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1
00:00:03,167 --> 00:00:04,467
- I'M JUST EXPECTING
A TEXT FROM BRETT.
2
00:00:04,467 --> 00:00:06,367
- MAYBE BE MATURE
AND TEXT HIM.
3
00:00:06,367 --> 00:00:08,127
- YOU NEED SOME CAREER ADVICE?
4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,133
- RIGHT NOW I'M, LIKE,
A RECEPTIONIST.
5
00:00:10,133 --> 00:00:11,433
- MAYBE I KNOW SOMEONE
WHO COULD BE YOUR SAVIOR.
6
00:00:11,433 --> 00:00:12,533
- WE HAD THIS AMAZING NIGHT,
7
00:00:12,533 --> 00:00:13,573
AND THEN SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME.
8
00:00:13,567 --> 00:00:14,967
- SEE YOU AROUND.
9
00:00:14,967 --> 00:00:16,897
- I KEEP WONDERING,
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
10
00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:23,867
both: * YOU'RE THE MOON
IN MY CLOUDLESS SKY *
11
00:00:23,867 --> 00:00:28,367
* YOUR EYES
ARE MY ULTIMATE LULLABY *
12
00:00:28,367 --> 00:00:29,897
- THEIR LOVE MAKES ME ANGRY.
13
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,670
- I WANT TO BREAK
THAT TINY BANJO.
14
00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:32,827
[phone beeps]
15
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,833
- AH, BRETT.
16
00:00:34,833 --> 00:00:36,303
IT'S THAT
MAGICAL TIME OF NIGHT
17
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,830
BETWEEN
HIS THIRD AND FOURTH BEER
18
00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:40,373
WHERE I SEEM LIKE
THE BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD.
19
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,497
- SO WHAT'S THE LATEST?
20
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,700
IS BRETT
YOUR ULTIMATE LULLABY?
21
00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:45,800
- UH, MORE LIKE
MY FOR-NOW SLOW JAM.
22
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,530
WE HOOK UP,
A FEW NIGHTS GO BY,
23
00:00:47,533 --> 00:00:51,003
AND IF THE CELL RECEPTION
IS JUST RIGHT, WE DO IT AGAIN.
24
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,630
WASH, RINSE, REPEAT.
25
00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,473
- MORE LIKE PINE,
OVERTHINK, AND REPEAT.
26
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:55,527
- UH, NO.
27
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,173
I DON'T PINE.
- OH.
28
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:58,897
YOU PINE.
YOU'RE A PINE TREE.
29
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,600
I COULD PUT PRESENTS
UNDER YOU.
30
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,870
- UH, NO. BRETT AND I
ARE SUPER CASUAL AND ADULT.
31
00:01:02,867 --> 00:01:04,967
I THINK
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU
32
00:01:04,967 --> 00:01:06,467
AND THE GIRL
WHO STOLE YOUR PANTS.
33
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,227
- YEAH, I WAS TRYING
NOT TO OBSESS ABOUT JANE,
34
00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:10,103
BUT LAST NIGHT
I ORDERED THAI
35
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,630
FROM THE PLACE
SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME WITH--
36
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:14,103
I KNEW IT WOULD REOPEN
OLD WOUNDS, BUT...
37
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,730
OH, THE DUMPLINGS
ARE REALLY GOOD.
38
00:01:15,733 --> 00:01:17,703
- CRAPSICLE--
LENCH, 11 O'CLOCK.
39
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,100
- YOU KNOW
I CAN'T DO O'CLOCKS.
40
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,930
- BEHIND YOU,
CHATTING UP FRANKEN-[bleep].
41
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,633
COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE IT SEES US.
42
00:01:22,633 --> 00:01:24,273
- WAIT.
I SHOULD REALLY GO TALK TO HIM.
43
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:26,267
- [groans]
- HE NEVER GOT BACK TO ME
44
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:30,227
ABOUT HIS JOB CONNECTIONS.
FIVE MINUTES.
45
00:01:30,233 --> 00:01:31,473
HEY, LENCH.
46
00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:35,097
- J-BONE, HEY, LONG TIME.
TINA.
47
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,800
- YEAH, I'M OUT.
48
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,400
- SO, UH,
WHO'S YOUR LADY FRIEND?
49
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,630
- OH, THIS IS SAMBA-ANN.
50
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:43,933
SHE'S MY COVER GIRL FOR THIS
MONTH'S ISSUE OF ALL NATURALS.
51
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:45,533
- I THOUGHT ALL NATURALS
WAS A MAGAZINE
52
00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,073
WHERE TOPLESS GIRLS
WITH UNDERARM HAIR
53
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,227
TEACH YOU HOW TO MAKE TOFU.
54
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:50,073
SHE'S MORE "ALL SURGICAL."
55
00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,797
- YEAH, IT'S THE IRONIC ISSUE.
56
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,630
YOU WANT SOME MOONSHINE?
I MADE IT MYSELF.
57
00:01:53,633 --> 00:01:55,403
- UH, OKAY.
58
00:01:58,267 --> 00:02:00,067
[coughs]
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
59
00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:02,327
DISTILLED FROM QUINOA
IN MY BATHTUB.
60
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:05,473
- GREAT. SO YOU REMEMBER HOW YOU
SAID YOU WERE GONNA HOOK ME UP
61
00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:07,197
WITH SOME CAREER CONNECTIONS
OR WHATEVER?
62
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,070
- NO.
- IT WAS, LIKE, A WEEK AGO.
63
00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,927
LOOK, I COULD REALLY
USE YOUR HELP.
64
00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:14,203
I'M, LIKE, TREADING WATER
AT A RECEPTION DESK.
