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1
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So I was in the drugstore trying to get
a cold medication. You ever try this?
2
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,233
It's an entire wall of medications.
3
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,109
"All right, all right, okay.
What the hell am l...?
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,558
This is quick-acting,
but this is long-lasting.
5
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,112
When do I need to feel good?
Now or later?"
6
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,918
It's a tough question.
7
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,719
Then the commercials on TV
show you what's wrong with the guy.
8
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,395
They always show you the problems.
They show you the human body...
9
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,069
...which is usually this guy:
10
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,114
No face, mouth open.
11
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,352
This is how drug companies
see the public.
12
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,276
And he's always in, like,
a certain pain.
13
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,749
Like, red, wavy lines are going
through him...
14
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,469
...or he's glowing.
Parts of him are on fire sometimes.
15
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,471
Lightning is attacking him.
16
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,600
I never had a doctor say,
"Are you having pain?
17
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,035
Are you having any lightning
with the pain?"
18
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,476
How did you get fleas?
19
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:10,349
My cousin's imbecile dog was outside
and they got in his carpet.
20
00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,432
Maybe you could get yourself
a little bow tie flea collar.
21
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,794
That's real funny.
22
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,550
So are you coming to the party?
23
00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:20,590
I'd go, but Long lsland,
it's so far out.
24
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,318
It smacks of desperation.
25
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:23,879
Everyone's gonna be saying:
26
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,235
"You came all the way out
from Manhattan for this?"
27
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,630
-You know, Ava's gonna be there.
-Who?
28
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,552
The nice one that works
in my office.
29
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,079
-I'll drive!
-Oh, well, now you're talking.
30
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,514
Supposed to be a good party.
31
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,235
Well, what does that mean?
Good dip?
32
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,632
No. There'll be girls there.
33
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,313
There's girls everywhere!
34
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,471
I go out and there's girls
in the elevator.
35
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,518
They're in cafeterias, subways.
So what?
36
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,910
There's a hundred
different things here.
37
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,148
What's the difference
between these two?
38
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:55,512
-You got propylparaben?
-Got it.
39
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,593
You got isobutane 30?
40
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,432
I got isobutane 20.
41
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,759
You got sorbitan sesquioleate?
42
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,512
-Got it.
-I have aloe.
43
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,671
You got aloe?
I love aloe.
44
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,239
Where do they make yours?
45
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,879
-Jersey.
-White Plains.
46
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,234
Girls.
There's girls right here in the store.
47
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,353
Look. Look. There's one over there.
Look.
48
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,079
There's another one.
49
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,915
As soon as I walk outside,
there'll be girls.
50
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,839
What's the matter?
51
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,991
I gave her a 20,
she gave me change for a 10.
52
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,550
Are you sure?
Oh, boy. Here we go.
53
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,995
Excuse me.
I gave you a $20 bill...
54
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,878
...and you only gave me
change for a 10.
55
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,679
-You gave me a 10.
-I'm positive I gave you a 20.
56
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,432
I know what you gave me.
57
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,999
You owe me $10.
58
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,309
Will you please step aside?
59
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,072
-Next!
-All right, all right.
60
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,800
Let's just examine the situation
for a second.
61
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,351
Who, in this situation, would be
more likely to make a mistake?
62
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,514
Me, who had access to my wallet,
knew exactly what was in there...
63
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:57,908
-...or you?
-You.
64
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,710
No, no, no. See, you're not
really listening.
65
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,075
-What's the problem here?
-There's no problem.
66
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,753
She just owes me $10. That's all.
67
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,195
-He's claiming short.
-Let's just take it outside.
68
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,590
Oh, so you don't believe me either?!
69
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,479
-Come on. Let's go.
-All right. You haven't won.
70
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,074
You may think you've won,
but you haven't won. Know why?
71
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,912
It's not over. This is not over.
72
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,152
I'm not forgetting what's happening
here. You have my $10.
