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1
00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:05,497
- IS IT OKAY IF I BORROW THESE?
- YEAH.
2
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,630
CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER?
I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL.
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:11,003
SHE'S CUTE AND SHE'S FUNNY.
- LET'S DO IT IN YOUR FRIDGE!
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,600
- AND SHE'S SURPRISINGLY
FILTHY.
5
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,870
IS JANE THERE?
- THIS IS THAI RESTAURANT, OKAY?
6
00:00:14,867 --> 00:00:16,927
- FRIDGE GIRL STOLE MY PANTS.
7
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,000
[indie music]
8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,800
*
9
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,470
- HEY!
- WHOA, NICE TIMING.
10
00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:30,027
- SO WE'RE REALLY
DOING THIS, HUH?
11
00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:31,703
- I GUESS SO.
12
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,700
I MEAN, I MET HER THERE LAST
TUESDAY AND IT'S TUESDAY, SO--
13
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,170
- SO MAYBE WE'LL SEE HER.
14
00:00:36,167 --> 00:00:37,327
MORE IMPORTANTLY,
MAYBE YOU'LL GET
15
00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:38,833
YOUR LITTLE
MAN-PANTS BACK, JAY.
16
00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:40,573
- HA HA, I DOUBT IT.
17
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,967
BUT LOOK, YOU KNOW,
AT LEAST I'LL HAVE TRIED.
18
00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:44,067
AND THEN I CAN START PLAN B:
19
00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:46,997
BECOMING RELIGIOUS AND FINDING A
NICE GIRL VIA ARRANGED MARRIAGE.
20
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,370
- EH, I DON'T KNOW.
21
00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,497
RELIGIOUS GIRLS AREN'T REALLY
INTO PERSONAL GROOMING.
22
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,670
I HAD GYM WITH TIKVA RUBENSTEIN.
23
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:53,667
HUGE BUSH.
- EW.
24
00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:55,197
[car horn]
WHAT THE HELL?
25
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,530
- WHOA, SWEET RIDE, DICK.
26
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,700
COME ON, LET'S DO THIS.
27
00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:04,470
I'M HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.
28
00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:05,797
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE FAT,
29
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,530
AND IT'S HARD FOR YOU
TO MEET GIRLS.
30
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:12,473
[bar chatter]
31
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,827
- WELL, SHE'S NOT HERE.
32
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,873
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THE FIRST ROUND
33
00:01:23,867 --> 00:01:26,627
SINCE NOW
I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN.
34
00:01:26,633 --> 00:01:27,773
- DON'T JOKE IT OFF, JAY.
35
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,567
JOKE IT OFF.
THAT SOUNDS DIRTY,
36
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:32,527
LIKE SOMETHING
A NAUGHTY CLOWN WOULD DO.
37
00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:33,803
COME ON, ARE YOU OKAY?
38
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,530
- YEAH, IT'S JUST WE HAD
THIS AMAZING NIGHT,
39
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,503
AND THEN SHE FAKE-NUMBERED ME.
40
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,630
STUPID, I KNOW,
BUT I KEEP WONDERING,
41
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:40,933
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
42
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,303
- NO, NOBODY EVER FIGURES OUT
WHAT THEY DID WRONG.
43
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,070
YOU KNOW, VERY FEW PEOPLE
HAVE PERSPECTIVE LIKE THAT.
44
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:48,067
AND THOSE THAT DO ARE USUALLY
REALLY INTO JAM BANDS.
45
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,227
- I SHOULD BE WRITING
THESE PEARLS DOWN.
46
00:01:50,233 --> 00:01:51,803
- HEY.
- OH, LOOK SUPER-COUPLE'S HERE.
47
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,230
- HEY!
- SO?
48
00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,073
- SHE'S NOT HERE STACE.
- SUCKS, DUDE.
49
00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:56,797
ONWARD. I SAW A GIRL
IN HERE DRUNK ENOUGH
50
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:57,970
TO HAVE SEX WITH A MANNEQUIN.
51
00:01:57,967 --> 00:02:00,267
YOU SHOULD GO BE THAT MANNEQUIN.
52
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,227
- SHUT UP, ERIC.
- NICE.
53
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:03,703
- WHAT'S UP, LATE NIGHT PLANS?
54
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,130
- NO, I'M JUST EXPECTING
A TEXT FROM BRETT.
55
00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:07,273
I MEAN, USUALLY A FEW DAYS
AFTER WE FIGHT,
56
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:08,867
HE SENDS ME A DUMB TEXT--
57
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:11,067
PICTURE OF A CAT
WITH A MUSTACHE OR WHATEVER.
58
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,327
IT'S BEEN OVER A WEEK.
59
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,073
IT DOESN'T MATTER,
I MEAN, IT'S DONE.
60
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,167
WHATEVER.
61
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:17,397
- MAYBE BE MATURE
AND TEXT HIM?
62
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,670
- UH, NO.
NO WAY I'M TEXTING HIM.
63
00:02:19,667 --> 00:02:21,127
- YEAH, WELL AT LEAST
YOU COULD CONTACT BRETT.