65
00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:17,697
- OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
66
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,100
YOU COME WORK FOR ME
AT ALL NATURALS.
67
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,670
- UH, WHAT EXACTLY
WOULD I BE DOING THERE?
68
00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:24,627
- WELL, YOU'RE
A MUSIC GUY, RIGHT?
69
00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:27,203
ECO-HIPSTERS LOVE TUNES.
YOU COME WRITE ABOUT THEM.
70
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,870
MAYBE A PIECE
ABOUT VEGAN LADY DRUMMERS
71
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,597
WHO DON'T WEAR BRAS.
72
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,170
- THANKS.
CAN I THINK ABOUT IT?
73
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,597
- SURE, SURE.
YOU GO PONDER IT.
74
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,830
I AM GONNA GO
PONDER SAMBA-ANN'S BODY,
75
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:42,103
AND BY PONDER, I MEAN I'M GONNA
SCALE THOSE LADY MOUNTAINS,
76
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,600
AND BY LADY MOUNTAINS, I--
77
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,430
- I GOT IT.
- BREASTS.
78
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,073
YEAH.
79
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,367
YOU LOOK NICE.
80
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,703
- [exhales deeply]
- WHOO.
81
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,630
THAT WAS WELL PLAYED,
MY LADY.
82
00:02:58,633 --> 00:03:01,573
- OH, THANKS, BRETT. YOU DIDN'T
MAKE ANY MAJOR ERRORS YOURSELF.
83
00:03:01,567 --> 00:03:04,297
- SO HOW MANY CALORIES
DO YOU THINK WE JUST BURNED?
84
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,630
- OH, PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE
LITTLE GREEK YOGURTS YOU LIKE.
85
00:03:07,633 --> 00:03:08,833
- 2% OR FULL-FAT?
86
00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,673
- 2%.
DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.
87
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,927
- SO WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' TONIGHT?
88
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,603
- PROBABLY HANG OUT
WITH SOME FRIENDS,
89
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,300
MAYBE SEE A BAND,
MAYBE WILD SOME TEENS.
90
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,770
TEXT ME LATER.
91
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,967
- OH, ACTUALLY...
92
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,967
MY FRIEND JAMES FRANCO'S
HOSTING THIS RAVIOLI PARTY.
93
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,967
- YOU KNOW JAMES FRANCO?
94
00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:30,327
- YEAH, WE'RE FRIENDS FROM--
- FROM BEING RICH AND WHITE?
95
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:33,473
- ACTUALLY WE HAVE
THE SAME TATTOO CONSULTANT.
96
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:36,067
ANYWAY, HE HOSTS THIS REALLY
COOL RAVIOLI PARTY EVERY YEAR,
97
00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:39,127
AND I WAS WONDERING,
MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO GO WITH ME.
98
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,173
I COULD PICK YOU UP HERE.
WE COULD GO OVER TOGETHER.
99
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,667
YOU MEAN LIKE
AN ACTUAL PRE-MIDNIGHT PLAN,
100
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,727
WHERE WE MEET UP EARLY
AND SOBER?
101
00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:47,103
I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S KIND OF A BIG STEP.
102
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,830
DO YOU THINK
WE'RE READY FOR IT?
103
00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:51,903
- YEAH, BUT I'LL KEEP A FLASK
ON ME JUST IN CASE.
104
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,400
COME ON.
IT'LL BE FUN.
105
00:03:57,067 --> 00:04:00,697
- UH, OKAY, I'LL GO.
106
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,370
YOU CAN TROT ME AROUND
LIKE YOUR LITTLE SHOW PONY.
107
00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,797
- COOL.
BRUSH YOUR MANE AND TAIL.
108
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,370
I'LL PICK YOU UP AROUND 9:00.
109
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:09,697
SEE YOU THEN.
110
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,770
[door opens, closes]
111
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,200
- COULD YOU CHEW ANY LOUDER?
112
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,230
- IT'S CAP'N CRUNCH, BABE,
NOT CAP'N QUIET.
113
00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:20,073
PUT YOUR HEADPHONES ON.
114
00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:22,667
- WHEN I WEAR MY HEADPHONES, YOU
COMPLAIN YOU CAN HEAR MAROON 5.
115
00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,197
[people moaning]
116
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,130
GOD, IT SOUNDS LIKE
GUANTANAMO UP THERE.
117
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,973
- YOU THINK THEY'RE HAVING
WILD SEX IN GUANTANAMO?
118
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:32,567
- JESUS, I MEAN WHO HAS SEX
AT, LIKE, 11:00 A.M.?
119
00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:34,327
- WE USED TO.
120
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:37,603
[moaning continues,
bed springs squeaking]
121
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,197
[mouse clicks]
122
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,400
- ALL NATURALS IS A MAGAZINE
123
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:46,500
THAT HAS
THE TWO BEST THINGS IN LIFE--
124
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,670
BREASTS AND VEGETABLES.
125
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:51,967
BEETS, RADISHES, EGGPLANT.
126
00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,497
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE LATEST
ISSUE OF ALL NATURALS,
127
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,630
AVAILABLE AT--
THERE'S PEOPLE HANDING IT OUT
128
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,133
AS YOU COME
OUT OF WHOLE FOODS.
129
00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,073
- HOW'S THE INTERNET,
HANDSOME?
130
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,227
[chuckles]
131
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,633
I WAS VIDEO-CHATTING
LAST NIGHT
132
00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:05,073
WITH THIS REALLY NICE FAMILY
IN TORONTO.
133
00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:07,767
THEY HAD NO IDEA I WAS CRANKIN'
IT THE WHOLE TIME.