73
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,153
I will get it back. All right.
Don't worry.
74
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,356
And it's not over.
I'm going now.
75
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,193
Goodbye. I will be back.
76
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,117
Well, don't stand here.
Let's walk in.
77
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,429
Blend in. Blend in.
78
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,034
No, let's survey first.
Camp here.
79
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,713
Ava.
80
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,674
What could possess anyone
to throw a party?
81
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,389
I mean, to have a bunch of strangers
treat your house like a hotel room.
82
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:54,792
-Guess who just sold 129 West 81st.
-Oh, no, you didn't.
83
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,473
-Get out! When?
-Yesterday.
84
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,558
-I don't believe it.
-Ask Mark.
85
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,280
Mark, is this true?
86
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:09,276
Yeah, this has got "disaster"
written all over it.
87
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:13,752
How did I let you talk me into this?
I must have been out of my mind.
88
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,831
Listen, let's keep an eye
on each other.
89
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,719
In case one of us gets
in a bad conversation...
90
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,316
...we should have a signal
so the other one can get us out of it.
91
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,315
-How old are you?
-Thirty-six.
92
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:27,559
What's the signal?
93
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,672
How about this: chicken wing.
94
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,474
No, no, no.
I got a better one:
95
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,153
Head-patting.
96
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,552
Whatever you want.
97
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,516
You came all the way out
from Manhattan for this?
98
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,398
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
99
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,311
So, what do you do?
100
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,512
-I'm a comedian.
-Are you?
101
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,513
Let me ask you something.
Where do you get your material?
102
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,274
-I hear a voice.
-What kind of voice?
103
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:05,274
A man's voice. But he speaks in
German, so I have to get it translated.
104
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,591
How come you keep tapping
your head?
105
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,079
It's a nervous tick.
106
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,878
I'm on L-dopa.
107
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:15,795
On the other hand, you take a guy
like George Washington Carver.
108
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,191
The man devoted his whole life
to the peanut.
109
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,432
Imagine having so much passion
for something.
110
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,719
You know, people tell me
I'm a funny guy.
111
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,433
I've often wondered if he ever worked
with the pecan.
112
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,032
Yeah. Me too.
113
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:39,193
Now, is that considered a nut?
I know the cashew is a legume.
114
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,950
-How's it going?
-Great. How about you?
115
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,318
I can't believe
what's happening here.
116
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,391
She hasn't taken her hands
off me all night.
117
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,313
She was always friendly around
the office, but that was it.
118
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,436
-How do you account for this?
-I don't know.
119
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,636
Maybe a safe fell on her head.
120
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,432
Well, she obviously
liked you all along.
121
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,192
No. I would have picked up on it.
122
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,670
I can always tell. Women always
somehow let you know.
123
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,195
With me, they could torture me,
I wouldn't tell them.
124
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,430
I try to make them think
I don't like them.
125
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,795
Then they think,
"Oh, this guy's not even looking.
126
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,871
He must have something
going for him."
127
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,996
Anyway, I'm ready to go.
128
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,469
-Now?
-Well, if not now, when?
129
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,033
-Give me a half-hour.
-Okay. Half-hour.
130
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,034
Peanut brittle, peanut butter,
peanut oil....
131
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,519
Can I talk to you for a second?
132
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,352
Oh, excuse me.
133
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,357
What have you been doing? I've
been smacking myself senseless.
134
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,832
People think I'm a mental patient.
135
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:39,839
Hey, I was dying over there.
136
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,036
This guy's going off on the peanut.
137
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,792
Now, pay attention.
138
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,156
Yeah, I think I've seen you in a club.
139
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,039
-You talk about everyday things, right?
-Right.
140
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,270
Yeah. I remember you.
141
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,591
I wonder what happened
to my fianc�.
142
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,439
I know he's here somewhere.
143
00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,434
Ellen, have you seen my fianc�?
144
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,556
-He's upstairs.
-Are you going upstairs?
