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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:05,497 - IS IT OKAY IF I BORROW THESE? - YEAH. 2 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,630 CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER? I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL. 3 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:11,003 SHE'S CUTE AND SHE'S FUNNY. - LET'S DO IT IN YOUR FRIDGE! 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,600 - AND SHE'S SURPRISINGLY FILTHY. 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,870 IS JANE THERE? - THIS IS THAI RESTAURANT, OKAY? 6 00:00:14,867 --> 00:00:16,927 - FRIDGE GIRL STOLE MY PANTS. 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,000 [indie music] 8 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,800 * 9 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,470 - HEY! - WHOA, NICE TIMING. 10 00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:30,027 - SO WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS, HUH? 11 00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:31,703 - I GUESS SO. 12 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,700 I MEAN, I MET HER THERE LAST TUESDAY AND IT'S TUESDAY, SO-- 13 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,170 - SO MAYBE WE'LL SEE HER. 14 00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:37,327 MORE IMPORTANTLY, MAYBE YOU'LL GET 15 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:38,833 YOUR LITTLE MAN-PANTS BACK, JAY. 16 00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:40,573 - HA HA, I DOUBT IT. 17 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,967 BUT LOOK, YOU KNOW, AT LEAST I'LL HAVE TRIED. 18 00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:44,067 AND THEN I CAN START PLAN B: 19 00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:46,997 BECOMING RELIGIOUS AND FINDING A NICE GIRL VIA ARRANGED MARRIAGE. 20 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,370 - EH, I DON'T KNOW. 21 00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,497 RELIGIOUS GIRLS AREN'T REALLY INTO PERSONAL GROOMING. 22 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,670 I HAD GYM WITH TIKVA RUBENSTEIN. 23 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:53,667 HUGE BUSH. - EW. 24 00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:55,197 [car horn] WHAT THE HELL? 25 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,530 - WHOA, SWEET RIDE, DICK. 26 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,700 COME ON, LET'S DO THIS. 27 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,470 I'M HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. 28 00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:05,797 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE FAT, 29 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,530 AND IT'S HARD FOR YOU TO MEET GIRLS. 30 00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:12,473 [bar chatter] 31 00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,827 - WELL, SHE'S NOT HERE. 32 00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,873 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, YOU HAVE TO BUY THE FIRST ROUND 33 00:01:23,867 --> 00:01:26,627 SINCE NOW I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN. 34 00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:27,773 - DON'T JOKE IT OFF, JAY. 35 00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,567 JOKE IT OFF. THAT SOUNDS DIRTY, 36 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:32,527 LIKE SOMETHING A NAUGHTY CLOWN WOULD DO. 37 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:33,803 COME ON, ARE YOU OKAY? 38 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,530 - YEAH, IT'S JUST WE HAD THIS AMAZING NIGHT, 39 00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,503 AND THEN SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME. 40 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,630 STUPID, I KNOW, BUT I KEEP WONDERING, 41 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,933 DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? 42 00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,303 - NO, NOBODY EVER FIGURES OUT WHAT THEY DID WRONG. 43 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,070 YOU KNOW, VERY FEW PEOPLE HAVE PERSPECTIVE LIKE THAT. 44 00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:48,067 AND THOSE THAT DO ARE USUALLY REALLY INTO JAM BANDS. 45 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,227 - I SHOULD BE WRITING THESE PEARLS DOWN. 46 00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:51,803 - HEY. - OH, LOOK SUPER-COUPLE'S HERE. 47 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,230 - HEY! - SO? 48 00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,073 - SHE'S NOT HERE STACE. - SUCKS, DUDE. 49 00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:56,797 ONWARD. I SAW A GIRL IN HERE DRUNK ENOUGH 50 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:57,970 TO HAVE SEX WITH A MANNEQUIN. 51 00:01:57,967 --> 00:02:00,267 YOU SHOULD GO BE THAT MANNEQUIN. 52 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,227 - SHUT UP, ERIC. - NICE. 53 00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:03,703 - WHAT'S UP, LATE NIGHT PLANS? 54 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,130 - NO, I'M JUST EXPECTING A TEXT FROM BRETT. 55 00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:07,273 I MEAN, USUALLY A FEW DAYS AFTER WE FIGHT, 56 00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:08,867 HE SENDS ME A DUMB TEXT-- 57 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:11,067 PICTURE OF A CAT WITH A MUSTACHE OR WHATEVER. 58 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,327 IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK. 59 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,073 IT DOESN'T MATTER, I MEAN, IT'S DONE. 60 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,167 WHATEVER. 61 00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,397 - MAYBE BE MATURE AND TEXT HIM? 62 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,670 - UH, NO. NO WAY I'M TEXTING HIM. 63 00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,127 - YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU COULD CONTACT BRETT. 64 00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:22,733 I CAN'T EVEN FIND JANE. 65 00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:24,203 I MEAN, IT'S A TOTAL HAIL MARY, 66 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,970 BUT I COULD POST ON MISSED CONNECTIONS. 