64
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:22,733
I CAN'T EVEN FIND JANE.
65
00:02:22,733 --> 00:02:24,203
I MEAN,
IT'S A TOTAL HAIL MARY,
66
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,970
BUT I COULD POST
ON MISSED CONNECTIONS.
67
00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:27,297
- [gasps]
68
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,870
- WHAT DO WE HAVE SO FAR?
69
00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:31,367
- SORRY, I WAS JUST
LOOKING AT THIS SEX AD.
70
00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:34,067
"B.B.W. SEEKS M.A.B."?
71
00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:36,067
WHATEVER THAT IS.
- MALE ADULT BABY.
72
00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:37,927
DO NOT GOOGLE IT.
73
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,703
WHAT? I GET BORED AT WORK.
74
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,830
- OKAY, SO I HAVE
"YOU, JANE, ME--
75
00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,603
GUY WHOSE PANTS YOU BORROWED."
76
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,530
- NO, LOSE THE TARZAN START.
77
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,933
- "THE NUMBER YOU LEFT
WAS ACTUALLY THAI FOOD.
78
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:49,433
"GREAT THAI, SO THANKS.
BUT LET'S MEET UP AGAIN.
79
00:02:49,433 --> 00:02:51,103
I HAVE OTHER CLOTHING ITEMS
THAT MIGHT FIT YOU."
80
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,070
I DON'T KNOW,
IS IT FUNNY ENOUGH?
81
00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:57,527
- LET ME SEE.
82
00:02:57,533 --> 00:02:59,433
- [gasps]
- POSTED.
83
00:02:59,433 --> 00:03:01,073
- WHAT THE HELL?
84
00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:02,697
I WAS GONNA
PUT SOMETHING IRONIC IN THERE.
85
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,230
[laughter]
86
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,370
- SO MY WEEKEND
WAS BIZONKERS.
87
00:03:09,367 --> 00:03:11,567
I DRANK SO MUCH
I ALMOST WENT BLIND.
88
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,267
AND I WENT TO
THIS PLACE CALLED TOAST.
89
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,467
ALL THEY SERVE IS TOAST.
IT'S SUPER-CARBY.
90
00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:19,097
UGH, AND THEN, LIKE, KEV
IS NOW STALKING ME ON I.M.
91
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,570
IT'S LIKE, IT WAS JUST
A BEEJ, LET IT GO.
92
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:21,767
ANYWAY, YOU?
93
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:22,967
YOU EVER HEAR FROM
WHAT'S-HIS-BUTT?
94
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,167
- NO, NOT YET.
95
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,597
- HEY, SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
96
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,330
I'M KENT.
I INTERN HERE.
97
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,173
- HI, INTERN KENT.
98
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,297
- HEY, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD DO ME, LIKE, A HUGE FAVOR.
99
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,770
I NEED TO MAKE COFFEE
FOR MAYA'S MEETING,
100
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:36,627
AND I HAVE ZERO IDEA
HOW TO USE THAT THING.
101
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,973
I'M MORE OF A TEA GUY.
102
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,967
- BUTCH.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
103
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:41,297
UH, BUT COULD YOU HELP ME?
104
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,470
- DYL, CAN YOU?
I'M UPLOADING.
105
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,667
- CAN'T. I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF AN EPIC I.M. WAR OVER HERE.
106
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:46,927
- [sighs]
107
00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:49,273
OKAY, IT'S PRETTY
STRAIGHTFORWARD.
108
00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:51,327
STEP ONE, PUT IN COFFEE.
109
00:03:51,333 --> 00:03:53,573
STEP TWO, PUT IN WATER.
110
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,627
STEP THREE, PUSH BUTTON.
111
00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:57,873
SOON, COFFEE.
- THANK YOU.
112
00:03:57,867 --> 00:03:59,167
I GREW UP IN THE CITY,
113
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,897
SO MECHANICAL OBJECTS
USUALLY REQUIRE THE SUPER.
114
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,900
- WHAT DO YOU DO
WHEN YOU RUN OUT OF ICE,
115
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,330
CALL 911?
116
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,833
- UH, I'VE BEEN MAKING
MY OWN ICE SINCE I WAS 16.
117
00:04:06,833 --> 00:04:10,503
- [sighs] GOOD LUCK
WITH THE CAFFEINE CROWD.
118
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,570
- [silent]
119
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:13,697
- I KNOW WE'RE INTO
KEEPING IT LOCAL,
120
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,070
BUT THIS PLACE
IS DEEPLY SKETCHY.
121
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,067
WHY DIDN'T WE
JUST GO TO MACY'S?
122
00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,597
- WE'RE ON A BUDGET, REMEMBER?
123
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,070
- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.
124
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,367
YOU SEIZE CONTROL
LIKE A SEXY-ASS DICTATOR.
125
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:23,427
- [laughs] YOU KNOW YOU
CAN BE BAD AT DECISIONS, ER.
126
00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:26,133
YOU MAKE YOUR FAMOUS PROS
AND CONS LISTS AND--OOH.
127
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:29,573
THIS IS PRETTY COMFY, RIGHT?