145
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,109
Tell my fianc� I'm looking for him.
146
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:09,273
I have lost my fianc�,
the poor baby.
147
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,751
Maybe the dingo ate your baby.
148
00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,508
What?
149
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,957
The dingo ate your baby.
150
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,189
You ready?
151
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,949
Listen, l...
152
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,712
...have a tremendous favour to ask.
153
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,074
I do favours.
154
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,108
-I think something's happening here.
-What?
155
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,272
I think she wants me
to take her home.
156
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:46,237
-What should I do?
-Go. What can you do?
157
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,636
-What about you and Elaine?
-We'll get a ride.
158
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,950
-You're sure?
-We'll be fine. What did she say?
159
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,794
She told me she--
160
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,759
She told me she wants me
to make love to her.
161
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,429
-What? She said that?
-Yeah.
162
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,549
-Get out of here.
-I swear.
163
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,433
-What did you say?
-l....
164
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,679
-Oh, I can't.
-Come on. What did you say?
165
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,751
-Please, it's, it's....
-What?
166
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,199
"l...."
167
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,712
"l...."
168
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,355
"l long for you."
169
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,278
-"l long for you"?
-I was so shocked...
170
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:29,592
-...I was lucky I said anything.
-It's okay. That's not bad.
171
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,196
I don't like when a woman says
"Make love to me." It's intimidating.
172
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,796
The last time a woman said that to me,
I wound up apologizing to her.
173
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,999
-Really?
-That's a lot of pressure.
174
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,550
"Make love to me."
What am l, in the circus?
175
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,517
-What if I can't deliver?
-Oh, come on.
176
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,238
I can't perform under pressure.
177
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,791
That's why I never play anything
for money. I choke.
178
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,996
I could choke tonight.
179
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,037
And she works in my office.
Can you imagine?
180
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,475
If she goes around telling everyone
what happened....
181
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,279
Maybe I should cancel.
I have a very bad feeling about this.
182
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:04,468
-George, you're thinking too much.
-I know, I know. I can't stop it.
183
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,276
Well, right now I'm reading
manuscripts for Pendant Publishing.
184
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,000
Pendant? Those bastards.
185
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,355
Excuse me.
186
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,519
Listen, George is going home
with this Ava from his office.
187
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,432
Really?
188
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,358
What a world.
189
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,038
-So we can go now.
-No, he's taking the car.
190
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,638
-What are we gonna do for a ride?
-I don't know.
191
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,152
-You don't know?
-Maybe Kramer can come pick us up.
192
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,517
Great. Oh, this is great.
How could you let him take the car?
193
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,274
There's nothing I could do.
It's part of the code.
194
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,749
All plans between men are tentative.
195
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:50,191
If one man should suddenly have
an opportunity to pursue a woman...
196
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,397
...it's like these two guys never met
each other ever in life.
197
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:56,393
This is the male code.
198
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,478
And it doesn't matter how important
the arrangements are.
199
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,473
Most of the time, they screw up
a space shuttle mission, it's because...
200
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,473
...one of the astronauts met someone
on his way to the launch pad.
201
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,835
They hold that countdown.
202
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,752
He's leaning against the rocket:
203
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,549
"So when I get back, what do you say
we get together for some Tang?"
204
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,948
Oh, look at what she's wearing.
You see what she's wearing?
205
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,314
Yeah, yeah, all right.
206
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,630
I can't believe
she's walking around in that.
207
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,030
-Just don't make a scene.
-Hey, is that real fur?
208
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,077
-Oh, boy.
-lt better be.
209
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,912
Or my ex-husband owes me
an explanation.
210
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,308
Good night.
211
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,835
You don't care that innocent,
defenceless animals...
212
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,433
...are tortured so you look good?
213
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,352
Could we talk about this
some other time?
214
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,636
-Are you a vegetarian?
-Here we go.
215
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,711
Yeah. I eat fish occasionally.
216
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,279
-So you're a hypocrite.