67 00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:27,297 - [gasps] 68 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,870 - WHAT DO WE HAVE SO FAR? 69 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,367 - SORRY, I WAS JUST LOOKING AT THIS SEX AD. 70 00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:34,067 "B.B.W. SEEKS M.A.B."? 71 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:36,067 WHATEVER THAT IS. - MALE ADULT BABY. 72 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:37,927 DO NOT GOOGLE IT. 73 00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,703 WHAT? I GET BORED AT WORK. 74 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,830 - OKAY, SO I HAVE "YOU, JANE, ME-- 75 00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,603 GUY WHOSE PANTS YOU BORROWED." 76 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,530 - NO, LOSE THE TARZAN START. 77 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,933 - "THE NUMBER YOU LEFT WAS ACTUALLY THAI FOOD. 78 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:49,433 "GREAT THAI, SO THANKS. BUT LET'S MEET UP AGAIN. 79 00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,103 I HAVE OTHER CLOTHING ITEMS THAT MIGHT FIT YOU." 80 00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,070 I DON'T KNOW, IS IT FUNNY ENOUGH? 81 00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:57,527 - LET ME SEE. 82 00:02:57,533 --> 00:02:59,433 - [gasps] - POSTED. 83 00:02:59,433 --> 00:03:01,073 - WHAT THE HELL? 84 00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:02,697 I WAS GONNA PUT SOMETHING IRONIC IN THERE. 85 00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,230 [laughter] 86 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,370 - SO MY WEEKEND WAS BIZONKERS. 87 00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,567 I DRANK SO MUCH I ALMOST WENT BLIND. 88 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,267 AND I WENT TO THIS PLACE CALLED TOAST. 89 00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,467 ALL THEY SERVE IS TOAST. IT'S SUPER-CARBY. 90 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:19,097 UGH, AND THEN, LIKE, KEV IS NOW STALKING ME ON I.M. 91 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,570 IT'S LIKE, IT WAS JUST A BEEJ, LET IT GO. 92 00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:21,767 ANYWAY, YOU? 93 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:22,967 YOU EVER HEAR FROM WHAT'S-HIS-BUTT? 94 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,167 - NO, NOT YET. 95 00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,597 - HEY, SORRY TO INTERRUPT. 96 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,330 I'M KENT. I INTERN HERE. 97 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,173 - HI, INTERN KENT. 98 00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,297 - HEY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO ME, LIKE, A HUGE FAVOR. 99 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,770 I NEED TO MAKE COFFEE FOR MAYA'S MEETING, 100 00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:36,627 AND I HAVE ZERO IDEA HOW TO USE THAT THING. 101 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,973 I'M MORE OF A TEA GUY. 102 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,967 - BUTCH. - YEAH, I KNOW. 103 00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:41,297 UH, BUT COULD YOU HELP ME? 104 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,470 - DYL, CAN YOU? I'M UPLOADING. 105 00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,667 - CAN'T. I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EPIC I.M. WAR OVER HERE. 106 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:46,927 - [sighs] 107 00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:49,273 OKAY, IT'S PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD. 108 00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:51,327 STEP ONE, PUT IN COFFEE. 109 00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,573 STEP TWO, PUT IN WATER. 110 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,627 STEP THREE, PUSH BUTTON. 111 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,873 SOON, COFFEE. - THANK YOU. 112 00:03:57,867 --> 00:03:59,167 I GREW UP IN THE CITY, 113 00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,897 SO MECHANICAL OBJECTS USUALLY REQUIRE THE SUPER. 114 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,900 - WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF ICE, 115 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,330 CALL 911? 116 00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,833 - UH, I'VE BEEN MAKING MY OWN ICE SINCE I WAS 16. 117 00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:10,503 - [sighs] GOOD LUCK WITH THE CAFFEINE CROWD. 118 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,570 - [silent] 119 00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:13,697 - I KNOW WE'RE INTO KEEPING IT LOCAL, 120 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,070 BUT THIS PLACE IS DEEPLY SKETCHY. 121 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,067 WHY DIDN'T WE JUST GO TO MACY'S? 122 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,597 - WE'RE ON A BUDGET, REMEMBER? 123 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,070 - YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS. 124 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,367 YOU SEIZE CONTROL LIKE A SEXY-ASS DICTATOR. 125 00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,427 - [laughs] YOU KNOW YOU CAN BE BAD AT DECISIONS, ER. 126 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:26,133 YOU MAKE YOUR FAMOUS PROS AND CONS LISTS AND--OOH. 127 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,573 THIS IS PRETTY COMFY, RIGHT? 128 00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,227 - IT'S FINE, BUT-- - CAN I HELP YOU? 129 00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:32,733 - YES, WE'D LIKE THIS BED. 130 00:04:32,733 --> 00:04:34,403 BUT ONLY IF YOU DO FREE DELIVERY. 