128
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:31,227
- IT'S FINE, BUT--
- CAN I HELP YOU?
129
00:04:31,233 --> 00:04:32,733
- YES, WE'D LIKE THIS BED.
130
00:04:32,733 --> 00:04:34,403
BUT ONLY IF YOU
DO FREE DELIVERY.
131
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,400
- FOR CASH?
UH, SURE.
132
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,400
- NO, I JUST THINK THAT--
- THIS IS A BARGAIN, ER.
133
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,830
PLUS WE'LL BE DONE.
134
00:04:39,833 --> 00:04:41,873
WE CAN JUST GO HOME AND...
YOU KNOW.
135
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,627
[whispers] BREAK IT IN.
136
00:04:43,633 --> 00:04:44,903
JUST TRUST ME, 'KAY?
137
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:48,830
- OKAY. UH, YEAH, SURE.
WE'LL TAKE IT.
138
00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,603
- JAY.
139
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,270
I WAS WORRIED SOMETHING
MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED.
140
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,067
- I KNOW, I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
- I'M KIDDING.
141
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,467
I WASN'T WORRIED.
[laughs]
142
00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:05,097
THE ONLY TIME I REMEMBER
YOU EVEN EXIST
143
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,330
IS WHEN I CAN SEE YOU.
144
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:07,733
OH, YOU EXIST!
HI.
145
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,433
- THANKS, JB.
146
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:11,073
- OH, GOD, I LOVE MOMS.
147
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,667
ESPECIALLY SINGLE MOMS.
148
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,597
YOU GO OVER THERE
AND GET A DECENT FREE MEAL.
149
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,170
BY 8:00,
THE KIDS HAVE GONE DOWN
150
00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:18,767
AND THEN THEIR MAMA
GOES DOWN.
151
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,467
OH, LOOK AT THAT ONE.
152
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,167
SHE'S GOT THAT
SWEET MOUND TO RUB.
153
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:24,227
NATURE'S MIRACLE.
154
00:05:24,233 --> 00:05:26,073
- YOU HAVE A LOT TO TEACH ME.
155
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:30,067
- I'D TOTALLY HUMP THAT BUMP.
156
00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,067
[phone chimes]
157
00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:41,903
- LAME, I KNOW.
158
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,130
HR HAD ME MAKE A PHONE TREE.
159
00:05:44,133 --> 00:05:45,733
YOU KNOW, IN CASE
OF TERRORIST ATTACKS,
160
00:05:45,733 --> 00:05:47,073
SO I GOT YOUR NUMBER.
161
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:49,567
- AND YOU'RE GETTING
SCHOOL CREDIT FOR THAT?
162
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:51,497
- YEAH, BUT I DON'T FEEL
LIKE I'M LEARNING ANYTHING.
163
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,070
I'D LOVE TO PICK YOUR BRAIN
ABOUT HOW THIS PLACE WORKS.
164
00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:54,697
AND THANK YOU FOR BEFORE.
165
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:57,300
CAN I BUY YOU
A DRINK AFTER WORK?
166
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,630
- I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR, LIKE,
LESS THAN A YEAR.
167
00:06:00,633 --> 00:06:02,903
SARA KNOWS WAY MORE THAN I DO.
168
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,270
- YEAH, I DON'T REALLY
KNOW HER, THOUGH.
169
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,667
AND YOU ALREADY KINDA
SCHOOLED ME ON THE COFFEE.
170
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,867
SO YOU'RE KINDA MY MENTOR.
171
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:10,597
AND MY LAST MENTOR,
MR. VARGA, IS IN JAIL
172
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,300
FOR A TOUCH-RELATED INCIDENT.
173
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:15,530
SO I'M KINDA COUNTING ON YOU.
174
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:19,333
- UH, SURE, IF IT'S EARLY.
175
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,133
AND LIKE, TWO BLOCKS FROM HERE.
176
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:24,233
- OKAY, GREAT, AWESOME, OKAY.
177
00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:25,173
[whispers]
YES!
178
00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,427
- OH!
- OH, SAY IT, SAY I WAS RIGHT!
179
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,433
- YOU WERE RIGHT.
180
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,733
PROFOUNDLY RIGHT.
181
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,073
- HARDER.
182
00:06:34,067 --> 00:06:35,967
SORRY, HARDER
ALWAYS SOUNDS DUMB.
183
00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:37,397
- ALSO, HARDER'S
A LITTLE EMASCULATING.
184
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,870
LIKE I CAN'T DO IT
HARD ENOUGH.
185
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:41,367
- NO, YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
DON'T STOP.
186
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,727
- DON'T STOP'S
KIND OF INSULTING.
187
00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:44,233
AM I SO OUT OF SHAPE
THAT I MIGHT STOP?
188
00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,933
- OKAY, DON'T RUIN
NEW MATTRESS SEX.
189
00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:50,673
- SO, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT ONLINE FASHION DISCOUNTS?
190
00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:51,867
- HONESTLY, NOTHING.
