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1
00:00:03,943 --> 00:00:05,798
Women put on perfume
in an interesting way.
2
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:07,137
Ever notice that, guys?
3
00:00:07,303 --> 00:00:11,493
They have their little key,
Stratego little areas.
4
00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:19,131
Places they think we're going.
5
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:22,971
And they always hit this one.
6
00:00:23,143 --> 00:00:24,517
Women are convinced...
7
00:00:24,678 --> 00:00:29,828
...that this is the most action-packed
area that could ever happen...
8
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:31,964
...in the dating world.
9
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,075
What is that, ladies?
What is happening here?
10
00:00:34,246 --> 00:00:36,864
Is that in case you slap the guy
or something?
11
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:39,004
He still finds you intriguing?
12
00:00:39,302 --> 00:00:42,019
''Oh, Chanel!''
13
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:49,948
She's a pianist, a classical pianist!
She plays the piano!
14
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:51,644
She's a brilliant woman!
15
00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:54,944
I sat in her living room,
she played the Waldstein Sonata.
16
00:00:55,109 --> 00:00:56,931
The Waldstein!
17
00:01:00,548 --> 00:01:03,418
We did a crossword puzzle
together in bed.
18
00:01:03,588 --> 00:01:05,628
It was the most fun I ever
had in my entire life!
19
00:01:05,797 --> 00:01:08,448
Do you hear me? In my life!
20
00:01:09,092 --> 00:01:10,619
You know?
21
00:01:10,789 --> 00:01:13,155
Were you talking?
I couldn't hear anything.
22
00:01:15,428 --> 00:01:16,705
I was telling you about Noel.
23
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:19,421
Oh, Noel, yeah.
The one that plays the bongos.
24
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:22,016
So sidesplittingly funny.
25
00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:25,314
All right, I'm sorry. What about her?
26
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,264
You think I'm gonna repeat
the whole thing?
27
00:01:27,427 --> 00:01:29,696
You told me you like her.
Everything's going good.
28
00:01:29,859 --> 00:01:31,420
No, everything's not going good.
29
00:01:31,587 --> 00:01:34,173
I'm very uncomfortable.
I have no power.
30
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:35,801
Why should she have
the upper hand?
31
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,873
For once, I'd like the upper hand.
I have no hand, no hand at all.
32
00:01:39,043 --> 00:01:40,766
She has the hand. I have no hand.
33
00:01:41,091 --> 00:01:43,327
-Hand me that, would you?
-Yeah.
34
00:01:43,490 --> 00:01:44,701
How do I get the hand?
35
00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:47,387
We all want the hand.
Hand is tough to get.
36
00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:49,497
You gotta get the hand
right from the opening.
37
00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:52,700
She's playing a recital
at the McBierny School.
38
00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:55,233
I got two extra tickets.
You and Elaine could go.
39
00:01:55,395 --> 00:01:57,783
Yeah, that sounds like something.
40
00:02:00,355 --> 00:02:02,810
Then afterwards, maybe
we could all go out together.
41
00:02:02,978 --> 00:02:04,636
You know, she'll see me
with my friends.
42
00:02:04,802 --> 00:02:07,104
She'll observe me
as I really am, as myself.
43
00:02:07,266 --> 00:02:09,721
Maybe I can get
some hand that way.
44
00:02:11,106 --> 00:02:12,535
-Oh, hey.
-Hey.
45
00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:14,331
Hey, smell my arm.
46
00:02:16,066 --> 00:02:17,243
-What?
-Smell it. Smell it.
47
00:02:17,409 --> 00:02:19,613
With all due respect,
I don't think so.
48
00:02:19,777 --> 00:02:22,744
-Jerry, smell.
-That smells good. What is that?
49
00:02:22,913 --> 00:02:24,985
-The beach.
-The beach?
50
00:02:25,153 --> 00:02:26,680
Did you go swimming?
It's 29 degrees.
51
00:02:26,849 --> 00:02:29,369
No, I just joined
the Polar Bear Club.
52
00:02:29,537 --> 00:02:32,025
-You joined the Polar Bears?
-What the hell's a Polar Bear?