131 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,400 - FOR CASH? UH, SURE. 132 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,400 - NO, I JUST THINK THAT-- - THIS IS A BARGAIN, ER. 133 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,830 PLUS WE'LL BE DONE. 134 00:04:39,833 --> 00:04:41,873 WE CAN JUST GO HOME AND... YOU KNOW. 135 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,627 [whispers] BREAK IT IN. 136 00:04:43,633 --> 00:04:44,903 JUST TRUST ME, 'KAY? 137 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:48,830 - OKAY. UH, YEAH, SURE. WE'LL TAKE IT. 138 00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,603 - JAY. 139 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,270 I WAS WORRIED SOMETHING MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED. 140 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,067 - I KNOW, I'M SORRY I'M LATE. - I'M KIDDING. 141 00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,467 I WASN'T WORRIED. [laughs] 142 00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:05,097 THE ONLY TIME I REMEMBER YOU EVEN EXIST 143 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,330 IS WHEN I CAN SEE YOU. 144 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,733 OH, YOU EXIST! HI. 145 00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,433 - THANKS, JB. 146 00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:11,073 - OH, GOD, I LOVE MOMS. 147 00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,667 ESPECIALLY SINGLE MOMS. 148 00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,597 YOU GO OVER THERE AND GET A DECENT FREE MEAL. 149 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,170 BY 8:00, THE KIDS HAVE GONE DOWN 150 00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:18,767 AND THEN THEIR MAMA GOES DOWN. 151 00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,467 OH, LOOK AT THAT ONE. 152 00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,167 SHE'S GOT THAT SWEET MOUND TO RUB. 153 00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:24,227 NATURE'S MIRACLE. 154 00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:26,073 - YOU HAVE A LOT TO TEACH ME. 155 00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:30,067 - I'D TOTALLY HUMP THAT BUMP. 156 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,067 [phone chimes] 157 00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:41,903 - LAME, I KNOW. 158 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,130 HR HAD ME MAKE A PHONE TREE. 159 00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:45,733 YOU KNOW, IN CASE OF TERRORIST ATTACKS, 160 00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:47,073 SO I GOT YOUR NUMBER. 161 00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:49,567 - AND YOU'RE GETTING SCHOOL CREDIT FOR THAT? 162 00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:51,497 - YEAH, BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M LEARNING ANYTHING. 163 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,070 I'D LOVE TO PICK YOUR BRAIN ABOUT HOW THIS PLACE WORKS. 164 00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:54,697 AND THANK YOU FOR BEFORE. 165 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:57,300 CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK AFTER WORK? 166 00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,630 - I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR, LIKE, LESS THAN A YEAR. 167 00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,903 SARA KNOWS WAY MORE THAN I DO. 168 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,270 - YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER, THOUGH. 169 00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,667 AND YOU ALREADY KINDA SCHOOLED ME ON THE COFFEE. 170 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,867 SO YOU'RE KINDA MY MENTOR. 171 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,597 AND MY LAST MENTOR, MR. VARGA, IS IN JAIL 172 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,300 FOR A TOUCH-RELATED INCIDENT. 173 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:15,530 SO I'M KINDA COUNTING ON YOU. 174 00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:19,333 - UH, SURE, IF IT'S EARLY. 175 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,133 AND LIKE, TWO BLOCKS FROM HERE. 176 00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:24,233 - OKAY, GREAT, AWESOME, OKAY. 177 00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:25,173 [whispers] YES! 178 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,427 - OH! - OH, SAY IT, SAY I WAS RIGHT! 179 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,433 - YOU WERE RIGHT. 180 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,733 PROFOUNDLY RIGHT. 181 00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,073 - HARDER. 182 00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:35,967 SORRY, HARDER ALWAYS SOUNDS DUMB. 183 00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:37,397 - ALSO, HARDER'S A LITTLE EMASCULATING. 184 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,870 LIKE I CAN'T DO IT HARD ENOUGH. 185 00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:41,367 - NO, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. DON'T STOP. 186 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,727 - DON'T STOP'S KIND OF INSULTING. 187 00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:44,233 AM I SO OUT OF SHAPE THAT I MIGHT STOP? 188 00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,933 - OKAY, DON'T RUIN NEW MATTRESS SEX. 189 00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:50,673 - SO, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ONLINE FASHION DISCOUNTS? 190 00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:51,867 - HONESTLY, NOTHING. 191 00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:55,067 I JUST THINK YOU'RE COOL AND PRETTY, 192 00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,497 AND I REALLY WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU. 193 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:02,070 - WOW. THAT'S REALLY STRAIGHTFORWARD OF YOU. 194 00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,697 - YEAH, I'VE BEEN TOLD I'M A BIT OF A ROMANTIC. 195 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:06,870 IT'S NOT LIKE I OWN THE NOTEBOOK ON DVD OR ANYTHING. 196 00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:09,497 BUT I DO THINK THAT IT'S A REALLY, REALLY GOOD MOVIE. 197 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,800 - YEAH, I CAN'T WATCH THAT MOVIE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE. 198 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,100 I UGLY CRY. 199 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,530 [chuckles] 200 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,973 - Y-YOU KEEP CHECKING YOUR PHONE. 