191
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:55,067
I JUST THINK YOU'RE COOL
AND PRETTY,
192
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,497
AND I REALLY WANTED
TO HANG OUT WITH YOU.
193
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:02,070
- WOW. THAT'S REALLY
STRAIGHTFORWARD OF YOU.
194
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,697
- YEAH, I'VE BEEN TOLD
I'M A BIT OF A ROMANTIC.
195
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:06,870
IT'S NOT LIKE I OWN THE NOTEBOOK
ON DVD OR ANYTHING.
196
00:07:06,867 --> 00:07:09,497
BUT I DO THINK THAT IT'S
A REALLY, REALLY GOOD MOVIE.
197
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,800
- YEAH, I CAN'T WATCH
THAT MOVIE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE.
198
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,100
I UGLY CRY.
199
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,530
[chuckles]
200
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,973
- Y-YOU KEEP CHECKING
YOUR PHONE.
201
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,427
ARE YOU LIVE TWEETING THIS?
202
00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:21,573
INTERN LIKES ME,
HASHTAG: OMFG, OR WHATEVER?
203
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:27,427
- OH, IT'S JUST THIS GUY WHO
SHOULD BE TEXTING ME BUT ISN'T.
204
00:07:27,433 --> 00:07:29,073
- WHAT GUY WOULDN'T TEXT YOU?
205
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,967
- I KNOW. UNFATHOMABLE.
206
00:07:31,967 --> 00:07:33,097
[phone chimes]
207
00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:39,803
YOU'RE A TOTAL CORNBALL.
208
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,570
- AND...WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.
209
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:46,567
- GOUDA'S GOOD.
BUT CHEDDAR'S BETTER.
210
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,127
[phone vibrates]
WHEN MY MOM MAKES
211
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:52,433
GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES,
SHE USES ONLY THE BEST CHEESE.
212
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,433
- HOLY CRAP! JANE.
213
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,933
- COME ON, DUDE!
- OH--
214
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,733
- THAT WAS PURE [bleep] GOLD!
215
00:07:57,733 --> 00:07:58,803
- I KNOW, I'M SORRY.
216
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,430
JUST GO AGAIN.
217
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:04,473
- GOUDA'S GOOD,
BUT CHEDDAR'S BETTER.
218
00:08:04,467 --> 00:08:07,297
WHEN MY MOM MAKES
GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES...
219
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,670
- [sighs]
THAT WAS AWESOME.
220
00:08:09,667 --> 00:08:10,827
- [chuckles]
221
00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:14,903
- NOW I SEE
WHAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT.
222
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,730
- WHAT ARE--
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
223
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,903
- I MEAN, BEFORE LOTS.
BUT NOTHING LIKE THAT, THOUGH.
224
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,870
AIN'T NOTHING LIKE
THE REAL THING.
225
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:24,097
THAT SONG IS SO TRUE, YOU KNOW--
- W-WA-WAIT, WAIT.
226
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,970
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
227
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:33,697
- UH...DON'T FREAK OUT.
228
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,600
I'M A VIRGIN.
229
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,070
WAS...
[whispers] A VIRGIN.
230
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,627
- SEE, BOSS, LOOK.
231
00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:48,973
HER ASS?
232
00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:50,967
HARD LIKE YOUNG BOY'S.
BUT HER BREASTS?
233
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:52,427
SOFT LIKE BABY'S HEAD.
234
00:08:52,433 --> 00:08:53,533
- THAT'S AN INTERESTING ANALOGY.
235
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,903
ARE YOU RECORDING?
236
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,670
- I RECORD EVERYTHING.
237
00:08:56,667 --> 00:08:57,767
[door bell jingles]
238
00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,597
- ICED COFFEE.
MY SOUL HURTS.
239
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,900
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
240
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,730
I TEXTED YOU LIKE
EIGHT TIMES LAST NIGHT.
241
00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:05,073
JANE RESPONDED
TO MY CRAIGSLIST AD.
242
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,827
- OH, JAY, THAT'S CRAZY.
243
00:09:06,833 --> 00:09:08,373
- I KNOW.
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT WORKED.
244
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:09,367
I'M MEETING HER TONIGHT.
245
00:09:09,367 --> 00:09:10,427
- OH, I ALSO HAVE SOME NEWS.
246
00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:13,333
I DEVIRGINIZED AN INTERN.
247
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:15,433
- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU JUST
MANAGED TO STEAL MY THUNDER,
248
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:17,103
BUT YOU DID.
- YOU TAKE MAN'S VIRGINITY?
249
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,600
- NO, I DIDN'T
TAKE ANYTHING, OKAY?
250
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,730
IT WAS GIVEN TO ME,
SURPRISINGLY FORCEFULLY
251
00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:23,903
FOR A DUDE WHO'S ONLY
HAD SEX WITH HIS HANDS BEFORE.
252
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,100
- YOU KNOW HE'LL
NEVER FORGET YOU.
253
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,470
- OH, GOD, DON'T JOKE.
254
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:29,927
HE'S VERY SWEET.
I DON'T WANNA, LIKE, HURT HIM.
255
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,433
- HE'S NOT A GIRL
IN A VAMPIRE MOVIE.