53
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:34,811
These people go swimming
in the winter. They're terrific.
54
00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:37,497
I just took my first swim today.
55
00:02:38,081 --> 00:02:39,706
-It's invigorating.
-Yeah...
56
00:02:39,873 --> 00:02:42,012
...so is shock therapy.
57
00:02:42,849 --> 00:02:45,183
-What is that, a PEZ dispenser?
-Yeah. You want one?
58
00:02:46,752 --> 00:02:48,923
I just bought it at the flea market.
You want one?
59
00:02:49,088 --> 00:02:51,543
Hey, what goes on there, exactly?
60
00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:52,956
You don't know?
61
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,509
No, I know. I know.
62
00:02:56,032 --> 00:02:58,618
You think they have fleas there,
don't you?
63
00:02:59,264 --> 00:03:01,369
-No.
-Yes, you do, Biff.
64
00:03:04,383 --> 00:03:06,772
You've never been,
and you think they have fleas there.
65
00:03:06,944 --> 00:03:09,365
All right, I think they have
fleas there. So what?
66
00:03:09,535 --> 00:03:11,258
-Here, you want this?
-You don't want it?
67
00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:14,652
-No, I bought five of them.
-Wow, great. Thanks.
68
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:21,624
I don't know how anyone does this.
This must be so nerve-racking.
69
00:03:21,791 --> 00:03:23,318
How do they warm up their fingers?
70
00:03:23,486 --> 00:03:25,625
They have a piano backstage
they warm up on.
71
00:03:25,791 --> 00:03:27,252
No. We would have heard it.
72
00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:29,844
You think they just crack
their knuckles and come out?
73
00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:32,403
-I told her we'd go out afterwards.
-Sure.
74
00:03:32,574 --> 00:03:36,119
Don't applaud when she stops playing
the first time. It's not over yet.
75
00:03:36,286 --> 00:03:39,101
I really resent that.
That's directed at me, isn't it?
76
00:03:42,974 --> 00:03:45,211
Is this okay? Can I do this?
77
00:04:58,939 --> 00:05:00,280
Oh, God.
78
00:05:00,442 --> 00:05:02,166
Something I said?
79
00:05:04,026 --> 00:05:05,619
It's John Mollica.
80
00:05:06,202 --> 00:05:09,780
Oh. Oh, John. Oh, hi, John.
81
00:05:09,946 --> 00:05:12,280
-Hi.
-What are you doing out here?
82
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:14,515
I was just at this recital...
83
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:18,030
...and Jerry put this PEZ dispenser
on my leg...
84
00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:20,853
...and I just started laughing.
85
00:05:21,657 --> 00:05:23,064
-Jerry's in there?
-Yeah.
86
00:05:23,225 --> 00:05:26,454
-I heard you guys broke up.
-We did. We're just hanging out.
87
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,504
Really? Boy...
88
00:05:28,666 --> 00:05:32,375
...you really look great.
89
00:05:32,537 --> 00:05:34,926
Oh, thank you.
90
00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:46,616
Hey, are you still friends
with Richie Appel?
91
00:05:46,776 --> 00:05:49,558
Oh, Richie? He's been doing comedy
in L.A. for a couple of years.
92
00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,444
He just got back a month ago.
93
00:05:51,609 --> 00:05:54,326
He's kind of messed up on drugs.
94
00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:56,980
I don't know what to do.
95
00:05:57,144 --> 00:05:58,933
Have you thought
about an intervention?
96
00:05:59,096 --> 00:06:02,095
-What's that?
-You get all his friends in a room...
97
00:06:02,264 --> 00:06:04,566
...and they confront him
to try to get him into rehab.
98
00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:06,615
It's a very popular thing now.
99
00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:09,230
Well, he'd never listen to anyone.
100
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:13,270
Except, of course, Jerry.
101
00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:15,570
He'd listen to Jerry.
102
00:06:15,735 --> 00:06:19,313
Jerry would have to be involved.
103
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:23,254
He really respects Jerry.
104
00:06:29,814 --> 00:06:32,498
I'm sorry, George. I'm sorry.
105
00:06:32,854 --> 00:06:35,276
What did you put the PEZ dispenser
on her leg for?