-Hey!
217
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,829
I've eaten frogs, so nobody's perfect.
218
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,149
Anyway....
219
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,517
-Talk to me when you stop eating fish.
-Fish don't feel any pain.
220
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,591
How do you know?
Do you communicate with fish?
221
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,637
Well, they're not kept in little cages.
222
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,552
-Ever seen a goldfish?
-Goldfish!
223
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,915
Yeah. Yeah, I've seen goldfish.
They're not unhappy.
224
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,832
Right. Swim around a bowl
for two weeks...
225
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,309
...and get flushed down the toilet.
That's a good life.
226
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,913
Oh, yeah. That's right.
227
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,469
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Maybe you can run over a squirrel!
228
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,996
Yeah, well, that's why we're here
in America.
229
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,994
-You're beautiful.
-Call Kramer.
230
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,752
All right.
231
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,150
Excuse me.
This is your party, right?
232
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,914
-No. I just live here.
-Can I use your phone?
233
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,308
What's in it for me?
234
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,596
-A bigger bill.
-Go for it.
235
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,158
Kram, Sein.
236
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,912
What are you doing?
237
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,510
Well, I'm stuck out here
on Long lsland.
238
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,875
What are your thoughts
about taking a ride?
239
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,598
You're sure?
240
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,797
Okay, but don't leave me
hanging here.
241
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,678
Okay, great.
Let me give you directions.
242
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,276
You sure you don't need any help?
243
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,396
No, not really.
244
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,516
I'm sure he'll be here any minute.
245
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,238
I want them out of here.
246
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,637
-Call him again.
-I called. What should I do?
247
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,197
We really appreciate this.
248
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,917
It's 2:00 in the morning.
249
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,877
Oh, you got the Civil War book.
250
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:11,591
I saw some of that show.
It was wonderful.
251
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,718
620 million people died.
252
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,029
Thousand.
253
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,760
Thousand! 620,000.
254
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,115
The horror. The horror!
255
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,669
The wife keeps giving us dirty looks.
256
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,718
Are you sure you gave him
the right directions?
257
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,677
-You sure there's nothing we can do?
-No!
258
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,876
I am not going to bed
with them in our house.
259
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,268
This is ridiculous.
260
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,149
You know, a friend of my father's
used to live right around here.
261
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,313
Mike Wichter.
262
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,078
He sold plastic straws.
263
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:43,389
You know the ones?
264
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,073
You could bend them.
265
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:52,149
Have you noticed? People don't use
straws as much as they used to.
266
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,073
You know, it doesn't look
as if your friend is coming.
267
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,229
Oh, he's coming.
268
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,676
Maybe you should take a look
at a train schedule.
269
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,278
That's him.
270
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:05,398
I'm going to bed!
271
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,673
-Thanks a lot.
-Thanks.
272
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,838
Great party.
273
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,715
-Hey, how you doing?
-Look who's here.
274
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,919
-I'm sorry.
-Hey, it's okay.
275
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,196
I had the directions on the seat
right next to me.
276
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,157
They flew out the window.
277
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,558
Then how did you find the place?
278
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,029
Well, I knew the exit
on the Long lsland Expressway...
279
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,637
...and I thought that the address
was 8713 Riviera Drive.
280
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:33,836
So I drove around...
281
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,355
...knocking on everybody's doors
that had those numbers.
282
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:41,196
8317, 7813, 3718, 1837....
283
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,076
Finally, I hit it. 8173.
284
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:48,029
Anyway, thanks a lot for letting us
stay here, Steve. I really owe you one.
285
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,394
No problem.
286
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,357
And if you're ever in the city...
287
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:53,750
...you wanna come to a comedy club,
whatever.
288
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,831
Hey, I might take you up on that.
289
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,195
Here's my address and number.
290
00:13:58,360 --> 00:13:59,918
And, really, thanks again.
291
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,554
Well, you better zip up.