256
00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:32,933
GUYS DON'T
FALL IN LOVE FROM SEX.
257
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:34,603
- SAYS A GUY WHO HAD SEX
WITH A GIRL IN HIS FRIDGE
258
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,270
AND PROBABLY HAS SPENT
THE LAST HOUR
259
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:38,267
DEBATING WHICH SHIRT TO WEAR
ON HIS BIG DATE TONIGHT.
260
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,897
- THIS ONE'S COOL, RIGHT?
261
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,130
- NOT A PROBLEM.
262
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:43,133
TAKING MAN'S VIRGINITY
IS GREAT HONOR.
263
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,273
TAKING WOMAN'S
IS RESPONSIBILITY.
264
00:09:45,267 --> 00:09:47,267
YOU MUST WRITE HER FATHER
A THANK-YOU NOTE.
265
00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:48,297
OR BUY HIM DVD.
266
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,900
- SO, LIKE, HOW DO I
PLAY IT TONIGHT?
267
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,500
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?
268
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,200
WHAT, IS THAT BRETT?
- NO...
269
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,070
JUST BE YOURSELF.
270
00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:57,367
YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE
A LITTLE AWKWARD.
271
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:58,667
YOU'LL HAVE SOME DRINKS.
272
00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:00,197
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
273
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,670
YOU'LL BE BACK AT YOUR PLACE,
GENTLY HUMPING IN YOUR TOASTER.
274
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:04,097
JUST HIDE YOUR CLOTHES
IF SHE SLEEPS OVER.
275
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:05,930
- 'KAY, I GOTTA RUN,
WISH ME LUCK.
276
00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:07,233
- I WISH YOU SEX.
- HEY, WHORE FAIRY.
277
00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:11,003
MAKE SEX WISH FOR ME ALSO.
278
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,000
[workout music]
279
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:19,930
*
280
00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:22,133
- UGH! OH, GOD!
281
00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,267
ERIC.
- 'SUP, BABY?
282
00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:29,327
- GET OFF THE MATTRESS.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
283
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:32,003
- IT CAME OFF THE STREET.
284
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,000
- WHAT?
285
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,870
- WE MADE LOVE
ON A TRASH BAG.
286
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:45,267
- MADE THE ICE CUBES MYSELF.
287
00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:46,967
BOUGHT THE COOKIE.
288
00:10:46,967 --> 00:10:48,527
YOU LOOK CUTE TODAY.
289
00:10:51,867 --> 00:10:54,367
- SEE, THIS IS WHY IT'S GOOD
TO THINK THINGS THROUGH.
290
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:55,927
- BUT IF YOU JUST
CONTEMPLATE ALL DAY LONG,
291
00:10:55,933 --> 00:10:57,173
YOU NEVER GET ANYTHING DONE.
[phone vibrates]
292
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:58,697
- JUST LET ME
WIN THIS ARGUMENT, BABE.
293
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,700
- HEY, UGH, HANG ON.
294
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,700
- OH, REALLY, RIGHT NOW?
- HANG ON.
295
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,070
- HEY.
296
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,667
- I HAVE A SITUATION.
297
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,527
CAN YOU TALK?
I NEED LADY PERSPECTIVE.
298
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,073
- WHAT'S UP?
DID YOU HEAR FROM BRETT?
299
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,067
YOU SHOULD JUST TEXT HIM, TEEN,
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
300
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,367
- OH, NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
301
00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:15,297
UH, I SLEPT WITH AN INTERN,
AND HE WAS A VIRGIN
302
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,570
AND NOW HE MAY LOVE ME.
- WAIT, WHAT?
303
00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:19,397
- LET'S SKIP THE PART WITH THE
RAISED EYEBROWS AND JUDGING
304
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,200
AND GET TO THE PART
WHERE YOU HELP ME, OKAY?
305
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,670
- THIS THING'S TOUCHING
MY FACE, BABE.
306
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,367
- ALL RIGHT,
HERE'S THE SITUATION.
307
00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:26,597
YOU HAVE A...BABY MONKEY.
308
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,970
BUT YOU'RE HUMAN AND IT'S NOT
RIGHT FOR YOU TO KEEP HIM.
309
00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,527
YOU NEED TO TAKE THE BABY MONKEY
BACK TO THE JUNGLE.
310
00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:33,073
- I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
311
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,967
BUT WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
312
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,597
- I DON'T KNOW,
I'M GETTING RINGWORM RIGHT NOW.
313
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,930
LET ME CALL YOU LATER.
[sighs]
314
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,227
- HEY, HEY!
315
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:44,573
- WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK.
316
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,197
I SAW HOW YOU
GET YOUR INVENTORY.
317
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,430
THIS CAME OFF THE STREET.
318
00:11:47,433 --> 00:11:49,933
- ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
STORE POLICY.
319
00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:51,073
- COME ON.
320
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:55,067
- BESIDES, YOU MAKE LOVE
ON THIS, RIGHT?
321
00:11:55,067 --> 00:11:56,067
- WHAT?