106
00:06:35,447 --> 00:06:38,927
-I don't know. It was an impulse.
-What kind of a sick impulse is that?
107
00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:42,292
How could I know
she'd start to laugh?
108
00:06:42,454 --> 00:06:45,137
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am.
109
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,275
-Could we go in already?
-What are we gonna tell her?
110
00:06:48,438 --> 00:06:51,504
-I'll tell her I was the one who laughed.
-No, don't say a word.
111
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:55,085
lf she thinks my friends are jerks,
then I'm a jerk.
112
00:06:55,702 --> 00:06:57,556
Remind me to talk to you
about something.
113
00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,052
-What about?
-Hey, we're discussing something.
114
00:07:00,214 --> 00:07:02,188
I know, but I'm distracted now.
115
00:07:02,357 --> 00:07:03,884
What are you, a baby?
116
00:07:04,277 --> 00:07:05,586
All right, tell him.
117
00:07:05,749 --> 00:07:08,367
When I was outside,
I ran into John Mollica.
118
00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:09,995
-Really? John Mollica?
-Yeah.
119
00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:12,434
The guy that used to bartend
at the comedy club.
120
00:07:12,597 --> 00:07:14,026
-How's he doing?
-He's good.
121
00:07:14,197 --> 00:07:15,604
Could we cut to the chase?
122
00:07:16,148 --> 00:07:17,643
''Cut to the chase''?
123
00:07:18,965 --> 00:07:21,332
-Yeah.
-What are you, Joe Hollywood?
124
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:23,952
A lot of people say it.
125
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:25,486
I would lose that.
126
00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,474
What's that?
127
00:07:27,636 --> 00:07:29,775
''Lose that''? That's not
a Hollywood expression.
128
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:32,082
Yes, it is.
129
00:07:32,884 --> 00:07:34,989
Anyway....
130
00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:38,058
So John told me that Richie
is in town from Los Angeles...
131
00:07:38,227 --> 00:07:40,016
...and he's really
messed up on drugs.
132
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,187
So I told him
he should do an intervention.
133
00:07:42,356 --> 00:07:45,290
-Really? An intervention?
-We got a situation over here!
134
00:07:45,619 --> 00:07:48,489
-But he wants you to be a part of it.
-Why me?
135
00:07:48,659 --> 00:07:51,921
He says Richie really respects you,
and he would listen to you.
136
00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:54,985
These things are really hard to load.
137
00:07:58,483 --> 00:08:01,744
All right, okay. All right, I'm going in.
138
00:08:01,907 --> 00:08:05,006
-We got to talk about this.
-All right.
139
00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:11,559
Hi. Hi. Hi.
140
00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:14,697
-You were wonderful. Wonderful.
-No, no.
141
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:17,135
These are my friends,
Elaine and Jerry. Noel.
142
00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:18,760
You play a hell of a piano.
143
00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:22,920
Yeah, I was really moved.
Really moved.
144
00:08:23,089 --> 00:08:25,424
Didn't you hear
that person laughing?
145
00:08:25,586 --> 00:08:28,368
I couldn't play. I was humiliated!
146
00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:30,318
I'm sure it wasn't at you.
147
00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:32,205
Well, then what was she laughing at?
148
00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:35,785
-PEZ?
-No, thank you.
149
00:08:36,337 --> 00:08:37,995
Did you see her?
150
00:08:38,193 --> 00:08:39,883
Me? No, l....
151
00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:41,675
Anyone who would laugh
at a recital...
152
00:08:41,841 --> 00:08:43,979
..is probably some sort
of lunatic, anyway.
153
00:08:44,145 --> 00:08:49,263
I mean, only a sick, twisted mind
could be that rude and ignorant.
154
00:08:49,425 --> 00:08:52,458
Well, you know,
maybe some mental defective...
155
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:55,559
...put something stupid on her leg.
156
00:08:55,952 --> 00:09:00,906
Even if this so-called mental defective
did put something on her leg...
157
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,633
...she's still the one who laughed.
158
00:09:03,472 --> 00:09:07,912
I'll never forget that laugh
for the rest of my life.