134
00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:10,097
WHAT ARE YOU INTO--
CAT SEX?
135
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,070
- NO.
NO CAT SEX TODAY, JB.
136
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,927
- TOO BAD.
BUT DON'T FRET.
137
00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:16,873
THE GREAT NEWS TRAIN JUST
PULLED INTO THE JASON STATION.
138
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:19,127
ONE OF THE SAILORS
WE SAW FOR SUNKEN SOUL
139
00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:20,573
WRECKED THE BATHROOM.
140
00:05:20,567 --> 00:05:21,967
IT'S LIKE
THE TOILET'S BEEN COATED
141
00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,727
IN THAT
CHOCOLATE MAGIC SHELL.
142
00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:25,733
SO GRAB A MOP, JAY.
143
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:27,203
- THIS IS THE SIXTH TIME
THIS MONTH.
144
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,070
CAN'T WE JUST HIRE
A CLEANING SERVICE?
145
00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:32,927
- OKAY, CLEANING THE BATHROOM IS
THE MOST VALUABLE THING YOU DO.
146
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,533
SERIOUSLY.
147
00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,603
I MEAN, I ONLY HIRED YOU
FOR YOUR LONG, SKINNY ARMS.
148
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,400
- NO. I'M NOT
CLEANING THE BATHROOM.
149
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,300
- OOH, MEXICAN STANDOFF.
150
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:46,200
WELL, IT'S CLEAN OR QUIT,
HOMBRE.
151
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,930
- THEN I GUESS I QUIT.
152
00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,533
- REALLY?
153
00:05:50,533 --> 00:05:52,573
WHO'S GONNA WATER THE PLANTS?
154
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:55,227
- I QUIT.
- FINE, THEN GO.
155
00:05:55,233 --> 00:05:57,073
JUST LEAVE!
156
00:05:57,067 --> 00:06:00,367
I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU OR
YOUR VULNERABLE DEER EYES AGAIN!
157
00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:01,797
[rock music]
158
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,700
- * OOH-OOH-OOH
OOH-OOH-OOH *
159
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:08,900
* OOH-OOH-OOH
WHOO-OOH-OOH *
160
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,130
- UH, HI.
161
00:06:12,133 --> 00:06:15,203
I'M ERIC. THIS IS STACEY.
AND WE LIVE DOWNSTAIRS.
162
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,300
- UM, I'M BETH,
AND THIS IS KEVIN.
163
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,970
WE KNOW YOU. WE'VE SEEN YOU
BY THE RECYCLING.
164
00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:20,927
YOU'RE VERY ORGANIZED.
- [laughs]
165
00:06:20,933 --> 00:06:22,433
UH, SO--
166
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,273
- I'M GONNA MAKE
AN EMBARRASSING GUESS HERE.
167
00:06:24,267 --> 00:06:25,827
WE WERE BEIN' LOUD.
168
00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:28,533
- A TINY, TINY BIT.
169
00:06:28,533 --> 00:06:31,073
GOD, I'M SORRY.
I JUST...
170
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,167
WE'RE TRYIN' TO STUDY.
IT'S EXAM TIME--
171
00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:35,097
- WE GET IT.
WE JUST TOOK THE GMATs.
172
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,670
WE'LL KEEP IT DOWN,
PROMISE.
173
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:37,767
SORRY.
- [chuckles]
174
00:06:37,767 --> 00:06:38,797
OKAY.
- COOL.
175
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,270
- UH...
176
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:43,697
WAIT. UH, WOULD YOU GUYS
WANT TO HANG OUT LATER?
177
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,630
WE'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT
HOW WE WANT MORE COUPLE FRIENDS,
178
00:06:46,633 --> 00:06:49,373
AND WE'VE GOT ALL THIS WINE.
- COME OVER.
179
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,897
PLAY WITH US.
180
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:53,570
- UM...
- UH...[clears throat]
181
00:06:53,567 --> 00:06:57,697
- WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'VE--
WE'VE GOT A TON OF WORK TO DO.
182
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,530
BUT, YEAH,
MAYBE WE'LL STOP BY LATER.
183
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,533
- OH, GREAT.
[laughs]
184
00:07:01,533 --> 00:07:03,073
- SWEET.
- YAY!
185
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,427
[laughter]
186
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,333
- SO WHAT DID
"PLAY WITH US" MEAN?
187
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,733
- UH, I DIDN'T GET
A SCRABBLE VIBE.
188
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:12,273
- YEAH, I GOT A "COME JUGGLE ALL
OUR BOY AND GIRL PARTS" VIBE.
189
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:14,067
- ME TOO.
BUT IT WASN'T THAT, RIGHT?
190
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,267
I MEAN, THAT'S--
THAT'S CRAZY.
191
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:18,927
- CRAZY. WE'LL JUST TELL 'EM
WE'RE TOO SWAMPED WITH WORK.
192
00:07:18,933 --> 00:07:21,073
I KNOW YOU'D NEVER BE DOWN FOR
FOUR-PERSON SEXY TIMES, ANYWAY.
193
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:24,127
- WAIT. ME? WHY WOULD I BE THE
ONE THAT WOULDN'T BE INTO IT?
194
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,603
- WELL, FIRST BECAUSE
YOU WOULDN'T,
195
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,200
AND SECOND, DON'T FORGET--
I'VE DONE THIS.
196
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,600
I'VE HAD A THREESOME.
- [laughs]
197
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,070
A THREE-WAY KISS
WITH CHUBBY GIRLS FROM THE DORM
198
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,327
IS NOT A THREESOME.