201 00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,427 ARE YOU LIVE TWEETING THIS? 202 00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:21,573 INTERN LIKES ME, HASHTAG: OMFG, OR WHATEVER? 203 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:27,427 - OH, IT'S JUST THIS GUY WHO SHOULD BE TEXTING ME BUT ISN'T. 204 00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:29,073 - WHAT GUY WOULDN'T TEXT YOU? 205 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,967 - I KNOW. UNFATHOMABLE. 206 00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:33,097 [phone chimes] 207 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,803 YOU'RE A TOTAL CORNBALL. 208 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,570 - AND...WHENEVER YOU'RE READY. 209 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,567 - GOUDA'S GOOD. BUT CHEDDAR'S BETTER. 210 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,127 [phone vibrates] WHEN MY MOM MAKES 211 00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:52,433 GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES, SHE USES ONLY THE BEST CHEESE. 212 00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,433 - HOLY CRAP! JANE. 213 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,933 - COME ON, DUDE! - OH-- 214 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,733 - THAT WAS PURE [bleep] GOLD! 215 00:07:57,733 --> 00:07:58,803 - I KNOW, I'M SORRY. 216 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,430 JUST GO AGAIN. 217 00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:04,473 - GOUDA'S GOOD, BUT CHEDDAR'S BETTER. 218 00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,297 WHEN MY MOM MAKES GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES... 219 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,670 - [sighs] THAT WAS AWESOME. 220 00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:10,827 - [chuckles] 221 00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:14,903 - NOW I SEE WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT. 222 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,730 - WHAT ARE-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 223 00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,903 - I MEAN, BEFORE LOTS. BUT NOTHING LIKE THAT, THOUGH. 224 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,870 AIN'T NOTHING LIKE THE REAL THING. 225 00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:24,097 THAT SONG IS SO TRUE, YOU KNOW-- - W-WA-WAIT, WAIT. 226 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,970 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 227 00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:33,697 - UH...DON'T FREAK OUT. 228 00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,600 I'M A VIRGIN. 229 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,070 WAS... [whispers] A VIRGIN. 230 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,627 - SEE, BOSS, LOOK. 231 00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:48,973 HER ASS? 232 00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:50,967 HARD LIKE YOUNG BOY'S. BUT HER BREASTS? 233 00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:52,427 SOFT LIKE BABY'S HEAD. 234 00:08:52,433 --> 00:08:53,533 - THAT'S AN INTERESTING ANALOGY. 235 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,903 ARE YOU RECORDING? 236 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,670 - I RECORD EVERYTHING. 237 00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:57,767 [door bell jingles] 238 00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,597 - ICED COFFEE. MY SOUL HURTS. 239 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,900 - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 240 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,730 I TEXTED YOU LIKE EIGHT TIMES LAST NIGHT. 241 00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:05,073 JANE RESPONDED TO MY CRAIGSLIST AD. 242 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,827 - OH, JAY, THAT'S CRAZY. 243 00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:08,373 - I KNOW. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WORKED. 244 00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:09,367 I'M MEETING HER TONIGHT. 245 00:09:09,367 --> 00:09:10,427 - OH, I ALSO HAVE SOME NEWS. 246 00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:13,333 I DEVIRGINIZED AN INTERN. 247 00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:15,433 - I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU JUST MANAGED TO STEAL MY THUNDER, 248 00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:17,103 BUT YOU DID. - YOU TAKE MAN'S VIRGINITY? 249 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,600 - NO, I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING, OKAY? 250 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,730 IT WAS GIVEN TO ME, SURPRISINGLY FORCEFULLY 251 00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:23,903 FOR A DUDE WHO'S ONLY HAD SEX WITH HIS HANDS BEFORE. 252 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,100 - YOU KNOW HE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. 253 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,470 - OH, GOD, DON'T JOKE. 254 00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:29,927 HE'S VERY SWEET. I DON'T WANNA, LIKE, HURT HIM. 255 00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,433 - HE'S NOT A GIRL IN A VAMPIRE MOVIE. 256 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,933 GUYS DON'T FALL IN LOVE FROM SEX. 257 00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:34,603 - SAYS A GUY WHO HAD SEX WITH A GIRL IN HIS FRIDGE 258 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,270 AND PROBABLY HAS SPENT THE LAST HOUR 259 00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:38,267 DEBATING WHICH SHIRT TO WEAR ON HIS BIG DATE TONIGHT. 260 00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,897 - THIS ONE'S COOL, RIGHT? 261 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,130 - NOT A PROBLEM. 262 00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:43,133 TAKING MAN'S VIRGINITY IS GREAT HONOR. 263 00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,273 TAKING WOMAN'S IS RESPONSIBILITY. 264 00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:47,267 YOU MUST WRITE HER FATHER A THANK-YOU NOTE. 265 00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:48,297 OR BUY HIM DVD. 266 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,900 - SO, LIKE, HOW DO I PLAY IT TONIGHT? 