159
00:09:08,911 --> 00:09:12,773
I'm sure she would apologize
if she could.
160
00:09:13,392 --> 00:09:15,399
Probably someone
is holding her back...
161
00:09:15,568 --> 00:09:18,153
...maybe against
every fiber of her being.
162
00:09:18,319 --> 00:09:21,832
lf she wants to continue to have a fiber
of her being, she'll be very careful.
163
00:09:21,999 --> 00:09:23,908
-Don't hit me.
-Stop it.
164
00:09:25,455 --> 00:09:27,015
All right. So, you ready?
165
00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:29,801
We'll go out,
and we'll have a bite to eat.
166
00:09:30,287 --> 00:09:33,156
I don't feel like it tonight.
167
00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:35,210
-We'll be outside.
-Yeah.
168
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,585
It was nice meeting you.
169
00:09:37,551 --> 00:09:40,999
By the way, how do you warm up
your fingers before you play?
170
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:43,370
I just crack my knuckles.
171
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:45,958
Come on, we'll have a good time.
172
00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:48,330
-Well, I'm really not in the mood.
-Come on....
173
00:09:48,494 --> 00:09:52,106
I said, I don't feel like it.
174
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:58,475
All right....
175
00:09:58,638 --> 00:10:00,612
I'll-- I'll call you.
176
00:10:00,782 --> 00:10:04,393
I'll call you,
and we'll talk on the phone.
177
00:10:04,557 --> 00:10:07,940
Have a telephone communique.
178
00:10:08,781 --> 00:10:10,919
So, fine. Everything's fine.
Everything good?
179
00:10:11,085 --> 00:10:14,347
Good. I feel good. Fine.
That's fine. That's good.
180
00:10:14,509 --> 00:10:16,648
Okay. Okey-doke.
181
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:24,652
You know, I think Kramer might
have been indirectly responsible...
182
00:10:24,812 --> 00:10:26,503
...for getting Richie
involved in drugs.
183
00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:28,459
What? How?
184
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:30,955
A few years ago, the comedy club
had a softball team.
185
00:10:31,116 --> 00:10:32,774
Kramer was our first baseman.
186
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,460
You couldn't get anything by him.
He was unbelievable.
187
00:10:35,628 --> 00:10:40,363
Anyway, this one game, we came back
to win from, like, eight runs behind.
188
00:10:40,524 --> 00:10:42,117
So Kramer says to Richie:
189
00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:45,512
''Why don't you dump the bucket
of Gatorade on Marty Benson's head?''
190
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:47,626
-The club owner.
-Yeah.
191
00:10:47,787 --> 00:10:50,438
So Richie goes ahead and does it.
192
00:10:51,116 --> 00:10:52,807
-So? What happened?
-What happened?
193
00:10:52,972 --> 00:10:55,208
The guy was, like, 67 years old.
It was freezing out.
194
00:10:55,371 --> 00:10:57,705
He caught a cold, developed
pneumonia, a month later...
195
00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:01,380
-...he was dead.
-Shut up.
196
00:11:02,219 --> 00:11:03,910
All the comedians were happy...
197
00:11:04,075 --> 00:11:06,409
...because he's one of these
club owners nobody liked.
198
00:11:06,571 --> 00:11:08,327
But Richie was never the same.
199
00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:11,241
-What about Kramer?
-He's the same.
200
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:14,656
Are you sure you want me, John?
201
00:11:14,826 --> 00:11:17,608
I mean, I haven't spoken
to Richie in two years.
202
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:20,804
I don't have a good apartment
for an intervention.
203
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,483
The furniture,
it's very nonconfrontational.
204
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,749
All right, all right. Goodbye.
205
00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:29,375
Remember Richie Appel?
206
00:11:29,673 --> 00:11:33,863
Oh, sure. The guy I told to pour the
Gatorade that killed Marty Benson?
207
00:11:36,586 --> 00:11:39,488
Right. John Mollica is organizing
some kind of intervention for him.
208
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,967
We're having it here.
209
00:11:41,738 --> 00:11:43,526
Can I get in on that?
210
00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:46,562
What do you think,
it's like a poker game?
211
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:48,544
-Is Elaine going?