199
00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:33,533
- THREE TONGUES TOUCHED, BABE.
THREE.
200
00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:37,833
- WELL, I HATE TO SHOCK YOU,
BUT I JUST MIGHT BE INTO IT.
201
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,073
- SO WOULD I.
- WELL, OKAY, THEN.
202
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,897
- OKAY, SO I GUESS
WE'RE GOIN' UP THERE TONIGHT.
203
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,570
- I GUESS WE ARE.
204
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,167
WE'LL JUST, UH...
SEE WHERE THE NIGHT TAKES US.
205
00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:48,067
- NOT THAT IT'S A BIG DEAL,
206
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,627
BECAUSE IT'LL PROBABLY JUST
TAKE US TO A GAME OF SCRABBLE.
207
00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,533
- ALL NATURALS, CAN I HELP YOU?
208
00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,233
IT'S 10:00 TO 6:00.
209
00:07:56,233 --> 00:07:58,403
- HI. UH, I'M HERE
TO SEE SCOTT LENCHNER.
210
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,530
I'M GONNA BE WORKING HERE.
211
00:07:59,533 --> 00:08:01,103
- OH, ARE YOU THE J-BONE?
212
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,170
YEAH, LENCH SAID
YOU MIGHT BE OUR NEW INTERN.
213
00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,067
- NO.
214
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,127
I MEAN, YES, I AM THE J-BONE,
BUT I'M NOT THE NEW INTERN.
215
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,633
I'M HERE
FOR, LIKE, A REAL JOB.
216
00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:12,403
- WELL, I WROTE IT DOWN
JUST LIKE HE SAID--
217
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,100
"THE J-BONE MAY STOP BY.
HE'S THE NEW INTERN."
218
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:18,730
CONGRATS. INTERNS SIT IN THERE.
PICK WHATEVER CHAIR YOU'D LIKE.
219
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:23,403
WI-FI PASSWORD IS "UNSHAVEN."
TUESDAY IS OUR TOFU TACO DAY.
220
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,800
BRING YOUR OWN ALMOND MILK.
221
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,400
MAKE SURE YOU LABEL
YOUR OWN LOCAL PRODUCE--
222
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,800
- LENCH, WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
223
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,070
I JUST QUIT MY JOB
FOR AN UNPAID INTERNSHIP?
224
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:35,497
- FIRST, STOP YELLING.
225
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,200
I HAVE A MASSIVE CASE
OF THE FEAR.
226
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,070
SECOND, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
TRUSTED ME LAST NIGHT.
227
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:43,067
I WAS MOONBLOWING.
- WHAT THE HELL IS MOONBLOWING?
228
00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:46,327
- SHOT OF MOONSHINE,
BUMP [bleep]--MOONBLOWING.
229
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,503
THE COMBINATION DOES NOT
A TRUSTWORTHY MAN MAKE.
230
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:50,900
ARE WE GOOD?
231
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:54,170
- NO, DUDE,
WE ARE NOWHERE NEAR GOOD.
232
00:08:56,467 --> 00:08:58,967
- AMBER. AMBER.
233
00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:03,067
I NEED A PEDIALYTE AND
A TRASH CAN THAT LOCKS IN ODOR.
234
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:04,697
- I FEEL HIS PRESENCE THERE.
235
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:06,570
[phone vibrates]
BUT SOMETIMES
236
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,227
BEING PARANORMALLY INCLINED...
- HI.
237
00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:09,973
- I JUST GOT YOUR TEXT.
I'M GONNA KILL LENCH.
238
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,797
LOOK, I KNOW
YOU'RE PROBABLY NECK-DEEP
239
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,270
IN POP ROCKS
AND PITY RIGHT NOW,
240
00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,227
BUT I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
241
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:17,103
- FIND A JOB,
GET HEALTH INSURANCE?
242
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,730
- NO.
WELL, YES, DEFINITELY,
243
00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:20,073
BUT IN THE MORE
IMMEDIATE FUTURE,
244
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:23,067
JOIN ME
AT JAMES FRANCO'S RAVIOLI PARTY.
245
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:23,927
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
246
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:25,303
- JAMES FRANCO'S HAVING
247
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,530
SOME KIND OF POSH
PASTA PARTY TONIGHT.
248
00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:29,373
I'M GOING WITH BRETT--HE'S
PICKING ME UP AND EVERYTHING.
249
00:09:29,367 --> 00:09:31,427
IT'S VERY PROPER.
- WHOA.
250
00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,803
- I KNOW.
- I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
251
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,230
BUT I DON'T FEEL
LIKE EATING PASTA
252
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:35,533
WITH RICH PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
253
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,933
I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE,
AND LATER,
254
00:09:36,933 --> 00:09:38,803
WHEN I WANT TO FEEL
EXTRA PATHETIC,
255
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,370
I'LL EAT LEFTOVER THAI FOOD
AND THINK OF OTHER REJECTIONS.
256
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,267
- IT'S JUST--
THE THING IS...
257
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:45,067
SINCE HE'S BRINGING ME TONIGHT
AND INTRODUCING ME TO HIS WORLD,
258
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:48,567
I KIND OF WANT
TO INTRODUCE HIM TO MINE.
259
00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,197
YOU'RE AN ICE QUEEN
IF YOU SAY NO TO ME.
260
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,800
I JUST CALLED YOU
"MY WORLD."
261
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,800
- SO WHAT SHOULD WE BRING--
COOKIES?
262
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,600
- NOT MY FIRST-GRADE
BIRTHDAY PARTY, BABE.
263
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:57,870
HOW ABOUT
MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE?