292
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,190
I couldn't get the top
on the convertible up.
293
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,109
-But it's cold out.
-Wait till we get on the Expressway.
294
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,310
George, I've been sick all week.
Elaine was too.
295
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,313
Eighty miles an hour, 40 degree
temperature for 50 minutes.
296
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,152
Do the math.
297
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,918
Yeah, maybe I will get out.
298
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,197
But let me just stop off
at the drugstore first.
299
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,272
Meet me down there in 15 minutes,
then we'll go do something.
300
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,919
Yeah, Selwyn's.
301
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:36,274
Okay, bye.
302
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,999
-Who is it?
-Mr. Pocatillo!
303
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,470
-Who?
-You don't recognize my voice?
304
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,153
-Jerry, baby!
-Do I know you?
305
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,870
-Boy, this comedy's frying your brain.
-I'm sorry....
306
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,918
See, this is the kind of lasting
impression I make on people.
307
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,550
-Oh, okay.
-You said if I was ever in the city.
308
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,593
I'm in the city!
309
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,035
You certainly are.
310
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,315
What's going on?
311
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,916
I'm just waiting for a lift back.
He won't be ready until 1 1.
312
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,519
I figured I'd give you a break...
313
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,319
...see what it's like to hang out
with someone in show business.
314
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,234
Listen, I'm really sorry, but I'm just
on my way out to meet a friend.
315
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,358
Oh, come on. You can come up
with something better than that.
316
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,556
No, really, I just got off the phone
with him.
317
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,078
I understand.
318
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,029
Look, you can hang out here
if you want.
319
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:33,679
Don't be so enthusiastic.
320
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,758
-No, it's....
-I'm not gonna steal anything.
321
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,275
No, of course not. Just...
322
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,112
...close the door when you leave.
323
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,192
-I think I can do that.
-Really, I'm sorry.
324
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,588
Maybe another time.
325
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,558
Yeah. Let's have lunch.
326
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,155
The guy's in my house right now.
327
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,710
What a mistake that party was.
I never should've gone.
328
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,189
-Yeah, me either.
-Oh, come on.
329
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,797
What "come on"? Have you ever dated
a woman that worked in your office?
330
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,629
-I never had a job.
-Know that anxiety you feel on a date?
331
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,633
That's what I have every day now.
My worst nightmare's come true.
332
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,518
Every day is a date.
333
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,593
That's one of Dante's nine stages
of hell, isn't it?
334
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,716
Ava was one of the reasons
I used to like work.
335
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,199
She was a friend.
336
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,591
Now we sleep together and suddenly
I don't know how to talk to her.
337
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,990
Every time I go to the bathroom,
I pass her desk.
338
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,197
I have to plan little patter.
I spend half my day writing.
339
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,113
Then afterwards I sit in my office
and analyse how it went.
340
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,716
If it was a good conversation, I don't
go to the bathroom the rest of the day.
341
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,110
I see her laughing
and talking with other people.
342
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,350
They're all so loose and relaxed.
I think:
343
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,273
"That used to be me.
I wanna go back there again."
344
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,000
-What are you gonna do?
-I have no choice.
345
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,639
I'm quitting.
346
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,754
The party, Long lsland.
347
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,917
-Kramer, right?
-Yeah.
348
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,355
-Hey, what are you doing here?
-Waiting for my ride.
349
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,750
-Where's Jerry?
-He split.
350
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,911
Let me ask you something.
351
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,992
Is there anything to drink in here?
Or is that a stupid question?
352
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,997
Jerry, he doesn't have anything.
353
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,111
But I might have something.
354
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,871
I'm gonna get this.
This looks good.
355
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,434
-How much is that?
-$9.60.
356
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,632
$9.60?
357
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:20,635
Give it to me.
358
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,153
-Why?
-Don't worry, I got it.
359
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,476
-What do you mean, you got it?
-I got it.
360
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,996
Since when are you treating me
to medicine? What are you doing?