322
00:11:56,067 --> 00:11:58,297
- LOOK.
323
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,770
THERE ARE LOVE JUICES.
324
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,597
- THERE'S NO WAY
THOSE ARE ALL OURS.
325
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,070
- WHOSE ARE THEY?
326
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,697
- I CAN'T TAKE THIS BACK.
ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
327
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,600
- NO, DON'T WALK AWAY!
- ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
328
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,930
- NO, THIS IS NOT OVER!
329
00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,073
THIS IS NOT OVER!
330
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:10,897
- ANIMALS.
331
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:13,130
- OKAY, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
332
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,403
I'LL FIX IT.
333
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:19,670
ERIC!
334
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,667
[upbeat music]
335
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:30,597
*
336
00:12:36,333 --> 00:12:37,673
- BIG DATE.
337
00:12:37,667 --> 00:12:38,597
- [hocks loogie]
338
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,600
[overlapping chatter]
339
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:02,367
- JANE, HEY.
340
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:05,497
OH!
OH, I'M SORRY.
341
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:06,970
THOUGHT YOU WERE
SOMEBODY ELSE.
342
00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:08,327
- YOU MUST BE JASON, RIGHT?
343
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:10,073
- YEAH, DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?
344
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:12,067
- I ANSWERED YOUR AD
ON MISSED CONNECTIONS.
345
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,667
IT WAS SO ROMANTIC.
346
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,497
- BUT...IT WASN'T FOR YOU.
347
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,830
- WE ARE SO SIMILAR,
YOU'RE SEARCHING, I'M SEARCHING.
348
00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:20,803
THE ONLY THING WE'VE NEVER HAD
WAS A MISSED CONNECTION.
349
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,400
- UH...
350
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,400
- HOW GOOD IS THE STORY
OF HOW WE MET?
351
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,730
AM I RIGHT?
- YEAH, UH--
352
00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:25,833
- OH, HERE, I GOT YOU
THIS GLASS OF WINE.
353
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,833
DRINK IT.
354
00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:29,503
- [silent]
WHAT?
355
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,297
- THIS PLACE IS PRETTY POSH.
356
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,400
I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD
BE WEARING A BROOCH.
357
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,770
- I WANTED TO BRING YOU
SOMEPLACE NICE.
358
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:40,067
ABOUT LAST NIGHT--
I'M NOT RELIGIOUS OR ANYTHING.
359
00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,597
I JUST HAD A LOT OF ACNE
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
360
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,930
SO I'M SORRY THAT I LAID
THE VIRGIN THING ON YOU.
361
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:47,073
I JUST FIGURED YOU COULD TELL.
362
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,867
- NO, IT'S FINE.
363
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:49,967
YOU DID FINE.
364
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:51,727
- WELL, I DO PRACTICE A LOT.
365
00:13:51,733 --> 00:13:53,533
WHEN I'M BY MYSELF.
366
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:57,073
- SO KENT, UH, OOH,
THIS IS HARD.
367
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:59,367
UM, I KNOW I WAS YOUR FIRST,
368
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:00,927
AND I KNOW THAT HOLDS
A LOT OF MEANING.
369
00:14:00,933 --> 00:14:04,933
BUT WHAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN US WAS JUST SEX.
370
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:06,873
YOU KNOW, SWEET, LOVELY,
371
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:08,597
BUT ULTIMATELY WRONG
DRUNKEN SEX.
372
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,530
- NOT TO ME, IT WASN'T.
373
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:12,273
- TRUST ME, IT WAS.
I'VE BEEN THERE.
374
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,097
AS HONORED AS I AM
TO BE YOUR MAN-MAKER,
375
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,070
I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD
GET OUT THERE, YOU KNOW?
376
00:14:18,067 --> 00:14:19,067
EXPLORE.
377
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,527
THERE ARE SO MANY
FISH IN THE SEA.
378
00:14:20,533 --> 00:14:22,073
I MEAN, JUST LOOK
AROUND THIS BAR.
379
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:26,767
- THE ONLY FISH
I SEE HERE IS YOU.
380
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:30,197
- THAT IS VERY SWEET
AND ONE TREE HILL OF YOU, BUT--
381
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,570
- I'M NOT SO IMMATURE.
I'M 19--
382
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:35,097
21 YEARS OLD.
383
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,670
I DID A SEMESTER ABROAD
IN HUNGARY.
384
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,697
I WORKED SUMMERS CLEANING
TOMMY HILFIGER'S POOL.
385
00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:42,400
YOU CAN'T IMAGINE
WHAT I SKIMMED OUT OF THERE.
386
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,100
I'VE SEEN THINGS, TINA.
387
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:48,070
MATURE, ADULT-TYPE THINGS.
388
00:14:48,067 --> 00:14:51,067
SERIOUSLY, I-I L--I LIKE YOU.
389
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:53,827
OKAY?
JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE.
390
00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:57,397
- [breathing hard]
391
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,900
- YOU ONLY GIGGLED
ONCE THAT TIME,
392
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,870
SO I'M GUESSING
I DID BETTER?
393
00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:05,367
- YEAH.