264
00:09:57,867 --> 00:09:59,397
- NOT MY EIGHT-GRADE
BIRTHDAY PARTY.
265
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,030
- HOW ABOUT
THIS FANCY BELGIAN BEER?
266
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:02,873
- PERFECT.
267
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:04,897
IT'S A THOUGHTFUL DRINK FOR
A NORMAL NIGHT WITH NEW FRIENDS.
268
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,800
AND IF IT GOES ANOTHER WAY,
IT'S EUROPEAN,
269
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,530
WHICH KIND OF SAYS, "HELLO, I'M
HERE FOR A SEXUAL ADVENTURE."
270
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:13,603
- SEX ADVENTURE? YOU?
NO, NO.
271
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,870
NO ONE WHO BUYS
THAT MUCH ACTIVIA IS SEXY.
272
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:17,727
- WHAT?
WE ARE SUPER SEXY.
273
00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:19,133
WE'LL HAVE SEX RIGHT HERE,
IF YOU WANT.
274
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,273
- YEAH. HOP UP
ON THE ICEBOX, BABE.
275
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:22,767
LET'S DO THIS.
276
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:24,427
- PLEASE, MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS
ARE STILL OUT.
277
00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:26,003
I DON'T WANT THIS
IN MY STORE.
278
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,430
- YOU KNOW,
YOU LOOK LIKE A ROCKETTE
279
00:10:31,433 --> 00:10:33,233
IN THOSE LITTLE
SPARKLY SHORTS.
280
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,573
- OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU NEED TO
GET AT LEAST THREE DRINKS IN ME
281
00:10:35,567 --> 00:10:37,527
BEFORE I START
DOING ANY HIGH KICKS.
282
00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:39,403
- OH.
I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE.
283
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,070
- [laughs]
- SO...
284
00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:44,197
FRANCO BOUGHT THIS PLACE
WHEN SPIDEY 3 HIT 800 MIL.
285
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,630
- OH, KIND OF LIKE
HOW I BOUGHT CLOGS
286
00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:47,873
AFTER GETTING
MY CHRISTMAS BONUS.
287
00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:50,697
WHOA.
MY CLOGS WEREN'T THIS NICE.
288
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,567
- BRETT, WHAT'S GOOD, MAN?
- EVERYTHING...
289
00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,697
COMPARED TO SOLANGE'S
DINNER PARTY LAST WEEK.
290
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,630
- RIGHT? I HEARD
SHE DOESN'T EVEN COMPOST.
291
00:11:02,633 --> 00:11:05,273
- [scoffs]
- THAT MEAT WAS SO NOT-LOCAL.
292
00:11:05,267 --> 00:11:08,197
I TWEETED ABOUT IT. IT JUST FELT
LIKE "SCREW YOU," YOU KNOW?
293
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,600
- VALID.
294
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,830
- HEY, WHAT WAS UP WITH OOLAY?
I'M SO--
295
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,073
- WHO'S OOLAY?
DO I KNOW HER?
296
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,767
- UH, HIM.
NO, HE WAS IN FROM L.A.
297
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:16,627
I'M SORRY, BUT NO SWISS
MOUNTAIN DOG IS THAT FRIENDLY.
298
00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:19,133
[laughter]
RIGHT?
299
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:22,933
- [laughing] I WAS LIKE, "MOM,
YOU FINISHED ALL THE HUMMUS!"
300
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,603
[laughter]
- THAT'S SO HER MOM.
301
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,070
- OH, THAT REMINDS ME
OF THIS GREAT HUMMUS PLACE
302
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:28,527
THAT WE WENT TO IN TURKEY--
303
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,773
SUCH A ROMANTIC COUNTRY.
304
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,297
- YOU LOOKED GOOD
IN THAT COUNTRY.
305
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,970
- OH!
306
00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:35,297
- MMM.
- OH.
307
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,770
[smooching]
MM-HMM.
308
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,967
- UH, IT'S HAPPENING.
309
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:44,427
WE'RE FOURSOME-ING. WE JUST
MOVED FROM TWOSOME TO FOURSOME.
310
00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:45,933
WE TOTALLY SKIPPED A LEVEL,
ESPECIALLY YOU.
311
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:47,603
- SHUT UP.
312
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,330
- MM-HMM.
313
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,273
- KEEP GOING.
314
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:54,267
- I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG--
I LOVE MAKING CHOCOLATE,
315
00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:56,427
BUT I JUST--I FEEL LIKE I NEED
TO GET BACK TO MY WRITING.
316
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,133
- WELL, I TOLD YOU,
YOU SHOULD START A BLOG.
317
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:01,533
- UM, YOU HAVE ZERO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, OKAY?
318
00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:04,173
I WRITE FOR A BLOG.
YEAH, GUILTY.
319
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,867
I HAVE AN MFA,
AND THEY'RE, LIKE,
320
00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:07,567
FINING ME
FOR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.
321
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,227
I'M SUFFOCATING THERE.
322
00:12:09,233 --> 00:12:11,073
- YOU SHOULD FINISH
YOUR MEMOIR, ABRAHAM.
323
00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:12,127
- I'M SO OVER THE INTERNET.
324
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,527
- PLEASE TELL ME
YOU'RE NOT ARMED WITH A STORY
325
00:12:16,533 --> 00:12:19,073
ABOUT YOUR SUMMER ABROAD
OR A KOMBUCHA-MAKING CLASS.
326
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:20,767
- I NEVER WENT ABROAD.
327
00:12:20,767 --> 00:12:22,597
MY PARENTS WOULD JUST DRIVE US
TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF MISSOURI.
328
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,330
- THANKS FOR COMING, JAY.