267 00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,500 LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? 268 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,200 WHAT, IS THAT BRETT? - NO... 269 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,070 JUST BE YOURSELF. 270 00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:57,367 YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE A LITTLE AWKWARD. 271 00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:58,667 YOU'LL HAVE SOME DRINKS. 272 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:00,197 AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, 273 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,670 YOU'LL BE BACK AT YOUR PLACE, GENTLY HUMPING IN YOUR TOASTER. 274 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:04,097 JUST HIDE YOUR CLOTHES IF SHE SLEEPS OVER. 275 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,930 - 'KAY, I GOTTA RUN, WISH ME LUCK. 276 00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:07,233 - I WISH YOU SEX. - HEY, WHORE FAIRY. 277 00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:11,003 MAKE SEX WISH FOR ME ALSO. 278 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,000 [workout music] 279 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:19,930 * 280 00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:22,133 - UGH! OH, GOD! 281 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,267 ERIC. - 'SUP, BABY? 282 00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:29,327 - GET OFF THE MATTRESS. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 283 00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:32,003 - IT CAME OFF THE STREET. 284 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,000 - WHAT? 285 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,870 - WE MADE LOVE ON A TRASH BAG. 286 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,267 - MADE THE ICE CUBES MYSELF. 287 00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:46,967 BOUGHT THE COOKIE. 288 00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:48,527 YOU LOOK CUTE TODAY. 289 00:10:51,867 --> 00:10:54,367 - SEE, THIS IS WHY IT'S GOOD TO THINK THINGS THROUGH. 290 00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:55,927 - BUT IF YOU JUST CONTEMPLATE ALL DAY LONG, 291 00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,173 YOU NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE. [phone vibrates] 292 00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:58,697 - JUST LET ME WIN THIS ARGUMENT, BABE. 293 00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,700 - HEY, UGH, HANG ON. 294 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,700 - OH, REALLY, RIGHT NOW? - HANG ON. 295 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,070 - HEY. 296 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,667 - I HAVE A SITUATION. 297 00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,527 CAN YOU TALK? I NEED LADY PERSPECTIVE. 298 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,073 - WHAT'S UP? DID YOU HEAR FROM BRETT? 299 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,067 YOU SHOULD JUST TEXT HIM, TEEN, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. 300 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,367 - OH, NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT. 301 00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:15,297 UH, I SLEPT WITH AN INTERN, AND HE WAS A VIRGIN 302 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,570 AND NOW HE MAY LOVE ME. - WAIT, WHAT? 303 00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:19,397 - LET'S SKIP THE PART WITH THE RAISED EYEBROWS AND JUDGING 304 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,200 AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU HELP ME, OKAY? 305 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,670 - THIS THING'S TOUCHING MY FACE, BABE. 306 00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,367 - ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE SITUATION. 307 00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:26,597 YOU HAVE A...BABY MONKEY. 308 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,970 BUT YOU'RE HUMAN AND IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU TO KEEP HIM. 309 00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,527 YOU NEED TO TAKE THE BABY MONKEY BACK TO THE JUNGLE. 310 00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:33,073 - I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 311 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,967 BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 312 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,597 - I DON'T KNOW, I'M GETTING RINGWORM RIGHT NOW. 313 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,930 LET ME CALL YOU LATER. [sighs] 314 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,227 - HEY, HEY! 315 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:44,573 - WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK. 316 00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,197 I SAW HOW YOU GET YOUR INVENTORY. 317 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,430 THIS CAME OFF THE STREET. 318 00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:49,933 - ALL SALES ARE FINAL. STORE POLICY. 319 00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:51,073 - COME ON. 320 00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:55,067 - BESIDES, YOU MAKE LOVE ON THIS, RIGHT? 321 00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:56,067 - WHAT? 322 00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,297 - LOOK. 323 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,770 THERE ARE LOVE JUICES. 324 00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,597 - THERE'S NO WAY THOSE ARE ALL OURS. 325 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,070 - WHOSE ARE THEY? 326 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,697 - I CAN'T TAKE THIS BACK. ALL SALES ARE FINAL. 327 00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,600 - NO, DON'T WALK AWAY! - ALL SALES ARE FINAL. 328 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,930 - NO, THIS IS NOT OVER! 329 00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,073 THIS IS NOT OVER! 330 00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:10,897 - ANIMALS. 