE. 466 00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:35,533 [moaning and groaning] - YEAH. 467 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,503 all: MMM. 468 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,930 - [gasping] 469 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,530 - CAREFUL WITH THE FROSTING. 470 00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:45,603 YOU DON'T WANT THE INTERVIEWER SEEING WHITE, CRUSTY STUFF 471 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,930 ALL OVER YOUR PANTS. 472 00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,973 - OH, SOMEONE'S BACK TO HER FILTHY SELF. 473 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,867 - SO ARE YOU AND BRETT, LIKE, DONE FOR GOOD? 474 00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,627 - YEAH. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 475 00:17:54,633 --> 00:17:56,803 HE ALREADY SENT ME APOLOGY CHOCOLATES HE MADE WITH 476 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,170 "CELTIC SEA SALT." 477 00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:02,397 - JUST GO TO YOUR INTERVIEW ALREADY. 478 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,870 - YEAH, I SHOULD REALLY GO. 479 00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:05,767 - HEY. 480 00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:08,067 THANKS FOR CHECKIN' IN. 481 00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:10,197 - I ONLY CAME BY FOR THE FREE BREAKFAST. 482 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,600 I AM UNEMPLOYED, YOU KNOW. 483 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,670 [door opens, closes] 484 00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:16,067 YEAH, I REALLY GOT INTO FINDING NEW BANDS FIRST 485 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,727 WHEN I WAS DOING MY RADIO SHOW AT CORNELL. 486 00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:19,333 IT'S KIND OF DORKY, I KNOW, 487 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,203 BUT A LOT OF THE TIMES I'D PULL ALL-NIGHTERS, 488 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,930 'CAUSE, LIKE, THE BEST INDIE STATIONS ARE IN THE U.K., 489 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,433 AND I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING. 490 00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:26,273 - COOL. NICE SKINNY TIE, BY THE WAY. 491 00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:28,327 - OH, THANKS. YEAH, I'M FEELIN' MARC RONSON-Y. 492 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,403 [laughter] - OH, LOVE HIM. 493 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,700 SO WHAT ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT NOW? 494 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,100 WHAT'S ON YOUR iPOD? 495 00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,170 - JANE? 496 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,097 - JANE'S ADDICTION? 497 00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:42,600 - WHAT? - THE OLD BAND? 498 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,870 JANE'S ADDICTION? 499 00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:47,827 - OH, NO. 500 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,533 I'M SORRY, I JUST, UH... 501 00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:53,403 COULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND? 502 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,430 [elevator bell dings] 503 00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,873 [elevator door closes] 504 00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,670 I'M SORRY. 505 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:12,427 I, UH, JUST SAW THIS GIRL I USED TO DATE. 506 00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:14,733 - [chuckles] OH, OKAY. 507 00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:18,073 BEEN THERE. SO YOU WERE SAYIN'. 508 00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,397 - I MEAN, I DIDN'T REALLY DATE HER--WE JUST HOOKED UP. 509 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,670 AND SHE STOLE MY PANTS... MAYBE. 510 00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,167 I MEAN, SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER, 511 00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:25,927 BUT, LIKE, IT WASN'T REALLY HER NUMBER. 512 00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:28,133 IT WAS A THAI-FOOD RESTAURANT-- UNLESS SHE WROTE IT DOWN WRONG. 513 00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,103 I MEAN, I KNOW THAT'S WHAT, LIKE, 514 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,670 PATHETIC DUDES TELL THEMSELVES WHEN THEY GET A FAKE NUMBER, 515 00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,297 BUT, LIKE, ISN'T IT POSSIBLE THAT JUST ONCE, 516 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,800 THAT'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED? 517 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,830 BECAUSE, LIKE, WHY WOULD SHE BORROW MY PANTS, 518 00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:40,803 IF SHE HAD NO INTENTION OF SEEING ME AGAIN? 519 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,700 - UH... 520 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:51,830 [cell phone rings] 521 00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:55,073 - SHALOM? DID YOU GET IT, JAY? 522 00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,667 - NO, I SAW JANE THERE AND IMPLODED. 523 00:19:57,667 --> 00:20:00,197 OH, IT WAS BAD. AT BEST, I ACTED LIKE AN IDIOT. 524 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,230 AT WORST, LIKE THE VICTIM OF A SUDDEN, VERY SAD STROKE. 525 00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:05,403 - OH, MY GOD, THAT SUCKS. 526 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,870 WELL, JUST COME OVER. 527 00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:08,367 - MM, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE GOIN' HOME. 528 00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:10,567 - I'VE GOT CHOCOLATE AND BAD DAYTIME TV HERE. 529 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,167 - WHAT ABOUT BOOZE? - FUNNY. 530 00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,767 WE'LL DO A SHOT EVERY TIME DORA EXPLORES. 531 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,397 - OKAY, SEE YOU IN 15. 532 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,870 [The Silver Jews' Trains Across The Sea] 533 00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:25,497 - * TROUBLES 534 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:29,270 * NO TROUBLES 535 00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:31,927 * ON THE LINE 536 00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:39,033 - THE BACHLELORETTE PARTY. IT'S TONIGHT AT 8:00. 537 00:20:39,033 --> 00:20:40,873 - THIS ISN'T HELPING ME FORGET ABOUT BRETT. 538 00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:42,667 - DID YOU HEAR I'M GETTING MARRIED? 539 00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:44,197 TIME TO GO. - CAT FIGHT! 540 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,870 - PUNCH HER IN THE FACE! - YOU PUNCH HER IN THE FACE! 541 00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:49,127 - I WANT TO TOUCH ONE THINGY. CAN I FEEL YOURS? 542 00:20:49,133 --> 00:20:50,003 - JAY! I AM THE VICTIM HERE. 40282

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