394
00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:12,773
- THIS IS SO NICE, RIGHT?
395
00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:15,827
- YEAH...NICE.
396
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,100
- I'M READY AGAIN.
397
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,800
- YEAH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN MY HOPES UP.
398
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,070
I JUST REALLY WANTED IT
TO BE HER.
399
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:27,827
- I JUST GOT OUT OF
A PRETTY INTENSE THING MYSELF
400
00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,533
WITH THIS GUY, BRIAN.
401
00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:33,933
IT'S A LONG STORY, BUT I TOTALLY
GET WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
402
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,633
- WELL, THANKS FOR LISTENING
TO MY RIDICULOUSNESS.
403
00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:39,533
- OF COURSE.
404
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,903
SO MY SHIFT IS OVER
IN TEN MINUTES.
405
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,270
MAYBE WE COULD
GO SOMEPLACE ELSE,
406
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:46,367
HELP EACH OTHER HEAL.
407
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:49,397
- UH...YEAH.
408
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,830
SOUNDS GOOD.
409
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:53,703
- [panting]
410
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:56,570
- I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR
THE PATHETIC TIP I LEFT BEFORE.
411
00:15:56,567 --> 00:16:00,367
- I KNEW WE COULD
MAKE EACH OTHER FEEL BETTER.
412
00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:01,367
THESE HELP, RIGHT?
413
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:06,697
WAIT, HANG ON.
414
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:13,673
PUT THIS ON, OKAY?
415
00:16:13,667 --> 00:16:19,927
- SURE...
416
00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:20,933
- YEAH.
- YEAH?
417
00:16:20,933 --> 00:16:24,203
- NICE.
418
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:32,497
JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, BRIAN.
419
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,500
- IT'S JASON, ACTUALLY.
I'M SORRY TO CORRECT YOU.
420
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,300
EVERYTHING ELSE YOU'RE DOING
IS EXACTLY RIGHT.
421
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:37,430
- [inhales deeply]
422
00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:38,703
SHUT UP, BRIAN.
423
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:44,270
- OKAY, UM, WHAT ARE YOU--
424
00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:45,597
- FEEL ME SAY YOUR NAME.
425
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,830
- [husky voice]
BRI, BRI, BRI, BRI!
426
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,973
- YEAH, SEEMS TO ME
LIKE YOU MIGHT NOT BE
427
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:50,967
OVER THIS GUY BRIAN.
428
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,067
- BRI!
429
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,700
- HEY JASON.
HOW YOU FEELING?
430
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,300
- HMM, MISUNDERSTOOD.
431
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,070
- YOU AND I, BOSS,
WE FEEL TOO MUCH.
432
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,897
WE SHOULD BE LIKE YOUR FRIEND--
WHORE, MADE OF STONE.
433
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:06,070
- HEY, I HAD A SEXUAL
LOW POINT LAST NIGHT.
434
00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,397
I THINK YOU WILL ENJOY
MOCKING ME FOR IT FOR YEARS.
435
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,100
- UGH, I HAVE NO RIGHT
TO MOCK ANYBODY.
436
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,630
- WHY, WHAT'S UP
WITH THE INTERN?
437
00:17:11,633 --> 00:17:12,633
- I DON'T KNOW.
438
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:14,703
HE'S CUTE AND ATTENTIVE,
439
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,330
AND HE MADE BREAKFAST THIS
MORNING AND DID THE DISHES.
440
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:17,673
AND NOT JUST
THE BREAKFAST DISHES EITHER.
441
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,697
LIKE, THE REALLY OLD,
GROSS ONES TOO.
442
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,200
- YOU THINK THERE'S
ANY CHANCE YOU LIKE HIM
443
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,070
JUST BECAUSE HE DOTES ON YOU
AND, LIKE, BRETT NEVER TEXTED?
444
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:24,967
- NO, IT'S JUST THAT
MAYBE I FOUND A GUY--
445
00:17:24,967 --> 00:17:26,167
- BOY.
446
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,427
- BOY, WHO CARES ABOUT ME.
447
00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:30,703
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY
WHO'S NOT GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BAD
448
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,570
IF I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO PLAY BOCCE BALL
449
00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:34,497
AT SOME STUPID HIPSTER PARTY.
450
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,700
I MEAN, SO WHAT IF HE'S NOT
451
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,130
"TOTALLY COOL"
OR OF DRINKING AGE.
452
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,803
YOU KNOW, IN TEN YEARS,
WHEN YOU'RE SMEARING PLACENTA
453
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,900
ALL OVER YOUR LAUGH LINES,
HE'LL BE SMOOTH LIKE A BABY.
454
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,230
[phone chimes]
HEY!
455
00:17:44,233 --> 00:17:46,303
- HANG ON A SECOND,
WHO DO YOU WANT THIS TO BE FROM?
456
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:50,130
BRETT OR THE INTERN?
457
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:51,173
- [groans]
UGH!
458
00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:56,197
- WHO WAS IT,
MAN OR CHILD?
459
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,070
- PHONE COMPANY.
HER BILL'S DUE.
