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story of Charlotte and Brandon, 3 00:01:01,849 --> 00:01:03,849 they love my TV show. 4 00:01:03,851 --> 00:01:07,186 Oatmeal, exercise,
well, sort of. 5 00:01:07,188 --> 00:01:09,622 They both hate sleeping alone. 6 00:01:09,624 --> 00:01:12,058 Beer and hairy nipples. 7 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,994 The good news is they
are a perfect match. 8 00:01:14,996 --> 00:01:17,063 The bad news is,
they have never met. 9 00:01:17,065 --> 00:01:21,468 And Charlotte is with Steven
while Brandon is with Ashley. 10 00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:28,476 Oh, um. 11 00:01:29,877 --> 00:01:31,877 Well, I can't marry you 12 00:01:31,879 --> 00:01:34,714 because I'm marrying
someone else in May. 13 00:01:34,716 --> 00:01:36,983 You don't even
have a boyfriend. 14 00:01:36,985 --> 00:01:39,253 Well, actually I do. 15 00:01:39,887 --> 00:01:42,722 We've been together since
high school, for 14 years. 16 00:01:42,724 --> 00:01:44,623 It's just that he's been
living very far away 17 00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:47,259 and now, he's moving back
so we can be together. 18 00:01:47,261 --> 00:01:48,928 14 years? 19 00:01:48,930 --> 00:01:51,031 Sounds like commitment issues. 20 00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:52,699 No, it's just
that he was waiting 21 00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:55,135 until we were both ready. 22 00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:57,137 Why am I defending
myself to a first grader? 23 00:01:57,139 --> 00:01:59,674 Well, when it all falls apart,
you know where to find me. 24 00:02:00,675 --> 00:02:02,909 Look, Lance, we've
done all the graphics 25 00:02:02,911 --> 00:02:06,946 for your packaging and prints
ads at very reasonable rates. 26 00:02:06,948 --> 00:02:10,217 We've created the signature
look for Be Yourself Cosmetics. 27 00:02:10,219 --> 00:02:13,887 Now, it's great that your
nephew's a whiz at Photoshop 28 00:02:13,889 --> 00:02:15,256 but believe me,
there's just so much... 29 00:02:15,258 --> 00:02:16,790 Screw you, Lance! 30 00:02:16,792 --> 00:02:18,859 And your oxymoronically
named product 31 00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:21,230 and your muttonheaded
fucktard nephew! 32 00:02:22,731 --> 00:02:24,164 Christ, are you off your meds? 33 00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:25,632 That's our biggest account! 34 00:02:25,634 --> 00:02:28,235 He's an asshole,
Brandon, asshole. 35 00:02:28,237 --> 00:02:30,670 Bro, I went to RISD
with Seth MacFarlane, 36 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,174 I don't need that shit! 37 00:02:33,142 --> 00:02:35,008 That asshole was paying
off my student loans. 38 00:02:35,010 --> 00:02:37,210 Yeah, and our bills. 39 00:02:37,212 --> 00:02:38,081 Shit! 40 00:02:39,916 --> 00:02:42,950 You think you can get
him back on the phone? 41 00:02:42,952 --> 00:02:44,853 I'm still
here you broke bitches. 42 00:02:59,234 --> 00:03:00,233 For you. 43 00:03:00,235 --> 00:03:01,168 Thank you. 44 00:03:01,170 --> 00:03:02,136 My pleasure. 45 00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:04,205 You're a
pretty decent drawer. 46 00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:05,241 Thank you. 47 00:03:07,210 --> 00:03:10,878 You know, I've been called
the Vermeer of napkin art. 48 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,748 Who? 49 00:03:13,049 --> 00:03:15,817 Did I leave my amethyst
necklace at your place? 50 00:03:15,819 --> 00:03:17,818 Yeah, yeah, think I
saw it in the bathroom. 51 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:20,288 Okay, remind me to
get that from you. 52 00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:23,057 So, my boss gave us free tickets 53 00:03:23,059 --> 00:03:25,193 to the Charger's game Sunday. 54 00:03:25,195 --> 00:03:26,063 Wanna go? 55 00:03:28,064 --> 00:03:29,933 The 405 on a Sunday? 56 00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,805 Okay, I'll drive. 57 00:03:36,973 --> 00:03:39,207 Yeah, you know I'm not
really into drunk crowds 58 00:03:39,209 --> 00:03:42,045 and football, or people. 59 00:03:42,278 --> 00:03:43,411 Of course. 60 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:45,246 What's that mean? 61 00:03:45,248 --> 00:03:48,149 You know, I have dated
guys with commitment issues. 62 00:03:48,151 --> 00:03:49,117 Lot's of them. 63 00:03:49,119 --> 00:03:50,219 Pretty standard stuff, but you, 64 00:03:50,221 --> 00:03:53,088 I can't even get you to
commit to a football game. 65 00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:54,755 Well, I don't like football. 66 00:03:54,757 --> 00:03:56,391 It's not that,
it's everything. 67 00:03:56,393 --> 00:03:57,392 You won't go to Coachella. 68 00:03:57,394 --> 00:03:59,128 You won't move in together 69 00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:00,062 because that would
be moving too fast. 70 00:04:00,064 --> 00:04:02,431 You won't even book
that cruise next summer 71 00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:05,032 because a lot can
happen in six months! 72 00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:06,801 Those tickets
are non-refundable. 73 00:04:06,803 --> 00:04:08,970 And you're a cheapskate! 74 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:10,272 Which is why I thought
you'd like the free tickets 75 00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:11,473 in the first place! 76 00:04:11,475 --> 00:04:12,974 I'm not cheap,
my money's tied up. 77 00:04:12,976 --> 00:04:14,243 And I can't go to the game 78 00:04:14,245 --> 00:04:17,079 because I wanna start training
for that Rwanda charity ride. 79 00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:18,714 You know, where
people are dying. 80 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:21,116 Yeah, like that's
gonna happen. 81 00:04:21,118 --> 00:04:22,353 Ashley, Ashley. 82 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:26,221 Okay, you're right. 83 00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:27,091 I'm sorry. 84 00:04:28,225 --> 00:04:32,427 Let's do it Ashley, you and
me, Coachella next year. 85 00:04:32,429 --> 00:04:33,395 Ugh! 86 00:04:33,397 --> 00:04:35,164 Oh, my god. 87 00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,065 You have to see this house. 88 00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,402 It has an entertainment room
that would be so perfect 89 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,037 for you to have
your buddies over 90 00:04:41,039 --> 00:04:43,005 so you can watch your
football matches, and then... 91 00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:45,107 It's games, it's not matches. 92 00:04:45,109 --> 00:04:47,410 Uhm, anyway, there's
a chef's kitchen, 93 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,178 newly remodeled bathrooms, 94 00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:53,383 there's a study that would
make a perfect nursery. 95 00:04:53,385 --> 00:04:57,085 I think maybe we should
hold off on the house. 96 00:04:57,087 --> 00:04:58,153 Why? 97 00:04:58,155 --> 00:05:02,258 I just got here, you
know, starting a new job. 98 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,960 There's a lot to figure out. 99 00:05:03,962 --> 00:05:07,232 You don't have to
figure us out, right? 100 00:05:09,201 --> 00:05:11,034 You do? 101 00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,801 Now, Charlotte,
just wait a minute. 102 00:05:12,803 --> 00:05:14,803 No, no, no no, no,
I am not waiting. 103 00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:17,173 I waited through college,
through med school 104 00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:18,141 and through your residency. 105 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,841 That was the plan. 106 00:05:19,843 --> 00:05:22,145 I know, I know, and
you've been so great 107 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,179 through all of that. 108 00:05:23,181 --> 00:05:24,112 Is there someone else? 109 00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:25,516 Is it that Nurse Newcombe? 110 00:05:25,518 --> 00:05:27,116 No, no way. 111 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,252 Well, then what is it? 112 00:05:28,254 --> 00:05:30,121 It's just, you, 113 00:05:31,524 --> 00:05:33,223 so predictable. 114 00:05:33,225 --> 00:05:35,225 Wha, wha, wha, what the heck
does that mean? 115 00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:38,228 Up every morning at 6:00 a.m.,
the same Honey Nut Oatmeal, 116 00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,830 you're off to work, back home,
then in bed at 10 o'clock. 117 00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,198 You don't follow sports. 118 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,200 Sex, missionary position
with the lights off. 119 00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:46,002 There's no surprises. 120 00:05:46,004 --> 00:05:48,371 I'm bored out of my mind. 121 00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:52,042 Well, I didn't know it
was so horrible for you. 122 00:05:52,044 --> 00:05:55,279 Well that explains the
engagement ring, 123 00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:59,450 the promise ring and the
pre-promise ring. 124 00:05:59,452 --> 00:06:02,754 14 years, Steven! 125 00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:06,856 In hindsight, I probably
should have done this sooner. 126 00:06:06,858 --> 00:06:08,891 Did you bring me up here
so I wouldn't make a scene? 127 00:06:08,893 --> 00:06:09,959 Because I am gonna make a scene. 128 00:06:09,961 --> 00:06:11,327 I'm gonna tell
everybody in town. 129 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,262 I'm gonna announce
it in church... 130 00:06:12,264 --> 00:06:13,397 Charlotte, 131 00:06:13,399 --> 00:06:15,132 - would you please just...
- I'm gonna put posters up... 132 00:06:15,134 --> 00:06:16,367 Hey, calm down
and hydrate, please. 133 00:06:16,369 --> 00:06:20,137 Don't you tell me to
hydrate, you jackass! 134 00:06:28,047 --> 00:06:29,814 Steven, are you okay? 135 00:06:31,484 --> 00:06:33,317 Fuck no! 136 00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:35,252 We find the
defendant, Charlotte Wells, 137 00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:38,423 guilty of criminal
assault and battery. 138 00:06:38,425 --> 00:06:40,891 If you complete
community service, 139 00:06:40,893 --> 00:06:43,861 anger management
classes and probation, 140 00:06:43,863 --> 00:06:46,163 the felony charge
will be expunged. 141 00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,535 Sentence is 30 days in jail. 142 00:06:52,606 --> 00:06:54,905 Don't tell me how
to live my life. 143 00:06:54,907 --> 00:06:56,373 Yes sir, motherfucker. 144 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,177 Goddamn fucking shit. 145 00:07:00,613 --> 00:07:04,582 I gotta do me, fuck all y'all
if you can't appreciate! 146 00:07:04,584 --> 00:07:05,452 Step off! 147 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,620 Who do you think you
are, Princess Elsa? 148 00:07:08,622 --> 00:07:11,156 It's not goddamn Arendelle. 149 00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,426 Skinny ass bitch! 150 00:07:35,949 --> 00:07:36,516 Ash? 151 00:07:37,317 --> 00:07:38,185 Ashley? 152 00:07:41,688 --> 00:07:43,256 Oh, yeah 153 00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:47,627 Give it baby 154 00:07:50,431 --> 00:07:53,566 That's what I'm
talking about, baby 155 00:07:53,568 --> 00:07:55,568 Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot. 156 00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,303 I'm on fire. 157 00:07:57,305 --> 00:07:58,172 Oh, yeah. 158 00:08:02,276 --> 00:08:06,211 Somebody's
earning their lunch money. 159 00:08:06,213 --> 00:08:07,280 Oh, yeah. 160 00:08:13,454 --> 00:08:15,121 Jesus, Brandon,
what can I say? 161 00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:18,357 She's a treacherous whore,
you're better off without her. 162 00:08:18,359 --> 00:08:20,259 You're gonna give
yourself a heart attack. 163 00:08:20,261 --> 00:08:21,496 What've you gone, 164 00:08:22,630 --> 00:08:23,562 a mile and a half? 165 00:08:23,564 --> 00:08:26,132 Shit, you're in terrible shape. 166 00:08:26,134 --> 00:08:30,035 I bought this bike
so that I could get fit 167 00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:32,238 and do the Rwanda ride. 168 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,140 You ever seen me on it? 169 00:08:34,142 --> 00:08:35,574 No. 170 00:08:35,576 --> 00:08:37,144 The whore's right, Dan. 171 00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:40,045 I can't commit to
anything, especially women. 172 00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:42,214 Which explains why
I've had 50 girlfriends 173 00:08:42,216 --> 00:08:44,551 in the past 10 years. 174 00:08:44,553 --> 00:08:47,221 I can get 'em but
I can't keep 'em. 175 00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:50,089 I want a lasting love, Dan. 176 00:08:50,091 --> 00:08:50,992 I wanna be married. 177 00:08:52,026 --> 00:08:54,594 You have had a run of
lousy luck with women. 178 00:08:54,596 --> 00:08:56,595 Luck has nothing to
do with it, it's me. 179 00:08:56,597 --> 00:08:58,097 It has to be me. 180 00:08:58,099 --> 00:08:59,598 I have to change, Dan. 181 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,938 Come on champ, you stink,
let's go get a shower. 182 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:11,244 Welcome home, girl. 183 00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,780 Oh my god! 184 00:09:13,782 --> 00:09:15,080 Ow! 185 00:09:15,082 --> 00:09:17,016 - Oh, my god.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow! 186 00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:18,452 I'm so sorry. 187 00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:21,253 Carly, I'm so sorry,
it's my prison reflexes. 188 00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:22,221 Fuck that hurt! 189 00:09:22,223 --> 00:09:24,460 Oh my god, you are so strong. 190 00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:28,663 Is it sick that I envy you? 191 00:09:28,665 --> 00:09:30,497 You're an ass kicker now. 192 00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:32,800 You look great,
you've lost weight. 193 00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:33,868 Man, I wanna go to jail. 194 00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:38,104 Oh yeah, everybody
should, and it's so simple. 195 00:09:38,106 --> 00:09:39,473 All you have to do is
spend half your life 196 00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:42,542 in a disastrous relationship
and commit a felony. 197 00:09:42,544 --> 00:09:44,778 Okay, none of
which was your fault. 198 00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:47,147 It was all my fault. 199 00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:50,651 Look, okay, I read online
that the average woman 200 00:09:50,653 --> 00:09:52,186 will have four serious
relationship before she gets 201 00:09:52,188 --> 00:09:54,087 married. So, at the
rate you're going, 202 00:09:54,089 --> 00:09:56,189 you're not gonna get
married till like you're 84. 203 00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:58,259 You need to get right
back on the horse. 204 00:09:58,261 --> 00:09:59,560 How? 205 00:09:59,562 --> 00:10:01,596 I have nothing to offer. 206 00:10:01,598 --> 00:10:03,698 Men just want some spontaneous, 207 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:06,134 unpredictable sexual deviant. 208 00:10:06,569 --> 00:10:08,201 Girl, you're giving
men too much credit. 209 00:10:08,203 --> 00:10:09,469 They're simple beasts. 210 00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:12,272 All's they crave is
sex, sports, beer, food 211 00:10:12,274 --> 00:10:13,842 and sometimes a little anal. 212 00:10:13,844 --> 00:10:14,676 Really? 213 00:10:14,678 --> 00:10:15,343 Really. 214 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,210 Really? 215 00:10:16,212 --> 00:10:17,745 Really. 216 00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:20,281 Okay, if that's what men want, 217 00:10:20,283 --> 00:10:22,450 then that is what
I'm gonna give them. 218 00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:25,186 Except that last part,
not gonna happen. 219 00:10:25,188 --> 00:10:26,354 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: Yeah, yeah, 220 00:10:26,356 --> 00:10:28,589 we've all seen the
makeover sequence 221 00:10:28,591 --> 00:10:30,460 so I won't bore you with it. 222 00:10:53,449 --> 00:10:56,217 Kapernick, Manning,
Brees, cradle the balls! 223 00:10:56,219 --> 00:10:57,318 Work the shaft! 224 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,452 Yes! 225 00:10:58,454 --> 00:11:00,655 You are now an expert on men. 226 00:11:00,657 --> 00:11:03,158 All right, this is all
the shit that he gave you 227 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,893 over the last 14 years. 228 00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:07,298 Throw away, sell online and, 229 00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,833 whatever the fuck this is. 230 00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:14,201 Yeah, he got it at an
Infectious Diseases Conference 231 00:11:14,203 --> 00:11:15,637 in Shanghai. 232 00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:17,273 I kinda like it. 233 00:11:19,743 --> 00:11:21,545 It's going. 234 00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:23,747 Yeah, this is disgusting. 235 00:11:39,163 --> 00:11:39,863 Hmm. 236 00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:16,994 Wow, so you're a
graphic designer, 237 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,731 you must be really artistic. 238 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:23,000 Well, I have been called
the Vermeer of napkin art. 239 00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,372 Wait, what are you watching? 240 00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,710 Oh, it's this, this silly show 241 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,378 about this Swiss
police woman who is... 242 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,646 Schweizer Polizei Frau? 243 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,880 You know it? 244 00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,881 Ja! 245 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,388 I binge-watched all seven
seasons in like six days. 246 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,723 Yeah, I'm on season four. 247 00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,325 Oh, there's great
ones coming up. 248 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:52,329 We talked last
night for four hours. 249 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,499 I think he's a really nice guy. 250 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,467 Oh. 251 00:13:55,469 --> 00:13:57,367 Do you think I should
tell him about Steven? 252 00:13:57,369 --> 00:14:00,337 If you never wanna
hear from him again. 253 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,440 Dating one guy your whole
life might come off a little... 254 00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:04,408 - Sad?