329
00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,933
AND SORRY ABOUT THE JOB THING,
BUT YOU'LL BOUNCE BACK.
330
00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,603
- YEAH, SURE.
I'M A REAL SUPER BALL.
331
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,070
OKAY, I'M HERE FOR YOU.
332
00:12:29,067 --> 00:12:30,727
SHOW ME YOUR BRETT.
333
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:32,673
- OKAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
HE IS WEARING A POCKET MONOCLE.
334
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:33,827
TRY TO SEE PAST IT.
335
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,203
BRETT,
THIS IS MY FRIEND JAY.
336
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,530
DON'T BOTHER ASKING HIM FOR
ANY SHAMEFUL STORIES ABOUT ME.
337
00:12:38,533 --> 00:12:40,533
I'VE NEVER HAD AN
UNDIGNIFIED MOMENT IN MY LIFE.
338
00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,873
- IT'S TRUE. I'VE NEVER
HELD HER HAIR BACK
339
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:45,067
OUTSIDE OF BASICALLY
EVERY BAR IN BROOKLYN.
340
00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,497
- [laughs]
- HEY, CHEERS, MAN.
341
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,230
- YEAH, IT'S GOOD
TO MEET YOU, BUDDY,
342
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,933
[phone beeps]
I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.
343
00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:51,573
- DUDE, FRANCO'S DOING
A DRAMATIC READING
344
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:53,197
OF HIS WIKIPEDIA PAGE
ON THE ROOF.
345
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,600
WE GOT TO SEE THIS.
- CLASSIC.
346
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,170
- BRETT SEEMS STYLISH AND...
347
00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,367
BUSY.
348
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:00,967
- AND RUDE.
UGH!
349
00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:03,497
I NEED A DRINK.
350
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,530
- OKAY, I GUESS I'LL JUST
GO NETWORK, THEN.
351
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:19,473
- HMM.
352
00:13:19,467 --> 00:13:21,067
- HOW NICE
ARE MY GIRL'S GIRLS, EH?
353
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,297
- VERY NICE.
FRIENDLY.
354
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:25,070
- SPOILER ALERT--
THEY'RE PIERCED.
355
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,727
- OH.
356
00:13:26,733 --> 00:13:29,233
- DUDE, TELL MY GIRL WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO TO HER BOOBS.
357
00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:30,833
- OH, WAIT.
DON'T TELL ME.
358
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,633
TELL...THEM.
359
00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:35,703
- UH...
360
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,400
- TELL 'EM, ER.
361
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,330
- OKAY, I GUESS I WANT
TO SMUSH YOU TOGETHER
362
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:46,333
AND SEE IF YOUR PIERCINGS
STICK LIKE MAGNETS.
363
00:13:46,333 --> 00:13:48,503
- YEAH. DO IT.
364
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,270
- OKAY.
365
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,397
- FOUR BECOME ONE.
366
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,570
- OH.
367
00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:01,067
[both moaning]
368
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,230
- IT'S A GREAT PARTY, HUH?
369
00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:06,303
PRETTY PEOPLE,
LOTS OF CARBS.
370
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,970
- YOU WANT TO KNOW
IF THE BEARD'S REAL, HUH?
371
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,167
- UH, NO--
372
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:10,967
- HOW LONG IT TOOK TO GROW?
373
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:13,327
IT'S LIKE, I DIDN'T GROW IT
FOR YOU, BRO, OKAY?
374
00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:16,573
STAY SHAVEN, POSEUR.
375
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,170
- WAIT. HOLD ON.
IF THERE'S AN INTERMISSION,
376
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,227
IT'S NOT A ONE-ACT PLAY.
377
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:23,973
ARE YOU GUYS EVEN LISTENING
TO YOURSELVES?
378
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:27,067
- OKAY, SO I'M GONNA GO.
- WHAT?
379
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,227
WHY?
IT'S, LIKE, 11:00.
380
00:14:28,233 --> 00:14:29,903
- YEAH, I CAN TELL TIME.
GOOD NIGHT.
381
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,330
- HEY, WAIT. HOLD ON A SECOND.
TALK TO ME. CALM DOWN.
382
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,333
- UH, I DON'T NEED TO CALM DOWN.
I JUST THOUGHT THAT, YOU KNOW,
383
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:36,073
SINCE YOU ASKED ME
TO COME HERE WITH YOU,
384
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,467
THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLANNED ON
TALKING TO ME TONIGHT.
385
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,967
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED ME
TO A SINGLE ASSHAT HERE.
386
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,627
- I'M SORRY.
I GUESS I THOUGHT
387
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,573
YOU WERE CAPABLE OF MAKING
CONVERSATION ON YOUR OWN.
388
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:45,867
AND THESE PEOPLE--BY THE WAY,
THEY'RE NOT ASSHATS.
389
00:14:45,867 --> 00:14:47,467
THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.
390
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,067
I'M SORRY
YOU'RE INTIMIDATED BY THEM.
391
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,527
- OH, YEAH,
I'M SO INTIMIDATED.
392
00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:53,173
IF ONLY I KNEW MORE
ABOUT LOCAL MEATS...
393
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:54,127
- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
YOU WOULD NEED
394
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:55,503
A LITTLE EXTRA HAND-HOLDING.
395
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,830
THESE AREN'T EXACTLY
YOUR PEOPLE.
396
00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,373
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN--
NOT MY PEOPLE?
397
00:14:58,367 --> 00:14:59,797
- JUST FORGET IT.
398
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,430
YOU'RE TALKING
INAPPROPRIATELY LOUD,
399
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:03,603
JUST GO GET SOME OF THAT
NICE ICED EARL GREY OVER THERE,
400
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,370
TAKE A LAP.