331 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:13,130 - OKAY, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 332 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,403 I'LL FIX IT. 333 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:19,670 ERIC! 334 00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,667 [upbeat music] 335 00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:30,597 * 336 00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:37,673 - BIG DATE. 337 00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:38,597 - [hocks loogie] 338 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,600 [overlapping chatter] 339 00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:02,367 - JANE, HEY. 340 00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:05,497 OH! OH, I'M SORRY. 341 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:06,970 THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEBODY ELSE. 342 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:08,327 - YOU MUST BE JASON, RIGHT? 343 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:10,073 - YEAH, DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER? 344 00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,067 - I ANSWERED YOUR AD ON MISSED CONNECTIONS. 345 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,667 IT WAS SO ROMANTIC. 346 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,497 - BUT...IT WASN'T FOR YOU. 347 00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,830 - WE ARE SO SIMILAR, YOU'RE SEARCHING, I'M SEARCHING. 348 00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:20,803 THE ONLY THING WE'VE NEVER HAD WAS A MISSED CONNECTION. 349 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,400 - UH... 350 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,400 - HOW GOOD IS THE STORY OF HOW WE MET? 351 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,730 AM I RIGHT? - YEAH, UH-- 352 00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:25,833 - OH, HERE, I GOT YOU THIS GLASS OF WINE. 353 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,833 DRINK IT. 354 00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:29,503 - [silent] WHAT? 355 00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,297 - THIS PLACE IS PRETTY POSH. 356 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,400 I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE WEARING A BROOCH. 357 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,770 - I WANTED TO BRING YOU SOMEPLACE NICE. 358 00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:40,067 ABOUT LAST NIGHT-- I'M NOT RELIGIOUS OR ANYTHING. 359 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,597 I JUST HAD A LOT OF ACNE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 360 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,930 SO I'M SORRY THAT I LAID THE VIRGIN THING ON YOU. 361 00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:47,073 I JUST FIGURED YOU COULD TELL. 362 00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,867 - NO, IT'S FINE. 363 00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:49,967 YOU DID FINE. 364 00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:51,727 - WELL, I DO PRACTICE A LOT. 365 00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,533 WHEN I'M BY MYSELF. 366 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:57,073 - SO KENT, UH, OOH, THIS IS HARD. 367 00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,367 UM, I KNOW I WAS YOUR FIRST, 368 00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:00,927 AND I KNOW THAT HOLDS A LOT OF MEANING. 369 00:14:00,933 --> 00:14:04,933 BUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US WAS JUST SEX. 370 00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:06,873 YOU KNOW, SWEET, LOVELY, 371 00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,597 BUT ULTIMATELY WRONG DRUNKEN SEX. 372 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,530 - NOT TO ME, IT WASN'T. 373 00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:12,273 - TRUST ME, IT WAS. I'VE BEEN THERE. 374 00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,097 AS HONORED AS I AM TO BE YOUR MAN-MAKER, 375 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,070 I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD GET OUT THERE, YOU KNOW? 376 00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,067 EXPLORE. 377 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,527 THERE ARE SO MANY FISH IN THE SEA. 378 00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:22,073 I MEAN, JUST LOOK AROUND THIS BAR. 379 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:26,767 - THE ONLY FISH I SEE HERE IS YOU. 380 00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:30,197 - THAT IS VERY SWEET AND ONE TREE HILL OF YOU, BUT-- 381 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,570 - I'M NOT SO IMMATURE. I'M 19-- 382 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:35,097 21 YEARS OLD. 383 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,670 I DID A SEMESTER ABROAD IN HUNGARY. 384 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,697 I WORKED SUMMERS CLEANING TOMMY HILFIGER'S POOL. 385 00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:42,400 YOU CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT I SKIMMED OUT OF THERE. 386 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,100 I'VE SEEN THINGS, TINA. 387 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:48,070 MATURE, ADULT-TYPE THINGS. 388 00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:51,067 SERIOUSLY, I-I L--I LIKE YOU. 389 00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:53,827 OKAY? JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. 390 00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:57,397 - [breathing hard] 391 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,900 - YOU ONLY GIGGLED ONCE THAT TIME, 392 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,870 SO I'M GUESSING I DID BETTER? 393 00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:05,367 - YEAH. 394 00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:12,773 - THIS IS SO NICE, RIGHT? 395 00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:15,827 - YEAH...NICE. 396 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,100 - I'M READY AGAIN. 397 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,800 - YEAH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN MY HOPES UP. 398 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,070 I JUST REALLY WANTED IT TO BE HER. 399 00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:27,827 - I JUST GOT OUT OF A PRETTY INTENSE THING MYSELF 400 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,533 WITH THIS GUY, BRIAN. 