- Freakish. 255 00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,577 Like you were raised on
a polygamist compound. 256 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,980 Don't show him the
woman you were, 257 00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,918 show him the woman
you're going to be. 258 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,752 You mean lie? 259 00:14:13,754 --> 00:14:15,386 Hell yes, lie. 260 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,356 Don't tell her you have
56K in student loans. 261 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,024 Tell her you have
a 10 inch schlong 262 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,560 and you're the heir
to Walmart fortune. 263 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,428 It's the internet. 264 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,998 If you're not lying,
your not trying. 265 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:27,300 Hey, hey! 266 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,335 My last boyfriend? Uh... 267 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:36,742 Let's see, I was with
him for 14 months. 268 00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:40,112 Wow, so brief. 269 00:14:40,114 --> 00:14:43,015 Well, how long do your
relationships only last for? 270 00:14:43,017 --> 00:14:46,051 Uh, you know, two, 271 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,052 three years. 272 00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,487 So, you haven't been
with that many women. 273 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,389 A handful. 274 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:55,393 You know, for me, it's more
about quality than quantity. 275 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,895 My biggest fault? 276 00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,430 Sometimes, I give
too much, you know, 277 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,033 whether it's work
or relationships. 278 00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:04,837 I'm all in, kind of a warp
speed ahead kinda guy. 279 00:15:04,839 --> 00:15:07,573 And sometimes, I'm so
spontaneous and unpredictable 280 00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:09,041 that people find it exhausting. 281 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:10,778 But I'm working on that. 282 00:15:11,512 --> 00:15:12,978 I mean maybe 'cause I'm country 283 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:16,081 but there's nothing like
a cold brewski, right? 284 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,515 Hell yeah. 285 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,918 Steelers baby! 286 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,719 Big Ben is my boy. 287 00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:24,058 The San Diego Super Chargers! 288 00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:26,860 Well, you're looking
at the two-time 289 00:15:26,862 --> 00:15:29,497 salsa dancing champion
of West Virginia. 290 00:15:32,034 --> 00:15:34,667 Look, I'm not saying I'm
Lance Armstrong or anything, 291 00:15:34,669 --> 00:15:36,502 I'm kinda on the
level just below him, 292 00:15:36,504 --> 00:15:38,571 but cycling is my passion. 293 00:15:38,573 --> 00:15:40,706 God, you're food
looks amazing, 294 00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:42,474 where did you learn to cook? 295 00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:43,342 Oh please, look at you, 296 00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:44,846 making your own
pasta from scratch? 297 00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:48,113 You have beautiful eyes. 298 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,519 You have a very sexy smile. 299 00:15:51,186 --> 00:15:52,451 Salut. 300 00:15:52,453 --> 00:15:53,655 Saluts. 301 00:15:54,056 --> 00:15:55,589 Oh, oh, god! 302 00:15:55,591 --> 00:15:57,190 Hey. 303 00:15:57,192 --> 00:15:57,858 Ah, no, no! 304 00:15:57,860 --> 00:15:58,959 No, it's not what you think. 305 00:15:58,961 --> 00:16:03,129 I just, I didn't have
time to get dressed before... 306 00:16:03,131 --> 00:16:03,497 Me too. 307 00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:08,567 I want you. 308 00:16:08,569 --> 00:16:09,802 Come to LA. 309 00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:11,503 I'll pay for the ticket. 310 00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:14,141 Look, I want to so bad,
but I looked into tickets, 311 00:16:14,143 --> 00:16:16,476 they are $700. 312 00:16:16,478 --> 00:16:17,811 Or we could split it, 313 00:16:17,813 --> 00:16:20,214 if it feels like I
coming on too strong. 314 00:16:20,216 --> 00:16:24,019 This is gonna be so amazing! 315 00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:26,186 Oh my god, I can't
believe I'm here. 316 00:16:26,188 --> 00:16:27,888 I can't
believe you're here. 317 00:16:27,890 --> 00:16:30,223 Oh, I
love your car. 318 00:16:30,225 --> 00:16:31,191 Thanks. 319 00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:44,005 So that's the Getty
Villa, right there. 320 00:16:44,007 --> 00:16:45,772 J. Paul Getty was the
world's richest man 321 00:16:45,774 --> 00:16:49,210 but he had a pay phone
for all his house guests. 322 00:16:49,212 --> 00:16:51,678 Oh god, what a cheapskate. 323 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,047 I hate that! 324 00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:56,183 Yeah. 325 00:16:56,185 --> 00:16:58,086 Me too. 326 00:16:59,154 --> 00:17:00,521 Hey, isn't that,
that restaurant 327 00:17:00,523 --> 00:17:02,125 where all the
celebrities hang out? 328 00:17:02,558 --> 00:17:03,457 Yeah. 329 00:17:03,459 --> 00:17:04,725 Have
you ever been there? 330 00:17:04,727 --> 00:17:05,660 Sure. 331 00:17:05,662 --> 00:17:07,130 Oh, I bet it's amazing. 332 00:17:37,727 --> 00:17:39,026 It's gettin'
kinda chilly, huh. 333 00:17:39,028 --> 00:17:40,262 - Yeah.
- Wanna head back? 334 00:17:40,264 --> 00:17:42,031 Sure. 335 00:17:42,231 --> 00:17:45,168 Or, we could jump in the water. 336 00:17:47,804 --> 00:17:48,770 Yeah, right. 337 00:17:48,772 --> 00:17:49,905 No, I'm serious. 338 00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:52,007 Come on, Charlotte, you
just ate five course meal, 339 00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:52,908 you're not going for a swim. 340 00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:53,842 No, come on, let's do it. 341 00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:55,177 I've never even been
in the ocean before 342 00:17:55,179 --> 00:17:56,712 and it would just
be like absolutely... 343 00:17:56,714 --> 00:17:58,113 Hey, hey, listen to me. 344 00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,082 We're not jumping off the pier. 345 00:18:01,318 --> 00:18:02,485 Oh, my god. 346 00:18:03,153 --> 00:18:06,221 Okay, you are completely insane! 347 00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:07,055 Really? 348 00:18:07,057 --> 00:18:08,156 Yes, you're crazy. 349 00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:10,994 And you are the most
exciting guy I've ever met. 350 00:18:11,594 --> 00:18:12,127 Really? 351 00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:12,796 Yeah. 352 00:18:36,788 --> 00:18:38,622 All right, Carly, let's
see what you got me. 353 00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:40,890 How does... 354 00:18:40,892 --> 00:18:43,159 I don't even... 355 00:18:43,161 --> 00:18:44,728 I'm not using that. 356 00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:53,937 I've seen thicker dental floss. 357 00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:04,247 You are one sexy
bitch, Charlotte. 358 00:19:04,249 --> 00:19:06,649 And you've had sex
with a thousand men. 359 00:19:06,651 --> 00:19:07,383 With a hundred men. 360 00:19:07,385 --> 00:19:09,988 23, eight, eight. 361 00:19:18,096 --> 00:19:22,233 You're gonna go in there and
be just a super sexy lady. 362 00:19:24,235 --> 00:19:26,038 God, I look like my
mom with these things. 363 00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:09,612 Ow! 364 00:20:09,614 --> 00:20:11,080 Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. 365 00:20:11,082 --> 00:20:12,081 So you like it rough? 366 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,351 Huh, oh no, I was just... 367 00:20:13,353 --> 00:20:15,185 'Cause I can be really rough. 368 00:20:15,187 --> 00:20:18,389 Oh yeah, no, I'm rough,
I'm like super rough. 369 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,890 Like this kinda rough? 370 00:20:19,892 --> 00:20:20,824 Ah! 371 00:20:20,826 --> 00:20:21,892 Oh! 372 00:20:21,894 --> 00:20:25,229 Goin' for the sexy proctologist,
yeah, no I dig that. 373 00:20:25,231 --> 00:20:26,096 Yeah? 374 00:20:26,098 --> 00:20:27,231 Is that all you got? 375 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:29,066 You're in luck
'cause his two friends 376 00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:30,968 just decided to join the party. 377 00:20:38,744 --> 00:20:40,813 What're you thinking? 378 00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:44,151 I was just thinking, uhm 379 00:20:45,718 --> 00:20:48,852 I was just wondering, 380 00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:52,091 if it's too soon to
tell him that um, 381 00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,395 he's just the kind of man
I've always wanted to be with. 382 00:20:56,896 --> 00:21:00,030 Confident and uhm, 383 00:21:00,032 --> 00:21:02,267 unhesitating, 384 00:21:02,269 --> 00:21:03,703 sure of what he wants. 385 00:21:05,038 --> 00:21:06,404 Extremely handsome. 386 00:21:06,406 --> 00:21:08,506 Well. 387 00:21:08,508 --> 00:21:10,744 And um, 388 00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,713 it's gonna break my heart
to get back on that plane. 389 00:21:18,351 --> 00:21:20,151 Well, that's funny actually, 390 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:25,324 because I was
thinking that she is 391 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:28,927 the most exciting 392 00:21:28,929 --> 00:21:32,830 and spontaneous person 393 00:21:32,832 --> 00:21:35,800 I've met in my entire life. 394 00:21:35,802 --> 00:21:39,139 Not to mention gorgeous,
bombshell, knockout 395 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,407 and blonde too, the
most blonde person. 396 00:21:46,112 --> 00:21:47,245 And I was actually wondering 397 00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,083 if it's too soon
to give her this. 398 00:21:53,054 --> 00:21:55,056 And to tell her that I love her. 399 00:22:23,417 --> 00:22:26,218 I know this is
moving insanely fast 400 00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,021 but she's not like
the women here. 401 00:22:29,023 --> 00:22:30,556 Is that a heel mark? 402 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,891 She's sexy and smart 403 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,426 and we just have
this, this connection! 404 00:22:34,428 --> 00:22:36,529 What did you get
on my upholstery? 405 00:22:36,531 --> 00:22:38,164 Oh, that's just saltwater. 406 00:22:38,166 --> 00:22:39,932 Is that what the
kids are calling it? 407 00:22:39,934 --> 00:22:41,867 You desecrated the Stang! 408 00:22:41,869 --> 00:22:43,203 Dude, I'll get it
washed and waxed. 409 00:22:43,205 --> 00:22:45,205 Are you listening to what
I'm saying, I'm in love. 410 00:22:45,207 --> 00:22:47,006 I can clearly see
that you're excited 411 00:22:47,008 --> 00:22:49,174 and I'm very happy
for you, really I am. 412 00:22:49,176 --> 00:22:50,211 Okay yes. 413 00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:57,850 You might wanna keep
this for your scrap book. 414 00:22:57,852 --> 00:22:58,486 Oh, yes. 415 00:23:00,355 --> 00:23:01,521 That's her neck. 416 00:23:01,523 --> 00:23:02,389 Just smell that. 417 00:23:02,391 --> 00:23:03,423 - No.
- Just smell. 418 00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:04,457 - It's just a neck.
- It's not.. 419 00:23:04,459 --> 00:23:06,259 - It's a neutral zone.
- This is not appropriate. 420 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:08,194 Oh god, that's good. 421 00:23:08,196 --> 00:23:12,098 And, did you do the
things that we talked about? 422 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,967 We did things no
one talks about. 423 00:23:13,969 --> 00:23:16,902 Ooh, and how did that go? 424 00:23:16,904 --> 00:23:18,238 He gave me this. 425 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,072 Oh, my god. 426 00:23:19,074 --> 00:23:21,207 And he told me
that he loves me. 427 00:23:21,209 --> 00:23:23,108 Oh, my god! 428 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:24,478 I know, and I told
him I love him too 429 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,213 which I know seems
like crazy and rushed 430 00:23:27,215 --> 00:23:30,050 but it was just so magical. 431 00:23:30,052 --> 00:23:31,920 That no good mother. 432 00:23:44,666 --> 00:23:46,232 You know, good for him. 433 00:23:46,234 --> 00:23:48,269 Good for him, he
deserves to be happy. 434 00:23:48,271 --> 00:23:50,004 Char... 435 00:23:50,006 --> 00:23:52,139 I know what you're gonna
say and I'm gonna be fine 436 00:23:52,141 --> 00:23:55,176 because I'm happy
and he's happy. 437 00:23:55,178 --> 00:23:57,078 - Charlotte!