-Yeah.
212
00:11:48,713 --> 00:11:50,502
Well, I knew him as well as she did.
213
00:11:50,665 --> 00:11:52,007
Yeah, but John invited her.
214
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,307
So wait, you don't want me
to intervene?
215
00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:57,124
No, intervene, go ahead.
Intervene all you want.
216
00:11:57,289 --> 00:12:00,485
I'm just afraid you might be interfering
while we're intervening.
217
00:12:04,169 --> 00:12:05,478
-Yeah?
-It's George.
218
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,818
Come on up.
219
00:12:06,984 --> 00:12:09,951
Stop smelling your arm!
220
00:12:10,441 --> 00:12:12,263
You know, I got a great idea
for a cologne.
221
00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:13,853
It's called ''The Beach.''
222
00:12:14,024 --> 00:12:17,123
You spray it on, and it's just like
you came home from the beach.
223
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:19,677
A cologne that smells
like the beach.
224
00:12:19,847 --> 00:12:24,354
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but that's not a bad idea.
225
00:12:25,448 --> 00:12:26,975
Tell me about it.
226
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,774
Why don't you call Steve D'Giff?
227
00:12:28,935 --> 00:12:31,302
He works in the marketing department
at Calvin Klein.
228
00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:35,008
In fact, he's a good friend
of John Mollica and Richie, also.
229
00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:36,669
Okay.
230
00:12:37,735 --> 00:12:39,938
Well, it's over. It's definitely over.
231
00:12:40,423 --> 00:12:42,495
-She broke up with you?
-No, but she's going to.
232
00:12:42,663 --> 00:12:45,979
I can sense it. We had this
terrible phone conversation.
233
00:12:46,151 --> 00:12:49,315
I was so nervous before I called,
I made a list of things to talk about.
234
00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:51,235
What was on the list?
235
00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:53,154
Let's see.
236
00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:56,251
''I'm very good
at going in reverse in my car.
237
00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:01,442
Why isn't Postum
a more popular drink?''
238
00:13:04,709 --> 00:13:07,775
Yeah, Postum is underrated.
239
00:13:07,941 --> 00:13:09,730
Anyway, there was all this tension.
240
00:13:09,894 --> 00:13:11,934
I asked her if she wanted
to go out to dinner...
241
00:13:12,101 --> 00:13:14,206
...and she said,
''No, maybe we could have lunch.''
242
00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:16,577
-You know what that means.
-What's wrong with lunch?
243
00:13:16,741 --> 00:13:19,229
Lunch is fine at the beginning,
then you move on to dinner.
244
00:13:19,397 --> 00:13:22,299
You don't go back to lunch.
It's like being demoted.
245
00:13:22,661 --> 00:13:25,149
I'll never do a crossword puzzle
with her again, I know it.
246
00:13:25,541 --> 00:13:28,355
I like the jumble.
You ever do the jumble?
247
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,203
I have no power, you understand?
248
00:13:30,372 --> 00:13:32,576
I need hand! I have no hand!
249
00:13:32,741 --> 00:13:34,813
-Why don't you break up with her.
-What?
250
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,282
Break up with her.
You reverse everything that way.
251
00:13:37,828 --> 00:13:40,195
A preemptive breakup.
252
00:13:41,924 --> 00:13:44,379
A preemptive breakup.
253
00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:47,556
-This is an incredible idea.
-Yeah.
254
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,675
I got nothing to lose.
255
00:13:51,844 --> 00:13:53,884
We either break up,
which she would do anyway...
256
00:13:54,052 --> 00:13:55,743
...but I go out with some dignity...
257
00:13:55,908 --> 00:13:58,177
...or I completely turn the tables!
258
00:13:58,564 --> 00:14:01,149
This is absolutely brilliant!
259
00:14:01,315 --> 00:14:04,283
So I'm afraid l...
260
00:14:04,451 --> 00:14:06,590
...am gonna have to
break up with you.
261
00:14:09,091 --> 00:14:11,458
-You're breaking up with me?
-Yes.
262
00:14:11,907 --> 00:14:13,729
l...
263
00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,065
...am breaking up with you.
264
00:14:17,635 --> 00:14:19,096
-Wow.