- AM I EMBARRASSING YOU?
401
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:08,927
BECAUSE I CAN GET LOUDER!
402
00:15:08,933 --> 00:15:10,603
- YOU KNOW THOSE TWO?
403
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,870
- YEAH. ACTUALLY, THE BLONDE'S
MY BEST FRIEND,
404
00:15:12,867 --> 00:15:14,197
BUT WHEN SHE GETS MAD,
405
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,930
SHE BECOMES LIKE
NICKI MINAJ IN MONSTER.
406
00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:17,803
- [laughs] "FIRST THINGS FIRST,
I'LL EAT YOUR BRAINS."
407
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,800
- WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THAT COMBINING BON IVER
408
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,570
AND NICKI MINAJ
WOULD BE SO GOOD?
409
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:22,967
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
410
00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:24,897
- I'M LUKE.
- JASON.
411
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,600
- JESUS, I HAD NO IDEA
HOW MUCH ATTENTION YOU NEEDED.
412
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,630
- OH, YES, THAT'S ME.
I'M SUCH A DELICATE FLOWER.
413
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:31,473
YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.
414
00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,127
MEANWHILE, YOUR BELT
IS MADE OF TINY GUN BULLETS.
415
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,773
YOU ONLY WORE THAT SO
PEOPLE WOULD ASK YOU ABOUT IT,
416
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,227
AND YOU'D BE LIKE,
"OH, THIS OLD THING?
417
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:38,073
CIVIL WAR BULLETS.
WHATEVS."
418
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,897
- WORLD WAR I.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
419
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,070
- YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON!
420
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,127
- YEAH, I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE
LISTENING PARTIES
421
00:15:45,133 --> 00:15:47,073
ARE THE BEST WAY TO GET PEOPLE
EXCITED ABOUT NEW RELEASES,
422
00:15:47,067 --> 00:15:48,627
YOU KNOW?
- WE THREW ONE LAST WEEK--
423
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,573
FULL HOUSE.
- OH, YEAH? WHERE DO YOU WORK?
424
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,427
- CRACKEN RECORDS.
425
00:15:52,433 --> 00:15:54,303
IT'S AN INDIE LABEL FOUNDED
BY SOME FORMER MATADOR EXECS.
426
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,070
- YOU KNOW,
I NEVER DO THIS,
427
00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:59,767
BUT IF THERE'S A JOB
I'D BE RIGHT FOR, I--
428
00:15:59,767 --> 00:16:01,667
- ACTUALLY,
WE JUST PROMOTED SOMEONE,
429
00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:03,327
SO AN ENTRY-LEVEL JOB
JUST OPENED UP.
430
00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:04,703
- REALLY?
431
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,170
- MAYBE YOU
SHOULD JUST GO, THEN,
432
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,467
'CAUSE THIS IS
GETTING BORING, TINA.
433
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,697
- YOU KNOW,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
434
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,370
WHY I CAME
HERE WITH YOU TONIGHT.
435
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,797
I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT,
436
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,400
WHY YOU WOULD ACT DIFFERENT.
437
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,100
IT'S LIKE ASKING A PEDOPHILE
TO BABYSIT,
438
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,800
AND THEN WONDERING WHY YOUR KID
IS ACTING WEIRD AFTERWARDS.
439
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,670
- WELL, I'M SORRY
I SUGGESTED IT.
440
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:20,597
I GUESS YOU'RE JUST MORE OF
A "LATE NIGHT TEXT" KIND OF GIRL
441
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,770
THAN AN "INTRODUCE
TO YOUR FRIENDS" KIND OF GIRL.
442
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,527
WAIT.
HOLD ON, TINA.
443
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:28,773
COME ON, WHAT?
444
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,297
NO WITTY RETORT?
445
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,673
[crash]
- HEY!
446
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:36,327
- WITTY RETORT.
- NOT COOL!
447
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:37,973
- WE'RE LEAVING.
- UH, OKAY.
448
00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:40,067
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR GETTING ME THAT INTERVIEW.
449
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,967
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
450
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,697
- TEEN, WHAT HAPPENED?
451
00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:51,097
[Kevin and Beth moaning]
452
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,230
- I THINK WE SHOULD MOVE THIS
TO THE BEDROOM.
453
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:03,433
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
454
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,373
[all chuckle awkwardly]
455
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:07,497
[door opens]
456
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,200
- FELIX.
457
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,800
- WHO'S FELIX?
- OUR ROOMMATE.
458
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,430
- DUDE,
WE'RE REALLY SORRY.
459
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,273
- GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE
TO TAKE A RAIN CHECK.
460
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:18,967
- WE SHOULD'VE WAITED FOR YOU.
461
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:22,527
- OH, NO WORRIES.
I'LL CATCH UP.
462
00:17:22,533 --> 00:17:25,533
- [chuckles]
- MMM.
463
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:27,603
- UH, THIS JUST WENT
FROM FOURSOME TO ORGY.
464
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,700
ANY ODD NUMBER OF PEOPLE FOOLING
AROUND OVER THREE EQUALS ORGY.
465
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,930
- I'M NOT UP TO ORGY, BABE.
466
00:17:32,933 --> 00:17:35,533
[moaning and groaning]
- YEAH.
467
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,503
all: MMM.
468
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,930
- [gasping]
469
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,530
- CAREFUL WITH THE FROSTING.
470
00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:45,603
YOU DON'T WANT THE INTERVIEWER
SEEING WHITE, CRUSTY STUFF
471
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,930
ALL OVER YOUR PANTS.