- And everybody's happy. 438 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:57,911 Charlotte! 439 00:23:57,913 --> 00:23:58,945 It's gonna be, 440 00:23:58,947 --> 00:23:59,615 oh my god! 441 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:11,427 Asshole! 442 00:24:13,096 --> 00:24:16,230 No, you cannot cause an
avalanche just by yodeling. 443 00:24:16,232 --> 00:24:19,300 No, I am telling you,
it is completely possible. 444 00:24:19,302 --> 00:24:20,568 You can't. 445 00:24:20,570 --> 00:24:22,269 And even if you could, 446 00:24:22,271 --> 00:24:24,638 you can't make it fall right
on a fleeing bank robber. 447 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,041 Schweizer Polizei Frau can. 448 00:24:27,043 --> 00:24:28,077 Yeah well. 449 00:24:29,345 --> 00:24:33,381 Hey, I made something at work
today, you mind taking a look? 450 00:24:33,383 --> 00:24:34,517 Yeah, sure. 451 00:24:40,657 --> 00:24:42,357 Hey, is that me? 452 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:43,460 Lookin' good. 453 00:24:51,067 --> 00:24:53,403 Oh, thank you, it's beautiful. 454 00:25:05,382 --> 00:25:09,253 It would be the most
unpredictable thing ever. 455 00:25:11,255 --> 00:25:14,458 It would be the
ultimate commitment. 456 00:25:24,234 --> 00:25:25,202 Geronimo! 457 00:25:36,513 --> 00:25:37,612 We want a divorce. 458 00:25:37,614 --> 00:25:39,114 Between the two of ya? 459 00:25:39,116 --> 00:25:40,081 Yep. 460 00:25:40,083 --> 00:25:41,316 Well, I'll be, usually, 461 00:25:41,318 --> 00:25:44,085 I represent only one
party's interests. 462 00:25:44,087 --> 00:25:45,020 We have the same interest. 463 00:25:45,022 --> 00:25:46,221 An immediate divorce. 464 00:25:46,223 --> 00:25:48,324 Well then, I reckon
we oughta discuss 465 00:25:48,326 --> 00:25:50,126 dividin' property, assets... 466 00:25:50,128 --> 00:25:51,294 We don't have any. 467 00:25:51,296 --> 00:25:54,029 How long you two been hitched? 468 00:25:54,031 --> 00:25:55,398 BRANDON AND
CHARLOTTE: 10 days. 469 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,267 10 days? 470 00:26:06,109 --> 00:26:07,108 Oh! 471 00:26:07,110 --> 00:26:08,276 Thank you so much, Carly. 472 00:26:08,278 --> 00:26:10,615 Thanks, Carly, it's awesome! 473 00:26:11,549 --> 00:26:13,249 Oh, and that is from us. 474 00:26:13,251 --> 00:26:14,350 Oh. 475 00:26:14,352 --> 00:26:15,220 Thank you. 476 00:26:23,228 --> 00:26:26,762 Aw, thank you very much, that's
so sweet, Jerry and Judy. 477 00:26:26,764 --> 00:26:29,265 Thanks, Mom, thanks,
Dad, that's uh. 478 00:26:29,267 --> 00:26:31,501 No, the people
of Tibet thank you. 479 00:26:31,503 --> 00:26:35,505 It's such a noble
gesture in your name. 480 00:26:35,507 --> 00:26:37,307 Though it has none of
the bourgeoisie cache 481 00:26:37,309 --> 00:26:39,545 of a shiny kitchen appliance. 482 00:26:41,347 --> 00:26:43,580 Anyway, speaking
of exotic places, 483 00:26:43,582 --> 00:26:45,147 have you guys finally decided 484 00:26:45,149 --> 00:26:46,082 where you're gonna
take your honeymoon? 485 00:26:46,084 --> 00:26:48,417 Not yet, I'm start
teaching really soon 486 00:26:48,419 --> 00:26:51,855 and we have to find a bigger
apartment or maybe a house. 487 00:26:51,857 --> 00:26:53,589 Oh. 488 00:26:53,591 --> 00:26:55,591 So we have to
put that on hold. 489 00:26:55,593 --> 00:26:58,160 No, no, no, you must do
something special, Brandon. 490 00:26:58,162 --> 00:26:59,795 Sri Lanka is lovely. 491 00:26:59,797 --> 00:27:02,199 As far as exploited,
underdeveloped 492 00:27:02,201 --> 00:27:03,400 island nations go. 493 00:27:03,402 --> 00:27:06,537 It's really the sad teardrop
of the Indian subcontinent. 494 00:27:06,539 --> 00:27:08,238 But the beaches are beautiful. 495 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,740 Well, that sounds
fun, right, honey? 496 00:27:09,742 --> 00:27:13,310 Oh yeah, it's just a shame
about all the tsunamis. 497 00:27:13,312 --> 00:27:14,745 I'll tell you what
though, for special, 498 00:27:14,747 --> 00:27:16,380 there's some really great spots 499 00:27:16,382 --> 00:27:18,247 right within driving distance. 500 00:27:18,249 --> 00:27:21,420 I mean, San Diego,
Santa Barbara, Pismo. 501 00:27:23,254 --> 00:27:24,121 Oh, what about you? 502 00:27:24,123 --> 00:27:25,723 Where'd you two go
on your honeymoon? 503 00:27:25,725 --> 00:27:26,824 Jail. 504 00:27:31,297 --> 00:27:32,529 He's not kidding. 505 00:27:32,531 --> 00:27:34,131 After we exchanged our vows, 506 00:27:34,133 --> 00:27:36,199 we went off to a No Nukes rally, 507 00:27:36,201 --> 00:27:38,870 she acted up and the
po-po picked us up 508 00:27:38,872 --> 00:27:40,270 and threw us both
in the slammer. 509 00:27:40,272 --> 00:27:42,806 So you spent your
whole honeymoon in jail? 510 00:27:42,808 --> 00:27:43,975 We had only known
each other 10 days 511 00:27:43,977 --> 00:27:48,279 so every minute we spent
together was like a honeymoon. 512 00:27:48,281 --> 00:27:52,149 And we actually managed to slip
a little connubial bliss in 513 00:27:52,151 --> 00:27:54,254 right under the man's nose. 514 00:27:56,690 --> 00:27:58,790 So we were in
adjacent cells, right, 515 00:27:58,792 --> 00:28:01,492 and right after all of the
other inmates went to sleep, 516 00:28:01,494 --> 00:28:04,361 my beautiful bride, she
backed her tight little rump 517 00:28:04,363 --> 00:28:06,363 right up against the bars, 518 00:28:06,365 --> 00:28:11,368 I dropped trou and we made
the sweetest, sweetest love. 519 00:28:11,370 --> 00:28:14,240 Oh, oh, Christ,
I need a drink! 520 00:28:18,378 --> 00:28:20,645 Being an only child and
losing both my parents, 521 00:28:20,647 --> 00:28:23,781 I definitely want a big family,
like three or four kids. 522 00:28:23,783 --> 00:28:25,950 You know, they say, it
costs over a quarter million 523 00:28:25,952 --> 00:28:29,253 to raise a child and
that's before college. 524 00:28:29,255 --> 00:28:32,256 You can't put a
price tag on happiness. 525 00:28:32,258 --> 00:28:36,227 True but I was an only
child and I have to say, 526 00:28:36,229 --> 00:28:36,962 I was very happy. 527 00:28:36,964 --> 00:28:38,931 Oh come on, Brandon. 528 00:28:38,933 --> 00:28:40,766 You use to always want
a younger brother. 529 00:28:40,768 --> 00:28:43,869 And a matter of fact,
Brandon was an accident. 530 00:28:43,871 --> 00:28:45,571 We thought long and hard 531 00:28:45,573 --> 00:28:47,572 about whether or not
we should keep him. 532 00:28:47,574 --> 00:28:49,440 You were gonna put
him up for adoption? 533 00:28:49,442 --> 00:28:51,844 Oh god no, I wouldn't
have the heart for that. 534 00:28:51,846 --> 00:28:54,545 We were gonna abort him. 535 00:28:54,547 --> 00:28:55,415 Jesus. 536 00:28:56,516 --> 00:28:58,216 But we were in Burma, 537 00:28:58,218 --> 00:29:00,552 we couldn't find anyone
to perform the procedure. 538 00:29:00,554 --> 00:29:01,522 Thank god. 539 00:29:02,657 --> 00:29:04,890 I think we made
the right decision. 540 00:29:04,892 --> 00:29:05,826 I do too. 541 00:29:07,261 --> 00:29:08,460 Most of the time. 542 00:29:08,462 --> 00:29:10,829 Oh, Jerry. 543 00:29:10,831 --> 00:29:11,997 Hey, you know, we
better get going, 544 00:29:11,999 --> 00:29:15,334 we got a flight to catch, we
gotta get to Buenos Aries. 545 00:29:15,336 --> 00:29:17,569 Oh, leaving so soon? 546 00:29:17,571 --> 00:29:18,837 We're gonna the Antarctica, 547 00:29:18,839 --> 00:29:21,372 we're gonna scuttle some
Japanese whale killers. 548 00:29:21,374 --> 00:29:22,273 If it were up to me, 549 00:29:22,275 --> 00:29:24,811 I'd have those boats
sunk in the ocean 550 00:29:24,813 --> 00:29:28,347 and have any remaining
survivors fed to the sharks. 551 00:29:28,349 --> 00:29:30,315 I hear you, I
respect your feelings. 552 00:29:30,317 --> 00:29:33,385 Now, get you things we
gotta go, we gonna be late. 553 00:29:33,387 --> 00:29:36,022 Charlotte, it's been
so lovely meeting you. 554 00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:37,023 Likewise. 555 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:38,624 Carly, till next time. 556 00:29:38,626 --> 00:29:40,492 Okay, let's go. 557 00:29:40,494 --> 00:29:45,199 She gets so blood thirsty
when it comes to the Japanese. 558 00:29:47,334 --> 00:29:49,002 Those are some
weird fucking people. 559 00:29:49,004 --> 00:29:52,307 Okay, I don't
know, they're unique. 560 00:29:53,909 --> 00:29:56,042 It's kinda refreshing. 561 00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:57,376 You need to be thankful 562 00:29:57,378 --> 00:29:58,712 that their DNA
skipped a generation. 563 00:30:00,649 --> 00:30:03,449 But isn't, Brandon's
pretty amazing, right? 564 00:30:03,451 --> 00:30:05,617 You did good, girl. 565 00:30:05,619 --> 00:30:08,320 And he can't freak if he finds
out that you're a jail bird. 566 00:30:08,322 --> 00:30:09,455 'Cause with parents like that, 567 00:30:09,457 --> 00:30:11,057 he was probably
conceived in the joint. 568 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,326 Why would you tell
Charlotte the Stang is yours? 569 00:30:13,328 --> 00:30:14,694 You're the one
who told me to lie. 570 00:30:14,696 --> 00:30:16,696 When you're trying to
lure her to the honey pot! 571 00:30:16,698 --> 00:30:18,531 You can't keep it going
now that you're married. 572 00:30:18,533 --> 00:30:19,766 It's insane. 573 00:30:19,768 --> 00:30:21,068 Just let me break it
to her slowly, okay? 574 00:30:21,070 --> 00:30:23,837 Can you go along with
it for a couple weeks? 575 00:30:23,839 --> 00:30:24,971 Come on man, you
have another car. 576 00:30:24,973 --> 00:30:25,972 Please, I'll owe you. 577 00:30:25,974 --> 00:30:26,906 With what? 578 00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:28,308 You don't have any money. 579 00:30:28,310 --> 00:30:29,509 Which you also told me
not to tell her about. 580 00:30:29,511 --> 00:30:32,479 And now she's talking about
honeymoons and houses and kids. 581 00:30:32,481 --> 00:30:34,848 Well, you screwed up,
man, you took my advice. 582 00:30:34,850 --> 00:30:37,518 Okay, okay, okay okay,
you can take the Stang 583 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,486 for a couple more weeks but, but 584 00:30:39,488 --> 00:30:41,589 if I see you drive
it more than twice, 585 00:30:41,591 --> 00:30:43,590 I will bring down
your house of cards. 586 00:30:43,592 --> 00:30:44,591 Understood, thanks. 587 00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,093 I'll see you at dinner. 588 00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:48,996 No, this is yours now,
you have to take care of it! 589 00:30:48,998 --> 00:30:49,832 Oh! 590 00:30:51,067 --> 00:30:53,067 Our first dinner party
as a married couple. 591 00:30:53,069 --> 00:30:53,901 Yeah. 592 00:30:53,903 --> 00:30:55,936 What are you making? 593 00:30:55,938 --> 00:31:00,877 Well, I thought maybe you
could make your homemade pasta. 594 00:31:05,715 --> 00:31:08,048 I remember on our honeymoon,
we went to a movie in Maui 595 00:31:08,050 --> 00:31:10,384 and Dan was playing
with his wedding ring, 596 00:31:10,386 --> 00:31:12,553 it fell off and
rolled down the floor. 597 00:31:12,555 --> 00:31:13,788 Ting, ting, ting, ting. 598 00:31:13,790 --> 00:31:15,388 We had to wait till
the movie was over 599 00:31:15,390 --> 00:31:16,690 and then search through
all this popcorn 600 00:31:16,692 --> 00:31:19,359 and crud and found it
in a puddle of Pepsi. 601 00:31:19,361 --> 00:31:20,828 She was really mad. 602 00:31:20,830 --> 00:31:22,495 And then the next
week, he does it again! 603 00:31:22,497 --> 00:31:25,399 And she punched me
right in the dick. 604 00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:30,071 You're lucky I
didn't divorce you. 605 00:31:30,073 --> 00:31:32,606 It turned out he done
it intentionally. 606 00:31:32,608 --> 00:31:34,542 Well yeah, so I had
tied it to a string 607 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,045 and I was pulling it along
and she kept going after it. 608 00:31:37,047 --> 00:31:38,512 That was really. 609 00:31:41,083 --> 00:31:42,850 Oh god, weren't you furious? 610 00:31:42,852 --> 00:31:43,686 Yes. 611 00:31:44,921 --> 00:31:47,621 But then I realized
that this is who Dan is 612 00:31:47,623 --> 00:31:49,558 and that's why I love him. 613 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:50,926 That's why she loves me. 614 00:31:50,928 --> 00:31:52,160 He's a lovable jackass. 615 00:31:52,162 --> 00:31:54,095 My ass is very jacked. 616 00:31:55,899 --> 00:31:56,700 Moving on! 617 00:31:58,035 --> 00:32:00,869 Brandon, what is
your biggest regret? 618 00:32:00,871 --> 00:32:03,104 My choice of best friends. 619 00:32:03,106 --> 00:32:04,072 I was just being honest. 620 00:32:04,074 --> 00:32:06,342 I'm just being honest. 621 00:32:07,878 --> 00:32:10,544 I guess maybe not
visiting my grandpa enough 622 00:32:10,546 --> 00:32:11,815 before he died. 623 00:32:12,951 --> 00:32:14,050 He was living in
this nursing home 624 00:32:14,052 --> 00:32:17,186 like a mile from our house and, 625 00:32:17,188 --> 00:32:18,620 I don't know, I
guess I was too busy 626 00:32:18,622 --> 00:32:20,824 being a teenager or something. 627 00:32:23,460 --> 00:32:26,661 Anyway, I hope he forgave me. 628 00:32:26,663 --> 00:32:28,063 Of course he did. 629 00:32:28,065 --> 00:32:29,933 He knew you loved him. 630 00:32:45,183 --> 00:32:48,617 Okay, I gonna say
what we're all thinking. 631 00:32:48,619 --> 00:32:49,453 Four-way. 632 00:32:50,554 --> 00:32:51,388 Hey! 633 00:33:02,166 --> 00:33:05,167 Hey, how come you never
wear that necklace I gave you? 634 00:33:05,169 --> 00:33:06,969 Don't you like it? 635 00:33:06,971 --> 00:33:07,904 I love it. 636 00:33:07,906 --> 00:33:09,674 I absolutely love it. 637 00:33:10,508 --> 00:33:12,241 And you know what else I love? 638 00:33:12,243 --> 00:33:14,110 That pretty little ass of yours. 639 00:33:17,048 --> 00:33:19,784 You remember the three amigos? 640 00:33:24,589 --> 00:33:25,456 Arriba! 641 00:33:26,225 --> 00:33:27,558 Whoo! 642 00:33:38,102 --> 00:33:41,037 Schweitzer Polizei Frau. 643 00:33:47,512 --> 00:33:49,079 What are you working on? 644 00:33:49,081 --> 00:33:50,948 Welfare application. 645 00:33:50,950 --> 00:33:52,549 You? 646 00:33:52,551 --> 00:33:54,117 Suicide note. 647 00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,187 Touche. 648 00:33:56,722 --> 00:33:58,288 You know, screw it! 649 00:33:58,290 --> 00:34:01,224 I guess I'm gonna call
that slimy prick Matthew 650 00:34:01,226 --> 00:34:02,826 and see if he'll
throw us a bone. 651 00:34:02,828 --> 00:34:05,197 Oh man, that's gonna suck. 652 00:34:06,564 --> 00:34:08,098 You just know he's gonna make
you feel like a pathetic, 653 00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:10,599 shit-eating failure. 654 00:34:10,601 --> 00:34:12,138 I'll call for you. 655 00:34:14,140 --> 00:34:15,605 I'm just so glad I found it. 656 00:34:15,607 --> 00:34:17,107 I had to go to 10 different
stores to find it, 657 00:34:17,109 --> 00:34:18,944 and it cost $1,200. 658 00:34:19,778 --> 00:34:21,144 Oh, at that price, 659 00:34:21,146 --> 00:34:22,279 I think I would have
just come clean. 660 00:34:22,281 --> 00:34:27,084 Yeah, I wanted to but he
spent so much money on it, 661 00:34:27,086 --> 00:34:30,687 and, I don't know, he
picked it out himself 662 00:34:30,689 --> 00:34:33,192 which I think is very sweet, so. 663 00:34:35,594 --> 00:34:37,195 So, you
must be looking forward 664 00:34:37,197 --> 00:34:38,930 to getting back to work, huh? 665 00:34:38,932 --> 00:34:42,333 Yes, I'm so excited to be
back in the classroom with kids. 666 00:34:42,335 --> 00:34:44,202 It's gonna be nice to have
income coming in, too. 667 00:34:44,204 --> 00:34:46,204 Speaking of which,
I was thinking 668 00:34:46,206 --> 00:34:47,938 that we could start
planning our honeymoon. 669 00:34:47,940 --> 00:34:50,741 You know, maybe go
on my spring break. 670 00:34:50,743 --> 00:34:53,078 What do you think about Aruba? 671 00:34:54,780 --> 00:34:56,680 Yeah, that's fine. 672 00:34:56,682 --> 00:35:00,251 But what about
Catalina Island, huh? 673 00:35:00,253 --> 00:35:04,288 It's 26 miles across the
sea, it is beautiful. 674 00:35:04,290 --> 00:35:08,359 It's, uh, I mean, it's
where Natalie Wood drowned. 675 00:35:08,361 --> 00:35:10,161 Sounds romantic. 676 00:35:10,163 --> 00:35:11,729 Hey, you know what? 677 00:35:11,731 --> 00:35:13,731 I think we have to have
a couple drinks tonight. 678 00:35:13,733 --> 00:35:14,598 - Yeah?