-Shocked?
265
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:22,333
-I really am.
-Never expected this, did you?
266
00:14:22,499 --> 00:14:26,295
-I thought everything was fine.
-Well, live and learn.
267
00:14:28,738 --> 00:14:31,159
Well, I don't understand.
You didn't enjoy being with me?
268
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,370
Didn't we have fun
doing the crossword puzzle?
269
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:35,134
Kind of.
270
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,874
-I'm very confused.
-Well, I didn't mean to hurt you, kid.
271
00:14:40,386 --> 00:14:42,458
-I thought--
-Now, stop it, please.
272
00:14:42,625 --> 00:14:46,008
What do you want?
I know I can make you happy.
273
00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:51,739
When you're playing the piano...
274
00:14:52,385 --> 00:14:54,076
...do you think about me?
275
00:14:54,242 --> 00:14:56,576
-I don't know.
-This is what I'm talking about.
276
00:14:56,737 --> 00:14:59,454
Okay, I'll think about you.
277
00:14:59,617 --> 00:15:01,046
-All the time?
-All the time?
278
00:15:01,216 --> 00:15:04,151
-You know--
-Okay, all the time.
279
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:07,517
-I can't hear you.
-All the time!
280
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,426
See? It's not so hard.
281
00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:14,872
Go ahead. Smell. Smell it.
282
00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:17,658
-Yeah? So?
-Now, you recognize it?
283
00:15:18,048 --> 00:15:19,292
I don't know.
284
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,535
The beach.
285
00:15:22,336 --> 00:15:25,499
-What are you talking about?
-Oh, I'm talking about the beach.
286
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,149
What about it?
287
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,108
You know the way you smell...
288
00:15:30,271 --> 00:15:34,265
...when you first come home
from the beach?
289
00:15:34,431 --> 00:15:38,108
Well, I want to make
a cologne that captures...
290
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,988
...the essence of that smell.
291
00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:43,032
Oh, yeah.
292
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,371
That is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard.
293
00:15:45,535 --> 00:15:48,830
Whoa, wait a minute. You....
294
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,813
Did you hear what I just said?
295
00:15:51,359 --> 00:15:54,141
You think people
are gonna pay $80 a bottle...
296
00:15:54,303 --> 00:15:56,507
...to smell like dead fish
and seaweed?
297
00:15:57,631 --> 00:16:00,565
That's why people take showers
when they come home from the beach.
298
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:04,563
It's an objectionable, offensive odor.
299
00:16:05,374 --> 00:16:08,309
So you don't think
that it's a good idea?
300
00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:15,188
The membranes get dry,
and it just starts bleeding.
301
00:16:16,414 --> 00:16:20,723
Since I was a kid, so I have
to stick a tissue up there.
302
00:16:22,813 --> 00:16:24,569
You have to work like that?
303
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,067
Yeah. Nobody minds.
304
00:16:27,549 --> 00:16:30,233
Nobody's ever said anything to me.
305
00:16:30,653 --> 00:16:32,791
There any ice cubes?
Whatever's in the freezer.
306
00:16:32,957 --> 00:16:34,713
I looked. I don't see any ice cubes.
307
00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:36,666
Well, then I guess
there's no ice cubes.
308
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,960
I can't drink this. It's warm.
309
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,592
John, shouldn't we rehearse this...
310
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,665
-...before Richie comes?
-What's the plan?
311
00:16:47,836 --> 00:16:49,363
Do I have to talk?
I don't want to.
312
00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:51,442
lf he's not gonna talk,
then I don't want to.
313
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:54,165
-No, we all have to talk!
-What's the order?
314
00:16:54,332 --> 00:16:56,154
Alphabetical order.
You're first, Roberta.
315
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,323
-Why am I first?
-Albano's your last name.
316
00:16:58,492 --> 00:17:00,728
-Not anymore. I'm divorced.
-I'll go first.
317
00:17:00,892 --> 00:17:02,452
-Oh, hey!
-Hey.
318
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:04,507
-Is this the interference?
-Intervention.
319
00:17:04,668 --> 00:17:07,667
-What are you doing here?