472
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,973
- OH, SOMEONE'S
BACK TO HER FILTHY SELF.
473
00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,867
- SO ARE YOU AND BRETT, LIKE,
DONE FOR GOOD?
474
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,627
- YEAH.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
475
00:17:54,633 --> 00:17:56,803
HE ALREADY SENT ME
APOLOGY CHOCOLATES HE MADE WITH
476
00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,170
"CELTIC SEA SALT."
477
00:18:00,167 --> 00:18:02,397
- JUST GO
TO YOUR INTERVIEW ALREADY.
478
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,870
- YEAH,
I SHOULD REALLY GO.
479
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:05,767
- HEY.
480
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:08,067
THANKS FOR CHECKIN' IN.
481
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:10,197
- I ONLY CAME BY
FOR THE FREE BREAKFAST.
482
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,600
I AM UNEMPLOYED,
YOU KNOW.
483
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,670
[door opens, closes]
484
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:16,067
YEAH, I REALLY GOT
INTO FINDING NEW BANDS FIRST
485
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,727
WHEN I WAS DOING MY RADIO SHOW
AT CORNELL.
486
00:18:17,733 --> 00:18:19,333
IT'S KIND OF DORKY,
I KNOW,
487
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,203
BUT A LOT OF THE TIMES
I'D PULL ALL-NIGHTERS,
488
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,930
'CAUSE, LIKE, THE BEST
INDIE STATIONS ARE IN THE U.K.,
489
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,433
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO
MISS ANYTHING.
490
00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:26,273
- COOL.
NICE SKINNY TIE, BY THE WAY.
491
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:28,327
- OH, THANKS. YEAH,
I'M FEELIN' MARC RONSON-Y.
492
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,403
[laughter]
- OH, LOVE HIM.
493
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,700
SO WHAT ARE YOU
EXCITED ABOUT NOW?
494
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,100
WHAT'S ON YOUR iPOD?
495
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,170
- JANE?
496
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,097
- JANE'S ADDICTION?
497
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:42,600
- WHAT?
- THE OLD BAND?
498
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,870
JANE'S ADDICTION?
499
00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:47,827
- OH, NO.
500
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,533
I'M SORRY, I JUST, UH...
501
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:53,403
COULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A SECOND?
502
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,430
[elevator bell dings]
503
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:56,873
[elevator door closes]
504
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,670
I'M SORRY.
505
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:12,427
I, UH, JUST SAW THIS GIRL
I USED TO DATE.
506
00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:14,733
- [chuckles]
OH, OKAY.
507
00:19:14,733 --> 00:19:18,073
BEEN THERE.
SO YOU WERE SAYIN'.
508
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:20,397
- I MEAN, I DIDN'T REALLY
DATE HER--WE JUST HOOKED UP.
509
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,670
AND SHE STOLE MY PANTS...
MAYBE.
510
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:24,167
I MEAN,
SHE GAVE ME HER NUMBER,
511
00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:25,927
BUT, LIKE, IT WASN'T REALLY
HER NUMBER.
512
00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:28,133
IT WAS A THAI-FOOD RESTAURANT--
UNLESS SHE WROTE IT DOWN WRONG.
513
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:30,103
I MEAN,
I KNOW THAT'S WHAT, LIKE,
514
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,670
PATHETIC DUDES TELL THEMSELVES
WHEN THEY GET A FAKE NUMBER,
515
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,297
BUT, LIKE, ISN'T IT POSSIBLE
THAT JUST ONCE,
516
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,800
THAT'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED?
517
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,830
BECAUSE, LIKE,
WHY WOULD SHE BORROW MY PANTS,
518
00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:40,803
IF SHE HAD NO INTENTION
OF SEEING ME AGAIN?
519
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,700
- UH...
520
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:51,830
[cell phone rings]
521
00:19:51,833 --> 00:19:55,073
- SHALOM?
DID YOU GET IT, JAY?
522
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:57,667
- NO, I SAW JANE THERE
AND IMPLODED.
523
00:19:57,667 --> 00:20:00,197
OH, IT WAS BAD.
AT BEST, I ACTED LIKE AN IDIOT.
524
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,230
AT WORST, LIKE THE VICTIM
OF A SUDDEN, VERY SAD STROKE.
525
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:05,403
- OH, MY GOD, THAT SUCKS.
526
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,870
WELL, JUST COME OVER.
527
00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:08,367
- MM, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE
GOIN' HOME.
528
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:10,567
- I'VE GOT CHOCOLATE
AND BAD DAYTIME TV HERE.
529
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,167
- WHAT ABOUT BOOZE?
- FUNNY.
530
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,767
WE'LL DO A SHOT EVERY TIME
DORA EXPLORES.
531
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,397
- OKAY, SEE YOU IN 15.
532
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,870
[The Silver Jews'
Trains Across The Sea]
533
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:25,497
- * TROUBLES
534
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:29,270
* NO TROUBLES
535
00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:31,927
* ON THE LINE
536
00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:39,033
- THE BACHLELORETTE PARTY.
IT'S TONIGHT AT 8:00.
537
00:20:39,033 --> 00:20:40,873
- THIS ISN'T HELPING ME
FORGET ABOUT BRETT.
538
00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:42,667
- DID YOU HEAR
I'M GETTING MARRIED?
539
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:44,197
TIME TO GO.
- CAT FIGHT!
540
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,870
- PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!
- YOU PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!
541
00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:49,127
- I WANT TO TOUCH ONE THINGY.
CAN I FEEL YOURS?
542
00:20:49,133 --> 00:20:50,003
- JAY!
I AM THE VICTIM HERE.
40282
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