- To celebrate 679 00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:15,800 your last couple
of days of leisure. 680 00:35:15,802 --> 00:35:16,768 What do you say? 681 00:35:16,770 --> 00:35:17,601 I like that. 682 00:35:17,603 --> 00:35:18,936 Let me do that. 683 00:35:18,938 --> 00:35:21,105 All right, get out
there, make me proud, 684 00:35:21,107 --> 00:35:23,576 show me some of those tricks. 685 00:35:33,387 --> 00:35:35,220 Achtung, ladies and gentlemen, 686 00:35:35,222 --> 00:35:39,891 he's about to shame,
bruise and soil himself. 687 00:35:43,863 --> 00:35:44,731 Fuck! 688 00:35:55,876 --> 00:35:58,977 Oh my god,
Barndon, are you okay? 689 00:35:58,979 --> 00:36:02,047 Yeah, yeah,
no, I meant to do that. 690 00:36:02,049 --> 00:36:02,917 Oh god. 691 00:36:13,094 --> 00:36:14,660 Hey Brandon. 692 00:36:14,662 --> 00:36:16,161 I brought you a little
somethin' for the newlyweds. 693 00:36:16,163 --> 00:36:17,996 Oh Mel, thank you. 694 00:36:17,998 --> 00:36:18,831 Cheers. 695 00:36:18,833 --> 00:36:19,665 Cheers. 696 00:36:19,667 --> 00:36:20,400 Shots. 697 00:36:20,402 --> 00:36:22,067 To all your lucky students. 698 00:36:22,069 --> 00:36:24,736 To my sweet husband
and all my bros and hoes. 699 00:36:24,738 --> 00:36:25,606 Yeah! 700 00:36:26,507 --> 00:36:28,107 Excuse me
ladies and gentlemen, 701 00:36:28,109 --> 00:36:30,342 can I get Charlotte
Conroy on the dance floor? 702 00:36:30,344 --> 00:36:31,176 What? 703 00:36:31,178 --> 00:36:32,211 Did he say my name? 704 00:36:32,213 --> 00:36:33,045 I guess. 705 00:36:33,047 --> 00:36:34,179 What did you tell him? 706 00:36:34,181 --> 00:36:35,815 Yeah, everyone, put your
hands together right here, 707 00:36:35,817 --> 00:36:38,151 Miss Charlotte, the
dancing machine, Conroy, 708 00:36:38,153 --> 00:36:41,421 salsa champion, world
champion in the house tonight! 709 00:36:41,423 --> 00:36:42,255 That's you. 710 00:36:42,257 --> 00:36:43,356 What did you tell him? 711 00:36:43,358 --> 00:36:44,790 I may have
exaggerated a little. 712 00:36:44,792 --> 00:36:46,359 I know you didn't wanna
show off at the wedding 713 00:36:46,361 --> 00:36:48,194 but now I get to see your stuff! 714 00:36:53,235 --> 00:36:54,101 Yeah! 715 00:37:01,076 --> 00:37:02,342 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: And that is all 716 00:37:02,344 --> 00:37:04,944 the salsa Charlotte knows, 717 00:37:04,946 --> 00:37:07,282 but tragically, she dances on. 718 00:37:35,844 --> 00:37:37,844 Well look who's here. 719 00:37:37,846 --> 00:37:40,980 The asshole who almost
smothered me to death. 720 00:37:40,982 --> 00:37:42,081 Ashley? 721 00:37:42,083 --> 00:37:45,084 You would still hang out
here, you cheap bastard. 722 00:37:45,086 --> 00:37:46,252 I'm just kidding. 723 00:37:46,254 --> 00:37:47,354 I come here too. 724 00:37:47,356 --> 00:37:49,056 Ashley, I am... 725 00:37:49,058 --> 00:37:52,228 You, are not still
mad at me, are you? 726 00:37:56,232 --> 00:38:00,967 Okay, Charlotte, thank
you, thank you very much. 727 00:38:00,969 --> 00:38:02,837 Very interesting dance. 728 00:38:05,341 --> 00:38:06,773 Hey, honey. 729 00:38:06,775 --> 00:38:08,242 Who's your friend? 730 00:38:08,244 --> 00:38:09,243 Ashley. 731 00:38:09,245 --> 00:38:12,079 Charlotte, Charlotte Conroy. 732 00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:13,113 Who's that, your sister? 733 00:38:13,115 --> 00:38:14,549 No, his wife. 734 00:38:14,551 --> 00:38:17,851 I'm sorry, you're married? 735 00:38:17,853 --> 00:38:18,986 Since when? 736 00:38:18,988 --> 00:38:20,156 Four days ago. 737 00:38:22,124 --> 00:38:25,292 We used to date until he
went all fainting goat on, 738 00:38:25,294 --> 00:38:27,127 what the fuck? 739 00:38:27,129 --> 00:38:28,796 That's my necklace! 740 00:38:28,798 --> 00:38:29,530 Oh shit. 741 00:38:29,532 --> 00:38:30,564 What the hell, Brandon? 742 00:38:30,566 --> 00:38:32,032 Brandon? 743 00:38:32,034 --> 00:38:33,133 Yeah, I left it at his place. 744 00:38:33,135 --> 00:38:34,468 He never gave it back to me. 745 00:38:34,470 --> 00:38:35,973 Is that true? 746 00:38:38,008 --> 00:38:39,007 Told ya. 747 00:38:39,009 --> 00:38:41,008 This isn't your necklace. 748 00:38:41,010 --> 00:38:41,942 The hell it isn't. 749 00:38:41,944 --> 00:38:43,211 Okay. 750 00:38:43,213 --> 00:38:44,312 No, I
think your necklace 751 00:38:44,314 --> 00:38:45,447 I ground up in the
garbage disposal. 752 00:38:45,449 --> 00:38:46,847 Bullshit! 753 00:38:46,849 --> 00:38:48,250 Listen,
I was freaked out 754 00:38:48,252 --> 00:38:49,850 because I found out my
ex-fiance was getting married. 755 00:38:49,852 --> 00:38:50,818 Ex-fiance? 756 00:38:50,820 --> 00:38:52,152 Okay, like you have
the right to speak, 757 00:38:52,154 --> 00:38:53,854 you gave this skank's necklace! 758 00:38:53,856 --> 00:38:55,956 Oh my god, this is hilarious. 759 00:38:55,958 --> 00:38:58,127 You wanna know what I think? 760 00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:03,999 You're not gonna do anything? 761 00:39:04,001 --> 00:39:04,868 Stop! 762 00:39:07,604 --> 00:39:09,404 Look at it this way,
most women our age 763 00:39:09,406 --> 00:39:11,239 have a lot of wear
and tear on 'em 764 00:39:11,241 --> 00:39:13,041 but you got her from
the original owner. 765 00:39:13,043 --> 00:39:15,010 She's in mint condition. 766 00:39:15,012 --> 00:39:17,279 Anyway, you really trumped
her on that necklace debacle. 767 00:39:17,281 --> 00:39:18,280 What were you thinking? 768 00:39:18,282 --> 00:39:19,214 I don't know, man. 769 00:39:19,216 --> 00:39:20,548 Never the twain shall meet? 770 00:39:20,550 --> 00:39:23,952 Okay, once, when
Rita and I were married 771 00:39:23,954 --> 00:39:26,455 for maybe two months, she
asked me if this dress 772 00:39:26,457 --> 00:39:28,223 she was wearing made
her butt look big. 773 00:39:28,225 --> 00:39:30,593 I told her, yes, but
I like big butts. 774 00:39:30,595 --> 00:39:31,926 You know, I'm a black man. 775 00:39:31,928 --> 00:39:33,261 It nearly ruined us. 776 00:39:33,263 --> 00:39:35,130 But it didn't. 777 00:39:35,132 --> 00:39:38,133 It took some work and
that's what you gotta do, man. 778 00:39:38,135 --> 00:39:40,468 You gotta make some
grand gesture, all right? 779 00:39:40,470 --> 00:39:42,904 Something repentant and sweet. 780 00:39:42,906 --> 00:39:44,005 Maybe a little pathetic
thrown in there 781 00:39:44,007 --> 00:39:49,011 and with any luck, it will
all be forgotten about. 782 00:39:49,013 --> 00:39:50,281 In a few years. 783 00:39:52,550 --> 00:39:53,418 Come on. 784 00:39:59,324 --> 00:40:01,324 God, it was so humiliating. 785 00:40:01,326 --> 00:40:02,558 So you
both screwed up. 786 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,128 You each take a
gimme and move on. 787 00:40:06,264 --> 00:40:09,465 I just got an email from him. 788 00:40:16,642 --> 00:40:19,043 Oh my gosh, it's so sweet! 789 00:40:20,144 --> 00:40:21,544 He just sent me
the cutest apology. 790 00:40:21,546 --> 00:40:22,378 See? 791 00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:24,113 He's a peach. 792 00:40:24,115 --> 00:40:26,449 Do something nice for him
tonight, like really nice. 793 00:40:26,451 --> 00:40:28,084 Did you get that
link I sent you? 794 00:40:28,086 --> 00:40:29,652 Oh, that site was nasty. 795 00:40:29,654 --> 00:40:31,189 Exactly. 796 00:40:54,178 --> 00:40:55,478 Not in the bedroom. 797 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:02,352 Lower. 798 00:41:12,030 --> 00:41:13,463 This is ridiculous. 799 00:41:13,465 --> 00:41:15,232 They've been making
this racket for hours. 800 00:41:15,234 --> 00:41:17,334 What the hell are
they trying to prove? 801 00:41:18,203 --> 00:41:20,170 Dan, maybe you
should come to bed. 802 00:41:20,172 --> 00:41:22,539 Yeah, yeah, in a minute. 803 00:41:42,327 --> 00:41:43,128 Oh my god. 804 00:41:45,297 --> 00:41:47,300 Oh, that was incredible. 805 00:41:48,501 --> 00:41:50,203 Okay, I gotta pee. 806 00:42:07,052 --> 00:42:09,520 I'm sure it's nothing serious. 807 00:42:09,522 --> 00:42:12,156 You haven't had problems
down their before, have you? 808 00:42:12,158 --> 00:42:13,026 Never. 809 00:42:15,328 --> 00:42:17,430 Brandon Conroy. 810 00:42:24,103 --> 00:42:25,303 Hello Mr. Conroy. 811 00:42:25,305 --> 00:42:26,137 Hi. 812 00:42:26,139 --> 00:42:27,405 I'm Dr. Sahni. 813 00:42:27,407 --> 00:42:30,174 Oh, yeah, I normally
see Dr. Kurtzman? 814 00:42:30,176 --> 00:42:33,277 Oh, he retired five
or six months ago. 815 00:42:33,279 --> 00:42:35,447 This is my first week. 816 00:42:35,449 --> 00:42:36,317 Welcome. 817 00:42:37,184 --> 00:42:39,318 So, what's the problem? 818 00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:43,054 It's like someone took a
sand blaster to my boom stick. 819 00:42:43,056 --> 00:42:44,625 Let's have a look. 820 00:42:48,127 --> 00:42:49,162 Oh my god. 821 00:42:50,163 --> 00:42:51,295 This looks like something I saw 822 00:42:51,297 --> 00:42:53,297 in my tropical disease seminar. 823 00:42:53,299 --> 00:42:54,633 How long's it been like this? 824 00:42:54,635 --> 00:42:56,067 Just since this morning. 825 00:42:56,069 --> 00:42:58,402 And before that,
was your penis normal 826 00:42:58,404 --> 00:43:01,175 or has it always
been disfigured? 827 00:43:02,209 --> 00:43:04,309 Normal, it's normal. 828 00:43:04,311 --> 00:43:05,611 Do you work with
toxic chemicals? 829 00:43:05,613 --> 00:43:06,745 No. 830 00:43:06,747 --> 00:43:07,846 Have you recently spent
time in the African bush? 831 00:43:07,848 --> 00:43:09,081 No. 832 00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:11,083 Have you had sex with any
prostitutes from that region? 833 00:43:11,085 --> 00:43:11,850 No! 834 00:43:11,852 --> 00:43:13,719 Any exposure to monkey feces? 835 00:43:13,721 --> 00:43:15,220 Monkey feces? 836 00:43:15,222 --> 00:43:17,289 So, no interspecies
intercourse? 837 00:43:17,291 --> 00:43:18,423 Oh, for fuck, no! 838 00:43:18,425 --> 00:43:20,258 Mr. Conroy, I'm
going to need the names 839 00:43:20,260 --> 00:43:22,295 of your sexual partners. 840 00:43:24,699 --> 00:43:27,399 Get Dr. Palmer down here right
away to look at Mr. Conroy. 841 00:43:27,401 --> 00:43:30,536 We have a possible miasmic
STD of unknown origin. 842 00:43:30,538 --> 00:43:32,204 Is it that serious? 843 00:43:32,206 --> 00:43:34,774 He's had sex with 21 women
in the last four years. 844 00:43:34,776 --> 00:43:35,710 Go, go, go. 845 00:43:38,445 --> 00:43:40,579 I've never seen
anything like this before. 846 00:43:40,581 --> 00:43:42,214 It looks like a mix
of genital herpes, 847 00:43:42,216 --> 00:43:44,316 syphilis and a gun shot wound. 848 00:43:44,318 --> 00:43:46,787 Maybe it's a mutant hybrid? 849 00:43:48,156 --> 00:43:49,422 You ask him about money feces? 850 00:43:49,424 --> 00:43:51,393 I did, and negative. 851 00:43:52,827 --> 00:43:54,460 Sterile swab. 852 00:43:54,462 --> 00:43:55,728 Whoa. 853 00:43:55,730 --> 00:43:57,463 What's up with the swab? 854 00:43:57,465 --> 00:44:00,366 I'm gonna insert this into
your urethra, get a culture, 855 00:44:00,368 --> 00:44:01,734 run a test and see
if we can figure out 856 00:44:01,736 --> 00:44:04,202 what's goin' on with you, okay? 857 00:44:04,204 --> 00:44:05,272 'Kay. 858 00:44:08,342 --> 00:44:09,209 Hmm. 859 00:44:21,590 --> 00:44:23,156 Oh god. 860 00:44:23,158 --> 00:44:23,856 There we go. 861 00:44:23,858 --> 00:44:26,261 That wasn't so bad, was it? 862 00:44:29,731 --> 00:44:31,598 I'm so sorry. 863 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:32,799 It's okay, we got another one. 864 00:44:32,801 --> 00:44:34,233 No that's good. 865 00:44:34,235 --> 00:44:35,603 I'm sure that's fine. 866 00:44:35,605 --> 00:44:38,539 Come on, the three
second rule, right? 867 00:44:38,541 --> 00:44:41,542 It's okay, let's try
this again, shall we? 868 00:44:41,544 --> 00:44:42,578 Please no. 869 00:44:56,959 --> 00:44:58,358 Hey. 870 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,694 Oh sweetie, thank
god you're here. 871 00:45:00,696 --> 00:45:02,396 How you doing, honey? 872 00:45:02,398 --> 00:45:04,331 They don't know what I have. 873 00:45:04,333 --> 00:45:06,867 Oh, I'm sure
everything will be okay 874 00:45:06,869 --> 00:45:08,936 once they figure out
which one of your 21 sluts 875 00:45:08,938 --> 00:45:10,671 gave you the disease! 876 00:45:10,673 --> 00:45:13,374 Whatever happened to
quality over quantity? 877 00:45:13,376 --> 00:45:17,344 The numbers don't matter,
I always wore condoms. 878 00:45:17,346 --> 00:45:18,479 Except with you. 879 00:45:18,481 --> 00:45:19,680 Oh please! 880 00:45:19,682 --> 00:45:21,849 I only slept with
one man for 14 years. 881 00:45:21,851 --> 00:45:23,283 But who did he