-Oh, is it all right if I stay?
320
00:17:07,835 --> 00:17:10,453
He can't stay.
This is for close friends only.
321
00:17:10,619 --> 00:17:11,829
Hey, I'm a friend.
322
00:17:11,995 --> 00:17:14,712
Who told him to pour the Gatorade
over Marty Benson's head?
323
00:17:14,875 --> 00:17:16,730
-Oh, let him stay.
-Yeah.
324
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,405
Hey, I got somebody to make up
that cologne for me, bigmouth.
325
00:17:20,571 --> 00:17:22,480
Somebody's gonna make that crap?
326
00:17:22,651 --> 00:17:25,334
-Kramer!
-Hey, you guys! All right!
327
00:17:25,499 --> 00:17:27,888
Come on in. These are some
of my Polar Bear buddies.
328
00:17:28,058 --> 00:17:30,546
-They can't stay.
-You're having a party here?
329
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:32,242
No, we're having an intervention.
330
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:35,410
An intervention? Who's intervening?
331
00:17:35,578 --> 00:17:38,163
He's a friend of ours on drugs,
and we're gonna confront him.
332
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:40,054
Sure. We used to do that...
333
00:17:40,218 --> 00:17:43,414
...when one of our Polar Bears stopped
coming. We'd go to his house:
334
00:17:43,578 --> 00:17:45,814
''What, you don't want to be
a Polar Bear anymore?
335
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:49,360
-It's too cold for you?''
-It's him!
336
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:51,896
-What do we do?
-Hide!
337
00:17:52,153 --> 00:17:55,448
It's not a surprise party!
338
00:17:55,610 --> 00:17:56,787
-Yeah?
-It's George.
339
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,808
Come on up.
340
00:17:58,969 --> 00:18:01,041
It's not him.
341
00:18:01,209 --> 00:18:04,308
You don't wanna go out with me
because I'm a bartender, right?
342
00:18:04,473 --> 00:18:09,328
Look, you know, I don't really think
that this is appropriate right now.
343
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,985
Is it because I have a tissue
in my nose?
344
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,382
-You're getting warm.
-Hey, we just....
345
00:18:15,544 --> 00:18:17,813
We just came from Chadway's.
What's going on?
346
00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:19,765
The intervention.
We're waiting for Richie.
347
00:18:19,928 --> 00:18:23,889
Right, the intervention.
Should we leave?
348
00:18:24,056 --> 00:18:26,391
-Well....
-Elaine, hi.
349
00:18:26,552 --> 00:18:28,078
Hi, Noel.
350
00:18:28,248 --> 00:18:30,004
Well, you're looking well.
351
00:18:30,168 --> 00:18:31,859
Jerry, let me tell you something.
352
00:18:32,024 --> 00:18:35,439
A man without hand is not a man.
353
00:18:35,608 --> 00:18:38,542
I've got so much hand,
I'm coming out my gloves.
354
00:18:38,712 --> 00:18:39,922
I got to thank Kramer.
355
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:41,909
Even if I were dragged
through manure...
356
00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:43,762
...I still wouldn't put that stuff on.
357
00:18:43,927 --> 00:18:47,123
This man is a genius! A genius!
358
00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:49,392
-You think so?
-I don't think so, I know so.
359
00:18:49,559 --> 00:18:50,933
Come here. I gotta talk to you.
360
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:53,746
The male kangaroo
doesn't have a pouch.
361
00:18:53,911 --> 00:18:55,951
Only the female has it...
362
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:59,380
...so the male has pouch envy!
363
00:19:00,727 --> 00:19:05,036
''Why should she have
this huge pouch and I have nothing?
364
00:19:05,206 --> 00:19:07,857
I have things to carry too.
365
00:19:09,302 --> 00:19:11,855
At least give me a pocket.''
366
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:28,020
That laugh. That's the laugh.
367
00:19:28,182 --> 00:19:30,964
-That's it! You're the one!
-No, no.
368
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:34,954
No, it was an accident.
It wasn't my fault! It was Jerry!
369
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:37,710
Jerry put a PEZ dispenser
on my leg!
370
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,652
You put a PEZ dispenser
on her leg during my recital?