401 00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:33,933 IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT I TOTALLY GET WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. 402 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,633 - WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING TO MY RIDICULOUSNESS. 403 00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:39,533 - OF COURSE. 404 00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,903 SO MY SHIFT IS OVER IN TEN MINUTES. 405 00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,270 MAYBE WE COULD GO SOMEPLACE ELSE, 406 00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:46,367 HELP EACH OTHER HEAL. 407 00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:49,397 - UH...YEAH. 408 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,830 SOUNDS GOOD. 409 00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,703 - [panting] 410 00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:56,570 - I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE PATHETIC TIP I LEFT BEFORE. 411 00:15:56,567 --> 00:16:00,367 - I KNEW WE COULD MAKE EACH OTHER FEEL BETTER. 412 00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:01,367 THESE HELP, RIGHT? 413 00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:06,697 WAIT, HANG ON. 414 00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:13,673 PUT THIS ON, OKAY? 415 00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:19,927 - SURE... 416 00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:20,933 - YEAH. - YEAH? 417 00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:24,203 - NICE. 418 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:32,497 JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, BRIAN. 419 00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,500 - IT'S JASON, ACTUALLY. I'M SORRY TO CORRECT YOU. 420 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,300 EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'RE DOING IS EXACTLY RIGHT. 421 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,430 - [inhales deeply] 422 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:38,703 SHUT UP, BRIAN. 423 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:44,270 - OKAY, UM, WHAT ARE YOU-- 424 00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:45,597 - FEEL ME SAY YOUR NAME. 425 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,830 - [husky voice] BRI, BRI, BRI, BRI! 426 00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,973 - YEAH, SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU MIGHT NOT BE 427 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:50,967 OVER THIS GUY BRIAN. 428 00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,067 - BRI! 429 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,700 - HEY JASON. HOW YOU FEELING? 430 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,300 - HMM, MISUNDERSTOOD. 431 00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,070 - YOU AND I, BOSS, WE FEEL TOO MUCH. 432 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,897 WE SHOULD BE LIKE YOUR FRIEND-- WHORE, MADE OF STONE. 433 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:06,070 - HEY, I HAD A SEXUAL LOW POINT LAST NIGHT. 434 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,397 I THINK YOU WILL ENJOY MOCKING ME FOR IT FOR YEARS. 435 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,100 - UGH, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO MOCK ANYBODY. 436 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,630 - WHY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE INTERN? 437 00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:12,633 - I DON'T KNOW. 438 00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,703 HE'S CUTE AND ATTENTIVE, 439 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,330 AND HE MADE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING AND DID THE DISHES. 440 00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:17,673 AND NOT JUST THE BREAKFAST DISHES EITHER. 441 00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,697 LIKE, THE REALLY OLD, GROSS ONES TOO. 442 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,200 - YOU THINK THERE'S ANY CHANCE YOU LIKE HIM 443 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,070 JUST BECAUSE HE DOTES ON YOU AND, LIKE, BRETT NEVER TEXTED? 444 00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,967 - NO, IT'S JUST THAT MAYBE I FOUND A GUY-- 445 00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:26,167 - BOY. 446 00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,427 - BOY, WHO CARES ABOUT ME. 447 00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:30,703 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY WHO'S NOT GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BAD 448 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,570 IF I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BOCCE BALL 449 00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:34,497 AT SOME STUPID HIPSTER PARTY. 450 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,700 I MEAN, SO WHAT IF HE'S NOT 451 00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,130 "TOTALLY COOL" OR OF DRINKING AGE. 452 00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,803 YOU KNOW, IN TEN YEARS, WHEN YOU'RE SMEARING PLACENTA 453 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,900 ALL OVER YOUR LAUGH LINES, HE'LL BE SMOOTH LIKE A BABY. 454 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,230 [phone chimes] HEY! 455 00:17:44,233 --> 00:17:46,303 - HANG ON A SECOND, WHO DO YOU WANT THIS TO BE FROM? 456 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:50,130 BRETT OR THE INTERN? 457 00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,173 - [groans] UGH! 458 00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:56,197 - WHO WAS IT, MAN OR CHILD? 459 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,070 - PHONE COMPANY. HER BILL'S DUE. 460 00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,127 - [sighs] I WAS ROOTING FOR THE CHILD. 461 00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:03,233 - HEY, BABE? 462 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:04,533 - IN HERE. 463 00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:06,573 - HEY, SORRY, I GOT STUCK IN A CLASS. 464 00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,767 BUT TOMORROW MORNING, I'M GOING BACK TO THE BED STORE 465 00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:10,527 AND I'M BURNING IT TO THE GROUND. 