sleep with, huh? 882 00:45:23,285 --> 00:45:25,421 You're so full of shit! 883 00:45:26,623 --> 00:45:27,889 I'm his wife! 884 00:45:27,891 --> 00:45:29,590 Oh yes, I imagined so. 885 00:45:29,592 --> 00:45:31,258 I'm Dr. Dietz, now let's see 886 00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:34,230 what all this
excitement's about. 887 00:45:35,698 --> 00:45:37,631 You already checked for
monkey feces, right? 888 00:45:37,633 --> 00:45:38,501 I did. 889 00:45:45,908 --> 00:45:49,010 Mr. Conroy, you have cystitis. 890 00:45:49,012 --> 00:45:49,978 Oh god. 891 00:45:49,980 --> 00:45:50,879 Shit. 892 00:45:50,881 --> 00:45:54,281 Commonly known as
honeymoon disease 893 00:45:54,283 --> 00:45:57,852 from too much intense
sexual activity. 894 00:45:57,854 --> 00:46:00,387 You just need to give
the little fellow a rest. 895 00:46:00,389 --> 00:46:02,891 Avoid sex for four or five days. 896 00:46:02,893 --> 00:46:05,593 Only touch it when
absolutely necessary 897 00:46:05,595 --> 00:46:08,262 and you'll be right
as rain in no time. 898 00:46:08,264 --> 00:46:09,632 Oh, thank god. 899 00:46:10,935 --> 00:46:12,634 Oh, thank you. 900 00:46:12,636 --> 00:46:14,369 You can put that down. 901 00:46:14,371 --> 00:46:16,771 I'm sorry. 902 00:46:16,773 --> 00:46:18,406 So, let me get this straight, 903 00:46:18,408 --> 00:46:22,044 they swabbed your schlong
twice, yet they didn't have to? 904 00:46:22,046 --> 00:46:23,545 Yeah. 905 00:46:27,050 --> 00:46:31,488 Oh boy, that is marriage
in a nutshell, ain't it? 906 00:46:38,763 --> 00:46:41,564 Mrs. Halvorsen, I was just
getting ready for tomorrow. 907 00:46:41,566 --> 00:46:43,531 I'm afraid there's a problem. 908 00:46:43,533 --> 00:46:46,301 We just received your
background check. 909 00:46:46,303 --> 00:46:48,704 You were arrested for a felony. 910 00:46:48,706 --> 00:46:51,040 But I received a
deferred adjudication. 911 00:46:51,042 --> 00:46:52,507 I wasn't convicted. 912 00:46:52,509 --> 00:46:54,910 I was still able to
teach in West Virginia. 913 00:46:54,912 --> 00:46:57,479 Obviously we hold a
higher standard here 914 00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:59,315 at Van Nuys Christian. 915 00:46:59,317 --> 00:47:00,649 I'm an excellent teacher,
I've been teaching for... 916 00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:01,851 I'm sorry. 917 00:47:01,853 --> 00:47:03,919 Maybe if you hadn't
been dishonest, 918 00:47:03,921 --> 00:47:07,022 but we're going to have to
terminate your contract. 919 00:47:07,024 --> 00:47:09,458 I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to lie, 920 00:47:09,460 --> 00:47:11,494 I was just trying to
make a good impression. 921 00:47:13,431 --> 00:47:14,964 Don't apologize to me. 922 00:47:14,966 --> 00:47:16,567 Apologize to Jesus. 923 00:47:50,135 --> 00:47:52,102 You're still upset about
what happened yesterday, 924 00:47:52,104 --> 00:47:52,903 aren't you? 925 00:47:52,905 --> 00:47:54,439 Yeah, I mean no. 926 00:47:57,943 --> 00:48:01,111 Look, we've both
make mistakes and, 927 00:48:01,113 --> 00:48:02,478 I don't think we
should judge each other 928 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,848 for things that
happened before we met. 929 00:48:04,850 --> 00:48:07,150 Yeah, no, I completely agree. 930 00:48:07,152 --> 00:48:11,621 The past is the past and we
should just be looking forward 931 00:48:11,623 --> 00:48:13,927 to the road ahead together. 932 00:48:24,937 --> 00:48:28,340 At least it's all
out in the open now. 933 00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:31,842 Look, I wanna tell you, 934 00:48:31,844 --> 00:48:33,377 I need to tell you 935 00:48:35,414 --> 00:48:37,349 that I agree 100%. 936 00:48:38,117 --> 00:48:38,985 Good. 937 00:48:41,988 --> 00:48:43,154 Oh, this is one of
my favorite episodes. 938 00:48:43,156 --> 00:48:44,621 Have you seen this one? 939 00:48:44,623 --> 00:48:45,890 No. 940 00:48:45,892 --> 00:48:47,759 Oh, this is classic. 941 00:49:03,176 --> 00:49:05,676 Ah, I won a Golden Heidi 942 00:49:05,678 --> 00:49:07,113 for that episode. 943 00:49:12,886 --> 00:49:14,654 I'll be right back. 944 00:49:31,604 --> 00:49:33,738 Hey, packed your
lunch for you. 945 00:49:33,740 --> 00:49:37,075 Oh my god, where
did you find this? 946 00:49:37,077 --> 00:49:38,112 I made it. 947 00:49:41,114 --> 00:49:42,982 Knock 'em dead, honey. 948 00:49:59,099 --> 00:50:01,199 I feel like such
a scam artist. 949 00:50:01,201 --> 00:50:03,969 I'm not built for this
kind of deception. 950 00:50:03,971 --> 00:50:06,204 Okay well, why don't you just
find another job real quick 951 00:50:06,206 --> 00:50:09,107 and then tell Brandon
you got a better offer? 952 00:50:09,109 --> 00:50:10,809 Finding one's not the problem. 953 00:50:10,811 --> 00:50:13,845 I got an interview at 12, I
just, I mean what's the point? 954 00:50:13,847 --> 00:50:15,614 They'll just vet me too. 955 00:50:15,616 --> 00:50:19,051 No one's gonna let a low down
ex-con near their children. 956 00:50:19,053 --> 00:50:20,118 Hmm. 957 00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:21,553 Oh, I got it! 958 00:50:21,555 --> 00:50:24,056 Okay, your middle
name is Lauren, right? 959 00:50:24,058 --> 00:50:27,759 So why don't you spell it
L-A-U-R-A-N instead of E-N 960 00:50:27,761 --> 00:50:29,761 and then your record
won't come up. 961 00:50:29,763 --> 00:50:31,263 Would that really work? 962 00:50:31,265 --> 00:50:32,197 I don't know. 963 00:50:32,199 --> 00:50:34,199 What have you got to lose? 964 00:50:34,201 --> 00:50:35,234 You know what? 965 00:50:35,236 --> 00:50:36,269 Nothing, you're right. 966 00:50:36,271 --> 00:50:37,737 You're absolutely right. 967 00:50:37,739 --> 00:50:41,176 Thank you so much,
you're a total genius. 968 00:50:43,845 --> 00:50:45,311 My car won't start. 969 00:50:45,313 --> 00:50:47,113 Okay, why don't you just
call Brandon real quick 970 00:50:47,115 --> 00:50:47,679 and then ask him... 971 00:50:47,681 --> 00:50:48,647 I can't call Brandon 972 00:50:48,649 --> 00:50:49,781 and ask him to take
me to a job interview 973 00:50:49,783 --> 00:50:51,550 when I'm supposed to be in
a job that I already have! 974 00:50:51,552 --> 00:50:52,185 Goodbye! 975 00:50:52,187 --> 00:50:53,221 Shit. 976 00:50:55,190 --> 00:50:56,788 Shit. 977 00:51:00,762 --> 00:51:01,594 Hey, Charlotte. 978 00:51:01,596 --> 00:51:02,497 Hey, Dan. 979 00:51:06,201 --> 00:51:07,233 Bye, Dan. 980 00:51:07,235 --> 00:51:08,103 Bye. 981 00:51:21,582 --> 00:51:25,154 No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no! 982 00:51:27,123 --> 00:51:28,190 Goddammit! 983 00:51:42,103 --> 00:51:45,171 Eight years
teaching first grade. 984 00:51:45,173 --> 00:51:48,108 Volunteer for the Red Cross. 985 00:51:48,110 --> 00:51:50,813 Girl Scout camp summer leader. 986 00:51:52,214 --> 00:51:54,281 Oh, you went to UWV! 987 00:51:54,283 --> 00:51:55,648 Yeah. 988 00:51:55,650 --> 00:51:56,717 Proud Mountaineer here! 989 00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:57,650 You too? 990 00:51:57,652 --> 00:51:58,285 Teal pride. 991 00:52:05,194 --> 00:52:07,261 Oh, is Professor
Vassic still there? 992 00:52:07,263 --> 00:52:10,397 Oh yes, I loved
him, he was amazing. 993 00:52:10,399 --> 00:52:14,202 Well, then I know you
have an excellent education. 994 00:52:14,204 --> 00:52:15,102 Actually Mrs. Newton, 995 00:52:15,104 --> 00:52:18,140 there's something
I need to tell you. 996 00:52:19,942 --> 00:52:21,376 Hey, Brandon. 997 00:52:21,378 --> 00:52:22,344 Hey, bro. 998 00:52:25,247 --> 00:52:28,115 Look, there's no easy
way to say this, man. 999 00:52:28,117 --> 00:52:30,150 A senior project
manager over at Plan C 1000 00:52:30,152 --> 00:52:31,385 is moving to London, 1001 00:52:31,387 --> 00:52:34,858 so Matthew called and
offered me the job. 1002 00:52:37,660 --> 00:52:38,692 What can I say, man? 1003 00:52:38,694 --> 00:52:40,295 I'm a weasel. 1004 00:52:40,297 --> 00:52:43,133 I'm a weasel and I'm a sellout. 1005 00:52:44,301 --> 00:52:45,801 Well, thanks. 1006 00:52:46,969 --> 00:52:48,336 No bullshit, I fought for you. 1007 00:52:48,338 --> 00:52:49,870 I swear, man. 1008 00:52:49,872 --> 00:52:51,040 Look, I'm old. 1009 00:52:52,108 --> 00:52:54,242 I got alimony
payments up the wang. 1010 00:52:54,244 --> 00:52:56,210 You can still use the
office, if you want. 1011 00:52:56,212 --> 00:52:58,882 Nah, it's your garage and all. 1012 00:53:03,286 --> 00:53:08,125 Yeah, and so, I just wanted
to be completely up front. 1013 00:53:09,259 --> 00:53:11,059 I appreciate your
candor, Charlotte. 1014 00:53:11,061 --> 00:53:13,728 And I'd like to think we're
a little more forgiving 1015 00:53:13,730 --> 00:53:18,233 than the Christians over at
Van Nuys Christian School. 1016 00:53:18,235 --> 00:53:20,337 So, I'll get back to you. 1017 00:53:37,988 --> 00:53:41,124 Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no! 1018 00:53:43,727 --> 00:53:47,765 Hi, I need to report a
stolen, or a missing car. 1019 00:53:48,833 --> 00:53:50,701 I don't know where is, 1020 00:53:52,737 --> 00:53:54,736 I don't know the
license plate number. 1021 00:53:54,738 --> 00:53:58,073 Look, it's a Mustang,
it's really old. 1022 00:53:58,075 --> 00:54:00,109 There can't be
that many of them. 1023 00:54:00,111 --> 00:54:02,211 Look, I was really hoping
you can help me find this car 1024 00:54:02,213 --> 00:54:05,481 before my husband finds
out that it's missing. 1025 00:54:08,186 --> 00:54:11,189 Oh, my god. 1026 00:54:13,358 --> 00:54:15,259 Call Brandon Conroy. 1027 00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:23,933 Yeah. 1028 00:54:23,935 --> 00:54:25,267 No, stop, stop! 1029 00:54:25,269 --> 00:54:26,302 No, please stop, stop! 1030 00:54:26,304 --> 00:54:27,236 Hey! 1031 00:54:27,238 --> 00:54:29,140 Charlotte, are you okay? 1032 00:54:30,474 --> 00:54:31,342 Charlotte! 1033 00:54:32,176 --> 00:54:34,178 Charlotte, Charlotte! 1034 00:54:35,147 --> 00:54:36,215 Dan. 1035 00:54:38,183 --> 00:54:39,449 Dan, something
horrible has happened. 1036 00:54:39,451 --> 00:54:40,383 What? 1037 00:54:40,385 --> 00:54:42,018 Brandon's Mustang was stolen! 1038 00:54:42,020 --> 00:54:43,053 No, not the Mustang! 1039 00:54:43,055 --> 00:54:45,921 Yeah, he is gonna be furious. 1040 00:54:45,923 --> 00:54:47,089 Did you call the police? 1041 00:54:47,091 --> 00:54:49,326 Yes and when I didn't know
the license plate number, 1042 00:54:49,328 --> 00:54:50,859 they just laughed at me. 1043 00:54:50,861 --> 00:54:52,529 Do you happen to
know the number? 1044 00:54:52,531 --> 00:54:53,963 Yes, I do. 1045 00:54:55,166 --> 00:54:57,299 Why does he have that
stupid car anyways? 1046 00:54:57,301 --> 00:54:58,469 But I thought you loved it. 1047 00:54:58,471 --> 00:55:01,204 Yeah, I mean it's fun to
cruise around in sometimes 1048 00:55:01,206 --> 00:55:03,273 but I mean come on,
it's ridiculous. 1049 00:55:03,275 --> 00:55:05,141 It's just some
loud, gas guzzling, 1050 00:55:05,143 --> 00:55:08,847 middle-aged-mobile for
men with tiny dicks. 1051 00:55:10,249 --> 00:55:11,749 Come with me. 1052 00:55:17,489 --> 00:55:20,891 Charlotte Conroy,
I need to see her! 1053 00:55:23,129 --> 00:55:25,196 Oh my god, they
brought it back. 1054 00:55:25,198 --> 00:55:27,498 No, I had a GPS tracker on it. 1055 00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:31,234 Oh my god, oh my god, Dan,
thank you, thank you so much. 1056 00:55:31,236 --> 00:55:33,238 You totally saved my life! 1057 00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:35,539 Wait, why do you have a... 1058 00:55:35,541 --> 00:55:37,274 It's mine, it's
mine, Charlotte. 1059 00:55:37,276 --> 00:55:38,174 It's always been mine. 1060 00:55:38,176 --> 00:55:40,277 It wasn't stolen, I
just took it back. 1061 00:55:40,279 --> 00:55:41,878 But the car
belongs to Brandon. 1062 00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,313 No, it doesn't. 1063 00:55:43,315 --> 00:55:45,048 He borrowed it from me. 1064 00:55:45,050 --> 00:55:47,885 I guess he was trying
to impress you. 1065 00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,353 Why would that impress me? 1066 00:55:49,355 --> 00:55:52,957 I don't know, maybe because
it makes him look cool 1067 00:55:52,959 --> 00:55:55,393 and a little less broke. 1068 00:55:55,395 --> 00:55:56,560 Brandon is broke? 1069 00:55:56,562 --> 00:56:00,298 I shouldn't say
anything, I'm so sorry. 1070 00:56:00,300 --> 00:56:01,232 He's worse than broke. 1071 00:56:01,234 --> 00:56:03,867 He's in debt, calamitous,
crushing debt! 1072 00:56:03,869 --> 00:56:06,069 You know what, you know, I'm
glad I'm saying something, 1073 00:56:06,071 --> 00:56:08,472 this is for his own good. 1074 00:56:08,474 --> 00:56:09,875 I feel better. 1075 00:56:12,245 --> 00:56:14,579 Charlotte no
longer works here. 1076 00:56:14,581 --> 00:56:15,413 What? 1077 00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:16,881 We had to let her go. 1078 00:56:16,883 --> 00:56:19,050 She has a felony for