361
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,398
-You're stealing this, aren't you?
-I'm not stealing. They owe me $10.
362
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,198
-They stole from me.
-You're a lunatic.
363
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,032
I have to. It's a matter of honour.
364
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,158
What do you say
to a person like you?
365
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:38,839
Just walk.
You don't even know me.
366
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,434
Excuse me.
367
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,514
What do you got there?
368
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,077
-What?
-What do you got in your shirt?
369
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,597
-I was gonna pay for this.
-Come with me.
370
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,955
Where are you taking me?
I was gonna pay for it.
371
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,588
-Don't think I remember you?
-What are you talking about?
372
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,432
I know who you are!
I was watching you.
373
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,750
What are you gonna do?
You gonna call the police?
374
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,990
-Come on!
-Where--!
375
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,151
Can I still buy this
or is this evidence now?
376
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,550
So I'm chasing these doves
down the street...
377
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,439
...and she's screaming
at the top of her lungs...
378
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,034
...and then when the magician
comes back from Europe...
379
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,077
...two of them turn brown!
380
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,152
Well, I followed the instructions!
381
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,876
They turned brown!
382
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,556
-Brown!
-Brown!
383
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:49,435
So let me ask you something.
You know any women we could call?
384
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,272
Not really.
385
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,030
Maybe we should call
one of those escort services.
386
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,269
Yeah.
387
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,116
I saw one of them advertised
before on the cable station.
388
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,032
555-LOVE.
389
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,632
-Are you in on this?
-Oh, no, no.
390
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,360
I got a girl in the next building.
391
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,316
Now, I want my money, mister!
And I ain't leaving till I get it.
392
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,431
Now, I am through
playing games with you.
393
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,272
I got things to do.
394
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,597
Oh, Jerry, Jerry.
395
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,352
Look who's here.
It's Jerry.
396
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,669
What the hell--?
397
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:31,037
-Jerry, this is Patti.
-Nice to meet you.
398
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,872
A pleasure to make
your acquaintance.
399
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,393
What the hell is going on here?
400
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,790
I don't know,
but I gotta do this more often.
401
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,596
There's my ride, finally.
402
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,593
I'm not gonna go anywhere
until I get the rest of my money.
403
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,230
See you, Jer, and tell Kramer thanks.
I'll call him tomorrow.
404
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,674
Oh, Kramer.
405
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,717
Yeah, he's a hoot.
406
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,919
Goodbye, my dear.
407
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,758
Weekend of the 26th, come on out.
We're having another party.
408
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,594
I ain't leaving.
409
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,794
-Patti.
-You got anything to drink?
410
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:11,832
-All right, how much does he owe you?
-$50.
411
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,957
Fifty dollars....
412
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,436
-ls this your apartment?
-Yeah, but--
413
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:25,434
-You're under arrest for solicitation.
-Oh, wait a second. I....
414
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:27,919
I have chicken soup.
415
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,594
Is that real fur?
416
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,512
-Oh, boy.
-Oh, boy.
417
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,034
You had Sergeant Chadway?
Me too.
418
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,709
-He was a nice guy.
-Oh, great guy.
419
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,791
Was there a redheaded guy there?
420
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,712
-The one with the long sideburns?
-Yeah!
421
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,359
-Where does he come off?
-I know.
422
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,875
There's no call
for that kind of attitude.
423
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,875
One of the guys in my cell
threw a piece of gum at him.
424
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,270
We all hated him.
425
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,350
There's two types of favours:
big favour, small favour.
426
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,590
You can measure the size
of the favour...
427
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,356
...by the pause that a person takes
after they ask you to "do me a favour."
428
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,872
Small favour, small pause:
"Do me a favour? Hand me that pencil."
429
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,314
No pause at all.
430
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,074
Big favours are:
"Could you do me a favour?"
431
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,231
Subtitles by
SDl Media Group
432
00:22:05,231 --> 00:22:15,231
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