466 00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:13,073 - I MADE A DECISION. 467 00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:14,467 I WENT TO MACY'S. 468 00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,127 - BUT HOW MUCH DID YOU P-- - A LOT. 469 00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:19,073 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I MADE MY LITTLE PROS AND CONS LIST, 470 00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:20,597 AND THIS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE. 471 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,870 A CHEAP MATTRESS LASTS A FEW YEARS. 472 00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:24,597 WE NEED AN EXPENSIVE ONE BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA BE SLEEPING ON IT 473 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,970 TOGETHER FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. 474 00:18:27,967 --> 00:18:31,297 - DID YOU BREAK IT IN ALREADY, OR DID YOU WAIT FOR ME? 475 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,370 - WAITED... YOU HAD TWO MORE MINUTES. 476 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,467 - HOW DO YOU DRINK THIS? 477 00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,867 IT TASTES LIKE HOT MUD. 478 00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:47,267 - KENT, I DON'T WANNA EMBARRASS YOU, 479 00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:49,197 BUT I KNOW THAT YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME. 480 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,400 AND IT'S ADORABLE. 481 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,600 BUT THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 482 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,770 OH, GOD, THIS IS HARD. 483 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,927 WHAT, UM, ARE THOSE? 484 00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:00,933 - UH, I WAS-- 485 00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,603 LISTENING TO YOUR ADVICE. 486 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,370 YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK I SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE, 487 00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:07,697 YOU KNOW, I TRUST YOU. 488 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,130 AND, SO I'M JUST GETTING THIS PARTY STARTED. 489 00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,073 - I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY FISH IN THE SEA. 490 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:15,297 - YOU ARE THE ONLY FISH SO FAR... 491 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,100 BUT IF YOU'RE SWIMMING AWAY, 492 00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,970 I DON'T WANNA STOP HAVING SEX. 493 00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,967 SEX IS GOOD. I LIKE SEX. 494 00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:23,267 AND I WANNA DO IT WITH OTHER FISH. 495 00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:27,267 LIKE AN EXOTIC FISH OR MAYBE LIKE A REALLY BIG FISH. 496 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,597 - OKAY, GLAD YOU, UH, GET IT THEN. 497 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,930 SEE YOU ON THE FLIP FLOP. 498 00:19:32,933 --> 00:19:35,133 - WE CAN STILL GET TOGETHER, THOUGH, RIGHT? 499 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,603 LIKE FRIENDS PLUS... 500 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,770 - WHAT? 501 00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:39,367 NO, KENT. 502 00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:43,267 JESUS, NO-- MAKE ME COFFEE, INTERN! 503 00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,297 - [laughs] 504 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,770 YOU WANT A REGULAR OR A DECAF? 505 00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,297 - BRING IT TO MY DESK. 506 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:53,427 - THE WEIRDEST PART WAS SHE WAS ALL LIKE, 507 00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,103 "DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ME." 508 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,630 AND I WAS DOING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING. 509 00:19:57,633 --> 00:19:59,173 SO WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN WHEN A GIRL SAYS THAT? 510 00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:00,667 - BUTT STUFF. 511 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,927 I'M GUESSING. 512 00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:03,433 - SO WHAT'S NEXT, JAY? - [silent] BUTT STUFF. 513 00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:05,673 - MISSING PANTS POSTER? MAYBE GET A DOG TO SNIFF YOU 514 00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:07,797 AND FOLLOW THE SCENT? - [laughs] 515 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,900 - YEAH, NO, NOTHING'S NEXT. 516 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,130 I'M NOT A FREAK LIKE THE BARTENDER GIRL. 517 00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:12,103 LOOK, GUYS, I TRIED, I FAILED. 518 00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,300 I HAD SEX WITH A GIRL WHO 519 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,430 TIBETAN THROAT-SANG HER EX'S NAME. 520 00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:15,833 I THINK I'VE DONE ALL I CAN. 521 00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:17,173 - I THINK IT'S GREAT YOU PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. 522 00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:18,227 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE AN OLDER 523 00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:20,603 MORE BROKEN VERSION OF THE INTERN. 524 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,170 - YEAH, STILL DO WANT MY PANTS BACK, THOUGH. 525 00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,997 WELL, IN THE MEANTIME, HERE'S TO US BOTH MOVING ON. 526 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000 - I TEXTED BRETT. 527 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,500 WHATEVER, SHUT UP. 528 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,070 ALOHA...ALSO MEANS GOOD-BYE. 37793

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