assault and battery. 1079 00:56:19,052 --> 00:56:20,384 It's shocking that
someone so well-mannered 1080 00:56:20,386 --> 00:56:22,288 could be so vicious. 1081 00:56:51,585 --> 00:56:52,453 Hey. 1082 00:56:53,454 --> 00:56:54,320 Hey. 1083 00:56:59,293 --> 00:57:03,462 Hey, what was up with
that phone call today? 1084 00:57:03,464 --> 00:57:07,401 Oh, sorry, someone
almost backed into my car. 1085 00:57:09,169 --> 00:57:10,037 Oh. 1086 00:57:11,004 --> 00:57:11,970 But you're okay now? 1087 00:57:11,972 --> 00:57:12,637 Oh yeah. 1088 00:57:12,639 --> 00:57:14,339 Oh. 1089 00:57:14,341 --> 00:57:15,507 Yeah. 1090 00:57:15,509 --> 00:57:16,909 That's good. 1091 00:57:18,145 --> 00:57:19,313 So how was work? 1092 00:57:20,214 --> 00:57:22,582 Good day with all the kids? 1093 00:57:22,584 --> 00:57:23,984 Yeah, great. 1094 00:57:24,719 --> 00:57:26,319 How about you? 1095 00:57:26,321 --> 00:57:27,955 Make lots of money? 1096 00:57:29,223 --> 00:57:30,290 Yeah. 1097 00:57:31,959 --> 00:57:33,160 That's good. 1098 00:57:39,166 --> 00:57:41,032 By the way, your Aunt
Sallie Mae wrote. 1099 00:57:41,034 --> 00:57:43,170 She'd like her $56,000 back. 1100 00:57:48,443 --> 00:57:50,676 Why are you going
through my mail? 1101 00:57:50,678 --> 00:57:53,346 Well, don't you
mean our mail, dear? 1102 00:57:53,348 --> 00:57:55,181 We're married and
we share everything. 1103 00:57:55,183 --> 00:57:57,183 Including a butt-load of debt. 1104 00:57:57,185 --> 00:57:58,751 Huh, you wanna share? 1105 00:57:58,753 --> 00:58:01,086 Okay, let's share. 1106 00:58:01,088 --> 00:58:04,323 Tell me all about the felony
you committed, darling. 1107 00:58:04,325 --> 00:58:05,558 What? 1108 00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:09,361 You know, the thing
you lost your job over. 1109 00:58:09,363 --> 00:58:10,363 You don't understand. 1110 00:58:10,365 --> 00:58:11,364 No, I think I do. 1111 00:58:11,366 --> 00:58:12,331 Assault and battery. 1112 00:58:12,333 --> 00:58:13,433 It's right there in the title. 1113 00:58:13,435 --> 00:58:14,500 Pretty self-explanatory. 1114 00:58:14,502 --> 00:58:15,736 It was my ex-fiance. 1115 00:58:15,738 --> 00:58:17,537 Oh, well that should
help me sleep at night. 1116 00:58:17,539 --> 00:58:19,340 It was an accident! 1117 00:58:20,442 --> 00:58:23,309 And you know what,
I wasn't convicted. 1118 00:58:23,311 --> 00:58:26,679 And at least I paid my debt
to society, unlike you. 1119 00:58:26,681 --> 00:58:29,215 Student loans aren't a crime. 1120 00:58:29,217 --> 00:58:31,117 They are if you
don't pay them! 1121 00:58:31,119 --> 00:58:32,685 Whoa, please don't
stab me with your shiv. 1122 00:58:32,687 --> 00:58:35,355 They'll send you back to
the joint, sweetheart. 1123 00:58:35,357 --> 00:58:39,226 At least there, you
know who people are. 1124 00:58:39,228 --> 00:58:41,328 Then why don't
you call the warden 1125 00:58:41,330 --> 00:58:43,297 and get your old bunk back. 1126 00:58:43,299 --> 00:58:46,199 I have let a
lot of shit slide. 1127 00:58:46,201 --> 00:58:47,468 Like what? 1128 00:58:47,470 --> 00:58:50,269 You don't know the
first thing about cooking. 1129 00:58:50,271 --> 00:58:51,337 Philip Seymour Hoffman 1130 00:58:51,339 --> 00:58:54,073 is not the quarterback
of the San Diego Chargers 1131 00:58:54,075 --> 00:58:56,442 and you, sir, are
no Lance Armstrong. 1132 00:58:56,444 --> 00:58:57,376 Three words. 1133 00:58:57,378 --> 00:58:59,747 Salsa, dancing, champion. 1134 00:58:59,749 --> 00:59:02,082 Oh, and how long did you think 1135 00:59:02,084 --> 00:59:05,486 that you could pretend
that stupid car was yours? 1136 00:59:05,488 --> 00:59:07,221 Goddamn, Dan! 1137 00:59:07,223 --> 00:59:08,422 And the worst part, 1138 00:59:08,424 --> 00:59:11,225 the worst part is that you
make made me look like a idiot 1139 00:59:11,227 --> 00:59:12,459 in front of Dan and Rita. 1140 00:59:12,461 --> 00:59:15,395 Like the only friends that I
have in this miserable place. 1141 00:59:15,397 --> 00:59:17,397 Hey, you make me
look like an idiot too. 1142 00:59:17,399 --> 00:59:18,565 I didn't know who I married. 1143 00:59:18,567 --> 00:59:21,200 Are you this sweet
adorable school teacher 1144 00:59:21,202 --> 00:59:24,271 or a deranged grifter
come to ruin my life? 1145 00:59:24,273 --> 00:59:25,740 Well, if you
really feel that way, 1146 00:59:25,742 --> 00:59:28,610 then maybe, maybe, maybe
we should both admit 1147 00:59:28,612 --> 00:59:30,812 that we made a mistake
and then just split ways! 1148 00:59:30,814 --> 00:59:31,846 You know what,
maybe we should! 1149 00:59:31,848 --> 00:59:32,680 Yeah? 1150 00:59:32,682 --> 00:59:33,514 Yeah! 1151 00:59:33,516 --> 00:59:34,348 Yeah! 1152 00:59:34,350 --> 00:59:35,215 Fine! 1153 00:59:35,217 --> 00:59:36,250 Fine! 1154 00:59:36,252 --> 00:59:37,119 Fine! 1155 00:59:39,555 --> 00:59:42,222 How long
you two been hitched? 1156 00:59:42,224 --> 00:59:43,790 BRANDON AND
CHARLOTTE: 10 days. 1157 00:59:43,792 --> 00:59:44,660 10 days? 1158 00:59:46,363 --> 00:59:48,663 Are you celebrities
of some sort? 1159 00:59:48,665 --> 00:59:49,664 No. 1160 00:59:49,666 --> 00:59:51,132 Peculiar. 1161 00:59:51,134 --> 00:59:52,634 So, how do we get
this thing started? 1162 00:59:52,636 --> 00:59:54,269 First of all, let me be clear, 1163 00:59:54,271 --> 00:59:56,304 I'm actin' as a
neutral third party 1164 00:59:56,306 --> 00:59:59,440 helpin' to negotiate
a fair settlement. 1165 00:59:59,442 --> 01:00:01,342 There's nothing to negotiate. 1166 01:00:01,344 --> 01:00:03,143 We're in complete
divorce agreement. 1167 01:00:03,145 --> 01:00:05,446 That's the only thing
we're in agreement on. 1168 01:00:05,448 --> 01:00:07,515 Fair enough, I'll
draw up the contract 1169 01:00:07,517 --> 01:00:10,418 and y'all can come back
next Thursday and sign it. 1170 01:00:10,420 --> 01:00:11,419 Thursday? 1171 01:00:11,421 --> 01:00:12,855 Why not today? 1172 01:00:12,857 --> 01:00:15,256 Don't you have some
generic forms lyin' around, 1173 01:00:15,258 --> 01:00:16,825 like divorcezoom.com? 1174 01:00:16,827 --> 01:00:18,194 Generic forms? 1175 01:00:19,496 --> 01:00:22,297 Every divorce is unique. 1176 01:00:22,299 --> 01:00:26,303 Regardless of race, religion
or sexual preference. 1177 01:00:27,370 --> 01:00:29,370 Now how would you
like to handle my fee? 1178 01:00:29,372 --> 01:00:30,572 We'll split it. 1179 01:00:30,574 --> 01:00:34,209 You got that much or do
you need to get another loan? 1180 01:00:34,211 --> 01:00:38,181 You're sure Thursday's
the best you can do? 1181 01:00:41,719 --> 01:00:43,554 So, where you staying? 1182 01:00:45,890 --> 01:00:47,288 What? 1183 01:00:47,290 --> 01:00:48,423 It's my apartment. 1184 01:00:48,425 --> 01:00:51,794 I gave up my job, my home
and best friend for you. 1185 01:00:51,796 --> 01:00:54,763 I'm not leaving the apartment
and I'm not paying you rent. 1186 01:00:54,765 --> 01:00:58,767 Well, you'd better start
cooking or cleaning or, 1187 01:00:58,769 --> 01:00:59,668 doing something. 1188 01:00:59,670 --> 01:01:01,303 Asshole! 1189 01:01:01,305 --> 01:01:02,740 And your car sucks! 1190 01:01:37,843 --> 01:01:39,241 I'm so sorry Char. 1191 01:01:39,243 --> 01:01:40,843 Men are such turds. 1192 01:02:03,535 --> 01:02:05,501 So, then you wanna
subtract the top number 1193 01:02:05,503 --> 01:02:08,004 from the other one
you got right there. 1194 01:02:08,006 --> 01:02:08,872 Okay. 1195 01:02:08,874 --> 01:02:10,440 You go it! 1196 01:02:10,442 --> 01:02:12,145 Awesome, good job! 1197 01:02:45,678 --> 01:02:49,013 Have a great
day in your work. 1198 01:02:49,015 --> 01:02:49,882 Love you. 1199 01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,396 No, I haven't done much 1200 01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:07,698 any animated porn but
I am a fast learner 1201 01:03:07,700 --> 01:03:09,967 and I love animation, 1202 01:03:09,969 --> 01:03:11,738 and porn, so win-win. 1203 01:03:13,039 --> 01:03:14,872 Okay, well please
keep me in mind. 1204 01:03:14,874 --> 01:03:16,006 Thank you. 1205 01:03:21,982 --> 01:03:23,615 Surprise! 1206 01:03:23,617 --> 01:03:24,750 Happy Birthday! 1207 01:03:24,752 --> 01:03:27,418 Happy birthday, son! 1208 01:03:27,420 --> 01:03:29,522 Wow, I didn't expect... 1209 01:03:30,924 --> 01:03:32,323 How's the Antarctica? 1210 01:03:32,325 --> 01:03:33,324 Amazing! 1211 01:03:33,326 --> 01:03:34,558 Your mother was the hero. 1212 01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,394 She devised a scheme to foul
the prop on the Nisshin Maru. 1213 01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:38,529 And your father
was shot in the balls 1214 01:03:38,531 --> 01:03:40,598 by one of the
Japanese deckhands. 1215 01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:41,699 With a rubber bullet. 1216 01:03:41,701 --> 01:03:43,467 It swelled up like coconuts. 1217 01:03:43,469 --> 01:03:46,071 I've got a lovely
bunch of coconuts. 1218 01:03:46,073 --> 01:03:47,372 Lookin' good boy. 1219 01:03:47,374 --> 01:03:48,673 So good to see you. 1220 01:03:48,675 --> 01:03:50,711 Yeah, so good. 1221 01:03:59,086 --> 01:04:00,085 Hey, what'd you tell them? 1222 01:04:00,087 --> 01:04:01,086 About what? 1223 01:04:01,088 --> 01:04:02,888 About us, about the divorce. 1224 01:04:02,890 --> 01:04:03,955 When? 1225 01:04:03,957 --> 01:04:04,890 They haven't stopped
talking since they got here. 1226 01:04:04,892 --> 01:04:06,059 Oh, thank god. 1227 01:04:07,393 --> 01:04:08,659 You're gonna
have to tell them. 1228 01:04:08,661 --> 01:04:10,863 Well, not tonight,
it's my birthday. 1229 01:04:10,865 --> 01:04:12,364 Plus it's humiliating. 1230 01:04:12,366 --> 01:04:13,799 They're marriage
has lasted 32 years 1231 01:04:13,801 --> 01:04:18,436 and ours lasted about as
long as a Hobbit movie. 1232 01:04:18,438 --> 01:04:20,039 Happy birthday, son. 1233 01:04:20,041 --> 01:04:23,575 My charitable works
continue, I see. 1234 01:04:23,577 --> 01:04:25,110 What's this? 1235 01:04:25,112 --> 01:04:29,047 Two tickets to Tahiti for an
all inclusive stay at Brando. 1236 01:04:29,049 --> 01:04:31,149 It's a luxury eco-resort. 1237 01:04:31,151 --> 01:04:34,554 I could have been a contender. 1238 01:04:34,556 --> 01:04:36,055 Because my boy and
his beautiful bride 1239 01:04:36,057 --> 01:04:40,595 deserve the absolute best
honeymoon the money can buy. 1240 01:04:42,163 --> 01:04:43,095 Speaking of honeymoons, 1241 01:04:43,097 --> 01:04:45,397 you know your father
and I are undergoing 1242 01:04:45,399 --> 01:04:47,532 a bit of a second one right now. 1243 01:04:47,534 --> 01:04:49,969 Let's just say, we're
experiencing a refreshed sense 1244 01:04:49,971 --> 01:04:52,071 of sexual energy. 1245 01:04:52,073 --> 01:04:54,906 Exploring our aging bodies. 1246 01:04:54,908 --> 01:04:58,446 So many delicious new
cavities to explore. 1247 01:05:00,982 --> 01:05:02,481 Well, it's a very
thoughtful gift 1248 01:05:02,483 --> 01:05:05,418 and I thank you very much. 1249 01:05:05,420 --> 01:05:06,953 It's thoughtful,
isn't it, Charlotte? 1250 01:05:06,955 --> 01:05:09,455 Yeah, yeah, thank you so much. 1251 01:05:09,457 --> 01:05:10,890 Okay, let's have a photo. 1252 01:05:10,892 --> 01:05:12,660 Hold up your present. 1253 01:05:15,797 --> 01:05:17,830 This isn't the Middle
East peace talks. 1254 01:05:17,832 --> 01:05:19,067 How about a kiss? 1255 01:05:24,874 --> 01:05:25,741 Lovely. 1256 01:05:39,088 --> 01:05:42,488 I'm sensing a little
bit of disharmony. 1257 01:05:42,490 --> 01:05:44,156 I'm sorry, I'm
just feeling a bit... 1258 01:05:44,158 --> 01:05:46,927 Yeah, I know, is it Brandon? 1259 01:05:46,929 --> 01:05:48,095 You know, because
he's a sweet boy 1260 01:05:48,097 --> 01:05:50,230 but he can also be a
massive pain in the ass. 1261 01:05:50,232 --> 01:05:51,901 Trust me, I know. 1262 01:05:53,469 --> 01:05:54,134 It's not just him. 1263 01:05:54,136 --> 01:05:56,236 It's just that we, 1264 01:05:56,238 --> 01:06:00,207 you know, we both weren't as
honest as we should have been. 1265 01:06:00,209 --> 01:06:01,076 Ah. 1266 01:06:03,946 --> 01:06:07,149 Well, I remember
when Jerry and I met. 1267 01:06:08,250 --> 01:06:12,086 He thought I was a
democrat and a virgin. 1268 01:06:13,023 --> 01:06:16,590 The truth is, I was
in love with Reagan 1269 01:06:16,592 --> 01:06:20,161 and I'd slept with half the
boys in the neighborhood. 1270 01:06:20,163 --> 01:06:21,962 So, you? 1271 01:06:21,964 --> 01:06:26,266 Well, I told him what I
thought he wanted to hear 1272 01:06:26,268 --> 01:06:29,269 which was not the truth, I... 1273 01:06:29,271 --> 01:06:30,203 You... 1274 01:06:30,205 --> 01:06:32,741 Lied, yes, guilty as charged. 1275 01:06:33,877 --> 01:06:37,745 But when I met him, I
knew he was special. 1276 01:06:37,747 --> 01:06:42,116 So all of this nonsense just