371
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:44,082
-I didn't know she would laugh.
-And, you....
372
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:46,482
You lied to me, George.
You lied to me!
373
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:50,223
No, l-- I didn't. What did I do?
374
00:19:51,669 --> 00:19:53,010
Where are you going?
375
00:19:54,132 --> 00:19:58,442
I am breaking up with you.
376
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,809
You can't break up with me.
I've got hand!
377
00:20:02,324 --> 00:20:04,942
And you're gonna need it.
378
00:20:07,988 --> 00:20:10,224
Noel!
379
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:14,480
-Hey, Richie!
-Hey, Richie.
380
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,242
So, what's going on?
381
00:20:17,107 --> 00:20:20,849
So we start the intervention,
and it's pretty ugly from the get-go.
382
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:24,459
He's not listening, he's hostile,
he's talking back.
383
00:20:24,627 --> 00:20:26,961
I can't do these puzzles.
384
00:20:27,123 --> 00:20:28,846
So he starts to get up.
385
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:32,841
Suddenly, he spots the PEZ dispenser
on the coffee table.
386
00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:35,083
The PEZ dispenser.
387
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,738
He picks it up, he's staring at it.
388
00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:39,816
It's like he's hypnotized by it.
389
00:20:39,986 --> 00:20:42,637
Then he's telling us this story
about how when he was a kid...
390
00:20:42,803 --> 00:20:44,461
...he was in the car
with his father...
391
00:20:44,627 --> 00:20:46,765
...and his father was trying
to load one of them.
392
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:50,542
-Well, they're hard to load.
-Tell me something I don't know.
393
00:20:51,762 --> 00:20:55,623
So as the father's trying to load it,
he loses control of the car...
394
00:20:55,793 --> 00:20:57,932
...crashes into a high school cafeteria.
395
00:20:58,098 --> 00:20:59,592
-Get out.
-Nobody's hurt...
396
00:20:59,762 --> 00:21:02,217
...but PEZ was all over the car.
397
00:21:02,385 --> 00:21:04,141
And the dispenser was destroyed...
398
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:06,061
...virtually beyond recognition.
399
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,927
-Poor kid.
-So as he's telling the story...
400
00:21:10,097 --> 00:21:11,111
...he starts crying.
401
00:21:11,377 --> 00:21:12,904
-What did you do?
-What do you think?
402
00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:15,789
-I gave him my PEZ dispenser.
-Wow.
403
00:21:15,952 --> 00:21:18,800
Two hours later,
he checks into Smither's clinic.
404
00:21:18,961 --> 00:21:21,808
Talked to the doctor yesterday.
He's doing great on the rehab...
405
00:21:21,968 --> 00:21:24,270
...he's hooked on PEZ.
406
00:21:26,865 --> 00:21:28,621
He's eating them
like there's no tomorrow.
407
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,371
What's a three-letter word for candy?
408
00:21:33,456 --> 00:21:35,725
I can't do those things.
409
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:50,728
Jawbreakers, to me, was like
the ultimate challenge candy.
410
00:21:50,895 --> 00:21:54,124
It was like candy manufacturers were
sitting in their laboratories, going:
411
00:21:54,287 --> 00:21:56,327
'I wonder if they'll eat this.
412
00:21:56,495 --> 00:21:58,950
This seems pretty tough to eat.
413
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,486
Let's market it
as some sort of experiment.''
414
00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:04,036
But the concept of Jawbreakers--
What was the concept?
415
00:22:04,206 --> 00:22:06,727
Multicolored cement balls
for a quarter?
416
00:22:06,894 --> 00:22:08,520
Was that the idea behind it?
417
00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:11,054
''Let's see if we can hurt them.
418
00:22:11,215 --> 00:22:14,062
Let's see if they'll pay to be hurt.''
419
00:22:14,222 --> 00:22:15,880
This is the idea behind Jawbreakers.
420
00:22:16,046 --> 00:22:17,573
I did it, I ate them, I loved them.
421
00:22:19,886 --> 00:22:22,341
''Oh, this is very painful.
I'm really hurting.
422
00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:25,325
And this is hurting me a lot.
I love them.''
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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