460
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,127
- [sighs] I WAS ROOTING
FOR THE CHILD.
461
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:03,233
- HEY, BABE?
462
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:04,533
- IN HERE.
463
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:06,573
- HEY, SORRY,
I GOT STUCK IN A CLASS.
464
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,767
BUT TOMORROW MORNING,
I'M GOING BACK TO THE BED STORE
465
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:10,527
AND I'M BURNING IT
TO THE GROUND.
466
00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:13,073
- I MADE A DECISION.
467
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:14,467
I WENT TO MACY'S.
468
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,127
- BUT HOW MUCH DID YOU P--
- A LOT.
469
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:19,073
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I MADE
MY LITTLE PROS AND CONS LIST,
470
00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:20,597
AND THIS ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.
471
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,870
A CHEAP MATTRESS
LASTS A FEW YEARS.
472
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:24,597
WE NEED AN EXPENSIVE ONE BECAUSE
WE'RE GONNA BE SLEEPING ON IT
473
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,970
TOGETHER FOR A LONG,
LONG TIME.
474
00:18:27,967 --> 00:18:31,297
- DID YOU BREAK IT IN ALREADY,
OR DID YOU WAIT FOR ME?
475
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,370
- WAITED...
YOU HAD TWO MORE MINUTES.
476
00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,467
- HOW DO YOU DRINK THIS?
477
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,867
IT TASTES LIKE HOT MUD.
478
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:47,267
- KENT, I DON'T WANNA
EMBARRASS YOU,
479
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:49,197
BUT I KNOW THAT YOU'RE
FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME.
480
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,400
AND IT'S ADORABLE.
481
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,600
BUT THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
482
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,770
OH, GOD, THIS IS HARD.
483
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,927
WHAT, UM, ARE THOSE?
484
00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:00,933
- UH, I WAS--
485
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,603
LISTENING TO YOUR ADVICE.
486
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,370
YOU KNOW, IF YOU THINK
I SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE,
487
00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:07,697
YOU KNOW, I TRUST YOU.
488
00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:10,130
AND, SO I'M JUST GETTING
THIS PARTY STARTED.
489
00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,073
- I THOUGHT I WAS
THE ONLY FISH IN THE SEA.
490
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:15,297
- YOU ARE THE ONLY
FISH SO FAR...
491
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,100
BUT IF YOU'RE SWIMMING AWAY,
492
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,970
I DON'T WANNA STOP HAVING SEX.
493
00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,967
SEX IS GOOD.
I LIKE SEX.
494
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:23,267
AND I WANNA DO IT
WITH OTHER FISH.
495
00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:27,267
LIKE AN EXOTIC FISH OR
MAYBE LIKE A REALLY BIG FISH.
496
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,597
- OKAY, GLAD YOU,
UH, GET IT THEN.
497
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,930
SEE YOU ON THE FLIP FLOP.
498
00:19:32,933 --> 00:19:35,133
- WE CAN STILL
GET TOGETHER, THOUGH, RIGHT?
499
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,603
LIKE FRIENDS PLUS...
500
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,770
- WHAT?
501
00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:39,367
NO, KENT.
502
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:43,267
JESUS, NO--
MAKE ME COFFEE, INTERN!
503
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,297
- [laughs]
504
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,770
YOU WANT A REGULAR
OR A DECAF?
505
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,297
- BRING IT TO MY DESK.
506
00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:53,427
- THE WEIRDEST PART WAS
SHE WAS ALL LIKE,
507
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,103
"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ME."
508
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,630
AND I WAS DOING
PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.
509
00:19:57,633 --> 00:19:59,173
SO WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN
WHEN A GIRL SAYS THAT?
510
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:00,667
- BUTT STUFF.
511
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,927
I'M GUESSING.
512
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:03,433
- SO WHAT'S NEXT, JAY?
- [silent] BUTT STUFF.
513
00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:05,673
- MISSING PANTS POSTER?
MAYBE GET A DOG TO SNIFF YOU
514
00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:07,797
AND FOLLOW THE SCENT?
- [laughs]
515
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,900
- YEAH, NO, NOTHING'S NEXT.
516
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,130
I'M NOT A FREAK
LIKE THE BARTENDER GIRL.
517
00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:12,103
LOOK, GUYS, I TRIED, I FAILED.
518
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:13,300
I HAD SEX WITH A GIRL WHO
519
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,430
TIBETAN THROAT-SANG
HER EX'S NAME.
520
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:15,833
I THINK I'VE DONE ALL I CAN.
521
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:17,173
- I THINK IT'S GREAT
YOU PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.
522
00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:18,227
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LIKE AN OLDER
523
00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:20,603
MORE BROKEN VERSION
OF THE INTERN.
524
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,170
- YEAH, STILL DO WANT
MY PANTS BACK, THOUGH.
525
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,997
WELL, IN THE MEANTIME,
HERE'S TO US BOTH MOVING ON.
526
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000
- I TEXTED BRETT.
527
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,500
WHATEVER, SHUT UP.
528
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,070
ALOHA...ALSO MEANS GOOD-BYE.
37793
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