came babbling out of me. 1277 01:06:42,118 --> 01:06:44,052 And how did you? 1278 01:06:44,054 --> 01:06:46,520 I eventually found the courage 1279 01:06:46,522 --> 01:06:50,559 to tell him what was in
my head and in my heart. 1280 01:06:51,894 --> 01:06:54,095 And that's been the
glue of our relationship 1281 01:06:54,097 --> 01:06:56,596 from that day forward. 1282 01:06:56,598 --> 01:06:58,267 You sure you don't
want some of this? 1283 01:06:58,269 --> 01:06:59,734 It's Peruvian hog's breath. 1284 01:06:59,736 --> 01:07:01,703 They grow it above three line. 1285 01:07:01,705 --> 01:07:02,971 Sweet. 1286 01:07:02,973 --> 01:07:05,606 Nah, I'm good, thanks, Dad. 1287 01:07:05,608 --> 01:07:07,911 I'm not really in the mood. 1288 01:07:08,845 --> 01:07:11,112 Why so glum, Sunny Jim? 1289 01:07:11,114 --> 01:07:13,181 I don't know, Dad. 1290 01:07:13,183 --> 01:07:14,651 Marriage is hard. 1291 01:07:18,021 --> 01:07:21,790 You have a keen
grasp of the obvious. 1292 01:07:21,792 --> 01:07:25,997 I think mine was just a
bad idea from the start. 1293 01:07:27,164 --> 01:07:31,235 Brandon, not a day goes
by that I don't ask myself, 1294 01:07:32,736 --> 01:07:36,271 did I do the right thing
marrying that woman? 1295 01:07:36,273 --> 01:07:39,707 That's not very romantic, Dad. 1296 01:07:39,709 --> 01:07:42,912 It is when the
answer is always yes. 1297 01:08:11,109 --> 01:08:12,244 Oh, my god. 1298 01:08:27,124 --> 01:08:29,992 Oh,
no, no, no, no, no. 1299 01:08:53,751 --> 01:08:54,783 Sweetie, what's wrong? 1300 01:08:54,785 --> 01:08:55,751 Are you okay? 1301 01:08:55,753 --> 01:08:57,119 Yeah, Mom, I know, I'm fine. 1302 01:08:57,121 --> 01:08:58,888 I just have a
headache, that's all. 1303 01:08:58,890 --> 01:09:00,857 I think I
have something for that. 1304 01:09:00,859 --> 01:09:03,126 Well, you've always got
somethin' for somethin'. 1305 01:09:03,128 --> 01:09:06,329 Great, why do you
have a DEA property room 1306 01:09:06,331 --> 01:09:07,797 around your waist? 1307 01:09:07,799 --> 01:09:08,965 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: Oh, I would love 1308 01:09:08,967 --> 01:09:10,133 to make this bust. 1309 01:09:10,135 --> 01:09:13,903 Window Pane acid, peyote,
shrooms, mescaline, ecstasy, 1310 01:09:13,905 --> 01:09:16,139 hashish and Viagra. 1311 01:09:16,141 --> 01:09:17,841 It's our mobile first aid kit. 1312 01:09:17,843 --> 01:09:20,176 Recently replenished
in Tierra del Fuego. 1313 01:09:20,178 --> 01:09:22,113 You know, they have a
very enlightened attitude 1314 01:09:22,115 --> 01:09:23,983 towards psychotropics. 1315 01:09:24,850 --> 01:09:25,951 Here it is. 1316 01:09:26,751 --> 01:09:28,252 Ginger root. 1317 01:09:28,254 --> 01:09:31,288 Yeah, Dad, don't
you have any Advil? 1318 01:09:31,290 --> 01:09:32,158 Advil. 1319 01:09:33,359 --> 01:09:35,228 That's fuckin' poison. 1320 01:09:38,196 --> 01:09:40,063 Ow, shit! 1321 01:09:40,065 --> 01:09:40,932 Ow, god. 1322 01:09:42,734 --> 01:09:43,967 What? 1323 01:09:43,969 --> 01:09:45,201 Good
morning, Charlotte, 1324 01:09:45,203 --> 01:09:47,705 this is Bonnie Newton from the
Culver City Charter School. 1325 01:09:47,707 --> 01:09:49,208 Is this a good time? 1326 01:09:50,243 --> 01:09:52,843 Yeah, yeah, definitely, hi. 1327 01:09:52,845 --> 01:09:54,711 Good, well,
we're having a gathering 1328 01:09:54,713 --> 01:09:56,480 this afternoon with
some of the board. 1329 01:09:56,482 --> 01:09:59,016 I thought it might help
your cause if you attended 1330 01:09:59,018 --> 01:10:01,318 and demonstrated to
everyone what a solid, 1331 01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:03,020 upstanding, young woman you are. 1332 01:10:03,022 --> 01:10:05,989 Yeah, I would
love to, thank you. 1333 01:10:05,991 --> 01:10:07,224 Well, we
West Virginia gals 1334 01:10:07,226 --> 01:10:09,193 have to stick together. 1335 01:10:10,297 --> 01:10:11,196 I'll email you the details. 1336 01:10:11,198 --> 01:10:12,930 Okay, great. 1337 01:10:12,932 --> 01:10:14,266 Oh, and
bring that charming 1338 01:10:14,268 --> 01:10:16,434 and supportive husband of yours. 1339 01:10:16,436 --> 01:10:18,903 Yeah, of course,
thank you, yeah. 1340 01:10:18,905 --> 01:10:20,738 I'll will see you there, thanks. 1341 01:10:20,740 --> 01:10:22,008 Bye. 1342 01:10:26,012 --> 01:10:27,077 First, you want me
to tell my parents 1343 01:10:27,079 --> 01:10:29,780 we're getting divorced
and now, you want me to go 1344 01:10:29,782 --> 01:10:33,350 to a garden party and pretend
we're happily married? 1345 01:10:33,352 --> 01:10:35,020 Brandon, just please. 1346 01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:37,255 If I get this job, then
I'll have enough money 1347 01:10:37,257 --> 01:10:38,824 and I can move out. 1348 01:10:40,093 --> 01:10:40,928 Okay. 1349 01:10:42,029 --> 01:10:43,994 That makes sense. 1350 01:10:43,996 --> 01:10:46,266 So nice to see you again. 1351 01:10:48,268 --> 01:10:49,099 Oh, Charlotte. 1352 01:10:49,101 --> 01:10:50,067 Hi. 1353 01:10:50,069 --> 01:10:51,168 So glad you
could make it, dear. 1354 01:10:51,170 --> 01:10:52,237 Thank you for having us. 1355 01:10:52,239 --> 01:10:53,204 You're welcome. 1356 01:10:53,206 --> 01:10:55,139 Mrs. Newton, this
is my husband Brandon. 1357 01:10:55,141 --> 01:10:56,341 Very nice to meet you. 1358 01:10:56,343 --> 01:10:58,777 And this is our host
and head of the board, 1359 01:10:58,779 --> 01:11:01,213 Dr. Glenn Wooster and his
mother, 1360 01:11:01,215 --> 01:11:04,918 - Lilian Cavendish Wooster.
- Nice to meet you. 1361 01:11:11,058 --> 01:11:12,290 You know, Charlotte has
been teaching first grade 1362 01:11:12,292 --> 01:11:14,259 for over eight years. 1363 01:11:14,261 --> 01:11:15,427 You don't find it challenging 1364 01:11:15,429 --> 01:11:17,162 to be around children all day? 1365 01:11:17,164 --> 01:11:20,365 Oh, god no, I just
love kids so much. 1366 01:11:20,367 --> 01:11:23,835 They're so honest
and entertaining. 1367 01:11:23,837 --> 01:11:26,105 I have this one student, Emily, 1368 01:11:26,107 --> 01:11:27,872 every day, anywhere she went, 1369 01:11:27,874 --> 01:11:30,141 she always had her two
Barbie dolls at her side. 1370 01:11:30,143 --> 01:11:32,210 And on her birthday, I
asked her what she wanted 1371 01:11:32,212 --> 01:11:34,279 and she told me, she
want more Barbies. 1372 01:11:34,281 --> 01:11:36,047 And so I asked
Emily, I was like, 1373 01:11:36,049 --> 01:11:37,550 well, you already have
Barbies, why do you need more? 1374 01:11:37,552 --> 01:11:40,218 And he said, because my
Barbies smoke and drink 1375 01:11:40,220 --> 01:11:41,154 way too much. 1376 01:11:47,595 --> 01:11:48,427 Excuse me. 1377 01:11:48,429 --> 01:11:49,862 Sure. 1378 01:11:49,864 --> 01:11:51,230 So I just, I don't know. 1379 01:11:51,232 --> 01:11:52,965 They are so much fun
and you never know 1380 01:11:52,967 --> 01:11:55,234 what they're gonna
say or do next. 1381 01:11:55,236 --> 01:11:58,004 Brandon, I
bear good tidings. 1382 01:11:58,006 --> 01:12:00,306 I just got you a full-time
gig working with me 1383 01:12:00,308 --> 01:12:03,209 over here at Plan C,
as promised, buddy. 1384 01:12:03,211 --> 01:12:05,177 Now, please go find a toilet, 1385 01:12:05,179 --> 01:12:06,445 lest you shit yourself with joy 1386 01:12:06,447 --> 01:12:08,179 when I tell you how much
you're getting paid. 1387 01:12:08,181 --> 01:12:09,349 Okay, bye. 1388 01:12:14,956 --> 01:12:16,289 It was so great to meet you. 1389 01:12:16,291 --> 01:12:17,123 Good luck. 1390 01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:17,957 Thank you. 1391 01:12:17,959 --> 01:12:18,592 Hey. 1392 01:12:18,594 --> 01:12:19,425 Hey. 1393 01:12:19,427 --> 01:12:20,527 Got you a beer. 1394 01:12:20,529 --> 01:12:21,396 Thanks. 1395 01:12:23,364 --> 01:12:26,599 You know, I really
don't like beer. 1396 01:12:26,601 --> 01:12:27,433 Really? 1397 01:12:27,435 --> 01:12:28,303 Yeah. 1398 01:12:29,570 --> 01:12:31,504 Neither do I. 1399 01:12:31,506 --> 01:12:33,306 SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: At last the truth. 1400 01:12:33,308 --> 01:12:36,312 American beers
taste like shizer. 1401 01:12:40,948 --> 01:12:43,049 Mr. Wooster, I don't
know what the philosophy 1402 01:12:43,051 --> 01:12:44,618 of your school is
but my wife and I 1403 01:12:44,620 --> 01:12:47,321 are big supporters
of constructivism. 1404 01:12:47,323 --> 01:12:49,255 Yes, you know, we
really like the notion 1405 01:12:49,257 --> 01:12:51,391 that the teacher are
facilitating the students 1406 01:12:51,393 --> 01:12:53,326 to interact among themselves. 1407 01:12:53,328 --> 01:12:55,194 Instead of merely
lecturing at them 1408 01:12:55,196 --> 01:12:58,499 as they sit and becoming
passive listeners. 1409 01:12:58,501 --> 01:13:00,067 And having the
students realize 1410 01:13:00,069 --> 01:13:03,003 that everyone has
something to contribute. 1411 01:13:03,005 --> 01:13:05,138 Everyone has a value. 1412 01:13:05,140 --> 01:13:07,641 You must have
read our website. 1413 01:13:07,643 --> 01:13:10,344 No, we have a son
who attended a school 1414 01:13:10,346 --> 01:13:12,145 that was based on
constructivism. 1415 01:13:12,147 --> 01:13:16,916 And we could not be happier
with the way he turned out. 1416 01:13:16,918 --> 01:13:17,586 Cheers. 1417 01:13:23,193 --> 01:13:25,326 I think you made a
very good impression. 1418 01:13:25,328 --> 01:13:26,661 Thank you so much. 1419 01:13:26,663 --> 01:13:28,261 You're welcome, keep it up. 1420 01:13:28,263 --> 01:13:32,132 And by the way, your
in-laws are fabulous. 1421 01:13:32,134 --> 01:13:33,501 Yeah, they're something. 1422 01:13:33,503 --> 01:13:34,602 Oh, my daughter's here! 1423 01:13:34,604 --> 01:13:36,103 She's visiting from Morgantown. 1424 01:13:36,105 --> 01:13:37,170 Hi, honey. 1425 01:13:37,172 --> 01:13:38,071 Hey, Mom. 1426 01:13:38,073 --> 01:13:39,339 Hi, sweetie. 1427 01:13:39,341 --> 01:13:41,575 Charlotte Conroy, I'd like to
introduce you to my daughter, 1428 01:13:41,577 --> 01:13:44,144 Anais, and her husband, Steven. 1429 01:13:44,146 --> 01:13:45,245 Hi, there. 1430 01:13:45,247 --> 01:13:46,381 Steven. 1431 01:13:46,383 --> 01:13:47,315 So predictable. 1432 01:13:47,317 --> 01:13:48,583 Sex, missionary position. 1433 01:13:52,322 --> 01:13:53,388 Asshole! 1434 01:13:53,390 --> 01:13:55,358 Pleasure to meet you. 1435 01:13:57,160 --> 01:13:59,429 Purse is in the dishwasher. 1436 01:14:05,335 --> 01:14:08,001 Mother,
this is wonderful. 1437 01:14:08,003 --> 01:14:10,304 So lovely what you
put together here. 1438 01:14:10,306 --> 01:14:12,373 Grilled shrimp? 1439 01:14:12,375 --> 01:14:14,275 I guess it must have
taken you a very long time 1440 01:14:14,277 --> 01:14:15,544 to ride back from Rwanda. 1441 01:14:15,546 --> 01:14:16,413 Ah! 1442 01:14:20,550 --> 01:14:22,986 Sorry, will you excuse me. 1443 01:14:28,525 --> 01:14:31,259 Hey, honey, look at that. 1444 01:14:31,261 --> 01:14:33,462 Let's go for a walk. 1445 01:14:33,464 --> 01:14:35,297 Hey, you feelin' okay? 1446 01:14:35,299 --> 01:14:36,498 Do you wanna play doctor? 1447 01:14:36,500 --> 01:14:39,066 Okay, Charlotte,
what is going on here? 1448 01:14:39,068 --> 01:14:40,235 I forgot to feed my cat. 1449 01:14:40,237 --> 01:14:41,104 Oh, boy! 1450 01:14:41,772 --> 01:14:43,641 Charlotte, talk to me. 1451 01:14:45,342 --> 01:14:46,610 Charlotte, hey. 1452 01:14:48,512 --> 01:14:49,778 Brandon. 1453 01:14:49,780 --> 01:14:51,547 What the hell are
you two doing here? 1454 01:14:51,549 --> 01:14:52,614 We came to help Charlotte. 1455 01:14:52,616 --> 01:14:54,315 This is very important to her. 1456 01:14:54,317 --> 01:14:55,249 We know. 1457 01:14:55,251 --> 01:14:56,350 We know everything. 1458 01:14:56,352 --> 01:14:57,553 That's why we come here, 1459 01:14:57,555 --> 01:14:59,221 we don't want you to
make a terrible mistake 1460 01:14:59,223 --> 01:15:01,023 and throw away your soul
partner before the cosmos... 1461 01:15:01,025 --> 01:15:01,623 Wait a second. 1462 01:15:01,625 --> 01:15:03,060 Wait a minute. 1463 01:15:06,564 --> 01:15:07,796 Are you two high? 1464 01:15:07,798 --> 01:15:08,630 Brandon! 1465 01:15:08,632 --> 01:15:09,498 Of course we are. 1466 01:15:09,500 --> 01:15:11,166 Oh my god. 1467 01:15:11,168 --> 01:15:12,201 You don't think
that we would turn up 1468 01:15:12,203 --> 01:15:14,203 to something like this straight. 1469 01:15:14,205 --> 01:15:16,371 We've been fighting these
people our entire lives 1470 01:15:16,373 --> 01:15:18,273 with their bourgeoisie
pretentiousness. 1471 01:15:18,275 --> 01:15:19,541 And anal bleaching. 1472 01:15:19,543 --> 01:15:21,277 Would you folks care
for some conflict-free 1473 01:15:21,279 --> 01:15:23,446 Ugandan artichoke confit
on lardo brushed crostini? 1474 01:15:23,448 --> 01:15:24,316 No. 1475 01:15:26,217 --> 01:15:27,284 I'm so sorry. 1476 01:15:37,796 --> 01:15:39,196 Mrs. Conroy. 1477 01:15:40,231 --> 01:15:41,764 How's the new bride? 1478 01:15:41,766 --> 01:15:43,632 Couldn't be better. 1479 01:15:43,634 --> 01:15:46,402 Do I sense
trouble in paradise? 1480 01:15:46,404 --> 01:15:47,437 Not now, Steven. 1481 01:15:47,439 --> 01:15:49,839 Charlotte, this isn't you. 1482 01:15:49,841 --> 01:15:50,673 What? 1483 01:15:50,675 --> 01:15:51,708 What do you mean? 1484 01:15:51,710 --> 01:15:52,878 I am so sorry. 1485 01:15:54,479 --> 01:15:58,281 I hurt you very badly and your
life has taken an ugly turn, 1486 01:15:58,283 --> 01:15:59,317 I apologize. 1487 01:16:00,485 --> 01:16:04,253 You obviously married the
first guy you met after me. 1488 01:16:04,255 --> 01:16:05,555 Where was it? 1489 01:16:05,557 --> 01:16:06,789 A dating website? 1490 01:16:06,791 --> 01:16:08,491 Singles bar? 1491 01:16:08,493 --> 01:16:09,693 Old Navy? 1492 01:16:09,695 --> 01:16:10,663 No, eBay. 1493 01:16:12,397 --> 01:16:13,631 Good god. 1494 01:16:13,633 --> 01:16:15,431 You bought a husband online? 1495 01:16:15,433 --> 01:16:19,502 No, we met online, and then
fell in love and got married. 1496 01:16:19,504 --> 01:16:21,872 And not after 14 years, Steven. 1497 01:16:21,874 --> 01:16:25,174 Not all the changes are bad. 1498 01:16:25,176 --> 01:16:26,211 The clothes. 1499 01:16:27,245 --> 01:16:28,113 The hair. 1500 01:16:30,382 --> 01:16:33,284 Do you think about
me, Charlotte? 1501 01:16:33,286 --> 01:16:35,886 'Cause I think about you. 1502 01:16:35,888 --> 01:16:37,321 Of course, I think about you. 1503 01:16:37,323 --> 01:16:40,125 We spent half our
lives together. 1504 01:16:50,770 --> 01:16:52,402 The whale song. 1505 01:16:52,404 --> 01:16:54,571 The whale song, the mating
cry of the humpback. 1506 01:16:54,573 --> 01:16:56,272 Let's get you into
the house, mother, 1507 01:16:56,274 --> 01:16:59,278 and you can take
a nice little nap. 1508 01:17:00,881 --> 01:17:02,580 How dare you? 1509 01:17:02,582 --> 01:17:04,183 Let's go, mother. 1510 01:17:05,484 --> 01:17:08,287 Oh, I miss your
father so much! 1511 01:17:10,923 --> 01:17:12,323 Steven? 1512 01:17:12,325 --> 01:17:13,192 Yes. 1513 01:17:14,360 --> 01:17:16,295 You're such an asshole. 1514 01:17:17,763 --> 01:17:19,763 Is that all it took? 1515 01:17:19,765 --> 01:17:22,434 You want me now that
I'm with someone else? 1516 01:17:22,436 --> 01:17:23,868 There's more to it
than that, Charlotte. 1517 01:17:23,870 --> 01:17:25,336 Oh yeah, really, like what? 1518 01:17:25,338 --> 01:17:26,571 And you'd really better be quick 1519 01:17:26,573 --> 01:17:28,673 because my husband is
right outside that door. 1520 01:17:28,675 --> 01:17:31,776 And your wife, that poor woman. 1521 01:17:31,778 --> 01:17:33,745 I mean, you don't
even understand. 1522 01:17:33,747 --> 01:17:37,683 Anais, she is so spontaneous
and unpredictable. 1523 01:17:39,318 --> 01:17:41,485 One minute, we're
snowboarding in Telluride, 1524 01:17:41,487 --> 01:17:45,757 the next we are making love
in a Mexican agave field. 1525 01:17:45,759 --> 01:17:47,859 I miss your predictability. 1526 01:17:47,861 --> 01:17:51,463 I miss the quiet, boring
times, the unimaginative sex, 1527 01:17:51,465 --> 01:17:52,697 all of it. 1528 01:17:52,699 --> 01:17:55,736 I never appreciated
it until it was gone. 1529 01:17:57,203 --> 01:17:59,771 Well, it's not coming back. 1530 01:17:59,773 --> 01:18:00,641 Ever. 1531 01:18:01,775 --> 01:18:04,778 Hey, hey, I just
got a new job in DC. 1532 01:18:05,612 --> 01:18:07,912 Let's leave these two horrible, 1533 01:18:07,914 --> 01:18:12,350 disgusting mistakes behind
and get back to our old lives. 1534 01:18:12,352 --> 01:18:14,653 My husband is not a mistake. 1535 01:18:14,655 --> 01:18:16,388 Yes, we rushed into marriage 1536 01:18:16,390 --> 01:18:17,923 and things haven't been perfect 1537 01:18:17,925 --> 01:18:19,959 and after 10 ridiculous days, 1538 01:18:19,961 --> 01:18:23,328 things are just blowing
up in our faces, but 1539 01:18:23,330 --> 01:18:26,431 there have been moments,
in between all the lies 1540 01:18:26,433 --> 01:18:28,266 and the bullshit where
I've loved him more 1541 01:18:28,268 --> 01:18:31,403 than anybody in my entire life. 1542 01:18:31,405 --> 01:18:32,406 Including you. 1543 01:18:34,242 --> 01:18:35,343 So it's over. 1544 01:18:36,844 --> 01:18:37,777 Perfect. 1545 01:18:37,779 --> 01:18:39,011 No, Steven. 1546 01:18:39,013 --> 01:18:42,313 Hey, I dare you to
kiss me one more time 1547 01:18:42,315 --> 01:18:45,250 and tell me you don't love me. 1548 01:18:45,252 --> 01:18:46,284 Ow! 1549 01:18:46,286 --> 01:18:47,419 Oh, fuck. 1550 01:18:47,421 --> 01:18:48,353 Sorry, Steven. 1551 01:18:48,355 --> 01:18:51,623 But as we say in the
yard, I gotta do me. 1552 01:18:51,625 --> 01:18:54,659 So fuck all y'all if
you can't appreciate it! 1553 01:18:54,661 --> 01:18:55,529 Huh! 1554 01:19:04,039 --> 01:19:06,372 Mr. Wooster, I wanna
apologize for earlier. 1555 01:19:06,374 --> 01:19:07,540 My wife threw her back out 1556 01:19:07,542 --> 01:19:10,042 and I was giving
her an adjustment. 1557 01:19:10,044 --> 01:19:12,311 Anyway, we really
love the school 1558 01:19:12,313 --> 01:19:16,348 and we'd like to make
a small donation. 1559 01:19:16,350 --> 01:19:20,420 I don't see how that's
gonna make any difference. 1560 01:19:21,289 --> 01:19:22,889 This is very generous. 1561 01:19:22,891 --> 01:19:24,057 Thank you very much. 1562 01:19:24,059 --> 01:19:29,363 I'm gonna find Mrs. Newton
and tell her the good news. 1563 01:19:30,398 --> 01:19:31,765 Wasn't that check for Brandon? 1564 01:19:31,767 --> 01:19:33,432 Our son's not very
good with money anyway 1565 01:19:33,434 --> 01:19:35,401 so it doesn't matter. 1566 01:19:35,403 --> 01:19:37,536 And an investment
in her future. 1567 01:19:37,538 --> 01:19:40,508 Is an investment
in their future. 1568 01:19:50,352 --> 01:19:52,385 Did you mean what
you said in there? 1569 01:19:52,387 --> 01:19:53,553 Yes. 1570 01:19:53,555 --> 01:19:54,423 No, maybe. 1571 01:19:56,825 --> 01:19:57,926 I don't know. 1572 01:20:03,331 --> 01:20:04,064 Hey. 1573 01:20:04,066 --> 01:20:05,198 Hey. 1574 01:20:05,200 --> 01:20:07,633 Wow, looks like you could
use a little first aid, 1575 01:20:07,635 --> 01:20:09,103 my friend. 1576 01:20:29,091 --> 01:20:31,558 All hail,
all hail the chosen one. 1577 01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:32,559 Who said that? 1578 01:20:32,561 --> 01:20:34,028 It is I my lord, 1579 01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:35,630 Pegaverneius Candoe of
the Nexus Space and Guild. 1580 01:20:35,632 --> 01:20:40,134 I have traveled nearly
12 parsecs to find you. 1581 01:20:40,136 --> 01:20:41,102 Okay. 1582 01:20:41,104 --> 01:20:42,435 You
are the rightful heir 1583 01:20:42,437 --> 01:20:43,871 to the throne of Nargathus. 1584 01:20:43,873 --> 01:20:46,040 The star child as foretold
in our prophesies. 1585 01:20:46,042 --> 01:20:47,742 A magnificent creature
of unlimited wisdom 1586 01:20:47,744 --> 01:20:49,476 and breath taking
physical perfection. 1587 01:20:49,478 --> 01:20:50,312 Yeah. 1588 01:20:51,580 --> 01:20:52,514 I get that. 1589 01:20:53,883 --> 01:20:55,082 The
great epiphany is at hand. 1590 01:20:55,084 --> 01:20:56,750 Reveal your magnificence
to the members 1591 01:20:56,752 --> 01:20:58,586 of the Culver City Charter
School Board, 1592 01:20:58,588 --> 01:21:00,555 and then the world. 1593 01:21:00,557 --> 01:21:02,824 Let them kowtow at your feet. 1594 01:21:02,826 --> 01:21:04,458 Worship you. 1595 01:21:04,460 --> 01:21:07,096 Tremble at you your
unlimited power. 1596 01:21:15,705 --> 01:21:17,872 I must tell you how
delighted we all are 1597 01:21:17,874 --> 01:21:22,410 about the substantial
donation from your in-laws. 1598 01:21:22,412 --> 01:21:25,047 Well, they are very
surprisingly generous people. 1599 01:21:25,049 --> 01:21:25,981 Well, I can tell you, 1600 01:21:25,983 --> 01:21:27,682 there's a lot we can
do with those funds. 1601 01:21:27,684 --> 01:21:29,617 Loyal subjects! 1602 01:21:29,619 --> 01:21:31,554 I am your unicorn king! 1603 01:21:32,957 --> 01:21:36,424 By the powers vested in me
through the flames of Asinoff, 1604 01:21:36,426 --> 01:21:40,663 I command you, kneel, kneel
before your unicorn king. 1605 01:21:42,166 --> 01:21:43,998 That guys
I fucking crazy. 1606 01:21:44,000 --> 01:21:47,970 The time in neigh,
the season is in bloom, 1607 01:21:47,972 --> 01:21:51,039 I call upon you
subjects to step forth 1608 01:21:51,041 --> 01:21:53,376 and harvest this royal seed. 1609 01:22:04,021 --> 01:22:06,989 Steven, what the
hell are you doing? 1610 01:22:06,991 --> 01:22:09,693 Fair Anais, Steven is no more. 1611 01:22:12,696 --> 01:22:14,366 Your milk has soured. 1612 01:22:16,167 --> 01:22:17,401 Oh, Momma! 1613 01:22:19,536 --> 01:22:23,540 Look upon me as I raise
the imperial scepter. 1614 01:22:26,510 --> 01:22:29,446 Mommy,
that man is nasty. 1615 01:22:31,148 --> 01:22:33,184 Prepare to receive me! 1616 01:22:35,486 --> 01:22:36,219 Bam! 1617 01:22:37,756 --> 01:22:40,023 That has to hurt. 1618 01:22:45,696 --> 01:22:47,631 And, as I was saying, 1619 01:22:50,068 --> 01:22:52,501 could you come in on Monday? 1620 01:22:52,503 --> 01:22:54,836 Oh, we would be honored
to have a young woman 1621 01:22:54,838 --> 01:22:57,141 of your character at
Culver City Charter. 1622 01:22:57,143 --> 01:22:58,275 I'd love to! 1623 01:22:58,277 --> 01:23:00,177 Thank you so much. 1624 01:23:00,179 --> 01:23:01,211 Oh my god, thank you. 1625 01:23:01,213 --> 01:23:02,080 Thank you. 1626 01:23:08,286 --> 01:23:10,954 What in the world
got into Steven? 1627 01:23:10,956 --> 01:23:12,188 I don't know. 1628 01:23:12,190 --> 01:23:13,457 Any ideas? 1629 01:23:14,159 --> 01:23:15,792 Food poisoning perhaps? 1630 01:23:15,794 --> 01:23:20,198 I think the artichoke confit
looked a little sketchy. 1631 01:23:22,802 --> 01:23:26,270 Since there's no dispute
over assets or property, 1632 01:23:26,272 --> 01:23:28,107 just sign and it's done. 1633 01:23:29,241 --> 01:23:33,143 You'll never have to
see one another again. 1634 01:23:33,145 --> 01:23:37,281 That line right there, the
one with your name next to it. 1635 01:23:37,283 --> 01:23:38,150 I know. 1636 01:23:44,622 --> 01:23:48,995 On second thought, I want
the Chinese rocket statue. 1637 01:23:51,664 --> 01:23:52,631 Alrighty. 1638 01:23:53,532 --> 01:23:57,036 If you agree, Mr.
Conroy, we're done here. 1639 01:23:59,305 --> 01:24:01,071 No. 1640 01:24:01,073 --> 01:24:03,340 No, I can't part with that. 1641 01:24:03,342 --> 01:24:07,244 Well, what if y'all
shared joint custody? 1642 01:24:07,246 --> 01:24:10,148 Each of you take it for
a week or two at a time? 1643 01:24:10,150 --> 01:24:12,850 No, that won't work. 1644 01:24:12,852 --> 01:24:15,586 Can you just buy
a second statue? 1645 01:24:15,588 --> 01:24:18,289 That way, y'all can
each have your own. 1646 01:24:18,291 --> 01:24:19,723 No. 1647 01:24:19,725 --> 01:24:21,694 No, it's one of a kind. 1648 01:24:22,962 --> 01:24:25,162 Well bless your hearts. 1649 01:24:25,164 --> 01:24:27,331 I don't mean to be rude 1650 01:24:27,333 --> 01:24:29,199 but I've gotta be
gettin' out to Malibu. 1651 01:24:29,201 --> 01:24:31,735 I'm havin' lunch at Gerard's. 1652 01:24:31,737 --> 01:24:34,172 Try the lobster,
it's delicious. 1653 01:24:34,174 --> 01:24:36,174 And not cheap. 1654 01:24:36,176 --> 01:24:38,243 Can we please get
this thing goin'? 1655 01:24:38,245 --> 01:24:40,111 Hey, don't rush
our divorce, man. 1656 01:24:40,113 --> 01:24:41,346 Yeah. 1657 01:24:41,348 --> 01:24:45,083 You know, maybe we
should get lunch, too. 1658 01:24:45,085 --> 01:24:48,253 Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't
do this on an empty stomach. 1659 01:24:48,255 --> 01:24:49,354 Right. 1660 01:24:49,356 --> 01:24:50,954 Now, hold on a second. 1661 01:24:50,956 --> 01:24:53,224 What about your signatures? 1662 01:24:53,226 --> 01:24:54,691 Damn it to hell. 1663 01:24:54,693 --> 01:24:57,296 The wheels are
comin' off the wagon. 1664 01:24:57,298 --> 01:25:00,399 This divorce is fallin' apart. 1665 01:25:00,401 --> 01:25:03,701 - I blame her.
- It's his fault. 1666 01:25:18,251 --> 01:25:19,384 This ends now. 1667 01:25:19,386 --> 01:25:22,388 I'm getting out of here
and you're not stopping me! 1668 01:25:24,092 --> 01:25:26,025 An so concludes our story. 1669 01:25:26,027 --> 01:25:27,659 Poor Charlotte and Brandon, 1670 01:25:27,661 --> 01:25:30,296 their journey has
taught them nothing. 1671 01:25:30,298 --> 01:25:32,063 Oh my god, I'm so sorry. 1672 01:25:32,065 --> 01:25:33,265 Did I slap you too hard? 1673 01:25:33,267 --> 01:25:36,103 Nein baby, it was just right. 1674 01:31:53,620 --> 01:31:55,622 I see you understand sign
language. 1675 01:31:55,624 --> 01:31:56,218 Subtitles by explosiveskull 1676 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000 117318